Meet Jenna Talleda: Empowerment Through Intuitive Eating

What if overcoming personal hardships could not only heal you but empower you to help others? Join me for an inspiring episode of the Turning Pain into Strength podcast, where I sit down with Jenna Talleda, a registered dietitian who transformed her struggles with ARFID, orthorexia and a heartbreaking divorce into a journey of resilience and empowerment. Discover how Jenna's painful experiences with an excessive focus on food spiraled into a quest for control and self-worth, only to find freedom and strength through intuitive eating.

Our candid conversation with Jenna unravels the complex relationship between eating disorders and the desire for control amidst life's chaos. From financial struggles to emotional upheavals, Jenna shares how she navigated these external pressures and found her way back to self-compassion and body acceptance. This episode challenges societal norms and highlights the importance of fostering a healthier relationship with food, self-worth, and body image. Jenna’s story is a testament to the transformative power of self-compassion and the journey toward healing.

Explore the impact of chronic dieting and the cycle of restriction and binge eating, as Jenna delves into her own experiences growing up in a dieting-focused household. Learn about the role of adequate nourishment and how listening to your body's needs can lead to a balanced, healthier lifestyle. As Jenna shares her valuable insights on breaking free from dieting, she offers listeners a path toward empowerment and recovery through intuitive eating. Don't miss out on this enlightening conversation that promises to inspire and equip you with the tools to embrace a more compassionate relationship with yourself and food.

YOUTUBE link: https://youtu.be/2TbZQUHipKI

Transcript

Overcoming Eating Disorders Through Intuitive Eating

Michelle 0:01

Welcome to Turning Pain into Strength podcast . I am your host , Michelle Eberwein . Today I have a truly inspiring guest joining us . She is a registered dietitian who has overcome her own struggle with eating disorders and now she has dedicated her life to helping others on their journey to recovery . Welcome , Jenna Talleda . Thank you so much for coming on my podcast and you can start wherever you wanted to . You said that you had an eating disorder . Is that still current , or is that something you dealt with in your childhood ? Where did it begin ?

Jenna 0:48

y relationship with food was kind of wonky throughout my entire lifetime uh , lots of chronic dieting and things like that . But this more like vibrant moment , I suppose it it was . Actually , it wasn't too long ago it was back in 2016 time frame and I was going through a really rough divorce and , unfortunately , my husband was telling me that it was okay for him to cheat on me because I was fat and so it just totally sent me down this path here and I at the time I was already not in a very good headspace as it was , but that just just hearing him say that to me and why it was okay for him to make his choices , that really just hit me hard and so I blame . I'm sorry that hurt so badly . It did did Very much so , very much so , and it just seemed to kind of come out of left field . And now , looking back on it , I am in recovery from it , but I can see now that it was obviously just him trying to not take responsibility for his actions and just try to distract me with where he knew would hurt and um , but at that time , uh , I just took it on as well . It's my fault that the relationship ended and um , and so I .

Jenna 2:39

I ended up , uh , like putting all of these restrictions on myself and and to to a another person . It would have just looked like a health kick . It would have looked like , you know , regular dieting or something . But what happened was and that's usually how these was , and that's usually how these , a lot of these things , start to , but it's everything had to be made in a certain type of way . I couldn't go out to eat at restaurants because I didn't have control over how they were making it and it . I was like obsessed with food all the time and it was what I realized . It was an eating disorder that was called orthorexia , which is healthy eating to the millionth degree . So very , very restrictive , very perfectionistic .

Jenna 3:41

And yeah , and when I would go to the gym , I will first of all hated the gym , but I was like , well , this is how you're supposed to do it . So that's what I did . And I went to the gym . The exercise that was that I hated the least was the elliptical , and I got so obsessed with it because when I was sitting there on the elliptical or doing the exercise , the TV in front of me was like something I did not want to watch . It was some sort of yucky news that I did not care for and I couldn't read because I was bouncing up and down on the elevator . You were moving , yes , and so all I could do was stare at the screen that was in front of me with all of my time was if I put my heart in the danger area of the heart rate zone , because if I put myself in what was considered normal , it didn't feel like I was doing anything .

