00:00 - Davina (Co-host)
Welcome to. I married bipolar, so the question is what is bipolar going to do for 2024? To be a predictor, I used to do predictions years ago, you know, when I would just work with women one-on-one for energy work. They'd always want to tell me what's going to happen next. What do I do next? What am I what? Who do I belong with? And anytime I gave them advice, they would do the exact opposite. I don't try to predict the future anymore. 

00:27
What I do is look at what the pattern has been telling you, because we can really only raise up to what our expected vision can get to right. People are like what do they say? Shoot for the moon and you'll end up in the stars, or vice versa, I can't remember. But of course you want to have high visions so that you make movement. But if you have an expectation of something that is showing you that 99% of that expectation isn't showing itself, then you're probably going to be disappointed with the result. For expectations we have to be very careful Set expectations that you are going to feel good about accomplishing and set expectations that you feel you for sure can accomplish. And then one step further things that might be a secret, a mystery surprise that the universe wanted to give you, but you just didn't know to ask. That's why I tell people tell me what you want. 

01:34
And a lot of times when you're in crisis, you can't even say what you want and you're like I just want to not feel bad. Okay, that's not a want, that's a cry for help. And cry for help is perfectly fine If that's where you're at, then we get you help. But for an expectation, for a goal, for an intention, for an affirmation. We have to focus on what we want and then go one step further. Stability, okay, stability. Stability sounds like a crisis word. Give me stability, help, help, stability, help. Okay, let's go a step further. What if things were stable? Well, I'm, I would just collapse because I'm so freaking tired. I need some rest. If things are stable, I could rest. Okay, rest is still, uh, kind of on the verge of a crisis word, because it's like a healing time, right, like bed rest. That doesn't sound like thriving yet. So let's go to the next one Emotional regulation. 

02:33
Okay, that's better. Now we're starting to get a little bit into some action that can start forming into what you really want, which is to feel good. Right, all expectations and all affirmations and all resolutions are about feeling good. So emotional regulation that would feel pretty good, but that also sounds like okay. That means I have to face off with something that's going to try to dysregulate me and I'm just really hoping and praying that I can stay stabilized and not react. All right, I still feel a little bit of crisis energy in there, right? 

03:10
What would be the next step after emotional regulation? If I'm emotionally regulated, then I can be at peace even if there is trouble in the room. Of course, not if there's crisis. If somebody's running around with a firearm or something, you're not gonna be at peace and please don't be at peace, take action. But if somebody is running around bipolar, not hurting anybody, but just being symptomatic, and that energy is exuding from them, if you're emotionally regulated, you can stay and have ownership of your internal peace while they are dysregulated. Because you climbed the ladder from stability, you had some rest, you have some emotional regulation and you're educated. You're educated because you've been going to temple school for quite a while, so you're all educated that what goes up comes down, what's down goes up. So you shouldn't be too surprised. 

04:08
I wasn't surprised that we woke up bipolar Okay, it sucked because I was too tired for it, but I knew the possibility of it and I acted appropriately. I just faced what was happening. He is triggered. He lost his mom, he doesn't have his family around, he doesn't have money to buy his wife presents. He doesn't feel valuable, okay, and he went out the night before till like midnight. So bipolar never stays up that late. They're medicated by eight o'clock. He drained his tank, so we just wrote it out. We wrote it out. 

