Wellbeing vs Enlightenment: Letting Go of "Why Did This Happen to Me?" (EP15)

This episode is a must-listen for hard core spiritual seekers determined to be in surrender to God's will even in the most difficult of circumstances. 

Why do bad things happen to good people? If you're going through a hard time and asking yourself "why did this happen to me?", or if you're blaming yourself for having "attracted this", or mad at God for betraying you, this episode is likely for you. It will find where you're holding victim mindset and invite you into the surrender of faith. 

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Epsiode description continued:

How are we using prayer or our creative capacity for manifesting / manifestation in a way that imposes upon God's Will rather than surrenders to it? What is a manifestation practice, a right relationship with manifesting, that keeps us in right-relation with Divine order, and our life purpose and life path beyond our knowing?

Here we look at suffering and meaning, comfort vs growth, and spiritual growth through what some call shadow work: Where do we feel entitlement towards Life? What if the cosmology behind our questions is itself misguided, rendering our questions obsolete and revealing a distorted meaning-making that keeps us stuck in victimization, blame, and resentment? 

What is our expectation of well-being, and our victimization toward Life when it's not met?  How is our cosmology based on a sense of deservingness, or a transactional tit-for-tat with life, for being good people?

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This podcast series is for people dedicated to spiritual awakening, spiritual practice, psychology, healing work, collective healing and awakening, and global positive social change. Which of your friends would like this? Please send them a link :)

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Disclaimer: Please be gentle with yourself, this episode may be triggering and unsuitable for people going through something too painful to confront certain vulnerabilities right now.

NOTE: This episode is not suitable for children. Please make sure they're not listening in.

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1:14 - Disclaimer/ Trigger Warning

3:08 - Wellbeing

4:14 - Deservingness

8:54 - What does Life Owe You?

18:01 - When Life "Transgresses" Us

19:47 - 3 Types of Prayer / Manifestation Mindset (Personal Will, God's Will)

24:28 - Examples of the 3 Types of Prayer / Manifestation Mindset

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Stay tuned for Part 2 next week!

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Keywords:

Empowerment, victimization, entitlement, victimization, health and healing, wellness, well-being, personal healing, trauma healing, manifesting, manifestation, prayer, power of prayer, God's Will, Divine Will, Divine plan, divine order. "Why did this happen to me?" "Why do bad things happen to good people?"

Meditation, consciousness, esoteric, esoteric wisdom, nonduality, spiritual awakening, spiritual practice, mindfulness, psychology, trauma healing, emotional healing, somatic healing, personal development, embodiment, ego-death, meditation, new age, bhakti, buddhism, christianity, hinduism, indigenous wisdom, indigeneity, ancient wisdom traditions, esoteric, energy healing work, ancient wisdom, sangha, holistic healing, wholeness, groundedness, grounded spirituality, Divine Will, root causes, trauma healing, inner healing, emotional healing, spiritual ascension, collective healing, collective awakening, global ascension, connection with angels, connect with your guides, collective awakening, collective healing, social change, empowerment, Manifestation, manifesting, spiritual seeker, advanced spiritual practice.

