“What Do You Bring to the Table? The question that makes women cringe and why men ask it anyway.

That pivotal moment when someone asks "What do you bring to the table?" can immediately change the temperature of a date. After nearly a year away from the microphone, I'm diving straight into this contentious question that has sparked heated debates across dating forums, social media, and even my own workplace.

When a female colleague shared her outrage at being asked this question on a first date, it launched me into deep reflection about why this seemingly straightforward inquiry provokes such visceral reactions. What appears on the surface to be a practical assessment of compatibility actually reveals something profound about how we value each other as potential partners.

Through this episode, I explore the mathematical concept of complementary angles as a metaphor for healthy relationships—how two people can come together to create something neither could achieve alone. I challenge the transactional framework that reduces people to assets and liabilities, suggesting instead that we consider the immeasurable ways people enrich our lives. The woman who transforms a functional bachelor pad into a warm home. The partner who brings softness and efficiency to a chaotic life. These contributions transcend the financial calculations we're often tempted to prioritize.

Perhaps most surprising is my observation that in today's world, financial intimacy often feels more sacred than sexual intimacy: "I'll get naked with you, but I ain't going to show you my bank account." This hesitation to share financial vulnerability reveals our deeper fears about being used or investing in the wrong person—fears that ultimately prevent us from creating truly open partnerships.

Whether you've asked this question, been asked it, or have strong opinions about it, this discussion invites you to reconsider how we measure value in relationships. Share your thoughts in the comments or reviews—I'm ready to continue this conversation across all platforms because these mindful conversations are exactly what Season Three is all about.

Transcript

Welcome to Season Three

Speaker 1 0:03

Well, welcome back to the Carlos Speaks podcast. It has been way too long. I think my last episode season two, episode one with my mom had to be like eight or nine months ago, and thank you to everyone who, uh, surrounded my mom with love. The outpouring of support, um, and encouragement that she received, um for sharing her story, telling her truths, um, and letting a lot of women know that they're not alone in the traumas that they face, meant the world to her, and I am inspired. I am phenomenally inspired by my mom. Her ability to tell her truths in such a shameless way, to loosen the shackles of others, has always amazed me. That's my a one day one, that's that's my dog. So thank you for all of you that supported that episode. I want to say that episode got almost a thousand listens and a crazy amount of downloads and shares, so thank you so much for that. All right, so much has happened. So much has happened over the last almost year since episode two.

Speaker 1 1:41

Firstly, let's talk about why this is season three. Firstly, let's talk about why this is season three. Um, because season two only had quite literally one episode in it, um, and that was the episode with my mom. Um, and I believe that some things happen the way that they're supposed to happen. I I believe that I believe that all things happen the way they're supposed to happen, but I do believe that there are some things where our choices and our decisions affect the outcome versus the outcome that was supposed to happen. I believe that, but in regards to season two, it was a season right. It did what it was supposed to do. It connected with people and I do believe it freed some people from themselves. So shout out to my mom for that.

Speaker 1 2:34

This is season three, truly, because I'm in an entirely new place in my life, within myself, in my life within myself and, if you're watching on YouTube, quite literally a new physical place as well. So today we're going to be discussing a very sensitive topic. I believe it's sensitive and I laugh because the setup that my followers, or subscribers, rather, or supporters, rather, on YouTube are seeing has been curated by a woman. Right? I am surrounded by phenomenal women my friends, family, community, pastor um. Hold on Um, and I say that because women that love you will not let you carry yourself beneath a particular level of quality, right? So somebody reached out. One of my friends reached out. Hey, cool, you got a podcast. Cool, you're garnering attention. That's, that's beautiful. I need you to update this backdrop. I don't care if you got one supporter on youtube or 41 uh supporters on youtube. You need to care about what it is you convey to people who support you. Care about their experience. Enough to where you can curate a decent, because nobody wants to say, hey, I follow this guy on YouTube or on these platforms and you're recording your content in a garage and I'm like I don't care, though I don't. I care truly about the purpose more than the platform. I care about what I have to say versus what it looks like. And she's like nah, I hear you, but we're gonna curate a different environment. So here I am, um, in this beautifully curated living room of mine, mine sitting in golden accented chairs with some gray accents. So shout out to women. I do believe that women are God's greatest creation.

