The Spiritual Parent: Mindful Tools for Raising Spiritual and Conscious Kids

Breathing Together: The Power of Co-Regulation with Frankie Socash

• Carrie Lingenfelter, CCC-SLP and Frankie Socash • Season 1 • Episode 69

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Dive into a rich tapestry of insights in our latest podcast episode where we talk about the intricate dance of conscious parenting. In this episode, we unravel the potent concepts of emotional intelligence and co-regulation that are essential for nurturing emotionally aware children. Join our heartfelt conversation with Frankie Socash as we explore how our behaviors and emotional states significantly influence our children, highlighting the powerful idea that children inherently model what they observe. 

We also touch on the often-overlooked aspects of finding one’s parenting tribe and the deep sense of connection that comes from being surrounded by like-minded individuals. Isolation can take a toll, especially in today’s landscape, making it crucial to build relationships that lift us up emotionally and offer camaraderie in this parenting journey. 

Our exploration doesn't stop there—together, we delve into understanding emotional triggers, both in our lives as parents and in the lives of our children. Acknowledging and managing these triggers can foster healing in our relationships and pave the way for healthier interactions as families. 

Finally, we highlight the role of physical and energetic elements like Kundalini energy and emphasize the importance of grounding oneself through emotional ups and downs. By nurturing ourselves, we can better support our children in experiencing and navigating their emotions. 

Embrace your parenting journey with deeper insights and tools that empower both you and your children to thrive emotionally. Join us and be inspired to forge a path toward conscious parenting. We invite you to tune in and share your reflections with us!

Connect with Frankie Socash:
*Website: https://sanasantiyah.com/
*Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sanasantiyah/
*Email: sanasantiyah@gmail.com

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Connect with Carrie:
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*Email: info@hearttoheartlife.com

**Please remember that the information shared on this podcast is educational in nature and does not constitute licensed mental health advice. If you need such advice, you should speak with a licensed professional about your unique situation. Thanks so much happy listeners.

© 2024-2025 Heart to Heart Life LLC

Frankie Socash:

And seeing it as this opportunity for healing, rather than oh, I just need to make this stop, because trying to make it stop is only going to perpetuate it. And this makes me think about the co-regulation. What if we were to co-regulate with the triggers and, rather than trying to encourage someone or a child, just breathe? What if we just sat there with them and were breathing? Because if children do, if they model what we do rather than what we say, and we were just there and very present, we didn't even have to say anything. We could just be breathing, making it audible, whatever, and just sit there and just breathe. And it takes a little bit, but eventually their system is going to link up with that system.

Carrie Lingenfelter:

Hi Conscious Parents. It's Keri here and I am here with a little info about raising our mindful kids. I've got some tips and tricks about breaking free of the box and becoming who you are and teaching your kids how to do that along the way. Join us Hi there and welcome back. I'm so excited to connect with you all. Today.

Carrie Lingenfelter:

I have a wonderful special guest, frankie Sokhash, that I'm so excited to connect with. I've been following her on Instagram and, if you don't, you should check her out in the show notes because she's amazing and she's helped me so much with my motherhood journey and my spiritual awakening that I've been feeling so. Frankie is a somatic guide and mentor, helping women to birth their creative gifts, bring their medicine to the world and embrace the full spectrum of themselves and their emotions while doing so. And that pretty much describes my year. My word for this year has been passion for 2024.

Carrie Lingenfelter:

And I feel like I started out with passion and just last year and this year just had this huge spiritual awakening through motherhood and connection and it's been amazing. I was actually just telling my husband yesterday how this era has calmed my brain down and now I can hear my heart and it really just feels this powerful love toward him. So it's just this reconnection that I've been having with myself, with my husband, a little bit with my parents I feel like that's going on and then my kids. So I love what you're doing for others.

Frankie Socash:

Yeah, that's beautiful. Thank you, Carrie. Thank you for having me, thank you for inviting me to your podcast and onto this platform, super inspired by what you're doing and the conscious parenting and spreading the word and giving parents tools to be able to work through whatever they need to work through in order to be able to bring more of that consciousness and more of that awareness into our daily lives, because that's like the bread and butter of humanity and of reality. Right, it's?

Frankie Socash:

like our foundation of what we've created here on earth and what we're going to continue to be able to create on earth. So, yeah, I'm super stoked to be here and I had a word for this year and I think it was devotion or dedication, one of those D words. And yeah, my year has also been just like really filled with a lot of relationship building and rediscovering my relationship to my mom, to my body, to my future children and my partner. And, yeah, it must be something in the air.

