Hey Unk? Podcast

That Time We Didn't go to Atlanta

• Shannon Fuller / Mark Atwater / Stewart McDay • Season 1 • Episode 1

Share episode

Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.

0:00 | 49:02

Send us Fan Mail

Ever wondered what it takes to be the “favorite uncle” that everyone in the family adores? On this episode of the Hey Unk? Podcast, we, Shannon Fuller, Stewart McDay, and Mark Atwater, pull back the curtain on our distinctive roles in our chosen family, from Stew’s vigilant enforcer vibe, to Mark’s sage counseling, and my fun uncle persona. We share our strategies for navigating relationships with our daughters' friends and boyfriends and recount a pivotal life choice that set the path for the rest of our lives. 

Relive the glory days with us as we take a nostalgic trip back to our college years. Picture this: '90s fashion, hammer pants, and off-campus adventures that brought us closer together. From freshman year antics to the solid bond of sophomore year as roommates, we reminisce about the joy, trust, and occasional bro-code violations that defined those unforgettable times. Shannon’s Navy visits added a unique twist, bringing both financial relief and a different perspective. This chapter highlights the timeless essence of friendship and the irreplaceable memories we created during our college days.

Pivotal life choices and the lessons they teach us come under the spotlight as we discuss the importance of timing, mental state, and experiences in shaping our paths. From changing careers to starting new ventures, we emphasize the value of a nonjudgmental support system and the power of chosen family. You'll hear our heartfelt advice to our 18-year-old selves and reflections on how different choices could have impacted our lives. Mark takes us through his journey of navigating grief after losing his wife, underscoring the critical role of a supportive network. Join us for an episode filled with introspection, humor, and valuable life insights.

https://www.heyunkpodcast.com
https://www.youtube.com/@heyunkpodcast
https://www.instagram.com/heyunkpodcast/
https://www.facebook.com/61564919290101/


Shannon FullerHost



00:15
Welcome to the hey Unc Podcast, where we focus on life journeys, life lessons, a little bit of hilarity, and talk about our journey along the way. I'm one of your co-hosts, shannon Fuller, affectionately known as Uncle Shannon, and I'll be kind of moderating our journey. As we go through the podcast, I'm joined by my brothers from another mother, stuart McDay and Mark Atwater. Welcome, fellas, welcome. 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



00:50
Before we get started is there a reason why you're trying to sound like you're busy at Washington or something. 


Shannon FullerHost



00:55
This is my normal speaking voice, okay. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



00:59
What the hell In my mind. I'm like dang. What is this? The? 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



01:02
quiet storm. I mean, that's what I'm saying. What are we doing here? Listen, I'm like dang. What is this? The quiet storm? I mean, that's what I'm saying. What are we doing here? 


Shannon FullerHost



01:05
Listen, I am trying to be pleasing for the audience and I am the moderator. How y'all doing? I'm just saying oh my. God, here we go. I can't even get half a sentence out before y'all start cutting up. Okay, that's fine. Do you want me to talk higher? What y'all need me to do? 




01:27
No, just keep going Okay, Just do what you do. So in this first episode we're really going to talk about those life choices. You know, when you have pathways in life and you got to choose to go left, you got to choose to go right. When you have pathways in life and you got to choose to go left, you got to choose to go right. How do you make those decisions and what does that set the table for everything else that comes after? So we're going to talk about one of the pivotal moments that happened in our life. That time we didn't go to Atlanta. So as we get into this conversation, please feel free to contact us on our social medias. Engage with the podcast. We appreciate your feedback as we go forward. This is a new venture for us, so we hope it's entertaining. We hope you see yourself in this podcast and see your tribe in the podcast as we move through. So with that, welcome to the hey Unc podcast. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



02:32
Here here, here here. 


Shannon FullerHost



02:35
Quiet storm. Oh my God. Thank you, mark. So, to get this jumped off, we called it the hey Unc podcast because along our journey we are all girl dads and we end up picking up boyfriends and friends and all of that along the way, and people that don't have that favorite uncle that they can go talk to and engage with. So we end up being those surrogate uncles. So we thought, hey, maybe it's more people out there that could use these types of conversations and this type of engagement for those that don't have that resource. So as we get into this Stu in our group, what kind of uncle are you? What uncle are you? 


Stewart McDayCo-host



03:21
Well coming, you know, as know, as it started. Well, obviously, when we first got together, it was no uncle, because none of us had kids. We met at a very young age. But, um, since being introduced to your kids and being able to sort of help shepherd them along the way, I guess I'm more of an enforcer. 


