Unlock the deepest corners of your mind and shatter obstacles to success with clinical psychologist Jennifer Bellingrodt. In a captivating journey from army psychologist to innovator of a global virtual practice, Jennifer unveils her integration of therapy and coaching that transforms lives. Her approach, richly detailed in this episode, delves into the six-story building metaphor of the mind, where self-limiting beliefs lay the groundwork for the experiences we manifest. Whether it's understanding the influence of family origin on our thought patterns or embracing the transformative power of executive coaching, Jennifer's expertise offers invaluable insights for personal and professional growth.
Dive into the pulsating heart of personal development as Jennifer lights the way for professionals, especially realtors, to conquer their fears and navigate the rocky terrain of entrepreneurship. Her dynamic discussion uncovers the secrets of leveraging social media and the extraordinary resilience birthed from facing failure. Plus, get a front-row seat to her literary contributions, including "Fix your Freaking Marriage" and the upcoming "Get On With Your Freaking Life," which promise to arm readers with strategies to dismantle the disempowering beliefs that hold them back.
Finally, Jennifer invites us to interpret the language of the subconscious through dream analysis and to recognize the whispers of the universe in moments of deja vu and 'God winks.' As she shares stories from her practice, the intertwining of spirituality and therapy emerges as a potent force in guiding individuals towards fulfillment. If you're yearning to cast aside the mental barriers that hinder your progress, this episode is your gateway to a transformative journey, illuminated by Jennifer's profound wisdom and therapeutic acumen.
Unlock the deepest corners of your mind and shatter obstacles to success with clinical psychologist Jennifer Bellingrodt. In a captivating journey from army psychologist to innovator of a global virtual practice, Jennifer unveils her integration of therapy and coaching that transforms lives. Her approach, richly detailed in this episode, delves into the six-story building metaphor of the mind, where self-limiting beliefs lay the groundwork for the experiences we manifest. Whether it's understanding the influence of family origin on our thought patterns or embracing the transformative power of executive coaching, Jennifer's expertise offers invaluable insights for personal and professional growth.
Dive into the pulsating heart of personal development as Jennifer lights the way for professionals, especially realtors, to conquer their fears and navigate the rocky terrain of entrepreneurship. Her dynamic discussion uncovers the secrets of leveraging social media and the extraordinary resilience birthed from facing failure. Plus, get a front-row seat to her literary contributions, including "Fix your Freaking Marriage" and the upcoming "Get On With Your Freaking Life," which promise to arm readers with strategies to dismantle the disempowering beliefs that hold them back.
Finally, Jennifer invites us to interpret the language of the subconscious through dream analysis and to recognize the whispers of the universe in moments of deja vu and 'God winks.' As she shares stories from her practice, the intertwining of spirituality and therapy emerges as a potent force in guiding individuals towards fulfillment. If you're yearning to cast aside the mental barriers that hinder your progress, this episode is your gateway to a transformative journey, illuminated by Jennifer's profound wisdom and therapeutic acumen.
My guest today is Jennifer Bellingroth. Thank you so much for joining me today.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1:Of course. Well, I'm excited to get into our topic of discussion today. A little bit about you. You are a licensed clinical psychologist. You have over 20 years of experience. You started initially as an army psychologist Correct Wow, that's really interesting and you practice a combination of therapy, consultation, lecturing and coaching clinical supervision and you've been doing that now for more than two decades.
Speaker 2:Right, it's been a minute.
Speaker 1:Wow, that's really impressive, and where is your practice?
Speaker 2:So I do everything virtually. Now I have an office in Phoenix that manages all the scheduling and everything for me, but it's virtual. I'm virtual, I can be uh, I can practice in almost all 50 states at this point.
Speaker 1:Wow, and that's on your psycho education platform.
Speaker 2:The psycho education platform is my training platform, so anybody can access that all around the world.
Speaker 1:So I can see you, no matter even if I'm in another state or if I'm traveling. That's really neat. And then also you have a podcast. I do the Psych with a Mic.
Speaker 2:Wow.
Speaker 1:That's exciting, and where can people listen to that on?
Speaker 2:Any platform Spotify, Apple Podcasts, you name it and it's.
Speaker 1:Psych with a Mic. The Psych with a Mic. The Psych with a Mic yeah, so make sure to turn into that too. So check Jennifer out on Psych with a Mic podcast. You also have multiple direct sales side hustles.
Speaker 2:Yes, the average millionaire has seven streams of income, so I'm trying to get there.
Speaker 1:Wow, tell us what else that you do.
Speaker 2:I've always been in direct sales because I think it's a great way to try and create some additional income, have another revenue stream, because I think it's a great way to try and create some additional income you know, have another revenue stream. I've done lots of different things. My favorite is currently wine, so I'm working for a wine company that tests their wine, makes sure it's clean.
Speaker 2:no headache, no hangover none of that junk in it that's going to make you feel crummy. That's the most fun, because I get to meet a lot of people, and I mean drink wine.
Speaker 1:So what's not fun about that? Right, exactly, that's great, yeah, and you also are a speaker for various marketing or network marketing companies right.
Speaker 2:So, with combining my love of direct sales and my success with that, and then being a psychologist, I've been able to speak for some network marketing companies about mindset and coaching for how to succeed.
