Redefining Balance: Embracing Discomfort and Authentic Connections for Entrepreneurial Growth with Dr. Jason Freshman

Embark on a transformative journey where the fabled equilibrium of work and life takes on a whole new meaning. I, Scott Vatcher, alongside Dr. Jason Freshman, delve into the heart of personal growth, debunking the static notion of work-life balance as we know it. Discover alternative narratives to the hero's journey that resonate more authentically with the day-to-day lives of healthcare entrepreneurs and beyond. In this enlightening discussion, we challenge the cultural script that defines success and consider how embracing life's more mundane moments can be just as rewarding when they align with our deepest values.

Life's true adventure often lies in the unexpected, the moments that don't make the highlight reel. Together with Dr. Freshman, we explore the significance of leaning into discomfort as a means of carving out a meaningful existence. The compass of our core values is more than a metaphor; it's a guiding force that can transform even the most trivial tasks into purposeful steps towards our grand life ambitions. Picture a life where every action, no matter how insignificant it seems, moves you closer to your goals—this conversation is your map to getting there.

Feel the weight of entrepreneurial stress lift as we reveal the power of connection in achieving a state of flow. I share tactical advice on weaving passion and presence into the fabric of our daily tasks, and how nurturing relationships amidst the hustle is essential. Listen in for strategies to ensure that our ambitious pursuits enhance, rather than detract from, the rich tapestry of personal bonds that give our lives texture and color. We're reframing the narrative on balance and intentionality, one authentic connection at a time.

If you are a  healthcare professional looking to ethically grow your practice without handing over more money to Ad agencies there are two stupidly simple things you’re probably missing out on right now that can help you double or triple your practice in the next six months. Take the quiz now answer these 15 simple questions to find out what you can do to dramatically impact your business and your bottom dollar. And do you know the best part is your staff can do over 90% of it. Click the link to take the quiz now. https://dr-scott-aaodh83j.scoreapp.com

Connect with Jason here:
https://www.connectedfathers.net
https://journeymenfoundation.com
jason@nourishedconnections.com

Connect with Scott here:
https://m.facebook.com/scott.vatcher.56

https://www.instagram.com/drscottvatcher

https://x.com/drscottvatcher/

https://www.tiktok.com/@scottvatcher

https://www.youtube.com/@QuestioningAuthorityPodc-je5po/videos

http://linkedin.com/in/drscottvatcher

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

I need to achieve work-life balance. But anyone who's been on a balance beam or done some real balance work knows you're kind of always working and so is work-life balance a thing If we think of it as a noun? Absolutely not. It is not something you're going to achieve and then be like cool, I got it Right. It's a process and it's really important. So in some ways, a term I've heard recently used slightly differently but is work life integration.

Speaker 2: 0:32

I'm Scott Vatcher, the host of Questioning Authority, where I question authority figures about health, wealth and relationships. This episode is brought to you by the Authority Cocom, helping health professionals be seen as the go-to authority in their community. I hope you enjoy this episode. Welcome to the Questioning Authority podcast. We're here once again. I'm your host, Scott Vatcher, and I have an amazing guest on with me. In the pre-show we talked about being an authority figure and should we introduce Jason as Dr Jason Freshman or just Jason Freshman? And just so you know, he is a doctor, so he knows lots of cool stuff and he is an authority figure. So that's basically from there. Now we're going to go nice and deep into many things amazing for you guys out there in the entrepreneurial space. So, Jason, I'm going to start out by just having you introduce yourself a little bit. How is it that the world knows you as an authority?

Speaker 1: 1:32

Well, I would say the biggest one is I am a narrative and adventure therapist, where I focus on work with men and fathers. So those are my professional authorities, right there.

Speaker 2: 1:45

We're going to unpack that, because most people probably heard that and said what you mentioned that your therapy is quite out of the box. It's a little bit different than most people do, so I'm very excited to talk about that Now. Jason's main work is with men, and particularly with fathers, through website connectedfathersnet, so check that out. Jason's got a really great some free stuff and then some courses that he does with men and fathers. But that doesn't exclude the women out there that are listening, because although men and women are different, I run a men's group and a father's group myself, but I believe that we are much more alike than we are different, so a lot of what we're going to talk about today will apply to everybody, particularly in that entrepreneurial healthcare space. So let's get into it. In your bio, you mentioned this idea of hero's journey and that the fact that you believe a hero's journey is actually a detrimental or damaging thing. Let's talk about that, absolutely.

