Leadership Lessons from The Strings that Bind Us | S3 Ep7

“Sometimes shiny things tarnish. And sometimes, a box ceases to exist.”

In this week’s episode of Lead It Like Lasso, Nick and Marnie tackle Ted Lasso Season 3, Episode 7 — and it’s all about transformation, trust, and taking risks.

From x-rated string awareness drills to political courage, here’s what we unpack:

✅ The Lasso Way as a system of trust

✅ Nate’s risk: Why asking for connection might be the most courageous leadership move

✅ Total Football & Leadership: What happens when boxes (and roles) disappear

✅ Love bombing vs. generosity: When does a gift stop being a gift?

✅ Sam’s stand and one of the greatest lines in leadership: “Don’t fight back. Fight forward.”

We also answer:

💡 How do givers become better receivers?

💡 Why leaders need to stop admiring the problem and start solving for what the situation actually needs

It’s insightful, it’s hilarious, and it’s one of our favorite episodes so far.

🧡 Listen now, and keep leading it like Lasso.

#TedLasso #LeadershipPodcast #LeadItLikeLasso #TotalFootball #FightForward #LeadershipDevelopment #Trust #TransformationalLeadership

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:12

Hi again, everyone. I'm Nick Caniglio.

SPEAKER_02 0:15

And I'm Marnie Stockman, and this is the Lead It Like Lasso Podcast, a Ted Lasso Rewatch podcast. We are the authors of Lead It Like Lasso, a leadership book for life, your life.

Season 3 Ep7: What Changes

SPEAKER_00 0:26

Yeah, and as you know, this podcast is it's an extension of many of the elements outlined in our book. We invite you to join us as we take a deep dive into each episode and explore the leadership principles as they play out in the series. And for today's episode, we're diving into season three, episode seven, The Strings That Bind Us.

SPEAKER_02 0:47

You know it's Roy's favorite.

SPEAKER_00 0:49

This this is a good one. This is a good one. I I think it's funny. I think there's a lot in this episode. I think the first time I watched it, I wasn't really um feeling a lot of the leadership insights, but as I watched it again, I was like, yeah, there's a lot in this one. So you want to talk real quick about just a recap of the episode?

SPEAKER_02 1:11

Yeah, absolutely. So AFC Richmond all in on total football, which Ted thought he dreamed up originally.

SPEAKER_00 1:18

Yeah, yeah. Nate, he's uh we're starting to see a little um transformation in Nate, and he takes a chance on love with Jade.

SPEAKER_02 1:27

Yeah, there we go. Uh Keely, speaking of love, is getting a bit of love bombing by Jack.

SPEAKER_00 1:34

Yeah. And uh Sam takes a stand, uh political stand, and we find out quickly that he has uh a team that's ready to support him.

SPEAKER_02 1:45

Yes. Oh, gives all the good feels at the end there. Hey friends, before we get back to the episode, can we brag for just a sec?

SPEAKER_00 1:55

Yep, because our next book, The Business of You, is officially out in the world, and we think you're gonna love it.

SPEAKER_02 2:02

It is everything we believe about personal leadership, purpose, and owning your path, wrapped in one part fable, one part field guy, zero corporate buzzwords.

SPEAKER_00 2:11

Yep, and we wrote it for students, including their parents, professionals, pivoters, basically anyone who's ever asked, what am I even doing with my life? Spoiler, more than you think.

SPEAKER_02 2:23

So if you're ready to start treating your life like your most important project, we've got your blueprint.

Trust As The Lasso Way System

SPEAKER_00 2:29

Grab your copy of the business of you wherever books are sold, or head to the businessofyou.ai to learn more. Okay, back to the episode. Did you have a place you wanted to start, or do you want me to go first?

SPEAKER_02 2:41

Well, yeah, why don't you start?

unknown 2:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 2:45

Surprise.

SPEAKER_00 2:47

Surprise. Yeah, so I'm gonna go to near the end, uh, where uh Trent is walking in with uh Ted, and he says, you know, it's gonna work, Ted. It's gonna work, you know. Over the past three years, you've built out this trust and support, and it reaches one inevitable conclusion, I think is what he said. And it's the lasso way. It has it has to work. And I know we've we've talked about trust on some previous episodes, but I think it it's a great episode. I mean, there's trust with strings, there's trust with swapping places, uh, there's a there's a lot of trust out there. Um, but you know, I I guess my question for you is, you know, do you think that trust is really the most important thing in terms of making room for transformation? Because this episode was all about transformation.