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Transcript

0:00

we are no longer holding a distance between what life actually is and what we keep telling ourselves it's supposed to be. We have dropped the false illusion that there even is an ideal, that life is supposed to match. We have dropped the false illusion that there is a blueprint of expectation of what we deserve because we have been a good girl or a good boy or because this is how life should be Welcome to the Ground of Love. I'm your host, Olivia Frazao. This is a podcast for people who are deeply dedicated to the spiritual journey. You are here for self-growth care, for others, and being of service to the world. This podcast is in service to you to help you remember who you are and why you are here, you will receive inspiration, clarity, and no BS Love. We are walking each other home. Let's begin. this is an episode that I will call very advanced because it's tough topics and it takes a lot of strength and faith to stomach everything that I am going to say. And if you feel called to follow me through this journey that I'm about to take you on, I do trust that your strength and your faith will be stronger. We are going to be talking here about life's difficulties and our relationship with life's difficulties with life itself and with God through life's difficulties. I also just want to name that the message that I am giving today. Is not for everyone and it's not necessarily for everyone at this particular time. What I will say is if you are going through something that feels very painful to you, depending on where you are at in the healing journey of it, what I'm saying here today might be too much. Because I'm gonna touch on. A lot of pain and vulnerability here. Okay. That's why I want everyone to be gentle with themselves. I hope I'm being gentle enough with you guys, but sometimes, I tend to be very direct, so that can be painful, depending on where you're at when we talk about things that are this vulnerable. Okay. Also, another disclaimer is unless I say something about it, the episodes that I create are usually totally fine to listen to with kids around. This one I would say please only listen to it with other adults around. Thank you. So what we're talking about today is the truth of the difficulties of life and what happens when we have not come to terms with them. Now notice how your life is an effort towards greater wellbeing. So this is a very worthwhile effort. I have, two other episodes that are two part series, which are a checklist of how we are doing in our self-care towards our wellbeing. So that is what we are going for. That is what we are, let's say, efforting towards, or prioritizing, is how can we increase our wellbeing, right on every level. Physical, emotional, mental, energetic. Relational, spiritual, et cetera. Usually wellbeing to us is defined as feeling good and having what we want in life. Now, you might be guessing at this point that there's going to be an issue with that further down the line because ultimately what we need to look at is attachment and aversion, if you wanna use Buddhist concepts, meaning we need to look at personal will versus divine will, where in our attempt to uphold this line towards greater and greater wellbeing, or where in our attempt to preserve the wellbeing that we do already have, did we fall into an expectation that it's the default setting or that we deserve it? Now, deserve is a complicated word because there's a belief system attached to the concept of deservingness, which includes the concept of entitlement on one side, but it also includes the feeling of. Undeserving or unworthy on the other side of it. So let's break this down because there are a lot of traps around this concept and, I'm talking about something very specific here and I don't wanna be misunderstood. So let's see if we can look at this territory a little bit. Piece by piece. I deserve wellbeing as my baseline is a really great lens to hold because on the psychological level, on the level of being a human being who loves and respects yourself and does everything that you can to take good care of yourself and to protect yourself and to receive respect and care from others, that is really important that that's there. And this is a very advanced episode. Okay? And later on in the episode, we are going to go a lot more spiritual. Let's say we're gonna go beyond human desire, human psyche, and human efforting, and towards this great surrender. So let me take a step back and just say that if you don't have a sense of deservingness as your baseline, Not feeling that you deserve wellbeing because you're not worthy of it is a wound. That's not what we're going for here. That wound must be healed in order to arrive at a sense of worthiness and deserving, and even the entitlement that can live around that, that I am going to be talking about so I am starting this episode, assuming that you are already at the baseline of worthiness, deserving, and even a sense of entitlement. And I'll explain what I mean by entitlement later on. Okay? So this is an episode for someone who's like, yes, of course I should have a good life. Of course, I should have good things happen to me. So we need that, We do deserve to have a good life and to have good things happen to us, we are worthy and thus we deserve, but. That is different from feeling entitled to it. When we begin to expect these things, we will feel resentful when that's not what we get from life. So now we have an issue. So let me give a disclaimer really quickly when I say that we should not expect to get good things from life, this is what I don't mean. I don't mean that we have no boundaries and that we are going to be doormats for other people on a relational level. We deserve to be treated with respect by other people. We deserve to have that sense of entitlement, of a certain baseline, of knowing that we will only accept a certain level of respect from other people as our expectation of healthy relationship. Otherwise, we're not gonna have those relationships. That's correct. This episode