EP#33-Death Care Done Right-The ER Funeral Story

Death is guaranteed. Confusion, family conflict, and surprise bills do not have to be. We talk with Ernesto Rosales of ER Funeral Services, a Coachella Valley funeral professional who explains what really happens after someone dies and why the “death care industry” is far more human than most people expect.

We get into the behind-the-scenes realities: what “first call” removals look like after hours, why professionalism and dignity matter in those first minutes with a grieving family, and how the coroner’s role changes depending on the situation. Ernesto also breaks down the work inside a funeral home, including licensing in California, embalming and preservation, restorative care, and the tough decision of when a viewing helps healing and when it can do the opposite.

Then we shift to the part families feel most: funeral costs, timing, and the stress of making major choices fast. Ernesto makes a clear case for funeral preplanning and pre-need insurance, plus legal tools like durable power of attorney and health care directives so final wishes are honored. You will also hear about modern options like green burial and creative cremation memorials, all framed around one simple idea: “leave good memories, don’t leave problems.”

If you want a practical guide to funeral planning, cremation versus burial decisions, and how to protect your family emotionally and financially, hit play. Subscribe, share this with someone you love, and leave a review with the biggest takeaway you want more people to hear.

Transcript

Cold Open And Death Care Intro

0:00

Fresh weeds and dreams dreams I'm flooded. Stocks up dashboard digital. I'm gliding. Organic plates, stamina over T Raw. Keep it authentic, everything you see raw. Welcome back, everybody, to CV Hustle. They say in life, the only things that are guaranteed are death and taxes. Well, one industry we've always wanted to cover on this show that we've never really had a chance is the death and funeral industry. And but today the wait is over today because we have an expert in the house, Mr. Ernesto Rosales from ER Funeral Services. Thank you, sir, for coming in today, man. Thanks, thanks for having me finally. Right? Yeah. Episode 32, and I finally get invited. I was, I know you were dying to see me. Well, season three is all about the stars. So we gotta bring out we gotta bring out the stars, and that's we're the heavy hitters in season three crew. That's right, man. That's right. Literally. Yeah, yeah, for sure. So I I was telling him, you know, he's like, who do you want to bring in? Who do you want to talk to? And I was like, I want to talk to a funeral director because I think it's so fascinating, right? And I guess it's too many datelines, too many, like, I don't know, all of that stuff. I love it. There's a ton of that stuff on TV right now, which I think is, you know, as you know, I call it the death care industry, right? What we do, which is anything to do with with death and dying, you know, it's uh whether it's preparation or services or just care or counseling. I mean, it's it could be from funeral homes or pre-planning funeral homes and crematories and you know, burial services, right? It's all the death care industry. But yeah, you know, it's uh it's quite fascinating. And I think you'd be surprised. And if there's anybody that's listening or watching this, um if you know somebody in the death care industry, generally we're pretty funny. Well, you got her, yeah. Because, you know, we're around, you know, grief and loss and and just tough, tough. I mean, people walk into our doors within the worst cases of their life, awful things that we've seen, you know, in the industry. Um so when we close a door, when we go home, or in our spare time, I believe that we're a very, very humorous group overall. Um, I learned from an old funeral director a long time ago. Uh, I had seen a significant death happen in uh early, early in my career, probably in the first year or something. It was an awful death of a young person or a young child, and it was just awful. They didn't have any money, and I was out fundraising for them and trying to be part of the team, you know, before all these go fund me's and stuff. Oh, yeah. Literally calling family, like, hey Tia, can you help? You know, 50 bucks, 100 bucks, and this and that. And so I was out, you know, because I wanted I just I just connected with this family because you connect with every family. And I was trying to find a way, and and finally, you know, I came back and I told the funeral homeowner, I said, Hey Jeff, listen, I I this family's having a hard time. I said I went out and I was able to erase these resources. They're still a little bit short, but you know, they're gonna need more time. And I remember he just smiled and he was like, Look at he says first, I said, take that money and give it back to your family. Or give it to the family that just lost his child. He says, We're gonna go ahead and just do this at no charge. Tell them just to pay the cemetery. He says, What? He says, You've got to learn to not do this every time. He says, because it's gonna literally kill you and consume you. So it visually he's like, when you go home, he says, Ernest, so take off your shoes and leave them out the door, leave them funeral home shoes outside the door, don't bring them in. He says, because it your life won't be the same if you're just carrying around all this grief with you. And they're right. Yeah, you know, it was very significant and impacting, but you know, so I think because of what we see, most of us uh try to appreciate what we have, you know, which is what people that come through our doors don't, you know, the ability to still hug somebody, you know, be there for somebody. And yeah.

Ernesto’s Coachella Valley Roots

3:53

Well, let's start from the beginning. Are you originally from the Coachella Valley? We like to focus on our locals here. Are you a local? Did you from the Cochela Valley originally? My mother is from Hikilpan, Michoacan. My dad is from Valparaíso Zacatecas, okay, which are central, you know, uh states in Mexico. But like most companies and but like most families at their time, you know, my parents were in their mid-70s, um, they immigrated to the north and they wound up sailing in Mexicali with their families. Right. And that's where I was born. Me and my two of my siblings. Okay. Consequently, you know, my dad's family, my grandparents, they had moved and settled into the Coachella Valley with other family members. So that's how we came over. So you guys came over. Yeah, so that's how we came over, and that's how we settled here. Although you can just say we're from around here at this point because you know, we're here when we were five years old. Yeah. You know, we moved into the uh country club in the west side of the valley called the Dream Homes in Cathedral City. Um, went to Cathedral City Elementary School. Okay. Uh we lived in the Alphabet streets, which have been demolished ever since. You know, those streets that we lived on are no longer there. It's where they're building those gas station area in Cathedral City and all that. Right, right. And then uh the school that I went to, the Cathedral City Elementary School, that's where the whole civic center is at. The City Hall in Cathedral City and all that, and the movie theater. Okay. That's literally where the school was at. And then when we moved to the Dream Home shortly after that, you know, we grew up and we went to Agua Caliente Elementary School. Okay. And that's where we you know spent our quality formation years there. And then we went to Raymond Cree and then Palm Springs High School. Oh, so you're a Palm Springs graduate, huh? 1988. All right. The Indians, man. The football team out there. Yeah. So when you when I talked to you a little bit though, you tell me how you got started into the industry because I thought that was kind of interesting.

