The Nichole Show

Parenting Twins: Real Talk on Emotions, Meltdowns & Finding Your Village with Alex Morris

• Nichole Hamilton • Season 2 • Episode 7

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Ever felt like parenting twins is double the trouble, but also double the joy? 

Join Nichole Hamilton and her friend Alex Morris, dad of four-year-old twins, for a candid chat about the raw realities and beautiful moments of raising young children. 

In this heartfelt episode, Alex shares his personal journey through the challenges of early parenthood, navigating sleepless nights, emotional struggles, and the joys of seeing his twins' bond grow.

In this episode, you'll learn:

  • Honest reflections on coping with mental and physical exhaustion as new parents.
  • Real stories of adapting routines for twins and managing sensory sensitivities.
  • Practical strategies Alex uses for emotional regulation—for both parents and kids.
  • How finding support beyond your immediate relationship can strengthen your parenting journey.
  • The unexpected benefits of community connections, including Alex’s own experience finding faith and how it shaped his parenting approach.

This episode is perfect for any parent feeling overwhelmed or isolated, looking for genuine, relatable insights into building a supportive, joyful family environment.

Connect with Alex Morris:

Website: https://www.tothemoondigital.com.au/ 

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/alex.morris.1.2.3 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alexmorrisdaily/



Connect with Nichole Hamilton:

Website: https://www.thekidzcoach.com.au/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nichole.hamilton.587
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thekidzcoach_nichole_hamilton/

Want to be a guest on The Nichole Show?
Email: thenicholeshow@gmail.com

Welcome back guys, to the Nichole Show, where we just really have fun chatting to our guests and go intuitively into some cool new nooks and crannys, wherever we're gonna go today. And on this day, I have my beautiful friend, Alex Morris. We're just discussing before how we met, but it's probably about. Three years ago in the coaching world, Alex is a dad of twins. Um, so hopefully we can dive into some cool stories there. But I also met him because he's also an amazing marketing guy and so you can follow some of his stuff. The links will be below. But yeah, welcome to the podcast, Alex. Thanks Nichole. It's my first podcast in a very long time actually. So yeah, I think you went on my podcast back when that was active. Then I paused it for a while, and then here we are. Here we are. It's, well, it's a full 360, 180. I don't even know how good with that, but it's that. It's full circle. It's full circle is what I'm trying to say, which is beautiful. How old are your twins, by the way, now? Four and a half. Yeah. Wow. So yeah, it's, it's been that long. We've known each other that, that long. Were they kind of babies when we met? Yeah. Yeah. Makes sense. Yeah. Far out. Hey. I know, and we still look the same. We still look just as young as No, I, I am. I looked at some photos the other day of when the girls were born. Yeah. And I was so, I was, I was quite fit before they were born. I had like a nutrition coaching program and everything. Mm-hmm. And everyone's going, oh mate, that won't last long. Wait till you got kids. And I was so stubborn. I got. Ripped when my kids were born. Mm-hmm. And I had no beard at the time and my hair was shorter. And I looked at my photos the other day. I looked like a sort of baby fish. I was so just lean and hairless. And when you get, you know when, when guys get hairless, we all shave our chest and stuff like that? Of course. Why not? Well, now I'm just this fuzzy mountain man and so I definitely look very different to how I looked a few years ago. Oh, but the vibe's still there. The vibe's still there. I still wear Kmart head to toe and just do my best. I love it. I love that. Um, so. What I was thinking for today is really sharing some, like parenting wisdom if you, if you like, and then some other things because I think that's the way that we first bonded, to be honest. You're like, oh my God, you're the kids' coach. You know, help me with my kids. Um, and I'm not saying that I have all the answers, but I'm pretty sure I've got some. Um, I would love to know some really like. Just some beautiful things that have happened in the life with you and your wife and your kids, because I know you also went off grid and you do a lot of like conscious practicing with your children in your home. Like really? So I'd love to know some of the things that you, you know, memories or things that you would highly recommend to other families to do. Oh, wow. Mm-hmm. Big. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. Uh, the thing with twins, right, is that the, the first we didn't. Expect twins. There's no reason for us to have had twins except for just like luck, divine, you know, grace, whatever you call it. Like, we're very, very lucky to have them, but like there's no twins in our genealogy, you know? And so when we first found out it was, you know, a bit of a shock to the system, and then the first three months were like, gnarly, gnarly. Um, you've got the middle of winter, so it's dark and cold all the time. You've got, um, middle of lockdowns. So my wife has, has basically been nowhere in like months except for the hospital. Mm-hmm. And then, um, we've got these newborn twins and twins are born small anyway. And, you know, they were in and out of NICU a little bit, just as of, you know, being small. That's what happens with twins. Yep. And uh, we, we were just up like we slept in three hour shifts. For like four or five months. Like literally, I just basically did no work. I kind