The Price of Ambition: What We Sacrifice in the Pursuit of Having It All feat. Angela Besignano

For decades, women have been fighting for equality, breaking barriers, and proving they can do it all. But at what cost? In this powerful and eye-opening talk, Angie Besignano dives into the silent epidemic of burnout among high-achievers—why it happens, how it manifests, and what we can do about it.

Drawing from her own experiences and years of coaching top executives, Angie explores the unrealistic expectations placed on professional women, the pressure to juggle multiple roles flawlessly, and the emotional toll of always striving for more. Through engaging storytelling and actionable insights, she challenges the myth that success must come at the expense of well-being and introduces the concept of “healthy selfishness”—a mindset shift that allows women to reclaim their time, energy, and purpose.

Whether you’re a rising leader, a seasoned executive, or someone who feels like they’re constantly running on empty, this talk will leave you with the tools and permission to prioritize yourself—without guilt, without compromise, and without burning out.

Key Takeaways:

→ Burnout Isn’t Just Work—It’s Overloading Every Role
Juggling all the roles—leader, partner, parent—without prioritizing yourself leads to burnout. Identify where your energy drains before it takes over.

→ “Healthy Selfishness” Is a Power Move
Success isn’t about doing it all—it’s about knowing when to say no. Choosing yourself first isn’t selfish, it’s survival.

→ Success Shouldn’t Feel Like Survival
If ambition is draining you, it’s time to rethink success. Set boundaries, drop the guilt, and build a life that fuels you.

Key Moments:

00:00 Introduction and Welcome
00:19 Meet Angie: A Longtime Friend and Coach
01:15 Angie's Journey: From Coaching to Burnout Advocacy
02:23 Understanding Burnout: Personal Experiences and Insights
05:16 Healthy Selfishness: Prioritizing Yourself
06:41 Historical Context: The Burning Bras Movement
08:11 Modern Challenges: Balancing Multiple Roles
12:14 Making Choices: Embracing Change and Self-Discovery
21:18 Conclusion: Taking Back Monday

It's time to say "goodbye" to the Sunday Scaries.

Connect with Alyssa
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Transcript

Alyssa Nolte: 0:00

Hey, everyone. Welcome back to Taking Back Monday. I am so excited that you decided to join us and say goodbye to the Sunday Scaries and hello to a new future of work. And normally this is the part where I tell you that I have a new friend on the show, and then I'm so excited to introduce you to this person. But in this case, this is someone that I've known for a very long time, and I'm really looking forward to you hearing her story. So Angie, welcome to the show.

Angie Besignano: 0:22

Hi there. I am excited to be here. Truly. Great.

Alyssa Nolte: 0:25

so Angie and I met, I was actually her coachee as part of a coaching program when I was starting in the, in getting speaking and, and learning how to kind of pitch myself as a professional speaker. And she was in a coach role. And through that process, we kind of developed a friendship that went beyond really what I would call a typical coach coachee relationship.

Angie Besignano: 0:46

Oh, definitely. We connected. I have a tremendous, and this is not because I'm sitting here speaking to her with her in front of me or in my face. I really truly have a tremendous amount of respect for what you do, how you do it, the way your mind works, which is. I'm in awe. So I feel like, you know, we're here because we can definitely, we compliment each other in a very, very good way.

Alyssa Nolte: 1:09

And you and I would kind of speak on some of the similar things. We're both kind of interested in like, like sales and sales enablement. But you've kind of, you've kind of left the fold here recently. Tell us more about what you're, what you're working on.

Angie Besignano: 1:21

Yeah. So I did, I, right, I told you, I started out in, you know, 19 years old entry level management and here I am now, um, trademarking talks and things. It's called from burning bras to burning out and it's really directed toward the professional woman. And it used to be executive women, but as I had gotten more experience. You know, there's women that I have coached and experienced that are 20. That are already overwhelmed and juggling and it's it is wow. That's what i'm going to say It's it's very it was very enlightening Um, but it is what brought me to where I am right now today in the course of my career.

