Episode 004- Linds: Strong Women and Our Relationship Roles

In this episode, Lindsey takes the mic solo to talk a little about how being a strong woman often impacts our role in relationships. Just because we are capable of bearing the weight of more... doesn't necessarily mean we should. There are certain roles, responsibilities, strengths, and knowledge that we, as women, uniquely bring to the table as the "heart" of the home and even though we aren't the relationship "leader"  doesn't mean we don't have influence or require respect. 

That being said, strong women should not have to shrink themselves to fit into a certain "mold" in their relationship either... because the right partner will embrace and encourage your strength. 

Tune in for a few thoughts on relationship roles, being a strong-ass woman, the power of female influence and how to utilize your personal strengths to work toward the SHARED GOAL of a happy, healthy, thriving marriage. 


Here's to the Good years yall!

Lindsey & Brent

Transcript

Lindsey: 0:10

We are Brent and Lindsey Goodyear, husband and wife duo, here to share our unfiltered thoughts on marriage, parenting, faith, family, and everything in between.

Brent: 0:19

We promise to ask the hard questions and share perspective as we navigate life in all its unexpected curveball filled glory.

Lindsey: 0:27

So here's the authenticity, here's to growth, and here's to embracing the Goodyears. And cut! Yes! Masterpiece! Slammed

0:37

it!

Lindsey: 0:39

This podcast is sponsored by Great Harvest Bread Company. Oh yes, oh my gosh, their Bayou Bars are the best. I mean, you guys, just picture this like ooey gooey oatmeal bar topped with fruit. It is like the most decadent indulgence, I think, in town. I know, I get them for clients probably a couple of times a week and they go crazy when I bring them in. It pulls them all out of their offices. They love them. Um, and as a bread and carb expert, I can tell you that they have the best fresh baked bread in Lafayette. I'm telling you, it's so good. Um, for every holiday, I'm in charge of bringing the bread because again, I am an expert and I get the potato rolls. I'll get whatever, 20, 30 of them, put them in the oven. Uh, whenever we get where we got to go and, uh, whenever we pull them out, they're gone in no time, they're so good. And, uh, I gotta say, uh, great harvest is owned by probably the most handsome man in Lafayette, Mr. Brian Malonso. He is a stud. So if you, So seriously, on a real note, the people there that work there, they are so kind and so warm and so welcoming when you come in, they really treat you like you're, I mean, just so important as a customer and everything you'd expect from like a, a warm and cozy bakery, like local bakery kind of vibe. So, um, you guys be sure to check them out. Um, if you're local in the area, we highly, highly recommend them. Yep. 854 College Saloon Road in Lafayette. That's it. Tell them we sent you. Yep. The good years.