of winged my way through building a few websites for people when the girls were born. Yeah. Um, and Allie and I, my wife and I would sleep three hour shifts. We tried sleeping in the same bed at the same time, didn't work because feeding one newborn takes ages. Right. Feeding two newborns takes twice as long. Yeah. So it can't just be her. I'm trying to stay up 24 hours a day. So basically what we would do is it'd be like, okay, you are sleeping nine till 12, and then at midnight the alarm clock goes off. We get up, we swap, and then you are on. And if the babies are asleep, you sleep on the couch. Amazing. If they're awake, you're parenting. Yeah. And we just have bottles of pumped out breast milk and formula every, everywhere. Um, it was freezing cold. I remember like lying on the couch like. We've got big glass doors, which do not retain heat. So middle of the night hoodie, beanie sweatpants on the couch, two babies, kind of like sleepy in this double pram, like rocking them like that. This freezing cold. We had the coffee machine set to turn on at like 1:00 AM all this ludicrous stuff. Yeah. And uh, it was so, so freaking rough this first three months. And then the beautiful thing about twins now is that. Yes. Everything's two of everything. So it's twice as expensive all at the same time. Mm-hmm. You've gotta get two people ready all at the same time. But now they're on the same routines. They've got the same group of friends, they go to the same school. They, that makes life a lot easier. The fact that they're on the same routines. When I look at my friends who are like on baby number two now. Yeah. And so they've got like a 4-year-old and a 1-year-old. Yeah. Sounds way harder for me, but also like they're just. Connected in a way that I don't think anyone else can be. Yeah. Right. And um, have you ever heard of the term crypto aphasia, secret twin speak? Oh no. I have heard of secret. Yeah, a hundred percent. Yes, I have. Yeah, that's a fancy word for twin speak. Yeah. And like we've literally got videos of them from when they were kinda learning to talk just absolute gobbly gook having full length conversations with each other and babies do that. But these are like. Long conversations with answers and emotion, hand gestures. And they clearly knew what each other was talking about. And so one of the, our favorite things at the moment is they say like, what did I used to do when I was a baby? And we tell 'em these funny stories and show them these videos and, um, they just completely roll over laughing. And I think that they kind of still understand what's happening in the conversations. Yeah. Whereas we've got no clue. And so some of the most beautiful things, you know, to, to get round to it is just really highlighting. How super rough those first few months were. And my wife and I both struggled in our own ways she was physically cooked.'cause she's doing like liter and a half to two liters of milk a day. Right? Yeah. So she was like thin as sickly, looking thin. So tired. Yeah. And I got pretty decent like, um. What's the term? Postnatal, sort of depression almost like I had no idea what I was doing, and I just remember like crying on the couch with two babies. I couldn't control it all. And, um, calling my mom and like, what, what I do, mom, you know? Mm-hmm. And, and so I had, I had a pretty rough time at the beginning and so did Ally, but now I just couldn't imagine anything less than having these two, two girls who are absolutely each other's rock. They fight, but they are so caring to one another. They will be coloring together and say, Ava, do you think you wanna do this bit in pink? Yeah, maybe. Um, thank you Ollie. Like, but you can do this one if you like, like the, the way they interact with each other is just so freaking gorgeous now. And I think that just for, it's the classic story of anything worth it, right? The, the really, really difficult parts of it. Almost the harder it gets, the more beautiful. It's once it, once it kind of balances out again. And right now our family's this perfect little team where we, they're at an age where we can eat dinner at the table together. We can sit down together, um, have conversations. They can learn songs, and we can all sing like, you know, Mary poppin songs together, mate like. We're just having an absolute blast and we feel very, very blessed to have our, this family that put us through so much shit for, you know, for a year at the beginning. Well, I love you for sharing that and going super deep because, um, yeah. Thank you. Thank you for sharing that. I have a couple of questions just going back. How did you, because, uh, you know, there probably are new parents out there, whether they're new parents to twins or not. How did you guys navigate that, you know, with obviously, um, Ellie being so exhausted and, you know, her mental strain and then your actual emotional, you know, mental strain. Like what, what was your reach out? So how did you get through that? Because some of those times, that's when, you know, um. Families do fall apart even because they don't have the supports or the networks or, you know, the, the, the things. So what, where did, what was the way through for that? Yeah. Like we, we were the first in our sort of friendship group to have kids mm-hmm. As well. So it had no mates to kind of lean on. Uh, all I could say was like, this is really hard guys, but they all had their own stuff going on. Yeah, right. Middle of Covid, everyone's kind of Yeah. You know, having their own hard shit going on and so. We do have our friends and we do have our families living close by, which is great. My sister was living in a granny flat, you know, at the bottom of our garden during that time. Oh wow. Yeah, which was really handy.'cause we'd wake up some mornings and she was just already

