8 Core Tenets of Healing and Awakening: Egoic Parts, IFS, Projection, Ego Death, Trauma Healing (1/2, EP17)

8 foundational principles about the egoic self, egoic parts, projection, ego death, trauma healing, and healing and awakening. We'll look at IFS (internal family systems), what is trauma, what is the ego, what is projection, how ego death happens, etc, in order for you to have a foundational map of the healing and awakening process. For personal healing or healership for others, these are the basic building blocks. Stay tuned for Part 2 next week.

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2:34 - Healthy egoic development

7:18 - What are egoic parts?

10:10 - Healing egoic parts

12:03 - What is projection?

15:13 - What is projection identification?

17:17 - What is trauma? How does trauma create projection?

20:34 - What is the ego? How does the ego relate in relationship?

22:12 - What is ego death?

26:23 - How to heal from projection

31:07 - 3 causes of ego death

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Transcript

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Trauma occurs when something happens in life that is too big of a stimulus for you to be able to handle, and so you only handle part of it, and the other part of it goes into a little box in your subconscious that says, deal with me later. Then you go into the future and something will happen in the future that is similar to the original event. And when that similarity happens, it's gonna knock on the door of the little box and the little box is gonna open and say, oh, did somebody call me? Welcome to the Ground of Love. I'm your host, Olivia Frazao. This is a podcast for people who are deeply dedicated to the spiritual journey. You are here for self-growth care, for others, and being of service to the world. This podcast is in service to you to help you remember who you are and why you are here, you will receive inspiration, clarity, and no BS Love. We are walking each other home. Let's begin. This is part one of a two part series where we are looking at healing and awakening. Throughout both of these episodes, we're going to look at the egoic self and our opening towards our true nature through the spiritual path. We're looking at the process of how the egoic self undoes itself or integrates itself into true nature. we're gonna answer the question, what are egoic parts? And we're gonna answer the question, what is projection? And by defining those things, I'm also going to be explaining what is trauma and how does trauma create egoic parts and projection? And we're also gonna look a little bit at how we can heal our egoic parts. Some of you who have studied internal family systems will notice that some of my explanation comes from that map. So we're looking at eight points total. We're going to look at healthy egoic development, egoic parts. Projection ego death and the healing process as a process of transformation and integration, we're gonna define spiritual awakening, and we are going to look at how life is the path of spiritual awakening. So here we go. Okay. Number one, healthy psychology. We have a need for healthy egoic development, for a healthy psyche, even when ultimately the spiritual path is about dissolving the ego. So we need a healthy ego in order to experience ego death. What is a healthy ego? We needed to have had a healthy development of a sense of self throughout our growing up period, throughout infancy, childhood, adolescence, into adulthood. We need to have a solid sense of our own identity as a healthy human being. Now. The point of the spiritual path is to release a solid sense of identity, to release the sense of the separate I. However, from the integrated east west modern map of healing and awakening that I ascribe to it is very important for us to make sure that we actually have a healthy psychology before doing spiritual work that oftentimes can open us up. Into much greater and much vaster experiences of reality that could be scary or decontextualizing or unbalancing for people who do not yet have a stable sense of reality and identity. So for people who are experiencing some form of dissociation or fragmentation already, it's important to first focus on grounding, first focus on solidifying one's center, before we can dismantle that. And even when it's not a specific case like that, what I'm about to say pertains to everyone, which is all of us have wounding, have. Limiting beliefs that block our capacity to understand what reality truly is. Now, because of that, as we are misunderstanding reality constantly, one of the aspects of reality that we are misunderstanding is the spiritual path itself. So the cleaner that we can be in our own way of thinking and the greater we can have mindfulness and a witnessing self to understand, oh, that's actually a negative lens on something, or that's a lens of fear on something, or that's a lens of grasping on something or avoidance. The more that we are able to see how our wounding is actually showing up and have a mindful witness on that, the more we will be able to understand. How we might be misinterpreting our spirituality itself or the spiritual path itself. Now it's really important to name that we all have blind spots, meaning even when we have worked really hard to build mindfulness, to create a mindful witness within ourselves, and we can catch ourselves in certain