Spiritual Awakening: The Ground of Love

Transcending Polarity: Where Your Power Got Stuck (1/2, EP22)

• OLIVIA FRAZAO

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Personal healing, healing relational wounds, healing from cultural wounds... We can see all of these healing moments through one shared map. What power dynamics are we stuck in? How can we heal childhood wounds? What is the Masculine / Feminine polarity we are stuck in in the patriarchy? How can we heal from the victim / perpetrator spiral? What do all of these questions have in common? One shared map.

Stay tuned for part 2 in the next episode.

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This podcast show is for people dedicated to spiritual awakening, spiritual practice, psychology, healing work, collective healing and awakening, and global positive social change. 

This podcast show explores meditation, mindfulness, consciousness, spiritual awakening, and spiritual growth, with a strong focus on personal healing, trauma healing, emotional healing, and somatic healing. We dive into nonduality, embodied spirituality, the true self, life purpose, and spiritual practice, while also addressing shadow and integration themes like spiritual bypass, ego-death, root causes, and holistic healing. Episodes draw from psychology and attachment theory, as well as ancient wisdom traditions, esoteric wisdom, energy healing, and indigenous wisdom, offering grounded insights for seekers on a path of inner healing, wholeness, and deeper realization.

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00:53 - The Map of Polarity and Transcendence

6:51 - Mapping Psychological Development

12:53 - Mapping Masculine / Feminine 

18:42 - Mapping Victim / Perpetrator

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Episode keywords: Patriarchy, polarity, masculine and feminine polarity, individuation process, childhood wounding, developmental psychology

Keywords: meditation, mindfulness, consciousness, spiritual awakening, spiritual growth, personal healing, trauma healing, emotional healing, somatic healing, inner healing, nonduality, embodied spirituality, wholeness, grounded spirituality, life purpose, spiritual practice, enlightenment, realization, the true self, ego-death, spiritual bypass, attachment theory, psychology, root causes, holistic healing, energy healing, ancient wisdom traditions, esoteric wisdom, esotericism, indigenous wisdom, bhakti, Buddhism, Hinduism, Christianity, sangha, Divine Will, spiritual ascension, collective awakening, collective healing, global ascension, connecting with angels, and connecting with spiritual guides.

