Nine Green Flags You’re Probably Ignoring

Most single people are laser-focused on spotting red flags, but what if that mindset is holding you back? In this episode we flip the script and talk about green flags that often go unnoticed but are key to a successful marriage. From apologizing without a "but" to the ability to disagree without drama, we share nine underrated traits that matter way more than height or income. If you are tired of matching and mismatching for all the wrong reasons, this one is for you. It might just change how you see the search for love.

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Transcript

Welcome to Diary of a Matchmaker

Speaker 1 0:00

Assalamu alaikum, I'm Hiba. And I'm Zaid, you're listening to Diary of a Matchmaker.

Speaker 2 0:05

A podcast that will take you into our world as matchmakers.

Speaker 1 0:09

We'll share our experiences and offer advice for the single Muslim.

Speaker 2 0:12

So let's dive in. Bismillah. Assalamu alaikum everyone. Welcome to another episode. My name is Zaid and on the other mic is my wife and co-host Hiba. That would be me. Assalamu alaikum everyone. Welcome to another episode. My name is Zaid and on the other mic is my wife and co-host, hiba.

Speaker 1 0:25

That would be me. Assalamu alaikum.

Speaker 2 0:28

Question for you.

Speaker 1 0:29

Answer for you.

Speaker 2 0:31

So when we were courting, did you come in with a red flag mindset or a green flag mindset? To be honest, be honest.

Speaker 1 0:41

Yes, neither.

Speaker 2 0:43

So you had no mindset?

Speaker 1 0:45

No, I didn't have any expectations in terms of he has to meet this and this and this, or if I see this, then I'm just. This is meant to be. I just wanted to see how things went. Honestly you're just going with the flow going with the flow okay I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing okay, nonetheless, that was your process.

Speaker 2 1:06

So you saw my profile. You saw something that made you message me. What were the green flags that stood out?

Speaker 1 1:14

the art, the art part, the fact that you love art and you're involved in the theater. So usually people who are artistic have a more calm demeanor and they're more like you wouldn't expect them to be edgy okay which turned out not to be true, but I'm edgy uh, no comment. Okay, and number two, what? I can't remember what was on your profile, honestly, but I like the picture as well.

Speaker 2 1:46

Okay, I feel like that's something a guy would say instead of a girl.

Speaker 1 1:50

Well, we also like beauty.

Speaker 2 1:53

Okay.

Speaker 1 1:54

Plus, you had hair back then.

Speaker 2 1:56

Okay, thank you. So green flags so needless to say, green flags to you would be something that you found attractive. That would serve as maybe complimentary or as a foundation for future marriage for you right, yeah. Okay, Now would you say, based on personal and professional experience, that you feel many people come in with a red flag mindset or a green flag mindset.

Speaker 2 2:23

Definitely a red flag, definitely, definitely red flag mindset or a green flag mindset, definitely red flag and definitely and that's interesting, you point that out because I remember something that hafsa mentioned, which was somebody we just interviewed about a week ago um, which is that girls and sometimes guys too, but I think girls more so come in with a solid plan b, like it is rock solid yeah, it's stronger than their plan a, so because they're just banking on the fact that it's not going to work out yeah, just like we said before, people are coming with a default, no mindset right, right, right.

Speaker 2 2:55

We dedicated an episode to that I think so. Why so? Coming back to green flags, why do green flags matter? And, and to add to that question, do you think, if we focus too much on green flags, that we're setting the bar too low?

Speaker 1 3:13

um, maybe, maybe, but maybe it should be a mix of both, focusing on both red and green. But I feel people aren't focusing on green at all. They're not even looking for green flags. They are just looking. If I find this and this and this, then I'm just running away and that's it. But what if you're finding things green flags that would indicate that this is a marriage material person.

Speaker 2 3:40

And I feel like that's the case with a lot of people Like just the most recent match that we had, that didn't work out. There was so many green flags, there was so many reasons why these two people were compatible. And it was just. I don't know even if you would consider those deal breakers or red flags, but the deal breakers or red flags, whatever term you want to use just one or two of them was enough for the guy to end it. Right yeah.

