What Happens When You Realize You Need to Change? | Tara, Part 1

What happens when you finally realize that healing requires more than surviving?

In part one of Tara’s journey on Monomyth Diaries, she opens up about growing up in a fractured family, navigating bullying, heartbreak, betrayal, and the painful relationship patterns that shaped her early life. Through broken trust and difficult experiences, Tara slowly began confronting a hard truth: sometimes the person who needs to change is ourselves.

From the wisdom and influence of her grandmother to the moments that forced her to look inward, Tara shares how accountability, self-awareness, and intentional growth became the beginning of transformation.

What makes someone finally stop repeating painful patterns? And how do heartbreak, self-reflection, and personal responsibility become the catalyst for healing?

If you’ve ever struggled with relationship pain, self-worth, resentment, or the feeling that life keeps repeating the same lessons, Tara’s story offers an honest and hopeful look at what can happen when we begin choosing growth instead of survival.

About Tara

Tara Bell is a wife, entrepreneur, owner of Hair by Tara, and co-owner of The Picnic Poet. She and her husband Keeley previously owned HTL Training Facility and continue supporting one another’s purpose and calling. Tara is currently writing her first book, Holy Hood and Healing.

🔗 Links & Resources

If you want to know more:

How to Make Shit Happen by Sean Whalen

Love and Respect by Dr Emerson Eggerichs

HTL Athletics

Picnic Poet

Your World Within Podcast with Eddie Pinero 

75 Hard

📢 Call to Action

✅ Which of Tara’s tools for growth could you begin applying today? Let us know through monomythdiaries.com.

✅ Share this episode with someone who is walking their own healing journey.

Transcript

Chapter 1: Intro

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Hi everyone and welcome to the Monomyth Diaries, a podcast where ordinary people get to share their hero's journey. I'm Andy and I'll be your host. We'll

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discover powerful insights, critical moments of growth, and much more. Thanks for joining us. We all have a monoth to share and someone out there needs to

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hear it. Welcome to the Monomoth Diaries, a take what you like and leave the rest podcast where real people share inspiring stories of transformation. No advice, no experts, just connection,

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growth, and hope. Today's featured hero is Terra Bell. She invites us into her ongoing journey of transformation and opens up about the trials, tribulations,

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and inner battles that defined her life before change found her. She'll also share about the breaking point that forced her to look inward, take

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accountability, and begin living life with intentionality. Let's welcome Tara to the show.

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Tara, welcome to the Monom Diaries. A thank you for having me. You excited? I'm so excited.

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I am glad you're excited. Before you and I begin, I just want to let the audience know if you are subscribed to YouTube

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today, we don't have any visual to accompany our audio because I recently had a surgery and I am not allowed to go up and down the stairs and Tara was

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gracious enough to come and record in my dining room today.

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I would have offered to carry you, but you know,

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you probably could have after all that working out you do. So, thank you again,

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Tara, for being willing to come and still do this with us.

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Absolutely. Not having the camera on is a little less stressful. I'm not going to lie.

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This might have just worked out in my favor.

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It probably did. Angie and I recently recorded the very first audio only episode and it was so much easier to edit.

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See?

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And it was definitely low stress. So, I don't know. Maybe in the future we might do more audio only. Who knows? We'll see.

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We are going to do some Monomus story starters. It's just a series of quick questions to get you comfortable. Okay.

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And to let the audience get to know you a little bit, what is your favorite hobby?

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I love to walk at Mary Joe Peekham Park on a regular basis and any time of day,

Chapter 2: Monomyth Story Starters

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any weather, any anything to clear my mind.

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Okay. I do remember you saying once that you go over to Mary Joe Peekham Park, my favorite place and pray too. What's your favorite childhood memory?

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My grandmother used to drive a school bus and she parked the school bus in front of her house and we've lived in

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the house across the street and so the neighborhood kids and I would play school and pretend like we were taking

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them to school on the school bus. But we had a blast. It was a lot of fun. It was a cool thing that your grandma was the school bus driver. So it got me some street cred.

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And the school bus was parked at your house.

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Yes. So that school, that particular school in HISD, they had a bus service that they paid to be able to transport

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the kids. When I was a little kid, I lived in a very small town. I mean, I graduated with probably about a hundred students and the school bus driver lived

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around the corner from us and every school bus driver parked their bus in their driveway. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.

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But there weren't a lot of us. So, I mean, there was probably only 10 buses running. I could literally see her school bus from my bathroom window.

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What's one goal you're working on right now?

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Supporting my husband in building his business. So, I'm kind of offering some support behind him in that. So, it's kind of exciting. I'll let him tell all

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of it. But Oh, yeah. We're going to talk about Key a little bit, your husband on the show, and he definitely has a story to tell, too. And if I can pin him down,

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he's going to come on the show.

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I just may just write something on the calendar for him and tell him, "Hey,

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guess what? You got to be at this address."

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Oh, that would be amazing. I just told my husband, I said, I'm just going to send him a time.

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Do it. Do it. What's your favorite indulgence?

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I'd have to go with chocolate all day long.

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What's your favorite way to spend a Saturday?

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The best way to start it is to go to Mary Joe Peekle Park, get my walk over with. Key and I love First Watch. We also love Harvest Kitchen. So, sometimes

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we'll flip a coin on which one we're going to. And then we love yard work. I know that sounds ridiculous, but we'll go home, he'll mow the yard, and I'll

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start pulling weeds and it's relaxing for us. But we live on a lake, so it's really peaceful out in our backyard. If you ever need some extra yard work to

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get a little a little more relaxed, feel free. It's my least favorite thing to do. Oh my gosh. What's your favorite movie?

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I love The Notebook. Um Harry and the Hendersons. Oh, okay. Was a big one when I was a kid, though.

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I let out some emotions during that movie, man. Really?

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Oh, big time. I I still to this day, if you were to play it, I would absolutely ball cry. I have no idea why, but it just sets some type of

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release on me and it just lets it all out. Yeah, I know that's a weird one.

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Wouldn't have expected that. If you had one wish, what would it be?

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Honestly, that all the people in this world that don't feel loved could be just engulfed by it.

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Very altruistic of you. Last question. Yes. What is your favorite way to relax?