Speaker 1: 2:51

So I like to say that it's damaging, almost to get people to prick their ears up and pay more attention what is truly what I really believe is it's only half the story, right?

Speaker 1: 3:03

When I ask people, you know, with part of my training is to ask people about stories and to question, take it for granted stories in our social, you know environment and for years, decades, I asked people whether they're my clients, workshops, you know, places I give talks to. What's your favorite adventure, right? What's your favorite adventure story? And that's the way I break the ice a lot and after 10 years I hear almost every single time some version of the hero's journey. So in the beginning of my career I patted myself on the back. It was like good, I'm onto something good and all right, let's use it. But with narrative therapy and the training that I do, we question that Like so okay, so why is that the only adventure that comes to mind? Is it like Joseph Campbell said?

Speaker 2: 3:49

Yeah, just for the audience members, just take us through like a minute or so of what is the hero's journey, 100%.

Speaker 1: 3:56

You know, whenever I ask people, do you know it? And they say no, I say I bet you do. This is what it is and they go okay. So the hero's journey is the hero. A hero gets either called out or kicked out of their home place because some crap, some stuff is going on. And they have to journey. They have to go somewhere, to a different realm, a different space, a different place, and have challenges. They're battling a dragon, they're climbing a mountain, they're, you know, finding the secret x, y, y or Z, whatever it is and there's trials and tribulations and growth. And then they have to, you know, through all of that, find their way back home, to where, when they get home, they're either accepted and they save the village and they save the world, or they're rejected because they've been gone for so long and they've changed. And that's the basic story. People will recognize it.

Speaker 1: 4:44

Every one of Pixar's movies uses that narrative. Star Wars uses the narrative, lord of the Ring uses the narrative. You know, little House on the Prairie uses that narrative. Right, like this is the phrase was popularized by an academic, a scholar named Joseph Campbell, who really put forth that it was. He called it the monomyth. It was the one myth right and as a result, it has become a dominant story in our culture to the point where, you know, men's coaches use it, businesses use it, residential treatment programs use it. You know marketing uses it right. Like the big thing in marketing right now is story selling right, put yourself in the. You know you are the Obi-Wan to your client, who is Luke. You know this idea is so ubiquitous, it's everywhere and because of that, anytime there is a story that is so dominant, it actually becomes oppressive to other stories. It actually becomes sort of it overrules the potential that might happen in other stories. And so, again, I love the story, I studied it, I wrote my dissertation using that as a framework and the first 10 years of my career I used it as a way to design interventions. I love it.

Speaker 1: 6:03

But if I think of it as only half the story, then what else is being overshadowed? Right, like A? You know, one way to look at it is that when the hero's off doing this, what about everybody else staying home? You know, are their lives just mundane and throwaway? Are they just the you know whatever, or do they have adventure and magic in their everyday lives as well? And the other piece is when the the the hero you know, let's say is in the middle of the challenge and has the dragon stepping on their head what often happens A three minute montage to their, their, your earlier life, where they realize what's important, what's valuable, what's and, and all of those stories of how, what came to be, why they're, why what's important, what's valuable, and all of those stories of what came to be, why it's valuable, why it's meaningful. All of that, those are important stories that maybe we get a montage about, maybe we get a flashback about Cleaning the dishes or weeding the garden or changing a diaper.

Speaker 1: 7:04

They don't make blockbuster films, but they are the foundation that all heroes walk on, and if we don't tell those stories, we aren't able to build the foundation for connections and partnerships and things that strengthen us when we're on the hero's journey. So we need to like. So it's not that the story itself is damaging, but the fact that we only get half the story that is really damaging, particularly for men.