Speaker 2 4:11

And I just feel like green flags don't get enough value or as much as they should.

Red Flags vs Green Flags Mindset

Speaker 1 4:16

Yeah, it's like someone who's focusing on the half empty instead of half full, exactly.

Speaker 2 4:21

Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 4:22

And there's no room for tolerance. These days, you feel, yeah, like it's a mix of like searching for perfection and a mix of maybe someone being too confident of themselves or the netflix mindset right well yeah right, just a quick fix.

Speaker 2 4:41

I have to check all my boxes. So the thing with green flags is that they're subtle. Obviously they don't come with flashy signs. They don't say here is a green flag, and it's like blaring in the middle of the night, but they show you who someone really is deep down in their core. So let's talk out a few examples. One that comes to mind is that they call out their own flaws before you do.

Speaker 1 5:09

And.

Speaker 2 5:09

I feel like girls find that one very attractive.

Speaker 1 5:11

Yes, yes, it's very manly and, yeah, it's lacking in a lot of cultures, unfortunately.

Speaker 2 5:19

Yeah, so there's a question to follow up with that. Would you trust someone more if they said I can be stubborn, but I'm working on it?

Speaker 1 5:28

Yes, yeah, because they Because they're being honest. Yeah, because they have self-awareness, they're being honest, they're not trying to hide a flaw or something they're working on Okay.

Speaker 2 5:41

Yeah. I can trust them and the thing that to add to that is, I feel girls actually underestimate how rare self-awareness is right, they kind of just take it for granted.

Speaker 1 5:53

Yeah, we hear it all the time self-awareness. But what does it mean self-awareness? What does it mean? How does it show up?

Speaker 2 5:59

right. It's like. I'm aware I'm angry right now, I'm aware that I'm sad right now, but it's very subtle. Yeah Right, and most people, I would argue, in their 20s or mid-20s don't really have that Right and that's something that gets built with marriage over time.

Speaker 1 6:15

Or with life experience. Life experience too.

Speaker 2 6:18

Okay, another example. They've ended something they wanted because it wasn't right.

Speaker 1 6:26

Yeah, they've ended something they wanted because it wasn't right. Yeah, I don't know if I would consider this a green flag? Okay, depends on what was it. What did they end? Why did they end it?

Speaker 2 6:37

So you could ask a question like have you ever walked away from something that was halal-ish but not ideal?

Speaker 1 6:45

Yeah, that would be a good question. I mean, this would show you that they are not attached. They don't get too attached to things or to people.

Speaker 2 6:56

They can change. It shows discipline.

Speaker 1 6:57

Discipline, they're not too stubborn.

Speaker 2 6:59

And they're thinking long term.

Speaker 1 7:01

Yeah, they are growing, so yeah.

Speaker 2 7:04

Okay.

Speaker 1 7:06

But I don't know if I would consider this a green flag.

Speaker 2 7:10

Okay, yeah, I feel like that kind of falls into a gray area. Okay, fair enough. This one I really like. I would like this if a girl asked me this when I was courting, how would you like to be supported?

Speaker 1 7:22

yeah yeah this is more of a white people thing, by the way, I feel how so these, these kind of like statements and questions, you hear more from non-muslims. How can I support you? How can I be there for you? How can I?

Speaker 2 7:40

which goes back to something we discussed with Ravya, which is we have a lot to learn from non-Muslims. Absolutely yeah, Whether it's inclusion and disability or stuff like this.

Speaker 1 7:51

Yeah, we are more the kind of people who would just assume.

Speaker 2 7:56

Yeah.

Speaker 1 7:57

Let me do this for you. Oh, why did you do this? Oh, I was trying to help you, I was trying to support you, but this is not how I want to be supported.

Speaker 2 8:10

Right right, oh, I was trying to help you, I was trying to support you, but this is not how I want to be supported, right, right, yeah, so with guys it's usually support, usually means moral support, and then for girls it's financial support.

Speaker 1 8:15

Uh well, depends on what's the issue at hand like. For girls, it's someone who's gonna listen, listening without offering solutions, listening without judgment.