SPEAKER_02 3:47

It definitely was. As a matter of fact, one of the first pieces I have written down was change management. Um, I do think trust is key and with the caveat that you have to know yourself first before you can even set yourself up to trust others or to be trusted. But in terms of if it's more than party of one, trust critical element. Uh and what's interesting is this is the string that binds us. And I definitely did not catch this the first time. Uh there were two things I didn't catch the first time. One, the episode starts with Jamie running, training, and he is pulling a bike, and Roy is balanced on the bike. And uh yeah, you know what, you gotta have a lot of trust to do that. Uh and then the other thing that I didn't catch the first time around, I don't think, was Trent using the phrase the lasso way, which we know comes later. Uh so yes, I will say trust. Key. How about you? Were you thinking there was a different answer?

SPEAKER_00 4:54

No, I I absolutely think trust is 100% critical. But it it made me think just the way that Trent phrased that, you know, over the past three years, you know, you've built this culture of trust and support.

SPEAKER_02 5:08

What did he say? Like small, little, almost indistinguishable pieces.

Risk, Change, And Total Football

SPEAKER_00 5:15

He used to he said that in an earlier episode, right? I don't remember if he said it in this particular episode. But you know, I the one thing that came to mind is that the great leaders build systems more than just motivation and belief, because if it's just on motivation and belief alone, they're always gonna end up collapsing under pressure. I think the fact that Trent recognized that, yeah, this has been a system. This lasso way is the system. Is the system it's not it's not gonna easily collapse. And and I think his recognition, it's of course a little bit of foreshadowing, right? But uh into the book name and and everything else and where this is gonna go. But it it really speaks to the fact that you can't just have words, you have to build that support and structure underneath that system as a leader to make sure that when the first bad thing happens, that that whatever you've built just doesn't simply crumble and give up on it.

SPEAKER_02 6:19

So it's interesting you say that because I had not tied these two pieces together at the beginning of my notes, fairly early on, when they're first in the team room, and Ted says, you know, we're we're doing total football, you know, Trent questions it and he says it's all about taking risks, letting go of baggage, throwing all constraints away, et cetera. Um, but we're doing this in the world of change management, because we've certainly talked to an expert in the field, that the why is critically important, but you have to have all of the other elements. And what you just said, you have to have a system in place, and I didn't catch that, that that's what Trent was saying. Because they got initial pushback like, are we really doing this?

SPEAKER_00 7:02

From everybody, yeah, not just Trent, but the team team as well.

SPEAKER_02 7:05

Yeah, yeah. Roy was like, we're gonna practice this, and in a few months we'll be ready. And Ted said, No, we're doing it Saturday. Uh so I think that again, the writer's brilliant, right? That that's that is key. And that the system is what Trent was speaking to. The last away is the system. It's not just the why, it's the system.

SPEAKER_00 7:26

Yep. Excellent. Your turn.

SPEAKER_02 7:29

Well, I was gonna jump to the change management piece, but let's just talk about the three things that he mentioned with total football. It's about taking risks, letting go of baggage, and throwing all constraints away. Um, in terms of leadership, what comes to mind there that doesn't just work in total football, but in running a team or a company or a household?

Nate’s Courage And Asking For Connection

SPEAKER_00 7:56

Well, I I I think all of it, I think it all of it comes to to play. And I I think that again, the show really reinforces that in several like like the first one you just mentioned, taking risks. We see that with the Nate storyline as as well. Um, you know, we see that to some extent with with Sam taking a risk, really portraying and amplifying his voice on an issue that ends up, uh, you know, I think we end up seeing, we talk a lot about what are your non-negotiables in terms of core values. And we found out what some of San's non-negotiables are in terms of core values, and taking that risk um, you know, is really important that that we can learn as as leaders, right? You know, it it requires courage. And um I'm gonna I'm gonna go off the rails a little bit here because I think you have a better answer to your own question. But it made me think because we I related it to Nate's Nate's notion of taking a risk um in asking out Jade. And we go through this wonderful moment with Nate, you know, understanding how his mom and his dad got together, and then, you know, all the the the questioning that he was doing. How do I know when someone likes me as compared to just being nice to me? Yeah, you don't, even Siri knows that. Um, but it it made me think of, you know, one of the most courageous acts of leadership, I think, talking about taking risks is actually asking for a connection with somebody else. And I know early on in my career that that may seem absolutely obvious to everybody listening to it, but that was very hard for me. And I don't, I can't tell you why. I'm sure it has to do something with rejection. Just in general, asking for a connection with somebody else, whether it's for a date or whether you're building the connection, which is so important in a team environment, and uh especially as a leader, um, you know, sometimes you feel like you might be rejected in that regard. And I think we saw that through this whole storyline with Nate. What was he really afraid of? He was afraid that Jade was not going to be into, right? And I think when we when we when we work within our team, I think we're afraid that we're gonna be called an imposter or um, you know, that people aren't going to think that I have uh that I should be telling them how to do their work, or you know, all these things start to pop up in our mind in terms of, oh my gosh, I'm gonna get rejected somehow, some way. And I think taking a risk and being courageous um is is something that you just have to accept. It's table stakes if you're gonna take on any role in leadership. And I think what we've talked about in the past is everyone's a leader. You don't have a choice to not take that risk.