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That's the individuation process that requires a push. Now that is not freedom. That is a reaction to having not had your individuation yet not having had your own separate identity yet. It's not the final step. Welcome to the Ground of Love. I'm your host, Olivia Frazao. This is a podcast for people who are deeply dedicated to the spiritual journey. You are here for self-growth care, for others, and being of service to the world. This podcast is in service to you to help you remember who you are and why you are here, you will receive inspiration, clarity, and no BS Love. We are walking each other home. Let's begin. This is episode one of a two episode series about freedom from polarity, finding transcendence and Union beyond. The binary that we got stuck in, in so many ways, we are gonna be looking at a map where we can see this binary as the base of the triangle and the freedom from this binary or this polarity as the top of the triangle. And then we're gonna look at that map in a lot of different contexts. We'll start on the metaphysical level just so that you get the map itself, and then we'll look at the psychological level, cultural levels, and spiritual levels. This episode is going to provide you with a very simple and very effective map. This map has three parts. We'll look at it in a moment. And what this map will help you with is you can, whatever you're going through right now in terms of your growth, your healing process, whatever you're currently transforming in your life, this is a map where you can consider, oh, am I around step one, step two, or step three of this growth process. You'll understand what these steps are in a moment, okay? The reason this map is so helpful is to actually understand if you're free from the thing that you think you've healed from, or if actually you're just still in another phase of the issue. Okay? It's a map of coming into freedom. Freedom from past pain, freedom from entanglement, freedom from messed up power dynamics. Overall, this map is very focused on the concept of power. Is your power clean? Are you in your power? Are you in the power overpower under game, or are you actually free? This map is gonna provide a lot of clarity, hopefully. Okay, so first I'm gonna give the map, so stay with me because it might feel kind of theoretical at first, but then we're gonna look at examples. Okay? So first we'll look at it on a metaphysical level, just an overall level. Then we're gonna look at it on the psychological level, cultural level, and spiritual level. And I believe that all of us, every one of us here, will find ourselves within this map, probably on all of the levels is my guess. So let's get into it. What is this map? It's very simple. You can do this while you're cooking, driving, whatever. Ready? Imagine a triangle that has the two bottom corners as location one and location two. Okay. These locations are a binary with each other. They are a polarity, okay? Yin and yang, we are in duality, right? We're in the world of duality. The top of the triangle, as you can probably guess, is a transcendence out of that duality, okay? So that is transcendence or union, right? Meaning you are not in either of those two on the bottom, and you're also not in this ping pong that tends to happen where you just go left and right between the two, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. But actually, okay, I've transcended that game of being in polarity in the first place at all. Right. I'm gonna give specific examples where we're gonna look at a smaller version of this, but as you can see, we're starting on the very big metaphysical level. So the 3D world, the world of form of physical life is a world of polarity. Yes. There's good, bad, all the things, whatever we call divinity, or whatever we call transcendence, is the experience of union or unity. What does transcendence mean? Yes, it's a third location, but it's a location that has actually included within itself the bottom two locations. So now we're at the top of the triangle. That's location three. Being in location one is either obvious because it's painful or we're not aware of it, because we're still totally in illusion and we haven't even started the game of considering freeing ourselves from it. But eventually we have an aha moment where we realize we wanna get out of that location. Then we enter into location two, we enter into the other side of the polarity for whoever is like, oh my God, this is so theoretical. I have no idea what you're talking about. I can't follow you. Just stay with me. We're about to get into examples, and then you're gonna be like, oh, duh, okay. Just stay with, stay with me please. We're almost there in location two. Why are you there? You're there because you just had a reaction to the first location. You're there because you left location one to go somewhere seemingly better. Okay. When you're in location two, you're like, yay, I have found my freedom. But actually, you don't realize that you're just stuck in a new place. Okay, now you're stuck in location two. Eventually you realize that too. And you end up in location three. You might go 1, 2, 1, 2, 1, 2, 1 2 over time. And eventually you realize you're stuck in this loop and you end up in location three. Okay. Or you just go 1, 2, 3, and that's it. Depending on the example that we're gonna give, you'll see, let's get into the examples, so we can actually hone this in psychological level. Ready? So, number one, psychological development. Consider three phases of growing up, childhood, adolescence, and being an adult. Okay, so in our childhood, we're dependent, right? We're dependent on our caregivers. They have the power. We don't have the power, and that's normal. At some point, in order to become an adult, we need to pass through adolescence, which is that time that everybody knows very well where the teenager is pushing against the parents or fighting the parents. This is a push away from, in comparison to childhood, that hug right where the kid is running to the parents for the big hug. Mommy, mommy, don't leave. I want you. Right? And then all of a sudden it's like, Ugh, mom, get away from me. So it, it just went from one extreme to the other, right? There was a clinging and now there's a pushing away. So we're going from the clinging of the childhood of dependency, and now we're in the pushing away of adolescence, which is the individuation process. In order for you to become an individual rather than, uh, an extension of your parents or your adult caregivers, as the child feels, there is a feeling of, oh wait. Who am I without you? Right? That's the individuation process that requires a push. Now that is not freedom. That is a reaction to having not had your individuation yet not having had your own. separate identity yet. Right. Being a teenager is not being an adult, it's not the final step. It's a reaction seeking freedom from the dependency that's no longer relevant or needed or correct anymore at that age. The third step is adulthood. That's actual autonomy. So we're looking at three steps. Yes. This is our first example of the triangle. So we have location one, which is dependency or the OR clinging. Okay. Then we have location two, which in the psychological map would be the teen years. That's individuation, which is the pushing. Then we have autonomy, which is the top of the triangle. That's the adult, and that's simply a freedom where actually at this point you can come back to your parents and give them a hug. Right. You're