Nurse Maureen‘s Health Show
Welcome to Nurse Maureen's Health Show Podcast where we dive deep into all things health, sex, menopause, relationships, parenting, communication and more! Hosted by a passionate nurse with years of frontline experience, we bring you expert interviews, real-life stories, and the latest insights on staying healthy aging. Nothing is off limits as we delve into overall health, sexual health, mental health, and sexual health. Whether we’re breaking down medical myths, discussing cutting-edge treatments, or chatting with top health professionals, this show is your go-to for practical advice and inspiring conversations.
Nurse Maureen‘s Health Show
The Truth About Marriage, Sex & Infidelity
Think married people are having unlimited sex? Think again. Discover the unvarnished truths of what really happens after the "I dos" as I, Maureen McGrath, take you on an enlightening journey through the complexities of married life and its bedroom secrets. We peel back the layers of matrimonial bliss to confront the realities that many couples face, including the thorny issues of infidelity, dwindling sexual desire, and erectile dysfunction. With over half of marriages ending in divorce and a shocking 20% reportedly sexless, this episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking to understand the underpinnings of a happy, healthy marital relationship. We'll also discuss why so many women with low sexual desire opt to remain silent and the profound implications this has on intimacy.
Tune in as we explore these important but frequently overlooked aspects of sexual and relational health, aiming to foster a greater understanding and to break the silence on topics that truly matter. For more on this subject watch my TEDx talk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVgzOyHVcj4
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Speaker 1:This podcast is brought to you by Life360 Innovations, the creators of the Contino urethral insert, a non-surgical, health Canada licensed medical device for men with stress urinary incontinence. Contino is easy to use and blocks the flow of urine without the need for adult diapers or pads. More than just a medical device, the Contino Care Program connects you with experienced medical professionals and creates a personalized treatment plan that provides ongoing support so you can get back to life. Go to mycontinocom to see if Contino is right for you and book your free continence assessment is right for you and book your free continence assessment. Get bladder leakage control with Contino and get back to living. Remember, go to mycontinocom. That's M-Y-C-O-N-T-I-N-Ocom, mycontinocom.
Speaker 1:Good evening, I am Maureen McGrath, registered nurse, nurse, continence advisor and sexual health educator. Thank you so much for tuning into my podcast. I really appreciate it. I really appreciate every download, every follow. The podcast is growing month over month and it's only been two months, but thanks to you, it's growing and building and it's also because of some of the subjects that I address, some of those subjects that often go unspoken.
Speaker 1:But I've been in clinical practice for over 20 years. I see patients who have sexual health concerns and seven years ago approximately, I did a TEDx talk called no Sex Marriage, masturbation, cheating, loneliness and Shame. It's had 34 and a half million views. So I think partly that it was the title that drew people in, but I also think it was because it's about a subject that few of us discuss and it's also a bit of an oxymoron. A lot of people feel that people who are married are the ones that are having sex, but that's not necessarily the case. So if you haven't watched my TEDx talk, just Google TEDx, maureen McGrath, no sex and it should come up. And it's never too late to view that, because a sexless marriage can be a big concern for a lot of people. And in fact, I just wanted to review some of the sobering stats around marriage. You know, it's always interesting meeting brides, or seeing brides or going to weddings and everything is just glorious and wonderful and magnificent and beautiful and perfect. And they walk down the aisle and I'm often thinking, because I see so many of these brides soon to be patients hopefully not that soon I see a lot of couples in my clinical practice who are experiencing sexual health difficulties or sexual dysfunction in their marriage and they just had no idea that it could happen.
Speaker 1:They don't know how their bodies work. They don't understand why infidelity may have happened or why low sexual desire happened or what erectile dysfunction means, and these are really important subjects. So for this episode I just wanted to talk to you a little bit about marriage and some of the things that can occur and some of the stats, and then in a couple of upcoming episodes, I want to talk about erectile dysfunction, the canary in the coal mine and also low sexual desire in women, two very common reasons for issues in marriages and in relationships. Quite frankly, over 50% of marriages end in divorce. We know that Over 40% of women and 30% of men report a sexual concern. Those are the ones that report it. There's probably a lot more who are experiencing it. 30% of men report a sexual concern. Okay, and that can run the gamut.
