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Ep. 117 - Time To Man Up: An Exploration Of Character And Leadership

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Hello and welcome back to the Trudge Report Podcast. Thank you for your listenership and support of the show. This week the four of us are back in action as we go around the horn. Greg is sweating out a game 7 for the Cavs in the 1st round of the NBA playoffs while Corey is very pleased with his Philadelphia Flyers series victory over the Pittsburgh Penguins in the 1st round of the Stanley Cup Finals. Dan has a very hot take and quick rant about soccer being the inferior youth sport (listeners make sure you let us know what you think in the comment section). Shawn tells a cool story of a kids t-ball team party at an ex major league baseball player's home.

The main topic in this episode surrounds the subject of what it actually means to be a man. Who taught us? What we were taught and what we got wrong. The lessons we learned growing up and especially once we got sober and evolved in this phase of our lives. We discuss how we feel we are perceived by others, mainly our families and friends. The role of being a provider versus a nurturer and the balance therein. We closed the show with what we would tell our former younger selves, the best piece of guidance we could give and what to watch out for. The great thing about this journey is that no one can take it for us or spare us of it.

"The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively." — Bob Marley

Don't forget to like, share, rate, and download the podcast on all of your listening platforms. Check out and subscribe to our YouTube channel, @trudgrereportpod, for other content surrounding sports and trending topics. Trudge on good people. 

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SPEAKER_04

Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to another episode of Trudge Report. We are a recovery-based podcast. We also try to fix the world's problems. Uh, my name is Sean and I am your host. I'm joined by fellow trudgers. Uh please remember to listen on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Videos will be posted each week, so you can watch episodes on YouTube and Facebook. But as always, please be sure to download on your listening platforms. Remember to like and subscribe on all social media outlets with the handle at Trudge Report Pod. This uh this podcast is brought to you by Stellamix Podcast Management. Gentlemen, good evening. Janine, hit that record button real quick right before Corey went off on that's what you gotta do. You just gotta hit the record button real quick on.

SPEAKER_03

She's like, damn, we're already getting out of here at 1010.

SPEAKER_04

Uh good evening, guys. What's going on? Let's start with uh Mr. GA Phillips sweating it over there in the the great Midwest. His Cleveland Cavaliers are currently playing. What's up, G?

SPEAKER_00

I mean, uh, you know, uh it it it should be a testament to how much I love you guys that I'm even here at this moment in a in a game seven. But I do love you guys. I'm excited to be here for this podcast. I'm also ridden with anxiety at the moment, uh, but uh Cavs are starting the third looking all right. Last time I wore this jersey uh was a decade ago and we won a championship. So um, you know, I I got a uh a nice uh laugh and uh uh definitely getting roasted by my fiance for wearing it uh at home, but it's fine. Uh and that's that's about it. Other than that, things are going well.

SPEAKER_04

So yeah, good. They are up by nine, so that's not a bad thing. Indeed. Not a bad thing. A lot of game left. A lot of game left. Danny P. You look like uh you look like something out of like yeah, Caddyshack or Bad News Bears or something like that.

SPEAKER_01

The drunk version of all those. That new broccoli, the people with the bananas in the hair, bro. I'm trying to be like that, Duke Gomez right here.

SPEAKER_04

There's this thing called uh you guys have probably seen it. I've just discovered on the the you on the YouTube. Um there it's called Tweaker Geographic. Have you guys seen these things? No, it's really funny.

SPEAKER_00

Sounds like gold, dude. It's exactly what it sounds like. You know what? I have seen them.

SPEAKER_04

It's it's like it's the guy's the National Geographic voice. He's like today in the tweaker wild, and there's all these meth heads and tweakers, and I swear about four or five of them, I thought it was you, Dan. Totally. One guy shooting a bone arrow in a diaper, in a diaper, mid broad daylight, shooting a bone arrow at trees. That's uh two black dudes um pretending they're in Star Wars on the corner, like fighting. Uh I'll send you some. It's it's pretty funny.

SPEAKER_01

Pretty funny. Uh and I would do this completely sober, too. That's even the best part. Yeah, like that. Yeah, that's totally for me. Uh Greg, I want to know though, is the jersey being laughed at because you're wearing it, or is it because it's super tight and you never worn it in forever?

SPEAKER_00

No, it's it's well, it's the reverse, it's now super big. Oh yeah. It's uh and just the fact that she's like, What do you do? It's it's it's me, you, and the kid here. Like you're not I do not like you're like hosting a party or anything. I'm like, I don't care. I don't care. We need all the good luck we can get.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, dude. I wear the Ray Ray jersey, bro. Every single time you come, play Yankees, same thing. Yankees in the playoffs. I'm wearing my judge jersey.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, in the words of Michael Scott, I'm not super stitched, but I am a little stitched. A little stitch, I'm 100%.

SPEAKER_01

100%. Yeah, absolutely. Oh man, everything's good, man. We got into softball full swing. The girls won their first game. Maya pitched two uh two innings. She went two for three with uh, I think it was like three or four ribies, four stolen bases. She had a great game, man. And just the girls in general, because we're like the youngest in the whole 10U thing. You know, most of the girls are eight and nine, and I mean they did amazing, dude. It was amazing. It was awesome. Um work, same stuff, just going. Alyssa's nearing graduation, May 15th will be graduation. Very cool. Yeah, yeah. So that's that's awesome. That's big stuff. Five years in the works, man. Very super proud of her. And she starts her job at uh OSU at uh I think June 15th or something like that. So big stuff, big stuff happening in life. And um, trying to think what else we got, man. I mean oh well, let me go on my little rant here. My little rant that Greg says. You wanna hold on?

SPEAKER_04

Let's let's uh let's go Corey first and then and then we'll kick it back to you. Yeah. Hi Corey. Always nice to see you, sir. How are you this evening? I'm fine. I just wish everybody would fucking act right, dude. And by everyone, you don't even necessarily mean us three on this podcast, you mean the rest of the civilization.

SPEAKER_03

No, you guys too, because every time you disagree with me, it pisses me off. So everything's fine over here, I guess. Um I fixed a pole saw today. I fixed the pole saw. Speaking of how to be a man on this episode, dude, I fixed the fucking pole saw. Hey, I don't even know if I actually know what that is. So good for the pole saw is a long tree. Chainsaw and it's a pole. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

What was the uh issue and what was the fix? I want to know if this is the standard of being a man here.

SPEAKER_03

No, I'm not I'm not I'm not disclosing that because we had to untie the knot.

SPEAKER_00

The cord was knotted.

SPEAKER_03

You just had to yeah, the in there and just really the battery needed to be charged. Yeah. Um yeah, no. Other than that, the uh the Flyers uh lost last night, so everything's on track. Um because we're gonna probably lose in a sweep this series, and that is okay. I'm I'm stoked that we eliminated Pittsburgh.

SPEAKER_04

Never got this far in your dreams, did you? Yeah, that's huge, man.