Shannon FullerHost



03:48
Come with the questions, the interrogations. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



03:52
Yeah, I like meeting the boyfriends. 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



03:55
And my kids love that. I like meeting the boyfriends. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



03:58
So that was my job was to sort of try to weed out the bad. 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



04:04
Okay, All right, More so. I think I'm that uncle who tends to get those young men who just got issues and they just want to talk. I'm the guy that's listening and just giving advice to them and just trying to figure out why in the hell I'm giving them advice when they're not even. You know they're not the husband yet. But hey, that's who we are, you know, that's. I feel, like that's who I am. 


Shannon FullerHost



04:34
Okay, all right. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



04:36
The counselor I think that's what you evolved into. Yes, because that wasn't always the case. Yeah, Really. Yeah, I, I mean because we didn't always have to deal with that that's true, that's true. You know what I mean. So that sort of came along on the back half yeah well, yeah well, in that case. 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



04:57
Uh, I was the why. Why are you here, uncle? How about that? I didn't want nobody talking to my girls, but hey good luck with that I know Right, that's the dad, you were Exactly. 


Shannon FullerHost



05:11
Yeah, that had nothing to do with the uncle. 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



05:14
Well, all y'all Well, I mean all of them were my girls, so hey, but OK yeah. 


Shannon FullerHost



05:21
Gotcha, which leaves me in my role in the group, is the fond uncle. So, yeah, I got all of the hey. Can we be at your house and can we use your house and we want to have a party? Of course you can have at it. Whatever y'all want, go ahead. So that was my role in the group is to be the fond uncle. Um, you know, I had a great tradition with my nieces that I would take them to buy their prom dresses, right and all of that. So that that was my role in the crew is to always hand out money and houses and car keys. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



06:02
That was the role I played in the group whether it broke my house rules or not, he still allowed it definitely we was at my house. 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



06:10
They ain't nothing to do with your house, and they kind of put this in the context to uh. You know, I do have a son, uh, but he is considered to be, I guess, all of ours, since you know, we grew up. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



06:25
He's the only. The only boy. 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



06:27
He's the only one, yeah, and he. I think he profited more from Uncle Shannon than anybody else did. 


Shannon FullerHost



06:34
Oh, there ain't no question. There ain't no question. That's another discussion for another day. Oh, we definitely gonna have to get into that, because you talking about being violated. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



06:43
The kids, the kids, the kids, the kids, yeah. 


Shannon FullerHost



06:47
We will get into that in a future episode. All right, but one of the things we wanted to make sure we did in this first episode is to give you all a glimpse of kind, of how we became the tribe that we are and that important role that that plays in all of our lives. So, with Mark kind of being the center point of how we all came together, why don't you explain it to the people? 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



07:16
All right. So I'll try to do that as quickly as I can. So Shannon and I, we were in high school together. We started hanging out our 11th grade year and we had a blast. We got into a lot of different things. Nevertheless, our friendship evolved. Excuse me, Like what? So Shannon, like he said he had all the houses and he was able to get cars and so forth, and I was kind of I was the guy who was alone for the ride to say, hey, let's do it. He was like, oh OK, I'm gonna make it happen. 




07:57
You know that kind of guy and yeah, yeah so, like Batman and Robin, you know, from that point, yeah, yeah so. 


Shannon FullerHost



08:03
Batman and Robin. You know from that point, yes, so when I was coming up, I come from a very big family and a very, I would say, open kind of liberal family. 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



08:13
So very liberal. 


Shannon FullerHost



08:14
Yeah, when we, we always had someone's house. We, you know 16 year old, driving Jaguars and Porsches and you, you know Corvettes and Mercedes and all these things and all these houses, you know big houses up on the hill, my uncle's on the compound, uh. So, yeah, we, we always had resources. I will say it like that Uh and yeah, and I don't know what my family was thinking half the time, you know, I'm 16 years old. They all go to the beach every Labor Day, the week of Labor Day every year, which for us was like this first or second week of school, and they left me there by myself and I had access to everyone's house, everyone's car and, yeah, it used to be epic. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



09:07
Why do you make neglect sound so good? 


Shannon FullerHost



09:12
It was borderline child abuse. It was the best time, but it was the best child abuse possible. 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



09:22
I cannot express how much fun we had, and for myself, growing up without I mean, my mother remarried and I ended up I ganged some brothers, but it wasn't nothing to compare to my guy right here. I mean, we was thick as thieves and it got to the point where my mother would just get pissed off and be like you got one more weekend to leave here on a friday and I don't see you again to sunday night. 




