From Survival to Success: Healing Professional Trauma to Thrive feat. Rob Connelly

Are you stuck in survival mode at work? In this episode of Taking Back Monday, Alyssa Nolte sits down with workplace trauma expert Rob Connelly to explore how professional environments can shape our responses to stress and adversity. Learn how trauma adaptations like fight, flight, freeze, and fawn show up in the workplace and what leaders can do to foster healthier, more productive environments. Discover the power of self-awareness, acceptance, and intentional growth to break free from the cycle of stress and build a thriving workplace culture. Whether you're an employee seeking to heal or a leader looking to inspire, this episode is packed with actionable insights you can start using today.

Key Takeaways:

• Understanding Professional Trauma: Trauma isn't the event itself but the adaptations your body and brain make to survive overwhelming situations. Recognizing these responses (fight, flight, freeze, fawn) is the first step to healing.
• The Role of Leadership in Workplace Healing: Leaders who invest in understanding their teams as human assets—not just resources—can cultivate environments that improve employee well-being and boost organizational success.
• Adaptation Happens, So Take Control: Change is inevitable, but you can either adapt reactively to stress or proactively toward growth. Embrace self-awareness, acceptance, and intentional action to thrive in your professional life.

Key Moments:
00:00 Introduction and Guest Welcome
00:21 Understanding Professional Trauma
03:24 Projecting Trauma onto Others
04:11 The Science Behind Trauma Responses
06:10 Acceptance and Mindset Shifts
12:02 Creating a Supportive Work Environment
13:19 The Business Case for Employee Well-being
20:35 Leadership and Self-awareness
21:59 Spotlight on Dan Goodman
23:01 Conclusion and Contact Information

It's time to say "goodbye" to the Sunday Scaries.

Connect with Alyssa
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alyssanolte/
Subscribe to the Taking Back Monday Newsletter: https://www.linkedin.com/newsletters/7158635254474272768/
Follow the show on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TakingBackMondayPod
Follow the show on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@takingbackmondaypod

Transcript

Alyssa Nolte: 0:00

Hey everyone. Welcome back to Taking Back Monday. I am so excited that you decided to say goodbye to the Sunday Scaries and hello to the future of work, and I'm even more excited to introduce you to my guest today. Welcome to the show Rob.

Rob Connelly: 0:11

Thanks for having me. I was I'm really pumped to be here.

Alyssa Nolte: 0:15

Well, so we were kind of talking before the show got started and trying to figure out, you know, where do we want to take this conversation? Where do we want to get started? And you said something that that was really interesting to me this idea of of professional trauma. What is professional trauma?

Rob Connelly: 0:29

Yeah. So most people hear the word trauma. They think car accidents or capital a abuse situations. Uh, but trauma actually isn't what happens to you. Trauma is the adaptations that our brains and bodies make when our nervous systems become overwhelmed. And so trauma is not the event that happened to you, it's the adaptations that we make within our physiology to get through, to survive. The issue with trauma What people don't understand, and this is not just in the professional context, is that trauma is the lasting impact of those adaptations. We often stay in a trauma response mode because of things that have happened to us. We get stuck in those modes. The four main trauma response modes are fight, flight, Freeze and fawn and those four modes we often have physically taken them on with our brain learning how to survive a situation where our nervous system was overwhelmed and we stay to a greater or lesser extent in those response modes rather than being in a mode of sort of connection to the self. And so what often happens in the professional context is whether it's through a really abusive leadership environment or experience. Whether it's work that you had to do to pay your bills that you found distasteful or that wasn't, uh, good for you to do because it wasn't good for your skill set, or, uh, perhaps it was just straight up gross, uh, perhaps it was work that, um, you weren't able to do well because of something going on in your life, but you had to force yourself to do it. You end up in this adapted mode to try to survive. And then what happens in a lot of cases is that people are actually, on paper, very successful in this adapted mode, in this trauma response mode, but it's not sustainable. It's actually like being in an emergency 24 7. And so your body, your nervous system, is running like somebody's shooting at you. When in fact you're trying to send an expense report, right? And so, um, you know, whether it's cold calling or emailing a prospect or dealing with a particularly hostile customer service interaction or whatever that reality is dealing with a boss that you don't know day to day, if you're going to get fired or, you know, blamed for something, or if they're going to take your ideas or whatever it is, whatever those environments are that have, you know, imprinted on us from the past, we don't even recognize how much we are building that into our reality now. Um, and so that's essentially what professional trauma is. It is the adaptations that we have made to survive past situations, whether they originated in the professional context or not. that really just create our responses in the present.