04:51
I did not react to him and I just put my hand on his knee, where usually, when we face off to each other, when bipolar is in the room and bipolar is triggered and then I'm not in the best place to be understanding and be supportive, now he's triggered me, now I'm a trigger, you're a trigger, everybody's a trigger. Usually we'll just stand in the room kind of like the OK Corral, like with our hands on our holsters waiting to fire, and we'll just keep walking around the room trying to figure out what each other needs. And I realized that I go into my masculine right when bipolar is kind of pushing on me and so I stand up and I like I'm ready to fight and I just didn't have it in me to do that this time. And something different happened and I just sat down and I didn't Didn't look up at him like You're crazy, you know, which is that everybody knows what that face looks like when you're looking at them like you're crazy, dude. I didn't have that face, I just had curiosity, like what's going on. And so I took inventory in my mind, not just food, water and pills, but like what's his emotional inventory right now. And in about under 30 seconds the whole story came through my mind of everything that he's missing and everything that he wishes he could be doing, everything that he wishes he could be doing, and also that he really taxed himself yesterday. So I sat down on the couch and then he came and sat by me. So now we're we're both looking the same direction instead of having a stare off, a face off, and so I just put my hand on his knee and I said I'm sure it's really hard for you to not have your mom here and your family here, and I think we should just chill out. What if we just like, didn't worry about the presence and everything right now and we just chill out, find something to watch? Okay, and it completely deescalated, it just completely deescalated. 

07:01
He started to cry. He was standing there and he was like holding his breath and I'm going, what's going on? And I could see his eyes starting to well up and I'm like what is going on? And he's. He started to say something about I miss my mom. But he said I'm not going to cry in front of you. And he stuck his fingers in his eye sockets, which is which is my move, and I said wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What are you doing? That's where I got triggered. So you don't even trust me enough to cry in front of me. Come on, man, like I've been here for 15 years, I know everything you've been through. If you still don't trust me enough to even shed a tear, then this is nuts man. Come on, there's nothing more I can do to prove to you that I'm a safe space. So I was more upset that he didn't trust me enough to feel safe to cry in front of me. Then I was mad at bipolar for being bipolar and I said that's crap. And he said well, I'm just not gonna, I don't want to do that, I'll cry by myself. And I said, hey, that's not working. 

08:16
If you're going down a rabbit hole, you need to have a buddy. The thing about going through grief or pain and you need to release it. If you're always alone, that can come with a feeling of desperation. So are you really feeling relief if you're only crying alone? Of course we all do cry alone many times, but if that is your only go-to, then you're not really going to have a chance to have the relief that you need. You're going to feel desperate and lonely. 

08:49
And I love Simon Sinek because he's the one that tells his team don't cry alone, you need to call a buddy. If you're in the ugly, cry, you need to call a buddy. I've said this for a long time buddy, if you're in the ugly, cry, you need to call a buddy. I've said this for a long time. Don't go down the rabbit hole by yourself. 

09:09
The way for him to recover from his long-term emotional trauma is to know that there's a safe place for him to do that. And I said listen, above all, I'm your friend and I will sit here with you if you need to cry, just like you do for me. So let's do this together, okay, if you're going down a dark place, please let me know and I will come sit with you. It's not going to take me into a dark hole. I'm just going to hold space for you, okay, but don't hold back your grief. It's your grief turns to rage and that's what you show me is your rage, and I don't like your rage. I don't want to be in the rabbit hole with your rage and I don't want to be facing off with your rage. That is not healing us. I'd rather be sitting in the space of tears, because tears move, they come out and it's done. It doesn't hit you like a freaking tidal wave, you know, or like a million punching bags to the face. 

10:06
So we had a really good conversation about what it means to take accountability for your pain and not always use it in one way, which many times, for bipolar, comes out in anger or irritation because they won't let the sadness come out, or it goes to depression because they shut down, they don't want to let you hold them or sit with them while they're obviously dealing with pain. So, okay, that was a long story. You guys, thanks for hanging in there with me on that. Does anybody have any feedback or comments? What do you think about that? 

10:42 - Guest One (Guest)
I like that you said don't cry alone, because I spend more time alone now than any time ever before. But I think that's good that you said that. 

10:51 - Davina (Co-host)
Yeah, how do people feel, how do you all feel, when you cry alone? Do you feel like there's times when you just cry it out I'm good at crying it out in the shower and then just like shaking it off? There's those moments or you cry in the car and you shake it off, but when you're having your the real grief or pain that's working on you hard, is it too difficult to call somebody? What do you think? 

