#86 - Love, Trauma, And The Cost Of Service: A Wife's Fight For Healing & Justice w/Katelyn Roberts

Five minutes after a tense goodbye, her phone rang. A stranger said her husband—an on-duty motor cop—was down. What followed is a raw, unfiltered journey through trauma, a broken workers’ comp system, and the quiet heroism it takes to hold a family together when institutions look away.

We walk you through the scene: a mangled bike, a hallway lined with uniforms, and the breath held until he wiggled his toes. The medical list runs long—shattered wrists, fractured vertebrae, TBI—but the emotional ledger is heavier: insomnia, anger, isolation, and a “brotherhood” that went silent the moment the badge came off. She became an advocate and an archivist, documenting everything while fighting denials and delays that turned healing into a second job.

The crazy ups and downs of Katelyn's story put life in perspective of what curveballs life can throw when you least expect it, followed by how you pivot towards life's curveballs. If you love a first responder—or are one—this conversation gives you a playbook: never let them leave angry, create space to decompress before you probe, document relentlessly, learn your benefits before the worst day, and question protocols that keep families sick and stuck. We also talk identity after the uniform, moving to start fresh, and why purpose beats platitudes when the cameras are off.

To watch Episode #86, like and subscribe: https://youtu.be/LtLt0DwADdY

If this resonated, tap follow, share with a first responder family, and leave a review telling us the one resource you wish you had on day one. Your story could be the lifeline someone else needs.

Chapters

• 0:00 The Call No Spouse Wants
• 10:44 Introducing A Life Behind The Badge
• 18:50 Marriage, Shift Life, And Identity
• 27:20 The Crash, ER Triage, First Fears
• 36:40 Injuries, Surgeries, And Survival
• 47:40 Home From Hospital, New Reality
• 57:20 Workers’ Comp Maze And Lawyers
• 1:09:30 Mental Health, Isolation, And Anger
• 1:20:00 Systemic Failures And “Brotherhood”
• 1:31:20 Fighting The City, Ratings, And Money
• 1:42:00 Turning To Peptides And Alternatives
• 1:54:00 Sleep, Weight, Recovery Protocols
• 2:04:30 Question Everything In Healthcare
• 2:16:00 Cancer Found Early, Big Decisions
• 2:27:30 Double Mastectomy And Recovery

Transcript

SPEAKER_04: 0:00

He goes to leave. Five minutes later, my cell phone is ringing. And it was some guy with an accent. And he was like, is this Officer Roberts' wife? He's been in an accident on the way in to work. Nobody called. They had no idea. Holding my five-month-old. I have to keep it together no matter what he looks like. I don't know how much time he has. I don't know how hurt he is. Like, I need to put my game face on. My only thought was I need to get to where he's at.

SPEAKER_02: 0:44

Hello.

SPEAKER_01: 0:44

Welcome to the show. First, we got we're gonna send you home with a delicious loaf of bread from the sour bee that the girls whipped up. They're actually baking and finishing the your round right now. So you'll get a nice fresh hot loaf leave in here. I know. I don't know if we'll have cookies, but we'll have some goodness. So I'm really excited for this conversation because there's a demographic of wives in this country that I feel no one ever talks about, and that is law enforcement and first responder wives. I want to lump the veteran wives into that, but not really, because you all are dealing with this day in and day out of being married to a cop, which you were, and the firefighter wives and the paramedic wives of being, and obviously there's a lot of women that are in that law enforcement field as well, but the wives side of it doesn't ever really get talked about, at least that I don't see. And you guys go through a lot of shit because you're dealing with husbands that are in the trenches every day, dealing with the most negative, horrible part of society almost on a daily basis, and then they bring a lot of that home. So I like having these conversations with wives because what I've learned over a lifetime with my wife and having an organization is that a good, solid wife is the foundation and a rock for everything when it comes to us men that are struggling and battling shit. So you could either make or break us. During your time with your husband, he was injured on his motorcycle while on duty as a cop. He ended up T-boning a car that made a turn in front of him and ended up in the hospital and pretty tore up from it, which would led to him being medically retired from being a cop.

SPEAKER_04: 2:31

Medically retired.

SPEAKER_01: 2:32

During this time, now you are whole half in the shift gears. I've gone through my wrecks with, and I know my wife has had to take care of me, and it's not fun. During that time, there was a lot that happened with the department kind of being abandoned in a way. I'm not gonna put words in your mouth, but there's there was a lot that didn't happen after your husband was I'd say almost killed after seeing the photos and everything.

SPEAKER_04: 2:55

Yeah, we have it all on video, it's pretty crazy.

SPEAKER_01: 2:58

Yeah. And you ended up calling into dispatch that your husband was involved in this accident. Okay, that's wild to me. I want to know if you saw this go down or you were there. And also at the same time, you're a mother, you're a wife, you are a cancer survivor. Breast cancer, you fought and beat, which congratulations to that. And on top of it, you're an entrepreneur. This whole entire journey has kind of helped you find, I don't want to say find who you are, but find this new chapter. And now you're really passionate about helping spouses and women get their bodies back on track and and a lot of other things through biobabe society.

SPEAKER_04: 3:41

Right.

SPEAKER_01: 3:41

So I want to dump jump into all of that. We have a lot to cover, so let's just let's just get into this. Who the hell are you and where are you from?

SPEAKER_04: 3:49

I am actually originally from Southern California. Shocking out here in Idaho now.

SPEAKER_00: 3:53

What part?

SPEAKER_04: 3:53

Um, we're from Orange County. Okay. Well, I'm from Long Beach, the LBC. Um, my husband worked in Orange County. He's from Orange County. Um, but met so funny, met online. I'm gonna date myself right now. We met on eHarmony.

SPEAKER_01: 4:06

So our guests yesterday, they met on eHarmony.

SPEAKER_04: 4:09

I love this. That's yeah. I'm like, I'm totally gonna date myself. It was not like it, Tinder wasn't a thing back then.

SPEAKER_01: 4:13

Okay.

SPEAKER_04: 4:13

Um met on eHarmony and almost didn't go out with him because he had a picture in his police uniform, and I wanted nothing to do with that.

SPEAKER_00: 4:22

I don't blame you.

SPEAKER_04: 4:23

Yeah, I was like, absolutely not. And he's three years younger than me. So I was like, oh God. I was I think I was 27 and he was 24. And I'm like, ew, he's in a copy. And then I switched and he was in the reserves for the army, and it was like his army, and I was like, duh, even worse. And then Marines would have been like the popping. And then I went again, and then he was like in a cowboy hat with his nephews, and I was like, oh, he's kind of cute. So that's like the big joke. And I don't have anybody in my family in law enforcement. I have a cousin who serves in the Air Force, um, but like I'm not in the shift life worlds. Like my mom's a teacher, and my dad worked for Southern California Edison, like we lived a pretty normal standard. So that was a whole we started dating um three days before he started field training for Huntington. Okay. Okay. And so being in that world is nuts. I'm pretty independent. I've always I was a college athlete, like I coach college volleyball. So I've always been super independent. So it kind of worked for us because I didn't need someone there all the time.

SPEAKER_01: 5:25

That is a perfect match, I would say. If you were a needy woman dating a service member, law enforcement not for you.

SPEAKER_04: 5:32

It'll never work.

SPEAKER_01: 5:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04: 5:33

So it it was good, but I also was learning a lot, right? Like, okay, so we don't do holidays on normal days. We don't like, don't plan a dinner because you're not gonna be home in time. No doubt some criminal is gonna steal something five minutes before he shifts over, and they're like, see you in seven hours. Um, so that's kind of how I got into it, and then we got married, and then we had kids. And so when my husband got in his accident, our kids were four, two, and five months old.

SPEAKER_00: 5:59

Four, two, and five months old. Yes. Damn, okay. So that's a handful.

SPEAKER_04: 6:03

It was a handful. And I teach, I'm a professor at the colleges down in California. Okay. I've been doing that for 13 years now.

SPEAKER_00: 6:10

Good for you.

SPEAKER_04: 6:11

And so I still had a job, and I also waitressed part-time because uh the big joke is everyone calls me the Jamaican because I always have 10 jobs. Okay, and that's just how I've always been. I I just like to be self-sufficient, and so why not? And so I was doing all those things and he got into motor school. So that was his dream. And I was pregnant when he got into motor school, and I was like, With which kid?

SPEAKER_01: 6:35

The last kid? The last kid.

SPEAKER_04: 6:37

And so he had just finished motor school when the accident happened. He was on his third day of FTO when this happened. So he never even got to really do it to it, which is Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01: 6:48

How long has he been a cop by this point?

SPEAKER_04: 6:50

Ten years. He started, he was like one of those fresh in at 21. Okay, always wanted to be a cop, dad was a cop, like knew it from the beginning that he wanted to be a cop.

SPEAKER_01: 6:59

So during this time, when you guys meet, you're now you're introduced to the law enforcement community. Yes. Which is the same, the military, it's it's a whole world of its own on the spouse side of things. Right. The learning, the the learning curve, the lingo, just the lifestyle of being married to somebody that is serving their country in either way. How are you processing? I know you're independent, but are you just like, oh shit, like or do you know getting into it, like, okay, this is how it's gonna be.

SPEAKER_04: 7:30

Um, I didn't really know how it was gonna be, but it's interesting because I think there's a section of cop wives who identify as I'm a cop wife.

SPEAKER_00: 7:39

For sure.

SPEAKER_04: 7:40

Like that is my whole identity, that is my being, thin blue line, everything. I am that is who I am. And that was not me. Like I'm like married to a cop, which is cool. For sure. And like I'm so proud of everything he does, but also like I'm a teacher, like I have two degrees. Like I'm a mom, I'm a friend. Like, so there's also a divide in the cop world, I think, the wife world. Oh, for sure. Like bleed blue, and then like, oh, it's all right, like get home on time. Like get home safe. Yeah, get home safe and make it home.

SPEAKER_01: 8:08

So which is a it's it's a mat that. So in the military, we call them dependopotamuses. Oh, yeah. I don't know what you guys have a term for dependent, is the one my husband's a gunny and he served his country. And so, like, my wife, when I brought her into the world, she didn't know anything. She just knew I was a Marine. Like, I didn't tell her what I so we'd go to like Marine Corps balls and stuff, and they'd be like, So what's your husband do? What rank is he? And she's like, uh, he's him over there, and uh, he probably does what all your other husbands do. And like, she just I just kept that's how I kept her because I watched all these wives and how they'd use their husband's rank, even though I was an E6, like, cool, but she didn't even it took her years. Not that she didn't care, but I just kept her out of it because I I didn't even wear my uniform home. I came home in civilian clothes. Like I was I was me when I walked in that front door, so it took her a long time to like learn stuff because I would look at these other wives and be like, I don't want that. Like we're just I'm just a marine, I go home, I'm not even one anymore. And so that's how I kept her. So there you're right, there is a divide in there. There's the women that my husband bleeds the blue line or the red, whatever it is, and then the other ones are like, Yeah, my husband serves and cool, I'm proud of him.

SPEAKER_04: 9:18

Yeah, and we were also in Southern California, remind you, like it's post-2020. Okay, and you know, all of the riots had gone on, you know, we were nobody likes cops. So, like he never broadcasts like I'm a cop. And he, I was pretty lucky that he there's also, I think, a set of cops that like, I am a cop and that is all I am, and then I'm a cop, it's my job. And I was very lucky. My husband was on the I'm a cop, it's my job, it's not who I am type of thing. Well, so he said until after getting injured. Um, and then so I mean, for me, with that, it was I was still like, you should be home changing diapers too. Like it was never like, I don't know. So he when he got into the motors, that was a hard time because we had a newborn baby and motor school is so hard. So I was doing all the stuff at night while still going to work, making sure he was sleeping, right? Because it's important for him, because it's dangerous, yada yada. And I think there is a lot of like resentment that can come from that because my job's important, I bring home money too. But so before the accident, uh, we got in a fight right before he left for work that day.

SPEAKER_03: 10:21

No.

SPEAKER_04: 10:21

Which I think something people don't talk about is you if you are a cop spouse, right, or police spouse or anyone in the service, like there is that real threat that they're not coming home. And I think you learn to put it in the back of your head, right? Like, if I thought about it every time he went to work, I'd be a basket case. Yeah. So you're doing normal married stuff, and you're like, I didn't sleep last night with this baby, you need to be up more, blah, blah, blah, blah, before they go into work, which I'm sure any other husband and wife do in the morning when they're, you know, newborn phase, tired, whatever. So we had argued right before he left on this day, because I was like, You're not, I'm tick of getting up by myself, whatever. And he was mad. And I still have a text I sent him, like, here's the sleep training schedule we're gonna use on our five-month-old, like literally right before he left the house.

SPEAKER_01: 11:05

Did you at least get a kiss goodbye?

SPEAKER_04: 11:08

No, I don't think I did. So these are also things I've learned after this whole life lesson right there.

SPEAKER_01: 11:13

That's a rule in our house. You never leave angry and never leave without a kiss.

SPEAKER_04: 11:16

Exactly. So I was like, Oh, whatever. So he goes to leave, and five minutes later, my cell phone is ringing, right? And I it's from him, and I'm like, God, this idiot forgot something. He's running late, he's gonna be like, Bring it outside for me, because I forgot, you know, like I'm like, God damn it. So I answer the phone. That's exactly, yeah, exactly. He's like, I forgot. So I answer the phone, and it was some guy with an accent. And he was like, Is this Officer Roberts' wife? And I'm holding my five-month-old. And uh the first thing out of my mouth was, is he dead? And he's like, Well, no, he's been in an accident. And again, this is not a cop calling me. This is apparently my husband handed somehow, which his hands were like handed his phone to some civilian who ran up to help him and said, Call my wife. On the ground.

SPEAKER_01: 12:06

How I'm trying to I'm trying to imagine what like your what is your thought process at this point? Like this has to be the like terrified level max immediately.

SPEAKER_04: 12:16

Yeah, I was and so when I asked the guy, I was like, he said, no, he's been in an accident. He didn't say no when I asked if he's dead. He just said, he's been in an accident. I said, Is he dead? And he was like, Well, he told us to call you. And I could hear him in the background, like mumbling, like not making sense, but I was like, okay, I can hear him.

SPEAKER_00: 12:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_04: 12:34

And then I went into like both my degrees are in kinesiology. So like I went into my CPR first aid teacher mode, and I was like, Okay, is he bleeding anywhere? And they were like, Not that we can tell. And I said, Don't move him. Do not move him until someone is there. Just make sure he doesn't get hit, but don't move him, don't try to move him, nothing. And I'm like, and then I just hung up the phone.

SPEAKER_01: 12:57

So he's right down the road.

SPEAKER_04: 12:59

He's maybe three miles away. Maybe on the way to work. And so I called my mom who's working, she's a teacher, and I said, get home, Jeremy's been an accident, gotta go by, hang up the phone. She's books it off of school. And our godmom lived around the corner.

SPEAKER_00: 13:16

Okay.

SPEAKER_04: 13:16

So I'm like, I can't take a baby to an accident scene. So I like put my five-month-old in the car seat, threw a diaper on top of her, dropped her around the corner at my godmom's house and was like, My mom's on her way. Like, and took off to go get there. So on the way, I called because he wasn't into work yet, because he was on his way in to work. So I'm like, I don't know if anybody knows he's hurt. I don't know why that's where my head went.

SPEAKER_01: 13:42

For sure. But I was like, Oh, I don't know. You're in damage control mode now. You're not going to be able to do that. At this point, I'm like, we gotta figure out what's going on. Everything is is checked.

SPEAKER_04: 13:49

So I had the inside dispatch line, the one that's directly to dispatch, because I had been pregnant and he had you he was like, hey, if you can't get a hold of me, call dispatch. They'll dispatch me that you're going into labor, whatever.

SPEAKER_01: 14:00

Okay, that's cool. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04: 14:01

So I called inside, I'm like, the guy, Adam, shout out to Adam. He answered and he was like, you know, hey, and I was like, Hi, um, I'm Officer Roberts' wife, and he's been in a really bad accident. I don't think he's gonna make it into work today. And they were like, What? And I'm like, I don't know who I'm supposed to tell. And so they had no idea he'd been hit.

SPEAKER_01: 14:18

Nobody had called in yet?

SPEAKER_04: 14:19

Nobody had called in to hunting. They couldn't tell whose bike it was. Like what cops, like what department it was, because right in that area it could have been Long Beach, it could have been Huntington, it could have been Seal Beach, it could have been like four different departments. And his and his bike was so mangled they couldn't tell which department it was from.

SPEAKER_01: 14:37

So how much time has it elapsed by this point? By the time you get the call, drop your kid off, and then you call dispatch. I mean, you're talking five minutes, ten less. Maybe fifteen minutes, fifteen minutes. Okay, and nobody Nobody called.

SPEAKER_04: 14:50

They had no idea.

SPEAKER_01: 14:51

And so then your husband's been laying here for at least 15 minutes.

SPEAKER_04: 14:55

Right. Well, then someone, the civilian, had called. So I get I get to the accident scene, drive my little minivan over there, and I run up on the scene, I'm like, that's my husband's bike, where did you take him? Because he was gone at that point. And the guy was like, Wait, what? And because they didn't call me, the police didn't call me, so they didn't know that someone had called me. So, you know, they're all like, Oh shit, somebody called the wife, like, oh god, who called the wife, you know? So and they were like, wait, wait, wait, what? And I was like, That's my husband's bike. Where did you take him? And they're like, Oh, well, we took him to the hospital, like, but I'm like, Okay, let's go. And they were like, Well, you can't drive. And I was like, Then who's driving me? Like, it was kind of I got to see the body cam footage back of myself coming to the scene.

SPEAKER_00: 15:37

That was uh It was wild.

SPEAKER_04: 15:38

I was like, Man, I was pretty calm. Go me.

SPEAKER_00: 15:40

Were you?

SPEAKER_04: 15:41

I actually was like, I do have it, yeah. We can show you.

SPEAKER_01: 15:44

So you pull up on the scene, you see your husband's bike mangled in the street, nobody. How are you saying so like what what are you is this m I mean you're pretty calm, but like what's going on internally in your because I feel like my wife would be absolute batshit crazy.

SPEAKER_04: 16:02

Yeah, I mean, at that point, I just needed to get to my only thought was get to him. Yes. Because again, I don't know, he could look like ground beef at this point. And I don't know how much time he has, I don't know how hurt he is. Like, I need to get to where he's at. So when they were like, Well, what how'd you get here? I'm like, I drove my minivan. Does somebody want to take my minivan? Like, get me there. And so they're like, We're gonna put you in the back of a cop car. I'm like, that's fine. Here are my keys, my minivan's over there, here's my address, take it home. And so then they were like, We'll take it home for you. And as I'm like hopping in the car, I'll never forget, they were like, I guess I had to have like some sort of like terrible sense of humor to survive this as well. And so as they were like, We're gonna take your car home, I'm like hopping in the cop car, and he's like, I'm like, Can you get it washed on your way too? Like, and they were like, seriously? I'm like, Well, maybe I was trying to get a free car wash out of it. But so I get in this cop car and then he drives me and he's so nice and he's trying to make me feel better, right? Like he's like, it doesn't look that bad. Like it's maybe just his wrist. And I finally looked at him, like, thank you for doing your job. But like, I saw the wreckage. Like, I'm in for I don't know what, but it's not just like a broken wrist.