Linds: 2:03

So. Mrs. Lindsey and welcome to another episode of the good years. Um, I'm actually going to. Crank out this episode, solo. Um, Which if you guys have been around for a hot minute, then, you know, you likely know that I previously had a podcast that was called. The salt and light motherhood podcast. Um, So, you know, I I've done some solo podcasting before, but I will kind of. Preface this and saying that it's been a hot minute. So you guys just kind of be patient with me. Um, there might be some like awkwardly long pauses. It's just because I'm, I'm still functioning with like that cloudy mom brain. Um, I currently have. A one-year-old that is sick and a three-year-old. That is. Having consistent nightmares and is ending up in our bed every night. So my quality of sleep is been in the toilet the last several weeks. Um, I'm also sick. So I sound. A little congested. And it's raining outside. So it's really not the ideal time for me to be recording this, but. I have like two hours of uninterrupted. Quiet. Time in my home. And that is such a rarity that I had to just take the opportunity to, to jump on this, to record it. When I could. So despite all of those factors, we're just going to do the damn thing. And so here we are. Um, so today, I really want to talk to you guys. Um, About. Being a strong woman. In a relationship. Um, I, if you guys follow us on social media, you probably saw actually put a post up about this a few weeks ago and got a lot of great feedback on it. I think it's because a lot of women. Could relate to what I was saying. Um, You know, I am. Uh, very. Strong personality. Um, to put it. Lately, my husband likes to refer to me as flashing it. Um, Aye. I've always. I say I've, I've pretty much always been like this for as long as I can remember. Um, I have been told multiple times throughout my life. Um, By men. That I am an intimidating person. Um, Which he used to really play into my insecurities, but as I've gotten older, I've, I've realized that that's more an insecurity on their end and, and shouldn't be on my end. Um, But being a strong woman, um, I feel like has its pluses and its minuses, just like everything, you know? It means that I'm very capable of. Of handling things and oftentimes because I'm capable of doing it, I end up. Shouldering responsibilities that. I shouldn't be taking on and I have a problem. I used to have a problem and I'm working on it with like setting boundaries for myself. Because just because I'm capable of something doesn't mean I should be Um, This was really prominent in. Previous relationship that I had, where I. I was pretty much, I was the leader in the relationship. just, I think, because in that time, the person I was with was not. Emotionally ready to bear the burden of being, I guess like the quote unquote leader in the relationship. So I, I. I took that upon myself and, you know, at the time. At first, it was like exhilarating and empowering because it was like, look at me, you know? Um, I'm wearing the pants in here and, um, you know, I'm kind of in charge of things, but. After a while it became exhausting and overwhelming and intimidating because I was. I mean, simply put, I was carrying two loads. Two rolls and two responsibilities. And I was shouldering something that was really not meant for me in the first place. Um, And honestly, It wasn't even a burden that. I would realize was there until it wasn't required of me anymore. Like, until I was in. My in the relationship with, you know, the man that's now my husband. And realize just how much easier our relationship progressed when we each bore our respective roles. And it was like, yo, it was like such a huge breath of fresh air. Um, To have that realization and look, you guys like. I want to really. Emphasize the fact that. Once I got into this relationship with my now husband, As he took his, his natural role as like, I guess, leader in our relationship, like. It wasn't that I liked. Shrunk myself down. I didn't minimize my strengths or quiet myself, or be like submissive or subservient to him. I was still a strong woman. When I entered into my relationship with Brent, I was still very opinionated. I was still very passionate. Um, I had a lot to say, and I wasn't afraid to let him know. If you're a strong woman, you shouldn't have to change who you are to find. The right person for you, right? Like. Strong men. Aren't intimidated by strong women. And I want you guys to hear that. Like, I there's been times in my life where. I've. Tried to be, or want it to be this like the newer, like soft-spoken. Um, you know, Susie homemaker type of person. And it just, it was like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. Like I'm just not programmed like that. And honestly, if I would have gone in or jumped into this relationship with Brent. Pretending or wearing a mask and pretending to be that type of person. When I really, that's not who I was at my core. It, it may have worked out for a little while, but like he would have, he wouldn't have been getting to know me like the true me. And you can only wear that mask for so long before, like the true you eventually will. Will seep out and bubble over, and then he would have been caught off guard with like, Who the hell is this person like that? You're a lot louder and more opinionated than when I first started taking you, you know? Um, So I just want to point that out that like, Do not feel like you have to change who you are. If you are a