Jenna 5:02

So , um , uh , and I ended up like coming off of those the machine , always feeling exhausted and things of that sort . Um , it even got to a point where I got so burnt out on it that I would drive to the gym and just stare at the building and pretend like staring at it was actually going to bring me inside of it . And it just between like like being so rigid with my eating and and the burning myself out at the gym and stuff like that , it just it created this whole dynamic and I thought it was going to take care of so many things . I thought it was going to like make me happy , help me feel more successful at my work , put me in a healthy relationship and things like that , but actually what it ended up doing was causing more self-worth issues , more body image issues . The only time I ever felt good about myself was if I looked at myself briefly in the mirror or somebody had commented and that lasted like three seconds and then my inner critic was right back in my head saying that it wasn't good enough or that you don't want to put it back and all of that . So I was constantly obsessed with it .

Jenna 6:26

It interfered with my connections with other people because I didn't let myself go out to eat , you know . Or if I did , go on that rare occasion out to eat , I was that person that told the waiter how to make everything and it was so awkward for me . I didn't really like being that person . And then the people that I ended up dating they ended up treating me like garbage . They just kind of used me and left , and it wasn't healthy in any sense of the word .

Jenna 7:03

So all of this because I thought that that was going to help and it ended up just bringing me a laundry list of other issues . It got to a point where it was Thanksgiving and it was also my birthday and I made all of the recipes according to my restriction and some of them came out good . Some of them did not , um my birthday cake being one of them . Um , because I ended up using um almond flour for it and almond flour does not behave the same way that wheat flour behaves , and so it came out like this really weird goo , and as much as I baked it , it just was not coming together at all .

Jenna 7:56

It wasn't working and so . But the thing was is that I was like , well , I want to have birthday cake . I guess I got to eat this , you know , and I forced myself to eat it , and at that point I was just like I'm going to give myself the holidays off and so , and then come January I'll get right back onto the wagon and do all the things . Well , january came and went and I could not get myself to go back to that . It was just , it was so intense , it was really a nightmare , you know , the whole time , and I kind of loosey-gooseyed it for a while there , and I kind of loosey gooseyed it for a while there .

Jenna 8:46

I ended up coming upon this book , like months later that was called: and , interestingly enough , I really didn't pick up the book for me . I picked up the book because I'm a dietitian by trade and I was working with clients that were showing signs of eating disorders and , honestly , I didn't really have much experience at the time . So I went and I did some research and intuitive eating is a very well established , evidence based approach to help people with eating disorders . So I'm reading this book with them in mind and , as I'm reading this book , like it felt like they wrote the book about me and I'm like I'm crying the ugly tears as I'm reading this book and , um , but it finally made sense . It finally made sense why we feel guilty about our food , why we um , why we restrict ourselves , why we sit there and fight with the scale so much . It finally made everything make sense . It was a completely different way of thinking about food and body , but it just made everything click for once .

Michelle 10:17

Okay , um , and the main thing that connected you to this book , thing that connected you to this book Was it a control thing

Understanding Self-Compassion in Overcoming Eating Disorders

Michelle 10:32

. Did they teach you that this was the way to have control ? Because I've heard that with eating disorders , you know , people restrict and monitor everything to have control over themselves and I'm wondering , was that your situation as well ? And , you know , was that part of the book ?

Jenna 10:49

Yes , so that's a really great question . Really , to answer your question , there are two parts here . Yes , control was a really big factor here . There were other things that were at play as well , that also were underlying reasons for this , but control was definitely a factor . Everything felt out of control in my life , you know , moving out into my own place , having all of these bills and not being able to , you know , always cover them as well as I wanted to , my marriage falling apart and all of these different things . It just felt so out of control . Out of control and this was the way that I could .

Jenna 11:36

And in in the book itself , it , it just it talked about reconnecting with my body . Instead of trying to follow all of these rules about how we're supposed to eat and what our bodies are supposed to look like , it was more about learning how to listen and honor what my body was trying to say and take out that , all the fears that we have about food , and and instead come at this from a neutral perspective . Um , it also talked about , like uh , building up that self-compassion piece and learning how to appreciate my body , no matter what it looked like , and just come at this from just a way of giving myself some food and body freedom . And so it just it , really just . That was what was the connector piece , and also because a lot of it countered what I had learned through my schooling of becoming a dietitian , it was also really helpful to have those studies there to actually validate what it's talking about . Because , honestly , if some random schmo came and told me all of this stuff , I would have thought they pulled it from the air and just you know , and I would have looked at them like they were nuts and sometimes people do look at me like I'm nuts , but I promise a lot of the stuff that's in there is actually very true and very helpful .

