Sundays Are Ruining Your Life: Breaking Free from Work Anxiety feat. Shaté Hayes

In this episode of Taking Back Monday, Alyssa sits down with career coach and former professional dancer Shaté Hayes to explore what it means to build a life and career that truly lights you up. Shaté shares her journey from the dance floor to the corporate world, uncovering her passion for helping others find alignment in their work and personal lives. Together, they discuss how leaders can create happy, high-performing teams, the power of workplace chemistry, and why career fulfillment is about more than just a paycheck. Whether you're navigating a career change, managing a team, or simply looking for inspiration, this episode is packed with insights to help you take back your Mondays and find joy in what you do. Tune in to learn how to embrace creativity, align with your values, and build a life you love.

Key Takeaways:

1. Workplace Fulfillment Starts with Alignment: Career fulfillment is about aligning your work with your core strengths, values, and passions. It’s not just about tolerating a job but finding a role that lights you up from the inside out.
2. Leadership Shapes Team Chemistry and Success: Leaders have a responsibility to invest in their team's career growth, foster chemistry, and create an environment where individuals feel valued. Happy, engaged teams don’t just perform better—they also mirror the investment their leaders show in them. 
3. Creativity Thrives Everywhere: Creativity isn’t confined to the arts. Whether solving problems in tech, designing processes, or leading teams, every role has a creative element. Recognizing and embracing this helps individuals and organizations unlock new levels of innovation and fulfillment. 

Key Moments:
00:00 Introduction and Welcome
00:16 Defining Career Fulfillment
03:16 Personal Journey to Career Fulfillment
07:36 Challenges in Career Coaching
11:12 Building Happy and High-Performing Teams
14:54 Inspirational Figures and Final Thoughts
16:41 Where to Find More Resources

It's time to say "goodbye" to the Sunday Scaries.

Connect with Alyssa
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Transcript

Alyssa Nolte: 0:00

Hey everyone, welcome back to Taking Back Monday. I am so excited that you decided to join us and say goodbye to the Sunday Scaries and hello to a life of meaningful work. And I'm even more excited to introduce you to my brand new friend. Welcome to the show, Shate.

Shate Hayes: 0:13

having me on this. I'm so excited to be here.

Alyssa Nolte: 0:17

So we had a lot of kind of pre conversation about, you know, the things that we've learned in our lives and our varied experiences. And one of the things that you mentioned was that you have a passion for career fulfillment. Like, what does that even mean to you?

Shate Hayes: 0:30

Hmm. I love that question. It means that I am doing, we are all doing something that lights us up from the inside out, like literally refrigerator inside out kind of light, um, that, you know, I think there's a lot of people who are sort of just, Tolerating their jobs or hate their work. And they, and they do it for a lot of different reasons. We've got responsibilities. You got to take care of a family or caregiving for parents or loved ones. You, you know, you're trying to be an adult and make your mark on the world. And I just believe that it's possible to have a life where you can both. Be responsible in all of those adult ways and like what you're doing for a living because it speaks to your core strengths, your values, your interests, and what you feel most passionate and connected to in the world.

Alyssa Nolte: 1:20

I think that you basically just captured the entire ethos of what this, this show is trying to be because I, I'm the same, like, I have friends who will ruin their entire Sunday. And, and are so mopey about Sunday, and it's literally just because tomorrow is Monday. But they're ruining their, their little time that they have that isn't work because they're so stressed out about the fact that they have to go back to work

Shate Hayes: 1:44

Mm hmm.

Alyssa Nolte: 1:44

And when I was thinking about, you know, my own career, I've been more entrepreneurial. It's always been about like kind of doing my own business. And I love working and I love what I'm working on, but it's because I'm building something that excites me. And I'm lighting up from within because, and you can see that come through in my, my weekends because I'm not worried about tomorrow because really I've never, I've never had a weekend before. I'm always kind of thinking about what I'm going to do

Shate Hayes: 2:10

Oh, I love that so much. I'll do you one. I'll one up you. There are moments in my life where I've even on as early as Saturday night have been like, Oh my gosh, there's only one day left in the weekend. And I literally. Could only enjoy up to Saturday, um, before I was like. Already in those, in those dreads. Yeah,

Alyssa Nolte: 2:33

And how sad is that that we're letting, like, something that really is a huge part of our lives like let's be honest. Work is not going to go away. I am not going to win the lottery. I am not going to inherit, you know, millions of dollars from a secret great aunt. So, I'm gonna have to work. Why do we have to have it something, be something that we hate? It's kind of my firm belief too, that like, if your employees, if you're a leader, and your employees hate their jobs, that's on you. Like, you are the one who has the power to change that and to create a great work experience. And so, if your employees are leaving, if they're quitting, like, that's, that's your fault, buddy. Like, it has nothing to do with them. It's your, it's your decision to make work great or

Shate Hayes: 3:14

1000 percent agree.