SPEAKER_01: 17:07

Do you know this officer?

SPEAKER_04: 17:09

I don't.

SPEAKER_01: 17:09

Okay.

SPEAKER_04: 17:10

But uh, first, one of the officers on scene that was first ended up being a friend of ours from Long Beach. So he hopped in the ambulance with my husband. Okay. So they were like, James is with him. I'm like, okay, at least he's with somebody. And then they took us, and he didn't even go lights and sirens. I was like, dude, whoop-de-woop, I know how these things work. Turn it on, move these people out of my way. Let's go. Um, so I get there, and then right before we went into the ER, I still don't know what's what I'm gonna find. And he, I stopped, told the cop, give me a second, I need to put my game face on. And he was like, What do you mean? And I was like, I have to keep it together no matter what he looks like in there. He does not need me to lose it, even if he looks like a hamburger. Like, I cannot show it.

SPEAKER_01: 17:52

You don't know if he's gonna be an amputee. No idea. Paraplegia, you don't know anything.

SPEAKER_04: 17:57

And I'm like, I have to keep it together for his sake because he's probably like I I can cry later, but I have to mentally prepare myself to see the worst.

SPEAKER_03: 18:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04: 18:06

So he like lets me in and it was I told my friend it's like a movie. Like the lot the walls are like lined with cops, the like bay doors swing open, and everyone stops and just looks at you.

SPEAKER_01: 18:18

How's that feeling?

SPEAKER_04: 18:19

Terrifying.

unknown: 18:20

Okay.

SPEAKER_04: 18:20

You feel like it's like a death march.

SPEAKER_01: 18:22

Why? Oh, because of that?

SPEAKER_04: 18:23

Yeah, because I'm like, everyone just stops and stares, and they're like, the wife's here. And you're like, everyone just has this like super concerned look, right? And you don't know what you're walking into. Worst case. And I'm just like, okay.

SPEAKER_01: 18:36

There's that many cops there, and the look on their face, it's serious.

SPEAKER_04: 18:40

And then a nurse comes out and she's like, Are you Officer Roberts' wife? And I was like, uh-huh. And she's like, He's been asking for you. I was like, Okay, okay, he remembers me. Step one, we're all right. So then I got in there, um, got the trombone. He had both wrists were wrapped, he's in a C collar, stuff all over him. And I walk in and they're like, Well, the CT scan came back and said clean, like no blood on the brain. I was like, okay, that's step one. And then they're like, sir, can you wiggle your toes? And I held my breath because I'm like, Am I gonna be, you know, what are we dealing with? And he could. So I was like, okay, we're not paralyzed, we're not brain damaged, we can deal with everything else. Like, fine. So I did lean over, and he the first thing he said to me when he saw me was, Am I ever gonna be a cop again? First words out of his mouth. And I lied. I was like, Yeah, absolutely, sure, no problem. And he's over here with scary movie hand, like, use your strong hand, you know, like just all bent up. And I'm like, Yeah, of course you're gonna be a cop again. And then I did tell him if he would have died and left me with three kids, I would have woke him up and killed him myself.

SPEAKER_01: 19:41

That's that way it says, Yeah.

SPEAKER_04: 19:44

Yeah, I was like, um, babe, if you would have died and left me with three kids, I would have woken you up and ran you over with a car myself. But um, yeah, so then it was kind of like a whirlwind. They let my mother-in-law in and she was a mess. And I was like, She's gotta go, gotta get out. Like, poor thing saw her son like that. But I was like, not the time. Like, we can't. So then it just was like, now what do we do? So all of the injuries ended up being two shattered wrists, um, broken sternum, broken collarbone, three fractured vertebrae, one which was at the bottom of his neck, which was C7. C6 would have paralyzed him.

SPEAKER_01: 20:20

I cracked my C7 in an ATV wreck.

SPEAKER_04: 20:22

Yeah. C7, T2, T4. We're all T4, what you know, T2 was a 50% burst fracture, so it lost 50% of his height and like spread out, so it's hitting nerves. And then, I mean, later on we realized obviously there was a concussion, but obviously it was a traumatic brain injury. Yeah. It was like the final realization. But they weren't sure about C7, so he wasn't allowed to stand and went into surgery that night for both of his wrists because they were so shattered. They did a sm he still has a permanent plate in his left.

SPEAKER_01: 20:50

Oh, so he landed face first.

SPEAKER_04: 20:52

He went two hands over, head hit the top of the car, and then flew 30 feet past the car.

SPEAKER_01: 20:58

His head hit the top of the car?

SPEAKER_04: 20:59

It was a small profile car. That's the only thing that saved his life.

SPEAKER_01: 21:02

Oh, for sure. If it would have been any other car, a van or a truck, you're smashing. He would have been dead. So his hands, did they do you think that they snapped from the the handlebars or from hitting the car?

SPEAKER_04: 21:13

Snap from the handlebars, I think.

SPEAKER_01: 21:14

And like that happens a lot in steering wheels.

SPEAKER_04: 21:17

So it snapped from the handlebars, snapped, and then hit the head on the top, and then like almost like somersault it. You can well see it in the video, him like somersaulting through the air and then Who's got the video of this? We do. I haven't.

SPEAKER_01: 21:28

Where did the video come from?

SPEAKER_04: 21:30

It's like a full accent, like you see it all happen.

SPEAKER_01: 21:33

Was it his fault?

SPEAKER_04: 21:34

Nope. Zero percent my husband's fault.

unknown: 21:37

Okay.

SPEAKER_04: 21:37

The kid did an illegal U-turn across three lanes of traffic.

SPEAKER_01: 21:40

And hit a in a cop hit by a cop.

SPEAKER_04: 21:42

Also, everyone used to ask, like, are you pissed at this kid? And I'm like, listen, he was 22. He's sitting on the curb, he wasn't drunk, he wasn't high. We've all done dumb shit. We've all been young and been like, Yeah, I could get there, and didn't see him. Like, could you imagine getting out of the car in your first car accident and you think you killed a cop? No. So, am I mad? No. Like, it was it's an act called an accident for a reason. It wasn't on purpose. But I'm like, seriously, bro. But so Damn. Yeah. Okay. So we have it on film. It's pretty wild.

SPEAKER_01: 22:13

I would love this film. I will see it for sure. You can play it too.

SPEAKER_04: 22:16

You can show it. It's great.

SPEAKER_01: 22:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04: 22:18

Um, not great.

SPEAKER_01: 22:19

So they got the whole thing, like him hitting the ground and everything.

SPEAKER_04: 22:22

They got him flying off the top and then he falls out of frame. Oh. But yeah, we didn't get to see, so he landed on his back.

SPEAKER_00: 22:29

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_04: 22:30

So um, I do have the body cam footage of them running up to see him and like how they thought he was like paralyzed because his arms were like stuck up like this, like when he was laying on his back. So I thought he had a spinal, like full-blown spinal injury, but he he doesn't remember any of that. None of it.

SPEAKER_01: 22:47

Doesn't remember calling you or telling the dude to call you.

SPEAKER_04: 22:49

He doesn't remember the first four. He was in the hospital for 17 days, and he doesn't remember the first 13 of them. What? Because he was on so much drugs. Okay. And I have to remind him. I'm like, remember all the things I did for you in those? Like, I remind him of everything I was doing. Sure. Yeah, like and then I did this, and I did don't forget I did this. Yeah, because I went through hell. Yeah. So let me remind you. Yes. Yeah. So I mean, we went in, they're like, okay, he's got to go into surgery. So then I'm like, okay, I have two kids to pick up from school. My mom has my baby. He's gonna go into surgery. Now we're looking like 10 o'clock at night. So one of the cops. One of the cops brought me home. I went to shower and I have to tell my kids something's going on. So I went with Daddy needs mom's help at work. That's why this nice officer brought me home. I'm gonna change shower and go back, and grandma's gonna put you guys to bed. Totally fine. Because I didn't know what to tell them yet. Your kids are you're four and two and then five months. So I wasn't sure what to tell them, right?

SPEAKER_01: 23:43

Like, but how are they gonna process it at that age, anyways?

SPEAKER_04: 23:46

So I just said, Daddy needs mom's help. I'll be back. Because I also didn't know what kind of injuries, like and what we were looking at and how long he was gonna be there. So we get through the surgery. Surgery ends around like 3 a.m. So once he was out, I was like, all right, he's out. He's not gonna know I'm here, he's gonna be in recovery. I need to go sleep for two hours before I get up to take my kids to school in the morning and make their morning normal. I have to make their like I have to be normal for them. And then this time, I haven't cried once yet.

SPEAKER_01: 24:15

You're telling me you went home, showered, there was no breakdown at this point. My kids were there. Okay.

SPEAKER_04: 24:20

And then I get home at like three, my mom walks out and I lose it. Because I'm like, I can't, like, I couldn't cry in front of my husband. He didn't need that. Like, and then I had to logistically, I had people coming in, like, oh, do you want trauma support to come talk to you? Absolutely not. I know all those jackasses that are on trauma support. Trauma support is just guys on his squad. Like that one shoots on his wife, that one's a drunk. I don't what are they gonna come tell me?

SPEAKER_01: 24:45

You're so right though.

SPEAKER_04: 24:46

Like, what are they how are they gonna help me?

SPEAKER_01: 24:47

That sat through some some class for two days because they want the extra pay when they get the call out?

SPEAKER_04: 24:52

Like, no, thank you. Absolutely not.

SPEAKER_01: 24:54

Okay, I I okay, I could see uh okay.

SPEAKER_04: 24:57

Yeah, I'm like, I'm good. Like, thank you. Like, I don't know. And like I know who you people yeah, I know who the trauma team is. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01: 25:04

You're gonna cause more trauma than it is.

SPEAKER_04: 25:06

Like, and you can't even do it with your own trauma, so no, thank you. So that's where like I think they fail, right? Like, we should have somebody better.

SPEAKER_01: 25:14

That's my choice, is not a cop.

SPEAKER_04: 25:17

Anyone that's not a cop on his own squad that I know. Like, yeah, no. So they like ask me if they're gonna come in. I'm like, I'm cool, thanks. And then I had people like, okay, you need a lawyer. Like, this is immediately like I have POA. So I have like POA people coming in. What's POA? It's like their union, I guess I would say, like the police something, something. I that's another thing I had no idea what I was getting into. And then I had like a sergeant or I don't even know what rankings they go in. Like, I'm not in the police world, but somebody higher up was like, Well, you need to hire a lawyer for this, like, this is gonna be a big case, blah, blah. So I'm like, okay, and then I have like a lawyer calling my phone at like 9 p.m.

SPEAKER_01: 25:56

Oh god.

SPEAKER_04: 25:56

Like, okay, hire me while I'm like So these dudes are already sniffing you out. Oh, 10 out of 10. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01: 26:03

It's like that?

SPEAKER_04: 26:04

Oh yeah. Like get it done immediately.

SPEAKER_01: 26:08

They want the case.

SPEAKER_04: 26:09

Absolutely, because it was gonna be a big case.

SPEAKER_01: 26:11

That's kind of grimy though. Like the dust hasn't even settled yet, and these lawyers are already reaching out to you.

SPEAKER_04: 26:16

Oh, yeah. I already had a lawyer signed by like they wanted to sign me by like 11 p.m. as he's in surgery.

SPEAKER_01: 26:23

Same day.

SPEAKER_04: 26:24

Same day.

SPEAKER_01: 26:24

You're already lawyered up. Yep. That's insane. Okay. Is that a good or a bad thing?

SPEAKER_04: 26:30

Not a good thing, I don't think. I think if I were to give advice to any other like cop wife, know who your good workers' comp attorneys are beforehand. Like, I have n I had no idea the system, and once I tell you how shitty the system is, like, you're gonna have to fight for everything. Everything. So do your research maybe beforehand.

SPEAKER_01: 26:53

Because I mean there's nobody nobody ever expects it to happen. Nobody plans for it to happen. So when it does happen, it's a shit show. And I all the conversations that I had either on this podcast or just with buddies and people I've meet that are law enforcement that have gone through things, like they don't nobody knows anything. Like our buddy, my buddy TJ, I was telling you about earlier. No nobody even knew how to like, oh hey, we have to how do we get his wife to the hospital the next county over? And like there's no protocols that a buddy of mine got shot in the head, and like nobody even knew what to do, and they just like drove him back to the scene a little while later to like walk back through it. He's bandaged up in like a hospital gown and like wrapped around his head ever getting shot in the head. He's like, Yeah, stand it here. It's insane to me that we're in 2025, and these police departments don't have protocol procedures for wives. Like, is this what happens? Here's a list of trusted, vetted people that are gonna walk you through the system. None of that happens in the law enforcement world. Nothing. That's you have no that is wild.

SPEAKER_04: 27:59

And there's other like things that we found out later on in this experience that could have helped us sooner, but we didn't find out and nobody told us. Like, there should be like a class where they sit down all the wives. Like, no offense to you guys, but like sit down all the wives because we listen to like insurance and all these. They don't tell, yeah, they don't tell. Like, I'm sure they probably said something to my husband at some point about like, oh, get this insurance policy, blah, blah, blah. And I'm sure he was like, Yeah, sure, I'll sign it later.

SPEAKER_01: 28:25

But like, why not have like a PDF file that just a thumb drive, give this to your wife because you men are absolute retards. Exactly. Here you go, I can say that because I'm that husband. They'd be like, I gave it to him six months ago, bro.

SPEAKER_03: 28:41

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01: 28:41

Give it to you that just has a link. Hey, here's the types of insurances if your husband's injured in the line of duty. Here's low like the fact that they don't have you built out anything?

SPEAKER_04: 28:51

Have you thought about that's something I've like thought about working on is like either a class where I go around to all these places and be like, here's what you have, here's what you need to look for. They don't want you to have that information because that means you make more money.

SPEAKER_03: 29:03

For sure. And that's what I've found out.

SPEAKER_04: 29:06

That is exactly what I found out in this. It's not about taking care of our first responders, it's about what's the cheapest way to do it and how are they not gonna get as much money out of us as we want. A hundred percent. That's why they don't give it to you. You have to find it out on your own.

SPEAKER_01: 29:18

This solidifies the reason why I it blows my mind that anybody wants to be a cop.

SPEAKER_04: 29:22

Oh, I I don't know why they do it.

SPEAKER_01: 29:24

It's honestly it's mind-boggling to be like, I feel so bad for cops. I support the majority of cops. But the fact when I hear people like, I'm gonna be a cop, I'm like, terrible idea. I I get it. If you want to do it for pride and protect your community, cool, but like they're not going to have your back for the majority of the stories that I've heard. I've heard very few stories where cops were like, oh bro, they laid out the red cart I was taken care of from start to finish. My family was taken. I've I think I maybe have heard one cop.

SPEAKER_04: 29:54

Oh no.

SPEAKER_01: 29:55

You know, it's always nobody has a clue what's going on.

SPEAKER_04: 29:57

We're a family, it's a brotherhood. Brotherhood. Brotherhood, we're a family we're not a family. No. Because family doesn't do that. And that's I think that was part of also the mentally hard part of afterwards for my husband realizing I was a number. Because they're told, Oh, we have your back, your family's back, you're this, you're that. And then you realize, like, they don't care. They don't care. I was just a badge number. Now that I can't work, they don't care. And so that's what happened. We get out of the, we do the four 17 days in the hospital. He gets home. So it was December 23rd, two days before Christmas. He comes home. So mind you, this is all during Christmas time as well, where I'm like, let me try to find presents for all my kids and make man Santa magical as I'm over here going back and forth. I'm working, taking them to school, going to the hospital to talk to all of his therapists, doctors, all that, coming home, picking the kids up, getting them ready. Thank God for my parents and my friends, because I was going then I'd go back at night because the first probably seven days he couldn't feed himself.

SPEAKER_01: 30:54

Okay. I'm not trying to go like high and to the right off topic with this. No, go for it. This is why men and women are not created equal. Like there's no way a husband is doing what you're doing.

SPEAKER_04: 31:05

No.

SPEAKER_01: 31:06

I there's no way. I'm there's no way I am processing my wife in the hospital, juggling a newborn baby plus toddlers, plus a job, plus parent-laws of your own parents. This is why I women are so incredible and built so much differently than men, because there's no I'm sure I would have to do it in the situation, but you're explaining something like, oh god, no, no. No, I'm calling in the Calvary. I need everybody's help. Like, there's no way. Like the fact that you, as a mom, a wife, a stud a business owner or an employee, you have so much going on, and then now this is added to your plate, and then you just you just add in right in, and you're just running with it. I'm sure you had your struggles. Oh, absolutely. Mental breakdowns, which is more than acceptable. Absolutely. But the fact that you're able to process everything that's going, oh God, I gotta get kids fed. Okay, we gotta drop them off. I got two hours to get to the hospital. Like, that is not how a man's mind would work at all.

SPEAKER_04: 32:04

Not at all. And I remind my husband of that every day. But yeah, it's just so as I should. I'm like, remember those 17 days you were in the hospital and I was alone? Yeah, you owe me big time for the rest of it. You're like, I was going through. And so yeah, it was just wild. So we do all this. He comes home and he can't use his arms, right? Like, because he has and then the first seven days of him being in the hospital, I had to spoon feed him because he couldn't, you know, do any of that. He didn't stand for the first seven days because they weren't sure about a spinal injury. So I was at the hospital, like yanking him up on like helping pull him up and all the things, the bathroom, all of those fun things. And so we guys got really close at that point. We got, yeah. I mean, I think I've wiped everyone's butt in my house at this point. And so I bought a bidet right after I left the hospital on that one. So I was like, here we go. Not doing that when I get home. But he we get home and now I'm like, what is life now? Because he can't pick up the kids. I have a he's my fourth child. He can't use either of his arms, he can't pick up the kids. He I can't leave him home alone with the kids because he can't help. He's still injured, and I'm still trying to work, and like I can't run to the store. I he's like, I have to bathe all three kids, then help him take a bath. Like, I have to do all of those. So it was wild. And yes, his department brought me a Christmas tree. Thank you so much. Um, and then they took us on like a shopping spree for the kids for like presents. Great, super helpful. That was so nice. Yeah. And if you get a bunch of cops on someone else's dime to buy presents for kids, you end up with five foot tall nerf guns and things for my four-year-old. So I mean, like, it was pretty cool. Like they did great with that, right? Like buying the shit they want. Absolutely. They're like, Don't you want this 28,000-piece chalk set for your husband? I'm like, he hates chalk. They're like, exactly why we're buying it. Like, so they were great at the beginning. I will give them that. They they helped out the beginning, but then that quickly fades, like very quickly within a month. Okay. Within a month.