there at 6:

00 AM on the couch. She let herself in two babies there, which was amazing. So good. And she, she's just a loving, su, super loving, really amazing person to have around. I think that. To be honest in the moment, we were absolutely wingy it. And um, I think in terms of the ways we reached out, it was really just with each other. I think we've been together for a long time. Ally and I have been together since we were 20, so we are 10 years in by the time we have these babies. Yeah, so we, what I found was the, the, the. It's a blur, to be honest. It's a blur. It's a specific answers are difficult, but one thing I remember us being really good at was when somebody clearly was done. Yeah. The other person swapped into superhero immediately. You just knew which was so good. Like sometimes that alarm would go off and it's your time to get up. And you'd just be like, I can't, I just fucking can't do it right now. And the other one's like, sweet, back to bed. I'll do six hours in a row. Life goes on. And I think that we were very, very in tune with each other. Probably that that made us more in tune with each other than we've ever been. Yeah, because we were able to see C when each other had had, had lost it and had no nothing left. And the other person just instantly, I. Kicked in some something, kicked in, some superhero parent kicked in, and you become calmer and more capable than you'd ever been.'cause you need to in that moment. And it sounds, you know, no, it does. It sounds amazing. And it's, and, and I love that for you guys, that you have such a, you know, a connection and an intuition. What about the times when it wasn't like, you know, when, when perhaps, you know, you weren't noticing each other or whatever. Because, you know, I, I see a lot of parents when they don't like, you know, you have that, that, you know, that polar opposite where you, you are not supporting. So, you know, to have that, that sounds amazing. And being super aware of your partner's needs and, and being able to pick up the, the, the slack that that's, that's a given like, you know. And we, we see it in coaching and we hear about it, you know, check in with your partner, what, you know, what number are they at? Or whatever. But what about the times when perhaps, you know, that wasn't noticed? Like what, how, I don't know. I guess, yeah, the, the other question is, that sounded amazing, but what about the people that, that don't have that or, yeah. Yeah. I mean, well, all I can say is that like with, with the whole parenting journey that I've had, the. It is very, very difficult to listen to your partner for advice sometimes yes. Because you, you're, you're too close, right? Yes. And I remember my wife, something I struggled with a lot early on, more so when there were kind of like, not newborns, maybe like one year olds was maybe expecting a little too much of them. Yeah, it sounds like a of my babies. Right. Um, which led to frustration in me. And we've all had that moment when you've got a baby and you've, you've had it forever, like you've been awake for God knows how long, and then you put it down. And then you tiptoe to your bed and then it's w Yeah. And frustration comes out. Yeah. Like the physical is rage. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck safe. I sleep. Yeah. Been there. I used to let rage manifest a bit more. Right. Like I remember, like I. Ally and I, the girls had RSV, you know, RSV, like some, I'm not sure what it stands for. Yeah, it's a, it's like the rhinovirus, it's like a respiratory virus that they get and they continually get it. Yeah. Awful virus. And the whole family was sick for like a month. And I just remember Ally and I sitting in the, in the garden when the girls are babies. We had some bickering about something and I like had a coffee cup and I like finished it and then like threw it across the garden like, fuck this. And then she's like, you need to sort this out. Mm. And um. I was like, oh, she has said a few times, I get too frustrated with some things. Hmm. And still that, that kind of helped me out a little bit. But I was just, I went on the internet, I looked for things. I Googled, what have I done wrong here? Like how to deal with this and this. And there is that endless amounts of resources from professionals out there like yourself, where we don't have the ego up against you. There's no emotional connection. Me listening to a podcast from a child psychologist about what I've done wrong. Yeah. And it was actually, um, a guy called, uh, gal Marta, who's a really famous psychologist. Yeah. On like Joe Rogan, like, who just, um, it just so happened like two hours into that podcast, he said this like 10 minute stint about patience with kids. And it changed my whole approach to parenting in the second. And it was just really about like, you know, um. Not having expectations of kids. And when some people say, like, when your kid's angry, you need to let 'em come back to normal. But being angry is normal. A kid fucking up is normal. Mm-hmm. Like, and, and you being angry is normal. And I think that I found so much, um, life changing advice. Out by, by going outside of our relationship, realizing that when we try to give each other feedback and we're tired, it doesn't work. It doesn't go well. It doesn't, it doesn't. I know this, I know this. I'd love to just drop in a little share here that, so Aurora, I haven't told you, but Aurora, I recently got diagnosed autistic and um, so she's four a bit as well, four in November. And I always knew she had sensory needs and I was kind of looking for it, being in the work that I am. But I, and I'm gonna blatantly say this, I dunno if I've said this out loud on my podcast or not before, but I always thought PDA was naughty kid syndrome. Like I've seen it, like I thought, you know, it's a parent, it's a parenting thing. It's something that they're taught. And Aurora does get stuck in these no loops. So she's not fully diagnosed PDA, which is the pathological defiance Association where they can't, they just get totally dysregulated when it's a no. All right. And when Abi and I parent. We will both get to that point. Like you said, one person's tapped out and sometimes we can, where it's really, really beautiful, like you can see it and you jump in. And other times, and also because Abi is the biological mom of Aurora and I'm the biological mom of my, the older boys, it's a little bit difficult and I have, you know, know that mama bear gets ferocious sometimes when people step into their, to their, their territory. And so. When we had these beautiful friends over for a barbecue and who are all in that social work and, and industry, they're really watching Aurora and her, and they were all coming in different avenues because she was having one of these, um, moments and, and a full blown meltdown. Mind you, Abi and I tag team so beautifully in front of them because, you know, we had this, you know, had this audience and I was like, this is how we need to behave all the time, because sometimes one of us will hold capacity and then another one will parent. In a way that we probably, maybe not would've done it ourselves and not aligned, and then we'll turn on each other and that's the worst possible thing you can do as parents. However, you know, you have to live and