Ep. 126 - The Power of Atmosphere: Welcoming Newcomers & Protecting the Group

Welcome back to this week's episode of Trudge Report. Thank you for supporting the show.

We kick things off recapping Fourth of July celebrations, fireworks, family vacations, birthday parties, and surviving triple-digit summer heat. We have some World Cup talk, a quick debate between northeastern vs Florida beaches and of course we touch on Joey Chestnut and his 18th Work Hot Dog Eating Championship. 

In the recovery segment, we talk about the power of creating a solid atmosphere in our recovery groups. Especially for the newcomers but also for those who have been there for a while. We discuss what it feels like to walk into a recovery meeting for the first time. We share our own experiences with fear, anxiety, awkward hugs, finding familiar faces, and the people who made us feel like we belonged. The conversation turns to what groups can do to welcome newcomers without losing sight of the health and unity of the entire group. We also discuss accountability, handling disruptive behavior, getting outside of our comfort zones, and why creating a strong recovery community is paramount to individual success. The atmosphere we create matters. A simple handshake, a familiar face, or making room for someone who feels completely alone could make a bigger difference than we realize.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:07

Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to another episode of Trudge Report. This is a recovery-based podcast. My name is Sean and I am your host, joined by my good friends and fellow Trudgers. Please remember to listen on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcast. Our videos will be posted each week so you can watch episodes on YouTube and Facebook. But as always, please be sure to download on your listening platforms. We are brought to you by Stella Mix Podcast Management and our wonderful producer and editor, Miss Janine Stella. Gentlemen, happy recording day, happy day after Independence Day. How was everybody's uh 4th of July? We'll start with um the great Midwest in his uh Cleveland Indians, because we shall not say guardians attire, Mr. GA Phillips.

SPEAKER_02 0:54

Uh great weekend, man. Um made it through the week. There was uh big old heat wave here. Uh just just normal weather, uh Florida considered, but for up here it was it was nasty, man. It was like up into the triple digits uh all week. So made it through short week um and had a great weekend, man. Uh got got some barbecue, some real real deal, good barbecue, man, and uh yeah, just had a a chill time. We um went and saw uh two different cities fireworks like back to back. So that was uh that was fun, and yeah, we just had a a cool chill weekend with the fam.

SPEAKER_01 1:36

Nice. Good stuff. Danny P.

SPEAKER_03 1:40

Yeah, the that heat wave was uh it was something, man. It was it was wild. It was I mean, there's just straight up no air, man. It's not like uh like we talked about there was no there's no breeze, there's no nothing. It was just straight 107 degrees of sauce coming right at you. It was it was ridiculous. We had uh Maya's birthday, we had Maya's birthday party at the pool, and uh everything went swimmingly with that. She was super happy. She got fun intended. Yeah. And um got all her presents she wanted, and uh all the girls played nicely. So with with birthday parties and girls, I don't know about you, Sean, if you're at that age yet. That's all I worry about is the girls fighting, man. I mean, because they you never know when it's all of a sudden gonna pop off.

SPEAKER_01 2:23

Yeah, so far so good, but I I it is on my radar.

SPEAKER_03 2:26

Yeah, yeah, but that it was awesome, man. I mean, they were all phenomenal, everything was great, and uh yeah, she was super happy. So we had a good, good event there. And then uh Friday night was the fireworks, and um, after the last melee in uh Columbus, they had probably about a hundred state troopers, fifty cops in a building, all guard railed up, the whole nine yards. So it was a swimmingly perfect event. No nothing, man. It was awesome. The fireworks were great, food was great, food trucks, all that jazz.

SPEAKER_02 2:54

So that was so you didn't you didn't have to play the guessing game of is that gunshots or fireworks?

SPEAKER_03 3:00

Yeah, dude, it was mint. It was awesome. It was literally there was no that's America's pastime right there. Damn right. Yeah, that's when we got home because uh the hood's like a little like two miles away. Yeah, when we got home, it was deciphering that. But uh yeah, the fireworks were great. And then uh we had the parade Saturday morning. Maya marched in the parade with her summer camp. She was out front holding the banner with her American flag, cowboy hat on, and she was super proud of that. Yeah. Nice. It was uh it was awesome, man. It was good to see. And then um this week we got uh All-Star game. Maya made the All-Star team, so we got the All-Star game on Wednesday. And um, yeah, I mean, that's about it, man. Nothing really with me. Just work and supporting Maya's activities and turning nine years old. That's about it.

SPEAKER_02 3:44

Very cool. You didn't get any of that uh epic storm on Friday night down there, huh?

SPEAKER_03 3:49

No, it was dude, it got it got dark, and then the wind blew, like you know, that weird wind blow where you're like, oh man, it's coming, and then all of a sudden nothing. So we lucked out.

SPEAKER_02 3:58

Dude, if I I can get I gotta get uh the picks from Lauren, I'll maybe I'll upload some onto the episode. But I like I shit you not, the storm that rolled in on Friday night kind of came out of nowhere. Like we were swimming in the pool at her parents' house, like chilling out, having a good time, super sunny, super hot, and then boom, out of nowhere, like lightning strike, tornado weather, but the sky turned like blood red and then purple, like when we were driving home, half the sky was purple and half of it was red.

SPEAKER_01 4:26

It was it was pretty epic. And people say there is no God when you see stuff like that.

SPEAKER_02 4:31

That's the apocalypse, I think. Well, yeah, I was I was gonna say, boys.

SPEAKER_01 4:38

Wow. Good stuff. Good stuff. Um happy belated birthday to Maya, definitely. Corey. Fourth of July, how was it? What's going on? How are you?

SPEAKER_00 4:53

I'm good. We we blew a bunch of shit up in my street and nice and nobody was upset about it. So that that's success right there. I got yelled at in Stewart a couple times by my neighbors. Um and had and and dude, yes, fuck them, and like that's how I felt initially, and then like so my neighbor my my one neighbor was yelling at me like, hey man, like you guys got firework dust all over the fucking place. There's a few years ago. Firework dust? I didn't is that a firework dust Oh yeah, I mean it's my car is covered in shit, but but anyway, so I'm like, Oh, sorry dude, and he's like, Yeah, I mean why don't you guys think about it next time? I was like, Alright, sorry dude. And then I like walked in the house and I literally felt the the guilt set in. So then I walked back outside and literally made an amends to the guy who was like, How can I make it right, man? He's like, Oh, well, you know, just you know, it's not a big deal, just you know I was like, Well, I'm thinking it was a big deal fucking you know 30 seconds ago, but whatever. Big big enough of a deal to yell across the street, but anyway. Just wanted his voice to be heard, Corey.

SPEAKER_01 6:04

He just wanted his voice to be heard.