SPEAKER_03

Uh in my dreams I definitely did, but in reality, this is great. This is phenomenal. So I hope they I hope they put up a fight this series, but that's fine. And hockey's fun to watch again, guys. It wasn't fun for many years.

SPEAKER_04

So I agree. Good stuff. Uh, all good on my end, nothing really. I missed you guys last week. Hey guys, great episode last week. Seriously, I I listened to the raw as I normally do, and it it really was like phenomenal. She was a great guest. It was the flow was good. It seemed like you guys transitioned from question to question really well, and and there's a lot of natural organic. It was just I don't know. I was really impressed. You guys did a phenomenal job. Greg, great job hosting um all of you just with the questions. It it really was uh she was a good guest. I I hope we get some some uh interest in that episode for sure.

SPEAKER_03

So I felt like we could have done like three episodes with her. Oh, probably. I don't think we touched half of our questions. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

That's kind of how it is, though. Yeah, but uh other than that, um happy to be back. I had family in town all last weekend and last most of last week. Always fun, always a lot, you know, just a lot going on. Um, but week was good. Um I had Danny, before you get into yours, I I had the privilege of Grace had her end of the year T-ball team party at one of the the family's houses yesterday. And um oh man, I like this is also uh I won't say his name, just to you know, but one of the fathers of one of the girls on the team, I think I shared this already, is a was an is an ex-professional baseball player. He retired like two years ago, and he was like legit. He was uh silver slugger, won a gold glove. Um, I think he was an all-star, like two-time all-star, um, like lifetime 280 hitter, just an absolute beast of a man. Uh, retired in 2014, and um his house was pretty much what you think of a 12 or 14-year major league baseball retirement. I mean, it was I swear the whole property easily, easily five mil, easily five million dollars. Unbelievable home and property. It was so cool. He had like a little uh the mother-in-law suite, which was on the property, was his like man cave, and he had all of his jerseys and memorabilia and everything, every piece of trinket and anything you could think of, and it was uh awesome. I mean, he's got pictures with LeBron James, Devin Booker, a bunch of football players, and then like just you know, Albert Pulhos, uh Martin Prado, like just legends of the game. What I mean, really, really like cool stuff. Uh he signed a bobblehead for all of us parents, which kind of felt like a little charity, but it was still very, very nice of him. Um, but it was brought bobbleheads with him. Huh? He just brought bobbleheads with him to sign. No, he has like he has like a a a a building on his property that's bigger than my house. That is his man cave where just all this stuff is. He's got all his cleats that he ever had. I mean, everything. Just like you name it, plus a bunch of like when you're famous athlete, they make those of you. No, I get that, but did he just have them on deck already signed? No, he likes he like I mean he had them in his. I feel like this isn't that. He's like invited about you guys into a line. Did you guys get into the a line? He invited at one point during the party, at one point during the party, he invited all the parents and said, Hey, if you want to come check out, you know, because we're all most of the dads are all baseball nuts. You know, the the head coach is uh is a he's from New York, he's a big Yankee fan, Dan. Like they're all two of two of the other coaches both coach high school baseball, like so. They're all baseball nuts. So he was like, Hey, if you guys want to come see my room, you know, and whatever he called it, um, come on over. And yeah, while we were there, gave everybody pretty much, pretty much. It was badass. He had a bar in there, he had arcade games, a billiards, a whole sound system. I mean, it was you can tell he parties.

SPEAKER_03

It's just interesting to like imagine, like, put yourself in his shoes where it's like I know who I am and how fucking cool I am. That all these parents are definitely coming with me, and I'm gonna give them a bobblehead of myself signed. Yeah, and they're gonna love it.

SPEAKER_00

I mean, dude, if I had bobbleheads myself, I'd be signing them left and right.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, I would take one, Greg. I would take one.

SPEAKER_00

It was pretty cool.

SPEAKER_03

I and listen, and let me say this he's cool as shit.

SPEAKER_04

He's he's he's probably 6'4, he's jacked, he's uh Hispanic, handsome as can be. Um, just he's doing it. And he's like, I asked him, I was like, hey, do you like follow baseball at all anymore? He goes, Not even, not even a little bit. He has he goes, I have no interest, I don't watch it, I don't follow it. I'll have friends over and we'll watch the World Series or like the Super Bowl and stuff like that. But he goes, I have absolutely zero interest in it, which I feel like is probably more common from ex-professional athletes than we than like any of us realize, you know. But um really and you know what? Really down to earth, like super down to earth. His wife is super sweet, his kids are awesome. He had a daughter, Sophia's eight, like just but man, five million easily plus, and just the whole property, the manicure, just every fucking Zen garden over here. I mean, just all kinds of stuff. Pool cabana, the the bathroom at the pool cabana might have been the nicest bathroom I've ever been in. And I include that in Las Vegas, guys. Like, yeah, like I mean, I'm I'm stretching a little bit, but it was so nice. This pool house bathroom.

SPEAKER_03

So very cool experience. You better get ready because I'm gonna one up him when I win the Powerball tomorrow. Very cool experience.

SPEAKER_04

My my 2012 Nissan Ultima was very out of place pulling into that driveway, that's for sure. I would have parked right next to his data with a big I did with a big fucking rust stain right on top. Like, yep. And yes, Janine said it. There's their shit does stain the toilet. But I like I said, they were super down to earth, like they were really cool people. Um, but uh very cool experience for me. Cool experience. So that's it.

SPEAKER_01

Danny P kick it to you, bud. Yeah, I love Corey. Corey was getting hung up on the guy's ego to have the parents line up. It's like bro, I'll you know what, Corey?

SPEAKER_04

I'm gonna I'm gonna Google on the show how much that bobblehead signed is worth, and I'll let you know.

SPEAKER_01

Well, that's what I'm saying, dude. It was like that's like the nicest that's for someone of his stature to even offer that is like super cool and awesome.

SPEAKER_03

Like, I'm not no, and I'm not saying that in a bad way. I'm saying imagine being that guy and being like, I know how fucking awesome I am, and these guys are like, it was it was either that, it was either that or he's like, Fuck, really, babe, we gotta host all these people, they're gonna just want to talk to me about like baseball.

SPEAKER_04

Which all of us so here the cool thing is sorry, Dan, I promise we'll get to you. But the second game of the season, I I kind of recognized who he was. That's how recognizable he is. Like, he's not he's not gonna be in the hall of fame, but for me, who's a baseball nut, he was recognizable. Um, his nickname was the freight train. I'll give you guys that. Let's say that. Um, which is what most of the ladies used to call Greg before he met Lauren. But um I remember talking to him in the second game, and I was like, Corey, I think I said this yesterday when I or when I saw you, I was like, Hey, uh, so did you like play baseball growing up? And I already knew, and he was like, Yeah, I did. I was like, Oh, cool, like high school, a little college, maybe? And he's like, Uh no, I played. And I was like, No, no, no, I'm just kidding, man. I'm just kidding. And that I thought it was hilarious. I'm not sure he thought it was quite that funny. But all right, Danny, your turn. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_01

Uh yeah, I can just picture the 6'4 Hispanic dude looking down at me like 5'10 white dude. Yeah, you're fucking like I'm not the guy, but you're fucking jacked. Who cut your beard, jerk? Greg's locked in over there. Look at him. Greg's locked into the cavalier scene.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Well, it's we're on commercial now.