Jenna 13:16

So , so , kind of coming at it from that perspective and and everything , it just it really opened my eyes that I didn't have to sit there and live like this anymore and that my body was good just as it is . It doesn't have to be changed or fit within a certain BMI box in order to be worthy or happy or healthy or anything like that . I can , I can just live my life and and it's okay to do so , and um , and so it just it , it it was what I needed to hear . Um , and so I ended up . I ended up like that was like the beginning of my recovery journey , and after that I just dove head first into learning all about this and and that's actually on that second part of your question of like the control factor I realized that when we try to restrict our food , that it's , or we try to change our body in some way , it's usually not about our food or body at all .

Jenna 14:27

It's usually about something underlying that we're trying to achieve , that we've just been taught to use food and body as a way of getting , and that's why it never feels like it's good enough or whatever , or that we're always afraid of like , you know , going back to what we were before , because it's not actually addressing the true issue that we have at hand . So control is one of those reasons . Feeling worthy or acceptable is another one A sense of destruction , so like if everything is super crazy or even if it's super boring . The you know we can use food and body as a way of like . Taking our attention away from that kind of stuff is a way of like . Taking our attention away from that kind of stuff and that's what I was also doing in there was . I didn't want to focus on all of the negative things that were happening , so it was easier to put my attention into restricting and over exercising , Because the opposite of people who are stress eaters , and they , you know , stuff a chocolate cake in their mouth because they're stressed .

Jenna 15:47

Um , yes , and also I did struggle with emotional eating as well . So , um , um , so it was kind of this weird , weird stuff , yeah , and so , um , but they can also use that as a version of distraction as well . So , and then the other one is a sense of punishment , so like if I'm like holding on to some sort of shame about something , whether it's food or body related or even something else , I can use food and body as a way of trying to punish myself , like saying , oh , you can't enjoy that cupcake because you didn't do something . Or oh , I can't believe the conversation went that way , so you can't have this food . And what I found is that my underlying reasons were actually all four of them at the same time oh , wow , and yeah , so , and it was very intense .

Jenna 16:55

Sometimes for folks it can just be one or two , but yeah , at that time it was all of them .

Jenna 17:02

So it was a lot of stuff to deal through and and process and come to terms with , and I'm in a much better place than I was back then . That was like seven years , a little over seven years ago , and and I am in a much . I'm in a much , much different place now , but but now I use what I've learned to help other other people with their own relationships with food and body , because I don't want anybody else to have to fight with what I dealt with , because we don't have to live that way . We don't have to tie our worth to our body or tie it to our food . We can live our lives and , yes , we live in a world that is very focused on taking up less space in this world and all of these different diets that are out there in the world . But that doesn't mean that's a problem with us , that's a problem with the society that we live in and when we can take it from that perspective , we can separate ourselves and realize that we're not the issue there .

Michelle 18:22

You know , yeah , that takes a lot to realize because we're so good at self destruction , self sabotaging yeah , very much so , and it's hard to undo those years of that voice in your head saying you should be skinnier . Skinnier equals success and you're overweight , so you're not worth anything . Society puts a huge you know thing in our heads about it and it's awful .

Jenna 18:57

It really is , and what's even crazier about how much value we take from that . There's actually like a crazy history of how they determined all of those things , because our bodies are not meant to fit into that BMI box . We come from all different places , all different genetics , all different shapes , sizes , shades . We're not all meant to look alike , and when BMI was created initially , it was never intended to be an individual marker of health . It was just a tool to separate people into different groups , and that's all that it was . It was created by a man that was a mathematician . He wasn't even in the health field and the only people that he measured were other white European males like himself . He never measured any women . He never measured other cultures or races or people from other countries . He just measured the people , the men , that were right within his his space . And yes , yes , exactly . And so so the fact is and that's where we get that terminology about overweight and obese , which I find are very oppressive types of terms but , but the yeah , but the fact is is that it really was never intended to be used the way that it's being used now . So and and it just the .

