Meet Eva Nevarez St. John: A Salute to Strength

Eva's story is one of resilience and transformation, shaped by military service, profound friendship, loss, addiction, and recovery. Joining the Army in 1976 to escape an abusive relationship, Eva served in Korea, where she formed a deep bond with Janice, a fellow servicewoman. Their friendship continued over the years, until Janice's disappearance in 1981. Authorities largely dismissed Eva's concerns, but one detective believed her, leading eventually to the discovery of Janice's body. Grieving, Eva struggled with addiction for years. In 2019, a reconnection with the detective inspired her sobriety and the writing of her memoir, "When Tough Cookies Crumble." Now, Eva is planning a military burial for Janice and channels her energy into healing and honoring her friend, showing that transformation is achievable at any stage of life.

YOUTUBE link: https://youtu.be/yCbVLrUvQ4g

Transcript

Joining the Army in the 1970s

Speaker 1 0:00

If we can go back , you joined the army in the 70s , correct ?

Speaker 2 0:06

Yes , I joined the army in January of 1976 .

Speaker 1 0:10

Why .

Speaker 2 0:12

Why ? Well , the main reason was I was in an abusive relationship and I needed to get out of that , which I did get out a few months before I got into the army . But you know , the reason I got in the abusive relationship was because I was on my own . I was going to college and I had become homeless . I was originally supposed to be in the dorms , but then my girlfriend convinced me to give up my dorm and go move in with her and her parents , but that didn't last very long and then I ended up homeless . So after a roommate that didn't work out , I ended up moving in with my eventual husband and then that became abusive . So I was like , okay , this isn't working . I grew up as an army brat , so I was familiar with the military and I knew that was a job and you know a paycheck and they would pay for my school so I could continue my education . So that was pretty much the reason I signed up .

Speaker 1 1:12

I mean that was my first question . When I read that I was like why in the 70s and 80s ? One ? Because I didn't think that women were really accepted into roles and it just seemed a little scary for a woman to join the forces back then .

Speaker 2 1:32

Yeah , at the time I didn't know that . I was naive . I don't know , I just always growing up , I always thought women could do anything . I didn't know better . There you go , yeah , I thought I could go to West Point or be anything I wanted to be . I could be president . You know , I had no clue that at that time really women were supposed to be housewives and secretaries or teachers or , you know , nurses , maybe you know but roles I didn't realize that .

Speaker 2 2:02

But yeah , I didn't find that out . Yeah , I bet Did you get a lot of teasing in the Army , not too much . But again , you know the idea of the roles . You know , I was in administration , which was a typical female role , like a clerk , secretary type of thing , but , um , there was sexual harassment and sexual discrimination and that came up a lot when we were in korea because , uh , korea , which is where we met she was my roommate , janice was my roommate in korea and , um , I mean that it takes reading the book to really understand what was going on in Korea , because it's a whole different culture . You know , women are totally subservient in Asian culture . I don't know , probably a lot still today , maybe I don't know , but definitely .

Speaker 2 2:58

And men were there without wives or , you know , spouses , spouses and children , because it was still considered a hostile duty station okay so , um , they basically it was almost like a playground for them , you know , they kind of forgot they were married while they were in Korea and they had a good old time and um , yeah , so they didn't really appreciate American women there messing up their game .

Speaker 2 3:26

You know , because Janice and I would complain about different types of discrimination that we faced . Like we had NCO clubs and you go there you could eat dinner or lunch or turned into nightclubs at night . You know discos , and we would complain because the people that worked at the club would actually bring in the hostesses , which were of course prostitutes , into the base and onto the club and the women that were servers didn't want to serve the American women until they'd served all the men , and even then they were hostile towards us and would complain . We would file discrimination complaints and nobody would do anything , you know so wow , wow .

Speaker 1 4:12

I mean , that's a lot for to go through . Did you ever just want to quit ?

Speaker 2 4:18

no , I'm pretty , you know , I could have said things like that . A challenge ? Yeah , you don't know , I'm not going to quit , I'm going to fight . How ?

Speaker 1 4:27

long were you there for ?

Speaker 2 4:29

In Korea .

Speaker 1 4:30

No in the forces .

Speaker 2 4:33

Oh , so I served three and a half years on active duty and three years in the reserves .

Speaker 1 4:38

Okay , Now you and your best friend got out at the same time .

Speaker 2 4:44

Yeah , I left Korea about six months before she did and we would continue to write and wrote each other our diaries . You know like , I wrote my diary , mailed it to her , vice versa , and then when she got out , we were hoping to be stationed in the same place . But she went to Fort Knox , kentucky , where she was before she went to Korea , and I went back to Fort Jackson , south Carolina , where she was before she went to Korea , and I went back to Fort Jackson , south Carolina , where I was before I went to Korea . And then we did get out at the same time in July of 1979 .