Carrie Lingenfelter:

I love it. Yeah, it must be something with our charts or what we're meant to work through in this era. It's so powerful and it's interesting that you were talking about connection with your parents and I think for me you had mentioned beforehand. I was reading you had talked about your tribe and how we were not meant to raise children alone and in a vulnerable piece of myself, I have been feeling so lonely in parenting. That's why I started Heart to Heart. Parents was. I felt like I was the only one raising these gifted, spirited, highly sensitive kids, and it's been hard for my husband and I to find our tribe because we feel like we're so different than others. When, as I'm starting this, I'm like oh my gosh, there are so many people like this. Do you have any pieces that you would say about, maybe like calling in our tribe, finding people that accept us? For us, I think this.

Carrie Lingenfelter:

It was like this huge movement that my husband and I discovered.

Carrie Lingenfelter:

We had thought we had to be this box version of what parents should look like, especially after the pandemic, when we were holed up with our kids. We loved that piece because we really got to connect with our kids, but when we went out into the world. We were like we're going to make friends and we're going to discover it's going to be wonderful We've been locked in, and so we almost became this box version of what other parents think that we should look like and we weren't letting our true selves out. And then, once we did, it was like everybody disappeared. But I think it was because we needed to start new, and we ended 2023 at this version of peace, which was both of our word for the year. It was really funny we ended up with the same word, but we felt peaceful at the end. We changed our kid's school, we let go of old relationships and now we're at this era where we're trying to bring in and we have a really hard time connecting with others and finding other people in our parenting journey.

Frankie Socash:

Yeah, I feel that there was a time when I was dating someone and surrounded by a lot of people who I just didn't feel like I really truly resonated. I was like like my spirituality was in the closet still, like I hadn't really fully embraced who I knew. I was on the inside and I didn't feel confident. I didn't feel comfortable talking about the things that I really wanted to talk about and it just it felt like I was living this kind of secret life. And I think this is like a really important part in everyone's journey. Right Is being able to acknowledge I'm no longer really in resonance with who I've become and some of the people that I'm surrounded by. And then there's like that leap of faith right, like in the hero's journey, there's always this kind of like this leap that we have to take off the cliff and hope and pray. And sometimes it comes with a lot of difficulties and challenges and I felt like after I had moved on from this group of people that I had grown so close to and don't get me wrong like I still love them. They played a huge role in my becoming, but it came to a point where it wasn't serving and it was almost like the pain of sticking around became so overwhelming to me that I had to, and then it was a while of just feeling like loneliness and I think that is part of the process.

Frankie Socash:

But continuing to walk the path and continuing to walk in this way, where I know that I'm true to who I am on the inside, I know that I'm true to who I am at the heart right Of my heart and soul, and I do believe that where I'm going and where I'm headed there are people, and continuing to dedicate ourselves to that path, it's like dedicating ourselves to something that we can't quite see yet or we can't quite grasp it yet, and it's like being able to connect to that and just continuing to walk the path.

Frankie Socash:

That is what attracts the tribe, that's what attracts the people that we're looking for or that we know are out there, and the people who are also doing the same thing. It's magnetic when we can overcome who we thought we were and put ourselves in those situations where we have to just burn in our own fire of passion and desire. This is who I am and this is who I'm not willing to be anymore, and with love and compassion to that version and who we were and the people who were around us, and being willing to take that leap and it's not easy, it's scary, but I think that played a really big role as being willing to go through that piece of I'm not being totally true to who I know I am and then being willing to be lonely and learn through the loneliness, right, because what is loneliness besides maybe not really fully connecting with who we really are and like the world all around us, right?

Carrie Lingenfelter:

are and like the world all around us, right? Yeah, that's beautiful and it's interesting because I think about when I was a child. All of our kids are so conscious, my kids are very conscious, and I was a very conscious child and I would connect, or I would attempt to connect, heart to heart with all of my friends. I would be the best friend, and I wouldn't always receive the same version that I was putting out. And so I feel as an adult, I thought, oh, I have to mask or give this version of me to be a friend. And then finally, as I came into my own this past year or two, it's oh, no, I need this other, I need to be me and I need to be a connected friend. So I'm thinking in my mind my kids have to go through that as well, because they I can see my kids and they are very conscious in their friendships, they are very devoted friends.

Carrie Lingenfelter:

So I guess it's probably something that they'll have to go through at some point.

Frankie Socash:

Yeah, that's an interesting one, because I believe that we all have our own journey right. We all come here and we're here to just we have to learn, and there are some things that we can't really tell children. They have to figure it out on their own. But then how much of it is like how can we teach them some of the things that we've gone through? Right, and maybe encouraging them to still keep their heart open when the world around them is encouraging them to close up their heart because it's too much or because people don't know how to handle it?

Frankie Socash:

And because I know that story, like what you were just saying about having this big, open heart and feeling like we had to adjust, because I think it's I sit like, on one hand, I feel like it's really rare to read, to meet people with that big, wide, open heart, but then, at the same time, I feel like it's just perspective and being willing to like look around and see, and also like how can we teach our children to still remain open, regardless of what other children may be encouraging them or teaching them or what their teachers may be teaching them even, and I think this all really comes back to just emotional intelligence being able to understand emotions and being able to understand triggers and being able to understand projections right, like the way someone responds to how I love them.