09:48
you know, because that wasn't my fault it was all his fault, but nevertheless I digress from that perspective. So, um, as I was saying, uh, that that was him, that was shannon and i's um journey, and then, uh, as I tread, as I transitioned to college, I went to the wonderful Johnson C Smith University here in Charlotte, north Carolina, and I had an opportunity to meet this young man over here, stuart McDay, kind of you know. We had a little rocky beginning, but but we worked it out. We both had roommates, we stayed next door to each other and Stuart, you know, as arrogant as he is, thought he was the man then as he is now you know that's neither here nor there, so we kind of Was it arrogant or confident? 


Stewart McDayCo-host



10:43
Got me. I ain't never thought of myself as arrogant, so you know, but I believe I could fly there. 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



10:50
You go see so myself. You know, I get to college, I meet all these brothers, everybody speaking, everybody's showing love. This guy I see him in the stairway. He can't even speak and I was like, really, is that what we're doing? And it was kind of a little rocky there for a minute. But then we learned, going into our I guess the spring of our freshman year, that we had cars and you know football team. You know guys, they hungry. So they began to pull on me and Stuart, you know, for food off campus and that kind of connected us in a way. 


Shannon FullerHost



11:29
We were already kind of cool, but eh, because our roommates were cool Nevertheless going to town Now in my boy's defense, if I would have met you with a red Gumby and some polka dot hammer pads. 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



11:46
I wasn't that wing first. 


Shannon FullerHost



11:47
I wouldn't have spoke to your ass either. I'm so glad you said that I'm so glad. 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



11:52
I'm sorry. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



11:53
That's not true. 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



11:55
What they are trying to speak on was my roommate at the time and I we enjoyed when we went to the party, being the life of the party. We liked to dance, we liked to have a good time. 


Shannon FullerHost



12:07
What'd they got to do with hammer paints? 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



12:08
Okay, At that time we grew up in the 90s. So you got your hammer, you got your Kwame, you got your certain things. You know it was 18, 19. So we was doing this Anyway. So, as I was saying, going into our sophomore year, you know, at this point Stuart and I we real cool, we hit it off, we decided to be roommates and becoming roommates. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



12:36
Hold on, you don't skip over All the glamour shots, the polka dots. 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



12:42
I am going on to our connection Hammer fans patent leather shoes. They lied about all that stuff. Oh no, no, no, that's photos. 


Shannon FullerHost



12:50
There are pictures and I saw them and I'm like what in the? Hell did JCSU do to my boy. 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



12:57
Because we don't do this. What they're talking about is, again, we enjoyed ourselves and our group. He was a part of our clique somewhat liked to take pictures, I mean hell, hold on. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



13:10
Was I in any pictures? He was not. 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



13:12
I said Did I ever wear silk shirts or rayon shirts? It was rayon Again. It was the 90s. Did I ever wear polka dots? 


Stewart McDayCo-host



13:20
Did I ever wear hammer pants? Did I ever wear patent leather shoes? Okay, as I was saying Thank you, we decided Very much. I knew those guys, I just wasn't a part of those guys. 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



13:31
He hung out with those guys too. He, full of it. He hung out with them too, either way. So, you know, as we get into our sophomore year he and I become roommates, and when we become roommates the hammer pans, all that stuff goes away, okay, just no longer exist. And uh, you know, my boy, shannon, here was in the navy and he was doing his thing. But because of the connections that I between the both of them, I realized they pretty much the same person in some ways and I was like, once they meet, I know it's gonna it, we're gonna be on one. And that's kind of how we became who we are in in that regard, because Shannon would come down being in the Navy. You know, he got some money. College students don't have no money and I kind of let him share that part now. 


Shannon FullerHost



14:23
Now, to be clear, I had no money, but I had more money than them, at least I was getting a regular paycheck. But the Navy does not pay any money, that's right. But you know, I would come down when I had the weekend off and hang out with them and and that really became my whole college experience, because by the time I went to college I was older than everybody else and I wasn't living in a dorm or any of that. So you know, I kind of lived vicariously Through them and they drank vicariously through me. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



14:57
It wasn't vicariously. 


Shannon FullerHost



14:59
It was literally. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



15:03
That's one thing I did a lot of in college. 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



15:07
In college. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



15:07
I have a beverage or two In college. 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



15:11
Three or four, or a case or two, hold on, but this is the thing about your boys. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



15:14
You know you befriend people, you take them in and then you got rules of the crib or the dorm room. I would say you know, anybody who ever went to school know how it is. You can sleep in my bed, but sleep by yourself, because you don't know I go away for a weekend. I trust my boys. They post up in my spot. You know I want to come back and lay down. You know, put my hands and be comfortable and come to find out. 