SPEAKER_00 6:06

Maybe he should say something worth hearing, but um This year was fine, though. This year was fine. Nobody all the neighbors came out, watched uh Kevin and Sarah came over, and he's always blowing shit up in my street. It's always him, so um but it was a good time, and the kids loved it and and we made burgers and dips and all the stuff that you do. It was all good. It was all good. Two hundred and fifty years of of attendance after kicking Britons ass. Right. I watched a shit ton of documentaries. Not a shit okay, I mean that's an exaggeration, but I watched way more than I normally do, and I love it. I get off on that stuff, dude. Nobody else. America documentaries or what? Yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_01 6:53

I I I I enjoy a good documentary. I don't I do not get off on it though, no. You you might be like alone in that. No, but they are they are great to watch. Yeah, yeah, that's that's okay. Revolutionary war, documentaries, history. If I told you some of the things that get me bricked up, it'd be an entirely different podcast. So to each their own. To each their own. I think I might have even I think I might have even said a few. Yeah, what'd you say? Okay, so I have shared that once or twice. Alright. That is one. Listen, I'm not going into that. For all you listeners that didn't hear that episode, I'm not explaining myself. Just know that it's it's not as weird as it sounds once you get into it.

SPEAKER_04 7:34

Yeah. Alright.

SPEAKER_01 7:35

It could be weirder.

SPEAKER_00 7:38

So, hey, so on that note. Can I just get a quick poll of like everybody? So, say your neighbor is blowing up big ass fireworks at a reasonable hour, nothing crazy. Shut it off at like 9 30, let's say. And you walk out the next morning and there's like firework debris and shit all over the place and like dust on your car or whatnot. Are you pissed? Are you pissed enough to say something? No chance. Nah.

SPEAKER_01 8:03

It is what it is.

SPEAKER_02 8:04

Fireworth debris? No.

SPEAKER_01 8:06

It is what it is. No, there's stuff. I get it. My neighborhood has the same thing, and they they shoot shit off late in my neighborhood, but we just turn the I don't know. We have a big loud fan in our room, and and the girls have their noisemaker, so it doesn't they can do it as late as they want. There is debris the next morning all over the place, and I just go pick it up in my yard. Uh it is what it is.

SPEAKER_03 8:27

Or if it bothers you, move your car. If it is if I know it's gonna bother me, just move your car.

SPEAKER_01 8:33

New Year's New Year's Eve. New Year's Eve and Fourth of July, and either day on either side of those holidays, yeah, you get a free pass from me.

SPEAKER_00 8:43

Oh, I guess they're under the assumption that they should be able to have their car in their own driveway. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:48

Yeah, but if you're gonna I mean that's a wild assumption. No, I'm just kidding.

SPEAKER_03 8:52

No, but if you're gonna I mean, I I I equate that to anything in life. I'm about to bitch about something, what can I do to change it? Right. I mean, I just cover it with a park be a crybaby and just move my car or cover it. Or or just deal with it. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 9:06

I'll try to ask myself the question is like, would I shoot first and ask questions later, yes or no? And if the answer is no, then I just don't say shit. Exactly. Yeah. Yep.

SPEAKER_01 9:18

I say, Corey, you know what I say? Does it need to be said? Does it need to be said? Yeah. Bang it. Does it need to be said right now, and does it need to be said by me right now?

SPEAKER_00 9:27

Bang it. Most of the time I ask myself that it's yes.

SPEAKER_01 9:30

And the answer is the answer is no, and at least two out of three of those yes. Just say it, Corey. I I'll say this. Speaking of the heat, so I'm in I was in uh Pennsylvania, um, not near the coast, not near the water at all. Uh Amishtown, Pennsylvania, where my my lovely wife's family is from, and I mean that genuinely. It's a lovely little town. I enjoy coming here. And then yesterday morning we drove to I'm in Fenwick Island, undisclosed location that I'm about to disclose. Fenwick Island, Delaware. I'll get into that in a second. However, in Pennsylvania, it was Dan to your point, 104 degrees or whatever, one day, a couple days, whatever. It's different than Florida because at least by us, Corey, we get the ocean breeze in the afternoons. You don't get none of that stuff, dude. It is hot and humid still. Yeah, like it was humid. Yeah, well, the humidity, Florida has the humidity. It's not that, it's but it's there's no breeze.

SPEAKER_00 10:30

But it's not sticky here. It's not sticky here. It's sticky up there.

SPEAKER_01 10:34

I don't feel like it's sticky. The morning is sticky as sh Florida. Yeah, the mornings are extremely sticky and humid, but it's not quite as hot. And in the afternoons, it's not quite as as humid, but you get it you get the breeze. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 10:53

You're not playing enough golf.

SPEAKER_01 10:54

I played golf on Friday with our old friend Wade Davis. Mind you, he was in town in Pennsylvania from Indiana. Uh had a lovely, lovely time. Um, and he's doing really well for all those who might have remembered any of those conversations. But we are now in Fenwick Island, Delaware, at one of about five or six beach houses that my wife's various family members own. This one is owned by her mother and that I'm sitting in. Uh, we are staying half a mile away at her uncle's to get a little quiet and privacy just with the baby. The girls are here with their cousins. It's one of those, like, there's like twenty fifteen cousins running around. There's a I mean, last night's party at one of the aunt's houses, there was easily 50 people there. Easily. Like, it's just wild. It's a blast, it's a lot, it's a lot. Um, went to the beach, was at the beach all day today from like 11 a.m. to like almost 6 p.m. Had a blast, dude, teaching these kids how to body surf, man. They guys, they have these. Um, I had so much I wanted to talk about, and I can't remember half of it because I'm tired. But they one thing I do remember, horseshoe crab. You guys know what these things are? Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. I don't know if I've ever we don't have those in Florida, do we?

SPEAKER_00 12:09

I don't think so. Or at least I've never seen one down here.

SPEAKER_01 12:11

They're huge. Like, I don't know if you can see my hands, but they're the size of like a fucking snapping turtle. They're humongous, you know what I mean? Yeah, and they're just in the water, and you step on them, and they don't do anything. They just like kind of lightly massage your foot with their claws, which is kind of nice, honestly. But the the kids just yeah, little sea wall, a little seawater in there, a little salt water mass foot massage going on. Hell yeah. But the kid, these kids just pick them up out of the water and like carry them around for a few minutes and then drop them at another point in the water. But um, we had a blast. The baby did great. The baby ate so much sand today, like he's gonna be shitting sand for a week.

SPEAKER_00 12:49

Um shouldn't feed your kid sand.

SPEAKER_01 12:51

I mean, I didn't mean to. He just, you know, he's he's just getting it. It's hard. You guys know, dude, it's hard to not get sand everywhere when you're when you're that. But we've we've been having a blast. The kids are having so much fun, we're having fun, and uh it's a good old family vacation. America, baby. Fucking America. Watch the fireworks on the beach. There was fireworks going from multiple directions. I have a video. All the kids had the little glow stick bracelets on last night, so I have a video. You can't see them, but you can see like 20 glow stick bracelets, and in the video, I'm like, each one of those lights is a kid. It's just kind of cool because they're just like kids.

SPEAKER_00 13:26

So you know you're in the first state, too, right? First state to ratify the constitution. I am, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:30

Lovely little, lovely little town, I have to say. Lovely little town. The wild part is driving here, the way we had to come from Amish Country PA, literally until like three miles left to get to the beach house, it's still just like farmland and crops, and I'm like, there you you gotta be kidding me. There's a beach coming around this corner, but it's a lovely little town. It's honestly like Delaware's.

