Baring it All with Rose and Chrystal

Spicy Brains: Our Journey with Adult ADHD

• Rose Oates and Chrystal Russell • Season 2 • Episode 3

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"You're not lazy, you're not crazy, your brain just works differently." This raw and revealing conversation dives into the hidden world of ADHD in women, exploring why so many of us aren't diagnosed until we're in our 30s or 40s, often after years of feeling misunderstood, overwhelmed, and "not normal."

Rose and Chrystal share their personal journeys with ADHD both diagnosed and undiagnosed. They candidly share their own experiences.

Rose diagnosed at 38 after reaching breaking point with anxiety, and Chrystal tested as a child but never medicated or properly treated. Together they unpack the unique challenges women face with ADHD, from the constant masking that makes us appear put-together while our minds race chaotically, to the imposter syndrome that convinces us we're just "bad at adulting."

The conversation gets refreshingly real about the quirky realities of living with ADHD: the "procrasta-cleaning" that happens when we're avoiding important tasks, the sensory issues that make some of us unable to wear socks while others can't stand the feel of jewelry, and the late-night hyperfocus sessions that lead to half-painted kitchens. They also explore the surprising links between ADHD and postnatal depression, and why so many women only discover their neurodiversity after having children.

Whether you're diagnosed, wondering about your own brain patterns, or simply want to understand a loved one better, this episode offers both validation and practical insights. From the importance of therapy and the considerations around medication to the simple relief of understanding why your brain does what it does – Rose and Chrystal bare it all with honesty, vulnerability and just the right amount of humour.


*Please be advised that all statistics provided are approximate, and it is recommended to consult a professional if you require assistance or guidance. 

Connect with Rose and Chrystal on Instagram for more stories and fun mini-weekly catch-ups.
DM the girls, get involved with the conversations, and feel free to ask questions!
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And don’t forget to take care of yourself and each other -

With Love Rose & Chrystal x


Rose Oates:

Welcome to Bearing it All with Rose and Crystal.

Chrystal Russell:

Where the conversations get real emotions run raw and nothing is filtered.

Rose Oates:

Buckle up because we're Bearing it All deep, diving into everything from motherhood to mental health and everything in between. We want to get to know you, each other and our bodies, and things are going to get spicy Raspassy.

Chrystal Russell:

Are you ready for it?

Rose Oates:

Let's do it. Hey guys, today we're talking about ADHD in women, diagnosed and undiagnosed. It's a big thing.

Chrystal Russell:

And I'm pretty sure that both of us have diagnosed ourselves, dr Crystal.

Rose Oates:

Dr Rose, and the good thing about having ADHD diagnosis so I'm diagnosed and I'm going through the process, or you know I'm procrastinating but I am going to possibly get medicated soon is that I feel like, once you know you've got it, like one of the abilities you have now is to diagnose somebody else. So I've officially diagnosed Crystal with ADHD, just because I just know, okay, but you could bulk bill me for that. I don't know, Disclaimer I have not officially so.

Chrystal Russell:

When I was a child, my mum did do all the testing for me. I was actually diagnosed as ADD or ADHD as a child, yep, but my mum, being the hippie that she is, she's not so much of a hippie anymore, but was like I'm not putting her on meds when I was a kid. Okay, so I was put on a really strict diet. So as a child, I was not allowed to drink soft drink.

Chrystal Russell:

I was reduced in what sugars intakes I had because I was so hypo like crazy next level hyperactivity. So that's why I wasn't allowed to have sugary stuff. And then, obviously, growing up it was never spoken about. My mum never said to me hey, as a child you were diagnosed.

Rose Oates:

So technically you were diagnosed.

Chrystal Russell:

Yeah, but I can't go to the doctor now and be like, hey, give me meds. I was diagnosed when I was five. I don't know if that would work. No, I don't think it does. I need to go through the whole thing again.

Rose Oates:

See, my parents were the opposite. My parents were like there's nothing wrong with you, yeah, just go outside and run. Yeah, so I was. I'm diagnosed as inattentive and hyperactive, so you can be hyperactive or inattentive, or a combination of both. Oh my, and I'm a combination of both, and I'm a combination of both. Well, I think you'd be both. You're inattentive and hyper, like a psycho.

Rose Oates:

Yeah, at times Well not psychos, but I think your mind is busy. Yeah, see, I was diagnosed at officially what 38? Yeah, 38. Two years ago, two years ago, I started going to therapy. So, I originally went to therapy not to get a diagnosis.

Chrystal Russell:

You went to therapy because you were feeling all sorts of things that you thought was something else.

