The Power of Safe Expression: Consent, Curiosity & Community with Daddy Rax

⚠️ Content Warning:
This episode contains adult themes, including discussions around identity, power dynamics, trauma, consent, and non-traditional relationship structures. Listener discretion is advised. This conversation is intended for mature audiences (18+).

In this open-hearted episode of The Nichole Show, we sit down with long-time friend and community leader Daddy Rax to talk about identity, emotional safety, and the often-misunderstood world of conscious play and alternative connection.

This is one of those raw, honest conversations where nothing is off limits and everything is rooted in love, respect, and curiosity.

We speak about:

• What real consent and safety look like in adult exploration
• The difference between kink, polyamory, swinging, and BDSM
• Why expressing who we are (without shame) is a core part of emotional wellness
• How power, trust, and surrender can help us feel seen again
• The role of community spaces like Switch SA in creating education and safety
• What happens when we deny the parts of ourselves that crave expression

This episode isn’t about being provocative, it’s about being real.
It’s about reclaiming the parts of ourselves we’ve been told to hide, and holding space for others doing the same.

Whether you’re already part of a community or just curious to understand more, we hope this conversation opens something gentle, brave, and affirming inside you.

Connect with Daddy Rax & Switch SA:
🔗 Switch SA on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SwitchSA

Connect with Nichole Hamilton:

Website: https://www.thekidzcoach.com.au/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nichole.hamilton.587
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thekidzcoach_nichole_hamilton/

Want to be a guest on The Nichole Show?
Email: thenicholeshow@gmail.com

Transcript

0:00

Welcome back to the Nichole Show, where the purpose of this podcast is to dive deep and take down the masks of different communities, coaches, people, and exploration. It is a permission slip for you to find your answers. This is an 18+ podcast, and there's a trigger warning that we explore adult themes and sexual orientations and play. In this podcast, we dive deep into kink and BDSM and the communities that are available to you. Please stay with us as we do dive into this controversial topic and give some clarity and some real information. Welcome back guys to a different version of the Nichole Show. My original intention was always to take the mask off, so forgive me for being probably a little nervous today. I have this beautiful man in person in the studio in his home, Daddy Rax. I just realized I'm advertising ts too. Well, you're, I don't even train there. Well, you're, you're, um, and I put a call out to really, uh, see who wanted to be on my podcast. It's mostly been, uh, around mental health and families and therapies and I've touched on a little bit of, you know, sexuality and polyamory, and today I'm gonna really. Uh, push my own boundaries and be a permission slip to dive deep into some conversations that perhaps you haven't heard for anybody watching or listening. This is probably gonna be an 18+, uh, podcast, so please don't listen when you're driving with the kids. And, um, yeah. So without further ado. Daddy Rax, please introduce yourself to my listeners. Removing the masks is what got me interested in having a chat with Nic. We've, um, have the pleasure of knowing, uh, in our scene and kicking around the club scene and the BDSM scene and the swing scene for probably around 15 plus years. Correct? Uh, probably actually even a little bit longer. Longer, yes. Correct. Um. But we, uh, haven't really got to know each other, and that's often is the case within those communities where we just fly by and we present the better part of ourselves at the moment, and we do the shits and giggles and the fun and all the rest of it. But you don't actually often get to stop and digest and take in the, um. That the, everything that has is offered, um, by people.'cause sometimes that's not what it's about. Like, uh, if you're in the kink and BDSM scene and if you're in the swing scene and stuff, it's not about taking in a hundred percent of someone's energy and someone's person and stuff. It's about enjoying the moment of whatever is on offer and, and running with that on the adult content. Yeah. Side of things, for those that don't know kink, BDSM. Do you wanna explain it? Um, or just give a little bit of a Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So to, to start with, the kink and BDSM scene to which, uh, I'm familiar with is, is based upon a professional scene. But then, um, the mistress who introduced me into that scene here in Adelaide, um, probably 20 years ago for me, um, was running an event night. To which, uh, then I've then created a business profile off, and for the last 15 years I've been doing a club night, which is a non vetted scene to which you can just come and go. Um, whereas normally the Kin Edia Simpson scene, even the swing scene, are very heavily vetted. That is, you would never just walking off the street unless you're known by people have done the chats with, uh, what you're about, where you fit in, what, how you come and go. And, and, and sometimes even a particular look. Is what the event is after and where does none of that? Yeah. Um, the event I run, which is, which sa is very much about an open door club night, which is different