Diary of a Matchmaker
Getting married is tough for the vast majority of Muslims in the West. We know because we’ve been there. My (Zaid) journey spanned nearly nine years. It was filled with rejections and self-doubt. While I (Hiba) didn't know there was a journey to be on in the first place. After we got married we decided to create something different to help single Muslims complete their deen. And so our matchmaking service Halal Match was born.
After a few years of interviewing singles, a friend suggested we journal our stories. We tweaked that idea and turned it into a podcast. In ‘Diary of a Matchmaker’ we’ll take you through this unfamiliar world of matchmaking. We’ll share our stories, experiences, and much more. So say Bismillah and tune in.
Do you have a story to share? Email us at: info@halalmatch.ca
Find us on:
Website: https://halalmatch.ca/
Youtube: https://shorturl.at/ywE8N
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/halalmatch.ca/
The Compatibility Challenge on Amazon: https://tinyurl.com/mtdeefsh
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Diary of a Matchmaker
The Talking Stage: How Long Is Too Long?
How long should the talking stage really last? For many Muslims, what starts as a way to assess compatibility drags on for months or even years with no real progress. In this episode we dive into the question every single faces: when does talking cross the line from intentional to wasted time? We explore why so many get stuck, the signs it has gone on too long, and how to know when it’s time to move forward or move on. If you’ve ever felt trapped in endless conversations with no clarity, this episode is your wake-up call.
Check out thie short video on "Halal Dating".
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Muslims in the West don't date, but some of us, low-key, do. We just call it the talking stage. But when does getting to know you become a halal situationship?
Speaker 2:Are we using the talking stage as a loophole for halal dating? Assalamu alaikum, I'm Hiba.
Speaker 1:And I'm Zaid.
Speaker 2:You're listening to Diary of a Matchmaker.
Speaker 1:A podcast that will take you into our world as matchmakers.
Speaker 2:We'll share our experiences and offer advice for the single Muslim.
Speaker 1:So let's dive in. Bismillah, assalamu alaikum everyone, welcome to another episode.
Speaker 2:Assalamu alaikum. So how is the search going for you guys? Are you moving forward? Are things getting easy, inshallah? We'd love to hear from you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, inshallah, hopefully it is from you. Yeah, inshallah, hopefully it is um. But that's why we're here to help you guys out, give you guys some tips and help you navigate the journey with ease and the occasional unloading, of course, of course I feel like that's what we do a lot of anyways, um, but why do people drag out the courting phase?
Speaker 2:So many reasons Like it really depends on the situation.
Speaker 1:Okay, did you ever drag out your courting phase prior to talking to me?
Speaker 2:No, but I was dragged. You could say like a conversation with me was dragged.
Speaker 1:Really yes. What were the circumstances behind?
Speaker 2:it so.
Speaker 1:Are you referring to your engagement?
Speaker 2:no, not my engagement. It's somebody I started talking to on hod before we started talking and like it was nice, but it wasn't moving forward. Just the conversations had nothing to do with assessing compatibility. It was like a good morning message, some I don't know cute messages and stuff, but it wasn't moving anywhere so the deeper question is why do people do that?
Speaker 1:right I mean here we're going to try to give people the benefit of the doubt.
Speaker 1:I'm not saying everybody comes in with bad intentions and just has a sincere intention of wasting your time and dragging things out, but there there is a underlying reason as to why things drag out for for however long they do, um, what we were just talking about, this prior to recording, and guys and I know girls get stuck with this label sometimes. But guys also do feel a sense of insecurity, right, loneliness, insecurity, and they're seeking validation. One way to seek that is by talking to someone right, and especially if it's a girl that's showing interest in them, that's showing affection, showing some signs of a future relationship, it feels pretty good I guess emotional addiction emotional addiction and on.
Speaker 2:Like to be honest, it does feel good. It does feel good to wake up to a message from someone, or like someone asking about you and like, like it's, it's good right, it's good.
Speaker 1:It's a dopamine, right? Yeah is it. I believe it's dopamine, but but yeah, you get that that shock especially if there is physical attraction of course, yeah, of course.
Speaker 2:But uh, at the end of the day, we are talking to assist compatibility for the purpose of marriage.
Speaker 1:Yeah, everything has to have the intention of marriage.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so that's why like intention is the most important thing you can have in your entire search.
