How You Sabotage Your Spiritual Growth: What Do You Really Want? (EP21)

Spiritual awakening, spiritual realization, spiritual attainment, ultimately enlightenment. The goals of the spiritual path....or so we say. Are these truly our goals? If so, what are we doing to arrive to them? What are we doing to stay on course? How much does all of this matter to us, really? What are we willing to change in our lives for our lives to reflect what we think or say about our spiritual path?

Let's get clear on what it is that you really, really want. What it is that you MOST want. And let's look on how you might have self-sabotage getting in the way. 

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This podcast show is for people dedicated to spiritual awakening, spiritual practice, psychology, healing work, collective healing and awakening, and global positive social change. 

This podcast show explores meditation, mindfulness, consciousness, spiritual awakening, and spiritual growth, with a strong focus on personal healing, trauma healing, emotional healing, and somatic healing. We dive into nonduality, embodied spirituality, the true self, life purpose, and spiritual practice, while also addressing shadow and integration themes like spiritual bypass, ego-death, root causes, and holistic healing. Episodes draw from psychology and attachment theory, as well as ancient wisdom traditions, esoteric wisdom, energy healing, and indigenous wisdom, offering grounded insights for seekers on a path of inner healing, wholeness, and deeper realization.

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2:39 - What Do You Most Want?

4:11 - How Life Circumstances Affect Our Spirituality

9:32 - Temptation Intro (Attachment to Pleasure and Pain)

10:13 - Temptations in the Form of Pleasure

12:03 - Temptations in the Form of Pain (3 examples)

17:20 - Where are we veering off course?

18:22 - But Wait...What IS Most Important?

21:46 - Imminent or Immediate Enlightenment

26:50 - 2 Takeaway Questions

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Keywords: meditation, mindfulness, consciousness, spiritual awakening, spiritual growth, personal healing, trauma healing, emotional healing, somatic healing, inner healing, nonduality, embodied spirituality, wholeness, grounded spirituality, life purpose, spiritual practice, enlightenment, realization, the true self, ego-death, spiritual bypass, attachment theory, psychology, root causes, holistic healing, energy healing, ancient wisdom traditions, esoteric wisdom, esotericism, indigenous wisdom, bhakti, Buddhism, Hinduism, Christianity, sangha, Divine Will, spiritual ascension, collective awakening, collective healing, global ascension, connecting with angels, and connecting with spiritual guides.