Shannon FullerHost



15:51
Okay, good old Uncle Sam's boy Listen Does it at least help Taking wickedness does it at least help partaking wickedness does it at least help in my bed? Does it at least help that the sex was really good? 


Stewart McDayCo-host



16:06
somebody's been sleeping in my bed so no, that don't help it don't help. No, it should it's really really good, no I thought you've been proud of me well, proud and don't. Work is two different things on one hand. So on that situation. 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



16:31
Yeah, you know, we then the guardian. So on that situation we had some friends. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



16:36
we had some friends Been the guardian. 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



16:37
We had some friends, we was hanging out. It got late, all right, you know, we going to just. You know, man, I'm going to just stay in your room, we going to stay in your room. I was like okay, cool, yes, stuart and I had rules. But you know, I was like well, I tell you what you do you. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



16:58
I. I'll take care of the rest. You know what was that movie? That's the way I can only imagine. That's what's happening in my sense. So, here, while I'm at home, I'm tending to my poor old mother. Oh my God, here we go. So my mom heard that she was like son I was only so you know. 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



17:17
Let me tell you what happened. My she was like son. I was only so you know. Let me tell you what happened. My boy come back on Sunday, shan, don't hit the road. I was like Stu man. Let me tell you what happened. I don't took care of this because I'm being a respectable roommate. I wash the sheets, I get everything set back up for my boy. I didn't even have to really tell him, you know, but I was like you know. I just want you to know what me and Shan did in our room together. I'm sorry, that didn't sound good, it didn't sound right. My bad, yeah, what we did, we didn't do nothing. That came out wrong. Let's be clear. I'm sorry, this was back in the day, y'all. So let's be clear that back in the day. Let's be clear that happened. I let my boy know. He said he was cool, he didn't like it, but he appreciated me taking care of everything. Yeah, what does he do? I'm sorry, what does he do? 


Stewart McDayCo-host



18:12
I'm still a little warm about it. I ain't even lying you are still a little salty. 


Shannon FullerHost



18:17
I think we passed the statute of limitations on that one. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



18:21
There's no statutes of limitations on it. You want to place one on it, but it's not. I'm sorry. 


Shannon FullerHost



18:29
Come on bro. I'm going to chalk it up, you would have done the same thing. No one to guide me. 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



18:36
He got me back, though y'all. It was trifling what he did to me, but I digress. I'm not over that either. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



18:44
See what I'm saying. Yeah, you should have let it go. 


Shannon FullerHost



18:46
Nope, see, hey, I'm telling y'all we got to move forward in life. That's right, we're in a better place. 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



18:53
Your boy had an apartment. Doing this thing, I let my boy Okay. There we go, here we go, I'm sorry there we go. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



19:00
I thought you, I thought, I thought he was good yeah. 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



19:02
I let my brother here use my car. I mean, he used my car. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



19:06
Everybody used your car, everybody used their car. That was like communal property, yeah. 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



19:14
He used my car and he used my apartment. But remember I told y'all how I cleaned up everything. Uv light, not this guy. Uv light all in my car, okay moving on. 


Shannon FullerHost



19:25
I think would look like a crime scene oh, that's disgusting, all right all right, that's a glimpse into boys will be back in yes, back in the day, but before we knew about it, yes, but nevertheless, you guys hit it off and here we are. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



19:42
Bottom line is we've been rocking out ever since there's not been. I mean, there's been moments where there's been pockets of things going on and we may not have been consistently in touch, but every time it's just like there's no time elapsed. Every time we get back together does we just pick up right off, right where we left off. 


Shannon FullerHost



20:03
So that's right, just like we saw each other last week right and um. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



20:08
then you know, we started getting into heavier relationships and the dominoes start to fall. But at the end of the day, all the dominoes start to fall, but at the end of the day, all the dominoes start with Mark being the first one pushed, always. 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



20:23
Kind of going back to. So me and my brother here we decided to. We started dating sisters and yeah, and I decided that I was going to take that plunge and you know I'm the one going, I was first. I'm ready to get married, you know, and my boys they, you know, y'all seen the woods, you'd understand. You sure you know what you're doing. But yeah, so that was kind of our thing as we moved forward and I dove right into it. 


Shannon FullerHost



20:55
So fast forward, Sure, To wedding day. Yes, sir, Right. So the three of us together, we in the car on the way to church. On the way to the church, we see the sign for the highway. I believe it was Stu was like. You know, Atlanta is only three hours from here. We could make this turn, jump on the highway right now and we'd be in Atlanta in three hours. So at this point now, Mark has to make a decision. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



21:30
Critical. 