Speaker 1:20% of marriages are sexless. The gamut 20% of marriages are sexless. But what's really bothersome is that that reason for sexless marriage is often low sexual desire in men and in women. And in women it's about 37.8%, but only about 12% of women are bothered by it, which is just so fascinating to me that most of the women don't really care that they have low sexual desire, and if they don't care they're not going to do anything about it. But oftentimes women don't know what to do about it and they think that their sex life is over. They think they've hit perimenopause, menopause, post-menopause and that they shouldn't be sexual beings any longer. But that is not the case. It starts at the beginning. People get married. You think it's bliss, you think it's this daily sex life and it's not. Couple sexual frequency nearly halves near the end of a couple's first marriage. It's related a little bit to boredom. If you can have the ice cream every day, do you want it after a year? Roughly 27% of women and 15% of men did not have sex in the last 12 months. Think about that.
Speaker 1:In a survey of 16,000 American adults, swedish behavioral economists found that quadrupling sexual frequency from once a month to once a week boosted happiness as much as having an extra $50,000 in the bank. And you know what? It doesn't take much to increase your sexual frequency from once a month to four times a month. Sometimes it's about scheduling sex. Sometimes it's about accepting your partner's advances. Sometimes it's about viewing porn, perhaps, or using a sex toy to help you to increase your sexual desire. Sometimes it's just understanding how your body works and what your sexual response cycle is and means. We'll get into that in a little bit in the next episode, a little bit more deeply. In a study of 26,000 Americans, participants reported having sex 54 times a year on average, approximately once a week. So that's once a week. Average, approximately once a week. So that's once a week.
Speaker 1:And I don't think it'll surprise you to know that couples in sexless marriages consider divorce more often than couples with regular sex. And to be quite honest with you, it doesn't actually take that long when you think about it, especially as men age. But what is ruining our relationships and our intimacy? Well, there's probably a lot of things probably not paying attention to your partner, probably being so busy and also putting forth this perception of perfection and, you know, working so hard to make everything look so amazing and not really taking the time to be with your partner. But another thing that has entered our world, so has penetrated our world so deeply, especially in the last five to 10 years, is technology, and technology can undermine immediate interpersonal interactions and it can interfere or basically intrude into every single social interaction that you have, either between couples or within families. It's a big problem, not just for couples, but also for kids as well.
Speaker 1:The Sunday Night Health Show podcast is brought to you by Couples Co, because you know what they say life's too short for bad sex. Couples Co is committed to everyone having better relationships and sex through intimacy, play and pleasure. So head on over to the website couplescocom. That's couplescocom, because you know what they say life's too short for bad sex. The 2015 American Sociological Association revealed that women initiate almost 70% of divorces and you know, by the time they initiate the divorce, they are over it. They are done. Everybody else begins the grieving process and they're shocked, but the women are done. They've processed it, they've grieved it. They are moving on. They have often met somebody else. They are moving on. They have often met somebody else, and sexual frequency in married couples has declined in America, but stayed steady among the unpartnered, reducing the marital partner advantage for sexual frequency.
Speaker 1:These stats from Medical News Today review are so fascinating, are so fascinating and it's something that one must pay attention to. In a marriage, 1.7% of men in a married couple don't have sex at all, compared to 1.3% of women. 5.2% of men in a married couple have sex one to two times per year, compared to 5.5% of women. 35.4% of men in a married couple have sex one to three times per month, compared to 32.4% of women. I'd say the women are having just a bit more sex than the men, but that's not what we think, is it? 57.6% of men in a married couple have sex weekly or more, compared to 60.9% of women. No, I didn't say 69. I said 60.9%.
Speaker 1:And men with lower income those who have an annual income of greater than or equal to $50,000 versus those who have an income of $0 to $10,000 are more likely to be in a sexless marriage. And men in part-time or those who are jobless versus those in full-time employment are more likely to be in a sexless marriage. Jobs are important to men. Jobs are important to women as well, but oftentimes men self-identify through their job. It makes them feel masculine weak, that they are supporting their partner. It's very difficult when a man loses his job, more so than when a woman loses her job, just because women can have a tendency to be a bit more resourceful, get out there and of course I'm generalizing here, but it's very difficult and it's also tied to sexless marriages.
Speaker 1:12% of midlife women report low libido in a sexless marriage. And you know the reason for low libido can be so multifaceted and multidisciplinary and so many different reasons, so variable. But the number one reason is fatigue, and you know women are exhausted. Doing it all, they're never doing it, and you know what it's. That also some self-care and also that you don't have to be type B, everything to everybody, because that can lead to fatigue and women put their relationships on the back burner.
