Tales From An Airport Bar
Tales From An Airport Bar
Ep 14: View From The Barstool Featuring Patrick
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Episode Introduction
Speaker 1Hey guys , welcome back . Episode 14 , tales from an Airport Bar . Thanks for downloading this one . Guys Appreciate you . This week .
Speaker 1I am here with my , as always , esteemed guest Guest . No , I run this bitch baby . My esteemed colleague . There we go . We'll get to my esteemed colleague . There we go . We'll get to our esteemed guest , your co host . Yes , come on now . If not enough THC Esteemed guest would be I . Patrick , obviously , chris Short Circuits without enough THC in his system . You know what , so do I . I should have smoked before this . Patrick , thank you for coming on to the show . Welcome to the show man . We appreciate you coming on this . I'm glad to be here .
Speaker 1Okay , just to give you a rundown , patrick is one of our regulars at the cantina where we work . Patrick likes to fly a lot . I don't like to fly a lot . I'm told to fly a lot . I don't like to fly a lot . I'm told to fly a lot . I'm told where to be . Yeah , yeah , it's all work purposes . Now , if I'm flying for personal pleasure , that's a different story . I mean , that's always enjoyable for the most part , unless you're in Denver in 2021 . So well , let's lead off with that .
Speaker 1Patrick , what happened in Denver of 2021
Meeting Patrick, the Regular
Speaker 1? I think it was 2021 . Sounds about right . So you know , this is right . After COVID , this was still technically COVID . It was October of 2021 , actually . So , technically , you know , covid stuff was still happening . Yeah , you're flying around with a mask on . We still had to wear masks at the airport . Yeah , so that amplifies my you know my anger issues during this whole fiasco of the Southwest problem , where everything went down and they weren't able to really fly anywhere , especially Denver , because , I don't know if y'all are aware , but that's like one of their major airports went down and they weren't able to really fly anywhere , especially Denver , cause , I don't know if y'all are aware , but that's like one of their major airports for Southwest . And so , to begin the story , you know went out there to go fly fishing with my dad , my neighbor , his friend . You know we had a really good time , caught a lot of fish , got to see some good mountains , whatever , that's a nice little helicopter there , yeah , anyway , um , so , yeah , we caught some fish .
Speaker 1Whatever trip comes to , it comes to the end . I have a flight 6 30 in the morning . Uh , I get to the airport , you know , I see this big ass , long ass line for the Southwest counter . I'm like , ooh , that's not a good sign . It's kind of early . What's happening here ? Flip up , I'm like the news or something on my phone . It's all over the front page . Oh , southwest down , no flights in and out for Southwest . Well , fuck me right , I'm there at five in the morning . I'm already here , yeah . And so I'm scrambling . I'm like I find out the details on my fight . Shocker , it was canceled . So I'm scrambling . I'm going to say you did say it was Southwest , it was Southwest , okay , continue , continue . Hey , the Southwest . Okay , Up until this point . Okay , continue , continue . Hey , the Southwest ,
The Southwest Denver Fiasco
Speaker 1okay , up until this point , yeah .
Speaker 1And now let me put some context on around how important this flight was . I started my new job on Tuesday , okay , this flight was on Monday morning , all right . And so , like I'm scrambling , I'm trying I got to get back , Cause , like my first day at my job is the next day , okay , I have to be there , have to be there . There's no excuse that gets me out of this , none , all right , better get a rental car . Thought about that . But then , before that , I made the drive to Colorado from here and , uh-uh , brother , it sucks . It sucks Colorado from here . And , brother , it sucks , it's a long drive . So that did cross my brain . But then I was like you know , I'd rather be late to my first day of work , I'd rather be at the airport . For the length of the drive I don't give a shit . So I'm scrambling , trying to figure out a new flight . Whatever I get on a couple others that are supposed to leave around noon , whatever Allegedly All allegedly at this point Come to fruition . None of those take off , okay .
Speaker 1And so I found out in the Denver airport , if you're there like hours before your flight , they have essentially a valet bag service . Oh , they just hold it . They just hold it and they'll bring it to the gate agents or whatever , whenever it's time , whenever it's time , whenever it's time , it ends up on the plane where it needs to go . So , like I'm like lugging around a you know a roller bag because I went fly fishing , so I got like waders in there all my heavy shit , yeah . And so I'm like you know , I'm going to check this out , pay like the 20 bucks it is , or whatever , go about my day in the airport , okay .