learn and you know, we we're all not perfect. You know, I always, I always say that like you. Every, every lesson is a learning. You know, if there is a rupture, and it's either from you or your children, as long as you unpack it later, as long as there's a place to apologize, as long as there's a place to do better, you know? And as long as if you don't have the answers. I love the fact that you're on there Googling, and you know, definitely was in lockdown time, so there wasn't a lot of, you know. Face to face stuff. There wasn't parenting groups and things happening. But I lo I, I always look as well, like, you know, I'm looking for that coach or the parenting coach or relationship coach or other things for me. And if I, if I don't have the right answer, even for my teenagers, you know, now I say, I will find out for you. I don't know that I'm, I'm working on it. And that's the best thing. And when they model that back to you, like Aurora said, sorry the other day she was getting frustrated 'cause she was hungry. She's like, sorry for yelling, mommy. And I was like. What are you, so like, what are you? And I said, you weren't yelling, you were frustrated 'cause you were angry, like your belly was angry. And we unpack it. And even my 18-year-old the other day actually did get frustrated with me and had a little argument and, you know, when he had calmed down, had space, the first thing he did was come into the kitchen with his arms out and you know, hug me and tell his sorry. You know, so when, when we set those examples for our children, they model it back to us. And so you guys doing that, you know. Tag team or whatever else, you're also teaching your little twins to, to tag team each other as well, you know, and, and be like, okay, who's frustrated? Who's overwhelmed, who's jumping in here? And it just probably what you They're so good at that. They're so good at that. Of what, and one, one more so than the other because Yeah. Ollie sounds a little bit more like Aurora, nothing diagnosed, but de definitely anxious kid. Yeah. Right. Change in routines freaks her out a little bit. Very like she needs, Hmm. Um, basically like a lot of explanation before things happen. So she knows. So she feels safe. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. And then high, high sensory, you know, profile. Like it is really pissed off with sand issues or wet hands. Yeah. Or Oh yeah. But in the other option, if she wants to touch something like full, like paint or something, she's writing on it. If she's in control of it, she's good with it. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Aurora Aurora's latest thing is making beds for everybody. And her beds include putting blankets down right across the, the whole lounge room floor. And that is a bed for her and a bed for the cat, and a bed for the dog, and a bed for the other cat. And nobody's allowed to touch them. And it's just so frustrating. And they've gotta be perfect. And if you walk on them and then move the blanket. So it's just, yeah, it's, there's a lot of little things that a lot of every child has their quirks. Yeah. Every child has their little different like needs. And that's why I'm so passionate about unpacking it with them because nobody unpacked with us. They didn't register. Us as little human beings we're just like you. Off you go. You do you. You work it out. And then, you know, but if we're helping them with their strategies now and their emotions and unpacking and talking about their body, Aurora tells me about her heart all the time, like, my heart's happy. Or the other day she, she was like in the back of the car and she goes, ah. I can't feel my heart. It's like, baby, it's there. I promise. But we talk about all these things and they pick up from us like they see, and yeah, I just think it's, I don't know. It is, it's a, it's the hardest job in the world, but it is the most rewarding and beautiful place to, to play when you're being present with your children. You bet. I, I saw a guy, what did he say? Explain it really well, which was that when. Yeah. When you're single, your spectrum of emotions can go maybe a hundred. Either way, you know, you can be a hundred happy, a hundred sad. Mm-hmm. When you get married, that goes to maybe a thousand, you know? Well, when you're in a serious relationship, you know, you can be more joyful than ever, but also you can feel despair, even never felt before. Yep. When you have kids, those limits are just removed completely. Yeah. You know, so you can, you've never been so nervous or so angry or so frustrated. But also like, I didn't know I could be this content and loving, and loving and happy in the good times, you know? So, yeah, a hundred percent. It's just, it's a, it's a whirlwind dude. It's, um, but when we sit down in the evening sometimes, you know, and we are having just a bowl of pasta and we are doing like a funny talking game and the kids just losing their, their, their shit laughing. Allie and I would just be like, this is amazing. This is so fun. This is the best. It is, it is, it is absolutely the best. And I love how you were talking before about your twins, like, you know, obviously having their little conversations and their little things and sharing. Um, so we've got a couple of friends that are super close, and I love watching Aurora, like when she's with her, with her kid, like with her friends the same age, and the way that they speak to each other and the way that they interact and their little conversations. It's so. Interesting. Um, because yeah, they can, they play and share and communicate and, you know, sometimes there's little, you know, struggle for power there sometimes or who's getting what. But it's, it's really, really cute to watch. And the other day I was just with her and she started playing with me. Like I was one of those little friends. She's like, just including me. She's like, would you like to sleep over my house? And I'll, I'll cook you a, like, I'll make you a cup of tea. Like you can come ask your mom for a sleepover. And I just love those little windows and. You know, as a parent, especially as a, you know, working parent this day and age, you know, there's a lot of, um, extra commitments on us finding those windows of times, like you said, over pasta or like, you know, whenever it is. Finding those pockets of presence is what I absolutely like, love, and. It always never has to look a certain way. So, you know, I'll sometimes take her to the, you know, to my sister circles or pole studio, and she will hand out the cards or lay down in a meditation or join in with exercise. Like, I try and include my family as much as I can in business. So sometimes she's on my lap when I'm, you know, zooming or whatever, depending on. What the context is, um, and showing them that, you know, you, there is absolutely no reason that you cannot still do everything that you want to in life with children on your hips by your side. I used to do, before this when I was a beauty therapist, I used to do spray tans while other mamas like holding their babies on the, on my shoulder. And, you know, or you know, waxes while, you know babies just laying on them, there's absolutely no reason that you cannot do absolutely everything that you want to with babies, right And toe. And if people can't, yeah, if, if