Baring it All with Rose and Chrystal
Welcome to Baring It All with Rose and Chrystal. The podcast is where they deep-dive unfiltered into motherhood, mental health, relationships, and conversations about what's happening in their lives as they navigate it.
It's like your two best friends learning, having fun, asking questions about things they wish they knew sooner, laughing and supporting each other through life's ups and downs.
They want to get to know you more about each other and our bodies in general; sometimes it gets emotional, other times spicy, and most of the time their minds are in the gutter.
Join the ride as they unpack taboo topics, chat about everyday life, and learn and talk with incredible guests and industry professionals who have been through it, baring it all by sharing their stories.
Baring it All with Rose and Chrystal
Ghosting in the Wild: From One-Night Stands to BFF Breakups
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Have you ever been ghosted? OR are you the ghost?
On this episode of Baring It All, Rose and Chrystal dive into the world of ghosting—from one-night stands to long-term friendships, and everything in between.
We discover that we also are guilty of ghosting people and realise that we probably all have done it too! With plenty of laughs (and a few cringe-worthy stories), we unpack what ghosting really means in today’s world and why it happens.
We share our own experiences—some funny, some a little harder—and explore the reasons behind why people disappear, whether it’s in relationships, friendships, or even the workplace. It’s an honest, no-holds-barred chat about how ghosting makes us feel, when it’s maybe *necessary* for self-care, and why social media has made everything so much more complicated.
Join us for a raw, real, and fun conversation that might just leave you feeling a little less ghosted and a lot more seen.
Connect with Rose and Chrystal on Instagram for more stories and fun mini-weekly catch-ups.
DM the girls, get involved with the conversations, and feel free to ask questions!
@baringitall_thepodcast
Rose Oates
@roseoates_
Chrystal Russell
@chrystalrussell_
And remember to take care of yourself and each other!
With Love Rose & Chrystal x
Welcome to Bearing it All with Rose and Crystal.
Speaker 2Where the conversations get real emotions run raw and nothing is filtered.
Speaker 1Buckle up because we're Bearing it All deep, diving into everything from motherhood to mental health and everything in between. We want to get to know you, each other and our bodies, and things are going to get spicy. We're spicy.
Speaker 2Are you ready for it? Let's do it.
Speaker 1Have you ever been ghosted?
Speaker 2Today's episode we're talking all things.
Speaker 1Ghosted. Have you been ghosted or are you the ghost star, ghostbusters? How does that go? Do you remember the theme song Ghostbusters? That doesn't sound right. It's fine, ghostbusters. I'm sure that's not it? I don't know. That's us, though, we're working out. Alrighty, this is it Okay. I've't know. That's us, though. We're working out. All righty, this is it Okay. I've got to take this sheet off because it's 39 degrees here in Perth today and I'm going to swelter. All right, let's get it off. Give us a sec. Oh shit, I sounded like hyperventilating. I was like, I don't know, I words. What words? Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da, ghostbusters.
Speaker 1We are the worst at this shit.
Speaker 2Oh, I don't know man, we just sing whatever we want, okay.
Speaker 1So ghosting it's a thing hey.
Speaker 2It is like the new pandemic of 2024.
Speaker 1I agree I don't feel like as many people got ghosted in our era. How old are we? Fuck me? That makes me feel old. But I swear to God, people would just talk text. They'd have it out, yeah. And if you weren't going on a date with somebody, you'd literally go look, you know, I think we're just friends and you know it would cut you by. At least you knew why. I don't think ghosting existed, but these days ghosting is the new thing. It is Either you're ghosted in a romantic relationship, dating, even ghosting in friendships.
Speaker 2I'm guilty, but there's also ghosting in the workplace, which I was not aware of. What, okay, please explain. So ghosting in the workplace is when your co-worker decides one day they're not going to rock up for work and they're going to ghost you. They're not going to reply to any text messages or any calls. So, whether they've found another job or they've just decided I'm done with this shit, they ghost, ghost their boss, ghost their co-workers. I had a conversation today about it and apparently it happens a lot, and they were even saying to the point of, like, going on a lunch break and just never coming back, going to the toilet and just never coming back, imagine, imagine. I feel like.
Speaker 1I would do that. I could have done that. I actually probably would have, like, if I had enough and I was like a big F? You to my boss, I'd just be like, yeah, just going on lunch, babe, be back in half an hour. Yeah, see you.
Speaker 2So apparently it happens. Apparently, this is something that is happening like on a daily basis. People are just like I've had enough Not even saying anything. Hey, just taking my lunch break, but like never a text, never a resignation.
Speaker 1Nothing, nothing. How does that even work?
Speaker 2Don't know, would you get the annual leave, so then you're not ghosting them anymore.
Speaker 1Yeah, that's that I would love to know. It's interesting. I would love to know if anyone out there has actually done it, please, I think back to my youth and I think about my days in retail.
