61: We Came for Playdates, Stayed for Sanity and Snacks (ft. Rebekah Cadet)

Motherhood can feel loud and lonely at the same time. We sat down with Rebekah Cadet, a military spouse who landed in Columbia, South Carolina without a built-in village, and watched her turn one brave TikTok into The Black Mom Village—now 100 moms strong. From a community baby shower for women with no local support to everyday playdates at the library, Rebekah shows how small, clear invites can transform isolation into belonging.

We trade honest stories about postpartum depression and anxiety, the strange grief of losing childhood homes to divorce, and the shock of seeing your toddler shoved at a playground while you freeze and search for words. Together, we unpack what modern community actually requires: subgroups for pregnancy and special needs, WhatsApp threads with purpose, and gentle scripts for public parenting moments that protect your kid and keep the peace. We talk book clubs that feed adult conversation, childcare swaps that buy an hour of quiet, and how to accept quiet gratitude without needing a spotlight.

Rebekah is also preparing for postpartum while leading a growing network. Her plan is simple and wise: identify a small inner circle now, pause large events after birth, and invite the village to run meal trains and laundry trades so care doesn’t depend on a single organizer. If you’re searching for your people—or ready to build a circle where you live—this conversation offers practical steps and real comfort. Tap play for ideas you can copy, language you can use in tough moments, and a reminder that your village may be one message away.

If you’re in Columbia, SC, connect with The Black Mom Village on Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok. Enjoyed the conversation? Subscribe, share with a friend who needs a village, and leave a review so more moms can find us.

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Transcript

Welcome & Guest Introduction

SPEAKER_01 0:04

Welcome to Turn the Page Podcast.

SPEAKER_02 0:07

Sister, best friends, and friends.

SPEAKER_01 0:10

With relatable episodes that feel like you're chatting with two of your closest friends or sisters. We turn the page on different topics about library. Adulthood or anyhood. And finding itself again through multiple friendships.

SPEAKER_02 0:25

Endless piles of unread library books and endless Amazon package deliveries.

SPEAKER_01 0:30

Real, honest, and a little bit. We talk about it all. So grab your favorite drink, put the kids to bed, lace up your suits or whatever you need to do, and join us. We can't wait to connect with you. Hi guys, welcome to Turn the Page Podcast. This is your co-host, Tawana Page.

SPEAKER_02 0:47

This is your other co-host, Sheree Page Barber.

SPEAKER_00 0:50

And we have a guest today. We have Rebecca Cadet. Hi, Rebecca.

SPEAKER_03 0:56

Hey, hi ladies. Nice to meet you guys.

SPEAKER_00 0:59

Me too. Yeah, guys. This is our first time. I say quote unquote meeting because we're on video, but that's just the way of the world today.

SPEAKER_02 1:06

Yeah, it still counts.

Icebreaker: Mom-Friend Would You Rather

SPEAKER_00 1:07

Yes. So um before we do this or that, Rebecca, can you tell the community a little bit about yourself?

SPEAKER_03 1:14

For sure. Yes. Hi guys. My name is Rebecca and I live in Columbia, South Carolina. Um, not from there. So because I'm not from there, I decided to start a mom group out here in Columbia because life is hard, as you know, without a community as a as a mom. And that's how I was able to meet um Tawana and Cherie because we found each other on Instagram and I just love what your podcast is about. So I asked to jump on it and just talk about my mom community and what it's been doing for me, the amazing things. So yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:47

Yay. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 1:49

Yes, definitely love that you initiated that too. Cause I I don't know, I'm not like that, like bold and like I'm just too shy. So I loved that you did that. It's hard for sure. It's definitely not easy. Okay, I've got a year funny, Tona, because it's would you rather? And you do this every time.

SPEAKER_00 2:08

Well, I do that all the time. It's the same difference in my head.

SPEAKER_02 2:11

Pretty much, but okay, so I did. I tried to do like a mom friend edition. So would you rather be the one who plans everything or the one who reminds everyone of the plan?

SPEAKER_03 2:25

I definitely want to be the one to plan everything. I definitely want to be hence why I started. And reminding, I guess. So I guess this and that.

SPEAKER_02 2:34

That's what I was thinking too. It's like they kind of go hand in hand. I think I would rather plan though, because reminding in my head, I would be like, all right, I'm probably getting annoying at this point. Let me just like leave everybody alone. But yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:46

Yeah, I would I like both. But I feel like growing up in my friend group, just because I like had that personality, I was always the one planning stuff. And I was like, but like now that I'm older, I don't know. I just feel like that too. Cause I'm kind of a control freak, but I also don't mind sending a reminder if I'm the one that planned it and I need to know because you haven't responded to me yet.

SPEAKER_03 3:07

Yeah, you gotta know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:10

So like that goes out the door. I'm like, no, I need to know. Definitely valid.

SPEAKER_02 3:14

Let's see, because some of these are just like silly random. Yeah. Um interesting. Okay. Would you rather get thanked quietly or never thanked, but are deeply relied on? So are people acknowledging your support or are they just receiving it and not?

SPEAKER_00 3:35

What do they mean by quietly? Because I feel like quietly wouldn't know.

SPEAKER_02 3:40

Like, yeah, I don't know if that's one on one. That's what I thought one-on-one. Because we have a group chat. I guess to decide.

SPEAKER_00 3:49

Maybe one-on-one instead of like a public kind of Yeah, because some people get embarrassed by that, which is completely understandable. Yeah. I would definitely be thanked and quiet. Um, because I feel like the other one could lead to resentment. Like if nobody says anything. Or it's like, oh, you're supposed to be doing XYZ. It's like, well, yes, but a thank you is nice every now and then.

SPEAKER_03 4:11

Right, right. I feel that. Like I definitely I would like, you know, to to be thanked like quietly. You know, I don't need like this grandiose thank you. Yeah. But I agree with what you said, Tawana. Like I yeah, it can definitely lead to resentment. And thankfully there have been some moms that came out and said, Hey, you know, thanks for doing this. So good. Yeah, that's good. It can feel thankless. You know?

SPEAKER_00 4:37

Yeah, no, for sure. I feel like just being a mom in general can be like that.

SPEAKER_04 4:42

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 4:44

Um, yeah, same. I would rather the thanked quietly. Yeah. I have one more because I'm curious since we're all moms. Would you rather have man, some of these are good. Would you rather run errands alone or stay home, take a nap? Are we getting out without the kids or are we home and getting some rest?

SPEAKER_00 5:06

I'm gonna say errands alone because that's what I did today. Cause I feel like if I'm home napping, I'm gonna need no one to be home. Like I'm gonna need to be in the middle of the day. Because if I'm napping, like I'm I could be woken up to be asked, mommy, where's this? Mm-hmm. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:22

Yeah. Yeah. I think I like errands. I'm I agree with what's wanna say. I love running errands alone. Like it doesn't happen often, but it feels like a little vacation.

SPEAKER_00 5:30

Well, I was just gonna say that I could like walk the aisles. Right. Like up.

SPEAKER_02 5:35

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 5:36

This looks nice.

SPEAKER_02 5:37

Yeah, like take my time, not have to worry about a tantrum. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:42

Read the back of boxes and like not checking the time, being like, we gotta get home for nap time.

SPEAKER_02 5:46

Yeah. I can't really nap anymore anyway, so I'm gonna take the errands.

Why Rebecca Started A Mom Group

SPEAKER_00 5:51

Yeah. Okay. We usually do three. Okay, that's good. Okay. Okay, Rebecca. So can you tell us about like why you moved down there, why you started the mom group, and how old your child is?

SPEAKER_03 6:04

Yes. So um, so I'm married, my husband and I, we've been married for four years now. We moved to South Carolina because we're both military. So, um Okay. Yep, there's he's still in. I got out because I got pregnant and I just didn't want to deal with it anymore. Yeah, understandable. But yeah, that's why we're here. You know, we don't have any family here. My husband's from Long Island, so we're both northerners like you guys.