SPEAKER_02 13:57

I don't know if you get a good Philly in in Delta.

SPEAKER_00 13:59

I apparently I've been told. Listen, I I I'm I think I think you'll get a much better sandwich up there than you will down here.

SPEAKER_01 14:10

So this place that that comes high this place that comes highly recommended, it's called High Stakes Bar and Grill. It's apparently the family that that started it is from Philly. They all say that. They get their bread from the city.

SPEAKER_03 14:23

All the Florida pizza places from New Hill.

SPEAKER_01 14:26

What do you mean what do you mean? That's a good point. Good point.

SPEAKER_00 14:28

Good point. Listen, hot take. I got a hot take here.

unknown 14:32

Go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 14:33

I think it's a hot take on your end, Sean. I don't think you're gonna like it or agree with it. Maybe. That's anyway. Here it is. Northern beaches are greater than Florida beaches. The ocean, the beach, the sand. Okay, hold on, all right, time, all right, time out.

SPEAKER_02 14:51

Hold on, Gulf Side Florida beats anything.

SPEAKER_03 14:53

Yeah, I'd say East Coast Florida, definitely not, you know what I mean, West Coast Florida all day.

SPEAKER_01 14:58

Time out, time out. What like what what about the water and the beaches, Corey? Okay. Describe describe to me what you mean by northern northeast beaches.

SPEAKER_00 15:08

I'll say more I'll say this. It's mainly the environment. I like how up north, and I'm not talking like seaside heights and shit in Jersey, like Jersey Shore type bullshit. I'm talking about like Ocean City, New Jersey, Wildwood, Fenwick Island, Delaware. I I haven't been to I don't think I've been to Fenwick Island, but I've been to Fenry.

SPEAKER_01 15:28

It's a legit yeah, we're not far from Rehoboth at all.

SPEAKER_00 15:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:32

It's a legit like everything you would think the quintessential beach town with like four mini golf places and attractions and candy stores and all that shit. Cape Cod, man.

SPEAKER_03 15:41

You should visit Cape Cod.

SPEAKER_02 15:42

I was gonna say further up north into New England.

SPEAKER_01 15:44

But I just it's just it's just a better one. Let me say this. I recently, as you will remember on this podcast, Father's Day, I went to the beach near me in Stewart, Florida. It was the most beautiful I have ever seen a beach in a very long time. The water was blue as can be. Blue, blue, blue. It was flat as can be. The water is perfect. It was a perfect morning. There was nobody out there, but that's it's because it's a semi-private beach. It was a beautiful scene. Here, the water is definitely darker. Which that doesn't bother me. That doesn't bother me. Um it's definitely rougher. Not that it can't get rough in Florida, but it definitely is just you know more choppy. But I like that because I want waves. I'm I'm a I'm you know, I'm a I'm like basically a professional body surfer at this point in my life, guys. Um but the at but you're right because people that live in Florida this time of year, they're not they're not vacationing in Florida. So the family vacation setting here today in Fenwick Island, awesome. Just awesome. They have and they have lifeguards here. We don't have lifeguards in Florida, I don't think, guys.

SPEAKER_00 16:58

Do you have to pay to be on the beach up there? No, no. Okay. That's pretty popular up there.

SPEAKER_01 17:03

No, parking is scarce. You have to pay for parking unless you know someone, which again, we own that my family owns a bunch of beach houses, so we just park at one of them. But yeah. So there's a spot.

SPEAKER_00 17:13

I'm not gonna how much how how much longer are you up there for?

SPEAKER_01 17:17

I'll be here, we leave late Tuesday night to head back south.

SPEAKER_00 17:20

All I'm saying, if you if you wind up in Rehobas, there's a spot called Nicoboli, I think it is. Nicoboli? I gotta look it up for you. Anyway, if you're into like strombolis, it is the fucking best in the country. I love a good stromboli. Oh my god, it's so good.

SPEAKER_03 17:36

Dan, have you ever eaten a stromboli? No, I have not. Oh man.

SPEAKER_01 17:40

Would you would you be adventurous to try one? Uh basically pizza. It's basically like pizza. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:45

Yeah, I've dabbled in the cow's own. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 17:48

I mean, sometimes I'm almost sometimes I for sometimes I forget that Dan is the weirdest eater of food.

SPEAKER_03 17:54

Well, Stromboli's a long weird word, man, so I'm not in it unless it's forced.

SPEAKER_01 18:00

For all our listeners that don't know, Dan might be the the weirdest, pickiest eater uh on the show. I know one guy that's not.

SPEAKER_02 18:13

He only wants a burger and fries, steakers, maybe some tendies in there. Like much.

SPEAKER_00 18:20

The best the best is when you go somewhere with Dan. Like we had a we had a rehearsal dinner that we were at not that long ago. Where uh you know, ships vape these. Dude, oh yeah, oh my god. I was so mad. Just like the dishes, and of course, if it's nine times out of ten, it's not gonna be something that Dan wants to eat. So he's out here trying to order off the kids' menu. Wait, waiters looking at him like, what? Yeah, no, you really can't get the chicken tenders. Yeah, they were getting mad at me.

SPEAKER_03 18:49

Yeah, they were getting mad at me, man. I was like, what are you I don't understand? Why am I here right now?

SPEAKER_00 18:54

I don't want to eat the two dishes that you Yeah. Also, they lied to us about the coffee. They said they had no coffee and they didn't.

SPEAKER_03 19:01

Uh yeah, that was egregious. That was at least at least let me get a coffee. That's so funny, man.

SPEAKER_01 19:09

What else is going what else is going on, guys? Anything anything noteworthy before we hop in it? Oh freaking July already. There's no way. Oh, dude. It's how about Norway, bro? Yeah, Norway beating Brazil today. Uh they overturned that the red card for the USA player. He's allowed to play tomorrow.

SPEAKER_03 19:33

Yeah, they said Donnie T called the head guy the head guy. I don't doubt it. I don't doubt it. I bet you you pronounce his name wrong, I guarantee that.

SPEAKER_01 19:43

So it's exciting. It's been exciting.

SPEAKER_02 19:45

Ronaldo says he's done after this. For World Cups. Oh, he's his last one.

SPEAKER_01 19:51

He's pretty he's pretty old.

SPEAKER_00 19:53

Did nobody did uh nobody else on this podcast just learn that dude's name?

SPEAKER_01 19:58

Like Ronaldo, it's Christiano Ronaldo. I've known him for you. No.

SPEAKER_00 20:02

Everybody just knew soccer. Everybody's all about soccer here.

SPEAKER_01 20:05

He's like he's like the top three in the world and have been for a decade plus. Yeah. And Neymar. Neymar. And then you throw in like Harry Kane from England and David Vieira from Spain. Harry Kane. Harry Kane Potter. Harry Kane. He's on right now. Corey, they're playing Mexico as we speak. England, Mexico.

