Unforked

Why Most Wellness Goals Fail—And What You’re Missing

• Haley Schroth, RDN, LD, CPT, RYT, CMWC • Season 1 • Episode 24

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Join Haley in this insightful episode as she explores the common challenges of setting and achieving wellness goals. 

She identifies five key pitfalls, including the importance of aligning goals with personal values, the drawbacks of an "all or nothing" goals, and the benefits of focusing on daily habits over outcomes. Haley advocates for gradual change and a broader definition of success, encouraging listeners to reflect on their experiences. 

In this episode you'll discover:

  • The impact of trauma on self-trust and success of goals
  • Aligning wellness goals with personal values
  • Hazards of rigid goal-setting
  • Strategies for sustainable change
  • Redefining success for personal fulfillment


✨ Ready to reflect on 2025 and set aligned, achievable wellness goals for 2025? Join my upcoming online art journaling & goal setting workshop here. Registration deadline is January 7th, 2025.

🔗 Links & Additional Support


&, Thank you to YOU, the listener, for being here on this journey together.

Haley Schroth, RDN, LD, CPT, RYT, CMWC

Integrative Dietitian Nutritionist for Optimal Mental Health & Physical Performance

Haley:
[0:47] Are you tired of setting wellness goals that never actually seem to stick, seem to work with your lifestyle and your vision for yourself?

Haley:
[0:57] If this is you, trust me, you are definitely not alone. There are so many people that set goals and actually hate goal setting in general because they feel like whenever they set goals, those goals are doomed to fail. Part of this comes down to trauma. So, trauma in our lives can erode our self-trust. It can change our perception of self. You know, it has a lot of effects, right? You know I do not like the big trauma, little trauma thing because I always say trauma is trauma is trauma is trauma. It depends on how you perceive it.

Haley:
[1:42] Something that might be perceived as quote unquote big trauma to someone might be, it might be the exact same thing that happens to somebody else and they might see it as like a little trauma, right? So I don't like to differentiate that way. But regardless, when we've experienced trauma, it can erode self-trust, it can change our perception of ourselves, can change our perception of our bodies, our self-worth. So it's really, really, really important to take note that trauma in our lives

Haley:
[2:13] has a direct impact on your goals and how you achieve them. And so we're talking goals broadly, but what I really want to focus on today is wellness goals. You know, I'm a registered dietitian, all the things, right? So we're going to be talking about wellness here. Just know that this applies to all goals of any kind, whether that's financial goals, relationship goals, whatever kind of goal it is, it applies. And you can take these principles goals and apply them across your life. So if you are tired of setting those wellness goals that never seem to stick, I want you to know that it's not actually about motivation or willpower.

Haley:
[2:58] Most people are actually just missing the right approach to their goals. So today we are talking about why most wellness goals fail and what you're missing. So here's why most wellness goals tend to fall apart. So you have really good intentions when you set the goal. It might even be values aligned. We'll dive into that later. When you set a goal.

Haley:
[3:22] And maybe you do really well for a couple days, a couple weeks, maybe even a couple months. That's great. And then it just seems to crumble. And you actually are like, what the hell? Why can't I stick to this goal? Something's wrong with me. We tend to internalize the dialogue and the failures on ourselves versus looking at the system as a whole, right? And part of the system is just the way our culture approaches goals. The way society approaches goals is horrible, is what I'm going to say. It's horrible.

Haley:
[4:03] Traditional goal setting, resolutions, all of that stuff, it is just awful for the most part. And you are probably here because you have experienced the awfulness of just traditional goal setting and resolutions and all that shit. So I want you to know that setting goals doesn't have to continue to be like that. Whether it's wellness goals, like I said, or any other type of goal in your life, you can do it a new way. And we are here to do it a new way. I know that you wouldn't be here listening to this if you weren't interested in achieving goals in a new way. And I also know that if you are listening, you are probably somebody that is incredibly goal-driven yourself, like me. That is, why am I here talking about goals? Well, I'm a huge nerd about goals and habit building and all that fun stuff.

Haley:
[5:02] Because it matters. It really does matter. Some people think goals are just silly and why would we have them? I just say they're probably jaded and frustrated and confused, which is why they don't like goals.

Haley:
[5:17] But if you've ever set a goal and you've achieved it, holy shit, it's amazing. It's amazing. It makes you feel good. It builds self-confidence. It builds self-trust. it gets you to where you want to go in your life versus just saying, oh my gosh, nothing's going to change.