SPEAKER_00 6:30

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:32

Being down here without any family support and, you know, any friends is what prompted me to start the mom group. Um, if I can be super candid, if you don't mind, I know you're here. I've listened to your podcast and it's so fun. It's like very fun. You guys are very funny. So I'm just gonna say this dark thing and just we're gonna be done with it. But I also um unfortunately suffered a miscarriage a few months ago. And that I just so I just started the the mom group like a week after I had I wow I had the I just got on TikTok and I was like, hey, who wants to be on a group chat with us moms in the area? And it went like mini viral. I'm not gonna act like it went like totally viral, but you know, it it started like circulating and so there's about a hundred of us. Um thank you. Thank you. It's it's been very, very, very fun and very it's been such a blessing to see that so many of us are looking for the same thing. Like I I thought I was like the only one, you know. I felt insecure about it, like I was getting socially anxious, like, oh, is this desperate of me, you know, or people are gonna think I'm weird for doing this group chat. But then it just grew into this community and we did a mass meetup. I, you know, I planned this mass meetup. Uh it was a it was a community baby shower, so in the form of a community shower. Yeah, because there were a lot of moms on there that were pregnant that reached out saying that they're pregnant, that they don't have any friends in the area. So that was the start of our just our group. And we're doing another mass meetup here soon as like a mid-year back to school community event that I rented out a space in the library, and you know, so yeah, it's it's just good.

Community, Book Clubs, And Belonging

SPEAKER_00 8:14

That is amazing. And I thought of you a couple days ago, other than you being on the podcast today, but like aside from that, I just recently joined not a mom group, but it's a w it's called the Women's Social Club. It sounds like a fluent, but it's not. I don't mean like that, but it's just like um they have like one big one and they have like different chapters. Um they have a Baltimore chapter, obviously, and like a DC chapter. There's like all these other random chapters that you can like sign into and just like see what's going on. Like they have a Charleston one, they have like Phoenix, Boston, and I'm like, like that's cool, because people you know may travel a lot and they might, you know, want to meet up with some women or something. So it's moms and it's just like non-moms, but it's just like a mix of things because I was in like another women's group. I didn't say women as if it's like a church group, but I was in like another group for women, and like starting off, it did stuff for me, but like as it was acquired by another company like last year, and I was like, it's not really doing anything for me anymore. So I canceled that and I was like, let me find something else because I just need like something. And that was like more moms, which is fine, but I was like, this is just like a mix of women, and I'm just like loving listening through the directory and just like um I have a Zoom call on this coming Monday, which I think one of the founders like she likes to do it when new people join to like introduce herself and all of that. And she's also like a real inter a real intern, like in our area, and so but I'm like, okay, like I'm putting myself out there, but I don't know. I just feel like community is so important, like what you were saying, because that's what you wanted to talk about. And I'm like, I just think it's so like amazing. And then Sherie, you can touch on this. I don't know if Rebecca, if you saw, um, I know you get our newsletters, man. I don't know if you saw that we have a book club. Yeah, so you're more than welcome to join, obviously. You don't have to read the book to join. But um, Cherie was saying she wanted to start a book club for like the longest time, and she was just like sitting on it, and she's like, Like, I just feel I just really wanted to, like, I don't know what to do. Like, what do I do? But like you see them everywhere. And then suddenly one day I was like, girl, let's do it. And she like put stuff together like while I was at work and I came back out to my phone and I was just like, Okay, yes, we have a book club.

SPEAKER_03 10:31

I love that. I just so love that, Sheree.

SPEAKER_00 10:34

Yeah, she was like, Okay, she's like, You put the fire on to me, like, let's go. I came back and I was like, All right, let's do it.

SPEAKER_03 10:40

Nice. And when did you guys start it?

SPEAKER_00 10:43

Maybe over the summer. Okay, yeah, but you just like planning for for fall, yeah. It's new, I think, in like August or September, and Sheree was like, logistically, like, we have enough we need enough time to give people to like get the book for October, and like she was trying to think of like themed books, like you know, and we've had three so far October, November, December. And then our ne January's next oh my god, it's already two weeks. Yeah, the 17th. I gotta recheck where my book is on hold because wow, it's January already. But yeah, the next book we're reading for January is called The Mad Wife. Is that what it's called? The Mad Wife. Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna look that up. I'm gonna go to the show. I'll just send it to you. I'll I'll DM it to you. Um because it's about what we're talking about. It's about like postpartum, but it's like in the 50s, so it's just like what women don't want one of our cousins told us about and so that it was really good and she recommended it. So we're just like, okay, we could talk about that.

SPEAKER_03 11:39

Wow, that is really, really interesting. Yeah, I just love reading about just stuff like this motherhood, and yeah, it's definitely just postpartum things. So yeah, I love that. Definitely for that.

SPEAKER_00 11:51

I will message that to you, and I've had it on hold at the library for like a month now. I'm just like, shit, do I just buy it?

SPEAKER_02 11:57

Well, I bought that too, and then it just became available. So I think they're acquiring more copies.

SPEAKER_00 12:03

Well, they did tell me that too.

SPEAKER_02 12:05

Yeah, but but I walked away from the first book club. Like, I went upstairs and told my husband, like, I really like I needed that. I needed the community, I needed it ended up being all moms, but I think I just needed connecting with people and like being away from my kid while doing it because so much I think of motherhood is connecting with moms, but like on a play date. Like I just had one today and I don't think we finished a conversation in the first like two hours.

SPEAKER_03 12:32

I mean, this is yeah, yes. That resonated with me. Yeah. Because yeah, we I we mostly do kit with the kids, and it is challenging. So I'm working, we're working on Galantines, you know. Yes, I love that. So I don't know. I've never been to one actually. I've never let us so I'm planning one, I never even did one been one. Have you guys?

SPEAKER_00 12:55

We did one, we did our own like sister galantines one like a couple years ago. Yeah and we had planned it for Valentine's Day, but a blizzard happened to have occurred that weekend, so like everything they literally closed everything down. And then the next weekend, like they still like kept the spot or whatever. So the next weekend we went and it was still like freezing. It was during COVID time, so we were not allowed inside. We had to sit outside in February on the East Coast. We were bundled up from our head to our toes. They had little heaters to keep us warm. Yes. Oh my gosh. And we were only allowed to use the bathroom inside.

SPEAKER_03 13:35

And like we were freezing. My gosh, that is so oh, that's so annoying. Are you?

SPEAKER_00 13:42

Like we don't talk about it to this day because we almost died.

SPEAKER_02 13:46

Oh my gosh, I'm sorry to hear that. It was so cold. Nothing that's been like officially I've never done like a group thing. I've done it with you, and then I've done one with Sarah, where this also could be an idea for you, Rebecca. We did like a breakfast board, like a charcuterie board, but it was breakfast food and like different fruits and pancakes and meats and stuff, and like we just made it for us and we just ate it by ourselves. So I love that. It's just like girl time. I feel like it doesn't have to be anything specific. Like, who doesn't love girl time?

SPEAKER_03 14:18

Of course, right, exactly. Yeah, I love Rebecca. How old is your child? Yeah, he's so he's two and a half. He's two and a half, so he's young. So when you said Cherie has a three-year-old, I was like, yep. Yeah, how old's your your child, Tawana?

SPEAKER_04 14:34

Almost six and a half and three and a half.

SPEAKER_03 14:37

Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah, we're all in the toddler phase. Two boys, yeah. Oh, yeah, I have a son too. Yeah, he's a boy.

SPEAKER_00 14:44

Yeah, it's a little crazy over here. So through your mom group, have you found like play dates for your son? Like, have you find that found that beneficial too?