Speaker 2 5:15

And that's when we moved to Washington DC together .

Speaker 1 5:18

Oh , okay , and then what did you do there when you guys got to Washington ?

Speaker 2 5:24

Well , I finished my college degree when I was in Korea , and so I was going to law school . So I was admitted to law school at George Washington University in Washington .

Speaker 1 5:34

Wow , wow . So far you have lived such a colorful life , and we're not even through the rest yet . All right , so then you and your friend moved in . What happened from that point on ?

Speaker 2 5:52

well , like I said , we continued our military careers in the reserves , so I was a counterintelligence agent and she became a drill sergeant . We also got jobs . She worked full-time most of the time and I worked part-time while I went to school . She eventually started going to college as well , so we had school work and the military keep us busy . You guys were busy , but we still had time to party . Oh my gosh , we did that too . Gosh , we did that too . So then what ?

Speaker 1 6:27

happened become ? I don't know . Did she have a bad relationship ? What happened ?

Speaker 2 6:35

um , she kind of had a few bad relationships . Um , she , she originally grew up in miami . That's where she grew up and she really liked that environment and she just didn't feel that comfortable in the DC area . And so after two years she decided to move . At one point she had met somebody while she was in training that lived in Norfolk , virginia Beach , chesapeake area in southern Virginia and we had gone down there to visit and I guess it kind of like planted a seed in her mind this would be a good place to move to . So in July of 1981 , she moved down there and started school there and work and working part time as well , and she actually was in the ROTC program to become an officer .

Speaker 1 7:29

Oh , okay . Wow , you guys were busy Now . Did you move to Miami then ? No , or Virginia she went to Virginia then yeah , because she liked the beach , the whole beach .

Speaker 2 7:43

Vibe Reminded her of Miami . Yeah .

Speaker 1 7:46

Okay , so what were you doing at this time ?

Speaker 2 7:50

I was in my last year of law school , so I had to stay , of course .

Speaker 1 7:53

Okay , and then did you move to Miami or did you start practicing law in Washington ?

Speaker 2 8:01

No , well , like I said , what happened to her happened in between , before I graduated from law school oh , okay yeah .

Speaker 2 8:08

So , and she moved there in july of 81 and I went down a couple times to visit her and then in like november , well , she had written me a couple letters and that I mean , like I said , we were very close , we told each other everything , and that happened up until September when she started at school , and then all of a sudden , it was kind of like she was holding back , she wasn't sharing as much of what was going on with me . So then it was like in late October when she started telling me that she was dating someone and she was kind of afraid and if anything happened to her , you know , check this person out . And then I couldn't get a hold of her and I called her job . She hadn't been to her work since early November . I called the school and they hadn't seen her .

Speaker 2 8:58

And so that's when I knew something happened , you know , based on the letter she had written me , and so I went down there that was like in the middle of November and I went , you know , I went to her apartment

Military Experience as a Woman

Speaker 2 9:12

and her car was there , but she wasn't there . Again , that would be unusual , you know , why would her car be there ? She's not there , and so I went straight to the police with the letter to tell them . You know she was missing and I thought something happened to her and the person that I thought would be responsible .

Speaker 1 9:32

Wow , now did they respond , or did they just kind of blow it off , or did they start searching for her at that time ?

Speaker 2 9:47

at that time . Um , yeah , they sent somebody over . Well , first they were interviewing me and then they uh told me well , this person that I said you know could have done something to her . They called and reported her missing that morning what a coincidence , right which I had talked to them earlier and and they claimed they didn't even notice that she wasn't there , you know , and they claimed they didn't even notice that she wasn't there , you know . So , again , then , this is where the sexism comes into play . The male detectives didn't believe me and they called the female detective to meet . Well , they brought her in because I showed them part of the letter . The letter included conversations about buying an ounce of weed , right , so I didn't want to show them that part .

Speaker 2 10:28

Yeah , I was like okay , here are cops , here we're trying to purchase illegal substances or whatever .

Speaker 2 10:33

So I just showed them the part about you know , if something happens to her . So they're like no , we have to see the whole letter , and blah , blah , blah . So that's when they brought in the female detective and she finally convinced me to show them the whole letter , which we're not going to use anything against you , or just , you know , find out what happened to her . So , um , then we went to her apartment with the female detective and a couple of the male detectives and , um , they started .