Bowling League To First Call

5:34

Yeah, because it's not an industry that you would think as a kid that it's something you want to do. So how'd you kind of get get involved in this industry? Well, even going further back, when I was a kid driving my bike from the Dream Homes to Demuth Park in Palm Springs, you know, you'd cross Ramon Road and you go up to you know, Mesquite and Dimuth Park, I would always drive by the funeral home, uh, which was right there on Vella and in Sunny Dunes called Weefles, and it's been there since 1908. So somehow or another I would drive different routes, but I I just liked going by the funeral home. Yeah. And I would drive by the parking lot real fast, and um, it was just something about it, right? I was you know mystery nine, you know, so it was pretty interesting to drive by there. Um, so I was always kind of intrigued by the funeral homes, but it's always like anybody else. You're like funeral homes, death, like that's not something that's a lot of fun. Um but around 1998 or nine or 2000, I was heavily invested in my family's business, which was in the landscape nursery business in the east side. Okay. Um, out there on uh Van Buren and 58th and Thermal. That's that's where I was raising my kids in our family's business. My parents eventually got a divorce. Um, and everybody kind of just had to scatter and do their own thing. And so through all that, I was looking for something to do. I mean, I was literally looking through like different pages and the old classifiers and stuff, you know, because you kind of saw the writing on the wall. And I used to bowl in this league with these crazy funeral home people at the old Indio lanes right there in Jackson. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right there at the next to the lamp lighter. Four side, man. Um right there. And so we used to go bowl, and there was just some goofy guys from the funeral home. And I thought they were nuts because they would always tell me, like, hey man, you know, if you really if you want, if you want work, you know, we have work down the street if you ever consider it. And I would always tell them, it'll be it was a Wednesday night league. I remember like it was yesterday. I'd be like, You're never, ever, ever gonna see me in a funeral home working with with the dead people and all that stuff. Like, no way. And every Wednesday, the same thing would happen, right? We'd laugh about it, have a few beers, and then but when all that happened, I got curious. I got curious, and I went down the street and I was like, let's see what this is all about. And so uh I went and all the only openings that they had was something called first call. It's where you are available to pick up bodies at night. Um, because the first call team is the team that is available after hours. Ah, okay. So so there's from eight to five traditional business hours, the funeral home is answering all the phones, right? Office secretaries, you know, all the stuff, right? But then they'll forward the phones at 501, right? And they won't take them back until they come back in the morning. So if somebody passes that after in those hours, then they'll call a different team from the funeral home to do what's called a removal, removal or pickup of remains. And so that's all they had available was somebody to be on the first call team. So I thought it was cool. You know, let's see what it's all about. And so I hadn't put on a tie since the prom. I hadn't uh, you know. You're picking up people on a tie? Yeah, it's very proper. You've never died before, so you don't know. Well, you know what? My when my mother died, I don't remember them coming. No, they were dressed up. Really? Well, do you know the I don't remember that? A professional team should be dressed in a jacket and tie, or at least a tie in a nice shirt. That's true. You don't want like freaking Budweiser on your shirt. Right. Yeah. This guy walking in. Yeah, this this removal sponsored by Food. Oh, okay. So it was uh, you know, and that's that's like the professional teams, right? It's still okay to have somebody come in, maybe like a nice polo shirt or you know, dressed up nice, but the traditional funeral homes are gonna pick up very properly, very professionally. That's the first impression that families get of who's gonna do your service. You know, I know that you don't see that maybe, you know, from their perspective, because your people are going through a loss and grieving. Right. But when you look at it as a business, as an entity, as an industry, and and that first call, that first impression, you know, you want your vehicles to be clean, you want everything to be right, you want to have professional teams, you want to have somebody who speaks the language, you want to do all that, get it right. So that when they take your loved one, you know, you feel confident in who's taking them. Oh my God. You know, so I was that guy, you know. Did they just send you out by yourself and got away? So you have how many body body badly they trained me, they're like, hey, don't drop nobody. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was already nervous. Oh yeah. What if you got a big one? Well, that's you know, when somebody passes out a residence, you need to you need to go with two people. Oh yeah, but there's been some extreme cases when it takes more than two people. Uh so there's there's extreme cases. I mean, I've I've been involved in removals where they had to remove a wall to move somebody out of a house. No way. A wall? They couldn't get through the door? But yeah, I mean, think about it. So let's say somebody's been in their bedridden for years, and let's say they weigh 500 pounds, or they're say they're extremely obese. Right. Um, and and they're not gonna fit through that door, or they're not gonna fit in a traditional gurney. So you have to, you know, be creative and be prepared to how to remove them. I mean, I've seen removals of walls by fire departments to make space to take out a person. Do you have like extra heavy duty gurneys? Yes. You have to have extra heavy-duty equipment, not just gurneys, but also uh structures. I mean, there's there's different types of uh uh of boards that you use as well to be able to carry your remains out, you know, where they're you know extreme or heavier. So there's there's a lot to it. Wow, that's crazy, man. Taking out walls to I mean, but I guess it makes sense. You gotta deal with everybody. You're not just dealing with I mean you gotta call the fire department, you gotta they gotta turn off the lights and they gotta do it. What is the fire department there for? There are no fire? That's only when they call them. So let's just let's in the case when they remove somebody because they had to open up a wall, okay. There's electricity, there's wires, so they have to come and professionally turn off the electricity, so there's no that makes sense. So there's not two people being carried out instead of one. That's true. So yeah. But it's uh the industry in itself is is it's amazing and unique, but that's how I came into it, really by mistake. Just uh just doing it, doing the first call, then, huh? And kind of learning the industry from the bottom, bottom, like you took the entry-level position and kind of learned the whole thing. Really nothing else before I always say, and I'm grateful for how I started because I got to learn from really good people, the old Fitz Henry family here in Indio. Yeah, they've been around forever. Yeah, so there was really quality people that I got to learn from, and you know, they're you know, great employees. Jack Sloan, who's passed away. I mean, there's you know, Joe Mulher, and I can score off and besides the family names that of people that are really helping me along the way. So then you have a you have a strong stomach.

