Talking Taboo with Tara: The Unfiltered Truth

Melanie's Story: Struggles and Strengths on the Road to Recovery

• Tara • Season 2 • Episode 11

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This podcast features an in-depth conversation with Melanie, who is in a recovery program. Melanie shares the challenges and hardships she has faced, including multiple abusive relationships, substance abuse, and legal issues. She recounts significant moments such as her teenage pregnancy, struggles with addiction, and manipulative relationships. Despite her tumultuous past, Melanie expresses her determination to change, the importance of support in her recovery, and her aspirations for the future, including publishing a book and pursuing a business degree. The discussion also highlights the role of mental health in her journey and the impact of family dynamics on her recovery process.




Tara:

Today we're talking with a very special friend of mine, Melanie. She is in a recovery program, and she has had several trials and tribulations along her way, and today she's gonna be telling us her story, and I'm sure some of us can relate to it but it's about her getting her story out there and feeling better about herself.'cause one day she's gonna be writing a book about all this. Melanie? How are you doing? My love.

Melanue:

It's going good.

Tara:

So you're in recovery And last time we talked We were going over your Story

Melanue:

Yes.

Tara:

And we lost we left off at the age of 17, is that what you said?

Melanue:

That what you said?

Tara:

Let's get into it.

Melanue:

So last time we were talking I had just gotten pregnant with Ariana and My, I had told my mom and dad that, there's no way in hell that I was, having an abortion with this baby. And so I had her. From that point on I had had her, moved into my own apartment. At that point J. P. had found out that was not his baby. Oh, and he was crushed. I knew that she was not his baby. Told him from the beginning and he didn't want to believe it. So he ripped up my abortion money to begin with, as I think I said on the other podcast, but Confirmation came out when she was born, but she's my twin, she's got my blue eyes, and Came out who her father was which was, I wouldn't call them friends, but I guess I would call them Frenemies. Because they turned into enemies, I guess you would say.

Tara:

Yeah, they were associates. They were, yeah, they were friends at one time. Then they turned into associates, then they turned into enemies. Frenemies. Frenemies. Yeah, for sure. That

Melanue:

was the word for it. I moved. Got my own apartment. And then I broke up with JP and started dating my boss's brother. And JP was following me all around,

Tara:

Stalking you.

Melanue:

stalking me in Columbus. Robbed my new boyfriend,,

Tara:

Did he mace him?

Melanue:

No, he maced me

Tara:

I knew mace was in there somewhere,

Melanue:

he maced me we were

Tara:

at a club.

Melanue:

I don't remember who was with me but He was like, here, let me help you out, and then Ziggy came over and, here, let me help you out, she makes me too. So when my boyfriend picked me up from the club, and I'm like, they're pouring gallons of milk in my eyes,

Tara:

Yeah.

Melanue:

so we seen Ziggy walking down the road, and my new boyfriend fucking got a fucking big club and fucking clubbed on the back of the head. He fell face first, and that's how he lost his two front teeth.

Tara:

Zarek. Wow. I was wondering how he lost his two front teeth.

Melanue:

It was me

Tara:

I found out later. Go ahead.

Melanue:

But We got back together later on after that and That's when like a lot of the mental physical emotional all that fucking abuse started between me and him I mean, I think I said before like he I think I had stabbed him. I think I had told you about that story about me stabbing him, but this time, like he our friend

Tara:

A

Melanue:

friend of ours that we used to hang out with. She, he was like, Every time we go out together and he catches us, he

Tara:

rips your shirt off and you're always wearing

Melanue:

my shirt! laughing Yeah,

Tara:

It's her clothes getting fucked up, not mine. I felt bad, yeah. It was

Melanue:

of our good friends.

Tara:

Damn. Oh. Okay. Yeah. Now I see why the whiny voice.

Melanue:

love you,

Tara:

you girl. But I know exactly who she's talking about.

Melanue:

about. From all the abuse and stuff that happened between me and him he he started beating my ass so bad that I was going to doctors. I started pill shopping. I started getting on pills. I started I got pregnant again. Hold on, let me move to the second sheet here.

Tara:

I know eventually you got pregnant with Noah.

Melanue:

I did. I got pregnant. Let's see. First let me say this. I was at the bar. We were at the bar.

Tara:

We? We were at the bar

Melanue:

like four to five days a week.

Tara:

Girl, it was six days. I was trying to be gentle with that. No, bitch. I know it was six. Monday through motherfucking Sunday. Or seven days, yeah. Seven days each night we would have a different bar. Keep going.

Melanue:

But

Tara:

I became

Melanue:

Manager of Diamond Dolls. It was an

Tara:

that's right. Escort agency. Go ahead.

Melanue:

It was an escort agency.

Tara:

And

Melanue:

I started doing coke like crazy. Cocaine was my best friend, and every time somebody

Tara:

was going home with someone's

Melanue:

boyfriend, I was like, I'm good, and I'd

Tara:

hold up my bag of

Melanue:

cocaine, and I would be going home with my Ball of Cocaine or I'd be doing Sneaky Links with Baby Daddy and nobody knew about. And that was my Baby Daddy at the time.

Tara:

He

Melanue:

he was just dating somebody else at the time.

Tara:

Yeah, we know. You guys like to share. No, it was just had a little

Melanue:

competition thing going between me.

Tara:

between you and Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I remember those days. I used to have to fight her sister. And now me and her sister are friends. I'm actually decent

Melanue:

with all of

Tara:

That's good. But It took fuckin twenty some years. Yeah, it did. It

Melanue:

It definitely did.

Tara:

Damn, bitch. And I was a hard headed, stubborn Yes, we are. Yes, we are. Yes, we

Melanue:

were. Yes.

Tara:

That's,

Melanue:

I, so when we were drinking at the bar at the time I was bla I was blacking in and out all the time. How about, I remember, do you remember my 1999 Mitsubishi Eclipse?

Tara:

No, I, Did not. I remember you, I heard about you having it. That's when the time that we wasn't talking. In between there. Or maybe we was. I think you called me and told me you were in the top of a tree.

Tara (2):

dude, like

Tara:

in the middle of your accident, you called me and was like, I'm in a tree. I'm like, what do you mean you're in a tree? You're like, I wrecked my fucking car, bitch. Okay, but, okay, that was

Melanue:

back during them days, yes. So I was blacking in and out all the time. But I was, I had a pill habit real bad. The coke would heat me up.

