Baring it All with Rose and Chrystal
Welcome to Baring It All with Rose and Chrystal. The podcast is where they deep-dive unfiltered into motherhood, mental health, relationships, and conversations about what's happening in their lives as they navigate it.
It's like your two best friends learning, having fun, asking questions about things they wish they knew sooner, laughing and supporting each other through life's ups and downs.
They want to get to know you more about each other and our bodies in general; sometimes it gets emotional, other times spicy, and most of the time their minds are in the gutter.
Join the ride as they unpack taboo topics, chat about everyday life, and learn and talk with incredible guests and industry professionals who have been through it, baring it all by sharing their stories.
Baring it All with Rose and Chrystal
Balancing Motherhood and Self-Care with Dr. MJ
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We chat with Dr. MJ, an award-winning exercise and nutrition coach, meditation teacher, and mother of three. From balancing motherhood and self-care to achieving professional milestones, Dr. MJ enlightens us with her five pillars of deep health, which include menstrual cycle awareness, simple exercise, joyful nutrition, stress management, and rest and relaxation. Her personal stories, and the unique methods she's developed combined with her honesty and sense of humour will leave you both inspired and informed.
Balancing ambitions and personal well-being is a challenging feat many mothers face. Dr. MJ recounts the humor and complexity of starting her PhD during her first pregnancy, her strategies for managing daily tasks, and the importance of building a supportive community. This episode is a treasure trove of practical advice—from prioritizing self-care and understanding women's health to finding joy in everyday activities. Join us for a conversation packed
with valuable insights, realistic advice for mothers navigating the hustle of daily life.
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Rose Oates
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Chrystal Russell
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And remember to take care of yourself and each other!
With Love Rose & Chrystal x
Health and Nutrition With Dr MJ
Speaker 1Welcome back to Bearing it All with Rose and Crystal. Today we have Dr MJ, an award-winning exercise and nutrition coach and a meditation teacher dedicated to supporting overwhelmed mothers. She helps women start exercising, enjoy lifelong nutrition and develop deep health through her five pillars menstrual cycle awareness, simple exercise, joyful nutrition, stress management and rest and relaxation. As a mother of three, dr MJ has over a decade of experience in research and coaching, passionately supporting pregnant and postpartum women with evidence-based advice and personal insights. On a personal note, dr MJ balances motherhood with self-care, healing generational trauma and achieving rockstar confidence. She's here to share her journey from feeling overwhelmed to making empowered health choices. As a woman of colour, dr MJ encourages putting health before the hustle, because we only have one life and one body. Welcome, dr MJ.
Speaker 2Hello everybody, holy schmoly, so excited to be on the podcast today.
Speaker 1We're so excited. Thanks for coming in. Oh, let's get this party started.
Speaker 3It's a late one tonight. Right, we've left the kids, we've made the dinners Well, I actually didn't make anything because I'm lazy but you cooked dinner?
Speaker 2I did. I was like I better feed these people before I leave.
Speaker 1And, more importantly, what did you cook? Because that's a thing of mine. I love knowing what other people eat for dinner.
Speaker 2So I made this like pork curry thingy with lots of veggies in there. I'm Asian, like Chinese Asian. Some people think I'm Korean or Japanese. I'm Chinese, so I eat everything.
Speaker 1Okay, we'll get to that later.
Speaker 2So I made a pork curry and like a miso soup thing, because my daughter likes miso soup. And then we always have rice.
Speaker 3So yeah, that's a staple.
Speaker 2Yes, yeah, that's our thing, even though people say like oh, don't eat white rice because you know it's like high GI, blah, blah, blah. I'm like can't help it.
Speaker 1It's like saying don't eat pasta if you're Italian, please, and excuse me. Washing rice how important is washing your rice? Can we get that before we start into the nitty gritty? I've heard it's very important, do you?
Speaker 2wash rice. I do wash rice. There's only one rice that I don't wash, which is this Thai purple rice thing. You're not supposed to wash that, because all the goody is on that purple coloured thing. It's not actual purple colour, it's actually like this mineral thing that's on top of the rice. That's the only rice I don't wash. Every other rice I will wash until…. Do you wash multiple times till the water's clear? Yes, three times at least. Yeah, because there's stuff on it that you probably don't want to ingest.
Speaker 1There we go, guys. Wash your rice, yes, wash your rice my husband's Indian right.
Speaker 3His parents wash rice and they reckon it comes out fluffier the more you wash it.
Speaker 2It does Also if you soak it for a little bit, it will be like fluffier.
Speaker 1Guys, don't tell you, can't say that we don't give you all the tips here. All right, I'm like we. Dr MJ is actually here for other reasons, but point number one that she's given us, she has confirmed wash your rice until it runs clear.
Speaker 2Exactly, and please don't measure water. All you need is your finger to know how much water to put in to cook the rice. How?
Speaker 1Okay.
Speaker 2Which finger. So you know your index finger. I mean, if you're listening, your index finger. Yeah, you know how we have all these lines on our fingers.
Speaker 3Yes.
Speaker 2Index finger, the first line from your fingertip. That has to be above the rice.
Speaker 3Above the rice.
Speaker 2Yes, that is how you measure water not by like the cups and like how many cups of rice to how many things of water. No just use your finger and that first cut of that line, place your nails on the surface of the rice and then the water level.
Speaker 3Just above to the rice. Just to the rice. See, I would think that wasn't enough water.
Speaker 2That would be perfect rice.
Speaker 1We, oh my God, I feel like this is it. I'm learning things. She's a doctor. I mean, that's why you're a doctor. She has a PhD. Guys, it's not in rice cooking.
Speaker 2But I am training for MasterChef, are you?
Speaker 3Stop Wait, guys. That was announced here first.
Speaker 1Yes, it was. You heard it here before. She's famous out there in the world of the TV world. She's been on Bearing it All with Rose and Crystal. Yes, I have. Okay. Okay, what is your PhD in?
Speaker 2Come on, let's get to that All right, let's get to that. My PhD is actually in exercise and pregnancy and gestational diabetes, and a lot of people are like, oh well, we don't share their PhD results and they'll be so happy about it, but I spent four and a half years of my life collecting information and data and training pregnant women all around Perth and then the results came out and my exercise program didn't help.
Speaker 3So yeah, so well, oh wait, your program didn't help. Gestational. Oh got you, it didn't help prevent the condition from reoccurring, so we were trying to prevent a reoccurrence.
Speaker 2So I was fighting a lot of battles, a lot of hills, like trying to go up a lot of hills, trying to fix that issue with my exercise program Eventually, like at the end, because what I ran was a randomized, controlled trial. So we have two groups. One group got the exercise and one group didn't, and at the end of it, when we eventually tested all of them for gestational diabetes, it was the same amount of people in both groups that got it.
Speaker 3So essentially means Wait. This is mice, though.
Speaker 2No, human, oh human. Can you imagine mice on a bicycle?
Speaker 1I swear I'm losing it. I was like she didn't just say mice, but she did. I thought you said you read it out of the text of mice.
Speaker 2Hang on, I need to put on my Australian accent so you can understand.
Speaker 3I thought you said tickers and mice, but they were pregnant mice weren't they, yeah, pregnant mice as I was thinking I was like, holy shit, pregnant mice and they had to distance you for a time, and they were just running on their wheel, oh my, God, oh, my God.
Speaker 1Okay, so they were human. These run on human.
Speaker 2Did you also hear me say mice? No, but that's why I nearly died.
Speaker 1I really had a heart attack. She's still trying.
Speaker 3I didn't, I swear. I heard mice.
Speaker 1There you go. So it goes to show that you basically can't prevent it. If you're predispositioned to having gestational diabetes during your pregnancy, that's got nothing to do necessarily with being fitter or healthier necessarily yeah.
Speaker 2Yeah, I mean, these women already had it, so they have a high chance of getting it anyway. So we're trying to use exercise to prevent it from happening again, but I think there's some other thing to the equation that we haven't really touched.
Speaker 1Yeah, yeah, but I just love that you admitted you're like my exercise program didn't help. No, yeah, but I just love that you admitted you're like my exercise program didn't help, and I think that's the beauty of authenticity as well, and being honest and raw and that's actually why we love you. You know what that's? The whole reason for doing things like this is to work it out, and trial and error and failure actually helps you learn.
Speaker 2Yeah, and there's this thing in research that we say, when you have a negative outcome, it is still a positive one because you learn. Yeah, and there's this thing in research that we say, like when you have a negative outcome, it is still a positive one, because you learn okay, so this doesn't work, so what else is going to work? Then you've got to think about it even further and keep going.
Speaker 1Yeah, so did you do your PhD in Australia?
Speaker 2Yes, yes, At UWA, so that was where I was for like majority of my time in Australia.
Speaker 1That was where I was for like majority of my time in Australia. Yeah, okay, so you were born in Singapore and raised in Singapore, and you came to Australia when you were 19.
Cultural Adjustment in Australia
Speaker 2Yeah, correct, that's huge. Yeah, it was an adventure, I think.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2Did you come here with a partner? No, I came here all by myself. A lot of people like to say that I'm like a lone wolf, I like to do things by myself a lot. Yeah, that I'm like a lone wolf, I like to do things by myself a lot Yep.
Speaker 2Because I'm also an introvert, so when I'm around too many people it actually kind of drains me quite often. But I didn't know that when I was young, but right now I do know that that's just my thing. Yeah. So, but I came here by myself, I did a Bachelor in Exercise Science and then I went on to do my honours and went out to work for a little bit because I was trying to get the scholarship to do my PhD and I failed three times, but the final one they offered it to me. That's after three years. So I was working with that and eventually I got the scholarship and then I started my PhD, and that's another story that we're going to talk about.
Speaker 3But when you came to Australia from Singapore, when you first arrived here, what did you think? What did you think of the Aussie culture and just in general?