Speaker 1So I stumble upon this bar and , um , I'm sitting there drinking . This guy next to me , we strike up a conversation he's he's trying to get , uh , I think , somewhere east , like somewhere where his mom , sister living , um , tells me his mom or sister bought his plane ticket . And I'm like , oh , yeah , like , where are you from ? He's like , well , the thing is , I'm actually homeless . I was like , oh , All right , this must be an experience for you . Then , huh , yeah , yeah , yeah , don't really get to fly too often .
Speaker 1I was like , how old would you say this gentleman is ? Oh , dude , we're talking , probably older than you . Oh , thanks , buddy , chris , thanks Patrick . Well , it could have been the drugs too . You know the rundown , I don't know , on me or him , him . Okay , no , definitely no , I'd probably place him in his 50s , probably . So he's been on the street for a minute . He's definitely older than me , dick , anyway . So , uh . So I was like , oh man , yeah , like , must be an experience for you , whatever .
Speaker 1And , uh , you know we keep jabbing . And uh , he's like hey , uh , like my sister or someone's trying to send me some money on cash app , like you mind , you mind helping me out with my cash app . I was like , sure , like what's up ? He's like , well , I'm trying to sign in , but I don't know my password . I was like well , buddy , no problem , do you know your email ? He's like , yeah , I think it's this . I'm like , all right , well , let's click this forgot password thing it's on an AOL page , right and it'll bring you a new password . At this point he just hands me his phone . You do it for me . Yeah , you do it . Future Just want to point out you know a homeless guy with an iPhone Okay , whatever , it makes a lot of sense in this world , but anyway , um , anyway , I'm going about it .
Speaker 1I just forgot password . I go to his email that I had to find and , uh , you know , luckily the thing came through . So we recessed password . I'm like , hey , man , here's your phone , you want to type in your password . He goes oh no , you can just do it , make it , I'm homeless one , two , three or something like that . Okay , so I do it , get it , get it logged in and all that .
Speaker 1And then he's like oh , like , so I see my sister , whoever , sent me some money , like how do I get it out ? And I was like we gotta have like link to a bank account or debit card or something . You have somewhere to send it . Yeah , he goes oh , okay , so we reached out . It's like a paper clip with all this shit in it .
Speaker 1We're talking debit cards , a little bit of cash . He has , say , a little bit of cash , because that's going to come into play in a little bit oh , outstanding . And so , whatever , he hands me a debit card and I'm like , I don't know if this will work , to get money out , but we'll see what happens , let's see what happens , I don't know . So he wants you to plug in all his information . Oh , yeah , oh nice , yeah . So if I was a sweet genius with a what's it called , one of those photogenic brains , I mean , I guess it really wouldn't do me that much good . You know , I don't think he's worried about his negative $100 . Yeah , he really could take advantage of his credit somehow . Whatever , besides the point , obviously he was not worried about it . Apparently I come across pretty trusting . So , hey , it does work out in my favor these days , blake , and I like you . Would you like my debit card ? Sure , do you want me to go buy some beers ? Another round , please ? Anyway , so we finished , so we finish , we get all this stuff set up .
Speaker 1To this day . I don't know if he was able to pull money out or send money or
Helping a Homeless Man with Cash App
Speaker 1whatever he was trying to do . I don't know , but you know he's like oh , thanks , man . Like so grateful for you , whatever . Like , let me buy you a beer . He buys me a beer , I'll let him buy me one beer , whatever . Okay , I'll buy you a beer . He buys me a beer , I'll let him buy me one beer . All right , we keep talking . I finish that beer , let me get you another beer .
Speaker 1I was like , hey brother , first one was great , but you don't need to be buying me another beer . The second beer is your 401k . Yeah , I was like look , I don't need you to buy me a beer , I'm good . I was like look , I don't need you to buy me a beer , I'm good , I have money . I got my expense account from work . You're like sir , how are you going to keep later ? Keep in mind , this was a fly fishing trip . This was no work .
Speaker 1For the record , I was employed Technically in between jobs , but I still had money , but the paperwork had gone through . Yeah , I had a credit card , but I still had money . But the paperwork had come through . Yeah , but you know , it was in the mail and I had a credit card . So like , whatever , but anyway , I was like I was like here how about this ? I'll buy us a couple beers because I don't want you to waste your hard-earned money on me , okay , and you may not remember your password later anyway . So you know that happens .