Rose Oates:

And I thought I'm on the edge, like I can't take this anymore. So my parents always knew like I was hyper, always knew that like once I hyper, fixated on something, once I put my mind to something, you could achieve anything If I was interested in it. My dad actually even used to say this if you're interested in something, no one can be better than you. And I was like, yeah, dad, that's ADHD. So I tell him that now and he goes you're not ADHD. He still says it to this day. He still says no, no, no. I reckon it's old school mentality.

Chrystal Russell:

They don't believe in, like they don't even believe in anxiety. Honestly, like our parents and their parents, they didn't have like all of these things now. Do you know what I mean? They didn't have autism even no. Like it was a thing, but it wasn't talked about. It wasn't spoken about. Like it is now. No, and it's so known now, like about all of these different varieties of things that you could have, that they don't believe it. They're like that's all. Cuckoo juju buju.

Rose Oates:

Yeah, I said to Dad the other day I was like ADHD. And he's like you don't have ADHD, I don't believe in this stuff. And I said you've bloody got ADHD. I got it from you. Yeah, so does Mum. I said like it's often genetic and can be passed down. So I don't know if this is the actual stat. Like I cannot remember. So don't quote me on it, but I think it's like one in four, like if you have kids. One in four will have it. Yeah, 25% or whatever it is.

Chrystal Russell:

I think it's something like that Levi has got the all sorts right now. You're going through all that. He's getting tested and poked and prodded and not actually poked and prodded, but you know what I mean. Like we're just trying to help him however we can right now and some of the things he's going through. I'm like, oh no, you got that from me.

Rose Oates:

Yeah, you see it in your kids and you think, oh my God, I wish that someone would have told me what was going on. So, yeah, at least one of my kids, Scarlett, is getting tested at the moment, and I will get one of the other ones tested soon.

Chrystal Russell:

So I've come to the understanding of why people aren't getting tested. It is fucking expensive. Yeah, it's ridiculous, it's like $1,800 to $2,000 just to see somebody, and that's not even to start talking about medication.

Rose Oates:

No, no, no, no, You've got to go to therapy first.

Chrystal Russell:

So you go to the psychiatrist.

Rose Oates:

Is this right? Psychiatrist and psychologist, which one's which?

Chrystal Russell:

So you need to go to the psychologist first. Psychologist first and then the psychiatrist is what gives you the medication.

Rose Oates:

Yeah, so psychologist is what I started with, and you go for a certain amount of sessions until they understand what you.

Chrystal Russell:

They refer you. They refer you yes.

Rose Oates:

And then you go to the psychiatrist where it doesn't mean just because they referred you, the psychiatrist still makes their own decisions and then gets proof. So you need like a letter.

Chrystal Russell:

So usually your psychologist will do some testing. We did testing with Levi. I can't remember what the test is called, but we did like a few different tests and then they come back with like red flags, I guess, like it's a score. Yes, it comes up of like what they think is triggered that you have and then they send that off.

Rose Oates:

Yeah, and they also read up like my therapist wrote up like a big report on his findings and what he's like learned about me and how he feels moving forward. And then you go to psychiatry, psychiatrist, and then they do their own assessment as well. So you can't just develop adhd, you have it your whole life same with autism. So they often they look for um proof in your past. So I've got, thankfully for mum. Mum kept all my reports.

Chrystal Russell:

Rose did not concentrate in class.

Rose Oates:

Rose could achieve so much only if she paid attention yeah, paid attention. Like every single one was my. We don't know how she achieves what she achieves, considering she doesn't listen to anything or she's always in off with fairies. And I was like, yeah, that was me. I just cram in study the night before, like nothing motivates me more than pressure, than ultimate pressure the day before. Like so, if something's due in six weeks, you can bet your ass I won't be fucking starting until the day before, or the week before, at best, that's me.

Chrystal Russell:

That's it, and I will get it done yeah.

Rose Oates:

But nothing else will exist other than that thing.

Chrystal Russell:

But do you reckon it's because, like I don't know about you, but for me I can't handle the thought of like having to do the task. Yes, Like I don't want to think about doing the task until I have to do the task at the very last second. Otherwise, if I've got six weeks to prep, I'm going to be so anxious doing it for that six weeks. I can't do it. No, neither.

Rose Oates:

I do it all at once. It is so much it's like pressure to start it, like I get procrastination so bad, like that I've got I can't do anything, so I will clean the house procrastinate. I call it procrastinate cleaning my house. Sometimes if I've got something to do that's super important, that's due, my house will never be cleaner. I will bake all the baked goods. I don't bake, I'm not really a baker, but if I've got something else to do I'll be baking.