Speaker 2Well, so I came from Singapore and Singapore is known for being this highly efficient country. Everything goes really fast, everyone's quite grumpy, nobody says hi, everyone's just like you know, know, objective is to get things done. So when I first came here, I'm like I'm calling up like immigration, trying to get my student visa sorted out. I'm like I had to wait three days three days to get someone to call me back in Singapore. It's like if you want something done within like half an hour, someone's gonna call you back. So that adjustment was very was being patient and go. Everybody's working in their own time. Just take it easy here. But when you first come here, you're like, damn people, can you work a little bit faster?
Speaker 3Yeah, they work at a snail pace. Yeah, very chill and relaxed.
Speaker 2And I've learned that it's even slower in WA. If you're over easy, it might be faster, is that right?
Speaker 1WA has still got a big country town, vibe.
Speaker 2I feel.
Speaker 1It's still a lot more relaxed in a lot of ways. I feel like up until 10, 15 years ago, no shops opened on a Sunday in.
Speaker 2WA. I remember that.
Speaker 1And people go oh my God, what did you do with your lives? A lot. But even like the 24-hour supermarkets oh my God, what did you do with your lives? A lot.
Speaker 3But even like the 24-hour supermarkets, like to be honest, we still only have like a few right. Yes, but in Sydney and Melbourne they're all 24 hours Like what the heck that's weird.
Speaker 1to me it is weird.
Speaker 3But also like we whinge about being on the freeway for 45 minutes and people are like I took three hours to get to work in Sydney, oh my God. So we're not used to that.
Exploring Generational Trauma and Healing
Speaker 1We think that's huge and we waste time. I think in WA we have a more. We have beautiful weather and more solid weather throughout the year. So when we opened the shops on a Sunday, to me, yeah, it was a novelty at first, but most of us don't give a shit because on a Sunday it was very community, family orientated. We went out and did things and so, yeah, we are a lot slower than, like, I reckon, even the eastern states in that way. So you came straight from Singapore to Perth.
Speaker 2Yes, yes, yes, because there was the sports science degree at that point was really popular to come to W it's. Either we went to the UK, which I couldn't afford, or we came to Perth.
Speaker 3I'm pretty sure, my husband did sports science.
Speaker 1My brother and sister-in-law are both exercise physiologists. Yeah, see See.
Speaker 2And I think being in Perth as well is the best place to be active, because, like you said, the weather here is amazing, and so, yeah, I came here. That was the thing that I was trying to get used to people working at a pace that I wasn't used to, but right now I'm like I'm fully, 100% West Australian pace.
Speaker 1Oh, I love that and I love that.
Speaker 1Okay, so I actually met you and saw you for the very first time at an event that I emceed at, and you were one of the speakers and Crystal was there as well, and you look, I'm just going to call it you were my favourite speaker. You really captivated me. I really didn't feel like I don't know how long. I think your speech was only like seven minutes. It wasn't enough for me. I was like tell me more, tell me more of your story. There were so many points where I was like I want to know about.
Speaker 3Dr MJ, at the end of the night, me and Rose came together to chat about the night and we both went to each other. Are we going to ask her? Yeah, we're going to ask her. She's going to be on the potty Straight away. We just we loved your vibe, like you were so funny and just yeah.
Speaker 1Honest and just what you saw. Well, what you see is what you get and I still feel like that. This is our second like proper meeting and it just feels so comfortable. But one of the things that really got me when you were speaking it really sucker punched me is you said when I was growing up and you talked about your generational trauma that you didn't know you had, but now you do and you're working through it is that you didn't have a lot of joyful moments or can't remember a lot of joyful moments in your childhood and it broke my heart and intrigued me and I really want to know like how, why and how it's impacted you now having your own kids. You're a mother of three.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1But yeah, that really got me and I know it got Crystal as well is you're not finding the joy in your childhood or remembering it and how it's affected you now with your kids, like you've got three kids of your own and working through it, like we want to know a little bit more about that.
Speaker 2Okay. So about my childhood I think I really started looking into all of this like generational trauma kind of stuff, probably back in 2018. Like, I got quite sick when I was in Singapore, visiting Singapore, with my kids I had only two kids back then and I had this issue with my gut. I was bleeding into it and then I also had all these blood rashes on my body and I kind of just was really sick and it really stopped me from doing the work. I was running an exercise group, fitness group for mothers where I lived at that time and I was just hustling all the time. And then when I got to Singapore and then I got really sick and got, like my body forced me to stop, you see.
Speaker 2So it's like, okay, you're going to get this disease, you're just going to stay in the hospital for seven days or eight days, can't remember, and I'm going to peel your children away from you because they can't stay at the hospital. So then that happened to me my, my cousin at the time, she, she, well, at that time, my cousin at the time, my cousin is still my cousin, my cousin's still my cousin. She came to visit me. She was going through, uh, stage four breast cancer. But she came to the hospital to see me and she was telling me all these things about how she's going through this healing process, not just for her cancer, but also all the stuff that happened to her when she was a kid.
Speaker 2I'm Chinese, like I said, we have lots of things that we don't talk about. There's lots of like you stuff your feelings down, you don't talk about your feelings and you just keep working hard and become a slave. That's the kind of childhood we had. She's telling me all these things and she's saying I'm gonna get you a reiki healer and she's gonna come here to the hospital bed and she's gonna do her magic. And at that point I was like a reiki healer what the hell is that? And like I've done yoga, I've done my meditation when I was younger and but I was like reiki, are you kidding me? But then, at the point, you're sick, you're just there and you just sort of like uh let's just, what does it hurt?
Speaker 2yeah, so this lady came, this chinese lady, and she was just like oh, you just lie there and I'm just gonna sit here with you and I'm just gonna be moving my hands all around your body, like just just just relax and breathe.
Speaker 2And then I was like, okay, so I I laid there. And then she did that for like a good like 25, 30 minutes. I was like, fuck, nothing's happening, like this is bullshit. And and then, but I was like, never mind, keep in mind, you know, you're already sick, you're lying here, can't go anywhere, anyway, you're hooked up to all the ivs. So you're like I can't run. And so she did this thing. And then, and then, after a while, she just came to my ear and then she just whispered she goes, just let it go.
Speaker 2And in that moment I I don't know what came over me. Yeah, I burst into tears and like I was coughing, coughing, coughing, I was breathing harder and harder and I wasn't like, I wasn't like faking it, because I was just like, oh my god, I feel like I need to breathe. And I was breathing, and breathing, and breathing and breathing. And next thing, when she said that, I just burst into tears, tears. And then, after I burst into tears, I had this like flushed face, yeah, or like I looked like I had makeup on and also because of my blood rash that I had in my body. The nurses would come in and they'd be like are you okay? How come your face so red? And I'm in Singapore, so they talk like that um why, come your face so red and and I was like what?
Speaker 2no, I'm actually feeling like the best that I've ever felt in my entire life, like I was what I was 30 ish in my young, early 30s, at that point and and I was like I feel so good, I feel like something's released, something is released from my throat, and then she she then gave me a debrief through this reiki healer and she said you know, you're very blocked up in your throat chakra. There there's lots of things that you haven't spoken about in your entire life and there's lots of issues with your solar plexus and I was having a gut issue at that point. Yeah, so like I know it's getting very woo-woo, I know I'm a scientist, but like I love my….
Speaker 3We like woo-woo.
Speaker 1But I love that you're…. Yeah, but I love science and I love weiwei yeah.
Speaker 2I tell you, both of these things need to work together and everybody will be healthier. So that sort of put me on this journey where I started to learn about generational trauma, started to learn about like all the stuff that has been happening to me since my childhood and it kind of just like opened my eyes. And in that period of when I got out of the hospital, my kids have already come back to Perth and with my husband, and I was there by myself.
Speaker 2I went, I went to see a psychic and then I don't tell this to many people because people you know, they look at you funny when you tell them I saw a psychic and then the psychic told me all these things. They'd be like the psychic is lying lah. I'd be like I believe, but I believe because the psychic said so much, and then I'm very good at not saying things. Yes, so I went in there and I was like so tell me, what do you want me to know?
Speaker 1and I gave her nothing. Yep, yep, that would be me. When I first ever saw her, I was like you tell me, mate, you're the psychic exactly go on and and she was this.
Speaker 2She was this American lady actually, like she lived in an apartment near where my brother was living at that time and and she has, like this beautiful white hair but in a bob, like she's like one of those cool ladies that you see in the movies, and I remember her telling me this she's like I'm not feeling too well at the moment, I'm just having the sniffles and you know what makes it the best Apricot jam. She said it in an American accent Whenever you're sick, just have apricot jam. I'm like I'm here to have a rating. I'm here to like get you to tell me about what I should do in my life. Why are you telling me about apricot jam? But anyway, it's actually good advice, because nowadays, when I'm sick, I always now you have apricot jam.
Navigating Generational Trauma and Healing
Speaker 2She's in my head. Apricot jam. It's been how many years I still think about apricot jam when I'm sick, on toast, yeah. So she told me a lot of stuff at that point and I was like, oh, okay, and it just set me on on this journey and then I started for some reason, you know, because Instagram's very clever social media knows what you're looking for.
Speaker 2I started to see all these things. And then the holistic psychologist on Instagram popped up and she's talking about this generational trauma how you grow up and then you have no memories of your childhood because your brain is protecting yourself. And then I started thinking about my childhood. I was like, oh, what's so bad about my childhood? Like, seriously, I was clothed, I had a roof over my head.
Speaker 2Both my parents worked really hard, but the one thing that really stuck out for me was that I grew up in a family not so much my immediate family, more so like the extended family as well. They're very angry people. Yeah, the emotions there's not much emotions. Usually, when you see them, it's anger, anger. Everyone is just like. My family is from an area in. My grandparents were in an area in China where, when they're talking, it sounds like they're fighting and shouting. So there's a lot of that anyway. But where I grew up, there's really a lot of anger, and my mother was a very hardworking woman and she was trying to show that she's as good as the boys in her life her brothers so she was always very stressed out and so when she came home, we often had weekends where we're just like waiting for her to explode.