is not about interpersonal relationships, it's about our relationship with life itself and thus with God. Okay. So now let's look at when we have an expectation that life owes us a good life. What happens when difficulty occurs when we have that belief? High likelihood right next to that belief, we are going to have our own list of whatever we did to merit life owing us a good life. I've been a good girl. I've been a good boy. I am a spiritual person. I am someone who has always done my life Homework of X, Y, Z. Thus, I merit this outcome. None of those beliefs are actually true. We don't have any security of what is going to happen to us as a result of any merit that we have gained that we think might protect us from the unpredictable following all of quote unquote life's rules and being who we think a good person is, does not protect us from the storms of life. So the, the limiting beliefs, the false cosmology that we are holding needs to be dismantled for us to actually accept that life does not owe us anything. So what I am inviting us towards is to drop a massive structure, mental structure that we have been holding as some kind of a game board. Or a grid or a scaffolding that we have been imposing on top of life itself to give it lines and confines and rules when we have that structure, all of that rigidity of all of those shoulds and all of the walls that we are hiding behind we are still protected by the mental world that we have created and are living within, which is made of shoulds. It's a world of righteousness, a world of false control, and a world where when those invisible lines are crossed, we feel resentment because somehow we feel that life owed us its capacity to just color within the lines and stay in the lines. So instead, all of the lines of this false structure that we thought were guardrails for us, none of that actually exists. And when we acknowledge that, we are in the free fall of vulnerability and being totally exposed to the elements, when we realized that life has no bounds, it has no lines that it colors inside of, we experienced this, this free fall, this feeling of having. Nothing to grab onto while we're falling. We're falling off of the false ground that we thought existed, but was actually never there in the first place. So we land in helplessness or through helplessness in heartbreak and grief. And when we land in these true, true ground human emotions, we are no longer fighting life from what it actually is. We are no longer holding a distance between what life actually is and what we keep telling ourselves that it's supposed to be. And we have dropped that. Comparison. There's no, there's not two anymore with a gap in between that we feel entitled and rageful and resentful about. We have dropped the false illusion that there even is an ideal, that life is supposed to match. We have dropped the false illusion that there is a blueprint of expectation of what we deserve because we have been a good girl or a good boy, or because this is how life should be when we drop that and are naked in the raw helplessness of realizing that we are not protected from anything in the sense that. Anything can happen to anyone. We can also know that there is nothing wrong with us. I, there's no self blame, there's no false belief. That would lead to a question like, why did I attract this? That belief system of why did I attract this is an outcome of a greater limiting belief. It's part of this greater framework of having a false ideal that you think is somehow the default setting of life that you have just deviated from. You are not guilty of any deviation because there's nothing to deviate from in the first place. That is a made up, perfectionistic, non-existent expectation of what reality is. That does not exist, that template of, but this is what my life should look like. Why does it not look the way it's supposed to look? That template that you are rating your actual life experience against, it doesn't exist. But when you're raiding your actual life experience against this false ideal, you're blaming yourself. You're blaming others, you're blaming life, or you're blaming God for life, not matching your ideal. You think that there was some kind of a failure. So there's life, there's raw life, and then that template. It's this false sense of a structure. It's your ideal of life, it's your mental framework of what you think life is or should be. That is allowing you a sense of control, of thinking that everything somehow needs to, or should or, and thus somehow could or even will match your grid, your image. And so there's expectation here and thus there's entitlement. And so this, it's a false sense of a structure that you think is holding you and your life. There are no guardrails protecting us from the next calamity. We are all in free fall. So let's look at entitlement for a moment and we're gonna need to undo this, so it might be a little painful. Okay. So we need to check if there's a certain part of us that believes that we are entitled to having some kind of a, a boundary with life, some kind of guardrails that protect us from life's difficulties. Where we believe that those lines should not be crossed. So that's why people say, but why did this happen to me? That question is a result of thinking that it shouldn't have as if there were some magical protective barrier that was somehow transgressed and it's painful. But if we ask ourselves that question, we need to wonder, do we ask that question about somebody else? Or are we the special ones where it's okay for calamity to happen to other people, but somehow if it happens to us, there's some kind of a transgression? Do we have some kind of a specialness that magically protects us from having painful things happen to us? Is that part of our belief system somehow? Because horrific things are happening to people all around the world right now. So we need to be very careful with the question why I so let's talk about protection for a moment and prayer. Because the way that I've been talking, I'm speaking to a particular part of us that holds onto a