Rose Oates:

You're doing anything but the thing that you need to do, procrasta baking, procrasta, cleaning, procrasta hair care, anything but what has to be done. Yeah, because it's like instant reward, like that's how my therapist, sort of like, described it. He's like not only do you not know how to start it, mentally, he goes you also will get a reward out of that cleaning. So like you instantly see results. So it's rewarding. It's like shopping.

Chrystal Russell:

For me. Oh my God, it's shopping for me, but do you know what I do? I know that I have so many things to do, and then I get overwhelmed by the tasks that I have to do. I just go have a nap.

Rose Oates:

Yeah, do that as well. I can't think about it.

Chrystal Russell:

I need to go and lay on the couch because I'm so overwhelmed.

Rose Oates:

So there's two ways you can do it, and that's so normal. I didn't know that was normal. You can either shut down completely and go watch TV, nap completely avoidance and just want to never get out of bed, or you do it with your hyperactivity, like you're doing stuff other than the task.

Chrystal Russell:

I think at work I have the hyperactivity side, but at home I shut down. Because we've got a lot to do all the time I look at the laundry basket. I look at the things that I have to do and I'm like, oh, it feels too much, yeah, and then I just sometimes can't cope. The other night I did fold like six laundry baskets in half an hour.

Rose Oates:

Yeah.

Chrystal Russell:

And I just powered through it. But sometimes I just can't. It's because there was probably six.

Rose Oates:

And I just knew I had to do it.

Rose Oates:

I reckon maybe, but that's the thing, like also with women, we and girls, we are often misdiagnosed, not diagnosed at all, or not diagnosed until we're very later in life. So I, like, I said, like when I went to the therapist and I love my therapy, so cool, hi, matt, if you're listening he said to me, like it's often also after we have kids. A big percentage of women will get diagnosed after they have children because the overwhelm and the load on us is just so much that we can't take it anymore.

Chrystal Russell:

That's what happened to me. I looked up the stats. I looked up the stats. Let's do it. Good old chat GBT here. I rely on this little fucker for so many things.

Rose Oates:

But this, yeah, okay, let's hear it.

Chrystal Russell:

So this is exactly what came up. Late diagnosis is so common. Women with ADHD aren't diagnosed until their 30s or 40s, often years after being misdiagnosed with anxiety or depression. Yep, yep, they're told that they're just too emotional or bad at adulting, but really they've got ADHD. Yeah, wow. And how many times have you thought I'm actually a shitty adult?

Rose Oates:

or a shitty parent or a shitty wife.

Chrystal Russell:

That's me all the time and it's just ADHD.

Rose Oates:

That's fucking psycho. That's wild to me, because the anxiety, the imposter syndrome, my whole life, never thinking I'm good enough, always concerned, always worried, always worried that I was lazy.

Chrystal Russell:

That's massive in ADHs. It's awful ADHs, adhds, adhds.

Rose Oates:

It's actually really nice and relieving that there's proof that there's something actually wrong with us. Yes, I know that sounds weird, but when I actually got like honestly, it was only a couple of sessions in he's like look, I'm fairly confident to say he goes this actually. He didn't say he goes. It actually costs him money because he could help hold me in for like as many sessions as he felt necessary. But he goes.

Rose Oates:

I'm pretty confident to say that you know to refer you on now because a hundred percent% I feel that you have ADHD. So he, but I stuck with him. I say I've still, I still go to therapy.

Chrystal Russell:

I haven't been for a while, but you go for other things too, not just that. Everything came out.

Rose Oates:

But it didn't start as a diagnosis, yeah, so I went for severe, severe anxiety. I've had anxiety and struggled with anxiety my whole life. Well, duh, obviously there was something underlying that.

Chrystal Russell:

That's the reason.

Rose Oates:

But I went when it got so much like after my fourth kid I could no longer take it.

Chrystal Russell:

But it also says here women like we mask all of our symptoms right, and that ADHD. I saw something about postnatal depression. Am I a fourth?

Rose Oates:

child, it's linked, it's linked.

Chrystal Russell:

It's linked. It's all linked, is it? Yes, it just was in here before. 75% of women say they struggle with low self-esteem and imposter syndrome and feel like they're constantly behind in life. That was one of the things. Yeah, like yeah, and ADHD. Here it was here. We're so good at masking our ADHD right that we become perfect professionalisms People pleasers.

Rose Oates:

Yes, perfect, people pleasers Like we want to. People please Constantly and you want to like, just I don't know. You want to feel normal and act normal. So yeah, but the imposter syndrome thing oof, I'm trying to find where it was. But definitely after my fourth child, definitely, I experienced postpartum depression which I'd never experienced with the other kids. After I sort of worked through that, the anxiety would come and go like normal, but it got to the point two years ago where it was so bad that I felt like someone was stepping on my chest permanently. I've had that before panic attack et cetera.