Speaker 1Yes, okay.
Speaker 2So my childhood. When I say I don't have memories because I now know, it's because we were always anticipating, fearing oh, she's going to get angry. Better do you know? We're always in flight, of flight. Now they say that. So because you're in that flight of flight situation, you don't retain a lot of things. Yes, so I look back on childhood photos and I'm like, oh, actually we went to all these places but I don't remember. I know it's sad, I don't remember the fun things that we do.
Speaker 1Yeah, because you're always in a state of fear.
Speaker 2A state of fear because you're thinking, oh man, someone's going to get angry, better do this. And then she really does get angry, and then you go like, yeah, and in knowing that as well, I noticed that I was doing that to my kids, especially my first one. Yes because we don't know any better. We don't know any better, but then, now that I know better, I'm like man.
Speaker 3But I was just about to say, like how many of us lose our crap on a daily at our kids, like we just explode sometimes, and that's what I was about to say. Like what was your mom getting annoyed over? Was it just like you guys were untidy or, um, you know she had to clean up, or was it things like that? Because, I swear to god, I do that all the time yeah, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2And I kind of know why she did that at that time, because now my children are doing the same thing, because children don't see these things but adults see all of that. You know, this is the mess nobody's cleaning up, and and so I know why she was that way, because, like, I have so many days where I am that way. But it really hit me one time where, when I was like about to lose my shit and I saw my eldest, his shoulders just went, he tensed up he tensed up and I just went like, oh my god, but you, he tensed up and I just went like, oh my God.
Speaker 1But you lived like that almost yeah.
Speaker 2And I had no realisation and I think my mum at the point, even to this day, she probably didn't have that realisation that we have that trigger where we go like and freeze and like oh man, better be on the best behaviour. How do?
Speaker 1you think that actually affected you as an adult. So how do?
Speaker 2you think that?
Speaker 1actually affected you as an adult. So, growing up in the environment where you were more so always in a state of fear and that you almost had like you were trying to be people-pleased, in a way, like you were trying to please your mum and dad and be good and not like trigger your mum to be explosive.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1How do you feel like it sent you as an adult? How did it affect you?
Speaker 2I think I was always trying to do the right thing, like always, to the point where, even as a young adult, I don't remember myself having lots of fun. Also, growing up in Singapore, you're kind of moulded to become a producer, a producer of outcomes. You've got an objective, you get it done. You've got a producer, a producer of outcomes, like, you got an objective, you get it done. You got an objective, you get it done. And in a way that is as much as it was self-limiting for a bit it is also like a positive thing for me, because I swear if I didn't have that instilled into me, I wouldn't have finished my PhD.
Speaker 1Yeah, so there's positives that happened.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1But also things that you would have liked to have changed. Yeah, Like.
Speaker 2I wish.
Speaker 3I would have had more fun when.
Speaker 2I was at uni here got to know more people on a deeper level, whereas I've always thought nobody wants to know me. Like who cares, I'm just this Asian.
Speaker 3But you're probably so focused on the end game, right?
Speaker 2Yeah, I, but you're probably so focused on the end game, right yeah, I just want to get it done. Yeah, that's right, yeah, and so I don't think I'm a people pleaser in a sense that I want to make people like me, but if somebody asks me to do something for them, I will get it done.
Speaker 1So I'm not the sort where I'll do it. Oh, you're outcome driven, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2And I'm still very much outcome driven to this day, still very much outcome driven to this day, which, but again I'm trying to like do less of that, I'm trying to but I've got a question Like even though you moved to Australia on your own, was there still that that you needed to please your parents by coming here finishing your PhD?
Speaker 3Like was that in the back of your head, yeah, that you needed to get that done so that you had, like a certain status to them? I guess, yeah, I think so I feel like a lot of cultures. They have that.
Speaker 2I think I remember thinking to myself oh, I got to do this PhD because a sports science degree can only get you so far. So then I was like I need to become an expert at something and I loved pregnant people and loved that Because, like 10 years ago, the notion of exercising when you're pregnant is still like a no-no, like, oh, when you're pregnant, don't move, don't move. But it's changed so much now, which is great, and so I was really excited when I got that research study to study that. But also I just wanted to show my parents because I was the youngest right, I was always more so of the rebel Like my, the ones that will listen to whatever my parents say and they would act that way.
Speaker 2But I'm the, the baby, the baby, and I have a third kid right now and I think I know why third kids are like that. He's a bit of my third, it's a bit of a psycho, but I love him. Um, but he's just more free-spirited, which is what I think I was probably like, and so when I finished my degree, I was thinking to myself oh, I don't really want to go back to Australia, I mean go back to Singapore. I'm going to stay here. I got a job, but even though I got a job and I was paying my own bills and things like that, my parents thought I was having fun here.
Speaker 2I was like I'm trying to build a life for myself. But they thought come home now, stop playing. Can you stop doing that? You come home, I buy you a car. I was like I don't want a car. And I want to say this in Singapore, if someone wants to buy you a car, it's a big deal, because you don't just pay for the car, you pay for the certificate that says you can own a car, which is often more expensive than the car.
Speaker 2So they were trying to. Really they wanted you to come home, yeah, but I was like nope, I'm going to build a life here?
Speaker 1Yeah, and you wanted to do it on your terms, then yeah, I just needed that space.
Speaker 2I think yeah.
Speaker 3And what did your brother and sister do Like? What did their occupation end up being Like? Is one a doctor and one something else?
Speaker 2No, my sister is an engineer as well. She works with my dad right now, my brother, he actually he runs a very successful kids' clothing business with my sister-in-law. Oh wow, yeah, in Singapore. They're the petite society, like they're everywhere, like they're pretty cool online business Cool.
Speaker 3Yeah, yeah, I was just wondering. Yeah, so you?
Speaker 2get curious like that.
Speaker 1Yeah, no, you need to know. I was like what else do you do? So that's a lot.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1You have done a lot, and and how old are you now? You're the same age as us.
Speaker 2Yeah, I'm the same age as you guys.
Speaker 1I was like yeah listening to you 39, baby. Yeah, we're in the 40s, but you've done so much. I mean it's quite amazing.
Speaker 2But you see, when you say that, I feel very uncomfortable.
Speaker 1I'm going to make you more uncomfortable.
Speaker 2She's done a lot and she needs to be proud. It's very hard for me. It took me so long to learn to like hey, mj, you actually did pretty good.
Speaker 3Even when I say that, I feel like I said this to Rose before you came in I was like to get a PhD. You need to be smart. I ain't that kind of smart.
Speaker 2Yeah, and she's feeling uncomfortable now you should see her mate.
Balancing Motherhood and Personal Growth
Speaker 1She looks like she's about to take her jacket off. She's getting weird. She'd rather us talk about anything else now. And she's getting weird. She'd rather us talk about anything else now?
Speaker 3Yeah, and also we discussed that when you first started it like you fell pregnant.
Speaker 2Yeah, I did. Oh, that's a story we're going to jump into.
Speaker 1That's it. So you started a PhD that was going to involve pregnant women.
Speaker 3Yep Crystal, not pregnant mice.
Speaker 1Not pregnant mice, Pregnant women and you actually fell pregnant. I did Before. Well, just as you were starting the PhD.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1Oh my gosh, how did MJ, how did this happen?
Speaker 3She was exercising.
Speaker 2You were doing different type of exercise. I was exercising with my husband. I accidentally fell. Surprise, I was exercising with my husband, Accidentally fell. See, at that point I wasn't very good at tracking my own cycle, Silly silly Anyway. That gets you into trouble. That's why you need to know your cycle Right. Were you surprised then?
Speaker 2So it wasn't like, oh whoops, Because my husband and I were like, oh, we're just going to get married. We were only six months married. And then we were like I, we were only six months married. And then we were like I want to do my PhD for a bit before we start getting pregnant, Because there's also, like, the maternity scholarship that will come in after you've been in your PhD for 12 months. So obviously my son had a different idea. He's like, oh, mommy, I'm going to pop a neon in. Yeah, I want out soon. No damn that. So then he came along a bit earlier. So then I did my PhD for a bit out sooner than that. So then he came along a bit earlier. So then I did my PhD for a bit. Actually, I should start at the start. I went into the office that day and I was like first meeting with the supervisor and I was like, oh shit, I have to tell her this because I feel like I should. But although at that point I was pretty young, I got pregnant when I was 26?
Speaker 325? 26?.
Speaker 2I can't remember, but around that time, um, and and I thought to myself, I wasn't like really aware that you only tell people you're pregnant when you're 12 weeks, at least 12 weeks pregnant I was just like oh my god, I'm pregnant, pregnant, seven weeks pregnant, I'm pregnant. And then I went in there. I was like I was telling her oh, yeah, I'm pregnant. Then she was like oh, are you three months into it? I was like uh, no, I'm only seven weeks and then wow, she's keen she's so excited.
Speaker 2And then I was like, oh, and then I learned later on because I started working pregnant people right, you don't tell people that so soon because you never know what will happen to the pregnancy until 12 weeks. So anyway, I told her that and then I was, and then I thought she was going to ask me to like get out of the room. You're not doing this project anymore. We need somebody like like in it, committed, committed. And then, but she wasn't. She was was really nice. She was like that's okay, we'll support you as much as we can and get you going. And I was like, oh, my god.
Speaker 1It's refreshing to see and hear that, especially from another woman, and I love that it's changing.
Speaker 3I mean, I do wonder, if it was a man boss, if it would have been handled differently. I don't know, it probably would have been.
Speaker 1I agree.
Speaker 2Yeah, because there was also man bosses on on the panel, the people that I worked with, and it's a bit different, but we won't go there that is another.
Speaker 1We could go down that rabbit hole.
