Trudge Report
Four friends, all in recovery and living in South Florida, come together to discuss a variety of topics aimed at enriching their lives and those of their listeners. With a focus on sports, recovery, trending cultural phenomena, and daily life tips, they hope to inspire their audience to live better lives. Drawing on their own experiences and camaraderie, they aim to be informative, inspiring, vulnerable, genuine, and humorous. They encourage listeners to join them in exploring new interests and perspectives, while also fostering stronger connections with their friends, families, and communities. Their shared journey through recovery bonds them together and forms the foundation of their friendship and the podcast's message of growth and improvement.
Trudge Report
Ep. 112 - Giving It Away In Order To Keep It: Awareness Rants & Danny's UConn Huskies
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Welcome back to this week's episode of Trudge Report. Thank you for supporting the show. We kick things off going around the horn. Danny is elated because his UConn Huskies just pulled off a thrilling comeback victory to propel them to the Final Four. We also get some flag football updates from Greg and then a quick but enticing soliloquy about grocery store etiquette.
The recovery topic surrounds spiritual awakenings and transformations as the result of the recovery work we do. We work the program not only to stay clean and sober but to have an experience that gives us a shift in our thoughts, ideas, and attitudes. This is what can give us lasting and fulfilling sobriety, not merely the physical act of staying off the drugs and alcohol. We also talk about being mentored and how we mentor others. We go through some of the mistakes we all made when we first began mentoring newer people, the pitfalls, lessons we have learned, but also the great joy we gain in giving this message to others.
“Service to others is the rent we pay for our room here on earth." — Muhammad Ali
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Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to another episode of Trudge Report. We are a recovery-based podcast. My name is Sean, and I am your host, joined by my good friends and fellow Trudgers. Please remember to listen on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Videos will be posted each week so you can watch episodes on YouTube and Facebook. But as always, please be sure to download on your listening platforms. Remember to like and subscribe on all social media outlets with the handle at Trudge Report Pod. We are brought to you by Stella Mix Podcast Management. Gentlemen, good evening. I'm going right to Danny P. He's flying high. Right to Danny P. Um, for those who will never know or never watch college basketball, his Yukon Huskies just pulled out an absolute stunner of a victory over the Duke Blue Devils. Danny, how you feeling? What's up?
SPEAKER_02Uh the highly favored Duke Blue Devils that were ahead by 19 points. I mean, I thought I thought the game was over, man. I was just literally, I wasn't even watching the game. Following it on my phone, and then it got down to five points. And then, I mean, the most incredible shot that I've ever seen. Obviously, it's my team, so it'll be the greatest shot ever. But like, I mean, just insane, man. And and to be against Duke and every single game. I don't know, Sean, if you watch the halftime show, Barkley, Kenny Smith, all the boys. UConn stinks. Yukon doesn't have any athletic ability. Yukon can't do this. Their offense can't match this. Every last last game, this game, Michigan State was gonna beat them, you know, and it's just like they cut them out, man. I mean it's still sweet 16, undefeated, you know, since 2011, man. It's like it's just yeah, nuts. I'm still still flying high, man. I I can't even believe that happened. And they're going to the final four, and they're going to the final four, and they're gonna play Illinois, who they already beat. You know, like that's no, that's true. Yeah, that's true.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, maybe uh I I like that's why, like, especially in basketball, you can never stop watching. You truly never know. Yeah, you know, it's it's like that with most sports, but like you truly never know. You can't stop watching because you'll miss it. You'll miss it, and that was awesome.
SPEAKER_02In per in person, I've never left the game early in basketball. And never in baseball, I have, you know what I mean. But in basketball, nope, you know what I mean. Baseball, you're down 12 runs, the game's over. You know, like it's just not like, yeah, it's just insane, man. Insane.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I'm super, super pumped. So now they're gonna play Illinois and Arizona will play Michigan.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah. And I mean, like, dude, it's I mean, Illinois, yeah, you know, Waggler and stuff like that, you know. But we played them, and I just still, you know, Brad Underwood, man, still, you know what I mean, when it comes down to it.
SPEAKER_01I think I think that's definitely the preferred matchup, right? Like you would take that a hundred times out of a hundred, you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_02Oh, all day, yeah. No, no question. Because I mean, just the I I think Arizona is a little bit of a better, like Michigan's a nightmare matchup for us with the big and Linda, like that's their size is way too much. Like Arizona's big, but they're not like Pete's big, but he's he's just like he's strong, you know what I mean? He's not lengthy. Yeah, but uh, I mean, dude, I like it.
SPEAKER_01I mean, like our do is get there. That's true. Good stuff, man. How's everything else? Everything else good?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah, we're good. We're starting to roll into softball season. So we have we had a first practice Wednesday, and then we had practice today, and then we had a two-hour event at the batting cages and uh work, same old stuff, going good. Um, Alyssa's uh uh she's starting to end up uh towards the end of school when graduation will be in May, and uh that's a big deal. It's been five years of hard work for that, and um, yeah, man. I mean, everything else is pretty uh pretty. I just need we have warm weather, we keep going. I don't know how it is up there, but between 30 and 70, we can we keep going. One day's 30, one day 70, man. Very bipolar, yeah, all over the place.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's what's up, buddy? Oh, not a whole lot, man. Uh, you know, wrapping up a a busy weekend. Uh Peyton had his first uh first win of the season in uh flag football. So that was nice uh put a stomping on them. They are they are uh so up here the flag football teams like they they actually like pick a team, so like the kids got like jerseys and Peyton's the on the New York Giants. So you'll be happy to to know that, Danny. Um he already seems to be better than uh most of the actual New York Giants, so that's also good too.
SPEAKER_02He could start, man.
SPEAKER_00He absolutely could make a killer quarterback out there. Yeah, it's good for the cap, too. Good for the salary cap.
SPEAKER_01Put him as a slot receiver, he'll be no.
SPEAKER_00He likes playing receiver, but I tell you what, that go that boy's good at uh pulling flags. He is the flag puller out there. I love it. I love it. Um yeah, man, and uh, you know, like I said, just another busy week. Um, I did uh, you know, get a little mini rant, I guess, for you guys. I should have known better than to go out grocery shopping on a Sunday, but I did anyway. Yeah, had to stop at Tuesday.
SPEAKER_01I do mind Monday mornings, Monday mornings or Monday afternoons. I wish I could dead quiet.
SPEAKER_00I can't, you know, I could I could go after work, but a lot of times I'm just so dog tired, or we got like we gotta practice, we gotta get him but no, that's the thing.
SPEAKER_01You can't go after work because that's when everybody else has the same idea. It's right. You gotta go in those those off hours.