in itself. Uh, so there's alcohol consumption, there's all the DJs, there's all the dance floor, and then there's play areas set up and stuff, just so people can come in and explore, explore and experiment. And most importantly of all, just sit back and kind of watch. Uh, a dynamic of watch, play and just go, what the fuck was that about? And maybe then giving them a chance to talk to people about it who have been played on, or people who are doing, um, the play side of things themselves as well. Was that an answer to the question? It was, it was, it was, it was a, it was an opening. It was an opening. It's, it's so curious, and I guess for my listeners, you might not have heard this side of me. Some people that know me quite closely, I don't, I don't, I'm not shy about being honest about what I've. Been through in my, in my lifetime. I really feel that, um, that. You should be able to explore all parts of yourself that you're curious about. And I find that in so many different communities, and one being the BDSM community, that it is, it's, there's no judgment there. You do get to dress up, you do get to experience, you play if you wanna play. You don't play if you don't. You watch, you ask questions. And the community that you have created is a very safe and inclusive one. And I've met some really beautiful people of all different ages, size, shapes, gen genres. And that's, you know, for me, my biggest part is connection and also. For me as well. Why not try anything once? That's just me. That's my philosophy. If you want to, might not be yours. You might be listening to this and going, oh my god, Nichole, I didn't know that about you. Definitely not for everyone, but it's not, and I, but please, if this is not for you in this podcast, don't judge, just skip onto one of the next ones. But this is really a permission slip, uh, for those that are curious about energetics about. Polyamory about swinging, about sexual exploration. And for me, that has made the best relationships that I have with, um, with partners and people that I've connected with. It's, you know, totally honest. And a big thing about the and BDSM scene is it is completely separate. To then the swing scene, to then perhaps the gay scene at all. Intermixes, we all into cross, we all have moments of, um, fleeting interests and some people's interest within the kink and BDSM scene could be one or two events and they're gone. Yeah. And that's completely okay. Um, and everyone's interest within the kink and BDSM scene is also completely unique. So, um, the club environment that I create with Switch is not for everyone. Uh, 'cause they don't like the public. Side of things. Yeah. Where literally at the bigger events that we used to run back in the day, but it, back at one of our favorite venues on Gja Street was literally 300 people in the crowd. Like there was no missing anything. Um, whereas some people prefer the, the private kind of style of play where it's just one-on-one, um, you know, much quieter, much more intimate, much more whatever that they're seeking. Again, it's unique, everyone's experience, um, whatever they're looking for within the. Particularly within the Kinky / BDSM scene is, is always gonna be individual down to. We still say both parties, but the fact of the matter is that the submissive is normally the one who controls the direction of where that scene or that play or whatever their interest is about.'cause people always say to me, what is it your interest? What is your kinks? And I'm like, well, I'm not actually here for my kinks.'cause if I was here for my kinks, I would never leave the mattress. Like that's just my thing. But as a dominant, my, I think my, my job, my role is to facilitate what the. Other person is seeking to experiment in and ex, um, explore and play around in a safe way. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And because that's the biggest thing, like, you know, finding people that you feel safe to connect with and ask those questions of to Yeah. To. To learn from. Yeah. A lot of people like, um, one of my favorite things is knife play. And when you say that to people, like everyone fucking freaks out 'cause they think there's gonna be blood guts and, and trauma involved with it. Um, and unfortunately 'cause a lot of people have had trauma with, with. Things. Yeah. Um, so, but whereas knife player, one of the first things I'd explain to people is that it's actually not about cutting or blood or anything at all. It's 100% about the trust of the dominant, the blade to the skin, to playing with the edge, the tip of the blade and stuff. And, and there should be nothing more than a slight. Maybe even scratching and that's it. Um, and then getting into cutting and blood play and mutilation and scarification is completely different. It's completely different. A different, again, completely different. Well, I'd love to know, like how did you get into it? Like what was your curiosity like? And then I can explain mine, I suppose. Yeah, so through. I said Mistress Rena, name unnamed. Just because that's the right way to do things in life, generally speaking. Mm-hmm. Um, uh, when I was introduced into the King and BDSM scene, I mentioned to you, uh, it was 100% about the fashion. Uh, and that's not, there's no, there's no fashion in King and Kink and BDSM. There is no actual wrong or right way to be seen, um, within the scene because again, when we do private play, often I'll, someone will say to me, how do you want me to. Present. How do you want me