Shannon FullerHost



21:31
Do we keep straight and head on to the church? 


Stewart McDayCo-host



21:34
I'll vote it straight. 


Shannon FullerHost



21:35
Or do we bust his left and jump on 40 and head to Atlanta? 


Stewart McDayCo-host



21:41
I'll reverse that. I meant left, you did. That's right, so we was already dressed up. 


Shannon FullerHost



21:49
We was already dressed up, we had a tank full of gas, we had a pocket full of money, we could have rolled. So when you were faced with that life decision, what went through your mind? 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



22:02
You know, I hear my boys. What was going through my mind was I hear them. What in the hell? But I was like you know what? I love my baby. I love my baby. And yeah, I did. I love my baby. 


Shannon FullerHost



22:19
And we're going to keep straight because I don't know what's going to happen if we don't oh, yeah, our names would have been Mud because, yeah, his date at the time, which is now his wife, she was already at the church, so he would have left her high and dry. They came in from Asheville. He would have left her high and dry. They came in from Asheville, so he would have left her there. My current wife would have never spoke to me again, not one. I don't even know what Gilda would have done, which is Mark's mom Right, and Gilda don't play. 




22:54
So you know, when you're faced with, you know a fork in the road you have to weigh because that fork, had we made another decision, our entire lives would have been different, completely Everything would have been different. So you know, when you think about those pivotal moments in your life, you know we could have made another decision, would life have been better, would it have been worse? Who knows right? But we would not have ended up where we are because that decision would have forced every other decision we made after that. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



23:35
Well, if we were to marry, it definitely wouldn't have been our wife. 


Shannon FullerHost



23:41
Not at all, hell no. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



23:44
It would have been no way we could have came back from that. 


Shannon FullerHost



23:47
Because I know Gina holds a grudge she would have literally never spoke to me again. Same. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



23:53
Same, same. 


Shannon FullerHost



23:57
But you know it's always interesting and we get faced With these kind of life choices. You know, from time to time, and when you're weighing those things, what kind of keeps you centered when you're making those decisions. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



24:12
I think everything Is really Based on the time. The time in which those tight moments have is really based on the time, the time in which those tight moments have. If we're faced with the same decision 15 years ago, with today's mindset, it's a totally different thing. 




24:37
Absolutely yeah, so it's based on the sum total of where you are mentally and what you've accumulated from human capital. I hate to say it that way, but you know, from a family perspective, financially, um, your business status, in terms of what your jobs are, what you're doing, and so when you're faced with pivotal, those pivotal, a pivotal decision I shouldn't say those because it's just a lot. 


Shannon FullerHost



25:11
And I think part of it too, is what do you want out of life, what do you want your life to be right and what do you want out of life? What do you want your life to be right and what do you want out of life? So, when you're making those decisions of, well, do I take a risk and take this job, or start this new business, or whatever it is, you have to have an end goal of where do you want to be. 




25:33
And does that decision support where you want to be and where you want to go with your life. You know I look at people and sometimes I envy people. They can, you know, just go work a nine to five and they make their money. And when they leave work, they leave work and they don't want to be in charge of nothing, they just want to go and have a job and get a paycheck. I envy those people. I have never been a person that could do that Right. 




26:01
So and that drives the decisions I've made throughout my life when we were moving around, going from city to city and changing jobs as I moved up the ladder, you know that drove where I wanted to be, drove a lot of those decisions Makes sense. Yeah. So you know, as you're faced with these kind of things, I know one of the things is important for us Whenever I'm facing a life decision at this point, right, these are the first people I call right and to have that support. And one of the things that I know we all appreciate about each other is there's no sugarcoating. There's no sugarcoating, there's no BS. I know I've had to get called out on my bullshit and, bro, what you doing, what we doing here Right, and to have that kind of nonjudgmental support in your life is absolutely important. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



27:10
Definitely it makes a difference and I guess in all the conversations, all those, any conversation we have, I mean some we bring up again because maybe they're funny or maybe because it's just something we're rehashing, but it always stay right there in that moment and it's not like it's a carryover. 