Speaker 1:it just sets up the entire like interaction yeah, and we say this all the time in our workshops too, and then when we coach people that you know the there's a reason. The prophet said the actions are guided by intentions and we, you know we, sometimes we get stuck on matrimonial websites, going to events for so long that we just get stuck in this routine and this rut and we forget our intention. And sometimes we have to recalibrate ourselves and reset what our intention is and making sure that, when we are taking that step, that our intention guides our actions and also forms boundaries and parameters too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah right, we'll come to that in a bit. Yeah, also another reason why people get stuck in the talking stages is just fear of missing out. Like you want to, you don't want to lose this person.
Speaker 1:You have a potential you have something that looks good right oh, your friends are all getting married, and then you don't want to miss out also exactly.
Speaker 2:So at least you're like oh, but I'm talking to someone, right? I'm talking to someone. No, I'm not lonely, I'm not alone yeah I'm not single.
Speaker 1:I'm talking to someone yeah, so it gives you this false sense of relationship relationship yeah, yeah, you're right. So a cool oxymoron not a cool oxymoron, but a common oxymoron, we hear is halal dating. And then there's pseudo halal dating on top of that too. So I mean, what is pseudo halal dating?
Speaker 2:it's like when you put the the the mask, or you mask the dating with talking right and you slap the halal label on it?
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly Because hey, I'm talking to somebody, but if you're talking to somebody for the purpose of marriage, then it's not really dating, it's more courting.
Speaker 2:Right yeah, halal certified.
Speaker 1:It's halal, certified Exactly. But people justify talking to somebody for a long time because, hey, we're not physical, we're not doing anything haram. But I know, I know we'll get into this in a little bit when there aren't boundaries and parameters, said then the devil takes, it takes advantage because you, and then it becomes a slippery slope because you can't control your emotions.
Speaker 2:You can't control your actions, but you can't control your emotions yeah yeah, I mean some people like have been talking since I don't know last ramadan and the parents don't even know that this person exists in their lives, right? Exactly what kind of future is this relationship heading? So we'll get into that in a bit like involving family and stuff like that yeah, so we've dedicated some content to this.
Speaker 1:We did a video about this too, which you guys can check out on our youtube channel. Um get married with hiba and zayd. But we have to distinguish between courting and dating right, and there is a big difference, and sometimes, as muslims, we forget that our deen does allow the opportunity and time for us to assess compatibility, like talking to somebody, getting to know them, asking the right questions. There's nothing wrong with that. The problem is that we don't set boundaries. We don't set parameters as to what is acceptable and what is not.
Speaker 2:And then courting just becomes dating Right.
Speaker 1:and then it just becomes like whatever Andrew and Samantha are doing down the street right.
Speaker 2:Talk about Andrew and Samantha, Okay sorry, sorry, andrew and Samantha.
Speaker 1:So what are some basic boundaries that we set when courting?
Speaker 2:So I would say, just like we already said before, this is only for the purpose of marriage. You come with this clear intention and you make sure that the other person is also on the same page. You don't want to have a misalignment of intentions.
Speaker 1:Right. So number one intention it is only for the sole purpose of marriage. Number two what is number two?
Speaker 2:Number two is that parents are aware and approve. And I'm not saying like from the first, like conversation, the first message you immediately involve parents. But early on parents should be aware and involved.
Speaker 1:Right, especially if you're meeting the person out in public.
Speaker 2:Of course, of course.
Speaker 1:Which leads me to rule number three.
Speaker 2:Rule number three is this should be whatever meeting should be in an open and public place. You're not meeting, I don't know, in a friend's apartment. You're not meeting like, just like in this deserted park where, like, there are no people there, right?
Speaker 1:And I probably just add a little bit more to that. You're meeting during appropriate hours. You're not meeting 11 pm at a coffee shop that's open late, of course.
Speaker 2:Like that's not appropriate and if your intention is clear, then everything else becomes easy. And like clear, you're not showing up in it too, there's but you're not showing up to this meeting, all doled up and like wearing provoking clothes and stuff you are not yeah, you're not. The guy's not showing up with his shirt half open and like which we did see once, so there is like basic courtesy, and basic like etiquette that comes with courting right.
Speaker 1:So you dress well, appropriate for the situation and you bring your best self.
Speaker 2:And rule number four no physical touching yes, no shaking hands, no hugging, no petting on the shoulder right, we're not non-muslims.
Speaker 1:Guys like this is such common sense stuff, but it needs to be said just because you're meeting, it doesn't mean that now everything is okay. Yeah, you know what we should give our example. So when Hiba and I met in person in Chicago, we were not engaged, we didn't have our nikah. There was nothing there. We just our parents knew we had our intentions on getting our nikah, and that coming saturday. But when we met, we didn't hug, we didn't hold hands didn't shake hands.