11:16 - Guest Two (Guest)
let me hear from somebody who has a hard time calling a years ago I was at a retreat and there was somebody sharing a pretty tragic thing that happened to them and was you tremendous respect for. 

11:27
She said that's what we shouldn't do, like to sit with someone while they're crying and say I'm here, I'm here for the ride with you is one thing, but if people are hugging you, they're actually grounding you in that pain, versus you just getting through it, just allowing it, and there's a difference. 

11:59
So I know, for me personally, I cry at movies, I cry at the births with the families I'm taking care of, and I don't have a problem crying in front of people. I mean, you saw my ugly cry, temple. There's not many people who've seen my ugly cry, but that is when it's a safe space, when it's someone that you have that kind of connection with there's. You know I have my people that I can do that with, but most of the time, if it's something like very personal and tragic, I'll do it alone and then I can kind of sit with what I'm feeling and how I need to process that. It doesn't mean I can't cry about it later with a friend, but when I'm in the like, the depth of it or the weeds is, so to speak. 

12:44 - Guest One (Guest)
Um, yeah. 

12:45 - Guest Two (Guest)
I, I will go off on my own and do it, but that's kind of my nature. I'm, you know, I'm independent Scorpio girl. So yes, yes, yes. 

12:53 - Davina (Co-host)
Okay, yeah, I get that. You know what? That's cool that you brought that up, because now that most of my work is virtual, I can't just get up and give somebody a hug or hand them a tissue. 

13:04 - Guest Two (Guest)
And you're very good because the you know the several times I cried in front of you in those moments when I was just in the depths of despair. You just sat and you listened, but you were very good at bringing me back and you were very good at helping me understand what was going on with my body, cause that's the part I mean. You would think a nurse would know that, but you know, nurses were a little bit controlling. So it can't be stress, right, it has to be all this other stuff, right, but you were the one that reminded me of why I was feeling all the things I was feeling. I couldn't get there, but you were very good at pulling me back, even in the midst of, you know, me falling apart. 

13:46 - Davina (Co-host)
Well, thank you for saying that. And you know, and it takes your willingness to open up to somebody to get that kind of healing. I know everybody here is a controller, so it takes one to know one and that's why I have to keep reminding all of us that it's okay to lean into safe places. You know, but our judgment gets really skewed when you're living with somebody who's emotionally dysregulated and then you feel vulnerable. One of my clients just this week, marco, poloed me while she was in a fight with her husband. She's like, can you tell me why I let my guard down and now he's calling me these names? She was open and then he struck. You know the iron struck and it hit her so hard because she was feeling good and vulnerable and wanted to be close to him and then he had breakthrough symptoms. So it really makes us not trust our own judgment really makes us not trust our own judgment. 

14:42 - Guest Two (Guest)
I was going to say there's nothing like bipolar to get you to question when you're supposed to be strong and when you're supposed to fall apart, like there's. There's nothing that was more of a mind fuck for me in my life, including the death of my father. 

14:53 - Davina (Co-host)
Absolutely, absolutely, because you could get comforted. And in the same session, so to speak, they could turn aggressive. That has happened several times with me, with bipolar, where I'm crying and he's with me, and then he gets triggered and now he's aggressive and I'm like what the hell? Why are you yelling at me? I'm crying, you know, and I had to stick my fingers in my tear ducts and knock it off and clear it up so that I can stop his dysregulation. So, yeah, absolutely, we really kind of get mind, like donna said, on where who can we trust and how and when can we trust? To let it out. 

15:37
I've said this many times to myself donna, you know who I can trust Me, yeah, so I'll cry in front of me, I will comfort me and I will come up with a plan for me to feel better because I'm the only one that I can trust Me, me, me, me, me. 

15:52
All right, yes, that's very Capricornia, I know, but we all have that commonality where we realize that we're the survivors and the only person that you can really recognize in crisis, on what's going to happen, is yourself. You know yourself. So I saw many of you say I cry alone and that's because you feel like the only person you can truly trust is you, you and God, you and your source, and that's fine. But what we want to be able to do is create more relationships that are reciprocal and that are safe, and each time we create a new relationship that is reciprocal, our heart begins to heal. So I know I can cry to Christy or Bridget or Davina, even if they're going through their own weeds, and they will still love on me and hold space for me, and vice versa. 