Alyssa Nolte: 3:20

There's a lot to unpack there. I think we could go in a ton of different directions. I want to talk a little bit about how sometimes we might project our own trauma onto other people. I read an article a couple of weeks ago that was essentially talking about the fact of like, That person that you're dealing with that you're having conflict with might not know that you're having conflict, right? You're projecting your own experiences onto them. They have their own experiences that they're projecting onto you and how that professional trauma shows up in our own lives where we're creating an environment that doesn't actually exist and and how can we change our mindset around that? Maybe taking that trauma and saying, okay, I'm going to address it, I'm going to deal with it, and I'm not going to let that trauma own me in, you know, that fight, flight, freeze, or fawn anymore.

Rob Connelly: 4:04

So, um, a couple of things there. I'll try to be efficient because we could unpack your one question for an hour. Um, the science of the way our nervous system is made answers a lot of questions in this area. So we are actually, our brains are actually prediction machines. We actually experience What we expect to experience. So when we are in a trauma response mode, our brains are literally creating in our experience, what we expect from our past hurts and wounds and difficulties to experience in order to survive. I don't know if you've ever walked outside without your phone, um, and felt it vibrate in your pocket. Even though it wasn't there. Well, that is literally your, your brain predicting what it expects. And then you experience it in a physical way was never in your pocket. Might be vibrating in the house. I don't know, but our brains are literally our whole nervous system really is a giant prediction machine. There's tons of neuroscience to back this up. And so when we've been wounded. Uh, you know, a personal example for me was, uh, one day I got that, Hey, can you meet up at the normal time for our weekly check in from the boss, but the HR person was in the meeting. And, and it turned into a, you know, relationship change, i. e. firing scenario. And so like what I've recognized in my own life is that getting a notification about a meeting that's a regularly scheduled meeting, I actually had this experience that takes me back as though I'm reliving. And we, we learned about this through Vietnam veterans actually, who were experiencing a battlefield in their living room with their families that wasn't physically there, but that was genuinely their experience. Right. And so that's where the term, uh, PTSD came from. And so, you know, with lower level traumas, like professional traumas, It works exactly the same way. You asked me a question about mindset. The reality is that we have to understand what is happening to us. What is happening in us. That's actually the easiest part. So, I mean, I could talk for two hours, give a lecture, and I do this all the time for organizations and people to help them understand. Okay, we, you understand on some level that you have this adaptation or whatever, um, the hard part is actually accepting. Because if we don't come to a place of accepting what has happened to us, what we're actually doing is not accepting ourselves. So when we live in this place of not accepting ourselves because of what's happened to us, not accepting our path, our journey, our story. Then we have no opportunity to make positive, conscious, intentional change. Which is often referred to as mindset shift or, you know, whatever. We can't change the way we think if we don't accept that we think the way we do and it's okay. It doesn't make us bad. It doesn't make us bad that we get triggered by an email from our boss. It doesn't make us bad that Quota seems like this giant monster that's going to eat me, right? It doesn't make me bad that the angry customer calling in for that stupid policy, the company just won't fix. And there's nothing I can do about it. And I get really triggered that doesn't make me bad. And so accepting yourself, accepting your story, accepting what your journey has been and your current reality. And coming to a place of genuine peace with that is the hardest part. It is the real work. And honestly, this is what I love helping people do the most is, is to sit with and get to know themself and understand their own goodness in, in an objective way that comes from something other than their cognitive mind and what they've been through in life. And so when it comes to shifting from a trauma response, Into a conscious sort of forward moving engagement with yourself and your work. It's all about first understanding, but then really working on accepting and making peace with yourself and your story. So that instead of just experiencing these triggers, you actually can sit almost like an out of body experience. And watch yourself being triggered. And you go, huh, look at that. I know exactly what's happening. You're looking at yourself, you know, from over, over top. And you're going, I don't know why that email triggers me. I know why this situation triggers me. And it's okay. You can begin to observe yourself. And there are a lot of practices from ancient wisdom traditions. That are known for tens of thousands of years to help you learn to observe yourself in the state that you're in, which is the baseline for healing. Um, so it wasn't as efficient as I'd hope, but that's, that's how I would answer that. I mean, it, it really takes those. Those three components of the cycle of healing and growth, the acceptance, the understanding, and then the adaptation all working. And there's not a line. It's not like, Hey, well, uh, today's Tuesday by Friday, I'll be healed and I'll be good. It's a cycle. We're always going through cycles of healing and growth. Or we're going through cycles of entropy where we're constantly triggered and behaving in ways that are out of those trauma responses and making things worse for ourselves.