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put on a big cozy robe and my slippers and lay on my couch with my Frenchie and my two pit bulls and my husband over in

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the recliner and binge watch our show on Netflix, whatever it is at the moment. It's very rare that we get to do that. So, I know you all are super busy. Yeah,

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you all are very super busy. And most time when I sit on the couch,

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I'm like, is there something I'm supposed to be doing right now?

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Isn't that crazy hardily? Then I feel guilty and then I'm like wasted all this time. Exactly.

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I could have been accomplishing something. reality. That's so important, too. Mhm.

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And especially when you're doing it with your husband is definitely a nice intimate Yes. thing to do. Absolutely.

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And catching us both at the same time is hard. Yeah.

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Yeah. We'll talk about why you two are so busy later. All right.

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Let's tell our audience how we know each other.

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Through our husbands. They became little buddies at work.

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All right. So, yeah, our husbands work together.

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Yes. and their company was bought by another company back in the summertime.

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the wives included with the husbands were invited to this big I don't know get to know each other sort

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of function and uh yeah so we were there and we met y and I caught your husband and said my husband said you need to be

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on my podcast and so we talked for a while and I definitely felt like he would be a good guest and then he said I really

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need you to meet my wife and that was it knew you were going to be on the show and you absolutely said

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yes with no hesitation. So, I appreciate that. And no problem.

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All right. Well, we're going to tell your monoth today in two parts. We're going to start part one and we're going to rewind the clock all the way back to your childhood. Okay.

Chapter 3: Formative years through high school

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And talk about what your home life was like. Describe your home environment for us.

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I was born July 5th, 1980 on the north side of Houston. Uh back when my grandparents built that home. Um it was

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the suburbs of Houston. It was a small little suburb. My grandparents were married for almost 60 years.

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Is this your maternal or paternal?

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Paternal. The people that owned the house across the street from my grandparents. They were friends with my grandparents and but they had no

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children, no real other family or any of that. So, they gifted my grandparents everything that they own when they passed. Wow.

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Yeah. My grandmother was the most helpful, loving shirt off your back, you know, just genuine, generous woman. And so, she earned that friendship for sure.

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My parents when they got married they moved into that house and so that's where I grew up across the street from my my grandparents. My grandmother drove the bus and so there was a big yellow school bus between our houses every day.

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She did ceramics. So she had a big building in the back of her yard that had a whole bunch of kills like machines

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to be able to do ceramic work and so all the molds and all the stuff. And so it was really cool. So we would sit at her dining room table and paint ceramics. So

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my artistic side, my creative side definitely kind of came from her. She was always working on some kind of craft. She moved into the whole booth

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rental spaces. So she would rent booths and do craft weekends and I would go with her. And it was crazy because a lot of them were elderly women that were

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doing like their crochet or their ceramics or their different things. And so I would get to know the other grandkids at all these craft shows.

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Your grandmother sounds like she had a giant influence on you when you when you were younger. Big time. And how about your mom and your dad?

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What what was that like? My mom worked a lot. She worked two jobs for a while. My dad was laid off in the 80s. I think my grandparents opened a barber shop for

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him. And so he had a barber shop right across the street from my elementary school. And so my grandmother would swing by on the bus, pick us all up, and

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then that would be the first stop as she would drop me off at the barber shop and I would help sweep floors, things like that, chew all of his bubble gum. But I

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didn't realize at the time how tough they had, you know, cuz I spent so much time at my grandmother's house. So, I didn't really grasp the whole concept of

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their marriage ending necessarily until it was already in the works.

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Let's talk about that because it sound like you had a very happy childhood. Oh, big time. Yeah.

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Up until the age of 10 and then your parents divorced and then my happy bubble was popped. There's two sides of every story.

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There's, you know, and then there's your version that you live through and that's the one you can tell. So, I don't know exactly what the straw that broke the

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camel's back or any of that. Did you have any idea that they didn't get along?

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I mean, yes and no. Not you. You You saw your parents fight or whatever, but it was like I would just go to my room or I would just, you know what I mean? Kind

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of hide from it. I had a little brother that was seven years younger than me. I just kind of chocked it up to being stress of baby and stress of job and

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stress of, you know, all the things. And so, I kind of tuned it out. But I realized later in life when I did some shadow work that that's exactly how I handled toxicity in my life or that's

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how I handled when things were kind of shaky was I would like tune out and almost ignore it. Kind of just become oblivious to it even though your subconscious knows but it's like you're

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not allowing that truth in. So it's like you're blocking it.

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Yeah. I understand. I always called it being an ostrich. I just stick my head in the sand. It's not happening if I don't if I don't acknowledge it. Yeah.

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I don't have to deal with So now whether whether or not subconsciously I knew exactly what was going on, I don't know.

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As a kid, it did surprise me in the sense that the way that it all went down. So my mom literally packed us up in her car and took off to our grandmother's house in Cleveland, Texas.

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So she lived in Cleveland. So that's my mom's mom.

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Approximately how far is that from distance wise from where you were currently living?

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Uh so I was in North Houston. So maybe hour and 45 minutes, hour and 30 minutes, maybe something. But their road

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felt it was like 11 miles just from the main highway down to her house on the road she lived on. So very country.

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Like it was very country. Very very country. So I just remember it being dark and I remember being in the backseat of the car and I just remember

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my mom I I could absolutely feel her pain, but I didn't really exactly know

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what was going on. We got to my grandma's house and literally that was it. like she filed for divorce and she went back with a truck and unloaded the

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house like a day or two later and that was when my mom kind of told us that,

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you know, me and your dad are getting divorced. And so we lived with my mom's mom and and dad and stepdad for a while.

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They were awesome, but that girl there was meant to be like a little bit of a scare tactic for me. My mom spring breaks, summers, things like that, she

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would if I was in trouble, she would send me to that grandma's house for a week and call it grandma camp. that you would get there. And even though it's a

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punishment cuz your mom's frustrated with you, she doesn't know what to do with you. So, she's she's frustrated.

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She's going to send you to grandma's and grandma's going to whip you into shape. My grandma was a very tough lady. Very,

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very tough lady. And my mom would send me in dresses and she would send me with patent leather shoes and all these girly clothes. My grandmother would immediately push that bag to the side,

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break out all of my boy cousins clothes,

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and that's what I would wear. And I would spend the week cleaning her house.