Alyssa Nolte: 2:02

Well, let's go back though. Like, how did you get to the point where you started to pay attention? to to burnout and particularly women. And by the way, I love the idea of like from burning bras to burning out. That's so catchy. I told one of my friends about that and she just laughed outright. She's like, I love that. I'm obsessed with that. But like, bring us back. What is your origin story? How did you get into that conversation?

Angie Besignano: 2:23

I have to say I think I was experiencing it myself For a long time, overachiever mindset, I think a lot of what we do and how we get to burnout isn't just because we have, you know, a, a heavy level responsibility, like a heavy, high level job, an executive level, anything. I think it's that we try too hard to do too many roles, and it's very role based, and it just leads to this overwhelm that we don't see coming. I experienced it. And there's levels to it, right? So some people are, I'm saying, they're so burnt out that getting out of the bed is hard. And then there's people that can relate to what you talk about, Taking Back Monday, who like shiver with the Sunday night scaries, because. Whatever time they've had to kind of decompress is now going to ramp right back up again on Monday and contribute to more of that burnout. And again, I don't think many women are running around saying burnout, burnout, burnout. But because they don't know how to identify the burnout. Signs and the symptoms of being burnt out. So the origin for me was that I experienced that, again, mindset, high level, overachiever. But in my coaching practice and my experiences with multiple levels of women, I definitely saw a theme. I was like, this is insane. That I like it didn't matter, right? That somebody was making $800,000 a year as an executive woman. They. Had they were suffering as much as if not more than the 20 year old. So it was a, it was a very eyeopening moment, aha, and a theme. So that's what kind of made me say, wait a minute, I think there's something here.

Alyssa Nolte: 4:12

And I like that you, you call out that there's different, like burnout comes in different forms, right? So when I look at my own life, I, I pick a theme for the year, right? And this year's theme is focus. And when I was talking about, what I wanted to be my theme this year. I kept coming back to this idea of like choosing myself first because I'm very much like a people pleaser and a giver and sitting there saying like okay would, would the girl who does what's best for her and chooses herself first, would she work 14 hours a day or would she take an hour to go out to dinner with her family and like having that mindset of choosing myself first because I, Don't know that I've experienced quote unquote burnout mostly because I live my life like Icarus I'm always too close to the Sun. It feels like and so I do so many things I do so many things that I can't possibly burn out because there's no time to do that, right?

Angie Besignano: 5:08

So I love that. I love that you acknowledge that the people pleaser, the overachiever, the, and that's really the key. The key factor is that when I start working with somebody, whether I'm doing a talk or workshop or I'm coaching one on one, I ask people right out of the gate, do me a favor, make a list of all the roles. That you play each day, that you step into each day, and I will tell you every single time, every single time, there is, they do not think about the role that they have with themselves. I do. I get it. I was the same. And sometimes I do struggle because my inner overachiever will always be tagging along beside me. And I've just had to learn how to get away from that. You've heard me say one of the other phrases that I will really probably need to trademark or coin. Um, is healthy selfish. It is okay. We don't give ourselves permission. It doesn't feel right. We have been taught, or we have observed, or we have experienced This societal, especially for women, no offense to the men, because I know there's a lot of men who burn out because they have very societal expectations thrust upon them as well. But we have this belief that we need to be like the greatest mom, the greatest partner, the greatest executive, the greatest you fill in the blank without giving ourselves anything because we're taught that we're supposed to. And that's where the burning bras comes into this. Right, because this is, this is, this is actually, I don't want to get all like, you know, I love this, I get a little nerdy about it, but I, I'm doing my research, this is not something that I just said, Oh, let me just kind of make something up. I've been back into the 1800s. Literally, there were women who had started this crusade against societal norms and gender, like, roles, so to speak. So, this is not political. Just saying that right out of the gate.

Alyssa Nolte: 7:09

Gotta put that disclaimer out there.

Angie Besignano: 7:11

yes, because I don't want anybody coming at me. I'm just saying that there were There were roles and there were women who were way ahead of their time that started doing a lot of research. The burning bras is really just that space that we can all go back to and relate to where there was this outward, like, um, we're going to go after this. We're not accepting this. I hate to say this, but we didn't do ourselves any favors at that time. There's still, we're still fighting for qualities, you know, in the professional space. But we're still raising children. We're still spouses. We're still sisters. We're still all the roles It's only 24 hours in a day. We didn't change that and here we are Struggling most of us to some degree. So

Alyssa Nolte: 8:08

I think there's

Angie Besignano: 8:09

that you said is awesome.