Coroner Cases And Hard Removals

12:10

Well, let's just say hypothetically, right? Um, you know, there was times when the when we first started doing the removals a long time ago, um, there was a there wasn't a coroner here in town. So the coroner was, you know, in in Paris in Riverside. So there was no local coroner's office here. So the funeral homes took went on a rotation and were able to act uh act like as a coroner and a holding facility so that the coroner, the sheriff, they could do their, they would come, let's say, to a homicide. And they would come and they would do their investigation, they'd figure out whatever they needed to do. And then when they were ready to move remains out of the situation, they would call the funeral home locally. And the funeral home would come with that first call team and come and professionally remove, take the remains, you know, put them in a body bag or whatever the situation was, put them in a gurney, uh, put them into their travel vehicle, and then take them to the funeral home and hold them for the coroner to come back the next day and see if there was going to be maybe an autopsy or any other consultations and things. So that's what the funeral homes did on our rotation back then, so that they acted as holding facilities for the coroner. So, in doing all that, obviously there's, you know, now because there's a coroner's office here in Indio, you don't see uh rarely does that happen anymore because they have their own facility here. So they do their own transportation, they take the bodies back to Indio and they hold them and they do their investigation. So the funeral homes are kind of out of the loop. Uh, but back then, if there was a homicide, something awful happened, you know, the railroad tracks or or anything, you know, that the funeral home had to assist the coroner, whether it was picking up remains up and down the road or you know, taking them, you know, in a in a body bag. So there was you got you got to see some pretty awful stuff when we were doing it. Wow, man. So you can now it's a little bit different. Is it has it changed since the first when you first started then? It's changed only because the coroner's office is here. They do that. They do the they're the they do the dirty. Sometimes they will call the funeral home when when they need a little bit of help, but for the most part, they handle everything and they're very professional. So, okay, so like you said, you're picking up body parts, then what? Like it still goes to the ice box, and what are they gonna assess? Those are all remains and property of the of the coroners until they figure out when they finish their investigation. Yeah. So the coroner only gets involved when it's like murder or like some error. No, they don't get involved every time. So the coroner, the sheriff, the sheriff coroner would be involved when there's a cause of the passing that needs to be produced. Investigated, right? If there's any investigation. So if you know, if there's a car accident, there's an investigation, right? Who's at fault? What happened? You know, is somebody drinking, toxicology? They have to figure out who's at fault. So all those things happen. If you're found at home, it could be a situation for the coroner to pick up your remains and hold them and figure out what happened too. Because, you know, let's say you have somebody who passed away at home, but but they haven't had any medical care for years. Remember that when you pass away, there's causes of death on the death certificate, which is the original with the certificate that proves that you've passed on. It's a certified document used for all legal matters after the fact. But if there's no doctor that says, hey, you know, we found Ernesto Rosales at home, but you know what? He hasn't been to the doctor in 10 years. So we don't have a doctor that's going to sign and give causes of death. So the coroner would bring me in have to and say, hey, okay, well, you know, this he could say, okay, this looks natural. You know, he started drinking again and he's gone. He could dig around a little bit and find out what's going on. Yeah. Or he can say, hey, there's a bump on the back of his head, you know, and his ex-wife looks suspicious. And she had she had a bat that she threw out the window. So, you know, that's what they do. So they're gonna they they they serve a purpose. I mean, rarely do they have to do an autopsy. Some folks are you know mis uh misunderstand the process that they think because you're under a corner investigation that there's an autopsy. It's not the movies. It will only do that if they if they need to find if they don't know, right? That's true. So they will do an autopsy and and release remains as soon as possible to the family. Okay, so so now the so the bodies at the coroner, do you guys got to go pick up the body from there, or are they bringing it to you? So like a pizza, what are they? Let's just say somebody was in a car accident and they were taken to the coroner's for an investigation, and the coroner does whatever they need to do to finish out their investigation, and then uh the family, right? The family comes to the funeral homes that would have whatever funeral home they select. There's they're all quality funeral homes. I always say, you know, funeral homes themselves are very human, very kind people that will I will never speak bad about another funeral home. Um, because I know that maybe management is different because of the way some corporate companies are. So there's some disconnect from from corporate and management. But the people on the ground, the people that do the work, the directors that you see, the embalmers, um, the funeral service folks, the cemetery people, like they're truly, truly there to help families. They're empathetic. They're some of the kindest people that you will ever meet that are doing their work under a very tough situation, very high emotional states of families. They they hold their composure and do quality services for families. And I I I believe that they that we operate under the golden rule in funeral homes, which is you know, do unto others the way you would be done unto you. And that's really in a lot of the old school funeral homes, you still see that credo on the walls to remind people that we operate under the golden rule here. You know, treat others the way you want to be treated in this if you were in the same situation. So overall, uh, you know, funeral homes are very, very kind, supported, they're compathetic, very knowledgeable. They're human, some of them make mistakes like everybody else, you know. But I believe that they're quick to resolve.

