FreelySHEcould Podcast
The goal is to create a community of women who are encouraged, inspired, and empowered to live out their faith in the world.
FreelySHEcould Podcast
Episode 6: How Friendship Transforms Us: Lessons from Matthew's Journey
In this episode, we dive into the transformative themes of healing and restoration within community, using the story of Matthew, the tax collector, as a poignant example. By examining how Jesus welcomed Matthew into his circle, we underscore the importance of acceptance and the potential for change within each of us. Listeners will learn about the complexities of friendship, including the balance of loyalty and expectations and how forgiveness serves as a pathway to deeper connections.
Join us as we navigate the challenging terrain of conflict and vulnerability, and discover how these elements are fundamental to authentic relationships. We illuminate the biblical concept of forgiveness, encouraging listeners to let go of grudges and embrace grace. Our conversation reinforces the idea that healing happens in community, as it is here that we find strength in shared experiences, support in times of need, and the opportunity to grow together in faith.
If you’re seeking practical insights on nurturing friendships while navigating life's complexities, this episode is for you. Tune in now and let’s journey together towards building a community marked by love, trust, and understanding. We would love for you to join our ongoing conversations, so please subscribe, share, and leave us a review.
Hi everyone and welcome to the Freely she Could Podcast. This podcast is a platform where stories, advice, insight and experiences will be shared for women to grow in their relationship with Jesus and others. I'm your host, soli, and I'm excited to be here with you On this podcast. We'll talk about faith, family, health, work and relationships, and so much more. The goal is to create a community of women who are encouraged, inspired and empowered to live out their faith in the world. I believe that when women come together and share their stories, we can make a difference. So, whether you're new here or you've been walking with Jesus for years, I hope you'll join us in this journey and I'm so glad you're with us. What's up, guys? Welcome to episode number six. I'm so glad to be here with you and I hope you have kept along with our series on community and friendships.
Speaker 1:Today we are going to talk about healing and restoration in community, and last week we were talking about what it looks like to be a good friend. What kind of friendships do you look for? And some challenges on how to be the friend that you would like to be being vulnerable, intentional and different kind of soup. So if you're coming on this episode and you're like what is she talking about? The soup thing? Make sure you go and check out the other episode to be able to know what I'm talking about. I, I'm not talking about actual soup, it's more figurative soup. So make sure you go check that out when you can, and can't wait for you to join us on this one. And so, for this episode, we're going to talk about healing and restoration in community, and with this there's so many different facets, but some of the things I want to talk about is loyalty, balance with expectation, conflict and, lastly, forgiveness.
Speaker 1:And so I wanted to start off a story with a disciple that we may know and love dearly, but Matthew the tax collector. So, matthew, just a little backstory. He was a tax collector working for the Roman Empire at that time. He was working under his praetor, which is basically like your manager of your district, because Rome was going through a lot when they were an empire, and so, with that being said, they had people that they, the land that the Romans had conquered. The people that were living in there were not necessarily Roman citizens, but you could take on some Roman jobs that maybe they needed, so that they didn't have to expend their own men and resources. They could just have someone else and then maybe get paid less than what a Roman would probably want to get paid Anyway. So Matthew the tax collector comes along and when we go to Matthew nine, we see that Jesus is walking and he sees Matthew working in his tax collector's booth and in verse nine says as Jesus was walking along, he saw a man named Matthew sitting at his tax collector's booth. Follow me and be my disciple, jesus said to him. So Matthew got up and followed him. Ten Later, matthew invited Jesus and his disciples to his home as dinner guests, along with many tax collectors and other disreputable sinners.
Speaker 1:But when the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples why does your teacher eat with such scum? When Jesus heard this, he said healthy people do not need a doctor, sick people do. Then he added now go and learn the meaning of this scripture. I want you to show mercy, not offer sacrifices, for I've come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners. But those who know they are sinners.
Speaker 1:And we see throughout Matthew's experience, he ends up becoming one of the gospel writers and probably one of the most detailed, because, as his profession as a tax collector with money. He probably has a lot of audits and has to keep a lot of records with finances, which is a very tedious and meticulous job. You have to be very specific, right, especially because he's working under the Roman Empire, and so if he makes a mess up in his records, he's going to get in a lot of trouble for it. And so, matthew, though, being an Israelite, israel man and working for the Roman people who are oppressing the Israel area and the Israelites, he had a lot of lash backs and lash outs from his community. He was technically ostracized and he was also pretty much banned from it, right? I can just imagine when he invited the tax from it, right? I can just imagine when he invited the tax collectors and then Jesus' disciples to come and dinner at his place. I'm sure they probably looked around his house because he probably was living in a pretty nice house being a tax collector for the Roman Empire. They probably paid him pretty decently, better than all the other Israelites his fellow communities, right? And so I can just imagine them walking and being like dude, this guy took our tax money and look at this place, right, and I can imagine the uncomfortability that they must have felt. I'm sure they were just as shocked when they were walking with Jesus, and they probably know that route, they probably know that location and I could just imagine the disciples with Jesus as they're walking towards and throughout the town and knowing that this is where Matthew the tax collector does his vocation right, his tax booth is there. I'm sure they knew this route. And so then, for the fact for Jesus again to be a good friend, intentional and vulnerable and say Matthew, come, follow me. And Matthew, without a second thought, he goes and follows Jesus Now to us, we're probably like well, that must be so cool though, like, of course, you would just follow Jesus.