Speaker 2 8:25

That's a type of support as well yeah, yeah, yeah, support shows up in different ways for sure uh, they know okay, I know girls are going to like this one.

Speaker 1 8:34

They know how to disagree without debating I love this I knew it, girls, if you find a guy who can do this? Just this is a keeper.

Speaker 2 8:43

This is a keeper, just hold on to him yeah, yeah, girls I mean guys, because they have that dominant personality. So they they want to have the final say right and they want to prove that they are always right do you want to be right or you want to be happy?

Speaker 2 9:02

would you? You know that's. That's an interesting question. No, and I'll refrain, and I'll answer that by asking you a question. And it's the dr house thing. Okay, would you rather have somebody who's always um? What was the question? Would you rather have somebody who's always right or somebody who's um supportive?

Speaker 1 9:25

actually we have a similar question in our comparability challenge yeah would you rather have a friend who's always right, but rude?

Speaker 2 9:33

oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it but who's always wrong?

Understanding What Green Flags Look Like

Speaker 1 9:36

but sweet and kind yeah I would say sweet and kind, sweet and wrong I'd go with the same.

Speaker 2 9:47

I can't deal with like toxic energy exactly, yeah right, like it's just.

Speaker 1 9:53

Uh, it's a recipe for miserable marriage we're not living in a lab where things have to be a certain way. If you just add an extra cc, the the thing is gonna blow up, and they have to be right, exactly exactly.

Speaker 2 10:06

So the reason we're bringing up all these different examples is because there are green flags or, let's say, lessons that can be taken from each example. So, for example, let's use this one. They apologize without justifying their behavior apologize without justifying their behavior.

Speaker 1 10:29

I feel this is very rare to find, because it's a it's a intuitive thing. We do it without even thinking.

Speaker 2 10:33

I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, but right but sorry, yeah sorry, but it's like they are connected to each other.

Speaker 1 10:42

You have to use them interchangeably.

Speaker 2 10:44

Yeah, sorry, but and it just cancels the apology, like we heard in the dr brown podcast because we're trying to protect ourselves, defend ourselves or it's because we just want to have the final say. Sometimes it's like I'm sorry, but you know you did this wrong, but had you not done this? But I tried to do this. So it's like I need to caveat that with my opinion.

Speaker 1 11:11

Yeah, I guess yeah.

Speaker 2 11:13

Yeah.

Speaker 1 11:15

I was just going to say. I think most of us are guilty of that.

Speaker 2 11:18

I'm definitely guilty of that. And actually after hearing that podcast now, I'm a bit self-conscious about that. I tried to resist saying the word, but after an apology yeah, me too.

Speaker 1 11:27

I'm going to work on that, yeah.

Speaker 2 11:29

So the green flag to take from that is accountability, right, and previously we talked about how to disagree without debating, right, so that the green flag to take from that would be someone who's attentive, someone who's patient, who isn't stubborn or stuck on their ways right, yeah, so the important thing is, you know, actually, let's just go through a few more examples and then we'll talk a little bit more about that so uh, I like this one.

Speaker 2 11:59

This one is a huge plus for me. They're enthusiastic about mundane things. I really appreciate people who take, who see beauty and simplicity right. Because I'm so not materialistic, I don't care much for brand name clothes, cars, all that nonsense, and so somebody who could just sit outside and just enjoy the beauty of nature, that is a huge plus point for me yeah yeah I feel like you're the same too, right, yeah absolutely absolutely, yeah, yeah. Okay, they cheer for other people's success without bitterness.

Speaker 1 12:36

I love this one. So genuine support, not just support. They are not the jealous type. They are the type who loves people and who loves to see people happy and successful and who would learn from that instead of feeling bitter about it. I love it. Learn from that instead of feeling bitter about it. I love it because if they're cheering for strangers, you can. You can bet they will be cheering for you and for your success yeah, and not just cheering, but like genuine genuinely happy genuinely happy for another person's success okay, they ask for advice from people wiser than them.

Speaker 1 13:15

Now, that's a no-brainer I think, of course, yeah the green flag from there, from there is humility humility, of course, wisdom wisdom.

