FreelySHEcould Podcast
The goal is to create a community of women who are encouraged, inspired, and empowered to live out their faith in the world.
FreelySHEcould Podcast
Episode 3: The Power of Love and Redemption in Everyday Challenges
What happens when you let go of your personal desires and allow a divine plan to take the lead in your life? On this episode of the Freely She Could podcast, we're exploring the profound journey of "dying to self" and how it reshapes our identity in Christ. I'll share my personal transformation inspired by Fenelon's 17th-century insights and how they've guided my path from worldly pursuits to a deep relationship with Jesus. Through stories and reflections, we navigate the delicate art of balancing faith with everyday life, while embracing grace and mercy as our constant companions.
Together with teachings from Dr. DW Ekstrand, we uncover how the concept of dying to self can lead to life-altering experiences and unexpected revelations. I'll recount a personal story about a family conflict and the power of responding with love, inspired by Peter's denial and redemption. These moments, though challenging, reveal our true selves and align us more closely with God's will. By understanding our new identity in Christ, we not only find personal freedom but also the courage to let Christ guide our actions in alignment with His divine purpose.
As we ponder self-awareness and surrender, practical steps such as the Beatitudes mirror activity come into focus, offering tools for spiritual growth. It's about prioritizing obedience to God, even when emotions run high, and inviting the Holy Spirit's guidance. Get ready to embrace a journey of self-discovery, grace, and community support. Stay tuned, as we'll be kicking off our mini-series "Better Together," where my husband Steve joins me to discuss how dying to self plays out in our relationships, inviting transformation and deeper connection.
Hi everyone and welcome to the Freely she Could podcast. This podcast is a platform where stories, advice, insight and experiences will be shared for women to grow in their relationship with Jesus and others. I'm your host, soli, and I'm excited to be here with you On this podcast. We'll talk about faith, family, health, work and relationships, and so much more. The goal is to create a community of women who are encouraged, inspired and empowered to live out their faith in the world. I believe that when women come together and share their stories, we can make a difference. So, whether you're new here or you've been walking with Jesus for years, I hope you'll join us in this journey and I'm so glad you're with us. What's up, guys? So glad to be back here another week with you.
Speaker 1:We're here on week three, episode three. Wow, I can't even believe that we have come this far, very excited. Thank you so much for all the support and feedback, even your topic ideas. I love them. Keep them coming. It's so awesome to get real life topics going of questions and conversations and ideas that you guys are working through and trying to sift through and just needing another friend to just be next to you and being like, hmm, what does this look like? What does this sound like? Bouncing this off of someone else and not saying I have all the right answers or anything like that. But I think that's how we're able to flesh through our thoughts and process our thoughts and our emotions is by going to community, bouncing them off one another and having that accountability to digest what really is going on, getting to the root of things, you know, and that's what we're about here on Freely she Could. It's about following Jesus. It's not me, it's not the content, it's just following Jesus in our everyday life as human beings, broken people that need grace and mercy. Gosh, I need so much grace and mercy as I'm sure you also need a lot of grace and mercy, and that's all right. That's the whole point. We need grace and mercy because Jesus is the only one that can show us that grace and mercy in a way that we can't fathom, and then being able to show others a glimpse, a fraction of that through our lives.
Speaker 1:So today I laugh and I pause for a moment because sometimes my husband will say it's like why are you coming after my life? But some of the things I say or talk about I've had a couple friends say that to me and I'm not trying to come after your life, but these are things that I've had to really wrestle with and, to be real with y'all, sometimes I feel like Jesus is coming after my life. That's not supposed to be punny or anything, but it's actually true. He is coming after our lives in love and wanting to transform us, wanting us to live liberated and free because of what he's done on the cross. But it's like how do we practically do that and how do we do that every day? Because Jesus does say we need to bear our cross every day. That means it's an everyday choice, every moment, sometimes right, some of y'all. Even for me I had moments it's like every second. I need to choose Jesus again and again and again to get through this day. But today we are going to talk about dying to self. I wish I had like a music. It's like dun, dun, dun, right, dying to self. What does that mean? We hear that, especially in the church, you have to die to yourself. It's like what does that even mean?