Alyssa Nolte: 8:11

There's a lot that comes to that right and I think for me from my perspective You I love working. I love my job. I love building. Like, I am the happiest when I am at my, my computer desk just because I love what I'm doing. I know that that is not the norm for 99. 9 percent of people on the planet. So I think that it, it's about being, allowing yourself to have that choice. Like, I pay for all kinds of convenience things. I don't enjoy cooking. And I don't enjoy shoveling snow. And I don't enjoy You know, doing some of these things, and sometimes I just want to sit at my desk and work on what I'm working on and hyperfixate on whatever I'm interested in. But, you know, I'm making the choice to not be that gourmet mother who cooks homemade meals every time. And being okay with the fact that I don't live up to that standard, because I want to live up to this standard over here. But I think if you're not actively choosing to let some things go, there's no way you can possibly humanly do this.

Angie Besignano: 9:10

There's what happens and that's a really great point that you are healthily You And I use the word selfish because that's our perception, that if we do this, if there's something wrong and unselfish about it, but being selfish doesn't have to be negative. So I threw the word healthy in front of it and said, you know, you really can, and that resonated. So when I ask women or people, what else could you do that's a healthy way of being selfish, which is Just putting you first. I love how people will say to me. Oh, yes, I know. I've heard the thing like put your own mask on if the plane's going down and you can't help anybody else unless you help yourself first. Okay, but nobody does anything about it. Or they do things and they feel like there's a fear of that they have to let go of something. And lose something in order to, and that is why, like, I think there's a higher level of awareness now to burn it. Listen, it's a hot topic and it's not going anywhere. I could probably retire out doing this for the rest of my professional days, right? But there is much more hyper awareness around it. And there are people who are taking more time for themselves. But they're still not choosing themselves. They still feel guilty about taking the time. You don't sound like you're that person. You're like, I know my limitations. I have no desire to be this. And here's a picture, right? Here's an illustration. I, if I, if I were to illustrate myself, For many of the women that I work with, she's got on an apron, she's holding a baby, she's got a briefcase at her side, she's stirring a pot of stew for dinner while holding a phone with one ear, or an earbud, like, I mean, obviously, you know, things have changed in that situation. But, that's what she looked like. Um, yeah, so, I learned, I learned, that you're supposed to be all the things. And you're supposed to be happy doing it. And smiling, while giving birth.

Alyssa Nolte: 11:17

I think there's, there's a lot of what you touched on in there that really applies to this idea of, of taking back Monday because the whole idea is that work doesn't have to be this thing that you hate and that you're, I always tell people, you're a leader. Has the ability and maybe even the mandate to create an environment, but that is maybe even as simply said, as they have the choice to make that environment great for you. And you have the choice to arrange your life in a way that makes sense. And we all have to respect those choices that we make. Like, I don't expect my employees to be on their computers at nine 30 at night, just because I am it's I'm excited. I'm happy. I'm living where I am.