Speaker 2: 7:30

So let me see if I get this correct, because what came to my mind as you, as you went through that was, um, this idea of social media and that we get everyone's highlight reels, and so it can. Really, that's why social media is so damaging as far as depression and suicide and all these things, because we look at the highlight reels of people's lives and we think that that is their whole life, when in reality, that is literally the highlight reel. If it's up there, then it's probably not the mundane side of life, which, in reality, if we can't find the magic in the mundane, we're probably going to be depressed, because that's most of life. There are highlight reels that are amazing, but if we yeah, if we can't find the magic in the, in the day to day, in the wash of the dishes or whatever the case might be, that's where some real problems can start to occur. Is is that? Simply is that sort of what you're talking about.

Speaker 1: 8:26

Yeah, 100%. Most of the photos on social media. If you panned out, you'd see the mess right and the mess is where the magic is right?

Speaker 2: 8:37

Did you say in the pre-show how messy your desk was? We just can't see it. Oh, my desk, the rest of this room.

Speaker 1: 8:45

Like before we started, I took the pile of things that were here and moved them right, like the. But the mess is where the magic is, that's where the treasures are found. And our culture has been so. We have been so bullied in our culture that if it isn't epic or legendary or beautiful, then it's's not worth it. And so when we're just, when we're uncomfortable, when we've experienced discomfort, when we're you know things are hard, what do we do? Right, we swipe, or we drink, or we watch, or we zone out, or we, you know, like we as a culture have, have so pushed away from discomfort because that's bad, right, it's this. And so really, in, in many ways, the idea of diving into the discomfort. It's so like I joke, you know, can I? Can I swear in here? Is that all?

Speaker 2: 9:34

right, are you gonna ask real quick?

Speaker 1: 9:36

okay, it's encouraged. Cleaning the toilet is always going to be a shitty job, but yes, if it's, if it's imbued with meaning or values and there's good music on and there's this, it's a little less shitty and it can be meaningful, right but it's always going to be a shitty job, but it can be meaningful, and that's really where the good stuff is so what would you say to the?

Speaker 2: 10:03

because I I hear the audience sitting here going yeah, that sounds great. If I could find meaning in cleaning the toilet, that'd be amazing. But how do I do that? Like how? What can I do to have that be a part of my reality? Because if we if I mean that's the million dollar question, isn't it Cause if, if we could do that, then then life is great.

Speaker 1: 10:27

Yeah, well, I mean, you know they call me and we can work together, because that's all I do.

Speaker 2: 10:32

But to give you the quick answer, yeah of course I'm sure there's many years that go into this, but for the listeners in the Colesnotes version, I mean because it is.

Speaker 1: 10:43

It is the million dollar question and it is really challenging, but it's worth the work and it is possible, right? So what do we do? I mean? I think the very first thing is to recognize that concept, to recognize the concept that if life is an adventure which I believe it is if it's a journey which I believe it is, all adventures and journeys have an inherent risk. They have inherent risk, they have inherent muck, they have hardships and challenges. And so, if we can first accept that and then, second, recognize and identify it right, attend to it.

Speaker 1: 11:18

So if I go, oh, this is one of those times, right, then I can say, all right, let me take, let me take a moment, let me identify what are the values that I'm expressing here. So, ok, shoot, let's take a step back and go. What are my values? And that's a hard question. Psychotherapists we've actually been taught like to not ask why sometimes, which I think is bizarre. But what are our values and values? There are a few therapeutic ideas, perspectives, that do it well, because it's values are like amorphous and they're very hard to pin down and they're vague. And you know, I save the world, my value is good, this.

Speaker 1: 12:03

I get with people and say, all right, let's get very specific. Like what are core values that are related to the goals you have? Not all of them, we don't have to do every single ones but like, what is a value that I could see, that I could watch, right, if I had a video of you doing something, you said, yeah, that's me living that value. So let's get real specific. And I actually have people pick four. So I use the metaphor. I love metaphors. I use the metaphor of a compass, because the reality is we too many values and it just becomes an exercise. It's just a thing like, oh, this is what I believe in. But if I say this is my goal, I want to have a warming, inviting house, say this is my goal, I want to have a warming, inviting house. I want to have a house that anyone who stops by feels welcome to sit and have a, have a meal. You know that's a, that's a core goal for me, right?

