14. PEP talk for crying on the couch because nothing is working

Last night, I was literally crying on my couch. So naturally, today I recorded a podcast episode- because I KNOW I’m not the only one who’s felt like that.

This one’s for the version of you who just had a bad audition, launched something that no one bought, or is feeling super rejected. The version of you who's questioning, "Is any of this worth it??"

I see you. I am you.

In this little pep talk episode, I’m sharing the full-circle moment of finally getting to teach my Strength for Singers program at the University of Michigan- after they told me to drop out my freshman year.
I emailed them for years. I cried after every “no.” And yet I kept going.

I’m also getting real about rebuilding my body after my eating disorder, rebuilding my confidence in business, and why those nights on the couch- where it feels like nothing is working- are actually when everything is being built.

This episode is real AF. I'm bringing you along my journey in the hopes that you feel seen by hearing what I'm going through.
KEEP GOING. Your future self is so freaking proud of you.

DM me if this landed for you @anniecalvaneso. You're doing better than you think, and I believe in you!

Transcript

0:01

Welcome to Success Through Scars, the podcast where we turn our most painful struggles into our greatest success stories. I'm Annie Esso, a multi-passionate entrepreneur, business mentor, and professional singer who's overcome anorexia C-P-T-S-D, depression and anxiety. Each week, you'll hear powerful stories of resilience from people who have transformed their deepest pains into testimonies of strength. If you are feeling lost or broken, but have big goals, you are in the right place. Whether your scar comes from a traumatic past, a breakup, a near death experience, or a mental health struggle, remember this, your scars are proof that you survived and scar tissue rebuilds and repairs itself, and you come out stronger on the other side. I hope this podcast can bring you the hope you need to keep going. Let's walk this journey of finding success through scars together. Hello, my loves and welcome back to another episode of Success through Scars. You guys, I am recording this the day after a night where I was literally just sitting on my couch crying last night because I feel like I have been going and going and going. I just recently hired a business coach and I'm so excited. About the work that she and I are doing together, but it is work and it's change, and I'm becoming a new person and I've been working with her for like two weeks. So of course I haven't seen the results of what I've been doing. But last night I just felt really tired and really discouraged and just felt like what I was doing, wasn't working and was kind of spiraling in my negative self-talk. This episode is for the version of you who is sitting on the couch after a bad audition, a launch that no one bought from, or a rejection of some sort, that makes you question yourself, that makes you question if you could keep going because that moment is actually pivotal in becoming the next level version of yourself because you are. Deciding that you are not giving up. You might feel discouraged, you might feel rejected, you might feel upset, but you decided that you are not giving up, and that is a pivotal part of your journey. So I kind of wanted to share some parts of my journey that were very, very much like this, and you can see now looking back on my story that. These moments, these moments of pain, sadness, frustration, despair, even crying on your couch, feeling like you know nothing is going well and having all this negative self-talk. All this is for nothing. I'm never gonna be successful. All this stuff. These are actually pivotal moments when you decide to keep going. So. One example is that, as you know in my story, I had my eating disorder anorexia, and then I had my emergency surgery from it. If you haven't heard that story, go listen to literally the first episode of this podcast that shares my whole story. After that, I struggled so much to rebuild my strength and every single day it was a struggle because every day I would feel how hard it was. Compared to how it was before. And I would cry a ton trying to rebuild my strength, but I kept going. And that persistence and that resilience is what led me to having a strong body today. And also starting the Strength for Singers program. And then also speaking of strength for singers. My alma mater told me to drop out my freshman year because it, it wasn't their fault. I mean, it would've been really hard for me to do it, but I still did it. So they told me to drop out and then. As the story goes, as you guys all know, years later, I actually taught my strength for singers Masterclass at my alma mater, the University of Michigan, and I actually asked them probably six or seven times for years after I developed the program if I could come back and do the program at their school. I asked them six or seven times over the course of like six years if I could come back and teach this program. And every time it was not the right time or they weren't interested. And finally I got a yes and I got to do that. And it was amazing. It was a full circle moment. And the first few times I got a no, I felt very discouraged. I felt like people didn't care what I had to offer. I felt like. Just very frustrated and discouraged and sad about it, and I cried a few times getting rejected. I still cry sometimes, getting rejected, but the thing is we keep going even when it feels like no one, but we believe in what we're doing. Sometimes when you're working towards something, people don't see the journey underneath. They just see the win at the end. They see the successful program. They see you being really strong. They see the big shiny accomplishment moment, but they don't see the times that you showed up when you really didn't want to, or the times when you showed up after feeling super rejected, or the times when you showed up and almost felt embarrassed to show up because you felt ashamed that no one was gonna want what you had to offer. Or if you're doing an audition, you felt embarrassed to be doing that audition because maybe you felt like you weren't gonna do well and it was embarrassing, or you felt shame. People don't see those moments, but I see you. I see those moments. So if you are in one of those moments and you're like me and. You're crying on the couch and feeling super rejected and feeling like, oh my goodness, nothing I'm doing is working. I want you to know that I see you. And furthermore, I want you to know that this part of your journey right now is the part that's going to propel you into the next level version of yourself. Because your grit and your resilience and your persistence to go towards your goal and not give up is the thing that gives you the edge, right? That's the thing that helps you to be successful is to just literally never give up. Most people give up on their dreams because they feel these painful moments and they get scared and they don't wanna continue with the pain. They don't wanna keep feeling the sting of rejection, or they don't wanna keep feeling the shame or the embarrassment of not getting something that they want to get, but. I'm here to tell you that if you keep going, one of two things is gonna happen. You're either going to realize, okay, this thing is actually misaligned for me. I don't actually wanna do this thing, which is fine. You know that's a fine path to go on. Like maybe you, you don't wanna do that, and you're redirected somewhere else, or you keep going and it eventually happens because you never freaking gave up. The future version of you is so proud that you did not quit. So, just so you know, this happens to me too. Like I said, it happened to be last night sitting on the couch crying, feeling like nothing I'm doing is working. Feeling like, what's the purpose of all this? I'm so tired. I don't feel like doing this anymore. There's a little bit of a mix of being a woman and being on my luteal phase and that, by the way, I know if you're listening to this and you're a woman, you feel me, but. I just want to remind you not to quit that the next level version of you is built in these moments of feeling like you don't wanna keep going yet continuing to try even when you don't feel like it. Keep going. The future version of you is so proud that you did not quit. So gonna keep it short and sweet for you today. If this landed for you, please come say hi to me on Instagram or send me a message. You are not alone. I'm right there with you. You're doing so much better than you think, and if you keep going, you're gonna get there eventually. So I love you guys. I hope this was helpful. If you loved this episode, please review success through scars. And leave me a comment on my Instagram. I cannot wait to hear from you, and I will talk to you soon. Bye.