16:51 - Guest Three (Guest)
I love reaching out. I think it's a good idea, but I want to share with you some of my grief. Some of you don't know, but my son was terminally ill for 30 years. Long story, but I'm making it short. I had lots of tears over the 30 years. I'll just say that to make it short. 

17:08
What I learned about my tears and how I release my grief is when I'm in fight or flight mode. I'm like you, temple. I'm like stand up, handle it, hit the waves head on. I don't release my grief and my pain until I'm in a safe, quiet space, and a lot of times that's when I'm alone. When I put the kids to bed, however that looks. I'm driving in the car on my way to work, however, that looks. A lot of the times, yes, I was alone, but that's also when I was no longer in fight or flight mode and I was just in a place where my body was like all right, chick, you've got 25 minutes till you get to work. Let's just let it flow and let's get it out. All that being said is after as well. 

17:52
After my son passed, I spent a lot of time crying and grieving, but a lot of times I would be perfectly happy to do off to the grocery store and I pass one thing, something, I see something or whatever triggers me and the tears flow and they tear. You know, I can't even see in my eyes because there's so many tears. In that moment I wasn't sad, but I was just like okay, this is where we get to release all these tears. Yes, we're in a grocery store in front of a bunch of people now looking at me going what the heck's wrong with this woman? I just learned to be okay with. My body is going to release the pain and the grief that it wants to release when it feels the safest and wherever that is that I'm at, I get to be okay with it and I don't add story to it. I just let the feelings come up and there's a 90 second emotion rule. 

18:45
After you know, the 90 seconds of emotions pass, usually in the grocery store. Of course I feel better and of course can I cry longer and grieve longer. Yes, we absolutely can. But an emotion that comes up, if you allow it to pass, it will come and pass and you just become aware of it. It was a whole learning process for me and I had several people over the years going, you never cry in front of us and you have such a, you know, hard life, so they took me kind of the wrong way and I was like, no, I, I cry, I cry a lot, I cry all the time. It's just not always in front of someone Right, there's good and bad with it and I don't know statistics on it or anything like that. I just know for me that's when I would release my tears is when my body was no longer in fight or flight mode and I was actually at a state of rest and relax for that moment, because I never knew when the next health crisis was going to come. 

19:41 - Davina (Co-host)
And that's a good point to what Donna was saying that if somebody's in a crisis cry, that's the time to hug them, because they're completely out of their body, they're completely ungrounded to be able to put your hand on their shoulder. You know, like if somebody heard shocking news, that's the time for an embrace embrace when somebody is in a state of release. I understand what that coach was telling you was to leave the space open for that to not stop the flow of the release, because handing somebody Kleenexes and, you know, jumping up to hug them changes the flow. It, you know it makes them want to stop because they're making other people uncomfortable. They're making other people want to rescue them, so then they'll kind of flip it back in and shut it down. 

20:34
So that's why I do 90 minute sessions instead of 55 minute sessions like everybody else in the world, because it takes time to start unveiling the layer, to get your emotions to open up after you've talked yourself out of everything you know of. Why do I feel this way? Why do I still miss this person? Why am I so stupid? Why can't they love me? All the whys have to come up. Then we have to talk about neuroscience. Then we have to talk about neuroscience. 

21:04
Then we have to talk about spiritual, and then it breaks. And then the moment happens when your mental capacity has done all that they can do and you drop into your heart and you just feel the loss. And that's when the tears come. And it takes a while and that's when I feel like we strike gold, and that's why I'm not affected by other people's grief is because I know that we reached the release valve and now, now we're at energy, and energy is my love language. So you're now releasing energy and I'm happy to hold space for that. I'm literally happy, which is weird. Right To be happy for your tears, but I am happy for your tears. And I get to just sit and watch in gratitude that somebody has made it to a place of safety right in front of me. It's an absolute privilege. 