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Transcript

0:00

you're on the highway, you're on the highway to God. And when I say to God, I mean whatever your highest goal is in this spiritual path. So you're on the highway to God. And then there are all these exits with some very interesting snacks. Welcome to the Ground of Love. I'm your host, Olivia Frazao. This is a podcast for people who are deeply dedicated to the spiritual journey. You are here for self-growth care, for others, and being of service to the world. This podcast is in service to you to help you remember who you are and why you are here, you will receive inspiration, clarity, and no BS Love. We are walking each other home. Let's begin. This episode is all about achieving what you want, and interestingly, it's all about finding the place inside of us that actually doesn't want what we say we want. It's the silent saboteur. Because it's very easy for us to dream about something or tell other people, oh, I want this thing, and yet where are we actually not going full force towards the thing that we say is most important to us? Where are we actually not fully committing? Where are we actually giving out mixed signals to the universe saying, yes I do. No, I don't. So my first question is, what do you most want? And this is a hard question because we're so used to not being able to get it that we might not know what it is or we're so used to being told what we should value and think and want and what our future needs to look like, that we might not actually know based on our own terms. Or we might be used to dreaming small, thinking small rather than thinking big. Like I'm not asking what's possible right now. I'm not asking what will you do? I'm asking, what do you want? Simply, what do you want? What would your dream be? So let's say you give me a spiritual answer. Let's say you give me an answer that is related to your ultimate desire in your spiritual path. whatever unity with the Divine is to you. whatever enlightenment is to you, unconditional love, divine emanation of your full beingness without the egoic self getting in the way, full wisdom, full compassion, full power of love. I'm not saying spiritual awakening because awakening can happen at any time. Like on a Friday in a meditation. Wow. I had an awakening. Okay, now it's Saturday and you're still back within your egoic self. So I say the word enlightenment to mean all the spiritual awakenings put together until it's all sustained and you're just in unconditional love all the time. Okay. That's how I'm defining it. Let's say that's what you most want because this is a podcast about spirituality so I'm gonna assume right now that we already went through this is what I most want in my career. This is what I most want in terms of my family or my relationship, or personal physical health or anything like that. And now all of that has been desired, but we actually realize there's an even greater desire. Not everybody is able to meet their dreams, but it's very interesting to look at the people who do, who have had human life dreams and they meet them, and then there's a now what question? And a lot of those people turn towards the spiritual path at that point if they hadn't before. Now, of course, people turn towards a spiritual path. In the opposite situation too, when things are extremely difficult, when we need help, simply surviving. So interestingly, I would say it's so common for people to come to an authentic spirituality, not just something that's a side thing or entertainment or a little plugin for your daily life that you're actually focused on other things. But a spirituality that's actually very deep notice, it tends to come either in populations of people who are in dire need of support for survival. And then there's a deep surrender to the divine to be taken forward. Or it can be found in people who have done the typical life thing and then realize, but what else is there out there? But what else is there really? But what is life really about when it all comes down to it? I also wanna add another group, which would be what happens when we lose the things that we thought we most desired. What happens when we go through a very deep loss of a loved one, for example, or what happens when a calamity happens or a disaster happens and we've been living our dream life and then it gets taken away. So that could be a third population also, where I would say there's a very authentic, deep searching or yearning for the divine. Notice though, what happens to people where everything is generally going pretty good or good enough that from a spiritual perspective, from a perspective of deeply focusing on our spirituality, that could actually be a risk zone. That could be a zone where you hover around in distraction for potentially quite a long time, because in this zone, it's very easy to say, oh yes, I'm a spiritual person. Oh yes, I have a spiritual practice. Or whatever your thing is in terms of what your deep relationship is with the divine, and you're not really doing much about it because you're comfortable. And so if we wanna be a little harsh about this to help ourselves, we could say, you say you want God, but you don't, like, let's just challenge ourselves. You say you want it, but you don't. You say you want enlightenment, but you don't. What you really want is to go out to have pizza with your friends and gossip about the friend who's not at dinner with you guys, because that's what you're choosing to do. Right. Maybe not everyone is choosing to do that, but let's say you are. Why is that? Because when we say, I want God, what does that even mean? When we say, I want enlightenment, what does that even mean? Are these terms that are so foreign to us where they don't