limiting beliefs and behaviors. The problem with a blind spot is we can't see where we can't see. So this is where we need help from others. We need a teacher, we need a healer. We need a therapist. We need a sangha. We need self-help books. We need personal practices to start going into the subconscious to go into what we took as fact, which is really just conditioning. To start learning maybe from people who are different from us, or cultures that are different from us, or lineages that are different from ours, to start seeing maybe where we held certain expectations or rigidities or areas of righteousness where we can start realizing, oh, that's actually limiting belief. That's not ultimate reality. So the more that we can just get to know our own psyche, have our own mindfulness practices, receive feedback from others, and learn to be. Very self observant. The more we can build a healthy psychology that can then have a healthy spiritual path. In future episodes, I will talk more about one of the very typical things that happens when the egoic self misunderstands the spiritual path, which is the experience of spiritual bypass. So look for future episodes on that for now. I'm not gonna go into that on this episode. So let's do step by step, what are the building blocks of the psyche that then are going to release themselves throughout the path of spiritual awakening? So now we're getting to our next point. Our first point was we need a healthy psychology. Point number two is answering the question, what are egoic parts? What does it mean when someone says, A part of me thinks this, or a part of me feels that? This is where we're looking at the language used in a healing modality called Internal Family Systems therapy. First, i'm gonna give some examples and then we can actually explain more theoretically what those examples stand for. Some people might say, oh, my inner child feels scared right now, or, there's a part of me that's really mad and really wants to yell. Or whatever. Both of those examples, one of them focusing on a particular age within ourselves, our inner child, let's say my inner 5-year-old, someone might say, okay, or in the other example, oh, the the part of me that's mad, right? A part that is running a certain emotion through. Those are examples of acknowledging that our psyche is created by. All the, all of these little puzzle pieces of identity that come together as a family that we call I, so what is I at the psychological level, I am changing and shifting all the time based on whatever part of me is currently active. So the metaphor here is the true I, let's say the soul self is an actor. Okay? Each part is a part that we play, a role that we take on as a character in the play of life. And we are shifting costumes and roles very quickly. So maybe I am laying on the couch watching TV and I'm feeling peaceful, and then somebody comes in and says something that's hurtful to me, and it activates, it triggers me. And now a part of me has come up that's feeling defensive. I just shifted from one character to another character, same actor, same soul. But on the psychological level, I am now experiencing myself. I'm having certain beliefs and emotions, and I'm experiencing the other person and reality, and thus my behaviors through a particular lens of, of a part that has now come up. Okay, so. Another way that we could see this on a little bit more of an esoteric level is that these parts are like bundles of energy, consciousness. It might be helpful to even see them as beings. Okay. Where I think I am that, but it's actually just. It's like a costume where the more you get into the costume, the more you, you start acting like it, so I. We start becoming that identity right? One of the ways of healing this, is actually being able to relate with one of these parts of us from a witnessing self or what you might call true self or whatever, greater aspect of self that you're able to access, and then there's actually a relationship between who you really are and this particular part. And they can have a dialogue, they can have some type of energetic relating and some type of integration. So that's why I said that it could actually even be helpful to see this part of us as a being that we can actually relate with there's different ways that you can do this, depending on what feels most natural for you. Okay. Other people might experience our parts as, as I said, energy consciousness, bundles experienced in the body. So when a certain, let's say when I get angry, my body tends to feel, Tight or hot, or there's this feeling of a volcano that wants to explode. We can use a metaphor or an image or feel a certain location or experience somatically in the body to identify that that part of us is now active and we can relate with that part. We can heal that part directly through attunement with it on the body level, on the energetic level. Okay, so to summarize, if you're seeing it as a being and you wanna relate with it, you can have a conversation with your inner child. You can use thoughts or you can visualize that you're hugging your inner child, right? It's a form of relating, or we can do it less identity level. Less mind level and more somatic energy sensation level where, okay, now the sensation has come up. Now my witnessing self is aware of it. I'm presencing myself through attunement within the body, breathing, sensing, letting