Speaker 2:We didn't shake hands. We didn't do anything. We just walked down the street.
Speaker 1:We just walked down the streets, we created healthy boundaries and went out to eat. But, yeah, our parents were involved. Everybody was aware. So we like even though, like we could have easily held hands right, no family was around but we wanted this to begin. We wanted this to be the beginning of something beautiful.
Speaker 2:Exactly. Of course, don't underestimate the power of Barakah.
Speaker 1:Exactly.
Speaker 2:Seriously, was it hard for you.
Speaker 1:No, no, it wasn't, Because I was just.
Speaker 2:I had to be patient a few days and that's it okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I knew what was coming inshallah. So yes, again to reiterate, our allows for courting and not dating, um, but lines can get blurred. So if you are not creating boundaries and parameters, then you know it becomes a slippery slope and the devil gets to whisper in your ear the wass wass right wass, wass uh, and so first it just becomes a conversation about marriage, and then joking happens and then flirting and then you're sharing pictures, and then what pictures are appropriate to share, what things are appropriate to talk about, what's not appropriate?
Speaker 1:having like late time face time right, and then you're calling each other 11 at night or at 5 am and giggling and like we're not saying that this should be like a job interview of course you're gonna be yourself, you're gonna be open and vulnerable at some point, but as long as your intention is clear, then it will just lead everything else inshallah.
Speaker 1:Emotional intimacy without commitment is a clear recipe for a heartbreak yeah, of course right so you might get comfortable to the point where you're just going to start sharing everything your Spotify username and password, your Netflix login, your trauma, everything Because you know you're just getting warm and cozy with this person, but at the same time, you haven't asked the important questions.
Speaker 2:You can't even assess. Is this relationship going anywhere? Right?
Speaker 1:Because, like we said in the beginning, it feels you're living in the moment right, and you don't know how long this is going to last, so let's skip the important stuff, because it just I'm just seeking that dopamine hit and, like we said, guys, we both have been there, so we're not coming with this like judgmental.
Speaker 2:Look that, oh, it feels good like emotional satisfaction.
Speaker 1:We understand I, I've been there. My journey spanned nine years, as I've mentioned multiple times in previous episodes, and that takes a toll on you and it's not easy being alone for nine straight years. And so in one situation I remember I was talking to a girl who was in another state. We liked each other but there was always this nagging feeling that you know, I don't like. I don't know if I find this girl attractive or not, and I just kept going with the flow because I didn't think anybody else would come along. I didn't think anybody else would come along.
Speaker 1:It felt good in the moment and they were willing to overlook some very personal circumstances of mine that were not necessarily, quote-unquote, conducive to marriage, like immigration, financial stability and things like that.
Speaker 1:So it felt good to have that validation and somebody showing interest in me, that validation and somebody showing interest in me. So it got to the point where, like, families got involved to an extent and there was a meeting in person. And then it got to a point where I said and this was, I think, maybe two or three months in, I just ended it and I dragged it on longer than I should have, and of it's one of many regrets I have, but it was all a learning experience because, as difficult as it sounded especially if you're a guy that's getting rejected over and over and over again, for whatever reason it might be financial instability, immigration, maybe your height, maybe you're a shorter guy and you're getting rejected, whatever it might be. Take it from somebody who's been there and don't pursue these things as a means of validation. All right. Always have your intentions clear and always come back to that intention and make sure that those intentions are guiding your actions now someone?
Speaker 2:someone might ask don't you guys feel hypocritical? You are lecturing people and telling them what to do and what not to do, when you yourself have made these mistakes. It's a legitimate question.
Speaker 1:Yes and no. I mean, the reason we're sharing all of these things is because we've made these mistakes and we don't want you guys to make the same mistakes as us. So we're sharing these things, not just to put our sins on public display and things like that. No, we genuinely want you guys to have your journeys filled with ease, to to find the right partner, and not waste your time talking to somebody, seeking that dopamine, seeking validation, seeking all of these things that won't benefit you and, essentially, not just wasting your time, but wasting the time of the person you're speaking to.
Speaker 2:Like, if I can give my younger self an advice, I would give her the same advice we give, like in this episode and other episodes, because I don't know, like with age, with experience, with mistakes comes. Should I say wisdom or does it?
Speaker 1:sound pretentious. With age comes wisdom, not to say we're very wise people.