Speaker 1I get us that next beer and then you know , he offers to buy me another beer . And then finally , I was like you know , maybe let's just go find a new bar . You know , he kind of frankly , he kind of stank anyway , so Use that beer money for dinner . Yeah , they sell it here . Yeah , right down there at the little shop , a little Hudson News thing , anyway . But yeah , so long story short , we had a great conversation . I dipped out because I didn't want the homeless man to waste his money on my beer , because I was going to drink a lot of it that day . I didn't want to spend the whole day with the homeless guy .
Speaker 1Yeah , and now , Patrick , this is for our audience . I want to uh explain to them . You look like , uh , you look like Andrew Santino . Um , I've heard that quite a few times , but I want you , I want you to tell us what happened . How long ago did you go to his comedy ? Oh , his comedy show . And let's at least explain . Andrew Santino is a comedian on one of the biggest podcasts on the planet . Yeah , bad Friends with Bobby Lee . Yeah , Bobby Lee , but anyways , he's a comedian . Well , he's also on the show Dave with Lil Dicky . He's on Dave . He was in Me Time with Kevin Hart . I mean , he's got a long . He's made his rounds the office . Even Now the show was basically over , was he really ? He was just in a new movie .
Speaker 1He was Andy's boat man when the family went bankrupt and he had to help Andy sell his boat . Oh my gosh , that was his first acting gig ever . I forgot about that . The episode of Bad Friends I was listening to in the car on the way over here . He and Bobby were talking about their first job ever and like how embarrassing it was because he was like , hey , so they're on a boat . They're on like a small boat , right , like a small little fishing boat , maybe a little bit bigger . It's got the underneath and the bed or whatever . And he's supposed to Andy , one of the characters in the office . He's supposed to like slap his hands and this Andy's hand . And this is his first gig ever . He doesn't know anything . And John Krasinski , jim , was directing the episode and he was like hey , the first time he pretended to slap Andy's hand and he was afraid to actually slap him .
Speaker 1And then John Krasinski goes cut , cut , cut , hey , so we're going to actually use your left hand because your right hand blocks the lens . Okay , and I want you to actually make it look like you're gonna hit it . It's like okay , cool , no problem , easy enough . So what do you guess happens on that ? Second ? Smash the shit out .
Speaker 1He's trying to take all these notes and still uses the right hand . Again . He goes hey , hey , now , okay , come on , remember , we just talked about this left right , your left hand , left hand , okay , okay , no problem , I got it . And then again , then again , here we go . Is this Andrew Santino ? Yes , yes , no , this is Andrew Santino . And he does it with his right hand again , oh , my God . And Jim Krasinski looks at him and goes hey , bud , it's like when you're talking to your kid hey , bud , don't eat the wood chips , don't eat those , they'll stay on the playground . Hey , talked about this , remember , use your left hand , use your left hand , okay , no problem .
Speaker 1Third , take what do you think he does ? He does the wrong hand again . Jesus , how is that possible ? Because it was his first job . There's the nerves . He's done stand-up and he's done something , but he's never done a TV show , especially something on the level of the Office , and this is season 10 . They're checked out . Michael's not on it anymore and then finally it's like you know what , let's just use it , let's move on . And he's like that was the most embarrassing thing . And he's like and then everyone got off the boat and I was so embarrassed . So the rest of the day he's like I'm just sitting on the boat like this . Everybody went ahead and got off and I'm just sitting there like an idiot , anyways , anyways .
Speaker 1So , patrick , so you went to his comedy show . Yeah , how long ago was this ? Oh , that was probably what I'd say six months or a year ago . It was like May or April or something . I think it was after the summer . I think it was like September-ish , it was rainy and stuff . Yeah , I didn't feel like it was after the summer . I think it was like September-ish , it was raining and stuff . I didn't feel like it was that long ago . So you went to his show and what happened ? Oh , okay , so you know , we're sitting there at the show .
Speaker 1So the whole point of this show is we got the tickets , kind of as a joke , because you know , at this point everybody's like oh , pat , pat , you look like andrew santino . And I was like , all right , well , cool , he's pretty funny . Like tickets for like 20 bucks a pot ? Yeah , all right , we buy them , we splurge for the 25 tickets . All right , dude , this is front row . I was gonna say you're on the front , right , we're talking from me to you and I don't know if y'all are aware of our surroundings . Right now we're sitting at a picnic . So he was like on top of me , he was two feet away and um , all right , so you know , he does this whole skit . Whatever , it's great . Whatever Question time comes .