false sense of control. So in order to debunk that, I need to point to the fact that in a way we are unprotected. What I mean by that, which would be a more accurate word, is that we are exposed because technically we can be exposed and protected at the same time. Meaning when we are exposed, we could actually still go through things that we don't want to go through that we wish we had guardrails against, but that don't exist, and we will go through them if that is what's in the cards for us, and we can be protected as we go through them. So in this case, protection does not necessarily mean something not happening, but it can be about how we are being taken through it. Yes, there can also be protection from something so that it doesn't need to happen. I'm not really gonna get into that in this episode. So let's look at the difference between praying for a specific outcome and praying for the highest and best. Now, real prayer is when those are the same thing. That is what authentic prayer is, is. There are three forms of praying. Two of them I'm gonna call authentic aligned prayer. Let's go through them saying, Hey God, I want this thing. Can I have this thing? I really, really want it. I understand that, but that prayer is not complete, that's personal will. And without something bigger than it, it could become trying to shove our agenda through in a way that's not aligned. So we need to, as really painful and difficult as it might be, we need to be aware of how we might be, hold our personal desires. So let's look at something that's more balanced, which is of course we can have our personal will of course. And yet, are we holding it within the greater context of wanting God's will, even more than we want our own. That sentence that I just said is the definition of someone who has a very deep and true relationship with the divine. That is the definition of trust, faith, and surrender. So what's the sentence that I said? Let me see if I can remember exactly. Or at least paraphrase when we hold God's will as greater than our own Meaning. When we want what God wants more than when we want, what we want, the other type of prayer. The third one would simply be praying for the highest and best praying for God's will without necessarily inserting any personal will, any personal vision or let's say, quote unquote request or creatorship of anything specific on our end. By the way, the order of this is, the first one is most personal will related. The last one is most God's will related, and then the middle one was in the middle. So let me just give a quick example. Okay. Of those three, one type of prayer is I want my political party to win this next election. If that is the only thing that I am holding, I'm pushing a personal agenda. First of all, it might simply not go through because God's agenda doesn't particularly care that much about my personal agenda if it's not in alignment. So it's basically just doesn't have much strength. However, whatever level of strength I can give, it could actually be problematic for everyone involved because I could be pushing reality towards where it's actually not truly meant to go. Now, how do I know where reality is meant to go and where it's not? I don't. And that humility is the entire point of why we don't pray that way. So let's look at another example of those three. Now, in my prayer, I'm going to say I pray. For my political party to win the next election, if that is God's will. So we are putting our will subservient to God's will. The third way of praying. Let's put that as the example again. So now I'm praying for the election, right? But here's what I'm saying. I pray that the outcome of this election is God's highest will, period. I don't say anything about any political party. I have removed my personal stance. I'm praying for the highest and best of all. That prayer can never go wrong. So what is the level of trust and surrender and faith that we have to pray that way when it's really high stakes, when it's about something very personal to us. When it's about something potentially really risky for us. When our life, our life hinges upon it, can we still pray for God's will and can our whole life be a prayer for God's will, not just a moment when we have our hands in the prayer position when you do your best to send forth creation in the direction that you deeply hope it will go in. Can we live a life that has given itself to God's will? So yes, we, we can pray for the outcomes that we want, and at the same time, what is it like when we embed within that visualization, that prayer, that everything that we call for is in the hands of God and that we trust that what will happen, whether it's what we're asking for or even potentially the total opposite, is that which is truly in the highest outcome for everyone. So this is the very hardcore spiritual life. It's understanding that even as we pray for what we most want, there is something that we want even more than that, which is for God to override us if what we want is actually not what's best, even if it's what we want, what we most want. thank you for being with me in The Ground of Love. You can follow this podcast to receive the next episodes, and who is it that comes to mind to share this episode with? Who Could Benefit? Is it a family member? A friend, a client, who would be inspired, reminded of what matters to them by being in our energy that we've shared here today. So please go ahead and pass this along to them and go ahead and leave a review or a rating if you wish. I thank you for that. For other offerings that I provide, you can go to the ground of love.com I also provide one-on-one healing sessions and I will also be offering a group membership. All of that is on the website, the ground of love.com. Blessings to you. May you be protected, held, regenerated centered. And taken forward with all light, love, truth and highest and best health and wellbeing on all levels and taken forward to make the greatest, most beautiful impact doing exactly what you're here to do. God bless you. Protection, grace, protection, grace. So it is.