strong, independent, confident person. To fit into the mold and fit the needs and make yourself more palatable to men. A strong man will be able to, to for lack of a better word, like handle you and keep up with you. I do find that. When I talk about. women not being the leaders, quote, unquote, or being like the head of the relationship. And do you find that it's kind of a sticking point for a lot of women and, um, understandably. And I'm going to kind of dive into that a little bit. Um, but I do, I think it's because of a misunderstanding of what the expectations. Surrounding these roles. I guess. I feel like a problem or a thing that hits like a brick wall for a lot of people is like a, I mean, I'm an, if you want to be biblical, um, there's a verse in Ephesians and you guys I'm sure have heard it. If you've ever been to a wedding. It is. I mean, one of those verses that is just quoted like ad nauseum at weddings. Um, and it talks about the, it says wives submit to your husbands. and look. I used to hate that verse. I used to, I can remember, like at every wedding and being like, oh, hell no. Absolutely not like that's versus totally irrelevant. That's just, it's something that they said, you know, back in the day, whenever. Women used to be, you know, underneath men and, and. And I am, you know, women power and you know, you're not in charge of me and anything you can do, I can do better, like all the things and look. Yes, women can do all the things I'm not. I'm not saying that. But I do find that a lot of misunderstanding stems from. Not getting the full story. Right. Um, and I think. That's applicable. With that verse in particular. And I say that because. As I've. Dove a little deeper into like my spiritual journey and read more into the scripture. I actually read the rest of that verse. And realize that. Oh, there's other things that are said. So a lot of the things that people are getting like really like pissed off about, and like honing in on about like wives submit to your husbands, it's actually, it's, it's being kind of taken out of context. Um, because if you, if you read further. Into that verse it then also follows up with instructions. For, for men, for the husbands and the, and basically the commands that God is giving men on how to love and cherish and honor and respect. their wives. In that scripture in those verses. There are expectations being set. On both ends. That that have to. Be fulfilled in order for it to work. And I honestly like, and it depends on, and I look, I'm not a, I'm not a theologian, so maybe I am misinterpreting this. But when I read that verse and it says, wives, submit to your husbands, I truly feel like. the word that goes in there that fits in there more appropriately is wives respect your husbands. And I think that that is. That's not asking a lot. Um, You know, I am expected. To, to respect my husband. He is also expected to respect me. Um, He's expected to love me and to cherish me into. To honor me and to care for me and provide for me. And if you read in those verses, that is what God is commanding, that the husbands do for their wives. Um, but I'm also expecting to get those things back to him. I'll tell you this and the relationship that I am in with my husband. Where we follow. or we fit into these roles essentially. And my husband is the head of the household. There has not been a time where I have felt. Belittled. That's not true. Let me stop. Obviously we're humid. There are moments. Where. My husband. Maybe doesn't speak to me in the way that he should. And vice versa. There are moments where I feel belittled and I feel those things, but overall, like the general feeling. Um, I do not feel. Like a servant to my husband. Once you like his partner, 99.9% of the time in our relationship. if he is. leading our home. Well, And wearing his responsibility. Like he should be. Then at no point, should you really feel. Like you are a servant to your husband. Now I will also say this. You know, it's saying, you know, men are, men are the head of the household. Like there are times in life and situations in life where women do have to take that role. I mean there. There are extremes where like your partner is, whether it's physical, emotional. Mentally spiritual, whatever it is, they are not capable in that moment. Bearing that burden. And that's part of being in a relationship like there are times where I I'm in the driver's seat. Because you were, you're not capable of handling that right now. And that's okay. Um, but it's meant to be like a short-term. Eventually you get back in the driver's seat, you know, and that may be in six months. It may be in, in six years. But I'm not meant to bear this role. Long-term. I really feel. That. And retina, like, we talk about this a lot. So men are the head of the home. But women are the heart. We each have our own responsibilities there, both of those roles and both of those responsibilities are important. Both of those roles are. Vital. For the success of the relationship. Um, but both of those roles are essentially responsible for different things. Like. My husband being the head. Of the relationship and of the household. He is more focused on things like planning the vision of the family. Strategic processing the financial success, the safety of the unit of the family. For. Me on the other hand as the heart of the home. My responsibilities are more like emotional. Regulation of the household, um, setting the tone for the day. Um, filling