Tara:

That happened. You were speedballing.

Melanue:

I was all the time. All the time.

Tara:

you're doing downers and uppers at the same time, you're speedballing. I was

Melanue:

leaving, I was going to Baby Daddy's, and I was meeting him at our friend's house over, Off of in Blinden Square. And

Tara:

All I know

Melanue:

that I wake up, and I'm standing on my windshield.

Tara:

Yeah. And you called me

Melanue:

And then,

Tara:

I like

Melanue:

kick the door open, and I like, I looked down and there's a pine tree and I had to jump down out of the car My phone's in the car. Everything's in my car. I was scared Then

Tara:

I blacked

Melanue:

again, and then

Tara:

I woke up.

Melanue:

i'm walking down 270 And i'm like trying to get somebody to pick me up on the side of the freeway nobody would pick me up on the side of it's winter. I don't have no I don't want my coat By the time I got there I had my head like frostbite on my freaking hands They're putting my hands in warm water and shit and

Tara:

all I could think about was,

Melanue:

Do you got my

Tara:

coke, do you got my Coke? And he is fuck the Coke. Where's your car? And I'm like.

Melanue:

I'm like,

Tara:

fuck the car

Melanue:

and he gave me my coke. Bro,

Tara:

You were bad, weren't you? I was so bad.

Melanue:

It was so bad.

Tara:

How many times do you think that you've went from being clean to going back? How many times have you done

Melanue:

Let's just say from the age of 11, 12 9, 10, 11, 12, something around that, up until the age of 32, when they did the what do you call it, Would they come in and

Tara:

I was asleep

Melanue:

and they're like you want to wake up for this?

Tara:

And I'm like, no,

Melanue:

why and I'm like, why is everyone here?

Tara:

Intervention. Intervention.

Melanue:

There you go. And everybody had letters and like my kids were small and I'm like And they're like we think you have a problem and I'm looking at my mom and I'm like you think I have a problem

Tara:

Yeah.

Melanue:

You think I have a fucking problem? But that was not until I was like 32 years old and they're like we're gonna send you to Adams Recovery Center

Tara:

How many recovery centers have you been to?

Melanue:

Honestly

Tara:

let's be honest.

Melanue:

From 20 to 25

Tara:

Wow.

Melanue:

Yeah. Some of them multiple times. Last time we spoke, I was at Seacrest in

Tara:

Yeah. Yeah.

Melanue:

I am now back in Columbus.

Tara:

Okay.

Melanue:

Because I had charges that I had picked up after I got out of prison. And they were from Whitehall. And it was a warrant where it couldn't be lifted. And I had to go to jail. Yeah. But

Tara:

we,

Melanue:

and I was just, I was like, no, I'm not, I don't want to go to jail, but I reached out to some other some people from a court, like a re, like a drug court type

Tara:

thing that

Melanue:

in. And they said if you come and you plead into our courts, the court system again, I've already graduated this program. So they said, you come up here and you do this, then. We'll take it from a felony and move it down to a misdemeanor

Tara:

There you go.

Melanue:

So i'm down here. I plead in on the 20th, which i've already signed my paperwork But i've I get sworn in on the 20th. And so I also have to do I. O. P.

Tara:

Explain IOP.

Melanue:

Intensive outpatient.

Tara:

And that's what you're doing now?

Melanue:

I'm doing now I'm, I came back to live at my mom's house to do this. Ugh,

Tara:

But you're considering getting your own place, aren't you?

Melanue:

Okay, so there's two options

Tara:

Right

Melanue:

now. I'm broke, I'm waiting on social security, with my mental health type thing, right? And I'm.

Tara:

right now

Melanue:

I don't think it would be a wise decision for me to live on my own because, left with my own devices, it gets me every time. Why not give this program that I'm in a shot? It's a year long program, and, what's a year? You know what I mean? I've wasted how much time of my life already. This it's longer than the program I was just in, so I've been there for two weeks now. I like the program. I'm trying to get into housing there, though. And because the situation just with my mom and dad

Tara:

It would just be best for you to get out on your own in the program. It would.

Melanue:

My mom and dad at this point have ears clean, but We just, my mom has 20 plus years,

Tara:

okay.

Melanue:

my dad has 15 plus years, but that doesn't mean they don't have old behaviors. My mom is like the passage of Malibu dude the Holy Ghost saved her and she's no longer an addict. I wish I was so lucky, but God did not heal me, and that is not my recovery.

Tara:

in your process of healing now.

Melanue:

Yeah,

Tara:

You never really

Melanue:

gonna always be an addict.

Tara:

Of course.

Melanue:

She said she's healed.

Tara:

Oh. I can see where she's coming from, though. Yeah. Because once you've been clean for so long, you no longer consider yourself an addict. Because you don't think about those tendencies at all.

Melanue:

not true. That's not true. You

Tara:

don't think?

Melanue:

No, not at all. Because there's people that are going to use this program for the rest of their life. Because you're, it's, that's that's a relapse waiting to happen.

Tara:

Do you think?

Melanue:

I know. I see it in the meetings all the time. I do N. A. right now. You know what I mean? And there's people who's got Yeah, they got 32 years clean and they're still doing meetings. You know why? Because it's like their daily rent. They gotta pay, they gotta pay it forward. They have sponsees and different things that they do in order to keep their recovery. If you just sit at home With your husband and think that you're all good. What's going to happen in the day that, you're not raising my grandson anymore? And

Tara:

you,

Melanue:

It's just you and him. What if you just, all of

Tara:

a sudden

Melanue:

someone gets some fish brain, idea like, let's go to Columbus and pick up some dope for old time's sake. They're going to be off and running and go through the retirement for the rest of the year. I don't know. They have old behaviors.

Tara:

But they've been clean for a long time.

Melanue:

They have old behaviors.

Tara:

What do you mean by old behaviors?

Melanue:

behaviors? Okay. I have some resentments that I haven't let go of from my childhood and I get very angry at her because she gets

Tara:

upset at me about the

Melanue:

dumbest crap and my stuff is more. Over things that I can't get over my childhood and different things that have happened. And then she just my car, my this, my that, and I'm like you asked me to come here to help with our money. You know this was, like, you knew I'm gonna need to use your car to go to treatment. You know that I have court once a week. You know that I have to see a counselor, and I have to see this, and I have this going on, and I have a probation officer, and I have this going on. You know I have these things going on. But you want to constantly cause conflict and stress and anxiety in my life, so So

Tara:

you're thinking she's making it harder on you.