Speaker 1:Oh that's. You certainly do not have a lot of days off or free time on your hands do you?
Speaker 2:Oh, I don't. I stay busy, very busy. Life is short.
Speaker 1:It is short and you might just follow your passions, right.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And let's see here. Last but not least, you are an author, and that's definitely a huge thing that we should talk about and discuss. So tell us about. You just wrote your first book and that's published now.
Speaker 2:Yes, so it's called Fix your Freaking Marriage Practical Tips to Just Start Somewhere. Okay, and I published it in August of 23. And it was an amazing adventure. I love writing and taking everything I've learned over two decades and just like paring it down and putting it into readable format, because I can reach a lot more people that way. Yeah, absolutely yeah. So the next book I've started my second book and that's on really what we're talking about today, which is mindset and overcoming the self-limiting beliefs so that you can activate all the mindset, coaching and training and everything that we all pay good money for.
Speaker 1:Well, I have not read your first book yet and I'm excited I'm going to be getting a copy of that later today for sure. So, as you touched on a bit, but I imagine as a psychologist you have knowledge, of course, about mindset and mind strength. How does mindset coaching that you do fit into the world of personal development, and why do you believe it may fall short for so many individuals?
Speaker 2:Well, mindset coaching focuses on the conscious mind and that doesn't work for a lot of people because they have subconscious beliefs that are driving their thoughts, feelings, behavior, that chain of thought, feeling behavior. So the we have to get into that subconscious level. And you know, you can attend all the seminars and read all the books and do all the things, but if you don't overcome those core beliefs then it's's. You're not going to activate that stuff because it all sounds good but you're not going to do it, you're not going to implement it, because you have these beliefs that just kind of roll around in your subconscious mind and block you from doing what you want to do.
Speaker 1:So even if I know, let's say if I'm coaching myself to have good mindset about something and I have every intention of having that be the way that I want to go, like, let's say, today, you know, positive fourth in my day, there may be some stuff that's lying underneath that's preventing me from being able to do that. Is that what you're saying?
Speaker 2:Right. These are the subconscious patterns of thinking that end up sabotaging us and we engage in sabotage behavior. It's the reason we don't, you know, activate what we know or implement what we've learned and reach our goals. So I tell people to think about it this way. So mindset is like the weather and self-limiting beliefs are the climate.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:So if you um want to change the weather, if you want to see a weather level change, you have to change those underlying beliefs. If you're in the same climate of holding on to those beliefs, then your weather's never going to change. You've got to move somewhere else and get different weather. Okay, that we have in the back of our minds that limits us and keeps us from activating all of the you know, do this and try these five things, and here's the checklist for self-confidence and so forth.
Speaker 1:So it may be something that I experienced when I was younger, that's keeping me like in a holding pattern, or something almost Exactly that.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah. So these these are self-limiting beliefs come from core beliefs that we develop when we're young, particularly before the age of six, which is really interesting, because before the age of six we're in what's known as a theta brainwave state, and that state is the same state that we're in if we are meditating or if we're hypnotized. That's the brain state we're in, which means we're very influenceable, very malleable. Our thoughts are very malleable. So if the experiences we have during that time, those stick with us even more and they lay a foundation. And then there's stuff that comes along after that, after the age of six. That's still really important and it either adds to or subtracts from those underlying core beliefs that are based on early experiences.
Speaker 1:Okay, and is that why sometimes and I know we haven't talked about this at all, but in order to help people, some people think like in hypnosis or something as a way to get rid of some of those self beliefs from when we were little? Or is that just a whole nother?
Speaker 2:No, I think that's relevant. You're targeting, you're trying to. So hypnosis is just a state of heightened relaxation. It's not the comedy club stuff that you see people squawking like chickens and putting lampshades on their heads Like that's just that's comedy.
Speaker 1:I think I've seen that a couple of times before in Vegas. I'm sure you have.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we've all been there. So there's a social pressure to perform in those situations and usually a couple drink minimum that is involved. So that doesn't really help, but it's just really a heightened state of relaxation. And again, if you think about meditation, we're really, really relaxed. Same thing with hypnosis we want to get you really relaxed so that we can get into the subconscious level. Now I can't. If I hypnotize you right now, I can't make you do anything that you wouldn't do sitting here wakefully talking to me.
Speaker 1:So that's where the comedy stuff is like a little off, but it's fun.
Speaker 2:People love it. You know it makes for a good, for good entertainment, um, but I can't make you do anything. So it's not about that. It's about just really getting like tuning out the world, almost, and just getting you to hyper focus on what it is we're talking about, where I'm having you go in your head and then what I'm saying for you to think about reconsider, reframe, do whatever.
Speaker 1:And am I more apt, in that state, to follow along with what you're telling me to do? For example, like, if you told me to do something but I have that self-limiting belief, it may roadblock me, but if I'm in that state that you're talking about, then I may listen more to what you're telling me and, like, take my walls down. Is there a lack of a better way of saying?
Speaker 2:that that's a really good question, because if you're in that state, you're more influenceable. But what I would do in that state is get to your self-limiting beliefs, because I can tell you even in that state okay, christina, these are the things that you need to do. But if your underlying self-limiting beliefs are there and I'm not touching those, I might as well not have hypnotized you. So you still have to take that next level and speak to those specific beliefs.