SPEAKER_03 20:30

Dude, when anybody beats a South American country, I'm always appalled. I'm just, I'm so confused. Like Norway. I was like, Norway's good at soccer. I was like, I didn't gotta rethink his whole fucking establishment. I know, yeah, because you see all the videos of the guys playing on the dirt field to beating the ball. They do.

SPEAKER_01 20:48

Listen, I I I I do not stand with you on your soccer take, Dan, but I will say this. They flop like a motherfucker in soccer. It's so bad. Terrible.

SPEAKER_03 20:58

You're within five yards.

SPEAKER_01 21:01

It is so terrible. And they just stay down when they don't get the call. They'll just stay down.

SPEAKER_03 21:06

It's like all their wives should be really disappointed in them every single day they come home.

SPEAKER_01 21:12

Like that it's so egregious. It's bad. But it's been it's been highly entertaining though, the World Cup. Highly entertaining.

SPEAKER_03 21:18

I've been watching some, man.

SPEAKER_00 21:20

Yeah, Toro. I'm ready, baby. So I watched like five minutes a couple weeks, maybe like a week, week or two ago, and I did for a moment I felt that like you know, little suspenseful feeling. It's like, oh shit.

SPEAKER_01 21:37

You watch the USA game? I don't know who it was. If you can if you can tune in tomorrow night and watch USA court. It will be you know what?

SPEAKER_00 21:46

Yeah, absolutely. It's one of those things where it's like I really don't want anything to do with this except go America, baby. Fuck yeah.

SPEAKER_04 21:54

Hell yeah, hell yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:55

And that's it. Like I I'll watch an American table tennis something. Yeah, I don't know. Whatever they got. Or like or like chicken, like in like the pool game. Do they have that?

SPEAKER_03 22:06

Chicken in the Olympics I love that.

SPEAKER_01 22:09

I don't know, but uh uh it's it is worth noting that what's his name won his eighteenth hot dog eating contest, Joey Chestnut or whatever.

SPEAKER_03 22:16

Oh yeah, does anybody even watch that in the world?

SPEAKER_01 22:19

I didn't even know I didn't even know that it was on still. I used to I used to watch that now.

SPEAKER_02 22:23

He slain like 68 dogs.

SPEAKER_01 22:25

Yeah. That's wild. Yeah. That's wild. So all right, boys, let's uh let's land the plane.

unknown 22:31

Woo!

SPEAKER_01 22:32

Let's get into it. Um all right, tonight we are talking about the power of atmosphere, discussing the importance of creating a welcoming atmosphere of recovery at meetings, uh and new and how newcomers are um not so much protected but embraced and how we we um because we'll get into that. They they may not be the most important person in the room, but they are vitally important and how we create that welcoming atmosphere for newcomers. And um before we get too far into it, if I go off camera for just a moment, it's to just plug my laptop in, just FYI. So um so like I'll set yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:10

I'll say oh, all right, I'm back guys.

SPEAKER_01 23:20

Um I'll set I'll set the stage real quick. And because you know, crossing the threshold of a recovery community of a recovery meeting, I would do I go out on a limb to say that it was scary for all of us, right? I know I was certainly apprehensive, anxious, scared, fearful, whatever you want to call it.

SPEAKER_00 23:40

I might not you're not human if you're not nervous as hell.

SPEAKER_01 23:45

Yeah, if you're like, yay, I finally I'm finally in recovery. Can't I have been waiting for this? Like, you're you know, there's something else wrong.

SPEAKER_00 23:51

You're not done. Go back out.

SPEAKER_01 23:53

Yeah, or you're not really one of us. But um, so just let's just start there. Like, let's start with what our first experiences were like, whether it was this time in recovery or maybe a previous time, just our first kind of um like for me. I went to a meeting at 16 years old. I don't really remember it at all. My my my like next memory and my real memory of like entering recovery was before I got sober, was going to a clubhouse down south that an employer that I was working for took me to. So let's start there. Start with Greg. First time in recovery, first experience, crossing the threshold. What was that like?

SPEAKER_02 24:30

Well, I would say my first time uh at an AA meeting was was before I got sober, it was long before I got sober, and I was very turned off by it. I was also very apprehensive going in there, I was very guarded, guarded, and I didn't want to talk to anybody because I was still getting high. And it was uh and I the I felt like I I got some like family pressure to go to it, but at the end of the day, like I it was definitely during that point where I didn't want to keep getting high and I didn't know how to stop and I couldn't control myself, but I certainly wasn't about to hear anything that anybody in that room had to say. Um so I didn't last very long. But I would say coming into you know, coming to Florida, getting sober, we talked about it many, many times before on the podcast, but like um after getting out of out of treatment, going to the halfway house, and realizing that I was really screwed, like, and you know, my mental uh obsession was on me and and um I needed help. And I remember going to that early morning meeting um in in downtown Stewart there uh for the first time, and I was definitely very apprehensive, definitely uh scared, didn't want to really talk to anybody. Um, you know, but I I knew that I needed the help, and it was uh I was tired, obviously. It's first thing in the morning. I was not uh used to being a warning person at that point in time, so um, you know, all of that, just kind of like a ball of anxiety the whole time. And um thankfully there were um a lot of really good people in that meeting. Sean was one of them, but you know, certainly not the only person to to come approach me and and stick their hand out. And so if we're talking like atmosphere, I think that was the best place I could have possibly landed, uh, you know, coming into that room because it was a good mix of older folks and then people my age are a little bit younger than me, so it was a good mix of people in there, and you could just definitely tell that um for the most part everybody was there to to help guys like me that were walking in the door, the newcomer. So I felt very welcomed. Uh, but certainly going in there in the first 15-20 minutes of sitting there was uh I was I was kind of coming out of my skin for sure.

SPEAKER_01 26:53

Well, I think, and not to not to jump in too quickly, but I think that's a great point you made right away, is like it highly can depend on the type of meeting and recovery group you walk into for the first time. Like Greg, I remember that day obviously, and like all that stuff. You're right, very solid group, early morning meeting, good mix of old and young, people that are like truly serious about their recovery, at least on the whole, and like are kind of you know, got like a pep in their step that early in the morning, and then we all know some you know midday meetings or some evening meetings at certain places, not all of them by any means, but at certain places where the the the vibe is way, way, way different. So I think that's a good point. Corey, what about you? What was uh kind of first experience? Um what can you remember about that? I know it was a very, very long time ago. You are like 84 years old.

SPEAKER_00 27:48

No, I got I got sober at the age of three. Yeah that was the issue. I um God, I'm trying to I'm trying to remember if my first rehab was first or if like my first like meeting came first. I don't remember, but I remember my first meeting and it and it wasn't uh it wasn't a brand of recovery that I go to today. Um but the issue here, I I yes, I was very scared. I was scared, nervous, never had been there before, only heard about these things on TV, expected that, right? TV paints a terrible picture of whatever.

SPEAKER_01 28:31

I've never seen I've never really seen a good one.