Melanue:

Yes. She does make it harder on me. And she says I make it harder on her when I complain about it. But you just made it harder on me. How can I not complain about it? If

Tara:

I had my own

Melanue:

vehicle, like why do they go out their way? Okay, so here's another example Why do they go out their way to give out their money to? my son to my daughters to not my daughters my daughter in prison

Tara:

to Joe Blow Down the

Melanue:

Road, but when I say, hey, I need 10 for parking because I'm going downtown today and I don't have a job and I'm waiting on Social Security,

Tara:

I'm the problem. I'm the problem.

Melanue:

When

Tara:

they're like,

Melanue:

Noah owes us 500, but we're gonna keep giving him money. Okay,

Tara:

Okay, let's get back to your recovery.

Melanue:

anyway, back to

Tara:

my recovery. Alright, let's get back to your recovery. They have

Melanue:

behaviors in the way that they just don't understand my recovery.

Tara:

And Everybody's recovery is different.

Melanue:

Exactly. That's what I'm saying. And they look at me and they're always waiting on that shoe to drop. That's what I'm saying. They're like, this is behavior that you had last time you was here.

Tara:

You gotta understand this is what, 25, 26?

Melanue:

Understandably, but how many times did, it doesn't even matter. Correct.

Tara:

I will

Melanue:

take responsibility for what my actions are. Okay. I will, and that's the first time I'll ever do that. Because this is

Tara:

the first time

Melanue:

I'm ever really wanting to stay clean.

Tara:

is the first time you've ever wanted it for yourself?

Melanue:

myself.

Tara:

Yes. I had six

Melanue:

and a half years at one point in time, and that was for my children.

Tara:

My purpose

Melanue:

my children. But now, my purpose is Finding a purpose in me.

Tara:

For yourself.

Melanue:

For myself.

Tara:

That's right.

Melanue:

Yes,

Tara:

And no one can do it but you. Exactly. And you've been on this long journey.

Melanue:

Yes.

Tara:

And it's been a minute now. Hold on.

Melanue:

actually. You're kicking it.

Tara:

Oh, sorry. And I can hear it.

Melanue:

So

Tara:

actually I have,

Melanue:

today's my 90 days. I have 90 days clean

Tara:

So today you have 90 days.

Melanue:

I do.

Tara:

Okay. That, congratulations. Thank you. And do you get a coin for that or something? When you go to I don't do

Melanue:

AA, I do NA, and it's like a red key tag. Okay. You see how these key tags are right here? Yeah. I just get a red one.

Tara:

Okay.

Melanue:

I get six months, I'll get a blue one. Okay. And then when I get nine months, I'll get a yellow one. Okay. And then when I get a year, I'll get a see through glow in the dark one.

Tara:

Okay.

Melanue:

And then when you get like 18 months, you get a gray one. And then when you get multiple years up to two years, you get a black one.

Tara:

Okay awesome. You're really sticking to it this time. You really want it this time.

Melanue:

For me, yes.

Tara:

That's good that you say that. For me, I want it for me.

Melanue:

For me, yes.

Tara:

And that's awesome. I

Melanue:

school this February 25th. I'm going to

Tara:

you already have your culinary.

Melanue:

have my culinary, but I'm going for a business in leadership entrepreneurship.

Tara:

There you go. To start your own business.

Melanue:

start my own business.

Tara:

and manage it yourself.

Melanue:

Yes, I want to buy a food truck.

Tara:

There you go. Yes. I'm so excited for you.

Melanue:

Yes. I'm excited for me.

Tara:

Yeah. So after you got done having Noah and you're well let

Melanue:

see. Hold on.

Tara:

We're bouncing around. I know.

Melanue:

know I'm bouncing around. It just cut me off.

Tara:

It's a story that needs to be told guys. Her and I were talking on the way here and she was telling me how her daughter didn't know the real story and I like literally broke down in the car was happy that Her daughter got to actually hear her side of her story. The real story that she's never shared before. So this is very interesting and it really does open up people's minds to be able to walk in your shoes.

Melanue:

Yeah, she, sorry, it makes me it makes me a little choked up and emotional because that was a moment I got to share with her because she told me, she said, I've, I've heard bits and pieces of your story before, but never from your mouth. Without anybody shutting you up, without anybody, saying something back fully through everything. And she said and I believe you, I believe every word of your story because I lived that life too. But I didn't know how strong you were Because of everything you've gone through is, it's just, you're a very resilient and strong woman, and she said she had the utmost respect for me, and this is a child that has wanted her mother her whole life and probably had the wrong perspective, at times, about me. But I, I think it's because I couldn't speak my truth to her a lot of the time and tell her I never just want to go out and tell my children this is my story, and let them read my stuff. Noah and Ariel were, like, they got a hold of my four step and my journals when I was an amethyst, and they were nosy AF. And That put a damper on me and I couldn't even journal when I got into the program I'm, I was in, in Seacrest. And

Tara:

very important too, part of the steps, isn't it?

Melanue:

it? Not even that it's I just putting a pen to paper is relieving

Tara:

For you.

Melanue:

Like my counselor told me like You think of the ink in here as all of your pain and Toro the tournament The

Tara:

torment

Melanue:

you went through and that when you put the pen to paper and the words start coming out that's releasing it

Tara:

Yeah.

Melanue:

So

Tara:

That's another reason why we're talking about your story as well, and getting it out there. Because when you release your story, and you tell everybody about yourself, it's a whole another level. Of dealing with your shit. And I've and, yeah. And the last couple of my podcasts has been about dealing with your shit. Not reflecting your shit on other people and actually stepping up and

Melanue:

Accepting

Tara:

it. I

Melanue:

think a lot comes down to being accountable for your own actions and finding your like even if like you don't think that you have a part in something you have to find your part in everything like even if it was I stood around and I dealt with it and I didn't leave when I knew I should have Or I allowed it to continue to happen for years and years and years and years. Maybe when everything first It started to happen in my life. Maybe I didn't have a choice on some things, but later on I began to have a choice,

Tara:

And you didn't change that?

Melanue:

I didn't change things. I let them develop and grow to this monster, this demon that grew inside of me, That to this point, this level that where not only is my mental health messed up, But my soul is messed up. My, my mindset's messed up. My heart is messed up. I'm this evil frickin person and nobody likes me. Nobody wants to be around me. I'm miserable and misery loves company and nobody wants to be around a negative frickin person.