Speaker 1:So, talking about self-limiting beliefs, what sets self-limiting beliefs apart as the core issue that must be tackled before diving into personal growth endeavors?
Speaker 2:So mindset is about your thoughts, and self-limiting beliefs have to do with your convictions, which are more you know. Those are your beliefs about yourself. They're much more personal.
Speaker 1:That's developed over time.
Speaker 2:Right, right, yeah. So they're much more deep seated. They you know, the self-limiting beliefs drive the development of your convictions. So it all starts when we're little and then everything that happens after that. Like I said, it either adds to or subtracts from that basis. So, again, the self-limiting beliefs are in the subconscious mind and that wins out over the conscious mind any day of the week, so that theta brainwave state, before the age of six we're developing these beliefs and what we experience and learn in those early years establishes then the core beliefs and we act out of that. So I have a visual Think of your brain as a six-story building. Think of your brain as a six-story building. Okay, so in the basement, which represents the subconscious portion of your mind, that's where the self-limiting beliefs are. Then these generate or I'm sorry, those are your negative core beliefs.
Speaker 1:the first, the basement, is where your negative core beliefs are everything that doesn't make me basically positive is more on that lower level well, the positive stuff is there too but, the negative stuff is so much stronger in in in humanity it takes.
Speaker 2:it takes five positive thoughts, a minimum of five positive thoughts or compliments, to undo one negative thought or criticism. At a minimum, that's like the average. So some of us need fewer, some of us need a whole lot more of us need a whole lot more. Probably need a whole lot more. Oh, I mean, it depends on the topic and it depends on what your self-limiting beliefs are. So where do your insecurities lie? And if somebody tackles you there, yeah, you're going to need more than five.
Speaker 1:And that's typical.
Speaker 2:That's, you know, human nature really. So the the self-limiting beliefs, then, are on the first floor Okay, and these generate the negative automatic thoughts on the second floor Okay. So now we're at a thought level, we're at a conscious level, and then those thoughts generate your feelings on the third floor. Feelings lead to behaviors. On the fourth floor, and then on the fifth floor, we see that what you put out, into the world works like a magnet to attract things to you.
Speaker 1:This is very true, right? Can we go back over that diagram just one more time?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so. So at the in the basement there are these core beliefs that we were talking about. They occur very early, particularly before the age of six, when we're very malleable in our thoughts. Those core beliefs then drive self-limiting beliefs. Those self-limiting beliefs at the subconscious level drive conscious negative, automatic thoughts. Then those thoughts go into your feelings and feelings generate behavior and then, based on the behavior that we put out, we're drawing experiences in to us that reinforce our beliefs.
Speaker 1:It's kind of like what we put out into the universe is more likely to what comes back to us, type of thinking.
Speaker 2:Right there's, there's something to be said for the law of attraction and some of those things. I mean, some of it gets a little woo woo for me, Like I'm not sure I buy into all of it.
Speaker 1:I always say give it. I said give it to the universe, and that's a little woo wee, woo wee yeah.
Speaker 2:But it depends on what you mean by that right, like if you I mean when I say when I talk about putting something into the universe, I'm talking specifically about God, like I'm going to give this to God and let him handle it or guide me in the direction that.
Speaker 2:I need to be, but whoever you're putting it out to, you have to activate, you have to do things to move you in that direction. So if you say to the universe, this is what I want for my life, but your self-limiting beliefs are getting in the way and you're not acting on that, you're not doing anything to pursue that, you're not going to get there Right. So so I believe in the law of attraction, but I think there has to be conviction and the overcoming of self-limiting beliefs that goes beneath that, to even activate that path.
Speaker 1:So if you're sitting, if somebody comes to you and they say do people come to you and they say I want to work, like on my mindset or where I'm at? Is anybody that specific sometimes when they For sure?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I do. Um, most of what I do now is I'm not doing a lot of supervision anymore. Um, I do lectures occasionally, but most of what I do is individual therapy and some couples work, and then the other part is the executive coaching. So a lot of times, people who go for executive coaching are aware that their mindset is getting in their way, and so those folks will tend to be a little more specific. Most people what they come in with is I can't get over this thinking Right. Or one one of my patients talks about like looping. Actually, a couple of them talk about like there are these loops that go in my head and these are just the negative thoughts on repeat or negative experiences from the past.
Speaker 1:Or maybe I want to go and do something. You know with my life that's X, or I'm getting ready to make this big jump, but I'm afraid to do that because the last time I went and did it it didn't turn out so well for me, right? And then how do you work with somebody? Like if I came to you and I wanted executive coaching, how could you pinpoint sort of what I needed to maybe focus on or work on or, you know, to get better with where I wanted to be as far? As if I came to you and said I feel like I'm not going down the right path or, you know, I'm not focusing as well as I need to be at work, or I'm getting a little bit. I want to make that next challenge, but I'm afraid to do it. Like, how could you help me sort of pinpoint maybe, where my blockages are? I know with what we've been talking about, no, but this is where it gets complicated.