27:31
Like you know, I'm thinking about this decision you made 10 years ago today, outside of the one where you slept in my dwelling spot, other than that one, but that's the beauty of the relationships. I have blood brothers, but over the last 30 plus years I've spent more time with these guys than I have my own blood brothers. And it's not that I love my brothers less, because I love them to death too, but it's different. This is my chosen family. That was my given family, my God given family. So I take equal pride in my chosen family because I had to say or you know, I was the decision maker in that process because I didn't have to rock out with these guys like that, but I chose to and it was something different about both of them that was attractive to my spirit and we connect and we could chat it up and it's always been genuine, authentic conversations and a super, mega, ultra trust factor, which I think that's probably the glue that binds us to trust. 


Shannon FullerHost



28:54
Yeah absolutely, yeah, we all know it. As Stu always says, if I put it in the vault, it's going to stay in the vault until it gets held against me. But that was that'll just be. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



29:07
That was a vault. That wasn't in lockdown. 


Shannon FullerHost



29:15
So you know, as we go through the podcast, we want to make sure we're highlighting certain things and one of the kind of standing things we want to do, because my boy always comes to us with these questions out of left field. So now we're going to a segment of the podcast that we call Stu's question of the week. We have no idea what this question is. We don't know what the topic is or anything else, so you are hearing it when we hear it. All right, hit us. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



29:56
All right. So, in the spirit of the conversation, just knowing what we know now, if you could take one thing, one thing, and go talk to 18-year-old Mark Shannon the day after graduation I want it to be the day after graduation the day after, tell them one thing After high school High school. Yeah, tell them that one thing. What would it be? I don't care what it is, what would it be? 


Shannon FullerHost



30:36
Whew, that's a tough one it is. That's a tough one it is when I look back over those years I wouldn't want to say, hey, don't go in the navy, go to college, because I wouldn't. I wouldn't have been mentally ready for that anyway. Um I, I think I would have told him you're better than you think you are. 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



31:06
Wow, I think that's what I would have told 18 year old me and I would have told 18 year old me have no regrets about anything, anything that's in hindsight. 


Shannon FullerHost



31:20
Well, right, okay that right there. 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



31:23
Um, what I'm. What I mean by that is I was a rotc guy, I was second in command, all that and um headed to the army and have no regrets. That's one thing I regret. I would have taken. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



31:41
That's not. 


Shannon FullerHost



31:41
That's not the same that's not I mean, if you're saying maybe work the plan okay, you know what I'm saying. Yeah you. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



31:53
You already know what it is you want to do. 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



31:55
Trust, stay on task and work that plan right well, hold on, I, yeah, I would say that, but I think I would have modified it and understanding, doing my homework, because I probably would have went to the reserves, uh, because I would. 




32:13
I don't want to ever change my yeah, because had you not going to have I not willing to smith, we wouldn't be right here, yeah, so I'm not by no means trying to change that, but I did look into the reserves and, um, I just didn't do it and I just would have told myself don't so you know, so that's one of those things. 


Shannon FullerHost



32:33
It's funny how life works out, though, because you got to remember the times. Had you gone into the reserves, it went straight to iraq. You would have went to desert storm, I would have went to this, I know, yeah and which means you wouldn't have had a sophomore year college okay, right, yeah so that's that, those are those things, right, life decisions. But you know what? 


Stewart McDayCo-host



32:56
and to your to the point, though. If it was, if it's that important to you even now and that's what you want to tell your 18-year-old self the day after graduation, then so be it. 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



33:11
Yeah, I would have said that Now, and I guess I mean you're making me rethink it Because it's going to come with a sacrifice. It is going to come with a sacrifice. Regardless, something about now will be different as a result of that decision. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



33:21
I mean you're making me rethink it Because it's going to come with a sacrifice. It is going to come with a sacrifice. 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



33:25
Something about now will be different, as a result of that decision. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



33:27
And who's to say? You know? 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



33:29
I lost a really good friend in Desert Storm. Yeah, and he and I will try to do some of the same things out of high school. Would you be here? Would I be here? 


Shannon FullerHost



33:39
Would you be here? Yeah, be here. Would you be here? Yeah. And for me, a similar situation. My physics two professor at A&T had I had a teacher like that in high school, I would have gone straight to college, right, his style was so engaging and um and matched my energy. I never had that before. I was always the smartest kid in the class and all that, but I hated school. Because why are we talking about this again? This is boring, but had I would had somebody like that then, yeah, I would have been like you and made completely different decisions. 




34:23
What about you? What would you have told 18-year-old Stu other than keep it in his pants? 


Stewart McDayCo-host



34:32
Hey, sometimes I still wish I could have told him that. 


Shannon FullerHost



34:37
Save yourself a whole lot of aggravation but you know what you? 