Speaker 2: 12:58

I heard one of the did I hear? Did I hear correctly? There I heard a warm welcome house where everyone needs a beer. Sorry, wait a minute. Meal, meal.

Speaker 1: 13:11

I heard.

Speaker 2: 13:12

I literally. I heard beer, but then you said meal. It's like whoa. How do you do that? That works too.

Speaker 1: 13:18

Well, and you can. We can talk later about the, the, the inn, the virtual inn that I hold, but that's a whole other story. But, but, yes, a beer like having like. For me, a core life's goal is to have a home, that's that welcoming. So what are the four values that would I, would I literally actually have people.

Speaker 1: 13:38

I send them a picture of a compass and I have four in the north, south, east, west, and they label the four values in those four things. Because if, if I it's my night to clean the toilet and I don't want to do it, and I look at my compass, if I say this compass will literally help me make the right decision, I don't want to do it, I don't like whatever, but I know that if I do that, it will be an expression of these things, which will then lead me to the center of the compass, right? And what are the things in a real life compass and in this metaphorical compass that are necessary for it to work? It has to be labeled correctly, which means you need to actually have these four values, and there's a whole piece of work around identifying those values. So it has to be labeled correctly. You have to know how you know. And if it's, if North is labeled West, you're kind of screwed right. So it's got to be done. Well, you have to know how to use the compass right.

Speaker 1: 14:33

Lots of people play with compasses, but to actually use a map and compass correctly as a skill and you know the basic skill of it is understanding that I need to be mindful, I need to take action, I need to be nourished and I have to choose to act. I have to choose to move forward right. So you have to label it correctly, you have to know how to use it and the arguably the most important thing to get this to work for, for any of your listeners to make the mundane meaningful is you have to take the compass out of your pocket and look at it. Otherwise you forget it, otherwise you know you're lost and you're like I don't know what to do. Take it out of your pocket, check on it more regularly, slow yourself down. Why am I?

Speaker 2: 15:14

doing this.

Speaker 1: 15:15

Right. What is getting in the way? How am I lost? Because I'm lost if I don't do these things, if I don't. You know if, if, if, instead of cleaning the toilet or doing the dishes or, from my point, like chopping wood and bringing it in for the wood stove, cleaning the toilet or doing the dishes or, from my point, like chopping wood and bringing it in for the wood stove If I don't do those things, the goal of a warm, inviting house will not happen. And then I'm uncomfortable. I experience this discomfort and I decide I'll just watch a movie tonight, I'll have more beers than I should, I'll snap at my kids, I'll do those things. But if I slow down, if I enter into everything with the pacing that I that I feel like I need to go fast because I got so much stuff to do. But if I slow down and increase intentionality, I can make better choices because I'm going to look at the compass and know my way.

Speaker 2: 16:05

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Speaker 2: 16:45

Yeah, what stands out to me, and that is the two words awareness and specificity. You know so, um, yes, from a, from a values point of view like it is a word that's, I feel like it's thrown around a little bit. What are your values? And most people will say that the usual family, health, friends, whatever the case is and yes, I think they're too broad. We need to get more granular, more specific in those areas. You can have those as the overarching idea, but you need to break it down further and further.

Speaker 2: 17:19

And how does that then go into your day, which is there's the specifics, and so one thing I do that really helps me is I always say I wish we could go back to the days pre-mobile phone. I just think it was. I think the connections we had, everything about life was better before that. But we can't. And I'm as guilty as anyone is spending too much time on my phone.

Speaker 2: 17:45

But one of the great things about it in the technology world is you can put reminders in your phone Right and so, from a you know, pick up the compass and be aware of it on a regular basis. I have numerous reminders in my phone around all kinds of different things when it comes to, I guess, the big picture of the values, but the what do I need to see on that daily basis to steer me in that right direction, to keep the guardrails on, to point me in that direction of where do I want to go in life, so that that would be potentially something that people can try is get some reminders in your phone on that regular basis, just repeat daily or three times a day or whatever the case is.

Speaker 1: 18:26

Oh and.

Speaker 2: 18:26

I take that actually one step further.