Frankie Socash:

It doesn't say anything about me. So if I'm big, wide, open hearted and someone can't handle it, or they get mad or they attack me, or and then I want to shut down, it's my responsibility to to not shut down or to move through it right, or to discover what is it about it that's actually making me want to shut down, because it's not the other person. And so being able to untangle the mess that I think a lot of humans have found themselves in this kind of like emotional trigger dynamic relationships. Everything is so conditional. I need you to do this so I can be this. And yeah, just, I think the emotional intelligence is really important, and especially for children.

Carrie Lingenfelter:

Yeah, yeah, there's so much of. I think we're really realizing and recognizing these pieces and teaching them the emotional intelligence pieces my two a six-year-old daughter and nine-year-old son and we moved them to a social emotional focus school and there's pieces of it that really helped them with those emotional intelligence and also empowering them in their sensitivity, in their big, open hearts, empowering them to understand how they connect with others, and it's been really wonderful for my two kids. But, yeah, I love that. I think, as we're working to teach them about their emotional responses, that's a huge one that I've been doing as a mom and this is a little bit off topic, but I was thinking yesterday. I was thinking about how I teach my kids. We've been working lately.

Carrie Lingenfelter:

My kids will have a sensory response to the world around them as emotional, highly sensitive, empath kids. There can be triggers or things that feel, and it's oftentimes like a sensory trigger or something that's just overwhelming. When they're sick, when they're tired, it's even worse. So they will erupt and in that moment they'll say things that they don't mean to trigger my husband and I, because they've learned, they're very smart, so they've learned what these triggers are and for me, one of my triggers is if my son hits my daughter, it's a huge mama bear trigger. Or if he hits my husband, oftentimes he doesn't hit as much, but so he'll use words to hit. Now that's where he's learned Thinking about these. So that's one thing is talking about those triggers I would love to come back to that for moms, but also I've been talking to my kids about that is a response, that's your physical response to what's going on in your system and that is not who your true spirit and soul and person is.

Carrie Lingenfelter:

You have a beautiful spirit, you have a beautiful soul. I see it and I know how you love people and you take care of others, and that's your response. Do you want to name it? Let's name it like silly monster or let's name it something, because I want you to not identify with your response. Do you want to name it? Let's name it like silly monster or let's name it something, because I want you to not identify with that response. I want you to identify with who you truly are, and I've noticed that my kids really love that and they take to it and I hear less I'm a bad kid or what I did was makes me a bad person. It's really interesting. My son will now say I'm feeling triggered. Can we turn on the audio book to help me calm myself down? Or I'm going to go play with my Legos because I'm feeling triggered and I love the way kids are using these tools and they know how to identify it. So I'm going to share that piece of what we've been working on.

Frankie Socash:

Oh, that's so cool. I love it. On.

Carrie Lingenfelter:

Oh that's so cool. I love it. Yeah, and just identifying with that moment and that energy right, it's like this buildup of energy and this explosion and like they got to get it out. And sometimes, like we use a lot of our occupational therapists have taught us tools of bringing them into their body again. Right, Grounding them like hitting them with a pillow we have pillow fights or like throwing them onto the bed in a soft manner to just help them like reset. But yeah, not identifying those moments as who their soul and their person is.

Frankie Socash:

Yeah, totally I also think like it's to be able to watch adults do it, because I'm just reflecting on when I was a child and bless, bless, bless my mother. I love her so much and she would try to tell me to do something. And it's like you don't do it. Why should I? So it's very it's children watch. They're watching. They're not doing what they're told, they're doing what is modeled to them, which I think is really fascinating.

Frankie Socash:

I have a story that, while you were talking, was coming up and I want to share it, and it feels really vulnerable to share this story. It's about me and my partner. He I don't even know, I can't even remember what the thing was, but I kept doing this thing and he'd be like stop, and I'm like still doing it. A little kid, I don't even know, I can't even remember what the thing was, but I kept doing this thing and he'd be like stop, and I'm like still doing it. He's a little kid. This is like a kind of a little kid dynamic and he's just stop it, stop it. And this is over a period of time where I just kept doing this thing and kept doing this thing and I wasn't really listening to him when he said stop, like I didn't take it seriously, I didn't think it got to a point where he like started, you know, grabbing my arms and like kind of play, play, wrestling, but also wrestling, to the point where it's stop. And it got heated to the point where I, like I was getting triggered. I was like, why does it feel like it's getting to a point of violence? I didn't understand. And we had this, not necessarily a blow up, but this moment of what? What is going on? Why are like, why are you acting this way towards me? And it came to the point where it was like because I wasn't actually listening to him and hearing him when he was saying stop, please, don't do that, and I wasn't taking it seriously Like his only response was like, okay, now I need to get physical, now I need to get I'm not going to say violent, because that's a really intense word, it's not violence, he's not hitting me, he used to do Brazilian jujitsu, so he really likes to do those weird moves.