Alyssa Nolte: 9:47

It seems to me like that adaptation phase is going to happen whether or not you are aware of it or accepting it, right? Because you mentioned that. our trauma responses are, that we are adapting to, to the environment that we're in. So why not take control of that adaptation? Adaptation is going to happen. You can either make adaptation happen or you can let adaptation happen to

Rob Connelly: 10:06

So true. I mean, adaptation is the third phase of both the negative and positive growth and healing cycle. So, you know, if you had a Venn diagram, it's the one part that overlaps, right? And, and what's ironic about it is that most people are fighting to avoid change because of fear. Right. And so there's, you know, cliches are a cliche because there's so much broadly recognizable truth in them that they keep getting repeated. One of my favorite ones is change is the only thing that stays the same. And so recognizing that we are in a constant state of change. In reality, it just is. And I have some philosophical convictions for why that is, but we won't go there right now, but to accept and embrace that change is normal and that you will change. It will either be for good or for ill. It will either be consciously through these growth and healing cycles, or it will be unconsciously by being in a responsive misunderstanding of the Rather than understanding, right? And unacceptance rather than acceptance. And then when you're in that negative adaptation, you're literally just fighting to survive constantly. And by the way, that gets worse every cycle. It gets harder to do your nervous system, your body. Is literally going to be giving you feedback saying, nah, this, this ain't working. Uh, I mean, you know, not to go tinfoil hat on you, but quite frankly, most of the answers given in our society about why people are stressed and having these physical symptoms. are related to external things. They're related to, um, something other than are you at peace with yourself? But when we're at war with ourself, we're constantly in that negative entropy, destruction cycle, and the adaptations that we make are themselves destructive.

Alyssa Nolte: 12:03

You mentioned in our pre conversation that, that you work with leaders on, on creating an environment where people don't feel that, that entropy that we've been talking about. And it reminds me of a conversation I had with a client, a couple of God, it was almost a year now ago and they're going through a change process at the transformation. It's a huge company. So, you know, change is hard. Nobody wants to do it. All of the cliches there. And it felt like it was always, everything was on fire and they were so reactive to just like constantly be in that like fight or flight kind of a mode. And she finally said to the team, we don't save lives here. Nobody's going to die. If that PowerPoint goes out on Friday, on Monday, instead of Friday, nobody's going to die. If you. Take a day off or take a week off. We don't save lives here. And it was one of those moments where I think we all just kind of sat back and said, you know what? You're right. We don't save lives here. And that was a shift. That was really the first time I had seen a leader stand up and say, our work is important and it matters, but nobody dies. If we don't do our job, we just don't make money like we're supposed to be doing. Right. So tell me a little bit more about how you cultivate a culture where people don't constantly feel like. They have to panic on Monday simply because it's