anyone can't accept that, you know, these days you might just have a toddler interrupt a meeting that's not, and that that's not a person you wanna be working with. Well, not in my world anyway, like, I'm like what you see is what you get. Some days I've got my pajamas on some days the aurora's here with me. Um, you know, uh, my 15-year-old is who's autistic as well. When I was doing a lot of the social interactions, I would ask families. I was like, Hey, he's with me. Do you mind if he comes along? We were doing like external outings when he was younger. He was too young to leave home by himself. Like, do you mind if he comes to the movies or plays with your autistic or your A DHD kid? Do you mind if he comes fishing? And the bond was amazing because not only. Is he the best in business now at 15? Like, he's so switched on and he's watched me grow, but he's also helped me, like his communication skills and everything else. And it helped those families because he would have different conversations with those children in my business. So for me, I'm, I'm a firm promoter of wherever you're at, you can make a life. With your kids in, in business or with your passion anyway, so I always include them. I, I don't have a cookie cutter reel of a perfect Instagram reel yet of at all, you know, in a studio. It's just not, just not my style. No, you're in your bedroom. You're in your bedroom right now. There's, and I know that the other side of that camera behind, behind you is lovely and neat. I know the other side of the camera's not as neat, right? Like, well, I've got this nice shirt on at the top, but it's nothing nice. It's got my gym clothes and my pants underneath. Let's be real. You know, I'm going to, going straight back to abs and, and Aurora. Hey everyone, Nichole here, and I hope you're enjoying today's episode. I just wanna take a quick moment to talk to you all. If you're finding value in our conversations and loving the raw, honest dialogues we're having here, I've got a small favor to ask. This podcast is a passion project for me, and there's nothing I love more than bringing these stories and insights to you. So if you haven't already, would you consider subscribing to our show and leaving a review? It's completely free and it doesn't take much time, but it really helps us in two big ways. It's getting the podcast in front of more listeners, which keeps our community growing. It helps us attract more amazing guests, which means we give you more value in the episodes we bring to you. Just hit that subscribe button, drop us a review, and let's keep these conversations flowing. Now let's dive right back into our episode, and thanks so much of being a part of the Nichole's show. So, yeah. Um, so I would love to know. What is the biggest thing that you guys use as a regulation technique then you were talking about before, a little bit about your anger, but what is, and you, you know, your daughter's anxiety. What's the biggest technique that you guys, or maybe there's a couple in your family to regulate emotions for self, for you and your wife, ally, or even for the children. Like what are some of the things that you guys do? Yeah, sweet. So for, for ourselves, firstly, like, um, ally works with kids, right? So Ally's a teacher and she teaches. Girls that as kids that are the same age as our kids now. And so that's been very challenging for her. Mm-hmm. No break. No. No. Exactly. And, and the girls go to the same center where she works. Right. Ah. And so they're not in her class because we've made sure that didn't happen. Mm-hmm. But leave the house at seven 30 in the morning, half an hour drive in traffic with the girls. Then she's with four year olds for eight or nine hours. Mm-hmm. And half an hour home with the girls. Now they're tired and then coming home to parent all evening. Right. So for Allie, the, the simplest thing is, um, as soon as she gets in the door, shower for, for as long as you need to, you know, go and have a shower for as long as you need to shower. And then, uh, she's pretty religiously booked into three gym classes a week, that sort of thing. If she's got that, she's good. Um. Small disconnects is all you need, really. So bookend the day. Yeah. You gotta feel your cup first. Otherwise it's empty. For sure. I get it. I love that. It's a shower. I, I'm, I'm very similar with, with that in that, I mean, thankfully I've got very, very little anger in me these days. When the babies were born, I was struggling with it a bit. But now I'm, I'm mostly good, but the two things I certainly need is I certainly need, um, I certainly need exercise. Mm-hmm. Like, I need to, we, we walk, we train. If I'm inside all day, like I struggle quite hard with that. So that's when Ali will be like you. Out you, Jim. Now, and, and the other thing which, um, could take the podcast in a whole different direction is I, I actually got baptized as a Christian like three months ago. I love that. And so that by no means makes you a good person or, or any better at anything. However, that's a constant reminder to I'm now trying to hold myself to an. A higher standard of living. So whenever I get, I feel, you know, my, my heart or my mind taking me somewhere that's not particularly helpful. Yeah. You know, in line with, and all the rules of Christianity are basically just being, you know, kind and loving and patient, right? Yes. If I find these feelings coming up, like I kind of go back to, okay, I went in the water that day because. It's not about me anymore, that sort of thing. So if I wanna get angry in this moment, then that's not serving anyone. Like, whether that's my family, myself or Jesus, it's not helping. Right. So how, how that old adage of like the what would Jesus do, bracelets, that sort of thing. Yeah. Really. That's what I'm trying to do these days. So I've got very little, um, we still have all these Yeah. These emotions, but Ally and I are very good at dealing with it. In ourselves and when it comes to the girls Yep. Just learning, learning about what they need. Right. And so Ava is chill as, as it gets, right? Yep. So Ava is, um, our creative one, and so she loves to sing and dance and always messy hair, that sort of thing. And she's very, all that Ava gets, um, is that she often. And this is very common with children. I'm sure it ends up taking second string a little bit when Ollie's being intense. Yeah. Right. So what Ava needs is just quiet presence, fill up her cuddle cup, that sort of thing. Yeah. You know it because she holds it together so well. Mm-hmm. If Ollie's having an intense day and Ava will fetch her things she needs. She'll be quiet. She'll just completely like dissociate and go and be like, there'll be a tantrum. Go in the other room. She'll be like, daddy, let's get this book. And just kind of, you can tell she's way too calm for this situation. And she's masking it. Yeah. Right. And so when Ollie calms down and Ava has space, she'll start to act up and that's when she just needs, yeah. Nothing but her mom. Just giving her a quiet hug for as long as that takes. I. Ollie's more complex. Ollie's got sensory issues. Um, Ollie's definitely very anxious. Uh, what Ollie needs is, um, firstly to be kind of, well, something that I learned from a podcast like three years ago, which was she just had the biggest