21:59
And then the rest of the neuroscience kicks in, where you're releasing your cortisol and your adrenaline, and then the relief happens and then we get to guide you back to well, what do you really want now? Because you can't think of what you want when all you can think about is what you don't have. Oh, my goodness, temple, be smart for 53, bridget, look at her. So smart, so pragmatic, so brazen, so brash, so brash, so tenacious, so conceited sometimes. No, I mean, this all comes from love. I didn't know where we were going here today, but what's bipolar going to do for 2024? I believe this is what. This is my intention. I'm going to put out there. I believe that we're going to have a greater understanding of what we've been living with and what we've been witnessing. 

22:51
For me, it's been 15 years and I'm the most aware I've ever, ever, ever been, and I believe that that was all like divine university, that I had to go to the college of hard knocks to be able to figure this out in a way that I can now express it to everybody and let you watch me. I mean, that's why I value transparency so much. If you're in my heart healers, if you've ever been in my heart healers, there's no holding back. No holding back. Davina is a moderator for the heart healers and the reason why I love Davina so much is she doesn't hold back just because she's in a supportive position, a supportive role. She cries, she gets mad, she lets me know if there's a dumpster fire and she lets it out in the class. She lets people see her at her most vulnerable and her most frustrated, and that, to me, is strong. That is strength to be able to do that, to keep showing up when you're uncomfortable, right Damina, talk to me. 

24:01 - Davina (Co-host)
I think a big part of it is that we've been ingrained to believe that it's got to be like either or there is no gray. You cannot be crying and happy, you cannot be supportive while your life's on fire and changing that distortion and like working through that and accepting yourself as a whole, even if you're a mess. You may not be tomorrow, but you got to feel through it. You can't fester in it. 

24:25 - Davina (Co-host)
But if you just keep trying to shove it down and pack it in a box and not act like it's there, then eventually you're gonna explode and you won't be of service to anybody, including yourself yes, absolutely, and I intend that we start seeing things differently, that the old paradigms of you know, counselor client dynamics where the counselor never has any problems, you don't know anything about them, you just show up and you, you know, dump all your sorrows on them and then they go home and you know, to their own mess and you have no idea. I think that those paradigms need to shift because there's just too much pressure to be not perfect, but to be functional and to be above it. When I mean, look Christy, christy worked in hospitals her whole life and she was living with a dying kid the entire time, but she was saving lives. She was holding space for families that were watching their loved ones die. Donna works in a hospital, malia works in a hospital. Are they not just as powerful and as valuable to the families that they were servicing, even though they had crises coming in and out of their life? We have multi-dimensions inside of us, right? Multi, multi. We're not one-dimensional, we're many dimensions and you get to switch those out. That's why I encourage you to play archetypes within yourself and know who your boss babe is, and know who your mother nature archetype is, and know who your playful kid is and who your creative poet is. You need to know these archetypes about yourself. Where's the performer, where's the one? Who's hysterical? Who's she? Okay, know her, get to know her. You need to know these different archetypes about yourself so that you can use them appropriately and then not judge yourself about it. 

26:26
I had a conversation with Chris today he's still here and he said he was going to go back to his place. Give me some space. And I said well, hey, can we talk about that? Because I don't know if I need space right now. I don't know if I'm ready for space right now. Let me check in. And I thought about it and I'm like, oh gosh, I feel so good. By the way, ps, my birthday month gave me a new car. A new car it's not new new, but it's 2018 car with 18,000 miles on it and my dad on my mom's deathbed. My mom must have like jumped out of her body and immediately started giving my dad orders. He said Temple needs more support. He's like yelled it out right then and I was like, yeah, yeah, temple does. We're going to help Temple, like good, because my family has been MIA. 