Frankie Socash:

But it was getting to the point where I was getting triggered. And I was getting to this place of remembering when I was a child, when I would blow up and I'd freak out and get physical and start screaming and hitting and doing whatever I needed to do in order to be heard. And it was this moment of oh my God, I can't believe that I'm doing that. Right, I'm the one creating this. I'm the one who's continuously just pushing and pushing, doing this thing and not listening to him when he's very gently and kindly saying please stop.

Frankie Socash:

And then it gets to this point of kind of a physical altercation and oh, wow, okay, like I just I wasn't hearing you and for, I guess, a human I don't I say human because it could be children, it could be adults, right, if our boundaries are being crossed and we're not actually being heard, like sometimes we have to take it to that level in order to be heard, because sometimes our words just aren't enough, which is unfortunate. It really it hit me. It's unfortunate that he, who is such a loving and kind and generous person and partner to be saying like, please stop. And I'm over here just still like nagging on it and egging it on, and oh wow, yeah, that that feels bad. That feels really bad on either end. Right, it felt really bad for me to be on the end of. Oh, I was the one who kept pushing it and encouraging and pushed it to that extent.

Carrie Lingenfelter:

Yes, yes, I think there's the idea of we all have our capacity bucket, of how much we can fill it with demands, right, and sometimes we cannot verbalize why our bucket is completely full and spilling out. And so I think of that for kids. They can't always say this is overwhelming to me, or I have way too many activities after school. I need to play outside on one day or two days a week. This is too much. So, yeah, having that connection with our kids to understand like this is what you're overreacting a lot lately, or you're feeling like very explosive lately. What is it that's triggering you? Or can we figure out how to reduce the demands on your system too?

Frankie Socash:

Yeah, and you may, you say that, like kids don't have the vocabulary or have the really ability to speak in that way, and I barely do, I can, barely, I'm triggered. Right now, I still get into these moods of like where I snap and I go back into these patterns and it's yeah. How do we remember in the moment, how, like, how, and if I'm modeling for other people around me and I'm going through it, how do we? How, like, how do we do it? How do we do it together? This is the question like how do we all do it together?

Carrie Lingenfelter:

yeah, yeah, because there's so much that the kids bring up in us that we may not have known was there, which has been like this whole parenting experience for me. I did not, but it was only in this past year where I started to realize and see it, and I think it gets easier to recognize those. Oh, this is a trigger for me from my childhood. That's why I'm feeling upset, and it gets easier over time. And then, also using your intuition too, sometimes there's I'll look back and I'll be like why did I react to such? Oh, it's this piece and I feel like I just I can hear it quicker as I practice it.

Frankie Socash:

Yeah, Keyword right there Practice right, yes, right.

Carrie Lingenfelter:

That's self-reflection and teaching our kids how to recognize those pieces and, if it is appropriate, sharing with your kids. I'm sorry, I reacted in that moment. I felt really intense in my body when you hit your sister and it kicked into me. I wanted it to stop and I don't like yelling. I'm sorry I yelled. I know you were having a response to something else and sometimes I'll work with my kid. What do you were having a response to something else, and sometimes I'll work with my kid. What do you think we could do to fix this? How do you think your body needs to learn about this so it doesn't go there next time? Yeah, so I think you had mentioned earlier.

Carrie Lingenfelter:

I was reading you had mentioned co-regulation and that can be really hard if we're not in that regulated state ourselves.

Frankie Socash:

Yeah, yeah, so that's when and, to be fair, I am current. I'm not a mother right now, so I do want to acknowledge that I'm not currently in a position where I'm raising a child, that I'm not currently in a position where I'm raising a child. I am in a position where I am working very closely to my partner and to his parents, and so it's almost like like it's different, but it's also not really like there are similarities in it, and I find that, as long as I take the time to do the work on myself and I regulate myself, and so I'm in a consistent, if I'm consistently regulated, I have more capacity for the times when there are explosions around me, when other people maybe are not regulated. It's almost like my duty to be regulated, and so I'm consistently doing the practices, I'm consistently using my tools to be able to maintain regulation, and when I have a trigger, I will deal with it right there in the moment, move it through my body and, even if I have to go, take a moment to myself really quick, run to my bedroom, do what I need to do, have a good cry, do. However, it needs to move through me, because I find that if I can do that, then I get to be that role model for those around me where they can see, oh, there's another way. Oh, I felt that I saw that emotion rise up within. I saw her get triggered, her move through it, and so it's again. It's like teaching by example and co-regulation. I used to.