Speaker 1:I did not grow up in the church or in a relationship with Christ until I got saved in my early, early 20s. I was 20. I was just 20 when I got saved. I grew up in the church, but that for me was more a immigrant parent safety net, safe place, more than me having a personal relationship with Jesus, and that I want to do it. Definitely. Another podcast talking about what was it like growing up as a Korean American immigrant coming from an immigrant family? The expectations processing that with Jesus. What does that look like? Up as a Korean American immigrant coming from an immigrant family? The expectations processing that with Jesus what does that look like? But today I want to talk about dying to self and not having really grown up in the church. I grew up in the world. I did a lot of worldly things drinking, partying, all that stuff, wanting something to fill my heart, but knowing that it was never enough. But yet didn't know where else to go because I didn't know Jesus was an option. I mean, I guess I did, but I thought it was more of the religiosity of Jesus, not necessarily a relationship with Jesus, if that makes sense. Relationship with Jesus, if that makes sense. So in my journey after I got saved at 20, I've been walking through this dying to self concept. Okay, so there's this book. It's an amazing book. It's called Let Go by Fenelon.
Speaker 1:Fenelon was an archbishop in the 1600s in France. Okay, he actually was trying to have open and calm, peaceful conversations with Protestants against the harshness of the Catholic Church that was happening in France at the time. Okay, during this time King Louis XIV was in power and he was known also as the Sun King. Back in this time in time of absolutism, kings were seen as gods. It wasn't necessarily kings were chosen by gods. That's more ancient China with, like, the mandate of heaven, you know, ancient Mesopotamia, but here during the 15, 1600s, especially in Europe, specifically in France, the king was known as godlike.
Speaker 1:Okay, and so, through this idea, king Louis, he was a huge protector of the Roman Catholic Church during this time. And so Fenelon comes in and he's like hey, I just want to kind of migrate in a different direction with the harshness that comes from the Roman Catholic Church at this time. I'm not talking about the religion itself, but during the age of absolutism in the 15-1600s, the Roman Catholic Church was very skewed. It was very skewed because it was very politically intertwined with the king. Okay, so that's why he's like let's not go in this direction and let's have some open meetings with other Protestant people to talk about the Catholic doctrine in a reasonable light. Okay, but Fenelon got in a lot of trouble trying to do this, because if you go against the Catholic Church at this time, you are going against sacred texts and things like that, right and so almost blasphemous. And so Fenelon went through a lot. Anyway, he is a bishop, he is a theologian.
Speaker 1:He wrote this book called Let Go okay, in, I believe, the 1600s, and as he's writing this and I was reading his letters, there was one that really stuck out to me and I want to share it with you. Okay, now you might feel a little ruffled feathers while hearing this. I'm not trying to come after your life, all right. Like I said, these are things that I've had to process through and wrestle through and still continue to wrestle through, because it is a daily, daily choice to lay down our cross, lay down our pride, lay down our self, especially in a culture that is all about elevating self. And so in this letter, the title is we Are Not to Choose the Manner in which Our Blessings Shall Be Bestowed, and it says this I think you know what God requires of you. The question is, will you do it? You understand that your love of self is causing the struggle you are having with the will of God. So now what you must decide is this Are you going to allow pride and selfish ambitions to keep you from doing what God, in his mercy, wants you to do? You are so careful about passing thoughts which bob into your mind out again and worry about so many details that you should not be thinking about. Why are you not as careful about your continued resistance to the Holy Spirit? Ooh, when I read that sentence, I was like, okay, that really hurt my feelings. Is this continued resistance due to the fact that he has not given you what you want in a way that will flatter your ego? So when I was doing some research to see how do I want to communicate? What does it mean dying to self?