Haley:
[5:36] Why is my life like this? You know, kind of being in that victim mentality. So I'll link to another episode on like fixed versus growth mindset, because that might be really helpful here for you in this goal setting conversation. Let's get into it. Here's why most wellness goals fall apart. Here's why they fail. Number one is you are setting goals and.

Haley:
[6:03] That are not connected to your values. So if you're setting a wellness goal that feels forced and disconnected from what actually matters to you, you're not going to succeed. You might even call it, oh, I self-sabotaged. I hear that a lot. When in fact, you didn't self-sabotage and you actually just set a goal that lacked that connection to what truly matters to you. So the goal felt shallow. It felt forced. Maybe it even felt like it was somebody else's goal. You know, the whole tale of the person who goes to college and gets this degree in engineering just because their parents were engineers. And then they're realizing later in life, oh my gosh, I actually don't want to be an engineer. This wasn't my goal. It's just something that I fell into. And I see this happen all the time like that was not a wellness example obviously as far as like nutrition and mental wellness it is an overall wellness goal because we know wellness has many pillars but I digress so when we are setting goals that are not connected to our values it's a problem because it might be that you are just taking on the goal of somebody else. It might be society's goal.

Haley:
[7:29] Something that you've heard friends say, your social circles, your parents, your family, and that goal that you set may not be yours. And so if this goal.

Speaker2:
[7:42] That you set

Haley:
[7:43] Is not yours or lacks connection to your particular values, that goal is doomed to fail from the start. And this is something I see in my coaching practice so often. I see it outside of my coaching practice, you know, in friends and people who just tell me about their goals because I'm a.

Haley:
[8:09] So number one, if your goals are failing, or if you want to look at an example of a goal you've set in the past that didn't go well, or didn't have the outcome that you hoped for, check your values. Did that goal match up with your personal values at the time? Maybe you didn't even know your values at the time. That's pretty common too. Maybe you don't know your values now. That's okay. This is a place to start. So looking at your personal values and making sure that your goals feel connected to those personal values is going to help you stay away from setting goals that are arbitrary,

Haley:
[8:50] that are meaningless, that are doomed to fail from the start. Number two, why most wellness goals fail or fall apart is that they are all or nothing goals. So if your goal that you set happens to be an extreme goal, like I'm never going to eat sugar again, I'm going to cut out all carbs. I see that one all the time. Actually, I see both of those all the time. That's like one of the most common things I hear just people throwing around. And oh, my gosh, it drives me nutty. I'm like, no, this is not it. Do not set a goal like that.

Haley:
[9:32] So if you're setting a goal that is black or white, all or nothing, I have to work out every single day or I'm going to fail. I have to meal prep every single week on Sunday at 9 a.m. And if I don't, I'm doomed. That's not the way you want to set a goal because it's likely going to lead to frustration and burnout and that lack of self-trust again, because, because, because, because.

Haley:
[10:05] When you have goals that you set and continuously don't work out, what happens? That lack of self-trust erodes. It's like year after year after year, the goals you set aren't working. And so over time, all of a sudden, there's like no shred of confidence or even hope left that you can achieve a goal that you set out to do. Right? So staying away from those all or nothing, those black and white goals is really important if you want to be successful in your wellness goal setting. Number three, the reason why most wellness goals fall apart is because you're only focusing on the outcome. If you focus only on the end result, like a number on the scale, oh my gosh, it is going to be so easy, so, so easy to lose momentum. Because what happens when you don't see that number budge as quickly as you want it to? whether it's up or down, right? Weight loss, weight gain. It's so hard if we only make the outcome the main focus of the goal, right? So the real goal.

Haley:
[11:30] Gold here is in the process, in your daily habits.

Haley:
[11:34] The process and your habits is what drives you to long-term success with your goals.

Haley:
[11:41] So we need to focus on the habits, not just the outcome. And I do want to say that if you are only focusing on the outcome.