Tara:

right. I have gotten rid of everybody that's negative around me. If they don't serve a purpose, and I don't serve them a purpose, then there's no reason for each other to be in each other's lives. It's the way I see it anymore.

Melanue:

No there's not.

Tara:

you got negative energy, I don't need it, nor do I want it.

Melanue:

And that's another thing about my mother I tell her I'm an empath. I can feel everything that you're feeling inside. And she's I don't know what you're talking about. And I'm like, Mom, calm down. It's fine. We can talk about things. You know that. I'm an adult now. We can talk. If you're feeling some type of way about me, you can tell me. And I'm an adult. I can handle it. We can talk about it. We can get through it.

Tara:

And we can deal with

Melanue:

We can deal with

Tara:

it. Yeah.

Melanue:

I don't feel no type of way, Melanie. And

Tara:

I'll be like

Melanue:

Wow, for somebody that's not, I'm not stressing out. That was a big deep breath. Maybe

Tara:

just dealing with it in her own way. But let's get back to your recovery. Let's

Melanue:

get back to my recovery. I think what I would like about everything is, I wish, because there was two parts of my recovery.

Tara:

And

Melanue:

And the first part about it was when I had my six and a half years,

Tara:

and a half

Melanue:

J. P. I wanted, I needed to forgive him

Tara:

For

Melanue:

of everything,

Tara:

For all

Melanue:

of everything, and there's a lot to our story.

Tara:

Oh yeah.

Melanue:

There's a whole lot to our story, and I needed to let that go. And that six and a half years, I let that go. I never dealt with my mother and my father and all of this.

Tara:

So you dealt with some of your shit, but you didn't deal with all your shit? All

Melanue:

of it.

Tara:

And now you're dealing with all of your shit.

Melanue:

And now I think I'm dealing with the missing puzzle piece because it's the one thing that irks me in life. Other than that, I'm cool. It's the one thing that keeps every, she's my one person I fall back on because I want to forgive her. Okay, so here's the thing I want to forgive her, and I want, but,

Tara:

don't know how.

Melanue:

No I've she's been there for me. She's picked me up when I was broken and pulled me out of situations and tried to help me out. But what, but once I'm out them places, she don't want to continue helping. And I'm like,

Tara:

but at this

Melanue:

point in time I still need you. You can't just pick me up out of the mud and then drop me back in it

Tara:

no, you got to continue the process. Or maybe

Melanue:

could just have a conversation with me. If she would just, if she would just identify that maybe I just need a her to say her part, and I say my part,

Tara:

Maybe

Melanue:

could forgive that. Maybe I could forgive myself for all my parts with her shit and her Accept all her parts with my shit.

Tara:

Maybe I can

Melanue:

move on. I don't know, but when I asked her the other day if she would be willing to go to mediation with me, she's not willing.

Tara:

What?

Melanue:

She's not willing.

Tara:

Didn't she be a, wasn't she a drug and counselor? A drug and alcohol counselor?

Melanue:

No, she worked the front desk.

Tara:

Oh. I thought she was a counselor. Okay.

Melanue:

she didn't go back to school. She was not a counselor. She

Tara:

Okay.

Melanue:

You know what I mean? And going back to the car thing. So When I reported my vehicle stolen, and the insurance adjuster come to talk to me, she sent him up to the strip club I was working at because Diamond Dolls had been shut down. And, I had just had Noah

Tara:

right before this. And

Melanue:

insurance adjuster took me in the back, and I gave him some VIP dances in the champagne room, and the next day They paid off my car. But who tells on their daughter After this happened to my car and all this stuff going on and I'm back to stripping And she thought like I don't know like I was gonna get in trouble or something, but they paid my car off it was a good thing that it happened, but she's I didn't tell him which one. There's mom. There's only Two bars right there

Tara:

there's only a couple step bars right there on 1 61. Are you kidding me? I

Melanue:

I think he just assumed and it just went to him looking for me.

Tara:

Yeah, he found you all right.

Melanue:

Yeah.

Tara:

All right, so moving on.

Melanue:

Yeah. So moving on.

Tara:

Excuse me.

Melanue:

Had Noah,

Tara:

let's bounce a little forward because you've already been over we had Noah

Melanue:

No,

Tara:

That's what I had Noah

Melanue:

and then the wreck happened and then the end deterrence is just her. And then then

Tara:

I got pregnant with

Melanue:

Ariel.

Tara:

and I remember this I was living with you at the time. Okay, so first off Him and I had not

Melanue:

getting along for a very

Tara:

you were clean at this time.

Melanue:

No, I was not.

Tara:

I was not clean.

Melanue:

I was oh, I was clean during my pregnancy. Yes,

Tara:

I was clean

Melanue:

during my pregnancy, but I was not

Tara:

When I, bitch, when I was living with you over there off of Worthington Road, you wasn't clean with the babies. When you had the apartment or condo? I would ship them to

Melanue:

my mom's for the weekend and I would still like

Tara:

Party every now and then.

Melanue:

Party every now and

Tara:

But you had a job. You got up every day. You went to work. You were going to school. You were fucking doing it all. Yes, I did. I was so proud of you.

Melanue:

Yes, I did. I didn't use it, like I, I

Tara:

wasn't abusing.

Melanue:

I wasn't abusing, I was a functional

Tara:

addict at that point. Okay. Because I lived with you. But. And then you let John move in. And then I moved out and I don't know what happened after that.

Melanue:

First off,

Tara:

I lost that apartment

Melanue:

right before I had Ariel. I lost that apartment right before I had a room

Tara:

Wow. And I went back

Melanue:

my mom's. My mom was using it at the time.

Tara:

Oh.

Melanue:

And my, remember all the diamonds I used to have, My hands had swelled up and I had, he put, he, he bought me a gold necklace and I put them on there and we hit him in there and I went and he got all fucked up one night and I'm like, You better stop, you better get yourself together, because I'm telling you right now, we're gonna have this baby in the next couple days. And sure as shit, I went to the doctor appointment by my fuckin self, cause he was fucked up. And

Tara:

Oh my god, he

Melanue:

he

Tara:

freakin fucked

Melanue:

hospital later on. I'm in, I'm doing all this by myself in the hospital. Nobody's there. It's just me and Here comes fucking John. He got his shit together a little bit. And, but

Tara:

his eyes,

Melanue:

you know how he is when he's using the pills. His eyes is all red underneath here, his nose. He's blowing his nose a lot, and I'm over there looking at him like, you fucking jackass. I'm pissed as fuck.