Postpartum Loss, Loneliness, And Healing

SPEAKER_03 14:54

Yeah, I actually went to one today. So, Cherie, when you said you we met at the library and they were just running around and we couldn't, like you said, Cherie, we couldn't even finish. So we're trying to find a time to get together, just meeting her. I that was my first time meeting her. And I'm always like, like, you know, I'm always anxious when I meet new people because you have to like, you know, get to know each other and stuff. So I'm still trying to like decompress and but I have but I for I'm forcing myself to do this, you know, just like how you said earlier, Tawana, with your with the women's affluent group, like you gotta put yourself out there. It helps with the time during the day. Like, we know that our kids are just they're just gonna be running around this house, running up the walls, so might as well just go out to a public space and make a friend, you know, while doing it.

SPEAKER_00 15:43

So yeah. Yeah. I don't know if your libraries are the same, but ours here, which we didn't have this growing up, but ours here, they have like playrooms for the kids, and it's free. And like you said, they just like run around and someone else cleans up their mask. Like of course you get to clean up because we're not like that, but still, like at the end of the day, it's like we know someone's gonna like do like the full cleaning, but I'm like I'm happy that we have kids now during this time because like growing up, our libraries like that was not a thing.

SPEAKER_03 16:12

No, you're right. I don't remember because I'm I'm in I'm 34. I don't know. Are you guys in your yeah, so hardly I'm 39, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:21

I'm 31, yes.

SPEAKER_03 16:23

You're 31. Oh, okay. Yes, I know how to think about it, yeah. Yeah, so like we're yeah, we're all in 90s, you know, or eight odds. Yeah, like yeah, I agree. The libraries were not it's nice.

SPEAKER_02 16:35

If it's not too forward or personal, I'm curious because I remember, Tawana, you might remember this too. One of my biggest anxieties going into having my kid was like, how am I gonna make friends? Like, how am I gonna build a community and where am I gonna meet people? So I'm curious what your postpartum period or even like early mom days was like. Because I know you're doing this now, maybe like two, two and a half years in, but what was it like leading up to that support and community-wise?

SPEAKER_03 17:06

So it was like definitely, definitely uh can say that I had postpartum depression, you know, and anxiety.

SPEAKER_00 17:13

Same, same.

SPEAKER_03 17:15

So, you know, you guys can understand. And and I just want to say that one of your episodes that I listened to resonated with me. It was the one about losing friends. Yeah. When you become a mom. We really I think it was um 43 or 48. Yeah. But yeah. And when I listened to that, that's what my postpartum experience is like to answer your question, Cherie. Like I felt like I lost like friends, you know, because I became a mom. And maybe, and maybe it wasn't nothing happened. The friendship just fell to the wayside. And also family. Family, my family relationships changed. And I'm still kind of navigating that. You know, I just love that you guys are sisters and so close. Keep that because I unfortunately became estranged from my sister, like during the process of me being um a new mom. And you know, this is this is very healing for me to talk about this. So thank you for providing the space for me. Of course. Yeah, I don't know. I well, because we were like we're only like not even a year apart, and so we were always like close, and I was very much like the person to be there for her through everything when she went through a divorce. And so I think what happened when once you become a mom, as you know, you're no you can no longer be there for people. And because our roles were so like you could call it a codependency, you know. Yeah, just we just never, you know, she never came. We she also still lives in Connecticut. So I couldn't travel to her. She never really traveled to me. So, you know, and it's it's all good. Like, you know, I have other siblings that I'm close to, but but yeah, that was very hard for me. That was very hard for me when I started realizing that once you become a mom, that people people show you their true colors. Let's just say that. And I think you guys touched on that very beautifully on one of your podcasts. And then I think I think it was Yushuri. You said in the pod episode, let's just normalize it. Like, let's just normalize it and let's move on, let's let's move on. And then you ended the episode by talking about community. You touched on that lightly. Was it just you guys on that episode, or did you guys have somebody else?

SPEAKER_00 19:25

I think it was just us because we were um we've had a few episodes where like we've touched on community like with other people in there, but I think the one you're talking about, it was just us. Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:35

Like I really loved how one of you guys at the end said, like, yeah, and you know, shout out to the a mom who like starts a group. And I was like, Yeah, yeah, that that's what I'm trying. That's me, you know. That's that's what I did. I was like, I'm just gonna start my own because I feel like people have been being weird ever since I had a baby.

SPEAKER_02 19:53

So it's so isolating. Oh, yeah, it's nice that people are like you are taking the initiative. Because I think people like me are like, all right, who's gonna do it? Like, I'll join it, but who's gonna start it? So yeah, it is very isolating, it's very lonely, it's very transitional, and it's hard when you don't have people on board that can meet you where you're at. Like when you need them the most. So yeah.

Building New Traditions And Villages

SPEAKER_00 20:18

Yeah. And I also just realized, because Sherry, I know you talked about um your postpartum hell, that time period because of the time of year you had Sage and then it was like isolating just because of like the weather, because it's the end of the year. Um mine are in the summer, but I'm also realizing like, yes, new mother, new momhood is isolating, but also like I just recently like realized like last week maybe I was like, I'm lonely. I was just like this stage like feels lonely, and I'm like, I've been in this for like almost seven years. Like I have mom friends, but I'm just like, huh, maybe this is just like a stage you go through, like through its stage, like oh, father's stage may feel lonely. Like, definitely the newborn stage is definitely lonely because not everyone has newborn around you. But which is like we all know that stage in sleep deprivation, it's just it's just awful. We can just put it out there. Um But I'm like, wow, I was like, this feels lonely right now. And that's why I was like, I need to just start putting myself out there like again. Because I mean, like you get tired and then you're just like you don't always want to like talk about your kids. All right, guys, you're back. Yet again, tech issues, like don't come for us. It's just tech issues, not us. Goodness. Okay. We were talking about mom groups and like putting yourself out there and then just like being lonely in different stages of motherhood. And I feel like if we normalize like talking about these things, people won't feel like they can't talk about it. Like Rebecca, what you were saying, like there were a bunch of ladies that were pregnant when you happened to put the group together and they're like, You don't have any family here. It's like, oh well, like this is great for us to throw like a community baby shower for all of you. But it's like if you never would have put the group together, like if people didn't feel comfortable telling you that, like they would have continued like to feel lonely.

SPEAKER_03 22:06

Yeah, and then it just carries on on when after you have the baby, and that's how you get po PPD. And and you know, so so yeah, I I'm really glad that are you guys like gr Christian?

SPEAKER_00 22:19

Um we were raised Christian, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:21

Okay, I hope you don't mind me saying I that I am glad that God put it, you know, blessed me with the with the the ability to do it because I was not I didn't have this personality even two years ago. Like I was very much like I'm set I'm still sensitive at my core. I do say I still take stuff personal. Like quick example, a mom responded to my TikTok post when we were DMing and I was like, hey, so ca can I get your number to join the chat? And then she's like, Why do you want my number? That seems invasive. Like she messaged me this whole thing. Like, I you told her why though. I I guess I wasn't clear that it was a WhatsApp chat. It's not it wasn't a TikTok group chat when I told, but that hurt my feelings when I read that.

SPEAKER_00 23:06

I was like, see, this is why not when somebody want your contact information other than to contact you.

SPEAKER_03 23:12

You know, you know what I mean? It's just like little stuff like that that makes me like want to just throw this whole let me just throw this whole thing away. But yeah, I'm glad that I just clarify and then I just move on, you know, and just keep I just keep pushing because I'm like there's a greater good in all of this. Like you said, there's pregnant women that we're looking, you know, silently looking for a community.

SPEAKER_00 23:35

So yeah, you know, yeah, we're we're I love that. Did you have your son in South Carolina or were you still in Connecticut when you had him?