SPEAKER_00 28:34

I I have and I can't think of which one it was now, but most of them are terrible. Terrible. Um because what they do is they depict a recovery room setting as a bitch fest where everybody goes around in a circle and complains about their life and or whatever. Or like with no solution. Yeah, with no solution, or it depicts like how everybody like leans heavily on like uh fellowship. Yeah, the pe like yeah, human aid and like white knuckling it and like by God, I just didn't drink today.

SPEAKER_01 29:09

Sobriety's sobriety's hard, it's been hard for a long time, and without coming in and and basically vomiting all over this meeting, I wouldn't be able to stay sober. Yeah, I I know.

SPEAKER_00 29:19

And I gotta and I gotta fight every day, that kind of stuff. So that was like what I had in my mind going into this thing, and it wasn't too far from what I actually found at this particular recording. Well, that's the problem.

SPEAKER_01 29:31

That's kind of what we were saying with Greg, is like you can walk into those.

SPEAKER_00 29:34

Yeah. But anyway, the the big the uh deterrent at this particular meeting at this particular night was um they asked if there was any newcomers in the room, and I somehow got the balls to raise my hand or something, and um maybe had to pick up like a chip or a tag or whatever the f hell they did there. And um I remember standing up to go to the front of the room to pick up whatever surrender token they had, and then the rest of the room stood up and it took me off guard. A little scary. Well, and then I realized that they were all going to hug me, and I hugged I what I think is every person in that room. At least it felt like it. It was somewhere between twenty and thirty people I hugged.

SPEAKER_01 30:26

Get that shit away from me.

SPEAKER_00 30:28

It's so weird, dude. Like I get that shit away from me. I understand that the motive the motive there was to be like welcoming, but like I don't know, at least for at least for me, it was uh it was it was not it was not welcoming. It was a deterrent, and I've literally never been to that room ever again. And you know what? I'm still never gonna go. So um luckily I did find uh some recovery rooms where they you know treated me like a fellow human and a fellow or a and a and a man and just shook my hand and said, Hey, yeah, seriously. So and so. Yeah. Like we can hug when we get to know each other a little better. That's fine. Or we don't have to, whatever.

SPEAKER_03 31:07

Like the whole meeting though, that's like wild.

SPEAKER_00 31:09

The whole dude, I appreciate you not.

SPEAKER_02 31:13

Yes, and I and I dude, I gotta know you for a little bit. If we're gonna if we're gonna bring it on in like that, I gotta know you for a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 31:20

I will say I've been to I've been to plenty of more meetings in that brand of recovery that did not do that. I also didn't go as a newcomer, so maybe that's why. But um that that night, yeah, I hugged a lot of people and I didn't want to.

SPEAKER_03 31:35

I want to know who brought that to attention at the business meeting.

SPEAKER_00 31:38

What happens if you have like some type of trauma or something in your life where it's like it really fucks with you? You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 31:44

Like what you know, what if you're just a woman? Oh, right.

SPEAKER_00 31:48

Like training too much in old ass, ugly, stinky men just stand up and hug you.

SPEAKER_03 31:58

Bro, no, absolutely not. That's just an awful test. Everyone needs a white tag after that.

SPEAKER_01 32:05

So that's a really good that's a good I actually have a segue into a question for that, but Dan, what about your first uh first experiences?

SPEAKER_03 32:14

Uh yeah, I mean my first experiences were uh, you know, coming down to Florida. I never had any notions of meetings or no one in my family went to meetings or any of that stuff. And uh going to meetings while in rehab when they bust you around to those meetings were awful. You know what I mean? Because that's not like a say to me that was like uh if I was on probation, I had to get this paper signed and keep it moving at the meetings when I was actually in rehab. And then uh when I got out of rehab, I think it was the I think the Monday night was the first one that yeah, I think that was the first one that like where I started feeling comfortable. But when you walk into like that first meeting, I think I probably went to like a noon meeting or something like that for like the first one, and there were A, there was like barely anybody there, but you just feel awkward. And if you don't, for me, the biggest thing was to come back and feel comfortable. I didn't say anything, you know what I mean? But like coming back and feeling comfortable when I would walk into a you know the first meeting or the first time going to a meeting, I'd always have that skin crawling, feeling weird, just sit there, be quiet, see what's going on. But honestly, like Alex was huge, man. You know what I mean? When I got out of rehab and I went into IOP and all that stuff, and she really walked me through, you know, like Greg was talking about having people, you know what I mean, like going to that meeting and seeing that these people are good people and stuff like that. She really walked me through every step of you know, my first meeting and what to do and uh raise my hand and you know, like all that stuff. So like having someone in my corner made it a lot easier. And I and I had no notion of what a meeting was, so that helped too.

SPEAKER_02 33:46

At least having an ally in the room. No offense to anybody that that attends them on a regular basis, but man, those nooners can be rough. Oh, dude. Those nooners can be rough, dude. Yeah, and I used to wonder, like, because I I would I'd think I'd be like, oh, well, the the early morning meetings are really good, you know. So like maybe I'll try to hit this like this nooner because I'm off today, and there'd be like seven people in there, and those are the people like Corey was talking about that are like, man, I just gotta come here and dump all my problems on you right now because I'm gonna drink if not. And it's just like, dude, go to work, go get a job, brother. Well, that's the thing.

SPEAKER_03 34:22

Like between nine and four, no meetings.

SPEAKER_01 34:25

Um obviously, there's everybody's a little different. Some people work nights, some people are or Greg, like you and I were for a long time in the restaurant industry, so we do have those random days off. But on the whole, if you're going to a noon meeting every single day, like there's a much higher chance that you don't have much else going on in your life than not. I'm not saying always. That's not a general uh not across the board statement, but like you said, go get a job.

SPEAKER_00 34:55

That's you know, so you just torched our last five listeners.

SPEAKER_01 35:00

They were they were falling, they were leaving anyways, if that's the case. Um I get it. If you're in early sobriety and you're not working yet, all that stuff is fine. But but on the whole, and eventually, you know, those those can get a little weird. Um I never I dude, I I didn't have an ally. I I love that part about having the ally, having someone you know. That was not my case either. Coming here to Stuart, didn't know any, literally didn't know a single soul. I felt so out of place. Um, and this will kind of lead us into some other conversation, but like just shout out to two men in general. Um, guy named John D and uh Adam, I can't remember his uh to keep him anonymous, first initial of his last name, but Adam and John were the first two people that stuck their hand out to me. And I I'll never forget just like not just because I could like maybe bum a cigarette from them, but just I could literally simply go stand next to them or even near them at a recovery group, so I wasn't standing alone. I didn't even have to be talking with them or engaged in conversation, but I knew them, that I met them, they put their hand out to me, and I could at least go up to them and they would acknowledge me and say, Oh, hey, how you doing, Sean? And I could just stand there. I didn't have to say anything, but like that was huge, man, because you know, uh I was scared. I was I was scared, you know. So so all right, so this leads me into the next one. We often talk a lot about the newcomer and stuff like that, but um, and I and and I want to get into this specifically about is the newcomer the most important person in the room, but before we do that, what can the groups do, or what do the groups do consciously or unconsciously? Like, what are some things we can do to make the atmosphere more welcoming? What are some things contrary that we can do to maybe not make it so welcoming? So, Dan, I'll circle back to you to start and we'll I'll snake back through Corey and then Greg. But Dan, what are some things that, besides hugging the newcomer, every single person in the room, what are some things that the groups can do to not make the newcomer feel welcome? Like what would be some bad steps on their part?