SPEAKER_01

So all right. I gotta preface this with no offense to anyone, anyone here, or any dads and what they do with their children. All right. This is me talking as Dan, the softball coach that deals with the problem of within of this. Soccer sucks. I hate soccer. I hate soccer so much, man. Soccer sucks.

SPEAKER_04

I think my dad'll never listen to this podcast.

SPEAKER_01

Oh man, no, and it's not it this comes from a play stuff, dude. Like, not even just like I hate the sport. No, but like not even like I hate the sport and stuff, but like to me, like Sean, you know it too, man. Uh, as like baseball, softball, football, and stuff like that. It's like I see all these parents doing, and not even just like rec soccer, that's whatever, man. But these parents are doing travel soccer, 87 tournaments, driving to Canton, doing all this stuff. And it's like, dude, I'm like, I'm sorry, but like running around a field and kicking a ball is not teaching your kid anything. All right, in life. It's not, it's not teaching you anything in life. It's really just not, you know. You play basketball, you play baseball, you play football, you play even lacrosse, man. You know what I mean? Where you're learning hand ball hand eye coordination and stuff like that, is because the kids, you know, until you get into high school, you know, before high school, if you're playing soccer and you're good, you're just fast. And that's it. Plain and simple. That's it. You know what I mean? And and I just don't see like the the growth that you see in in kids that are playing other sports, man, as a person is way more than you see as kids that play soccer. Because most of the kids that just play soccer, that's all they do is just play soccer. And to me, it's just easy. And you know what I mean? Because it's like all these parents sign up their kids for soccer because it's easy. All they gotta do is run around the field and kick the ball. You know, and I just feel like I don't know, man. I just really feel like these kids like they miss all these other things because their parents want to take the easy route. And it makes me so mad. It really does. Because you see all these kids, man, with such athletic talent and stuff like that, but they all play the same sport because it's easy and it's easy for the parents because all the other parents and they all cahoots and they carpool together and they do all that stuff, and because it's easy. But that I mean, that's my main thing, man, is that I just I don't see the intrinsic value of pushing your kids to only play soccer. I just don't. I don't at all. It interferes with my softball 100%. But I still thought this a long time before him. Yeah, I mean, I thought I would never sign up my son, and I would never sign up Meyer for it. I wouldn't, you know what I mean. If you wanted to, shout out to it. If you wanted to, I would 100%.

SPEAKER_00

Shout out Peyton scored two goals in his in his game yesterday. They won eight-nothing. Jab, jab, jab.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah, right.

SPEAKER_00

It ain't it ain't easy.

SPEAKER_04

Getting this is this is a safe space. As a child, it's very easy. It's a safe space, Dan. You in rock and roll with that opinion. Yeah, I get it completely. Uh, I will respectfully disagree. Yeah, but I do want the one thing you said that all that forced them to only play soccer. That I I agree. I I agree, that shouldn't happen. A kid should try as many sports as they want. Um and if they land on it.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, you gotta see where you're good at.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. I mean, I listen, I I had great experiences growing up in soccer, but I also played baseball and basketball, fucking karate. You know, I was a freaking purple belt dude. So I mean, I was four belts away from black, my kata's. You know what a kata is, you know what a kata is, Corey? A kata H-pattern one? Huh? I'll knock you out with the coffee cup sitting right next to you. Um, but no, I get it. I get it.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, it's just hard for me, man. I mean, that's like around here a lot of the kids just. Do you have kids that play both?

SPEAKER_04

Is that part of the issue?

SPEAKER_01

Oh, yeah. Well, that's yeah, 100%. But I had the same thing in bat like like to me, like, so we had this kid in basketball, dude, when I was coaching basketball. This kid was freaking nasty. All right, and he's missing uh basketball uh tournament and stuff like that because he's going to like some soccer game in Canton and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_00

And it's just like, I mean, like to me, dude, that's just honestly though, like I I see that all the time with and it's not even just soccer, it's it's all kinds of stuff. And and like part of the problem is is that you know, like from a parent's perspective, like when you sign your kids up for this stuff, especially when they're younger like this, that you don't get like dates, you know, and then the practices are the practice schedule is all up to the coaching staff anyway. So it's like you get you okay, well, your your sport's gonna be between April and June, and you have no idea what's gonna conflict. And it's like so I I get that a hundred percent, where it's like, because like most of the times I gotta like pull them from baseball early to get to soccer late, and vice versa, and just all kinds of stuff, you know. And that that doesn't happen just with those two sports, it's with football, with basketball, all of it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

No, I see that's a lot around here, man. It's like most of the kids only play soccer, and I think it's just uh to me, honestly, I'm not I mean it's it's crappy parenting. You know what I mean? You gotta push them. It is, dude. It's such a hot take, dude. Uh it's not though. Push them to play everything. Don't push them to play the easy thing. Push them to play everything.

SPEAKER_04

That's true. All right, all right. Okay.

SPEAKER_01

Feel better? Uh oh, yeah, no, no, I still don't. You want to know what you want to know what I feel better about? We've successfully had four girls quit soccer. That's what I feel better about.

SPEAKER_03

What?

SPEAKER_01

That's terrible. It's actually pretty awesome because we have games.

SPEAKER_03

Man, you you fucking you hate it, don't you? Uh I do. I don't I don't like the sport either. I don't I don't think it's entertaining at all to watch or anything like that.

SPEAKER_04

But World Cup 2026, baby. Awful. Stupid event.

SPEAKER_01

Stupid event. It's not like it's the biggest sport, it's not like it's the biggest sport worldwide. Yeah, they're coming to Columbus. I can't wait, dude. Oh Trump's been icing out all day, baby.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, dude.

SPEAKER_04

We're gonna see Dan's mugshot from manslaughter. No, I just kidding. God, god forbid, god forbid. No chess, no chess. All right, all right, I'm good now. Good, baby. I'm about to run. You got any ethnic groups you want to shit on or anything like that?

SPEAKER_01

Just soccer, bro. Soccer's the only I'll freaking all day on soccer, man.

SPEAKER_03

I um I took a different route and played no sports, played music, and did heroin. So that was a good thing.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, and those are hard. Those are hard. You gotta attain it. Yeah, you gotta go hard. You're a well-rounded young man, yeah, bro. That's at least difficult. You don't want to run it in circles, you gotta go find the money, then you gotta find the guy. You know, it's like a whole where's Waldo.

SPEAKER_03

It is, and yes, yes, you're right. You're right. It is a puzzle every day.

SPEAKER_01

Uh I do feel I do feel I do feel lighter though. Thank you guys.

SPEAKER_03

Okay, you're very welcome. It's listen, like I said, this is a safe space. Safe space. All I heard was heroin is greater than soccer.

SPEAKER_01

I know. I'm gonna get kicked in the face by somebody tomorrow.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, all of our international soccer fans that listen to this podcast are coming for you.