to look? And I'm like, like a, don't, like, not generally speaking in private play, we'll end up being naked. Yeah. At some point, like you, the, the, the sub will end up being naked. I'll often end up being naked by the end of the thing doing, you know, what adults do best. But, um, in the club scene. What I saw with a movie called Preaching to the Perverted, which is like the movie, um, which everyone should have a look at because that's, well, I'm gonna have to watch that now. That is the, and the great soundtrack too, by the way. But, um, the movie Preaching to the Perverted, um, was the movie that when I saw it when I was probably 19 years old, so well before I even met the mistress here in Adelaide. Um, and I said to the gay boys who had introduced me to that movie, and I'm like, well, fucking, where's this? In Adelaide and they're just like, Hmm. Oh wow. Yeah, this is something which exists only in the UK at Torture Garden. I think the party was back then in the uk and uh, then some years later I then ended up meeting the mistress and she was very well versed and very well experienced. And at that time the scene was still underground and you couldn't get into events and stuff and you weren't, unless you were paying money to see a private. Dom, um, and or you were heavily vetted and, and I was lucky enough to get into that scene then. And they did it well, small parties, um, 60, 80 people, but it was on, like, you'd have three or four rooms of just insane scenes and play going on for the whole night, which was. Truly remarkable way for me to find my way into the scene as a topless dj. And what has kept you into it though? Like, obviously it's become your, your passion, your kink, your thing, your, like, that you've made not only a business out of an education, you, you teach people, you're so open about it. Like what? Like what? Why I don't, why I don't think of myself as a teacher at all. Um, and I don't, you're, I don't think of myself as, um, someone who. It's business for me. I don't, I like to think I'm interested Kink and BDSM outside of business, but back when, uh, when all of this first started kicking off, um, I was running events already. I just weren't, I wasn't running events that were specifically targeting the Kink and BDSM scene. I was running parties for the gay community, like things like shave, pierced and tattooed. So there was things going on in the event which made them different. Um. We did backdoor parties and rear entry parties and all sorts of this before, well before switch. Um, so there was always that kind of interest on my part to do events which are not the norm. I love that. So you could come into the event, you could come dance, you could enjoy the DJs, you enjoy the music, but over there, there's something fucking wacky going on. And over there there's something fucking bizarre going on. And over there God only know what's going on. But that's, that's part of the idea of being experience. Yeah. Yeah. And then of course. Once I found the kink and BDSM scene and I, I, there's a, a format and an idea of, well, you know, that's, that's good and that's good and that, I guess that's where we're at Switch, say nowadays. Um, creating a. Place where people can come, party, come get loose, come enjoy themselves, come be safe, explore, uh, look, watch. The voyeuristic side of things is huge. I think in just about anyone, like, again, like me, when the, when I first started, the voyeuristic side of it was probably right up there with the actual dress up side of things. It's very important, very important. But doing that in a safe place where there's no. Real judgment to what's going on. It's kind of cool because we're talking about like taking the mask off, but it's also like having the permission to put that alter ego on, put that costume on. I mean, I love, you guys know me, I'm a pole dancer, I'm a performer. I've done different things. I've performed at Switch as well, which was absolutely like, you know, so much fun and amazing and you know, when you get to. You know, step into a character, a charisma. It's a really, for me, it's a really beautiful place where I actually get to switch off. Like I actually get to just, yeah, turn that brain off. Be in a community that's non-judgmental and whether it's performing or playing, I. For me, I, it's the, it's like almost like the mind fucker, but like I just get to turn it off and that's not constant in normal life. Or turn it on, well turn it on for me. For me, it turns it off. Like I just love it. Like it just lets me get into a zone. Mm. I absolutely love it. I have a very chaotic, busy life and mind and for me it's a safe place. When you find those people that you do feel safe with connecting with that I can just turn it off and that is, yeah. For me. Why I kept coming back, like the, like the community, the experience, the dress up, um, the, you know, I love getting attention, so I love, you know, that, that dress up, that play part. But also stepping into that, you know, that alter ego sometimes to be a certain, a certain style. There's a lot of that for the dominant as well. Definitely. Yeah, I think anyone I know, even professionally, um, you know, people who make big, big money off an hourly rate when I certainly, that's not my, my vibe for the kink and BDSM side of things. Um, but I know extremely professional, extremely well known, uh, well traveled, uh, dominatrix, particularly over the male dom, but dominatrix who big money doing what they do. But then when you get them out of the thing. All of that drops. And often you'll walk into that per 'cause. They get to know them personally. You walk into that person's house or whatever, there's almost no sign of it. None yet. These people don't work. Don't like your house. No. It's just a bit of fun in the corner. But, um. Yeah, there is that because everyone needs the, the separation from, from church to state. You know, we need that, we need that separation. I think we touched on just before, before we went to camera that, you know, every person, every adult, we need to get away from the workplace. Sometimes you need to get away from the fucking kids. Sometimes you need to get away, even from your partner and just be able to unwind, let it loose. Have fun. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Um, and that doesn't mean. Doesn't necessarily mean to Yeah. Sound that means, hits the fucking dance floor and just fucking clock off for a while and have a few hours of just doing your own vibe, whatever it might be. And then going back home and getting back to reality, you know, and, and kink and BDSM is very much, um, for me is, is facilitating that, um, uh, very much a, a flight away from reality into doing something different. And then. I think any good dominant will always tell you at the end of the day, any fucking well minded person will tell you. Then you go back and you go get, get back on track. You know, you go back to the kids, you get yourself back in order, and you do what you're doing until, uh, next time, shortly down the track, you need that fix again. Well, I think that it's you, you know, it's a permission slip because, you know, it doesn't matter if you, you know, if you love sports or. You know, whatever it is. Gym. You have to Gym. Gym, yeah. I love the gym. Like moving your body, whatever that is. Um, you have to fill your cup up and I firmly believe that, you know, when all areas, and that's why I'm so passionate and also, you know, a little nervous about sharing all these things, but if I deny a part of myself in my relationship or in my sexuality or my femininity on all of those things. Then it comes out in my relationship, in my business, in different things. If my frequency is off somewhere and that part is being, you know, ignored or denied, then, then, then you can't it, it plays on your mental health. Yeah. So finding your right kink, and that can be anything, like, it doesn't have to be a sexual kink, but finding your passion, finding your thing like that is just so important. You could save vibe. Finding your vibe. Yeah, finding your vibe, like finding what's right for you and having that, um, yeah, that permission slip to find it, 'cause it, what, what works for me or you is never gonna be exactly the same, but finding those safe people in the community. And that's why I wanted to Yeah, really chat to you and get to know what keeps you like coming back and holding space. Because number one, it. Literally must be exhausting when you have a business because I know what it's like having a business, but you hold such a, a, a constant and, and such a, a thing for it. And it's, yeah, it's really my, my grind is only once a month with the events. Um, back in the day when we were a little bit more, um. Footloose and fancy free, like it'll be some weekends. We could be out three nights and a weekend, over a long weekend. We'd have something Friday, Saturday, and Sunday all within the kink community. And it, so it's, it was, it was hot, it was under pressure. It was a bit seen to be seen all the time. Um, nowadays I'm probably more just like the once a month with Switch. I don't think I've taken on another kink event out there now for some, a long time. COVID COVID was not a good time. No. Um, for any of us. So, uh, everything got wound down, shut down and, and sort of put aside. And it's been taking a long while to get even myself back on track, uh, and know the club scene and everything that's out there. It's, it's kind of been the same. Not that it's an excuse.'cause if you want to, you'll, you'll make it happen or you'll find it happening somewhere else. But, um, certainly that time was not easy on me and I don't think it was fucking easy on anyone at the end of the day. Um, suddenly this club night's being shut, I. Correct. At a moment's notice we were trying to run events, which we just had to cancel because Yeah. You know, sneeze of government decision one way or the other, and it's just off the table. Yeah. It has taken a long time to rebuild, but your, definitely, your dedication to the community is what, you know, really, um, impresses me as well because it is that, you know, you are open, you, you follow up on people, you apply to messages. Like you, you are an educational piece in this area. So I am excited to share it because if somebody else is curious then, you know. Why not come down to a switch event or, you know, come and come and watch, come and explore or ask questions. Certainly ask questions. Yeah. Yeah. It's a good place to start and that I do try to respond to anyone's questions. Um, within reason. Sometimes I think, uh, and I'll, I've only just. Said it the other day to someone who was interested in private players said sometimes there's a point where asking the questions becomes counter-intuitive and counterproductive to the idea of what it is we want to try and achieve. But once you've got a good idea of the lay of the land and if you feel like there's a trust there to take it, that step further to, uh, personal meeting and a