Speaker 2 10:59

Well , I had a friend in the complex and so they told me well , first we have to do this and that and then we'll be ready to see you . Which I didn't quite understand that , because they made me leave my car at the police station and brought me there and then tell me I can't go in with them . At first they wanted me there and then they didn't . So I went to my friend's house and they , you know , started searching or whatever , and then they finally told me to come back . So when I came back , the male detectives are reading her diaries , they're looking at her photo albums and we used to take nude pictures of men and things like that .

Speaker 1 11:35

Being girls .

Speaker 2 11:37

Yeah , as a playgirl , we lived a playgirl lifestyle .

Speaker 2 11:49

But they took it totally the wrong way . Oh well , obviously she ran off with some guy and you know she was at the time when we were in DC . We dated a lot of black guys , so there were a lot of these pictures were black men , so of course they're in the South . They're racist and sexist , that you know . So , oh , she probably ran off with some black guy . You know , I'm like no , she never dated any black guys there , she only dated white guys when she was there and I said no , that's not it , Because they didn't want to look at the person I was pointing the finger at . You know , right , and so the female detective , you know she believed me . She told me she could see I was getting upset when I kept saying no , that's not what happened , right , they weren't listening , right . So she took me out to coffee and she says I believe you . She says I'm the lead detective here , which of course they didn't act like she was , you know . And so she's .

Speaker 2 12:40

You know , from that point on , eventually I had to go back to DC and she continued the investigation and she continued pursuing this person and I hate to give away what happened , but something happened to the person that was the suspect , but there was still no sign of her . So she's still missing . But at this point I figured she was dead , you know . So she continued to pursue the case and her superiors wouldn't look , even though one of the witnesses took her and a lieutenant that was over her On a ride . They said , okay , this person had asked me to go with them to look for a place for camping and it was like 60 miles away and told her to write down the directions , how to get there and everything . So , in other words , it was a remote area that , hmm , why would they do that , unless they were looking for a place to bury somebody far away ?

Speaker 1 13:42

Yeah .

Speaker 2 13:43

So you know she's like okay , okay , we have to search this area , and they refused . You know they were like and then they told her they took a helicopter without her and flew over there and they didn't see anything suspicious and you know they didn't want to find her . I don't know why they didn't want to find her .

Speaker 1 14:01

I know why didn't they want to find her ?

Speaker 2 14:04

I know why didn't they want to find her ? I just kind of feel like they felt like she was . Oh , if she dated black guys , she must have been a tramp , and we don't care what happens to tramps . You know what I mean . That's the only conclusion I can really come to . But eventually , in January of 1982 , they gave . Well , she actually contacted another person , a lawyer , who was connected , I don't know . Somehow he convinced them to let her search there . And when they ? When she searched , I mean she just walked around the building , around the area and she saw what looked like a clandestine grave and she called them out there and they came and they dug and they found her . So she could have been found months earlier .

Speaker 2 14:47

You know , when they found out about it . So that was basically it , in a way .

Speaker 1 14:55

There was closure at that point . But now , who did it ?

Speaker 2 15:01

Well , we all know who did it . I mean , they continued the males probably continued to deny it to the end , but me and the detective , we knew who did it . You know the person that . Well , I hate to give it away , but he had committed suicide . So that's like an admission of guilt in itself .

Speaker 1 15:20

Yeah , Holy cow , so yeah . So that was the second part .

Speaker 2 15:35

the murder part , yeah no , you don't have to go into the second part , but I mean obviously , yeah .

Speaker 1 15:38

I mean , at least there was some closure there , you weren't . I mean finding her , it was the closure , but yeah , when did you start your healing journey ?

Speaker 2 15:52

So yeah . So I finished school and I went on . I ended up moving to Chicago and lived there for like 28 years and I just kind of it was something that I kind of stuffed down . But I mean , how do you stuff down something like that ? Right , you know , and my main way of coping with it was addiction . You know , I was using a lot of substances to numb myself and not deal with feelings and things like that , so , and I just kind of put it in the back burner , you know , like that's over , there's nothing I can do about it , and that kind of put it in the back burner , you know , like that's over , there's nothing I can do about it , and that kind of thing . So I moved to southern New Mexico in 2009 .

Speaker 2 16:35

And 10 years later , in 2019 , I got a letter addressed I had changed my name and everything . I got a letter addressed to my name when I was in the military , which was a booker , and it was from this detective who had also got married and changed her name . She had tracked me down and we had stayed in touch , probably through about 1987 , when we kind of lost touch when I was in chicago and um . So she had kind of talked about doing a book about it . She really wanted to do a book about it , but I didn't pay much attention to that , you know , and but at this point she was like really set on it and so , uh , you know , I talked to her . She said she had given the materials , all her records and everything to somebody to write a book about it .