SPEAKER_01

Uh, dude, if anyone in my in the in my community listens to this, they all play soccer, bro. I'm gonna get pummeled.

SPEAKER_04

All right. Um, enough of that. No, I'm just kidding. Um Greg, I'll I want to I'll kick it to you. You can introduce the topic since it was your idea. I think it's a really good topic, and uh, I'm excited to see where the conversation goes. Go right ahead.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, man. I just think that uh, you know, um what we do on this podcast, what we do in life and everything like that. I thought it was a great opportunity for us to kind of all share from our perspective, from the dude perspective, like what it's like to be uh a man and not even just a man in recovery, but a man living in in this day and age, and you know what what uh what what we can share um that we wouldn't normally necessarily share with the world and you know kind of everything that comes along with it. So um I I Guess I could have put it more eloquently than that, but that's what you got. How to be a main.

SPEAKER_04

That's all right. So, you know, we've we've touched on this, you know, set a similar um this topic, similar topics kind of over the over the years. We've been doing this podcast a little bit. Um, but I don't think we've ever actually had, you know, a topic-centric, right? Um, so let's go right into the first question of um, sorry, I'm just pulling up my screen here. Who taught us what a man is supposed to be? Uh, were we taught to be tough providers or were we taught to be more vulnerable and emotionally present? How do we go about balancing the two? So I'll I'll start if if that's all right, um, just to just to kind of kick off the conversation because I was um I was thinking about this earlier. So, like this is it's an interesting question because it it ties for me, it ties into the whole, like, yeah, okay, I was an alcoholic and a drug addict, but I learned right from wrong. Like I knew right from wrong even before I got sober. And that was, you know, that was instilled to me uh on the micro sense by my parents and on the macro sense by society and just the world, right? You learn things as you grow up, school coaches, right? My soccer coach in uh in particular. No, I'm just kidding. Um, but it was it was my dad most of my life, so I can't hate on that. Um you know my dad coach you know my dad coached professional soccer, right? I know. Okay, yeah. He'll never listen to this, don't worry about it. He's gonna give me a red card. Nah, he he I don't think he knows how to get a pull up a podcast on any electronic device. Um but like that, so like I learned that stuff. So, like, specifically from my parents, and I can remember distinctly, and I'll say this, and I and again, he'll never listen to this, but I also have talked to him about this. I was not my dad and I were not super emotionally close growing up. We were close, but he was definitely more like a really good friend. Like, my parents are divorced, and he was always in my life, but I would go stay with him for a week or the weekend or whatever the time, and it was always like, Hey, let's go to Blockbuster video. I'm I'm dating myself a little bit. Let's go get you some food, let's go to Taco Bell, let's let's he coach soccer. So, like, here's a new pair of cleats, here's this, here's that. Um, I can I can remember growing up, I would say, I love you, and he would just say, like, you too. And he wasn't trying to be mean with it, but he definitely just I don't think he grew up in an emotional household. As a matter of fact, I know he didn't because of what I've you know, what he's talked about, and and my and his sister, my aunts talked about. And my mom, on the other hand, as you well know, is very emotional, is very touchy-feely, is very all about showing love, giving love, and all that stuff. So, like, I think I truly learned how to be a man from both of them in their respective ways. My dad is very moral, he's very um ethical, he's he's very much like do things the right way, um, you know, be like he's a very much a people person. He taught me like have conversations with people, interact with people. That's that's the best way to get to know people and kind of get that. And and my mom was very much more on the religious and the pious side of things, and I obviously learned those values from that. So, like I think, like truly, um, you know, and growing up for a long time with my mom, when we when I lived with my mom, my mom lived with her best friend, this other lady who had a daughter who was like three or four years older than me. So for a good chunk of those very impressionable years of my life, I was around mostly women. And I I think sometimes that helps us me learn how to become a man, to treat women and stuff like that, almost more so than if I had just grown up around a bunch of dudes, you know what I mean? So um, and side note, and I and I promise, Dan, this is not intentional, but because like I was around the professional soccer team a lot, which is a bunch of guys, obviously, and they were impressionable to me. They called me junior, they really took to me. I was the coach's son. Um, and they were probably in their early 20s, mid-20s, a lot of them mostly, you know, maybe some in the early 30s. So, like they were still young men, relatively speaking, and they really taught me a lot too. I also learned some not-so great stuff from them. The first time I saw a porno magazine was on the back of the bus. I was traveling with the team in the summer and they called me in the back, and it was one of those penthouses that like pulled out the page folded out, and like I didn't know what it was. I thought it was an alien. I was like eight years old, you know, and uh my dad got really upset. But but like that's that's part of my story. Soccer's not good for you. Yeah, maybe not, maybe not. Jamie Bailey was his name. I'll never forget the guy's name. He was a uh a midfielder, I'll never forget soccer corrupting our kids. I was all scared. My dad was pissed. Um, so uh let's start it there. Greg, I want to kick it back to you and then we'll hear from the guys.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I mean, certainly uh I uh I I kind of grew up around uh you know the example like definitely my dad was uh everything that I didn't want to be, you know, and uh and and certainly not what a man was supposed to be. Um so I think uh definitely my grandfather on on my mom's side, um just a just a really really solid guy, he could be uh, you know, um emotionally present for sure, but and and you know, vulnerable at times, but he also did he grew up in the 30s and 40s, you know, like and he came from no money and built everything he had um from nothing, you know. So he certainly like that tough stern provider, he could be very loving. Uh he he was you know um if you if you hear his own children tell it he was he was stern and strict and everything like that, but then you know, for us grandkids, like he was you know definitely a little bit more loving and and open and and stuff like that. But I think a very, very good balance of both and and just a great um you know great role model for me growing up. And then I I want to say like honestly, you know, the the people that I've met in recovery, like the three of you guys, you know, people that I've gravitated towards, I think I've I've seen things from from all all three of you and and a couple of our other very close friends where I'm like, you know what, yes, like that that is you know what a man is supposed to be, you know. So I I kind of um you know want to uh I guess highlight the importance of like we're all still learning, right? I think, and and that we we should never think that we know too much and we can always learn something from someone close.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, mentorship in the recovery program has taught me uh a lot how to be a man. Corey, let's go to you next. What do you want me to say, Sean? Anything that's on your heart, my friend.