Speaker 1: 18:29

I'll even add to that because the reminders are great. I used to call when, back before even phones, when we were doing like Blackberries and Palm Pilots and things like that I used to call it my ADHD cure-all. It was digital Ritalin, you know like it helped you with that. But to take it even one step further, the clients that I work with around this and it is, you're right, a lot of men and fathers, but actually I do work with business owners and entrepreneurs around how to take this model to develop that even more so. But actually I say in the beginning, when you're first playing with this compass, take the piece of paper and tape it to the front. Make it the size of your phone and tape it to the front of the phone, because if you have to look at it to get to that stupid thing, you're going to look at it much more often than you think right so for the first couple of weeks.

Speaker 1: 19:18

Tape it to the front of your phone, use a sticky note. It's annoying, it's obnoxious, it falls off, but I promise you're going to look at it much more often.

Speaker 2: 19:25

You're going to notice it well, and that's the key is again. I said back to awareness, right, because for the first few times read it, but then you kind of know what it says, but it's still there, it's still just that reminder. You won't even consciously you know. It's that difference between being consciously competent versus then unconsciously competent, where it just becomes more of that routine. So that, yeah, great, yeah, I love it. And it's more analog. Love it Because, like I said, I wish we could go back to the pre-mobile phone days. Yeah, you mentioned that you do work with business owners, et cetera. Give me your thoughts when it comes to work-life balance. Is that really a thing?

Speaker 1: 20:15

No.

Speaker 2: 20:19

I mean, can it?

Speaker 1: 20:19

be a thing. Yeah well, I mean, here's the piece about it is I'm a huge fan of words, I love words and I like playing with words. And for me and I recently did a workshop on this where I said balance is always a verb we think about work-life balance, and when you say balance, it's a noun in that sense. Right, I need to achieve work-life balance. But anyone who's been on a balance beam or dumps out of like real balance work, knows you're kind of always working, and so is work-life balance a thing If we think of it as a noun? Absolutely not. It is not something you're going to achieve and then be like cool, I got it Right. It's a process and it's really important.

Speaker 1: 21:06

So, in some ways a term I've heard recently used slightly differently but is work-life integration right? It's that idea of, like I'm choosing work or I have to work, right? You know all of this and I have these values of these like beings at home that I purport to love and I want to spend time with them as well. And so you know, there are certainly like there are times when my work takes me away from the evenings, and so you know I miss a bedtime. What do I have in my practice, in my own personal practice, that continues to maintain or even strengthen the connections I have with people I love the most when I can't be there, right. And so the, the balance or the integration is about in my, in the work I've done with people, is about first attending and being aware of that and knowing like, oh, next week is going to be a harsher week, how do I set ourselves up for that? Or you know, the attendance and awareness and intentionality is really important. Today's going to be a longer day. I'm going to run upstairs, help put my kids to bed and then run back down here and do some things. So is that balanced? Yeah, maybe not for today, but life is a long process and so how do I hold it?

Speaker 1: 22:22

But then also understand like, all right, sometimes I'm going to you know because of that, because tonight is going to happen. I know next week I'm going to you know because of that, because tonight is going to happen. I know next week I'm going to take off a little earlier and go to my kids games, right, and they know I'm going to show up for that. They know that. And they know all the little things that I do that are long term Right. If I miss something today, it's okay, because you know I'm going gonna know these guys. These might my. I have two sons. I'm gonna know these guys for for decades from now if all goes well right, and so we have a lot of space for this.

Speaker 2: 22:58

Yeah, like the idea of calling it a like calling it a for, versus, versus, a noun, because you know, being in the health space, that's what I say to everyone. I say, listen, health is not something you can fix, it's not an achievement, it is a constant, never-ending process. You know, if you brush your teeth you know I use this with my clients all the time If you brush your teeth, you know, 20 times today, floss them 10 times and they are the cleanest they have ever been. What have you got to do tomorrow? Yeah, you got to clean them again. Brush your teeth. It's just. You just got to brush your teeth. It's just part of the process. So I like that idea and I like the idea of looking at it as short sprints.

Speaker 2: 23:41

And so sometimes work will take over for a short sprint, whether that be a day or a week or whatever the case might be, or potentially even longer if you're like, in the very beginning phases of a new process at work or something, but making sure that the big picture is that it is balanced out, big one.