Speaker 1And uh , all my friends around me were like Pat , you got to like raise your hand to say it or someone else . Yeah , so my buddy's like , fuck it , I'll do it . Raise his hand . He's like , hey , you . And uh , he's like , hey , there's a guy sitting right in front of you . Would you say that he looks like you ? And he looks down . He's like , yeah , yeah , yeah , uh , I'd say doppelganger , huh and um , he was like hey , stand up . Show the crowd , you know , makes stand up . Show the crowd , you know , makes me stand up in front of everybody and
Patrick's Andrew Santino Lookalike Experiences
Speaker 1put the fucking spotlight on me and it's great as shit . I don't know how they operate with that shit .
Speaker 1I was in there for an hour , dude , fucking . Everybody was just like hooting , hollering , laughing . It was hilarious , but the best thing about it is , before the show even started , I go to the bathroom because you know we're there a little early and I go to the bathroom , whatever , wash my hands , I turn around , door whips open and some random guy who would be going to the show . He just stops in his tracks and stares at me , probably because he thought I was Andy Santino . I think he saw the great white buffalo , andy Santino , wait a minute , he's with us . And then I just walked right past him and kept going about my day and went to the show and whatever . It was a good time . So . But yeah , dude , it was .
Speaker 1Got a lot of , got a lot of comments about that and even one time , I think at the airport actually , yeah , someone asked to take a selfie with me . I was going to say did you sign a baby ? I was like absolutely , yeah , I was like sure . But like you do know , I'm not andrew santino , right , you want me to . You want me to facetime little dicky while we take this photo ? Yeah , and he was like , yeah , I just want to show all my friends . I was like , great , it's kind of fucking weird . But okay , let's just see what happens . Like you're taking a picture of some rando that just happens to look like andrew santino . Like congrats , buddy . I don't know if he planned to go tell all his friends , he met andrew santino . I don't know if he planned to go tell all his friends he met in Santino or something . I don't know , but in his eyes he did .
Speaker 1So how long would you say you've been coming to our bar ? Well , I'm not going to lie . The only reason why I first started coming to those bars , no , no , patrick , you're married . Go ahead , lie . Well , it's because , patrick , you're married . Go ahead , lie . Well , it's because .
Speaker 1So whenever I started frequent flying from work , I remember there was a bar in the airport and they had this really good like blue margarita that had a beer in it . Yeah , you know , and frankly , I thought it was y'all's bar . You just stumbled in . I stumbled in and it wasn't y'all's bar . I mixed up my terminals . It was the other one , owned by a different company . Do y'all actually remember the names of places in airports when you go to them ? No , when I'm traveling . No , that place with the sandwiches , I don't know . I probably just now remembered y'all's bar's name a few months ago .
Speaker 1Anywho , I stumble into the bar and I'm like shit , this is not the place . This is Blue Margarita . I contemplated leaving and then fucking Chris over here does his little name game thing and I was like , oh , you know , this might be a pretty okay place . I get a beer . You know , downside to this bar there's no fucking Miller Lite on tap . I was going to say you were drinking Miller Lite bottle that day . I don't understand why . So since then I've swapped to 8 because you know the 8 Elite Lager .
Speaker 1We're sorry , patrick , those executive decisions are way above Blake and I's pay grade . Aren't you the bar manager or something ? No , a supervisor . He orders all the alcohol . He orders all the alcohol , except for the beer . It's branded . What do you want me to do ? Why do you hate me and pretty much every other person that walks into the bar ? Patrick doesn't ask for much , he just asks for Miller Lite On tap . That's it . You get what you get and you don't throw it away . You take that bottle , I will say I appreciate that y'all have upgraded from those shitty plastic tall glasses to actual glass ones .
Speaker 1You say y'all we make these as a gut thing . In my eyes you do . We say shitty , but those glasses never broke they . We say shitty but those glasses never broke . They're so paper thick and the glass tall . So we have a short beard and a tall beard . The tall 22-ounce beard that we have is the cheapest glass I've ever seen in my life . Every time either it looks like my eight-year-old hand blow these glasses .
Speaker 1You pull a glass out of the cooler it breaks . You open the tap and let the beer hit the glass the glass shatters . You close the cooler it breaks . You open the tap and let the beer hit the glass the glass shatters . You close the door to the dishwasher the glass shatters . You whisper sweet nothings in its ear it shatters . It's unbelievable .