Speaker 2:OK, so there are a few ways to do this. So I'm biased because of what I've been doing for over 20 years and what I've learned and seen and you know, but the the best way to really dig into what those self limiting beliefs are is to do a deep dive into family of origin Because, as I said, this stuff starts when we're knee high to a grasshopper like we're little and this stuff is coming already to start, because we're sponges when we're under six, right, with everything sort of that happens to us, right?
Speaker 2:So there's. The best way to do that is to dig into those early experiences, and I have a whole method that I can you know detail for that in a little bit, but it's basically just doing a deep dive and looking at what were your experiences growing up. Now a lot of people don't want to take the time to do the deep dive. It doesn't take as long as you think.
Speaker 2:I mean, I'm usually able to do this within a couple sessions and we're like rolling with what these beliefs are and where they came from. Just because I've been doing it for so long, I know the questions to ask, but a lot of people want something that's a little more tactical or they don't want to do therapy.
Speaker 2:A lot of people are scared of yeah, yeah, and I always say you know, I'm more worried about the people who don't come to me than the ones who do, right Cause the ones who do have the insight that they're messed up around something. Cause we're all messed up. We all have baggage, luggage, cargo, whatever you want to call it.
Speaker 2:Right. So, um, yeah, so the deep dive, really, I think is the fastest way, the most efficient way, uh, to dig into that stuff and then really get to the bottom of it and start to make some changes. But a more of a tactical approach, I guess maybe would be to really keep track of your negative, automatic thoughts. So if someone came in, if you came in for executive coaching, I'd be like, okay, what are the things that you want to accomplish and what efforts have you made toward those? What worked, what didn't work, whatever?
Speaker 2:And then what we're doing is we're looking for the negative thoughts that get in your way. We're looking for patterns and trends and really trying to see if we can pull out the conscious negative thoughts. Then I take if you're with me, then I take those negative thoughts and I go backwards, we reverse engineer to look at the self-limiting beliefs. Then we reframe those in the context of the past. I call it reality reprogramming. So we're going to go back into your past, we're going to reprocess those self-limiting beliefs and look at the context in which they were developed and then reframe them, and then we continue on the steps.
Speaker 1:How long? Um, probably there isn't a time frame on it. But if I were to work with you in executive coaching, if I wanted to start to see some progress in my mindset I'm just goal oriented like that it probably shouldn't be, you know no, it's great yeah. Do you think I'd see progress after you know a couple of sessions? Or it's kind of just depends on per person.
Speaker 2:I mean, ultimately, it does depends. That's the. It does depend, that's the nice political answer. But, um, I I think if you, I guess, what it largely depends on is how much insight you already have, and even beyond that, how willing are you to introspect. So, how willing are you to look inward, how willing are you to consider what I'm saying, answer the questions honestly, make the connections.
Speaker 1:A lot of people.
Speaker 2:Don't make that connection to the past.
Speaker 1:I think for some I know with me, um, sometimes you don't even realize you know what's been bothering you. Maybe, maybe, until you know you and I start to talk and we get into it a little bit more, I go oh my gosh, I blocked that completely from my memory.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Which is crazy, that the mind can just block stuff out that it doesn't want to remember.
Speaker 2:It's wicked, the things that I've seen people block and then recall later. Or, you know, we make a connection to okay, well, you're responding to your spouse this way because this is what you witnessed in your marital role model when you were growing up. Okay, Right, so the connections are and it's just, you know, if it's like those cartoons where you see the light bulb, kind of go off it's amazing, people are just, you know, they leave sort of dumbfounded and then they process and, you know, percolate over it or whatever.
Speaker 1:And then they come back and then you know by then what the past behaviors are leading to what they're, what's maybe blocking them or causing conflict in their marriage today. Is that something I?
Speaker 2:do yeah. So my approach is to there are a lot of therapists who won't work with couples they won't work with each member. Um, but I mean, I'm a really good secret keeper and you know I've learned to navigate that and I feel like that's the most expeditious route, because what I'm going to do is I'm going to take the one spouse and have, you know, two, three, four sessions with them to really get into their family of origin. And you know I have my whole intake and I hit on all these areas that I've learned are really informative to looking at someone's psyche.
Speaker 2:And then I'll take the other spouse separately and do the same thing with them, and then after that, once they finish their intake processes, then we come together. And now we're doing marital stuff. And that's the stuff that's detailed in my book. I go through the beginning parts and talk about the phases, and this is what I do and these are the questions I'm asking, but the bulk of the book is focused on these 16 areas.
Speaker 1:Yeah, let's.
Speaker 2:I would love to take a moment and dive more into your book and just go through the chapters. So the chapters I mean they're the very first meaty chapter is on forgiveness Okay, right, because by the time people make their way to me, I mean any really if you've been in a relationship for more than a you know a couple minutes, like there's bound to be something that you have to either forgive yourself for or forgive your significant other for. So that's the first meaty chapter is really just making sure you get into a forgiveness mindset. And then I go into the 16 different elements to what makes for a good marriage, and so I evaluate each, we evaluate, I evaluate each person on those and they evaluate each other.