it move, et cetera. Okay. So let's move forward. Number three, what is projection? All of these could be a full episode, which probably will be in the future, but right now we're just doing a drive by of all of them. Okay, so projection is what we are seeing through the lens of whatever I, egoic part is currently active in our sense of I am so. Me as the soul, so me as the soul, me as the actor. I'm playing a part. I'm playing a character without realizing it, right? We're doing this all the time, and that character has certain glasses on, and so I'm gonna see the world through the glasses of that character. So let's use our example from before. Let's say I'm peaceful and I'm watching TV on the couch, and I'm just. Seeing everything with a relaxed nervous system, with trust, with faith, with peace, and let's say then the person walks in, now the person is the roommate. Okay, I am adding to this story. And then the person walks in and says something that upsets you. Now a part of you arises. That gets, that's defensive. And now when you look at your roommate, you're seeing, I'm gonna make this really extreme just to make a point, okay, now you're seeing your enemy rather than your friend. Now all of a sudden you're wearing these glasses that say, I see an enemy in front of me. And then you're gonna attack, you're gonna defend, you're gonna feel unsafe, you're gonna feel mistrusting, and you're probably gonna act in ways that are not good for either of you. Right. So that's a lens, that's a projection. You're not actually seeing your roommate. You're no longer seeing the person who's actually standing there. You're seeing whoever you are imagining them to be. And then another part of you, let's say then you, you have the argument and then somehow you come to a place of repair and now you're in a more vulnerable place, and now you're more sensitive and connected with each other and you're out of your anger or whatever type of defensive upset you were in. And now you're in this softness. Let's say now you are in a part of you that feels vulnerable, maybe a little scared, a little needy. You're still relating with your roommate, same person. Now you're projecting mom onto your roommate. Right? Now you're playing the child role and your roommate is now a mother figure to you, and you're being needy and you need a hug, right? Whereas before you were playing the victim and they were projected as the perpetrator. So I'm just jumping through these scenarios. Hopefully this is a good enough example to show that whatever part we're in, what we see the world as changes and who you see the other person as changes. So who are we actually relating with and who are we? Because not only am I doing this, when I look at you, which you am I looking at? Well, first of all, it depends which me I'm currently being. And what lens I'm looking at you through. And it also depends on which you, you're currently being and what you are sending forth, how you are acting and what you are imposing upon me. So then we can actually talk about projection identification. Okay? So stay with me. This is the last piece of this. Let's go back to the roommate scenario. So now you're being this soft, vulnerable kind of inner child aspect of yourself. You're projecting a mother figure onto your roommate. And let's say she experiences projection identification. What that means is she's going to start identifying with the way that you are seeing her. So she's gonna start acting motherly, right? Her own identity is gonna take on whatever you sent over to her through your lens of her. Now, if we had used a previous part of that story when you were projecting perpetrator onto her, she might actually start. Feeling guilty even for something that she didn't do because you're blaming her for it. Not just because she has a part of her that tends towards guilt, but because there's actually an energy, there's actually a, like a, like a code that you're sending through the air of, of a shape that you are imposing upon her energetically that she's starting to fit into without realizing she's doing it. Okay. I'm getting into a lot of detail here. Those are the basics about projection. Okay. So we have our egoic parts, and then we have how those egoic parts are seeing the world, which is we are seeing the world through their lens. Now, as you can imagine, as a conclusion of this, we are experiencing projection all the time, or at least 99% of the time. Now, the thickness, let's say, of that projection, let's say you're wearing really thick glasses that that warps what you're looking at even further. It's like the bottom of a bottle. I know that's not a really good example'cause if you have thick glasses, then it probably means that it corrects your eyesight better. But just go with me here. Pretend thickness means that you're seeing less, less accurately. Okay? The thicker your projection, the more you're imposing onto your outer reality, the more you are going to be seeing things that are not actually happening. Now I need to take a step back and explain egoic self and projection in terms of how they started in the first place. Okay, so this is an explanation of trauma. What is trauma? A trauma occurs and go back to my episodes called Trauma and Resilience for More. Trauma occurs when something happens in life in the current moment that is too big of a stimulus for you to be able to handle, and