SPEAKER_03

Anything I just soccer. Yeah, soccer sucks, dude. Soccer is corrupting our youth. Um especially in the Midwest. Yes. I don't know. I don't I don't know if um I never I obvious I don't think I ever looked at it as being taught how to be a man or anything like that, but my dad taught me more than I could ever hope to remember about how to be a decent person. And um you know it's kinda I I feel like Sean, either you've said it or I've heard it around or something, but like the recovery community and the recovery in general, the principles we follow, the spiritual way of life, it like it kind of brought the things that were taught to me early in childhood back, you know what I mean? Like the things I was supposed to be doing all the line, like you know, being a person of integrity and honesty and stuff like that, and um which I've fallen short on plenty of times too, but like the at least the ideal to try to live up to. Um and uh I don't know, I I think that I mean mostly my dad. My dad taught me so much. I still like call him for just to bounce things off of him, whether it's like something like building a a garden bed I'm gonna attempt, I think. Or or something more moral and and stuff like that. So you know. And also I I did have a um I've mentioned him before, I did have a stepfather, um, from probably the age of four to thirteen, he was like technically my stepfather. And uh he did a lot of good in my life. Like he you know, both both him and my dad I feel like both led by really good examples, you know. And uh that's how I know that as a father today what I do in front of my kids is way more important than what I say because they'll they watch it, you know what I mean? Right um you know, do as I say, not as I do does not work with them. And um I try to keep that in mind. But yeah, my my stepfather, his name is Dennis, he uh man, he was he was somebody that I don't I don't know, it's like he couldn't hurt a fly. He was one of those kind kinds of people. He he's he was the kind of dude that would um you know before like I don't know about before easy pass, but he he worked across the bridge, across the Delaware Memorial Bridge, every and every morning he drove across the Delaware Memorial Bridge and he would pay his toll or whatever, but he would like literally stop for two, three minutes and talk to the toll booth operator or whatever, probably pissing off everybody behind them. I was just gonna say, so holding up traffic, real nice guy. But like, but making that toll booth operator. All these families on their way to their soccer games can't get there on time. Well, this would have been at 5 a.m. Sean. There's no soccer as a well there then it's three hours to drive to get to the travel tournament.

SPEAKER_01

Weren't you listening?

SPEAKER_03

Oh yeah. But you know what I mean. He was just he his goal, his goal with everybody he met was to make him feel special. So um the you know, him and my dad. I learned a lot from by saying shout out to Big D and Keith.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, big Keith, love Keith. Yeah, Danny P, what about you?

SPEAKER_01

Uh yeah, I mean, uh, I would say that I taught, I mean, really, my my dad, my uncles, my grandfather, you know, like the the the boys, you know what I mean? Like they were they would go to Yukon games, they go to these events and they bring me with them and stuff, and you know, how to be a man, how to respect. I was instilled respect. You know what I mean? Like my dad, as we got older and stuff, was not like a great, but early on, man, respect and work ethic, those things were ingrained in me by him and the way he did things, like Corey just said, watching, you know, how he treated people and stuff like that. Um, how to treat a woman, I learned in sobriety from people like you guys, uh, from my mentors, um, people in the rooms and all that stuff. You know, I never I never any of that uh emotional stability, had zero of that uh growing up. It was just total, you know what I mean? Just rock hard. Don't that sounded awful. Wow, Jesus.

SPEAKER_02

Fricked up, baby.

SPEAKER_01

That was bad. Oh man, but uh yeah, I mean, no emotions, man, straight face. You know, I remember I think my grandpa passing away, dude, and we're all in the room. It was like a super, I think it was Super Bowl Sunday when my grandpa passed away, and we all had to leave the game, and he was in the hospital. He was sick for a while, it wasn't like a sudden thing or anything like that. And so we all go to the hospital, you know, to like say goodbye and all that stuff. And I remember like all the cousins and stuff, like because we were all brought up the same way, man. All the family used to go camping and all this stuff, and we're all sitting in there, and it's like not one person's crying. You know what I mean? Like, it was just kind of like that. Like, be a man is just to be stoic, to not feel your feelings, to not exert your feelings into the open, to make sure no one knows what you're actually feeling. And obviously, as you guys know, I'm the exact opposite of that today, you know, and that's thankful to my you know, my recovery and and the rooms and being able to like let the things out that I should let out and to not be scared of it. You know, the big thing I was always scared of it if I cried, I'm weak, you know, and like stuff like that. I learned that fully in the rooms and fully by you know doing the work that we do. But uh my dad, dude, he really liked the respect for other people, holding the door, all that stuff. I mean, he taught me all that stuff, you know. I gotta give him a lot of credit for that. And um, like I said, my uncles and my godfather, you know, I had a lot of prevalent men in my life growing up that were, you know, they'd come to my games, they travel a long ways, you know what I mean. That showed me a lot about like showing up and stuff like that. But um yeah, definitely, definitely, I mean, the rooms are getting sober, man. And you guys, you know what I mean? Example, you know what I mean? All th all three of you guys, man. I've learned a lot from all three of you. We all have families, we all have kids, we all have struggles that match. You know what I mean? And it's just like, you know, you learn a lot by, you know, like yeah, even as us, not even just kids, man, by watching. You know what I mean? It's not even just kids, you know, it's it's just a life thing. But yeah, no, definitely, uh, definitely my dad taught me that how to be be respectful, you know what I mean. But the emotional thing, that's that's been a game changer, as you Sean. You know, man. You know what I mean? Like that's I'll be the one that cries at the movie, not Alyssa.

SPEAKER_03

Yep. Sean Sean once I I was telling some deep shit to Sean once, and I was definitely crying in front of him because to your point, Dan, we can cry in front of other men. And uh I I apologized at the end of it. I said, Sean, sorry I cried so much today. And he goes, That's okay. I cried at a car commercial earlier, and I was like, That's fucking weak, Sean.

SPEAKER_04

It's the Subaru, the Subaru car commercials. I don't know what it is about them.

SPEAKER_01

Uh Subaru too, man. They get me.

SPEAKER_04

Uh they get me, they get me every time, man. Yeah, at least not like Prius. What makes a Subaru a Subaru? The people who drive them get me. Greg, what is something that you believed about manhood or being a man in your late teens, early twenties, essentially before you got sober, that you don't believe today or you found out was just false when you got sober and kind of oh, dude, so much, so much.

SPEAKER_00

But I I think um, you know, really the the biggest thing is what kind of what Dan was just talking about is that you know, we we just had to, you know, walk around as these like tough uh individuals. And to to a certain extent, I think that society um expects us to in certain degrees, right? Or or at least like you know, to always maintain uh a cool uh under pressure and and all that kind of stuff. And I think that um, you know, to to a certain extent you kind of have to as a man, but yes, to be able to be emotionally present is something that I'm still continually learning how to do in different facets of my life. You know, I feel like I've grown up emotionally over the the course of the last decade um by leaps and bounds and and and definitely in certain areas of my life, um where I'm able to just kind of maintain a cool and a calm. And you know, uh we've talked a lot about that before. I I attribute all that to God in the program of recovery, you know. Um but I think learning how to be um vulnerable and and emotionally present for uh my family, you know, and learn learning to know when to do that, you know, I think that's that's a big thing is like because because it can't be all the time, because if you're not, you know, you you you still gotta kind of be the rock of your household sometimes, but at the same time, like learning how to um be open about that kind of stuff and not always be the stern, tough guy, um, and and learning the balance between those two.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, I agree. Corey, what about you? Something that you believed growing up that when you got sober, you got sober, you know, in your teens, but something that you believed about manhood that once you got sober and and got a good head on your shoulders, you realized like wasn't true or not accurate or whatever?