Alyssa Nolte: 3:17

So tell us a little bit about your origin story. Like, how did you get into career fulfillment as something you were passionate about? Where did you come

Shate Hayes: 3:25

You know, it, it's, it's so interesting because if it was like always there, like, I just don't, I don't know. It was just a part of me, you know? So I, my story is my first career as a professional dancer, choreographer, and we have, you know, the, the dance world in common. And I just was always performing when I was growing up. I started, you know, dancing when I was like three ish. Right. And then, you know, Never stopped. And then it was like cheerleading and drill team and you know, like all the things. And when I went to college, I didn't know I could have a career in the way that I did, like a commercial, like freelance dancer kind of career. It wasn't something I was exposed to. We didn't have cable growing up. I didn't see, remember the time videos or Janet Jackson videos, like a lot of dancers did. And so I kind of grew up knowing that I love this thing, but not knowing like where it would go. And, um, I remember going to college and my parents were like, Choose some other major than dance, like don't choose dance, which is fair because I didn't necessarily need a dance degree to be a dancer, but I hadn't thought of anything else to do. You know, it was kind of like, what, you know, what would I do? So I was a psych. Major on a pre med track, because I think one of my parents was like, what about being a doctor? You know, I was like, uh, uh, sure, you know,

Alyssa Nolte: 4:41

Sure. Yeah.

Shate Hayes: 4:43

and the psychology part of it was great for me. Cause I love people. I love understanding people. The research part, all of that was wonderful. Pre med track, not so much, you know, like I did it. And then I, there was this moment to your question where I am studying for the MCAT, you know, I had already taken it once. Yeah. Just taking it again, summer after college, and I'm just studying for hours and hours. A day to do this thing that I was like, uh, you know, and there was just something within me that was just kind of like, if I'm going to spend all of my time and all of my days doing anything, I can't feel like this. I have to enjoy it. And I don't know where it came from because I was always taught in our family, like you go to college and you get a job, you know, like that's, you That's the order of things. And here I am, you know, having the audacity to like, want to enjoy the job. So yeah, that was probably my first moment where I was like, no, this matters to me. So I, you know, packed up and moved to LA to become a dancer. And my parents were like, what, what do you mean? You know, um, found my way. But then there were moments, even in my dance career, no matter how, like it was incredibly hard to build and make a sustainable career out of that, where I was just so proud. that I was doing it. It was just like, Oh, wow, I did this. And then it became, Oh, everybody should feel this way. Like everybody should feel this away about the work that they do. And so, you know, I never really saw myself not being a dancer. So when that career came to an end at my own choice, I sort of had this identity crisis. But by that time, the career development piece was already there and I was already like helping other dancers find their way and really writing about what, you know, it meant to build a sustainable career on your own terms. And so like the rest is kind of, kind of history. But yeah, I think I was just sort of like, I came here with this sort of, you know, belief that I deserve to be happy in my career or something.

Alyssa Nolte: 6:44

Right. I, I'm happy that, I mean, it's great to hear that you made that, uh, uh, that realization. Right. Cause I hear from a lot of people like, I got fired. I got laid off. I got, you know, there was like something catastrophic in their life that happened. My, I talked to someone a couple of days ago who was like, my wife got cancer and she died. And I decided I couldn't live the rest of my life, you know, waiting. And, and you hear these stories of people who. Spend their whole life working, and then they retire, and then the next week they have a heart attack, or they have a stroke, and like, I couldn't imagine getting to that point after hating my life up until that point, and then when I'm finally free, you know, having something terrible happen. Um, it's funny you say psychology, because I was a psychology major, too. Um, I loved, like, the way people think and process. So, this is why the internet's great. Like, we've never met before, and we have so much in common.