SPEAKER_00And so normally, like, because Lauren primarily works from home, like she'll go and she'll be a trooper and do it like during you know, like the days of the week or whatever, but she's got a like a crazy hectic inspection week. So I'm like, all right, I'll go after I get done to the gym today. So I went to Aldi's first and then to another grocery store after that. Aldi's, I like to, you know, get the the cheap buys where I can. But if you guys have been in an Aldi's, like they're they're small, right? They're much smaller than a regular grocery store. Uh but it's just dude, it it comes down to the same thing. Why are we we are just so like situationally unaware as a society anymore, you know? Yes, man. It is crazy. I'm I'm you know, I'm coming down the aisle, uh, and there is let me put it in the most PC way possible, a not a small human, okay, not even close. All right, could be on one of those uh Doctor Now shows or whatever. But she's wheeling her grocery cart, and she is uh she's actually got her cell phone like sitting. It was it was kind of a feat to pull off. She's on the cleavage right there, no hands, just sitting here, yeah. And she's watching, she's like watching TikTok videos, obscene ones, by the way. You can hear them, uh, you know, and and she's dead in the middle of the aisle, and she's like laughing like job of the hut. And it's just dude, like uh you're you're in the middle, you're blocking everybody, nobody can get past you. It's just a weird situation, and it just it's it's all over, it's rampant nowadays. And it's like, dude, you're in the grocery store. And so yeah, I said, excuse me. Um like I I didn't say like that, but oh, excuse me, like had to hit her with the Midwest oh, oh, gotta get by you or whatever, you know. And uh she looks at me and goes, Yeah, excuse you. And I was like, Oh, it's just the head snap. Did you get a head snap? Oh, dude, I could feel the blood just like the just the oh, I was pause when agitated, right? We learned that last week, did we not? We did. I said, You have a you have a wonderful day. Excuse me. I need to get some of that sweet baby race real quick. Let me let me meander in here real quick.
SPEAKER_01So um, but yeah, bagger on the way up, T just steer a little quick teabag on the way up.
SPEAKER_00But yeah, man, it's just like, dude, I I don't know. I I feel like we are, you know, just everybody's just like this with their phone.
SPEAKER_01Not only that, like take the phone part away for a second. The people that sit are situationally unaware that there are other people around, like like you said, they're walking in the middle of the aisle, taking up enough space to where you can't get by on either side, or or they're just they're not aware of other people around them, or they're like stopped. It's like, yo, or you know what?
SPEAKER_00Here's here's one thing. Like, and and I get it, you know, it's it's grocery store, there's a lot of people, it's packed, it's the weekend, whatever. Like, if I have to walk away from my cart to grab something off a shelf, like I'm quick with it. You know what I'm saying? I'm not I don't just leave my cart somewhere in everybody else's way.
SPEAKER_01I put my car fault to the side. Do you know what I like to do? I like to push it off to the side and then just go down the aisle without grab what I need.
SPEAKER_02Oh, grab, grab, grab, and then go to the same out of it. Quick, quick, quick. Yeah, never, never bring the cart down the aisle, man. You're gonna get in an Austin Power situation.
SPEAKER_00It's so crazy, man. It's crazy. Yeah, but um, yeah, lesson learned, dude.
SPEAKER_02No, it's like inhuman, dude. It's like inhuman, like when you see these people, you're like, like, where did you grow up that like you don't have a sense that there's a human being within inches of you right now? Like, you don't have like how do you not have that sense right now?
SPEAKER_00And those are the kind of things, like, dude, like, I don't, I don't, you know, I mean my fiancee talk about it all the time. Like, I don't really experience anxiety too much about anything ever, but like, yeah, like if that would like sit with me for a little while, like if I knew that I was like in somebody's way and like pulling a dick move, and like yeah, that would sit in my head for a little bit. Like, damn, I messed up. Like, I'd I just probably you know, and mostly it's because I get so irritated when other people are like that, you know. So it's like uh, but pause when agitated, right?
SPEAKER_01You know what one of mine is is uh we might have talked about this at some point in the past when you're at a stoplight and you're the first person in line and that light turns green, and literally in like 1.5 seconds, behind you fucking honks at you. Oh man, I'm talking like like quick, quick. Yeah, I'm just like whoa, where like I always make it a point, I always like wave and like give them the thumbs up. I don't know why. It is it literally like barely change colors, and you're honking at me.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that's the worst, man. Yeah, I'm a thumbs upper too, Sean. We don't do middle fingers. Thank you. Yeah, no middle fingers.
SPEAKER_01I just did this very nice.
SPEAKER_00Have a good day. Yeah, the thumbs up actually. The thumbs up is like almost a worst dig. Oh, absolutely. Right, yeah, 100%. Killing them with kindness, you know.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's fun. That's funny. The the thing that gets me too is when you go to the department stores or grocery stores or whatever, and you have people walking and they got the big headphones on. Oh, yeah. So then they either then they can't even hear you if you say, excuse me. Like, I I get it. Maybe there's some social anxiety and whatever, but like, come on, do we do you really need to listen to music while you're grocery shopping, like that badly, you know, or or or whatever, wherever, anywhere, you know what I mean? Like interact with the people around you. I don't know.
SPEAKER_00Well, and like nowadays, man, like, and not to like take too much of a dark turn here, but like we you you guys hear and see about all this stuff happening all the time, like you know, not even just shootings, but just craziness happening everywhere. I like to be aware of my surroundings about 100%.
SPEAKER_02Always do, always dude. I mean, I I'm firm, I'm a firm believer, like you know, criminals and stuff like they'll break into houses during the daytime because people are so like unaware and also don't want to be bothered with other people's business that they saw somebody jumping in somebody's window, they will not call the cops because they don't want to get involved.