Speaker 2100%. There was multiple times that I would have loved to just left on my lunch break. Left on my lunch break, I mean like see ya bitches.
Speaker 1Oh, abso-fucking-lutely. I mean, there's days now I want to do it.
Speaker 2I'll tell you what. When I was 16, I was getting bullied by my manager. These days, hr, you would never be able to do what she used to do to me. I 100% wanted to walk out so many times and I didn't. I was a smelly teenager, right? Oh I love. Now. I was a smelly teenager, right? Oh, I love this story, please tell. I was a smelly teenager going through puberty. I mean, I was 16. I probably should have been more self-aware that I had armpit odor, but I wasn't aware. Anyways, she made sure that at a staff meeting, she told the entire team that I smell and that I should need to buy some deodorant because it's affecting the workplace. She then proceeded to give me $10 from her wallet to go and buy said deodorant.
Speaker 1She shouldn't have said it in front of everybody.
Speaker 2You would 100% pull them aside and be like hey, babe, do you want to spritz in my perfume because you're a bit smelly?
Speaker 1I just love that she gave you $10 as well.
Speaker 2She gave me $10 because I had no money, because 16, I was living off paycheck to paycheck. Jesus, she was like here's 10 bucks, go and buy yourself some impulse, oh shit. Oh, my God. Anyways, I 100% wanted to walk out that day, but I needed the coin, so you know.
Speaker 1I know we stay, we stay, we're relationship ghosting. This happens so often, yeah, so often, and I'm talking like it's not necessarily when you're in a long-term relationship that I've been hearing. But my single pringle friends have been giving me lots of updates of like a date going what they felt was like amazing, the most amazing day. We got along. We spoke for like three hours no call, no text, no message. You know, then they get a little bit desperado and go oh, you know what Bucket, I'll send the first message and the second message and the third message and I'm like stop right now. And there's nothing. No closure, no, I think what is so wrong with telling that person hey, look, had a great conversation with you, you're such a great person, like we had so much fun, but I'm not feeling the chemistry here. Leave it at that.
Speaker 2Don't know. I think it's like embarrassment. Or they actually, yeah, like embarrassed to say, hey, you're not really like a fit for me, or they actually don't give a fuck and they're just like I'm not gonna mess that person back.
Speaker 1I reckon people give less fucks, less fucks, less fucks. But also they're like can I just say it like they're just a bunch of little wimpy weasels like stand up and tell the truth. Grow up like. Grow up like. Stop being a little like pussy. Oh no, pussies are strong, but the thing is what I find.
Speaker 2I find disgusting that it's not even just like a date right, Like they're sleeping with people and they're getting intimate. They're humpeter, humpeter, humpeter, humpeter, humpeter, humpeter. Then the next day, cold turkey. Like nothing. That's cruel. The next day, cold turkey like nothing. That's cruel, Deleting them off social media, deleting them off the dating apps?
Speaker 1Yes that's the thing? Yeah, that's not there's okay. There was ghosting like a while back. Like you know, people like sleeping together and then never hearing from them again. That's a phone call. Yeah, now they're blocking them off every social, every platform. They're restricting them.
Speaker 2It feels so much more personal when you're doing that like if you just gave him a call and said hey babe, like thanks for the fun time last night. It was really amazing. But look, today I've woken up and I actually don't think that the feels are there. I don't know if that would hurt less than being ignored. Are you kidding? What would hurt more that?
Speaker 1would hurt the next day.
Speaker 2Yeah, I would rather that than somebody no, block me and then I not know for months.
Speaker 1No, no, the next day, that would like, I would feel sick, maybe not next day.
Speaker 2I'd feel like I was the worst fucking lay in bed of all time. Well, how are you going to feel when you see that they've blocked you off social media?
Speaker 1Give me a week.
Speaker 2All right.
Speaker 1Give me a week. The next day, hey gone. Don't think things are working out babe, shit man, I'm impatient.
Speaker 2I want to know like, are we getting married? I've just had a one-night stand with you, but like, are you putting a ring on it?
Speaker 1No, no, but like a one-night stand and get the call the next day.
Speaker 2I'd be like oh my God, I must be so shit. I guess so. But I'd like'm not saying they're going to say, hey, you're shit in bed. I'm saying like, maybe, just like you know.
Speaker 1As if okay, so you've had a, really like I'm not talking from life experience here.
Speaker 2No, because I haven't done this.
Speaker 1If you've had a one night stand. Okay, I'm going to pretend. Okay, you had a one-night stand. Yep, you really like into each other. It was like you know, really good time. Well, you think it is. You think it's a really good time. That night you exchange numbers. Okay, you know you find each other on social media. Yep, you're both on each other's social media, all right. Then the next day he or she calls you or texts you and says oh, hey, had a really good time last night. Don't think things are going to work out? Yeah, I would rather that you would not think any further and go wonder why we've had one night together.