Embalming Makeup And Viewing Decisions

18:01

So so you were telling me like the funeral home does everything, like the embalming. I had no idea that it was done there. So so you and then you said they had to be like special, they go to school for that and all of that, right? Right. So the state of California requires for an embalmer or funeral director to be licensed and to be regulated. So there is some training. It could be a couple of years, it could be four years, depending on what kind of course you take. But licensed funeral directors, they're also cosmetologists, they're preparers of remains, they're, you know, specialists in preservation. They what do you mean they're cosmetologists? Yeah, well, you know, they're the makeup on, right? You don't do that, do you? No, it would be okay if I did the if I did the cosmetology, unfortunately, people would look like Harpo. Yeah. No offense, Harpo. You're my friend. We love you. We love you, Harpo. Um but but they're skilled and so talented. So then they ask, I'm assuming they ask the the family, right? Give me a photo or a couple of phones, yeah. Yeah, they'll they'll work off of a picture, you know, of a recent picture, and they use that for several things. Uh, some of them are to match the tone of the skin, right? Because the chemicals that they use, like the formaldehyde. Yeah. So the formaldehyde comes in different tones and colors. So you don't want to put a light-skinned person uh with a very dark chemical because it's going to assume them to be a different color. Um, and you don't want to take tone away from a person that has some color in their skin. So it's a it's a very scientific process of how they figure out the ratio, the rates, what to inject. It's a lot. It's not just uh it's not just uh, you know, you take them out of the freezer and you put them and you put some makeup on and off they go. There's a lot that goes on in there. The bodies aren't hydrating anymore, so they'd use different types of cosmetics. It's not the ones you get off the rack at Sephora and and put them together. And there's families that, with all their love and care, they want to come in and help, right? They're like, I want to help my do my grandma's makeup. I know. So most funeral homes will let them, they'll assist them, but they want to be there so they can assist them and walk them through the process, you know, of what to use and how to do it. Because it's not the same as when you're alive. Well, they'll do their hair. I love it when they come in and do their hair. I know we got a licensed barber in here. Yeah, dad's tired. I know he tried to get into the biz, but you know, his hair was too tight. And um, and so what happens there is that you know, there's there's just different. I mean, you know, folks are lying down, they're not standing up, you know. There's if they they sometimes they want to help dress, we're not as limber as when we pass away. There's there's methods and ways of dressing, yeah, right. So you know, it's not the same as dressing, you know, helping dress a child. It can move around and you know, it's different. I always I always ask families to you know, please let the professionals do what they do. Um, but but they'll never tell them no. So they're so they you have them in a fridge. How many fridges do you have? Yeah, how do you get them down from the top? You know what I mean? Is you have like a smart? Yeah, some of them do. They'll have the spino special devices. Uh some of them are are very manual, you know, where it takes a lot of uh, you know, just muscle uh to move them from shelves. Uh so basically remains are kept in shelves. It's not like the movies where they open up the door and you know it's nice. You need to you need to conserve space, right? Yeah, so yeah, you've got to conserve space. Like you do have a warehouse. You have you have racks, right? The the coroner's office has uh every every coroner's office has a different, different but same way of preserving, right? Because preserving remains can only be done certain ways. And it's either going to be through refrigeration or it's gonna be through embalming. So those are the two methods of preservation. So even if you're embalmed, you don't you don't have to be refrigerated. Once you're once a body's embalmed, it can be uh it does not to be ref need to be refrigerated anymore. Well why are they cold when you have like they're in the thing and that you touch them and they're cold? Because there's no more body temperature's no more body temperature circulation. Um, I had a medical uh uh guy come over to the house earlier um to do like a house visit on my blood pressure and whatever for my insurance company. And then he like he put the little thing on my forehead and he does the temperature. It just reminded me of that. You know, that's because I'm walking and you know, I'm you know, I have certain type of heat to keep my body alive. But when you pass away, that's all gone. Even if they haven't been in the freezer, they just didn't bomb. There's no more no more life in that. Your body doesn't have any more heat. You're just a piece of meat at that point. Okay, and then so I'll always remember this. One of my best friends, her uncle died in a car accident. And they obviously they had it closed, right? At what point do you say we gotta close this yet? There's a professional recommendation and an assessment done by the funeral home, funeral home directors and the embalmers as a team to say, hey, you know, viewing these remains can be can cause more damage than good, right? You know, the impression that you're there's only so much we can do, you know, to restore yeah, and it's ultimately to restore, right? Okay. Um there's I think the strong recommendation is basically look, you know, your your loved one was in this terrible accident, you know, and you know already circumstances that's why we're here. You know, remains are not a hundred percent, especially let's say the face, you know, which is what you see. I mean, a lot of the other things and injuries obviously you don't see. Yeah, you know, but you know, the the the viewing, right? You know, that's that last moment that you have, that's the last very impressionable situation that could positively or negatively affect you for a while. Because you could be swollen too, right? It could be swollen. There's different types of deaths, right? So that you know, they could be circulatory problems, it could have been a person could have passed at home and maybe passed away, you know, with their face down and all the blood pools into that area. So it's you know, you're gonna have a darker tone there because the blood pool, you can't get that out. You can't get it out. Especially when it, you know, if just imagine if you were to find somebody, you know, overnight or the next day or worse, you know, uh face down. I mean, all that blood pulls to the bottom, not just the face, but the whole bottom of the body. What the hell? So when you die, die in a hospital, die sitting up, yeah, you got a pillow, be propped up. Right, and have a and have the picture in your pocket of the why you want to. Yeah, how do you want your hands? And then I'm gonna say, or else. You're like, look, honey, si algo pasa, something happened right here. That's right here. Here's a picture. Do you want me to use just for men? Yeah, please. I've got to keep me young, keep me young in death. That's right. So you're uh going back though a little bit.