actually have relevance? We need relevance. We need to actually know what it is that we want. And to have it not just be something that other people told us is highly valuable. So what does it mean? What, what is the spiritual path for like, for you, not, not a rote answer that your teacher gave you or that you read in a special book or that you know your tradition holds. Like what is this for you? Let's make it really personal because you're probably spending time, effort, money on this stuff. So what's this all about? Is this just about getting comfortable and relieving yourself of some pains that are really getting in the way? And then once you feel comfortable, then you spend the rest of your life watching Netflix and that's cool. If that's it, that's okay. That's great. Now I'm gonna speak to people who say, no, no, I really do want enlightenment. I really, I wanna go all the way. What does that mean? Where do we get distracted and why are we getting distracted? Let's look at some possibilities. We have attachments and aversions to things, right? Let's look at attachment and aversion. And by the way, I recently did an attachment and aversion episode, so if you didn't listen, go back to episode 19 I think you could like it. If you're interested in these topics. Let's look at the level of life experiences, like let's say a relationship or a conversation that you're having. And then we're gonna look at the level of your spiritual path itself, okay. And they're both answering this question, do you really want God, or are you just saying that you do? Do you really want spiritual awakening, sustained awakening? Do you really want to be the full emanation of who you are 24 7? Do you really wanna be unconditional love or are you just saying that, okay, this is where we're looking at, maybe the, the places we got stuck. So we're gonna talk about attachment and aversion in terms of pleasure and pain. Okay? And interestingly, we're actually gonna look at how, strangely enough. Stay with me. Strangely enough, maybe we're actually attached to both. pleasure and pain. So a word that might be helpful or might be kind of annoying or triggering to certain people. So it's just a word. You can replace it with any other word is the word temptation. Now I'm using that word because often that's used towards pleasures, right? You're tempted to maybe cheat on your spouse with someone you're attracted to. It's probably a bad idea, but it's a momentary pleasure, right? You're tempted to maybe eat a lot of chocolate cake, but maybe it's not the best idea. So it's temptations. It's pleasures that have some kind of a potential negative consequence down the line, right? That's what I would say temptation is usually used for. So where are we getting distracted from our spiritual path because of temptations towards pleasure? Let's start there. Let's say you're on the highway to God. And when I say to God, I mean whatever your highest goal is in this spiritual path. So you're on the highway to God. And then there are all these exits with some very interesting snacks. Maybe there's a cool restaurant you've never been to. Or maybe there's a theme park, So these are all pleasures. Some lineages, some religions, some spiritual paths are about refraining from certain pleasures. I personally don't really take that approach, but it doesn't matter what I do. Do what's best for you. The reason I don't take the approach of abstaining is because I feel like if we repress ourselves, there's no point, in my opinion, abstaining just for the sake of rules, if there's an, if there's repression involved, because that's not gonna work. That's why I'm not the asceticism type. The other reason is. What I'm calling these pleasures or these temptations right now is things that veer you off your path. Okay? Your path can be through pleasure itself. Your path can be and I, I don't mean tantric in the way that the modern west uses this word, but tantric in the sense of including all of human experience as aspects of the divine or part of the path. There's pleasure that is bringing you towards realization and there's pleasure that's a distraction. The pleasure that's a distraction is what I'm calling temptation. Okay. There's simply a point here, which is are you getting distracted from what is most important to you? And this is the edgier thing to say, so we gotta look at this from more of a transcendent perspective, what I'm about to say. Okay. So stay with me. Pain can be a temptation. How, what, what, what is that? Let's break that down. Pleasure and pain can both be magnets. They can both suck you in like a whirlpool. I, pain has its place. It has its place. I am really, really, really, really anti shaming people for feeling pain. You know, the whole boys don't cry thing, or, oh, why are you crying? Buck up. I'm really not into that. If you're sad, be sad if you need to cry, cry, we should very, very deeply honor that with deep compassion and support. So I'm not saying repress your emotions is absolutely not what I'm saying. If you're being shamed for simply being upset, I would say, that's really not cool. Don't receive that from others and don't do that to yourself. Okay? So what I'm about to say is not that. So let's say instead of now the highway to God with the exits that we're getting distracted by, let's say now our image is, we're swimming down a river and there are these whirlpools that can pull us in and spin us around and around. How do we know that we're sucked in when we fall into an egoic part? That is out of our center and we're trying to get back to our center, but check this out, maybe we're not actually really trying to get back to our center because we're too busy trying to get the last word in in an argument. This is where we