Navigating Ghosting and Communication Boundaries
Speaker 2I don't know One impression Maybe I had a smelly vagina. I don't know. Maybe you just needed to buy some impulse. Probably Maybe the pits were smelly, I don't know. I would rather know, though. I don't want to wait a week and be waiting for text messages and then be that desperado that's sending multiple messages. Do you know what I mean? Like I would rather just know. Yeah, but I think there's a nice, and then move on to the next person. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1Yeah, that's so much more personal. Yeah, you're blocked off every platform.
Speaker 2I think it depends, right, depends on the person, depends on the situation. If you're looking for like more than just like, you know, a situation, if you're looking for more than that, then of course it's going to hurt. But if you're just out there to have, I'm thinking the next day to get a- message.
Speaker 1I probably be like oh, something wasn't right. I'd like to.
Speaker 2Maybe it's just an eat like you know, maybe my ego is too big and maybe I want to think that I'm good in bed, but I wouldn't know. These days I've been with the same guy for 20 years exactly and they're probably just telling us that we are and I don't I starfish half the time Assume the position Okay. So this is happening a lot.
Speaker 1Do we have an example?
Speaker 2Well, it's not with me. Yes, yes, it did happen with me, with you. Yeah, before Davin, because, like, let's be honest here, I've been with him since the dinosaur age. But when I was about 17, I had this crush on this boy my whole entire primary school. Right, he was that boy with the long blonde hair, blue eyes. He used to like surfy that doesn't sound like you at all, it's not my type now, but back then, like 12 year old me, I was like frothing um and had a crush on him the whole of primary school. And then he went to a different high school to me. Anyways, somehow, we went to a house party in high school. Both of us at the same house party Ended up going back to his house, yeah, yeah, anyways. Next day, hey, how are you? Nothing, he ghosted, you Ghosted me. I then proceeded to probably send 365 other text messages.
Speaker 1That is you. If anyone was going to be Desperate Text Star, it's you. Yeah, you do that to me. I know you do that to everyone. Yeah, not going to be desperate text art it's you, you do that to me, you do that to everyone.
Speaker 2It's one message and then it's like I write a message, but then I'm like I'm not finished, I'll just keep sending messages.
Speaker 1You don't finish it in one text message, you write multiple and you send half a sentence.
Speaker 2Yeah, that's how I write in sentences I'm thinking there's an emergency bitch.
Speaker 1What's happening. I was like, oh. I was like, oh my God, she wants to know if I want a coffee and what milk and if I'm coming to the street, yeah, in three different text messages, six maybe.
Speaker 2Yeah, so you sent. So anyways, I'm pretty sure I sent like a text message for every day of the year, over that week, maybe over that month.
Speaker 1Anything back.
Speaker 2No, nothing. And come on, did that not? Yeah, I was a sulking, 16 year old.
Speaker 1You were a sulking 16 year old thinking you're a sulking smelly 16, 16 year old.
Speaker 2Oh no, oh, it was the pits. Oh well, it seemed like he had a really good time that night. I don't know what happened anyway. So it's been happening since since what? 2016,. How old was I? I was 2000. New, 2000.
Speaker 1Yeah, it has been happening, but not in the same capacity. No, not in the capacity where you can block them off every single social media platform and everything.
Speaker 2Yeah, and never tell them yeah, we never had Facebook then.
Speaker 1And never tell them a reason why yeah.
Speaker 2Like I would have just preferred him to be like hey, you're pizza melt, sorry.
Speaker 1I had a girlfriend. I had a girlfriend, I had a girlfriend. Recently tell me and this happened girl to girl, so like friendship-wise, oh right.
Speaker 2Not girl on girl.
Speaker 1Not girl on girl, not literal relationship. Well, that's another story for another day. But yeah, female friendship-wise one day just blocked her off social media, restricted her off like, so you could send? You can send a comment on instagram, they can. You can see that you've sent a comment but nobody else can.
Speaker 2But you don't know that hold a minute, so wait, they send you.
Speaker 1You can be on like a restricted account, like if you're on instagram, you can be restricted, I think, which means that you can still put a comment on that person's account and you can see that you've left a comment.
Speaker 2Yeah, but nobody no other followers can see the comment. Wow, you would do that for, like that toxic friend that writes things that you think that was fucking uncalled for.
Speaker 1Yeah, but you're not ready to talk about it? Yeah, talk about it.
Speaker 2I need to look deeper into this restriction thing. I need to restrict my mother. No, I'm joking.
Friendship Dynamics and Closure
Speaker 1Not joking. Love you, rose. Yeah, so she's been restricted and then blocked on all the other platforms. Why wouldn't you just block her then, if?
Speaker 2you've already blocked her on some platforms, go ahead and block it all.
Speaker 1But then she did the 365 messages and got like she was like the desperate boyfriend. But for her friend she's like hey, do you want to catch up and go for a walk On that platform?
Speaker 2Hey do you want to catch up and do this?