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But, and when I say cleaning, she had white grout and pink tile all the way around her big massive bathroom. And I had to clean all of that grout with a toothbrush.

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So, yes, antiques galore. And she would make you sit there with a rag and toothbrush and just scrub every single one of those antiques. But the whole

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time she's sitting there talking to you and she's sharing wisdom and she's getting everything that's on your mind

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out. And so, she's actually getting to know you as a person. And then she's investing in you by dropping these nuggets of knowledge on me. And so by

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the time I would leave, what felt like a punishment felt like a great adventure,

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even though I worked my honey off, but I left there feeling so loved and so seen. Oh,

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it was a pretty cool thing. So when we moved in with them, I wasn't necessarily unhappy about that. What I was unhappy about was not having access to the other

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side of the family for a little while while the adults kind of worked out the the details of what that new arrangement was going to look like. Now being a mother on the other other side of

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divorce, I completely understand where my mom was at in all of that. But at that moment, I didn't.

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So despite the divorce, you had a lot of love from grandparents. For sure. Especially when things are in turmoil. Absolutely.

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We've got good role models in that department. For sure. How long did you live in Cleveland?

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We moved at the beginning of sixth grade to Richmond. So my mom at that time was getting tired of driving so far for work. So, she rented a house in a neighborhood called Terara Plantation,

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which was so funny because hello.

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So, we move into this neighborhood. It's great. It was a cute little house. You know, I was proud of my mom for doing it on her own. By then, she had dated a

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couple of guys. And then my great aunt Carolyn, she wanted my mom to go on a date with my stepdad, Mike. And he had

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just recently lost his wife to cervical cancer. And so, he was sad and he was grieving. And my mom was sad and grieving. And so she just thought,

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"Let's just put two sad and grieving people together. What a great idea." You know,

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but my mom prayed for somebody who was exactly like her, somebody that she could relate to, somebody that would do life with her and have the same ambitions. And they're so much alike.

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They were born in the same hospital. They got the same blood type, red hair, feisty. I mean, all this random stuff.

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They look like they could be brother and sister almost. So, it's really funny because as much as they argue and bicker and they're a mirror for each other wholeheartedly,

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God provided.

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Love that. Sometimes you got to be careful what you ask for.

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All right. I have a couple of questions going backwards for a moment. Yes.

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You had mentioned to me one time that you had some troubles in school. Yes.

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When you first moved when your parents divorced. Yes.

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Let's talk about that because I think it plays a significant role in life for you. Yeah. So on the north side of Houston,

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it was very uh there were lots of demographics. There were Hispanics, there were blacks, there were whites,

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there were there were just a mix of everything on that side of town. When I moved to Cleveland, it was predominantly white people,

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okay?

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And very country people. And so I was the new city girl. And so instantly I was kind of like pegged as this, you

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know, outsider weirdo, right? But there was a boy that he showed kindness to me.

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He was nice to me. I didn't pay much attention to him. He was just a guy in my class that was nice to be cool. But there was this group of girls and one of

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them in particular was kind of the ring leader. Well, I didn't know that she had a crush on that boy. So, because she saw him show kindness to me, it immediately

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made me the enemy. It started little just comments in class and things like that.

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Antagonizing antagonizing. But at that time,

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I think I had a lot of anger and a lot of hurt inside of me, but I was still sad. I hadn't reached the the mad yet part of grieving.

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And so I think she helped bring me to that next step. Okay. It's crazy how people help you.

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I didn't mean to.

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So she helped me to pull out some other emotions out of myself through my interactions with her. And so now on the

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other side of that, my perspective of it now is I'm grateful for it. Um they her and her a couple of her friends pin me down in between the seats on the bus and

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beat the ever living out of me. I got off the bus. My my grandmother immediately sees me and like what happened to you? And I was like I this

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girl attacked me on the bus. And so my grandfather whenever he got in, he took me out in the barn and he was like,

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"We're going to learn to fight." And I just remember thinking to myself, "I can't fight her. I can't fight three girls." But he was like, "But you can't go around being afraid of them either."

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And so he took me out there and he wanted me to haul off and hit it as hard as I possibly could. And that was his first lesson for me that I had no idea I was about to learn. And so I reared back

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and I hit it as hard as I could. And I just remember thinking to myself, I just broke my hand, my wrist. I mean, just everything in my hand just felt like, oh

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my gosh, pain. And so that's what he was trying to teach me is that if you're going to hit somebody, it's going to hurt you just as much as it's going to hurt them. What a great lesson.

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Then he proceeded to show me how to actually punch and how to use your body weight and how to situate your your fist better, things like that. He's ultimately teaching you to defend

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yourself. You're not afraid to defend yourself, not to go pick fights,

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not to go pick fights. But he wants to let me know that when you do throw that first punch, like it's not going to feel good. It's not going to be a fun experience. This is going to be a

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terrible experience from the from the beginning to the end, no matter what the outcome is. Yeah.

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He also didn't want me to constantly run and be afraid either because that wasn't going to solve my problem.

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And then you ha you have another encounter with a sort of similar situation. So then we moved to Richmond.

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We get there and a boy had decided that he wanted me to be his girlfriend. We were not of the same race. I turned him

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down because I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16. Well, he decided that it was racism was the reason that I would not be his girlfriend. And so he and

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another group of people decided that uh the new white girl at Jackson Middle School is now a racist.

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And so then the torment kind of started with all of that. And I mean from cutting up my trampoline to putting dog poop on our front porch to I mean just you know dumb stuff.

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I remember you saying that they terrorized you. Yeah. Yeah. It was horrible. Yeah. That's awful. And I'm not racist by any means.

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Yeah. I know you're not.

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Yeah. So I I also remember you specifically saying because of all of these experiences with bullying and all of your moves, the divorce of your parents,

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you experienced a lot of instability that you take with you moving forward. I think we need make sure we need to point that out cuz that ties into what happens to you as you age a little bit.

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That definitely has played a part in in a lot of different things. Even now, Key and I have only lived in this house less than 2 years and we're already like,

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"Okay, are you ready to move houses now?" Like, I think both of us had so much instability young. The both of us are like, "We've been here too long. This is weird."