Tara:

But my mom

Melanue:

never shows up at the hospital. I'm like, where's my mom? Like, where's my mom? I'll never forget this. One nurse had to hold one leg, he had to hold the other, and he's looking at my leg like, that's a big motherfucking leg. And I'm like, fuck you,

Tara:

you. God. I'm

Melanue:

pregnant. He was like, but that's why we call you Moo. And I'm like, oh my god.

Tara:

I have not forgotten that name. Oh my, or I had forgotten about that nickname. Oh my goodness, girl. Moo. What the fuck? We have

Melanue:

Ariel. We take her home. And,

Tara:

I

Melanue:

go to get my jewelry.

Tara:

My mom's, I don't

Melanue:

my mom's been there the entire time. She takes all my jewelry. Sells it to god knows who, god knows where, god knows what.

Tara:

She found your shit and stole it?

Melanue:

it? Yeah. Just like half the shit of my closet. Now, you know back in this was the early 2000s What was big back then like guess and all that shit. Like I had

Tara:

FUBU Like, there were so many name brands. So

Melanue:

had my whole closet was neighbor and shit and Eventually, when I started smoking crack I got introduced to this girl. And she was like, you can pick something out of my closet. And I started looking through it. I said, you mean my motherfucking closet? Bitch, them are mine. That's mine. That's mine. That's mine. That's that's all mine. What are you talking about? She had the bulbs for my Christmas trees growing up.

Tara:

I'm like, my

Melanue:

motherfucking mom is a motherfucker, bro.

Tara:

Wow.

Melanue:

But What happened was, she sold to an undercover, and the marshal's come in and got my mom. She went to jail for 45 days, and then had to end up going to rehab. I got a lawyer, I'm not gonna say his name I got a lawyer to take the case, and the judge that she had said, I don't send people with these kind of cases. To rehab and not give them prison time. She was the first person they ever did that for

Tara:

Wow

Melanue:

So she cleaned her shit up real quick she got clean and sober Me therefore, I think within two years Okay, so let's back up a little bit though because John I had ran somebody over with the Cadillac and about ripped at the strip club over some other girl and about ripped a dude's arm off and was getting ready to go to prison. It was Valentine's Day and I'm like, I couldn't get ahold of him.

Tara:

Is that why he went to prison?

Melanue:

Over the car? Yes. About ripping this dude's arm off? Yes.

Tara:

I had no idea why he went. That's why.

Melanue:

but. I pull up. At his mom's Sugar Daddy's house or whatever. And I knew he was in there, I fucking knew he was in there. And this man's you, Melanie, you can't come in here. I said, the fuck I am,

Tara:

I can't, I'm comin in. I said, motherfucker,

Melanue:

I'm coming up in that motherfucker. I don't give a fuck what you say. I'm coming up in there and I'm coming in now. I moved him the fuck aside. And I'm like, where the fuck you

Tara:

at? And I heard

Melanue:

a female and I'm like. Bitch, I'm about to fucking beat your ass. I knew exactly who it was.

Tara:

Oh my. All of a sudden, here

Melanue:

comes this naked bitch running down the hallway. She

Tara:

jumps in

Melanue:

room and jumps underneath the bed. He

Tara:

grabs me by

Melanue:

back of my head, pulls me in there, barricades me, beats me with a gun, fucking

Tara:

Broke pictures

Melanue:

my fucking head. Did all this sh

Tara:

I will show you

Melanue:

my booking picture right now from this thing from

Tara:

Where you went to jail? Did you both go to jail? What? Because you were in his home.

Melanue:

No because

Tara:

so He shot the gun off.

Melanue:

and it

Tara:

By my head. I

Melanue:

it go, shoom. And she

Tara:

called 9

Melanue:

for me, and he said, and she said, I think he killed the

Tara:

Oh my God. It would end

Melanue:

being his other baby's mom.

Tara:

While after he

Melanue:

had me he told me after I had Ariel, he was like, this is our family. I don't never want it to grow anymore. I think this is enough for us. I got Tyler from somebody else. And then we had Ariana and then we had Noah and Ellie. We had four kids. He was like, you tie your tubes and I'll get a vasectomy. So I tied my tubes. He never got the vasectomy and he got her pregnant. I was fucking broken hearted. I was mad as fuck. So he tells me she's pregnant. So I'm coming over there and then

Tara:

he's with the girl on

Melanue:

Day. I was madder than a motherfucker.

Tara:

I can imagine.

Melanue:

The police pull up. He got me barricaded in a fucking room.

Tara:

They pull

Melanue:

me out and they're asking me, did he hurt me? And I'm like, nope, he didn't do nothing to me. And they're like, why would you protect him? And I said, I don't know what you're talking about. I was in there talking to him about, and I started telling him about everything he did and whatnot. But I didn't tell him about him hitting me and

Tara:

But I'm sure they could see it all over you if he hit you with a gun. I'm going to

Melanue:

you this booking picture. Yeah, they could see it. They

Tara:

said what's wrong

Melanue:

your head? I said, I was in a car accident. They said today,

Tara:

I said, a couple of days

Melanue:

ago, they said then why the fuck is your head bleeding right now?

Tara:

I said, Oh, I said

Melanue:

When I tripped, it

Tara:

must have split back open. They said,

Melanue:

you do not tell us right now that he did this to you, you're, we're taking you down for domestic violence. So

Tara:

I went

Melanue:

fucking jail.

Tara:

did you protect him for so long?

Melanue:

why do we get in these relationships where? We think we love somebody

Tara:

And

Melanue:

wouldn't even, I don't think I ever, I loved him, but is

Tara:

You don't think you were ever in love

Melanue:

I would,

Tara:

It

Melanue:

to be like, you make me sick. Like I'm not in love with you, but it's comfortable. And I wanted my children to have him, but he's so abusive and so nasty and he cheats on me with everybody. Like he literally had a card that said two single. On the license plate. And I'm like, but you're with me. You keep me hidden away, and I raise your fucking children, and I do all this shit. And then now you're gonna go to fucking prison, and you want me to sell your dope, and you want me to do all this shit. And you got

Tara:

me You're the baby's mom. You're the one that he kept hidden away for a reason. Yeah. Isn't that weird how that works that way? I don't get it.