27:23
While I've been taking care of my mom, for seven years, I've been driving the same damn car for 17 years, my Toyota Camry, with almost 300,000 miles on it. Why? Because I live with bipolar and bipolar has taken a lot of my resources, a lot of my resources. Somehow I had to figure out how to financially keep us afloat and be home every day. You know, only god made a way for me to do that. But I had to sacrifice a lot. 

27:51
I there was a time where I was very cool and I lived in a high-rise apartment downtown and had a new wrangler and it was red and you know, and I, there was a lot of sacrifices that had to be made to keep my husband safe, and this passing of my mom gave me the slap in the face that I also need more. I need more. I've sacrificed and I'm thankful that I was able to make it through without a full mental breakdown myself. But I need more. I work hard, I've always worked hard. I want a car that is safe to drive and fun and cute. It's diamond white, the same color of my nails. I want to be able to, you know, have my bills paid without worrying month to month. I want to be able to give back to people. You know, all those things come along with the relief. I need more universal support. I need more spiritual support. I need more resources to be coming in so that all the work that I have available I'm able to give it. So I got a birthday car and I'm in a good mood and I feel great and I'm like, yay, temple's birthday month, my favorite month. 

29:04
And then Chris said he was going to leave. I started to get a lump in my throat and I said, okay, so here's the thing I'm having a visceral response to you leaving right now, so maybe tomorrow would be better. And he said well, you know what? Why don't you just tell me what you need? Do you want to go week by week or day by day? And I said, okay, well, let's go week by week. I want you to stay here today and I want you to stay through the end of the week and then we'll decide if you can go home. 

29:36
This is quite a different dynamic. Temple has been very independent and in charge of everything and sending him home like scolding you know what you're going to misbehave go home. It is a completely different dynamic now, because I'm bringing curiosity in and I'm taking my own inventory and I'm asking my body what it needs. And when I said, okay, you're going to go home, and my body literally, you know, kind of like seized up. Then I said, hey, no, I need to. I need to be nicer to Temple. Temple needs a friend in the room. Okay, because I have a lot of work to do, and just seeing you there laying on the floor with Charlie, it gives me peace, and when I'm at peace I do my best work, because I got people to help and if I'm falling apart then I don't get to do my job the way I want to do it. So, can you hang out? And he said yes, yeah, he goes. Yeah, forget about it, I'm not going anywhere. And that was that. 

30:40
So, as complicated as it is, as messy as it sounds, we live separately but we spend a lot of time together. We're focused on the safety, his safety and my safety and if he needs to go home, he's checking in with me. Hey, I don't feel good. I'm overtired, can I? You know I need, I might need to go to my place and just like not have any stimulation at all. Okay, that's fine, but let's check in with me. I don't feel good about you leaving right now and he said, okay, no problem, it's fine. 

31:15
Look at what we did. We both checked in on our safety list and then we negotiated on what needs the most attention right now. Negotiated on what needs the most attention right now and he said I take priority right now because I have the freshest problem, I have grief, so I get to be on the top that. You know how long it's been since I get to be top priority. I mean, what a blessing. So I'm just doing. 

31:42
I'm just telling you all this because I'm your frontliner right. I'm up here where the soldiers, chris and I, are the soldiers on the front line trying to figure this out, taking the hits for everybody and throwing our dirty laundry out there, because I want you to be able to see that there is a way to start shifting the dynamics. The more safety you create, the more you can go to the uncomfortable places and ask the harder questions and you can slow down. You can, you know, just hold hands through something hard instead of facing off at the okay, at the bipolar, okay, corral, and just really be present with each other and look at each other with curiosity Like, what can we do? Let's just go down the list. All right, I'm going to turn this over to Christy first, then Davina. Actually, before I do that, I would love for Monica to give me her testimonial, because she is my client that has her happy turnaround, that has her miracle, and I would really love for you to share it, monica, if you're still there and able to talk. Hi everybody. 