Jenna 20:57

The history from that continues being filled with misogyny and with racism , and it's , it's all just to take advantage of our insecurities and continue us to keep coming back to them and keep paying more money and things like that , because they're a business , it's . It's a $90 billion industry annually to try to take advantage of . You know , trying to say statistic correctly , it's like one in five will develop an eating disorder . Three out of those people will develop disordered eating , which is not necessarily like they fit into the DSM-5 , but they still have a lot of issues around that stuff . And so , with all of that being said , it leads to all of these things and this obsession with food and body all the time . And it didn't have to be that way . Yeah , so so , yeah so , but luckily , luckily , I , I'm out , I'm , I see for what the world is within that sense , and now I'm , I I'm working to help bring people out of that as well , so they don't have to live in that that world .

Michelle 22:39

Yeah , yeah , oh . That is really . That is really great that you're doing that , because you know the struggles , so that is great . So this started seven years ago when things went really bad in your marriage .

Jenna 22:57

Yeah Well , the seven years ago , that was when I started my recovery , so it was like eight or nine years ago that I was in the midst of the eating disorder when I was a teenager .

Michelle 23:11

Did you battle any eating disorders at that time ?

Jenna 23:17

Uh , yes , I did . Um , it actually even started earlier than that . Um , I had something when I was elementary school age . I had something that was called ARFID , which is avoidant food restrictive intake disorder , and it's a sensory based thing , so like a fear of eating because of like fear of choking or vomiting or you know different things like that , and so I only let myself eat a certain amount of food during the day because I was afraid of it . I was able to work my way through that , thankfully , and it didn't even have a name back then .

Michelle 24:05

I bet yeah um , but uh .

Jenna 24:10

But you know , through therapy and through um , uh , all of that , I was able to kind of work through that and and kind of work towards eating a little more consistently .

Realizing Food Has No Morality

Jenna 24:20

There was a lot of chronic dieting in my house . Um , my mom and my sister were forever on Weight Watchers . My dad was constantly pushing that narrative all the time . I remember they used to have this sign up in the kitchen that said nothing tastes as good as being thin feels . And you know it wasn't necessarily pointed at me , I was actually in a smaller body at that time .

Michelle 24:47

But that was the message for the women in your house .

Jenna 24:52

Exactly so every time we came in there , that was the first thing you saw and yeah , so food was always kind of wonky and then then I'm pretty sure that I became a dietitian because of that . So luckily , I finally found my space within that that I now focus on intuitive eating , but but yeah , it was always a wonky thing . I was in college . I dealt with , um , uh , like compulsive eating and emotional eating and things of that sort . So there was that piece of it and and just a lot of trying to fight with the scale throughout my adult life you know , all scales should be just thrown in the garbage .

Michelle 25:47

Yes , yes exactly .

Jenna 25:49

That's really all they're good for .

Michelle 25:51

Yes , I mean they don't tell us anything except how we're gonna feel that day exactly it does not tell you health at all . So did you wake up one day and just decide I'm going to learn about my eating disorder or I'm gonna try to do better , like was it just one day that you woke up and said I'm not going to live like this anymore ?

Jenna 26:19

Um , I think it was well , especially with this last episode . The eating disorder that I had , it was that cake . That was the final straw for me . I forced myself to eat that garbage and it wasn't even satisfying or hit the spot or anything . And I was just like this , or hit the spot or anything , and I was just like this I just can't do this , you know . And also putting myself through like that feeling of like when you , when you , take carbs out of your , your diet and then you end up having that week of just feeling like lethargy and anger and all of that . I couldn't put myself through that anymore .

Jenna 27:12

It just it was just it was too much , and and and I eventually realized it's because my body needs carbohydrates . I'm not supposed to take them out . I'm supposed to , you know , nourish my body and feed it , and my brain only uses carbohydrates , so of course it's gonna feel crappy if I don't . So so yeah . So I would say it was those things that kind of said this isn't working . I at that time I didn't know that it was an eating disorder , I just thought this was normal dieting , okay , and .

Michelle 27:52

But it was once I read that intuitive eating book that I was like , oh my gosh , I have a normal day for you with food , because I don't know what intuitive eating is . So , what is your normal day like for food ?

Jenna 28:17

Well , um and I'm gonna say this with a caveat that just because I do something a certain way doesn't mean that's going to work for other people . Of course not , but pretty much , I guess , if I could kind of come at this from a general perspective , it's really more about tuning into my body , giving myself food consistently throughout the day , because my body needs that energy , just like our cars need gasoline . Um , if , if the car doesn't have gas , it's not gonna go um and uh , um , and so I , I give myself food throughout the day , um , and you know it's food that that is going to be satisfying for me , that it's going to hit the spot not like salads and vegetables and I have to eat this because it's healthy .