Speaker 2:Or to say that we're old, we're not that old.
Speaker 1:But alhamdulillah, we have learned a lot over the years through our personal experiences as well as our professional experiences. And that has really led us to shaping our service and and helping people who need it and shape this podcast and shape this podcast.
Speaker 1:Of course, if you're overwhelmed and burdened and just don't know where to seek help, let us help you. We can be your personal matchmakers. Visit us at halalmatchca and book a free call with us. So we get this question a lot, where people ask so what is an appropriate timeline or time frame we should use when speaking to somebody and deciding about marriage? But the thing is, there's no formula, there's no one-size-fits-all that works for everyone. For us, we made a decision, I think after four weeks, yeah, and but keep in mind, within those four weeks, we talked almost every day for a few hours yeah, and we asked each other's lots of questions, lots of questions and we didn't waste time talking about the weather, travel destinations, our favorite cuisine.
Speaker 1:We asked very in-depth questions, scenario-based questions, and every time it was just like, okay, this is a good sign, it was a green flag and it moved us further along. So we did a very intense level of compatibility within those four weeks. So the question to ask yourself is how much time are you willing to invest?
Speaker 2:And ultimately, it's about quality, not quantity I was just gonna say that, like you could talk to someone for a year, but if you're, all you're talking about is just like silly stuff and shallow stuff, then this is not good it's not gonna help you. It's not gonna help you and you could talk to someone for two weeks, three weeks, and just ask, like you said, intentional, in-depth uh questions and determine within that time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah I think, um, if you're coming in ready with the, because when I started talking to you, I came ready with my questions yeah, I know right.
Speaker 1:I was like boom, boom, boom, and if you pass the, it was kind of like a checklist, not a superficial checklist, but a checklist of questions where I knew if you answered it the way that, um, if you answered it the wrong way, I knew you wouldn't be a fit for me, right, whether it was about lifestyle, religious values, things like that. But you passed kind of every checkpoint for me. So we were like okay, this is moving along and then you came ready with your questions too.
Speaker 2:To be honest, in the beginning I didn't have specific questions, but when I saw that you had specific questions, I immediately started forming mine yeah and uh, but it didn't, at least for me it didn't feel like, uh, this guy is just asking me to determine and like like a job interview right.
Speaker 1:I never treated it like a job interview, like a conversation, it was yeah, everything like flowed. It flowed, yes, and I was very sensitive to that and I didn't want you to feel like you were being interrogated yeah so, yes, I always tried to make it, make it fun and like whenever you would jump on a call, you say, hey, guess what? Or what do you think of this? Like there was always some sort of entertaining element to it.
Speaker 2:But you know, besides us, I remember some of our clients, like specifically this one case where she said that she and her ex, before they got married, they talked for a year and they were together for a year and then divorce happened after like two or three months and you would think, like a year of talking to somebody you would get to know a lot.
Speaker 1:Yeah, right, yeah, like, I mean minus the fact that you haven't lived together. But you can check off a lot of things and assess in different ways whether or not this person is truly a match for you with the exception of cases where the person just reveals their true colors after marriage, and this does happen yeah, this does happen, but those are very rare cases in my opinion. So, men and women, they sometimes have their own timelines I guess, for men.
Speaker 1:Sometimes men keep dragging the courting phase for longer than necessary because it feels like I said, it feels good to talk to somebody, but they're not ready at the same time, right financially, um, maybe they're just kind of tying up loose ends. Their immigration status is still in limbo. There could be a lot of different factors yeah but at the same time, you don't need to have those things crossed off in order to be ready for marriage. So what am I saying exactly?
Speaker 2:well, if you know for sure that at this moment, at this time, you are not ready for marriage, you physically or literally can't get married, then don't start talking to girls of course don't start wasting people's times and same thing applies to girls too. Same thing yeah, we're gonna get to girls, why girls like prolong talking stages, but um, I think it's more of a stigma uh, a guy's stigma that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they prolong the guys, waste the girls, yeah girls want to get the ball moving.
Speaker 2:Are you interested in marriage or not?
Speaker 1:that's all I want to know. Yeah, yeah and yeah. That's the one complaint I always hear from girls like, oh, this guy wasting my time, this guy oh, I found out he has he's already married. I found out this about him and he wasn't open in the beginning.
Speaker 2:So guys stop doing that yeah, I know it's a cliche and no, what I'm about to say right now. I know it's a cliche and it's been overused this analogy but do you want somebody to do this to your sister, waste her time and her emotions?