really need to look at an opportunity for choice and agency. Where is it that we actually fell into indulging ourselves in negative emotion because it's so tempting. It's so magnetizing. It lures us in, and it keeps us stuck in it. There's this weird, I think they call it negative pleasure or something like that. There's this weird obsessive desire to stay in the bad feeling or the unhealthy interaction. So I'm gonna give three emotions and then we behave from those places that I think are the biggest whirlpools that I think are the biggest magnets. And you can just pick one of which one you would say, oh yeah, sometimes that happens I get really stuck in that. Okay, here they are in no particular order. Number one, shame. Shame is a huge, huge magnet. When I say magnet, it's like when you fall into it, it's so hard to get out. It's so hard to get out. Next one. Number two, resentment. huge, huge magnet. Another one that is so hard to get out of. Who are you still resenting? You're listening to this podcast, which makes me think you're probably not in the middle of an argument with someone right now. At least not verbally going for it at this very moment, but I bet, unfortunately,'cause we're all still working through all this stuff. I, I bet there's someone who you are resenting right now on the back burner. Like if you think about them, you're like, ugh. And that resentment, why is it still hooking you? Why? I don't want to feel resentful. I don't wanna be carrying around this burden from the past. Why is it stuck on me like tar? This is what I mean by a magnet or the temptation of pain. Where are we somehow allowing that to continue rather than doing everything that we possibly can to get to our higher priority, which is God or divine emanation or unconditional love, or whatever it is that we say is most important to us. Let's do number three. Hatred. Full on fire, raging in your eyes, you know, little devil horns popping outta your head. Just total hatred. I mean, this thing is consuming you. From the inside. So pick one, pick your most, intense magnet, shame, resentment, or hatred. Or maybe you have another one that I hadn't thought of. What's the deal guys? Let's be really clear with ourselves. Temptations are not just pleasures, they're also pains. Where are we prioritizing getting that last word in in the argument rather than prioritizing what we say, what we have determined for ourselves is most important in our life. Is most important. Where are you kidding yourself? Where are you betraying yourself and turning a blind eye to that betrayal. It could be big, it could be small, but if you're really, really honest with what you know you most want, then why are you doing X, y, Z thing? Or why are you avoiding X, Y, Z thing? None of this is judgment. This is simply going into where we might be in denial, or we might be turning a blind eye and just getting curious to find out what's between us, truly between us, and that what we say we want. That actually could be in our control to shift. Or to remove that distance or that barrier. There's some things that, maybe it's God's hand, maybe it's karmic timing. That's fine. But what is it that might actually be on our docket? What actually might be possible for us to shift? And maybe you're like, oh, but I don't know what's most important. Fair. Let's sit with that. What is most, most, most, most, most important to you? What's most real? What matters more than all else at the end of the day when you're on your deathbed and you're looking back or you're also looking forward to who you're about to become, once you cross over what most matters? I know I can't hear you answering me, but try to answer at least within yourself. Really, really just right now. Not like, oh, I'll do it later. Just right now, it's okay to have an answer that you can edit later, of course. So just in your heart in this very moment, what most matters. So give some answer. Ready? I'm gonna do it again. What most matters? Is that true? is that really what most matters. Is there anything that matters Even more than that? Now is your time to answer again. So then, assuming you've gotten to something that you're actually pretty confident about. And if it's not, you can keep editing it until you find what's most, most, most important. What's most true? What most matters. This is a very important question to have an answer to. There's no objective answer, but it needs to be true in your heart. If that's what most matters to you. Doesn't it mean that this is worth choosing over everything else in any, in every given moment? Isn't this more important than anything else? Isn't it worth walking away potentially from anything else? Or surrendering anything else? Or sacrificing anything else? And are you doing that? Where are you not? And why? Where are you not, where are you distracting yourself from what most matters to you? It could be anything. I'm not telling you what it is you pick, you pick. But if that's what's truly authentic to you, what most matters to you, then why are you not on the mark? Why are you not fully prioritizing it in some way? Where are you not fully prioritizing it? What is worth sacrificing that maybe you're getting distracted by, or maybe you're falling into or getting taken over by it, but actually it's worth sacrificing or surrendering that, or it's worth honing in your focus or your attention, or your behavior or your viewpoints or something. Where, what is most important to you? What most matters to you actually takes top priority in the way that you live your daily life. What would that actually look like? And where are you allowing the temptations of both pains and pleasures, which basically means anything to pull you off course. So we're just getting real with