SPEAKER_00 0:00

I think good morning. Hey, what's up? Uh you know, I'm at work. What are you doing?

SPEAKER_02 0:04

I'm here as well. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Present and accounted for. Hey, listen, it's warm this week. Pretty excited. Pretty excited.

SPEAKER_02 0:10

Yeah. And relatively dry outside of the immense amount of moisture that we had Saturday. That was crazy amounts of rain. Like that was that was like, you know, when you like you cry and then there's like dirty crying, like you're just sobbing. Like you're just bad. That was like a rainfall. It was just awful. It was just coming down and coming down. Ugly cry. Yeah, ugly crying. It was ugly raining. It was just raining. Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_00 0:38

But yeah. So good. Good good weekend uh coming up. We're excited. Uh church camp, we got a ton of signups, so it's exciting. Should be uh the place should be hopping. Yeah. Uh Lenita put together uh a kid's agenda for Saturday that looks pretty stinking awesome. So excited about that.

SPEAKER_02 0:55

Parents everywhere are rejoicing.

SPEAKER_00 0:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 0:57

My child has things that they're gonna do besides mom, dad. Mom, dad.

SPEAKER_00 1:02

I'm bored, dad, yeah, dad. No, it's awesome. Looking forward to that. Um let's just dive right in. So Trevor is uh leaving us for uh a month here. He's trying to get uh Leah to push out that child. And so if you guys are listening, be praying for them as they navigate that.

SPEAKER_02 1:18

Yeah, Trev, what do we where are we at? Where are we at, Trev? Where are we at? We are at um We're we're getting close. We're getting close. Today's our due date.

SPEAKER_00 1:25

So today is the due date. Wow. Unbelievable.

unknown 1:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:28

That's exciting. Exciting, exciting. What was your uh transition from one to two? Do you remember?

SPEAKER_02 1:34

Oh, from I still remember the first I I remember Ryder and just being like, you know, um we need to had to have C sections on both, so it was complicated. But I remember them like handing you the baby and being like, all right, time for you to go home. You know, so you got baby in the car seat, which you've never like I put baby in the car seat. That's uh very one a couple times in my life. And then and then going to two. Oh boy. Um Ryder was at what was Ryder, Nanis? I think Ryder was at Nanna's. And we had the whole um she was supposed to be taking Ryder in to an appointment with our doctor, and she was in labor and didn't know it. So when she arrived at the doctor's office, um, the nurse was like, ma'am, are you okay? And she was like out of breath, and um she's like, I've been experiencing some pain. And the nurse was like, Are you sure you're not and then went and got the doctor, and then they called the ambulance. And I happened to be um about 50 minutes away uh at the job site.

SPEAKER_00 2:38

For you a 30-minute drive at that point, or what?

SPEAKER_02 2:40

Yeah, it was it was under 30. Uh it was it, yeah. Let's just say um it yeah, it was wild. By the time I made it here, the ambulance had just pulled away from the doctor's office um and they were rushing her to St. Thomas, which she did not want to go because we had plans in in in Woodstock. Yeah. Don't change my plan on it. Don't change the plans. And then I I raced home. Um Ryder was dropped off. Uh he went. I grabbed the Buick, which up until this point, um, the transmission in the Buick, we've been driving it very carefully uh to like work it in because it had been driven so little, it had some hiccups in it. Um let's just say it got a workout in the way to St. Thomas. Like it got a workout. Um so like it was one of those I arrive and then it was like everything was going super fast to super slow, uh, and that happened really quick. Um and then it was like um a very similar uh situation to our first uh to to rider, the the pregnancy and the birth. And so she stalled. Um and uh because she stalled in the first one, um, they were just like, there's no need for us to do a 24-hour wait here. Um that's what you did last time. And so they decided to go for another C-section, which again, you know, here we are, different hospital, different place, different plan, different everything. Um but trusting that it would go well. And uh all of a sudden, I remember being in the operating room. It was a completely contrasting, like when they, you know, they try to simulate the the birth canal in the C section by making it more difficult for the baby to come out. So it's very similar experience. At least they try. Um, but when Ryder came out, he was like very quiet, very docile. His head was massive, he couldn't lift it up. It was just um and it he like there was hardly any sounds, and it was like the whole time it was chill. Like the because obviously C-section, they put the baby on your chest and stomach and stuff. But when Jasper came out, it was a it was the opposite. It was he was loud. I have a rock, he was crying, he was like moving, and like the the the imagery was so contrasting in my mind. I was just like, okay, you know, and then um Ryder basically laying on my chest. I can remember he he hardly had his eyes open the whole time. And he was just Joe, the whole time Jasper laid on my stomach and chest. He was just looking at me, just looking at me, just looking at me, just looking at me. And he was quiet, but he was just looking at me, and I was just like, like it was such a different experience between the two. It was so unique. But like, yeah, so um the the going from being able to play, you know, zone defense, you know, two-on-one to playing man-to-man was a completely new um situation. And then obviously having C-sections to the to the mums and dads out there. Um obviously mums are offline for um a number of weeks following that because it's very difficult. You can't lift, they can't do anything. I mean, you're so the dad life is very busy with um taking care of the one that's moving like crazy and bringing the newborn to mom and like you know, you're hustling. Um but our situation was great. The Lord worked it out. We had a we were um yeah, at the time we were Dan and Papa were still living like right behind us. So we pulled tore fence boards out and um Justina was back and forth when she could to help Winita out when I wasn't around, so it really worked out good. But yeah, going from going from one to two is a is a different experience. I haven't had to go from two to three, or in your case, you went from you know two to five.