SPEAKER_02 11:15

Yeah, you're not going to grow if you don't take a chance.

SPEAKER_00 11:17

Yeah. And I think the sooner you realize that, um, you'll realize that, okay, yeah, I need to do this. I need to create my connections. I need, you know, I need to take risks on different things. And we talk all the time that failure is should be viewed as feedback. Um and and the the reality of it is the more you practice at it, the more you take risks, the better you become. So that was a long-winded tangent to your question. I don't remember what it was. So enlighten us was something that our listeners really want to hear.

SPEAKER_02 11:52

No, no, that was perfect because it was a you know, we started Total Football and taking risks. It's interesting because I had wanted to talk about Nate uh with his. I don't if for any parents of young children out there, if you give a mouse a cookie, right? If you give a mouse a cookie, he's gonna do this. And by the end, you're sitting in a movie with popcorn or something. I don't remember all of the things. Nate goes down that rabbit hole or mouse hole in this case, right? Well, if I ask and she says no, I'll be rejected, and I can never go to Taste of Athens again. And then when we have a family like it's blah blah blah, that's what piles up in your mind. Um, and it reminded me of when we wrote um the newsletter about having a pre-mortem. And we actually just talked about this last week. To think for yourself, if this is going to go badly, what's the worst case scenario? And what can you do to avoid it? And you know, for Nate, for asking someone out, as both his mother and sister said, you can't know, you just have to take the risk and do you know the same thing when uh Jade isn't isn't right there. What how do I know if she's gonna stand me up? You don't know, you're just gonna show up. Uh but I think the taking risk piece, uh, everything you said, can brilliant uh and critically important.

SPEAKER_00 13:06

Yeah, no doubt.

SPEAKER_02 13:07

What did you have next on your list?

SPEAKER_00 13:11

Um I really liked the scene um when they were they were talking about when they were swapping roles. Oh, yes, right. That was that was adaptability, I think, or that's not the right um there was conditioning, versatility, versatility is is what we're talking about.

SPEAKER_02 13:32

Versatility and awareness, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:33

Yeah, and um and uh Isaac was or Danny was gonna take the corner kick, and Ted's like, nope, nope, nope, you're not taking the corner kick. Remember, you swapped with Isaac, and Isaac's like, uh, I've never taken a corner kick before. Uh and Ted goes into this, hey, you've always been told since you were, you know, 11 years old with your beard and your growl, uh, you know, you've been told you're a center back, you've been put in a box. And he said, Well, today that box seeks ceases to exist. And I think, wow, you know, that that is what a way to say that, you know, and and because we're so often putting either ourselves into a box or having others put us into a box because of past labels, because of stereotypes, because of anything, really. And to take a pause and to take a step back and say, you know what, what if I extend out beyond this box a little bit? You know, how might I change? How might I grow? Um, so I I really, I really like write like that messaging. And I really like the fact that Ted, as a leader, gives his people permission to explore other other strengths. I think that's that's a great lesson for all of us.

SPEAKER_02 14:57

Uh along those same lines, I love that the fans came to the came to the practices. And as he said to Beard, like, it's their team. We just get to borrow it for a little bit. But when um when they switched places as fans and the one guy was suddenly nice and then the other guy cussed, he's like, oh, I don't like that. I I want to be mate, right? Like, okay. He took a chance and then said, nope, that's that is not the authentic version of me. But I thought that was a great scene to sort of highlight that as well.