Chrystal Russell:

You still get that now. Sometimes I still get that now.

Rose Oates:

We're talking that feeling every single day for two weeks. I couldn't get rid of it. It was hurting. I felt like I could die, like I was going to have a heart attack. Like you were struggling. So bad hurting it was. I felt like I could die, like I was going to have a heart attack, like you're struggling, so bad.

Rose Oates:

I went to the doctor and I haven't done this before and I was like that's it, I'm ready Give me medication for anxiety, which I've always not wanted to have. And I went to the doctor, I told him everything that was going on and for some reason, this doctor was different and he was like look, I've seen you like many times before and like I know what you're saying here, but have you ever considered that you might be like, you might have ADHD? And I was like no, no, I am organized, I am neat, I am clean, like. I know that sounds really stereotypical, but I was like I don't have you didn't see it. I'm not the mess, I'm not that. You know how some people shut down and they go messy, whereas my progressive cleaning side keeps everything clean and organized so that my mind can relax. Yes, and he's like it's not just all about that. He goes look, I can, you know, refer you to a therapist, and that's not necessarily. He's actually an ADHD specialist in adults. This doctor.

Rose Oates:

Yeah. So he's an ADHD specialist, but he's a therapist. He goes, he may say you have ADHD, but he may just you know, you can just go for therapy with him either way. And so I was like what have I got to lose? I was like also, give me medication. I actually said to him you needed relief, I need something I don't know what it is, valium or something of that description. I need something I don't know what it is, valium or something of that description. And I was so scared to take it.

Chrystal Russell:

I thought oh my God, I'm going to get addicted. I'm going to die, I'm going to fall asleep. Yeah, that's what I'd be thinking.

Rose Oates:

The intrusive thoughts that ADHD is getting and the overthinking. So I took half and I was like, but it did calm me down.

Rose Oates:

It took the stress off my chest. It took a lot, but like I felt like very numb I won't lie, but it helped me sleep and that's another thing. I wasn't sleeping, went to therapy, cried before I went in, went in, it was all good, it was fine, chatted it out, it was so normal and actually so relieving. So you cover everything. You're not just talking about ADHD and they don't ask you questions that you think that you're going to ask. It was scary walking in, but it was so good to go to see somebody and talk about shit with someone that doesn't care about anything. Yeah, they don't judge you. They don't know your life, they don't know your friends, you don't know your family, they don't care. They're just there to help. That's their actual job. So that was very helpful.

Chrystal Russell:

Do you think, though, that we are diagnosing ourselves as something that we possibly don't have? I'm not saying us because like it's just too there, well we're already done, I'm already done. I'm already diagnosed.

Rose Oates:

But I think it's easy to see traits of yourself with people that do have ADHD. Everyone has those traits. You can have anxiety, you can be overwhelmed as a mother, you can feel all the things. You can procrastinate. That might just be something that you do.

Chrystal Russell:

I just think that we all have something we're all different, that we've all just got little traits that make us who we are.

Rose Oates:

That's right, we're all a bit spicy you know, we are all a bit spicy in some level.

Chrystal Russell:

But it is funny because I do think I'm more attracted to people who have ADHD.

Rose Oates:

They say that you often do make friends with people that feel the same.

Chrystal Russell:

Even our clients that come into the salon like within five minutes, both of us know if they've got ADHD and we're blown into a full ADHD conversation with them.

Rose Oates:

Yes, We've actually just asked and gone hey, like you know, or we've said oh, I'm like Rose is actually ADHD, or you've said something like that, and then you're like oh, so am I. And we're like we know, we knew straight away, yeah. You can pick each other out, you can feel there's something there.

Chrystal Russell:

It's almost like the zombies, you know, when they call to each other other. I'm walking in the dead, I don't know what's I'm saying. So maybe we just have like our own, like what's it called? Like telepathic, I don't know, I can, I see you, I see you, see me, I see you.

Rose Oates:

It's like our brains like intertwine something yeah, but yeah, having a diagnosis is so relieving I can't even describe, because it actually makes you feel normal.

Chrystal Russell:

I think it makes you feel like hey, like I'm actually not, I'm just not fucked up.

Rose Oates:

I just think differently, like I actually am different. Yeah, you're not. There's nothing wrong with you, you just think differently.