32:47 - Guest One (Guest)
Just to give the update as to what's been going on with my life For those of you who've been around for a little while. So my husband was diagnosed bipolar disorder last October and then proceeded to go on about a 10-month manic episode which included leaving me and the kids and going to Colorado and living a life without us with no communication no, nothing for eight, nine months. So obviously challenging time. Back in August he came back and we live in Los Angeles and thank goodness I have good health insurance and thank goodness we live close to UCLA that has a fantastic psychiatric hospital and he's been a part of their partial hospitalization program and intensive outpatient program for the past three and a half months and he is being discharged on Friday. So it is exciting, it's scary, it's a little bit of everything, because that's the place where he's been going for every day and then now it's going to be the world of trying to help him and support him, to find some sort of part-time work, to figure out what to do on a daily basis and to really try to figure out how we as a family manage this. 

34:06
He's been stable on meds for two and a half months now. We had some hiccups with some of the meds and some pretty nasty side effects, but we're able to push through those. And you know, through the hospitalization program he was seeing a psychiatrist weekly and a therapist weekly and incredibly grateful for that opportunity. And so we are, you know, as we say, he's stable-ish, more stable-ish than you know I could have imagined, especially considering the year. And, yeah, very, very grateful, like, while I've been here on the phone and working, he took our son to school for a soccer game, he took our daughter to her theater rehearsal Like he's able to step up, he wants to step up, he wants to be there, he wants to help. 

34:49
We had a family meeting today with his therapist and you know he said at the beginning he's like, listen, anything any of you tell me I will not take offense to any of it and just very open to the harsh reality of what we felt and how we lived for so long and realizing, you know, his role in it and not blaming anything and accepting responsibility. And it's been a true testament to committed care. You know, again, intensive program, it hasn't been easy. He has nights where he falls asleep at seven, you know, but realizing it's the true testament of, like, the real committed care he's been getting and are like all across the board. You know psychosocial support, you know therapeutic support, education and then finding good quality medications. That's been working for him. There's still lots of hurt and there's still lots that we all have to work through and process through, but it's a positive road. So hoping that 2024 is a year where we're able to heal as a family. And shit last year was so bad that honestly, nothing much can be worse than that. 

35:57 - Davina (Co-host)
Oh my gosh. Yes, monica, I'm so grateful that you have the tenacity that you just kept showing up Something inside you. You must be a very good student. Something inside you, you must be a very good student. I would imagine that you know when you just need to hang in there and keep going and keep gathering information in the meantime. And, my God, one year apart, that's huge. I'm so happy. I couldn't be happier for you to hear a recovery story. It just takes that one, that one piece of recovery, that makes it all worth it All the times. 

36:38 - Guest One (Guest)
You know, midnight Last year, I remember so vividly there was a day where I got you know, I work from home due to, you know, just, you know the world of remote now and I I couldn't work and I couldn't work and I was just crying and I was so upset and I just pulled up and we just went back and forth and back and forth and back and forth on pillows and it was just to the point like just get it out. I was like she's like turn on music and lay on your floor and just like get it out. And it was just just this world of just the grief was so great and the frustration was so great. And the frustration was so great. And I see it like where we're at now, where, yeah, you know it's not a happily ever after story there's plenty of work, but it was work that I put into it beforehand and it's work that he's been putting into it now, and it's the combination of the two. 

37:23
Like this, we would never be here if it wasn't because of everyone doing the work, and I think that's what's so important. Again, you know, to give you the shout out, you know, just like, like, just honestly, it's like, it's it's the true work, and how important it is for any of us to be able to, you know, make it through this I receive it. 

37:41 - Davina (Co-host)
I receive it. I'm so grateful. Much love to you, and you know, I know your journey isn't over. It isn't puppies and rainbows now, but you guys are ready, to be ready and that's all that matters. 

37:52 - Guest One (Guest)
Yeah, and I think it's just, it's something that exactly the word. It's a journey, you know, and it's going to be ongoing. Right, you know there's always going to be looking out for a breakthrough, symptoms, there's going to be looking out for highs and lows, but it's also realizing that, you know, hopefully we can manage them, because now we have the tools. I'm very grateful. Don't be afraid to celebrate. I'm cautiously optimistic. 