SPEAKER_00 15:28

Yeah, it reminded me in our book, Lead It Like Glasso, we we talk about the importance of um, you know, when you're in a leadership position, engaging with all the different stakeholders that you can identify. And a lot of people don't think of like the outside world as a stakeholder. And sure, it may be a little different, you know, as a soccer club, but in reality, they're most of our worlds have an outside world on on some tangential basis. And the the fact that Ted recognizes that and has found a way to communicate with them through through basically letting them in to the sausage making of some some extent. Uh I think I think that's another important lesson with with having them come in and and making them feel like they're they're part of the team. Pretty cool.

SPEAKER_02 16:28

And I loved how every single scene, when they went back to practice, there are more people and more people and more people, because that's the flywheel effect. When you get people involved, and the more people involved, they want to connect, and you know, you tell two friends and they'll tell two friends, that type of thing.

Fans As Stakeholders And Flywheel

SPEAKER_00 16:47

Yep. What you got next?

SPEAKER_02 16:50

Uh, what do I have next? First, as an aside, boy, do I love Nate's boxes that he makes. I think that is just delightful.

SPEAKER_00 16:58

Just don't trip as you're walking across the road while a bus is coming.

SPEAKER_02 17:03

Um so Sam's dad.

SPEAKER_00 17:08

Hola.

SPEAKER_02 17:09

Hola. You don't, you know, if if you really want to piss them off, you forgive them. Um you don't do it for them, you do it for yourself. You follow your heart. Anger weakens. Don't fight back, fight forward, which has always been one of our favorite quotes. Um I know that you've talked about that when you had an employee that poached your largest client and left the company, right? And it was about not fighting back, but fighting forward and um kind of what does a situation need, which is exactly what Jamie says, you know, when they go to fix the restaurant. So what did you think? With uh I know you like oh la yourself.

Fight Forward: Sam, Purpose, And Grace

SPEAKER_00 17:53

Yeah, yeah. I uh a a couple of things, right? I I think it's worth restating fighting forward, it's it's not about fighting opponents. And I think again, this episode demonstrates that. It's it's more about fortifying the people who need you. And I I think you know, and taking care of those, because at the end of the day, that's going to work out better for you. And I I clearly in this day and age, that's that's such an important thing um to keep in mind. Uh, and I'm here to say, like we've talked about, we're not going to rehash it again, but you know, as you stated, that when somebody pushed our clients, it it felt life-impacting, uh, like our our livelihoods were in jeopardy um because it was such a significant part of our business. And um, you know, we resisted really the urge to fight the opponents, the people that actually did it and instead took care of our own house after much consternation. And I'm here to tell you it worked out better than I think it ever could have worked out. Um you know, and I I think just you know, some common, some common things to keep in mind, right? Bitterness is reactive, whereas purpose is more proactive. And I think always choosing to move forward um is is a real important thing to keep in the back of your mind.

SPEAKER_02 19:22

Love that. Yeah. Yeah. What else did you have?

SPEAKER_00 19:28

Um so I, you know, there's the whole storyline with with Jack and Keeley. Um and it it made me think about a couple, first of all, there's some foreshadowing with this, right? Sometimes shiny things might, you know, end up having tarnish. I I think I think Rebecca gives us a great reminder when she talks about you know identifying red flags, you know, you you need to really look out for those sometimes. Um but what it what it got me thinking about more than anything is, and I don't know the answer to this question, but um, you know, is generosity always a gift, or sometimes is it used to disguise manipulation? Manipulation and control.

SPEAKER_02 20:22

In this case, I think it was control more than manipulation, but yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:25

Yeah, and um that's probably a pessimistic view of things, but I think you know, we need to be realist as well. And I I think there is there's there's been more than one occasion, I feel like, in my life where you know there's been strings attached, no pun intended, with this episode name here, with generosity and um you know, sometimes you're not always looking out for it, and you got to be careful with that.

SPEAKER_02 20:55

Well, that's interesting because in the string piece of this, the whole point of them attaching the strings is that um if you can feel the string attached, it's not a good thing, right? But if you can get in the flow where there's basically it's not like there's a string attached.

SPEAKER_00 21:15

Yeah, yeah, I I I like that. Yeah, the the other thing I think just to be, and this is much more so you than than me. Um, but I I maybe see it from the other end, which is sometimes uh you are inhibiting others by always giving, right? You know, I I think givers out there um may not realize that they have to open themselves up to allow themselves to receive.

SPEAKER_01 21:48

Yeah.