Shate Hayes: 7:31

I love that. Yeah, we're twinning.

Alyssa Nolte: 7:36

So tell me about, you know, when you work with, with clients and with customers, what are the things that they struggle with when you're trying to help them, you know, through their challenge of, of being a career coach?

Shate Hayes: 7:50

It's a couple of things. I think, uh, there's one part of it where people don't, can't fully see themselves, right? And so there's a part that they're like, okay, I'm ready for more. I don't know what that more is. What is it that I should be doing? You know, a lot of people have a lot of anxiety around this idea of purpose. Like what am I meant to do? And I don't know what it is. I'm not passionate about anything and I'm not using my, my college major, like just so many reasons to sort of beat themselves up. And so part of my work is like helping them sort of find their way towards alignment. Through their own, it's not something that I can tell you. It's not something that you're going to find in any one personality test or assessment. Like it's a combination of like really reflecting on yourself and your, your background, doing some of those assessments and then like putting the pieces together. So I helped them with that part for some folks, it's the stories that they're telling themselves, like giving themselves permission to do the thing that they actually already know that they want to do. And so, like, how do you get out of your way? Yeah. Uh huh. Or, like, maybe it's there's been some workplace trauma or, you know, that's bruised their confidence or it's the family that they got to provide for. It's everything society has said about what it means, especially when it's a creative, you know what I mean? Like, you tell someone that you want to have a creative career and they're, like, the only The only things they know is like, either you're trying to be famous or you're going to end up homeless. Like it's like one of one of the other, and there's no like real practical sort of model of what it looks like to be a creative and make a living doing that. And so people have these beliefs around what, what they really want to do and what their life will look like if they try to do it. So it's like, how do, how do we get past all of that kind of stuff?

Alyssa Nolte: 9:37

Yeah, I, I think that you made a lot of important points there, right? So I consider myself a creative. I'm a creative in terms of like tech and software. I'm not like, I am a terrible artist. If you ask me to like paint something, it, my five year old could do better. Um, but I think finding your opportunity to, to use those gifts and those skills, like being creative, Even in a corporate environment, even in a like the most corporate of corporate environments, I worked for, I did a consulting project for an IT company for a long time. Like the furthest, what you would think from creativity, but they just express their creativity and their talent in a different way. I firmly believe that every profession has an element of creativity, whether we're able to label it that or not.

Shate Hayes: 10:21

I agree 1000%. I get the question all the time, like, Oh, how did you feel as a creative going into a corporate space? And initially I was a little nervous because of all the things that you hear about corporate work. But when I got into the space, I found that actually, like. The corporate world changes just like freelance gigs do, like there is no the, the old days where it's just like stuffy and it takes forever to change when I was in a tech space. So it's like changing every other day, as soon as you get comfortable with something, you know, something was moving. And so I really liked that, but it was also the creativity of. Designing solutions or designing like roles or like, you know, like just creating something out of nothing. Like there's this problem that they need to have, this organization needs to have solved. How do we get, what are we making to solve it? And who do we get to put in place? Like all of that is creativity. And I always found that really, really fulfilling too.

Alyssa Nolte: 11:13

So one of the things that you are known for is, is helping leaders. Create happy, engaged and high performing teams. Tell us a little bit more, like, is there one thing a leader could start doing today that would start, put them on the roadmap to a happy, engaged and high performing team?

Shate Hayes: 11:31

Yeah. I'll give you two things actually that stand out to me. So speaking of the dance world, the thing that I, you know, I'm I built my teams and led my teams with principles that I took from the dance world. One of them being like the chemistry of your team matters. Like the chemistry of an ensemble will impact what the final product looks like on stage did a ton of choreography for musical theater. So when I was leading my teams, I often said like our chemistry matters. And so I built in systems for us to. Really work on that chemistry and the rapport. And that could look like quarterly retreats where part of it is like fun team building. Part of it is learning together. Part of it is making sure that they feel like they have a voice in building the team and what we work on and what's what's not working, like all of those kind of things putting in place. And then the other part of it that I don't think is talked about a lot is ongoing career conversations. And so I wanted my team to feel like, or to know, not just feel like I was invested in where they were going in their careers and that they were more than just this job that they were doing at the moment. And so we are having ongoing conversations about like, where are you trying to be? We would do these exercises, like let's everyone list what our A, B, C, D, you know, like, um, What's the things that light us up in this job? Like, what's your A work, B work, C work, D work? And let's figure out how we can get you to do more of your A and B work. Like, how can I be putting you on a path to doing what you want to do? And so once folks felt like that level of investment, I don't know, they kind of like mirrored that investment back into the team. And then not only that, When someone is working on things that they enjoy, like you're, they're just going to be more productive. You're it's, they're going to meet their outcomes. They're going to be, you don't have to be chasing the work if they're enjoying what they're doing. And so making sure people are in the right seats is like, so, so, so, so, so critical to making sure your team is happy and high performing.