SPEAKER_01Seriously, they don't have the time or whatever. Isn't that wild? Um, Catherine has a bad habit of leaving her car unlocked, and I'm and I like our neighborhood's pretty safe, but I'm like, Catherine, lock your car door. She's like, why? Like, da da da nothing. I'm like, because there are little shithead 13-year-olds that like me running around, like, you know, like because I was one of those kids that that waited for someone like you, you know, to leave your car unlocked. You know what I mean? I don't know. I digress. We're getting old, guys. We're getting old. I know back in my day. Yeah, no core, no Corey tonight. God only knows what he's doing. We wish him well. He no, he just got back from a trip from Jersey. His mom uh moved down here as a trip said he said that on the spot. I don't think we're breaking any news, but his mother moved down here, so he um he flew up there and drove her back along with Gabby's sister. So he's uh he's pretty tired and just getting some stuff done, getting ready for the work week. So he I thought he was prepping for the uh NFL draft. I thought he was prepping already. He's prepping, yep, for his for his three days of uh Philadelphia Eagles talk that we will allow him um before we must shut him up again. But no, he'll be back next week. He's all good, he's still sober, he's healthy, he's fine. Um, gentlemen, all right, so we've done a lot of these. We've kind of come come full circle on these tonight. And tonight we want to talk about um a few things, but namely uh spiritual awakenings, what those mean to us, spiritual experiences. Are they one and the same? Maybe they are, maybe they're not. What those mean to us, uh carrying the message of recovery, right? Like specific when we talk about mentorship and sitting down with another uh alcoholic or addict and going through the recovery process and the recovery work and like and and you know what that looks like. Um, and then arguably, you know, the most important part of all of this, which is you know, practicing these principles in all our affairs at the grocery store when you're in the middle of the aisle on the road when somebody is rude behind you, you know, whatever the case may be. Um, I want to talk about we want to talk about that stuff tonight. And then maybe a little bit of just reflection and growth. And and and in all honesty, we have enough, you know, we we, as people probably know, we formulate these questions in some of this stuff, and we, you know, we we do a little planning on this. We have enough material to stretch this into two or three episodes. So we may, we may, you know, take this down a few different avenues and then revisit some of those avenues the next day. But what I want to start with is um the first time that either of you really experienced like a moment of grace or a shift in like a real shift in your perspective, like when you realized something is different inside of me, I'm different, I reacted, you know, you're reacting to situations differently. Like the first time that you really truly noticed something, and Greg, I'll kick it straight to you if you don't mind.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Um, I think to to quickly touch on your earlier question between like a spiritual awakening and spiritual experiences. For me, the way I try to define it is like an awakening is like our literature talks about like a complete psychic change, whereas like I can continually have spiritual experiences for sure. I and I see them in my daily life often. Uh but the the awakening for me was that uh, you know, complete psychic change. So with with you know uh eliminating my obsession to or removing my obsession to drink and and do drugs was was one example of awakening. I don't think that that's the only one we can have. I think but what that what that term is for me is is when you know we have a complete and total shift in our thought and our behavior um towards towards something, you know, or towards uh, you know, uh an issue of our life or or some kind of like tenant of our life, you know, as it stands. So um and yeah, I can I can say that you know I didn't have you know a white light uh life-changing event like some some people have uh reported. But certainly I can whittle it down to two things from from early on in my sobriety. Number one was our first trip, or my first trip, I should say, to the mountain with you boys to the mountain in South Carolina. And you know, we've talked about it before, but I can absolutely remember um sitting out there waiting on the sun to come up, cold man, and just like uh cold. I I wouldn't say I was irritable, but it was uh it was back before it's a little uncomfortable at first. Yeah, yeah. A little uncomfortable, yeah. It was my first time up there. I'm up there like uh Sean. I knew you and I had known you for a couple months. I I I barely knew Dan. I knew Cor barely knew Corey. Did you ride up there with me that year?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it was me, you, and uh uh a kid named Jason. Uh was that the was that the year where you're in the five five hundred?
SPEAKER_02Is that what? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Ford 500, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, the Yuri, Yurik and the 500, the Ford 500.
SPEAKER_00Yep. Oh. So uh, but yeah, I knew I knew Mark pretty well because we were roommates at that point. And uh, but I I didn't know a whole lot of people well. Uh it was in my first six months of sobriety. And um, yeah, it is it's an uncomfortable experience at first, you know. Um, especially because I'm I'm still I'm still, you know, working working my way through the you know the the program of recovery for the first time. And um, you know, we're out there early in the morning with a bunch of dudes and we're uh you know, we're getting ready to pray and we're listening to Mary's music. And yeah, I I can just remember, I I remember uh, you know, like a physical sensation where I I really, really felt it for the first time. I was overcome with emotion, just out of nowhere for no reason. I was I didn't go in there like specifically emotional, you know.
SPEAKER_01It was you know what you know what else is morning. You know what else is weird about that is like you said, you were in your first six months of sobriety, you were a few months sober because I think I met you when you had a few months already. Yeah, so you were probably right around that six-month mark, give or take, maybe more. You're you're finally at that point, like you're finally just starting to get a routine in sobriety in Florida at a halfway house, working, going to meetings, like you're finally starting to get comfortable with that, and now it's like, oh yeah, I'm gonna take you Thursday, crack of dawn all the way to Sunday, and we're just gonna just uproot you from what you're getting used to. And then not only that, it's on a mountain with a bunch of dudes, it's cold, it's doing stuff that I had certainly never done. No service doing it for my first time, you know what I mean? Yes, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00No, no cell phone service on that mountain. That was the most beautiful part about it, dude.
SPEAKER_02The best, man. I miss it, man. I want to go for like three weeks right now. Yeah, I know.
SPEAKER_00But uh, but I can I can remember having uh a uh like a real physical and emotional response to whatever was going on up there, and I and I and at this point I don't try to put too many labels on it. I just know that for me, like that was God's grace. It was real for sure. And you know, sure enough, uh a few months, you know, fast forward a few months later, and I can remember again, because this is this is all kind of for me, it was a gradual thing. It was it was about learning and it was about putting stuff into action, all the stuff that we talk about, the prayer, the meditation, doing the inventory, making the amends, those kind of things. Obviously, not in that order, but but uh, but you know, um I can remember coming home for uh for the first time, coming home to Cleveland. I've told this story before. My grandmother was on hospice, she had a couple days left to live. And when I came home and they let me go into the room to say to say what I needed to say to her and um, you know, just be there with her or whatever, and she wasn't really all that coherent. She had had a stroke, she was at the end of battling cancer, and all of her little um hospice meds were laid out right there on the bedside table, and I was in there alone, you know what I'm saying? And this is what's even crazier to meet her family, you know, yeah, like this is they they used to lock all these meds up from me, you know what I'm saying? They or or I wasn't welcome in the home because they were those kind of and yeah, I could have. Um, and I I don't even want to say I could have. I would have a hundred percent every other time before that in my life. Those are the all those pain meds, those are right up my alley. That's the stuff I like, that's the stuff I love, you know. Um and it just I I did not feel any kind of way about I I might have glanced at that table. I didn't I didn't like before like I would have, and I'm sure you you boys can get right along with me, but I you know, you cut kind of cock the bottle and side eye and read the label and see what we're working with and all that.
SPEAKER_01Always check how many are in there, the quantity, you know. Yeah, oh wow, 180, god geez.