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Yeah. The comfortable gets weird. Comfortable gets weird. I understand that. Yeah.

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I've made a lot of geographical solutions. I get it. Okay. So, you know,

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I I totally do. Yeah. And I think a lot of the people who have followed along hear that a lot from guests that they do attempt to solve their problems through

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moving or they experience a lot of trauma because of all the moving from their parents. I think that's very common. All right. And so you have now

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experienced this bullying and you're going to move again and you mentioned your stepdad. So let's talk a little bit about how that happens. you know, my attitude probably

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wasn't the best, but I knew he was very um stable and grounded and he is very he

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sees things a lot like I do. And Kelly gets frustrated with it sometimes because he'll tell me he'll say, you know, you're so black and white. And I definitely got my black and white from

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my stepdad for sure. Like there is right and there is wrong and there's not in between. In between is wrong because if you're not doing the right thing,

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you're doing the wrong thing.

19:43

19 minutes, 43 seconds

You're doing the wrong thing. He also like financially he's he's you know he's good with investing and working at the

19:50

19 minutes, 50 seconds

same place for a lot of years and that discipline and that work ethic. He taught me a lot.

19:55

19 minutes, 55 seconds

So he finally brings some stability for sure to you for sure. So I think at that time I think my mom had kind of decided like we

20:02

20 minutes, 2 seconds

got to get out of here. She was working at an insurance agency in Katie.

20:06

20 minutes, 6 seconds

I think it's interesting for people who aren't from the Houston area. Richmond is a suburb of the Houston area as is Katie

20:15

20 minutes, 15 seconds

and Katie is known for good school districts, Friday night lights.

20:21

20 minutes, 21 seconds

Yes, that is what we were known for. You are the second guest who mentions she was in a bad situation so they moved to Katie. Yes.

20:28

20 minutes, 28 seconds

But I remember you saying your stepdad made a decision that he had to get you guys out of and he was willing to sacrifice too cuz he was working and living in Deer Park.

20:37

20 minutes, 37 seconds

So for 20s something years, he drove from Katy, Texas to Deer Park every day for work. What an amazing human. Yeah,

20:45

20 minutes, 45 seconds

that's a that's a sacrifice. Deer Park is over an hour's drive without traffic. Yes. At a minimum.

20:52

20 minutes, 52 seconds

And he would leave at like ridiculous times a day.

20:54

20 minutes, 54 seconds

Goodness. Well, what's your stepdad's name? Mike. Big shout out to Mike. Absolutely. Amazing human there. Yes.

21:01

21 minutes, 1 second

What a blessing that you had him. And let's talk then about your biological dad. What's your relationship with him like at that point in your life?

21:08

21 minutes, 8 seconds

We were really tight when I was little.

21:11

21 minutes, 11 seconds

After they got divorced, I felt a little bit like his caretaker almost every time I went to his house for the weekends,

21:17

21 minutes, 17 seconds

things like that. Then he started dating a woman and got married. Her name was Joan. She had three boys. And so then I worried less about him at that time because I felt like, okay, now he's got,

21:28

21 minutes, 28 seconds

you know, plenty to do. He and Joan moved to the land that my parents had actually bought together, which was in Montgomery, Texas, kind of by Lake

21:35

21 minutes, 35 seconds

Conroe. The three boys, they were pretty cool. Like, I mean, I enjoyed having all these brotherly little brothers. It was kind of neat. I think things started

21:43

21 minutes, 43 seconds

shifting in their marriage, but obviously being a kid, I didn't know the details of what was going on. I could just feel the energy shift when I would

21:51

21 minutes, 51 seconds

get there. So, I think that was kind of the beginning of the end for the two of them. My dad just kind of had a chip on his shoulder. They would bicker with

21:59

21 minutes, 59 seconds

each other and when my brother and I would get there, they would kick the boys out of the house and they would go help him with the yard and I would stay inside with Joan and help clean the

22:07

22 minutes, 7 seconds

trailer. Well, it would make me a little resentful because I came here to hang out with my dad who's out there and I'm

22:14

22 minutes, 14 seconds

stuck in here cleaning pee off of a toilet that I didn't use all week long.

22:18

22 minutes, 18 seconds

So, I started getting a little resentful. It started affecting my relationship with her a little bit because before she would take me shopping and take me to get my nails done. like she was working on that

22:27

22 minutes, 27 seconds

relationship with me as a daughter and then now all of a sudden it's weird. It didn't surprise me when they decided to

22:34

22 minutes, 34 seconds

divorce and then I went back into that caring for him and worrying about him.

22:39

22 minutes, 39 seconds

He was very very sad. Then I remember I introduced him to my current stepmom. How old were you at this point?

22:47

22 minutes, 47 seconds

Well, I was grown. I was in my 20s at that time. Yeah. And then they got married. Then some weird things started kind of happening. It it drifted my

22:55

22 minutes, 55 seconds

relationship with him quite a bit. And I think she kind of went through some things during her menopause years. Now that I'm in those years, I more so understand them.

23:04

23 minutes, 4 seconds

It's funny how that works out.

23:06

23 minutes, 6 seconds

But back then, I was hormonal from having babies and she was hormonal from menopause and we were not friends. We drifted apart. We haven't talked. I

23:13

23 minutes, 13 seconds

think the last time that we had talked was, oh my gosh, almost 7 years ago now.

23:17

23 minutes, 17 seconds

I had been avoiding a lot of the family gettogethers on that side of the family just to not have to see my dad and to

23:25

23 minutes, 25 seconds

not have to, you know, deal with some of those emotions.

23:27

23 minutes, 27 seconds

Right. And we are definitely going to talk about that giant chunk of your life, but I think we're going to focus on that in part two. Yes.

23:34

23 minutes, 34 seconds

So, a little foreshadowing there. A little foreshadowing there.

23:38

23 minutes, 38 seconds

But we want to actually circle back around. Yep. We had just left off with you had been bullied

23:45

23 minutes, 45 seconds

and moved again to the Katy area and you enter into a new school district,

23:50

23 minutes, 50 seconds

West Memorial Junior High. So, I moved here in sixth grade. I get here and it is a whole new landscape. The kids are

24:00

24 minutes

wealthy and there's a lot of popularity and um

24:09

24 minutes, 9 seconds

if you didn't have the right clothes or drive the right car, it just was a different world coming to Katie for sure. Whole different world. But Katie overall is a good move.