Speaker 2 13:23

Yes, so would you be more attracted to someone who said let me ask my mentor about that.

Speaker 1 13:28

Of course not yeah, with me the word mentor.

Speaker 2 13:32

Just I have some mixed feelings about the word mentor because it gives the impression that they're incapable of deciding for themselves. They're dependent on someone.

Speaker 1 13:43

Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 13:44

So it depends on the circumstance, I guess yeah, yeah, right like, if they're an entrepreneur and they have a mentor, then that's different, right, but if it's about moving out of the apartment and you can't make a decision without asking mom or dad, it's cause for concern.

Speaker 1 14:01

Right Red flag. Red flag red flag.

Speaker 2 14:04

I wouldn't say red flag, but definitely a bit something to be concerned about.

Speaker 1 14:09

Red dot. Okay, red dot, not red flag.

Speaker 2 14:13

Okay, they remember what happens to you, even if it doesn't matter to them. I know girls would love that yes, yes, yeah, definitely. It shows you're listening, you're being attentive, you're not just hearing, but you're listening not to toot my own horn, but I feel like I'm pretty good at that stuff yeah pretty good, yeah, pretty good yeah, yeah. So like when I got you that book right, you didn't see that coming, because I paid attention to the things that you liked. Yeah.

Speaker 1 14:40

Right, even though it didn't matter to me. Yeah, even with birthday gifts, you were very intentional.

Speaker 2 14:46

Yeah, yeah, because I paid attention.

Speaker 1 14:49

What did I just ask you something, and you couldn't remember what Something you couldn't remember what. Something. And then you told me oh, the name of the composer.

Speaker 2 15:00

Oh, yeah, yeah, I have it.

Speaker 1 15:01

Yeah, you have it. Yeah, where is it?

Speaker 2 15:05

The name of the composer is Is I'll? Tell you in a second.

Speaker 1 15:08

Yeah.

Speaker 2 15:11

Because you memorized it by heart. No, I'll tell you in a second.

Speaker 1 15:14

Yeah.

Speaker 2 15:18

Malik Jandali.

Speaker 1 15:19

Almost. Malik.

Speaker 2 15:20

Jandali.

Speaker 1 15:21

Malik, malik Jandali. Okay, guys, if you love genius, beautiful music, then go and listen to Malik Jandali. He is a Syrian composer, a human rights activist, and his music just transcends you from one place to another. It's, it's gorgeous, it's beautiful.

Speaker 2 15:41

so okay, coming back to green flags, yeah, so that's something that matters to you more than me. So here's an example you're in the courting phase and the guy remembers that you had a job interview date, even though he didn't care about that field at all, but he remembers that and he wants to ask you how it went.

Speaker 1 16:02

Yeah, I would find that very sweet.

Speaker 2 16:04

I feel like girls really take this stuff for granted, because these things exist out there and there are genuine guys who possess these qualities, but we get so hung up on financial stability, on the level of education, on geographical location it's a complete package at the end of the day.

Speaker 2 16:24

Being a good listener doesn't put food on the table I get that and I'm not saying that that's sufficient, but it doesn't hold sufficient weight and I feel like, out of these nine examples that I just shared with you, if there was a guy that had all nine of these but he was of a different culture, chances are a girl would say no. Or if she was in a geographical location not of his preference, he'd probably say no, and we've seen examples of that right and that's what boils my blood Like here is somebody who has so many wonderful qualities and you're not giving it sufficient weight yeah, I think, like you said, these things shouldn't be taken for granted definitely especially girls, especially with guys.

Speaker 1 17:12

If you find a guy who's a good listener, that's a really good sign. Like don't assume that all guys are good listeners. Don't assume that all guys are good listeners. Don't assume that all guys are like gonna support you emotionally and like be offering a listening ear and be the charming prince you want. Don't assume all guys possess that. It's just a minority of guys or maybe not a minority, but it's not like a built-in feature in guys.