Speaker 1: 24:02

So that you're communicating it in your awareness. You're communicating the awareness.

Speaker 2: 24:07

The awareness of it. Yes, and it's easy for entrepreneurs to fall into that trap of there's always something right. It's very different than being an employee, where you come and you go. For the most part, most employees will when they leave, they leave, whereas entrepreneurs never truly turn off, and so it's definitely about creating that balance, and one part of I think doing that is having a passion outside of work. Now, you've got one, don't you? Now, it kind of was your work you mentioned a while ago, but tell me about, tell me about, cooking, what, what, uh, how does that create some work life balance for you?

Speaker 1: 24:45

Well, you know, and it's interesting, I have a strange ability to be able to connect lots of different, disparate things, and so I have certainly made cooking part of the work I do with with men and fathers and balance and work and entrepreneurs. But it's also for me. It's it's a way I nourish myself, it's a way I nourish loved ones, it's a way that I get to zone out and meditate. It's you know. So I I've been cooking both professionally and personally since I my early twenties. I've cooked in restaurants, I've had food businesses.

Speaker 1: 25:19

The style of cooking and what I actually love more than anything is teaching. I do a lot of cooking classes locally, or at least I used to, and very small catering gigs that are also partial classes. But the idea is that the style of cooking is I call gourmet, peasant food. So the idea is is that we use traditional techniques and modern sort of flavors and excessive, you know, accessible tastes and ingredients. But it is like I've never done fancy plating Right. I've worked in really gourmet areas but I but I, but I but I serve family style and I use all of whatever is available to me. You know whether it's as much of the animal if I'm doing meat, or you know the leaves of of of plants that we would never use, like I use the leaves of chili plants that that don't often get used, or the leaves of tomato plants that don't often get used, things like that.

Speaker 1: 26:19

And so, um, for me, it is both a meditation and exploration and also a way for me to show and demonstrate love. And and so, um, you know I'm I work till six most days and I'm also the one who makes dinner most nights, because I love it and I'm faster at it than my wife, and it involves, you know, my kids. You know they're aware of it, and you know, the other piece about it that I happen to love is we have a lot of friends who have dietary restrictions for health or philosophy or whatever. We have a lot of friends who have dietary restrictions for health or philosophy or whatever, and I believe that no one should feel wanting when it comes to food. So I have, you know, invented grain free tortillas that I make several times a week for our family, and you know all of the different things that we need. So, like, what type of nourishment, what type of? You know, is it nutrients or is it a good story in our food Right? I really believe that. Not just nutrients in our food, but the States. We, you know, we had Thanksgiving recently.

Speaker 1: 27:26

I turned the, the, the turkey carcass, into the most rich stock. You know, I had it simmering for days and then I just canned it. And so now I have this like canned turkey stock. I have two gallons in in quart jars and last night I'm looking at the jars, I pulled them out of the pressure canner and they're on the counter and they're still boiling in the jar. And my wife comes up to me like and notices my stupid ass grin and goes, like you are so contented right now, aren't you? And I was like yeah, I'm looking at these, like the hours I put into it and this, like you know, eight or nine jars of of of stock, and I'm just envisioning the future of like what I'm going to make for them and how I'm going to cook with it and what I'm going to. You know, and it is the most like I, I I'm so gratified by doing those kinds of things. Yeah, but to your point passions.

Speaker 1: 28:29

Passions help the balance.

Speaker 2: 28:31

Yeah, like you, you and you mentioned the word meditation and that's it, mentioned the word meditation, um, and and that's it. Can it can be a word that gets misconstrued because people think meditation, oh you know, type of deal. And to me, like, would you be able to exchange that word for you're in the zone, like when you, when you're doing these things, you just like. For me, mountain biking is one of those times where it's just such a combination of things for me, where I'm in nature, it's fantastic exercise, I'm breathing clean air, but it's meditative. I don't call it a meditation, but it's meditative in that you take your mind off that trail that you're going down for just a second.