pointing out what those things are to ourselves, letting that come to the surface so that we have more clarity of what we might need to rearrange. Okay, so let's do the next part. Remember I said we were gonna talk about the spiritual path itself? Let's do that. Or the outcome of your spiritual path in this case, okay, What if what you desire is actually coming much sooner than you think? How do you need to prepare or what do you still wanna do in the meantime before it happens? Like, let's say to you, enlightenment, let's say that's what you're choosing is total ego death, right? You're not gonna be the person who you currently are. You're not gonna be your lovingly I'm saying this, your little stupid self that you currently are. That we all still are. So. What do you wanna do while you're still that little stupid self? What do you wanna do? Do you wanna go have one more unrequited love experience and, and cry on your pillow, because later you're not gonna feel any of those things. Do you wanna just have one more hit of that, or do you wanna have one more? Uh, really I don't, I, I, I don't know even what to make up. What if it's soon? What if you're really, really close? How does your relationship with this imminent reality? How does it feel different when you see it, when you allow it to feel so close? So that might actually kick up aversion. So let's go to that. Let's say aversion is fear. Fear. I say that I want enlightenment, but I don't actually know what that means, and I'm kind of freaked out. What if I don't, care about my family anymore? What if I feel like I'm dying? What if I don't know who I am? What if I just fall off the face of reality? What if I don't function? What if I don't know how to make money? What if I don't know how to survive? What is your what if everyone has their own? I'm gonna tell you two quick stories about this and then we'll wrap up. I apologize. I don't remember who this was, someone told me this story, and I think it was Papa Ramdas, but I could be wrong. So there's a story where he's with his devotees, the people who are following him because he's an enlightened being and he's teaching them spiritual. He's helping them on their spiritual path so that they can ultimately, assuming this is what they're there for, experience their own enlightenment. Yes. That's why they're sitting at his feet. These are the people who study with him, live with him, et cetera. So he's there with his people and he says, okay, everyone's sitting on the floor and he says, okay, whoever wants me to grant them immediate enlightenment, mint, get up and come to me right now and I'll do it. That's what you'll get. Guess what happened? Guess how many people came up? Nobody did. Nobody did. These are people who they're giving their whole life to what they say they want, and then it's time to get it, and they run away from it. They don't step forward. So how is that us? How are we doing that? We don't have to be sitting in the ashram. We can still have a deep yearning. We can still have real devotion. We can still be dedicated. We can still truly prioritize what we say we want, or we can say that we're doing all those things, but actually hide behind some kind of. Distraction, denial, sabotage, subconscious running the other way. I'll give one more story. Ma Devaki, who is currently alive, she's in the Yogi Ramsaratkumar Ashram in southern southeastern India. Enlightened being, so many people come to her asking her for help. What do people ask her for? You know what she said? This is my friend who she said this to. She said, people ask me for all kinds of stuff, but they don't ask me for God. Isn't that crazy? So we are simply looking at. What do we really want? What do we really want and what's possible? What are we not even allowing ourselves to want? So ultimately I'll leave you with simple questions, which we've kind of been around the block with, but this stuff is really big, so I think it's all of us can really sit with this for repeatedly for a long time. What is most important to you? What do you most trust? What do you most deeply yearn for? What most matters to you? Why are you not giving your all to that? And this isn't a shame thing, a judgment thing, there's a reason why, there's a logistical reason why there's a real reason, probably a bunch of them. Let's get really, really curious about what those reasons are so then we can work with them. So what's the reason? Why do we actually. At least part of us. Why does part of us actually not want what we say we most want or not work the hardest to get what we say is most important to us to experience or achieve or live as or to become, that which we say is most important. Those are your questions. Let me know the answers. I would love to know. thank you for being with me in The Ground of Love. You can follow this podcast to receive the next episodes, and who is it that comes to mind to share this episode with? Who Could Benefit? Is it a family member? A friend, a client, who would be inspired, reminded of what matters to them by being in our energy that we've shared here today. So please go ahead and pass this along to them and go ahead and leave a review or a rating if you wish. I thank you for that. For other offerings that I provide, you can go to the ground of love.com I also provide one-on-one healing sessions and I will also be offering a group membership. All of that is on the website, the ground of love.com. Blessings to you. May you be protected, held, regenerated centered. And taken forward with all light, love, truth and highest and best health and wellbeing on all levels and taken forward to make the greatest, most beautiful impact doing exactly what you're here to do. God bless you. Protection, grace, protection, grace. So it is.