SPEAKER_03 23:43

I did, yeah. I had him in uh South Carolina. Okay. We haven't lived in our hometowns in years, um, just because we've spoken for so long, it's moving around. Yeah. And that's why I don't have any I don't have any like long-lasting friendships. Like I don't have any but childhood friends because those went away years ago. Um yeah, so it's a good like this mom group was good for really good for me and then good for other women too, who for some reason their childhood friends don't it it they don't have childhood friends anymore. And you guys talked about that too, maybe in the same podcast episode or another episode. But just like friendship breakups and yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:24

Yeah. We still have yeah, I still have my core like childhood friends, but like we live like all over the country, so obviously the the friendship has changed, obviously. And like we're older, but like we went to high school together, like we've been through like every stage, and of course, like communication isn't as much, but it's like we're all adults, like we understand. We're like that part of sad because it's like not the same that it used to be. It's still there, and like I am lucky that I still have that. Like, we haven't seen each other probably in years, but like I think that's normal. Yeah, um because everything's expensive and it's like it's just like some of them have kids, and it's just like you just can't drop everything and run anywhere.

SPEAKER_03 25:06

But you never know. Yeah. Like you guys are keeping connection when the kids get older. Our kids are so young, like all three of us. We have like really young kids. When our kids get older, you guys can do like meetup, like a girls' trip, you know? Yeah. That's the that's why like I'm glad that I'm meeting these women. These are these are gonna be long-lasting friendships. Like that's cool.

SPEAKER_02 25:26

You're like building the foundation now, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:29

Exactly. Like, we're we're gonna be transitioning from play dates to eventually Yeah, girls' trips.

SPEAKER_00 25:34

Like I love that. Are a lot of the women like are they military spouses too, or are they just like local women that live there?

SPEAKER_03 25:42

Most are local. So good. Not very many are military affiliated. Most are local.

SPEAKER_04 25:47

That's amazing.

SPEAKER_03 25:48

Yeah, it is because I and that really resonated with me because I guess in my ignorance I thought that if you live in a if you live in the same city you grew up with that you automatically have a village, but that's not true. That's not true. Like, there are some people, some women who are, you know, are estranged from their parents and you know, and having rough patches with they, you know, childhood friends and whatnot. Yeah, and we talked, we've all talked about that, you know, on the group chat. Because like someone just asked on the group chat, oh, does everybody does anyone knowing each other? Anyone know in each other here? They said everyone said no, that they just they really want to build new friendships.

SPEAKER_00 26:29

Somebody asked that because I'm like, you're the girl from like out of town who's there for the military, and it's like these women have been here like locally who who know like longer than you, and it's like you came in, this new girl, and like you like built this community, which I think is like awesome.

Parenting In Public: Boundaries And Scripts

SPEAKER_03 26:45

Yeah, thank you. Thank you. This it feels really encouraging to hear you guys say that because I haven't really shared this with like anybody. I didn't really like feel the need to share this with anyone else other than my husband. My I have my husband's support. And that's pretty much it. Like I didn't really cause again, I don't have like super close relationships with relatives and like friends and whatnot. So sometimes I do feel like I I look at the events and I'm like, wow, I can't believe that this many women showed up. Like I still feel beside myself doing this. So to hear you say that is thank you. That's encouraging.

SPEAKER_00 27:23

No, I feel the same way when people like you or other people are like, I love your podcast. It's like I love listening to like our cousin was like, Oh, because it was like the roundup for like the end of the year. She's like, You guys are like my top three because I am listening to you guys all the time. And she's like, it's like catching up with you guys. And it's like we do this work because we like it, or like we love it, but like to hear people be like, I love that episode, I'm like, thank you. Like, because it's like the quiet thank you, but it's just like people who like it, the people who like either know us or don't know us personally, but like are getting to know us through there, and you're like, Oh, I feel like I know her.

SPEAKER_03 27:57

Yes, you guys are very relatable on your and I love that you guys sound like you're not even doing your podcast for fame, that you guys are genuinely just having fun and connecting.

SPEAKER_04 28:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:08

When I listen to your episodes, I'm like, it just sounds very like, you know, it's like very warm and inviting. Like I'm like talk listening to friends, you know. And I just love that. I love that you guys are sisters doing this, you know. I'm very much like I'm very about family, like sticking together, you know. And so I just I just love that when I saw that, I was like, wow, look at this. Like two sisters doing this. This is incredible. Yeah. I I'm all about that. Like I I can't wait to I I love that I, you know, I'm building my own family now. I was raised, you know, I do come from a a broken family, you know, with divorce and like people being no contact, parents being no contact, wings. So I don't know how you and I would love to know your thoughts on that part. Like, I really feel like we're breaking generational cycles, you know. And so I'm I'm looking forward to having this baby and I'm pregnant right now and giving my son, yeah, congratulations to you. Thanks too. So exciting. Yes, I am. I'm I'm looking forward to giving my son a sibling. We're gonna grow up as a closer family, gonna be close like you guys. So I would love to know what you guys think about that too, about just us breaking generational cycles. Sure, you can take this. I know you feel passionate about this, or you can take it first, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:24

Yeah, just what a blessing and a curse. Like it does feel like a burden a lot of the time, I will say, because it's very hard work. But when I talk to people that are around our age, especially I would say black women, like we're all doing it, it feels like. And then we'll talk about our parents or like generations before us, and we're like, oh yeah, like we we know because it's all been the same and it's all gotten passed down, and now it's on us to do it differently. So our kids don't have to go through maybe all of the same things that we went through, even like having to correct people or like I don't know, just like we don't talk about that. I think about that with having a daughter, like, you know, I don't want open conversations about like weight and bot and like food and things like that that just were like things that we would hear. Yeah that were very commonplace. So trying to find your voice as a mom and based off of what impacted you, uh, is a very it's a big responsibility. Being a parent is such a big responsibility. It is it's a lot, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:28

It's a lifetime sometimes.

SPEAKER_04 30:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:32

Like the work never stopped. And um Rebecca, you said that you come from a broken home, like divorced and everything. We our parents are divorced now, but like we grew up with both of them in the home. So our our broken home story came after. Like she was in her twenties and I was almost 30. So like we have a different perspective about that. We actually I think it was like one of our first episodes we did, we talked about it's literally called adult children and divorce because you only you only see things about like young kids and like what they go through. That's true. But it's like we had our whole life like with both of our parents together. I was literally about to move back home after college. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:17

I'm so sorry that you guys were that.

SPEAKER_00 31:19

Yeah, thank you. And like our childhood home, like they sold it. It's like literally everything that like you want to do as a parent, like take your kids to your parents' house. Like we used to go to both texts at our grandparents' house, like the houses that like our parents grew up in, like, we can't take our kids to those houses anymore. And I think that's what hurt me the most because it's like you used to and thinking about it, you're like, wow, like we like when you're younger, you don't think that you're not going to have that.

SPEAKER_04 31:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:48

And then it's just like, sure, people move and like you might move to like a different house or whatever, but like our parents don't have the house at all because they're not together anymore. Like our mom moved lives down here, our dad still lives in Jersey, but like not in like in a different house. And it's just like our grandparents' house, like my dad's our dad's parents passed away. Like that's the house we grew up in. Like, we would go over there all the time with our cousins and everything. Of course, other people live there now, but guess what? It's been renovated. It looks nothing like it did when we were growing up. So, like that was another like thing of grief we had to go through.

SPEAKER_03 32:20

I was just gonna say, yeah. That's grief.

SPEAKER_00 32:23

And it's just like, um, we have one grandparent left, our grandmother, our mom's mom. She's in like northern Jersey. That is the house she grew up in, but it's like that's one piece that we do have, which our kids have been there, which is awesome. Cause we can be like, we used to come here all the time. So we have that, but like I'll see like my friends like taking their kids to like their parents' house, like the house that I used to play in, like with my friends, and like now their kids are there, and I'm like, we don't have that, and that makes me sad. Like I'm happy for them.

SPEAKER_04 32:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:54

And I'm just like, wow, we don't have that. And it's like people think it's so simple, but like it's not, it's huge.

SPEAKER_02 33:02

Especially on the holidays, right? Yeah, yeah. Always. Even like seeing our parents be grandparents together, like we don't get. Yes, that's another layer.