Haley:
[11:49] A lot of times it becomes a distraction from the things that are actually going to move you towards that goal. So if you're just looking at the number on the scale, and you're only looking at that, and that's like taking up most of your energy and attention, then one, it can drive harmful behaviors, but two, it can also keep you keep your energy focused somewhere that is distracting you from doing all the other things that would actually make that number on the scale change. So, for example, if you're only focused on the number on the scale, and your goal is weight gain, for example, maybe you have been incredibly stressed out, you're anxious, you're depressed, you've been super stressed out. And all of a sudden you're like, oh my God, I lost so much weight because I was just so anxious and depressed and I had a hard time making food for myself and eating regular meals and remembering to eat, right? So all of a sudden you've lost some weight and you're like, wow, I would really like to gain that weight back. I'm not feeling so good about myself and I'm fatigued and lacking energy and oh my gosh, you.

Haley:
[13:15] I'm only focusing on the number. I'm only focusing on the number. So what happens is I end up getting stressed out about that number if it doesn't change, right? You might be really happy if you're seeing results. All of a sudden you're eating a little bit more food, you're doing a little bit better. So, okay, the number goes up on the scale, maybe the first week, maybe the second week, and then all of a sudden it's not moving. And then you get stressed out again. So then you're like back in this cycle of more stress, because you're looking at one particular outcome, only the number. And it can also keep you distracted because maybe part of what relieves your stress is time with friends or spending time with your family, like quality time with others and social connection is incredibly, incredibly beneficial for our health and helps reduce stress.

Speaker2:
[14:04] Right?

Haley:
[14:05] So if you're only focused on the number on the scale, and you're so stressed out about that, you might completely write off or even forget about making social connections a priority. Okay, number four.

Haley:
[14:20] Well, why most wellness goals fall apart is because you are doing too much too soon. You are trying to set a wellness goal and change every dang thing all at once. This creates overwhelm, and it can stop your progress on your wellness goal before it even starts. And it overwhelms anyone. And for those of us who have experienced any mental health condition, or just general anxiety, depression.

Haley:
[14:51] ADHD, overwhelm, it just comes so easily for some of us. And so when we're setting these goals, these wellness goals, it sounds good. It sounds good to change all of these things all at once because we want to get to that end result, right? We're like, oh my gosh, yeah, I do want to gain weight because I know that I will, like my clothes will fit the way that they always have. Maybe I'll have more energy and I'll have more strength again. So of course, I want to try to change everything all at once. Like it only makes sense, right? So don't feel bad if this is you. If you're somebody who typically overworks yourself, doesn't rest, all of those characteristics, don't worry. I feel you. If you know me, you know. I go at it all the time.

Haley:
[15:46] And it sometimes is a struggle to get myself to rest. So I feel you. Regardless, if you resonate with that, you might be one of the people who just tries to do too dang much too soon. Like with good reason, you have good intentions, but we really, really, really need to push it back and take it a lot slower, a lot, lot slower. Like, if we're trying to start a new exercise routine, and oh my gosh, I want to exercise five days a week this week, but I haven't been doing a whole lot for months, then that's probably not going to work, right?

Haley:
[16:24] Even if you're able to do it, it might not last long, because it's just overwhelming. It's just too much. So I know it can feel that when you're setting goals, if you say, hey, I want to work out twice this week, that can feel like it's not enough, like you're not doing enough, that's not productive enough. But I want you to know that slow is better. Slow is better. Slow progress, steady progress is better than trying to dive in and go headfirst and then failing because it was too much too soon.

Haley:
[17:01] And the last reason, number five that we're talking about today, is that your version of success might be defined too narrowly. So this one kind of ties into it's only about the outcome. If your version of success is defined too narrowly, then your goal might fail because success isn't one size fits all. If we go back to the number on the scale example, that number on the scale is arbitrary. It is. It's arbitrary.

Haley:
[17:34] And if that number is our rigid definition of what it means to be successful, then you might feel stuck, you might feel unfulfilled, and you might have a really hard time staying motivated and feeling good about your progress. You might not even see your progress at all. You might be blind to it because your version of success is defined too narrowly. So thinking about the other ways in which you can define success for your particular wellness goals is really, really, really important. And that will help you along the way to maintain motivation, to feel good about your progress and where you're going, even if it's just some small, subtle change. There's so many things that we miss if we don't take our eyes off the ground when you're on that trail in the mountains, right? If you're hiking and you're like walking around and you're so worried about tripping over a rock, don't worry, I've been there. You're so worried about falling down.

Haley:
[18:48] So your eyes are glued to the ground. They are glued to the trail. You are missing everything around you that is so incredible and so beautiful on this path. So please, please, please keep your eyes open. Do not define your version of success in such a narrow way that it feels frustrating and leads you to believe that the goal might not be worth it, or you're not making progress, right?