Angie Besignano: 11:59

I love the idea that you have, that you are at least giving yourself the opportunity to make a choice. Because a lot of the choices that we make when we're younger are not from our own heart. So, I would pose the question, like, who do you want to be when you grow up again, right? What served you at 20 something may not serve you at 40 something. So, which truth are you living in? Do you feel like you're, you know, not living your best because you're really not? You know, so giving yourself permission to make choices and changes is really good for you. You know, there's nothing worse than thinking not just about the job, right? Not just about the professional space, but there's nothing worse than that Sunday. I mean, Sunday Night Scaries is just to me, whoever came up with that is like brilliant because we've all been there and that mindset, whether you realize it consciously or not. Is following you day in and day out in every role that you play. If you are not being your best self, if you're not living as your best self, I will tell you with 10, 000 percent certainty, you're not giving your best self to any of those roles. You're not doing anybody any favors. Right? You're just, you're just not. You're really just feeding into, Oh, it's my, like, I'm supposed to fall on some sword. No. No, you're not. Um, At the beginning of my burning bras to burning out talk, There is a commercial from, I think, 1977, 1978 for a perfume called Anjali, and there might be people listening that might go, what? I never saw that. Um, I was born in like 1992 and that's okay, but you can Google it, go back to it. You look on YouTube and what you see is this woman, and I watched this. And I'm going to tell you that I could still see it so vividly because it really helped to frame what I wanted to be. And it was the way that the commercial went, right, to promote this perfume was, I'm every woman. I can bring home the bacon, I can fry it up in a pan, and then never forget, remember, this is at the time, that I have a man. And it's a whole song, and in each role, it's like, I can bring home the bacon, she's dressed professionally, and then there's cash. And there she's cooking, frying it up in the pan, and then dressed in this like, you know, like, beautiful, sexy, seductress, like, Oh, and I can still be this woman of desire, like, for my mate. That was the belief. I was supposed to do that.

Alyssa Nolte: 15:02

I just watched the um, the new Barbie movie with my five year old and she loved it and loved, you know, because she loves everything pink and glitter and sparkly, but there was that part where, you know, Barbie like had, I don't know if you've seen the movie, but she had like these realizations that not everything was pink and perfect all the time. And that, when that started happening, my five year old was like, I don't even think I want to watch this anymore. Cause she wanted to watch the idealized version of Barbie, where Barbie woke up in her own pink world with all of her friends and every day was perfect. And then when Barbie had, she told me later, my, my least favorite day was when Barbie had a bad day and it made me realize like, Oh, this girl's going to find out someday that's a normal day. Not necessarily every day is perfect.

Angie Besignano: 15:48

Well, I think that it's a realization, and she might remember that as she gets older, because like, here I am at 56 years old, And I saw that commercial when I was, So, eight, nine, and it was very impactful. I took it with me always, but I wasn't consciously thinking about it. I didn't, like, go into my teens or my twenties. I had this idea like I watched my parents and their roles and my mom was not of her time. You know, she was like a big wig, like Tupperware lady, selling all the stuff. She took care of the house, ironed everything for the dad, cooked the meals. They were home cooked. It wasn't Burger King. It wasn't, and I watched that. And thought, Oh, because that's what I learned. I learned that behavior. Like I learned to speak English. So,

Alyssa Nolte: 16:41

it and like through osmosis. Yeah.

Angie Besignano: 16:44

yeah, so I think a lot of women come to me though and say, okay, but now what do I do? What do I do? I'm here. I can accept all of this. What, like, so they, you know, the joke is. What do I do? Get divorced? Sell the kids? Sell the house? Quit the job? Not necessarily. I will tell you that I've had multiples of professional women quit their jobs. And that's not the goal per se, but it was the one space that was maybe paying them the most, but it was costing them the most. And it was the one space where there was room to grow and shift and change. We're not putting the kids up for adoption. I've actually had women also get divorced. And that's okay too. It wasn't because of me or the coaching, it was they were finally accepting their truths. And not afraid to say it out loud.

Alyssa Nolte: 17:44

And, and that, I mean, that kind of leads into my next question or thought that I'm having, like, what happens when you're the dog that catches the car? Like, what if you think that you want all of these things and you get it and you're like, wait a minute, I, Oh no, I don't actually want this thing that I thought I wanted.

Angie Besignano: 18:04

So I think the beauty of it is that we, we have to open our minds to the idea that we, we learn ourselves. Right? I think we make decisions about certain things before we actually learn who we are. The 20s are a really weird time. Even our teens. Um, you know, I might have been like, I wanted to be a vet when I was 9 and 10. I don't want to be a vet now. It's a good thing I didn't do it, but you know, like it's so I think it's allowing yourself to be honest about how you feel. If, who cares if it's not the right thing? What's, what's going to happen? Are you going to implode, spontaneously combust? No, but it's difficult. Change is hard. So we avoid it like the plague. We would rather sit in discomfort than not. I give this analogy to people, two of them. How long are you going to sit in the dirty diaper? That's a real like, whoa, people go, what? Then there's like, how many of you drive? Most people drive. Have you ever hit a detour? Yes. So did you turn off the car and sit there? And wait for the detour to go away? Because you couldn't move any No.