Speaker 2 17:26

Um , I don't know how long before , but they had sat on it for a long time and never did anything so , and by now she was in her 70s yeah , 70s then I guess , yeah , something like that and um , so she's kind of feeling like , you know , I gotta , I got to do it now . You know , it's getting late , you know , running out of time , right , running out of time . So I said , okay , well , you know , I'll see what I can do to work on it with you , you know , and I'm thinking , well , maybe we're going to work on it together now , you know , and in my mind it was always going to be a story about the three of us , you know , me and Janice and her .

Speaker 1 18:09

But in her mind .

Speaker 2 18:09

The story was about her and her case , janice , was a case you know , so that would continue to be a conflict as we went along .

Speaker 2 18:21

But so I started writing some things and she sent me things that she had already worked on when she worked with this other writer , and so that went on , I don't know , maybe about six months , and then , you know , life was happening . She had breast cancer and other issues moving

Meeting Janice and Korean Deployment

Speaker 2 18:42

and all kinds of things came up , and so we kind of put it on the back burner . And then there was COVID and everything and I did some other writing . I like genealogy , so I wrote some genealogy articles and I sent her a copy and that was in when was that about ? I think that was in 2019 . No , no wait , that started in 2020 , january 2021 . I think , yeah , that's when it was . So that's when we kind of picked it up again .

Speaker 2 19:14

I sent her that article and then she told me she found somebody else that wanted to write the book , kind of as a ghostwriter , and she showed me the contract and again it was the same thing , focusing on her and Janice as a case , and I just felt like the story of Janice should include her life and not just her as a body , you know . So I told her my concerns about that . And then was it 2020 , july of 2021 ? Yeah , so in July of 2021 , her and her husband had bought an RV and they lived in the same area , of course , where the murder occurred , and they were going to drive to California . And to get from there to California , you've got to go on I-10 . And to go on I-10 , you've got to go through Las Cruces , which is where I live .

Speaker 2 20:10

So I'm like , oh great , so you know , we can finally meet after 40 years yeah basically , yeah , so she came by and met , we met , and then she told me she found another person to write the book and this was somebody that the lawyer had recommended and she told me his name . But again , you know the whole conversation I'm like , well , maybe we can write it together . You know , I just kept wanting to see the book and she said , well , maybe we just need two books , maybe you just need to write your own book . You know , and that kind of threw me like , but I thought we were doing this together , but no , that was only in my mind . You know what I mean ?

Speaker 2 20:50

I had something in my mind , she had something in her mind and they weren't the same thing , you know yeah so that's when I finally realized well , she's probably right , I'm gonna have to write my own book if I want a book , because you know the way I want it , so I . So . Then I thought , okay , now that she's already told me about two people that she had planned to write the book with and she gave them everything . So if I'm going to write a book , I have to go and get a copy of everything before she gives it to this next person . So that's what I . So I went to her house in July in Virginia and I just , you know copying , with copies and photos and everything , all the records and files that I could , until I ran out of ink . So that's when I really started the writing process for that .

Speaker 2 21:46

And then that was the beginning of your healing journey writing that book well , actually , the healing journey started in 2019 when she contacted me , because at that point I'm thinking , okay , I'm going to write this book because I'm still getting high now .

Speaker 2 22:02

I had tried to go through recovery several times in my life . The first time was in 1986 . I got a couple years clean 1994 , I got a couple years clean 2004, . I got up to like three years a couple times , but something would always , you know , set me back . So I was like , well , number one , I'm going to have to get clean , you know , and I probably have to go to therapy to really look at this , because this has been buried for 40 years . You know therapist , so that's where I really started the healing journey . So I started meeting with the therapist and talking about why it's about writing the book and exploring , um , all these feelings that I hadn't felt in 40 years , you know over the years , because that's exactly that's quite a bit yeah , that's a lot , because you know there's a lot , because you know there's a lot of guilt , like was there something I could have done ?

Speaker 2 23:09

you know . You know of course there wasn't , but you know you think that .

Speaker 1 23:13

Sure yeah .

Speaker 2 23:15

So then I started going to meetings again , and then I went to a conference and so I actually pretty much got clean around May of 2019 . And so I've been clean . I had a little slip up because I had these what's called can of caps and then one day in September I had trouble sleeping . I said , well , let me take a can of cap , not thinking STHC is going to make you high . That's a relapse , you know . I told my counselor about it , my sponsor about it , and I said I didn't mean to do it , it was an accident . And she's like it doesn't matter , you have to start all over . So that's why I say my clean date is September 30th 2009 . I haven't had any drugs or alcohol or anything since then . So , yeah , so then that's been part of the healing journey and recovery .