Frankie Socash:

I worked at a daycare right up like I was in high school I think I was 15 and I worked there for years. I was in the toddler and there was a child who just very physical and he would hit whenever he'd get really upset and really mad and really angry and I would find, and I would upset, my immediate reaction during this time would be like I want to grab him, I want to yell, I want to do something, like, it's true, don't do. And I found that would almost amplify it. It would amplify the energy. And I think back to even the times when I was a child and there was violence in my home and then I would go out there and I'd be screaming and yelling and there'd be like it would just amplify it. And so being able to be that calm person is going to help another person, whether it's a child, whether it's another adult, whether it's one of our elders, whoever it is. As long as we can maintain this level of groundedness and centeredness, it's pretty profound.

Frankie Socash:

I also worked as a massage therapist and I found that, as long as I was feeling safe in my body, I was calm, grounded. It doesn't have to be anything crazy. There was something really profound that would happen when someone would come in. Maybe they'd been sitting in traffic, they had a rough day at work and they're feeling really frazzled, they got this pain on their neck, they're like all these things and they'd come in and they lay down and all I'd have to do is put my hands on them and then their system would then sync up with my system. It's like the way that the nervous systems communicate together, they sync up and that's like this idea of co-regulation, where it's like my system can now mingle with yours. So it's actually happening on like a nervous system level, on like a nervous system level. So it's like really it's like.

Frankie Socash:

Personally, I feel like it's really important for anyone, whether we're moms, sisters, daughters, granddaughters, like whatever, whoever, even men that's not even just to say it's like a woman's responsibility, but to be able to do the work that we need to do to take care of ourselves, and that work. When I say work, it's going to look different for everybody. Okay, what does it?

Carrie Lingenfelter:

if I was having a moment and say somebody kicked their dad and I needed to let it out and I went into the bedroom to take a minute, like my husband was taking care of the kids and I was able to leave safely with the kids being watched, but something I could do. Do you have any idea? I know it's personal if you have different triggers or such, but I'm just thinking what's like a activity or an idea, or do you?

Frankie Socash:

I guess I break it like yeah, it's very, it's really going to depend on everybody's capacity, especially in the moment, right, sure, but if we were to break it down to the actual moment when it happened, and let's say that this child kicked his father and it's, what is the reaction that happens within my body when I watch that and I see that, and if it's, let's say, it's like a wave of emotion and I want to react and I want to say no and I want to go and grab them, right, that's usually how it goes. Right, there's this wave of emotion that rises up and it's okay. How present can I be with that emotion? And, rather than reacting and being reactive towards it, how can I create more capacity in my body to receive the emotion, because it's valid, it's present, it's moving through me, but I don't necessarily need to let it move me, I don't need to let it control me, I don't need to let it create this kind of also reactive response Like how can I be the pattern interruption and I'm just I'll, I'll come back to, like my experience when that happens, sometimes I have to white knuckle it and but make sure that I'm breathing because right, because then otherwise that emotion is going to get trapped into us. So it's a really like fine tune, and this is the stuff that I do with my clients is teaching them how to actually move an emotion through the body like a full circuit, so that way it doesn't get stuck. But it's also not actually ruling us. It's not creating these reactions, these knee jerk reactions that we don't necessarily want. So it's like these knee jerk reactions that we don't necessarily want. So it's like how can I be so present with that emotion and maybe take a moment, maybe take a moment to like breathe?

Frankie Socash:

And one of my favorite exercises to do is when we feel like an emotion rises and if you can start to track it and start to name where it's coming from. Let's say this emotion is always coming from like the solar plexus. Let's say it's coming from right there and it just it's this feeling and it's this. Oh my God, like I got it, I got it. It's creating this response. Right, it's okay, I feel this in my body. How can I just and it's a ball of energy. How can I disperse that throughout my entire body? How can I bring that out to the tips of my fingers and down to the tips of my toes and how can I be so present with it and allow it to fully move through my body? And it's you gotta, you gotta, lean into it.

Frankie Socash:

I don't know if you've ever had a massage or have you ever had what like when someone finds a knot? You know a knot, and if you have a skilled practitioner, they'll find it and they'll pin, and they'll pin it down and they'll lean into it and it's, oh God, like I, I feel that I like, yeah, it's, there's a lot of sensation and you just breathe. That's what it's like. It's like being able to find that spot, but we're the practitioners and it's an emotion, and so it's like how can I find just the right leverage to lean into it and allow it to move through me, but to be present with it enough so that I can still breathe and it's.

Frankie Socash:

It sometimes is a very uncomfortable moment.

Frankie Socash:

A couple of moments, yeah, but being able to be so present with it and then after that, because it takes about 90 seconds for an emotion to complete a circuit within the body as it comes up and then moves through the body, about 90 seconds.