The Provocative Question

Speaker 1 4:54

So let's get into the conversation for today, today's mindful conversation. We're going to discuss the conversation. We're going to discuss the offensive, um, provocative, um, nerve-tearing question what do you bring to the table? Even even asking, even saying, that makes me cringe. And the reason that we're going to talk about it is because, at my job, I work with four older ladies One is single, divorced, the other is twice divorced, and one is a widow A widow and one's just been single. They're older, and one in particular we're pretty close.

Speaker 1 5:51

And she said, carlos, can you believe that this man had the audacity to ask me what I bring to the table on our first date? And I'm like yes, and she's like what, not you, one of them? And I'm like wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Let me explain my yes, um, and so she was like all right, I'm here, you out. And the way that she was listening, um, kind of conveyed to me that I needed to tread lightly. And when I say tread lightly, I don't mean mince my words, I don't mean change what I'm going to say based on a listener.

Complementary vs. Complimentary Relationships

Speaker 1 6:31

I am going to try to have a mindful conversation, which is what season three is entitled Mindful Conversations about what I believe as it pertains to that particular question. There's a TikTok that I recorded a few years ago that went viral, that talks about this, and it was a reaction vid, because the guy that initiated the video, his original video, said ladies, when I ask you what you bring to the table, tell me what it is that you just heard. And then my video cuts in and my daughter was in the background and I said I'm going to always raise my daughter to run away from any man that asked her that question, that asked her that question. Over the years my approach to this dynamic has changed. Now I will not say that I'll encourage my daughter to say, in this situation, with a man that delivers the question that way, because delivery is important, and I believe that someone who is emotionally immature maybe, or potentially opportunistic, would ask that question in that particular way Right, what do you bring to the table? Insinuates what value do you have that's going to add to my value? And I think that that question kind of takes a person and makes them binary as it pertains to their value, their ones and zeros.

Speaker 1 8:36

Now who I am now, I think that is important to consider how connecting to some, connecting yourself to someone, can be complimentary and can be complimentary. And talking about complimentary, let's talk about it, because complimentary be beating the bricks off y'all on socials, right? So you have complimentary as it pertains to in addition to contributing what already exists, complimentary right, complimentary angles let's go back to seventh grade to in addition to contributing what already exists. Complementary right, complementary angles let's go back to seventh grade. Complementary angles right. These two angles together, create a new angle. Right that that equals what? What? What is a complementary angle for 45 degrees? If you want 90 degrees, another 45 degrees, or and that might be mathematically incorrect, but follow me or you have complementary with an eye, as if I'm giving you a compliment fix it, fix it, fix it all. Right. Now, doubling back, I think it's important to consider how connecting to someone creates a complementary environment where you both benefit from being in relationship with one another. I don't think that that's always financial. I don't think that that's always ones and zeros, and the reason why I say that is if, because we go back to the point that I initially said.

What Women Truly Bring

Speaker 1 10:13

The environment in which I'm recording this content from is beautiful. We have the marble fireplace, we got the, the, the corn plant between the two accent chairs, and it was curated by a woman Women, I believe. Chairs, and it was curated by a woman women, I believe add a particular kind of betterment to everything if you give her a house, because I live in house, I'm a bachelor, I'm single, my house is very functional, my house looks like an Airbnb. If you come in my house and people have, you can tell the woman Olivia, I ain't got nothing on the walls. I got good furniture, the TV, the Wi-Fi work, the water running, the lights come on when I turn them on. I got everything I need to be functional as a man in my house.

Speaker 1 11:04

I do believe that there is a lack of fragrance in my house, a lack of decor, a lack of love, a lack of decor, a lack of love. You can come in here and see that this is a very functional, very, very basic kind of experience and I do believe that whatever you give a woman to the right woman, she will indeed multiply. If you give her a house, you'll make a home. If you give her food, she'll make a meal. You've her kids, she'll make children. The women in she'll make a meal. You give her kids, she'll make children.

Speaker 1 11:35

Women, in my particular opinion, make a good thing is best version the right woman, let me really just say the right woman. But I do believe that there, especially in today's day and age, there is a kind of masculinity that women have to operate in in order to be successful. They have to be decisive, they have to be, uh, strategic. They have to be, um, both sides of the coin, right? So if you were to ask a woman, what do you bring to the table? I believe that the offense that she feels comes from a place that says, or suggests, that this man is looking at me as if I am incapable of operating as well or better than he does, which would be offensive to another man, right, because I believe it's a masculine question. What can you bring to this job? What can you bring to this investment? I think that's a very functional question, right? Functional question, right.