SPEAKER_00 33:12

Like our kids only know our parents as like separate because they got divorced like before any of the kids were born. Yeah. Yeah.

Hosting Playdates And Conflict Management

SPEAKER_03 33:19

Wow. And because you had such this expectation that Yeah. Yeah. There's a lady on the chat that talked about she's going through that right now, too. She was and not that's kind of a rare experience. And when she was talking about it, we just like gave her virtual hugs because on top of her being a mom, she has to navigate that. Like her parents just now getting a divorce. Like, yeah, that is just oh my, I'm sorry you guys went through that. Yeah. You guys had to deal with that while you were like part of them. No, thank goodness.

SPEAKER_00 33:51

Before the kids, maybe like a year or two before them. Oh, but like of course going into when we are pregnant, we're like, oh well, this just happened. Like, we're not gonna be able to do like XYZ. Like they never even sell the house because they sold it before my oldest was born. So it's like they just know like where we're from and like driven by them when we go out there to visit other family. But like someone else lives there. We can't just go knock on the door. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:14

So do you guys like have in do you guys start your own traditions, I guess, for the holidays? And what do you guys what do you guys think about that? Like starting your own since you can't necessarily celebrate all together now as a family.

SPEAKER_00 34:29

So funny you said that because last week on the podcast with our cousins, some of our cousins, that was one of the topics we covered, which was like, 'Cause those are the cousins that we grew up going to holidays with. Like we had every holiday with them because we lived five minutes around the corner from them. And we talked about like growing up at our grandparents' house and like those were the cousins. And we talked about like how it's different now and how like they had a period when they grieved at too where like they didn't see us for Christmas when they saw us for Christmas for like twenty plus years. And like my parents got divorced. It's like we were down here and we didn't come home to go up there to their house. So it was like we that's crazy that you said that because we literally just talked about that last week. And like like they had a grieving period too that we didn't like talk about, but we're like, oh, we're sad, but it's like they're like, Wow, I didn't realize like not everybody has the Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:22

Wow. I should listen to that. Wow, that's interesting. That is I'm just I'm sorry you guys don't do that.

SPEAKER_00 35:30

Yeah, thank you. But I mean it's like not everybody has the closeness with their cousins either. Like I would always say we're the lucky ones.

SPEAKER_04 35:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:38

And now that our cousins are older, they're just like, I didn't realize, you know, that not everybody has that.

SPEAKER_03 35:47

Yeah. No, yeah. Yeah. I'm, you know, I don't mean to keep like playing a small violin, you know. Yeah, I'm just trying to just build my own, honestly, because I don't have, you know, that. So it's and you know, for a little for a while, I was I'm not I'm gonna just admit, I'm I'm not gonna lie, I was like jealous of it was like triggering for me to be around other families and and celebrations and see the closeness. But now I'm like, I'm just gonna build my own. Like I'm just gonna build, I'm gonna make sure, like I said, I'm gonna make sure my kids know who their cousins are. And honestly, thankfully, my husband, he comes from a very close family. Okay. Like they're on a group chat, they celebrate. So I spend a lot of time on my in-laws.

SPEAKER_00 36:29

Oh, I love that.

SPEAKER_03 36:31

Yeah, I I love, you know, I love my in-laws, so yeah, that's that's my basically we're finding our own village, and that's like my whole identity right now, my whole like personality. I'm just finding my own village. I love it.

SPEAKER_00 36:45

And the good in-law story, our grandparents, our dad's parents, those are my mom's in-laws, obviously, but like sh they lived like 15 minutes from off, so like she was always with them, so she had a really close relationship with them as well. Like they called her like daughter, and like she called them mom and dad. So it's like we grew up like with my dad's side of the family.

SPEAKER_03 37:05

I love that. And you don't always see that. I know, like, doesn't isn't that like the stereotype that the dad's side is like not really that's so beautiful. That's it.

SPEAKER_00 37:15

And we saw my mom's side, obviously, but like they lived a little bit further away, but like she still obviously like made sure that we saw them, and like it was like we were close, but like they literally lived like 15 minutes from us. Like we would have dinner over there like nightly, like sometimes it was like themed dinners. Like Monday was chicken, Tuesday was this, and it was just like Wow, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 37:36

That's so beautiful. I love I've that's like my dream, you know.

SPEAKER_00 37:39

So that's what we were used to, that's how we grew up, and it's like now that like that possibility like isn't always a possibility for us now. It's just like we didn't realize that like people didn't have that.

Encouragement, Next Steps, And Resources

SPEAKER_03 37:52

Yes, yeah. It's it's a lot of people's realities, you know. And we can either we can either just sulk in it and feel sorry for ourselves, which is what I did during my postpartum journey after I had my son, you know, back to Cherie's question, she was like, Oh, how was postpartum free? Yeah, I was like very sad and like depressed because I was like, dang, no one's here. Um I was never I was never like that close to my mom anyway, but it just heightened it and I d I didn't grow up with my dad. So Okay, okay, yeah, like and then I don't have close relationships with grandparents, uncles, aunts. But like I yeah, like when I had my son, I was like, dang, I like I I I knew I should have known that no one was gonna be there, but when it when actually when it actually happens, it's very sad. But like I keep saying, my my mother-in-law was there and she's a saint. And so, you know, my mother-in-law is a saint. I feel really sad for anyone who does in the same way that you feel sad that for people who don't have close relationships with cousins and like you know, someone like me, I feel sad for people who don't have good mothers-in-law because I'm like, man, I have I have a good one. So yeah, she came, she took off took time off work, and yes, so it's really interesting how even though life made me feel challenging on one end, then there's a blessing on the other end. So yeah, did you have anybody come help you out when you after you had your Yeah, so our mom lives like 10 minutes from us.

SPEAKER_00 39:18

Well yeah, today. And then she has been like babysitter for us, like since my oldest was born. He's in school now, but um my youngest isn't in school. Yeah, he's three and a half, so he'll be like this coming year or next year, whatever. So yeah, she helped then um their other grandmother, their dad's mom. Like she lived like not far and like she helps all she helped also. But my dad, like when I had my oldest, like we were like, Okay, how's it gonna work? Like, we know you both want to see the baby, but like how's it gonna work? 'Cause we hadn't ever been in like a situation where it was like other people that they were focusing on because it was always just like us. So I will Like obviously my mom was at the hospital, my sister, and then my dad like drove down from Jersey, which is like that's fine. But like they were so nice to each other, Rebecca. We were like my sister and I were like, Wait, what? Like not saying they were like ever mean to each other, but it was like they were divorced, and like, you know, we didn't know how it was gonna go. But Cherie was like, that was so weird. Wow. That is so good though. You don't need that, you didn't need any, you know, no otherwise. It was just like they both held him, obviously, and we were just like, Health is gonna go. Like, what do we do? But because they like, I don't know, it's like they've always put us first. So I was like, Yeah, far beloved. And they're just like, okay, we don't get along, but like they're still our children. That's how it's supposed to be. We were like, health is gonna go. Like, do we need to be out of like does someone need to be in one room and someone needs to be in the other room? But no, it was as if nothing ever happened, girl. We were like, Whoa.

SPEAKER_03 41:03

I l that is that's beautiful. Like, that's how it's supposed to be. And it was I'm guessing it's the same for you too, Sherri. You're you're we're talking about your parents, how your parents showed up for um Tawana after she had her babies.

SPEAKER_02 41:16

Oh, yeah, mine was at an interesting time though, because sorry, I'm out of breath. Just two flights of stairs. My uh I think was mommy sick. Something was going on with her.

Where To Find The Black Mom Village

SPEAKER_00 41:29

No, you couldn't have you can only have two people in the room.

SPEAKER_02 41:32

I know, but like Yeah, because of COVID.

SPEAKER_00 41:37

Brandon and his mom.