so you only handle part of it, and the other part of it goes into a little box in your subconscious that says, deal with me later. Then you go into the future and something will happen in the future that is similar to the original event. And when that similarity happens, it's gonna knock on the door of the little box and the little box is gonna open and say, oh, did somebody call me? We call that a trigger. When that box opens, whatever part of the movie reel. Of the original experience that we didn't fully watch in real time. That part of us was a little dissociated around, so we weren't fully in it, we weren't fully witnessing it. It's gonna start playing. The movie is gonna start playing of what's now the past experience, right? And it's gonna impose itself within the present moment. Now this movie is, is actually happening all the time, and there's not only one. There's gajillions of them. Right, because we don't only have to talk about capital T trauma with PTSD and specific very obvious flashbacks, et cetera. Yes, yes to that. What I just described also describes that, but now I'm taking it to a minute level, okay. Where I'm saying that same mechanism occurs and it is occurring as a result of thousands of moments in our upbringing. As well as what we carry from our past lives and what we carry from the lives of those who came before us in our family lineage, all of that. There's all those little boxes in our psyche saying, come find me so that I can be processed at a future date. We're all walking around with this stuff now. This stuff is not just dormant, it's coming up all the time. How? As the egoic parts that I had mentioned. What are those egoic parts? Why do I have an inner 5-year-old that's now feeling vulnerable and needs a hug from my roommate when, let's say I'm 45? Why is that there? Why do I even have that in me? Because things get frozen in time. Whatever was not processed in the moment when something happened and it goes into the little box, it's like it went into the freezer, it got frozen. And so now let's say I'm 45 years old and I have a child, part of mine that's five years old. There's a part of me inside that's still frozen. And it's living life from, I don't know, 1982 or yeah. So we in the present moment are actually an amalgamation, a collection of all these different points in linear time and all of the identities, all of the consciousnesses that we were at, those times that got frozen and that are collected and still within us. And then whenever things happen. Around us that might call forth a particular part of us to come to center stage. Like now that actor is the one that's being called onto the stage right in our play of life. Then we're gonna be seeing through the eyes of that consciousness, and so it's like I'm seeing the world through my 1982 glasses, even though it's 2025, which means that I'm looking at my roommate, right? Who's this random girl? But I think she's mom now. So we're literally super imposing realities onto each other. Yes. That's what projection is. We are literally experiencing multiple dimensions simultaneously, thinking that we are in something that we call reality. And the crazy part is I'm doing it to you and you're doing it to me, and we think that we're in the same reality. Now we understand why people misunderstand each other all the time and have arguments a lot. Because we expect that the other person is seeing what we're seeing. How can they be seeing what we're seeing if we're coming from our very specific past and imposing it onto the now, and so are they, and neither of them is actually what's happening in the now. That's what we're dealing with when we're relating with each other. Yes. Okay. So now we're on number four. What is ego Death? Ego death can be defined in two ways, either as a particular moment when we have gone past our conditioning and our trauma, meaning we have released ourselves out of an egoic part and its projection and we are seeing the truth. We are in our greater self, we're in our greater nature. That's one possibility. The second one is talking about ego death along a greater span of time when that process is actually happening over and over again as we become more and more undone and release the egoic identity further and further towards having more and more of a witnessing self. More and more stability, more and more capacity to see beyond projection and more and more capacity to be our full emanation in the here now through our heart as our true nature here. Now, notice that through the process of ego death, what happens is, let's say the percentage of us that's seeing through the projection of a particular part. It's going to happen less often, and when it does happen, it's gonna be thinner. So let's say we're in a process of ego death over a long period of time because we're on a spiritual path. We have dedicated our lives to the spiritual path. So we are actually, we have signed up for ego death to basically happen all the time. What is this? Nobody is dying. The physical body is still here, but we call it ego death because it actually is a release from the identity of the separate self while we are still alive in this body. Ultimately, the outcome, and this is way beyond my personal experience, the outcome of ego death in its final phase is enlightenment. Where we are no longer the small self at all, where it is ultimate reality, God, nature