Speaker 1That's me. I do that to you On Facebook, on Messenger, on her physical phone number Nothing, nothing, nothing. All the platforms. All of a sudden she's told me this story and she is feeling gutted.
Speaker 1The friend that's been blocked is so gutted she's going through and overthinking. She's backtracked months. What have I done? What has happened in the last couple of weeks? What could it be like? Every little transaction that they've had? And she can't put it down to one thing, oh no, and so she was like, and especially spiraling, spiraling and being so upset over it, but with no closure. So I think what people want is closure. Yes, yes.
Speaker 2If you ever I'm just putting this out there right now what If you ever, ever, ever, ever do that to me, I will hunt you down. Oh my God, you know that movie I'll find you.
Speaker 1Oh my God, I'm not even joking, guys.
Speaker 2Guys, if you see me on the side of a milk, carton.
Speaker 1I need you to go straight to Crystal Russell and she's going to be suspect number one. Thank you.
Speaker 2Craig would know straight away. Craig would be like, yeah, crystal's kidnapped her. I'd be like going straight to Crystal. No, but honestly I feel like if you've got such a good friendship with somebody like you, don't do that anyway.
Speaker 1But that's my point. So it's about the closure. She said to me. She was like I just let her get it off her chest. I let her go on and on and on about it. We had a coffee and you've got to Sometimes them get it off their chest and she was like I think I'd be okay with it, had I, if she said something. You I just am like not vibing with you or like I don't like the way I was treated at that point. Blah, blah, blah and I want to like let this go. Still hurts, but at least she knows. And she's just not in limbo land. And what have I done?
Speaker 2for me it's like comes back again to like the importance of the relationship. Because how, on what scale of one to ten, is that relationship important to you? Because even if they did something to you, you would say, hey look, I I didn't like this, that you did, and you'd work through it. You wouldn't just go straight to like block bam, boom, would you?
Speaker 1it's it is. It was so weird. Even I found it really strange because I know both parties and I was like what is going on. But also, yeah, it is about I think as well some people get to the point the straw that broke the camel's back.
Speaker 2In long-term relationships. Yeah, so it comes down to like did you want to save that relationship? In this case, obviously that friend did not want to save it. They didn't want to save that relationship.
Speaker 1In this case, obviously that friend did not want to save it.
Speaker 2They didn't want to save it, but they also don't want to. She took the life raft, she pulled it all the way back in. She's like you can drown. That's what happened in that that scenario. But I did it.
Speaker 1I've done it too. I'm actually a real now that I'm saying it out loud about closure. I'm like, I'm a. I'm a ghoster I'm a ghoster.
Speaker 2I'm a real bad ghoster. I don't do it off. I've done it like oh no, the ghost is out. Rose is a ghoster, I'm a ghoster.
Speaker 1Um, okay, tell me your scenario no, I, I just am because, oh, you haven't grossed me yet.
Speaker 2So that's a good thing?
Speaker 1No, okay, I think for me is it not yet, baby, no, I, I'm going to end up dead in the backyard. No, I think for me it is with long-term stuff, like long-term relationships and things like that. When I've had enough. So I'm a fighter, I will fight for you, yeah you're a lover You're like if.
Speaker 1I love you. I'm going to fight to the death, Dear God, like, okay, this is not like a one-night-stand situation, ghosting because that I could not care less. But if I'm in a long-term relationship and obviously I've been with Craig forever okay, but if I'm in a long-term, beat, like you know, friendship relationship, I will. I put all my eggs, my hearts on my sleeve. I love you, like, and I will fight for you. I will have the arguments, I will have it out with you.
Speaker 1I will apologize. I have no problems apologizing. But when I've had enough, yeah, you're done, I. And I will like, weirdly, like I will back out slowly too, and I don't even think at first, I don't even realize I'm doing it, I will just pull away. Do you want to come out? Oh, no, I can't make it to that thing. So I'll realize in myself that that's not important to me anymore. Oh, let's catch up for coffee. And the coffee never comes, but it's because I, I, I say that I don't know why, but then I realize, like, I don't find that as an as an important thing to me.
Speaker 2So then I'm not a priority anymore because it's not a priority.
Speaker 1I then go, I start seeing it and I go oh, you don't care about catching up for coffee with her anymore because you are done. And then I slowly, slowly, slowly, I'm just done away, and then I am the person that hasn't given the explanation or the closure. But then, in my defense, if the other party does not come and ask me for they also don't care, then they either don't care enough or bitch, if you started pulling away from me, I would then send you 365 text messages in one day.
Speaker 1And then, to be honest with you, I probably would message you back. I struggle with that.
Speaker 2See, that's a boundary thing. Yeah, I don't care. Though If you don't write back to me, I'm like, yeah, it's because I've been too obsessive today.