Speaker 1All I know is it sounds like y'all need to have some softer hands up in there . There's no hands , bro . I'm telling you these things are paper thin , open in the beer tap room . And I'm telling you these things are paper thin , opening the beer tap room and you should see them . Sometimes they're like the bottom of them . How many times have y'all's female bartender broken one of these glasses ? About 27 a day , no comment .
Speaker 1Okay , well , she might be new then . It doesn't matter who does it , they break it , I swear to God . Yeah , no , I swear to God . I was hoping she would have a better record than y'all . No one does . No one does . We're undefeated . Yeah , maybe , true , we're like the 72 Dolphins .
Speaker 1Anyway , we're getting a little off track here . Yes , go on . This podcast should be called Detour . Yeah , Could be
Becoming a Regular at the Airport Bar
Speaker 1, actually . But anyway , with Andrew Santino's double , I wish he would just hire me on to be his actual double . And Santino it's funny , on Bad Friends he's always the one trying to get it back on track . You're playing the role perfectly , patrick . It works out . You're playing the role perfectly . He really just needs to hire me as double and pay me money to be him , anyway .
Speaker 1So I stumble into the bar , I order my beer , I'm drinking whatever , and for whatever reason that just became my go-to bar , probably because Block A and Chris here were so hospitable and they remember my name . So that was a fun thing , and that beer was poured before you even got your seat . Yeah , that's true . I mean , it probably wasn't for me originally . But you know , here we are . I don't know about you , know the new day you're traveling , but at least when I was there , before you sat down that ate to pork , if nothing else , we asked you what your name was and what can we humbly get you to drink . We bonded over Baconators the first time , wendy's Baconators . Who doesn't love Baconators ? Those things are so good .
Speaker 1I will say that I think they have gone down in quality . Shout out to any sponsorships . We love you , wendy's , wendy's , dave . Rest in peace , dave . Where's the beef ? I take it back , wendy's , your bacon . Airs have not gone down in quality . If anything , they're better and y'all should sponsor these guys Exactly . We'll cut that part . I will say the spicy nugs , the saucy nugs , those are pretty good , they're actually pretty good . They're a little hard , they're actually pretty good . Their garlic parm fries pretty good . Yes , can't complain , I'll have to check that out . Their baked potatoes and their chili also good . Yes , chili's a classic . Their chili's incredible . Yeah . But anyway , I digress .
Speaker 1If you're not health conscious , I will say I ended up eating Wendy's for probably the first five times I flew out to my work location , borger , texas . I don't know if you've ever been there audience Whereabouts Ain't much going on Not much . They have a Bennigan's though . So if you're wondering where one of the few last standing Bennigan's is in the United States , there's one in Borger , texas . That is spelled B-O-R-G-E-R . It's north of Amarillo , 45 minutes Now .
Speaker 1What's funny is our company owned the binnigans , and even the one in the airport shut down . Yeah , I can tell you . Yeah , they only have about six . I actually worked at that a few times . They only have about six brick and mortars left . I was going to say there might be less than that , and they are all in small towns Just because they don't have the money to get rid of it . Probably that , and honestly probably . My guess is if it's anything like Borger , it's a small town with like five restaurants . Those regulars are keeping it going . I am one of those regulars there . Regulars are keeping it going . I am one of those regulars there .
Speaker 1Shout out to Modesty at Binigan's and Borger , she's my favorite bartender . They probably have Bill O'Lantern on tap . He's your favorite bartender . She , oh , okay , she's your favorite female bartender , the Binigan's and Borger . She doesn't break tall glasses like we do . Well , you say that . I have witnessed it once . Okay , okay , once On the car so she doesn't have the tall paper thing , glasses to break . Well , she would break them too . I mean , yeah , how would you know ?
Speaker 1Do you want to make a trip out there with me one day ? Not really , yeah , it's true , I don't blame you , but anyway , out in the middle of Texas no , it's actually the Panhandle . It is Texas , but it is the Panhandle . We're not talking west , it is the middle of nowhere , sir , it is the middle of nowhere , I will agree .
Speaker 1Great hunting out there . Though , what are you hunting ? Well , you can hunt anything Whatever . So you got you got deers , you got enough , yeah , whatever . So anything on four feet , they got it , okay . Um , any bird you can imagine , they got it . So I actually went dove hunting over there one day . I went dove hunting three days in a row , came back with 30 doves . Do you like to eat a little dove ? I do like to eat a little dove . How is that dove lonesome ? Well , when it's with me and Borger , yes , or if it lands in Borger , it's always going to be lonesome . It's like just let me out of my misery , patrick . They were pretty much begging to be killed out there .