Speaker 1:I came upon this doctrine by Dr DW Ekstrand, and he had said it in a way that I thought was really interesting and helpful. Okay, he says this the individual who dies to self understands that God created him for a reason that he is a part of God's plan for the world To be used of God. One must understand the essence of who he now really is and how it is that God can use him. Let me say that again because I think that sentence alone carries a lot. Okay, he said to be used of God. One must understand two things. First, the essence of who he now really is. That means being able to distinguish who you really are now in Christ, in the sanctifying work that he is doing, versus how you used to live outside of Jesus. Okay, two, how is it that God can really use him? Two, how is it that God can really use him Understanding the will of God, which we will both dive into in those two topics. But I thought that was such an interesting way that it is written Dying to self does not mean thinking less of yourself, like going more into an insecure mentality.
Speaker 1:Actually, it's the quite opposite to an insecure mentality. Actually, it's the quite opposite. It means that you're no longer focused on what you want or what you think needs to happen in your life to be the best life that you can live, because Jesus, already when he came on the cross, gave the opportunity, when we accept that invitation, to choose to live the best life he already has for us, because God has a plan for your life. Okay, I know I threw a lot at you and like we're just beginning. Okay. So as this is happening, as Fenelon had wrote that book I'm thinking to myself a lot of different things.
Speaker 1:Okay, some of the things I'm thinking about was this there was this one story where a family and I got into a big, big argument and I was very hurt by this conflict and I remember going to bed and I was upset and I was like God, I was praying in my mind. I wasn't saying out loud or to this person. I was like God, I'm so mad at this person. That really hurt my feelings. I really put myself out there and I felt very rejected and I don't really know how to really move forward from this. So it was not just a simple argument, it was actually a very complex situation. I was like God, I don't really know how to show up after this.
Speaker 1:I feel humiliated. Have you ever felt humiliated? Because I felt very humiliated in that moment and I remember the Lord said to me cook him breakfast. I was like, excuse me. I was like cook him what breakfast? I was like, excuse me. I was like cook, cook him what? Cook them breakfast? And I was like um, I'm sorry, lord, let me backtrack and let me. Let me start my prayer again, because clearly you missed out on what I was saying about how I felt very hurt and how I felt very humiliated and how I right it's a lot of I and the Lord in my heart, through the Holy Spirit, revealed the story of Peter and I love, I love Peter, he in the Bible. I can relate to this guy so much, just the injustice and things like that that he goes through and wanting to seek justice in different ways. I'm like Peter, bro, when we get to heaven. We got to talk because I got lots of questions for you.
Speaker 1:But Peter, when he was confronted that Jesus was going to be taken in and be tried right towards the end of the gospel right, this is leading up to his crucifixion Jesus is like you're going to deny me three times. And Peter's like bro, no way. Okay, didn't really say bro, but in my mind I'm thinking they're having this conversation. It's like bro, no way, I'm not going to deny you. I walked with you for years, three years and I was one of the first two that got picked when you were, you know, picking up disciples. So I think I got it in the bag Like I'm not going to deny you, don't you worry, jesus. And Jesus is like you're going to deny me after you know the third crow. And Peter was like bro, no, I'm loyal, I got you. Okay. We all know. Peter ends up denying Jesus three times and by the third crow, peter's like devastated, he's like holy cow, I literally just denied Jesus. And I literally, not that many chapters ago said Jesus, I got your back, bro. And he was like gone, okay, so that's the setup.
Speaker 1:And then Peter, he ends up after Jesus is crucified. He ends up going back to his job as a fisherman. And so he's on the boat fishing, going back to his job, right, and Jesus goes and cooks him breakfast. Peter's like looking on the shore, like who's this guy cooking? Breakfast Smells good, but like who's doing this? Right, because usually fishermen go really early in the morning to get a good catch, before you know the hustle and bustle of the sea. And so Peter's there and he sees this guy doesn't know, yet it's Jesus finally recognizes it's Jesus goes and runs to the beach and he's undone. He's just unhinged and just overwhelmed that Jesus is even in front of him. I mean, he saw Jesus get crucified and as he's weeping, jesus asks him to redeem the three times he denied. Jesus Asks Peter three times do you love me? Peter's like of course, of course I love you. Then feed my sheep, peter, do you love me? Yes, lord, I mean I love you. Like I just messed up. Well, then feed my sheep. And asks a third time. And I love that story.