Rose Oates:

Yes, and your brain works differently. It doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you, but I think your whole life, if you haven't been diagnosed, like until like 38, for 38 years I actually just felt different. I felt like I wasn't normal, I felt like lazy, I felt like just shit, like a lot of things that I was doing. That is very ADHD. Part of my ADHD made me feel like I was a piece of shit.

Chrystal Russell:

The main thing is, I think when you do have ADHD and you're not diagnosed or you have no idea that you even have it, it is the feeling of being misunderstood or like what is wrong with me? I can't concentrate, why can't I do it? Yes, Like that constant feeling negative about yourself. And I think when you do get that diagnosis, it's kind of like a relief or like a weight lifted off your shoulder of like oh, this makes sense.

Rose Oates:

Yeah, and you're not blaming it Like I think some people are like oh, this is trending. I was like, yeah, it's trending for you, but it's not actually fun. This hasn't been fun for me.

Chrystal Russell:

It's not fun, but I do blame it, like if I've forgotten to do something and I have actually forgotten to do something. I'm like I'm sorry, but I have an ADHD brain and I am like Dory off Nemo. Yeah, I actually am Like I start, I start something, and then I'm like, oh, that's pretty what's over there, and then I start something else and then next minute I've started five different things and I'm like shit, my house is a freaking mess because I started cleaning the office, I started cleaning the kitchen, I started cleaning my room all at the same time. Then I went out to burn out mold and I went to sleep and I left everything in the hallway. That happens regularly, for me.

Rose Oates:

That's me with projects. I'm going to start sanding this cupboard down. I'm going to make it beautiful.

Chrystal Russell:

The other day I called you and you were like yeah, I'm just painting my kitchen. I was like what the fuck? On a Monday morning, why are you painting your kitchen? No, what was it Sunday?

Rose Oates:

Yeah, but one side's still not painted. It's still partly blue and partly pink.

Chrystal Russell:

The fact that you've painted it blue and pink. I'm a little concerned, oh shit, Because you don't even really like color. I don't like color that much.

Rose Oates:

Okay, and that's another thing I don't like. I have to have my house very calm and serene.

Chrystal Russell:

Yes, your house is beige and white.

Rose Oates:

Because it's.

Chrystal Russell:

Serene Because my mind is colorful and because my mind is busy.

Rose Oates:

I can't handle when my house is busy Like I need to walk into a place that's calm. Oh well, then you shouldn't have had four kids, babe. Yep, that was my bad, I'll never forget.

Chrystal Russell:

I came to your house one day and the kids had popped like a beanbag and you had those little styrofoam balls everywhere and you were like I, just I'm giving up right now.

Rose Oates:

I did, I gave up on life.

Chrystal Russell:

I was like oh, well, I think you found them for like three months all over your house.

Rose Oates:

There's still some in the garden Like they're still blowing through Fuckers.

Chrystal Russell:

Yeah, no, probably wasn't the smartest thing to do when your brain doesn't think clearly.

Rose Oates:

Oh, God, yeah. But I mean, I didn't know, yeah, I didn't know what.

Chrystal Russell:

I didn't know. I 60% of women with ADHD experience postnatal depression, anxiety, depression on its own and PTSD.

Rose Oates:

Yeah, that doesn't really shock me, to be honest.

Chrystal Russell:

That's crazy.

Rose Oates:

Yeah, I think I just got to my absolute ultimate burnout stage after the fourth chart.

Chrystal Russell:

Jesus. It's so like approximately one in 20 people have ADHD in Australia.

Rose Oates:

Yeah, and see, that's why there is so many of us, that is, if that's like an accurate stat, that's why there is so many of us and that's why, when we with social media, with learning, all of this, more and more people are going to get diagnosed yeah, and that's why we're hearing about it more, Whereas back in our parents' day nobody was talking about it because they didn't really do it and they didn't really. If you went to therapy back then, it was a very expensive rich people thing to do, yeah, and even now it's a fucking privilege to even be able to afford some of these services. Oh my gosh, even me, I can only probably go like once every two months because they're expensive sessions.

Rose Oates:

Like Craig was so supportive when I first like started going. I think I was going once every two weeks and it was so expensive.

Chrystal Russell:

But even I was looking because obviously recently with Levi he's going through some things. He's been. I don't know if it's a proper diagnosis, but they've said that he was flagged for ADD and autism. So he's on the spectrum, but to what level we don't know. But he definitely does have some social cues that show that he has autism, which I tried to explain to him like is fine, yeah, just because you have autism does not mean that you know.

Rose Oates:

I think a lot of people think of. There's a stigma.

Chrystal Russell:

People think of autism as like a full disability. Like you know, somebody said to me oh, but he doesn't look like a Down syndrome, and I said do you even know what?