24:20

24 minutes, 20 seconds

It is. So, I'm glad I wasn't born and raised here necessarily because it's definitely given me um a little bit

24:27

24 minutes, 27 seconds

wider perspective and appreciation. Appreciation for sure. You want to talk about Key now? Sure. He's my favorite.

24:36

24 minutes, 36 seconds

All right. So, this is the first time he pops up in your story. Yes. You meet him in high school. Met him in high school. Yes. Let's just give a little footnote here.

24:43

24 minutes, 43 seconds

So, we've mentioned that Key is your husband.

24:45

24 minutes, 45 seconds

Yes. And Key is gonna pop up in your story randomly a lot of times before he becomes your husband.

24:53

24 minutes, 53 seconds

That whole th God thumping you. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's what that was.

24:56

24 minutes, 56 seconds

We're going to put that out there. We're going to put that out there. Okay. So, you're in high school. Yes.

25:01

25 minutes, 1 second

I got to high school. I went to Taylor High School because I was at West Memorial, but they reszoned my neighborhood. And so, they reszoned me

25:08

25 minutes, 8 seconds

to have to go to Taylor High School. And so, everybody I went to junior high with, 90% of my class went to Katie. So,

25:14

25 minutes, 14 seconds

I remember being disappointed at first going to Taylor, but I was like, "Well,

25:18

25 minutes, 18 seconds

make the most of it." I was a freshman and my mom had bought me a Doney and Burke purse, but it was not real. Well,

25:25

25 minutes, 25 seconds

so I'm in health class and my duck pops off of my purse. And I remember this very popular cheerleader tapping me on

25:33

25 minutes, 33 seconds

my shoulder and handing me my duck and telling me that my duck fell off. And I just remember I had no idea what that

25:41

25 minutes, 41 seconds

really meant, that it was a fake purse and that now everybody in the class knows it. I just remember thinking to myself, "Okay, well, I'll glue it back on when I get home."

25:51

25 minutes, 51 seconds

But she knew.

25:52

25 minutes, 52 seconds

But she knew. She knew. So, I had a couple of things at Taylor High School that were a little traumatic that was traumatic. Everybody started laughing.

25:58

25 minutes, 58 seconds

The second traumatic thing that happened to me at Taylor High School is I walked up the stairs after I had tucked my skirt into my underwear.

26:06

26 minutes, 6 seconds

Oh no. in front of the entire lunchroom. Oh no. Yeah.

26:10

26 minutes, 10 seconds

At least there weren't cameras back then.

26:12

26 minutes, 12 seconds

Yes. Thank goodness. Thank goodness. Or everybody didn't have phones and all that stuff. Yeah. That would have been super traumatic. Nobody was mean to me about it. They were more funny about it,

26:21

26 minutes, 21 seconds

thankfully. But I used humor to kind of overcome some of my trauma, too. After that happened, I put in for a transfer

26:30

26 minutes, 30 seconds

to Katie High School. I wanted to go to Katie High School after that. Run from my problems, right? just change our environment and everything's better.

26:38

26 minutes, 38 seconds

Geographical solutions. Yes. Oh, yeah.

26:42

26 minutes, 42 seconds

So, you only attend Katy High School for your senior year,

26:45

26 minutes, 45 seconds

but I was but I was able to use bullying as my reason for my transfer.

26:50

26 minutes, 50 seconds

So, all those years of all those bullies, I ended up being able to use that as a freedom. Wow.

26:58

26 minutes, 58 seconds

You can see God's hand in all of it. I can see God's hand in all that.

27:01

27 minutes, 1 second

That reminds me. Can we back up for just a second? I told you earlier I I had two questions I wanted to ask you. You had mentioned that your mom had prayed for

27:10

27 minutes, 10 seconds

somebody just like her. So, where does faith play in all of your upbringing?

27:15

27 minutes, 15 seconds

I was first baptized Baptist at a little church that a friend of mine went to. Um, I've been baptized three times now.

27:22

27 minutes, 22 seconds

We just want to get it good. I'm just kidding.

27:25

27 minutes, 25 seconds

That's all right. I'm just curious because you mentioned that she was praying. Did you guys pray together? Is that something that was discussed as a little kid?

27:31

27 minutes, 31 seconds

Not a ton. God has always been mentioned, but we didn't go to church. All right.

27:37

27 minutes, 37 seconds

So, my grandmother went every once in a while to she so she was a member of something called Eastern Star. She poured a lot of her faith into that

27:44

27 minutes, 44 seconds

direction. So, they all prayed, they read scripture, they did a lot of stuff and all of that. I would go with her to those things, but a lot of times kids weren't allowed in the room, so I would sit outside.

27:53

27 minutes, 53 seconds

Um, so no, I wasn't introduced to it a ton. Everybody talked about him, so I knew he was there. I knew he was real. I knew he was

28:01

28 minutes, 1 second

something, but I didn't know exactly what he was. It wasn't until high school even that friends of mine were going to church camps and friends of mine were

28:09

28 minutes, 9 seconds

going to youth groups and doing things like that. And I just remember thinking that like it was a club that I wasn't a member of.

28:16

28 minutes, 16 seconds

I went a couple of times with a friend of mine and I really loved it and that was when I decided to get baptized with her with her church. That was pretty

28:23

28 minutes, 23 seconds

cool, but it was kind of a drive and I couldn't get my mom to really want to go so I only went when that friend would offer to take me. I remember my mom

28:32

28 minutes, 32 seconds

would always talk about God, but more so in a pleading way almost like when she would pray or when she would say things,

28:39

28 minutes, 39 seconds

it was always like begging for something. Now, the way that my prayers go aren't like that so much. And so,

28:44

28 minutes, 44 seconds

I've developed a completely different relationship with God on my own that has nothing to do with the way that he was introduced to me.

28:52

28 minutes, 52 seconds

Okay. But it develops later on. So, you have some mustard seeds planted, but as a little kid, you don't have a foundation.