SPEAKER_00And it's like, yeah, not even I didn't have to tell myself no in that moment. I didn't have to have an internal conversation with myself, I didn't get all tight in the chest or anything like that. It was like, dude, that is not even remotely attractive to me, b what I'm here for, you know, and uh it was it was just it was a beautiful moment for me. I I I didn't realize it then I until afterwards because I was I was very much just like yeah, I wanted to be there and be present for my grandmother. But uh, you know, realizing it afterwards, like and very shortly, you know, with within the hour after that had all happened, and it was like, holy, like this is real. Like that that was the biggest thing to me is like not that I didn't believe that all you guys were living it and everything like that, but I I'd be lying if I said that there wasn't a a little bit of skepticism in the back of my head of is this gonna work for me? Because I've I've done this my whole life, where I like either haven't taken everything anything seriously like I should have, or you know, or you know, I've just been hooked on different substances my whole life. Like, is this really gonna work? And that was. That that was that solidifying moment where it was like, Oh, yeah, this is every bit as real as as everybody says it is.
SPEAKER_01You know, that's a cool story. I I've heard that many times. I always enjoy hearing that. That is that is good stuff. Danny, what about you? First time you really noticed, and maybe it was somebody else pointing it out to you, and you looking back, you realized it, or but or or that you noticed that moment of grace, that shift in perspective, that awakening of some sort, the enlightenment.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah. I mean, I I always crack up at the white light experience because I was like, I don't know, I just always think that's funny, man. Like, you know what I mean? Like everyone's experience is different, you know what I mean? And it's every experience is powerful and all has this thing, but like to put like one, I always think it's funny to like put like one certain name on it. Like everyone has an experience that's like, you know what I mean, meaningful to them and it's their own experience. But um, yeah, I mean, there there was uh so many moments, especially early on, man, that uh, you know, just like Greg was talking about, man, transforming the brain of like, oh wow, you know, I mean, I just did this and like I didn't even think about it. My first coolest moment was going to a New Year's Eve party in West Palm and like you know, going there, and I think I was so it was New Year's Eve, so that's probably like four months, five months, or something like that. I don't even know. And um, like going to a party, this party's gonna suck. I'm not drinking, I don't have drugs, you know. Like, how am I how am I gonna have fun at this party? And that was kind of like a monumental shift of you know, having these people around me that are gonna show me the way that they did it to show me that it's okay, and just following these other people that have come before me. And we went there and I had a blast, and that was kind of like a mental shift that it's going to be okay, man. Yeah, you know what I mean? That was the hugest, uh, really was like a big thing is that like, how am I gonna live my whole entire life with never doing X again? I did X my whole entire life, you know? Like I just like I it is you know, like that makes so much sense. It's not actual ecstasy. Oh, you mean it's like whatever whatever your flavor is. We love ecstasy too.
SPEAKER_01I did love ecstasy too there. There was like a two-year span there where I did all over that.
SPEAKER_02You got real giddy when I said X. I was just like, that makes so much more sense. I never even thought of that. Oh man, but uh you know what I mean? Like that was like really just such I was doing whatever I was gonna do, you know. I was homeless on the street, had a pack of clothes, you know, there was nothing, I'm not gonna go back to the way I was living life. But how am I gonna enjoy life? You know, that was like the scariest thing to me is how is life gonna be enjoyable? So I like I had that moment, and then also for me, you know, doing work uh with uh, you know, my mentor um uh is just such an enlightening experience, you know, doing those you know things in certain places, sitting on the water and divulging all the weight that I have on my shoulders to this mentor was the first time I had this, like I felt free, man. You know what I mean? It's uh something you can't explain. I just I just felt free and I went home and I laid in my bed and I just felt weightless and I just felt like I'm here, man. You know, like and it's like that was literally my first like you know, this is this is pretty freaking awesome. You know what I mean? This is pretty freaking cool. You know, and um and then like as fun one of the funniest things, you know, where you said you were saying like uh how your behaviors change, you know what I mean, how you notice like when things so I got cheated on by Bridget and and and having the con Bridget. Yeah, and I having the conversation with a person that she cheated on me with, and talking to him like a normal person where old Dan, I'd be I'm in the car, bro. I'll be there in like 30 minutes, you know what I mean? Like it's just like that was like such a transformation of mind and thought of like, who am I right now, dude? And I remember calling my mentor instantly, like, bro, I don't know what just happened, but uh I just talked to this guy that actually did something really wrong to me, but I was talking to him and like helping him out, and I don't really know what was going on with that, but that was really weird. Um, yeah, that was like that was like a total, you know what I mean? Just like I've changed a lot, man. You know what I mean? And doing these, like, these, these things, and it just puts all this like stuff in it. Like, you don't even realize it happens, man. You know, like Greg was saying, like, you go there, you go home, there's all this stuff, da-da-da. You know, it's just like you don't even realize it happens. And then um going home, going home my first time, I think it was after I think it was after a year I went home, you know, for the first time. Because I remember my mentor said, Hey, give it a year, man. Why don't you hang around for a year? You know what I mean, and then you know, we'll see what happens. And um, going home for the first time, they had a big like party and stuff like that. And I remember everybody uh not drinking, you know, because it's like stage four cancer, you know. Right, right, right.