Funeral Costs Clothing And Dignity

24:37

Uh so first call, you're on the first call team. Well, I want to hear about the business stuff. You know, I'm a business, we own a couple businesses. So your little entrepreneur of mine started going there. I mean, you were working for somebody else. Kind of walk us through how you kind of the little light bulb went off and said, Hey, maybe I can do this myself. And what was the process to get and to do it on your own? I think like anything in life that you you pursue with a passion, you have to fall in love with the process. And during those first, you know, few months of doing those first calls and you know, being called in the middle of the night, you know, putting on my tie and a little jacket and driving the van out to, you know, a home and the and dealing with families. And, you know, I quickly learned that my empathy, that my personality, that that my heart, that my compassion for people was being utilized in the right way. So I I just got really good at it and I meant it. It wasn't something like I was like, you know, then I walked out the door, was like, okay, let's get out of here. Well, so have you ever had any people go get this piece of shit out of here? I I must say, I I haven't heard it just like that. But sometimes people's actions and how they how they how they carry themselves when that happens is is words by itself. So I've seen people have that attitude of for them to happy to be to have them out of there. I can see that. I mean, because you've got, yeah, you've got a lot of people. Well, there's a lot of stuff. I mean, you don't know the backstory to everybody's life. I mean, maybe there was issues in the family, maybe this person wasn't a really good person to them, or you just don't know. But you still treat them all with respect and dignity, and you do things the right way. And whatever issues they have with their loved one or just passed away, then that's between them and Jesus. So, because I so we buried my dad, and it's like, what the hell do you dress him in? Like the last piece piece of clothing, right? Like, so what do you see? Like they dress up most, or what do what is it? Well, some people will be very traditional, right? You know, the the funeral homes need something, it doesn't have to be a suit and tie, but it shouldn't be something, you know, like Tom Sellick on you know Hawaii 5 0 or something, you know? Right. But it should be something also that that the person would have worn. You know, you don't want the person to be wearing, you know, uh a jacket and tie because the last time they wore them was at the wedding or something, you know, 50 years ago. So it should be something, you know, respectable, nice, um, of taste. You know, we don't want any any uh bad situations for the rest of the family. But the dressing is cool. I mean, it's dressing them to me is even even when we do that on the backside. When I've done it, I don't do that anymore. But when when we used to do it on the backside, it's like the care and the love and the and the compassion you put into doing that and to knowing that with the work that you're doing is the last thing they're gonna see their loved one in. You know, every detail must be done. I mean, you gotta dot every I and cross every T. I mean, you gotta file the nails, you gotta get everybody clean, you gotta, you know, you it's gotta be perfect, you know. So that when the family walks in, everything. When their family walks in there, that man, woman better be perfect. Oh my gosh. Yeah. So then I I remembered, so my mom passed away and she we were gonna cremate her. And they asked me for clothes. And I'm like, for what? Was she gonna have a viewing? No. No viewing? Well, some funeral homes do require something. Uh uh, it depends how she passed. Was she in a hospital gown or something? No, she was at she was at home. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Oh, she was at my aunt's house, which it was like her second home. It was a request for them to bring clothes for. Maybe they were just maybe that maybe they thought that they were gonna dress her for a service or something. But if you brought clothes, then they'll they'll put it in their crematory with her. Yeah. So you got into the uh now you're planning, helping planning and helping helping the families. And so when did the kind of light bulb go off and say, hey, maybe there's a need for me to kind of do this on my own? There's there's there's something about this that I think I could do online. Somewhere along the line, and I, you know, I was with the Fitz Henry family uh from like 1998-ish through 2008 when they had to close their Indio and Cucella and Palm Desert locations, and they sold them to Forrest Lawn. There was a big bankruptcy. That's right. That's right. There was a big old thing that happened in town, and unfortunately for for many people on all sides. But the funeral homes had to be sold. And Forrest Lawn bought them out. They're a big corporate company from LA, you know, plenty of money and and very uh it's a good company. So when that happened, I actually didn't wait for them to try to hire us or not. I actually went to go work with my friends down the street at Casilla's funeral home, who I've known for a long time, the family. So I went down there to help run the funeral homes for a couple of years. Um, we're getting more or less in the same spirit of the family-owned funeral homes. They they were there, they were the same, hardworking people, you know, doing their own embalming, dressing, casking, everything. Uh, just a little bit smaller scale with their chapel and things, but they they're a really nice family. Um, and I was there for a couple of years. Um, and I started to do the the funeral planning, the um the insurance work. So I speci what I specialize in now today is helping families pre-plan, pre-pay through different vehicles of insurance or trusts, so that then when a few die, you'd have everything paid off and you don't have any problems. So uh I got my license while I was there with the state to sell funeral insurance. Um I just thought one of the hardest parts of a funeral director's job is to tell the family how much they owe. Yeah, that's gonna be horrible, right? It's kind of like you know, that you see them and they're going through their moment and it's tough, and you see the heartbreaks, and you they're telling the stories, you know, about their loved one, and it goes on and on, and you're engaged, and then you know, they're picking their merchandise and their services, and then you're like, hey, by the way, you know, based on the selections you made, you know, this is this is what you owe. And you know, you see that that look, right, right? And then then you have more bad news because I'm like, when your funeral's on Friday, so you you've got like five days to pay. Right. And and it's tough, right? You know, I have to ask them, you know, cash, check, credit card. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a business part of it. And so um, but I also saw that there was a family here or there, they had these things already paid. You know, that there, you know, somebody passed away, they would come in, tell their story. Um the grieving and a lot of these processes were kind of eliminated, you know, especially the financial burden, obviously, because you know, grandpa took care of it, you know, and they had these trusts or insurance products, and sometimes there was even money left over. And I thought, how cool is that? So I want to learn more about that, right? Because I, you know, I f I thought this is another great way to help families. You know, if I can have families pre-pay, if I can it's kind of like if you lost somebody and you come to one of our offices and I say, hey, listen, it's gonna be 10 grand for what you want, and you need to pay us in three days, you know, and you're like, okay, well, you know. But I oh and I I use this anal, I use this analysis with families over the over the years. I would tell you, you know what, this ten thousand dollars, you gotta pay it, you know, quickly. Yeah, I'll say, but if we would have met five years ago and I would have said, hey, listen, I have a crystal ball and your loved one is gonna pass in five years. You want to wait for five years and see whatever's gonna happen and have to pay us then for whatever it costs? Or would you like to pay me $150 a month for the next five years and get it out of the way? You know, most families will say, Hey, I want to do that program, right? So I learned uh how to help families uh with the preparation process, with the financial process, how to make payments and be protected by insurance and guarantee products. And so I just thought that was another amazing way to help families. Well, that brings me to something. So when my dad passed away, I think I told you, he had paid for everything. So he had paid to first he paid to be cremated, right? Then later on, he went back and paid to be buried. So when we came in, they were like, Well, my brother's like, Well, we don't, what if we just want to cremate them? They're like, We'll give you a refund. And I was like, What? And the actual and I said, No, we're not, you know, my brother's like, Yeah, let's get that money. And I'm like, no, that's my dad put me in freaking charge. I'm like, if he paid for that, that's what he's getting. But but even that, like even then with that big right, we still had to pay the damn cemetery to dig the hole. And then you just like all the little things, you gotta pick out the little, their little booklet, their picture, the freaking verse, the everything. And I'm like, oh my God, like you don't want to think about that. Right. There's a lot going on. There's some families pick everything, like they're very thorough. And and but I must say though, most families are like, hey, listen, you know, I'll let my kids pick out the verses and the cards, and I'm leaving money for that, I'm leaving money for the flowers. They can pick the color out. You know, this is my casket, this is my service, I want a church service, I want to be buried, and you know, I want to pay for it and get out of the way. Yeah. And so, um, and to answer the question about your brother who wanted a refund for getting your dad cremated. Shit. Um, so it's really important for families to have what's called the durable power of attorney with a health care directive. Because especially when there's, you know, maybe your dad, when he passed, maybe the spouse or the partner wasn't available anymore. But for example, you know, to leave you in charge of of that dis you know and care decision, right? Because, you know, you're, you know, you a person who signs that document basically saying, I leave this person, it's called an agent, in charge of handling my final wishes. You know, and those wishes are are, you know, that I want to be cremated. I want to be buried. You know, I have a funeral plan and I want it executed the way I want it. Um, or or it might be the other way around, you know, uh, I want to be cremated. I don't want to be buried. So you leave a specific person or persons in charge who will honor those wishes and are legally obligated to do so. When you do that, I mean that in that same in that same document, you can also authorize autopsies, donations of remains, uh organs. Oh, that's right. There's a lot in that there's a that's a very powerful document. No. Well, who the Well, you're saying they're doning. They're donating. Well, let's just donating no, but that would take obviously place at the hospital. So let's say that you're when they don't go to a hospital, though. Well, if you're if a person passes away in a hospital, hospital first, and take them and then you're a home. Well, what if you don't have your ID on you? Well, jeez. Unfortunately, organ doning is is I think rare, very becoming very rare because you have to die in such a perfect situation. Yeah, that's true. Right. You know, you have to be in a controlled situation, like in a hospital. You know, you have to be still of a certain age. You know, I planned to, you know, I planned to decline at the age of 88, you know, and you know, just kind of you know into the sunset at that point. But you know, at that point, nobody's gonna want you. You're gonna want my heart. Yeah, nobody's gonna be. Yeah, my organs, especially my liver is gonna be gonna bomb that stuff, man. Yeah, it's just it's just a very important document to make sure that the person's uh final wishes are honored and you know, leave it to a person that you can trust. So it's very important. But you know, as far as you know, getting back to your question, as far as in the industry, so learning how to help families pre-plant and prepare kind of became my side hustle because that was paid to me directly by the insurance companies. Right. Um so I'm still working with families, doing everything I can on the daily. Yeah, and I'm finding time, you know, on the side to help families pre-plant and prepare. But this part is growing more, right? Right. And and and and I was making more on my side hustle financially than I was doing my regular work, but I love doing my regular work. You kind of had to do one to kind of do the other, though. So you had to find a good balance of doing things. Um, but around I was I was there at Casillos from like 2009 to 2011. Okay, and then uh Forest Lawn came knocking at my door and asked me if I would manage their funeral homes on the east side of the valley. Okay. Um, and they made me a really amazing offer, and uh I'm very grateful for my time that I spent in Forest Lawn. I learned a lot. I learned a lot about the business, I learned a lot about you know management, I learned a lot about managing sales teams. Um, and so I was there for five years uh managing the east side. And then I also in the final year, I also was running their sales team. So I had a team of you know 15 or 20 sales folks who reported to me and they would sell these funeral products like I was selling on the side. I was their manager. And so I knew how much money was coming into the sales side. I knew what the commissions that were being paid. Um, I always felt that there was room for the corporation to pay the sales team more, but they felt differently. Absolutely. But but while I was there, I was like, towards the end of my career there, I was like, man, you know, I I I got to the point where I'm like, I really need to really make a commitment one way or another. You know, I'm I'm spending, I'm not balanced right. So I decided to um when we partnered away with this forest lawn, I was like, I want to start my own sales team. I want to focus on pre-need. I want to focus on helping families pre-plan and pre-pair. I want to help local family-owned funeral homes build their business for the future. That's what you're doing. You're selling pre-planned products, and the funeral homes are gonna do the services in the future. So you're partners. So I took some time off uh around 2016 uh to start, you know, making my group, you know, forming ER, funeral pre-planning, funeral cemetery pre-planning services, got all my license in order with the state for my corporation, um, rebranded with some of the family-owned funeral homes here locally, particularly the Fitz Henry Weefels family, which is family-owned since 1908. Uh ironically, I have an office in that little funeral home that I used to drive my bike in when I was eight. Oh, yeah, okay. So kind of full circle there. Uh-huh. Um, and then also through New Journey, which is another family-owned company here in Indio and Thousand Palms, um, Hispanic-owned family. So um, I've been doing it ever since. Uh, just really growing that pre-planning side. And I also have a very exclusive contract with the Catholic Church, with the Diocese of San Bernardino. I helped them build a I helped them build and develop a cemetery in Palm Springs at St. Teresa's at Columbarium Garden. Okay. So we manage it, we market it, we produce contracts, we provide services, we we run it. We it's like our own project that we run for the diocese and very successful. So sorry, I go, I I get these like little things. Yeah. So you were talking about um, you know, they're either gonna be cremated or they're gonna be this.