Speaker 1:right and on the flip. Sisters use long talking stages to test the guy's patience, Like he has to jump through 20 different hooves and it's an obstacle course. It's like Tough Mudder. And then if they can make it through the 15K obstacle course, all right, now he's good enough for marriage.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I guess they have their own mind games and stuff.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's why girls always get slapped with the label of she's playing hard to get yes, yes, yeah, yeah so some interesting phrases that we we come across that's worth mentioning. Um, there's textationships couples who never meet but just send memes for like six months, or like emojis and just cute messages. And then there's the ghost contract people disappear and this is very common.
Speaker 2:This is very common. We dedicated an entire episode to ghosting.
Speaker 1:Yeah so people just disappear, and then after six months they come back and say, salam, how's it going?
Speaker 2:how you been like nothing happened nothing happened.
Speaker 1:And then there's a halal catfish yeah what's the halal catfish?
Speaker 2:so when, like someone, presents themselves as this pious, super religious person but, then, once things become serious, they reveal their true colors.
Speaker 1:All right uh, now, family delays. This is one that doesn't get enough attention, I think, where in some cases parents do drag their feet and parents sometimes don't want to be honest with their son or daughter and say, hey, I think this person is a terrible match for you, I don't like this guy or I don't like this girl, and they just kind are like wishy-washy about it and they brush it off and meanwhile the girl or guy's time is invested in this and they want to move things forward, but the parents are just holding out for someone better or, like you said before we started recording oh, we need to to get the older girl, older sister, married first and desi culture.
Speaker 2:Yeah or we have, like I don't know, a wedding happening in a month, so let's put this on hold until we have the wedding right the other sister, and then a family emergency happens, and then something else happens and ramadan comes.
Speaker 1:And oh yeah, it comes, because it's haram to talk about marriage in ramadan, like come on man.
Speaker 2:Actually there's, but you know what I've noticed? Some of our clients do ask to put their search on hold during Ramadan.
Speaker 1:I don't understand why I don't know Exactly.
Speaker 2:It's a month of barakah, like it's a month of Quran, but at the same time you still go to work, you go to school, you do invest in searching.
Speaker 1:Yeah, cool, you do invest in searching yeah so.
Speaker 2:So why is it that, like ibadah has to come at the cost of marriage? This is also. It is.
Speaker 1:It is, but people don't usually look at it that way. Right, they see, as marriage is just a full, like a halal fulfillment of desires, but it's not ibadah right, we're talking about a full month out of your life yeah, yeah, I don't know why people do that. Yeah, I mean I can understand not having the wedding during ramadan.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that part, that part I get or like okay, I, I, you want to go off the apps for ramadan yes, that's totally fine, yeah but like if something good, a good potential comes across, like you come across during ramadan, don't delay it you know what I think?
Speaker 1:I disagree with you on that. Even during ramadan, keep your matrimonial account active, keep searching, keep that, keep the work going.
Speaker 2:Don't put it on hold, even for ramadan but the apps could end up just wasting your time long conversations and you don't know who's serious apps. You shouldn't be on the apps to begin with, just wasting your time. Long conversations and you don't know who's serious the apps you shouldn't be on the apps to begin with.
Speaker 1:I mean, that's just designed for dating, but I'm talking about, like, legitimate avenues, rishta, aunties, matchmakers, I'm talking about matrimonial websites. Keep that work going.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so my opinion, my take on timelines is if you're talking for two or three months and you still can't, uh, determine if this is worth pursuing or not, then it's probably not so I I disagree with you a bit on that, because for me every circumstance, every situation is different no, of course I'm not talking about exceptions like like in case of I don't know long distance, and like he had to travel for work and like she has the I don't know.
Speaker 2:She had some exams to finish and they're taking I don't know two week break and stuff. I'm not talking about these situations right.
Speaker 1:I think that, like everybody is kind of has their own circumstances, whether it's school, family commitments and things like that. But to me, regardless of the circumstances you're in unless they're very dire circumstances that requires your 100 attention. If marriage is that is important enough to you, you will carve out time out of your day to make that work. Yeah, right, yeah. And if you were talking about this before, if people are just relying on Zoom calls to assess compatibility, or with you guys just scheduling appointments, whatsapp video calls or calls on the weekends and let's just talk for an hour, and then you guys talk on a saturday 5 pm, you have that one hour zoom call and then after the zoom call is like, um, yeah, it went well, let's uh, let's schedule another zoom call and then the next zoom call is scheduled for the next saturday at five o'clock and you're just relying on these zoom calls to assess compatibility.