not clinging like the first one. You're not pushing like the second one. You're simply free and available for connection and you're also autonomous. So notice that in the first one. We can also use the Buddhist terms of attachment and aversion, in the first one, the child dependency experience, there's attachment. In the teen individuation experience, there's aversion. Yes, there's also attachment in terms of attachment theory, but that's not what I'm talking about here. Okay? I'm talking about different type of detachment and aversion, and then with the autonomy, we have connection and independence, which is the union of the good part of both of those things, but a healthier, more whole version. That's the transcendence from childhood adolescence, and now we're in adulthood. Attachment aversion, and now we're in connection and independence, meaning adult autonomy. So that's the example in the psychological map. Now interestingly, we're not only talking about the past here. How is this relevant for us, mostly adults who are listening to this podcast? Where are you still stuck anywhere in your life, in either of the two previous phases? Where are you stuck in dependency, where you should actually be experiencing autonomy right now? Where are you depending on a family member, a partner, something at work, a friend, uh, maybe a mentor in a way that is beyond the usual adult. Asking for help and healthily receiving help. Where have you removed your power? Where have you given your power away? We'll go more towards that in a later example. Where else could you be stuck within this triangle in the teenage version? So where are you constantly pushing people away? Where do you need to be contrarian? Where are you always kind of fighting people in order to feel yourself, in order to not feel invaded or in order to not feel merged with people? Where are you constantly like, ugh, get away from me. These can be places where in our development, whether we have child parts, adolescent parts, probably both.'cause we all have all kinds of inner parts of us that are stuck from previous life phases. And right now I'm referencing IFS, which is Internal Family Systems. If you wanna Google that and learn more about parts work, by the way, in order for us to actually be a fully fledged adult. Most of us are not. Adulthood is actually that healthy autonomy with connection as well as independence. That's what adulthood actually is. It's not a number of how many years old you are. It's the capacity to have reached transcendence from the previous two phases as well as a union of let's say, quote unquote, what's the best of those two phases, which would be connection and independence. Yes. Okay. So our little homework here is where have we not yet made that full development in the psychological development triangle? Where could we be stuck in the child phase or the adolescent phase, or a little bit of both? Great. Let's go to the next one. So now we're looking at the cultural level. Okay. We're gonna look at this binary. I'm gonna use these words in a very particular way right now. Okay? We could use these words in a different way, in a different context. So just bear with me on how I'm using the words simply in this context, which are feminine and masculine. We're talking about the patriarchy right now because as I said, a lot of this triangle has to do with power. So in this example, on the cultural level, we're gonna be looking at the bottom left of the triangles. Location number one, as the feminine location. Okay? Number two, bottom right of the triangle is gonna be the masculine location, and then union is at the top. So where is power here? Unfortunately, in the patriarchy, what's happening on the feminine side, as everybody knows, is that's the power under position. That's the submissive position on the masculine side. The second location, that's the power over position. So you have submission and control. You have power under and power over. Now, the the union where you actually have healthy, feminine and healthy masculine rather than the unhealthy feminine that we just talked about, and the unhealthy masculine that we just talked about is actually a shared power. It's power with, it's the power of the feminine, truly the power of the masculine. Truly what some people call divine feminine and divine masculine, which the union of those things is simply power with all different forms of power. Neither, none of them threatening or competing or being in a zero sum game with each other. What's happening on a cultural level, the feminine is being abused or undervalued or somehow erased or ignored. And the masculine has been given authority, power over dominance and domination, negative forms of control, harmful forms of control. When we try to get out of this, what is one thing that we notice has happened? This is a very long story, of the patriarchy and feminism. I can't do the whole thing. This is a massive drive by, but let's just look at one example of my point with this map. When we try to get out, let's just look at the the feminist movement for a moment when we try to get out of the abused feminine location as a society. Because the masculine is what has been valued. Then the feminine might say, well now I'm gonna act masculine. So now everybody, both of those identifying as female and those identifying as male, now everybody is doing the distorted, masculine way of living as if that were somehow a freedom for everyone. Trying to get freedom from one part of the triangle, but ending up in a trap on the other side of the triangle. So we're trying to get freedom from the power under position, but now we're in a power over position or a position of control where we've actually internalized the patriarchy in a way where it looks like we're playing the powerful role. But even the powerful role within this messed up dynamic is also a wounding. It's not a freedom. The true freedom is coming out of this entire binary itself and being in shared power. Not now. Everybody is competing now. Everybody is acting in this patriarchal way or in this hyper control way, or in this hyper autonomous way. Not autonomous in the way that I was using it in the last example, but in terms of like. I'm not gonna ask for help. I have to do everything all by myself. I have to be the leader, right? All these patriarchal things that have been given to men as roles that apparently they're supposed to be playing because everybody suffers in the patriarchy. Females suffer in the patriarchy. Males suffer in the patriarchy. I obviously don't even have to say that. Queer people massively suffer in the patriarchy. Everybody suffers in the patriarchy. And some people don't wanna say that'cause they say no. The hetero, upper class Christian, white male has all the privileges. Yes. In terms of literal privileges, yes. But in terms of psychological health, a sense of wholeness, spiritual wholeness, everyone is hurting. Everybody is hurting, including people who have that role that within the societal rule set is the top dog. Everyone in this power imbalance messed up society is suffering no matter which gender you are, which sex you are, which role you're playing in the society. When we're in a society that has this binary between masculine and feminine, that ends up hurting the feminine and hurting the masculine because of this power over power under unhealthy system of control. So when we come out of that, we're in shared power, we are in wholeness, we're in connection, we're in something that might even be hard to picture. Let's look