tantrum of her entire life. Mm-hmm. We did not handle that well at all. But I don't know why. And I went to a podcast and there was like five things not to do during a tantrum. And yeah, every single one of them. And what Ollie needs is just feeling, feeling safe is one massive thing. And the other one she needs is like real proprioceptive pressure, deep pressure. Right. And that makes sense. Like I feel better if I've gone. And lifted some weight. She's the same. If we can get her lying on her bed against the wall, pressing into my hands with her feet as hard as possible. Wow. Yeah. Or we can get her. In a good enough mood where she'll run down the corridor and just slam into the couch, that sort of thing. Like we call it running crash. Ah, cool. I love that. Aurora does that actually. She loves to run. She loves to wrestle. Yeah. Yeah. Well this is something that, uh, ot, we went to an, uh, OT occupational therapist to be like, Ollie has pretty gnarly tantrums, like, and she just started asking questions like, does she struggle if she's not? Like a tag on the back of her shirt or like her hand sand shoes. Like yes. Does she like smell things before you like bad smelling? Yes. Okay. She might have sensory issues, like she's got this height, heightened sensitivity. Yeah, right. She probably would do well with deep pressure proprioceptive work. And everything she's listing off. I'm like, oh my goodness, that's me. You know? I'm exactly the same as her. I hate quiet, like I hate little quiet, touchy like noises and little quiet touches. I hate hearing people breathe and quiet. Yeah, me too. And eating. I hate people eating. Yeah, exactly. I'm no, I'm like, no good with that. Yeah. Right. Give me loud, give me, yeah. Heavy. I'm good. Yeah. I feel so much better. Yeah. That's interesting. So, right, and that's why I must love deep tissue. Like my wife hates it, but I ha like, don't give me, so I literally saw a reel on Instagram today, and it was watching a child and they were getting them to lay down, like, if you can obviously get your child that they, when they're on their way up to a, perhaps potential meltdown or you can see that their, their energy's escalating. If you can get them to lay down in this, this family, I can't remember who it was. If I find it, I'll tag it below. But they were literally doing deep pressure all over the body to help calm the nervous system down. And this kid went from like, you know, fidgeting and like having like, you know, um, verbal ticks and different things to then like fully calming down, ready to go to bed. I was like, wow, that's so cool. So I haven't tried that specifically with Aurora yet, but it makes so much sense because she does those similar things, like run and jump into things and very, very sensory. So I'm gonna try that. Jumping off the bed rough play like. Wrestling, like, I'll chuck Ollie across the room, onto the bed and it's, yeah, Aurora loves that. She loves that. She's interesting. And Ava's not that, not that into it, doesn't need it, likes it, but then like she will be, uh, it'll get too rough for her before it gets too rough for Ollie, have you seen that episode of Bluey where she has to use her bark? I was about to mention the big girl bark. Yeah, big girl bark. Yeah, exactly. Too much so Ollie doesn't get too rough or whatever. Ollie's, you know, physically slightly lighter than Ava. But she's just a hardy And she needs, yeah, she needs pressure. And the the other thing we found was, honestly, as soon as the OT was like, 'cause we've been to like pediatricians, OTs Yeah. Child psychologists, all sorts. We'll go like, mm-hmm. We feel like we're doing everything right. Why, why is she so angry all the time? And we found out we are doing things that make her happy, but they're. Overstimulating her completely. And it's not just like cartoons and stuff, 'cause we know that's not ideal, but it was also like in the car. Like she loves like the punk rock music I listened to and like metal. And so we'd have it going in the car and she'd be like, yeah, and we'd get home. She'd have a tantrum. It's like, well you've been completely overstimulating. Overwhelming. Her tiny little nervous system. She doesn't know how to calm it down. She needs to, needs the techniques on how to calm it down, how to, so when we say calm down out, she's like, I can't fucking calm down. Putting on some, putting on some, uh, calming music, some healing music on the way home. Okay. We've had enough heavy metal, we need to wind it down. Yeah. So we're better at that now as well. So that, I did just wanna tap back. Thank you so much for sharing about your Christianity. I started. I was baptized when I was younger and, and a Christian, and I still, I'm more spiritual now, but I still believe in, in Gods within us and, and having that faith. And I really believe that anybody that is struggling should find their own faith in their own way, whether it is meditation or prayer or God or Jesus or Hindu or Buddhism. I don't care what it is. But yeah. Finding that for you, it's really, it is a really beautiful place and space to know that there is, I guess, having that faith in that higher self and, and being the best version of us. For, for us, not for anything else. But I do love tapping into that. And I talk to a lot of my kids about hearing and I believe, I believe God is in all of us, but you can call it whatever you like. If you're not religious, that's fine, but that goodness. And when they get to tap into that and us tap into that and hear that wisdom, that's a beautiful place to really like step into. So I love that you heard that. Is your whole family, Christian, you all gonna No, not at all. No. Um, my, my. We were raised, you know, like old school Christian s like church from Sundays sometimes, you know, and that's about it. And like you do, um, you sing hymns and stuff at primary school mm-hmm. All that sort of thing. Uh, when we moved to Australia, my sister, the people she started hanging out with just happened to be like youth group kids, Christian kids. Mm-hmm. And then she went deep. And my sister now works as a missionary over in Spain. So she's, oh, wow. That's so powerful. Yeah, she's a monster. She spent the last three, four years as a chaplain in maximum security prisons. Good on her. I love that. Working with some, you know, really full on, full on maximum security criminals. Right. And just having coffees with them and working with them. And now she's in Spain, um, in like rural Spain. And she's been working on me for like 19 years. And I was, uh, I was. Actively rejecting, uh, Christianity for that whole time. And then it kind of hap just like you can't listen to your partner about parenting advice. Mm-hmm. Listen, siblings. Yeah, of course. Until some guy on a podcast recommended a book and I was like, oh, that sounds like a fun history book. I like history called The Case for Christ, which is really cool book. And I was reading that. And then at the same time I started watching this um, uh, series on, which is now on Amazon, I think, called The Chosen, which is like a. Docudrama about Jesus' life. Mm-hmm. Like with actors. And that was a really cool show. I had it coming from like all angles at the same time. Oh. And then I started, like for the first time, I wasn't resisting it. I was, oh, I'll