Michelle 29:17

So you just get up in the morning and listen to what your body is feeling that day .

Jenna 29:22

Exactly Okay , and that could simply . That could simply be like I want a bagel or I want a muffin , or I want to have some water with this or some uh uh , some coffee or something like that . Um , I usually like to have something that has a little protein in there along with it , because that gives me a lot more staying power than if I just had something by itself .

Michelle 29:50

And people have to learn that . My sister is very brilliant with food and she says you have to have protein with your carbohydrates in the morning , not cut the carbohydrates Right . And I'm like I'm not eating protein in the morning , that's for dinner . And she's like , no , your body needs that protein in the morning , to you know , hold you over and burn and feed you . And I said wow you know the .

Jenna 30:21

Thing that you learn as you get older , that's so true , and there's so many different ways of doing that . Like it could be like eggs in the morning , if you enjoy eggs , it could be a yogurt , or or a peanut butter , or slice of cheese , or , or it could be leftovers from the night before , or even like if I'm not typically a fan of this . I don't like the texture of it or the flavor . But protein drinks sometimes people enjoy those as well , and they can be an easy grab and go , but not necessarily at the expense of carbohydrates , though . But yeah , our body needs that throughout the day . If we just limit it to dinner time , then we are going to find ourselves having those .

Michelle 31:17

Give me that chocolate cake now , because if . I'm starving . I will eat bad things because I've let myself go for like five , six hours . I am just going to eat anything in front of me , I don't care . So it really is important to be eating these little snacks and meals like every couple of hours . For your body , you have to eat more to feel better .

Jenna 31:42

Yeah , and , and that's not necessarily a lack of willpower either , that's actually something that we have , this hormone inside of us that's called neuropeptide Y , and its job is to tell us to go eat something . And if in its lower levels , it's very , quite easy to kind of push off and say , nah , I got other things I got to take care of . But all it does is it just keeps increasing , which , if it were sound , it would get louder and louder . And then it gets to that place where you're just like I can't take it anymore . And that's when you're kind of just reaching for whatever is available to be able to get that energy into your body as soon as it can , to be able to get that energy into your body as soon as they can .

Jenna 32:37

And so , but yeah , diet culture makes that seem like it's a lack of willpower , but it's really not . It's just our body survival mechanism . But I will say there's no such thing as a good or bad food . Food does not have any sort of morality to it . It's really just what society places onto that food that makes it seem like it does that , but it really doesn't . It's a collection of molecules that helps our body in one way or another , but it doesn't have the ability to be morally good or bad or transfer to us whether or not we have it , because it just doesn't have that capability .

Michelle 33:18

That's kind of common sense when you think about it .

Jenna 33:22

Understandably so . But we can get so consumed with all of the fear mongering that's out there about food , with all of the fear mongering that's out there about food , and so it's it's easy to get caught up in that and then not really think of it in that type of way , right ? Because ?

Michelle 33:39

if you do eat that chocolate cake , you're worthless , you're a failure . You have no discipline . What is wrong with you ? And yeah , so that is what people think . As soon as they do eat something bad , they're a bad person .

Jenna 33:54

Exactly . I have a little trick that I like to give my clients . If you ever find yourself putting food into good or bad categories , I want you to think about a doorknob . Okay , a doorknob is a very boring piece of metal , true ? Okay , the only thing a doorknob is going to do is let you in from one space to another . That's it . There's nothing else . It's not going to go do volunteer work . It's not going to go rob a bank , it's just a boring doorknob , right ? right .

Jenna 34:32

And if you can conceptualize that , I want you to bring that over to your food , because food has as much morality as that doorknob does , absolutely zero , okay . And it's not going to go do volunteer work . It's not going to go rob a bank , it's not going to transfer to you because it doesn't have that capability . And , and the reason why is because if we sit there and we put those foods into good or bad categories , then it gives them a lot more power than they deserve . It gives them a lot more power than they deserve . And then we start making rules around the food what kind of food it could be , how much we can have of it , how often we can have it , and then we fall into this cycle and the deprivation starts building up until we can't get , we can't take it anymore and that could be quick or over time , but it gets to that place . And that's when we find that we eat quickly or we hide while we eat or we (sorry , my cat's throwing things)

Michelle 35:50

Mine was clawing at the door and I'm like lay down oh goodness , um , so , uh .