Speaker 2: 29:17

Things go bad quickly, so you have to be in the moment or in the zone, and I think that's probably. You know, even people are worried or not worried, but trying to figure out what might be a passion for them. Think about what do I do, that when I'm doing it, nothing else matters, that I can just turn off from everything else in the world and consider that to be your meditation. You don't have to necessarily sit down on a needle mat and do certain breaths and all those things are great, but to find that passion, to find that area where you're in that zone is so good for your health and then you regenerate yourself so that then when you do get back to work, you're just better at it.

Speaker 2: 30:07

I think that's an important point to make, which kind of leads me to that next section of what I want to discuss with you, which is stress for the entrepreneur. Right, we live in this area of stress and I say to people all the time is do you know, the only time you're not stressed? I'm curious when you're dead, because there's always stress. But how do we handle that stress better? And you have this idea around connections and connections with people, connections with others, being a stress release.

Speaker 1: 30:42

So talk a little bit about that for me oh, absolutely, um, and actually it goes back to even the, the mindful, the meditation piece, which, if can I go back to that just for a second, because I wanted to add to you, not just being in the zone, but there's a whole concept of flow and the idea when people are like I don't know what my passion is, I don't know whatever, because I wanted to add to it, not just being in the zone, but there's a whole concept of flow and the idea when people are like I don't know what my passion is, I don't know whatever.

Speaker 1: 31:07

It isn't something that's natural. We don't just like automatically, like you had to learn how to mountain bike and I know that because I've cracked a bunch of helmets, and so the idea of any of the thing that is a passion is something that grew and it was not like amazing, it wasn't your zone of genius in the beginning, but there was that feeling of like, oh, I tripped into this and I lost myself.

Speaker 1: 31:27

Or, you know, I was in the flow, and the best thing that I tell people around the definition of flow is when you have a balance of competence and challenge, right, because if it's too hard, if it's I didn't make that up, I stole that.

Speaker 1: 31:42

But you know, if it's too hard and then I, then I'm overwhelmed that I stay away from it. If it's too easy, I'm bored, right. But whenever you have that balance, so you don't have to be great to be in the flow or to be, you know, to be in the zone or whatever, but there has to be this intention to want to grow, because as soon as I like it could be knitting, it could be underwater basket weaving, it doesn't matter what it is. But if you are like I'm intentionally wanting to partake in this thing because I'm almost chasing the flow, right, I want that thing because I'm almost chasing the flow, right, I want that. You know, for me, when I'm cooking, I'm at my best when I have four burners, a stove, the air fryer and like three salads that I'm making, because that's when I'm challenged. You know, if I'm just making grilled cheese for everyone, it'll take almost longer than what I just described, right, right, which which brings us to stress right?

Speaker 1: 32:40

because one might think four burners, the stove, the air fryer, the salads, is stressful and it is like you said, but what you know, the I don't know if you know the word but I but I think all of your listeners should you know the word eust. You stress E.

Speaker 2: 32:56

U S T R E S S yeah.

Speaker 1: 32:58

So positive stress, like everything is stressful in this world, but we have a way of in our minds, in our meaning making, in our experiences we can be, we can use it in a positive way, and so for me, yes, cooking something like that is can be really stressful, but I got the music on right and I'm dancing through it, right, like that is the thing that I think is really important. So back to like, how to manage stress through connections and and I would say it's actually not just to others, and starting with ourselves Oftentimes, when we stress, the first thing we lose is our connection to ourselves, right? We're, we're almost disembodied or disassociated, or you know, I'm stressed, so I'll look at Instagram for a minute and then, all of a sudden, it's three hours later.

Speaker 1: 33:45

I am disconnected with myself, so the very first thing is what do we need to do to be connected with ourselves? And that's to be able to recognize when I'm not connected with myself. What does it feel like? Where does it live in my body? What am I doing? All of these pieces is recognizing that.

Speaker 1: 34:05

And then, similarly, with the other people who you care about besides yourself your kids, your partner anything like that is am I being snappier, am I? You know, if I run upstairs to make dinner and I didn't prepare myself well, I might think, oh, it's late, I got to go make dinner, they got to do this. And they go to ask me a question and connect and I go no, get out of here, I'm making you dinner, which is goes against everything I just told you about why I love to cook, right. So so let's slow down, connect and understand that what's important. It goes back to values. It goes back to, like, the meaning making in the mundane is the people who I am closest with, right, myself, my partners, my kids, and then maybe my closest friends, right and family.