Frankie Socash:

So that's a 90 seconds of just being for a moment, just taking a moment before and taking some breaths and then being able to move from that space of being like, okay, I moved through my own trigger, I moved through my own emotion. I'm now finding this place of regulation within myself and now I can go have a conversation of hey, what's going on, what's happening, are you okay? What do you need right now? Because I think oftentimes when children are reacting like that, it's what if they're needing something, but they don't have the words to explain it. They don't know the words of this is what's happening and this is what I'm feeling, and sometimes it's too overwhelming and so it comes out in those ways, like those knee-jerk reactions that we have when we feel those emotions. I think that also goes back to yeah, I don't know. Did that answer the question?

Carrie Lingenfelter:

It totally did. I think for me, breathing is one that I always stop, and it's interesting because my kids will stop the breathing, especially my son, and we're like breathe, you got to breathe. He's no, like he just has the build. He wants to just keep building it up to get the reaction from us and just like explode, like he wants that explosion to move that energy through.

Carrie Lingenfelter:

But I love the way that you're describing this because I have the similar feelings that he does, and so I think really working to get that breathing going will really help.

Frankie Socash:

Yeah, yeah, totally.

Carrie Lingenfelter:

Like naming will really help. Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally Like naming. There's that. It's like a Daniel Siegel author mentions name it to tame it. And with the kids I'm like I will always say because I don't want it to be an accusatory so I'm like I'm noticing that your fists are clenched or you're taking action at dad, something's going on Like how can I help you right now? And sometimes they'll say whatever it is, you're not listening to me right now. You only listen to brother for my daughter or something like that. And then if I listen to her, that's oftentimes the reason my six-year-old will have her explosive moments. It's we're not listening, we're not identifying with her problem. She just wants to tell us the problem. She doesn't want us to fix it. She wants us to say I'm so sorry you're going through that. How can I help you? Do you want a hug? Things like that.

Carrie Lingenfelter:

So, it's interesting we're thinking about it at an adult level too. But there's that piece of. I want to work through it, but I also need you here with me helping me work through it.

Frankie Socash:

Yeah, oh my gosh, yeah, totally. That's like the never ending story of the male and the female too, because I feel like oftentimes, like when I have something big in me and I like and I'll go to my partner and then he's OK, but what do you like, what should we do? Or he'll try to like fix it. I'm like no, I don't want you to fix it, I just want you to be with me, I just want hold me, touch my arm or something Like let me know you're here, yeah, and he doesn't get it. There's a, I can see it. There's a part of him that wants to like reach this ultimate truth of what is, and these emotions don't make sense. And I, he and he's, he's a great guy and so he's okay, I'll touch your arm, I'll nod my head, I hear you.

Carrie Lingenfelter:

Totally. Yes, I agree with the feminine and the masculine that's. I found that as well, and I also have found it like as an adult, even talking to my mom about something. I just want to I want you to understand how hard it can be parenting my two kids right now. To understand how hard it can be parenting my two kids right now. I don't need you to try to fix it. I don't need multiple articles on neurodiversity or I don't need you to send me these things. I need you to connect with me and understand that maybe I was an easy kid. You keep telling me I was an easy kid. I was made to be an easy kid.

Carrie Lingenfelter:

I thought that was my role was to be an easy kid, to be quiet, to be easy because you've been through a lot in your life, yeah, so just I think also in our own parenting journey we find that for ourselves again, like you we had talked about.

Frankie Socash:

Yeah.

Carrie Lingenfelter:

Yeah, I love so many of the things you're saying and do you have any tips on finding the trigger? If it's not, if we're not connected with our, is it connecting to our? Or I guess what would be your mindset on finding the trigger for parents or humans?

Frankie Socash:

yeah, that's a big question, it is, it is a really big question.

Carrie Lingenfelter:

But in our parenting journey, maybe number one step is like acknowledging and I don't know if you have any pieces that you feel drawn toward with that, or maybe the story that I told in that, like I'm realizing hey, I have a podcast now, I have a lot of voice getting my voice out, because I felt like I didn't as a child but yeah, those pieces letting my kids have their voice, seeing them for who they truly are, allowing them to tell me who they are, instead of being like you're so easy.

Carrie Lingenfelter:

Or yeah, I don't know. I was thinking of those pieces too.

Frankie Socash:

I'm still marinating on what you said about the trigger, like how do you find a trigger? Yeah, yeah, and I feel, do you know what your triggers are? I think for me and you don't have to share them. Sure, I'm trying to think, if I know them all, I don't know if I always do.

Carrie Lingenfelter:

I think for me and you don't have to share that Sure. I'm just trying to think if I know them all, I don't know if I always do. I think for me. I'm thinking in my mind like what is the trigger? Why do I have that eruption when one kid hurts the other or hurts an adult?

Frankie Socash:

I don't know if I know the trigger for that Oftentimes they come from the subconscious, so it's an unconscious response generally, usually like we can know what our trigger is but we don't know, but then it's hard to see it in the moment because then it's, then it turns into an unconscious response, right Like those knee jerk reactions. When we react from a like an emotional response, that's an unconscious response. So it's all very much like happening in the subconscious and the thing about the unconscious is you can't see it. You can't see it until you have it reflected for you. So having conversations with your partner, maybe having conversations with your children, and then you get to have, you get to discover, oh, that's a trigger, that's my trigger.