SPEAKER_01: 33:59

Um life goes on for them.

SPEAKER_04: 34:02

Right. As it should. Like, life should go on for people, but it became I had to be an advocate, right? So they're like, well, here's how you deal with workers' comp. There's no one to guide you through workers comp. No one. Not like from the department. There's no one. You have to figure it out all on your own. They hand you some paperwork, leaving the hospital. Here's who you can call to figure it out. So navigating workers comp, I mean. Those are not a rep. There's not a rep. I have a workers comp caseworker, right? But their job is to get this the city the lowest price, right? You they're not on your side, they're on the city side. For sure. So I figured that out. And so then I was like, I'm not going with that doctor. I did my research. I want this doctor. Get me an appointment with this doctor because it was a spine injury. It was, you know, a brain injury. And also he was dealing with a lot of mental health issues afterwards.

SPEAKER_01: 34:48

Oh, for sure.

SPEAKER_04: 34:49

And with a traumatic brain injury, there's also that aspect of like personality shift, anxiety, depression. He had um traumatic brain injury, insomnia, so where he wasn't sleeping more than like three hours a night, which then causes like mood shifts and swings. Oh, for sure. And when he finally realized, like, I'm not going back, which he held on for a couple months in denial, like, yeah, I'm gonna be a cop again. I'm like, like, look at you, you can't bend your wrist, you can't like shoot he can shoot a gun, but you can't fight somebody. I mean, I guess you could fight somebody, but you're a liability to your partner, you're a liability and to yourself.

SPEAKER_01: 35:24

Did you have this uncomfortable talk with your husband? Like, did you have to or did it click in him that he wasn't gonna be a cop anymore?

SPEAKER_04: 35:32

It was kind of a back and forth a little bit. Like I tried to stay positive and like, hey, I will help you, we will do everything we can, but kind of as he kept going through physical therapy, realizing like my hand's never gonna be the same, and then realizing like my back is never gonna be the same, and then realizing like with the head trauma, he was like, I'm never gonna be a cop.

SPEAKER_01: 35:50

So then that crushes morale. Oh. And then while you're going through a healing process, which you need max level morale to help with the healing and the move your body to not be stagnant, now he's processing that his career's done.

SPEAKER_04: 36:04

Career is done and no one is reaching out. Not one guy that's his friend from his squad is checking. Not one.

SPEAKER_01: 36:11

That is the most common shit. Dude, this whole blue life blue line brotherhood is the biggest crock of shit. I've never heard any cop ever be like, yeah, but they they still have my back after leaving. No. Unless they were in a tight unit, like some US Marshall unit or SWAT team, guys that were like tight, typical on-the-road cops, you do there's nobody that cares about you.

SPEAKER_04: 36:33

And he had been with these guys on the same squad for three, four years at least. They all were on the crazy three north too. They were on graveyards on the weekends, which was such a pleasant one for a wife to be a part of, but they were like, brothers, and we need to do it together. No. No, not one person. And when they did reach out, it was when you're gonna stop faking, get your butt back to work. Instead of like and maybe that's just the way they cope too, but like instead of being like, hey man, how are you doing? And it was like, no, like you're being a bitch. Get back to work, type of stuff. Which I get like how guys talk, but like he's obviously not in that mindset, right? And he's dealing with a lot of struggles, and I couldn't share that with anybody because I'm protecting my husband, right? Like, sure, I'm not gonna tell my parents when he's having these, like he's having anxiety, and I've already talked to my husband, he said I have free reign to say everything. So, like, um, you know, like he has was having anxiety attacks, like, would be in the closet. He was supposed to take our son to a um a Boy Scout thing finally, a couple like a couple months after.

SPEAKER_03: 37:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04: 37:34

Found him in the closet crying because he couldn't go because he was having an anxiety attack.

SPEAKER_01: 37:38

Oh shit. Mm-hmm. And was what's his triggers though? Like, what's what's setting this anxiety attack?

SPEAKER_04: 37:44

We didn't know. It was they would randomly come on and then he got really depressed and then laid on the couch and drank. And he wasn't a drinker before.

SPEAKER_01: 37:53

Okay.

SPEAKER_04: 37:53

So now as a The Hard conversation comes about six months after when his temper is flaring, right? Okay. He's laying on the couch, I'm going to work, coming back, and he's still on the same spot. There's like dishes. I'm like, you could have at least got up and like done something, and he's got three high noons cracked next to him, and it's noon. Okay. And I'm like, mm-mm, no. And so that's a really hard balance of like to kick a dog when he's down, right? Or tough love. And at that point, I finally had a conversation. We were on the way to one of his spinal doctors, and I just started crying in the car. And I said, My house doesn't feel like home. I don't feel peace in my house. My kids and I will not live like this. And I will support you if you're willing to get help. But if I don't see you getting help, I'm out.

SPEAKER_01: 38:36

Okay. That's a tough conversation.

SPEAKER_04: 38:38

It that was the hardest conversation I've done. How long have you guys been together? We've now been married. At that point. At that point, oh God.

unknown: 38:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_04: 38:45

Liam was like four. We got married like in a year and a half of meeting each other. So it'd be like five, six years. Okay. So I mean, like, we were in it, but I it was a hard conversation, and it's a hard conversation to have because you know he's not in a good place, but also I can't let him stay in that place.

SPEAKER_01: 39:04

The pity party can only last so long.

SPEAKER_04: 39:06

So long. And I and I and it's a hard road to navigate, like how to be supportive, how not to be supportive. And you know, we had that conversation, and I had to fight workers comp to get him. They would not cover therapy. They would not cover, I tried to get him EMDR therapy for his PTSD and brain trauma. Wouldn't cover it.

SPEAKER_01: 39:24

It's not worth it. They wouldn't cover it. Hearing these stories is not worth being a cop. There's you they already done it's not like you're making two, three hundred grand a year, then you're like, okay, well, some money's good. Like we could put some money away for insurance if we need to.

SPEAKER_04: 39:37

And that's the other thing that happened too. So they immediately put you on what they call 4850 pay after you get injured on the job before he's medically retired when he's on his disability, which is like your full pay, which is nice, tax-free.

SPEAKER_00: 39:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_04: 39:48

But cops don't make their pay on their sal. It's overtime and extra stuff is where the money comes from. So I ended up having to pick up more work. But originally I had to drop some work to be a caregiver, right?

SPEAKER_01: 39:59

What's his base pay at this point?

SPEAKER_04: 40:01

Ooh. I think he was taking home 48.50, I think, was like maybe eight grand.

SPEAKER_00: 40:08

A month?

SPEAKER_04: 40:09

In California.

SPEAKER_00: 40:10

Yeah, in Cali, that's not shit.

SPEAKER_04: 40:11

It's nothing. So he's getting that, but you only get that for a year.

SPEAKER_00: 40:16

Okay.

SPEAKER_04: 40:17

And then the the literally the moment the clock strikes midnight on December 7th, they're like 66%, that's all you get. So they drop it to 66%. And they are immediately going to answer that one and let you know, but they don't help you find where you can get more money or any of those things. So now I'm fighting workers' comp to get the care he needs because they don't answer, they don't call back. So I literally like the HR lady probably goes home and cries at night thinking about me calling because my husband is very like nice, gentle. I'm not. I'm not. I'm the bulldog in the family in general. People are like, he's just like so passive. I'm like, absolutely not. So I'm calling people four or five times a day just to get an appointment. And they don't do it, I call, I'll just call you tomorrow. And that's how it was for over a year. Really? Constant phone calls. Like it was a full-time job getting him care. Why though? Because they make you go through hoops and everything that you ask for, they have to throw and see if they'll approve it or not. And then if it doesn't get approved, then you can like go back and contest it if you really think it's necessary. Like we've had to see if his physical therapy is necessary or not.

SPEAKER_01: 41:24

That's mind-blowing to me. That it's like you have to get approved.

SPEAKER_04: 41:28

We still have to get it approved to this day because they're still in the workers' comp system for anything. They don't give you medical insurance, though. Like everyone's like, Oh, you must have great medical. Oh no. The second he retired, it was like, sure, you can pay$2,800 for Cobra for your family. Which is shit. Yeah, absolutely not. Or, and they're like, Well, he's covered lifetime, right? Is it only for injuries that were sustained in the accident? So, say he got a really bad flu and went to the ER. No. We have to have other insurance for that. So that's another, I think, big misconception is you get this like they take care of you. They do not. Oh, it's like the VA. Yeah, it's like the VA.

SPEAKER_01: 42:02

Yeah, you get it's good to see that it's not just us, but you guys get crap.

SPEAKER_04: 42:06

And it's the same thing, and you're fighting for it. And like, just as of recently, probably like a couple months ago, he has to have spinal epidurals for his um, because his nerve, this pinch with the C7, like makes his left arm go numb. So they do the spinal epidural. So we put in, it's been it had been eight months since his last one, which is a pretty good time frame, denied it. They don't think it's medically necessary. So then I had to Yeah. So then I had to go back in and fight it, which then they proved the second time around. But that took two months. So there's two months more of you hurting.

SPEAKER_01: 42:38

Yeah, pain, living in pain every day.

SPEAKER_04: 42:41

And then of course they're very quick, very, very quick, to prescribe all sorts of narcotic medication. For sure. So he had one that would knock him out to sleep and help his anxiety. Then he's like, I don't like how I feel. I feel like a zombie. They're like, Oh, well, here, take this upper to pick you up during the middle of the day, back and forth. So that's actually kind of how I got in to like peptize in alternate ways of healing.

SPEAKER_01: 43:06

Oh, because you're watching your husband just get pilled out.

SPEAKER_04: 43:09

I was just watching it happen. And I was like, I know, I know the suicide rate in cops.

SPEAKER_00: 43:16

For sure.

SPEAKER_04: 43:16

I know the addiction rate in cops, and I refused to be that statistic. I was like, I will not let that be our family. And good for you. Yeah, and it was it's a big battle to fight for sure, because I wanted to get him acupuncture and red light therapy and cryo and you know, oxygen chambers, trying anything and everything, you know, EMDR therapy for his brain, all of these things, and you can't get any of that. No, it's everything's it's not real, it doesn't work. Well, it doesn't work because it heals somebody and doesn't keep them on your payroll.

SPEAKER_01: 43:52

It's it's terrifying 99% of people I feel in this country will never experience how corrupt the medical field is unless you go through something like you and your husband have gone through. But you nailed it perfectly. Like the there's so many incredible remedies and therapies and treatments that are so simple. It's simple. But it doesn't involve big pharma and they don't ever get it approved. Like there's so many vets that get like acupuncture in their ears, and they'll put those little tabs in. These guys are getting denied like left and right. It's like just put a fucking thing in his ear and it's relieving chronic migraines from his TBI. Like, why aren't why do these guys have to fight this stuff? So Big Pharma is a shit show, and people don't realize that until you have to to do something and and get help, and it's it's it's disgusting of what oh cryotherapy can help relieve this or help start the healing of this, and oh hey, we can get this guy some peptides, or hey, he can get on some a low dose of tests to help boost his morale and get his blood flow or blood flow, get his test levels back up and give more energy and stuff. It's like why, why, why?

SPEAKER_04: 45:09

Why why does this we like sick people in this country? Sick people make a lot of money. And I I'll be the first one to tell you like growing up, I'm like, oh, the government would always be good to us. Like, yeah, I I've never would have thought twice. And then 2020 happened in California, and then I watched this happen with my husband, and then I watched the corruption at the level of the police.

SPEAKER_01: 45:36

Like what?

SPEAKER_04: 45:37

So like the chief would say, like, Oh yeah, we're gonna help you, we're gonna be there, we're gonna whatever. And then I would get stonewalled, and I'm like, hey, I'm trying to find some help. Can you tell me who to talk to? Oh, we can't talk to you, we're in a case with you. Absolutely not. Like you become like the enemy number one. Like you have guys, like the workers' comp case, they claim is a reason they can't speak with you. I wrote a letter to the city, this was probably like this past summer, to because now we're on almost year three of fighting to try to even finish the workers' comp case. Cause you have to get ratings like disability ratings, right? So they send you to the independent medical examiner, the IME, right, to rate you. So we get the first one for his orthopedics. And then I fought to have his brain injury added because that is a full-blown injury. And so then they add that. So then they sent him to a neuropsych, which is great. So then we get that, and then the lawyer's like, no, no, no, we I think we want to also do a psych. They just try to drag you till you give up. And so now we did the psych recently. So we finally got that number back probably three weeks ago, and now the city is saying, Oh, we don't like that number, so we're gonna depot the doctor.

SPEAKER_01: 46:44

What does that mean?

SPEAKER_04: 46:44

So they're gonna put him through a deposition to to see why he to see why he rated him that way.

SPEAKER_01: 46:49

And I'm like what, six months minimum?

SPEAKER_04: 46:52

At least. And so they just do all these things, and I've called in like HR magically forgets to send paperwork unless you're calling back in. And then the helmet my husband was wearing was six years expired and not his helmet in the accident, because that's also the crap that I don't understand. They do is give you God.

SPEAKER_01: 47:11

And I'm sure they'll use that against you to find out.

SPEAKER_04: 47:14

Oh no, I used it against them.

SPEAKER_01: 47:15

Good.

SPEAKER_04: 47:16

Because I'm like, he was handed this, but then again, here's where the bro code comes in. My husband was very hesitant to say who gave him the helmet because we're bros. I don't want him to get in trouble. No, no, absolutely, absolutely not. I don't care. I'll go say it.

SPEAKER_00: 47:30

Burn it all down.

SPEAKER_04: 47:31

Burn the bridge. I if I could burn that department down, I would burn the department down. But so a lot of people feel that way. Yeah, and so his helmet was given to him some by somebody else because his actual fitted helmet didn't come in until two weeks after. He didn't have his riding pants, he didn't have his right helmet, and he didn't have his jacket because the police department won't purchase it until you pass motor school. So they're going through motor school in I call them like the space balls helmets, like the old, like yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 47:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04: 47:58

He went through motor school in that that was hand me down by who knows who had it when I was doing research on his brain injury, and I still had the helmet because I kept it because I took it from them. And it had, I like opened it up. I know nothing about motorcycle helmets, but I'm like, is there an expiration date on these things? There sure is. There's a manufacture date on the inside. It was 10 years old.

SPEAKER_01: 48:17

Not to mention if it's ever been dropped.

SPEAKER_04: 48:18

Dropped. I have no history on this helmet, if it's been dropped or any in an accident, nothing. And it was 10 years old. That's six years expired.

SPEAKER_01: 48:27

And so, and it's now the now all this stacked against the department that your husband works for, and they're just now that you have a workers' comp case, now you're public enemy number one. The department immediately turns on you. So this whole brotherhood blue line bullshit. The second you file for workers' comp because your husband almost dies on the job, now they're like, oh yeah, we we no, you're on your own.

SPEAKER_04: 48:49

Yeah, and we had a personal injury attorney to try to get insurance money from the kid who hit us, right? He had an insurance policy. Yeah. Nope, said he took it.

SPEAKER_00: 48:56

Wait, what?

SPEAKER_04: 48:57

Because they said they paid for all his medical bills, so they needed to be reimbursed. What am I paying into workers' comp for then? They have the first right to take it. So that's when I What? So they took it.

SPEAKER_01: 49:12

Your husband gets in a bad wreck. You go after the other person at fault, insurance company, and the department takes it like it's their money, like it wasn't funded taxpayer money.

SPEAKER_04: 49:25

Yeah. They said, no, workers comp and the department, like the city has the first right to for any third party settlement you win on this, which I'm not like I'm just trying to get some insurance money because here we are drowning. Yeah. And they said, no, no, no, like we get to be reinversed because we paid for all your medical bills. And I said, Why do I pay in a work? Isn't that what workers comp's supposed to do? Isn't that the job of workers comp? Why we pay in out of your paycheck to it? What the fuck are you? So we fought them. Well, I fought them and said, Oh, that's interesting because my husband was wearing a helmet that was expired, given to you. So then they, oh, backed off and gave us 50%. How sweet. Which then my lawyer took part of it.

SPEAKER_01: 50:04

That so I mean That's mind blowing. Yeah. That's the biggest point of workers' comp.

SPEAKER_04: 50:11

That is my exact question, because that's the biggest misconception, too. People would be like a scam. Yeah, people would be like, oh, you guys must have so much money. I'm like, money? I haven't seen a penny since he got hit. Like, not to toot my own horn, but toot toot, if I didn't work, we would be shit out of luck.

SPEAKER_01: 50:28

Yeah. That is so sad to hear. But mind-blowing at the same time because everybody's just fed this, I don't want to say lie, but just misinformation, hidden information about what's actually gonna happen if your husband is wounded on the line of duty.

SPEAKER_04: 50:49

Like my husband sometimes used to be like, it would have been better off for you if I had died on the line of duty, because then you would have gotten the money we needed. And that's where the mental health aspect rolls into it, because then he's he can't work. I'm working multiple jobs. He's 31 at the time, so feels useless, worthless.

SPEAKER_00: 51:09

And in his prime.

SPEAKER_04: 51:10

In his prime, feels, you know, he's he puts on a ton of weight, he's not active, he's unhappy, he's dealing with all these things.

SPEAKER_01: 51:18

Pilled out of his mind.

SPEAKER_04: 51:20

And then the department's like, still fighting us three years later. And it's not like I listen, I get there's a bunch of shim shammers out there. Like, I get the guys who are like, oh, I hit my knee on the corner and I want money. Like, I get I get people abuse the system. I totally understand that. This accident is on film. Like, there's no way you see this video and think my husband even lived. So it's not like he's like trying to like, I don't want anything more than what I'm entitled to.

SPEAKER_00: 51:49

I feel like that's fair.

SPEAKER_04: 51:51

And to be done with it because he can't get a job until we have a rating because you have to be under the restrictions of your injury in order to find a job. So now his hands are tied.

SPEAKER_01: 52:04

He's a he's pretty much just a prisoner of his own world right now. Because I mean, so the job thing comes because what you're waiting on workers' comp numbers, correct?

SPEAKER_04: 52:14

You have to get the workers' comp numbers.

SPEAKER_01: 52:15

If he goes back to work, then you don't the workers' comp's gonna what cancel that?

SPEAKER_04: 52:18

He can go back to work, but it has to be under the the um like the parameters that he's given. Like can't go up and down stairs or can't like all the things that they say he can't do. So he has to find a job that fits all of those.

SPEAKER_01: 52:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_04: 52:32

We don't have the finalized paperwork.

SPEAKER_01: 52:34

Interesting.

SPEAKER_04: 52:36

Three years later.

SPEAKER_01: 52:37

This is insane to me. It I I guess it's not because it's this is it's about money.