SPEAKER_03

I have no idea. I I didn't I did not consciously think once about manhood my entire team.

SPEAKER_04

Or just then then change, you know, it doesn't have to be manhood necessarily, but just like like you know, like the Dan talked about like the got you know men don't cry kind of thing or we don't cry in our family kind of thing. Was there anything like that that you you know learned on the you know the the the streets of Camden, right? The mean streets of whatever you were doing. Um that once you got sober you realized hey that's not the way to act, you know?

SPEAKER_03

I don't know. I um I can say that once one I don't I don't know if it has anything to do with being a man necessarily uh per se, but one thing I thought before sobriety, especially after collecting some charges, was like I'm never gonna have a shot in life for anything. You know what I mean? But like and it was like a victim mentality and like I'm just screwed. I'm screwed and and and I also thought that like if I had if I hadn't become a rock star by the age of eighteen, I was absolutely screwed out of making a living ever. And whatever. So like what I learned after getting sober was like just go buckle your damn shoes and go to go to work and just and people if you're out there trying to do the right thing, like the right thing's gonna happen, you know? Taking responsibility for ourselves and just showing up. But I don't know about manhood necessarily. I don't know. I'd God I was so shot out Sean.

SPEAKER_04

Or just just growing up then, you know, isn't it? Again, it's not to be manhood, but just just about growing up, you know. Like I like for me, that that whole um I used to say, and it's so corny now. Um and I and I said it kind of in jest back then, but I was there there was half serious, like uh rebel without a cause, you know what I mean? That that lone wolf mentality, like I don't need no one. Um, and I kind of I can remember like growing up in school, never liking group projects, because I just wanted to do it on my own, get it done. And now there's some there's some truth in that and some uh some success in that too, with certain things, but that whole like I can do it on my own, I can do it better than anyone else can help with, the lone wolf mentality, rebel without a cause, I don't need no one, you know, and and I learned in sobriety that um having a team around me, having a support group, a tribe, so to speak, as much as I don't like that term, but having those people that I can lean on and say, hey, I don't know what I'm doing, I need help. Um that was something big I learned. You know, that was like a big thing I learned. And and I do, I think yes, it's about being a human being and an adult and a and a uh a sober person, but it is about like manhood, you know. I think because I do think, not that women don't have that, because there's plenty of powerful single women out there, strong women that don't want nobody's help and want to do it on their own too. But I do think that's a big part of that whole like facade of being a man is like you know, never tell anyone you don't know how to do something and never ask for help and all that stuff, which kind of goes along with the whole emotional thing too. Never let them see you cry, you know.

SPEAKER_03

So you know, I I will say this, dude. Not necessarily before s before recovery or after whatever, kind of recently, honestly, and it's a little embarrassing. I never like consciously thought like, hey, the man goes to work and provides, and that's his that's the sole job, that's it, that's what you gotta do. It doesn't matter how many hours you gotta work, that's what you do. You bring home the money. Um and while that's like not totally well yeah, part of it, but like also Gabby works almost as much as I do as well. Um so there's that like I I never meant to con like like I said, I never consciously thought that, but I kind of lived like that there for a little while where it was like, hey, I'm working long hours, so you gotta deal with the house. You gotta deal with the kids most of the time. And like again, didn't say these things, but I acted like it, I lived like it. And uh so big misconception, yeah, big misconception on my end at least, and then I think we can get sucked into is when you're especially when you're a father, your ass comes home and you clock into your next job. Like you you don't it's you don't get I you know what I'm not gonna make this a long thing, I'm sorry. We talked about people who taught us how to be a man. I had somebody in my life also who taught me how what not to do. And he was another stepfather that came after the one I mentioned earlier, and he I won't even dignify him with much of a thing, but um I do remember him coming home after work and saying like he felt like he was entitled to twenty minutes of peace and silence. Um and I'm not saying that we're not some you know what I mean, but like realistically, when you have a family of four at least, and you come home and mom's been with the kids all day and making dinner and doing this and whatever, picking up school, blah blah blah. For me to walk in the door and go, Ah, I need twenty minutes before anybody talks to me like fuck you. You know what I mean? And like again, I never said that. But I definitely wanted it. And like, is it the end of the world if I ask Abby for five minutes if I'm super stressed out? No. But to act like I'm entitled to it, that's absurd. I have children, you have a family, like you're a five, like you don't get time off as a parent.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. And and parent uh parenthood aside, when when you live with somebody else, like it it it it takes two to make a home together, you know.

SPEAKER_04

100%.

SPEAKER_00

And and like we yeah, we don't we don't play that. Like if I come home and there's a sink full of dishes, I don't play the blame game. I don't I start doing the dishes, you know what I'm saying? And then it just is what it is. If if stuff needs picked up around the house, I pick it up around the house, you know, and that's just what I do, you know. So um and and I think that that's so important in a relationship, right? Because it has to, you know, um, you know, gotta be a two-way street, right? Gotta and and and the there's gonna be so many times where it's not 50-50, and that's gotta be okay. If it's gotta be 70-30, and and sometimes you gotta be the 70, and sometimes they gotta be the 70. Sometimes we come home, we're just depleted, and and like those those times honestly where they're the the harder times do make me love Lauren even more because to see the way that she meets me where I'm at and is like willing to do whatever I need to just like lift me back up is I mean that's that's amazing to me.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, yeah, we it's true. I I do think it needs to be as um as much of a two-way street and 50-50 effort. And obviously, there's you know, like we have we have I have certain days of the week where I'm you know, like for instance, she Catherine's out tonight, she had a speaking engagement, right? So it's it's me. She was home receiving, it's me taking care of everybody, and it's all good. So it's like no, you stop talking about stuff. So so Dan, I'll kick this next question to you directly, then, since you missed part of the last one. Um this is a fun one. Do you think you're easy to be in a relationship with?

SPEAKER_01

No, I am called a uh human today sometimes. Like as far as my life skills with inside the house.

SPEAKER_03

I am it gets dicey when Alyssa wants to play soccer.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, luckily she's never been interested in any sports, so she just tags along to what I like. So that's I'm I'm a plus on that. Um, no, I mean, uh definitely not. Um that's a like uh you know uh God puts people in your life, man. That you that, you know what I mean? It's a perfect match. I know, like, exactly like my previous relationships and things I've been through and stuff like that. It's like I've learned so much and grown so much to where it's like you learn, you guys all know me and you learn things along the way. No one's easy to be in a relationship with. That's what I that's what I believe. No one is. It's just who's gonna admit it that they're actually a difficult human and work on it and become better. I mean, that's the way I look at it. It's like, you know, if you say that you're easy to be in a relationship, you're probably a psycho. You know, there's probably no chance you're a normal human being, you know. Because I mean, that's we're not, man. We're not. We're humans, we're complicated people. And then you put two people together in a house, you know, and throw some kids in the mix, you know what I mean, and maybe soccer. I mean, come on, you know, like that's you're just that's a big stew, man. You can't do it, can't do it. No, but uh I I really, you know, I just think it's a human thing, it's not a negative or a positive. You can turn it into a positive and you can turn it into a negative. You know what I mean? I think it's in the eye of the beholder of you know, that's what relationships are. If you if you don't go through hard times and struggles, you will never become a better relationship. I mean, that's just what it is to me. You know, that's that's that's what I believe.