Speaker 1:Okay, and then? What are? What are the 16? Oh, you're going to put me on the spot. Well, give me, give me five.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, there there are things like, um, humility, uh, compassion, trustworthiness is like at the top, um, one of the probably the biggest section of the book is on intimacy, and I define intimacy in a very broad way, so it's not just sexual intimacy, that's one of about eight types. So I detail all those different types. You know, are you connected in on a financial level? What about your spiritual beliefs? What about psychological intimacy? What about experiential intimacy? And then we get to physical and then sexual, and I always say you know the, the sexual part is easy, one plus one is two, like it's not complicated, right? So it's really important to lay that foundation and have a good connection with your partner on these, in these other ways, before you even worry about that.
Speaker 1:No, there's just so many different ways where people feel intimacy. Right that you feel loved. Yeah, it's just about a connection. Okay, and then your next book that you're writing.
Speaker 2:That one is about what we're talking about in terms of digging into self-limiting beliefs, understanding what they are, where they come from, how you got there, and then digging into those and then the negative automatic thoughts and then disputing those negative automatic thoughts. So I can't do individual therapy through the book right. So what I'm doing is more of that tactical approach. So here's how you discern your self-limiting beliefs. Usually it's looking at the negative automatic thoughts and then reverse engineering it, and then, okay, here's what you do with those thoughts.
Speaker 1:So for you, I would imagine that you would think it's very crucial for an individual to go back and to figure out what their self-limiting beliefs are in order to have, you know, the most successful life, I would think, in all aspects of life, not just professional, but also in the relationships.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't think there is another way but also in the relationships.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't think there is another way. Um, there are plenty of people who can go to a seminar with some guru or coach or whatever and they take all the notes and they go home and they're ready to run and they activate. But I think an equal amount of people, if not more, they, they love it, they get caught up in the hype and the excitement of it and whatever, and then they go home and toss the notebook into a desk drawer and they never look at it again.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Let alone implement it.
Speaker 1:Yes, I'm definitely guilty of that.
Speaker 2:I mean, yeah, it may be it's, it's not uncommon in the least, and so it's like I did the work. I showed up at the seminar.
Speaker 1:I was there for two days I'm golden. And then the book just goes in the drawer and back to living life and not, you know, knowing that I need to do something, but not following through.
Speaker 2:And what's really fascinating is if you, uh, when I work with people to overcome their self-limiting beliefs and then they go, they go pull out their journals or their notebooks from the seminars, it's like a whole different form of content. It's a whole different batch of content. They they see it in a totally different way, and then we can talk about okay. So these are the five steps, this is the checklist that you want to activate.
Speaker 2:Okay, what does that look like? They're much more likely to do it. So people who understand where their thoughts come from are much more likely to make change and stick with the change. Be persistent and consistent.
Speaker 1:Or even know that my the reason why I'm not going forward or acting or having a success maybe that I want to have is because I have something that I need to work on from the past. Maybe I don't know what that is yet, but I know that something back there is limiting me because I keep running in maybe to the same problems.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah so. So what's interesting is a lot of the um executive coaching that I do is actually with realtors, because that doesn't surprise me. Right, Uh, well, you really. I mean, in any entrepreneurial endeavor you really have to get out of your own damn way.
Speaker 2:I mean you just really have to put all of that aside and go for it. And so one way that this might manifest is so if they want to be on social media, they want to have a social media presence, then we find, you know, we look at all the things that are blocking them, and a lot of times, long story short, what it comes down to for them is a fear of failure, and so they end up not putting themselves on social media because they're not all done up. So they have to. You know, they have to look a certain way, and so they. It has to be like this. They have to have an exact script, or they're going to look like an idiot, or what I'm going to say is just common sense. People know these things about buying a home. I'm just not. I mean, why should I even put it out there? Right, and it's all a bunch of BS honestly because everybody has something to offer.
Speaker 2:There are nearly 8 billion people on this planet. Any one of us could be any other 8 billion souls. There's a reason that each one of us is here. So if you're here and there's something on your heart, you're supposed to do it. You just have to figure out how to get out of your way, and that's it. I mean, we live in our heads. There's nowhere else to go.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so we got to make sure that's right. Get out of your own way, and if you fail, that's great. Use it as a learning experience and keep on going.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this is why the second book is called Get On With your Freaking Life.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, all right, that's a great name for that book.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Getting feel like I definitely need to read that. I'd love it. I'd love it. Tell us about the book that you just authored and now is available correct.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, you can find it on Amazon. Um, it's called fix your freaking marriage practical tips, to just start somewhere. And people have asked why that title? Why did you have to say it that way? And really it's because I want people to understand that you're not going to read. This is not a touchy, feely, feel good, you're fine, everything's fine kind of book. It has an edge. This is how I do therapy and so you need to be prepared for that, so it's really just about practical tips. So 16, looking at 16 different areas that I walk couples through in therapy to help them figure out where they're disconnected and find specific ways to get connected in those areas. And then there's stuff about forgiveness, conflict resolution, dealing with difficult personalities in marriage.
Speaker 2:I mean it's like 30 chapters. So I covered pretty much everything.
Speaker 1:That's fantastic. I need to order your book. I've seen that you've obviously written your book for a while and I definitely want to grab a copy, so I will be doing that today on Amazon. Yes, Amazon Thank you and wonderful, and you also are writing a second book. Is that correct, right? So?
Speaker 2:that one's called Get On With your Freaking Life, okay, and it's about how to get out of your head in your own damn way.