Melanue:

Don't get it. Why do

Tara:

Yeah, let me be, yeah. If you're gonna be like

Melanue:

while you

Tara:

Why do you have to keep me hidden away while you go out and cheat and

Melanue:

find

Tara:

I would go out and have

Melanue:

find you,

Tara:

you, yeah, he would find you. He would find me. At the bar and drag you out and take you home. Or, he would find, I would,

Melanue:

one of his friends would try to protect me and take me somewhere else and he would come back and he would like, destroy my house, like one day he

Tara:

ripped

Melanue:

refrigerator door off, ruined all my food, he bleached all my clothes, he,

Tara:

I got

Melanue:

out of my house

Tara:

for that shit. He broke every

Melanue:

in that whole house, they sued Me for that shit. Like he, it's an abusive relationship.

Tara:

Why do we stay in him though? There's got to be more than we don't want to be alone.

Melanue:

told me he would kill me. He would kill me.

Tara:

If you left. He said, I would,

Melanue:

kill. I will

Tara:

find you and I will kill you

Melanue:

if you leave me. So

Tara:

I was

Melanue:

scared. I'm gonna be honest. And then so I'm gonna tell you another thing he did to me He had me so

Tara:

I was on

Melanue:

It's really bad So he had this girl start selling me methadone instead of Percocet. I thought they were Percocet and Then when he went to jail and like I was

Tara:

I,

Melanue:

He had her cut me off the methadone. And I know nothing about methadone at this point. I didn't, I thought they were Percocet. But I couldn't figure out why. It's been three weeks and I can't get off the couch. And I couldn't take care of my children. And I had to move back, I lost everything. I had to move back in with my mom and dad again. And my dad's screaming in my face like, Get the fuck up! Change your kids diaper!

Tara:

I could not.

Melanue:

But I got your pack of dope underneath my fucking head and whenever anyone comes in, I'm still selling your dope and I'm making people, I'm making sure you're well in jail. What do you mean,

Tara:

Yeah, you got money on your books, huh? You

Melanue:

You sure the fuck do? And then one day he said, you're smoking crack. I said, what? I've never in my life smoked crack. What are you talking about? I know you are. And something in me just clicked. And I said, Motherfucker, I'm gonna show you smoke crack So I took four and a half In the bathroom and I taught myself how to cook crack smoked the whole four and a half Went to his dude said hey, I got robbed Took that four and a half Smoked that too. Two weeks later. I walked out on my children He was in jail He kept calling me and calling me, and I was like, shwoop, pop, to voicemail. I think we're done here, buddy. And then I went and got that girl that I said that ran to the bedroom. I got her smoking crack. Now, I know everybody has their own choices, but I have malicious intent. Yeah.

Tara:

Yeah.

Melanue:

I have malicious intent with this shit.

Tara:

Cause she used to shoot the shit.

Melanue:

She used

Tara:

to shoot it. I used to watch her. Who do you think she learned that from? I have no fucking clue. You? Seriously? Yes. I shot heroin, Tara. Oops, sorry. It's alright. Wow.

Melanue:

Is that why you almost

Tara:

Is that why you almost lost your arm? Yeah.

Melanue:

What happened was a mutual friend of ours, Marco picked me up on Cleveland Avenue after I left my children, with her and somebody else, and he said, let me introduce you to somebody so you don't have to walk the street. He said, at least I know you're okay, and he'll take care of you, and just.

Tara:

Who was it?

Melanue:

It was Gorilla Joe. I got my first pimp. And I never, I made money. I was used to making money. That man bought me a Lexus. That man did a lot for me. I took care of him. I made sure he ate. I made sure he had his insulin. I had new clothes, new shoes every day. I had all the drugs I wanted in the world. When nobody else could get a hold of them, I could. I could.

Tara:

So you had your first pimp then.

Melanue:

Yes, but at this point, I'm with twelve other women, they all do heroin. I only smoke crack at this point. And I'm looking around at these girls and I'm like, What is this? And he used to tell me don't bother with these girls. You just do what you're doing, and

Tara:

don't bother with

Melanue:

girls. He was like, you don't ever want to put that shit in your arm. He used to tell me don't do

Tara:

it. Don't do it.

Melanue:

I got too curious. What

Tara:

is the deal with

Melanue:

with this shit?

Tara:

No, you fucking didn't. Go ahead, tell me. What happened? About

Melanue:

two years in it, I caught a heart infection. I caught endocarditis, pericarditis,

Tara:

pericarditis. I

Melanue:

I was septic MRSA.

Tara:

Wow.

Melanue:

I found out I had Hep C.

Tara:

C.

Melanue:

And they had to induce a coma. When I went into the hospital, I had a fever of 104. 9. And how they got me out of that hotel room to go

Tara:

Heh.

Melanue:

To the hospital, they told me we were going to go get more dope. Are you serious? Yeah. Yeah. And then when we got, we pulled up, I'm like, what are we doing at the hospital? They're like, you're getting out. You're not dying on our watch. Something's wrong with you.

Tara:

Good.

Melanue:

I can't even remember who I was with at that point. Oh, I remember who I was with.

Tara:

Okay. But, we don't need no names.

Melanue:

No.

Tara:

no. After you Was with your pimp. How long were you with your pimp? So after I

Melanue:

that infection

Tara:

yeah,

Melanue:

He told me to stay the fuck away. He said I'm not gonna be the one who blows up your heart No, you stay the fuck away because I snuck out a couple times out of the hospital I don't one time

Tara:

I took the Are you kidding me? IV

Melanue:

And put in the back of somebody's van and went and smoked crack

Tara:

a while Girl.

Melanue:

Now

Tara:

listen

Melanue:

I pissed dirty for cocaine for six months. Six months. Six months.

Tara:

After you quit?

Melanue:

Yes. Yes.

Tara:

Girl.

Melanue:

That's how much drugs I was doing. And

Tara:

Enough to kill a fucking elephant it sounds

Melanue:

I was also shooting it up. I carried around cocaine, liquid, and I put water to

Tara:

Wait a minute. Did you take your fucking IV and shoot up in your IV?

Melanue:

Yes, I did.

Tara:

did. Oh my. It had a PICC

Melanue:

line in my arm and then I left again and I went over to somebody's trap house and I was over chillin with my friend, which was one of J. P.'s friends and got caught in a SWAT raid.

Tara:

No.

Melanue:

Swear to God.

Tara:

From the fucking hospital? Did they take you back to the hospital where you were?