Speaker 2Yeah and oh so much to talk about that. Yeah, but we won't, yeah. So then I went in there and then and got told I was pregnant. But then I went on and I did the research for as long as my baby would stay in there. And I did the research and then I went off for maternity for a bit and then came back and sort of juggled motherhood and PhD, which I do not recommend anybody. Do you know how sometimes, when people start having babies, they're like oh, I'm going to start a business, oh, I'm going to go study, I'm going to do this, I'm going to do that. Actually, you know, ladies, when you have a baby, you should just focus on the baby, because it's going to suck your life out of you and really there's not much capacity left when you have to keep.
Speaker 3Yeah, you kind of lose a few brain cells, don't you?
Speaker 2More than that, I think yeah.
Speaker 1And I like, since you mentioned capacity, your thing is cup-pacity.
Speaker 2Yes, can you explain that?
Speaker 1What is my capacity Like cup, as in like C-U-P? My capacity, and apparently from what I've seen you talk about, is we all have a different sized cup.
Speaker 3Yes, we all have a different sized cup.
Speaker 1Yes, we do.
Speaker 3I got a fairly large one.
Speaker 1Yeah, mine's a bit deflated, but it is a large cup. Yeah, mine is a pancake. I started with not much anyway and breastfeeding has. Yeah, we can all relate.
Speaker 2So capacity, it's not a spelling error, because a lot of people are like what Did she spell wrong? She has a PhD, she cannot spell. But no, it was on purpose, because you always hear people talk about oh, mothers, you have to fill your cups first before you can look after other people. So then I was like playing on that twist about that cup and then obviously some people didn't get it and asked me if I could spell.
Speaker 1But I can um she's a doctor guy, I think it's clever I like it?
Speaker 2yeah, because I work with mothers, you see. So then I'm like you know, talk about your cup. So everybody has a different capacity because it depends it comes down to, like how much support you have in your motherhood. Uh, how do you work full-time? Do you mother full-time? Do you um? And whatever you do in your version of your motherhood is hard, regardless, you know, um.
Speaker 2But so some women, because if they have more support, they have their, you know their spouses, parents are here, their own parents are here, around them. They can go like, oh, can you help me out with, with, with my, for a bit? I want to work on this passion project that I have, and so that feels a lot easier. In that sense, then the capacity is slightly larger because they can share the load of this parenting job with other people. Like there's people who love the children there, but in my case, because my in-laws are from Thailand, my parents are in Singapore, there isn't really a lot of people I can call on. And even when you do have a few good friends also, I have that thing where I must do everything by myself, which stems from my childhood again, and you feel like I cannot trouble people Don't trouble other people, you know. So then you don't ask for help, so you just try and do everything by myself.
Speaker 2And when I first started my business um, running active mama tribe I did everything by myself and I was like, but I still also want to keep my children close to me. No, nobody is good enough to look after them, only me. And then, but I also wanted to run my business. And then after a while you go like, how come my business is not like skyrocketing, even though I have so much passion for it, and how come I feel like I'm always screaming at my children? And then and that's like when I had the two kids I often also feel like I don't remember much of my daughter's childhood. That's another sad thing that I haven't. I haven't had another talk to go to and share that story, but I often feel, because I was like that was in the thick of developing my business, I don't remember much of her as a baby and like as a toddler.
Speaker 2How old is she now? She's eight.
Speaker 1I can relate to that. So my first two.
Speaker 1I've got four kids as you know I've got two older kids and two younger kids, and I was 23 when I had my first. I worked so much. I come from an ethnic background, so I'm very much like nodding along here in the sense of I must do everything by myself because I'm a proud person and I had too much ego and also I want to show my family how capable I am. I'm the oldest female, in a majority male dominated. All my brothers and my cousins are boys, everything like that. But also I totally agree because I also don't want to trouble people.
Speaker 1I was brought up with parents that you do it by yourself. Don't burden other people with your problems. Don't burden other people with your kids, and so it's easy to burn out and I can very much relate to that, and I don't remember much of my daughters, both of them growing up. I don't remember them. I don't even think I saw them walk for the first time. I missed out on so many milestones and.
Speaker 1I have a lot of guilt over that same because you don't get back. But when you look at it now, because I've got the other two, that are the younger two, I think, oh my God, you have so much time to make money. You have so much time to go back to work full time if you want to. But at the moment I actually do want to watch them grow up. And that's a choice, that's a personal choice for me.
Speaker 1I've got nothing against mums that want to go back to work full time I've been there, I get it, and sometimes it's a necessity, but I'm in a position now where I'm like no, I actually want to watch that because I miss it.
Speaker 3But do you think that's because of the older too? That's how come you've got to this spot.
Speaker 1I think it's easier for me to see now for sure. Like I'm sitting back and I'm in a very privileged position in that sense of saying I've actually had two older ones and made those mistakes, and now I've got two younger ones, and do I want to repeat those mistakes? I've got the opportunity to change things. So without having the older two, you don't know what you don't know. Yeah, but I did always regret it.
Speaker 1So without having the older two, you don't know that you don't know what you don't know, yeah but I did always regret it, even without having the last two, I do remember going oh my god, I missed so much, but for what?
Speaker 3for what well? I was like I'm gonna own my own business and I'm gonna have so much flexibility to be a mum, except for owning my own business. Business I had no time I should have gone and worked for somebody. At least I might have had a day off, correct?
Speaker 2And that's something that you only realise after you've gone through it, Because people go oh, I'm my own boss, I'm flexible with my time. But, like you said, you are flexible with the time, but it is also extremely time consuming and it consumes your mind and in that stage, you're learning about social media, you're learning about running. You know websites and things and learning how to sell Like that was my big thing when I started the business. Like I have a PhD. People go oh, she got PhD, she's a smart lady, but I did not know how to run a business. Like you have to. You need a degree for that. That's why people do that as well, right? Or people like a whole nother ball game, it's a whole nother boy.
Speaker 2How do you sell?
Speaker 3yourself, holy shit, and also selling yourself takes like a lot of guts right, because you're like promoting yourself.
Speaker 2You have to practice, and now my skin is so thick. You can say anything to me, I don't care, but at first, at first, you'll be like, yeah, every, every knockback hurts.
Speaker 1But yeah, that brings me to another like question is do you feel like mums at the moment, in this day and age, in our age group, our demographic, have a huge amount more pressure on us? Oh, so much more Because of social media, because of like. It's almost like the era of the woman can do it all, which I love, that we're in our like empowerment era.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1But almost do you see that a lot in women.
Speaker 2I see that a lot and I wish to become the voice that tells women and moms out there that you don't have to do so much, well, that's the voice I want to hear. There is a lot of pressure. There is a lot of pressure.
Speaker 3Because we want to also be the breadwinners. Yeah, there's none of this like why do our husbands have to?
Speaker 2well, I don't know, maybe it's just me. No, no, I'm like?
Speaker 3why does the man have to be the one that always earns more money?
Speaker 2why can't the woman earn more money but it does come with sacrifices, right, it does and and I think it's not so much being for me, it's not so much being the breadwinner for me, it's just being financially independent. Yes, I want to be able to go to the shops and I'm like, oh, I like that dress and I'll buy that dress. Oh, I want that and I'll buy it and I won't feel like I have to ask my husband is it okay for me to spend this money?
Speaker 2because, like I just want to. At the university I was like I can't buy that If I spend that, I feel bad spending my husband's hard-earned money getting something that's nice.
Speaker 3But now I'm like yeah, I just had this conversation with my sister on the way here because Decuba have 20% off sale right now, so I went to town last night I bought five more pairs of those jeans I already got and I told my sister, just go and buy it. She's like no, no, I can't.
Speaker 2Yeah, and I was like why?
Speaker 1It's that thing where I'm just like yeah, yeah, there's so many different levels of pressure and do you find that like when you are in your business, that that's what people are coming like? Women are coming to you with burnout.
Speaker 2Yeah, they are, or like just the struggles of motherhood and or like just the struggles of motherhood.
Speaker 2And then because I work with women, from like having their first child and like in the you know, not sleeping stage, to like women who have already have a lot of kids in their life and they're just trying to find their health amongst all of it. And then I feel like in the current fitness industry or the health industry, people always make you just have to do your exercise, make sure you drink your water, uh, eat your proteins, and then you're just telling people to do more and more and more, whereas as mothers there's already too much in our fucking cup. We can't I actually can't. So. So when people work with me, I always ask them what is one thing you can give up before you start working with me?
Speaker 1because you have to give up something first ah, yeah, there's always sacrifice love, that you have to let up something first.
Speaker 2There's always sacrifice Love, that you have to let something go first, like something that really doesn't make you feel like it's something that you don't go like. Yeah, I'm going to do this. Today. Something is just like oh man, I have to do this and let go of that thing and then work on your health. You need to create something.
Speaker 3What is that for you? Like if you had to give up, like what do I give up?
Speaker 1This is what I think is really interesting and I think people are going to get a lot from is what you've just said. Here is, and it's something that rings true in my head every time. I saw something a long while ago and it always sticks in my head Every time you say yes to an opportunity, you say no to something else, you say no to something else Now.
Speaker 1while that's a beautiful thing, saying yes to opportunities all the time, you need to actually consider what are you saying no to when you say yes to that thing. Yeah absolutely, and so you do have to give something up. Something's got to give if you want to fit it all in, and that's something I've always struggled with. I take on and take on and take on Crystal's the same.
Speaker 1We are all the same but then, yeah, I know, see, I know you're the same because I listen to you speak. But then what do we need to give up to be able to fit in something that's important For me? I struggle to look after myself, mj. I struggle to eat after myself, mj. I struggle to eat properly, to feed myself. The last thing on my mind is actually cooking myself a nutritious meal. I don't eat shit, don't get me wrong, but it seems like the least important thing in my day because it takes is worrying about what you're going to eat yeah, because and my health suffers for that.
Speaker 1So I love that you've mentioned. What are you going to give up before you start concentrating on working with you and working on your health?