Alyssa Nolte: 19:15

Right.

Angie Besignano: 19:16

You never turned the car off. You just either followed the signs for the detour or if you're like me, you think you know a better way you just kind of make your own way out. But the bottom

Alyssa Nolte: 19:26

make your own detour.

Angie Besignano: 19:27

But guess what? It usually doesn't work. Ask my husband. Like, it usually doesn't work. It takes me a little bit longer, but here's the key. I'm still in the car. I'm still moving to get to my destination. Even if it wasn't the straight line that was right, you know? There's nothing worse than following a detour sign that stops and all of a sudden you're like, okay, great. Now I don't even know where I am. Right, and there's no more signs. Somebody accept them. But the point is, no matter which way you choose, you're always moving forward. That's the key. Everybody needs to stop looking for the exactedness, the exact space, the exact right answer. Perfection doesn't exist. And if we try to live into that, it is going to hold us back from any change that we would make that would bring us forward. It's huge. I think

Alyssa Nolte: 20:19

Right. There's no perfect time. There's no perfect way. There's no perfect strategy. The, I, there's a quote out there or something like. execution eats strategy for lunch or something like that. And that's totally true. Like if you're not going, if you're just going to sit there and strategize forever, then you might as well stop strategizing because you're not going anywhere.

Angie Besignano: 20:38

people rely on that because it makes them feel productive. It makes them feel like, and myself included, I've done that where, You know, it makes, it gives off that feeling of, well, I'm doing something about it, but I have to be very, I need to be very, you know, meticulous in this decision because it's so, it's got so many outcomes that could be

Alyssa Nolte: 20:57

so many ramifications if I don't do it exactly perfect. Yeah.

Angie Besignano: 21:01

exactly. Yes.

Alyssa Nolte: 21:03

Well, I think Angie, you and I've learned that you and I can talk for about a thousand hours. Um, but I do have, I do have a question for you when you're thinking about, you know, the incredible women that you've met or the people that you've had a chance to, to connect with. Who is taking back Monday? Who is leading the charge?

Angie Besignano: 21:21

everybody should be, I really think anybody who lives in multiple, I don't care if you're somebody who stays at home and raises children and that's your job and it's a big one. Yeah. Or you're the high level executive, male or female. Um, I think that everybody should have, give themselves the opportunity to take back Monday and really use that Sunday scary as the, the scaries as that the compass. Am I really living my best life? Do I have apprehension about my job, about my relationships, about anything in my life? Because if it's showing up and you're feeling it in your belly, because right, that is in your gut, then you know it's time to do something. Because think about the rest of your life. If you're 35 and you think I'm going to live until 85, could you really spend 50 more years feeling like that? That's scarier than making change.

Alyssa Nolte: 22:22

Yeah, I love that. And I think it's an important call to action of you really going to live this way for the next 50 years? Are you just going to do one, maybe painful change, but it could lead to a great 50 years as a follow on. So Angie, if someone is really connecting with you, if they want to learn more about, you know, burning bras to burning out and, and how to make sure that they can make those changes to set themselves up for a great next 50 years. Where can they find you online?

Angie Besignano: 22:50

Go to my website. Angie speaks. com. Very easy to find me. And that's all over my socials. I kept it pretty consistent. So you, you, you Google that and you'll find me everywhere.

Alyssa Nolte: 23:03

Awesome. Well, thank you so much, Angie, for taking back Monday with me.

Angie Besignano: 23:06

Awesome. I loved it. Thanks.

Alyssa Nolte: 23:09

Thanks for joining us on Taking Back Monday, where we say goodbye to the Sunday scaries and hello to meaningful and fulfilling work. If you enjoyed today's episode, let's connect on LinkedIn. I'd love to hear your thoughts. And if you found value here, share the podcast with your network. Don't forget to like, subscribe, and leave a review. It helps us inspire more leaders to join the movement. Until next time, let's take back Monday.