at this with different words, but it's the same thing. Okay? So this is number three. This is personal and collective. It's a different form of talking about power in the patriarchy. That's even more basic. You'll know these words very quickly. Victim, perpetrator. I know that these are trigger words, buzz words. I'm not gonna get into any triggering, detailed examples for this, just so you know. Okay. What we need to look at is where we get stuck. This is hard, okay? But we need to get clear with this. So we're looking at the triangle again, and we can feel where,'cause we've all been in both of these locations, even though we only like to admit that we've been in the victim location. But let's look at where, in any experience, okay, it could be something smaller, something big. Feel free to pick whatever feels comfortable for you to think about right now. Bottom left corner, location number one, that's the victim location. Power under bottom right corner, that's the perpetrator location. Power over or power against. Now they look like opposites, but when we get honest. And when we get clear, what we can see is that the perpetrator used to be the victim, maybe in the same dynamic or maybe in a previous dynamic. Let me give an example of what we used to be means. Let's say, in a family field, in a, a set of generations in a family, there's the grandfather that abuses the father who then abuses the son. Okay? So the father he was the victim of his own father, and then he was the perpetrator of his own child. So he's a victim turned perpetrator. Let's look at a war scenario. Where is it in a war that a country or a population or a community is attacked? And then because they were attacked, they then attack whoever attacked them. So first they were the victim and now they're being the perpetrator. When does this end? Because as time goes on these roles, if we look on a vast level, if we look on a level that doesn't feel so personal, so we're not so attached to always wanting to be the good guy, if we're looking at a longer chronological level across generations or across a longer period of time, where is it that we can see that all of humanity is cycling through? Victim perpetrator, victim perpetrator, victim perpetrator, victim perpetrator, like a pattern. And now we can just hone in, in our own personal life, in our own personal relationships. Maybe with your partner or a family member. Where is it? That you take turns playing victim perpetrator with each other in one argument. How many times And, and how quickly in one sentence, in two sentences are you the victim and then the perpetrator, and then the victim, and then the perpetrator? So the perpetrator role is an attempt to get out of the victim role, right? Because the victim role, you're totally powerless and someone's attacking you in some way. At least that's the feeling of it. It's either literally happening or we're perceiving that it's happening. What do we do as a reaction, just like gut reaction? Well, now we wanna either get power over whoever just had power over us, or we wanna at least push against them to get them out. But the way that we're pushing against is, is some kind of aggressive way of doing that. It's not a clean way of walking away. It's an aggressive type of attempt at separation. So what's the freedom here? What's the third location? The third location is a freedom of having neither power under nor power over. But again, we can look at power with like we did with the feminine masculine example, because by the way, it's the same thing. I was just using different words and looking at it through a particular lens. But this is all the same dynamic. That's why this map is so powerful because it's all the same. So we can consider, we can call the top of the location here. When we talk about victim perpetrator, we can talk about it as transcendence from the whole spiral. We can talk about it as freedom. We can talk about it as rather than power over or under. What about power within, or what about higher power? So the question is, where is power located? And depending on what we answer that might show us where we are in this triangle. Oh, the power is always out there. They're the ones that power powerful and I'm not powerful. Okay. Then we're probably in the first location. We're in some type of a victim position. We're in some type of an unhealthy, feminine position within the patriarchal mindset, or we're in some kind of a child position. All these triangles map onto each other, right? Or if we say, oh, no, I've got the power. There's something where we are claiming some kind of a personal sense of control. Who are we fighting against? Or what are we fighting against? Because if we're in the, I've got the power and I is the egoic self, the local I, the me, me, me, I, we gotta take a look at what are we actually in reaction to? How are we trying to protect ourselves? How are we trying to run away? How are we trying to force our power or our autonomy? We are likely in some kind of a middle location on our growth path, where we haven't actually yet reached true freedom or true power, but we're in this attempt of claiming power. That might actually turn to arrogance. It might be unclean, it might be in reactivity that's aggressive towards other people. So we can take a look at that and be careful with that and find what does power feel like when it's shared? What does it feel like when it's found within? What does it feel like when it's in the divine, the hands of the divine? And we'll go towards that later. In terms of the hands of the divine, how do we get there? How do we get to the top of that triangle? What do we need to let go of? How do we need to forgive ourselves and others? What are we attached to that we actually need to let go of? So this is a question where, again, to make it, something with take home relevance. Just pick one area of your life where you can admit to yourself, okay, I think I'm playing the victim perpetrator game. What would be required for freedom, for true freedom, for true transcendence from that binary? So I hope that you can take this map forward and look at maybe one area in your life where you're working on something, you're working on healing from something. And you can take a look, where am I at? How can I take what this episode was about and look at whatever I'm going through through this lens of this triangle and see how can I find transcendence from the binary, from the polarity where I can actually have union of the best of both worlds in a place of peace and wholeness thank you for being with me in The Ground of Love. You can follow this podcast to receive the next episodes, and who is it that comes to mind to share this episode with? Who Could Benefit? Is it a family member? A friend, a client, who would be inspired, reminded of what matters to them by being in our energy that we've shared here today. So please go ahead and pass this along to them and go ahead and leave a review or a rating if you wish. I thank you for that. For other offerings that I provide, you can go to the ground of love.com I also provide one-on-one healing sessions and I will also be offering a group membership. All of that is on the website, the ground of love.com. Blessings to you. May you be protected, held, regenerated centered. And taken forward with all light, love, truth and highest and best health and wellbeing on all levels and taken forward to make the greatest, most beautiful impact doing exactly what you're here to do. God bless you. Protection, grace, protection, grace. So it is.