28:57

28 minutes, 57 seconds

I wasn't there for a foundation. No, it really kind of more so showed up after divorce. That was when God was like, I'm here. You're going to need me.

29:05

29 minutes, 5 seconds

Oh, I can't wait to talk about that part.

29:08

29 minutes, 8 seconds

So, okay. So, you end up as a senior at K High School. Yes. That was a good move.

29:13

29 minutes, 13 seconds

That was like a That was like a mountain I climbed, man. Like, I made it. I think I had romanticized it into such a greater situation that when I got there,

29:23

29 minutes, 23 seconds

I was feeling disheartened like this is not what I expected this to be. This is this is not what I wanted. I love that you used the word romanticized. Yeah,

29:30

29 minutes, 30 seconds

that geographical solution didn't solve your problem. It did not. Okay.

29:34

29 minutes, 34 seconds

It did not. And so at that point, I kind of had, okay, this is going to be what I'm going to make of it, though. So, if I sit here and I think this is just going to be a disaster, then I'm going

29:42

29 minutes, 42 seconds

to convince myself of that. So, I met a boy and I thought he was cute. He had one dimple and he had curly hair. He was short and stocky. Was really, really,

29:51

29 minutes, 51 seconds

really sweet. And so, he he and I flirted a little in the hallway and in passing and things like that. But he was friends with my ex-boyfriend,

30:00

30 minutes

so it put me on the do not date list. Okay. So, nothing happened then.

30:06

30 minutes, 6 seconds

But this is the first time you meet Keely. This is the first time I meet Keely. And y'all were 17. All right. So, you only meet Keely in passing. Yeah.

30:14

30 minutes, 14 seconds

You sort of become friends. Yeah. Your lives go in separate directions. Yes. He's going to come back later. Little foreshadowing again.

30:21

30 minutes, 21 seconds

So, um my first marriage, his name was Kevin. Um, we got married. I was 19 years old and I pretty much got married

Chapter 4: First Marriage

30:29

30 minutes, 29 seconds

just to get out of my parents house. I liked him a lot. He was a really good guy, but we were more friends than romantic partners. And I really loved

30:38

30 minutes, 38 seconds

his family and his family was really good to good to me. His mom was really good to me. But remember I told you my mom was a super protective mom. I felt

30:46

30 minutes, 46 seconds

like I had to get out in order to create my own independence. Okay. That's why you wanted out. Okay.

30:52

30 minutes, 52 seconds

cuz I was going to say I didn't think your home life was was bad. It wasn't. You just wanted to spread your wings.

30:57

30 minutes, 57 seconds

I wanted to make my own decisions. I wanted to be able to Yeah. But I also and same thing with our kids. Like all three of our our oldest kids are wanting

31:05

31 minutes, 5 seconds

to get married. That to me was like the ultimate goal was to find my person, get married, settle down, have kids, start my career. You know what I mean? Like

31:12

31 minutes, 12 seconds

just the what you're supposed to do kind of thing. I don't have a single ill will toward him at all. Like he was a great guy. It just eventually I woke up and I

31:20

31 minutes, 20 seconds

went, "Wait a minute. that that wasn't a good reason and you were too young.

31:24

31 minutes, 24 seconds

So, we split up and we were friends for a while. I even did his mom's hair for quite a few years after that. But again,

31:30

31 minutes, 30 seconds

what a great family they were. They were really cool and really emotionally mature and just good people.

31:35

31 minutes, 35 seconds

Yeah, you were very respectful. You said there was one really big lesson you learned from that marriage and divorce.

31:40

31 minutes, 40 seconds

At that time, it was just to be okay with being alone. I think that was what I feared the most stepping into my early 20s was to be out there by myself. Some

31:49

31 minutes, 49 seconds

of that came from, you know, my mom is so protective that she sometimes instills fear as what she feels is

31:56

31 minutes, 56 seconds

protecting you, but that fear can also be numbing almost or or or freeze mode, you

32:05

32 minutes, 5 seconds

know, and keep you from experiencing things in life. And so, I feel like it I kind of was fighting against that. After I got divorced, I lived in an apartment

32:12

32 minutes, 12 seconds

by myself. Living by myself was a weird thing because I went from, you know,

32:16

32 minutes, 16 seconds

living with my parents to living with him to now all by myself. And so I still was blocks away from my parents, don't get me wrong, but that was an important

32:24

32 minutes, 24 seconds

time for me. I learned that that solitude was really important, too.

32:27

32 minutes, 27 seconds

First of all, in solitude is where I can hear myself the best. It's also where I can communicate better with God and where I can hear from him better, too. I

32:35

32 minutes, 35 seconds

remember sitting on the back patio of my apartment after we had gotten divorced.

32:38

32 minutes, 38 seconds

I was going through all these thoughts in my head of what's next? Like what is this going to look like next? Now I've got to tell people I've been divorced.

32:45

32 minutes, 45 seconds

Like now I've got this scarlet letter on me, right? Like I've damaged goods now.

32:49

32 minutes, 49 seconds

Like every guy's going to look at me and be like, "Oh, well, she's not successful in relationships."

32:53

32 minutes, 53 seconds

Oh, no. So it's affecting your worthiness.

32:55

32 minutes, 55 seconds

So it started affecting my worthiness a little bit. But then I started also realizing that if I don't find anybody,

33:01

33 minutes, 1 second

I'll be okay, too. I have a career and I can pay my bills. So, I bounced back and forth between that worthiness and then

33:09

33 minutes, 9 seconds

also feeling good about myself. Like I it was like a a seessaw. And how old are you at this point? 21. Okay. Quite young. Still maturing. Mhm.

Chapter 5: Next Steps

33:17

33 minutes, 17 seconds

And at this time, you had been working at a monastery school. You're learning some independence. So, you're out on your own. You're working.

33:24

33 minutes, 24 seconds

So, I worked at the monastery school before Kevin and I got married. I thought I wanted to be a teacher. I ended up meeting a woman named Janine.