SPEAKER_01I'm I'm sober, you know, and uh I remember watching out for the cocaine dart, you know, you don't get hit in the neck, yeah, yeah, dude.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah. Will Farrell coming in, no, you know. Uh but uh I remember I stood up on the chair because I was so uncomfortable at that point because everyone's like acting weird and stuff. I stood up on the chair. I was like, hey guys, we can all act normal, man. I said it's not, you know what I mean, it's not contagious or anything, you know, not everyone has to be sober around me. It's like this this is the way I live my life today. Let's all just be okay. Yeah, it's all good. You know what I mean? And um that was kind of like a cool moment where like seeing my family be able to be comfortable around me, the person that I was now, because I never thought that would be possible either, of all the a terrible things I did and uh in the state of mind that I was always in. And that was like a real spiritual, like yeah, I mean, that was a real freaking experience, man. It was really freaking cool.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I um I think it, you know, and Greg, you kind of touched on it. I think it should be noted, right? Spiritual awakening, spiritual experience, those two things can be used very interchangeably in our recovery. Um I I I do think they're essentially the same thing, psychic change, all that stuff is is all one and the same, you know, kind of, you know, venue, so to speak. But I do think that um I don't know, I was told my mentor, uh, shout out to Paparon. Um, I remember him one time telling me that that life, you could you could say that life, or at the very least, from the day you got sober to the current day is one big spiritual awakening with spiritual experiences kind of scatterplotted throughout that timeline, right? Um, and I really like that. I sunk my teeth into that. And I think I had some spiritual awakenings and or some spiritual experiences as a kid and growing up. I couldn't have defined them that way. Um, but I definitely had some moments. Like I can think back to like, you know, uh playing baseball growing up. And, you know, like I remember we had a pretty good team when I was like, you know, 12, 13, 14, 15 years old. In that next it wasn't like the little league anymore, it was like the next level up, you know, where things were a little more serious and everyone was a little better. And you know, kids are starting to get into high school soon. We're starting to really take this seriously. And for like two years in a row, we were really good, but we always fell short of going to the state championship, you know, the the big state tournament. And this, like the year we finally won, you know what I mean? It was like it was um, it was I was on base. I I forget how I got on base, but this other kid named Sean Harrell was a big kid. He hit like a fucking double into the gap and I scored. I just remember like the camaraderie and the togetherness, and just I mean, you were just we were over the moon. We were 12, 13 years old, 14 years old, over the moon, and we were going and we got to do the whole hotel thing, all that stuff. So, like I had those experiences growing up to a degree. I didn't really know what they were, or I couldn't like put those into, you know, I couldn't put those into my vocabulary at the time. But when I got sober, well, when I in my first year of sobriety, um, I was about eight or nine months sober. I was already making on my working on my amends steps, my restitution steps, and um, there was this guy that kept asking me to come to church with him. And I knew him well. He was really good friends with my mentor and I knew him well. And I wasn't, I wasn't at that point in my sobriety really too interested in religion or going to church. I had tried to go back to Catholic church when I was in the halfway house for a few times, and it was just miserable. I was like, remember I was like two months sober, and I was like, oh, I should probably go back to church because that's what I should do. And I remember sitting in Catholic church just like I could not wait till it was over. And I just realized I remember thinking, like, I don't think God wants me to feel obligated to be here. Like, he doesn't want me to, you know, um he wants it to be something that my heart desires, right? So I stopped going to church. So this guy's been asking me to go to church to one of these non-denominational new age Christian contemporary worship services, which if I was gonna go to church, it was gonna be old school Catholicism because that's what was comfortable to me. I I still enjoyed it, I appreciated it, right? I finally go with this guy, and like it was cool, it was fine, you know, nothing, nothing crazy. But they had like bagels and donuts, and I just remember they were really good. And I don't know, it was just one of those things. Um, I also didn't have a car, so he was like gonna give me a ride to go play volleyball, which we did on Sundays uh after this stuff type of stuff. For a long time, we did that, so it was like, all right, I'll go. So I went again the next week, and um not expecting anything. I'm eight or nine months sober, and I'm sitting out there in the service with him, and this guy gets up on the stage or podium or whatever to give his testimony, and he is he's got no legs, and I think he had one arm, and and he he did have some drug and alcohol battles in his life, but it wasn't he, I don't think he was like a full blown, he wasn't up there preaching sobriety, he was just it was just part of his story. I forget how he lost his limbs, but he was like so positive and just funny and down to earth. It didn't come off preachy, it was like really, really good testimony, and and I was like, wow, this is really cool. And then the the band played after that, and um and it sounds almost like I I feel so cheesy when I say it. Man, I I filled up with I guess it was the Holy Spirit. I filled up and I wasn't looking for it, I wasn't trying to, uh, but I felt it from the tips of my toes to the tips of my fingers, this full body euphoria. And I look over at my friend who brought me. I haven't said a word to him, mind you, and he's just got the biggest banana grin on his face because he's like watching me have this experience, and I don't even know if I was like protruding any characteristics of an experience, I but I felt it, and uh, I remember from that day, uh, like I said, I was on my men's step, and I remember like very distinctly, it wasn't the voice of God, it was just this internal message of God saying to me, continue on the path that you're on so that you can help others. Like that was it. That was just it was just this, it was like it was there. I didn't hear it from the sky, it was just there internally, and and that experience, that full-body euphoria was as real as as the table I'm sitting at and the chair I'm sitting in and this computer, and it was real. And you know what the crazy part is? I I don't think I've ever been back to that church. I and that's how I know it was like for me, it was real because I didn't you would think in a lot of ways that that person, me or whoever, would have that and be like, oh my god, I have to turn my life over to Christ now and like go to this church and serve and do I didn't have any of that feeling. I didn't have any of that. I knew that if if nothing else, or if more importantly, it was telling me to continue the work I was doing in recovery, and like that's where my interest needed to lie. I don't think I ever went, I might have gone back once or twice, like years and years later, but um I I I was I truly was a changed person from that point. Like I truly, truly was a changed person now. And the next thing I want to get into is just because we have these awakenings, we all very much know that we can't just stop and say, Oh, I had the awakening, I'm good, I'm just gonna go out here and do this and do that. Like, I have to cultivate it, harvest it, grow it. I have to feed that awakening so that it can continue because we have known many, many, many people, and we've we've all three of us have probably been guilty of it on some level, where we rest on our laurels, we rest on our past accomplishments, we let up on our meetings, we let up on our service, we let up on our helpfulness to others, on our meditations and our prayer. So I want to talk about that. Like, how do we how do we continue that awakening? How do we grow that experience? What are some things we do to fan that flame, Greg?
SPEAKER_00Well, I think um, well, two things, you know, and and part of what I'm sure that we'll get to, you know, our literature says directly that nothing will ensure us immunity from um, you know, drinking a drug than helping other people. But I firmly believe that we can't help someone else to clean up their own home when ours is dirty, right? Um, and and ours is a mess. And I think it boils down to a few things and and what we've been talking to about in in the previous uh several weeks is like, have I meditated and connected, right? Um have I called uh on my higher power for help? Have I prayed? You know, and and have I been doing that and and and really uh tapping into um my my spirituality, right? Um have I been reaching out to other people? Here's two big ones that I always love and I always like to ask myself this these questions uh as much as I can on a daily basis, but what are my motivations? Um is it to get something? Is it to get you know power, prestige, glory, or am I truly doing something to you know uh out of selflessness for other people? And then if I if you know, asking that question, have I done something else or have I done something for somebody else today? And has it been without being like quote unquote found out, right? Like am I am I taking myself out of the limelight of it? I don't want I'm not doing it for recognition or pat on the back or anything like that. I'm I'm again truly acting out of a selfless nature. And so I think that that's the stuff for me personally that I have to constantly keep myself in check on, you know, and it becomes much easier over time. I think it's it's practiced behavior and uh sure we can we can fall off of that, like you talked about resting on our laurels, uh and that's exactly what that is. It's um you know, I kind of said it last week, yeah. But like when I when I start to get smart, that's my biggest downfall. Yeah, is when I start to think I've got it figured out, yeah, that that is a hundred percent where it will lead me back to, and and thank god, knock on wood. It's been almost a decade and I haven't picked back up, but I've had some rocky moments there and I've had some rocky times where and and I can always get right down to the point, you know. It's I I have I been praying, nope. Have I been meditating? Nope. Have I been focusing on uh doing what's best for other people instead of um you know greedily wor worrying about myself? Nope. You know, and and it's so it's it's no big surprise that that right uh you know things are turning out the way they are because uh again I'm I'm resting on those laurels.