SPEAKER_04

Craig, what about you?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, um, I mean, kind of along the same lines. Like, I like to think that I'm an easy guy to get along with and live with and uh on all that, and I I know that I'm not, you know. Um I think that um the the best thing we can do is like like Dan said, we're all human. So if I recognize that about myself and I'm doing everything I can to to learn from it and to make that kind of stuff right, then um and and you know, sometimes it's not even about um, you know, because I like to fix things, right? And and it kind of like, you know, part of another question we have, but I I'm I'm definitely like a fixer, I'm I'm a problem solver. And sometimes when I come home from work, I gotta realize like I'm I'm in a whole different kind of management situation, right? And it's like I'm I'm I I'm not I'm a partner here and I need to there are times where like yes, I want I want to be the one that leads the household and the leader of the household, but at the same time, like I can't treat this like um you know, I just have to go around and problem solve everything. Like sometimes it's it's letting go of those kind of reins and just you know hearing somebody else out, hearing my partner out, seeing seeing where she's at, and and you know, we we move forward together from there, you know. Um, but yeah, I I know that I am certainly not easy to be in a relationship with, and and as cliche as it sounds, but you know, um Orren and I talk about it all the time is like you gotta you gotta wake up and choose your partner every day. And I believe that. I believe that um that's the way that you continually um build a solid relationship. I think that that's how you keep things from getting stale. Um, you know, and and there's there's all kinds of stuff that that you know we do for each other that that is part of that like choosing every day. But yeah, you you you choose this person, you know, and that that's the good and the bad, um, and and everything that comes along with it.

SPEAKER_04

Corey, do you think you're an easy person to be in a relationship with?

SPEAKER_01

Oh man, he's pre-laughing. He's pre-laughing.

unknown

Oh no.

SPEAKER_03

I think she I think she knows she's damn lucky. I do think sometimes when s when when like a a friend or something goes through something wild or whatever in their relationship, I I have had the thought before, like fuck she's lucky. But that's that's wild because we've had our things. Um but no, of course not. I don't think it's I don't think it's I don't think I'm easy to l actually Sean, you told me years ago that there's no way I'm easy to live with, is was your words. I'm pretty sure.

SPEAKER_01

I I don't recall that. It was the it was the best time of my life having six months with Corey as the bunk mate. Yeah, and I I mean imagine exactly.

SPEAKER_00

And yeah, I said the same thing about our buddy Mark, and I wouldn't want to live with him. You know what I'm saying? Shout out to him, it's his birthday birthday boy.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, it sucks about the penguins though, doesn't it? Oh man. Oh man, I really somebody told him something. He was texting me the other day with all this he was gonna go to games anyway. Um yeah, so yeah, yeah, I'm I'm probably difficult. And well, I know I'm difficult at times because I got I get wrapped up in my own shit, and that can definitely bleed out in everybody else's life in my household. But I do think that if I've managed to do anything good, and I'm not even sure that it really doesn't just come from within me necessarily. I I've had I've seemed to have enough humility, like actually like Dan was talking about, I've I seem to have enough humility to admit when I'm sucking to some degree. And what I think that's a big part of it though. I think that is really important to be able to admit when you're effing up. Dude, because I swear I I can't imagine what woman would want to be with a man that's just gonna be dead set in his ways, no matter if it's good or bad. You know what I mean? Like you gotta you gotta be you gotta wanna be with a partner that's willing to change, right? Like that's willing to adapt and adjust and and things like I would think. Like I I mean I think that's what's been working for us as of as of late is that we're both willing to give a little bit and we've had our struggles, and that's why it's we've been attending to our relationship more in the last few months. Um and that's been a huge thing. It's like being willing to listen to each other and and address what needs to change going forward. And I think if I was just like like no, I'm no no no no no, you that that was your fault. Like that wasn't on me. Like I don't care if you felt that way. I didn't mean to make you feel that way, so it doesn't matter. Like if I acted like that, I mean who the hell is gonna be with that? You know? So I forget what the question was.

SPEAKER_04

No, that's that's fine, that's good. I um you know um one of the big things that oh shoot, I just lost my thing. One of the big things that I learned a long time ago about relationships was that if it's the right person, you either won't mind putting the work in or it won't feel like work. Now I know we we talk about I I wanna say I'm gonna I'm gonna say this and and there's there's follow-up to it, but like I do, I do truly think Catherine and I live pretty cohesively together, like really and truly. It does not mean that we haven't had our stuff and our struggles. We have uh Greg to your point, I'm a I'm a um not just a fixer, but I like I will talk a point to death. You know, I will I will reiterate my stance on a on a topic and go and go until it is beat to death. And the person that I'm talking to, usually my lovely wife, is like, okay, like for like stop, you know, just stop. And then I get upset because then I'm like, oh, you don't want to talk anymore? You know what I mean? Like, so that is one thing, but like, but truly in the the day-to-day logistics of our life, um, you know, we do live pretty, pretty cohesively together. Uh, she was, you know, Janine put in the chat that that Roy does 99% and she's a nightmare to live with because she's messy. Catherine, I I don't know if she's messy was the right word, but like I'm a little OCD. So she was not on that level when I met her. And I there were like I literally, but to your point, Dan, I think Dan said it like, or Greg said it, she was willing to learn my way of cleaning and keeping a house. Like it was, and and part of it was that she moved in with me, you know, when we first started living together, she moved into my house. So it was kind of like there was a little bit of like, okay, this is how I like to keep my house and all that. It's now our house, but like she was willing to learn. So I do think that's a big thing. If if neither partner is willing to grow and be better for the other, then I think that that can spell trouble, right? Doesn't mean it's like always good and always happens. It doesn't mean that there's progression and then regression, because that definitely happens a lot. Um, but um I do think that that big thing, like when it's the right person, you won't mind putting the work in, whatever that is, whether it's choosing every day or whatever the case may be, you just won't mind putting the work in. And that's been something that's been prevalent in my life. Um so uh let's shift gears just a little bit um before we wrap up here. Part of this whole conversation is um, you know, having friends in recovery versus having friends before, because a lot of the friends we have today are men and women that have taught us how to be men, how to be good human beings, how to be adults, how to be mature and stuff like that. Um so let's talk a little bit about friends now versus you know, friends before, what it means to have for us men in our life that we can be honest with, uh open and held accountable with, that don't just yes sir us and yes man us to death, but will actually, you know, get on us and call us out on our on our SHIT. I'll kick it to you, Greg.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I think um, you know, part of the part of the foundation behind this question is is just that, you know, um the statistics on loneliness and and whatnot are are like overwhelming nowadays. You know, like uh 50% of young adults reported that no one in the past few weeks has taken more than just a few moments to ask how they're doing in any kind of meaningful way. Uh 70% of Americans report feeling isolated, one in three uh report uh feeling loneliness at least once a week, like stuff like that. And I I think about that in the context of like what I have now, and it's like I don't I don't feel any of those things anymore, you know. Um where I I absolutely used to, you know, and even though I would be surrounded by people, you know, out at the bar or at a house party or or wherever the case may be, is like you know, I I didn't know how to build meaningful connections, and I don't think I had people around me that were maybe even necessarily interested, or maybe I wasn't interested, or you know, or it was it was a vice versa thing. Um what we have now uh as men in recovery, I think um is is pretty unique. I think that you know, there's certainly a lot of um groups and communities and and things like that out there, you know. Um the Dan coaches, you know, and and I'm sure there's like a you know a community there and and stuff like that. But I think what we have now where we have you know men that we can laugh and joke and and do whatever with and roast and joke and pick fun at each other and all that, and at the same time like turn around and things can get real serious real quick, and like I can be honest, I can be uh you know hold somebody accountable and be held accountable um right by those people in my circle, and and that's something that I'm just blessed to have today. And sometimes I I don't feel so blessed when I wake up and there's a hundred and seventy-three text messages to go through, and then but as I'm scrolling through them and thinking, I'm like, man, like because there's people there's people out there that that are are dying from loneliness, you know, uh dying on the inside, anyways. You know, and I I think that that's what is you know so special and and unique about uh the recovery community and and you know the the bonds that guys like us have been able to forge with each other.