38:15 - Davina (Co-host)
Yeah, please, you know, take the win. Take the win while you have it. Bipolar has its own agenda sometime and it's going to sneak up on you, but you're ready, to be ready. So let's really just. I just want to take this in as in as a miracle and just really be thankful that everything that we've been doing here is changing lives. So thank you, monica, for showing up and continuing to tell your story. Whether it be a heartache or a blessing, it's going to pave the way for other people to keep going as well. Right, it may not be your time right now, you may be living in the weeds, but let's celebrate our sister. Let's celebrate her because she's already been in the weeds. She's been all the way in the darkest parts. So God bless her and her family that they get a win right now. Let's take it All of us. Her win is our win and we hold space for everybody to get your wins, and they're all coming every little bit. 

39:17
I had a win today. Even though there was tears, I still had a win today. This is new. This is new territory. People don't know how to love bipolar, so let's just keep learning. I love you, Monica, congratulations. Much love to your family. Okay, all right, I'm going to give Christy a chance to say any closing statements. 

39:37 - Guest Three (Guest)
Well, thank you, I'm looking forward to 2024 word. I call it joyfully. Grieving is what I do best. Even though my son has passed on, I still have two granddaughters with the same syndrome, so we still are living the same type of lifestyle. You know, it's a never ending fun story that we get to experience lots of opportunities. Yeah, I have definitely learned how to function forward and I'm so happy to share that with you all. I just loved how Malia was talking about emotional regulation, because that is a big part of functioning forward, and I just remember when I was married and my husband's lifestyle that we lived on top of everything else that we were already dealing with. There was just a lot of overwhelm and loneliness and unresolved anger and disappointments and you know, I just learned over the years through trial and error as we do with when we're on this journey to figure it out. 

40:40 - Davina (Co-host)
Yes, Christy, thank you. All right, Davina, how you doing over there. 

40:44 - Davina (Co-host)
I think what it really boils down to in the chat is that it depends on who we're crying around and what we're crying about, Because obviously everybody has their own personal boundaries. But there's something to be said for, like you said, building the community where we can feel safe to ugly cry, Because a lot of us have it ingrained. You know, crying is weakness and you can't do this and don't show your feelings and you're too emotional and I think eventually you get to a point in your life where you're like well, I have all these feelings, what the hell am I going to do with them? I have to find a safe place to put them. 

41:18 - Guest Three (Guest)
Yeah, let them out, let them out. 

41:21 - Davina (Co-host)
Yes, I have a girlfriend that told me to you know, cry into polo, which is what I've advised people to do many times, and I Was like hesitant, I mean no, I'm not gonna do it. But then the tears just kept coming. So I was like, man, maybe I need to see me. You know, maybe this Capricorn independence is working against me by saying I'm gonna cry in front of somebody. Marco Polo is a video of yourself, so I'm crying in front of Temple. Literally I'm watching her. 

41:59 - Davina (Co-host)
That was the harder part for me was seeing myself, because when I was younger my mom used to literally hold up a mirror when I was crying to get me to stop, because she would don't see how ridiculous you are. So I will purposely I'm sure you've noticed I won't look at myself a majority of the time when I'm poloing you. If I'm ugly crying, I will ugly cry at the ceiling before I look at myself, because it's shut down immediately. 

42:24 - Davina (Co-host)
Oh gosh well, you know what? I'm your person now. Okay, I'm your mirror. 

42:30 - Davina (Co-host)
Now I'm so grateful for you, temple, and the day that you were born is the day that the world started changing in a much better way oh my god, oh, thank you so much. 

42:43 - Davina (Co-host)
That was, that was beautiful. Thank you so much. I appreciate that. What a beautiful sentiment, what a beautiful statement. I love you, too, and you've all changed my life tremendously, so I'm looking forward to 2024 functioning forward. 2020 forward is what we're doing. Let's close this out. I love you all.