Rose Oates:

the difference is that is so Rude. Rude and offensive. Yes To people, one to people that do have Down syndrome.

Chrystal Russell:

That's completely different and I'm like I think it is actually uneducation, Uneducation it's uneducated, you're uneducated. If you think that autism and Down syndrome are the same thing, then you are very uneducated.

Rose Oates:

I cannot even fathom how offensive that is on every level. Oh my gosh, it's so rude.

Chrystal Russell:

But imagine what my son feels like, if that's what he's thinking, like, if people are saying those kind of things. Is that what he's thinking? I think?

Rose Oates:

there's such a stigma around being called autistic or being even called saying that you're not neurotypical yeah, so there's nothing wrong with it. You think differently. Your brain is different. Autism as well, for that matter. Autism is a spectrum. Yes, it's so wide, yes, it can range so far and so many different ways that that can present. Yes, so I think that's really offensive and it's probably why at his age because he's a little bit older now as well so he's coming into that teen age and it's going to feel like there's something. Now he's been told. He's like, oh, there's something wrong with me.

Chrystal Russell:

The older he's getting, the more present it is, if that makes sense.

Rose Oates:

So as a child.

Chrystal Russell:

None of his teachers would pick up any of the things that now I'm picking up. So usually children would get diagnosed early, right, like usually five, six, seven.

Rose Oates:

Even younger. I think, yeah, you've got a full diagnosis.

Chrystal Russell:

But he's been in therapy for a very long time, like I would say probably from the age of maybe as young as six or seven. Yeah, because he had a lot of different things. But it makes sense now. But no therapist picked up any of the things that now this therapist has. But that's because he's not getting noticed until he's older. So he's struggling in high school. Yes, he's actually struggling.

Rose Oates:

This is where it's really shown.

Chrystal Russell:

All his teachers in primary school just said like obviously he was really quiet, you know, he would go unnoticed kind of thing.

Rose Oates:

Yes, undetected yes.

Chrystal Russell:

And then now obviously in high school he is struggling, he can't concentrate, he's with the fairies half the time, and then obviously now the autism side has come into it. So we're just trying to get that sorted. But I think for a lot of people when they think of autism, they do think it as like a severe learning disability or they think of it as like something that you would know that you're being impacted by. But that doesn't. It's not true.

Rose Oates:

That's not necessarily true for everybody. No, Again a spectrum.

Chrystal Russell:

It's so wide and this is what the therapist was telling me like he could just be on the spectrum enough that it's impacting him.

Rose Oates:

Yes, but I think that's, I think there shouldn't be a stigma, whether that is doesn't matter. What doesn't matter if that child or adult is on the spectrum where they have got like severe, like learning difficulties or anything like that. Just accepting people for who they are, yeah, and just being really kind, like to the parent and the adult alike, because like saying shit like that that's damaging.

Chrystal Russell:

I just I honestly think it's just like people, just they're not educated, they're just not educated. I just think they don't know and they just assume, or I'm not sure. But anyways, we keep it very to ourselves, to be honest, because every time I do bring it up to anybody I'm hit with like judgment. I guess, like how do you know? And no, he's not. And well, I know that I've been told, so don't say to me no, he's not. Like I live with him. I see the things that he struggles with daily.

Rose Oates:

Yeah, I know that how much you guys have to like work with him.

Chrystal Russell:

It's hard, it's hard work every day and it could just be as simple as he can't leave the house without wearing socks. Yeah, like it's just as simple as that With the sensory thing.

Rose Oates:

Yeah, I get that.

Chrystal Russell:

And it makes sense, like I have the same sensory thing, except for I cannot wear socks. Yeah, I know we are weird like that, yeah, so he has to wear socks and if I wear socks, you feel suffocating.

Rose Oates:

When you wear socks, I feel like I'm strangling. I'm being strangled. For me, everyone's just going to laugh. You're going to laugh. I don't like clothes, sometimes at all.

Rose Oates:

Because you're being strangled, I feel like I can't breathe and I feel more comfortable in a pair of underwear and a crop. Yeah, it doesn't matter what size I was, it doesn't matter what shape I'm in, like, obviously, like I jump on Instagram. That's hard because obviously, like I had to learn to love my body over years and years, but like people would be like, oh yeah, shocking. Like no, it's for me as well. I can think better when I don't have, not when I'm naked. I don't have to be naked. I just can't have Restriction. Restriction, yes.

Chrystal Russell:

Like I would never see you in a turtleneck ever. Oh, I can't breathe, neither I would cut it off.