flowing through a human body. You can go to the greats for this. You can go to the Great gurus, the great avatars, the Great Saints read their biographies. Some of them are alive. Those who are not are still with us. We can connect with them directly. You can actually go to my website, the ground of love.com and sign up for the newsletter because we are actually creating a membership where we are studying from the greats. We are studying the great masters in Saints and gurus. I don't wanna go into enlightenment more than that right now because I'm not enlightened, so I don't wanna speak to it directly. Okay. But ultimately that is the outcome of ego death. So to define it. I personally would call it a slow process, a repetitive process where our parts, our egoic parts are identified as such-as parts-rather than as ultimate identity. So we're no longer falling for it. We're no longer thinking that whatever we're experiencing or whatever consciousness we're living through in the moment, if it's some type of limited or pain based consciousness. We're no longer falling for it. We're aware that we're stuck. Even if we're stuck, we're aware that we're stuck. We have a witnessing self that goes, yeah, this isn't it. This is not true reality. I can't see past it, but I know that I'm stuck. That's fantastic. That's the first step towards healing. So. At any given moment, there's gonna be a percentage of us that's stuck. So let's say, wow, I'm 99% stuck. That means that 1% of me is aware that I'm not in my true self. Great. I have 1% of a witnessing self. If I had zero witnessing self, if I were a hundred percent stuck, there's no capacity for healing, for self-healing unless someone gives me feedback and somehow I'm open to it, which probably my defenses will make me blind to it, will make me blame them, not take accountability, et cetera. Hopefully, and this is why healthy psychology is so important. Hopefully even when we're completely stuck, even when we're in a blind spot, when we receive feedback or when life gives us certain feedback,-which is pain, that's the feedback that we're gonna receive from life when we're completely stuck,-we can already have in our toolbox of psychological health a little alarm bell that goes off saying, oh, I'm in pain right now. Something is off. I need to examine myself. There is a desire for self witnessing, for self contemplation and an openness to take accountability for mistakes or something that's off rather than having denial. Wanting to be perfect, being afraid of what we might find, and keeping the door firmly shut and just blaming other people and deflecting and running away from the opportunity to gain a mindful witness. So the number one tool that we need for any of this entire process is the desire for growth and the humility and the self-confidence to get ready to self-examine. So that brings the witnessing self online. So now let's say I have now my witnessing self, I've been doing my mindfulness meditations. I've been practicing noticing my own inner emotional and mental landscape every day. Now, my witnessing self is getting stronger. Now I'm experiencing a part, right? Coming up, let's say I am. I wanna use examples I haven't used yet. Let's say I am feeling really shy and embarrassed. Okay? I'm going to sing in front of an audience and I'm freaking out about it. Okay? That's coming up. I have a witnessing self. I can realize that probably people are not gonna throw tomatoes at me. I'm sure that it's okay that I'm shy. I'm probably still gonna do a good job, right? I can have this little inner dialogue with myself. What's happening now? Let's say I have a 60% witnessing self and I have a 40% part of me that's really active, which is the shy, scared stage fright part of me, right? Now I have a lot more capacity to tend to myself. I'm believing in whatever the limiting beliefs are, much less. And I'm able to give myself more, I'm, my nervous system is gonna be more relaxed because I'm less hijacked and I'm gonna have greater capacity to think of tools or to give myself certain practices that help me feel better. Maybe it's somatic stuff, so maybe I'm breathing. Maybe as I said, I'm talking to myself, positive self-talk. Maybe I'm reaching out for support from somebody else, et cetera. Another way, as I was mentioning before, that we can talk about projection getting softer or thinner, is that that image of there being this thickness between us and the world and that getting thinner and thinner, how does that happen? The collection of parts that we're carrying around with ourselves all the time and of their projections that we're carrying around all the time. It's that collection is starting to go down. Because our witnessing self is starting to grow and the healing that we are doing where we are transcending those parts and integrating those parts, which I'll talk about, is allowing us to actually start seeing from a clearer lens more often. So our inner child has grown up, our anger can actually be managed and it's not explosive anymore. We can actually think before we act because we have more of a mindful witness and we've learned how to regulate our nervous system. The more we are working on ourselves, the more capacity we're giving our nervous system and our witnessing self and our capacity to relate within ourselves with these different aspects of ourselves. The more we are able to actually