Speaker 1:But let's get some background context on Matthew and his situation. He was working for the Roman Empire and during that time again, when a lot of these communities and civilizations were under the Roman Empire, they did not have a lot of freedom, they had a lot of limitations because they had to adhere to the Roman Empire laws and rules and things like that. And so for Matthew to be hired under the Roman Empire laws and rules and things like that, and so for Matthew to be hired under the Roman Empire meant that he was going against directly his community because he's working for the empire that is oppressing his community. And so they're just like, dude, like you just betrayed us, like you do you, but we don't want anything to do with you anymore. Right?
Speaker 1:And he was able to accumulate because, being a tax collector, especially during that time, I'm sure there were moments as well, with some maybe tax evasion of his own, and he was collecting a lot of money from the Roman Empire, but also, I'm sure, with however he did, taxes could also have been the case and so he accumulated all this wealth, had a home that not a lot of his fellow community members had, right, had money, had food again, not what probably a lot of his community had had. And in that moment, when Jesus said, leave this all behind and follow me, I can just imagine Matthew for a quick second being like all right, if I follow Jesus, like all of this has to go right, and that's what he ends up doing, and he invites them over for dinner and again you know, as I'm sure, he's leaving his vocation now to follow jesus, he still had access to his home and all the other disciples are probably like oh, buddy, really, this is where our tax money was going to right and and jesus is there, and Jesus doesn't say anything about that. He doesn't do anything, in that case, with how he's living or the money that he's accumulated, or even the fact that Matthew was a tax collector right.
Speaker 1:But the Pharisees walk past and they see his disciples with other disreputable sinners and tax collectors and you know the disciples. It's like why does your teacher eat with such scum? And I love Jesus's response Healthy people do not need a doctor, sick people do. Then he added now go and learn the meaning of the scripture. I want you to show mercy, not offer sacrifices, for I've come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners. And while he was saying this to the Pharisees, I think the disciples were also getting hit with this, were also getting hit with this because, remember, they probably felt super betrayed by Matthew going to work for the Roman Empire, going against his community to collect money for the Roman Empire that were oppressing them. You see the conundrum here. So I just imagine when Jesus is saying this because they're all there, I'm sure they could all hear. I want you to show mercy, not offer sacrifices, for I've come for those who know they are sinners.
Speaker 1:I think when Matthew left his tax booth, he knew he was a sinner in need of a doctor. And I think Jesus also wanted to remind his disciples I have not come for those who think they are healthy or righteous or better than I have come for those who are in need for an extension of mercy and who know that they need a savior and a doctor. And I think about that interaction that Jesus had and I wonder what the disciples were thinking, because I'm sure some of them had a lot of anger and discontent that Matthew was now going to be in this journey. Right, I can imagine Peter being a fisherman and being like I've worked so hard, I'm trying to provide for my family and my friends and I go out into the brink of dawn to go fishing and I've done my dues. I'm trying to pay my taxes to go fishing and I've done my dues. I'm trying to pay my taxes. But Matthew, this guy, this guy that took our money, our taxes, and upcharged our tax for the Roman Empire that was oppressing us, are you kidding, right? I can imagine just the tension that I'm sure they were all feeling. They were all feeling, but I love how Jesus is such a good friend to Matthew for standing up for him, but also to the disciples saying hey, we are all in the same boat here. We all are in the same boat here. You all need a savior, and I'm the savior, right, I'm like holy cow. I wonder how that interaction might have gone.
Speaker 1:And so what's this idea? Loyalty balanced with expectation. And so in first Peter eight, it says, above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. And again I come back thinking about Matthew joining the disciples and how much conflict and tension they must have had to go through and work through, as they were together for three years, not just three years in the morning, like it's not a class, like you know for three hours. And then you leave and go to your own respective places. They were traveling, they were sleeping under the same roof together, they were eating together, they were going, they were sleeping under the same roof together, they were eating together, they were going through conflicts and they were going through all their own emotions at the same time.