Rapid Fire: Flag Ratings

Speaker 2 17:42

And to add one more thing to this it's very important that we take the time to be intentional in searching for these qualities, like if I'm talking to somebody, I'm intentionally looking for these and not just coming in with the red flag mindset and saying, okay, does he have that job, does he have this, does he have that? It's like no, be intentional. Does he have that job, does he have this, does he have that? So like no, be intentional. Does he have humility? Does he have patience? Does he have I don't know, is he? Is he a good listener? Does he have emotional intelligence? All those things right, but let's do a quick red flag, green flag okay okay, so I'm just it's gonna be rapid fire.

Speaker 2 18:20

Okay, okay, you ready? Yeah, red flag, green flag or meh. Okay, praise Fajr, but always late. Meh. Same Meh.

Speaker 1 18:36

Sounds like a cow.

Speaker 2 18:38

Always answers text with voice notes.

Speaker 1 18:41

Oh God, this drives me crazy. But no, I it's neither meh yeah okay, doesn't use social media uh, I would find this actually a green flag meh doesn't matter, because for me, it's very hard for you to do any sort of self-promoting without social media.

Speaker 2 19:06

Even if you're a career-oriented person like you need to upload your resume on LinkedIn.

Speaker 1 19:11

Yeah, I don't consider LinkedIn a social media platform. Honestly, it's more like when we say social media, we're immediately thinking of Facebook and Instagram and TikTok. Even Facebook is outdated now.

Speaker 2 19:23

So yeah, for me it's math, because I need to know the reasoning behind they're not using social media right Are they not a very self-centered person, Then yeah, that's a green flag. If they're just socially clueless and doesn't know how social media works and the tools like, for example, it's a wonderful tool to promote Palestine right.

Speaker 2 19:43

But if they're completely clueless about how social media work and social media works and the the tool that it can be to promote good, that's the red flag. So it depends. That's why I'm mad. Okay, uh, lives with parents and loves it okay.

Speaker 1 20:03

I think this one is different in terms of if it's a girl or if it's a boy.

Speaker 2 20:07

If it's a guy, then yeah, to me that'd be a red flag, honestly okay it doesn't mean that I would necessarily write him off, but I would just take a moment to think and ask questions but I think I need to add something to that Lives with parents and loves it and plans to continue living with parents.

Speaker 1 20:26

Oh, after marriage.

Speaker 2 20:28

Right because lives with parents and loves it. What's wrong with that?

Speaker 1 20:31

Because, like as a guy, you should be independent, being able to take care of yourself. I don't know, like, if you're living with your parents, most likely your mom is preparing your meals, your mom is doing your laundry. It comes with the package.

Speaker 2 20:48

It could also be circumstantial.

Speaker 1 20:50

If it's, yeah, you know, that's completely different.

Speaker 2 20:54

But the assumption is that your parents are able-bodied and you're just mooching off your parents.

Speaker 1 20:59

Yeah, exactly what? If it's a girl? What would you say?

Speaker 2 21:03

I'm okay with that yeah, actually, yeah, I'm okay with that, but I would prefer somebody who has developed some independence, who like you. For example, you lived on your own for many years in jordan. You learned how to cook, take care of yourself, build a structure and routine, so that plays a lot uh in in a girl's favor at least for me personally. This one's funny brings up marriage on the first call yeah, that's okay.

Speaker 1 21:32

It depends how he brings it up. If he brings it up as in um, I would love to get to know you for the purpose of marriage, as in, he wants to make sure from the beginning his intentions are clear and that there are no mixed messages, then yeah, I know that this person is serious. But if he proposes or he says, oh, what would you say after we get married we go here or there on the first call, then yeah, that's, that's uh that's a red flag, yeah, yeah, for For guys and girls, I think.

Speaker 1 22:02

Yeah, yeah, too desperate.

Speaker 2 22:05

Mm-hmm has or hates talking on the phone.

Speaker 1 22:10

Then, how does he like to communicate?

Speaker 2 22:13

Voice notes or video calls. Yeah, video calls or video calls, I guess same thing, but voice notes.

Speaker 1 22:23

Yeah Well, if he doesn't like to talk on the phone but he likes to talk in person, then that's a good thing. But if he doesn't, if it's the alternative is, like you said, voice notes or texting, then no, thank you okay, fair enough. Uh has more female friends than guy friends okay, are we talking about a guy who has more female friends, or?

