00:00 - Temple (Host)
Okay, everybody welcome. So I want to remind everybody who I am and why I'm here, because I am your support specialist and I do offer group rates at a much lower price than individual rates. So if you want to work as a group I know there are quite a few of you that would be great to get your five-step foundational safety plan together, meaning filling out your safety plan, getting your gene site test, getting the relationship with your care team, not only for your bipolar loved one but for yourself, getting a release of information, getting a power of attorney, learning what your healthy boundaries are, how to have scripts to say what those healthy boundaries are when you're in the middle of a manic episode. Okay, All those things can happen within six weeks. 

00:50
We can get that wrapped up. So if you haven't been able to do that in the last year, two years, five years, 10 years that you've been together, please reach out to me. It's very affordable. It's less than going out to dinner a week. And, Sonia, can you give me a little shout out if this has been a benefit for you to have the other girls? 

01:08 - Guest (Guest)
Oh, yeah, totally. I mean, to start with it felt like you know I was. I hike a lot and I live in Hawaii, so there's lots of jungle, so it felt to me like I was just stuck in a jungle, with plants everywhere and I was just totally lost. And so meeting with you felt like, oh, there's a trail. And then meeting with the group is now I don't have to walk this trail alone and it's just been huge, because that was one thing I feel like I really struggled with was just feeling so alone with it and not having anybody in my circle that was experiencing what I was experiencing. And now it's getting more normal to me that this is my life and I'm gaining strength. And, yeah, walking with a group especially everybody here too, I was in a really kind of a funky mood this morning and just hearing everyone's voices and just knowing we're not alone is really huge, so I'm grateful. 

02:00 - Temple (Host)
I'm so grateful for you. You're such a great addition to this group, energetically and your strength. We're a collective. The more strength we bring in, the more healing it is for everybody, right? We all know that we're connected. So I love you, sonia, thank you for coming up today. Okay, let's see. Davina, is there anything you want to bring up? 

02:22 - Davina (Co-host)
Alexandra's partner is currently in inpatient and the lingo between what's inpatient, what's residential, what's this, what's that. She was curious as far as where your husband goes when he's having issues, so I tried to explain to her. It was more of like this is where he lives all the time and then when he's well, he comes and visits and spends time with you and you guys still get along, but she's not sure about permanent facilities. So I didn't know if you could speak to that better than the rest of us, obviously. 

02:51 - Temple (Host)
Yeah, you know, I mean I kind of am a trailblazer for this one. Right, we were able to make this decision because my husband has been in ultradian dysphoric mania for a long time, meaning lots of mania, lots of psychosis, daily, you know, maybe a break or two here and there, but we were both just living with mania all the time. It had moved in and stayed and it was exhausting us both. But I really became the psych nurse and my health was failing because of that. Through disability services. We were able to apply for disability services because he was fired from five jobs in a row. So that's kind of the criteria for your bipolar loved one to qualify for disability services if they cannot financially support themselves. And that was a two-year process to get that done. And we hired an attorney that worked for us without payment. They won the case and then took it out of his back pay. These are all things that I have in my toolbox to share with you, depending on where you're at with your relationship, but if your spouse has not been able to work for longer than a year or two years or is getting fired frequently due to symptoms, it's a possibility for them to qualify for disability, social security, disability services and that's what qualified him to have an assisted living facility, because his cognitive function was really impaired and his short-term memory was really impaired, so just remembering to brush his teeth every day stopped. You know, even remembering to eat, he would forget that a lot. It was clear that he needed full-time support outside of his mood disorder. His brain health was greatly compromised. So we were coached by an advocate through disability services that he could go to a facility and have 24-hour care. And then it was an open facility so he could come and go as much as he pleased. I could spend the night there, he can leave and spend the night with me, and it really was the best answer for us at that time, for both of us to regain health, and he's been there for six months now. Of course there was plenty of challenges. I'm still a helicopter wife, let's put it that way but it does give me the safety to say if we're together and he starts having symptoms that are making me very uncomfortable, I have the option to say I think it's time for you to go home Now. That's an extreme case, but that's why I'm here, that's why I'm coaching. What I'm coaching is to prevent these extreme cases. But if that's what you need, absolutely, please reach out to me or sign up for one of my groups and I'll talk to you about how to get those things done. And it doesn't mean the end. I mean he has other options, but right now he has somebody that hands him his meds three times a day, that knocks on his door and says, come downstairs to the restaurant. I mean, his life is actually really good to have an entire staff of people that cook for him and clean for him and give him his meds. So you know, let's not cry for Chris right now. He's got a pretty dang good and he still gets to see. 