Speaker 1:Get to know each other like it's gonna fizzle out right, because there's no reinforcement after the zoom call, because sometimes there's this fire burning, there's this interest and and desire excitement, right, and you want to build off of that. And we've seen cases with our own clients where they there is no follow-up, there is no investment, investment of time and energy and things just fizzle out and then they come back to us and can you find somebody else?
Speaker 2:yeah, yeah right, but there's nothing wrong with zoom calls I mean our entire courting was over skype. Right, but it's like the frequency and the the quality of the call is quality over quantity, yeah, but yeah.
Speaker 2:But going back to my previous point, if you've been talking for two months, for three months, let's say two months, okay, and like you can't, I'm not talking. Okay, within two months you have to decide I'm marrying them or I'm moving on, but within two months you feel like we're still in the same spot. I still can't get an understanding of this person. Do we have any level of compatibility or not? If you can't have these basic things after two months, then I guess you're right.
Speaker 1:I mean the good, the question, the deeper questions to be asking is what have you done within those two months? Exactly right what questions have asked how much time has been invested. Have parents been involved at that stage? Yet If those elements aren't there within I would say two months, then it's a huge red flag.
Speaker 1:So some practical advice for you guys. Number one there is no shame in walking away. If your intentions are clear from the get-go and you've set the appropriate boundaries and, like you mentioned about that, you know two months have been invested and things are not moving along and you're just seeing constant red flags, then yes, it's definitely appropriate to walk away.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's no, you should walk away. You should walk away. The sooner you walk away, the better. Yeah, number two is ground the entire process in Islam, in our deen. Our deen encourages clarity and قولوا قولا سديدا. In Surah Al-Ahzab Like say something clear, don't be wishy-washy. So yeah, be clear with your words, be clear with your emotions, with your intentions and number three involve family sooner.
Speaker 1:Yes, there's no reason why two people should be talking for two months and families don't know how. How quick did we involve our parents?
Speaker 2:I would say by week three ish well, depends what you mean by involving them in terms of them talking to you, then yes, so let me clarify.
Speaker 1:So that's a good point. Let me clarify that. So both of our parents knew that we were using um resources and matrimony websites to try to get married.
Speaker 2:Um, but um in my case, in your case, from the, the very beginning, I told him I'm talking to this guy.
Speaker 1:Yes, I didn't tell my parents that I found somebody. I was talking to her because it wasn't necessary at that point, because I didn't want to get my parents excited. But I would say, closer to week, three of us talking and courting, we were just like, yes, this is serious.
Speaker 2:I think it's time to involve parents I think your mom was suspecting something, because you used to like go on the balcony and like have these long conversations.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, moms always know yeah, so, um, yes, you should be involving parents sooner. At least, at the bare minimum, let them know that you've, uh, you're talking to somebody, um, and that you are applying appropriate boundaries, and things like that.
Speaker 2:And once things like progress a little bit more, you're going to introduce them to this person. Yeah, you know.
Speaker 1:I think we've addressed this in the parents episode, but parents do need to have a level of trust in their children right, and when parents especially when parents put that on matrimony websites I'm searching for my son, I'm searching for my daughter it comes across as, like you know, you just don't trust your children sometimes.
Speaker 2:Or your children are just too busy, like we received an email the other day from a parent.
Speaker 1:Yeah, his daughter is like more than a week ago.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, his daughter was finishing up with I don't know her master's or something, and she told them to look for her because she doesn't have time. And we're like okay, inshallah, best of luck to your daughter. When she's ready to look, we would talk to her. We would love to talk to her.
Speaker 1:At this point we want to ask you guys a question. Some of you might have longer talking stages than actual marriages. Last and that's not good, because courting is not meant to, we're not non-Muslims that date and date, and date forever until we finally move in with each other. And then 20 years later we realize, hey, we're just common law, we don't need to get married.
Speaker 2:Halal common law Right.
Speaker 1:Courting should be short, it should be with the intention of marriage and it should provide some sort of substance and value. So hopefully you guys can apply some of the things that we've mentioned and um, and get some sort of value out of your courting phase okay.
Speaker 2:So before we leave, you guys, what's the longest talking stage you've ever had? And, looking back, do you think it was worth it or not? Really, how will you do it differently in your next relationship? Um, let us know. You know how to do that. Just leave a comment and, inshallah, we will see you in the next one assalamu alaikum.