Speaker 2 22:45

obviously yes, okay, more friends of the opposite gender okay, um gray flag and, and and also it depends on the nature of the friendship.

Speaker 1 23:02

Do they go out I don't know clubbing or do they go out to conferences? So it depends on the relationship.

Speaker 2 23:13

Even with conferences. Like is the person setting boundaries?

Speaker 1 23:17

Exactly so the nature of their relationship? Yeah, I guess.

Speaker 2 23:20

Post gym selfies with Ayat in captions.

Speaker 1 23:24

that's pretty funny x, x, x.

Speaker 2 23:28

So what is that man? No, that's a oh, red flag screaming red flag okay, uh, it says I'm not romantic, but I'll protect you uh that's weird. That's kind of a weird combination why would you protect me?

Speaker 1 23:43

are we in the zoo, like in the jungle, or circumstantial?

Speaker 2 23:47

circumstantial. Where's mismatched socks?

Speaker 1 23:53

well, if it was me, then that would be an. It wouldn't be a problem. Someone with a visual impairment okay, last one.

Speaker 2 24:02

I'm not ready right now, but I'm working on it uh, I would have follow-up questions okay how are you working on it?

Speaker 1 24:13

what are you missing to be ready? How long do you think it'll take you to be ready?

Speaker 2 24:18

okay yeah, so I wouldn't assign a flag, a flag color, to it just yet, because it does give the impression that you know the guy is stringing you along.

Speaker 1 24:28

Or that the guy is serious and he doesn't want to waste your time. Maybe he says I'm not ready now and I don't want to drag this and talk to you If after I'm ready, you're still available then we will pick up from where we left, okay, that shows some maturity.

Building Your Ideal Spouse

Speaker 2 24:49

Yeah, yeah, all right, let's build our perfect spouse okay, sounds weird, since we're already married well, it's not going to be the perfect spouse, but ideal, I guess. Okay, so you get to pick three green flags and one red flag. You could tolerate in a person, and same with me.

Speaker 1 25:12

Okay, what about a red flag? I can't tolerate. Let's add that into the mix.

Speaker 2 25:18

Okay, a red flag you cannot tolerate Okay.

Speaker 1 25:21

And a red flag.

Speaker 2 25:21

I can't tolerate, okay, so it's pretty much like chiro time if you guys don't know what chiro time is, check out our ebook, yeah yes, comparability challenge.

Speaker 1 25:30

Uh okay, red flag I can't tolerate is smoking okay maybe that's more like a deal breaker. Another red flag. I'm just gonna use them interchangeably. Okay. Okay, smoking I can do that. It stinks. Uh red flag I can tolerate is messiness okay not lack of hygiene, messiness okay now three green flags. Someone who knows how to disagree with respect?

Speaker 2 26:07

Okay.

Speaker 1 26:13

Someone who really enjoys having intellectual conversations, which reminds me we need to have a conversation about Squid Game. There's so much I want to discuss. Okay. Third green flag would be someone who really loves life, who loves to have fun, who's like usually and nobody's always happy, but usually he's happy. He's not down Like someone with lots of energy, or maybe not lots of energy, but someone who loves life, who loves people, who has this.

Speaker 2 26:53

I don't know green aura, you could say, until phoebe comes and your aura okay, all right for me a red flag that I cannot tolerate someone who constantly undermines me, who questions every decision I make, um, which falls into the umbrella of not supporting me. Right, whether it's my decisions, like a moral support if I'm, you know, pursuing something, whatever it is, um, so that is one thing I cannot tolerate. Red flag that I can tolerate, barely tolerate, I would say uh, someone who's into makeup, and even then it's just like they're on the border. If it's super excessive, I don't think I can, but it really depends on the amount.

Speaker 2 27:52

And not just that, how much they spend on it too. That's like I don't know.

Speaker 1 27:57

I feel that we are a match made in heaven because it's a green flag for me if somebody doesn't like makeup, because I really hate makeup, I would never wear maybe a red flag for you? No, it's a green flag.