Speaker 1:And in first peter it talks about how, how love covers over a multitude of sins, how the love that jesus has extended to matth, matthew, and extended to his disciples and extended to the people that had issues with Jesus, covers a multitude of sins, and I love how that loyalty is embedded throughout the gospel, right? I love that, I love, love, love that. And I also think in that same breath with the expectation is, I can also imagine, like Andrew, peter's brother right, if that loyalty was very unhealthy and he just sided with Peter every time or wasn't open to what Jesus was actually doing, I'm sure that could have added to the conflict as well. Right, I'm sure Andrew and all the other disciples had their own feelings about a tax collector joining, but yet Jesus shows that there is healing and restoration possible in community when we allow the space to be vulnerable and open, to learn and to change. And so, with that being said, in Proverbs 10, 12, it says hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs.
Speaker 1:This is a proverb where I think it's really hard to digest at times, depending on what you're going through. I think when you're in conflict it's really hard, especially when you feel like you've been really hurt or betrayed, or maybe you had a friend or a relationship that you just were like oh my gosh, I can't believe that happened right, unfortunately. Conflict is unavoidable, but again, looking to Jesus, of how do we listen, how do we look to Jesus and how do we take shape and form of the way he's responded to people, because if our ultimate goal is to be like Jesus, then that means that picking up our cross was never an easy thing, but it's the right thing to do. And lastly, I think that goes into our key point and our last point of forgiveness.
Speaker 1:Forgiveness is such a deep, tough topic and I know that I'm not going to do justice covering it because it's just such a complex idea, but something I really liked that I was reading this journal entry about and Rick Warren talks about this as well, but in this individual LA counseling group they had a website post talking about what the definition of forgiveness is according to the Bible. Okay, so it says this the definition of forgiveness is essentially the act of pardoning an offender. In the Bible, the Greek word translated, forgiveness literally means to let go, as when a person does not demand payment for a debt. Jesus used this comparison in his parable of the unmerciful slave in Matthew 18, as well as when he taught his followers to pray forgive us of our sins, as we forgive also everyone who is in debt to us. In Luke and Rick Warren, I think ties this up really nicely and, I think, in a way that is really helpful and clear.
Speaker 1:In his book the Purpose Driven Life, he explains that, or he shares his observation that many people are actually very reluctant or hesitant to show mercy because they have a hard time differentiating between trust and forgiveness. But he also states that forgiving others is immediate, whether a person asks for it or not. So that means that forgiveness is an act that we have control over and we can do without the other person even asking for it, which is really tough. That's a tough thing to swallow because sometimes for those who are my we want justice people, because I'm just like that as well it can be really hard because we want to see justice right. But forgiving with what the Bible says and how Jesus says this as well, it is not about seeking justice. It's letting go and knowing that God is the one who's going to have justice. He's going to have the last say and we have to trust that his just and his hand, and we have to trust that for God, that his justice is going to be just. Rick Warren also continues to say trust, on the other hand, has to do with future behavior, and this will take time to rebuild.
Speaker 1:And warren explains if someone hurts you repeatedly, you are commanded by god to forgive them instantly, but you are not expected to trust them immediately and you are not expected to continue allowing them to hurt you. So, again, I think it's finding that line as well, of forgiveness is when you let go, and I think you know when you forgive, when a couple of things, I think, when you see someone, if you see them, you don't have ill feelings or even your body reacting, right. I think, though, that can be a little tricky and complex, because it can be tied in with, you know, trauma or pain as well, and so not to just think well, if you feel pain when you see someone you've already forgiven, it means you didn't forgive. That may not be the case, right? So I think it's to each its own. But also, when you forgive, it doesn't necessarily mean that you are back to the state of the relationship as it was and then you guys are perfect together. I think it means that if both parties accept responsibility and forgive and then also ask for forgiveness and are willing to take time to build the relationship by being vulnerable, by being intentional, then I think you can pursue and have the relationship go back to a state where around where it was before, or even better, because you never know how God is going to work.
Speaker 1:And I think about that with Jesus. Right? How much forgiveness and conversations that had to be done with Matthew and the other disciples and and other people in the community that have seen Matthew being a tax collector and then all of a sudden following Jesus. And yet their relationship continued to take shape and form as they continued to walk out in forgiveness and in grace with one another. For three years they were able to do that, and who knows after that what it looked like. They were all scattered and then going to spread the gospel. So they had to have some sort of camaraderie and teamwork, even after Jesus ascended to heaven.
Speaker 1:And so the point of relationships isn't always to be right, it's to reconcile and forgive, and that is what Jesus exemplifies to us, and I really think and I've heard this before as well is that oftentimes, if we were hurt in community, the best place to find healing is back in community, and that's so hard because that opens up so many different parts of our hearts but also challenges us in vulnerability and intentionality, also in conflict and forgiveness. And so, while this is very challenging and it's a process, it's not a destination. I pray and I hope that you can be plugged into a community one way or another. It may not have to be a whole group of people, but even the two or three. I pray that you guys would be able to have conversations where you can open up, be vulnerable, forgive, work through conflict and be better and be more like Jesus together. So thank you for listening in and supporting freely.
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