Speaker 1:Now let's come back to the angry prayer I was doing because, let's be honest, we've all had those and God is big enough to handle your emotions. Jesus brought me that story and he said make them breakfast. I was like but, god, I was so hurt. I felt the Lord say you don't think I was hurt when Peter denied me. Knowing that he was going to hurt me, I still showed up. I was like well, jesus, that's because, that's because you're the savior, I am not perfect like that. And then Jesus responded but I can give you strength to respond like that. I was like oh, took me out. I was like Lord, you're going to help me have to get up early in the morning. Listen, if Jesus asks you to do something and then you come back saying, well, you need to help me do this, wake up early, or whatever it be, trust that he's going to wake you up. I woke up so early that morning, I had time to make them breakfast, and as I ended up doing that, and as I ended up doing that, my feelings were still hurt. I was still hurt.
Speaker 1:But if I were to act upon my feelings in response to what God was asking of me, especially depending on the depth of your hurt, your feelings may win. But if you're dying to self is to respond to to the lord saying god, despite my feelings, that's not to push down, it's not to ignore it, but it's to say, despite me feeling this way, I want to obey you. My desire is to still obey you. You may not desire what he's asking of you, but if you're saying but I desire you, God, in this situation, I desire what you want from me, the feelings will catch up and whether that's talking it out, processing with another friend, journaling, it will eventually catch up and it and it became so that I was like God thank you for letting me respond this way because the enemy wants us to stay divided, does not want reconciliation or healing, or forgiveness, right, and so that was the story that I had thought about when I was thinking about this concept of dying to self. It's not about what I want, it's not about what I think is right, okay, it's about God what's your will in this, despite how I feel, how I feel, again, that's not to negate your feelings, but it's to put your feelings on the shelf and say, god, what's your heart for this situation, what's your heart for this person? So back to that doctrine dying to self by DW Ekstrand. So there were the two reasons, right, the essence of who you really are now. And then two, how is it that God can use you? So, the essence of who you really are now and I had said in the beginning, it's versus who you were before you were starting to choose to live in the will of God.
Speaker 1:Something I did back in 2016, when I was really starting to what does it look like to die to myself is going and reading through the Beatitudes. And what I ended up doing is I ended up taking the Beatitudes. I had the Bible and then I had a notebook and I went through each beatitude and then on my notebook, I would write my definition of what is Soli's attitudes, and this really revealed my heart in. Did it align with God's word? In. Did it align with God's word.
Speaker 1:That was one of the hardest exercise I had ever done because it's very if you are very honest with yourself, it is very revealing, and revealing is it hurts the truth hurts, but it gives an opportunity and an invitation to actually heal. You can't heal what's in the dark, especially if you're not aware of it. Right, it's hard, but if you start to become aware of things, you actually give more opportunity for yourself to heal the deeper things. And so, for example, back when I was starting my journey of dying to self and when I had just received Christ and I was at this organization in 2016, said blessed are those, or God blesses those, who are merciful, for they will be shown mercy. And on my notebook, my solely attitudes it was blessed are those who seek justice and get the whole, you know, an eye for an eye, and and that will be great, and I looked at that I go, holy cow, look how far I am from the, from the word of the Lord and the word of the Lord and the word of the Lord is life.
Speaker 1:So the way I was choosing to live was outside of what God's will was for me and I had grace for myself, right, grace and mercy. We need that Because the way that I had come to my own conclusion is that things I experienced growing up the trauma, the hurts, my responses to things I mean that makes up a lot of who we are today. And especially if something happened while you were young and you had to protect yourself, I really pray for grace and mercy in your journey, because you are just trying to protect yourself and now Jesus is inviting us. We don't have to be our own protectors anymore. Like in verse 4 of Matthew and the Beatitudes, god blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted. We don't have to take on that burden or those tears anymore. He is the one who's going to be our great comforter. Another practical advice that really helps me in this journey is becoming more self-aware. Okay, something that we need is the Holy Spirit. He is the helper that Jesus gave to us to help us through our journey.