SPEAKER_04: 52:43

It's all about money. It's all about the dollar. You are nothing. You are a number. Your family is a number. And when I did get diagnosed with breast cancer in June, we reached out because we do have one number. So we have like the 64% rating for like his orthopedic injuries. And so they agreed on that one. But so that starts getting paid out like$580 every other week. They'll pay you$580 every other week until they pay out whatever that amount equals. So we know that we have that for sure, but we asked them, hey, can we get$10,000 of that up front to pay for my double mastectomy from cancer? Nope. Absolutely not. Yeah. And then they posted on their Instagram about like, we support breast cancer. I was like, mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01: 53:34

Oh god. So yeah, like it's so if you at any point sat down with his chiefs of the department or any of the higher-ups, if you had any conversations with these people along this line.

SPEAKER_04: 53:46

They won't talk to me anymore. Originally, the chief would talk to me. And then when I started asking real questions and he realized I'm not going away, and I did tell his HR lady that. If you're not first, you're last. So yeah, like I hate, like I I tough situations, like fighting, bring it. You're not gonna wear me down. Now I'm too stubborn for that.

SPEAKER_00: 54:18

For sure.

SPEAKER_04: 54:19

But they won't talk, they won't talk to me. He won't return a phone call, they won't sit down with me. I sent a letter to um city council, to the chief, to every big person in the city. No one responded because we're in it's a legal issue. We can't speak to you. Yet the HR lady told me, like, Oh, did you send a letter? Sure did. And I will show up at a city council meeting after this is all over and I will say my piece to the people I need to say it to. But they won't talk to you. They don't help you.

SPEAKER_01: 54:44

No. They don't that's what's wrong with people in this country, like uh the average American is that we put so much trust in everybody that's in a position. City councils, school board councils, our own politicians. It's all corrupt. It's all about money and power. And people will hear that and be like, uh no, it's not wait and wait until it crosses your path, and they just burn you, and they'll do everything they can to destroy you in your name. It happens every day. You see these people fighting these city council members, and they'll just walk out and they just go behind those two doors and they laugh because they're getting paid 600 grand a year or whatever their fat paychecks are.

SPEAKER_04: 55:17

Yeah. And the chief at the time was the chief, and he was like the head of the city council, like he was like a dual thing. I'm like, oh, that's cool, take your$600,000 while I'm over here asking for pennies to pay my cancer bill, but no one wants to. They're like, oh no.

SPEAKER_01: 55:33

That's gotta be crushing.

SPEAKER_04: 55:36

Yeah, I mean Especially for your husband. For him. I feel like it was crushing to watch him realize it as like a wife. Like watching his morale just like tank. All he ever wanted to be was a cop. His dad was cop. And then to to be what a stay-at-home dad? Like that was not in his like master plan of life.

SPEAKER_03: 55:57

No.

SPEAKER_04: 55:58

And I think that was the hardest part was to watch someone you married and knew to be a certain way to now be down in the dumps, switched, switched, like have a personality change a little from like a traumatic brain injury and then all the other stuff going on with it. And I mean, there were moments where I was scared that he would kill himself.

SPEAKER_01: 56:19

Really?

SPEAKER_04: 56:20

And we've talked about it. And he's, you know, I've we've talked about it, and there was a time where he thought that he shouldn't be here.

SPEAKER_01: 56:27

Okay, so for people listening, especially the wives or friends, what were some of the signs that you were picking up on? Because I feel that most people that end up killing themselves, there were subtle signs that people just overlook because they're like, oh, he just he was just this, or I I thought he was just this at this time. I hear that a lot. Yeah. So what were some of the things that were triggering you? Like, okay, I need to watch my husband a little extra right now.

SPEAKER_04: 56:51

Um, I would say when the drinking started pretty heavy. It because he wasn't a drinker beforehand. So I think like the shift in that was interesting to watch. Um he was always active, like he loved to go running. I mean, he obviously couldn't go running, but like he liked to be up and active and you know, do things and he didn't move. Like I swear, my couch has probably an imprint of him because he didn't move from the couch. Like I would go to work, come back, he'd be in the same spot. Like he wouldn't touch it, like he wouldn't do anything. Like the house would be like he wouldn't like do anything around the house. It was like he never got up.

SPEAKER_01: 57:27

Okay.

SPEAKER_04: 57:27

And so I was like, very stagnant. Very stagnant. And I was like, that's interesting. And then just very like withdrawn, unless it was the only emotion that he showed at any point during that part of his journey was like anger.

SPEAKER_01: 57:43

For sure.

SPEAKER_04: 57:44

And and it was a wild sense of anger. Like it was a zero to a hundred, like this, and he's never been that person.

SPEAKER_01: 57:52

Like now you're processing this as well.

SPEAKER_04: 57:54

And my kids.

SPEAKER_01: 57:55

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_04: 57:55

And that was the hard part because you're dealing with, I've never dealt with this, this isn't okay. I need to figure out how to fix it. But I'm also not telling people outside because you know, you don't want to go tell your parents, like, oh my god, my husband is losing his shit. Because your mom's gonna be like, they're always gonna think about that. You're trying to protect him as a person in his weakest moment, and that becomes so isolating.

SPEAKER_01: 58:17

That's a good wife.

SPEAKER_04: 58:19

And it becomes isolating because you're taking on all this extra, right? But you're also like, I'm not gonna go shout to the world, like my husband's a loony tune right now. Yeah. Because he's already going through it. And so I think the anger, the withdrawal, and then definitely like the drinking, I was like, this is not going well.

SPEAKER_01: 58:40

And he ends up admitting later on that he was.

SPEAKER_04: 58:43

I actually read it in a he finally gave me one of his psych reports. This is very recent. So he gave me one of his psych reports, and it does say, and he he told me, he's like, Yeah, I did, I thought I was should kill myself. And this was as recent as like a year ago.

SPEAKER_01: 59:00

How did you how did you receive that, like reading that your husband was taught like that that was a thought?

SPEAKER_04: 59:05

We had talked about it prior before when I've like talked him, like, hey, like, I'm worried, and I'm worried that you're gonna do something to yourself. And he, you know, I think he would deny it in like to my face, but we both kind of it was like an unspoken we knew.

SPEAKER_03: 59:20

Okay.

SPEAKER_04: 59:20

And I think just being able to reach out and say, like, hey, I need you here, and just reiterating that multiple times to him, like it as a spouse, like just to hear that, because you're in your own world of trying to figure out what is going on with my life, right? Like, you can get very tunnel vision of like the kids, this or that. And sometimes you forget that he's also going through it because he looks normal. He's also not mangled. So if you saw him, you wouldn't know what he's going through. And so sometimes I would forget like that he's also battling whatever, you know. So I think just reiterating to him like, I need you, your kids need you. You are in like what. You're doing now is important because he was starting to take over more of the workload with the kids, so I could work more. Just having to reiterate that. But when I read that, like my heart dropped.

SPEAKER_01: 1:00:10

Oh, for sure.

SPEAKER_04: 1:00:11

Because it was a confirmation of that, which is something I knew deep down, but like it was in actual, like it did.

SPEAKER_01: 1:00:20

He was thinking that that's so sad, you know, that it's even to that. I feel like you're just talking almost every single like combat veteran and dealing with a wife. Like this is an everyday thing. Our government and our cities and our departments, they don't care.

SPEAKER_04: 1:00:37

And I reached out and I was like, you know, you guys are it it was a horrible thing, but it also brought us more into our faith, which was really cool. Because we were both we were both raised like Catholic, went to Catholic school all the way through, and then kind of like separated a little from the church, I would say. And then he really it in his looking for his purpose, right? At this point, like, why did this happen to me? Why did I get hurt so bad that I can't do the job I've always wanted to do, but I didn't die. It's like, what am I, what is this for? You know? And it brought us back to the church. We both got baptized together in the Christian church. Yeah. So that was pretty cool. So out of all of this, like that all comes together. But I mean, I even told his chief at one point, I'm like, I know the suicide rates and cops. I need help. Like, I need help with the fact that you guys are dragging this out. He cannot move on. He's in a vicious cycle. He can't move on to the next phase of his life because you are keeping him wrapped in this.

SPEAKER_03: 1:01:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04: 1:01:34

Oh, no, no, we'll help. We'll get it pushed forward. Three years later, we're still doing it. They don't care. They don't care if you take your life, if you're not you're not doing anything for them. You're not working. You're not helping them. What do they care? You don't work for them anymore.

SPEAKER_01: 1:01:47

It's probably better off if I'm not I'm just saying this. This is gonna probably sound but to the department, uh Yeah, no, you're less money that way. Yeah, that's you're probably better off if he did take that chance. Well we'll give you the we'll get it.

SPEAKER_04: 1:02:06

Yeah, we'll give you the folded flag and see you later.

SPEAKER_01: 1:02:09

Yeah. Thanks for your service.

SPEAKER_04: 1:02:11

Yeah. It's wild. It's a wild world. Like the corruption, the money, the power.

SPEAKER_01: 1:02:19

That's why I I have to be so careful with what I say because I have so many support. I s it's so hard for me to support not the individual. Right. I s I 99% of the cops out there just doing their job.

SPEAKER_03: 1:02:36

Right.

SPEAKER_01: 1:02:38

The establishment of the police department is what I have such a hard time supporting because the the corruption I've never realized until TJ Webb's wife, Amanda, came on and did her episode. We had hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of cops reach out talking about their chiefs or taking money from city council members, taking bribes, having full-blown affairs with uh elected officials, drugs that they're helping get pushed through towns. And are the American people are like, support the blue, thanks for your service, cops. Mean granted, but the the grunts on the ground in the car every day are just doing their job, but like the uh the law enforcement establishment, I feel is it's its own form of mafia in our country, and that's when people are like support the blue. I'm like, I have this, I have such a hard time wanting to support law enforcement as like a whole because I feel most of the cops that stay in are the tyrants that love the position and the authority because they were a fucking loser at some point in their life, and then now they have power, and all the good ones do that five to eight year mark, and they're like, This sucks. I need to start looking elsewhere, and then a lot of those guys get out, and I think the same with the military that eight-year marks when most of the good dudes leave the military because you're committed at that point. I feel like a lot of that is on the law enforcement side, and then you're just stuck with these tyrants, man. These guys that just they don't care, they're doing their job. Yeah, they're getting all the overtime, they get all the they find out the system, they're raking in two, three hundred grand a year by working these other things, pulling over drunk drivers right before their shifts over, so now they get another six hours of overtime. There's so much that goes into the law enforcement world. Then you have this fucking cop that's like, I'm proud to be Officer Daniel, I'm gonna live my life. Then he gets hurt, and then the department's like, Yeah, no, no, you're costing us money now. Yeah, you cost us money. You're a burden. We don't need you on our radar anymore.

SPEAKER_04: 1:04:39

All politics.

SPEAKER_01: 1:04:40

It's all politics. I feel like that I and I'm not I'm that's how that's my take on law enforcement.

SPEAKER_04: 1:04:47

No, it is. It's all politics. And there are some there's good cops out there, and 90% of the ones that are, like you said, on the ground doing the work that you know it's more higher. The higher up you go, the more politics, the more who's corrupt. It's yeah, it's corruption.

SPEAKER_01: 1:05:02

Same with any any thing. People that think that our our governor and our city council members have our best interests. Yeah. Like you you gotta be an absolute idiot to think that like these departments and these these establishments that are involved in our communities, our government regulations, laws that they care for us. You are out of your mind.

SPEAKER_04: 1:05:21

And that's just like the medical corruption. Like, oh, they're gonna make me feel better.

SPEAKER_01: 1:05:26

Money and power.

SPEAKER_04: 1:05:27

Money and power. And that's kind of how I transitioned into what I do now. Like, because I watched my husband suffer, I watched them keep feeding him narcotics, I watched them keep him sick, and I was like, there's a better way. And why are we not looking at it?

SPEAKER_01: 1:05:42

Damn, good for you. You're scoring props.

SPEAKER_04: 1:05:45

Like, there's a better way.

SPEAKER_01: 1:05:46

Okay, you're yeah, I props to you for for being the wife that is watching your husband aware of the situation that is handling. And I I I give you mad props for that because like I came home from the VA once and I went for a normal checkup and they're like, hey, grab your grab your meds on the way out. And I'm like, my fucking meds, like, what do I need meds for? I just came in here to like get looked at because you guys scheduled the appointment. They gave me two paper bags of pills. I came, I come walking door, and the wife's like, no, yeah, absolutely not. Dumped them out. She's like, nope, nope, nope. Well, we'll save that one. And I didn't even take it in hardly taking any because it's just she was like, What the f and then you start looking up the side effects. Uh-huh. May cause suicidal thoughts and tendencies.

SPEAKER_04: 1:06:30

Exactly. Stomach issues, all this stomach issues, suicidal thoughts and tendencies, not wanting to live is like the big one. And so he was on medications that were like making him a zombie at night. Yeah. And then during the day, waking up, still feeling like a zombie, and then like, here, take this little upper to get up, right? And then that's another one. Then he's cracked out till two. Then you're like doing this ugly, vicious cycle that you one pill needs another pill. Oh, it's not working. Let's get you a higher dosage of that one. And so that's when I started kind of looking into all these other ways. And again, both my degrees, like my undergrad and my masters, are in kinesiology and a science background. So I'm very much a science analytical person. Like, I'm gonna read the peer-reviewed research and I can actually read it and understand what it says. Like that's my background. And so I started looking into a bunch of those things, and I had a girlfriend who owned a company, um, Feeling Good Therapy, and she does peptides and all that. And I got involved with her. And because hers was all like, because I mean, you there's lots of different ways you could buy peptides, but like she hers was all like through a compounding lab, through a pharmacy. So I knew like I was reading ingredients and I did all my things. And so that's why I chose to work with her, and then I got my husband on some peptides to help.

SPEAKER_01: 1:07:33

Which okay, so which ones, and then what were you putting them on for? Like, what are you trying, what are you trying to remove from the scripts of the department or just workers' comp giving them and substituting with peptides?

SPEAKER_04: 1:07:46

So they also put them on test, right? He got on test because with a brain injury, it hits a part where the hormones are. So it throws it off. So we went on went on test, which again, the way they go on tests, like you're not really, they're not testing your blood work as they should be, like all these things, right? So with tests, obviously you can get like anger and all the other side effects, like thickening blood, where you have to go get your blood drawn, blah, blah, blah, blah. So I put them on CJC impamarelin, okay, um, which stimulates your own pituitary gland to produce your own growth hormone. So you're not getting a synthetic, right? Got it. Um, and it helps with sleep. It regulates your sleep. He has done so well on that, sleeps like a baby. Um, there's also like different sleep ones out there we haven't tried yet. There's like the um delta sleep inducing peptide, which also helps with regulating sleep, helping sleep. Um, so he went on because then he had gotten put on a lot of weight, right? So then we did like um retitrutide, which is like the GLP one.

SPEAKER_01: 1:08:40

I already like that. GLP one shit though, right? Isn't there like a three now?

SPEAKER_04: 1:08:43

Yeah, it's that's the one. Okay. Oh, okay, okay. Reditrutide is the three one, which is awesome. Okay. Um, because it helps keep lean muscle mass. So actually a lot of like body, it's a lot of guys use it because you maintain your muscle mass, but it helps you like lose weight and blah, blah, blah. Um, loved it. Loved it and I lost weight. And the problem is now, guys who hadn't talked to us in the three years from the department reach out and they're like, man, you like you should be coming back to work. Why do you look okay? So he's supposed to be a fat idiot for the rest of his life because he he's physically able. The doctors have told him he must work out or else he's going to have he's already gonna have um arthritis in both wrists, he's gonna have another spine surgery at some point.

SPEAKER_01: 1:09:21

But the doctor's like, you need to be actually doing something because the more weight he's carrying now is gonna be kill him or a longer recovery. Right.

SPEAKER_04: 1:09:29

So he did that, and then like with his like basic workout, he's allowed to do and like dropped tons of weight, looks great, and then added the CJC, which then added more muscle mass and no side effects, sleeps great. Um, he likes we've also done Motsy.

SPEAKER_01: 1:09:45

I don't know that one.

SPEAKER_04: 1:09:46

So that one's a new one. They call it like workout in a bottle. So it's kind of good for people who like are like injured and can't work out as hard as they used to, or things like that. It gives you energy, it's a mitochondrial one. Okay. So it goes and it stimulates your mitochondria. So then it also stimulates your fat burning and gives you energy, muscle mass, visceral fat, all those good things. So he's used all of those and has loved every single one of them.

SPEAKER_01: 1:10:06

Good for you. And this has all just come through research because you wanted him off the pills.

SPEAKER_04: 1:10:10

I want him off the pills, and I've seen it, and peptides have been around for years, but they're just now becoming, I'd say, more mainstream. But I mean, a lot of people are like, well, they don't have research. I'm like, that's interesting because you took a shot that didn't have research, but we won't get into that. But um, so they have been around longer, you know.

SPEAKER_01: 1:10:26

Trust the science.

SPEAKER_04: 1:10:27

Yeah, trust us, trust my science. Um, and so they've been around, it has a lot of research though on them.

SPEAKER_01: 1:10:31

I mean, there's a tons of research. You could do lab, you could ask for lab research and the breakdown and everything.

SPEAKER_04: 1:10:36

Tons of research. People just don't want to look at it. Yeah, it's because again, modern medicine doesn't want you to look at it because it's gonna heal you from the inside. You're not gonna be dependent. It's not gonna keep you sick and in like a process. Like this is making your body function at an optimal level of your own body. All they are are little branch chain amino acids that are already in your body. They're messengers. They go in and they tell your body to do something better than it was already doing it with its own stuff.

SPEAKER_01: 1:11:00

Without being a steroid.

SPEAKER_04: 1:11:03

It's not a steroid, which is like that's also a big big misconception.

SPEAKER_01: 1:11:06

A lot of people tie the two together because like I'm just getting into the peptide thing. I'm about to get on a bunch of it. Not when I say get on a bunch, I I'm gonna test some out and I want to do some because we're building a whole program out for fathers and dads and all this cool stuff. And so, like, I need to know everything on my end. And so the days were like when I was younger, it was just dude, we were just filling syringes for everything and sticking it in us. And I mean, I was walking around like almost 300 pounds, juiced out of my mind. Yeah, I don't want that shit anymore. It's not healthy and it's not long jet, you don't have the longevity, what it's doing inside internally, not a good thing. So those days are past, and I obviously being being in my 40s, like I want to get back into like my prime. I want to show my kids who the fuck I used to be. Yeah, so that's where it's like I've been working so hard now, but then now I feel like I've got my body primed enough where I'm like, okay, I want to start introducing some peptides just to help because I got my blood work done and I had a low test, but I I feel I feel I feel that I feel great.

SPEAKER_04: 1:12:02

Right.

SPEAKER_01: 1:12:03

Right? Like I feel cool, I got energy. Could it be better? Yeah. And that's where I was like, man, I really don't know if I want to get back on, like, start doing more tests and get on all these crazy stuff because like life is good, sex drive is great. Like, I don't, I don't want to, I don't want to tweak anything, but at the same time, I had like a 390 test score. And then the obviously the doctor's like, yeah, that's right in the average range of 300 to 1200 or whatever their zone is for men. That's that's over the years has kept increasing, you know, and so I'm looking at this doctor like really like three you think me at 300 at 41 years old, that's a that's a good number to be at. And so going back to modern science, they're just they don't want to help anything that's gonna benefit you.