Stewart McDayCo-host



34:41
you saying that jokingly and that's really what I would tell them. Not, not so much that, but it's plenty of time for that. Right, stay focused, stay focused. Yeah, that's big. Yeah, stay focused, because I allowed that to deter me or take me off task so many times when I was much younger and I wasted a lot of time. So, yeah, it would have been, stay focused. 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



35:15
We had really great times in college. But yes, there was a lot of wasted moments, to your point. But I think a lot of lessons was learned in those wasted moments too. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



35:29
True, but some of them didn't amount. 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



35:31
No, not at all. There was no long-term benefit. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



35:34
I mean it's a ha-ha-ha, yeah, but you know, we still could have found those things doing the work right too, yeah. 


Shannon FullerHost



35:46
I don't know you always as you're looking back on these things and you wonder, you know, I try not to be a what-if person, but you do, you wonder. You wonder sometimes, what if I had done X, what if I would have done Y? And it's always an interesting exercise to do those things. But I'm pretty damn happy with where we are, that's right, and how things have worked out for all of us and for our tribe. So yeah, it's always fun to go down memory lane and do these hypotheticals and wonder how different things would have been. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



36:33
And I think that the foundation of the question really is for someone who might listen to us and say you know younger, because I hope it's a broader audience that might want to tune in and say okay, I got uncles. You know, it may not be a person our age that see themselves in us, but someone to say, oh, I got uncles like that, I got an uncle like him, or whatever the case may be. But to take that little kernel of wisdom and understand that, you know we're speaking from a place of you know, net results. 




37:09
We see the results. We know what that's like, you know, having done that. But if I could have did it a little different, would I be this much closer to my goal today? You know, not trying to leave everything by the wayside that I have, but could I have all that and still be that much closer? Could I be retired right now instead of still working? You know, so that's the genesis of it for me. Yeah. 


Shannon FullerHost



37:38
Bro, I tell you one thing I do regret Not buying all them houses around JCSU back in the day. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



37:45
It's crazy $12,000. $12,000. 


Shannon FullerHost



37:48
$12,000. And now they going for how much? $600,000, $700,000? 


Stewart McDayCo-host



37:54
On the low yeah, On the low side, some of them over a million dollars, now $12,000. Of course, the lot's been scraped and new structures, but the lot, they're lot premiums and that's crazy, yeah. And for all those who are out there looking for real estate, I know a really good agent who can help you with that in the greater Charlotte area and the upstate South Carolina. 


Shannon FullerHost



38:17
That's an awesome job. Shameless plug for stewart midday. Absolutely, you're a friendly neighborhood realtor, all right. So shifting gears a little bit. Uh. Then the next segment that we're gonna have all every week. Our brother, mark, here, is the philosopher of the group, right. He always comes with the deeper meaning and have these thought provoking statements and always looking for the deeper, so we want to give him some time to talk through different topics every week. So with that we're going to shift over to Mark's philosophy. 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



39:01
So, you know, for me, just kind of reflecting on some of the things that we talked about today, I think it's important that you know when you're deciding to make those decisions of who's going to be your support group, who's going to be you know, in your life, whether it be male or female, it's so important that you have people who connect to you, you know, spiritually I think that's important people who that you can trust, and it's important to have a foundation like that in your life, because you know that. That leads me up to one of the things that we're going to talk about today, which is what happened in my life. Um, you know, do I? Can I go on into that? 


Shannon FullerHost



39:49
yeah, you know. 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



39:50
so, uh, as we were beginning to have that conversation about me getting married and so forth, well, my wife, um, you know, I lost my wife this past year in November and due to cancer, she battled for seven and a half years and without my tribe, my base here, I don't know what I would have done. You know, and I think it's important that you have people in your life who you know you can go to, who you can confide in, who's going to be there, no matter what, what's going on. Hey, let's go play golf. Hey, let's do this. And it's just sometimes, it's just enough, you know, to make your day. So I just think it's important that you, you know, examine yourself and look at that you know and realize. 




40:53
Sometimes you know you want to be somebody, that people want to be around. I think that's important. You know, if everybody ain't around you, it ain't always them. Sometimes it's you. 


Shannon FullerHost



41:05
That is for sure I like that. 




41:08
Yeah, you know and I know for me I'm still processing right through the loss of our sister Tammy, through the loss of our sister Tammy, and I find myself still to this day having conversations with her. It's the little stupid stuff. I'll see a little corny joke on the internet and know how much she loved those little corny jokes. But they're as you're processing through your grief. You know there's no one solution that's going to get you through it. Right, everybody's different. 