Speaker 3Yeah.
Speaker 1What is it?
Speaker 3Yeah, because I don't have that answer. If you ask me, what am I giving up, I have no idea.
Speaker 1What are some like easy ideas? What are things that we could give up, for example?
Speaker 2Well, I always take my clients through this thing, those people who are struggling to find out what to let go. It's just a list. You list out everything that you are doing right now in your entire life, down to dropping kids off and all those kind of stuff that you have to do in your daily life, and then, basically, I get them to rate it. What we've just it's very simple is either you put a smiley face or you put like a sad face emoji, okay, okay. So you go through the list and then you're like oh yeah, this one makes me smile, this one makes me smile, this one makes me smile, this one yeah, it doesn't really make me smile that much. And then you just go through the entire list and then at the end of it, you'll have this list where you have lots of smiles and lots of like. So then you focus in on all those that make you go like sad face.
Speaker 1Everything that's making you that's not bringing you joy.
Speaker 2That's not bringing you joy, that's making oh man, I have to do this damn. And then you go through the list. Everyone has a different list, obviously. Um, you go through that list and then and then see on that list, is there anything I can delegate out to someone else? Like, if you hate doing laundry, can I get someone to wash my?
Speaker 2I mean, obviously it comes down to income and whether you can afford it as well, but obviously, going through that list, you can see there are certain things online. There's this group of people that you don't really want to talk to a lot all the time, but you feel like obligated to keep up this friendship. But then, is it really bringing you joy? Is it taking time away from you actually honoring your own body and doing the right thing for you? And if that answer is yes, then you have to quietly just say you know, start saying no, away from it, because a lot of women can't say no and like I'm a lone wolf, right.
Speaker 2so all these social stuff sometimes like, oh actually, sorry, I'm not feeling well. Or sometimes I use my kids and my kids not feeling well. Or sometimes I use my kids oh my kid's not feeling well, but actually my kids are fine. I'm telling you the truth, that's fine, I love that. Honestly, this is my honesty. I think we have all done it, yeah, and I think it's healthy.
Speaker 1It's creating healthier habits. And I think even Financial aside, I haven't always been in a really great financial position I know, when I was 23, when I had my first kid, and 24 or 25, that was a lot Like. So I think, even if you don't have finances, I'm going to get someone else to do my laundry.
Speaker 2There are things like that, you can let go.
Speaker 1You can let go of, like, I think for me. Me and my girlfriend got together at one stage when we were like working on our fitness and instead of meal prepping alone, we both went grocery shopping. We brought the same things, just double of everything, and we had a meal prep day together and we cooked together all day and then we divided the meals between us, so we all had heaps of different food. Yeah, we had a great, fulfilling day together as friends. Yeah, we shared the workload. I didn't have to pay anything or anyone else yeah.
Speaker 1And I had fresh prep meals. Yeah, that came out of a really great day.
Speaker 1Yeah, but it was. It meant sacrificing eight hours, but it didn't cost me anything extra and you just reminded me of that. I was like it didn't cost me anything extra and you just reminded me of that. I was like it didn't cost me anything extra, but it brought me joy. I got to hang out with my friend. We cooked two sets of like we did double the cooking and we also cooked everything that was super healthy and meal prepped because we both had partners that worked. Fifo.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1And so it doesn't always have to be financial either.
Speaker 2Absolutely, and I like that you said that, because I think often in our day and age we feel like motherhood is so lonely. People all do it themselves. But if you can really be lucky enough like the two of you found each other and you've got that bond, then you can lean into each other. But I feel like maybe especially in Western Australia as well because we're all so spaced apart, a lot of people are doing it by themselves and we don't lean into each other.
Speaker 2So when, when we had this, when I had the active mama tribe going, uh, more than just exercise, it was also like a community and women would lean into each other. And when women lean into each other, you see this, this just amazing joy, that just feels as true and everyone's helping each other. And then you know like eating healthy becomes less hard because everyone's doing it together. You bake this, you bake this, you make this, and then we all share so that everyone's just doing one thing, but then we all have variety, that kind of thing. So I think that is like an excellent example of like how you can have be healthy but not have to like fuck out lots and lots of money to be healthy, yeah, and also community and friendships.
Speaker 2Like.
Speaker 1I remember those first having my first kids. I was quite lonely. I didn't join a mother's group, I was working full time and I think having those friendships really do help you in motherhood and help you get back on track. That's how I did get fit and healthy after I had the first two. Friendships really do help you in motherhood and help you get back on track. Yeah, that's how I did get fit and healthy after I had the first two.
Speaker 3Did you feel, though, like your friendship group around you didn't have kids the same time as you?
Speaker 1Yes.
Speaker 3Yeah, that was the same with me.
Speaker 2Same me too. When I had my first, all my friends were still, like you know partying, partying Single. Yeah, yes.
Speaker 2Yeah, exactly, yeah exactly, and like doing your PhD as the only person with a baby. That's really hard. You feel like you can't network. I've always felt like my PhD I'm gonna say this out loud, say it I always felt like my PhD is like lesser than the the other person who was doing their PhD, who could focus on their PhD because mine, well, I loved doing what I did, my mind was still with my kid all the time and I gave up opportunities because I was like, no, my son needs me so.
Speaker 2I gave up lots. So I always have this thing where I go like, oh man, my PhD is different from because, like this person did their PhD, they went to Europe and presented their study and like I went to Melbourne, I mean it's not that it's a bad thing, but I still did it. But then you feel you know in your own head you have this level and you're going like, oh man, it's not as good as other people. But fundamentally I've learned over the years to recognize actually I've gained skills and I probably have skills that somebody who did PhD without having children, I think the fact that you did it while having a kid jeebus, oh my God.
Speaker 2But oh my God.
Speaker 3But I also love that you admitted it yeah.
Speaker 1Because there's going to be. So now there's so many parents, there's so many mums that want to go back to uni or want to start uni, and there's so many like mums or mums-to-be that will look at you now and go it's possible, because it is possible. But you know, I don't't think it's hard sometimes to appreciate yourself, isn't it?
Speaker 2it is, it is and I feel like I'm. I'm the person I am because I went through that struggle and I don't want anyone to not go through struggle, because that's how we grow. But at the same time, having gone through the struggle, I sometimes want to be like the big mama bang. Go like, don't do that to yourself, don't, because you have time, like you said at the start. You know we often, when we first have the first child, you go like, oh my god, when am I going to get back into the workforce? When am I going to start earning money for myself again? And then you. But then as your kids grow up, you go. You realize actually I have a whole like 20, 30 years, 40 years ahead of me to go back to work when they are a bit more grown up.
Speaker 3Yeah, Because even I say like I regret not traveling anywhere prior to kids, because now obviously two kids everything's double the cost. I've got to have a bigger room, more flights, Like I always regret it.
Speaker 1But then I'm like, well, actually maybe I'll just travel with them when they're a bit older, yeah, or when they're older, you can travel without them.
Speaker 3Yeah, knowing they're fine, it's your mind how you think, I guess.
Speaker 2Like anything is possible. Anything is possible. And you know the thing that you just said about traveling alone. Okay, I wanted to share this and this is like the perfect place to share this, always like, oh, I've lost myself in motherhood, I don't remember who I am anymore, and I often feel like that because I feel like my brain is just not the same anymore. And then recently, a couple of weeks ago, I went to sydney for the first time ever. I left my kids for for something, for a trip that's fun. Like I'm not going to any hospitals, yeah, I'm just going to sydney for myself because I was doing my meditation teacher training course thing, which I've now completed. So I'm certified congratulations, um.
Speaker 2So I went there and I was all alone, my kids at home, my, my dear husband was looking after all of them, and I was like I have a weekend actually not a weekend two and a half days, actually, no, two days, two days by myself and I went there and I was like I booked myself this really nice little place, just one single bed, and I went to eat all this food and then in that moment I realized it's not that we've lost ourselves when we become mothers, it's just that we're buried. We're buried under so much of other people's shit you know you're like liars on top of me yeah, and you, you think you lost yourself, but you're not lost, you're still there.
Speaker 2You you know, because when I wasn't there, my kids were not around me. Like, oh, I could think, eh, actually my brain still works quite fast. But because at home everyone is talking to you, oh my God, like mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy. And you go, like I can't make up my mind, going to cook for dinner, and then you think, oh, what's wrong with my brain? There's nothing wrong with your brain. You're just too many layers. There's just too many layers. You're just buried. You're going, like, the more children you have, like the deeper you go underground. I'm buried.
Importance of Self-Care for Mothers
Speaker 3I'm a seed, but this is why. So this weekend we, me and Rose, are staying at the Western in Perth. Just a night, mummy vacay. It's only 24 hours. But I'm telling you now we're going to get wild, we're not going to care about being a mum, we're going to have fun, we're going to take a bath, we're going to do the things.
Speaker 1We're going to eat on our own without being interrupted, oh my god. Yes, it's a reminder, right?
Speaker 3I feel like women, because I was having dinner with a friend last week and she was saying like as she's gotten older she's realized she doesn't really have like her close friendship group. Yeah, and you know, I was saying how important it is because our husbands, like, as much as we love them, they don't want to hear our shit. Like come on, they don't, they pretend, they pretend to listen but it's not the same.
Speaker 3Yeah. So I think it's so important, as women like to keep those. You know, even if you've only got one friend or five friends, keep those relationships with your friends. Go and have like little staycations just with your friends, or like by yourself oh my God, by myself.
Speaker 1That is delicious. I went down south last Wednesday on my own.
Speaker 3You were dying, though, but yeah.
Speaker 1But I mean I got sick when I came back but I drove for three hours to get there. Oh, people were like, oh, such a long drive. I was like it was fucking bliss. It was three hours of looking at the countryside and the cows.
Speaker 3No kids songs on the iPad playing.