Speaker 2 24:08

Also , in November of 2021 , after I had gone to see Kay and copied all the materials , I contacted her family , because the other thing was when , after she passed away , you know , I was still in touch with her family again until maybe about 1987 . And I asked them if they were going to have a funeral or anything for her and they said no , so they just had the ashes . So at this point . You know , I found them . They were in North Carolina , which and she was Janice's mother was like in her 90s at that point , or early 90s , and , uh , her brother , which I'd never met . She had two brothers , but I had never met him before . I contacted them and , um , you know , one of one of the brother's partners had called me and that's how I got back in touch with the family and so I told him I wanted to come out there and meet with them and see about having a memorial for Janice . So that's what we did . So we went out there in November and I invited Kay to come and she came also , so we had a memorial for her . So that was real closure , sort of Second closure . So that was really good . So I'm still in touch with them , although her mom passed away about a month ago , just very shortly ago , when her mom finally passed away .

Speaker 2 25:33

So , like I said , I had done a little writing with Kay in the beginning of 2019 , but after I got all those materials , then it was time to really start writing and in the beginning , when I started writing with Kay , I pulled out my diaries , my letters , my pictures , but again , it was just too overwhelming , you know , at that time to deal with it . So by this time in 2021 , I was like , ok , now I got to really get serious about the writing . So

The Disappearance and Investigation

Speaker 2 26:05

there was a woman I'd worked with who helped me edit an article that won a writing contest for a genealogy journal . So I asked so she was doing a memoir writing group or something she was going to start . So I did that with her for a year . Then I got a developmental editor in 2022 . And that's when I really started putting together chapters and things like that and started the book in 2022 , 2023 , 2024 .

Speaker 2 26:38

You know , it takes a while . You do the chapters , the dead beta readers , a while . You know you do the chapters and the dead beta readers . And you know , I continuing to learn how to write a memoir as I went along reading a lot of memoirs as well , and so finally , in July 2024 , when I finished and it came out in August 2024 , that was my healing journey for the most part . But now one day her brother's partner said , well , you know , maybe we could bury her at a veterans cemetery . And I'm like , oh my God , why didn't I think of that ? You know , I didn't even think of that .

Speaker 1 27:15

You know it's like yeah , well , you had a lot to think about at the time .

Speaker 2 27:21

Yeah . So now I'm like , okay , we to bury her and and give her full military honors and 21 gun salute and the whole nine yards and a headstone in a veteran's cemetery . So I'm going to work on that in 2025 does .

Speaker 1 27:37

Do they do that for every veteran ? The that whole process that you just said the 21 gun salute that whole process . Do they do that for every veteran ?

Speaker 2 27:49

well , you , you have to put it together yourself , just like any other funeral and um . So I I kind of went through that with my dad , you know , when he passed away in 2022 um , I put together his funeral um , and so I went through , contacted a local group for the honor guard that's the ones that do the 21 gun salute and give you the flag and all that and then you contact the VA for a VA headstone , which is free , but you pick out which one and which one on it , and so now I know the process . So I've checked into cemeteries in North Carolina and they have really close to where they live . They have a state one , but she's not eligible for that because she had no connection to North Carolina , but they have , about two hours away , they have a federal one . So I'm going to work with them about that so I'm going to work with them about that .

Speaker 1 28:50

Yeah well , I'm so sorry for your loss . It is absolutely tragic and , yeah , I mean I'm kind of speechless on what to say . But I am happy that you're on this healing journey because I mean , that was when your healing journey started , but your healing journey is going to be forever .

Speaker 2 29:06

Yes .

Speaker 1 29:07

And what have you done besides writing the book ? Did you dive into any alternate healings or energy healing or anything like that ?

Speaker 2 29:22

Well , not so much . I've gotten a little more into the spiritual component . Um , you know , the recovery program I'm in is called narcotics , anonymous , and so it's a 12-step program and that involves finding a higher power of your own understanding . And , um so mostly and and my dad had introduced me to this many , many , many years ago , years ago it's called the Center for Spiritual Living .

Speaker 1 29:46

Okay .

Speaker 2 29:47

So it's kind of like a non-denominational spiritual , I mean you can belong to other religions and participate in it or whatever . And then , mostly because of COVID , I guess everybody now is into Zooms and YouTubes and so one of the main places that's kind of under that umbrella is called the God-Based Spiritual Center . I don't know if you've ever heard of them .