SPEAKER_00 6:32

But I like it's good to pace yourself. I never liked the little baby stage. So I mean it worked out well.

SPEAKER_02 6:40

Oh man.

SPEAKER_00 6:41

Like that's wow. Let's talk uh talk acts.

SPEAKER_02 6:47

So well, we have been talking action. There's a lot of there's a lot of narrative going on, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:55

One aim. So that hit me hard this week. Um and I think it's it's hard sometimes because when we talk about Paul being like, I got one aim, this is it, and he clarifies what that is. I'm like, I feel like in my life I know what mine is. I'm just not I almost I think what went through my head, and I think the best way to articulate it is like when I get to heaven, I feel like there's this piece in my thing where I go, I wish I would have been able to experience this, or I wish I would have been this. Like a lot of it's looking back almost. And I don't know if Paul would have had that, but like I think even with like when um I've had funerals or anything, like you do a lot of like, oh man I should have experienced this, I wish I would have seen my kids grow up, or wish I would have this. And so that was one of the frameworks I was running through my head. I'm like, so yes, I have one goal, one aim, but I'm like, man, there's a lot of things blurred in there that I'm like, have I surrendered everything to that one aim?

SPEAKER_02 8:02

What type of personality do you think Paul is?

SPEAKER_00 8:05

Like Well, I mean, given his incredible success and his incredible rise, and like when you look at what he was on the other side, like uber determined, uber clear on his mission. I am going to destroy the way, I'm gonna destroy the one aim prior to very like very clear on so for sure. Like there's definitely a you know, type A to stereotype type of person. We're very, very driven.

SPEAKER_02 8:28

I wonder what his frequency of communication would have been. Like it I'm just fas like it's fascinating because he he comes across as one, but in many ways he's not.

SPEAKER_00 8:37

I use Professor because as soon as someone argues with him, he diminishes them pretty significantly. No, I think uh I think his personality for sure plays into that clarity. And I think um there was a maturity that you start seeing in some of these letters that I find really neat. And I don't know how to fully are you know, you get into a whole other conversation about the scripture being um the the word of God and and all this, and but there's a life that you see lived out of Paul, and there's a difference in the way he communicates, and there's a difference in the way he does some of this. I think though the extreme to which he fought against, I think really changed him. And so I think a lot of us who come to faith, but there's no extr like we're never anti-God, which weren't really submitted, or whatever the case may be. And so I I feel like for Paul, like when he changed over and realized I was wrong, he was like, Oh, snap. And I don't have that many years left. Like he would have been whatever. I don't know exactly how old he would have been, I don't have that for me, but so I don't know. I I think that it is an interesting perspective on that for sure.

SPEAKER_02 9:46

Yeah, he would have I don't know. I'm guessing he would probably have been in his like 30s.

SPEAKER_00 9:51

Yeah, that's what I assume.

SPEAKER_02 9:52

When he was, you know, lined up for Sanhedrin high priest, very high role within the Jewish, you know, uh spiritual authority community, whatever you want to call that. That transition point would have been it's it's very abrupt. Like it's uh it's kind of a wild kind of moment. Like and yet he still had three years of, you know, where he was I don't know if it's rewiring with the brain, resetting pathways, or maybe like a three years of reflection going, whoa. Um and just contemplating all the things that it put into his head a certain way, and now he has to revisit them and just be like, I I was coming at that wrong. Like that's a lot of wrong to absorb. Like when you think of the degree to which he he switched, like that's a short period of time to resolve a lot of my angle on this was wrong. And yet and yet when he comes out, I know he comes out like hot because we see some of his interactions and they're they're they're not Christ-like um in many ways. They're still reflective of kind of that old fire personality that he had. And yet by the time he gets to the end, you see way more Jesus-like tendency out of him, like in terms of how he responds to people and how he like it's not it's it's it's a it's a different guy.

