Meet Darla Ridilla: Voices in the Body

Healing from trauma is a complex experience that is different form individual to individual. This challenging journey was the key focus in our recent podcast episode.  You will hear the realities of healing from narcissistic abuse with a focus on somatic therapy and personal empowerment. My guest, Darla Ridilla, is a relationship coach and survivor of narcissistic abuse. She shares her journey from despair to strength, illustrating the powerful connection between body sensations and emotional healing. She reveals how recognizing these sensations can unlock a pathway to understanding and overcoming past trauma. 

Throughout the episode, we tackle difficult subjects like trauma bonding, the inadequacies often found within the mental health community, and the importance of finding professionals who can empathize with lived experiences. With her experience, Darla provides essential tools and insights for anyone looking to reclaim their power after heart-wrenching experiences. 

This episode is not just about survival; it’s about thriving after pain and discovering the strength you never knew you had. Whether you find yourself in similar circumstances or simply wish to support someone who does, this is an invitation to explore healing on a deeper, more connected level. Tune in, and let’s walk this path together! Subscribe and share so others can find their way to healing.

YOUTUBE link: https://youtu.be/EBm63TfyCkY

Transcript

Introduction and Background

Speaker 1 0:00

Hello Michelle , how are you ?

Speaker 2 0:02

I'm good . How are you , Darla ?

Speaker 1 0:04

I'm well .

Speaker 2 0:05

Good , I'm just gonna turn you up a little , okay . So where are you from today ? Where are you coming from ?

Speaker 1 0:13

Yeah , yeah , so I am in Cottonwood , arizona . I'm near Sedona , if you're familiar . Yeah , where ?

Speaker 2 0:21

are you ?

Speaker 1 0:22

at yes , so I'm a relationship coach . I'm trained in somatics and trauma informed coaching . Are you familiar with what somatics is ?

Speaker 2 0:31

Absolutely not Okay . Well , it's it's .

Speaker 1 0:36

It's basically our body sensations in our nervous system . So when we have an experience , particularly like a stressful or anxiety provoking one , we have these certain body sensations , and so what I do is I help women . I help women to connect that body sensation to a previous experience that they've also had those sensations . And so I work with women to basically get right with themselves , their relationship with themselves , because once we get right with ourself then we can have better relationships outside of ourselves .

Speaker 2 1:08

Sure , sure , what made you get involved in this ? Why did you want to become a coach and help women with this ?

Speaker 1 1:15

Do you help ?

Speaker 2 1:15

men at all , or is it just primarily women ?

Speaker 1 1:18

Just women , yeah , yeah . So I focus on trauma and narcissistic abuse and it's because I had a personal lived experience with I was married to a narcissist and I really understand the dynamics of it and you know , I'm always going to be on my own healing journey and I really just I was really feeling . I was really feeling let down by the mental health community because there's a lot of great therapists out there but they don't have the lived experience and so they were re-traumatizing me without intending to .

Speaker 2 1:55

Oh , okay , okay , they want you to go backwards and then sit in your feelings or there's so much kind of therapy out there and one of the popular ones that I've come across is they bring you back to that situation and they almost make you walk through it again to process that and it's kind of traumatic , is that ? Yeah , I mean how they they walk , you know , I do go back and for for just one incident .

Speaker 1 2:23

I don't go through , walk you through , I do go back . For just one incident . I don't go through the whole thing . But for me it was more . I was getting victim blamed . I was being told outright what to do . There was just and particularly in Arizona there's I'm actually leaving , I'm in the process of moving back to Colorado . There's really a culture here that's very backwards and I found it even in the mental health community . There's really a culture here that's very backwards and I found it even in a mental health community . They did not understand that narcissistic abuse is brainwashing . I was the same as being in a cult and that I have to be deprogrammed . They have to be a little bit more gentle . We can be upfront and be like hey , you really need to think about what you're saying here . But it was one in particular . The very last therapist I had was very gruff and telling me what to do . She did not understand the dynamics . It's basically like get over it , stop talking , stop doing this , don't do that , and it's not that simple .

Speaker 2 3:19

It is not , and if you want that kind of response , you can just go on social media . Gosh , that is not helpful at all . So you definitely were aware and you got rid of that .