Jenna 35:59

So it's either uh , eat quickly , eat to a place of uncomfortable fullness , hide while we eat . Those things tend to happen , and then we get the guilt and the shame because we didn't follow whatever those rules were Right , and then the whole cycle starts all over again . (Mars , quit it) . And so where most people feel that the issue is the eating quickly or to a place of uncomfortable fullness or whatever , and that's the place that needs to be addressed . Actually , what needs to be addressed is the rules and the morality that we attach to that food , because chances are , if those two things weren't there , the rest of the cycle wouldn't have happened . Yeah and so .

Jenna 36:48

And it doesn't mean that by neutralizing it , you know that I'm trying to say oh , you know , that's all that your body needs and you know , eat that every single day . No , your body does like variety , it loves different textures and flavors and nutrients and stuff like that . But it just means that the food is just not up on that pedestal anymore and that it's still going to be delicious , it's still going to be food that could help your body in one way or another . It's just not , it's not letting it have that power anymore . And then all of a sudden , the food just becomes a food , and and it , yeah , and it just changes . That way we think about it .

Michelle 37:46

Okay . So someone comes to you and they overeat , like they just , you know , eat a box of donuts and you know , 18 hot dogs at lunch . Very dramatic , they overeat . What do you do for that ?

Jenna 37:56

So to begin with that , yeah , that's a that's a really great question , and the person is super focused in on all of that , and they're thinking the worst of themselves and that inner critic chatter that you were talking about . The fact of the matter is , though , is that it's not a moral failing . It is not a moral failing that that happened .

Navigating Eating Disorder Recovery Journey

Jenna 38:24

And , coming back to that cycle that we were just talking about , even though it feels like they're out of control and they can't stop themselves , chances are that wasn't really where it started . It started because they weren't getting enough to eat before that .

Jenna 38:42

So , whether it was the fact that you know they were restricting from the last time that they had a moment like that , or it was just that , oh , I just didn't eat today because my to-do list was crazy , and so the only time I could actually stop and sit down to eat was maybe around dinner time , and then I just couldn't get satisfied . We work on the restriction piece of it , and we work on giving them more food , which can sound scary because of you know , all of the stuff about calories and this and that and the other thing that diet culture drills into our head , but when we can nourish you and and and help you get more food in regularly , then it's going to take that intensity out of those episodes .

Michelle 39:34

Okay , so you won't eat the box of donuts if you just start eating throughout the day .

Jenna 39:40

Exactly exactly , and there's other things that could be in the mix here as well . It could be that there's stress that's happening and that that is their , their coping mechanism . We work on emotional eating as well , but not from a place of restriction , but more of a place of curiosity and compassion .

Michelle 40:02

They must cry in front of you . They must sit down and hear that because you give them grace , Finally , that they weren't able to give themselves , and it's almost a relief you give them that freedom to just be like , okay , this is a problem and you're gonna help me and I'm not a loser for this . And they must cry every time they're in front of you .

Michelle 40:29

You just have this energy and aura about you that really connects you know I don't have an eating disorder , but I did , and I lived on dexatrin diet pills and tab diet soda for probably two years , and I never once had somebody come in front of me and say . I never once had somebody come in front of me and say this is wrong , it's okay . Let me help you . You know , and you're that light for people . I can feel it and see it , and you are so awesome . I appreciate that so much . You went through so much , though , to get to where you are today . You went through so much , though , to get to where you are today , and I'm sorry for that , but you know you are just helping so many people .

Jenna 41:21

Thank you , and you know what it's a big role it is , yes , and even though that was a very challenging point in my life and I was beside myself the whole time , especially during that whole divorce and everything like that because it was that experience that actually brought me to where I am today and how I learned what my purpose is , you know , and how I learned about my strength and my resilience and things like that and be able to help people navigate this kind of scenario as a result and if I hadn't gone through that , I would still be naive . I'd still be giving clients weight loss diets and telling them , oh , you're not supposed to have the chocolate cake or whatever , and all of that , and it wouldn't have been helpful . So I needed to go through all of that in order to get where I am today . It gives you such an understanding of what people are going through .