Rob Connelly: 13:19

Yeah, I'm going to go at this maybe from a different angle than what you're expecting because the end of the day, anything that isn't supportable with a business case doesn't live long in the business world. So we can have all the wellness initiatives we want, we can call it something new every other year. You know, you can get Congress to pass a law that you have to have a certain number of whatevers, but at the end of the day, if it doesn't make money, the business world will not support it. If it doesn't make companies more profitable. It doesn't make companies more sustainable than the people who control the purse strings, who own the shares, who make the decisions are going to cut it out. Bottom line. And I use this analogy to help leaders and owners of businesses understand if you own a manufacturing facility and you buy a machine to sit on that factory floor, you're going to want to know, or you're going to want somebody to know. What it's going to take to get the entire value over the expected lifetime of that machine to actually be what happens. And that means you're going to need to understand, or somebody is how that machine actually works. You're going to need to talk to the manufacturer. You're going to need to bring in the maintenance expenditures and, you know, replace certain parts and do whatever needs to be done. And if you only get 80 percent of the expected life and therefore business value out of that machine, then you have failed in some way to maximize the value of that asset. And look, I don't think humans are assets, but in business they function as assets. Human beings to me are deep spiritual. Entities that really are bigger than even this construct of reality. Again, we'll leave that for another chat, but, but ultimately in business, businesses view individuals that work within the business as an asset. Unfortunately, we treat the machines better in our Western work culture. Oh, this person is difficult. Term, this person has a problem. They're, they're, they're having issues at home. Okay, well, we're going to start the process to document how we're going to fire them and have no legal repercussions. Oh, this person's going out on maternity leave. Uh, that the expenses have now gone up. They're no longer justifiable in ROI. And what has actually happened is this has been going on long enough. That the workforce average traumatization level has increased to the point that the return on investment is reducing every round of throughput for employees. And leaders are going, we don't know what happened. And so my approach is always to say, if you don't treat your employees and think of them in a business way, like a valuable asset that requires understanding, That requires maintenance, that requires investment in ways that aren't just we put the material in, we get the product out. If we don't think of it that way, if we don't think of the labor within our business as at least as complex as the machinery. Okay. And then on top of that machinery that has a will and has autonomy and desires to, to feel connected to themselves in, in the work itself. This is where I talk about values of the individual employees. And where culture, the concept of culture as it's used in our society and an economy today really doesn't cut the mustard because culture is just this thing that we parade out to talk about how we care about employees and open door policy and paid time off. And, you know, we had this employee benefit package and okay. But ultimately, does the, the values related to the work and the way we do the work connect with the values of the individuals doing the work? These are the questions we need to ask. And then we need to invest in the human beings. At least as highly and efficiently and with as much understanding as we do the machines. We're going to continue to see reduced return on every labor dollar spent. If we don't do this broadly, individual companies that really want to understand how to turn their labor issues around, more importantly, how to have customer interactions and customer lifetime value numbers that are constantly on the rise are going to need to have humans who love their job because they feel good about working for their company, not just can I pay my bills? Am I going to get fired? That's bare minimum. That's table stakes. I'm talking about, I'm proud to answer the phone for this company. I'm proud to send a cold email to prospects for this company. I'm proud to close deals for this company. I'm proud to, you know, uh, strategize, strategize paid ads for this company, whatever the role is. Because I believe in what we do, and I believe in how we do it. And so that's sort of the starting point for me in working with companies and leaders to help them understand how to do something a little bit differently. And I call it the human first economy, because I think when we start to talk about an economy that recognizes that the humans are what make the dollars flow anyway. The customer humans, the employee humans, if everybody's just traumatized and scared and sitting in the corner, the dollars are going to stop flowing.

Alyssa Nolte: 18:38

We did a, so I worked for a research company for many, many years, and we actually did a study a couple of years ago that was surveying employees of various midsize companies. And we asked them one question that was really striking and told us a lot about the experience of these, these employees. We asked them, would you recommend. A family member, a friend, apply for a job at this company, yes or no? And we got some really interesting responses and we actually found a strong correlation between the people that said yes, their companies had better financial performance than the people that said no. Happy employees equals happy customers. Happy customers equals a better bottom line. There's, there's no cutting around it.