Generosity, Power, And Hidden Strings

SPEAKER_00 21:49

Um, you know, when when that might be their core value, that you know, they are a giver. Um sometimes it's intimidating to other people to provide for that person. And I think as a giver, those those those of you out there, you you should keep that in mind that sometimes you got to open the door to allow others to give something to you.

SPEAKER_02 22:13

Well, guilty as charged. I can even remember writing a LinkedIn post about like, okay, all of us go givers out there need to be go receivers as well. Um, remember Nigel when so um somebody that had did us a huge favor when we first started our software company, um, had a much larger audience than we did by massive scales, and took the time to write the foreword of the book that we had done for the IT space, and then sent all kinds of swag and all these things. And I thought, ah, I felt very behind. Like I can't, I can't out nice them. I don't know what to do. Um, so you're right, it is, and that takes some humility, um, which I don't know that people would necessarily think that, but yeah, you need to be on the receiving end. Uh a gracious receiver, in addition to a gracious giver.

SPEAKER_00 23:09

And it's it's as much for other people as it is for yourself.

SPEAKER_02 23:13

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's uh remember we had Rocky on our other podcast a bit ago, and he said that lesson of like, I know you can carry in all those water bottles, but my mother has taught me that like you don't let a lady carry in all those heavy water bottles, so you're gonna let me take these. Yes, sir.

SPEAKER_01 23:30

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 23:33

Um uh I want to jump back to Nate and Jade for just a second.

SPEAKER_00 23:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:38

When Nate almost chickens out and he goes into the restroom, what did you think he was gonna do? And I thought, oh, gross. Does he spit to get up the nerve to ask her out on a date? And he doesn't. And that I think is the sign to us that the Nate is coming around and he goes home and he makes a box.

SPEAKER_00 24:02

I I wrote that down as well. I was I was I was waiting for it, waiting for the the disgusting spit, and it didn't happen. I was I gotta admit, I smiled. I've gotta admit, I'm gonna risk losing viewers right now, but I I relate to Nate in some way or form, and I I I root for him to to find his way.

SPEAKER_02 24:24

Well, it's nice because now we know we saw a pivot.

SPEAKER_00 24:26

So yeah, yeah, absolutely. Did you uh did we go through your list? Did you have anything else?

SPEAKER_02 24:35

Uh the only other thing, let me see. Um oh well, first, just as a funny aside, when um Ted is doing the uh his whole thing about how he came up with the mustache and the blue-collar comedy tour and sharp dress men, and he had several puns, and Roy said, and Roy noted the puns. He's like, Oh, I hate it when you make me do that.

SPEAKER_00 25:01

Can't believe I just said that.

SPEAKER_02 25:04

This is his sign that um that that Trent's right, right? The Lass Away is working. Uh, I also thought it was interesting that sacrifice is not number four. Ted doesn't know what it is.

SPEAKER_00 25:17

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 25:18

But he's like, nope, that's not it. Moves on.

SPEAKER_00 25:21

He knows what it's not.

SPEAKER_02 25:22

He knows what it's not. Uh love that when Jamie said, can I say something? and he looks around and uh they all flip them off and in like, all right, we love you for who you are, Jamie. Don't play to me, play through me. I think is brilliant. We in business talk about the bottlenecks always at the top of the bottle, uh, right? So that when you force everything in kind of a controlling way, I guess that's a bit of what he was saying. If if we're forcing everything to go to him, then he can't open it up for others. But to play through him is a whole different world. I think that is a brilliant thought for how to bring total football into business.

SPEAKER_00 26:07

That's awesome. That's brilliant. Love that.

SPEAKER_02 26:09

And the last thing that I had was when Sam asked, Why did you all come to fix the restaurant? And Jamie gives a total football line that Ted had used, is that we stopped and thought, what does this situation need? And it needs us. And many times I've sat in a meeting and said, okay, we have admired that problem enough. And now it's time to figure out what the situation needs to solve the problem. And so I love that.

SPEAKER_00 26:44

Yeah, I I think that's a perfect, perfect way to end this. So as you know, that is our whistle whistle. The game's over, but uh leadership lessons keep playing.

SPEAKER_02 26:56

And you can find us here, there, and everywhere uh at leaditlike lasso.com or we are at lead it like lasso on all the socials. We would love for you to like, comment, subscribe, share all the things that the algorithms love. And so do we.

unknown 27:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:12

So until next time, stay curious, stay kind, and keep leading it like lasso.