Melanue:

No, so

Tara:

So look, my eyes were probably this big. Yeah. My mouth, this lip

Melanue:

probably right here. This lip was probably over there

Tara:

and I was scared to death. I

Melanue:

hadn't talked in three days because I hadn't been high in a while. And when they finally, they had

Tara:

us zip tied

Melanue:

in our noses to the wall. And when they turned me around, they said, what the fuck? What's in your arm? I said, Pick line they said

Tara:

for what?

Melanue:

and I said I've been in the hospital I'm sick and they said and you're and we caught

Tara:

you here? You're about a fucking dumbass. Smile for the camera, asshole.

Melanue:

He took a kid.

Tara:

I would

Melanue:

hate to see that picture

Tara:

Girl.

Melanue:

So

Tara:

they

Melanue:

cut the zip tie off me,

Tara:

pushed me out the back

Melanue:

and said

Tara:

Don't

Melanue:

ever come back.

Tara:

Good. So I ran down the street,

Melanue:

used someone's phone, called my mom and said Can you pick me up? I was just in a SWAT raid. She

Tara:

said, What do you mean you were in a SWAT raid? You're in the hospital.

Melanue:

I said, I've been gone from the hospital for three days, and I was in a SWAT raid.

Tara:

she said, Oh my fucking God, Melanie.

Melanue:

Oh my God.

Tara:

Oh my God.

Melanue:

And she picked me up, took me back to the hospital. She's clean at this time.

Tara:

Good. Good. Wow. Just fucking wow, girl. At that point in

Melanue:

time, I went back to the hospital. They

Tara:

took me all the way

Melanue:

fuck out of Columbus. They had

Tara:

They had to.

Melanue:

I know.

Tara:

But

Melanue:

when I left, I was I walked out of that, I walked out of that nursing home. I was not pissing dirty for nothing. I was clean. Was never sick a day in my life.

Tara:

Never. But

Melanue:

I picked up alcohol that very first day when I came home. And I picked up that crack rock. And within six months I was in prison.

Tara:

What? What did you go to prison for?

Melanue:

Forgery. Forgery.

Tara:

Checks? Checks. Okay.

Melanue:

Yep, checks. I started running with some

Tara:

How long were you in prison?

Melanue:

Six months that time. That was my first time.

Tara:

How many times have you been in prison?

Melanue:

Twice. Bitch.

Tara:

once wasn't enough. I spent 21 day days in the fucking Jackson Pike, and that was good enough for me. Okay. I never got a number. Thank God. Knock on wood. I don't have a felony. I've done a lot of bad shit in my time. Not a lot, but I've done some dirt, but I don't have a felony. Thank goodness. I have

Melanue:

if you were to print my record, It's pages upon pages,

Tara:

I can imagine. When you look up my name, I'm 42 percent top notch too, because I got a record, so I feel you. Yeah,

Melanue:

Yeah, a lot of it's misdemeanors and paraphernalias and things of

Tara:

mine are too, paraphernalia and weed. But

Melanue:

my first charge ever was assault on a police officer in a DUI in Grandview. You

Tara:

fucking hit a cop.

Melanue:

No,

Tara:

I, okay. Is that where you tossed the handcuffs?

Melanue:

No,

Tara:

that was Ariel

Melanue:

tossed the handcuffs in in, in prison. No, it was when I was drunk. coming from the strip club and I was drunk as hell and he said I went left of center and he pulled me over and when he asked me to get out of the car he opened the door and I fell flat on my face.

Tara:

Damn.

Melanue:

And.

Tara:

was like, you're done. Yeah. He said,

Melanue:

you're done. And then, so I need, I'm like, I gotta pee, I gotta pee and he was like you got to wait on a female cop. And

Tara:

I was like, I will

Melanue:

all over the backseat of your car. He said you'll piss all over yourself. I said piss all over the backseat of his car and he got mad at me and as I was just trying to

Tara:

pull me out of the car, my

Melanue:

went up and kicked one of them by accident and they charged me with assault on a police officer. And so

Tara:

baby daddy

Melanue:

number one had to come pick me up from jail, and

Tara:

I had to repay

Melanue:

him I had the money like in my house,

Tara:

And that

Melanue:

when I was living in Grandview and he So when I got my I don't remember peeing on myself So when I spent in the county jail downtown

Tara:

I spent five days

Melanue:

there because it was the weekend and it was like a holiday

Tara:

And

Melanue:

Like he literally had to drive with his head out the window

Tara:

Because you smelled like urine so bad. In ass, probably, because I hadn't showered the whole

Melanue:

I was there.

Tara:

Oh, girl! Okay, I've never jailed

Melanue:

That was my first time in jail.

Tara:

And I was Alright, I'll give it to you. It took me a couple days to get in that shower too. It did. I was bougie. But bitch, I could not No, I couldn't stink. Okay. You're a bougie. Bougie a bitch would get in the shower. Okay. Dirty butt.

Melanue:

there, no,

Tara:

god, it was horrible.

Melanue:

guess it was.

Tara:

my god, it was horrible. Okay, I've been to Jackson Pike at least 30, 45 times. Oh my god, I've only been once and I'll never go back. I'm good. I learned my lesson.

Melanue:

to Delaware County a couple a few times.

Tara:

Oh, I heard that one was nice. I've

Melanue:

to Lincoln County a couple times.

Tara:

I never went there, but I did get in a point court. I've once. Jesus Christ, girl. I've got

Melanue:

hell of a record.

Tara:

Your record definitely succeeds mine. You're,

Melanue:

Yes, I have so I have four or five felonies, and they just pleaded the one

Tara:

That's good. Jesus.

Melanue:

Yes.

Tara:

a felon. Girl. All right. So now that you're back on your healing journey and you're getting well for yourself this time,

Melanue:

Yes.

Tara:

when you went to the mental hospital,

Melanue:

did they,

Tara:

They put you on mental meds, right? Cause you're schizophrenic?

Melanue:

I'm not schizophrenic.

Tara:

I'm sorry. Okay, someone I just found out is schizophrenic. I can't remember. Oh, yeah, never mind. That's not you.

Melanue:

I am bipolar. I have PTSD.

Tara:

Huh.

Melanue:

I have borderline personality disorder. I have an anxiety disorder. I have DID.

Tara:

What is DID? It's dissociative identity disorder. So you don't know who the fuck you are? Sometimes. I have alternates or you have alternate personalities.