Rose Oates:

Yeah, I was at work the other day and I was like I had a heavy denim dress on and it was cute and I love it, it's one of my favourite. But you know, when you can't lift your arms properly, like it's a little bit restrictive under the arm because it's tight, it's heavy denim Can you drive in it? Driving it, yeah, but it wasn't enough. All day the girls were just like what the hell? I'm like I need to take this off. Does anyone have any clothes here I can change into? I was like I was unbuttoning it. By the end of the day I was half undressed. I had three buttons undone, three from the bottom. I was suffocating in the dress because I couldn't move properly and I felt it was very heavy on my body and I couldn't think my brain wasn't working because I had the dress on.

Chrystal Russell:

See, you love to wear necklaces and you've probably got like three necklaces on.

Rose Oates:

right now I can't wear necklaces.

Chrystal Russell:

I'm going to die. I'm like claustrophobic with jewelry on. I feel like I'm going to choke.

Rose Oates:

I get what you're saying, yeah.

Chrystal Russell:

So it is funny that we have all these little different things that either bother us or don't like. Yours is a fidget, but it feels like a fidget. You know what I mean.

Rose Oates:

And I also find that with my wedding ring I'll flick it around and around and around and if I have to take it off I get a panic. Because I was like, because I know that I do it all the time.

Chrystal Russell:

Well, I'm claustrophobic by jewelry, yeah, full claustrophobic by jewelry and socks and socks. I don Now my neck is feeling closed when I've got socks on, but it does.

Rose Oates:

Yeah, sometimes, even though, when we're in the studio, we take our shoes off.

Chrystal Russell:

Yeah, I will never have socks on, sorry. No, you don't I could be in a blizzard and not need to wear socks. Probably, I don't know, you might be cold. We'll see when I travel one day, maybe, maybe, maybe We'll see if, and the ADHD things today, but it is a very interesting topic it is, and there is a lot of us that probably need to.

Rose Oates:

Just one, I would say start with therapy. Yes, if you can, I think you can go. No, not think I know. You can get a mental health plan yes, and you can get six sessions, I think it's 10. I got well. If it's ten, now that's even better.

Chrystal Russell:

I got six, maybe it wasn't, I thought it was ten. Maybe I got ten for Levi.

Rose Oates:

I got six for myself and then I think you can go back the year after or six months after I'm not sure on that but like get another six and your doctor just has to approve it and that you can tell them like, look, it's doing wonders for me. And then you can get like it takes a little bit off your Medicare bill.

Chrystal Russell:

Oh no, hpf or whatever. Whatever it is private health or whatever it is.

Rose Oates:

So that is, if you're not sure that you've got ADHD, or even if, like, shit is niggling you, even for anxiety, those touches of depression like it is normal. You're not depressed just because you have ebbs and flows. Just because you feel depressed doesn't mean you're in depression necessarily. But it's worth going to get a couple of therapy sessions Like it's not. Like. I think we need to take the stigma that therapy means there's something actually wrong with you, there's something wrong with all of us.

Chrystal Russell:

I think we need to talk about like things being okay that we have it, because you know autismhd, add ocd, yes, um, bipolar, um, there's so many. There is literally like even my dad was diagnosed with schizophrenia and bipolar yeah, and he lived and breathed like a normal guy, like, besides the fact that he liked things being a certain way which who of us doesn't? He had both of these things, probably his whole entire life. So I think we need to just open up that just because you have something doesn't mean that you're a weirdo or that there's something wrong with you. Just finding out that you have something is going to help you with your life. If you help somebody and get a diagnosis and maybe go on medication or maybe see a therapist, you might live a better life. Yeah.

Rose Oates:

Sometimes for me, like I've said, it's relieving, like I feel like I go oh, I kind of get. I understand myself. Now, looking back, I understand why I did certain things and the way that I manage things. So, like, even with the cleaning, like it's instant gratification when I clean something, I see a task that's done and it's very rewarding for my brain.

Chrystal Russell:

I'm like yeah, it's like getting online shopping.

Rose Oates:

You buy it and when it comes it's rewarding. Now, everybody gets a dopamine shit hit from shopping. Everyone, absolutely everyone, gets a little hit from like a new thing.

Chrystal Russell:

I got three parcels today, baby. I still had to nap, though, but it was glorious.

Rose Oates:

It is. When it comes to my door, I'm like hello, it feels fucking good. But again like that's exactly right. Knowing what's wrong or right or how your brain works is really relieving for me. Like I was like oh, I cried when he said the words. I actually cried in relief.

Chrystal Russell:

Yeah.

Rose Oates:

And then it brought up a lot of other things.