Speaker 1:Okay, I need to order this one too, so let me know when you're done with that. Well, that you don't have a lot of free time, do you?
Speaker 2:No, I mean.
Speaker 1:I make time, you make your time.
Speaker 2:We make time for the things that we prioritize, and a lot of it is just. Some of these things are things that I've been working on for a while, so it's not like I just sat down and wrote a book. It's been developing.
Speaker 1:Well, that's really impressive. I think it's really really impressive that you wrote a book.
Speaker 2:So congratulations. Thank you, it was really fun actually.
Speaker 1:That's, that's awesome. I wouldn't even know the first step to how to do that, but I guess that's part of what we're talking about today is getting out of your own way, which is your second book, right, right, so gosh, that's an incredible journey. You know you've done psychology now for over 20 years, writing books, kind of what is your maybe next phase that you want to do you have your second book coming out is that grow the business here more or kind of? What are your? What are your goals?
Speaker 2:well, I wanted to. I want to grow the training platform that I have. It's the psychoeducation academy on thinkific and there's there are free and paid training opportunities in there, so it's video content or some of it is just written content. You go through it at your leisure. I really want to grow that platform to reach more people. Same reason I wrote the book to reach more people. I can see seven people a day, four days a week in my office, but if I do a book or put more training, then I can reach a whole lot more people.
Speaker 1:And you already. Your business is already huge. You're already in all 50 states. Is that correct? Almost all 50 states I can practice in?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I have a reciprocity agreement where I can be, I can do therapy with people in. I think it's like 41 out of 50 at this point and that just keeps growing because the, our agency, keeps making arrangements and agreements with these, with these other states. So there are a few holdouts, but I'm sure they'll, they'll get them. My goal really is I would love to do more speaking, okay, so doing, you know, hosting seminars and conferences on um, self-limiting beliefs and mindset, and all of these things. That's a big dream.
Speaker 1:I can't wait for that. I think you're going to be fantastic at I mean you already are, but you know to growing your business and more speaking engagements. Definitely I look forward to that.
Speaker 2:Thank you. Yeah, my word of the year is expand. I have my little bracelet. Oh, very nice. Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 1:And so we're talking here today about, about mindset, of course, like mind strength. Being on this podcast, how do I know if I'm in my own way or not? Like is there some? Is there a checklist for that? Or like, how do I figure that out?
Speaker 2:Right, good question. So, long story short, we're all in our own way. Nobody's perfect. Nobody has flawless execution of every single thing they've ever wanted to do or say or be, or achieve or accomplish. Um, so we all get in our own way from time to time. Uh, the degree to which we get in our own way is based on early experiences and we'll get into that. But basically that foundation is laid and then those beliefs generate our thoughts, feelings, behavior, and that behavior could include sabotaging ourselves, not living our best lives. Basically, I work with people to evolve into the best version of themselves, whatever that is and however they define success. But basically it's a function of just recognizing that we all have broken thoughts, we all have negative thoughts, and it's really a function of getting to the bottom of what those are, understanding how you got there, where in the heck did these things come from, and then disputing and refuting those and then moving forward. So short answer is we're all in our own way.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, that makes me feel a little bit better. I have some company then.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, nearly 8 billion people.
Speaker 1:So yeah, Trying, you know, every day, to get up, obviously, and you know, have the best mindset possible, but it can be hard, yeah, so but it's. It's comforting to know that you know you're there and you know if I needed to, anybody who would need to hire. You know your services, that you're there for them, and in many different ways now too. So books and your online platform, or personal office visits, you name it and you do executive coaching too, correct?
Speaker 2:Right. So the executive coaching I can do with anyone anywhere in the world, Cause that's not part of my license. It's a whole different kind of thing. But you're I mean there are a lot of people who call themselves. I think they're like 700,000 coaches in just the US. Yeah, you can call yourself a coach, you can walk out of here and advertise yourself as a coach and nobody's going to say anything to you. But executive coaching is like it's not life coaching, it's not specific business coaching. But I'm coaching the executive, I'm coaching the person on how to grow themselves so that then they can activate the business coaching and grow the business.
Speaker 1:I think that's really, really important because I think you know a lot of people dive into the business coaching aspect of it. You know, we know that we need to maybe have a business plan being in real estate. You know my business plan I'm going to run my business like a business, but that's still not the me part of it. That's the process part of it, right, but that's not the me as the executive or person. Exactly. I need to fix me before I can probably even really do that business planning to the best that I possibly can, right.
Speaker 2:Right, and really you can do all the planning and the orchestration and you know the checklists and all the things, but to potentiate, to activate that, that's where you have to get out of your own damn way.
Speaker 1:The execution part of it.
Speaker 2:Exactly, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:It all can look good on paper, but it's actually the process and getting out of your own way to do it Right.
Speaker 2:That's when the fears creep in, and I call it the devil chirping in your ear telling you that you can't do something or you're not going to make it, or you suck, or what are you thinking You're going to?