Speaker 1 30:16

No , I haven't .

Speaker 2 30:17

They're based in Los Angeles . Reverend Michael Beckwith .

Speaker 1 30:21

Okay .

Speaker 2 30:21

And it's funny because my dad took me there once . It had to be in the 80s or the 90s , so he was probably just starting out . It's like about 38 years old now , the center .

Speaker 1 30:34

Yeah .

Speaker 2 30:35

So I actually went there once and I'd love to go there now at some point . But he's got such a strong message and , um , I follow other people . I had thought we kind of put together a meetup group when I first got here . There was a meetup group I got involved with . So there's several people , like-minded spiritual people , where we do explore . We did explore a lot of those alternative healing and spirituality things and I , like Wayne Dyer , abraham Hicks and I finally got into meditation , which meditation you know ? Originally I thought meditation . You sit on a pillow cross-legged and you're silent , you don't think any thoughts at all .

Speaker 1 31:21

And .

Speaker 2 31:21

I went to a meditation center in Chicago for a while . That was like that , you know . But yeah , that was really hard for me . But now I do meditation almost every morning and I use YouTube guided meditations . So I usually go like 10 , 15 , 20 minute meditations and positive affirmations and all that stuff and it helps helps a lot , yeah it does .

Speaker 1 31:46

It's funny that you say that about the meditation , because I was so against it .

Speaker 2 31:51

I mean I was like how can you sit there and think about birds and songs and all have kind of a preconceived notion of what it is like a Buddhist like I have a friend that's a buddhist and she can meditate for like 45 minutes in this silent way . There's no way I can't do that you know so for me , this is I need that guided meditation .

Speaker 2 32:14

I need somebody talking , listen and focus on what they're saying . Or then they say you know , do this mantra for five minutes or whatever , but at least they've given me the words to say you know ? Yeah , that a lot . Yeah , tara Brock is another good person that she does , talks and leads meditation , guided meditation .

Speaker 1 32:35

Oh , let me write that down .

Speaker 2 32:37

One of our NA groups is called the 11th Step , and that was another thing that I spent a couple years now , which I don't get to do it every week , sometimes it might be a month or two between , but he started out with five minute singing bowl meditation , so just had the sound of singing bowls and I really like that . And another thing I love is hang drum .

Speaker 2 33:00

I listen to hang drum videos on YouTube no , I've never heard of that oh , it's such a calming sound because first I would listen to like the piano ones , but I don't know , I didn't like them as much as the hang drum . I mean they're just awesome . And then they have beautiful visuals to go with it . You know nature and stuff like that some of them .

Speaker 1 33:19

I'm gonna write that down because I forget everything . So I know me too . I've heard it . It's the age I swear I'm like to write that down , because I forget everything .

Speaker 2 33:24

I know me too .

Speaker 1 33:25

It's the age I swear I'm like losing my mind . Yeah , because I want to see what that hang drum is .

Speaker 2 33:33

I know what singing bowls and sound bowls are . Yeah , that's how I , very beginning , started the meditation with . I would go out my back porch and sit there for five minutes and play on my phone the singing I'm singing ball music but the bugs got to be so I couldn't keep up with that . I was like why do there have to be bugs ?

Speaker 1 33:56

right . I would take that as a sign to stop it like it wasn't for me not outside , but you know , other than the bugs , it would have been great yeah , I bet , I bet . What else do I have ? What have you learned along the way on your journey ?

Speaker 2 34:17

oh man , I've learned so much um what is like ?

Speaker 1 34:21

what do you think you've changed the most on on your journey ?

Speaker 2 34:26

well , what I'm noticing more recently that I've changed the most is I always had to be in control . I always had to do everything myself . I couldn't count on anybody else . Or , like I said , my main um therapy was smoking weed , you know , getting high . That was the main thing to ease my mind . And now I'm at a point where I really do feel like I have a connection with a higher consciousness I like to refer to it more as a higher consciousness and , um , that I can relax and things will work out . You know , sometimes it might I have a friend that says everything's in divine order , no matter how it seems , you know , and sometimes that's a hard concept to grasp , but , um , it's kind of surrender , acceptance , letting go , you know , trusting the universe , that kind thing . I'm kind of getting there , which is it's hard because still , every day things come up that are like , oh my God , I can't believe you're giving me this today , you know , right , right .

Speaker 1 35:31

But I mean fear is fear of the unknown , like what is the next day going to bring , is an opportunity to grow . And sometimes you just wake up and gosh I just cannot go through this day again . You know it's just a bad day . It's emotional , you're thinking of all the bad things that have happened in your life and you've just got to walk through that door and deal with it day one . You know , one day at a time .