Speaker 2 28:10

If they hate makeup oh, if they hate makeup, yeah, yeah okay, yeah, so wow, interesting, yeah, um, okay, and now my green flags. I'd say somebody who genuinely shows an interest in my interests, like, for example, how you like have an interest in live theater and you go with me, not just for the sake of supporting me, but you like, you actually enjoy it.

Speaker 2 28:35

I love it yeah, um, that's one green flag. Second green flag for me would be someone who is a good listener, a really good like, not just someone who's waiting for their turn to speak, right, attentively listens to me, because I have a lot to complain about when I come home from work or when I'm complaining about clients, or the list goes on. I, that's just my personality. I'm not okay, I'm not really a nagger, I don't nag a lot, but um, that's a woman's thing.

Speaker 2 29:19

That's a woman's thing, yes but I do, I do vent.

Speaker 1 29:24

You know what I'm a venter now I'm listening to this and I'm like is like there's a discrepancy here, because I consider myself a really good listener up to a point where I have to engage with the person. So you consider that me interrupting you, but it's because I'm so engaged, I have questions while you're talking and stuff, but this irritates you, I guess.

Speaker 2 29:49

Because you interrupt my flow of thought. That's why I'm such a good listener. That's not listening. Listening means you're not interrupting. I get you're trying to engage in the conversation, but you're interrupting me or interrupting my flow of thought to me.

Speaker 1 30:08

listening isn't just about being quiet and like hearing and letting me talk, but it's about giving me, giving me signs that what I'm saying is actually like you're focusing on what I'm saying and you're thinking about what I'm saying and, like you said, you're engaged. So that's why I usually interrupt you, because I'm so engaged with what you're saying.

Speaker 2 30:31

Okay, okay, so I said two green flags, right.

Speaker 1 30:34

Yes.

Speaker 2 30:35

Okay, third green flag for me is somebody who makes a diligent effort in maintaining good health, whether it's in their diet or just physical exercise, and isn't just passive about it are you trying to tell me something?

Speaker 2 30:55

well, you, you're pretty good with your diet. I mean, the exercise part can use some work. I'll be honest, um, like, I mean you still go to the gym, but I do have to push you at times, but your diet, mashallah, is pretty good. I mean, you're the only human being I've ever met that actually craves salads which is so weird.

Speaker 2 31:13

I love salads um, but nonetheless, like mashallah, your diet is pretty good thank you, I mean, nonetheless, you do come from the middle east, so it's a given. So, yes, that's, that's a green flag for me, because then I'm not putting in twice the amount of effort to maintain our health. Right, right Like. I can use you as the model and I know I'm going to be coming home to you, know, healthy food on most occasions. Yeah. Right, unless we're like ordering out or something, but that's a different case.

Speaker 1 31:42

Yeah.

Speaker 2 31:43

So that's my kind of ideal spouse beautiful, yeah, okay now.

Speaker 1 31:48

Now an awkward question okay, here we go um. Do I fulfill? Those?

Speaker 2 31:55

you didn't just hear what I said. No, you, you know.

Speaker 1 31:57

No, you were just talking about the green one. The last one, the gym and the health.

Speaker 2 32:02

Yes, but in general after that.

Speaker 3 32:05

No, you didn't um, you heard that. I hope the audience got that I'm a good listener no, you're not.

Speaker 1 32:11

No, even the best of us get like a pass every once in a while.

Speaker 2 32:14

If you heard me carefully. If you were listening, you would have heard me say that you fit into that. Really I, I just said it.

Speaker 1 32:22

Where was I? Not mentally here apparently. Okay, well, I am hungry.

Closing Thoughts on Finding Value

Speaker 2 32:26

so All right, guys, we hope you benefited from this episode and you got a few laughs out of it. Just remember that green flags aren't about sparks. They are what build a marriage. Red flags just tell you when to run, but green flags are something that shouldn't be taken for granted. Be intentional about searching them out. They hold so much value and you guys just need to spend the time looking for them. Yeah, uh. So what's your underrated green flag? What's one that you ignored in the past and regret?

Speaker 1 32:59

let us know in the comments below yeah, inshallah, we'll see you in the next one all right then salam alaikum.