Speaker 1:7% of women 65 and older report low libido in a sexless marriage. But you know low libido can also be related to vaginal dryness, painful sex. That can lead to low sexual desire because the estrogen receptors decrease in the urogenital tract after menopause and even sometimes in the years leading up to menopause, and so it can lead to vaginal dryness, decreased elasticity and pain with sex and that can lead to low libido. Who wants to do something when it's going to hurt? 33% of women age 45 and above are distressed about their lack of sexual desire, and only 48% of married women want sex on a regular basis after four years of marriage. That's because we have a hormone in the brain that decreases PEA, and that decreases after about 18 months to four years, and and so it's kind of physiological and it's sort of associated with, you know, the expected time of of procreation, and Princeton behavioral economists asked a thousand women which life activities made them happiest.
Speaker 1:Guess what women ranked as number one? No, not shoes, not shopping, not chocolate, not wine. Women ranked sex as number one. Something else that's interesting and related to the divorce rates is that women with exactly two previous sex partners before marriage have higher divorce rates than those with three to nine partners. Interesting, maybe they didn't feel like they've had enough, and more than 6% of married women say it's been over a year since they had sex with their partners.
Speaker 1:Now, I deal with this all the time. Oftentimes women in sexless marriages will say to me that their husbands are patient it's been two years, five years, 10 years but they're not. Men will cheat in a sexless marriage. Women will cheat to leave a sexless marriage, but men cheat when they are in a sexless marriage especially. They cheat for a number of other reasons and a lot of men have cheated even when they have been sexually active with their wives.
Speaker 1:I had a patient this week. Married 35 years, um husband met somebody half his age I think he was 60 and he's now with a 30-year-old woman. But she said you know what? What's wrong with me? First of all that was her first response. What's the matter with this, she said. I said there's nothing the matter with you.
Speaker 1:It's for a number of reasons and you really have to dive in to find out the why. It could be related to ego, it could be related to trying to figure something else out. It could be related to, you know, issues in the relationship, resentment that had built up that was never discussed, the communication breakdown. But she also said you know, when we were having sex, we were having great sex. I don't understand it and you know what? Sometimes it's very difficult to understand, but it's. It happens to young people, it happens to older people, it happens to middle-aged people and 30% of men have had an affair in a marriage and sometimes they're found out and sometimes time just passes and nobody knows. But women also have affairs as well. Women have affairs for different reasons than men at times, but it's different for everybody.
Speaker 1:But I feel like it's really important that people understand going into a marriage it's not always going to be perfectionist. There's going to be ups and downs. There's going to be good times and bad times, hard times. Feelings are going to get hurt, egos are going to get in the way and also sex is oftentimes put on the back burner. Sex is ignored, the partner is ignored and sometimes at the end of the day when you plop into bed because you've been running around with the kids and the PTA and with your job and with friends and book club and you're exhausted by the end of the day, nobody wants to have sex, but maybe your spouse does, and accepting your partner's advances can actually help with low sexual desire. But that fatigue, that fatigue is real. But my recommendation is make your marriage a priority.
Speaker 1:Again, I'm Maureen McGrath and make sure you listen to the next two episodes One about erectile dysfunction another contributor to a sexless marriage and the next one about low sexual desire. I'm Maureen McGrath and you're listening to my Health Podcast. Thanks so much for tuning in. Thanks so much for tuning in. I'm Maureen McGrath and you have been listening to the Sunday Night Health Show Podcast. If you want to hear this podcast or any other segment again, feel free to go to iTunes, Spotify or Google Play or wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts. You can always email me nursetalk at hotmailcom or text the show 604-765-9287. That's 604-765-9287. Or head on over to my website for more information. Maureenmcgrathcom, it's been my pleasure to spend this time with you.
Speaker 1:This podcast is brought to you by life 360 innovations, the creators of the contino urethral insert, a non-surgical health canada licensed medical device for men with stress urinary incontinence. Contino is easy to use and blocks the flow of urine without the need for adult diapers or pads. More than just a medical device, the Contino Care Program connects you with experienced medical professionals and creates a personalized treatment plan that provides ongoing support so you can get back to life. Go to MyContinocom to see if Contino is right for you and book your free continence assessment. Get bladder leakage control with Contino and get back to living. Remember, go to MyContinocom. That's M-Y-C-O-N-T-I-N-Ocom, mycontinocom.