06:08
You have to see your relationship differently than other marriages. A relationship with a severe psychotic disorder might have to be different. You might have to change the dynamics. So if you have the safety plan in place, you have options. You can get them to a crisis center, a crisis and triage right, which is actually something that's fairly new across the nation. 

06:34
Crisis and triage can take somebody in for a few hours and be released, or overnight or a few days even to be assessed. It's not technically inpatient, but it is a triage, so they assess what does this person need right now? Did they miss their meds? And it's much more subtle. It's not an aggressive environment. 

06:57
So check your community to see if you have a crisis, a mental health crisis and triage center in your neighborhood? Cause that could be a way to say look, it's on our safety plan that I'm. I'm maxed out and your symptoms aren't coming down. I need professionals involved. It may be a Friday. You're not going to get through to anybody not the psychiatrist, not the counselor. I need you to go to crisis and triage for the weekend and we'll we'll figure this out on Monday. 

07:23
But being able to say those words that is the challenge right there, and that's why people come to me is because we practice and we raise your desire for safety until it's easy for you to say I need more safety than what's happening right here. I'm going to make a decision for safety for us both. It's very hard to get somebody that has paranoia to understand that, but that's why we, the ones that don't have bipolar, have to stay mentally well. We really have to work on our own mental health so that we can keep our homes safe and be able to stay stable when they're not and be able to talk to the police or an EMT or a psychiatrist and appropriately describe what's happening in your home from a place that is clinical, not emotional, like screaming, freaking out. You know what I mean. Does that help? I hope that does help her. 

08:22 - Davina (Co-host)
I just want to say you know it's really hard to tell your partner that you don't feel safe, because the answer that I've gotten is well, I'm not dangerous, I've never hit you. So I had to find a different definition for safety, and it's not just the absence of danger, it's the presence of connection. If I don't feel like I'm connecting with you to explain what I'm feeling because you're over there in some kind of mania phase or hypomania, then we're not connecting, we're not, I'm not being heard. You may be listening but you're not hearing me, or vice versa. You know it's. There has to be empathy and not just I'm sorry you feel that way, but like really being able to relate to those feelings. And if you can't do that, I do not feel safe. Don't be afraid to explain that to your partner, no matter how manic they may be. 

09:08 - Temple (Host)
Davina you know, gosh, I'm so glad you said that, because you are an example of somebody that is stepping up your esteem right Week to week. We've been watching you. It's so hard. 

09:20 - Davina (Co-host)
You're also broken right now, but I'm also like, but I'm safe. If you want to go to Vegas and get married to another woman, have fun. I think it was really funny that you were going to be there at the same time, temple. I think that deterred him from going. He, I think it was really funny that you were going to be there at the same time, temple. I think that deterred him from going. 

09:35 - Temple (Host)
He was afraid Because if anybody's going to run into him, it'll be me. 

09:43 - Davina (Co-host)
You know. Otherwise, he's had all these delusions about me sending somebody to watch him and I'm like watch, it's going to be the one time that actually happens and I didn't send anybody, so I had to disclose that to him and I'm like listen, I don't need you getting paranoid about this, but like, temple is going to Vegas and she didn't even know you were going to be in Vegas and so hope you don't run into her because she's going to talk to you. 

10:05 - Temple (Host)
She's going to talk to you. 

10:07 - Davina (Co-host)
I love that you better watch out and Right, I think he truly is going to get married in Vegas to somebody else after us going through almost three years of the the ups and downs and chaos that we've been through, because he's manic again. He was in a car accident and my car is wrecked and he got prescribed pain pills. We're going to go back down the rabbit hole and it's already. It started a couple of days ago and thank God for Heather, who is down in the chat, because there are a few people that I could see a message to. 

