When You Gave It Your All, and It Still Didn’t Work. How to Recover From a Failed Dream. For Introverted Dreamers.

Have you ever poured your heart into an idea, only to watch it fall flat?

Maybe you set up the page, wrote the emails, built the offer, opened the calendar, and gave it your best.

And still, nothing happened.

In this episode, I’m talking about what to do with a failed dream and how to keep going when something you hoped for does not pan out.

I share honestly about my own graveyard of dreams: books that did not sell, writing workshops that barely took off, a merch business that went nowhere, and ideas I really believed in that simply did not work.

It is painful to experience a failed dream. When a dream comes up short, it can make you question yourself.

It can make you wonder if you heard God wrong, missed something important, or maybe just do not have what it takes.

But I do not believe failure has to be the end of the story.

Sometimes, the thing that did not work becomes the very thing that teaches you what to do next.

In this episode, I walk through three things to consider when you're staring down a failed dream.

I know what it feels like to try and feel like you came up short.

But I also know that regret is heavier than trying and failing.

So if you have it in you, I hope you get up again.

I hope you try again.

I hope you dream again.

Your failed dream may not be the end.

It may be a pointer to what comes next.

Thanks for being here! If you'd like to support the show, please visit buymeacoffee.com/remiroy to give a one-time or monthly gift. 

And if you can’t give financially right now? A rating, a review, or simply sharing the show with a friend goes such a long way.

Thank you for being here. I see you. I appreciate you.

Transcript

TDIP S4E14

00:00:00 Remi Osi: Sometimes dreams don't pan out. Sometimes you set up the Instagram page, you set up the funnel. You write all the emails. You set up the booking calendar, you give it your all, and then it just sits there collecting dust. I know what that feels like. And today I want to talk about what happened when the thing you poured yourself into comes up short. Let's get into it.