SPEAKER_01So Danny, what about you? What do you do to fan that flame, that spiritual awakening flame?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and I mean I would also say that you know, like I mean like the three of us too, man, is that like you know, what happens from doing this work and doing these things is all of a sudden, like in in my in my words, uh your compass starts part warning north. You know, and you can feel and like that's like like you know, us anyways, you know, for especially for like for me, like I I love Corey's line of breathing fresh air, man. Yeah, because we can feel that air getting smoggy. And then all of a sudden the air will get real smoggy, man, and then you can't breathe, you know, and that's like and but but then because we have done the work and we have these things in place, we know what to do. You know what I mean? So it's like it gets bad, you know, but but we can pull yourself back into a point to where it's like all right, you know what I mean? Like Greg Greg, just listen them off, man. This is what we gotta do. I haven't been doing this. Oh, wait, oh look, I haven't been doing this, you know, and it's like it's uh I just want I just wanted to bring that out, you know what I mean? Like it's you get to a point where you're not breathing fresh air and it's like we have that, you know, because the work has been done and the things have been done. Um yeah, man. I mean, it's uh helping other people. I mean, that's the whole crux of it is that it's it you know, you you you can't keep it if you don't give it, you know, like that's that's the biggest thing. And whether it's you know what I mean in a meeting or whatever the this is or that is, and like Greg said, you know, selflessly, you know what I mean. Am I doing this for myself? You know, and uh you know, what is my part in this if I did something wrong? And just all the things that you know we're taught or told, or you know, or I've seen, you know, that one of my favorite things that uh is like huge in my life is that you know, um, always trying to do the right thing because you never God's always watching. You know what I mean? Like if that like that always like I remember I'd be like uh at work or something, like when we first moved to Ohio, man, and like that was like in my head, like like like legit, like I'm outside someone's house and like I gotta take a leak and I could just take a leak right there, but like someone's watching, you know what I mean? Like just like that, like stupid stuff like that, though. You know what I mean? It's like the shopping cart thing, man. Just like those stupid little things to people like us turn into big things, you know, and like those are like the little things and the things that I have in place that people help me put in place, you know. And um I I forgot who it was. One of the old timers said, you know, um, I I don't know who it was, but um um, you know, yeah, keep your ears open because you never know when you might hear something that might save your life. You know, like that's like the one of the coolest things too. But yeah, I mean, just you know, I've had it happen so many times being here in Ohio. For Florida, it was a lot easier, you know, because it was just ingrained. Go, go, this, that, the other thing, you know, and I like I've had it happen a lot of times. But in the end, like I said, uh it's I I know and I can start to feel it. I feel it coming for a while, and I don't do anything about it, you know, because I'm good. You know what I mean? The but crash, yeah, I'm good, you know. But then when like it like you know, you start like checking, like Greg said, checking those things, like, oh man, you know, like but then you get back to it, and like Corey says, man, the Corey Corey should patent the statement, breathing that fresh air, man. I mean, it's so it yeah, it's a great line, man. It really is. But um, yeah, just all those things, is if you know, if you don't, if you don't give it away freely, you know, to others, then you're not gonna keep it, you know, brass tax. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I have uh I have so much respect for the two of you having moved back to, you know, for both of you, Ohio, but leaving that area because I I I have obviously haven't done that. I got sober in this area, I've been sober in this area. God, coming up on 15 years, which blows my mind. And and I've never really had an interval or a period of time in my sobriety that I wasn't super active, right? So I don't even know what it really truly feels like. So, like you said, you you notice it coming and you say, Oh, I'm good. I mean, I've had, I guess I shouldn't say that entirely. I've had like micro occurrences, and what I mean by that is like you know, I'll maybe I will slack on my meditation a little bit, or or I I get into a um one of my pitfalls is I especially with meditation, is I get I get so mechanical with it. Like I'm doing it. Don't get me wrong, I'm doing it and it's discipline, and I'm not missing it, but I'm like missing the the whole purpose of it, which is to feel and be an experience rather than just like checking it off, done. Okay, there's 15 minutes, go about my day. Um, but um, yeah, I haven't had too many times where it's like, oh, I'm not going to, I've always gone to meetings, you know. I've I've never had a time where I haven't been mentoring others. I actually would say like this specific point in my sobriety right now. Um, I have a handful of guys I'm mentoring, but like none of them are brand spanking new guys. Like a couple of them are retreads, you know, that I've sponsored before that we stayed sober a while and relapsed. Um, a couple of them are or came to me after, you know, multiple years of sobriety looking for a new experience. Or, you know, one of them had never actually even been through the the recovery work that we do. They just happen to stay sober, you know, all this stuff. So that's kind of where I'm at now. I'm doing a lot of like service-related stuff with a couple guys and stuff, which which is really cool as well in its own right. Um, but what I have gone through is that, and and I think you both can probably remember this, but like when I when did you guys move back to Ohio?
SPEAKER_00Uh I left Florida in 20 um 19, and then I was in Delaware for a little bit and then uh Ohio after that.
SPEAKER_01And then yeah, what about you, Dan?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I think it was 2017.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. So in 2018, oddly enough, as soon as we got back from the mountain retreat in October, I shortly thereafter left our Monday night group that we were all a part of. Yep. And I had been thinking about it for a while. Um, and at this point, you know, Sophia had been born a couple years prior to that. Grace was gonna be born the following year. I think, as a matter of fact, Catherine was was would have been pregnant or was just getting pregnant. Um, and we were trying to both have the same recovery group with all you wonderful people and bring in Sophia. And it just became like this one of us wasn't able to pay attention for the whole meeting because Sophia, she was two years old now. Now two and a half years old, running around all over. And I also could feel it internally that I needed a change, right? I needed a change. Um, so that was in 2018. So I've had periods of that in my sobriety where I've noticed like something needs to change. And and maybe I've sat on it for a little while and like just said, oh, I'm good, up, it's okay, I'll keep going. Um, but kind of like anything, when the when the pain becomes great enough or the uncomfortability becomes great enough, um, we will make a change. But it goes back to what you guys have all said, right? I and like to boil it down really simply for me, I still go to meetings. I don't go to a lot of them anymore, but I still get to uh two, sometimes three a week, which is which is wonderful. I have my home group that I never ever, ever, ever miss unless I absolutely have to. I am mentoring others, I am practicing daily prayer and meditation on some level, right? Like I am doing it, you know, no matter what, and trying to switch it up from time to time to make it fresh and new feeling. Um I am involved in different service-related activities when it comes to my recovery. Like I have I'm accountable to a mentor, I'm accountable to the guys I mentor, right? That's a big part of this thing. And we'll get more into that. But like, I'm just as accountable to some of them as I am to my wife or to my mentor, right? And maybe not on a different level than my wife, but you guys get the point. So um I think it's it's so important because we've seen way too many people to count that have been really solid in recovery for maybe years, and then poof, bamoose, they're gone, or they turn up with a new sobriety date and they struggle to get back to that. And I think that's a that's tough, you know what I mean? That's a tough thing, right?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it's it's it's life or death, man. You know what I mean? It really is, dude. Like, and that's like the three of us, I would say that said the same thing. It's real serious, no matter where we're at. You know what I mean? Like, this is like a real, real thing, you know. There's no, like you said, I mean, your wife, I mean, yeah, man. I mean, this is like saying, you know, like it's any you guys called me a need of me an emergency, like it's the same, man. It's you know, it's life or death, dude. 100%.