10:37
She came here in support of me originally but has recently found out that her partner's mother was manic depressive, which is very likely that the mental health issues that she is struggling with right now are also bipolar. So I think it's a really interesting happenstance that she decided to come, because she's learned a lot. She had no idea and we actually had a falling out because of it, because she didn't understand. You know, like Jay wasn't making these choices and while bipolar is what's the word, bipolar is an explanation, but it's not an excuse. It's not an excuse for abuse. It's not an excuse for for danger or intimidation or threats or recklessness. You have to take that power back. 

11:17 - Temple (Host)
You know what? And remember when Julie Fast came to visit us to promote her latest book and she really kind of nailed it home about the view of violence and threats. So that's right there with what you're saying, davina, that, oh well, I've never hit you, okay? The threat of violence is violence. That's what we've been missing. The perception of violence is violence. So if they punch a wall, that is violence. If they tell you you're a piece of shit bitch, that is violence. If they trash your room, that is violence. If they go and get in a fight with somebody else, that is violence. 

12:00
It's not about hands on you, it's about the acts and the energy and the possibility of escalation of violence that we have to stop, because that will keep them safe too. We don't want them in jail. They need help. The hospital is the better choice over jail. And Davina, davina, you know what I'm going to say anyway. But I'm just so glad that you are gaining more confidence about how valuable you are. Because you are, I'm going to cry. You are so amazing, you're so freaking amazing. Look at how much information is inside of you and you helping Paula and having these resources and this knowledge to support people when you yourself are getting trashed by the person that you literally would lay down your life for. I think that's unacceptable and I wish I was your big sister and could just fly over there and, you know, beat up your boyfriend. 

12:57 - Davina (Co-host)
But he's by Las Vegas. But I told him this past week I said I am no longer going to be a victim and a whipping post for bipolar disorder. So until you are ready to involve me in your care plan so we can build a life together, then I can't be in a relationship with you. And so he had a temper tantrum and found somebody else to marry, who he's been dating the whole time. That's his choice and that's his loss, and I wouldn't be able to say that without regretting it if I hadn't met everybody here honestly. 

13:29 - Temple (Host)
I'm so glad to hear you say that it's really hard to wait for people to have that moment, but everybody lives their life and everybody has their own limits. Believe me, my limits were way further than any of my friends and family thought they should be. They still are. It's just important that we keep reminding each other that safety is sexy. Okay, safety is sexy. We need it to be the top of our list of requirements in a relationship that safety is our priority first, and as long as we have safety, we can figure out everything else. 

14:10
Do any of you follow Polar Warriors on YouTube? If you don't, you better do it, because that's my buddy, rob. Follow him on YouTube. He's so transparent about his own symptoms and the things that he has lived real life experience as our loved one with bipolar. It is real, it is real and he saved me in a time when I had no idea what bipolar even was. His videos were a guiding light. So please follow him and support him in his advocacy. 

14:43
So this was supposed to be May Mental Health Awareness Part One, but we got stuck in crisis recovery and that's totally fine, because we needed to talk about it. I hope everybody feels more aware and has clarity about where you are in your relationship and where you need to be. And if you feel like you need more support, message me through Instagram at I'm Married Bipolar. And if you feel like you just need a little more one-on-one attention, you can be part of one of my mini groups. So if you want to do that, it's less than going out to dinner a week and we will get you through the five-step plan for foundational safety living with a bipolar loved one. Bridget, I didn't even you didn't even get to talk today. I took it all. You got anything you want to say before we go. 

15:36 - Bridget (Co-host)
I just feel like we have such an amazing group and appreciate everyone being so open and sharing, because I think for all of us finding this group and just finding a group of people who are supportive and understand what we're going through, it just like I can't say enough to thank you, temple, for starting this group, and every week when I hear everyone, it just makes me so thankful all over again. Candy, thank you so much always for being here too. So that's all just thankful for all of you. Today, bridget, before you go. 

16:08 - Temple (Host)
I want you said something that your husband said today that made me so happy, because Bridget and her husband, me and my husband and a couple of other couples did do the brain repair workshop together. We did it for 12 weeks. And her husband said something today because everybody's worried about gaining weight right, Like they don't want to get fat and tell me what he said about it today. 