SPEAKER_02 41:39

Yeah, but I'm yeah, I was I was thinking like after the fact. Yes, that was true. Because she it was during the week she had the boys, so and Brandon's mom wanted to. Yeah, I think she was the energy that I needed in the room too. So that was helpful afterwards. I'm trying to think. I think just because it was so it was like flu and RSV season, and I'm pretty sure I f I don't know why I feel like mommy was sick around that time.

SPEAKER_00 42:10

Are you thinking of when I had hair and she got back surgery?

SPEAKER_02 42:14

Yeah, but I'm thinking like because I don't think I saw her right away. Like I feel like she would have come to the house right away. That's why I think I don't know. I feel like something was like one of the kids or someone was sick and she was like, I don't want to like see her again. And so I don't think she saw her right away, maybe a week or two. And then same with daddy, he saw her when he came down to visit for Christmas. So it wasn't it was separate, they had their own um time, but it was nice because they got to visit us at home. I wasn't like, I mean, we were ready to go, we were ready to leave the hospital immediately. So it was nice to be like in our space when they got to come meet her, and they were both like, take a nap. I was like, well, that's not happening, but like thanks for offering. Yeah. Um so yeah, I don't I don't think I was surprised. I didn't really know what to expect.

Closing, Tech Woes, And Subscribe

SPEAKER_00 43:09

I was telling her that like when daddy came for RJ, we were like, Health is gonna go. And you were like, Oh my god, that was so weird. It was like nothing else. Like they were so it was very strange.

SPEAKER_03 43:22

Yeah, I just love that. That's I mean, we didn't know.

SPEAKER_00 43:25

We were like, okay, but like my youngest, my dad was like, just tell me um what room you're gonna be in, and like I'll be there. I was like, wait, wait, wait. I was like, it was like a little after COVID. I was like, you can only have like two people. So it was dad and then Cherie was able to be there, which was pretty cool. But then he came like I think like the next week or the week after, like because I had two sections both of them, both times. So he saw my youngest like a week or so later, I should say. Yeah. And then my mom saw him like a couple days later because she just got she just gotten back surgery like a couple weeks before that. Um and her friend was in town to like help her with recovery, so she brought her over.

SPEAKER_03 44:05

That's that's good. That's really that's good. I'm glad that you guys have that. And you guys help each other out, I'm guessing, right? Like with each other's like so you guys are you guys own each other's village, basically.

SPEAKER_00 44:18

We are it really does. It really does. I will say Cherie did suggest or did was always like, oh babysitter, like with the oldest, and like never took her up on that. But I'm like, 'cause she didn't they didn't have kids yet. And now, like, now saying with the mine. Bet she wish she could. Right? But like we have like swapped, like now that they're like this age, where it's like, can you watch them while I do this? And like XYZ, and like, you know, I took my oldest somewhere and dropped the little one off with her so she so he could play with his cousin, and just like, all right, I'll be back, blah, blah, blah. And like I've watched Sage a bunch of times and all that stuff.

SPEAKER_03 44:55

So I love that's and that's that's also available too. Like when I made the model, I was like, if you guys want to work up to that, you know, since none of us have sitters.

SPEAKER_00 45:04

I could always have young kids. People do that. It's like they do like kid swaps. It's like, okay, well, like Saturday morning, break them up, I'll do breakfast, and you go do whatever, then like I'll send it back over for lunch, or like I'm like, I love that word. The bus stop I have to be at work at this time.

SPEAKER_03 45:20

Yeah, but like we all need a break, you know. I mean, of course, like I tell uh when I put on the chat, I'm like, Tar that's why I want everybody to try to come out to the event so we can get to know each other, so we can work up to that trust. Because all of us have young children just coincidentally, I guess, because and going back to what you said in the beginning, to why at work, there's a loneliness in being a toddler mom or pregnant. So all of us have kids under the age of like 10, you know, um, where it feels most loneliest.

SPEAKER_00 45:49

Whole different world.

SPEAKER_03 45:50

It really is, like, you know, and once we start experiencing our kids becoming teenagers, where we kind of like our world will open up, like our we will just I feel like we'll see like way more options.

SPEAKER_00 46:01

That village will be so good for you, Rebecca, during that time. If I think back to like how I was as a teenager.

SPEAKER_02 46:08

I think people forget though, which I don't know, maybe that goes into like breaking generational curve. Like, I feel like once you're out of it and you're like, okay, I survived it, people forget. Like people with older kids are like, oh my god, I miss that stage, or there's something like doing Do you miss potty training and the noise in the world and I'm still in it.

SPEAKER_03 46:29

Yeah. You hear that all the time from old season more seasoned moms, yeah. Like, oh, that's so cute.

SPEAKER_00 46:34

Cherish it, you know. Yes, just wait till I'm like, okay.

SPEAKER_02 46:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:38

It's so cute. That's how you can take them then if they're so cute.

SPEAKER_02 46:41

Please, by all means. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:44

Yeah. I've already been through the newborn stage with like the second. So I'm giving all the blessings to both of you ladies because I'm like, I do not dismiss that at all.

SPEAKER_03 46:54

I don't miss it either. Like, I don't miss, I'm not looking, I'm not really looking forward to that. Like, I'm looking forward to the cute baby, but I don't miss my son sleeps through the night now. He sleeps in his own crib. Dude, yes, my son. So I'm I'm loving this. It's like hold on to that. Yes. I don't miss every two, three hours. Like, no.

SPEAKER_00 47:16

Thought about gifts me chills. Like I'm getting flashbacks.

SPEAKER_02 47:20

I'm not looking forward to it, but I feel like I will have a different appreciation if that's the I feel like I'll be a little bit more present. I hope to be a little bit more present.

SPEAKER_00 47:30

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 47:31

And just like able to soak it in a little bit more.

SPEAKER_00 47:34

Um is my fear going into it. I was like, I I can't do this. I was like, I just I can't just knowing how like you around it.

SPEAKER_02 47:43

I know. Well, when you're in it, you're in the thick of it, it is like never ending. There's no light at the end of the tunnel, but then you look back and you're like, that was really just a blip in time. Like it was. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 47:55

And so when you're in it and you're like, oh my god, I haven't slept in three days. Yeah. I mean, yeah. Like, just get a sleep, child. It's like, when are you not understanding? Close your eyes.

SPEAKER_02 48:08

But I I feel like I still go through that. Like, I just transitioned my kid to the big bed. That's where I went.

SPEAKER_00 48:14

Yeah. But she's also older like now. It's obviously different from like a six-big old like a three-year, but yes, I completely get it. I feel like now when they wake up in the middle of the night, it's different than them waking up when they're like eight weeks old.

SPEAKER_02 48:24

No, it's definitely different. I'm just like, when does it end? Because people are like it ends.

SPEAKER_03 48:29

I want to know that too. Because he's don't get me wrong, he's still gets he still wakes up like every like twice a week, honestly. It's it is hard because I'm like, man, I I can't give you you don't want a bottle.

SPEAKER_00 48:39

Like, I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 48:40

They don't need anything ever. But it's just gonna be like, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 48:44

Exactly. What do you want? Don't you want to go to sleep?

SPEAKER_03 48:46

Gosh.

SPEAKER_00 48:47

It's it's oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_03 48:49

I yeah, I I do want to know when it yeah, when does it end?

SPEAKER_00 48:53

But then you're gonna be up wondering where they are, which are not home.

SPEAKER_02 48:56

Mm-hmm. Oh my goodness. Like who they're talking to online. Yeah, it just I'm not I mean, I'm sure parents like our parents, adult uh parents of adults still don't sleep. Like I just I think you just don't ever again. Solidly.

SPEAKER_03 49:10

Yes. When you're a really good parent, yeah, I heard it's you you always worry. No matter what, you always worry. That's what I heard too.

SPEAKER_00 49:18

The fact that you are worried about something and thinking about it, you're worried, like that means you're a good parent.