Speaker 1No one talked to me, and then I got put up in this beautiful little like not I don't know what it was.
Speaker 3It was a cottage. It was a cottage, yeah by myself.
Speaker 1Oh my god, it was bliss. I walked in. I was like I can't hear anything. Oh my God.
Speaker 2You'd be like walking the door and you're like I'm having an orgasm because I'm on my own.
Speaker 1It was so good, oh man, and it was for the soul Like I went and had a coffee by myself and it was like, oh, did you feel like weird lonely by yourself? I said no, I couldn't have thought of anything better than silence. A book, a glass of red wine, I think better than silence a book, a glass of red wine, and then of course you know, because I let my guard down and I relaxed.
Speaker 1I got so sick, I got the sickest I've ever been in my life. On the way home it was like life was like zeros. They were like you, fucking idiot, you haven't rested all this time and you decided now's the point I hit burnout, so yeah, but hit, burnout. So yeah, but yeah.
Speaker 2But I think it's also important because there will be some women out there listening and then you'll be like, oh, these three mothers, how can they just leave their children? How can? I can never leave my children. I tell you, if you met me 12 years ago, my oldest is 12. If you met me 12 years ago ago, I'm that woman, I'm. I'm you right now thinking like how can these women leave their children? Oh, my god, I tell you, parenthood will do this to you. After you've been in it long enough, you'll be like no, actually, I'm gonna tell every single new mother out there you need to learn to step away to step away and have space for yourself, because it will make you a better, happier, healthier woman if you are able to go.
Self-Care and Motherhood Boundaries
Speaker 2My child is going to survive if I'm not there for a few hours.
Speaker 3Yeah, even if you took a five day break to Bali, your kids, well, I mean, it depends who they're with, but they're not going to die. Facetime them. Yeah, you're not a bad parent.
Speaker 2And also when you are away, they go. They realize, oh my God, actually mommy's my best friend, yes are away, they go. They realize, oh my god, actually mommy's my best friend, yes, because when we are there all the time they I mean it's it's like everybody knows this, but we don't realize it when we're in it, like when you're away from them, they appreciate you more they do and you miss them and you appreciate them and you see them, you're like, you're actually just, you feel like you've got more energy for them, genuine energy you
Speaker 1genuinely miss. But even though you might not have the family, the capacity, you might not have it in your capacity, guys to you know, have someone to look after them. But even if you do it for eight hours, don't go to work, not for shopping, not for shopping as in groceries and chores, like, spend eight hours going to get a cup of coffee Just for you, just for you. Have a date with yourself, have a date, go see a movie by yourself. Like, think of those things and like, even if you just pay for a babysitter for a couple of hours or have a friend you know, have like a system where, like, she looks after your kids one day and you look after hers and just go, yeah, and again there will be listeners going like I I don't really have anyone I can trust and I can't do this.
Speaker 2You know, I I don't know how to make friends and things like that.
Speaker 2Like, seriously, women, that's a skill that you have to pick up, like for me, because I know that I'm such an introvert, like I do everything for myself. Yeah, I've sort of found ways around that, like exercising at home, things like that, and I didn't have to trouble anybody. But really I feel like you know how, when you're pregnant and you go to all these classes, they're telling you these are the things you need to do when your baby grows up. I feel like, as your baby's growing, I feel like there should be a class that tells women these are the skills you need to develop before you become a mother. If are an introvert or you you don't know how to make friends, you got to learn because it's going to make your motherhood a lot easier, as opposed because I I struggled because I I couldn't make friends when I was I didn't go to a mother's group as well my first, because I just felt like I just don't fit in, you know, so I didn't want to do it.
Speaker 2but but when I did have more friends as mothers as well, it it just made life a lot easier, and that's when you can have that. Increase your capacity to do things that are good is good for your health, and don't feel guilty about it.
Speaker 2Like you said, you know, go shopping, have a coffee, watch a movie I'd be like exercise do exercise because you're putting it's like an investment, you know, and this is body, and if we don't put the investment in to look after the body, she's drinking, as she drinks a red bull I literally was thinking do not judge me what I'm putting in my body. No, no, no I don't, I don't judge people, there's no idea yeah, um, everybody does, that's all right I judge myself enough, so I think we all do, but I love this.
Understanding Women's Health and Fitness
Speaker 1This is where I want to go there, because you've got the five pillars. Yes, as a woman that can help us with our health and I do agree I love to exercise, like I go for community and I also go because it just makes me fucking feel better. Even if I go and I feel like shit before I get there, even if I go super slow, I always feel better, but I feel like. Our health, our exercise, our weight they're things that we judge ourselves a lot for, but we often don't know where to start. How do we get healthy? Tell us about the five pillars.
Speaker 2Okay, so my five pillars are pretty cool. So, as we're all women here, so we need to understand our cycle, or whether you have a cycle or not, as in your menstrual cycle you have it or not. You need to understand where you're at in it, or whether you are on contraceptive or you're just naturally having a period or so. You need to know that and then understand how you're feeling throughout a month, because, importantly, um, you know how, in this day and age, we're always like we have a 24-hour day. You know, we sleep, we wake up, we're just gonna, once we wake up, we should be feeling like amazing people and then just getting on with our day on repeat.
Speaker 2But but really, if you think about it, that is designed for the male physiology, men, they, they work hard, they have a sleep, they wake up, they're fresh and then they go again because their hormones are that way. We women have a menstrual cycle every month. We feel differently every single day, just like every single pregnancy is different. Every single day, throughout your cycle, you're going to feel different, and some days you are more equipped at, like, getting shit done. Some days you're more equipped at communicating with other people.
Speaker 3Some days, uh, you just need to rest, and that's one thing that women don't do very well when we don't understand my cycle at all, like I've had the implant on pretty much most of my life. Most of my life I've had it, no jokes like I had a baby, took it out, put it back in, so I don't. I don't get a period at all. So so last week I had a sore boob right and the lady who did the ultrasound was like where are you in your cycle? And I was like what the fuck? I have no idea this is why it's important.
Speaker 1I've understood it a lot more in the last couple of years, but mainly because I know how much it affects the way that I exercise. So I love being strong and strength training. So there's different stages in your cycle that actually how much it affects the way that I exercise. So I love being strong and strength training. So there's different stages in your cycle that actually so. When you're on your period, you don't necessarily feel strong. There's not that testosterone so and you obviously you know you're bleeding and you're going to feel weaker. There's different types of times in your cycle that you shouldn't necessarily be going for your heaviest lifts or your best time or your PBs.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1So there's things in your cycle that are really important, but I think, crystal, you need to sort that shit out. It's so important.
Speaker 2Yeah, I mean this is my personal opinion Like going natural is the best. So obviously people have various reasons for going on the synthetic hormone and that everyone is allowed that choice. But the more we can not have synthetic hormones in our body, the more the body can naturally produce what it is made to produce and then in that way you start to have a better understanding of your body as well. And so, like you said, about that cycle, within every month, a lot of times women who live especially they'll be like, oh, towards the second half of our cycle, before our period comes, where we have the PMS and all of that. That is the time where it's actually really tricky for the body to recover from strenuous exercise and you also feel like I just can't be as strong as I like to be. But that window of when you finished your period to before you ovulate, that's like the ultimate window If you're trying to gain like more strength. That's where you hit it hard.
Speaker 2I mean, obviously this is just a textbook framework. Everybody feels differently every day, but that's essentially hormonally. That window is where you want to be. You know increasing your weight, you know pushing it harder then and you also recover better in that period, because there's this lady, there's another researcher is very famous. She always says women are not small men, so we are different. Like we, we work differently. Yeah, so when you're training you have to train with the thought, or your exercise you have to do that with the thought that my physiology is different from a man.
Speaker 2And unfortunately, in research and in the fitness industry out there, a lot of people say, oh, you do certain things, you know it's going to get you certain results, but all those results, all those evidence, is based on men. Surprise, surprise, surprise, surprise. I mean it is a lot easier to run research on men because they don't have the cycle where you track, because in research you have to keep as many things controlled as possible and when a woman has a cycle, we can't take their hormonal level all the time. So a lot of things are done on men Young, fit men, yet we birth the world, we do birth the world.
Speaker 3Hey, what the hell are we doing?
Speaker 1We do birth the world. Hey, what the hell are we doing? We do so. Women birth all the people, and yet all the research is done on men. I recently did hear that only like I don't know when this was, don't quote me that period products so tampons, pads, all of that have never been tested with real blood. What do you mean? So all the products have always been in labs. In the testing, they've always used a liquid.
Speaker 3Like that blue shit they bought.
Speaker 1Yeah, so they've never actually tested period products up until recently On period With periods, what? With real blood or consistencies that replicate a female lining shedding Like blow my mind, but that's a product that's made for a female.
Speaker 2That is put so close to our…. Bodies Special part.
Speaker 1So yet hasn't been tested appropriately. It doesn't even shock me, but yeah, it's stuff that is just so important and it actually enrages me, mj, like I get internal rage about this.
Speaker 3I'm so passionate why aren't they making little mice wear pads?
Speaker 1that's right. Why aren't female? Why aren't we testing putting a little pad on a mouse? Sorry, my brain.
Speaker 3This is how my brain works, do you?
Speaker 1see how my brain works. I love your brain.
Speaker 3I'm just like little mice wearing like pads on a treadmill.
Speaker 1I can't imagine a white mice getting a period. That would be a bloodbath. They would right, though.
Speaker 3Do they Do mice get periods? Yeah, of course.
Speaker 2I actually don't have an answer for that.
Speaker 1Okay, I'm going to Google that after because I've got problems. Okay, so we've got menstrual cycle. What are the next?
Speaker 3ones.
Speaker 2So pillar number two would be moderate exercise for building muscle, Because we all we might not know this, but a lot of us when we hit the age of 25, that's where physiologically a lot of things go downhill, you start to lose your muscle mass, like about 1% every year Don't quote me, I might be wrong From 25. So if you don't exercise, you're somebody who always, you know you have a desk job or you don't like exercising, or you haven't.