lean into this. This is interesting. What's happening here? And then I love that for you. It's so beautiful. Yeah. It was. I mean, I, no one was more surprised than me, to be honest. And then I just kept feeling this calling, like, go all in on this bro. And so love that. Yeah. My sister baptized me in the ocean on like first thing New Year's day this year. I love this. It made me teary when you were saying it before, when you were like sharing it.'cause I, you know, I know the breakthroughs and the awakenings that I've had in, in my journeys in different places. And I, I do, I believe in Jesus and God that they speak to us. And you get those callings and Yeah. Well done for you, for listening and, and if anybody can. Yeah, tap into a faith and love that is just so abundant. Like that's, that's a part of, that's a part of the journey too. Like you're saying like kids, when we have kids, you have so much love and abundance, but when you tap into it from source and other places, like Yeah. You know what's interesting as well for the kids is that like going to church, just one thing, one really unexpected benefit I've seen from gonna church is my kids are so much more confident around adults now. Because we are in this multi-generational gathering once a week for like, you know, two hours. Everyone from babies to 90 year olds. Yeah. And they're just in this room, like with, not strangers, but you don't know everyone there. And they're talking to everyone. And we just notice like around if a tradie comes round or you know, a neighbor, they're like saying hello and walking up to them, showing them things, which they were pretty shy like six months ago. And now whether or not it's Yeah. Going through church or the stuff they're learning there, or it's giving them a new confidence. Um, I think it's being around good, other good humans. Like that's what it is. Like, doesn't matter what, you know, whether you call it church, I mean, we used to do bible studies, me and my ex-husband, but you know, I have my, you know, my meditation groups and my ice bath groups and different things, but, you know, different circles now. But I really firmly believe that it does take a community to help us with our, with our life. And wherever you tap into that, like if your children see you doing that and having good other humans around them, they become the beautiful influencers. So it's so important to discern, especially as a, as a, as a parent, like who are those people that you're gonna be mostly around? Who are the people that you want having an influence on your children, you know? Where, where do you want them to be hanging out? And um, so that's amazing. Of course you want them, people with love in their heart and, you know, speaking their truth and trying to be the best humans that they can be. So good. How many of us don't have a community at all these days? I know, I know. So, so overall, I had this big, beautiful birthday party and I am very blessed because I've created a life of so much support and good humans. Over time. I've had my challenges too guys, but, um, this family were like, oh my god, can Aurora come to, to this other boy's birthday? Which was literally just this weekend gone. So November to March, but they pre-booked it 'cause he was five and he wasn't gonna be in their, her kindie anymore. And they were like, yeah, we, our last birthday party we had three adults and one child. And I've got, you know, this abundance of humans and coaches and friends and aunties and uncles and all these people in, in Aurora's life. That is literally amazing. And, um, we went to this birthday party and they did have a bit more, a bit more people and I just, it really makes me. Want for others to get out of their comfort zone and meet others like I'm, you're an outgoing person. I'm an outgoing person. Not all people are, and we do forget that a lot of people just live in their four walls, but there is so many, and if church is not your thing, we don't care. You know, if ice bath's not your thing, we don't care. But there are so many beautiful communities out there. If you just open the door. My dance community pole dance community are full of so many cool moms and we have the best array of kids dances. You know, in South Australia there's, you know, there's gymnastics, there's different things. There's community events, there's so many places that you can tap into. We've got the spiritual center down the road that does do spiritual church and free events as well. You know, there's so many places I'm sure there are in in Sydney as well, that you can tap into if you just look for it like you know there. There definitely are, and. That's what I love. Like, I, I love it when not only I connect 'cause that's one of my, you know, my biggest values is connection. Like when Aurora does too and she does have that confidence to have those conversations and, you know, come up to people and, and tell them. I think she did it to my best mate Crystal the other week. Just breathe like she knows. Put her hand, put her hand on her. She's okay. You can you or I think it was, I dunno if it's okay to breathe, it's okay to cry. It was, it was one of the things, but it was just like so on point. You know, from those, you know, from the modeling behaviors of what she's seen. It's just, yeah. It's totally cool. I wonder whose kid this is. Oh, she's great. Oh, she tells me, she pulls me up though because when, if I'm having a wobble and I'm like, you know, got no patience, she's like, you are hurting my heart, mom. And the first time she said that, oh my god, did I stop in my tracks? I was like, okay, I'm listening now. Um, yeah, she just, she just knows and that, and it is because I'm, you know, setting that role model and so is abs. So yeah. You guys are doing great. So are you. And it's good. Like I love that we can share this kind of stuff and you know, um, I would love to know, um, one of the funniest things that your kids have done, 'cause I'll try and think of one of a role before we finish up today. One of the funniest things that, you know, that they've said or done or, you know, had that embarrassing, you know, moment. You're like, oh god, something that is happening an awful lot of the moment is in the heat, right? We, we've been. I've been going down to the car and turning the air con on for like three or four minutes before we get in the car. And so we get in and it goes, you know, it's full on freezing in the car and Ollie will get in and the um. The aircon in the backseat. She's been turning around, pulling her pants down and just like putting aircon on her bum. And then she sitting bu down. How have we all done that? Come on. Like, I've put the air conditioner, lifted my skirt up in somewhere. Like, let's be real. I get sweaty in different places. She's been loving that. That's really, really funny. Um, I love that. And I, I think with, um, with Ava, she's just. Such a singer. And so she will just come out and it's a song that we don't even know she knows and she's maybe heard it at Kindies. So like that. And she'll just break out in like, what was the other day? Is it Alicia Keys? Like, this girl is on fire. Oh. And she has this full-on, like puts this pop voice on it. Like this girl is some figure and she just pulls it out of nowhere. Like didn't even know you