Speaker 1Yeah, it's also because I never have my phone with me on me. I lose it 20 times a day. But yeah, I can be a ghost star because I don't really love confrontation. I am a recovering people pleaser, like I hate. I actually do hate hurting people's feelings and I like people to like me, but I'm learning not to do that so, which means balling up, not being a pussy wimp and going look, you're a fucking like, not a good person, or this happened, that happened, and just having it out and giving that person closure. Do you know what I feel?
Speaker 2like it is too, though. Like we're heading into 40, the big 4-0, and I feel like we've got less time in our lives for nonsense. Like that's how I feel For me. I would rather spend three days a week with you than spend one one day a week. Different days with different people. That, like, didn't really mean anything to me. Yeah, that don't fit. That don't. Yeah, is that a good way to explain it? I don't know. Like I would rather spend genuine time with the people I have a connection with, that I feel they also care about me I'm not for fake relationships anymore.
Speaker 1No, I don't. I think in your 20s like friendships and relationships and having, like you, hold on to that boyfriend for dear life.
Speaker 2It's so important and also how many like Facebook friends you're so obsessed with. You're like, I've got like 566.
Speaker 1Facebook friends. You want to go out, you want to have a massive group of friends.
Speaker 2Now I'm like I couldn't care less if I got five Facebook friends.
Speaker 1I love having friends and sexual relationships, every relationship. They take work. I don't have the fucking time and the energy for the ones that I've got sometimes, let alone having a massive circle where you have to spread yourself thin and not give the best of yourself to those people. But could that be the key to why this generation is ghosting so often?
Speaker 2Did we just come up with the whole entire reason? Dun dun Dun Ghostbusters, that was a myth buster.
Speaker 1It was a myth buster. It was a myth, ghost buster, we ghost myth. I don't know the buster, I don't know. We busted the ghost myth Anyway, but yeah, it could be the reason why that is it Because they have been taught better boundaries, I hope, and to give less fucks and not to waste so much time on relationships and people that aren't a priority in their lives.
Speaker 2Listen here, we don't need no PhDs. We know how to bust myths. We don't need people. Jesus, give us a myth, give us a PhD in bloody ghost myth busting. Yes, that's a tongue twister. I was like did I get that right? So true, so true.
Speaker 1So where are we at on this, like when is it wrong?
Speaker 2to ghost, oh Lord, no, because now I don't know.
Speaker 1Now I see the benefit in it, because you've ghosted too.
Speaker 2What? Well, listen here, right, this story is heavy. She's probably going to hear it. Name starts with a C Also me. She was a long-term friend of mine. Okay, bob's going to hear it. Name starts with a C Also me. She was a long-term friend of mine, okay, 18, 19 years of friendship, quite deep, worked together, very, very close relationship. Over the years she did a few things that were a bit like strange, like questionable, very questionable, and then, like friends of mine in our circle would be like it's a bit odd, the things that she does. I was like, oh, yeah, I guess so. Then, after my dad's death, I hit like rock bottom, yeah, depression, suicidal, like full rock bottom. And I woke up to this person Like I was like the things that she was doing, everything triggered me, yep, and I don't know if it was just dad's death, that like I had this like realization, but everything she said to me was triggering me, yep, everything that came out of her mouth like made me be like wow, you know what I mean?
Navigating Friendship Boundaries and Ghosting
Speaker 1like was it actually? Was it already her, though? And then was she always like that, or I think after big, huge life events like death, um trauma I've had, like you know, I've been through that shit myself you really look at the world. It's like you wait. It's honestly, it sounds so cliche. You wake up and you see the world a little different and you feel differently about life and your life going forward. Do you know what's?
Speaker 2so weird, though. What so after dad's death? The amount of people that have told me that dad's death humbled me? Humbled you, yeah, like I think Humbled me. Humbled you, yeah, like I think I was a stuck-up fucking snob before.
Speaker 1But were you. I think I was Like you were walking on sunshine. Nothing can get me down.
Speaker 2basically, I thought I was the hottest shit that ever came out of my asshole. I'm not even joking, you Like. I don't remember being like that. But then when I look back at like things I'd written on Facebook or just like the way I acted on Facebook, like all my Instagram posts, it's so cringy. We all cringe back. But then dad's death I was like I don't know, something was just like that's not real, like I want to be real.
Speaker 1Yep, I think as well, with your dad particularly. He really did lead very wild. He was really just who he was. He was very authentic in himself.
Speaker 2He was bearing it all. He was unfiltered. He talked about taboo topics. He was real.
Speaker 1He was raw and real and he actually gave zero fucks about being himself, whether or not that made someone uncomfortable or not.
Speaker 2Do you know what I mean. So maybe when he passed away, a bit of him went inside me. I don't know maybe, maybe that's what, like everyone says, you're so different after your dad's death?
Speaker 1I'm like oh well, it does change you, yeah, and so then, what made you let this particular friendship go right?
Speaker 2yeah, we did digress just like um every text message, every phone call. She would not even respect that I needed time to heal. She was at me 24-7. And I was so polite about it. I was just like, hey, I'm having a really crap day today. I just want to like, I just need to be left alone?