Speaker 2 36:04

Yeah , I was just going to say that's the biggest thing , the one day at a time , you know , not focusing on the past or the future and trying to make it through this day . What do I need to do to get through this day ? And you know , hopefully , what positive things can I get out of it you know , yeah , that's a good way to look at it too .

Speaker 2 36:25

Focus on the positives yeah , I mean , even today I had a major . This is so crazy . I own the rental property , so dealing with tenants is like like I was telling my partner , it's almost as bad as dealing with teenagers . I don't know know which is worse , but you know my bad , my bad .

Speaker 2 36:43

One of my tenants the gas , the heater , the water heater . Yeah , the water heater went out and I called this guy that helps me . You know , does my maintenance stuff at the property and he's just like an awesome guy , the sweetest guy ever , and right away the next day day he goes to check it out . The day after he takes out the old one and it was all clogged , took forever to get the water out and puts in the new one . He does this all by himself and he's not much bigger than I am .

Speaker 2 37:11

I'm like , oh my god , I'm so impressed . And then , uh , the tenant um asked me for his number . Oh , I got family members that you know that need some help , but can I get his name and number ? And then this morning he calls me and tells me this guy accused him of having relations with his girlfriend while he was open .

Speaker 1 37:29

I couldn't believe it .

Speaker 2 37:33

And then the guy says I can't work over there , I can't work for your property anymore as long as this guy is there , and I'm like I can't run this property without him . And I had to deal with that whole thing with this tenant and oh , I mean , it's like why did you give me this today , especially this morning ?

Speaker 1 37:48

I'm supposed to be chill for this podcast , you know this drama , you know I mean what people come up with . It's just crazy , crazy .

Speaker 1 38:01

I don't know how that's gonna work out , but you know you're one hour at a time , that's what you have to do . Well , eva , that was a lot . That was a a full life times five . What you've gone through over the years and you are such a beautiful soul and you're just smiling right through it and I know your journey has been really rough and I really appreciate you coming on this podcast and just bearing your whole heart for me .

Speaker 2 38:37

I mean , I really really appreciate it oh , no problem , so I I tell you the name of my book . Yes , absolutely , that's a thick book .

Finding Closure After Tragedy

Speaker 2 38:51

Yes , when Tough Cookies Crumble . A True Story of Friendship , murder and Healing . And , like I said , it tells the story of me and Janice in Korea , in DC no .

Speaker 1 39:05

I look forward to reading that .

Speaker 2 39:07

And the ins and outs of the investigation and who was responsible and why they did it . And you know it also relates to the fact that he was obviously a sociopath . You know kind of how to watch out for people like that .

Speaker 2 39:26

Sure , yeah it sounds too good to be true , it is . You know that kind of thing . And then you know , after that happened with Janice , I got hooked up with a sociopath myself . Oh no , but I don't include the details myself . So , oh no , but I don't include the details . Well , I include the details of meeting him and how things started falling , apart from for me there as well . But um , and then Kay , you know part of her reason for saying , oh , I have to have somebody else write the book , is she ? Um was diagnosed with cognitive what do you call my mild cognitive decline or something like that , but basically early stages of dementia or something okay . And the guy that ended up , uh , writing the book , um , he did write a book about it and he called it um . I don't even want to say the name of it , but he said the disappearance of dana star was email it to me .

Speaker 1 40:18

You can email me the name . You don't have to announce it .

Speaker 2 40:21

Yeah , but his came out a couple days before mine . It came out at the same time . When I read his book I was so upset . I mean , he made up so many things . He never contacted me to interview me . He never contacted her family to interview her family . He never contacted her family to interview her family . He even missed . Well , you know , to me it's just he plain lied about some parts of the investigation . How they went , you know , and I was like , yeah , it was meant for me , I had to write my book which was the true version of what happened .

Speaker 1 40:56

Yeah , that's interesting Wow .

Speaker 2 40:58

Yeah , that was a jerk , that's interesting .

Speaker 1 40:59

Wow yeah .

Speaker 2 41:00

What a jerk . Yeah , so he took advantage of Kate , you know , on her dementia , because she's out there with him at all his book signings and you know , oh , you know , he's promoting her as a hero that solved the case and everything . And she's basically co-signing . And I confronted her , I saw her again . When was this ? Time goes so fast August , in August of this past year , 2024 , after the books came out very shortly after , and I had written , I had come up with a spreadsheet because I love spreadsheets of every lie he told and why it was , you know . But I didn't want to beat her up , you know . But I didn't want to make beat her up , you know , because she's a little old lady now and she's got dementia .