face-to-face, and that's where you wanna go. And that's where switch comes in handy because everyone's already there. Yeah. All their clubbing and stuff. And someone will watch me playing and. Next minute they think that they think that that looks like fun and they wanna try it out. They've never tried it before. And I've had some amazing play session on, um, as far as I know, as far as they told me, um, virgin bodies have never been touched before and just crazy play sessions and whether anything came of their Time and the kink and BDSM scene after that. I couldn't tell you. Who knows? Yeah. Yeah. I just, yeah, I, I'm just so fascinated that there is like a whole nother world and some people wouldn't even, you know, know about it. I'm, um, yeah, yeah. Well, after so many years, and the, not only the, the gay scene, the kink BD sm scene, the RA scene, all the rest of it. Um, but so many people go, there's a swing scene in Adelaide. And I'm like, how you not? How you not know? Like it's on Facebook. It's Facebook everywhere. Fucking. It, it's same with the king of scene, like the, the days of it being heavily vetted and, and, uh, uh, unknown to 99% of the population are well and truly behind us. Hey everyone, Nichole here, and I hope you're enjoying today's episode. I just wanna take a quick moment to talk to you all. If you're finding value in our conversations and loving the raw, honest dialogues we're having here, I've got a small favor to ask. This podcast is a passion project for me, and there's nothing I love more than bringing these stories and insights to you. So if you haven't already, would you consider subscribing to our show and leaving a review? It's completely free and it doesn't take much time, but it really helps us in two big ways. It's getting the podcast in front of more listeners, which keeps our community growing. It helps us attract more amazing guests, which means we give you more value in the episodes we bring to you. Just hit that subscribe button, drop us a review, and let's keep these conversations flowing. Now let's dive right back into our episode, and thanks so much of being a part of the Nichole's show. I think, well, I think that if you, you know, number one, if you are curious about any of this stuff, you should have an open dialogue with your, either your friends or your partner or whatever else. That's the scariest part, like when you're hiding things and not asking for what you truly desire in the bedroom or out of the bedroom. Um, secondly, don't feel weird about anything because there's. Damn well somebody else out there that has done it before and got the same kind of, um, outta the water. Yeah. Got the same kind of kink as you, so nothing is, you know, off the table. It's, um, yeah, just a beautiful place to explore and I'm. So grateful that, you know, in previous experiences and whatever else I was, you know, um, introduced to this scene. And yeah, it was many, many moons ago. And again, it's just that place of, you know, finding what feels right for you and connecting with those like-minded souls in whatever version of play or watching or curiosity that you have. I really believe that it does feed into. My mental health because if I'm denying it, and there's been times in my life that I have where I'm like, okay, not in that scene, not in the swinging scene, not in the poly, not in the BDSM. And that's probably me being the times where I've not been my happiest. So it really does, um, yeah, a good relationship. Um. Again, it's, it is like the, the journey itself, isn't it? It's always gonna be unique. So whatever Nic has, find ourself with a current partner and where that's at in the direction it's heading, is entirely unique to the situation that you are in, that you've set yourself up into with your partner at the time. But the biggest things I say to everyone about kink and BDSM is it's gotta remain open, honest, and clear. Yes. Uh, at all times and at all costs. And if it's gonna hurt emotionally, esp. Especially then it has to be, it has to be let out. So, um, that's just trying to save everyone. I guess a little bit of, um, legwork. Like, I think we've all been in relationships before where we've gone like fucking the last X number of how many months or years sometimes that, you know, it's been going down the gurgler and you're just fucking heaven. Had the gall, the nerve, the whatever, the, the mouse to just call it or pull it or whatever's needed. The honest dialogue or to change it. Yeah. The honest dialogue to change it. Sometimes it's not about fucking exiting the relationship, it's actually about changing it and, and shifting it up and doing something different. And you know, unfortunately in all my years and the king can be DM scene and then the swing scene and stuff. The, the biggest common denominator when I talk about uniqueness, but one of the most biggest common denominators between people who will come into the scene and into the events and stuff looking for something different is, oh, my partner doesn't really do it for me. You know that, that thing, whatever, it's, that whatever. It's doesn't really do that thing for me. I'm like, have you fucking talked to them about it? Yeah. Have you asked them to, have you fucking talked to them about it? And why isn't your partner here with you trying to have a look for that thing that you think you are after that even you don't know you want because you actually haven't experienced it yet, so that you're looking for that pot of gold at the end of the fucking rainbow