SPEAKER_01So, Dan, so when we talk about mentoring others, right? Think back to when you first started to mentor others. What was your biggest fear? What was the biggest fear or like the biggest thing, biggest concern? What made you the most anxious about that?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I mean, well, the first thing was I was a complete psycho. I took on like seven people at once. Everybody, come on, let's get sober together. Come on, good, bro. Here's ecstasy for everyone, though. Oh man. Um, yeah, so I mean, like, you know, mentoring other people, man, you know, just you know, like so cool, first of all. You know what I mean? Having that experience, you know, I had my mentor and then to be at a position where I was able to do that, you know what I mean? And um sitting down with somebody else and hearing, like, you know, just being in the other side. But um honestly, like, you know, my my you know, still having my mentor while I was mentoring people, um, the biggest thing that I carried so much is that I thought that because of what I had, I could give them that like force forcefully. You know what I mean? And like when things would happen and not go right, it was my fault. And I would internalize that and I would take that personally, you know, and there I had people that you know passed away, you know, all these things, and I I would carry the weight of that. And my mentor, you know, firmly said to me, You can never keep any you're not that powerful, Dan. You can't keep anybody sober. All right. All you can do is try and show them the way that you did things, and then hopefully they learn some things and they do this stuff and you know, and they and they get the same, you know, uh, freedom that you have. But you you're not that, you know, and like that that statement that I'm not that powerful that I can keep all these people sober. But I thought that. You know what I mean? I was like, here I come, here comes Dan. I got this, you know, everyone's being cured, you know. And um, but yeah, my mentor, you know, that's why we have mentors. Because if I didn't have a mentor, man, I mean that for that's something that could have took me out because I was bearing the weight of these people, you know what I mean. This guy did this and this guy did that, and that's my fault. You know what I mean? That's like you know, that but that's like uh how this whole thing works, man. But uh yeah, yeah. I mean, that was like the you know, after that it became a lot easier, and I was able to be more uh more of service to them, you know, like you guys were saying. It's like I need to be on my A game too, because it's a real deal.
SPEAKER_01Yep. What about you, Greg?
SPEAKER_00Biggest fear, biggest apprehension, biggest mistake, maybe even yeah, I was gonna say I didn't um I had a pretty decent teacher and I didn't um necessarily fear too much uh as far as that is concerned. Like I I I knew that you know this is this is a uh a program uh that is uh a hundred percent unapologetically about God, and uh that if uh I was doing my due diligence of my prayer life, especially going into it before I'd meet up with one of those uh gentlemen, you know, just just having some quiet time with God and like, hey, just you know, give give me uh take me out of this equation and and let let's just you know let me be here uh selflessly and and help this person out. But certainly like some mistakes along the way. And it and you know, really what Dan was touching on, I think the closest thing to fear would be, yes, like carrying that weight of when you lose one, because that's that's the toughest one, man, is is when you lose one because it's it's just human nature, I think, to carry that weight. And I think it's just especially now that we are living the kind of lives we're living that are so radically different from the lives we lived prior, uh, is you carry that weight and you start to ask yourself the question of like, what could I have done differently? And then and then when when those answers start to come in, it's like, oh man, like did I screw something up here? But again, it's it's just like you talked about, Dan, like we're not that powerful, right? And if we remember and try and keep the the one idea at at the forefront is that A, this is absolutely life or death situation for for the good majority of us. Um and B that you know, um because because it is that that I need to focus on like sticking to what our literature talks about, um you know, not interjecting too much of my own opinions into all this stuff. I can I can give uh examples for my life for sure, you know, and the like that's uh that's the whole that's the whole crux of this thing, is that's how somebody's gonna identify with us. And it is absolutely a a thing of um attraction over promotion, you know. We're not out here trying to um, you know, politic to the newcomers in our program, right? We're we're just carrying the message and sharing in recovery groups and speaking at detoxes and stuff like that, and people are naturally attracted to us and they will come up and ask us, hey, like, uh would you be able to mentor me? Would you be able to, you know, sit down and talk with me? So, yeah, that was the big thing is like I didn't ever want to tell anybody no, because I always felt that well, God has to have put that person in my in my lane for whatever reason, you know. And I think that that was a mistake sometimes because there were times where I was mentoring seven or eight people, you know, and of those seven or eight people, you know, w if you've got uh five to six guys that are really actively doing it, not you're not just mentoring them in name only, like you're actually meeting up with them, they're doing the work, they're starting to get on at a good clip. It is um you you have to be um you have to be fed before you can be able to do a lot of that stuff, and it's not just spiritually, but you gotta be able to have the time to do it. And I think that there were certainly some times there were I I overstepped my bounds on that, and I thought that I could handle it, and I probably um did a little bit of a disservice to some of those men because of it just for the fact that I was just trying to juggle too much at once, you know.