Speaker 1:And one of the things I started asking myself is when I was confronted, let's say, with anger or with bitterness or resentment or unforgiveness. And here's a tip if you're like, if you're just starting out, something I did and this podcast in general, this episode is just a tough one. I'm not even gonna lie because it's it's super tough and this is something we have to daily practice, having accountability and community. But I would, if I was wondering am I bitter, am I resentful? Am I isolating? Am I fill in the blank? Go to a trusted, close friend or family and ask them hey, when I talk, do I sound bitter, do I sound resentful? And just listen, don't defend, don't try. But you know, I hear you, girl, but practice this as a dying to self.
Speaker 1:That doesn't mean everything they say is necessarily true, but out of the feedback that you had received from that person or from those people that you trust, right, right, wonder, hmm, did I really forgive? Did I really let go of bitterness or resentment? What are things that I'm feeling really bitter and resentful about or feel like I have unforgiveness about? And if you still have those things, if you're still working through those things, if you're just starting that journey, you're good, you're in good company. This is going to be us lifelong till we see Jesus. All right, because we live in a fallen world, but that's okay, that's okay, grace and mercy okay.
Speaker 1:So, as you become self-aware and as you start developing that and inviting the Holy Spirit, even asking and praying. Hey, holy Spirit, is this resentment, is this bitterness? Is it me? Am I holding on to this or am I denying it? Even right, let's be clear. You can be an over-sufferer or a denier of suffering, okay, whichever way you swing, is this me? Am I holding on to this? Am I not living in the journey, the everyday of letting this go? God, is this you? Are you asking me to let this go, to let this go? Or is it the enemy, wanting to constantly accuse you and guilt you and shame you? And that with the enemy? If you're feeling like it's a courtroom of judgment, that's most of the time the enemy and you because you're choosing to sit in the courtroom. Okay, you don't have to, because jesus already took your guilty verdict, ripped it up, you don't have a record anymore. But sometimes, when we're so familiar with guilt and shame and dysfunction, we choose to sit in a courtroom figuratively courtroom of accusations that the enemy is holding that we don't have to be there anymore.
Speaker 1:Starting a Beatitudes mirror activity. That was the activity I was talking about, that I did before, having the Beatitudes on one side and then on the other, having your notebook and writing your name, attitudes, okay, and be honest. Be honest with yourself. Okay, what areas have you been living by your own attitudes versus the attitude of the Lord? That's going to really help us determine who you were before Christ, or you know, really actively surrendering your life to Christ and who he's calling you now to be. And then using word romans, ephesians, to write who you really are. And something that's really helpful is writing I am statements and using the word of god to solidify the truth of your I ams. Right, I am deeply loved, for god sent jesus, his son, to die for me. Right, that's John. And now you have Bible evidence to support your statements of who you really are. Okay, that was a whole first point of dying to self in that statement by DWX. And then the second one how is it that God can use you? The second one how is it that God can use you?
Speaker 1:Through my years of walking with Jesus starting out, I used to trip up so much about what's God's will for me, what's God's will for me, but I would panic sometimes. Y'all I'd be like, oh my gosh, like God's will like, as if it's something that I need to like figure out, like, plan my life for, and I would panic. I'm like, oh my gosh, I don't even know Like. I see all these other people social media, these other women and doing what they're doing and, wow, they look so confident and listen, let's just be honest here. We do not see the struggles that everyone goes through behind the scenes and when we look to these people that are doing whatever X, y, z, we do not know how they got there. But we live in such a culture where we get an instant snapshot of something that is grand and beautiful or perfect or whatever it may be successful, whatever it is for you and determine, even if you're not consciously saying it. Subconsciously it's like oh, that was so quick, it was by snap of a finger, they've achieved that, but you never know, which is why. Again, grace and peace y'all, okay, okay.