SPEAKER_04

Very good. Um, we're getting close to time. So Danny, I'll kick it to you. Give me like give me like a quick 60 second friends versus now versus before.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I mean, uh every single day I talk to, I mean, well, that's it's kind of pivots from the conversation because my best friend is a woman and she checks on my mental well-being every every single day and making sure that I'm okay. And uh, you know, Greg, Mark, you know what I mean? All them dudes, all the all the different text threads. I have five or six text threads I talk to every single day, no matter what. Every day, you know what I mean? And like that's I've never had that before. And the accountability and the people that know me, that if I text something a certain way or I respond a certain way, they know something is up and they will call me on it and they will say, Yo, what's going on? You know what I mean? And just like Greg said, is that you know, me, him, and Corey, we could all be BS and Josh and each other and stuff like that. And then someone drops some kind of truth bomb or something like that. We could shut that down, get out on phone call, and get real serious real quick. Where that was never happened before. We just joke about it, everyone laughs about it, keep it moving. You know, I mean, this this dude might be on the edge of this might be it, and nobody would even think twice about it, you know. But uh, I mean, all this stuff that we're telling you, it all intertwines with sobriety, man, even relationships at home, all that stuff, you know, is that do the right thing, you know. I mean, if you don't feel, you know what I mean, you don't feel when you're doing something bad, you know what I mean, then what are you really doing? You know, like stuff like that. But that's that's the the friends that we have, especially in the recovery community. But like Greg said, you know, the coaches, kids, like whatever, all that stuff, but like the recovery community, because we've been so through the honesty, you know what I mean? That's part of the process where we're not scared to be honest with each other, you know what I mean? Which being being a man, you couldn't be honest with each other, you know, you can't show emotions. So I'm super grateful for that.

SPEAKER_04

Corey, besides giving them your Mickey Mouse shirt you're wearing, if a younger version of yourself came to you and asked you like what's one thing you would tell him about being a man growing up, adulthood, or what's one thing you would warn him about? I I was I had a joke like, hey, file for taxes, you'll get money back. I'll never forget being my first year of sobriety, 22, so I would have been 23 when this happened. I actually filed taxes and I got money back, and I had I legitimately had no idea that that is what happens to most of us, not all of us, obviously, if you owe money, but like I had no idea, and I remember getting like eight hundred dollars back on that. I was like, oh my god, this is amazing. I'm gonna file taxes every year. I would like that's kind of a funny one, but it's it's serious, something I didn't know.

SPEAKER_03

Go ahead, Corey. Sorry. I would like to say this. I I would like to acquaint my younger self with the idea of seeking God much sooner. That's the best answer I got as far as that goes. Can I say something about the friend thing real quick?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go, go.

SPEAKER_03

I I used to think that we didn't or that I didn't have like real friends before getting sober. Because I heard somebody say in a meeting once, uh, I didn't have friends before, I had co-conspirators, and I thought that was hilarious. So I I thought, me too. But I didn't right after you break out in handcuffs. Yes. But I did have friends. I I had friends that were able to be a friend to the capacity that they were, just like I was. And I I think the love was true, but I think we were all sick individuals. Not all, but um most, you know, the ones I'm thinking of. And I had one that could carry on and like into sobriety with me, Bubby. You guys know Bubby. Um he was the type of friend, he's a lifelong friend for me. But as far as like you guys and stuff, I think it's very unique and special, and there's probably not even a good enough word for it that like where you you meet these friends and it's it's just odd because you can make an argument that if you hadn't met them, you would have you'd be dead. And like who knows what alternate realities there are, but like that's just in this case, like I would I'd be dead. And not only that, but I don't think I'd be nearly I'm not always like a peach, but I don't think I'd be nearly as happy or accountable or anything without the people in my life, you guys included, the guys in the other group chat, like stuff like that. So I would agree. I I want to say we're very unique.

SPEAKER_04

We we might not be, but I want to say that it's it's our shared destruction and shared common solution. You know, that's the most succinct way to put it, but I agree wholeheartedly, Corey.

SPEAKER_03

And lastly, happy Mother's Day. Here's a man episode for you guys. Um, shout out to all the moms. All the moms, they've been clamoring for this.

SPEAKER_04

Uh real quick, Greg, 30 seconds. What would you tell a younger version of yourself? What would you warn them about?

SPEAKER_00

Uh when you shake hands with another man, shake it firm and look him dead in the eye.

SPEAKER_04

Damn right. Good one. I love that.

SPEAKER_00

Dress well. Um be humble, be humble, uh, be loving, and know when to be dangerous.

SPEAKER_04

Ooh, I like it. Danny P.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, I would tell my I don't even know, man. I mean, honestly, dude, the biggest compliment I get today as being a man is being a safe space for people to feel comfortable around and that they feel okay to tell me things that they like I'm talking about children or I'm talking about customers. Um people that I'm not close and tight with, man. I would say to be open and be vulnerable and to be someone's safe space because you might save someone's life if you're open and vulnerable. That's holding something in. That's what I would say. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

Love it. Love it. Boys, well done. Great topic, uh, Greg. Um, thank you. Phenomenal topic. We could go on and on about this. Shout out to our listeners. Please like, follow, and share on all socials at Trud Report Pod. Email us, trudgereportpod at yahoo.com. Send in your mailbag request for topics, questions, comments to any of these handles. Remember, we are all here if anyone wants to talk about recovery and our experiences, or if you are struggling with some form of addiction. Thank you again to Janine and Stellamix Podcast Management. Good night. God bless, and may you trudge the road of happy destiny. We'll see you all next week. Cheers.