Alyssa Nolte: 13:34

I think there's, there's a lot in, in what you said there. Um, first of all, my most successful team that I ever coached, Was I tell people this all the time, probably the least talented team I've ever had, but they had great chemistry and they were the hardest workers. And I think they knew a little bit that they were lacking in some of like their technical talent and it was the most successful year we had competitive competition wise. And it blew my mind to this day. I'm like, Hey, don't give me a talented team. Give me a team that cares. Give me a team that gives, like, wants to do the conditioning because they know that, yes, nobody wants to do conditioning, but they, they believed in me believing in them. So therefore they were willing to do the things that kind of sucked. Because they believe, and I think that that transfers to the business world, like, is all of your work going to be fun? No. I'm, I'm, I'm a realist, like, I know that every single minute of every day isn't going to be enjoyable. When I'm doing accounting, I am not a happy person, but I have to do it, and I know it's just part of it. Um, but if you have a team that knows that you are invested, to your point, invested in their success, then they're going to be so much more likely to not only do great work on the things they enjoy. but to do great work on the things that they don't enjoy because they know it's impactful and important to the success of the team and they're invested in it just like you are because you've invested in them. So tell us Chate, if you could meet anyone or introduce us to anyone, if you wanted to tell us who is really taking back Monday, who are you going to put in the hot seat?

Shate Hayes: 15:04

Oh my gosh. I've thought of so many different answers to this question and it's not even, I guess I'm trying to see if I want to take it a life perspective, like who's taking back Mondays in terms of how they're living their life. Or who's taking about Mondays in terms of how they're building their career. And there's just so many people that I feel like I look up to. I love Oprah because of, I think it's super cool that she gets to like read books and have conversations for a living. Like that's just. That's sexy. Um, I love, I love Beyonce because yeah, I'm going to come out as like a pop artist or R& B person. And then I'm going to choose to do a country album and then who knows what, and a house album. And I'm just going to do whatever I feel like doing because this is what I want to create. Like, oh yeah, that's amazing. And then I think of friends, you know, lesser known folks in my life who I love having them in my life because of their diversity of thought. And I won't name names. Because they're human beings, but like, well, not that open and Beyonce aren't humans, but you know what I mean? Like they're not

Alyssa Nolte: 16:08

They're public figures, it doesn't

Shate Hayes: 16:09

exactly, but I have one friend who just always lives life on her own terms, regardless of if it's like, she's going against traditional, like societal norms. regardless of like, what, if it's like what her parents told, like, she is literally just making up her own mind. And it's funny because she started as one of my direct reports and now we're just really great friends. And because I love her diversity of thought, she's going to always have a different way of looking at life. And she's going to just really move to the beat of her own drum. And I think that is just powerful and refreshing.

Alyssa Nolte: 16:42

So should say if someone is really connecting with you, they want to learn more about building a career and building a life that they love. Where can they find you

Shate Hayes: 16:51

Hmm. I think LinkedIn is a really great place. I share tons of career stories on LinkedIn. And then I also have links to like, if, if you'd like to get daily career stories from me on how to tell your story, how to, you know, like find your purpose and all of those things I've got, actually, you know, that the first part of, of sort of the career fulfillment is making sure there's alignment and you have this match. And so I've got this guide where I can walk, It walks you through some of the reflection and assessment to find that match for yourself. And then you also get access to those stories I was just talking about, but that's at lightmycareermatch. com. Um, so you can grab all those resources and stay connected.

Alyssa Nolte: 17:31

Awesome. Well, thank you so much for joining me on taking back Monday. I'm excited for everyone to hear this episode.

Shate Hayes: 17:36

Thanks for having me. It's been a pleasure.