Haley:
[19:20] This is another reason why most wellness goals might fail. In summary, what's the solution? The solution is that in order to reach your wellness goals, it's actually pretty simple. We need to align your goals with your values, take small steps, build habits, not perfection. We need to define success in a way that is meaningful to you and your life and the vision you have for yourself.

Speaker1:
[19:53] I hope this was helpful and

Haley:
[19:56] Eye-opening and maybe you even were able to take it a step further and look at one of the goals in your past through this lens while we are talking about it. Maybe you're going to sit down and think through it after the podcast, or maybe you'll have yourself a little journal session. I highly recommend. So if you're going to do that, you're going to do a little reflection after this. I just encourage you to take note of maybe one or two goals that you set out to achieve and in your mind failed or just like put to the side, you know, you didn't keep working on it. Look at what that goal was and take it through these steps. Is this goal that you set connected to your values? Is this goal defined in an all or nothing way? Is the goal that you set only about the outcome? Is the goal trying to change everything at once?

Speaker1:
[20:58] And is the

Haley:
[20:59] Goal defined by only one version of success? or do you have a whole host of other ways that you are looking at this goal.

Speaker1:
[21:10] And what that

Haley:
[21:11] Might mean for you in terms of success? What are all the little things you can look at that would bring you joy or be markers of progress?

Haley:
[21:25] If you are listening to this near the time when it is released, I want to extend an invitation to you.

Haley:
[21:34] If you are tired of setting goals only to watch them fall apart a few weeks later, or maybe you felt like the goals that you're chasing don't even align with that life you actually want to live, then I invite you into a, workshop with me and a licensed counselor named Nicole. We have created a Design Your New Year workshop with art journaling for setting intentional wellness goals. This workshop is not about trendy resolutions or hustling for your wellness results. It is about creating goals that actually light you up and bring your life into alignment with the things that matter most to you. Not society, not anybody else, to you. So what are we going to do in this workshop? We are going to uncover your core values. We're going to ditch that all or nothing mindset that we talked about today and build realistic, actionable plans that feel doable to you.

Speaker2:
[22:42] So we are going to use some art journaling

Haley:
[22:46] And you are going to walk away with the clarity and tools to set goals that actually stick and make sense for this season of your life. So if you are ready to stop, staying stuck in that cycle of failed wellness goals and build a life that feels truly fulfilling and aligned to you instead, head to the show notes. There will be a sign up link waiting for you in there. We would absolutely love to see you in this workshop. We are running one online and one in person. So if you just so happen to be in Loveland, Colorado for the weekend after Christmas, We are running the workshop in Loveland on Saturday, December 28th, 2024.

Haley:
[23:46] You are in Colorado, but you can't make it, or you're just not in Colorado at all, and you really are interested in this workshop, do not worry. We have an online version. It is going to be just as amazing. We cannot wait to launch that one. And the online version is going to be on January 7th of 2025. That is a Tuesday. So there will be replays available if you are not able to make get live with us. That way you can use this goal setting whenever you need to and use it to set goals in the future. It's going to be a really wonderful tool. Please do not wait to jump on this because there are deadlines. There are registration deadlines. Those deadlines are linked. So head over there. There's more details. Check it out. You're more than welcome to send me any questions if you have any. Yeah, I would absolutely love to see you either in person or at our online event. Otherwise, my friend, I, as always, I'm.

Speaker2:
[24:49] So grateful for

Haley:
[24:49] You being here on the Unforked podcast. I have missed you. I know this is a

Haley:
[24:54] fun little bonus episode. I do want to let you know that season two is coming. Don't you worry. We're having a season two and it will officially launch.

Speaker1:
[25:06] Like first of

Haley:
[25:07] March. So maybe not the first of March, you know, the first Thursday, we're going back to our Thursdays. So stick around until then. I will have a couple more episodes about goal setting in the meantime, because it's timely. And many of us are just thinking about goals as we head into the new year. So I hope you have a phenomenal day, my friend. I hope you've had a great couple of months since I haven't seen you in a few months. So I feel like this is a a very fun warm welcome back so thank you again for listening so grateful that you're here my friend.


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Haley Schroth, RDN, LD, CPT, RYT, CMWC

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