16:35 - Bridget (Co-host)
Oh yeah, well, and he hasn't gained weight just because of the program. He travels excessively for work and has not been able to like work out or eat well, so I'm sure that's part of it too. But just talking about, like the benefits that he's seen from doing the program, you know, and he was like I gotta go up another tablespoon because I just feel like you know, I'm not I don't know how to say this Like he wasn't feeling like that. His memory was like working as well and everything, and so he was like but I don't care, because, like I would rather have the benefits of this program and my brain working well than being worried about gaining weight. 

17:16 - Temple (Host)
Yes, and isn't that an amazing example of self-awareness about his drive to be healthy? Yeah, we're very conditioned that health is our exterior body image. Right, but my husband's very thin, okay, and he's not healthy. 

17:37 - Bridget (Co-host)
Yeah, I mean some of the times Chris has been the fittest. His brain was probably the least healthy. 

17:44 - Temple (Host)
So the way it used to be, you know, like a workout job jughead, he was like yoked, yet still rapid cycling mania. 

17:53 - Bridget (Co-host)
Yeah, and just for everyone to understand, it's kind of a step up program in terms of the number of tablespoons that you kind of take until you reach your ideal dose. A little bit of it is still just finding like what's the right dose for me and my brain. You know I take 10, but for him 13 might be better. So just so everyone kind of understands what I'm talking about in terms of stepping up, in terms of a dose. 

18:19 - Temple (Host)
Whatever diet you are on, your brain is on okay. So just think about that. So that's what we're doing, is we're changing the way we're treating our brain. It's not a diet. It is a supplementing program to change the way your brain receives glucose, which is your brain support system. I mean, your brain food is glucose, okay, and I am seeing results in myself. As a matter of fact, I'll give you one quick testimony Today. 

18:48
Today, I had a phone call with somebody that is a doctor and it was about mitochondria recovery. I wanted to talk to him about it, his program, and he was trying to sell me his program and I was like, look, I'm very interested in your program. I just need you to tell me, like, what is your process and what is the price. And he wouldn't get there. He kept going to you know my pain point? You know, like, what does it mean to you to have chronic pain? What does it mean to you? How is, how is fibromyalgia affecting your life? Like how is it hurting your family? How is it hurting your finances? He just kept like pushing the pain point and I'm like listen, you don't have to do that with me. I want to be a part of my recovery. If you could just let me know what I would be doing and what it would cost, I would seriously consider this. 

19:38
And he wouldn't. He wouldn't. He wanted me to just blind faith, like jump in because he said you know, this is it. This will help you. He wouldn't tell me the science around it and I said, okay, well, I'll just go, I'll go back and listen to your podcast and all that and then be able to make a you to make a more educated decision. And then he rescinded his offer. He said well, I'm not going to offer it to you now. I said okay, man, I mean, I see what you're doing here. I just told you that I came from trauma, that I have a history of trauma, and then you just psychologically tried to pull something away from me so that my abandonment issues would grab at you. So I'm not going to play your game, dude, go ahead. Your rejection is my protection. Okay, now guess what triggered Temple would have said to that dude six months ago. I just want you to guess. It's going to involve a lot of swear words, right? 

20:35 - Bridget (Co-host)
I don't think I can say it Temple. 

20:43 - Temple (Host)
I don't think you should say it because it would hurt a lot of ears, but I would tell that MF or where he needs to go, and I didn't. I told him what my safety was, what my awareness was and what I was going to tolerate and not tolerate, and I accepted his position and moved on. And then I sent him a text message with that that I felt that he didn't value me as a client and that I needed transparency. And I wasn't heard and I hope that he changes his approach and talks to his sales coach on how to do better to make connections with his clients. Okay, that is a better me. 

21:15
That did that because of my brain repair, of taking care of my anxiety and my triggers, which is abandonment is on the top. It's my number one trigger. That's why I have friends that I've known since kindergarten. That's my testimony. Like, if we take care of our brains, then things get easier. Your anxiety goes down, your reactions lessen and you just become clear about what is good for you and what you're going to tolerate and what you're not. Rejection is protection. Yeah, mic, drop on that. Okay, let's wrap it up there. This has been a fabulous group. Love you all. Have a great week.