Michelle 42:41

You can speak honestly when you've walked those same steps .

Michelle 42:45

Yes , and it's interesting that you say that , that you , because of what you have gone through , you say that that you , because of what you have gone through , you appreciate it because you were . You are where you are today and I just interviewed somebody yesterday and they said I would never want what I have . I don't care that it's led me up to today . I would never want what you know , the chronic illness and pain that I've gone through . And it made me think for a second , because I've always said I'm grateful for what my you know breaking my . I'm not grateful for breaking my back , I take that back . But the compassion I've learned for people and what they've gone through with their diagnoses and health issues , it just brings you so much closer when you have people that make you feel not alone .

Michelle 43:40

Yeah , and they're not a failure , like when people come to you with these eating disorders . For years they've heard that they're worthless and're overweight and they know they eat bad , but they've given up on themselves . And then here you are , like you're not bad , you're doing okay , we can help this , you know , and it's just relief .

Jenna 44:06

Yeah , thank you , Thank you , I I I appreciate that . Thank you .

Michelle 44:13

Thank you I I appreciate that I've been so tired , though going through it I can . Yes , You've gone through a really rough time to get to where you are today .

Jenna 44:30

Yes , and and I I can see what that person is saying about their experience , it it . You know , these really rough moments are very rough . That's why they are the way they are . But it's not about the moment , it's the stuff that we learn along the way , the journey , and yeah , and that's what this , my whole relationship with food and body , is , is a journey . It's not a destination . It's because I have gained so much stuff along the way and so I mean diet culture kind of puts it into our head that we're you know , oh , in such amount of time , you're gonna have all the things that you wanted in your life , unfortunately , but that's that's not actually the case and it doesn't that I could so dive into that subject area no , but that's what society shows us , and on tv and the magazines , and even the clothing in you , you know , on Amazon and stuff , everybody is super thin .

Jenna 45:36

It's so true I was even just like playing around with the AI tools on Facebook that it'll make an image for you . It's natural image that will make is in a smaller body . I'm in a bigger body . It has pictures of me . It only shows me images of myself in a smaller body , and that's probably because most people are like , oh , I want to see myself in a smaller body , but actually it feels kind of inauthentic to me because that's not who I am and but that's the message that we get , that we have to be in this type of way in order to be healthy , happy and successful . But that's not the case at all . People are happy , healthy and successful in any type of body , um and um , and it just uh , that that's that's not really wiring in the brain .

Michelle 46:35

It does . It does . Now do people . Can they be cured , or is this a lifelong journey ? Um , not cured , cured , but you know eventually . Do they feel strong enough where they can move forward ? Do they feel strong enough where they can move forward , or is ?

Jenna 47:00

this a lifelong thing , that they need advice and they need the tools like every day . So recovery is not a straight line . Recovery is like this really intense looking roller coaster and um and so , yes , people can get to a place where they um , they can feel better about their bodies . They might not necessarily be best friends I'm not looking for people to be best friends with their bodies , cause that's a very far off type of goal but you can get to a place where you can feel better in your body and you can take that inner critic and put it in its place and things like that .

Jenna 47:47

But we also have different triggers that come up that are unexpected , and our bodies and our brains might be used to using restriction or overexercise or any other types of eating disorder behavior as a way of coping with those kinds of things . So I can't necessarily promise across the board that somebody is going to be 100% healed for the rest of their life , but they're definitely going to have the tools to be able to deal with it as it comes . And you know , and sometimes people need extra support during those times , and that's okay too . It's not a moral family either , but I know that I'm in a much different place than I was seven years ago , and I still have moments that are a little bit harder than others , but I haven't fallen back into my behaviors . But I know now that , like , if I start having body thoughts for one reason or another , that I know that it's not actually about my body , that it's actually about something else and I need to kind of dig a little deeper to see what's coming up for me .

Michelle 49:02

Your body is craving , like that dopamine , so that you feel better during your stressful situation . Is that what happens with your body ?