Speaker 3I don't like to exercise.
Speaker 1Crystal saw it eyeinging me. I'm like oh she fucked.
Finding Joy in Exercise and Nutrition
Speaker 2She's like. I don't like her anymore.
Speaker 3I carry my groceries To the car.
Speaker 2I mean from the car To the kitchen. Well, that still weights. I mean that still resists.
Speaker 3Yeah, and I carry 20 bags at a time, I ain't going to do laps.
Speaker 1She's still working the muscles. Yeah, she's working hard For the money you like daily living stuff.
Speaker 2You're still doing so you know, okay, that's not so bad tick, but maybe you need to tick some more ticks. But anyway, coming back and so, and often it's not like because, like in this, like I said, I keep going back to the fitness industry because I have a vendetta against them that's okay.
Speaker 3Oh no, I'm gonna lose a lot of friends um it's okay, they're all run by men anyways, aren't they?
Speaker 2we do love men. It's not like.
Speaker 2We're not like three women sitting here hitting on men we know just you know talking about the society society, society um, yeah, and so like we have this, this idea that you have to like work intensely and, like you know, make me feel like I'm dying to in order to be healthy and gain muscle. But coming back to my capacity thing, sometimes if a woman is already very highly stressed in her life you know, children, husband, work, business or lack of help in life or like having emotional stuff going on and then you're really feeling very stressed, because often people don't see that as stress, but that is the stress. And then you go to the gym or like a group fitness or CrossFit or whatever, and then you go and do those high intensity stuff.
Speaker 1You're like let's pump this weight 10 000 burpees and then after that you kind of feel like, oh man, I feel like shit, and then go home and yell at your kids so you've increased your stress.
Speaker 2You have actually increased your stress because that, while it's a physical, physiological stress, it is still a stress and if you are a woman, that is already like stressed, like to the limit, to your eyeballs, and you go and throw that into yourself, you're just going to burn out even faster. Because that was me like a couple of years ago. I was like, oh, I've got this new job, I don't want to run my business anymore. I went and got a job so I went to teach. I don't run my business like that frequently anymore. This is that became like the side hustle. And then I was like, yeah, I got more free time. Now I'm gonna go join a crossfit gym.
Speaker 1Oh, yeah, you're gonna add the stress back in. That makes sense, okay, because that's what I do.
Speaker 2I was like no, because I was like I have more time now. I'm not running my business, I'm just working for someone. I work for someone and I go home I have more capacity. Capacity also, I thought.
Speaker 2But actually the job also also has more stress because it's like a you know, you're answering, answering to people now and then I go and do this CrossFit thing and then I was like, how come I cannot recover from this exercise, like how come I feel like I'm always out of breath or like I'm more tired than usual? And then I go like, oh my God, mj, did you not realize this? You see you. Then they go like I'm actually putting more stress on top of my stress and stress. That's why, even though I'm trying to exercise, I can't keep up with it. And that's the thing about doing it moderately, like my second pillar, moderate exercise for muscle building. If you do it moderately, you can keep going.
Speaker 3Okay, wait can you tell me what exercise I should be doing, then so if you don't really like exercise, no. I hate it.
Speaker 2You can find something that brings you joy, Like do you like dancing?
Speaker 3Yes.
Speaker 2Okay. So then you want to try and find those sort of dance moves or like those classes like Zumba and things like that where you're doing squats in your dancing.
Speaker 3I did find a sexy dance class. Remember that one I sent you. I want to do that. It's like literally sexy.
Speaker 1You wear like sexy clothes and yeah, see, that would be exercise that brings you joy, brings you community Correct.
Speaker 2And it doesn't feel like exercise, yeah, but then you feel sore the next day. Then you know oh yeah, I did something, but you didn't move, yeah.
Speaker 3I think I would enjoy that, Like when I was at like a CrossFit thing and they had to make me run down the road and back. I fucking swore the whole time. Yeah, it's like bloody asshole run down the road and then run back again and I'm the last one, and then I'm like yeah, I agree, and you know what I love that Crystal brought this up, because not every I love exercise.
Speaker 1I'm a personal trainer, by trade, I suppose, and I have exercised my whole life. But for some people it causes more stress, and the only thing I've ever said to people is exercise doesn't look the same for everyone, so do something you like and you'll keep doing it.
Speaker 2Correct, because it's not that one session of CrossFit that you did that's going to change your health. It is the thing that you do consistently yeah, consistency and that you like doing that you like and that makes you happy. I mean, get you a bit huffed and puffed. That's what you want to aim for, but the fact that you can do it every week, yeah, A few times a week.
Speaker 1I was thinking what excuse can I use now to not go yeah and not everyone loves it Like you don't have to love it and people shun going for a walk or what the hell is wrong with that.
Speaker 2That's the best exercise in the world.
Speaker 1Like why do we have to make it so complicated? I swear. We look at all the fitness gurus online and we look at coaches and I feel like. That's why also we were like attracted to you. I was so attracted to you um because you're more realistic. You're not saying, okay, you have to be fit and healthy, you want that? Well, fucking bitch, make it happen. Get rid of your wine, get rid of your butter, your lazy shit. You're not doing anything.
Speaker 1You're actually making finding really easy, tangible ways to add these things to your life and not making it another stress.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah, you got to enjoy it, man.
Speaker 1Yeah, we only have one life.
Speaker 2Yeah, I love that. Yeah, and look, if you enjoy the weightlifting, obviously that's you, that's great, and then keep going. But then it's for the person out there who is like you know, maybe you didn't have fit parents where you saw that taught you how to exercise, or like friends that exercise. You just need to understand anything that you do to move your body that gets your heart going, that makes you go.
Speaker 1Start talking like that a little bit, yeah, a little bit of puff in there, a bit of in there.
Speaker 2That's going to be good for your health.
Speaker 1Okay, so that's pillar two, Pillar two.
Speaker 2And then pillar three is my next favorite thing, because I'm training to become a master chef is joyful eating, joyful nutrition.
Speaker 1That sounds good to me.
Learning to Honor Hunger and Satiety
Speaker 2Yeah. So there's a lot of this all or nothing mindset in again the health and fitness industry, where you feel like you have to eat clean. If you don't eat clean all the time, then you are failing. But it is not that way. You got to enjoy the food because that is what nourishes you. Food is not just fuel. A lot of people go. Food is fuel. You know your calories. You put 10 calories in, you have to go and burn another 10 calories somewhere else. You think that way and everything becomes like this mathematical thing. But it doesn't have to be like that. What people need to work on, what women now need to work on, is understanding your satiety levels, your hunger levels. When do you not feel hungry anymore? Not to the point of fullness, just to the point where, oh, I'm not hungry anymore, I don't have to eat. But because a lot of us, like again, stands back a lot into childhood where you know you're forced to finish whatever's on your plate.
Speaker 2Yeah, I think throughout any culture, people like don't waste food. You're going to finish your food on your plate and and so we've grown up like even though we are already full your mom and dad finish it and then over time, I mean you think it when you get to an adult you're like 25, you've been going through that where you just, yeah, I'm still, I'm already full, but I have to finish whatever's on my plate, and 25 years of not honouring your hunger and satiety levels does shit to you.
Speaker 3But I think, even as a parent, like as a child, eat whatever's on your plate, right? Then I did it with my kids. If they didn't eat it, I ate it. Because I was like, oh, it's wasting, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2So it spills over into you, and then that's why a lot of moms are like oh, I just have a baby. I can't seem to lose this weight. Because you also have cultural things and habits that you've picked up over the lifetime, or mindsets where because my kids don't eat my chickens.
Speaker 3Oh, you feed it to them.
Speaker 2I give it to my chickens. That's a good idea People have chickens.
Speaker 3I really want chickens. Yeah, I'm the chicken lady. But wait, would you eat your chickens?
Speaker 1She would. I could see it in her face.
Speaker 3Would you kill?
Speaker 1it yourself. Mj's got a. I like it, she's a killer.
Speaker 3She's killed one already.
Speaker 1I've killed three already Kill three or four. Oh, she did say that she was Chinese and she'd eat anything, although, okay, I'm not some psychopath. I love it. No we were the same.
Speaker 3Oh, I couldn't, I don't think I could. I think I would look at its eyeball and be like oh, no way, oh my God, I just sickly, can't.
Speaker 1My pet chicken was in the fridge. Oh no, I'll never forget it. My dad, I watched it. I was like bye friend oh no, okay, so so.
Speaker 2So this is the thing, because, because you know you have chickens, and then they, they get broody, they want to become moms, you put eggs under them and then they hatch little chicks and then eventually, not all of them are going to be female, right, yeah, and we live in metropolitan perth, you can't have roosters. So the past I'll get this friend's mom or whoever come and help me get rid of the chicken, or I just give it to someone because I don't want to deal with killing them. And then this year we did our backyard, I got my chickens back and then we had some chicks and then out of the nine, four of them were boys, did.
Speaker 1Did you eat it? Can you eat boiled chicken?
Speaker 2You can. Oh, okay, you can eat the whole chicken. So then I got my friend's hubby to come and do it, because he's Papua New Guinean, he comes in with his axe and he's like yeah, let me do this for you.
Speaker 1And then he went and I got you MJ. Yeah, I was like what?
Speaker 2He did the what. And then it was. I went like, oh my god, what just happened in my backyard? But then over time I just sort of realised if I'm going to have chickens I'm going to have to learn how to wacha them, Because otherwise I'm always having to call on this friend and call on that person or give it away. And then I've been feeding this chicken already. I know what goes into this chicken. I really should learn to eat my own chicken. So I can still remember my son's face. I was like okay, kids, I'm going to go outside, we're going to kill this chicken. And then they're like we don't want to be outside. So my friend's mom taught me this trick like way back, but I could never do it, but now I can. So you know how we have the milk bottle thingies the milk bottle that holds our milk. Yeah, the milk that holds our milk.