SPEAKER_03 37:14

Yeah, we've talked about it before on our prior episode, man, you know, is talking as uh greater than, um, talking, you know what I mean, uh like everyone in the group that's in the the the home this is their home group and they have 10, 15, 20 years of sobriety, so they talk on their level of sobriety and they and that that newcomer feels left out. You know what I mean? Because I went to a couple of meetings where I felt that way. You know what I mean? Where you feel like you have no clue what anyone's talking about, and there's just no geared language towards that. You know what I mean? Like that that's to me like the the beginning statements that you do, the ending statements, you know, where somebody feels welcome. Um you know, just being making sure that, you know, the meeting obviously is based on whatever the meeting is based on, you know, but making making sure the language and um the things that you do as as members, you know what I mean, to make it, you know, that suitable or you know, because that's a lot of the the turn off to me, like uh my first couple meetings was like a lot of the language, man, you know what I mean, where I just felt excluded. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 38:15

Didn't understand it fully, I was the same way. Corey, what about you? Some things that the groups do that that are not good, that make the newcomer feel unwelcome. And then you can you can take it to the other side of that too if you want.

SPEAKER_00 38:25

Yeah, well, first off, Dan, that's that's such a good point. Because I feel like I feel like it's it's hard not I don't want to say hard, but uh it gets more challenging the longer you stay sober to um remember what they feel like, I guess, right? Well what we felt like in those first couple weeks. Yeah, and so when it gets hard to remember that it it gets hard to like, you know, help somebody through that kind of stuff. Like for instance, like if you have somebody that you're mentoring that's like distraught because I don't know, they they have a certain meeting they go to on a Wednesday night or something and they just got a new job where they scheduled them on Wednesday and what am I gonna do now? And like and it's a big deal. But like to me, today I'm gonna be like, dude, you're you're gonna have way bigger problems than this. Get the fuck over it, you know? But that's not it's real to them, and it's been real to me. I had that same conversation with Sean once, and he was like he you know well, I mean kinda, but like nicely, you know, like you didn't dismiss it, you know.

SPEAKER_01 39:36

So I'm like, there's a balance there too, because like so there I grant Dan, I agree with you. There is a very much a tone and a way we can talk that excludes the newcomer and that does come off holier than thou, or does come off kind of like you know, advanced course recovery. But then I think too, and maybe this is where it comes in where we who like us, specifically us on this podcast and people like us that have experience and are well versed in the literature, we can talk to the newcomer or from the one-on-one standpoint or the group level standpoint, and still speak the absolute truth from our literature, but to where it penetrates and the newcomer can also understand it, and we're not dumbing it down or watering it down. I think that takes like a lot of practice almost, you know.

SPEAKER_03 40:27

I I think yeah, that you you're exactly right, because it's you know, like you said, uh how you say it, you can tie it all in. You know what I mean? You can tie it all in without getting off the literature. It's very easy to do so. You know, you just have to be mindful of that. Where like, you know, I mean, if you're just literally based in X facts and this and this and this and this, then no clue what's going on, but it's very easy for us to be mindful if the newcomer is the most important person in the room, you know, that that that we be mindful of that.

SPEAKER_00 40:54

So I would say this to sum it up, Sean, though, uh what what we're doing wrong in the rooms as far as creating a welcoming environment for the newcomer or whatever, is something that I'm really good at is ignoring the newcomer. I I think that it's so, so easy. And especially when you're in a room like ours on Tuesday, where when a newcomer walks in, they're probably gonna get talked to by a few different people. Like it they we have a lot of helpful people in our room, right? And it's easy to be the guy being like, oh, nice, that's taken care of. And, you know, I I tend to do that. I tend to be like, oh well, they'll they'll be okay. And if they stick around, I'll probably meet them eventually or whatever. Instead of being the guy to go, you know, extend the hand and all that stuff. Sean actually made me it's a guy that I'm still in contact with today and and boring, but uh Sean Sean pointed somebody out not that long ago and I was like, motherfucker, why would you make me do this?

SPEAKER_01 41:57

Well, I think I know exactly what I'm and Greg, I want to let you have some time on this, but Corey to that point though, like what you just said is uh I feel is more of a personal thing for you because if if the newcomer is getting talked to by somebody in our group and they are getting welcomed, then that's all that really matters in the scheme of this conversation. But to your point, and we've all been guilty of it, I think, at least I I know I have, it's like like, you know, let me be the one that gets up there and goes and talks to them, or or at least tries, or even if somebody else has, let me make sure I give them my number because they you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 42:38

But that's what I'm saying is I know that when I was a newcomer, or even just the or even just um not a newcomer, but I'm new at this meeting. I know I've walked out of the room without a single person saying hi. Sure. So like don't don't be that.

SPEAKER_01 42:52

Yeah, exactly. Greg, what about you?

SPEAKER_02 42:55

What are some things a group does and does not do correctly or you know well, real quick to that point, um, because because I do, you know, I like what you guys were saying along those lines, but um I think that we're in a position in our recovery groups um where we're not you know in in normal society where you know like there's a lot of places if you walk up in and you know to some random stranger in public and hey, how you doing? I'm Greg, like that okay, Greg, get fucked, you know, um basically. Um so I think glad you're here. Right, right. Um I'm in public, dude. Welcome that we are in uh a very unique position where we're at. I and I I always try to remind myself, man, is like you never know what one simple little action, how it's gonna affect somebody's day, how it could change what's going on in their head, what's going on in their life. It could save somebody's life, you don't know. So, and so it's like, why would you want to limit that? Don't limit that, get outside. Of your own comfort zone, um, and and just go go welcome somebody, go shake their hand because somebody did it for you, you know. Um I think that also too, and look, I've been guilty of it uh 100%. I've been guilty of what Corey's just talking about, and I think we've all been guilty a little bit, you know. You guys remember though those some of those raucous Monday nights, you know, uh at the hall. And in the thing, it was it was yeah, we and we sit back and we we we sit back and we we say the good old days and we look back at that stuff, and man, so much fun. And we were all having fun in recovery on a Monday night, you know. And I think that that a lot of that came from good intentions, but I th I started to see, and I know I'm not alone in this, I started to see where maybe it was starting to get a little clicky, maybe it was starting to get like, hey, we're having a little bit too much fun here and not focusing on who and what we need to focus on, which is the people that are coming in the doors. And I can remember a couple times too where I think we handled it to the best of our ability, but we had some newcomers come in, and you know, one dude was batshit crazy throwing chairs around, you know, and and it's like so um it's it's a very it's an individual kind of uh of of situation and reaction and everything like that. But one thing I do try to remind myself is we stick to the literature and we really can't go wrong, you know. Yeah, yeah um when we are getting into further on parts of the literature, maybe you know, maybe we're we're up in the amends process, maybe we're up a little bit further than that, maybe we're in the supplementary chapters a little bit further on where it's talking about kind of next level stuff, but we know that there's a bunch of newcomers sitting in the back row of the room. How can I, and this is why I also try not to like rehearse too much what I'm gonna say. Sometimes I come off sounded like an idiot because it's just coming right off my heart, you know. But it but at the same time, I'm I'm trying to, especially if there's a whole bunch of newcomers in the room, like I'm trying to cater this, like you were saying, Sean, to them. So, yes, we're talking about maybe something that's a little bit further on down the road than where they're at, but how can I um through through my own experiences, through experiences of those I know, um, you know, bring that back around so that it not only is it just like not scare them right out of the room, but also, you know, something can pop on in their head, like, oh yeah, I I get that, I understand that, and and keep it going like that.