SPEAKER_04: 1:12:45

It's gonna benefit you, and then like you know, your your own body is now priming, and it's peptides are more about longevity. Yes, like we are about, I want to live my healthiest life and I want to outlive everybody. Like, and I want to be there as long as I can for my kids, like 10 out of 10. And the the thing that's cool about peptides too is I'm doing a lot more research now after obviously being diagnosed with breast cancer, and like there's a lot of cool things that I can do after, and I'm using a couple stacks after I'm done with my last surgery, which will be November 26th. I have one more surgery left, and I'm gonna use some stacks after, and I asked my doctor, I'm like, Hey, what do you think about like BPC? And just because I'm curious, I'm always curious what they're gonna say. She's like, Oh, I'm on it right now.

SPEAKER_00: 1:13:22

Oh, really?

SPEAKER_04: 1:13:23

Yeah, I was like, I like you. So, like, there's different things that I can help my heal faster, like my inflammation and recovery. I'm gonna do like a wolverine stack after with TB500 and PPC 157 after my surgery to heal faster. You know, there's so many benefits, and so many people, and the science behind it is really cool when you look at it.

SPEAKER_01: 1:13:44

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_04: 1:13:44

Yeah, but people don't want to look at the science.

SPEAKER_01: 1:13:46

Nobody does. Not the real science. No, that that involves work.

SPEAKER_04: 1:13:51

Yeah, and so I mean, that's kind of how I got in the space.

SPEAKER_01: 1:13:54

Good for you. So you've learned all of this. You took your husband's horrible wreck, the the horrible experience with his department of just screwing him around with workers' comp, just wanting to feed him pills, and you're like, okay, I am I need as a wife, I how do I fix my husband? And that led into you getting in the him on peptides just to get the weight loss going, get the body moving.

SPEAKER_04: 1:14:18

Feeling good about himself. Yeah. He's the he looks now the best I've ever seen him look. Like, this is the best I've ever seen him look, feel. Like my mom came into town the other day. She's like, Wow, like, get off him, mom, like, get out of here, mom. But like, she's like, Jerry looks the great, like, even my brother was like, Oh my god, like he looks great. And again, like, which is funny because then you go back into that workers' comp phase of like, then it gives my husband a little anxiety. He's like, Well, what if the workers' comp thinks I look I'm like, just because you're injured doesn't mean that you need to look a certain way. Like you're doing everything by doctor protocol, right? Like you're doing all the things you're supposed to do. But then, but then when the guys reach out like that who haven't talked to you in three years, you're like, oh, the apartment saw pictures of you, you need to get back to work. Like, that's the kind of crap you get from the guy who hasn't talked to you in three years after you were suicidal at one point.

SPEAKER_01: 1:15:03

That's the problem with dudes, right? Is because I'm a big advocate for for guys being able to find their feelings, okay? As a vet, we bury shit and it comes out on our children, it comes out on our wives, it comes out on marriages and in our home. Because of the whole, oh, don't be a pussy, bro. Oh, you're good, you're good, suck it up. And that because that's just the mentality I think that comes from like childhood sports. Like, you're good, get back. I've done it to my kids. Like, you hurt? No, okay, go, you're good. You're an athlete, you know how it is. Like it is what it is, but I think that mentality just it never nobody ever sits guys down and be like, yo, that dude's like he's struggling. It's okay if if he looks or doesn't look a certain way, if he's acting a certain way, but instead it's like, yo, you're good, quit being a bitch, let's go. We let's get it, get back to it. Because that's how it at least in like you know, our units, that's how it was. Like, you're fucking good. Nobody said shit. You'd see the most horrific shit and be like, You good? Everybody's like, check, right? Let's keep going. You're like, Yeah, I'm just gonna bury that one down in here and it's gonna come out ten years from now. Exactly. You know, so but that's just the mentality and the mindset of like these male-dominated worlds is like you have to be this raw, raw dude. And that doesn't, that's not longevity, that doesn't last because it's just slowly chipping at you, and then you get your boys now that are like, let's go, bro, quit being a bitch, get back to work. And then you have your husband sitting here, like lost everything, like and it's just that kills you. Like you're sitting on a couch rotting away, and then you're like, get back to work, pussy. Yeah, you see you're fine. How's Idaho?

SPEAKER_04: 1:16:35

Yeah, that's great, actually.

SPEAKER_01: 1:16:36

That's fucking awesome.

SPEAKER_04: 1:16:37

Yeah, it's great. We love it here.

SPEAKER_01: 1:16:38

Stop moving here, but yeah. If you're gonna move here, my wife got you, my wife can take care of you. There we go.

SPEAKER_04: 1:16:43

So yeah, give your wife a plug. Always give the wife a plug.

SPEAKER_01: 1:16:45

Separate social separate reality, we've got to separate everything. But yeah, it's uh it's that's the that's the mindset of like the these, which is weird for me coming from like the athlete, then the military, and then now the girls or what having a girl dad's like, okay, like don't need to be tough. I don't need to be this hard dude, 24-7. I don't need to pound my chest. Like, like that's not being a man to me, but the majority, like that's where we're at in this mindset, it's how we're raised until you hit a certain point in your life where you mature, and you're like, I don't need to wake up and choose violence every day. I don't need to be an asshole, I don't need to just live this certain life because it's not fun and it's not healthy and it's not great for anybody around you. And that's the mentality, like that's where we are with law enforcement, military, all that shit. And it's just it's it's the brotherhood.

SPEAKER_04: 1:17:34

The brotherhood, the BS brotherhood, and that's what I think like and again, my husband is doing phenomenal and like feeling really good, feeling good about himself, like super, he's now super into these like nerds out on peptides like me now, and like loves it. And so that's kind of where like I laugh because I think that him getting hurt and getting out probably saved our marriage.

SPEAKER_01: 1:18:01

Why?

SPEAKER_04: 1:18:02

Because he loved being a motor cop.

SPEAKER_01: 1:18:04

Okay.

SPEAKER_04: 1:18:04

Okay, so he didn't love being a cop. He loved being on the bike for like three days. Yeah, exactly. Like that was his like when he did exactly for three and a half days. Um, but he loved that so much. Like, as I've never seen him as happy being a cop as when he was on that bike during motor training. I was like, all right, this is it, like this is his thing. But he was never the guy who put work first, but it was gonna start. I could see it. I could see, and he he will tell you the same thing. He was like, I just loved it so much. Like he would have picked up every overtime. He would have like, he wasn't the guy who was like an overtime whore, you know. I mean, like he would work a couple times. He'd like to be home with his family. Like, there's guys at his work who like, oh, I'm gonna work 12 shifts in a row and sleep at the you know station or whatever, and like never see their kids or like, oh, get off work and we're gonna go drink at the bar until you know, or their club until like 4 a.m. and then not get home. Like he was never that guy, but the second I saw how much he loved that bike, I was like, oh, and it's just a hard on anybody. Oh, for sure. Like it's hard on any marriage. You're like passing in the night, there's it's I think it probably saved us. Like in the long run. It's great. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't know if he would want a Superman over a car again to save our marriage, but I'm sure he would. He might. But it uh I think in in the grand scheme of everything, I do believe everything is happens with God, and I do believe that that was meant to happen for a reason and also to get him as healthy as he could be, because I don't think he was gonna stay healthy, that's for sure. Because you get wrapped up, you get wrapped into the locker room talk, you get wrapped into the you know, all the extra curriculars of cop wife life. So I mean I think it was a good thing. And that shift work is not good for your body either.

SPEAKER_01: 1:19:47

Oh god, no. No.

SPEAKER_04: 1:19:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 1:19:49

Like I have buddies that are close buddies that are cops, and man, it wears on them. And then as soon as they get in a root like a rhythm and a routine, then it's like, oh, you're back on days.

SPEAKER_04: 1:19:57

Yep.

SPEAKER_01: 1:19:57

Or you're back on nights.

SPEAKER_04: 1:19:59

Oh yeah, we need you to work this extra shift and you're work 18 hours because we're solo on cops, and then you haven't slept in two days, and then go to some horrible call and try to figure out how to think critically when you haven't slept in 18 hours. That's it.

SPEAKER_01: 1:20:12

Yeah, and then it's your fault. When somebody pops off and you you lose your cool.

SPEAKER_04: 1:20:17

So yeah, I think it's been a blessing in disguise. Being out of that lifestyle is great.

SPEAKER_01: 1:20:21

Oh, 100%.

SPEAKER_04: 1:20:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 1:20:22

That's why I feel that most guys, when they get sucked into the law enforcement military world, first there's this weird mindset, and it comes from I think being a child, like, I'm gonna be a firefighter, I'm gonna be a cop, I'm gonna be in the army. It's like ingrained in some of us that you have that's what you have to be. When in reality, it's no different than getting a job working at fucking Albertsons or Micron or ESI or any of these other companies, and you're like, ah, I've done four years, time for me to move on. There's this weird mindset that like we feel that when you become one of these first responders, you have to do it until you retire.

SPEAKER_04: 1:20:59

Yeah, you're a lifer. You're a lifer always.

SPEAKER_01: 1:21:01

Yeah. I had buddies when I was getting out, they're like, You're getting out. I'm like Yes. But dude, you're eight in already. That doesn't mean anything to me. Now, if you're gonna do more than that, then it doesn't make sense because you're doing 12 to 15 years stents, like, okay, you've already gone, you've got a huge chunk knocked out. But even I have a buddy that did he did an extra four past me. So yeah, he did 12 and he was like, fuck this. And people people thought he was an idiot. And he was like, he's living the greatest life he's ever lived now. But it's like we get in this mindset, like, I have to be a cop and I have to retire from it. Oh, I joined the military, I'm gonna I gotta do my 30 years and get out. And there's nowhere where it says that. That's why for in the military, you have a four-year contract.

SPEAKER_04: 1:21:39

Yeah, cool.

SPEAKER_01: 1:21:40

So you can get out, so you can get out. Doesn't mean you have to re-up and these guys, I have no other options. No, you didn't look for another option. This you you this job became who you are. You became who the job is. Now you don't you backed yourself into this corner of not having any other options.

SPEAKER_04: 1:21:56

Yeah. And now my husband is um studying, um, he wants to get his personal training certific certifications and stuff.

SPEAKER_03: 1:22:01

Awesome.

SPEAKER_04: 1:22:02

So he's kind of like studying that now that he's like learned more and like feels great and learning about like different types, and he wants to help people with injuries like train. So he's kind of going into like therapeutic stuff. So he's been studying that, but yeah, I think he's embracing it, took a while to embrace the stay-at-home dad life, which I always joke because he always used to say that, like, I'd love to be a stay-at-home dad, and then I'm you did it for like a month. I'm like, Yeah, how much do you like it now, huh?

SPEAKER_01: 1:22:24

Yeah, I got a little taste of it. It's not the greatest. I loved it.

SPEAKER_04: 1:22:27

Oh God. He's like, it's he's like, it's okay, but like now the kids are in school, so it's a little better now.

SPEAKER_01: 1:22:33

I was loving like a teenager and like a little, a little bit of an older one. I could not have done babies.

SPEAKER_04: 1:22:39

I mean, and ours are three, five, and seven. Yeah, I'm out. Yeah, he was like, What is this? I'll never forget. He told me one time, he's like, We were just sitting there and he looked at me, he was like, I'm really sorry. And I was like, Oh god, for what? What did you do? And he was yeah, what great. And he was like, for leaving you alone with the kids as much as I did. I was like, I'm gonna get that recorded and get my phone out. Can you say that again in the recording? Because I'm gonna play this again later. We're gonna timestamp this. We're gonna timestamp when you told me. Because but now he's like, but now it's funny because when I talk about like, okay, once this is done, what do you want to do? Like once we finally get over this worker comp crap, what what do you want to do? Because he's never thought about that. He had never thought, like you said, he never I'm a cop, he had never thought anything else.

SPEAKER_03: 1:23:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04: 1:23:21

And I'm like, what would you want to do? And that's when he like was looking at personal training and stuff, and he was like, I don't ever want to do anything again where I miss out on something with my kids.

SPEAKER_01: 1:23:29

For sure.

SPEAKER_04: 1:23:30

He's like, I don't want to do anything like that again. Like, I missed a lot. And you don't realize he's like, didn't realize it when he's in it. He's like, it's just a job, that's just what we do. And now he's like, Man, I missed a lot.

SPEAKER_01: 1:23:40

And I'm there, and once you miss it, you can't get it back.

SPEAKER_04: 1:23:43

That's what he was like, he was able, you know, he was almost there the whole second half of my daughter's life, it's like the first year, you know, because he was out and he's like, I don't ever want to, he's like, I missed a lot out on my first kid because I was working graveyards on the weekends and all the things, and he's like, he got to be home, I mean, while injured, with my daughter, and he was like, I don't ever want to miss that. Like, I missed that with my older ones. So that's like, I think a perspective shift has really happened, but that takes a while to get to, you know, but and a lot of guys never never get well. They don't see the value in it sometimes. Like it's like because he's not bringing home money, right? Like, you're not working, I mean, he's bringing home money on retirement. So I'm like, that's helpful. And I'm but it's always I think it's ingrained in men like you gotta bring home a paycheck to be important or the provider. I'm like, you married a sugar mama, congrats, you're welcome. Like, I don't need you. Like, I don't need you to provide, you know. It hurts. I'm okay. But he like, and so for him, I'm like, you helping with the kids right now when I'm trying to build something else out bigger for us, that is so helpful, but that's a hard switch. Because, you know, his dad's an old school cop, so he struggled with that. Like, he was like, get back to work. I'm like, he has a brain injury, like Yeah, and the boomer old school. The boomer old school, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01: 1:25:03

Never gonna process anything how we do.

SPEAKER_04: 1:25:05

No, and I was also getting flack for not being emotional enough, not crying enough. I was too much work, not enough with my kids. Like, there's no playbook on how to handle that situation. They're like, you're just flying by the seat of your pants.

SPEAKER_03: 1:25:18

For sure.

SPEAKER_04: 1:25:18

And that's another thing I've learned it throughout this is everyone's gonna have an opinion on how you handle something. The only people that matter are are my direct family. Like, did I do right by my husband and my kids? Everyone can have an opinion of how I handled it, everyone can have an opinion on whatever, but if my husband feels like I did right by him and I did right by my kids, I could care less. That's all that matters. It's all that matters. The outside noise is outside noise.

SPEAKER_01: 1:25:41

Now a lot of people get wrapped up on that.

SPEAKER_04: 1:25:43

So and so doesn't think or yeah, they think I didn't cry enough. Like, do you know I cried in the shower? Why am I gonna cry in front of you? I don't know you. Like, or you know, I had people like comment, like, oh, I haven't really seen her cry that much. It's like, well, I have kids that need me. I have a husband that needs me to get it together right now. I can cry alone in the car and I can cry in a shower. Just because I'm not doing these public displays of like, but everyone's going like if I cried more, I probably would have cried too much for some people. You know what I mean? Like, everyone's gonna have an opinion. And I've learned that through this because you'd be shocked at how many people wanted to say something on how you handle these situations, but that also helped me learn, like, I am doing right by my husband and my kids, and that's it.

SPEAKER_01: 1:26:26

As what that's how it should be. That's all that should matter. From this whole entire experience of watching your husband being hurt on the line of duty and the whole process, what's been the biggest letdown from the department?

SPEAKER_04: 1:26:45

I would say not for me per se, but I was more let down by his co-workers. Like I expected the chief to wipe his hands, right? I expected that the biggest letdown was the lack of guidance we had for resources.

SPEAKER_00: 1:27:02

Okay.

SPEAKER_04: 1:27:02

Because we did find an extra resource that we didn't know about for a year and a half, which is a disability, long-term disability through a law enforcement association that no one told us about. So we had been missing out on like$2,000 extra dollars a month. Like I would say the lack of resources that they gave us and then how quickly they were willing to turn their back, I think was my biggest letdown. Was like, man, this guy was a good like he was a good cop. Like he's never had like anyone complain on him, like he never didn't show up. He wasn't like, you know, getting DUIs in a cop car or anything crazy that has happened at that department. But um yeah, I was let down by his coworkers and their lack of empathy. And I was let down by the lack of resources and help that we received, like guidance. Yeah, there was no guidance, no playbook, no guidance, no help.

SPEAKER_01: 1:27:51

Which seems to be such a common character and everything. What's been the hardest part for your husband since taking off the uniform?

SPEAKER_04: 1:28:00

Ooh, that's a good one. I think originally it was hard because he felt like he was disappointing his dad. His dad took it really hard that he wasn't a cop anymore. Because that was kind of their only bond.

SPEAKER_01: 1:28:16

Okay.

SPEAKER_04: 1:28:17

If that makes sense.

SPEAKER_01: 1:28:18

Like was he close growing up or did he just dad worked a lot, you know, growing up.

SPEAKER_04: 1:28:22

He's a cop. And then um, so I think his dad was very excited. Like his dad very much believes in like service and like his brothers in the Coast Guard, and like always wanted I think he always wanted him to be a cop. And so when he followed after his footsteps, I think that was like the greatest moment of his life, really. And he it took his dad a long time to wrap around his head that he wasn't gonna be a cop anymore. And that was like a big struggle and a big issue. Like when we were trying to explain his injuries, especially the brain one.

SPEAKER_03: 1:28:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04: 1:28:52

Like it was like, Well, are you really having these things happen? Like questioning him. Um, so I think his thought of like disappointment, maybe.

SPEAKER_03: 1:29:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_04: 1:29:01

Um, I think that was a big one. And then I think his future. I mean, he was retired at 31. So his biggest thing is gonna be like what I don't know who I am without this. What are what do I like to do?

SPEAKER_01: 1:29:17

He's gotta discover a whole new person.

SPEAKER_04: 1:29:18

A whole new person. And he was never like the I'm only a cop, but he he liked being a cop.

SPEAKER_01: 1:29:23

For sure.

SPEAKER_04: 1:29:24

And then I think he never ever thought, like, I always joke with him, he had one job before he was a bagger at Albertson's for like three months before he became a cop. That's the only job he's ever had. And so he's like, I only he's only like he was a cadet. Like he was, you know, reserves, I was a cop, like I'm gonna be a cop till I die. Like, you know, he was that. So to have your whole life planned, right? Like in your mind, he he had to discover who he really what he's interested in, other than that, and who he really was.

SPEAKER_01: 1:29:55

Interesting. That's gonna be tough. That's a long road, too. Yeah. Especially battling. Injuries and TBI and things like that because you could have major resets and Nick may maybe not. And it just he's but yeah, he's got some new chapters he's got to start writing, huh?

SPEAKER_04: 1:30:10

I think he's more excited now. I think I mean getting out of California, I think, gave him a whole new life. Um it gives everybody a whole new life.

SPEAKER_01: 1:30:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04: 1:30:17

I mean, he'd been trying to get me out of there for forever. So like getting out, I think he he was able to start fresh out here because where we lived, he drove by the scene of the accident almost every day taking our kids to work.