Speaker 1:fail, everybody's going to laugh at you. Yeah, I feel that way a lot, you know, and every day, you know, try to get up, and I know the words. You know that I need to tell myself to say you know you can do this, you can, you can go forward. And you know being in sales not just sales a lot of different. You know aspects of life too, but it's being on this roller coaster. You know to where one minute you're, hey, this is amazing. And then, oh my gosh, this is not great, you know. And it just learning to ride. That is hard, and that self-talk that we give ourselves is so important.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I've done a lot of um, confidence coaching with real estate agents actually, because you guys work in a market that's unpredictable, right it's. It can be feast or famine, and so how do you keep going when you're not getting a listing or something felt? You know something fell through or you got some negative feedback because, Lord knows, we all get that if we're in the public eye at all. Um so just coaching people to ride that?
Speaker 1:wave ride that rollercoaster and not give up and just keep these basic ways of of um, making sure that you stay confident and and being confident in uncertain times, like when you, when you're on the down, you know that self-talk when you're down at the low point is really important, and I don't know if this is probably I don't know what your feelings are on this but I try to allow myself like a little bit of time sometimes when I'm down at the low point to say, okay, you have the rest of the evening maybe four hours or whatever it is to feel bad about yourself. You know, have your cry and that's okay, yeah, you know. And then get up tomorrow ready to tackle everything, with your mindset that you're going to crush it and do amazing, you know, but I personally sometimes need that time to where I can feel my feelings.
Speaker 2:That's a really good point. It's, um, I tell people about grief, whether it's, you know, due to a significant loss or due to like a downturn in your business or productivity.
Speaker 2:you're grieving a loss Like that was. You lost something that you wanted to have or thought you were going to have or whatever, and whatever kind of grief we're talking about. If you don't deal with grief, grief will deal with you, and when grief comes for you, it is ugly, it comes out sideways, it's. I mean, it just involves so many um, so so much, so much content. That is so much uglier than if you just take the bull by the horns and do what you need to do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, versus. Just, you know, brush it under the rug to hit it more head on and to feel everything. You know I for me not to get not that anybody wants a therapy session with me today, and you probably. But, um, you know, for me it was to talk a bit about. You know, like, what shapes us. You know, to be the people that we are today, I grew up putting a lot of things under the rug. You know that's just kind of what we did. You know, culturally, I think you know we would just sweep things under the rug and I know for me now in life that to your point I can't do that. You know I have to feel the things and as they come and even if it's not pleasant, you know those feelings at the time. Otherwise, you know, I think what I hear you saying is it's just going to really come.
Speaker 2:For you then, if you don't, yeah, it's like I use a pressure cooker analogy, where it's just this the stuff accumulates and accumulates, and accumulates, and then the top blows off the pressure cooker and it's what's really terrible about. That is what it does to you internally, but then also what it does to other people.
Speaker 1:So, you know, then, then you're let's say, your spouse does some little thing that just annoys you and you lose your ever loving Matt has no idea what we're talking about, right?
Speaker 2:So you lose your mind on this person and the punishment doesn't fit the crime, right. So it's it just. You just look out of control you know and I work a lot with personality disorders and helping people who are very dysregulated, and that is a lot of the coaching that I do is don't sweep the stuff under the rug.
Speaker 2:You're going to it, our we just don't work that way, our brain. This is why we dream. Actually, when we're asleep, we dream because our brain is consolidating information from the day. The brain never turns off until we are dead. Wow, so your brain is even still, while you're sleeping, trying to make sense of what has happened to you in the day, what you've got coming up, what you've been thinking, whatever. And a lot of people don't remember their dreams, so they don't. That doesn't really resonate for them, but we have an average of about seven dreams a night and a lot of people maybe even most people don't remember them. But your brain dreams because it is still working.
Speaker 1:And it tries to think about and work through what you went through in the day. Do you believe that what we dream about has a correlation to what's going on in our lives?
Speaker 2:100%.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so one of my favorite things to do with patients is dream analysis. Okay, so when we look at dream analysis, we approach it from two different angles. One is the process and one is the content. So we're looking at the actual content of the dream. So you dreamt about, let's just say, off the top of my head, you dreamt about a flood of some sort. Okay, okay. So then what we do is we go into the literature and we look and see what flood means. Well, if you're dreaming about a flood or an infestation or anything like that, it's an indication that you've got a lot coming at you. Okay, makes sense, right, like?
Speaker 2:there's a lot coming at you and you're not sure if you're going to be able to make it through. So there's a lot of anxiety and angst, worry, concern, fear associated with that. So then we deduce what the process of the dream is. So you're not living in an area that's very light. I mean, we live in the desert, right, it's not an area that's likely to flood, maybe with monsoon, but in general, no right, so it's not relevant to your day-to-day life. But you're dreaming about that because there's something in your life that's overwhelming you with anxiety. So then we take that emotion and we figure out what the heck is going on for you, and then we can dig into like, okay, well, what's driving that? Why are you worried you're going to fail? Why?
Speaker 2:are you afraid of rejection? What's coming on? So dream analysis is actually really informative because a lot of people they don't even know what they're telling me. So, they're like well, I just had this dream and it was totally random, and I don't, and I'm like oh my gosh, sit down, let's go through this Right, like here are six ways that's relevant in your life today, wow.
Speaker 1:That's really interesting to me, so it's a good idea to keep like a notepad by your bed just in case you forget it. Okay, I think that's fascinating.
Speaker 2:Yeah, interesting. They're very powerful and informative.