Chrystal Russell:

But do you think it helps with your relationship more? Because, like I am a shit wife, you are not a shit wife, no, but like I do things and I think, oh, that's pretty shit, but I blame the ADHD and sometimes he's like you blame something that I do even have it and I'm like, well, I don't know, I'm assuming it's alright, you're going to go to therapy.

Rose Oates:

We're going to find out. You'll find out for sure.

Chrystal Russell:

I'm actually going to do it this year, before I'm 40, I'm going to get a diagnosis.

Rose Oates:

Well, you, already had your childhood diagnosis. Yes, come on. It's pretty obvious. I think once they have that, they could probably track it back, but you'll probably still have to go back into therapy From probably 1980, no 85, no 90s.

Chrystal Russell:

Yeah, I don't know, probably not.

Rose Oates:

But, yeah, no, sometimes I think, yeah, it does affect your relationship if they don't know, if they don't understand. Yeah, craig understands it now. Like he knows he has to be my like shadow. So, like he knows he has to be my like shadow. So if I've got something really really important to do, I've got a job that's due in front of the computer, like whether that be for content or whether it be for, like you know, an interior job.

Chrystal Russell:

He has to make sure you stay on topic.

Rose Oates:

This is weird. He doesn't have to do anything, he just has to be in the room. They call it something body doubling. He doesn't have to talk to me. He doesn't have to do anything. He doesn't. He could sit on his phone in the corner.

Chrystal Russell:

But is he keeping you accountable? Yes, so like if you went to go get up, he'd be like are you finished?

Rose Oates:

No, but I know he's there. So for some reason I stay on task because I know he's in the room, because if he leaves and sometimes I beg him, I'm like you know, can you please stay with me because I can't finish it if you leave and she'll sit in the room with a book while I'm doing it because, I need it.

Rose Oates:

So this is kind of why I'm kind of leaning now like down the medication path, like my therapist was like Rose, you do the therapy, you do a really good job. You listen, you put it into play. You've been trying your best to put all put it into play. You've been trying your best to put all those practices into play, but he goes. Medication is the gold standard and he goes. I think you know it's worth giving it a go and it's worth trying, because I was scared that one. It was going to dull me down yes, that's my fear. And I thought one it was going to take away all my creativity and make me feel like a shell. And he's like no, that's not the case. There's lots of different medications, you can go on. And I also thought I would be addicted to them. But he said no, they're not addictive. So I was like, okay, and this year I'm going to give it a go. Good for you.

Rose Oates:

Thanks, mate, I think it will be good and also I can just Maybe I'll just slip a sneaky pill from yours. Things we say on this podcast may or may not happen.

Chrystal Russell:

Do not send me to jail. Is it illegal to take someone else's medication? Just ask him for a friend.

Rose Oates:

Absolutely no, I don't know.

Chrystal Russell:

I don't actually know.

Rose Oates:

I know nothing legally about this stuff.

Chrystal Russell:

I don't think a fuck is selling their bloody ADH medication on the streets. We ain't doing that. You're just giving it to me for free. That's ridiculous.

Rose Oates:

That is ridiculous. Honestly, I don't know, but I remember when I was a kid like taking them because everyone wanted to take a Dexie. Okay, I'm not implicating myself, but when you're young and I was like this shit does nothing to me when you're young and I was like this shit does nothing to me. I was like I just stayed awake all day, but that was it yeah.

Chrystal Russell:

That was it. I was like why is everyone?

Rose Oates:

going crazy. I was like feeling good. I was like, no, this is boring, yeah. I was like, because it did what it was meant to do. It calmed me down, yeah. And everyone was like woo, and this is doing nothing. You guys are lying.

Chrystal Russell:

I thought they were lying. That was like the biggest red flag back then. But as a kid you probably didn't think no you just thought, oh, this is what everyone's talking about.

Rose Oates:

I just thought they were all bullshitting. I was like, oh, they're going hypo. They're just like you know, when you pretend you're drunk. I was like, oh, they're just pretending they're high or hypo or whatever. But this is boring. I want to go home that's funny and not sleep for three days.

Chrystal Russell:

I wonder how many kids out there are taking Dexys and it's doing that to them.

Rose Oates:

It's doing nothing. Anyway, guys, that's it for today. We will keep you updated. We'll keep you updated where the Crystal ends up going to therapy and getting her proper new diagnosis as an adult, and I'll let you know how I go on the medication track, because it is a long road and it can be, like you know, you've got to test the waters on different stuff and what works for you. But yeah, we'll keep you updated. So until next time, take care of yourselves and take care of each other. Bye.

Chrystal Russell:

Bye-bye.

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Chrystal Russell

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Rose Oates

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