SPEAKER_01: 1:30:28

Oh yeah, right down the road.

SPEAKER_04: 1:30:30

Yeah, it's right down the road. So I mean, like you're constantly triggered by driving through the same street. You are still living in kind of the same area. Those guys that you were friends with are all doing things without you because you're not a cop, so you don't get invited to anything anymore, like outside. So you're you're always gonna be the cop that got hurt in that area. And now he is just Jeremy, and he can be whoever he wants to. Like it was a moving here was like a great fresh start for him and to like get into his passion and like what he wants to do.

SPEAKER_01: 1:31:03

Was there was that a big driving factor to get out of there, or was it just because of the state of California?

SPEAKER_04: 1:31:08

The state of California's terrible. But um, no offense, California people. Um, but I think part of it was I we weren't gonna financially be able to survive, even with us working and all the things with the three kids. We I mean we were sending all our kids to private school, obviously, because they weren't going to public school in California. And then we needed, I he needed something different, and he's always wanted to leave. And I was like, look, all my classes went remote for colleges because nobody went back to school where I teach. So I can go wherever. And so it was kind of like, yeah, let's do it. It's time's now. So we kind of just leaned on some faith and we we had maybe one or two friends out here, but like no family support out here. Our family's all back there, except for my dad who just moved here because he missed his grandkids. That's all, not me.

SPEAKER_03: 1:31:52

Good.

SPEAKER_04: 1:31:53

Okay, but yeah, that's more important anyways. He's like, I just want to be around my grandkids.

SPEAKER_01: 1:31:56

So you gotta do it.

SPEAKER_04: 1:31:58

He's like, I don't care about you. But so I mean, yeah, that was a big factor was one to re-establish himself, and I feel like you know, subconsciously, he was always gonna be that cop who couldn't be a cop anymore. Out here, he can people don't even know he was a cop.

SPEAKER_01: 1:32:14

Knowing everything that you know about health now, okay, because you've been down some journeys between your husband's accident and wiping his ass forever and getting him back on his feet, you battling cancer, which I want to touch on to that. I want to kind of touch your your journey there. What's been the biggest learning experience of what you know about health now versus prior to everything you've gone through in the last three years?

SPEAKER_04: 1:32:38

Doing my own research, not taking everything that's told to me as like face value.

SPEAKER_01: 1:32:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_04: 1:32:43

I I think I know how like I'm educated to do my own research. So I think I used to just be like, oh, the doctor said did this. Okay, great, sounds good. I never second guessed anything, questioned anything. And then yeah, I feel like that kind of started for me in 2020 when I was doing my own research.

SPEAKER_03: 1:33:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04: 1:33:00

Um, to where I was like, wait a minute, like kind of like light bulb, um, which then prepared me for what we went through. Cause, you know, I could have just done like, okay, well, the doctor said take this many pillows. Oh, no, no, let's take some more. But you have to be your own advocate with health. That is the biggest thing I've learned is like I need to advocate for myself, for my kids, for my husband, and stand on my own two feet and not made to back down. I think sometimes people back down because they're like, well, they have the degree or they have this, like, which is great. I respect right. I respect the fact that you did all this, but I'm also, it's my body, it's my kids, it's my husband. Yeah. I'm gonna do what's best for us, and I'm educated enough to figure it out on my own. So I think doing my own research with health was the biggest thing, not taking things at face value.

SPEAKER_01: 1:33:46

Oh, a hundred percent.

SPEAKER_04: 1:33:47

Questioning everything.

SPEAKER_01: 1:33:48

What do we tell you, kids? Question everything.

SPEAKER_04: 1:33:50

Yeah, question everything. And it's not to be disrespectful and it's not to be rude, but it's just to not be a sheep.

SPEAKER_01: 1:33:56

It's it yes, it's gonna go through life just believing what the establishment is telling you. I agree. Oh, you're a doctor that got taught by uh uh the the college that's been sponsored by Pfizer.

SPEAKER_04: 1:34:09

Right. Yeah, follow the paper trail on a lot of things is also my like, oh my you know what another big thing I learned in medicine and health? Follow the money. Yes. I've also learned a big lesson of follow the money. Like, oh, they're saying this, what oh, weird, that's Coca-Cola. Or, you know, like especially like nutrition and health, you know what I mean? Everything's like, oh, this is healthy. I'm like, oh, I wonder who put that out. And if you back trail the paper trail, it's follow the money. And I've learned that and I've you know, it's it's been fun, it's been interesting.

SPEAKER_01: 1:34:40

It's terrifying.

SPEAKER_04: 1:34:41

Like it's been interesting.

SPEAKER_01: 1:34:42

Yeah, it's very interesting when you dig into it, and that's where just just people in general, like it goes to politics, religion, everything, medicine, everything. Just just make it make sense and and question everything. And like that's what that's our biggest. We question it if whatever the government tells us, we're questioning it 100%. And I feel if you're not that American right now, you're they have you. You are under you, they they own you. The the the Psyop, you are a product of the Psyop that is going on in this country right now. If you're just like let them get a shot, test of science. That sounds great. We're all sitting here like what the fuck? Yeah, like we know families that were just poking their kids just to go on vacations, and we're all sitting here like mind blown, and they're like, and like it's no big deal. Well, they said it's okay. Who's do they?

SPEAKER_04: 1:35:37

Yeah, I was they were gonna make me have um my college I was working for was going to require me to have a booster shot when I was pregnant with my daughter to keep my job. And I said, Nope.

SPEAKER_01: 1:35:50

The fact that people did.

SPEAKER_04: 1:35:51

They're like, and then the best part, the best part is then six months later, they're like, actually, we're gonna take that mandate off. So what if you what if someone's desperate, right? Like this is where it bothered me. If someone's desperate, I can't lose my job, right? Someone's like, for me, I'm like, I'll find another one. I have 12 anyway, whatever. Like, but if someone's really desperate and like, hey, my family can't afford to lose their job. Like, I can't, like, I have to do this, and then they do something against their will, right? Because they're like, I don't know. And then six months later, they're like, just kidding, you didn't have to get that. Like, that's where I struggle.

SPEAKER_01: 1:36:21

After you put this Yeah, after you did what you didn't want to do. And you have a developing child inside of your belly.

SPEAKER_04: 1:36:27

And they told me, and I so I went to my OB and I was like, I need a letter saying I'm not doing this, like for my college. And she was like, Well, I can't technically write it because it is safe. I said safe by who? Where are your test studies? I'm not gonna be the test study, so where are your test studies on pregnant women? And she was like, and she was really cool, like she was trying not to lose her license, which I also understand her. She's like, I don't know if I can write a letter. And then she called me back after I left because I was like crying because I was so mad. And she was like, I'm writing it, I don't care what happens to me. I'm writing it so you don't have to have it.

SPEAKER_01: 1:36:56

That I would like to sit down with a real doctor that one that is going against the establishment because we we've been anti-vaxx way before vax was a thing, right? And so we, my wife, she'd always come back and be like, Well, I'm gonna get and find a new doctor. A new doctor. Because she would always be like, hey, they're up for vax, and we'll have to be like, why? No, um, we're gonna pass this. Well, we really recommend it. Why do you really recommend that my four-year-old needs to get a cocktail vaccine with 14 different vaxes inside the shot? How does that benefit my child?

SPEAKER_04: 1:37:28

So that's what I've learned. Yeah, that's I think it was pretty eye-opening for me because again, like I will tell you, before 2020, I would have probably gone along with a lot of things, right? Like, I just didn't question, I was like, in my own world, like whatever. And then that hit, and then you know, again, both my degrees are science-backed degrees. And so I was kind of like, hmm, this is interesting. And then when things weren't making sense with like distancing and like the mask, the the mask, or the fact that like you curfew by 10 because the the because why? Because the virus is only active after 10 at 10 p.m. Like, like just weird things that I was question I started to question, right? Finally. Like, so I that's more where I was like, whoa. And so it was a lot of that that started me questioning modern medicine and then the accident, and then doing all my research on that. And so yeah, my biggest, my biggest advice and my biggest thing I've learned is question everything and do the research on your own. That's that's the only way to go at this point.

SPEAKER_01: 1:38:40

It's not the worst advice to give somebody either. Like that's the craziest part. It's like, hey, instead of just going blindly and listening to what the government is our best interest, just go research it. Research. I'm not telling you to be some tin hat conspiracy theorist and we landed on the moon, right? Like it's just like just just Google, yeah, just follow the money, yeah, see who's funding these these programs.

SPEAKER_04: 1:39:03

Yeah, just check. Do your own research. And you know what? If you do your own research and you still want to do, absolutely respect that for you. Because you have to judge you. Yeah, you have your but you have every right, which is beautiful thing about living in America. You have every right to do whatever you want with your own self. It's great.

SPEAKER_01: 1:39:22

So cancer. Yes, cancer. Cancer. I would like to talk to that because I lost my brother to cancer. Crazy ordeal, battled it for years and years and years and years before losing it, losing the fight. And so let's I want to kind of hear your journey in this because as a woman, coming down with anything has got to be terrifying, especially having children. Yes. How did you find out?

SPEAKER_04: 1:39:45

Uh-huh. So funny, not funny, but kind of funny. So I had had breast implants prior.

SPEAKER_03: 1:39:51

Okay.

SPEAKER_04: 1:39:52

And I kept telling my friend and my husband, like, man, this is like my boobs kind of hurt. Like, and it sounds weird, like, women will know. Like, you're gonna start your period and your boobs gonna hurt, or if you're pregnant and your boobs kind of hurt, like it's a sign of being pregnant. So I panicked. I'm like, oh my god, am I pregnant? This would be literally the baby Jesus. There's no way this could be possible. Like, oh no. And so I finally like, I took a pre even took a pregnancy test. So I'm like, and I was like, please be pre please be negative. And so then, God no. And so then I was like, you know, I'm just gonna go get maybe my implant is like ruptured. Because I play volleyball and I dive and like I still play competitive volleyball.

SPEAKER_01: 1:40:26

You don't want me asking, how old are your implants at this point?

SPEAKER_04: 1:40:28

Like three years.

SPEAKER_01: 1:40:29

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_04: 1:40:29

So I got them after my second because I didn't want a third child, I didn't think. And then my husband, mental warfare, was like, let's have a third. I think he just and so there we are. So three years old now. And so I was like, maybe I dove on it in volleyball, maybe something's wrong. Go to urgent care. And they're like, Yeah, I should like, we'll just order an MRI. It's probably just your thing. Cool. So I go get MRI done, they call me back, they're like, Yeah, the implants are fine, but we see some weird spots. So we're gonna do an ultrasound mammogram. Cool, sounds good. Like, whatever. So at this point, I'm like not panicking because I'm like, it could be anything. So we go in, we do the ultrasound mammogram, and they're like, oh, we think there's one spot we want a biopsy, but we think it's nothing. Like the whole time they're like, Yeah, we don't think we think it's maybe just like breast tissue or calcium or whatever. And I was like, okay, cool, like that's fine. So we go in, and when I get in there, this is also a very god thing for me. After after I got it checked the first time with the MRI, I never had the pain again, which is very weird. And so then I go in to go get the biopsy done, and the the biopsy tech was like, Hey, I there's one other spot I kind of want to do. Do you mind if I do two? And I was like, Well, we're here, we might as well, right? Like check them both. And the first spot that they were originally gonna do came back nothing. The second spot that they weren't going to do came back with atypical cells, and he's like, Ooh, there's two other spots that look like that one that we thought was nothing. So can we do two more? And I was like, sure. I mean, let's check it. And they did two more, and one came back negative, one came back with cancer. But it was stage zero. Like I had literally caught it before yeah, wild. Like came back, and again, I like say that I don't know how like it was kind of a miracle how I found it so early. Like, because then I never had the breast pain again after I had my first test. The doctor's like, this would have never been, it wouldn't cause pain. You would have never felt it in like an exam. And she was like, But the type you have typically turns into invasive, like it's not one that's slow. And I was like, hmm, weird, okay. So I had options, you know, they were like, you can either do a lumpectomy um and do radiation, or you can do a double mass ectomy or a single massctomy and then have no radiation, no chemo.

SPEAKER_01: 1:42:37

Okay, so uh you being the medical person, what are your thoughts on chemo and radiation? I didn't want it. Okay, all right. I was hoping you were gonna go there.

SPEAKER_04: 1:42:44

Yeah. So I was like, I I don't want radiation because that's gonna affect other cells outside my body and could be. And then I definitely don't want chemo, right? And so I said, you know, what are and what are the I she's like, we could do a single. I said, okay, well, quick question. I'm young. What are the chances it shows up in the other one? And she's like, well, the type you have is usually 25% for people who normally get it at an older age. But because you're young, I'm gonna go with about 40%. And I was like, what are my chances of getting it if I have a double mastectomy? She said, 1%. Chop them off.

SPEAKER_01: 1:43:17

No brainer.

SPEAKER_04: 1:43:18

No brainer. So literally found I got the call that I had cancer June 4th or 7th, and I was having a double mastectomy July 23rd.

SPEAKER_01: 1:43:28

How is that as a woman losing both your breasts like that? That it how did that affect you?

SPEAKER_04: 1:43:33

I didn't, I didn't think it would be a big deal.

SPEAKER_01: 1:43:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_04: 1:43:36

Um honestly it wasn't like for me originally when I first got him. Like I felt I mean, I was terrified of just the it's a six and a half hour surgery. It's huge, and I don't like to be under that long with kids, you know, you're always worried about going under. Um but I knew we were gonna do a reconstruction, and I had seen a lot of um we've come way farther with reconstructions than they used to be. Like mastectomies used to like mangle women, and I've seen some pretty normal looking boobs after that. So I was like, listen, first and foremost, my health is the most important. I gotta be there for my kids. And like my husband was amazing through the whole thing and was like, I don't care, you know, like who cares? Like, I love you, I don't care. And so it was a little scary to see at first. Um, and then there were like were some complications where they were like, you know, you may lose your nipples. And I'm like, hmm, okay. So that's the next thing I have to worry about because originally they were gonna do it all at once. Like they were gonna do adult mastectomy and add implants as a reconstruction at once, so only having to go under one time.

SPEAKER_00: 1:44:39

Oh, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_04: 1:44:40

And then I woke up with nothing because the blood flow wasn't great, so they didn't want to like push it. So then I had to go back in a month later to go back in. So then they were gonna do implants again. So we're like month one month later, and I thought I was gonna wake up with implants and I did not. I woke up with um expanders because the skin was still looking a little stretchy.

SPEAKER_03: 1:45:01

Yep.

SPEAKER_04: 1:45:01

Sketchy. So then I had expanders, which are like very odd because they just like blow them up like water balloons, basically. So then I had to go get those expanded.

SPEAKER_01: 1:45:08

That's to stretch the skin, correct?

SPEAKER_04: 1:45:10

Just to stretch the skin to put the implant in finally, and then I'll have my last one in November where they then swap out and put my final boobs, hopefully, and hopefully I don't wake up flat again. And then, and they have to do a fat transfer. So they gotta take fat, transfer it up here because yeah, that I'm sure that's gonna feel great. I mean, but it's lifelong insurance somewhere. When you win some, you lose them. So, yeah. So life on insurance. I mean, whatever. You guys can just pull it from specific. I'm like, where do you guys take it from? And she's like, Where do you want it? I'm like, let me hand you my list.

SPEAKER_01: 1:45:44

Um give you like the the body.

SPEAKER_04: 1:45:47

The body of like Mark here, Mark here, so here. Yeah. And the only time I will say that it was a little mentally hard was my husband and I went out to dinner. My mom was in town. She came to help for the summer while I had it. And I was trying to find clothes to put on.

SPEAKER_03: 1:46:00

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_04: 1:46:01

And I was like, everything looks horrific because I was just like nothing. Which again, my husband's like, you look beautiful. And I like appreciate that. But I think mentally I was like, you just haven't seen yourself like that. And it's hard because I like I'm an athlete and I love to work out and I love to like play sports. I'm all about sports, but I also like I'm like a girl, like I'm super girly. So like putting on like a dress and it not looking girly and feminine to me was that was a struggle, a big struggle. And like, and only girls would understand this really, but I had to take my nails off for surgery. You couldn't have your nails done, and I had to take my lashes off for surgery and my hair extensions out. And then I had no boobs, and then I felt like a naked mole rat. I'm like, I look like a naked mole rat. This is terrible. So I think all of the above, like, I feel like girls understand that. Guys are probably like, okay.

SPEAKER_01: 1:46:50

I get it because I am a girl dad, so I hear all this shit.

SPEAKER_04: 1:46:54

So I was like, it took every feminine aspect of me off, and then your boobs are cut off at the same time. So you're like, I had the chest of a 12-year-old boy, I have my nails are not painted, or my acrylics aren't on, and my lashes and my hair extensions aren't in. It was, yeah. I that was more of like a hard part of that, but so well.

SPEAKER_01: 1:47:18

I mean, now, so you're you're completely cleared now.

SPEAKER_04: 1:47:20

Yes, I am completely cancer free. Congratulations. Thank you so much. I appreciate that. Completely cancer free. We're excited, excited about that. Um, yeah, and but it did give me a different perspective on when I have my daughter grows up one day because I have an interesting theory on where I think mine came from. So I was on the birth control pill for a really long time. We are so against well, they just came out with it as being a carcinogen. They just classified it finally as a carcinogen. But I'm again aging myself here. But when I was in my teens, it was you have acne, here's the birth control pill. You have a weird period, here's a birth control pill, you have weird hormones.

SPEAKER_03: 1:48:00

Who's doing it?

SPEAKER_04: 1:48:01

Here's a birth control pill. And again, here's the never questioning. Like we didn't question who created the birth control. And we never questioned it. And I never, you know, I was on it for 12 years, you know?

SPEAKER_01: 1:48:13

Let's talk about this real quick. You're uh kind of a health nut because she knows girls. How long have some of those we don't need to name names, how long have some of these girls been on birth control?

SPEAKER_04: 1:48:24

Uh their whole teenage years, I would say. Oh yeah. I mean, I think I went on I must have been 14 or 15 because I had really weird periods. Instead of figuring out why my periods were the way they were what internally was going on health-wise, right? Like we didn't figure that out.

SPEAKER_03: 1:48:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04: 1:48:42

They were like, and it and it worked, right? It regulated me, right? But we didn't figure out what the actual issue was ever. And so I went on it at four, I must have been 14 or 15, I think it was a question.

SPEAKER_01: 1:48:52

So you are a huge advocate against it then.

SPEAKER_04: 1:48:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 1:48:55

Because then they're putting these young teenagers. This is where even as a girl dad.

SPEAKER_04: 1:48:59

Yeah, I'm sure girl dad.

SPEAKER_01: 1:49:01

I have these, I know I'll talk to dads and be like, oh, well, I'm thinking about putting my daughter on birth control. We don't know if she's sexually acting. I'm like, whoa. You're putting this chemical in your teenage daughter that is blocking everything that is developing at these crucial stages. What's what else are they putting these kids on for their acne? And then on top of it, they're putting these young girls on Accutane because they have an acne from the birth control side effects, and they're just destroying your young daughter's developing body and hormones and chemicals and everything that's changing. And these parents are just like, yeah, put them on birth control.