that may or may not even fucking exist, and why isn't that person here with you now? Yeah. So like what is it you're trying to. Allude to finding, um, which your partner to which you're still with is not privy to what the fuck. Correct. I don't, that's, that's never gonna work out. Can really work. My number one, my number one thing is honesty and sometimes it's been super hard. Like that is my personal value. Absolutely. Tough life. And have I been in times where I have been dishonest? Fuck yes. Have I made many mistakes? Absolutely. But that's my integrity now as one of my values, to be honest. And the biggest thing as well that you guys teach, which is. Fold. Fold that in, not just in the bedroom and the the scene and everything else, but it's boundaries and consent and boundaries and consent. Don't even get taught in school, but we need to like have permission, like we had a conversation before this. What can we talk about? How do we speak about each other? Like always ask permission. When you ask permission, you get what? Normally if you're asking for something, you might get what you want. Um, but a lot of people are just too scared to ask. And then also ask what your boundaries are, you know? And they can change. And sometimes you don't know. You've crossed the boundary till you've done it. Yep. Mistakes not happen. Why? Yeah, why not? I can assure you that mistakes happen. Why not? Why not explore? And I was actually just saying this to. My partner now, but we were talking about different things and I was like, well, at least you can never get bored with me. And she's like, what? I was like, because I'm always changing like I do, I love like exploring and, and all philosophies in life and that's just the way my, my brain and my body works. And so I love it. Like I just love being totally curious and it has to be stability, right. Correct. Correct. There's, there's ground, there has be trust and stability and that, that's it. A good solid foundation of, of communication is the best. Yeah. But I really do firmly believe it. Like evens out into all other things. What else would you like to share about this? I. You know, you wanna take the mask off and you wanna share and yeah. Oh, I'm sitting here in my pajamas space and your pajamas my fucking for. Those are listening. Maybe quickly jump onto the YouTube as well, where it's like literally back against this beautiful, what's it called? Big St. Andrew's Cross. Yeah. Beautiful. Big Timber one. Yeah, yeah. Big Flog is hanging off at the whole nine yards and it's just in the corner of my bedroom. And unfortunately, as I said to Nic, before we even turn the camera on, it has not seen the light of day of anyone's body on it for. Well, but that's because I also get plenty of a fix when, at my events. At your right. When I choose to step up and do the job. Correct. But it is, it is very impressive. And yeah, for those who are interested in, in playing on one, I highly, highly recommend it. Yeah. Hmm. So for me, yeah. I. Literally did get introduced to the BDSM scene through swinging many, many, many moons ago. And I saw you guys like performing and then the ARI and then the, the play sessions. And I was always so like, curious about it because it was just that I think there's an energy exchange in a, in a dom and a submissive and the space that you hold in any kind of play. And I think that that's really, really powerful to, um, to experience. So, yeah. That's, that's my journey into this, into this world and why I continue to go back because I actually feel seen and when playing or when choosing whoever that is, it's the safety thing, like actually feeling totally in a place that I can submit and feel safe. Like that's what I genuinely enjoy about it and in life so many times I have to be. On the ball and doing the things and making the choices and all the decisions and blah, blah, blah. Mm-hmm. And in that space, I totally get to surrender. Yeah. Just let go. Yeah. So I wanna, again, talking about, um, the uniqueness of everyone's experience within the scene, but again, another massive common denominator between me and the bodies I get to. Um, I'm fortuitous enough to play upon is, um, a lot of people have the misconception that the people I play on and, and do the things that I do to, um, must be kind of drop kicks and, and women who, uh, doormats and stuff. And I'm just like, fucking dude, you couldn't be further from the truth. Socio and financially owe much a much lower, um, standing than perhaps many of the bodies that I've been lucky enough to play on. You know, really? Yeah, big jobs, lots of responsibility, big family ties and, and big incomes and, you know, fucking all the things that, um, sometimes even when I find out about it, I'm just like, wow. Like, you know, 100%. I understand why. They just want that moment. I. To switch off. Just yeah, like completely submit, let it go. Let someone else just take them on a, whatever, the trip, like my, my thing is impact play and physical play and stuff. So often that's heavy handed. Hands-on kind of, um, style of play, but that's not what it's about for everyone. So some people it could be simply, you know, being, you know, putting in a mask and tied up or Yeah. Or something. And they just completely the cha switch off the be beautiful. Yeah. And they just can't move. And that, that's the bondage side of thing is, is what it's about for the, and again, completely unique for everyone. Um, I have my styles of play, which, which are my preferred thing. So when