Speaker 1Was she demanding like stuff from you? She rocked up at my house.
Speaker 2For friendship. Yeah, like she rocked up at my house and Davin was like hey, like she's having a nap. She busted the front door open to come into my bedroom while I was asleep to be like you've not been text messaging me back and blah, blah. I'm like my dad just committed suicide a week ago. Like do you understand that? Do you understand?
Speaker 2She made it about her friendship, everything was about her. Like she called me one morning and was like oh, my god, my God, I just had, like this really bad dream about your dad. And like he was in the fire and he was screaming and like I'm like, I'm like, babe, I'm having nightmares. Still, this is so triggering and traumatic for me that you're now making it about you and you're crying because you had a dream about this. Okay, you had the dream. Don't call me and tell me yeah, yeah, like just things that she, it was like she didn't think, it was like she did not think. And then I kept telling her hey, I need some space. Like lately you've been triggering me, yes, yeah, and it got to the point where I just stopped replying to messages. I just hadn't. I just got to the point of like, no, I actually don't want to do this anymore. You are actually impacting my mental health yes, you.
Speaker 1Yes, but you did give her a chance you have given. You told her time and time and then you were like full ghost mode.
Speaker 2Yeah, full ghost mode, and that's the only thing that worked essentially.
Speaker 2She's still like. I just got a text for my birthday a couple of weeks ago from her. She still messages me and I love that about her. I do like she has not given up. It's been almost three years and she will still send me a message on my kid's birthday, on my dad's death anniversary, like any of the milestones. She still messages me and for a while there I would write back thank you. But I'm just now like I don't want to give her any hope because, like as much as I appreciate those 18, 19 years friendship she was a bridesmaid for me Like I just don't want that anymore.
Speaker 1Oh yeah, that's deep. I love that and that's I think we've. I've talked about this for the last couple of weeks as in I don't want to see you not be successful. I don't want to see you not eat, but not at my table. Yeah, that's exactly what it is. Yep, so the ghosting see this is a thing as well, like ghosting can be helpful, can be beneficial for you, because it's not like I didn't tell her, right.
Speaker 2I said yes, I said like I need a break, like you're doing this to me, yeah, and then I slowly, slowly, you just backed out.
Speaker 1Yeah, see, that's where I'm torn now. I'm like there is benefits to it as well, as like, yes, you can get hurt on the other side of it, but sometimes it's necessary.
Speaker 2So maybe lay down a little bit of like hey, I need to take a break from you, yeah and then yeah.
Speaker 1I think in long-term relationships and friendships they deserve that. They deserve a little bit of like something, something a little seed of hey. This is how I felt about this situation and maybe being upfront and honest, and I think that's why, like, you're never going to bury me in the backyard, because I'm not going to ghost you, because we will just talk it out.
Speaker 2We'll fight it out Like we're friends, until we're 60. We discuss this.
Speaker 1Like I'm going to be.
Speaker 2I can't even cut your chin hairs anymore, cause you're getting laser.
Speaker 1What? Am I going to even cut your chin hairs anymore because you're getting laser, getting laser. What am I gonna do? We're gonna leave maria just for shits and giggles, are you actually? Yeah, well, she's like. Well, really like they don't know how much growth will actually come down. There'll always be one or two, all right. Well, I'll be pulling out maria until we're 90 right when craig and david are long gone, because, no doubt, we'll like women live longer, or do men women?
Speaker 1women. I think women statistically live. Women statistically live longer. So I'll be like you know, I'll be so sad to lose Craig and I'll be so sad when you lose Davin, but it's you know. Then we go into our little retirement village and live our best lives. Yeah, I'll be waking up next to you and going who are you? I'll be like why didn't she call me? And the day she doesn't call I'll be like fuck, you'll forget that I sent the messages because you'll have dementia.
Speaker 2Oh, that's probably right. Yeah, it's fine, like God, okay, well, look, I think there is definitely benefits to ghosting. Yes, and if you're going to be that person that's going to meet up and have a wham bam. Thank you, ma'am. Be honest up front and be like hey, look, I'm here for a good time, not a long time. Yes, say that up front because then if they go to the next day, you're not all that's like worried because they told you I'm here for a good time, not a long time I think, be up front.
Speaker 1I think, if you're going to do it in short-term relationships, one night stands, all of that sort of thing Be upfront and honest. Oh God, I was going to tell you another ghosting story. I'm waiting for it. Which one is it? It's juicy.
Speaker 2What? But I'm also going to get myself into so much trouble. It's okay, I'll go there for the content.
Speaker 1I know what it is it's evil. It's so evil. Can we just just like not talk about the person's name?