SPEAKER_03 49:24

Yeah, I believe that we're all good parents. Like, I really feel like we're all good mothers because just like based on everything you talked about and like just how you guys are just talking, you know, how you Tawana, you said earlier you were hesitant to take Cherie up on the babysitting, like Yeah, you know, you're like Like I trust her with my life, she's my soul friend. Right. But you're like, oh, this is my baby, you know. I know, and I yeah, and I'm so glad Cherie, you're just like, Yeah, you know, I understand, you know.

SPEAKER_02 49:48

Yeah, I mean I tried. I was like, let us get some practice, but you know, nope.

SPEAKER_00 49:53

Just never thought about it. Um, yeah, and now I'm like, damn it. But I feel like we've all been up in the middle of the night being like, oh no, does he have this and that for school? What if her friends don't like him? Like, what if he's it's just like all these things like go through your head. You're like, but I can't be there with him. Like, oh my god, and then they come home, they're just like, I had a great day. I'm like, oh thank God. You know, I'm just like panicking every five seconds.

SPEAKER_03 50:18

Yeah. That is so different from how I believe how I was I was raised. You know, I was raised on by a parent who was in survival mode as a single parent. I don't think that emotional our emotional well-being, my siblings and I, that was not at the forefront. And I think that what makes us different as as moms, you know, as some might say millennial parents, just in general. Yep. We're not just we don't just provide shelter and food for our kids. We also care about their emotional wealth, like how you said, hmm, I want to know if he is kids are being kind to him at school. Like, yeah, that's what also that's what adds to my stress too. Like, you know, so that's what makes us break that's how we're breaking these cycles because prime example.

SPEAKER_00 51:01

It's first day of first grade, like they all eat lunch together in the cafeteria, okay? He comes, like I pick him up and I'm like, Oh, like who'd you eat lunch with today? Ladies. He told me he eat lunch by himself. I immediately emailed his teacher and I was like, What is going on? Like, what is the doing with fine seats? Like, and I was crying and I was just like Oh my god. I was like, This can never happen again.

SPEAKER_05 51:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 51:22

No. I would be the same one. But like I missed some mix-up or something. Like he's obviously like he has friends and like it's like the same friends from kindergarten, and like it was just something that's just like different that day. I was like, You did you ate with who? No one? I was like, Oh no. Like this wave of panic just like went through my body. Is he shy? Is he is he is he um shy? Um, at first, like once he finds somebody, he's fine. And I think it was just like the seating that day, and like I don't remember. But of course you know it's like the kids they pull in the theatrics are just like, he's like, Oh my I was like, oh my gosh, he's kidding.

SPEAKER_03 51:59

Cause you care. You know, that's that's what I that's that's what I love about us. You know, we just are so attuned. You know, we're so attuned with our with our children.

SPEAKER_00 52:09

And sure, I think you can use the example if you want to, about like whenever you see Sage like in the wild, it's like when some kid may like hit her or take something from her, you just want to like jump in and be like, don't touch my kid, and don't take that toy from my kid.

SPEAKER_02 52:22

The first time it happened, I froze because she was still so little. I don't even think she was she might have been just over one, like one and some change. And we went to an indoor playground with you and Harry. I remember this big kid, like he was like four or five.

SPEAKER_00 52:39

He shouldn't have been in the area that he was that she was up to.

SPEAKER_02 52:41

And like his parent wasn't watching him and he was just rubbing around. Yeah, and she was just like trying to maneuver and like walk and crawl, and then he shoved her down and she just kind of fell and like looked at him and then looked at me, and I was like, Because then like his mom looked over and I'm like, Well, I'm not gonna reprimand you, like your mom needs to come in and do that. But I was like, please don't touch my kid, like please don't do that. So now I'm like, now I need to have a script or something because yeah, my response is to freeze because I'm like, what just happened? What did I just witness? Uh it's different when uh maybe when you like hear about something, but when you see it, it's like, did that just happen? And what am I supposed to do? Like she was fine. I yeah, I like I'm not here to parent other people's kids, but like don't touch mine ever.

SPEAKER_03 53:28

No, definitely. I was just gonna ask, where was the mom? That's like my biggest fit peeve when I go to these public places. Yeah. I'm the one that's well I'm standing up at a playground. I'm standing up, like I'm moving, like I'm nothing. Yeah, so it just bothers me when other parents are just like sitting down and their kids. Yeah. So hard. Yeah, I understand, Cherie. I didn't I'm not a like an aggressive, like you know, I'm not someone who's like ready to I I try to process first, you know, and then Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 54:03

Maybe I don't know, maybe that's good, maybe that's bad. Do I'm just like do I really need to hit this person or can I just talk to them?

SPEAKER_02 54:09

Well, yeah. I I don't know. Like, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 54:12

I'm in the thing now. I'm just like, be nice guys, like don't do that, don't do that. But some kids are like not nice. Yeah. And I'm like, can you not do that to my kids? Yeah. They can like censor themselves. I get it, but I'm like, could you maybe not do that? Right, seriously. Like today, basketball practice, my oldest, my youngest brought like his trucks and stuff, and he's like playing with them. And all these little kids were there because like their siblings were playing and they were like they were just being kids and they were just like looking at the toys and everything. And he's like, Mommy, mommy, because he thought that their kids were gonna like take them. Understand because they were like super close, but they were just being kids. But like they kept doing it, and I wanted to be like, Can you please get out of his face? Like it's not your toy. And it'd be different if like they asked. They were just like staring, and I'm just like, I didn't make a scene. I was just like, Oh, they're just looking, they're not gonna t like they're not gonna take off. Like I'm sitting right here, but I'm like, You just like stop? Like, what are you doing? If you want to play with them, then ask. Get out of his face.

SPEAKER_03 55:11

Seriously, and what and this is the age group you said you're that was your oldest son, like six.

SPEAKER_00 55:15

Um, yeah, he was playing. So my my youngest is playing with truck. So it was like two three-year-olds that were like all in his face, like looking at like the trucks. They're like, Wow. Then like he had snacks, and they were like, Oh I was like, What are your parents? Why is it white? Like they were around, but I'm just like the first thing should have been like, Hey, little Johnny, come over here. But no, right, they're just like I was like, Yeah, but can you still have a face? Like, what are you doing?

SPEAKER_03 55:39

Yeah, yeah. Oh my, I'm so I'm just so adamant about my kid, like, just what he's doing, make sure he's not annoying anyone. You know, I'm always just looking, like when I'm gonna do it. I'm on that too.

SPEAKER_00 55:51

I'm just like, don't hit, don't like, I'm always like that. Like, please just be nice. And it's just like I'm the one who's always like, no, like they took the toy from you, like that's not right, but just go get another toy.

SPEAKER_03 56:02

Yeah. I just oh my gosh, I know. That's such a pet peeve of mine when you're in a space like that and the parents aren't monitoring their kids. Cause you can't, because if you try to reprimand, then you know, if you try, then I'm the problem. Yeah. Yeah, you know, other people might take it personal and you never know how it's gonna go.

SPEAKER_00 56:19

Girl, that too. You don't want to put your kid in a dangerous situation, but you're just like, just watch your kids. Like, yeah, you pay for these places for them to play, but like they're not your babysitter.

SPEAKER_04 56:30

Right. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 56:31

Like they're providing space for your kids to play, which means you need to watch your children.

SPEAKER_03 56:36

Yeah, yeah. That that like literally, yeah. I had anxiety because I host play dates here sometimes. And if I ran into an issue like that too, where one mom wasn't, and we're all we all we're all getting to know each other. Like I said, none of us have like have known each other. So, like one mom, her kid like bit another mom's kid. But then the mom came up to me, and I remember I had I had to have this talk with my husband, he had to help me. He's very logical because I was like, Oh my gosh, is it my fault that I hosted the play it? But I was like, you know what? I think that since we're all getting to know each other, I think that it's not like on me, it should just be those two moms that had that issue. Like I could address it. I could for the mom whose child bit the other mom's kid, of course, you know, I'll bring it up to her, but the other mom was just like kept bringing it to me, pulling me to the side, make it just making me feel like uncomfortable. Like I was like, I don't know what to do. Like I felt in the in the middle, and because I'm so non-confrontational, you know, I was like, I don't know what to do. So there's stuff like that that gives me anxiety with with creating this community, but I'm trying to just work on my um just confidence assertion and just being like, okay, you know, like in the same way that you just said to my that if that if those kids were to take your son's stuff, like I'm sure you would address the the parent, you know.