someone asks me about shaba or bondage, I just like, that ain't me. Refer to somebody else, I'll refer 'em onto someone else.'cause I know plenty of bossman and, and Kay has his own way about him and, uh, sat has his own. So yeah, there's always people in the crowd that if, if what someone's interested in is not my style of plate and I never will take on a style of plate, which I'm not. Happy. No. Yeah, hundred percent. And I was the one, the big one get ready for this. Trigger warnings, the, um, the rape scene kind of thing. Yeah. And like so many women want this rape scene thing. And then because I'm a big ladin and I'm physical and stuff with my plate, yet when I get asked for that, I'm like, eh, eh, red button, I'm out. No. Yeah. Because I think what they actually think they're after physical play will probably do it, but the whole. You know? Yeah. I think that, um, you know, well every human being is different and yeah. Again, trigger warning, like a lot of women have been through that kind of experience, um, myself included. So there's another, another thing. But for me, surrendering and being a, a sub sub is only with men that I feel totally safe with. And it's something totally different. But if it, yeah, when, for me, because I come from that therapy mind background. I like the mind fuck of this and where I feel totally safe and it does get to switch off with pain with different things, but if anything does come up from this conversation from whatever else and you do get a trigger, please, you are very welcome to, to ask questions or DM both of us. But yeah. Oh, not me. Not you, not you. No, no, no, no. Social underneath. Fair enough. No, that's cool. Boundary. This is one of the things I was actually gonna just, you just hit me on the head just then, and I thought about mentioning it like at the end of the day, you. You're dominant. You are your person who you are often getting casual play from and stuff. I think often we think that they're gonna be your psychiatrist and that is not what No, no, no, no. No percent. No. You need to find your therapist. That's right. I meant if they had a should qualified. They had a actually qualified to correct to unpack the trauma. Go, what the fuck? Correct. No, correct you a hundred percent. Do you? A hundred percent do need to find your person that you can unpack the trauma with. And I know thousands of coaches, so please, please, you're very welcome to, to DM me for, um, for all of that. But what I'm saying is therapist not a dominant big title. Wrong differences. I meant questions for you in regards to the different things. Yeah. But yeah, like there is a real correlation honestly in regard to the semantics and the energy and the safety and the healing that can happen from this kind of play when you have had any kind of, any kind of abuse, any kind of trauma. So it's not even about sexual trauma or even physical trauma. This stuff can actually work and reprogram the brain in different ways. So, um, if you're curious about that, I think a lot of that. Again, from my un um, tutored, uh, knowledge on it would simply be relearning trust. Yeah. In someone else. And then in doing so, relearning trust within yourself. Yeah. In yourself. Correct. Um, because a big thing again about what I would tell anyone is that you cannot. No trust or love anyone else until you know, love and trust yourself. Um, and you know, it can be a little bit ask skew on some of those things once you then develop them into somebody else. But at the end of the day, I would say to my own kids, I. Say to my own partners and stuff that if you are not, uh, knowing of yourself, if you're not trusting of yourself and if you do not love yourself, then you will never find those things from anyone else. And that's a big thing about the kink and BDSM 'cause the power exchange is very much about that trust. Yeah. It's an because as soon as that trust is broken, when from the dominance point of view, it can be fucking traumatic. Yeah. Like it's really bad. Like you just don't realize the train wreck is gonna cause until after the fact often, unfortunately. Yeah. Um. But yeah, for me and, and even the experiences I've had with, you know, people that I've been introduced to the scene and, and friends and partners or whatever, it really, I, from them watching this kind of thing and being in the scene and being experienced and not judged, they can learn so much about themselves. So, yeah, it's been really, really. Healing for me and some of the people that I've introduced to it as well. Mm-hmm. Finding that personal power also. Um, yeah. Finding that trust that, that being able to speak your truth about what you do and don't like is really, really important. Yeah. And then, and, and from the tops point of view, the dominance point of view, or if even if it's a switch point of view, someone who does a bit of both. Someone who's versatile is that, um. So, as I mentioned earlier, I think the dominant is here to help facilitate, um, the fantasy and the play and the scene that the person, which is the step into. But the dominant also then has to be aware of their own boundaries and whatever. Yeah, of course. The values and how, and how they work. So often when people talk to me about private play, one of the first things I'll say to them was like, you know, do you foresee this being a sexual thing?'cause it's switch of course in a licensed venue. Then that. Just off the cards, which is another good reason why Switch actually is a very safe place to play. Correct. Whereas