Speaker 1: 34:58

They are someone who I value, and so if the stress is so much that it's taking me away from any of those people, let me slow down and look back at what's really and truly important to me. What do I value, what do I prioritize? How do I make that both specific and intentional right? So, building those connections. You know, all right, we may have dinner a little later, or we may have a simpler dinner, but my kids got in the kitchen with me and helped me. Yeah, it's going to be a much more narratively dense meal and that's going to bring a health that is so necessary. Yeah, connection with self.

Speaker 2: 35:34

I thought you were going to go more down that with other people, but it absolutely makes sense. I have an idea. I'm a serial non-book author finisher, um, so I got many, and what one of the titles was your first love? Um, and it was going to be your first love is for yourself. So, um, I very fully agree with that. I actually haven't thought about that as a book for a long time. It's in my notes. There's little bits and pieces, maybe one year decade. I'll get that one out too. Awesome. So tell me how people can connect with you. I've mentioned your website, connectedfathersnet. Tell me a little bit about what's on there, and you have a fantastic PDF as a free giveaway. For I mean, you said it's been amazing for fathers. I can only assume that, although there may be some very specific father-kid relationships, that if mothers read it, it would probably make a lot of sense for them as well. Is that correct? A hundred?

Speaker 1: 36:36

percent? Yeah, absolutely. I mean and the entrepreneurs in your audience will hear this fathers is something I'm passionate about for a lot of reasons, but it's also a niche a niche I chose, and so the work that I do has been tested over decades. In my therapy office, where I worked with everyone. I worked with people of all ages and different genders and different ways. Some of my very first clients in this model were actually were women, and so, yeah, I think you know the ConnectedFathersnet site brings you to the landing page for my group, a coaching program for dads, and that has a description of what the program is and all of the information specifically about that group.

Speaker 1: 37:20

But my actual website, which will tell you about the model and the work that I do, is called Journeyman Foundation, and so through the journeyman is where I do a lot of the pieces around narrative work, adventure work and this whole sense of the. I call it the other side of the hero's journey. So they're foundational adventures, and so the work on foundational adventures, connections and partnerships is all on the journeyman foundation. I'm on socials and, you know, certainly can leave you the links for that people. You know right now, when it comes to this work, I'm the only one here, so if you reach out you'll get me and I will respond. I think it's been really fun to connect with people from all of the world who are interested in increasing connections and partnerships in the way that we socially engage with one another. So I would say, on socials, through journeymanfoundationcom, and then you know frankly, jason at nourishedconnectionscom, that then you know frankly, Jason at nourished connectionscom, that's my email and that's what I checked several times each day.

Speaker 2: 38:21

Awesome, and I think it was. I can't remember if it was in the pre-show or the actual show you you had mentioned this idea about. I think it was in the pre-show so I'll bring it up. You said every time you've seen what you might call an exponential stage of growth in your business, it was because of something you did as a person, and who you are as a person precedes who you are as a business owner. So every step moving forward is about you as a person growing and then that's what contributes to the business growing.

Speaker 2: 38:52

So if you're looking to grow your business, connect with Jason and see if he can help you out. So I'm very excited to continue this relationship. We are going to be connecting again. I'll get you on this show again, for sure. I already we didn't get into a few things I wanted to, but our time is getting close so we will. We'll wrap it up with this episode, but I'll get you back. So thank you so much for coming on Jason. All your connections and things will be in the show notes for everyone to connect with you. And thank you so much.

Speaker 1: 39:25

Absolutely, Scott. This has been great. I'd love to continue the conversation.

Speaker 2: 39:29

Thank you Thanks for listening to this episode of Questioning Authority. I hope you enjoyed the show. Thanks for listening to this episode of Questioning Authority. I hope you enjoyed the show. Stay tuned for the next one coming out soon. This episode has been brought to you by the Authority Co. Helping service providers increase authority and revenue. Check out theauthoritycocom for more info.