Speaker 2oh, let's just not okay. You're in a married relationship, right? You've been married for a long time. I don't know how many years I'm putting myself in. You got two grown adult children. Everything is a bit bumpy, a little bit bumpy, but like, your kids are fairly unaware of the bumpiness, yes, one day you decide I'm going to have sex with my husband in the morning and when he goes to work I'm going to pack the entire house and move out, change my phone number, change my address, even not give your said daughter phone number or address and disappear.
Speaker 1I mean when we say disappear. Oh, disappear, as in like To another house. Yeah, another person's house, another person's house. Another said male's house, no female.
Speaker 2So resorted to a friend's house. This was planned right, because how do you just go and move into somebody's house Like you planned it? You planned that removalist task. You had sex in the morning, had sex in the morning like everything was okay.
Speaker 1Yeah, but that was like throwing them off. If you have a sex with them in the morning, you've thrown them off the scent that everything's fine. So when they come home, what do you mean? To an empty house? How empty, like a lot of stuff gone.
Speaker 2Like furniture, yeah, like cabinets. I think too, like, yeah, this is the ultimate ghost, full-on ghost. And then I'm having to explain to that person why somebody did said ghosting, yeah, awful, awful, awful, awful. That, my, my friends, you should never, ever do. If you're in a long-term relationship, give the person fucking five minutes and say, hey, not into it anymore, just letting you know I'm actually leaving. I, I think so. I mean, I think a further, you know, hour or two conversation is probably needed. But if you can't be bothered and you're thinking about just doing the dash, just tell them just tell them, or a quick, even a text message, but an email I don't know.
Speaker 1I know whatever it means, whatever floats your boat, but just don't do that.
Speaker 2Oh, that is evil kenevil yeah, it is evil.
Speaker 1That is that's planned. The sex in the morning, that's what got me.
Speaker 2That's the part that shook me. Yeah, I was shooketh, that's what.
Speaker 1Don't do that shit If you're leaving somebody because one, you don't love them.
Speaker 2Two, you don't want to be in a relationship with them anymore and you're planning on moving the fucking house out. Don't have sex with them.
Speaker 1That was planned so that it was going to like Be okay, they're going to not even they're going to go to work just go and not think about anything else. You've got to think, though this person was also smart If they would have had a massive fight in the morning about I'm leaving, and this person doesn't go to work or doesn't, or calls and thinks about it all day then I'm going to say again though it depends on the situation Like, if you're in a DV relationship, 100%, run for the fucking hills.
Speaker 2I wouldn't even say anything, Get the removal truck, but you're not going to be having sex with them.
Speaker 1Ghost the fuck out of those. Again, there's a time and a place Girls busters, no, there's definitely a time and a place to ghost those sort of situations, shitty relationships. But I think, yeah, yes, there's.
Speaker 2But even if you're in a like, again say this was a situation where it's a shitty relationship. Yeah, Maybe one feels more shittier than the other. Still give them the time of day. Yeah, Imagine that little heart coming home.
Speaker 1Yeah, but you know why it's more broken? Because they thought everything was good in the morning.
Speaker 2Because they had a fun time. Yeah, they got some sexy time.
Speaker 1But it's the whole reason why it was done, so that they could move the furniture out without any interruption.
Speaker 2This doesn't sit well with me yeah, okay, I just would never do it. Even if I hated your, I just wouldn't do it.
Speaker 1Yeah, no, no, I wouldn't. That takes ghosting to the next level. Okay, I think the jury's out here, like I think there's pros and cons to ghosting someone, so yeah.
Speaker 2I think. So what are we saying? Are we saying that ghosting is okay?
Speaker 1Here, I was thinking it wasn't okay. Oh, producer question. We've got producer Paulie. We love this. I'm just on the ghosting especially. Okay, how do you find out if you're being ghosted and what?
Speaker 2to do. Well, I feel like it's obvious, is it not? Like if you're being ghosted? Well, like in your situation, if you're friends with somebody and you're noticing that they're one not coming to coffee anymore, they're not going for a jog anymore and they're not answering your phone calls anymore, you're probably being ghosted.
Reflecting on Friendship Dynamics and Boundaries
Speaker 1Yes, I think as well you've got to say give the text message, not 365, don't go stalker level text messaging, but send a message. Hey, look, I say you send one good text message, you go? Hey, haven't heard from you for a couple of weeks. I have asked you to go to coffee. I've not seen you out for a jog. We haven't done all the things that we usually do. What's going on? Is anything up? Is anything that I have done? If they don't respond to that and they say we have that little thing on our phone that says seen, respond to that. And these days we have that little thing on our phone that says seen. If they've seen it and then ignored it for the next couple of weeks, you're being ghosted. Okay, there's a second question. Oh, top moments from. Oh, what was that? Yeah, top moments from 2024, recording a podcast.
Speaker 2Oh oh, what are our top moments? Let's go back to that question. Actually, you will come back to podcast. Oh oh, what are our top moments? Let's go back to that question. Actually, we'll come back to that. Okay, I've got a scenario I need your advice on it.