Speaker 1 41:47

Oh , I didn't mean it .

Speaker 2 41:47

But uh , you know , he wrote some things . She gave him some personal correspondence between me and her . It has some very personal information about me that she gave him that he put in the book . Now he gave me a pseudonym , but if you know that I wrote a book and I'm her best friend , you're going to know who it is , you know . So I was so upset but I didn't want to really take it out on her too bad , you know . Yeah , I feel like he took advantage of her , but I'm just so upset about it and I still haven't dealt with it . I said I'm going to write the publisher but I haven't yet Because , again , I don't want to go into that negativity , I don't want to focus on the negativity of it , but at some point I have to do that . But yeah , it's just crazy .

Speaker 1 42:31

Yeah , it's just not kind and it's just not right .

Speaker 2 42:34

It's unethical . Yeah , it's totally unethical and he was a journalist so I know he knows better . You know , and he was a journalist , so I know he knows better . You know , and he's written other books . I had bought and read his other books and I'm like , well , if he did that to this case , you know what were the other books , you know how true , were they .

Speaker 1 42:52

Yeah , yeah that's terrible . Yeah , I mean , are you ? What do you feel you have to do to let that go ? Do you have to sit with it and then just go through the steps and process it , or do you have to confront the situation ?

Speaker 2 43:10

Yeah , that's a good question . I don't know . I mean , I originally looked up the law about , you know , libel and slander and defamation and all that , and it's very jurisdiction specific , you know , and so most of the jurisdictions that would be involved , like in Virginia or New York or whatever , the law is more in favor of the publisher and free speech than you know . Like we're in this whole thing with misinformation right now then on the side of truth or defending a person's privacy , you know things like that . So , yeah , probably wouldn't .

Speaker 2 43:53

And I tried to write a review on Amazon and they wouldn't accept it . So you know it's hard for me to get the truth out . So to him about him , but , like we also did , there's a television show that's going to come out about it next year or this year , I guess it is . And I told her , I told them , I gave them that spreadsheet that showed everything that was a lie and they've read my book and they've read his book , and so I told him please don't broadcast any of his lies . So hopefully when that comes out it will have the true story based on my story and if not .

Speaker 1 44:32

I mean you might have to take it a legal step forward , but I don't know if that's good for your healing journey or just like , yeah , it's probably not . I mean , I cannot believe all you've been through .

Speaker 2 44:46

That's a lot , it's just a lot yeah , yeah , but it sounds like you're a strong woman too .

Speaker 1 44:52

You've been through a lot yourself yes , I've had a lot of ups and downs based on health , so you know , one foot in front of the other .

Speaker 2 45:02

Right yeah . That's what you're doing now is really good and important . I think you know giving people a voice .

Speaker 1 45:09

Thank you . I was , I'm always wanted to help people my whole life , and so this is the next best thing for me is using my platform to help other people and let them tell their story . So I really appreciate you coming on my podcast . I appreciate you having me do you have a website at all ?

Speaker 2 45:31

yeah , it's called the enchanted spirit journeys and my website , in addition to to book , I've put quite extensive sections on other memoirs that I recommend and also a section for resources for people interested in writing memoir and books about writing memoir . So , again , like I said , you know , I think the healing part of writing is just the writing and whether you decide to publish or not later is you know another story ? I thought I had to because there was this other book coming out . You know , yeah , but just the writing of it . You know it just helps resolve so many issues and come to , like you said , about guilt and that kind of thing , and realize you know there's nothing I could have done . I couldn't have stopped this sociopath from you know murdering my best friend , but absolutely .

Speaker 1 46:30

There is nothing you could have done .

Speaker 2 46:32

But I can make sure she has a military funeral with a 21 gun salute .

Speaker 1 46:36

Yes , absolutely , and she would absolutely appreciate that . So yeah great , so that's your next step is is doing that so yeah that's a great thing . It really is . So is there anything else you would like to say to um before we wrap this up ?

Speaker 2 46:58

not that I can think of just everybody be tough for sure , for sure .

Speaker 1 47:08

But as we come together , we can help others who feel lost in their journey . Yeah , don't isolate yeah , yeah don't isolate .

Speaker 2 47:17

There's so much support out there . Just reach out and you'll find other people that you can relate to that can

The Healing Journey and Recovery

Speaker 2 47:25

help you on your journey .

Speaker 1 47:27

Definitely , definitely . Well , eva , thank you again so much . You are lovely and the world is just amazing because you're in it .

Speaker 2 47:35

Oh , you too .