Speaker 1So you became a regular at the cantina where we work , and so what's the coolest or the craziest thing you've seen ? I think my favorite . I've got two favorites , all right . So my favorite one was probably earlier in my traveling career . I popped down at the bar after a flight . Okay , chris is working .
Speaker 1You may have been working , I don't recall , but there's this small girl sitting at the bar and she was plastered already at this point . Well , I definitely wasn't working . Yeah , and you know , I holler at her from across the bar . I'm like what you doing here ? Because I kind of overheard , like I think I recall this vaguely Go on . She was like waiting on her sister or someone to come pick her up from the airport . Is this the girl that started crying ? No , go on . No , I don't think so . No , go on . But it's like leave the airport . I would like to hear about that , but we'll get to that . No , I anyway . I hear over here saying that , like her sister , somebody is coming to pick her up and , um , like she's about to be there .
Speaker 1Okay , like 30 minutes goes by and this girl is still there , and at this point she's talking up some guy that decided to sit next to her and he must have been equally as drunk or whatever . Oh for sure , somehow they got some more shots , Somehow . No , that is not true . It was true . Nobody was pushing . I was probably working with some jackass that wasn't paying attention to how many they had .
Speaker 1I'm not saying it was you that served her . We have a fortune . I'm just saying
Entertaining Airport Bar Stories
Speaker 1it was you that served her . We have a fortune in that . I'm just saying these shots appeared . I'm just saying somehow she got shot . She didn't win Bam , and two shots were there . We don't know Allegedly Well , that's how she got there . I will say she took this shot and then she was cut off after that . But evidently she should have been cut off before that . But go anyway .
Speaker 1But at this point , when she got these shots , she's like oh yeah , like my sister , she's outside waiting for me and we're all like what the fuck are you still doing here ? Why are you here ? I was like are you just choosing to pay airport prices for drinks right now ? Like this is crazy . She doesn't know she's at the airship , she probably probably , and she probably doesn't know what kind of economy she's living in right now . But you know , crazy If someone else is buying , it's free , yeah , anyway . So Bryce is right , bob . I think she eventually got that dude's number , by the way . I hope so , I hope so . Hopefully they linked up outside of the airport bar . So I mean , one of them didn't smudge the wrong . You know one of the digits wrong . It's very possible they were quite drunk .
Speaker 1But now , second is all my favorite stories happen to be whenever I get off the plane and I happen to be waiting on my wife to come pick me up . Yeah , so like , well , is it back in March ? No , no , no , sorry , it was back in March . No , no , no , sorry , sorry . Back in November I got the first half of my bonus from my previous company . Yeah , and uh , hop off the plane . My wife's like , hey , I'll be there in like 30 minutes . Go catch a drink with Blake and Chris . Cool , all right , cool , yeah , don't twist my arm . Whatever , I sit down , I get my beer , I'm shooting the shit with Chris and he does this whole name game thing .
Speaker 1And then he's like who's buying around for the bar ? And I was like fuck it , keep in mind , keep in mind , I probably had three beers at the airport in amarillo before I got on my 45 minute flight . You know , none of our , and we're talking none of our business . We're talking talls , okay , none of our business . Yeah , and you probably only had like maybe one beer when you got , yeah , to our bar , yeah , and then on the plane I had like two gin and sprites . So you know , that was pretty soft stuff . I just got a bonus . Baby , let's get some shots .
Speaker 1I get my one beer from chris and uh , yeah , I was keeping under control , obviously because he didn't cut me off . Yeah , uh , he does this whole name game , he does the round shots thing , and I was like , fuck it , I'll buy it , why not my turn ? I was like chris , come here , well , he's like what ? I was like how , fuck it , I'll buy it , why not my turn ? I was like Chris , come here , well , he's like what . I was like how much is it going to cost me ? He's like I know I got bonus and everything , but like , come on , he's like I'll hook you up .
Speaker 1And so I think like 10 , 12 people order a shot of tequila . I chose tequila Because half the people won yes , but there's at least a good 10 people that'll say yes every time . So he pours us up some tequila shots . I think it was some hornitos or something like that . I guarantee you it was . Hornitos Came out clean with like $100 . Not bad . You're like you know what . That's fine . This is what pays to become a regular at an airport bar . Guys , don't give all my secrets . Those shots were all rung up , sir . Sorry , they were rung up at full price , with no discount for sure . None For sure . I paid full price for those , never , ever , discounted anything . I spent my entire . There's no discounts on alcohol in Texas . That's against the law , blake . Yes , okay , I'm sorry , blake .