SPEAKER_04: 1:49:41

Yeah, I'm not right. We need to regulate me. Now that I'm kind of in the peptide world, if there ends up being like studies on because we there are a lot of peptides that also help with like hormone fluctuation for perimenopause, menopause. I'm curious if we ever I'm curious if we ever get into the space where if there is some hormonal or something of that nature going on, there's a better alternative route than, you know, doing taking the pill or the shot. And then of course it always comes back like lawsuit on this because you have a blane breed or a brain bleed or you have something else. But I I do think it's a big step that we are now classifying it as a car carcinogen.

SPEAKER_00: 1:50:20

Terrifying.

SPEAKER_04: 1:50:20

It's a huge step in the right direction, if you ask me. Um, but I would have I never would have thought about that prior, right?

SPEAKER_01: 1:50:27

Like I never my wife could probably talk for hours and all this shit.

SPEAKER_04: 1:50:32

Yeah, I would never have thought about that prior because that's just what you did.

SPEAKER_01: 1:50:35

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_04: 1:50:35

That's what my friends were on. That's what I was on. Do you how I have so many young women friends that have had all different types of cancer? I've had so many friends with breast cancer. My cousin currently is fighting her own, who's six months older than I am, just got diagnosed with breast cancer, fighting her own battle. It make it make sense. Why are so many young people?

SPEAKER_01: 1:50:58

I just saw a chart the other day of all the countries and it charted them on the colors of cancer. Yes, US, boom, red. The rest of the world's like little spatters here and there, like light blue, a little green. The US, the whole fucking thing, red.

unknown: 1:51:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 1:51:13

Meanwhile, we're like, yes, we're the greatest country, and our government loves us. And it's like, how do you not see this? What's going on here?

SPEAKER_04: 1:51:19

There's so many young people with cancer.

SPEAKER_01: 1:51:21

And like And then the you add the foods.

SPEAKER_04: 1:51:23

You have with the food that we're eating, the things that are in our foods, you add, you know, the medicines, the creams that they're putting on their face, the the makeup, everything. Everything has something in it. And it's interesting to like look, take a deeper look at that. And again, like I think it was kind of not well. My mom, when I got diagnosed with cancer, my mom was like, you know, I just wish you and Jeremy could catch a break, right? Like that was her first. And I said, I did catch a break. I caught it early. Yeah. Uh we're not getting mammograms till 40. I had three more years before I was gonna get a mammogram. And this is invasive.

SPEAKER_01: 1:51:59

So mammograms are horrible for you too. Not to mention that.

SPEAKER_04: 1:52:03

Yeah. And so it's like I had three more years for this to develop before I would have even seen it.

SPEAKER_03: 1:52:09

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_04: 1:52:10

Right? Like, so I kind of look at it that way, like it's the best case scenario of the worst case scenario, because my mom was just like, oh, after the accident and this workers' comp, and like I just wanted you guys to catch a break. And I'm like, I did catch a break. I caught it early.

SPEAKER_01: 1:52:22

Absolutely 100%.

SPEAKER_04: 1:52:24

That is a break. I mean, do I want to have cancer? No. Did I want to dumb mess that we not so much? But such is life. Such is life, all things we can move through.

SPEAKER_01: 1:52:31

I feel like you made the most incredible. That was the best decision. No questions asked.

SPEAKER_04: 1:52:36

Yeah, it wasn't even like a blink of an eye. Like, it I need to be here for my kids, and that's what I'm doing now. Like, I am trying to find how to be the healthiest I can, do all the right things I can for my body that are appropriate, go do my research, teach other people. Like, I just feel like, and my husband is so passionate about it now, too, just with all the things we've been through. Like, there is a greater purpose, and the purpose is to help other people. I want people to live long and healthy.

SPEAKER_01: 1:53:03

For sure.

SPEAKER_04: 1:53:04

And not deal with that kind of stuff and not be on all these medications and not depend on the medication.

SPEAKER_01: 1:53:09

They depend. That's what a lot of people also don't understand. If if anything ever happened in this country and they flipped the switch or government shut down, they wanted to just stop producing. I don't remember what the percentage was, but it is giant percentage of people dead immediately within the first several, within the first month or two, just that depend on medication. I know almost every single vet that I have helped, they all depend on medication.

SPEAKER_04: 1:53:38

And medication.

SPEAKER_01: 1:53:39

We like pride ourselves in our home. We're like, dude, there's nobody to depend on anything here. We are very like old school herbs. Yeah. My wife is like she would have been burned at the stake. We would be back in back in time. Some of the shit she whips up, you know.

SPEAKER_04: 1:53:56

But there's a better, there's a better way, and there's a healthier way, and there's a more longevity-rich way to to be healthy. And what do we consider healthy? That's the other problem. Like, cool, you're healthy and you look a certain way, but you're on, you take 20 Tylenol a day for all your act, your pains, your aches, or whatever. Like, are you healthy? Are your insides healthy? You may look healthy outside.

SPEAKER_01: 1:54:17

Or your guts.

SPEAKER_04: 1:54:18

Yeah, your guts. Like, that's like the BPC 157 is like so good for gut.

SPEAKER_01: 1:54:22

We're gonna have a major conversation after this. We're but like I have horrible gut issues. That's what got us into a freaking bakery for crying out loud is because my life's like, you're done. Yeah, carbs don't set with it. Like, I'm dealing, I'm done dealing with shit overseas, and so like everything just whoop. And so she was like, We're gonna, and that's when we got into making our own bread. We're like, oh fuck, okay. And that's what started that journey because I got bad gut issues from yeah, and then the VA's like, Oh, you're good, it's irritable bowel syndrome. Yeah, good luck. Uh here's a bunch of pills for it.

SPEAKER_04: 1:54:49

Yeah, exactly. Here's a bunch of pills.

SPEAKER_01: 1:54:51

Taking the shit. This pill for this, and that's it. I'd rather just deal with it. Yeah. So, okay. You wear a lot of titles. You got mom, wife, cancer survivor, entrepreneur, and a few others titles I'm sure you are proud to represent. Yeah. What's been the toughest one for you?

SPEAKER_04: 1:55:12

Oh god, that's a good question. A mom. Okay. Why? Because you never think you're doing good enough. Like I love my kids more than I could ever explain. There's just no way to explain how much you love your kids and how much you want to take every ache and pain away from them, how much you want to like make sure they're good humans, and you just like but I mess up every single day. For sure. Yeah. And so that has been the hardest thing for me is like being a mom, but then also still being me. And I found that I'm a better mom when I took care of me.

SPEAKER_00: 1:55:50

Okay.

SPEAKER_04: 1:55:50

And that was a hard thing to figure out. Like you lose yourself originally, I think, when you become a mom. Like, you lose yourself as what is my identity now.

SPEAKER_01: 1:56:00

There's definitely a phase.

SPEAKER_04: 1:56:01

There's a phase where you're like, I remember telling my husband, like, after our first baby, which is that first one really rocks your world because you have no idea what's coming, and you're like, this is what I did to my life. Um, does it ever end? I can't give it back. Um, and you know, I told him, like, I'm a mom and I love, love, love, love being a mom, but like, who am I anymore? And it's the hardest thing I've ever done and the best thing I've ever done in my whole life. But it's the hardest thing I've ever done. Like to these little humans, like wanting to make sure I'm doing the best by them, and I fail constantly.

SPEAKER_03: 1:56:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04: 1:56:37

I will never get that right perfectly. But so that's why for me, that's the hardest thing I've ever done is to be a mom.

SPEAKER_01: 1:56:43

What's your favorite part about being a mom?

SPEAKER_04: 1:56:45

Oh, God, there's a lot of really great things about being a mom. Just like waking up and seeing my like the joy of seeing your kid like run up to you like excited. Like, that's my I don't know, that's like my favorite part. It's just like, I made these little cute humans and they're like such good people. And just watching them, I think now that they're getting bigger, like I'll be honest, the newborn phase is for the birds. I can't stand the newborn phase. It's awful. Anyone's like, it's so great. I'm like, they don't do anything, they suck your soul out, and then they don't give you anything back. They are a hundred percent. They don't do anything. They give you nothing back. They just so I'm with you. Yeah, that is terrible. But now, like, you know, my oldest is seven, and just watching him like thrive and like his hobbies and like what he likes to do. And like he came home yesterday from school and told me his first year mama joke, and I it was so funny. And so, like, just him like thriving and like seeing the individuals they're becoming and being able to support them in whatever they want. Yeah, like my son's really getting into soccer and football, you know, and then my other one, he's my middle one, he's just crazy. We love him to death.

SPEAKER_03: 1:57:47

Good. And then the middle should be.

SPEAKER_04: 1:57:49

Yeah, he's and then my daughter is either going to like run a prison gang or overthrow the government. We don't know which one yet. Like, not sure. But just like to watch their personalities is the best thing. To watch them become their own little humans. Oh, it's the best. It's the best. And then just getting like little snuggles at the end of the night. That's the best.

SPEAKER_01: 1:58:08

Yeah, so you get the boy mom thing. I'm fortunate. I just get two girl dads. Oh, man. Is the greatest.

SPEAKER_04: 1:58:13

Six seven is all I'm hearing out of my house right now.

SPEAKER_01: 1:58:16

We don't have that here. We're homeschoolers.

SPEAKER_04: 1:58:18

Yeah, you're homeschoolers. Good for you. We don't have to ask them. Like, yeah, all I've I'm like, what is it? And they're like, they don't even know. They just heard their friends say, you know, I'm like, that all I've heard in my house is six seven. I'm like, oh my God, if I hear my or my older something about it not too long ago. Yeah, my older, yeah. My older one's gonna come. He's like, hey mom, one, two, three, four, five, eight, nine, ten. What did I miss? And I'm like, I'm not saying it. Like, no, absolutely not. Yeah, not not responding to that question.

SPEAKER_01: 1:58:45

Yeah, it's it's it's hilarious being outside of the system and like watching all that shit, like the whole Swifty movement and all that. Like, we don't we don't deal with any of it. It's crazy because like people I'll see it and we'll hear about it, or I'll have some little kid come over everything. And I'm looking at them like, what the fuck is this kid talking about?

SPEAKER_04: 1:59:04

It's six seven. I still don't know if it's if it makes me feel better. I still have no idea what it's like.

SPEAKER_01: 1:59:09

I've googled it, and it's just it's hilarious because you start to feel like like this old boomer when kids are saying shit. Then I look at her and she's like, Dan, I don't even know. I don't I don't know what that means. I'm like, okay, cool. So it's just it's just it's not us. It's not me, right? And they're like, no, no.

SPEAKER_04: 1:59:24

That's like teaching college. Like some of these things they're saying are like when they email me and I'm like, is this English? Like, what? What are you guys talking about?

SPEAKER_01: 1:59:31

Oh man, I have this woman that I was talking, she was she was a guest and she's a teacher, and she's involved with kids all day, so she talks and texts. So she texts like a teenager. Like a teenager, like a teenage girl, I should say. I have to give it to her. I'm like, yo, I don't know. What does she speak about? What did she say? Are we doing it? It's all just emojis and slang, and I've never communicated with anybody like that. Like in our house, it's like you we talk.

SPEAKER_03: 1:59:55

Right.

SPEAKER_01: 1:59:55

We're gonna you you can abbreviate certain things, but like when everything's abbreviated and then there's Emoji added into like two letters. I'm like, duh. I'm so confused. Is this eight before? So I have to give it to her shit like that. I don't know. And I'm like, oh yeah, I forget. You know, I just think that everybody's like that.

SPEAKER_04: 2:00:13

Yeah, it's it's hilarious. It's funny watching the old personalities. Yeah, he came home and told me his uh his your mama joke was, what do you call a cow with two legs? And I was like, what? And he's like, Your mama. I'm like, oh my God. I'm like, where are we learning? I mean, it's kind of funny, but like, where are we like just now to watch their personalities and like what they're into? They're funny. They're good kids. They're funny. But yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 2:00:34

It's fun watching them develop into their own little personalities. No matter how much you were like, oh, they're gonna be this, or I want my kids to be this. Yeah. It doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_04: 2:00:42

Yeah. Honestly, I thought my older one was like not gonna be athletic. I was like, I need to prime myself, prime myself that maybe he's into he's really into planes. He's gonna be a pilot. He'll take mom on some flights, but he's not gonna be an athlete, and that is okay, right? Like, because we're an athletic fam. Like my mom and dad both played ball in college, my brother played in college. So I'm like, it's okay if he doesn't like sports, it's okay if he's into other things, like trying to like talk myself into it. And now he's like loving sports, super competitive. Like, but you know, they change. They like to watch them like grow is really cool, but I'll never forget that. I called my mom, I'm like, mom, I don't know if this one's gonna be athletic. Like, she's like, it's okay, he's really smart and into planes. I'm like, yeah, it's great. Like, it's great.

SPEAKER_01: 2:01:21

You got the eye twitch going on.

SPEAKER_04: 2:01:22

I was like, oh god, okay. But yeah, to watch them like get into their own things, which is really cool. Like, my middle one's really like in Taekwondo right now, which I'm like, all right. Champion. Oh, he would love that. Yeah, both of us. He's very excited. He got a stripe on his belt the other day, and he was like very stoked on his his little black stripe or whatever. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01: 2:01:40

That's a great sport to get we were. I mean, and anybody that's listening to the podcast, in the before this was a studio, this was our training.

SPEAKER_03: 2:01:47

Nice.

SPEAKER_01: 2:01:48

And uh yeah, her and her sister, they wanted world titles, and we fought our ass off. We trained up here and they ended up taking home world titles. And yeah, it's a great entry-level sport. He loves it to evolve into it. I mean, she you want to talk about like maybe not the most athletic, and we were kind of worried about her for a while. Only because she's like so she was sorry, kid, you know I love you. She was so mousy and so just timid and like just she get the fuck out there, yeah, go, you know, she's like, just cry over everything. I'm like, oh my god, at all people, I gotta get I gotta get this as a kid. And then she just evolved. She slowly started getting these little wins and developing and just finding herself, and then all of a sudden she's just fucking dominating. We're like, oh shit, she I we created a machine. Yeah, so she went from like, I don't know if we're ever gonna do like cheerleading, you know. Then it was yeah, no, that's like a fucking machine. And I'm like, all right, we're good.

SPEAKER_04: 2:02:43

That's my older one, was like kind of a sensitive Sally and kind of like like just like I don't really know, and like wasn't into it, and I'm like dying inside, right? Because I'm like so competitive. Like, don't let my kids beat me in anything because you need to learn how to lose, and I will beat you as long as physically possible. Like I train so I can continue to beat you in whatever it is.

SPEAKER_01: 2:03:01

Like you want to race? Well, all yeah, I'm going to train and we're gonna be done this.

SPEAKER_04: 2:03:04

Like, I don't care how old you are, like I will continue to win as long as like my son liked liked golf. I'm like, I'm learning how to play golf. He can't be better than me.

SPEAKER_01: 2:03:13

I'll tell you what, though, you're creating monsters because that's how we were, that's how we are. And then they get to this stage where they're worse at competing than you are, so then everything evolves to cheating.

SPEAKER_04: 2:03:26

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 2:03:28

Ruins game nights. Yeah, we don't do yeah, no, like that's the downfall of being a competitive family because now it's like we can't even just walk down the street. I bet you I could kick this farther than you, and I'm like, oh god, like you can't. Like everything's a bet now.

SPEAKER_04: 2:03:43

Like, oh, 10 out of 10. And my parents are like still like that. Like my mom's still like, I bet I could outplank you. I could plank longer than you. And I'm like, all right, let's do this. Like, yeah, no. Yeah, like my mom's like, she's like double athlete in college, played D1, and so it's always like, and my dad played basketball, you know, my brother. So we're always like, who's the better athlete in the family? And it's always like me, obviously. But yeah, you know, we always have that fight, and then you know, my son playing soccer. We played parent versus kid and his last practice, and I was not gonna let you win. Yeah, absolutely not.

SPEAKER_01: 2:04:12

And then you're looking at the other parents like, how the fuck are you?

SPEAKER_04: 2:04:14

And he's better than you. And he's seven, so I'm still like you're gonna learn how to lose. That's also part of life, which is a huge part of life.

SPEAKER_01: 2:04:21

Part of life. That's where a lot of parents actually fail at it. You need to learn how to lose 100% and what it feels like. Yeah, because you don't want to like to lose. Our biggest, our big one of our biggest learning experiences when they were competitively fighting were when we we had 13-hour drives home with no medals. Not even placing. Oh, yeah, that's the worst. You want to talk about a learning experience, and it's just like, well, yeah, what'd we learn?

SPEAKER_04: 2:04:50

My parents drove separate cars. Like, people, my parents got divorced when I was older, but people thought my parents were divorced because we would go in separate cars to games because my dad was my coach. And so, like, he'd always be way harder on me than anybody else. He wasn't the dad who's like, yeah, let her get. He was like, Wait, like he'd be pissed at the other girl and he'd be like, What were you doing? I'm like, I wasn't even in the game. Um, and so like, which like whatever. And so they would always take separate cars because like sometimes I'd be like, we couldn't ride home together because we're so competitive that I was like, Yeah, I think I'm gonna go with mom from myself. I mean, I played travel softball for the time I was like eight till I was a senior in high school, and then I played club, I played volleyball in college. My mom coached college volleyball, my mom played volleyball. So, like, we're super like it's still competitive. Like, no matter if you get us, it's never gonna end. And I'm really happy that my older one is like doesn't like to lose now, and he's like, Good, you shouldn't like to lose. Because it my mom's like, it's just now my parents as grandparents are soft. They're like, it's just about having like you would have never said that. Where was this when I was when I was a child?

SPEAKER_01: 2:05:51

Just about fun and learning bullshit.

SPEAKER_04: 2:05:53

And she's like, What's important is having fun. I said, remember, winning is more fun than losing is though. Like, losing's not fun.

SPEAKER_03: 2:06:01

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_04: 2:06:02

So I'm glad that we've like gotten him. He's getting there because I was a little worried for a while. Yeah, I was like, oh God.

SPEAKER_01: 2:06:10

When dealing with all of your husband's injuries and learning everything you had to learn, what did you learn about yourself the most from his injuries?

SPEAKER_04: 2:06:21

I know now I can always count on me, like myself. Like I would put money on me on anything. You give me anything, I will figure it out. Like people, I have full faith that no matter what happens, I will handle it. Like I don't trust anyone else to do it.

SPEAKER_03: 2:06:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04: 2:06:37

Like I am capable of anything that I put my mind to and that I want to do, I'm gonna make happen. And I knew I was a fighter and I knew I was competitive, but like having to fight for someone that I loved and like make it happen and make it all happen at the same time while like raising kids while having to work, like blah, blah, blah. Like, I am so capable of handling so much that I didn't give myself credit for beforehand. Like I knew I was tough, but that'll test you for sure. Oh yeah. But now I'm like, give me anything, I got this.