33:31

33 minutes, 31 seconds

And she pulled up. She was she was late a lot to pick up her daughter because she now I know was a hair stylist and

33:38

33 minutes, 38 seconds

you don't run your schedule. So sometimes like you can say, "Oh, I get off at 5:00." Well, if your client's not done at 5:00, then you don't get off at

33:45

33 minutes, 45 seconds

5:00. She would be late running in to scoop up her daughter a lot and I would be there at the end of the day when she would come and pick her up. And I just remember one day I was standing outside.

33:55

33 minutes, 55 seconds

She was a little little on the later side that day. And so I kind of walked up to the front. And I was looking out and she pulls up in this white Jaguar,

34:03

34 minutes, 3 seconds

convertible Jaguar with navy blue leather interior. And I just remember with their blonde hair and she gets out of the car and she I just remember thinking to myself, okay, whatever she does for a living, I want to be that.

34:15

34 minutes, 15 seconds

You're going to have a big shift. I want to know whatever she's doing. So,

34:19

34 minutes, 19 seconds

come to find out, she was a hair stylist. And my mom had been telling me that I should do something like hair and makeup because in my pageant days I

34:28

34 minutes, 28 seconds

would help other people with their hair and makeup and I would do a lot of my own. And so my mom said, "You have a knack for it. You have a draw to it."

34:35

34 minutes, 35 seconds

But I just remember thinking to myself like in the late 90s like you had to have a college education. So in that time frame,

34:45

34 minutes, 45 seconds

it really made you feel like you were less than if you didn't. So if you went into a trade, you were for sure. I I'm a '9s girl and I Yeah, I felt it.

34:53

34 minutes, 53 seconds

You know what that feels like, right?

34:54

34 minutes, 54 seconds

Okay. You recognize it. So I just remember thinking to myself like, I'm not going to be a trade girl for the rest of my life. So So judgy, right? But

35:03

35 minutes, 3 seconds

then I started working at that monastery school and I was like, I can't be around kids all day long. You didn't enjoy it.

35:09

35 minutes, 9 seconds

There's no way. No. Realized in that moment, I just wanted to be a teacher because that's what everybody else was going to school to do. Okay. You didn't know anything else?

35:16

35 minutes, 16 seconds

I didn't know anything else. And when I asked everybody else what they were doing, that seemed to be the popular answer. So after after talking to Janine, that linked up and synced up

35:25

35 minutes, 25 seconds

with what my mom had been saying. And so it was the first time that I actually considered it and thought, you know, maybe that is a thing.

35:31

35 minutes, 31 seconds

I love that. So Janine enters your life and you find your calling. Huge blessing. Huge blessing. Yeah. All right. So you have met Janine. Yes. And you're in school. Yes.

Chapter 6: Second Marriage

35:39

35 minutes, 39 seconds

Working. Yes. Learning some independence. Yes. And you meet your second husband. Yes.

35:43

35 minutes, 43 seconds

Can you tell us about him? because this is the big catalyst that's going to start to push you forward this whole situation with your second husband.

35:49

35 minutes, 49 seconds

Yes. So second husband um he's not a bad guy. He's not a bad guy. And I look at him even now like I look at my boys and

35:58

35 minutes, 58 seconds

I see different parts of him and the charm of him and the good thing the good and the bad.

36:01

36 minutes, 1 second

I have an ex-husband like that. I can't help but be grateful that he's father of your children. You wouldn't have your kids otherwise.

36:06

36 minutes, 6 seconds

Absolutely. And you know and he and I we had a lot of yuck in our lives together too. Don't get me wrong. You know, obviously we're divorced for a reason,

36:14

36 minutes, 14 seconds

but now we spent four days together in San Diego when my son graduated from Marine Boot Camp and our families were

36:23

36 minutes, 23 seconds

all together. Like, I think there's been a lot of healing there. I mean, he totally changed my life. I became a mom with him.

36:29

36 minutes, 29 seconds

So, in the beginning of the marriage was great. Beginning of the marriage was great.

36:32

36 minutes, 32 seconds

Yeah. We were young together, so there was a lot of growing up that kind of had to happen. So, we just we really enjoyed that time. We really enjoyed that time.

36:39

36 minutes, 39 seconds

I think growing up was a little bit harder for him than it was for me.

36:43

36 minutes, 43 seconds

Yeah. And your relationship goes a little sideways.

36:45

36 minutes, 45 seconds

It went a little sideways. Yeah. Uh emotional affair kind of snuck in in there. And I learned some really good things about myself though and the ability to be able to um set boundaries.

36:56

36 minutes, 56 seconds

But I was faced with that again with my husband now. Key four years ago had an emotional affair. I didn't run this

37:03

37 minutes, 3 seconds

time. So I faced it and I kind of dug into it a little bit more. That first one I was like, "Oh no, hard pass. I'm out."

37:10

37 minutes, 10 seconds

Right. But you had some other trials in that second marriage for sure. That came up.

37:15

37 minutes, 15 seconds

Yeah. You know, lots of things like hiding things, you know, steroid use,

37:20

37 minutes, 20 seconds

different things that you know, just truth wasn't wasn't the four factor. So, yeah. And and you all end up divorcing. Yes.

37:28

37 minutes, 28 seconds

So, what in there was the big push to make you go, something's wrong,

37:35

37 minutes, 35 seconds

I don't want to live this way anymore? I remember noticing at one time him sitting in the truck a little bit longer

37:42

37 minutes, 42 seconds

before he came in. I remember one time picking up his phone and he had deleted every conversation, text conversation, like all of it. Deleted everything. So,

37:50

37 minutes, 50 seconds

it's betrayal.

37:51

37 minutes, 51 seconds

Betrayal. And I just remember feeling that really sick to my stomach feeling.

37:56

37 minutes, 56 seconds

And so, I didn't see a way back from that. I didn't see myself going back to the to the version that we once were. I thought the only solution was to leave.

38:06

38 minutes, 6 seconds

I didn't really know that there was any other solution in my mind.

38:08

38 minutes, 8 seconds

And y'all separate though and you try to work it out. We did. We did.

38:12

38 minutes, 12 seconds

When you separate, you start going to church.

38:14

38 minutes, 14 seconds

Yes. We tried going to counseling. I think I was I was taking it a little more seriously than he was. I tried to get him to watch Fireproof. I recently watched it with my husband.