up the emotional cup of my children and my husband before they leave from the house. And when they return home every day, Um, I'm the tradition keeper. And the tradition maker. I'm the memory maker of the household. I'm the one that's making sure that we're. That. We're taking the pictures. We're doing the things for, you know, quality time together. I'm pushing those things because that's my responsibility. And those are the things that, that are on the forefront of my brain. And that's going to be different than what's on the forefront of my husband's brain. Um, And both of those things were equally important for the success of the relationship and, you know, in. The family unit as a whole. You know, you could even use the example. To kind of like put it into like a practical scenario of If my husband and I take our kids to the park. I can tell you. When we park our car and we're walking out to the playground. My husband is looking around. And he is looking and ensuring, he's thinking about like the safety of myself and if my kids like that is his goal. What is the safest place? Are there any threats to the family? And that's what he's scanning kind of for, I know this cause I've seen him do it. Um, whereas I'm looking at the playground and I'm thinking like, oh, we're going to have so much fun and make so many memories and, oh, that's a perfect place. The kids are going to love that. And, oh my gosh, we need to go make sure to take a picture. Cause that's the perfect backdrop to capture this moment. Like. I'm not thinking about. The safety, I mean, I will say this when I'm with my husband in a situation like that, I'm not thinking about the safety because I don't have to, that's not my responsibility in that moment. Um, if I'm taking the kids to the park by myself, That I am there in both roles and I do it is. And then my responsibility to think about the safety, because he's not there to, to, to bear that weight. Um, As I was kind of thinking about this a little bit. You know, going into this a little bit more when I'd written the post initially a few weeks ago. Uh, for those of you that don't know, I'm a nurse practitioner. So I have a clinical background. So, if you want to look at this from like a. Physiology standpoint. We're going to say, okay, the head. And the men are like the brain or the head, right. The women are the heart. In a human body. you're pronounced dead. And two different types of ways, right? You're either brain dead when your head does not. You know, your brain stops working. The head is no longer functioning. Um, or you're also dead, obviously when your heart stops. so obviously both of those. Are important. Vital. Essentially. Four. The life of the relationship. And if either of them are not functioning. Then it essentially leads to the death or the dysfunction of the relationship. To go even a little bit further with it. If you want to look at it this way, the heart actually. Feeds the brain. So the hardest responsible it pumps. Oxygenated blood. Up to the brain. Two. Essentially, keep it functioning. Right. So I feel like the same can be said for women. While the head. The brain, the man is making decisions. Right. They're the leader. The heart. The women and the relationship really hold the power to give life into the relationship because you are the one. Feeding. The head. Does that make sense for you guys? So I thought it was a really damn good analogy. I'm saying that because. Even though. Women get hung up on. Oh, the man is the head of the relationship. You guys, we hold the power like women hold the power. To essentially like grieve life. Into our relationship. And that's such an important thing for you to understand, like as a woman. As a wife. As a mother. And just how much power you hold. In your role. If you're doing it. Well, We each have our roles. Those roles in a relationship are important. No one is not more important than the other. They both have to work well. And cohesively in order for the relationship to thrive. We're just simply in charge of different things. But the relationship success comes when you realize that there is a difference between the two, there's a difference in the requirements. There's a real difference in the responsibilities. Difference in the expectations. And difference in the knowledge and The tools that we bring to it. But that things work better. When we work together toward our shared goal, when those two pieces, the head and the heart are working together toward the shared goal of having a happy. Thriving healthy, successful marriage. another thing is, uh, I just want to highlight is that. To say again. this is not an encouragement ever for you to change who you are. I am a strong woman. And I'm proud to be a strong woman. I am opinionated. I mean, I got things to say. I got things to do. I have goals and dreams and visions, and you're going to hear about it. I am not meant to just sit quietly in the corner. But if you're with the right person, That's not going to intimidate them. They're actually going to fuel that and feed that and support that in you. I guess that's it. That's what I got to say today, guys. I hope that some of you resonated with us. I hope that some of you found it informative. Um, obviously like I'd love to hear feedback. if you guys have questions, you can always message me. Shoot me a DM on social media. We're on Instagram at the good underscore years. but so happy to have you here listening in and, Talk to you again soon. Bye.