SPEAKER_01 46:37

So that's perfect.

SPEAKER_00 46:39

Yeah, go ahead. Real quick, would that hell yeah, my god. Um real quick, real quick to that point. Um that just made me lose my train of thought, Greg. I'm gonna be honest. Greg put something in the chat, which maybe we'll see on the on the phone, but America's gonna see it. I'll America's gonna see it. Um to Greg's point, something that I'm also terrible at, and I I honestly I don't even like to do it. And because I like to be comfortable. And I don't know if Greg said it explicitly, which is why I want to say it. Like, sit next to these newcomers. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:18

Invite them. Hey, come come come sit over here with us, you know what I mean? Or go to where they're at, whatever. Get away from it. That's it, yes.

SPEAKER_00 47:24

Yeah, like Sean, I know you want me to sit next to you every Tuesday, but uh, we can't, okay?

SPEAKER_01 47:29

We have a tendency to side talk, I know.

SPEAKER_00 47:31

Yeah. Well, I don't care about that, but I I gotta go talk to the newcomers. I gotta do a side talk with the newcomers. So, but yeah, you know what I mean though? Like, get out of your comfort zone and do that. That Monday night meeting that we're talking about, not to pick on them, but I'm gonna pick on them a little bit. I love those people, but dude, you walk in that room, you there's like a line drawn across the room these days, you know? And I've pointed it out, but it's like newcomers are over here, sobriety's over here, and it's like, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_01 47:57

You know, don't do that. So I I will Greg, what you talked about brings it me in my next question, and probably our final little mini segment here, but I I want to say we talk about the our old Monday night and how much fun, and like Corey and I have talked about this, and you know, maybe it's not exactly the same, and how could it be exactly the same because it's not the same, it's a different time in all of our lives. But our Tuesday night group, for me personally, has replicated a lot, if not all, of that. Obviously, it's a little different because the people are different, we're all at different times in our lives and stuff, but it's replicated a lot of that fun. I'm excited to go every Tuesday, just like I was on Monday. A lot of us go out to dinner afterward, a lot of us hang out outside of that. You know, there's there's always that there's that same feeling, and I I think so. The point of what saying that is like it's up to us, it's up to us, as our literature says, to create the fellowship we crave, right? Create that bad boy, and and and so I say that, but I want to talk about bad actors and irrational characters for a minute because um I don't maybe a hot take. I think you guys have probably heard me talk about this before. I don't think that the newcomer is the most important person in the room. As a matter of fact, I think our common welfare, group welfare, is more important, but individual welfare follows very, very close second. The reason I say that, it's not to diminish what how we should. I agree with what we've all said about treating the newcomer, the atmosphere, welcoming them, talking to them on their level, not to sound like oh get on their level, but like talking to them from where they're at with a week, two weeks, two months, as opposed to where we're at. But if you don't have a healthy and strong group, there is no individual sobriety, really and truly, right? The group, the strength of the group, whatever you can do to make the group stronger and healthier, and and if that group has one goal in mind, which is helping the next sick and suffering, that's where I think that cohesion of group welfare and individual welfare kind of meets. So that brings me when we have the guy that's throwing chairs, the guy that's coming in making the women uncomfortable, the wet drunk guy or girl that's still actively drunk. Let's talk, let's go around real quick, and Dan, I'll start with you. How do we deal with that? What do we do? Certain situations, what's the best kind of remedy for that?

SPEAKER_03 50:33

Well, what just the an unruly person?

SPEAKER_01 50:36

Whatever the case, yeah. Let's say it's you know, um so yeah, let's say it's a guy that let's just use this. It's a guy that comes in, he's he's clearly needs help sobriety-wise, but he's coming in and he's making men and women uncomfortable. What do we do with someone like that? And it doesn't that's a very specific example, but just in general, how do we deal with these like unruly people to continue to make the group as healthy as possible?

SPEAKER_03 51:04

Yeah, I mean, you can't you deal with them, you can't, you know, just throw them out. You can't just say, you know, shut up and get out. That's not but that's not what we do. You can't do that. So I mean, we did it before, I'm pretty sure, in the Monday night, you know what I mean? Whereas like you just grab there's there needs to be two group members or somebody need, you know what I mean, it needs to be talked about in the group if that happens. You know, like you just said, the strength of the group, the common purpose of the group, you know. So two people would take that person and they would go talk to them privately, and that would keep the group functioning and doing for its sole purpose there where that person needs more help than they're going to get in that meeting right there. Right. They need to take them outside and talk to them and get them to a rehab or whatever they need to do. But you know, I mean, that's the that group as a team, you know, the purpose is to is to help help people and and you'll be taking away from helping all the other people that are already in the meeting. Right. So that one yeah, so that one person can't take take of all that.

SPEAKER_01 51:58

And um I also want to say, like, you know, if you let that one person stay and four women leave because right, exactly. That's exactly that's what I was getting at. Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 52:07

Yeah, yeah, you can and and and also like you know, you're talking about like the newcomers most important people, and you know, like it's like you know, with my son and stuff like that, it's like you know, in the end, if I don't stay sober, nothing else matters. And you know, like that's always like in my head and stuff like that, and that's what like the group and stuff like that, and the newcomers, but like, you know what I mean. If I don't stay sober, like I have to stay here and I have to do this, and this is for the purpose of the group, and our purpose is this, but like that newcomer, if they're getting unruly and stuff like that, you need to have something in place to make sure that doesn't take away from everyone else in the room.

SPEAKER_00 52:40

Yeah. Um you ever seen Major Pain? Oh yeah. Oh yeah, where he puts him in the full Nelson and he's like, Don't you know I could snap your neck in 150 different places? Or whatever it was. I don't know the exact quote. That's what you do in the movie. That's such a good movie. Um you know, we got the old the question in the chat over there is uh like do we ever throw people out of the meeting? And I've never seen somebody thrown out, however, um we I mean we we've we've all encountered this, I think. Uh probably the same person um years ago. But had had a a guy come in who was not in his right frame of mind and disturbed the entire group and on multiple occasions actually, but and most of the time I think we just ha tried to handle it as like let's get him outside, because he he literally wasn't in his right frame of mind.