Jenna 49:10

It might be , but in that particular example it's really more that I'm like . I'll give you an example . A couple of years ago I was going out on a blind date and as I was getting ready , all of a sudden I had all of these body thoughts come up and like oh , this doesn't look good on you , or you're too fat or whatever . And so I was able to kind of stop for a second and give myself a moment to breathe and realize that the reason why those body thoughts popped up was because I wanted that guy to like me , and I thought that my body would be the reason why he wouldn't . And yes , there are some jerks out there that will just be superficial that way , but that's what I want them anyway . You don't want them anyways . But that's why I was coming up , because my body was thinking well , my , my brain was thinking that I had to be a certain way in order to be likable . But the thing is that I'm me , no matter what size body I'm in , and I don't need to take up less space in order to be worthy . To take up less space in order to be worthy . So , and it it turned out later , the guy actually was a jerk . He wasn't even worth my time at all . But but that's what I'm saying is that those body thoughts weren't reflective of my body . They were reflective of the fact of how I was feeling about myself .

Jenna 50:50

And yeah , and if I get the flip side , usually it's more of a restrictive perspective . I just recently went and visited some family . They're very deeply entrenched in diet culture . They think that weight loss is the end , all be all for them and they comment on people's bodies and food and things like that . It's very challenging , to say the least , and I noticed while I was down there I started having some restrictive thoughts and things like that . But I noticed that the reason why is because I was in that environment . It wasn't actually about my food or body . It was because I was constantly being brought to think about it with all the conversation and and actions in there . Do you know what I mean ?

Michelle 51:46

So because I would have thought that you were restricting because of the stress of your family and the what was going on . So or I I'm sorry you would overeat because of the stress , and I mean I've never thought about the restrictive side of stress and and and so that is really interesting to me .

Jenna 52:18

Yeah , and the overeating part can happen as well , because I do . I do have a history of emotional eating as well , um and um , and there are points where I will want to eat something , you know , and and usually it could be because I'm trying to , you know , I feel like I can't speak , so I put the food in there because it kind of pushes the words down , so to speak , or it helps to like distract or numb me from whatever is in front of me . At the time I didn't feel necessarily safe enough to overeat in that house because of the environment . But in other situations I could have found myself running to the kitchen and not realizing it , cause I tend to go on autopilot when that happens . But yeah , coming at it again from that place of curiosity and compassion , it's actually kind of helped me that I haven't really been emotionally eating for for a while now , but sometimes it does pop up , you know , because that's just okay , it does pop up , you know , because that's okay .

Michelle 53:31

That is just the roller coaster , as you said .

Jenna 53:35

Exactly , and it's just a message that my body's giving me that something's going on .

Michelle 53:47

And then I need some sort of love or support in that moment to kind of help me get through it . Okay , gosh , I have learned so much and I have taken so many notes . Gosh , I have learned so much and I have taken so many notes . I mean , this is a lot of good information that'll help people , so I'm really excited about this . Again , though , I'm sorry you've gone through it , but you've turned it into helping others , which is just absolutely awesome . Thank you so much . Do you have a website or something that I can put after the end of the podcast so people know how to contact you ?

Jenna 54:18

Yes .

Michelle 54:21

You can send it to me if that's easier .

Jenna 54:24

Okay , yeah , let me do that Just offhand . My website is your-nutrition-allycom . Okay , and yeah , that's a great way to reach out to me on there . And yeah , I'd love to work with folks . I have a group right now called Permission to Exist and that's we meet twice a month and we a a chat in between that we work through these different things that come up and and help to to navigate the uh food critic and they , um , all of that kind of stuff .

Michelle 55:06

So is that a facebook group permission to exist or is that a local group for you ?

Jenna 55:15

it's a virtual group , so we meet on zoom um or google meet actually , but um , yeah , I house it in a in a Facebook group , okay .

Michelle 55:25

I just didn't know if I could promote that if you were looking for more people to join that group .

Jenna 55:32

Yes , I would love that . Thank you so much Okay .

Empowering Recovery Through Intuitive Eating

Michelle 55:36

Well , Jenna , it was an honor to speak with you today and I am just really excited and blessed that you found me .

Jenna 55:44

Thank you so much . I really appreciate you and your time too .

Michelle 55:50

So what did you think of Jenna's story ? I thought it was a great comeback story and she really taught us how to stop dieting , listen to your body and develop a healthier relationship with food , and that's what she teaches . So on my website you will find all of Jenna's contact information so she can connect with you and teach you all the things she has . So I will see everyone next week on the next Turning Pain into Strength podcast .