knew this song. But she performs and they put, she puts on like. Dresses and tells you some really long elaborate backstory to the show that you are watching. And she gets on the trampoline in like some fairy dress. And then I. You have to pretend that I came out and that the, that the performer came out and handed you a rose and that you were so happy. And then you have to pretend that you'd never been to a ballet show before. And just these enormously long backstories and you've never, never know what the game's gonna be. She's a performer then she is gonna performer. Yeah. And we just, we cannot stop. Um, you know, she, she's always done a new song, a new performance. She'll just be in the, you know, back of the car going. First presentation, like some ballet technology just loves it. It's, it's so funny, man. So Ollie's, Ollie's are absolute goose and Ava is an absolute performer. I love that. You are gonna have your hands full, that's for sure. Like you thought you had your hands full. Now wait till they get that little bit older. I'm gonna have two 14-year-old daughters at the same time, you know? Correct. Hmm. Correct. So teach, teach 'em both to drive at the same time. You know, formals, and then we're going out to parties at the same time. My goodness. You'll be a hundred percent okay, my friend. I know you will. You've got a beautiful, yeah, for sure. I have to share one little funny thing that just dropped in from Aurora. This is one that happened I think yesterday, other day before. So for all moms out there, you would know that sometimes when you sneeze. You pee yourself. Like it's just if you've had babies, the pelvic floor is not, and it's not every time for me, it's sometimes, but if I'm having tense or I'm not paying attention, and so Abi and I will both do it to each other like, you know. Or maybe when Abi sneezes, I must say to her, have you peed yourself? Because it just happens sometimes and we have a laugh about it. So anyway, I did this massive sneeze in the car the other day. First time ever, Aurora goes, did you pee yourself? And it was exactly the way I said it, and Abi just lost it for ages. She's like. I didn't even think she was listening. When we say that to each other, like you just never know. And Aurora's like, yep. She knows when we sneeze now that quite possibly, we've got Whitney and she'll say that with no context at kindie or like that. And then Yeah. Yeah. Someone will s but she be like, what? Yeah, it's gonna be so great, man. It's when the stories like that come home. Yeah. That they've said something just unhinged like that. That makes complete sense. Uh, to you guys, but, but out of context. Out of context. Like whatcha talking about. Yeah. I love that. Sounds like, sounds like she's, um, she's thriving man. Oh, oh. She's like it, like I know autism's a big spectrum, but, um, the way that she's rocky up and comfortably socializing with other adults, that sort of thing sounds like. You've done great. She's super, she's super smart and like, so my Jacob was, um, more, uh, disassociated and more nervous and didn't really have friends and. Struggled with the emotional articulation where she doesn't struggle with any of that. It's more the dysregulation, it's more the sensory stuff. So every, you know, I mean, and aren't we all really, some, some of us on the spectrum anyway, I, I don't go with the diagnosis, I just go with the best avenues of help, but she's teaching us so many different things. Super confident for sure. Um. You know, really articulate. Great. But yeah, there's gonna be things that she's definitely gonna struggle with because with the routine or changing things or, you know, feedback or being directed a certain way, like it's gonna be some struggles, but we'll, we'll, we'll rise to those challenges. Yeah. It makes you so much more like those challenges makes you so much more open-minded to struggles that you see and able to deal with things like We are, we're going to the, we're taking the girls to their first footy game. On Sunday and we just need to buy Ollie some of those little, those headphones. Yeah. Yeah. Little, little hundred earmuff things, that sort of thing. Not that with Fink you'll freak out, but just having them there and then just in case just jazzing her up, like, we've got these cool earphones if you wanna wear them. That sort of thing. Yeah. If you want, you don't have to, but you can if you want to. Yeah, exactly. And, and this, it, it's definitely lowered my, it's increased my patience, lowered my expectations, um, taken things slowly. You know, I used to be real hard on like. I want you to eat this, you know? Yeah, me too. And because I not, I'm a, I'm a chef and a gardener, so I know good food, and I just always luckily ate well when I was a kid. Apparently my sister never did. And now she got really traumatized. But the way that my parents made her eat stuff, she didn't wanna eat. Right. So this week we're doing, so we do food of the week, that sort of thing. And so you just have lettuce, like the girls chose lettuce for this week, and we'll have lettuce on the table every night. You know. Oh, I love that. So they get to try it. If they wanna try it or they want to, it's just there and we'll, we'll eat it, you know, and we'll maybe make a salad dress and that sort of thing. And it's like, for me, I would've been like, oh, such bullshit. Just eating the lettuce. Yeah. And now I've, through, through the multiple, I mean, we haven't even scratched the surface of the challenges my kids have been through. Um. You know, hospitals and physical stuff, whatever. Uh, it's just, it's made me realize that things can take so much longer and that you just have to take that more patient route. Mm-hmm. And, um, that, that's been the main theme, lowering my expectations of how quickly things can happen and just knowing that nurturing and love and compassion is just the, has to be the first avenue. And it's been, it's been my, my all, my wife has actually really helped me with all of that so much. And you to be honest as well. Well, thank you my friend. I really, really appreciate that. And obviously we'll have, uh, you know, business links underneath. If anybody needs any help with different things, of course you can reach out to us. But I love that and I'm actually gonna try that food of the week.'cause Aurora is a very fussy eater and I think having that expectation of not making her try something, but if it's just there, that could actually work. So I'll get back to you on that. Kids love making salad dressings. I, I find, I find that a little concoction themselves putting, putting, you know, a couple things in a jar, put the lid on, get 'em to shake it around. They, they enjoy that. So at least my girls do. So, could be, could be a tip. Let me know how it goes. Oh, absolutely will. Well, thank you for being on podcast and sharing all these little tips and tricks for our fellow parents out there and, um, yeah, it's been really cool to catch up with you. It has. Thank you. Let's do it. Not recorded. Next time, let's just hang out. Yeah, let's hang out. Hundred percent. We should get the kids on, have a little, have a FaceTime play date. They would actually love it. To be honest. Aurora would show you around the whole house with the chicken, so we have to do that. Please do.