SPEAKER_04 53:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 53:35

Um it wasn't strictly like malicious intent to disrupt, it was like he's dealing with the mental stuff going on. Um so that was like mainly I think our objective in those those times where we took him outside was to just distract long enough for the meeting to still go on. That way recovery happens still. And sometimes it escalated and sometimes it it didn't at all. Um Sean, I do think I remember you telling me that somebody physically removed him once though from a group.

SPEAKER_01 54:10

So I have seen I have seen people be asked to leave a meeting, but it but I will say that the people that had to do it, they did it with as much tact and as respect as they could. It wasn't like, get out of here, you piece of this, and never come back. It was much to what both of you and Dan just said, like one or two people say, hey man, come on, come out, come, why don't you come with us? Let's go outside. Hey, come on, yeah, yeah, we hear you. We know everyone's this, you're you're upset, like they placate him a little bit. Hey, let's get him outside. And like you said, just to so that the the meeting can go on. Um, and I think a very important point here. I've I've I've seen people banned from clubhouses and meeting halls and churches. I have never seen someone, and I don't think any of us have the authority to ban someone from a specific type of fellowship or recovery or whatever, right? Like if you're into if you're into, I'll just throw one out there, I don't know, if you're in Gamblers Anonymous, like I don't think anyone can kick you out of Gamblers Anonymous. They might be able to ask you not to come back to a certain meeting hall or put a trespass warrant against you, but they you know, so there's a there's a difference there.

SPEAKER_03 55:28

I gotta quit a bad tip on a bet. You know, they they might they might act him out. Maybe, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 55:34

Yeah. I I have a question. This is kind of a sensitive subject to get into at 55 minutes here, but um real quick, we had something uh we had two examples that I can think of. Luckily it didn't turn into a problem, but two examples that I can think of, unfortunately, that uh separate situations entirely, but two people I know of that went to jail for some some heinous shit um involving children, and uh they were a member of uh the recovery community around here. And luckily it never became an issue because I don't think they've shown their faces since. Um which is uh the f I don't know. Separate. But my question is, what if they had? You know what I mean? That's a uh that's a disturbing good old-fashioned ass whooping to me. Yeah, cocaine darts.

SPEAKER_02 56:33

We're gonna beat the devil out of you tonight, boy.

SPEAKER_00 56:37

It was discussed because uh one of the groups uh that one person frequented was my wife's, and we were talking about it, and I won't get into the the group's feelings on it and all that stuff, but we I there was it there's issues on both sides of it. It's like, do we want this person around? Not really. Do we have a right to tell them that they can't be there? Not really. Not really.

SPEAKER_03 57:01

I think it's that double edged double-edged sword where we just talked about comfortability. If it makes eight people uncomfortable and they're going to you can talk to the person, you know what I mean? I mean, I just feel like if one person's gonna come in and it's gonna ruin the whole entire meeting, the group needs to come together and come up with an idea, plan, or strategy to talk and try to, you know what I mean, figure that out.

SPEAKER_00 57:22

It does get into the weeds a little bit on like specifics that we can't talk about on the podcast, but yeah. It's fucking luckily it was a problem.

SPEAKER_01 57:32

Corey, I think I you're right, Corey. I think you're right. It's a too deep of an issue to get into at 55 minutes. But it's but a very but a very valid question and and maybe something.

SPEAKER_00 57:43

Last week you guys were stroking my ego. Oh, what a great topic. It wasn't the only thing we're stroking.

SPEAKER_01 57:48

It was it was a great question, just not at 55 minutes. He's ruining the podcast.

SPEAKER_03 57:54

It is a great question. If that guy randomly gets mugged every time after the meeting on his way home, he probably won't come back.

SPEAKER_01 58:01

Plus, I want to plus I want to give Greg we never let Greg kind of answer the last question. Take it, Greg, take it any way you want with the bad actors, irrational characters, yeah, child molesters, whatever. Well, I like what you said about that's what we were getting at. That's what Corey was getting at.

SPEAKER_02 58:20

Um I like what you said though about you know, because I used to, and and we're we're all kind of brought up with the you know, yeah, the newcomer's the most important person in the room. And I think that if you equate that to the way your household is run, you know, I think we can all agree, especially the the three of you guys being fathers and having children in the home, is like you can't make the children the most important people in the home. You just can't, as much as the the children should be loved and nurtured and cared for, but the most important relationship um outside of your own personal relationship with God in the household is is that of wife and husband, mother and mother and father, right? They set the tone for everything that happens in the home and the way that situations are reacted to and whatnot. And I think if you take that same example and look at a recovery group or a meeting, yeah, it's it is that group unity. And I think that the the the thing that makes a great team, um, not just in this example, but really across the board is is where like that camaraderie meets accountability, you know, and and right there in the middle is what's gonna make um uh an excellent team of people and and people with the right common goal work together. And I think in that instance, yeah, there there just has to be um precedent for it. That's that's the whole point of having your you know your monthly group meetings where you guys get together and say, hey guys, what are we doing right? What are we doing wrong? What do we need to look at, you know, and and um and vote on how that stuff is gonna go, you know, because that that is the nice thing. It's the double-edged sword about recovery and the fellowships of recovery, right? Is that it's just people, man. It's people and there are no rules. Fallible people are that right. There's there's no rules and it's people, and people are gonna make mistakes a lot of the time, you know. And and I and I put that, you know, when you said, well, what if what if some guy's coming in and being unruly and making four women uncomfortable? What about when it's the group member that's making newcomer women uncomfortable? Because we've all seen that as well, where it's like, dude, what are you doing? Leave her alone, you know what I'm saying? She's just coming here for help. So name them, I think that never happens. But you know, I think that uh accountability is is absolutely um it's a it's a must when it comes to the way the the group's run. And and I think that yes, trying to hear that person, you know, if if they've got something on their heart that they really want to share, no matter how crazy an erratic is, yeah, you let them share for two, three minutes, and then sometimes you gotta cut them off, and sometimes you gotta say, hey, hey Dan, hey Sean, hey, you know, sir, the these guys are gonna go talk to you outside, you know. Um, so that we can carry on with what we're here to do, and you can also get the help that you need. Yeah. Plain and simple.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:12

As as always, these conversations, they always this I have like three different directions. I would love to take this conversation if we had more time um and dive into a little bit more of what Corey said. But unfortunately, we don't. Uh, as always, though, fellas, I appreciate everyone's candid feedback and and point of view because um I think it matters. I think it it truly matters um the atmosphere that we are creating for people. What is it? It's attraction, not promotion, right? We want to attract people to this way of life because our way of lives and our personalities are that attraction. So shout out to our listeners. Please like, follow, and share on all socials at TrudReport Pod. Email us, trudgereportpod at yahoo.com. Send in your mailbag request for topics, questions, comments, concerns to any of these handles. Remember, we're all here if we uh anyone wants to talk about recovery, our experiences, or if you're struggling with some form of addiction. Thank you again to Janine and Stella Mix Podcast Management. Good night, God bless, charge the road. See you next time. Peace.