Speaker 3Yeah, our milk, the handle the handle.
Speaker 2So she taught me this thing you cut off where the lid is, you cut that bit off, and then you cut off the base, yes, and you put that on the chicken's neck. So you kind of it kind of becomes I don't know why it's like a chicken. It traps the chicken. It traps the chicken. Is it a three litre milk? The two-liter one? You kind of have to cut the side so that the chicken will fit into it.
Speaker 1I never thought this podcast was going to go here, but we're going here. Teach me more.
Speaker 3I can't kill a chicken.
Speaker 1I will never kill it, but I like to know why we're using a milk bottle.
Speaker 2Okay, so you kind of make that into the funnel, so the head goes through there. Oh, no, I can't. I feel like my reputation's at stake, because once it's in there, this is why she's got a PhD, guys.
Speaker 2She knows how to kill a chicken. I'm the PhD lady that likes the woo and likes to kill her own chickens. Okay, wait, I don't actually like to kill the chickens. I do feel. Every time before you feel sad, I do feel sad, and every time before I do it I always thank them for. I always thank them for coming into our world and eventually feeding my family.
Speaker 3I mean, that's kind of it's like coming from Avatar.
Speaker 1Like Avatar, we thank Mother Earth and we thank you for being a chicken. Thanks for feeding me.
Speaker 2I feel like I've just destroyed my reputation.
Speaker 1Okay. Look, we all eat well no, I'm not going to say we all eat meat.
Speaker 3But I also don't put two and two together right? So if I'm eating a chicken, I'm not thinking about the chicken yeah.
Speaker 2But I like chicken, so when it's in the milk bottle.
Speaker 1Okay, poke the head through.
Speaker 2Okay, the head's through, because, like you, I can't look at the face, but it holds them in place. It holds them in place Without their wings. Yeah, so it doesn't flap at you when you are doing the deed. When you're so, then I have a towel that goes over their head and I kind of stretch their neck.
Speaker 3Oh, so you no, no no, don't choke them.
Speaker 1She's got a. She's got a freaking, then she gets her machete. Oh wait, she's got a freaking, then she gets her machete out.
Speaker 2Oh wait, you cut the head. I don't cut the head. Okay, so there's a difference. If you chop the head off. They go into this, yeah, and then the meat becomes tougher. But if you I'm going to sound like a psychopath If you slit their throats, oh my God.
Speaker 3We're talking. I thought you were going to strangle her.
Speaker 2I can't do that. I just feel like, no, that's just wrong.
Speaker 3Listen, she hasn't killed a lot, she's only killed three.
Speaker 2Only three, and every time I feel really bad. Okay, so then you kind of have to bring the knife under the feather, because the feathers are actually very tough. They're like our nails, you know. So if you try and just cut through the feather, nothing's going to work. So you have to go under the feather and try and get to the skin and then be quick, and I did it. I mean, it's actually surprising. I don't know how psychopaths do it, but it's actually surprising. Really hard to cut into skin and flesh, and sometimes I feel bad because I have to like… yeah, because then you've got to like, pull out the feathers and stuff.
Speaker 2Yeah, that part is not so bad, because I think the hardest bit is like taking the life, taking the life force.
Speaker 1But you did it. I think it is important, like I think sometimes, the fact that you need to know how it's done.
Speaker 2Yeah, and you do it humanely. It's not like I'm down there, I'm going to kill you. I'm not doing it. Thank you for being my food, because the thing is, when you do drain their blood let's put it that way, I don't want to use that word again when you drain their blood, they kind of slowly go to sleep, you see, so they are calmer when they go.
Speaker 3Yeah, so then they're… my mum had a goat and, yeah, somebody took it and they ate it for dinner. Yep, yep.
Speaker 1Craig's done a lamb before, but he decided to show me a photo. He's like there's our lamb, yum yum yum. And I was like huh.
Speaker 2Yeah. But yeah, it is quite a process and I was like, but yeah, it is quite a process, it is a process.
Speaker 1But yeah, it's worth knowing sometimes where your food comes from, even though it's hard.
Speaker 3Yeah.
Speaker 1I mean.
Speaker 3I cried when my dad went fishing and he was like putting the fish in the bucket.
Speaker 2I was like, let him go, let him be free. Are you judging me because I kill my lunch?
Speaker 1No, actually, but it was a hilarious story, so thank you for that. But you know where this all came from. Is that giving your scraps to the chicken?
Speaker 3Oh, that's where it started, See, I was like how the hell did we get here? How did we?
Speaker 1get there. This is what we do all the time, and this is also about like, yeah, just eating until we're full. This was the third pillar. Is joyful eating and joyful nutrition Correct that we can enjoy our food?
Speaker 3nutrition that we can enjoy our food.
Speaker 1I'm glad you remember where we started, because we went rogue. I was like, why are we killing chickens? And I had to remember. So they're joyful food and joyful eating, which I love because it's a better approach than sometimes too far one way or the other, because I feel like there's this clean eating. Don't eat any packaged food, don't have anything that comes out of a container, don't have any cereal, and I feel like it almost takes away everything from us. It's like hold on, you want us to be less stressed, you want us to have more time, you want us to be happy, but then don't give your kids any processed foods. Don't do this, don't do that, don't have that. Only clean eat. And now you're adding more stress in again.
Speaker 2There's more things to do. To prepare stuff from scratch, yes, and people don't realize it takes a lot of effort.
Speaker 1Are we not allowed to give ourselves a little bit of a break? Yes, but we still can eat well.
Speaker 2Yeah, you can. If you eat 80%, just go 80%. 20% of the time you can eat whatever you want.
Speaker 1Oh, my God, I have to tell you about this person. Then Love that I can't remember who they are.
Speaker 1But on Instagram there is this guy and I love it. His whole slogan he's done a great job, marketing himself is be consistently average. Oh, love it. He's like I don't want you to be perfect every day, I don't want you to do anything but be consistently average. He goes, want to exercise three times a week, just like an average person. Perfect, because goes want to exercise three times a week, just like an average person. Perfect, because I want you to be consistently average. Want to eat, like you know. Every day you eat really well, but once a week you go out and get some takeaway and you might get yourself, like you know, a couple of drinks and you love to have a drink. Great, but be consistently average with it. He goes you don't have to be. It's the all or nothing mentality that makes us fail. And then once we fail, then we're like fuck this, I'm going to eat what I fucking want, but I love it's stuck with me lately.
Speaker 1I just really like that mentality of being consistently average.
Speaker 2That's amazing. I love that.
Speaker 1I just wanted to share it with you.
Speaker 2I'm going to pick that up and tell it to all my people.
Speaker 1Yeah, let's just be average. There's nothing wrong with being average, there's nothing wrong with being average.
Speaker 2Oh my God, why do we have this idea that all of us have to be some big shot, society Be number one Society.
Speaker 3We are special.
Speaker 2We're all special In our own way.
Speaker 3But it's okay to be average too. Listen, I thought that you were tested on mice, so kind of special.
Speaker 2She is very special.
Speaker 1Okay, so that was pillar three.
Speaker 3And okay, let's give us four and five and then we'll apologise to the people that are waiting outside, because we know they're from the Gulf.
Speaker 1They're the Gulf guys.
Speaker 3Are they? I'm shy as in.
Speaker 2Love you guys. So number four is about stress and nervous system management. So for a long time I I didn't know why I was always so high strung and then I realized I'm constantly in the uh, sympathetic nervous state. I'm always like on the go because I'm always thinking I'm gonna die or like I have a stress that's coming towards me even though there's no stress, but I don't know how to like let loose. So I saw a very amazing chiropractor, uh, for a bit, and she helped me and my daughter with our vagus nerve and how we can sort of reset everything. Because I grew up in that high-strung family fear and anger and angry state, right.
Speaker 2So for me the norm, my set point, was always heightened and I didn't know that until I learned about her, and so she helped me sort of bring that back down where I could go. Oh, I can bring my nervous system down. This is this is where you should be when you're relaxed. So learning where your nervous system is at is very important, where either you're always switched on and in that stress state or not, and how you can work, go through, seek help, if you need like, from professionals to help you reset your nervous system so that you you can tell the difference between rest and when you need to go, go, go.
Speaker 1Yeah, love that.
Embracing Rest and Productivity Balance
Speaker 2So that's pillar number four, and then that one ties in very nicely with pillar number five, which is to rest and recover. A lot of people, especially women, in this day and age, we always go, go, go. We don't know how to rest and in fact we feel guilty if we take rest because we go. Oh my God, I'm doing nothing.
Speaker 3That's her. If she's watching TV, she needs to be folding laundry at the exact same time I need to be productive at all times because I feel lazy.
Speaker 2I understand.
Speaker 1And lazy is the worst fucking thing that could ever happen to you, apparently because I was brought up like that.
Speaker 3Where I'm like, no thanks, I'm being a blob, thank you, and I love that. I need to take that.
Speaker 1Yeah, message, and honestly we have actually loved having you here today. You've taught us a lot. We've learned about how to kill a chicken. We've learned about that you can have a phd and still know nothing about life in the world and that you've been so honest about that um, that there's five pillars of health, are so realistic. If you want to know more about dr mj um the things she does, she shares really openly on her own socials. She coaches women. Where can we find you?
Speaker 2You can find me on Instagram or Facebook. If you just Google Dr, mj, phd and you will find me.
Speaker 1Okay, we will pop all of Dr MJ's details in the show notes, all the ways that you can contact her. Find her online, but we have absolutely loved having you on today. Thank you for taking the time. Absolutely loved it and it's been so much fun and we've had so many laughs.
Speaker 2Oh my gosh, it's been so good.
Speaker 1I love the mice Like I'm never going to get over the mice being pregnant on the treadmill.
Speaker 3I'm never going to get over it.
Speaker 1And in the.