Speaker 1 12:57

So the woman that I was speaking to at my job, after I explained all of this, she said well, what would you want a woman to say? And I said I ain't never been a woman, so I can't answer that. Now, an answer that would surprise me is a woman that would be able to disassociate her offense to the question right now. Granted, with that being said, let's double back to what I initially said. I think that you have to ask that for that particular question and not even exit, right? You have to be able to identify how someone can complement your life without having to ask that, and I think that takes a higher level of emotional awareness. I think that takes a higher level of emotional intelligence and capacity.

Speaker 1 13:42

But for the sake of the conversation, if I was to ask a woman but I never would what she brought to the table, the answer that would surprise me would be I can create fragrance in your house. I can make your how. I can make your love, your life so soft. I can increase the efficiency of, of how you operate those things right, because if we look at it from a functional perspective, I'll make my own money. I'm I can cook, I can clean, I can do all of those basic necessities that are required for me to have a decent quality or a decent quality of life. What I can't do is maximize my operational functionality, my efficiency. What do you mean, carlos? I'm glad you asked. I ain't trying to be both. I'm not trying to be the CEO and the CFO. I listen, listen.

Financial Intimacy vs. Sexual Intimacy

Speaker 1 14:39

Over the years I have come to realize that if I meet a woman that I'm attracted to, who, who has the, if I meet a very strong, independent, autonomous woman, maybe you say you want what you want to do. You want to do 70, 30, you want to do 100? Say you want what you want to do 70-30? You want to do 100-0? How you want to cut the cake? Because I'm going to go get this money as long as I can come back to a well-ran house, and I think that that's the duality of it that a lot of us miss. I think we get men specifically. We get so caught up in the functionality and the potential investment in a woman that we don't want to risk losing what we have. So we ask for a investment from the woman into the relationship.

Speaker 1 15:40

I believe that I'm sound enough that if a woman can't, does not want to, because women can do whatever they want, does not want to split the bills, but she's willing to run the house. I'm going to work Because I have had the privilege to have the opportunity to have both my kids at the same time. Have to go to work, have to pick them up, drop them off, feed them, get back to work, come back Like bro whoo. We're not designed to do it by ourselves. So, with that being said, as a man, if I want partnership, if I want togetherness, then I have to be willing to disassociate myself Right From the fear of investing in the wrong person. I know I'm talking good and I hope I'm freeing somebody in this, because if I remove that fear, then I'm free to create an open and loving environment where I don't have secret or hidden uh agendas.

Speaker 1 16:44

I don't. I don't have the idea that I can't trust who I'm with financially, because I think that financial intimacy is more sacred to us than sexual intimacy. I'll get naked with you, but I ain't going to show you my bank account. I'll get naked with you, but I ain't going to show you where my money goes. Show you where my money goes. So if we can get to a place on both sides of this where we can disassociate the idea that our value is only as good as the amount of money we make, because you can be a terrible person and make a lot of money. A lot of men are terrible men with a lot of money, and money also gives us the opportunity to live our desires, so it gives us the opportunity to see who we really with, how they really treat you Right, and some the argument might be well, I rather cry in a Porsche than a Honda Accord. I understand that. But if the Honda Accord is paid off because we did it together, give me the Honda Accord and the insurance is going to be lower.

Closing Thoughts on Partnership Value

Speaker 1 17:58

So today's mindful conversation is trying to devolve or remove the offensiveness or the provocation associated with the idea of what we bring to the table. Because it's my was asking what I bring to the table, I'm gonna tell you hey, listen, I do this, I do this, I do this, I'm capable of this and I'm willing to do these things because I don't find offense in that, because I do think that there's a part of me that has to show, prove and tell you consistently what kind of man that I am. So that's our mindful conversation for the day. There's so many different avenues that we could veer off on from this conversation. So if you're interested in having some mindful conversations associated with this one, let me know in the comments. Or if you're downloading the podcast from Apple Podcasts drop, say it in the review. Or if you're on Facebook wherever, wherever TikTok, let me know and I'm willing to have the conversation.

Speaker 1 19:00

I love having these conversations. So, yeah, I hope you enjoyed today's conversation. We'll talk soon Again. I promise you it won't be another year before the next episode. So thank you for season three Mindful Conversations. Episode one, devolving the offensiveness and provocation in the question what do you bring to the table. Till next time.