Rob Connelly: 19:19

It's just the way it works.

Alyssa Nolte: 19:23

If only we could get, uh, our, our idealism. I like that you, you focused on the financial aspect of this, right? Cause I think a lot of us who, who are idealists and wanting to create work. And I put myself in that category as well. We'll put it as more altruistic. Like this is the right thing to do by our people and forget that the corporation. Right? Doesn't necessarily care about the right thing to do, they care about the most profitable thing to do. That's what they're there to do, right? And so balancing the right thing to do with the right business decision, I think is really smart in the way you

Rob Connelly: 19:54

Well, I mean, ultimately, even small businesses that are privately owned and held by maybe one or two owners, they can desire to do the right thing all they want, but the moment they lose money, and they can't stay open, well, where does that lead it, you know? So, ultimately, a business, in my, you know, broadest philosophical view, is a vehicle for human expression and value exchange. And so, uh, everybody gets to benefit the customer, the employee, the owner. Everybody gets to feel like they have a valuable connection in part with that business and what it provides for its customers. That's what it should look like. And it doesn't matter the size of the business that, that, that ultimately applies to business broadly, in my view,

Alyssa Nolte: 20:35

so if I'm a leader and I need to do one thing to get started on moving this in the right direction, what should I be

Rob Connelly: 20:41

Get to know yourself ultimately, you know, treating these kinds of issues as other people's issues. Is what has led us to think of humans. In the way that we do in the business world. Oh, that employee has a problem. Okay. Well, imagine how your interaction with that employee is going to go from their perspective. When you start the meeting, feeling, knowing, thinking they're the ones with the problem. You're the, ultimately we all have issues. Ultimately, we all have trauma, trauma adaptations from our life and from our work. Coming from a place of understanding of self allows every leader to see the issues both with individuals and within the company broadly as something that is attainable to understand and can be helped because you're not better than anybody else. And ultimately, starting with an understanding of self not only helps you make good, good decisions in changing things and moving forward, it allows you to build the rapport and credibility and trust that you need within the organization to actually affect change.

Alyssa Nolte: 21:51

So thinking about all of the incredible people that you've had a chance to meet or those that you look up to, you know, in your mind, who is really taking back Monday? Who should we be

Rob Connelly: 21:59

It's an easy answer for me. His name is Dan Goodman, and, um, he's sort of catapulted to LinkedIn fame just by posting real stories of helping employees advocate for themselves. And ultimately that's what he does. Uh, if you go on LinkedIn and you search Dan Goodman, he's going to be the top result. He's got a Googleplex of followers and he posts two times a day on LinkedIn. And here's what I respect most about Dan. Ultimately, Dan rejects and publicly rejects the idea that humans are just commodities to be used up by businesses. And that day he believes that they are worthy of respect. Respecting themselves. So he helps people with severance negotiations. He helps people going through employment dispute disputes, but really he is right now in many ways, the leading edge of actually calling the abuses of corporate America, what it is. And it's sort of like a reality check happening in real time. That's Dan Goodman.

Alyssa Nolte: 22:59

That's so great. I have to definitely check out his content. So Rob, if someone is really connecting with you, where can they find you online?

Rob Connelly: 23:05

Yeah. So you can find me at turnstilecoaching, turnstilecoaching. com or on LinkedIn. And you can find me by searching my name, Rob Conley on LinkedIn. Uh, most days I am posting. Sort of a daily affirmation that today is a good day. And, uh, my belief in what today means that, uh, that's what today becomes. And so, um, my goal is to help people to know themselves so that they can heal and grow themselves and to help organizations to understand the complexity and importance and value of these human assets that they have with them.

Alyssa Nolte: 23:41

Awesome. Well, thank you so much for being on taking back Monday.

Rob Connelly: 23:44

me. It was a pleasure.