Speaker 2Yep had a fight with somebody. Yes, the fight was they did the dirty on me. Yes, but apparently I did the dirty on them. So there's a bit of a miscommunication on who did the dirty on who. Yeah, I have tried multiple times. Even though I put my hands up, I was not in the wrong. Okay, I plead innocent. I plead innocent. You can say that I'm guilty, but I know that I'm not, and I'm sure you're saying the same thing, but I've reached out multiple times and no response. So now I'm just like waving it right. Is that true what I should just do? Just leave it. Yeah, done, it's been eight, nine months.
Speaker 1Oh, gone, done, we're done.
Speaker 2I'm saying see you later to it.
Speaker 1See you later, mate, Like. Catch you later. Ghost away Makes me a bit sad onto that a little bit of like.
Speaker 2Are we going to talk again? But I think if they've not given me the time of day, I'll need to let it go.
Speaker 1You need to let it go because really it becomes about. This is what I said to my girlfriend. Sometimes it actually isn't you, it is them, because they might actually go look, I'm done here, whether it be a boyfriend, girlfriend or you know friendship or cousin. They might be like I'm done here, but it's about their own personal boundaries, what they are willing to put up with, like with me. I had to set a boundary with my friend that I've now ghosted and I've gone.
Speaker 1You know what I cannot do this anymore and I've gone. You know what I cannot do this anymore. Like I have to understand my worth enough to know that what it's just too much for me to handle anymore. Like it's not worth putting yourself through stress. And do you really want to be around people that don't want to be around you? No, and sometimes they might be going through a healing journey, they might be discovering themselves. They might go. You know what? I wasn't my most authentic self, so, like the way that I've been presenting to everybody isn't who I really am and the friends that I've been hanging around with because of that aren't like me anymore or I've outgrown them. Yeah, you know, like you go. You have school friends and you love them to death and you love the friendship and you love your history, but you're just not the same anymore.
Speaker 1No, yeah, I get it and then back in the day you would just drift apart. But with social media, with Instagram, with TikTok, we are so connected to people that we would have never fucking held on to in our life. Yeah, that's so true On Facebook. I've got friends that I've, and I still love hearing from them from time to time. Don't get me wrong. Like I love seeing that they've gone to Europe or they got married. It was really cool to see those little life moments.
Speaker 2But we would have never fucking seen each other again if it wasn't for social media, Even now you would probably still never catch up with them, but it's like you just keep that contact right.
Speaker 1Yeah, there's contact I've got multiple thousands probably. Yeah, there's so many contacts, but do we need to know about all these people? And sometimes I think that's what happens. You hold on to these people through history.
Speaker 2I've got an idea what 2025,. Let's do a Facebook cull.
Speaker 1And an Instagram cull.
Speaker 2Instagram. I don't really care about. Facebook I feel like they're your friends. They're your Facebook friends. If you cull. Facebook it is quite deep. Instagram it's kind of like a social platform I'll follow you, you'll follow me, kind of thing. If I get rid of you, feelings not hurt. Facebook's a bit different.
Speaker 1I feel Facebook's very personal. You can have people following you and you follow people on instagram, but on facebook you don't accept all the invitations. And then you have people that you've been you've been friends with on facebook since 2008, when it first came out.
Speaker 2Is that when it first came out? Pretty sure, 2006?
Speaker 1something like that. Oh yeah, I think I got, oh God, the horrendous status updates. Anyway, we do digress, but on the ghosting front, I think we're going to leave it here. I think we have to leave it open that sometimes it's very much warranted and sometimes, I think, give the person closure. Closure scenarios, I think, are long-term relationships, really long friendships, and your boss, for fuck's sake, if I could just tell your boss you know what, if anything, just go to your boss and go fuck you bitches. I'm out of here, I quit, I'm leaving, go eat some dick. And you know what? Here's my resignation.
Speaker 2Right, and if you don't want to give two weeks notice that's also fine.
Speaker 1But you've said you're quitting. So I mean you said you quitted before you got fired, so then you can just go for gold. Oh, it's so satisfying.
Speaker 2Why do you wish we could quit one day and just see the mess we could make?
Speaker 1oh, you know how many times I've thought about like going out in a burning. Is it burning ring of fire? No, oh, burning ring of fire, burn.
Speaker 2Burn the ring of fire.
Speaker 1I'm pretty sure it's not that, but you just want to go out in flames.
Speaker 2That was my dad's favorite song. How he's probably in here right now. Oh, he's probably fucking inside my body. Right, he's in your Burning Ring of Fire.
Speaker 1Anyway, all right, guys, that's it on us. Like I know that we just I don't know how we I don't. I think we were coming on here to be like you know, ghosting's wrong, ghosting is wrong. And now we're like maybe it's not, so we'll leave it at that. You give us your thoughts, um, and we'll see you next time. On bearing it all, always remember to take care of yourselves and each other. Bye.