00:00:35 Remi Osi: Gosh, I have experienced so many fails at this point. I have a graveyard of dreams and it's always a difficult thing. But I have learned to do some kind of autopsy and try to figure out what happened. When a dream doesn't work, when something that I poured myself into comes up short. I usually have to fight feelings of failure, disappointment, or maybe wondering, can I ever get anything right? Trust me, I've been there. Those negative thoughts still my heart in those moments, but after being around the block a couple times, I am learning to look at these things as pointers. I'm learning to look at them through a different lens, not as proof of failure, not as proof that I didn't measure up or I don't know what I'm doing. But as experiences that lead me to the next thing, experiences I can learn from. Experiences that are not wasted. Not in any way. one thing I will not let failure do is stop me. I will not let disappointment make me give up on everything. So today I want to talk about what happens when your dream doesn't pan out. And, um, you've tried everything and it feels like you cannot get the outcome you're looking for. So here are a couple of things that I have called failed in my life and I put field in air quotes. Writing is one of them. I've always loved writing. I always wanted to be a writer. I wanted to write books that people wanted to read. Turns out it's very hard. And after writing three books that, for all intents and purposes, didn't really do very well. I have to go back and do some sort of autopsy and figure out why, and maybe even think about what do I do next and how do I approach it or not approach it the next time. It's really interesting, right? So definitely for me, yes, books, publishing, writing workshops. I remember there was a time when I was really struggling with figuring out what I wanted to do with my life, and I've always been the kind of person where I think anytime I have that existential question of, what do I want to do with my life? And I don't know, I don't have an answer. I just pick one thing. I pick one thing based on my interests, my passions, and I just go after it. And I had this great idea at the time to do writing workshops. That didn't go very far, but I'm glad at least I had some people sign up for those writing workshops, and I still have pictures and videos from it. But when you're talking about the kind of outcome you're looking for and how successful you want something to be, I know it wasn't successful, but thank you to the five people who showed up and signed up. And you know, we really had a great time. I'm really grateful for that. So I tried to do a magazine once, kind of like a magazine type of thing. And, um, yeah, that didn't last very long. I tried the YouTube thing for a while. It didn't really go anywhere. I tried a whole merch business and I had t shirts and greeting cards and wall art. I had, I think one person buy my stuff. What happens when you give it your all and it still doesn't work? What I'm trying to say is that sometimes dreams don't pan out the way we expect. Sometimes we don't get the outcome we desired. Sometimes you have a square payment systems that go unused because no one ever bought anything. Sometimes you have books that no one read, no one bought. Sometimes you have a business that hasn't really had a client in a long time. Sometimes you set up the page, you set up everything in the website. You do all you can, but it doesn't really work and it's not in the way that you want it to. I don't have a magical answer for you. I wish I could solve it for you. The things that you have tried and given your all to that didn't pan out. I wish I could find you customers and clients today. I wish I could make it work for you. I wish I could find your readers, you know, bring it all together for you. One thing I've learned is that those failures, quote unquote failures, are very important. They are very crucial to the journey. And you will be glad that some things did not work out when you finally figure out where you should be and what you should be doing, because that's another level of revelation that is really amazing when you get to it. So what should you do when you've poured your energies into something and it's looking like it's not working? A couple of things that I do and a framework you can kind of work with. Number one is this try to take an objective look at what you just did. Were you well positioned to succeed? Did all of the pieces connect? Because there's so many moving parts, so many variables needed for a dream to work. I'll use the context of a business here, because a lot of our dreams will probably fall into that category, but there's so many variables needed for a business to work, right? The market has to be right. The offer has to be right. The messaging has to be right. The timing has to be right. The audience has to be right. And then the energy and the effort and all that you put into it has to be commensurate with the dream that you are going after. And sometimes we don't quite get it right. Maybe there's a piece missing. I remember for me, there was a time when I wasn't really leaning into giving my all because I didn't know what that required. I didn't know that when you put out a maybe an ad for an event, you can just put it out there, tell a few people, and then expect it to magically work. No, you have to get in people's faces. You have to connect with them. You have unique touch points. They need to see you, hear your passion, know what you're doing, and know why they should care. So there's so many moving pieces to making something work. So ask yourself, how did all those pieces come together for your dream? And if you can't figure it out, that's fine. It doesn't mean you can move to the next thing, but just be open to learning the things that can help you succeed when you're going after a dream. Number two, it's important to pay attention to the state of your heart, right? What are you thinking? How are you feeling after you've been in a position where you've poured your heart into something, especially if it's something public that people knew you were doing. They saw you post the thing, they saw you talk about it, and somehow it doesn't quite pan out the way you thought. Are you hurt? Are you angry? Are you embarrassed because the state of your heart will determine where you go from here? It will determine what you are able to give yourself to next. It will determine how ready you might be for whatever is coming next. Because it's very important that you don't carry baggage, that you don't hold on to fears and hurt. You don't want to shrink back because you've been burned, because there's so much more ahead of you than there is behind you. So if you let this stop you, then oh my God, that's unfortunate. And I've been here so many times, I ask myself, why do I even try? Why do I want to go into the next thing and the next thing? But there's something in me that just calls to it. I cannot let it go because I knew there's a vision. It may not be clear, it may not be crystal, but it's there and I have to keep pursuing it. So it's important to pay attention to where your heart is at that time when you're trying to figure out where to go next. Number three, find a way to dream again. It may not look like the last one. It may not even feel like something you are completely equipped for. You may not be ready for it, but find a way to dream again. I'm sure you've probably heard of serial entrepreneurs who try different things until something clicked, and maybe you were meant to be an entrepreneur in that sense. Maybe you were meant to do thing after thing. Try things out. Take it for a spin until you figure out a way to make them work. But whatever it is, whatever kind of entrepreneur or whatever kind of creative or person you are, find a way to dream again. It might require being less idealistic and maybe more calculated about it, maybe more logical and analytical. I know for my person, I am not the most logical or analytical person. I run on ideas. I run on dreams. I run on passion. Right. But I am learning. Even though it's really hard to lean into that analytical and logical side, how is this going to realistically work? And how can I be more calculated with the risks that I take? So it might require that it might require stepping back, looking around you to see what's actually available, and then taking another step in a new or maybe renewed direction. So I just want to encourage you. I know what it feels like to fail, right? I was talking with a friend about this before I started recording this, and we talked about the fact that it's never really like a failure. And that is true, right? It doesn't matter how you want it to turn out. And it didn't turn out that way. There is something you got from it. There's an experience, there's a learning, there's confidence that comes from trying and failing if you let it. But at that time when you are nursing that feeling, it feels like failure. It feels like embarrassment, right? So I know how that feels. I know what it feels like to start something with a lot of passion and energy, and after a while have it fizzle out. I fail this time and time and time and time again. But I also know that regret is a worse feeling than trying and failing. The fact that you tried and you failed. Oh my gosh. Welcome to the club. This is what happens. This is how you learn. This is how you grow. This is how you build confidence. So if you have it in you and I hope you do, and I know you do, I hope you get up again. I hope you try again. I hope you dream again. I hope you give yourself another chance to go out with renewed energy. So three things that I shared with you on how to recover from a dream that feels like it failed, right? Number one is take an objective look at what you just did. Think about it. Did you do all the right things? Did you make all the pieces connect? Did you get all the learning that you needed? Did you get all of the information right? Did all the variables come together? If they did and it still didn't work, move on to number two. If you looked at it and you said, okay, maybe there's something I could have done better. Maybe I could have pushed harder. Maybe I could have gone, you know, longer. Maybe I could have reached out to more people. Whatever it is, take that learning as you move to the next thing. Number two, pay attention to the state of your heart. If you're hurt, if you're embarrassed, if you're angry, deal with that, right? Because the state of your heart will determine where you go from here. You don't want the emotions to blind you from what is possible in the future. And number three, find a way to dream again. Whatever it is you need to do, if you need to talk to someone, if you need to bring someone along on the journey next time, whatever it is you need to do, find a way to dream again. Call to the passion inside of you. Know the vision that you had at the beginning when you set out on this journey, call to that vision. Find a way to dream again, because regret is not something you want to have to deal with. It is worse than trying and failing. I hope this encourages you as you navigate the decisions, the dreams, the passions, the callings, and all of that upon your life. So I am curious, what do you have going on right now? Do you have a dream you're pursuing right now? Do you have a dream that I sort of let you down? Do you feel like you've failed at something? Are you excited to try again? I would love to hear from you. Send me an email at the Driven introvert at shepherd dot com. Thank you so much for listening to this one, and I'll see you in the next one. Bye.