SPEAKER_01And you you brought up a good point about or or maybe it was Greg about like looking at did I screw something up, what happened, you know, when we lose one. Um there's a line in some of our literature, and we've talked about it before, but our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. And I I, you know, my mentor was big on saying, hey, we're not responsible for their sobriety. That way we're not responsible when they get drunk. And and his point was essentially, you can't get anybody sober, you're not that powerful. Um, but it was this weird dichotomy, not even weird, it was just this very, very specific dichotomy of okay, I'm not responsible if they get drunk, but how can I better carry this message to the next person? Like, because there's always, you know, a lot of this program is self-introspection, self-reflection. How what where was I at fault? What can I do better? How can I be of better use? So there is that, okay, this person relapsed, that person relapsed, whatever. Where can I do better next time to present this material in a more effective manner? And I'll tell you what, I still am asking those questions years and years later. I've got some of them answered pretty decently, right? I I definitely know some certain certain things that definitely work better than others nowadays, but um, there's there's kind of to the point, like the human condition of it, every person I get that I mentor is different. Even if one's slightly similar to another, they're still different and there's still their own unique case and individual person. So I think that's important to know that like not carry the guilt of them relapsing, but also looking to where I can be more effective next time, right? Um, and it and it can be as simple as like, you know, we have one main book that we use to take people through this recovery process. I and I know Greg has too, because I I think I did it with him. Like, there was a there have been times that I've used different books throughout the years, different pieces of recovery material, um, all still kind of in the same realm and the same vein. But I realized after a certain time, like, nah, man, we kind of got one textbook that like is really for this thing. And the the the more I stay on track with that, the better the people that I get to mentor are, right? So um, but I went through similar stuff too. I went through the whole, you know, I'm I know I can't save them, I know I can't get them sober, but then my actions were kind of saying a different story. I still thought I could, and my mentor said, don't chase them and don't whatever, don't work harder for their recovery, you know, than they are, kind of thing. Um, if it's not working for one of you, it ain't working for both of you because that relationship has to be symbiotic. It has to be a two-way street. So there was all that. I was fearful early on. I was, I was, I was definitely fearful that I was gonna mess up, right? Um, and I think some of that fear came stemmed from wanting to impress my mentor and not just him, but like and maybe I'm wrong, but I think we all kind of have this like, oh, the first person I get, they're gonna stay sober and live happily ever after in sobriety. And and I'm gonna have a bunch of guys, and I'm I'm going to impact all these people and all these lives. And I forget, it ain't me doing any of it. That's where I go wrong because I start to put too much of me, too much of Sean, too much of self into it. It's all God, baby. It is all God. I am just simply one of the vessels that a person might hear the life-saving message of recovery. And it is an inside job for each and every one of those people, you know.
SPEAKER_00So I like that you brought up that point too, because you know, I can remember having to have like man up and have the real conversation with with one of the first guys, you know, he was living in the sober living community that I was living in. I I'm pretty sure I was I was helping our boy Bill manage that community as well at that point. And it was one of those things where, yeah, like I I at first felt like, oh yeah, this guy's gonna get it, he's gonna stay sober, you know, and he's doing all the right things, and he's following me around like a little lost puppy dog sometimes, but whatever, it's fine. And come to find out, like that dude was looking for an easier, softer way. He didn't want to go out to recovery groups and meet new people, he didn't want to do this, that, and the other. He didn't want to really get honest with himself or whatever, but he was looking for somebody that he didn't have to reach out too far to, and that kind of stuff. And it's like there's there's all those all those different kinds of instances that pop up along the way, you know. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02My favorite thing to do was like if anybody was ever late, I'm gone. One minute, one minute late. Deuces, damn. One minute, I gave him five minutes, dude.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, there was there's one minute was for a five minutes.
SPEAKER_00I did like five minutes.
SPEAKER_02You're right.
SPEAKER_00He he who might remain nameless here, but uh it's it's not me or you, Dan, like to meet very early in the morning.
SPEAKER_02Oh, yeah. Yeah, buck rack.
SPEAKER_00I mean, and now now I mean I'm I'm up, I'm up.
SPEAKER_01You know what's funny is I'm the opposite of that now. I'm the opposite of that now. Just because of the kids out kids, man. You want to you want to meet me on a weekend morning? All right, we're we're shooting for nine o'clock, you know. I want to get up. I'm still up pretty early, but like it's just it's different. But Sean, you've created a monster.
SPEAKER_00But that's it.
SPEAKER_01That was the way it that was the way it was back then, man. I loved it. I loved every minute of it. I've got to be able to do it.
SPEAKER_00I I did. I did. Is is when it when I could actually uh when I actually got around to it, and I would feel bad if I was a couple minutes late. Like I would feel like, oh man.
SPEAKER_01Bill was the worst. Bill was the absolute worst at meeting, meeting early. He would forget. I don't even know if he forgot half the time. I think sometimes it was a choice to roll over and not get up, but he was you know what Bill used to do, and and I not to rag on him, but I know he'd get a kick out of this. He used to uh at that early morning recovery group that we all used to go to seven days a week. Um, they if you remember, they put the to sign up to chair that meeting in the in the basket as it went around, and you'd put your name in and stuff like that. And um that that mother effort would put his name in and just never show up, never remember, never show up. And it it pissed me off so much because here we go. That's a guy I'm mentoring, it's a reflection on me. You know, I don't want to look bad, right? Um, and man, I it would piss, and then I'd have this battle in myself of like, do because I I'm at the group every day, and he wasn't there every day, but he was there a lot of days. So I see, I'm like, oh wow, it's a Monday. He's supposed to chair this meeting on Thursday. I'm looking at the book. Do I remind him or is it his responsibility to remember? I used to, oh, I used to go through that all the time and it would piss me off. So but yeah, we've we've come a long way. We've come a long way.
SPEAKER_02The best medicine anyone could ever get, you know, if they want to start mentoring people and they've done the work. Is mentor a small Russian fellow that you can just scream at all the time? I don't know how small he was, but in in height stature. Yeah, stature.
SPEAKER_01Shout out to him, real quick. He, as you guys know, he was in the Ukraine for a while. Yeah, yeah. I love it. He was back getting his truck, getting back out on the road the other day. He called me up on a Friday and he was like, Hey, I'm leaving tomorrow morning, but I want to stop by. I got your girl's presents from Ukraine. He's always really good. Like every birthday they have, even if he doesn't make the birthday party, even if it's a week later, he'll drop off a gift. He he puts thought into it. He got him these really cool little, like they're like ceramic birds that have a necklace you put around your neck and you put water in them and you blow into one that makes like bird sounds. It was it's cool. Like he's he w he wildly, unimaginably has a huge heart, man. Huge heart. No, 100%. 100%. Just don't get on his bad side, but um or starve him. Yeah, or starve him. All right, boys. Uh, good stuff. Anything else? Anything else you guys want to wrap on before we close it out?
SPEAKER_00No, I think that's good.
SPEAKER_01Good stuff, yep. Thank you as always for being here. Um we'll do it again real soon. And uh Danny and I will be back uh tomorrow night. Probably get published on Tuesday, some little NCAA, sweet 16, an elite eight recap and a look ahead to the final four. Stay tuned. Danny might be broadcasting from Indian News.
SPEAKER_02It's only two hours away, bro.
SPEAKER_01Stay tuned. So shout out to our listeners. Please like, follow, and share on all socials at TrudgeReport Pod. Email us, trudgereportpod at yahoo.com. Send in your mailbag requests for topics, questions, and comments to any of these handles. Remember, we are all here. If anyone wants to talk about recovery and our experiences, or if you are struggling with some form of addiction, thank you again again to Stella Mix Podcast Management. Good night, God bless, and may you trudge the road of happy destiny. We'll see you next week.