Green Burial And New Memorial Options

39:50

Do you ever watch Shark Tank? Because these guys are like putting them in little pebbles now. There's a ton of stuff you can do. You can do, you can make little, you can make stones. Uh so you can take cremated remains and take them and send them to certain companies, and what they'll do, they'll make little like skipping stones almost. Yeah. And some of them are used, you know, you can they can be biodegradable where you can take them to the ocean and throw them. You could put them in a river and let them run. You can throw them at each other, you know, whatever you want to do. Yeah. So there's that. I mean, there's they're they're very creative. What we're seeing more in the industry in certain areas, especially in California, is people trying to reduce their carbon imprint, right? On the on the environment. So you're starting to see some green burials. So green burial is pretty neat because it's basically uh death and no chemicals, no um harm to the environment. Old school burials like the wild, wild west. You just put them in the in the dirt in the right, dig a hole out in the backyard. Well, not in your backyard. There's there's cemeteries, they're licensed by the state for green burial specifically. So to to qualify for a green burial service, let's say that you're like, hey, listen, I'm a bit of a hippie and I I want to I want to leave no imprint to the to the planet. Okay. Um, so when I die, I want to be buried naturally, right? So what would happen is when you die, there is refrigeration only. There's no embalming. Oh wow, there's no preservation through chemical means. That's gotta be expensive. And then what they do is they hold you in refrigeration, you'll be dressed, and you can have a viewing for a short time, even a service. We thaw out, and yeah, thaw out in the summertime. And then what they do is they'll go ahead and um place you in a biodegradable casket, you know. Um, the nearest green burial cemetery here is in the high desert, Joshua Tree Memorial Park. That makes sense. That makes sense. It's beautiful, it's right in the foothills of Joshua Tree, and they have these areas that are that are sort of you know boarded up or fenced up, you know, kind of like just wood dividers. But what that means is in that green burial area, no fossil fuels of any kind can be used, no backhoes, so anything. So all the graves are six foot hand dug. There's the service is done right there. You're lowered in that biodirbatical basket, they close the earth, they put everything on top of you all manually now, and then there's no headstones, there's no permanent markings or anything. There's there's pegs, right? With lot numbers, so you know, make sure that you know where they're at. Yeah, and you can put little rocks and things with the prince's name, but there's no cement, you can't put anything permanent. That's how Dr. Deb's husband was bent. So those are pretty cool. I mean, even you know, those are 15 to 20,000. I mean, really? Even then, yeah, even then, yeah. Huh. I mean, I think that, you know, I think that uh $14,000 of that should go to the gravedigger digging by my hand up there in the middle in all those rocks. Yeah, horrible is that. So there's green burial, there's you know what about the people that want to just be frozen in time until they thought, and you know, like they think they're coming back on the land? Yeah, exactly. Well, you know, the the cryogenic uh preservation uh obviously is super expensive, and there's no guarantees that you're coming back. Actually coming back. Yeah, oof. Yeah, I think when you're gone, I don't think you're coming back. I haven't seen anybody come back. Yeah, nobody's not yet. The technology's not there yet. No, and people ask, have you ever seen anything weird? You know, have you ever seen somebody come back to life in a funeral home? Oh yeah. I don't. No, and it's you know, sometimes there's just a natural, you know, body, the spasms, uh body settling in the temperature of the body cooling down a bit. So there might be some so nothing scares you. No. Really? No, I've been I've been married before, so nothing really scares me. I have five kids and that's it. That's scary enough. Yeah. Not you know, not every kid, you know, grows up wanting to be in your industry, but there is people that you know are gonna be drawn to the industry and maybe trying to get into it. What advice would you give to that to that young person maybe that wants to get into the industry and and what it What what would you tell them? You know, it and not just it's not just this industry, but any industry that you get involved in. I mean, you really gotta search and find what what that passion that drives you because I mean, I've seen people in this industry come heavily vested in education, right? They got out of school, they went to funeral director school, they went to college, they did all this stuff to get into the death care industry, right? I mean, they were heavily licensed and they were ready for to run anything. Right. And then they come into industry and they're like, oh, this is really not what I wanted, you know. Or, you know, it's hard working with people that are grieving and it's hard to work with remains and it's hard to see people in their worst moments, you know. I've seen people come in and just being deflated, you know, within a few months of just energy sucked out of them because it's just something that they didn't sign up for. Right. You know, so if you're if you do have a desire to be in in a death care industry, whether it's a whether it's a funeral home, whether it's a crematory, or even a cemetery, you know, they're all death care industries. I I would I would do everything you can to first get in there first. You know, go in there and talk to the funeral homeowners. They have a lot of apprentice programs where you can come in and get your feet wet a bit if you would to see if you like it. Yeah. You know, to see if you enjoy it, see if you can handle it. That's right. You know, everybody, right? See if you can handle it. And traditionally, a lot of these interim jobs are not very well-paying jobs. You know, they're not, you know, you're not gonna come in making a hundred thousand plus a year. You know, you have to work your way up and find your way into the into that process. Like for me, I mean, my side hustle supported my passion of working at a low hourly wage, you know, because that's what the funeral homes could afford. You know, these are funeral family-owned funeral homes, you know, they're not big corporations, so they're not gonna write you, you know, they're not gonna pay you, you know, $50 an hour. Right. You know, but because I found a way to subsidize the low amount of money I was getting paid through the funeral home, you know, that made it worthwhile. And at some point I had to make a decision, right? You know, I have I was a single dad with five kids, and you know, I had to go more towards trying to be fiscally responsible with my family. And that's how I, you know, gravitated more towards the pre-planning insurance side and grew that side of the business. And we've been extremely successful. Right. Well, I think that's a really important service that you're offering. I remember when with her parents, her dad had it all planned out, and her mom was very unexpected. So the the family dynamic with the mom was a lot different because people were, you know, not expecting it. There was no plan in place. Where's the car going? Where were we doing with all this stuff? Daddy had already had it planned out. So it was just like a much smoother, I think, process. People weren't, the family wasn't fighting over certain things because dad already laid it out. He was like, I want this, this, and that. You get this, you get that. So a service like yours, I think, is invaluable. I think, I think uh you're you're doing a lot of good for the community with that service. We do, we do a lot of good. We help the the preparation. And it's just overall, it's a good healing process. It helps a grieving process, it minimizes, you know, the bad effects of it. You know, it's uh it takes away and does some deal with the loss instead of dealing with the financial burden. And it sounds awful when you die to leave a financial burden because your whole life as a parent, etc., um you've done everything you can to protect your kids. You know, you've you've you've you've raised them as best as you could, you you fed them, you clothed them, you did everything that you know you do as a parent to be responsible to them. And then at the end you stick them with a $20,000 bill. You know, if you don't know about a process and you and you did it maybe out of vague ignorance because you didn't know there was a process, some people don't. Um but if you knew and you had the opportunity to and you didn't do it, well I it's a gift of love, it's a gift of a lot of things that that you do by pre-planning and pre-paying for your stuff. Even if it's basic cremation or a big service, you know, with motorcycle cops and mariachi and everything else. How like how come it takes so long to bury somebody? Because I'll be like, somebody died on this day, and oh, the funeral's in 45 days. I'm like, what the hell? Unfortunately, those families that you see that take 45 days to bury their loved one, it's because they don't have their finances in order. You got to remember they have to pay the funeral home outright before they place remains in a casket. They have to pay the cemetery before they even mark the grave. The cemetery is not gonna go on a promissory note and go open up that grave, hoping that you pay them tomorrow morning when you're bringing the casket. So when you see people delay their services by a lot, unfortunately, not all the time, but unfortunately, it's because they weren't financially prepared and have not paid off their debt. Um, but traditionally, traditionally, funerals can be conducted within two or three weeks. Um that gives the cemetery, that gives the funeral home time to receive remains, prepare, yeah, you know, properly preserve, uh, order caskets, you know, materials, get the chapels ready, because you know, there's you're not the only person they're serving. So you have to be forecasted out. And then the cemetery also has to have space. So it's a lot of things have to match. Okay, one more question. What about when you're Jewish? Remember, we talked about it, like you have to be buried the next day. So they must just got the money to go boom. Well, right? Or here's my credit card. How does that happen so fast? Well, there's a there's a there's a religious uh uh part to this process where the health department, the health department issues burial permits and also issues the death certificates. Uh so what happens there is if you have a religious situation, such as a Jewish family who needs to bury their loved one by sunset, you know, the next day, then the the county helps produce a burial permit sooner uh to accommodate for that. So obviously the family must still pay the funeral home in the cemetery by that time, by that time. So they need to be even more prepared. Yeah. So but you know, and so it can happen. Oh, they can definitely happen. It's a it's a it's a religious exclusion that they have the right to in the state of California. Being prepared is key, right? Being prepared is key. I think that's where ER uh funeral services comes in, right?