Speaker 1:So the second one is how can God use you? I remember I had a mentor, because I was just having panic attack over this whole concept and idea when I first had gotten saved, was he drew me literally on a piece, a blank piece of paper, a rectangle, a big square, whatever. Just drew it on the blank piece of paper and he drew a dot in the middle. He goes that's you. And I was like, okay, like how is this going to help me with the will of God? He goes think about the will of God like a fence okay, a big fence. In this fence, god is here, okay, anything outside of the fence is dangerous territory. Let's say, okay, not the will of God.
Speaker 1:But if you're anywhere in this fence, you could still be doing what God is wanting you to do, and for a long time, whether I knew it or not, I would correlate what I was doing and if it was the will of God and that will be very hard and almost borderline idol worship, depending on what it is Because if I do not look at whatever circumstance I'm in as an opportunity for the love of Jesus to be spread to whoever I'm around, or whatever position I'm in or whatever job I'm in, what I need to be doing, that I miss out on loving people and showing the love of Christ through my words and actions to others. Guys, we cannot compartmentalize our faith, especially in our day and age. In this world, it's not an option anymore. But what does it look like to integrate our life? What does it look like to your neighbors? Loving on them like Christ, inviting them into your homes, getting to know their kids, right. Getting to know the people who are around you, right. That's still the will of God.
Speaker 1:Now God uses our vocation, what we do, as a vehicle to spread the gospel, but it is not who we are. Who we are is just loving Jesus, being molded and shaped by him to become more like him. That's all shaped by him to become more like him. That's all. And sometimes I think we overcomplicate it and I think it is in addition to the society we live in, the culture. It's like you have to have the thing.
Speaker 1:Well, quite frankly, I'm known as like a jack of all trades, and I used to hate being a jack of all trades because I'm like, oh, I wish I had that one right, if I, one thing, if I could, you know. And that gets really dangerous for someone like me, because then I will hyper fix my focus, as if that one thing is the only way, or is the way of just God's will, that I miss out on everyday mundane opportunities to go and love someone or the situation, like Jesus, and to just show Jesus in that situation. That not to discourage you but to actually encourage you and to remind you that what you do, you are so much bigger than that. You are already made in the image of God, and I think that's that whole commandment love God with all your heart, soul, mind, body. It's because, when we focus on his will, dying to self, looking to him and saying God, how can you use me in where I currently am in this season, everything else will fall into place. We don't need to muster up God's will for us. God already planned it. We just actually have to let him execute it in his time and way and in the way he wants to mold us, to be prepared for it. And so that is another example that I wanted to share with you.
Speaker 1:I know you guys are probably like holy cow this girl's coming after my life. I'm not trying to. I promise you. These are all struggles and questions I really had to wrestle through. Continue to, and I'm sure will continue to in the future, because, again, this is a sanctifying work of Jesus. That's what our life is to be more like him.
Speaker 1:And so here's my challenge for you what can you do today, this week, this month? What can you do today, this week, this month? And let me just put a disclaimer If you're a recovering perfectionist or a recovering workaholic. You don't need to solve all these problems today or in this month. Okay, so take a breath grace and mercy. Let Jesus reveal, let the Holy Spirit reveal what he needs to in his time.
Speaker 1:Okay, so my challenge to you is maybe you need to start a Beatitudes mirror activity, or ask yourself well, how can I become more aware of myself in the light of Jesus and, lastly, what areas do I need to die to myself in? How can I become more aware of who I am today in the light of Christ, and how can he use me for his will and surrendering your will? I love y'all so much and I pray that you would just come closer to him, knowing him, knowing that you are deeply loved. And next week we're going to go talk about. I have my lovely husband, steve. He's going to join us next week to talk about what does it look like dying to self in relationships? A mini series of better together. All right, y'all. See you later.