Speaker 1Chris , you did not ring me up . I think it was the other person that was there . Oh for sure , and it wasn't me either . No , the other Chris . Yeah , it was the other Chris . It was the other Chris , you're right . My bad , we got to talk about it . It was the other Chris , the other other Chris . Anyway , yeah , we all took the shot and I dipped out right after that . Yes , at me . I remember His mic dropped and he got out of there . That's pretty much it . Great job . Everybody tips nicely . That wasn't that long ago . No , that was back in November .
Speaker 1Everybody wants to be the guy that gets it going , oh , yeah , or everybody . There's always Excuse me , not everybody . There's always one that wants to just piss on everybody's parade and not have a good time . You know what I mean , which I don't understand that either . I will say that's probably usually never me , like I was . Like that's never been .
Speaker 1Patrick , yeah now I don't frequently do shots , though , but like you catch me in the right mood now . Yeah , shots when I do mainly only tequila or patrick it's . It's our job to read the room . Yeah , true , well , we're kind of good at that , good at catching me on my good days , but I don't think I've ever caught you on a bad day . Yeah , right , yeah , that's because I don't go sit there in the mornings whenever I'm flying out , because you know it's an airport bar . You don't need to go to work , I don't need to be there in the morning .
Speaker 1Talk to all these other people that I'm giving double Bloody Marys to that are going to work , but on the way back , I don't know how they do it . I don't know how they do it . I mean , I'm not saying that's a bad idea , but like I don't know how they do it ,
Shots for the Whole Bar
Speaker 1that might be Maybe , maybe next time . There's just no way I'm having three double Bloody Bears and Joe presenting a project to my boss for no good reason . I don't think that's a great idea . To drink before going into a plant , I don't think so either . No , definitely not . Where there's a lot of heavy machinery , well . But luckily , I work in the office as an airport bartender , blake and I . I can't speak for Blake , but we will promote the alcohol .
Speaker 1If you come to the bar , patrick , it's a great idea to have a drink before you get on your flight . That is your job . We are professional armchairs . The best idea you've had all day is to have a drink before you get on your flight . Patrick , I'll just steer clear of y'all's bar in the morning . That's about it . I won't even make that . We're not there in the mornings . I will say I'm not . I am . Yeah , I will say I'm there in the morning more than I'm not . Sometimes , whenever I'm leaving and I don't have time to stop at the bar , I'll walk past up , but usually y'all are too busy . So , yeah , that's true , it's okay , though . Of course it is , but we feel it it's okay . Sometimes they avoid me . We feel it it's all right . No , no , love here for me . No , I'm busy with other guests .
Speaker 1Patrick , you're not the only person sitting at the bar . Yeah , that's true . Honestly , y'all are usually pretty slam because I fly in at like 530 or something . That's right when it's freaking hot . I'd like to think we've never neglected you , patrick , actually never . You haven't .
Speaker 1You've actually brought a stool out of the woodworks for me one time . Well , that was that one . I was like Patrick , get your ass over here . And then I carried it . I stole a chair from the high chair . I remember that . And I had to go behind like 12 people hold it up in the air , try to not hit the TVs . I was like , sit your ass down right here . And then I was like , guys , make a river here , okay . And we got you Because there were no seats . No , it was a packed bar . I said you know what ? For Patrick , there's always a seat . I yeah , I remember you carrying that huge bar stool that weighs as much as you do over your head , like it's a bar mitzvah . Guys , watch your head . I'm coming behind you with a chair .
Speaker 1It's a Jewish wedding . A bar mitzvah and a Jewish wedding are two separate things . Whatever , whatever they put I'm not Jewish , so I don't know they put them in the chair and they hoist them up . That's a bar mitzvah and that's where he what is it ? A 13-year-old boy ? Yes , is that a bar mitzvah ? Yeah , that's a bar mitzvah , dude . I thought they did that at weddings and stuff too . That's when a boy becomes a man in the Jewish eyes , Okay , like a quinceañera for , but Jewish , just a teenage thing now .