SPEAKER_00 57:52

I'd be like, where's your mother?

SPEAKER_03 57:53

Yeah, we just have to do that. We just have to just start addressing, we just have to like just build the confidence and just But I will be the first like reprimand my kid in public if they do do something wrong.

SPEAKER_00 58:05

Don't hit, like that's not nice.

SPEAKER_03 58:07

Yeah, yeah. My son hates hearing, like he hates hearing. We go to the library, all the toys are for him. They're his. Yeah. Yep, they're his. So I'm always like, no. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 58:18

Yes, yeah. They gotta grow out of that pretty soon, unfortunately, for them. Exactly. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 58:24

That is so funny. I'm just like, you have to share, like, be nice. And like, if a kid does take a toy and the parents just sitting there, I'm like, can you do something? I'm like, okay, well, I'll go play with something else. So sorry. It wasn't nice, but he took it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 58:38

I feel like I could like talk to you guys forever. You guys have been yeah, this is like this is more exceeding my expectations. I was like nervous going into this. I was like, I I never I'd never been on a a podcast before. This is my first time.

SPEAKER_02 58:53

Yeah, yeah. Well, you're always welcome back. Come on back anytime.

SPEAKER_03 58:57

I definitely will. This was this was very like I feel like I just like hung out, you know, with friends.

SPEAKER_00 59:03

Yes, that makes me so happy when people say that someone's like, that's our goal. And we always say we're like, we're not experts in anything. We're just like talking from our experience and like please correct us if we're wrong about something that's like factual, but like because we just wanted to like build a community for women to just like talk about their stuff. But I wanted to say Rebecca, like top cheese for creating the group, the mom group, and I also feel like that'll help you like gain your confidence because like you feel like you're forcing yourself to put yourself out there. So I feel like and when you have your second, I feel like you'll have more confidence in that space too.

SPEAKER_04 59:39

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 59:40

I just feel like it'll be a good thing. I like what you said. You were like, I'm building my family, and Sheree was like, You're building your foundation.

SPEAKER_02 59:48

Yeah, I think also just connecting with more experienced moms or like moms of multiple has been really helpful for me too. Of just like this is normal, and then it passes, and then you figure. figure it out and then they throw something new at you, but like you figure it out and then you build your support system along the way. So then you can text them like, what the hell is this? Like you didn't tell me. But you know, I think that that's all part of it. So it's nice that you're figuring out who you can lean on and hopefully your kid can lean on in the future too.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:19

I just want to say one of my friends gives her kids are older than mine, like a little bit older. And like she had already had kids before I had kids and when I was pregnant with my first I was like you know just like sharing some stuff that I was like anxious about and like the sleep deprivation and all that stuff. She was like, let me tell you this. She's like if you make it through the first six weeks, she's like you'll be fine. And I never forgot that. And like when it happened, like you know, after that I was like thank you for that. She's like oh yeah she's like if you make it through that she was like you'll be good. You'll be fine. Because it's like you put you get a routine in place or whatever. It's like you just have to make it through those first six weeks.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:59

And I always tell new moms that but I'm like I never forgot that.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:03

Wow. Rebecca if you don't mind me asking and we don't have to include this if you don't want to but when are you due?

SPEAKER_03 1:01:09

So I'm supposed to be due in August. You can include it August yeah what about you?

SPEAKER_02 1:01:14

April because I was gonna say we should definitely circle back and see how like postpartum is this time around. Yeah with definitely want April that's like that's kind of around the corner. Girl kind of tomorrow I'm so excited for you. It feels very close and very far at the same time it's kind of confusing. But yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:33

Do you want to do do one like when you're postpartum and then Yeah yeah we've talked about it.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:40

We've talked about it.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:41

You've talked about it yeah right what like recording when I'm postpartum?

SPEAKER_00 1:01:45

Yeah so you can talk about it like this too. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:48

Yeah and just hopefully this time goes a little bit better but yeah and I think probably it'll be helpful to just process like a late like a birth story. God that's the part that I'm like everything leading up to this point and then now it's like yeah that is still gotta get them out somehow. So yeah. Yeah so yeah we'll definitely be we'll be back on here.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:10

I would love to be a part of that and then kind of like let you guys know how I'm how I'm doing you can be back on for yeah anytime for yours too.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:20

I love that. Yeah. And do you have like a for your postpartum Rebecca do you have like a I know it's like far away but do you have like a plan like for your group? Like do you have like a postpartum like section or like I'm sure like when you started were there any moms that were like dealing with the same postpartum depression as you are or did you guys talk about that?

SPEAKER_03 1:02:41

Yeah so we sectioned our we have like different group chats for different things. So yeah we have a pregnancy chat and a chat for moms with special needs kids and autistic children. But yeah like my plan for when I'm postpartum I'm still working on like trying to see which moms in particular I feel very close with because unfortunately I'm like still like pretty guarded because of everything I've been through with like my sister and stuff. Yeah. So like every because everything has been very light so far on the surface play dates. Postpartum for me that's gonna be a that that's gonna be I have to be like very vulnerable you know and I'm gonna be emotional hormones. Sure. Yeah I'm hoping I already I already know which moms I'm connecting with like I already know which ones I'm I'm connecting with I'll be able to lean on you know I'm gonna take a break from like the map the group meetups because that makes sense yeah because like that that's gonna be a little bit that might be too performative for me. It'll be too much for you I think or for anybody for that matter.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:46

Yeah yeah like you know you know after your birth you just kind of want to just be in a in a cave yeah yeah well I'm gonna just throw this out there if any of your group members are listening just rally I don't know make some some casseroles or like do a laundry trade something like help Rebecca out because you might be like taking a break from organizing things but things shouldn't have to stop because of that.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:10

So thank you for saying that yeah I appreciate I'm definitely gonna put this out on my Facebook page in the group chat because this was amazing.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:19

Sure.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:19

And can you tell everybody where they can find you and the name of your group and um what like main platforms that you guys use to communicate yes so I'm on Instagram and our Instagram handle is the black mom village um and then Facebook the black mom village um I'm on TikTok Instagram Facebook and you know we have a website www.theblack moments you do yep mom yep so yeah that's where you could find us and you know if you live in Columbia South Carolina you need a village you can be a part of us or if you want to even if you're not from Columbia you know if you can just see how I how you can start your own community. It doesn't have to be a hundred moms like how ours is a hundred moms but it can just be a small group like you really could start it because um three I know you said it's not your personality and it's not even a lot of people's personality but you will find that there are so many moms who are looking for that. Like when you put it out there they're gonna be like yes they're gonna DM you quite privately they might not even comment on or even like your post but they're gonna DM you like yeah I I want that too and that's how you do it. So if you want to start your own like if you're if you're if you don't have a community at all where you're from whoever's listening you can literally start it because we already did yeah for sure.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:36

But yeah we will put all of that in the show notes.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:39

Thank you. Thank you guys you guys are such uh such lovely lovely women so I appreciate y'all so much thank you I appreciate you too thanks for coming and being open and sharing it's been great talking with you.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:51

Yeah it's been great talking to you I'm looking forward to April or whatever you're ready yeah well maybe May but yeah and thanks for being patient with our tech issues oh it's only 2020 so well of course yeah all right well thank you guys thank you Rebecca and like listen review and subscribe talk to you soon guys bye bye all right everyone this was another episode of Turn the Baby Podcast thanks for hanging out don't forget to like listen and subscribe and also go for you please and let us know what you thought about today's episode and all the other episodes thanks guys talk to you soon bye