38:23

38 minutes, 23 seconds

It was amazing. Yes. Yes. It was great. Right. It was great.

38:27

38 minutes, 27 seconds

You know, I bought the book. I tried I tried everything at first. My neighbor across the street, Midra, she was my workout partner at the time. And I just remember going over there and telling her like, "I don't even know what to do.

38:36

38 minutes, 36 seconds

I don't know what to do." And I remember her telling me like, "You are not the only one in this that has to figure it out."

38:43

38 minutes, 43 seconds

Yeah. So, at this point, you're doing some things to work on yourself. Mhm. You were going to church. Yeah.

38:49

38 minutes, 49 seconds

Trying to do some counseling. Really working on yourself. I had a similar situation with my first husband and I was growing and he wasn't coming with me. And so, we're either going to grow together or we're going to grow apart.

38:59

38 minutes, 59 seconds

For sure.

38:59

38 minutes, 59 seconds

And we grew apart. And I'm pretty sure that's what happened to you all as well.

Chapter 7: Catalyst for Change

39:03

39 minutes, 3 seconds

Okay. All right. And this is going to be the big catalyst that's going to push you forward to really start truly looking at yourself that you want to be different.

39:11

39 minutes, 11 seconds

Yes. Because at this point, you know,

39:12

39 minutes, 12 seconds

now you're now you're two marriages down. Yeah.

39:15

39 minutes, 15 seconds

So, it's like, holy cow, like who what what's the one thing that's the common denominator in in both of these

39:22

39 minutes, 22 seconds

situations? You know, we can point fingers at somebody else all day long and think of all the ways that they failed, but you're pointing at somebody else. There's always those other three

39:30

39 minutes, 30 seconds

fingers that are kind of pointing back at you. First of all, made that decision to begin with. You got yourself here.

39:35

39 minutes, 35 seconds

Yeah. You're starting to take some accountability. Accountability.

39:37

39 minutes, 37 seconds

That's right. I was on a podcast recently and I said the same thing to the host. I was the common denominator in all of my problems. I cannot blame anybody else.

39:46

39 minutes, 46 seconds

Especially once we're an adult. When you're a kid, it's a different story.

39:49

39 minutes, 49 seconds

You know, you're under the the guard of your parents, but once you're out on your own, you don't have anybody to blame. No.

39:54

39 minutes, 54 seconds

Okay. So, we're gonna wrap up today's episode with this catalyst. do want to ask you, does Key pop up again at this point?

40:02

40 minutes, 2 seconds

He does.

40:03

40 minutes, 3 seconds

Let's plug that in there because I think we we mentioned that Key pops up in your story a lot. Yes.

40:08

40 minutes, 8 seconds

My ex-husband and I when we first got together, we were living in an apartment off of Fry Road. We got pregnant with Hayden. I was 23. So, I guess I was 22.

Chapter 8: Keeley

40:16

40 minutes, 16 seconds

So, 23 was when Hayden was born. We moved into a trailer on my mom's

40:23

40 minutes, 23 seconds

friend's property. After that, we found this old home and we remodeled it. Well,

40:29

40 minutes, 29 seconds

we lived in this little culde-sac and the people that lived across the street from us were John and Kathy. Well, Key that was like his godparents. Their son

40:38

40 minutes, 38 seconds

and Keely were really, really close good friends. And Kathy kind of adopted cuz Keely's mom passed away when he was 11.

40:44

40 minutes, 44 seconds

And I remember I was sitting in my front yard in a lawn chair and both the boys were in in inflatable pool in my front

40:51

40 minutes, 51 seconds

yard and I remember this truck pulling up and Key Bell hopping out of the truck and I just remember going, "Holy crap,

40:58

40 minutes, 58 seconds

that's Key."

41:02

41 minutes, 2 seconds

So, and he just kind of walks up and their garage was open and stuff and so he walks up in there and he kind of noticed me too, but it was just kind of like a what the you know what I mean?

41:12

41 minutes, 12 seconds

Yeah.

41:13

41 minutes, 13 seconds

Yeah. But I got the kids up and got up and, you know, went inside or whatever. And I just remember thinking to myself,

41:18

41 minutes, 18 seconds

"Oh my gosh, that was weird." At that time, he was kind of in a weird place in his life. So, he was spending a lot of time over there. Like, he was he was staying there pretty often.

41:26

41 minutes, 26 seconds

And Austin would go over there. My husband at the time would go over there and they would all hang out in the garage and drink beers and stuff like that. Well, I had a tree in the corner

41:34

41 minutes, 34 seconds

of my yard that I wouldn't go past if Keu was there. And I don't know what it was in my brain. Like, I just thought,

41:40

41 minutes, 40 seconds

I'm happy in my marriage. I'm happy in my life. And I don't want any weeds growing in my garden. Yeah, good for you. So, I just wouldn't even go over there.

41:46

41 minutes, 46 seconds

Very respectful. But your husband became friends with him. Yeah. Random.

41:50

41 minutes, 50 seconds

I love all the times that Keely Pops in your story.

41:54

41 minutes, 54 seconds

Well, Tara, thank you so much for opening up and sharing such a personal part of your journey. Oh, absolutely.

Chapter 9: Closing

42:00

42 minutes

In our next episode, we'll step into another challenging chapter of your life. One that ultimately is going to lead you to some healing, some peace, and happiness. Yes.

42:08

42 minutes, 8 seconds

Right. You've had a lot of instability up until this point.

42:12

42 minutes, 12 seconds

Be sure to join us next Tuesday for part two of Terara's Monomoth. Thanks again, Tara. Thank you for having me.

42:18

42 minutes, 18 seconds

Thanks for joining us on the Monmouth Diaries. If this episode resonates with you or someone you know, we'd love for you to share it and spread the inspiration. Don't forget to follow us

Chapter 10: Outro

42:27

42 minutes, 27 seconds

wherever you get your podcast or on YouTube to stay connected. We'd appreciate if you could take a moment and rate and review the podcast. It helps us reach more people with stories

42:36

42 minutes, 36 seconds

of transformation and growth. You can visit us at monommydaries.com or text us directly from the show notes to reach out and keep the conversations going.

42:43

42 minutes, 43 seconds

Until next time, heroes, let's journey together through our monomyths.