Speaker 1 3:34

And I just felt like and I finished one certification and I'm so close to finishing the second one and I felt like , with my lived experience and maybe a little bit of certification behind me , that I had just had a lot to offer , because I do understand it .

Speaker 2 3:50

Right , and if you could help some women who have walked in your shoes , it's just such a good feeling like , okay , I went through this , but I'm gonna help someone else , so it eases that pain and helps your healing journey by just a little bit exactly , exactly okay , so you wrote a book , correct , or I am your website ? Pain to power . What is that ?

Speaker 1 4:15

oh , uh , the . So there's . I'm in a collaboration book . I'm in a couple of collaboration books that are coming out later in the spring .

Speaker 1 4:25

Yeah , so 16 women and we each wrote a chapter of it and it was about it was about a situation in our life that was . That was powerful , like empowerment moment . So I wrote about when I almost took my life , when I almost committed suicide in 2013 because I was getting a divorce from the narcissist , and how I went from thinking I had everything to feeling like I had nothing Yet Awakening your Power Real Stories of Women's Empowerment is the actual name of the book . It was going to be released March 31st , but now there's been a delay , so I don't know when that is . Now I do have a podcast , so that might be . That might be . You have the Power the Road to Recovery from Trauma and Narcissistic Abuse Is that the name of ?

Speaker 2 5:18

your podcast .

Speaker 1 5:20

Oh , that's my podcast .

Speaker 2 5:21

Yeah , okay , gotcha All right . Well , first , if you don't mind that we back up to the suicide part only because that is so common , especially for women , we feel like we failed . You know , we've disappointed so many people , including ourselves . So you realized at this point your marriage was over . Was that your decision ? You wanted to break away , or was it just both of you decided ?

Speaker 1 5:52

Well , let's put it this way he decided so out of nowhere , he asked for a divorce . Well , I look back , there were signs , but I didn't know what I was dealing with . So he , out of nowhere , one day , just acted really weird . And then , all of a sudden , I said I don't know the line between asking for a divorce or tolerating your behavior . Is the very words he used . Wow , yeah , so you ?

Speaker 2 6:19

were're caught off guard . Oh my God , I was .

Speaker 1 6:23

Yeah . So I was totally caught off guard . And then two days later he tried to backtrack and oh , we're renting this house . We have two years left on the lease , what are we going to do ? And some shred of who I was before he met me , Cause I was . I grew up in a very abusive home , so I learned from an early age that I could depend on me . So that little girl was still there in some form . And then I said , Nope , I'm not staying . I had no idea what I was in for . I just said I'm out , I'm getting an apartment , I'll you . Oh , you know I'm moving out , I'm done . You're going to take over the lease , you know .

Speaker 2 7:04

So yeah , good for you . I mean , that took so much courage and bravery and you probably were shaking inside .

Speaker 1 7:13

Yes , I was .

Speaker 2 7:16

Okay , so what happens after that ? You guys separated , you got your own place . How were you feeling ? Were you feeling empowered or were you like oh my god , what am I doing ?

Speaker 1 7:28

It opened up so much pain for me , because what I didn't realize is I was trauma bonded . I had Stockholm syndrome . I didn't even know until a year after I left that I was even in an abusive relationship . I actually was continuing to have dinners with him . I was reaching out to him on a daily basis because that addiction was going on with me and I didn't know that was going to take over . But no , I became inconsolable . I was calling and unfortunately my daughter , who was in her young 20s at the time , got put in a very difficult position because we switched . I became the child , she became the mother and I was calling her hysterical , crying Like she . She was like a lifeline for me during that time , but I also had like four or five women . I did a total revamp of my friends and got rid of a bunch of people that just weren't going to get me through it .

Speaker 2 8:25

Yeah .

Speaker 1 8:26

But no , I was not doing well , and that's how I ended up on the floor that day , almost taking my life .

Speaker 2 8:32

Wow , this was obviously the floor of your apartment . You didn't feel safe and that you really had no one to turn to . Wow .

Speaker 1 8:41

I felt , yeah , I hurt so bad . I could not continue to live that way . But I didn't know how to fix it . And it was one of those moments of surrender where I had a spiritual center , I had a strong spiritual belief and I just said I don't know what to do , but if I'm not gonna shoot myself today , you have to show me the way , because I cannot continue to live like this . And that's when the counselor showed up . That's when I really started to ingratiate myself more into getting support and the counselor's