41:48
But bottling it up, I can tell you, is not the way Right, you're never going to be able to process and you know Tamer will never be forgotten and she's going to be a hole in our group until the day we all pass. But you have to find a way to work through your grief and get to the other side so it doesn't become this hole in your heart that is never filled. And, to your point, having a support system around you, having people that you know you could depend on, can help you get through. That it's not the only way. I'm a strong believer in going to counseling and getting the help you need, so that could be another path. Um, but you know, sitting back, smoking a cigar and having a drink, that's a form of counseling for me and and sitting there talking trash with you guys. 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



42:51
So you know, and I'm sorry it's, it's um, like you were saying, it's day to day. I mean, when you lose practically your best friend, um, you know somebody who's lost a spouse. It's I don't even know how to explain it. 




43:09
You're sleeping alone, you're making decisions alone you know you're doing things that you just you're not, sometimes not prepared for, and you know, some ways I kind of was but at the same time it's a day-to-day process. That grief, it sneak up on you. It could be a song, it can be the way it look outside, it can be anything you know and just roll with it, like Shannon was saying. So I think counseling is a very big thing to do, you know. 


Shannon FullerHost



43:43
So how are you doing Stu? 


Stewart McDayCo-host



43:49
I figured I shouldn't say I figured it out, but I understand how to better cope and it turned from a sorrow kind of deal because she's not physically here to just being okay with knowing she's better off, especially in the last moments. 


Shannon FullerHost



44:16
Yeah, yeah. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



44:17
You know. So I found a peace about it, but I don't want to forget nothing. So I always replay stuff in my head because I want to keep her fresh and I want to keep her relevant and I don't ever want to feel like she's not a part of what we're doing. So I intentionally think about her and. I always go to you know. You guys know, my lifelong favorite moment is we solve world problems on the steps. 


Shannon FullerHost



44:50
That's right. 


Stewart McDayCo-host



44:51
So whenever I think about stuff and you know, sometimes it's, you know, low key, getting on me about something that she think I might have done, but it doesn't matter, I always knew or know that. I just take it to the steps, yeah. 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



45:11
Yeah, and I'll say this last thing it's, it's such a blessing to have this kind of conversation, because I, I tell you for me her conversation, because I tell you for me, I was fortunate, like some people aren't, but I was fortunate. My wife told me thank you for the way that I took care of her in her days, you know. So I got a chance to just have some really, you know, really personal conversations with her. That allows me to move, you know, to move forth and um, and that that keeps me going so would it be safe to say she basically gave you your, her blessings to? 


Stewart McDayCo-host



45:53
live your life yeah, and that's, would that be? Would you consider that a sort of freedom and not freedom, not for? 




46:02
being yeah, because I let me explain what I say when I say that. Okay, what I mean when I say that the freedom of being able to go out and do stuff and not feel like you're dampening or harming the relationship to some degree, even though, like so, we're not privy to those conversations, right, but the fact that you know you had them and she gave you her blessings to live your life. You should be. I would think that you know it's, even though when you're, when you're ready, it may not be today and that's fine, but when you decide, okay, I'm going to carry you with me instead of carrying you on my back because you've done that part, so now you can just carry her with you but be OK with living your life at some point. 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



46:58
So I was so glad you said how you explain that that's what I'm learning to do as we speak. You know, uh, uh, you know all the wonderful memories, even some of the the shaky memories, but but it it defies who I am and, uh, and I appreciate all of it and, yes, I am learning to do those things. Um, you know, like we were saying, grief is a day-to-day process, but so we're looking at nine months now since all this occurred and I have a lot more good days than bad days you know, and I didn't think it could be that way, but I really, you know, appreciate that. 




47:41
You know, my kids are are, of course, that they're grown and they they keep my energy up too and they have their moments and we, we talk and we get through it, you know so so that will bring this episode to an end. 


Shannon FullerHost



47:56
Thank you all so much for joining us. We hope you enjoyed the conversation and come back and join us for our next episode, where we'll get into those kids so the you know, so you can get to know the family a little bit better, and we will have a guest uncle joining us, so we'll introduce him next week as well. So thank you all very much and we appreciate you being here. Peace. 


Mark AtwaterCo-host



48:26
Peace, hope. Y'all enjoyed the quiet storm Shannon. 


Shannon FullerHost



48:30
They love me. You can tell right, Sound like Donald Trump. They love me they love me, black people love me, they all All right people. Let me edit that out. Yes, no, I'm going to leave it in. I'm just going to lower the volume as the music player Black people love me. 



Head Shot

Shannon Fuller

Host
Head Shot

Mark Atwater

Co-host
Head Shot

Stewart McDay

Co-host