Speaker 1:Do you okay Separate topic that I'm going into Do you ever? Do you believe in deja vu?
Speaker 2:I've experienced it many times. I don't fully understand the concept Okay, but I, yes, I believe in it because I've lived it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's always interesting to me, that and one other like little tangent that I want to go down the God winks. Do you ever believe in that, like, if you're out there and you're on the right path, the universe, god whomever you want to say, depending on your beliefs is showing you the right path. Do you ever get that with your patients or with you?
Speaker 2:personally. Oh my gosh, how long, how long do we have?
Speaker 1:We have a lot of stories for days.
Speaker 2:So I'll just give you the most recent one. So I believe that, um God, my belief system is centered around, centered around God and. Christianity, so I'll just speak from that. So I think that God um has ways of directing us and directing our attention. I don't believe in accidents.
Speaker 2:I don't believe in coincidences, none of that stuff. There's some things that are serendipitous and, you know, kind of strike you that way. But you know, in general I don't think there are accidents. There's a reason for everything, even terrible stuff like what I know you've gone through recently. It's hard to believe and embrace at that time, but anyway, everything for a reason and a season is what I say.
Speaker 2:So I feel like there are times where God has said to me he's redirecting. I don't think God punishes us. I know a lot of people live in guilt and shame and they think they're being punished or whatever, and I do my best to talk them out of that. That's just not how he works. Uh, he does school us. He does direct us. He might even discipline us um to show us the way. So most recently, this has actually happened a couple of times in my practice. I've been in the Phoenix area since 2006.
Speaker 2:So I've had a couple of different places where I hung my shingle to do my practice and a couple of the really great, awesome arrangements that I had ended, and one of them pretty traumatically, actually, both of them pretty traumatically. One was very recently, like within the past few months this year, and I always, you know, I'm devastated and I'm crying. One time I had to hire an attorney, like it was just a hot mess, and I'm like God, what do you want from me? Like, what are you trying to tell me? And I laugh because he knows I am stubborn as hell, so he knows that he's going to have to do something big to get my attention. He's done this in my life in so many ways, but one of the ways is with my practice, where he guides me out of something against.
Speaker 1:I mean, I'm kicking and screaming right Against my wishes.
Speaker 2:And then I get into this new thing and I'm like, well, this is better than what I had. What was I so worried about, right? So I do I. I that's kind of what I refer to as a God wink, where to me it's almost like a God kick.
Speaker 1:Right, right, cause that's what I need where he's like hey dummy right.
Speaker 2:This is where you need to be. I'm going to make sure you get there.
Speaker 1:Oh yes, I agree, he's been a little bit direct with me, you know too, I would say I need direct. He knows that. And so, yes, just make sure we're going down. You know the right path, I think, to have the best life for us. That's what I think, but yeah, I really think, if you pay attention, I think the God Winks is out there for sure, or universe, whatever your beliefs are, but yeah for sure.
Speaker 1:It's there if you look for it, you know, if you're able to see it and if you're open to it, exactly. Do you think that the work that people can do with you can help them be more open to that?
Speaker 2:I do I mean I as part of my intake process, with every single person who comes through my door. I do I have a script that I follow if you will, an intake form, intake evaluation and one of the areas that I follow. If you will an intake form, intake evaluation and one of the areas that I asked them about is always spirituality. So do you have a belief system?
Speaker 2:that I can be aware of and mindful of and respectful of, and if you do or don't or whatever, are you open to exploring that and looking at that? In other words, can I tie that into your therapy and use that to help support you and comfort you when you need it and motivate you and help you believe in yourself? And so, yes, if they're open to it, then I'm on it.
Speaker 1:I mean on it. Do you think that if you help people get out of their own way, that they can? Even maybe they're not spiritual in the sense of God or you know can you help them as the universe unfolds to them? Do you think they can get out of their own way in that regard to the more work that they do with you?
Speaker 2:Well, I'd like to believe I have that impact right. Yeah, so just helping people to see what's in front of them and then overcoming the beliefs that are blocking them from taking advantage of what God is putting in front of them. You know. So that that's. The hard part is that a lot of people are like, well, I have this opportunity or I have the resources to do this or I have the training and education or the whatever. Why in the world aren't you doing it? Oh well, because.
Speaker 2:And then comes the list of negative thoughts, self-limiting beliefs, all of it.
Speaker 1:If you were to give somebody one piece of advice today to better their life with their, with their mindset, what would that piece of advice be?
Speaker 2:That's loaded. Um, you're asking me to be succinct. Um, I really think it just comes back to overcoming those core beliefs, those negative core beliefs that we develop when we're little. You got to dig in and figure out what those are. You can't understand your personal narrative if you don't even know how it was written in the first place.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's really a good point.
Speaker 2:You've got to really investigate that. And it doesn't listen. This isn't years of therapy. This isn't we're going to sit around and blame our parents because ain't nobody got time for that, but this is get to the bottom of where this stuff comes from. You didn't buy this off the shelf at the grocery store. You come by this honestly, based on your life experiences and your upbringing and your whatever. So dig in and figure out what that is and then do all the things that you want to do.
Speaker 1:Wow, thank you. Yeah, really appreciate having you here today.
Speaker 2:Of course.