SPEAKER_01: 2:07:08

What is for all of the women out there and to the young cop wives and even maybe the experienced ones, what is a piece of advice that you would leave for them?

SPEAKER_04: 2:07:24

Never let them leave when you're angry. I would say be a listening ear, because they go through a lot, right? Like they see things that aren't normal. Like you shouldn't be seeing things they see every day. Um and also understand like their issues aren't technically your issues, right? So they have to deal with them separately. Uh you can't take on their issues for them. Like I think sometimes we try to fix them, right? Like, tell me everything, like I'll I'll handle it. I'll and sometimes you shouldn't be taking on some of the stuff because you're not trained for that.

SPEAKER_03: 2:07:56

For sure.

SPEAKER_04: 2:07:56

Um but I would say at the end of the day, don't let them leave, like you said. You know, we don't not kiss goodbye and we don't leave angry. Um and just take it day by day. Day by day. It's gonna be a long haul, but you got it. You gotta be tough. You gotta have some thick skin to be in the game. But I think if you can support your husband in the way he needs to support it, but you still need to stand on your own two feet. So I think just because he's a cop and just because that's his job doesn't mean he gets to take some of that out on you or whatever, like have a bad mood when he comes home, like he can decompress, but you're there's times where you're gonna have to check them. And I think that's being the the m best wife you can be is putting them in check when it needs to happen. Boundaries. Boundaries, you need boundaries for sure. Because just because they're going through something like if you don't ever set that boundary, like you're gonna let them spiral too, and you're also not giving yourself enough respect. And sometimes it's hard and it doesn't feel good, and it's hard and like it's not a conversation you want to have. But if you love them enough and you really love the marriage and your person, like I I would hope my husband would check me, and he does, when I need to be checked, because that's a sign of love and respect.

SPEAKER_01: 2:09:14

Yeah, absolutely. That's healthy.

SPEAKER_04: 2:09:16

So you're gonna need to do that for sure.

SPEAKER_01: 2:09:18

Because with a lack of communication, checking your others, that's where animosity starts to grow. And then it just it builds, it becomes cancer because you're not addressing the problem, his anger, the personality they're walking in with, whatever the mood may be when they come through that front door, then it just builds and fessors and fessors until you can't take it anymore or drives him away, there's a wedge, whatever it may be for sure.

SPEAKER_04: 2:09:41

Yeah. So being able to communicate honestly is a big one.

SPEAKER_01: 2:09:46

Which isn't always comfortable, but it's that's definitely not comfortable. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04: 2:09:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 2:09:50

What was the hardest part besides your husband's injuries? What was the hardest part of being a cop wife?

SPEAKER_04: 2:09:57

Ooh. I would say when we had kids, doing 95% of it alone while you're married. I used to joke and be like, I didn't sign up to be a single mom. I'm married, but I'm a single mom for sure. So I think carrying the load of being a mom, I think, with him being disconnected because he was gone a lot. So I think, yeah, I'd say the hardest part is doing a lot of things on your own. Like I'm independent, but it does get old. For sure. And you do get resentful, I think, if you don't talk about it because you're like, you can't play the my my mom calls it like keeping score, right? Like, well, I did this, this, and then you need to do this. Like that doesn't work. It doesn't work. And I think you kind of do that when you're a new parent because you're like, well, I got up this many times, and what are you doing? You know, I mean like sleep all night when you slept. Exactly. It doesn't work like that. And so the hardest part about being cop wife is that, and then losing, you're going to lose friends.

SPEAKER_01: 2:10:58

Why?

SPEAKER_04: 2:10:59

I lost friends. Well, at least for me, in 2020, people's real hatred for Oh, okay. 2020 was a nasty time to be a cop wife. I don't, that was not for the faint heart. So, like, people who are close to you, like I had a cousin who was posting some pretty nasty things about like, fuck cops, kill all police, police are all whatever, which is like fine, you can have your opinion. But again, like I'm like, you know, my husband, like, you know, he's a good guy. And by putting these general statements out there, you're talking about my family at this point.

SPEAKER_01: 2:11:32

Absolutely. Yeah, that's personal attack.

SPEAKER_04: 2:11:33

That's a personal attack. So I've, you know, you learned real quickly who would follow certain narratives and who wouldn't. Um, and so your circle becomes a lot tighter. And because a lot of people don't understand what you go through as a first responder wife, you don't feel like explaining it to people that it's hard to explain to people that haven't lived it. So then your circle gets even smaller because they don't get it. Well, why can't he come? Well, why are you why is he not gonna be there? Can't he just take off work? What do you mean he's working over? Like they don't understand the lifestyle. And I it was hard to even explain to my parents because they're not in the world. Not we knew no one in that world. Yeah. And so to your circle just gets like smaller and smaller and smaller. Um, which is a good thing because you have tight people with you, but also a bad thing because you don't want to only surround yourself with people living the same lifestyle.

SPEAKER_01: 2:12:22

Because then you're you never get out of it.

SPEAKER_04: 2:12:23

Because then when you're not in that lifestyle anymore, like we weren't, they're not left there, they're gone because you're not part of you're not part of them.

SPEAKER_01: 2:12:31

That makes sense. I I want to have your husband on and talk, but during his battles with PTSD. What maybe not even injury related, just being a cop. Where did you see your husband struggle the most while he was on the road? Like what affected him the most that you kids. Okay.

SPEAKER_04: 2:12:55

Anything that dealt with a kid.

SPEAKER_01: 2:12:57

I can see that.

SPEAKER_04: 2:12:58

So I mean, he was on some calls, like I was pregnant with our first, and he went on a a dead baby call. And like mom was drinking and breastfeeding and rolled over and smothered her three-month-old. And he was like the first second guy there, and he's like, I'll never forget that. He came home and he's like, That baby will never be in our bed. I'm like, What are you talking? Like, I'm like, half asleep, like, what are you talking about? And he's like, look like a doll. Like, it's like, but and then that was it. Like then they don't talk to anybody, they don't like he's looking at a three-month-old dead baby with a wife who's pregnant with our with his first child, and then they just move on to the next call, you know? So I think he was heavily affected by anything that involved a kid, especially after we had our kids.

SPEAKER_01: 2:13:51

So, like And is you as the wife. How are you learning and like traversing these moments that he's coming home and kind of like being able to tell you about it now that pregnant or not? What makes a good wife versus just a wife? How how are you okay? Are you there as just an ear? Are you trying to like help him talk through this? Well what's the process? And I asked these questions more leading into the maybe wives that are listening that are veteran wives or law enforcement wives. Because, like you said, he's on to the next call, buried away, right? And you get to see a dude killed himself, buried away, more kids buried away. So, as a what separates a good law enforcement wife, like what how are you helping your husband through these moments where he's dealing with these calls?

SPEAKER_04: 2:14:44

Uh I went with the route of like letting him come home one, decompress for a second, right? Not being like immediately like, hey, like how's your day, you know? And you let him decompress for a second, then I asked, like, hey, anything you want to talk about? Like, how was the day? Like, whatever. And you kind of leave it open. Like, I I approached it leaving it open to let him kind of go. Because some days he might not, like, talking isn't what he wants to do. Like, he still needs to process, right? Like, he hasn't even processed himself. He's done five calls today and like two of them are dead bodies. You know what I mean? Like, he hasn't even sat with that for an hour, you know. So I think just being a listening ear when they're ready or asking, or just letting him know, like, hey, you don't have to talk to me about anything, but like if you need to, I can listen. Like, and I that was always something in our house. Like, if you ever need to talk, like I'm here to listen and I would just listen. I don't, I because I can't fix it. I can't tell him what to do. I have never been in that position, right? Like, I can listen and I can take it in and just let him know like it's a safe space. And if there was something that was really triggering or like scary or whatnot, I would I probably would have been like, hey, is there anyone like we can talk to about it? But again, that's another big stigma in the world. Like, you don't talk, you don't do therapy. Yeah, you don't talk to somebody. That's then a red flag on your thing.

SPEAKER_01: 2:16:00

Like well, then you're marked.

SPEAKER_04: 2:16:01

Then you're marked. Yeah. And that he that was even the concern of the accident because he was like, if they know I if it says I have PTSD, I'm marked forever. Yeah. So I mean, I just was there to listen, let him know the door was open, but I don't think pressing for them to talk about it ever works.

SPEAKER_03: 2:16:19

Okay.

SPEAKER_04: 2:16:20

Because I think the more you press guys like that in that field, I think they just shut down because they're not open to begin with, most of them.

SPEAKER_01: 2:16:28

They probably need to just know that they have a safe environment that they can just.

SPEAKER_04: 2:16:34

You could tell me anything. Like, I mean, probably why I have a very dark sense of humor now, because I had to live with someone who was like telling me things you're like, oh yeah, that's great.

SPEAKER_01: 2:16:42

Like as a cop wife, what's something that affected your husband that came from the community that like most people would never even think about? Like, what bothered him?

SPEAKER_04: 2:16:58

Oh. Oh he came home, it was 2020. He had been working riot after riot after riot, right? Like in California. And he came home one day, sat down, and just started crying on the couch. I'll never forget it. And I was like, What, like, what is going on? And he was like, I had people screaming in my face that I deserve to die and that I'm a horrible person. And then like, he's like, I've had people in my face all day telling me how terrible of a person I am, how I should die, how I should kill myself, how I'm a racist, I'm a murderer, I'm all this stuff for five hours. And it finally broke him. So I think people don't realize that they are humans underneath there, not all of them, but most of them. And they do feel things. And the mental load of that sometimes is way more than just the verbal mental load is way more than. And I think because it was a constant attack at that time of like his character and who he was as a person being a cop in in that environment. I think that was the craziest thing to me. Like he's seen people like swan dive off the top of parking structures, like in front of him. Like he's seen some crazy things, and that is the first time I've ever seen him cry coming home from work. Was the mental load of just people hate the hate, the amount of hate he was having on it.

SPEAKER_01: 2:18:20

Yeah, that wears on you.

SPEAKER_04: 2:18:21

Yeah, it's got it that's gotta wear. Especially when you're just trying to do your job. Just I'm just standing here.

SPEAKER_01: 2:18:27

And your label does you look at these ice agents now and what they're going through. Granted, I don't think a lot of it's being handled correctly, but that's just my opinion. But yeah, it's just but they're still they signed up to do a job and something that they're probably proud of and really looked forward to doing, and now they are just like Yeah.

SPEAKER_04: 2:18:47

Destroyed. Yeah, that was the weirdest thing for me, I think, like that people wouldn't expect that really affected him was the way that negativity really, really wore on him.

SPEAKER_01: 2:18:59

Well, I just asked these questions because not a lot of people get to see how it affects the cops, but then from a wife's point of view. So I hope they're I'm cool with asking these questions. It's just you know, because I I think people should know. Like we look at cops and they're these big badged up freaking tough dudes. Like I know they're going home and they're affected by this stuff, especially with the political environment, and cops are public enemy number one again.

SPEAKER_03: 2:19:27

Again.

SPEAKER_01: 2:19:27

Which sucks because I feel a lot of it comes from the departments and the coward chiefs that are running these things and just using these street cops as pawns. They're a pawn. It's it's it's interesting. It's very unfortunate, too, that we're in this situation, especially in today's day and age with everything that's going on, everything that's filmed, and you get like one cop that's just an absolute idiot, makes a mistake, and it just brings down a whole city.

SPEAKER_04: 2:19:52

That was my biggest fear was he was gonna do his job and do what he was supposed to do, and it would be filmed, and then they find like because there was a time where my favorite basketball player, LeBron James, would tweet, like, this cop did this, and like backtrack on it, but now that cop's family is like under fire. And I had to think, like, we had that conversation. Like, if something goes down, what do I do with the kids and where do we go? Because they're coming after us.

SPEAKER_03: 2:20:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04: 2:20:22

And my husband is like the intense, like he is blonde haired, blue-eyed, like not a good look at the time for what was going on. And it was like, I'm like, okay, so if A happens, we need like, where am I taking the kids? Where are we hiding out? Like, if something goes down. That was a true, true fear.

SPEAKER_01: 2:20:43

That's so sad that you're even having to build out an like an exit plan.

SPEAKER_04: 2:20:47

There was an exit plan for sure. And there was also like we weren't allowed to wear anything that said he was a cop. We weren't allowed to visit him at work during that time because it wasn't safe. Um, people he didn't want people to follow us home. We couldn't have like a thin blue line, I'm not like ever did, but we wouldn't have like a thin blue line sticker on my car because someone break my windshield. Like if anyone asked what he did, he worked for the city. Like, and that was really disheartening because I wanted our kids to be proud that their dad was did a service and was a cop. For sure. And you couldn't say it. And so there was that fear. We lived in fear for a long time. How did that take a toll on your marriage? It was awful. Like you're constantly living in fear, you're constantly worried when they go out, and then he's now dealing with being public enemy number one at the time, right? So all this backlash that's only gonna come out on us, like on at home. Like he can't take it out on the person that's yelling in his face because that's gonna be filmed and blah, blah, blah, right? You can't act out on the job. You can't scream, you can't scream back at the guy who's calling you A B C D F G because it's gonna be filmed and then all that's gonna go down. So like he would come home and he was broken. Like, and I was tired from having kids in my own thing because you're separate for a long time. And then then you're just at each other's throats because you're just like, Well, you had a bad day. Well, I had a bad day with the kids. Like, why isn't my day? You know what I mean? Like, then you go tit for tat, which is never good. And so, you know, he'd always come off, like, and it made him very cynical of every human being being on the planet. Oh like he thought negative of everyone, like everything was the worst case scenario, everyone was bad, he was very jaded. Okay, that was a huge thing. They all get real jaded. Like, I'm like to be opt realistically optimistic, but no, it was always the worst, always the negative, always go to the worst case, always. That's all he's dealing with. That's all he's dealing with. So that was always a little interesting too. Like he doesn't see he's better than now, like that he's out of it, but you have to think they see the worst of the worst all day long.

SPEAKER_01: 2:22:53

You're not showing up to a bar Vitzva and uh Kinsanetta and having a couple of freaking beers with the boys. Like you're you're going everywhere you called out. It is usually someone's worst day of their life.

SPEAKER_04: 2:23:06

Or and that or just to yell at you, or to like see the worst in humanity. You know what I mean? Like, he'll tell you he like brought a some kid over OD'd on meth and brought it back to life with an AED, right? He's like, which he got an award for, which is like great. But then he's like, Yeah, then three months later, like I show up at this kid's house because his girlfriend OD'd, the guy saves girlfriend, he fed her pills and she o'd. He's like, So then how do you feel as a person, like, wow, glad I saved this guy and now she's dead and I have to go tell her parents, like, oh yeah, you know what I mean? Like, so he sees the war, like where we would be like, Oh, you saved this kid's life, that's so great. And he's like, No, it's not, because then he killed this girl. You know what I mean? Like, so that cycle of like negative, because that's all you see in people, bleeds into your home life. There's no way it doesn't. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 2:23:55

Out of everything that you've experienced, and we'll we'll end on this. Everything you've experienced with your husband being a cop, being injured during on the line of duty with his his with his accident, you battling cancer and everything, what's been the best lesson that you've taken from all of this?

SPEAKER_04: 2:24:16

You don't ever know when it's your last day.

SPEAKER_00: 2:24:18

Okay.

SPEAKER_04: 2:24:19

So my thing is I I live every li and it sounds so corny and so cheesy, right? Like, live every day like it's your last. Well, it it could be. It really possibly could be. And to tell people how much you love them all the time. I don't care if it sounds stupid and corny or whatever, like I didn't I would have lived with so much regret if he would have died.

SPEAKER_01: 2:24:40

Did that one eat you up pretty bad?

SPEAKER_04: 2:24:42

It eat me up forever. I don't think I've ever even like talked about it like to other people. Like that still sometimes eats me up.

SPEAKER_01: 2:24:48

That's my wife's worst case scenario.

SPEAKER_04: 2:24:50

Yeah. It eats me up. It's like because that was never even on my radar, right? Because that's not gonna happen to us. That's not gonna happen to me, right? And we think that we're immortal and we're it we're not, you know, especially kids. I mean, you think everything's oh, I'm gonna get through anything. I mean, we did drink jungle juice back in the day and we survived, but you know, there's that. But I do think like always let the people that you care about know they should never have a never question that because that that moment will always sit with me in a uh place because I mean he lived. That's great. But what if he didn't?

SPEAKER_00: 2:25:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04: 2:25:31

That would have been my last words we would have been saying to each other, and I in someone who I love more than anything in the whole world, like that's how it would have ended. That's how it was gonna go down. So I think being able to tell people that you love them every day and being open to just being your truly authentic self every single day with the people you care about and the people you love is the most important thing you can do.

SPEAKER_01: 2:25:51

I love it for sure. So for anybody listening, especially the women, we actually have a large women audience, which blows my mind every time I see our numbers. Because obviously, awesome guests and come on here and talk. So if women are wanting to get their bodies maybe back on track or checking in, they could go reach out to you, correct? Yeah, reach out to where do we find you?

SPEAKER_04: 2:26:11

Um, so you can reach out to me on Biobabe Katie is my Instagram handle. Um, I also have BioBabe Society as my website. Um, and I work with Feeling Good Therapy, which is like the peptides that I'm partnered with. And we can get men, women, everybody set up and feeling healthy. Even if you just have questions, I love answering questions. Like if you're curious, if you don't know, if you want to know, um I have personal training plans for women, but I also have like if you have any peptide health, I love I nerd out on all of it. So just reach out. Cool stuff. Yeah. And I love chit-chatting.

SPEAKER_01: 2:26:42

Awesome. Yeah. Thank you so much for this conversation of kind of just enlightening us on your story and how scary it is if you're a cop wife and your husband gets injured in the line of duty.

SPEAKER_04: 2:26:52

Yeah, good luck. So maybe I'll be a workers' comp attorney. Maybe that's my next bet.

SPEAKER_01: 2:26:56

Yeah, maybe you're gonna be this advocate. We're gonna see you one day like protesting out there.

SPEAKER_04: 2:27:01

Yeah. I don't have time to protest, but maybe I'll be doing real things.

SPEAKER_01: 2:27:05

Yeah, protesting.

SPEAKER_04: 2:27:06

Yeah, real do real things.

unknown: 2:27:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 2:27:09

So, well, thank you so much for this this conversation. It was great having you. I definitely want to get your husband on. I know he's probably got to wait for some everything to get wrapped up on his end because it can drug out forever, but we'll we're not going anywhere. When he's ready, we'll have him on. But I appreciate just the insight of the crazy world of a cop wife.

SPEAKER_04: 2:27:28

Yeah, of course. It was so fun to be here. Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_01: 2:27:31

I appreciate you.

SPEAKER_04: 2:27:32

Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_01: 2:27:33

Thank you. That was that was probably one of those purly episodes.

SPEAKER_03: 2:27:38

That was great. That was actually great.