Speaker 1Do they do ? Do they do bar mitzvahs for girls ? I don't know . It's a bat mitzvah . Oh , really , ok , maybe I have zero idea . I've never been to either . I've heard they're pretty lit . Those are fucking lit . I'll tell you that much .
Speaker 1Now , I would assume a bar mitzvah is lit , but I don't know . I've heard they're pretty lit though . I've been to quinceañeras . Those are fucking lit , I'll tell you that much . Yeah , now , I would assume apartments was lit , but I don't know . I've heard they're lit . I assume they're lit too . Whose quinceañera did you go to ? I don't know . Oh , okay , I think I remember you telling me about it Years ago . Yeah , I just know it . Yeah , good times . Oh , they got me drunk at it , whatever it was , whoever's piece or whatever I was . Side note , they sure did get me drunk y'all , I don't know Side note Steering us back . I don't know . I do have another .
Speaker 1You know , sometimes traveling is not always as it's made out to be , and sometimes you do encounter some people at the bars that severely depress you , and I'm about to share a story about that . We don't have a choice to deal with them . That's why they make gummies . Yeah , right , no . But like one time I was stuck in DFW actually , and I don't know , my flight changed to like E , the satellite E terminal . Yeah , no one wants to go to E . All right , I was just talking with people today about it . They're like no one wants to go to E . I found a bar . I just popped down .
Speaker 1This lady next to me strikes up conversation and we're just chatting . I'm like , hey , where are you going ? What are you going to do ? Whatever you know , she's like going to Seattle or somewhere .
Depressing Encounters and Fun Adventures
Speaker 1No guy like that going to I don't know Seattle or somewhere , yeah , wherever . I was like , oh cool , what's out there ? She's like , oh well , my dad was on hospice . I was like , oh shit , that's no bueno . She's like , yeah , but all this flight stuff happening , cancellations , I didn't get to make it out there on time and he died . I was like looked around and I was like , huh , where's my beer at ? And uh , I just kind of drank my beer and um paid , paid my tab and left after that because I was like I'm not I'm not here to be depressed or sad man .
Speaker 1Let me tell you that happens more than you would think , patrick . People flying back and forth for funerals oh , I know , it's very , very common . I have learned this . Like I said , blake and I get paid to read the room . You've got to be careful , you've got to look at people's face . That's why we interact with you . We ask your name , you know . Yeah , yeah . Well , to be fair , she striked up the conversation , she started it . You just fell on normal back and forth . Hey , where are you going ? Normal banter , what's going on On vacation ? She just decided to drop a bomb on me . She wanted to . It sounded like she wanted to get it off of her chest and into somebody else's plate .
Speaker 1Now to counter that there are the times when you walk up to the bar and you're like , hey , we're about to start boarding in three minutes and you're standing in the boarding line and these two people around you they're like you want to go grab a beer real quick . And I'm like , fucking right . So we walk over to the other little bar . You know , in the down the whatever . Yeah , the little satellite down the uh , whatever . Yep , yeah , a little satellite , yeah , and um , we hammer three beers right there and you can see the line from there like why not hammer three beers ? And we get on the plane a little tipsy at this point . Jump in line , do , do , do , do . Do we see the line move too quick ? And this is like after sitting at y'all's bar , so like I already had three , four beers and so I had one or two more .
Speaker 1I'm not a quitter , nice plane ride , that's all I got to say . Sleepy time , it makes that Baconator even nicer . Yeah , I will say dude , eating Baconators . For the first five times I flew out there Every Sunday night I'd be like I'm not going to get any food . I got a Baconator in my future . It's right next to the hotel , dude , it literally is . It's like Baconator hotel . We're talking Like I skip parking lots Every Sunday night .
Speaker 1I'd just stop asking Pat if he wanted food because I already knew a Baconator was in his future . I knew you didn't need a food menu Wendy's , please , sponsor . And you didn't have Miller Lite on tap , yeah , so I had to settle for the organic shitty thing . Damn it . Troy . Patrick , thank you so so much for coming on this week . You are the best bar regular I've ever had in my 26 plus years of bartending and running around and in restaurants . Patrick , come out , you can come , have a beer and non-discounted shots Anytime you want . Well , hopefully my uh , my flights will start picking up more . You know , I got to get some driving out of the way first and then I'm going to go back to flying pretty regularly . We love it To all our listeners . Thank you so much , guys , for downloading these episodes and supporting us and laughing with us . We love you a long time . We will see you , guys , again in a few weeks . Peace , peace out . Girl Scouts .