be in the here now while the here now is happening. Why? Because we have been healing trauma. What's trauma? It's the past. We've been cleaning up the past and it's been dissolving into the present, so we're now able to be more present. We're able to perceive more clearly, and we're able to relate in a way that's more appropriate to what's actually currently happening, rather than relating to something that we're projecting that's not really there. So that is the example that I'm giving of, let's say the veils are thinner. Okay. We're able to see they're still there, but they're fewer or they're thinner, and we're able to see more accurately. Okay? Okay. So how does ego death happen? How does this come about? First of all, through a personal practice of personal development, self-healing, and a, a spiritual practice. Mindfulness practice, contemplative practice, all these things that we can be doing, which are our personal effort that we're putting in. We are taking the time. We're doing it on purpose. That's our effort. That's our part, our piece, our personal will. Another way that this can happen, another way that we can experience ego death is simply spontaneous grace. You can be. Sitting on a park bench and all of a sudden the veils of reality just lift with the winds of grace, and you're seeing the entire universe in all of its multi technicolor amazingness all at once, and you're just Shiva, Shakti, God, Christ consciousness, Buddha nature, boom, right in front of you and you're like, wow, okay. That can happen less likely, but can totally happen. The odds of that happening are reliant upon creating a context for that happening, which is having a spiritual practice probably throughout lifetimes and lifetimes. So we're on the cushion. We're doing our contemplation in our daily life. We're considering what's really going on within us and through all of that, witnessing self, through all of that surrender practice, through the calming of the nervous system, through the reach towards God, through the curiosity of what reality really is. Then in a moment we are more apt to receive spontaneous grace. Okay, so spiritual practice one, spontaneous grace two. This is in no apparent order. The third one, which I feel life gives to all of us and to some people maybe in a more acute way than others, pain. Pain as a catalyst. So some people might recognize an experience of what we might call bottoming out. Let's say, I'll give an example here. Let's say someone's been an alcoholic and they are, they had a traumatic childhood, and they're drinking because they don't want to feel the pain that they carry with them still to this day from all of those experiences. So they're numbing out, right, and dissociating through alcoholism. Okay? Then it's getting worse and worse and worse. At first it's fine, but now it's, let's say they almost die. And from that moment they have a come to Jesus moment and I. Everything changes. There is a spontaneous understanding of what truly matters. There is a spontaneous self-love. There is finally, a true reaching for and receptivity to the divine. This is where. The dark night of the soul is talked about and we can't see. It's totally dark. Everything is painful. We don't know where we're going, but there's a despair, there's a desperation, there's a reach, and God shows up. True nature shows up on the other side of that pain and we're taken forward to basically a new chance at life to a new life. And maybe there. Then we will go towards more daily spiritual practice or personal healing or start reaching out for help in all these different ways. And that's where the personal effort might come in. So if I had to put these in some type of a linear time order, you could say that perhaps pain brings us towards the desire for healing, which brings us towards the efforting in spiritual practice, which then brings us towards the grace of spontaneous openings that can be a part of our spiritual practice. Not necessarily, but possibly. So how do we come into our true identity? We know we are in some aspect of our true identity because that liberation from the identification with the small self naturally results in a massive amount of liberation, freedom, expansion, love, peace, equanimity, beingness, beyond thought, beyond emotion, beyond attachment or reversion. There is an undeniable emanation and beingness, a direct experience. thank you for being with me in The Ground of Love. You can follow this podcast to receive the next episodes, and who is it that comes to mind to share this episode with? Who Could Benefit? Is it a family member? A friend, a client, who would be inspired, reminded of what matters to them by being in our energy that we've shared here today. So please go ahead and pass this along to them and go ahead and leave a review or a rating if you wish. I thank you for that. For other offerings that I provide, you can go to the ground of love.com I also provide one-on-one healing sessions and I will also be offering a group membership. All of that is on the website, the ground of love.com. Blessings to you. May you be protected, held, regenerated centered. And taken forward with all light, love, truth and highest and best health and wellbeing on all levels and taken forward to make the greatest, most beautiful impact doing exactly what you're here to do. God bless you. Protection, grace, protection, grace. So it is.