Frankie Socash:

I'm trying to think of if I have an example of what a trigger of mine is. So I grew up in a like a fairly violent household, so for me, any kind of like physical like if anyone's trying to hold me down or do something that I don't like physically with my body, and that's a trigger for me and I have been known to snap from that like it, like that kind of knee jerk reaction, but I'm like, okay, so I know what my trigger is and that came from doing a lot of work, hiring a lot of mentors, having a lot of coaches. I went to therapy for a little while and so I think the thing about our triggers, or even just anything that is unconscious, like it really can, unless we're diving really deeply into dreams but even then we still need to be able to have something to reflect back to us because we can't always see it and then, as you start to pinpoint what the trigger is, then becomes the process of okay, now, how do I lean into it? How do I start to break up the pattern of this happens, and then I react like this how do I break up that pattern? And you just start to collapse time a little bit of okay, I know what my trigger is. I'm going to go through a couple more interactions that are going to bring up this trigger for healing. Right, it's because there's something that's unresolved within us and it's wanting to seek resolution. So it's coming up for a purpose and I think, even just having that mindset about a trigger, it's not anything I don't know, it's not like I need to get rid of it, I need to like there's not this magic pill that's going to take it away. It's a process and it's a journey and being able to identify it and then start to break it down to, okay, what happens. As soon as I know I'm triggered, what's the first thing that happens in my body and that's the process that I go through is being able to identify, like, what's happening in my body, what's the first thing, to go into contraction and then from there it's like a domino effect. Right, there will be one piece of our body that's going to contract, and then maybe some other pieces, and then it's going to come out in some kind of arms or legs or voice or everything. So, yeah, I think obviously curiosity is going to be the big one and seeing it as this opportunity for healing rather than oh, I just need to make this stop, because trying to make it stop is only going to perpetuate it.

Frankie Socash:

And this makes me think about the co-regulation. What if we were to co-regulate with the triggers? And, rather than trying to encourage someone or a child to just breathe, what if we just sat there with them and were breathing? Because if children do, if they model what we do rather than what we say, and we were just there and very present, we didn't even have to say anything. We could just be breathing, making it audible, whatever, and just sit there and just breathe, and it takes a little bit, but eventually their system is going to link up with that system.

Frankie Socash:

And so what if we treated the trigger in the same way of oh okay, like, I see you right, this is. It's like holding like another part of ourselves. It's like this is in our child work too, and, depending on where this trigger could be anywhere in the journey, it could be an older version of us, it could be a younger version of us. But holding it in that same way, the way that we would a child of what's up, what's going on, what are you feeling, and then just breathe with it and watch it, that's how I would approach that.

Carrie Lingenfelter:

I'd say I love it. That's so helpful. Thank you, I know my question was very big in the scenario right, it was a big question. I feel like my daughter comes to me with questions like that, these big questions of who are? We, where are we from? I'm like, okay, that's going to take a minute.

Frankie Socash:

I love it. Yeah, I appreciate it, frankie. Yeah, oh my gosh. Yeah, I love it. I love the questions that like get me to think too and like really dig deeper. I'm like how do you even answer?

Carrie Lingenfelter:

that I know. I know it's so many. It's amazing opportunities for growth and reflection. And that's this podcasting journey for me. It's been so wonderful and I have a personal question. I wanted to ask you do you what are your thoughts on Kundalini?

Carrie Lingenfelter:

I had that since I started, since I did Reiki, and then I started doing my meditation and I noticed I had all of these movements and I'm like what is going on? It was after having my son and then studying Reiki and I started to my mom and I finally my mom has it as well we finally were able to name it. It didn't tame it though. No, but I've heard interesting things. I just wanted to connect with you on that. If anybody's having that.

Frankie Socash:

Yeah, oh, my God, I love this. It lights me up. Yeah, what you said about being able to name it, didn't tame it. I think there's something about it just to say naming it to tame it. I believe in naming it, but I don't believe in taming it. I don't believe in taming it. I think even trying to tame it is going to create a lot of problems, a lot of physical ailments, a lot of maybe even psychological issues as well.

Frankie Socash:

Kundalini is the energy that's located at the base of the spine. This is connected to our sexuality. This is connected to our sensuality, to our creativity. This is like the primal life force, energy that lives inside of us and over. I don't even know how long. I don't even know how long we can say that it's the patriarchy.