privately, um, and I'll often ask people that straight off the cuff, like, you know, do you foresee your kink and BDSM What is your fantasy? What is the kink? Where are you seeing it going? And do you think it's gonna be sexual? Because when I was taught. kink and BDSM is 100% not meant to be, not correct in and out sexual. It's actually meant to be teased, titillation. The, the exploration of, of all those things within kink and BDSM, it's not meant to be sex. The end game is actually not. In and out, fucking drop your pants. Sex. It can happen. And if the person discusses that and, and that's something which all bodies are willing to step into knowingly and willingly, um, then it can happen. But, um. Big misconception about the kink and BDSM scene is, and, and that's another problem that when, because they get, they get skewed with the swinging scene and it's not, that's right. When it's wrapped within the swinging scene, and I've been to plenty of parties where the kink and BDSM scene is wrapped within the swing scene is. The energy is very different. Very different. Um, so I, I, I like to say, and this could be my skew version of it, and I've talked to other people who run events, swing scene and stuff that I feel like I. By and large that within the swing scene that the female drives the energy within the room, right? Because there's a lot of guys who are looking to get laid within the swing scene. But then when you go into the kink and BDSM scene, that energy changes where most of the dominance generally are men. Um, and the drive is actually, or the power is put upon them to be the yay or the nay to whoever this thing is gonna happen. Um, which is a very, very. Me looking into when I'm sitting in both, but often I would go to swing parties and this, I just won't even approach people because it's not my style. Like if I, I've come from a kink and BDSM background where if someone's interested enough to step forward and start talking to me, that and self shows, uh, something which is of interest to me, a spark of interest rather than me approaching someone and saying, you know. Do you want to do this crazy fucking thing? Is that why you didn't talk to me for years? I don't. I don't, I don't. I, I like, I, you know, I've run business now for like, not, not king and bd, like I do personal training. I do massage. That's my thing. I talk a lot. Um, but as soon as I go into that kink and BDSM scene, then that changes. Like we're taught. Yeah. I love that. We wouldn't even, we wouldn't even make eye contact, wouldn't even make eye contact if I was the dominant within, um. A space. The only other people I would acknowledge and make contact with would be the other dominance. Mm-hmm. That's so interesting. That's in interesting to me. And massive power exchange. Different, and that's old school stuff now. Like we don't see much of that anymore. Mm-hmm. Well, I felt, um. Very safe. And as I said, all the, the communities and events that you have run and had had the privilege to, to perform and, and meet some beautiful friends and, and just, you know, explore, um, different things within your community, which is amazing. I am. Excited to see what the feedback is from this, uh, podcast. If you guys have any questions, hopeful you don't get canceled. Oh, look, if it goes viral, it goes viral, you know, whatever else. But for me it is really taking off that mask. And for me, again, the Nichole show was not just knowing Nichole, the coach that rocks up. I mean, I'm, I try and be super vulnerable on my socials when I'm having a bad time and things not going right, not just all the, the pretty rainbows and lollipops like. Humans go through, you know, dark times and different things, and I firmly believe you have to find your communities and find the energy exchange that you need for connection to help. Go through this journey and if this is one of the places that you wanna be curious about and play in for me, it's definitely energetics. It's definitely, you know, uh, relationships and, and playing with that and being super honest. So I hope this has opened a dialogue for you guys, um, given a permission slip to be curious about other things that might be in your world that you never knew about. And. Yeah, if anybody didn't like it, that's okay. That's, that's, that's absolutely fine. Yeah. Absolutely. Is there anything else that you wanted to add before we finish wrap? That's the, the, the kink and BDSM scene. Um, and, and the party scene particularly like something like switch essay might not be where they, you find it, but you might find a connection more within the private scene or, or some of the smaller vetted. And so there's plenty of different angles to the same product at the end of the day, but it's all slightly different. Yeah, I mean, Google's your best friend. You can find it everywhere. You can find on your socials, you can find in apps you find in different things if you ask the right questions. But yeah, be curious. And you do only get one life, so make the most out of it. You know, don't, yeah, don't, don't hold yourself back, you know? And, um. Have the best life. Guys, I'm sending you so much unconditional love. If you've listened to the end, thank you so much for holding space and uh, and for those that accept us for what we are, we love you. And for those that maybe didn't like this, that's okay. That's okay. That's okay. I'm not losing any sleep. No. Well, it's been really beautiful to have you on. Thank you. So yeah, and thank you. You're so welcome.