Melanue:

Haven't you ever noticed that?

Tara:

Yeah. Yes. Yes. Bitch Oh my goodness. Have you, does it all

Melanue:

together now for

Tara:

It does make a lot of sense. It really does make a lot of sense. Some

Melanue:

names that I've used to go by

Tara:

Yeah.

Melanue:

have stuck.

Tara:

Yeah. Wow. Ashley. Billy Uhhuh

Melanue:

there's a Patricia.

Tara:

Okay.

Melanue:

there's a couple more. There's the baby.

Tara:

Yeah, I've seen the baby. Yeah, I've seen the baby before. I've known you since I was 18 years old and you were 17. So I've known you quite a long time. And we went through a lot of shit together. Yes, we have. Growing up and stuff. Since you've been on this journey, what is the one thing that you can tell people? A good reason why you're doing this, like a positive. Let's rephrase that. Can you tell people a positive result of going to the rehab that you're doing?

Melanue:

Okay. So I'll say I came into Seacrest kicking and screaming. I didn't like after the seizure. After the seizure and then waking me up telling me I was dead and I can either go back out and Die, or I can talk to the social worker and find some treatment and try to live my life I have anger problems. I have a lot of issues that I need to work on So after they set me down and they said look anger is a secondary emotion We need you to take this here journal and write in it, and write down, okay, you may come off as anger, but what

Tara:

are

Melanue:

your real emotions? And I'm like, what are you talking about?

Tara:

Yeah. Real emotions. Yeah. It's hard for someone to know what real emotion is when all you've felt is anger.

Melanue:

I literally had to look at a wheel, and then if I sit and look at it and be like, oh, yeah, I'm anxious, yes, I'm very overwhelmed. Yes, I'm irritable. Yes, I'm this. Yes, I'm that. And I think I got my anger journal with me right now, actually.

Tara:

with me right now, actually. Anger,

Melanue:

Anger, sadness, depression, emotional, journal. So writing

Tara:

this journal has done what for you?

Melanue:

It has helped me progress from anger to realizing that it's a secondary emotion. That it's, that I don't need to be so impulsive. So I'm bipolar, I'm impulsive. So even not on drugs, even when I'm, so if I'm not on drugs and I'm not on my meds,

Tara:

I can

Melanue:

still be up for days and go into psychosis and so I used to wonder being out on the streets like why am I still the only one up and everybody else is falling asleep and going and I'm like

Tara:

I'm ready

Melanue:

go still and everybody, and I would stay up weeks and weeks till I would go into psychosis, and I would hear things and see things, and things would go crazy in my brain.

Tara:

Yeah.

Melanue:

And one positive thing for me is realizing that I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy.

Tara:

baby, you're not.

Melanue:

I have mental health issues, and as long as I keep my meds

Tara:

Huh. Together. Yeah.

Melanue:

as long as I continue to work on myself to be a better person and not give in to my anger And my depression, And I be a better person, look out for people that are coming in the door to so I have 90 days, the person's coming in the door today, if I could just give them a little bit of advice would be great. Stay in the day.

Tara:

Live for today.

Melanue:

for today. And it might get a little bit better tomorrow. But you can't Okay, so anxiety is looking on the past. Or, no, I'm sorry. Depression is looking on the past. Anxiety is looking on the future. Your today is the present. And it's the present for a reason. It's the gift of today.

Tara:

Because you don't ever know if tomorrow's ever

Melanue:

promised to you.

Tara:

right. Yeah.

Melanue:

yeah

Tara:

And I live by that.

Melanue:

so I'm, I try to be very optimistic and even though people drive me crazy and even though things don't always happen that I, how I want them to happen and even though I, frustration happens and I'm anxious and this is going on.

Tara:

Just slow down, take a breath, and realize. And

Melanue:

realize, I'm, look where I've come from.

Tara:

Yeah,

Melanue:

I've been in way worse situations. But what I do realize is that if I keep going back out there, I'm not gonna have this seat anymore. It's gonna take my life.

Tara:

So you do know that if you don't stop, you're gonna die.

Melanue:

Yes, it's a life and death situation for me right now and It's only 90 days So as long as I keep progressing one day at a time I'll have tomorrow to talk about what happened yesterday Thank you. And I started my book. I just want you to know. You did? I've got half a chapter done. Not much, but I'm going to take it very slow because it's got to be a little bit more detail oriented and everything, but Yeah. I did. I sat down last weekend.

Tara:

I am so happy for you.

Melanue:

I did.

Tara:

That is going to be incredible. It's going to be a documentary?

Melanue:

It's more like a memoir. Okay. I don't know, it's what would you call that? A memoir, a documentary a biography.

Tara:

a biography. That's what I would go by. A biography.

Melanue:

Yeah,

Tara:

Definitely.

Melanue:

I'm just a nobody from Ohio but I got a short, I got a story to tell, and

Tara:

We all have a story to tell. It's just do you want to tell it or not? Do you want it out there or not?

Melanue:

I do. I do want it out there.

Tara:

That's good.

Melanue:

I someday hope that maybe my son might pay attention to one of your podcasts. And, he's aware, as my daughter is, of some of my stories. Will he listen? And will he really take in consideration all the trauma that I've been through in my life?

Tara:

Oh yeah. He's young and naive though yet too. He's still very young, gotta give him time to grow up some.

Melanue:

but I love all my

Tara:

Oh, of course you do.

Melanue:

they may not remember it, but I was a great fucking mom.

Tara:

when you were there. Yes you were.'cause I do remember

Melanue:

I was a great fucking mom.

Tara:

Yes.

Melanue:

I fell off, but I still want to be a great fucking mom. If they let me

Tara:

you're going to be a great grandmother now.

Melanue:

I am a great grandmother now. You see them

Tara:

crying at the door. Yes, I was so shocked. I was like, wow.

Melanue:

He

Tara:

said, let me come. Let me come. So cute. Her grandson is adorable, guys. All right. We're going to stop there for today. And we will pick back up and do part three real soon. Alright listeners, forget, don't forget to stay sexy, stay confident, and remember, take care of your shit, don't reflect it on other people. It's time to grow up.

Melanue:

Yep. One day at a time.

Tara:

That's right, one day at a time guys. Until next time.

VO:

Thanks for listening to today's podcast. Follow all of Terra's social media, but going to TalkingTabooWithTerra. com. Also subscribe to this podcast and our YouTube channel.

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