Frankie Socash:

We can easily blame society and the world that we're living in now as to why so many people are cut off from their vitality, from who they truly are, from this kundalini energy that lives inside of us, and I think for me, that's the least interesting part of the conversation, and it's more okay. How do we nurture this? How do we bring it forth? How do we? Again, I feel like everything, especially these days, comes back to how do we again it all I feel like everything, especially these days, comes back to how do we increase our capacity to experience it? Because I think a lot of bodies have been taught to cut it off, have been taught to fear it, have been taught to reject it, and so the capacity is, capacity is very. It's like this, and then there's this kind of big bubbling energy happening inside, which is the Kundalini energy, and it's moving and it's undulating through us and if we're not moving with that it's, you know, I don't think that it will go away. I don't think it will stop. It will come out in different ways. It will start to seep out in ways that are maybe not healthy. It'll seep out in ways that are maybe unconscious, that could potentially I don't know cause harm. I don't know exactly. It's a really powerful energy and being able to remember who we really are and the power that we have as human beings, as really creative energetic beings, it's really profound and it really excites me to know that there are a lot of people who are connecting to this energy and this energy that is actually getting activated and turned on.

Frankie Socash:

I think that there's many different thoughts as to what's happening, whether it's astrologically, cosmically, whatever's happening on the planet solar flares, 5g, you name it. There's just so many things that are happening that are altering our energetic capacity and being able to move with it. And so, if we think about Kundalini energy and how it's a serpent, snake-like energy, right, this is like how does your body want to move it, how does your body want to move with it, or how does it want to move your body, and you can play with these different ways and how you want to relate to it or how it relates to you and being able to move it through the body, right, and so playing with it, like if you can feel it moving in your body. You said you felt. What did you feel?

Carrie Lingenfelter:

I'm doing it right now. When I first got it, it was like turning my head like up and down. Now I get it. The time where I really feel it release is during when I'm doing Qigong like a group Qigong class I go to weekly and I love it because it's a nice movement and it comes out and it just moves with it. Or sometimes when I'm meditating too, I get it. So I'm learning to embrace it and let it out and it's growing into different versions. It's really cool.

Frankie Socash:

Yeah, yeah, that's so exciting, that's powerful. That's so powerful. Yeah, I think it probably looks different for everybody, but I think often, oftentimes, it's definitely this like energy, that's like very felt right in the base of the spine or even just up the spine. Sometimes it gets stuck a little bit like behind, maybe the heart or or the occiput area, which is the base of the skull, and I think it's like encouraging. It's it's very energetic, but it's also very visceral, and so being able to move it through the body, I think is a really powerful practice and stuff like Qigong. Obviously, there's Kundalini yoga, which was created for that.

Carrie Lingenfelter:

Yeah, I haven't tried it yet, but I definitely need to look into it. It would be awesome. Yeah, yeah, frankie, thanks so much for answering my yeah, I haven't tried it yet, but I definitely need to look into it. It would be awesome. Yeah, yeah, frankie, thanks so much for answering my random questions and following along on my journey. I love it and I love you. You mentioned that you do some business or some practices with helping business ladies starting their entrepreneur journeys. I love that.

Frankie Socash:

Yeah, yeah, so it's, I guess, more what I'm doing right now.

Frankie Socash:

I have a mentorship that I'm walking women through and a lot of it is really rooted in some of the conversation that we had today and being able to understand triggers, how to honor emotions and how to move them through the body and how to be able to create the structure within the body that creates a system to where you can move through it naturally and be really present.

Frankie Socash:

So it becomes almost ingrained, right, it's like creating this new neurology to be able to move these emotions and move these triggers and move old trauma, old stagnant stories, whatever it is, whatever we may be holding onto that is keeping us from actually being able to show up in the way that we really freaking want to Love it. That's really all it is. And yeah, and a lot of what I'm doing is being able to do that foundational work and then, of course, walking women through the process and helping them be able to figure out how to work with clients, how to fine tune their skills working with clients, how to set up payment plans, how to do all that stuff and actually get to the point where they are being able to really develop the service that they're here to offer through their own transformation and through their own really unique way of working in the world, and then offer that so that's so wonderful.

Carrie Lingenfelter:

I've been on that journey myself and doing a lot of that myself at home, and so it's really powerful when we can bring that into our business side. Yeah, I love that yeah. I'll include all of your information in our show notes today, where they can find you, and they should go follow you on Instagram, because I love it. It's been a journey, so thanks so much for being here, frankie. I love chatting with you yeah, thank you.

Frankie Socash:

Thank you, carrie. It's so good to be here, it's so good to connect with you and, yeah, have this conversation. It was nice and juicy juicy, to say the least.

Carrie Lingenfelter:

Thank you, frankie. That's a wrap. Thanks so much for tuning in. Change makers. This is Carrie, and if you haven't done a review for us, five stars and a little few words about what you've enjoyed in our podcast episodes, we would really appreciate it. If you guys would like to ever message me, I would love any questions you have or any feedback. At info at hearttoheartlifecom, we also have a brand new website which we're super excited to share. It's hearttoheartlifecom. Thanks so much for tuning in and happy life, happy times. Changemaker families.