Preplanning Help Community Giving Closing

50:06

We have a we have a slogan that we came up with over time, and and one of them is uh leave good memories, don't leave problems. And that's what you do when you pre-plan. It even sounds more dramatic in Spanish. If we say deje buenas memorias y no deje problemas. It's you know, the funeral and in the funeral cemetery industry is uh is is is dynamic, as dead as it's you know, most people think it is, uh it's very dynamic and it's very diverse, and there's a lot that goes on, you know, behind the scenes to make sure the families get their proper services at the end. So, you know, when you when you uh come to a funeral, when you come to a funeral home or see funeral people in the process, they're they're really they really love what they do. Right. Where can uh people that are maybe watching that are maybe seeing the light saying, hey, I need to start planning for this? Where can they reach out to you? ER funeral services, what's the best place to reach you and and get in contact and start that process? Phone number still. Right here. Yeah, it's uh 760-574-7979. Okay. 5747979 is bid that number for two. I saw that on a bathroom wall the other day. Oh, that was you. Okay, okay. That was your drinking place. Yeah. I'm like call me. It was a double bottom on the ground. I have a website, erfuneralpreplanning.com, and and we do a lot of community stuff. You know, a lot of people don't know, and and we don't market it, you know, although some a lot of people think we should. You know, I've been involved in giving it to the desert for a long time. Um, I've been chairman of the Ronald McDonald House charities. Um, I've been, we talked earlier about, you know, the all the Chamber of Commerce work, how he being another group of folks. You know, we helped, you know, we're the founders of the Greater Coachella Valley Chamber. Um, once again, I don't take full credit. There was a lot of us that went into that process. Um I've been on the Big Brothers and Sisters of the Desert Board of Directors, and I've been a mentor there as well. I mentored Daniel since he was 11 years old until he graduated, and he's about to graduate with the psychology bachelor's at uh Cal State. So we're excited about that. Um I uh the Volunteers in Medicine. The Volunteers in Medicine is a nonprofit here in Indio and Palm Springs that they give free medical care to anybody who needs undocumented, no documents, underinsured, not insured, everything. And, you know, just a quick story about that. When I was raising my kids on my own back, you know, after the divorce and everything, uh I was quickly thrown into that part of, you know, being the dad and the doctor and all that stuff. And um, I used to go down to Sixth Street to get free medical care or at least some advice at the old clinic there. There was a doctor there named Dr. Ron Hare. And Dr. Hare uh would go down there and take my kids for, you know, sports exams, or they got sick, or he would help me find medicine at no little or no cost, um, help me navigate through the process of different, you know, at the time, you know, the coverages from the state and things that I qualified for. Um, and he was such a big influence on me, uh, helping me with my kids. You know, I just love that man and what he did for the community. And I used to see him often. And um, you know, when my girls were going through their girl stuff, I was like, what was this? I'm like, and he's like, come on. And so Dr. Hare helped me a lot over the years. Um I didn't see him for a while, but here and there, and about six years ago, I learned that Dr. Ron Hare was being honored by the Volunteers of Medicine. So his little organization that I used to go to actually be was the was the beginnings of the Volunteers of Medicine. So he's recognized as the founder of the Volunteers of Medicine. I saw that he was being honored at uh Thunderbird Country Club, and it's called the Vimy's, and this award that he was getting for his lifelong work. So I bought a ticket. So me and my wife went and we checked out the event. Um, and I walked right up to him, and he's like 90 something now. And I said, Dr. Ron, you don't remember me. I said, but I used to go to Sixth Street, and you helped me a lot with my children and this, that. And that man right away goes, You're the funeral guy. And I was like, he's like, You got a lot of kids. I said, Yeah, yeah. And so I went and just to be thankful and grateful, and I'm, you know, that I'm able to give back. So I made a nice donation in his honor that day. And I've been giving to them ever since. And I was actually honored by them um last November as their honoree of the year for you know supporting their organization. But it's so cool because like my story with them is I went full circle from being a person of need, what the foundation does, to a person now who thanks God and everything else that I'm able to now support. So that people like me today in the same shoes can get help from that same organization. So I'm really proud of what they do and what we do to help them as well. And that's awesome. That's a lot of stuff. I have fun with it. Yeah, I have my own golf tournament that I do to support foundations. Uh, we raised, you know, we've raised about $80,000 for St. Teresa's Church and Palm Springs in the last couple of years. Right. And this year, my tournament is going to benefit the boys and girls club. Excuse me, the big brothers and sisters. Oh, cool. Oh, that's awesome, man. It's a great organization, definitely. But that's what we do, man. We're part of the community. Full circle, man. And you're an important part of the community. Well, we love it. Well, thank you for what you do and putting this podcast out. I mean, I know it's called the CV Hustle, and you featured local folks like myself and others in different industries. Absolutely. And I think that's super cool that we have a platform here to come and share our stories. And, you know, thank you for inviting me. I think uh I'm very humbled by the fact that you, you know, took the time and you know, to reach out to me to come in here today. And I could talk all day. So you want me to come back to me in a time. Uh episode two to get those stories, man, because I'm no Fina's got a lot more questions about every type of story. I know I was trying to cut her off. I'm like, oh she wants those dateline stories, man. She wants those dateline stories. I got some dateline stories. I got some stuff. Maybe completely different. He's never broken the ice. He's always like, You're the only person I know that needs to listen to Dateline to go to sleep. I know. Terrifying, man. Terrifying to me, but it puts you to sleep. My brother-in-law always says, if something ever happens to me, it was your sister. And we'll we'll kind of leave it on that. Ernesto, thanks for coming in, man. You've been a blessing. You're a former part of our community. We're really happy to have you. And uh, you know, we'll uh like I said, we'll probably have to bring you back for part two. I'd be happy to come back. All right, thank you. Well, if you guys found some value in that conversation, like, subscribe, and follow. And we'll see you next time on CV Hustle. Only bread up breakdown, comes to respect. Still broke dragon on the marble floor. Break me to bed.