SPEAKER_00 11:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:22

It's it's a vastly different guy.

SPEAKER_00 11:24

Yeah. I I think there's there's even immaturity just in how you respond to people and how you navigate the the human condition that it's just different.

SPEAKER_02 11:31

There's I just I I man, I can only imagine though. Like, can you can you imagine being so right on the Damascus Road? To being so wrong on the same road.

unknown 11:43

Dude.

SPEAKER_00 11:44

Like that's that's hard. Well, and I I one of the things we deal with a lot with people is regret. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:51

But I can imagine he had some of that.

SPEAKER_00 11:54

How do you how do you navigate that right? Like, you look and you go, Man, I've wasted how many years chasing after the opposite of where I'm going now.

SPEAKER_02 12:03

Yeah. Like to think that to think that your drive, like everything in your head was built around the premise that you were somehow restoring, keeping, or maintaining the kingdom to find out that your actions were actually in conflict with the kingdom.

SPEAKER_00 12:22

Right.

SPEAKER_02 12:26

I'm not sure many people can come back from that. Like that's a hard one to come back from. Like there I the application of forgiveness had to be real for Paul. Like his personal like forgiveness. Well, like his acceptance of that forgiveness.

SPEAKER_00 12:39

Like, imagine going to church with somebody who is related to Stephen and Paul is there. Oh, dude. Like you look at some of the complexities of it. But I think again, he walks into the room.

SPEAKER_02 12:50

Like, is there any way that you could actually be normal around him, knowing some of the stories that like like what you're saying, like you know, like you know the conversion that's happened. You know that guy, but still in the back of your head, you're like, dude, you were good with him.

SPEAKER_00 13:05

Like, yeah. Because it when somebody comes out of prison after doing something, you know that there was some time, even if they say they became Christian. You're still like, yeah, I don't know. So okay, so I think God did there's a couple things in in that part of the story. Um, but I think God gave the church also a chance by giving those three years of like Paul is gonna get reacquainted, we're gonna calm some things down, we're gonna give him some time to, you know, develop.

SPEAKER_02 13:35

It speaks to a lot of our like our modern like I I know my background. Like we were one of the sayings was, you know, win him, wet them, work 'em, you know, get him to Jesus, get them in the baptismal tank, and then get him servant. But it seems like there's a built-in time here for this person. That wasn't every person, but we see it in Paul's life.

SPEAKER_00 13:57

Trevor Burrus, Jr.: Well, and the disciples also had three years. And I'm not saying there's something miraculous about three years, but I think there's a couple things to it. The one is I think people need time. But the second is there also needs to be a time of now you're discipled. Like now there needs to be a transition of now go.

SPEAKER_02 14:13

You've got enough uptake that you should have some application because your application will help define your uptake and explain it. Because you're not going to get it unless you actually it's like school it's like when they mix schooling with you know practical. I'm gonna learn and then I'm gonna go. And then I'm gonna come back and be like, oh, that's what they said wasn't what I thought they meant. And then you're gonna learn some more, and now you're gonna like, as you're learning, you're gonna like, I wonder what that'll actually look like in practice, rather than being like, oh, that's what I'm gonna do.

SPEAKER_00 14:43

So when you when you look at this, so when when we started the book of Acts, one of the things we talked about is like you have to understand what you're reading. So when Paul is saying this, he's not telling everybody you need to have one clear aim, you need to know what it is. You like he's not this is not a prescriptive moment where he's like telling everybody needs to build up a statement like this. So let's be clear on that. That's not what's happening here. He's being clear. And he's saying this is and and so for me, then I go, do you think this is something that's possible for all of us? What does it look like? Like I have my own thoughts because I I'm I'm wired and interestingly, you're wired interestingly. But then I look and I go, okay, so is this something that everybody should be able to say?

SPEAKER_02 15:27

So when you understand your mind, at least to this point, you probably have a lot more clarity on why or maybe not why, but how you're wired. And you read Paul. Yeah. Can you relate to what you're reading? 100%. Because I know you have a lot of like drive for that coincides with vision and seeing things happen, which can often present itself as not being one aim.

SPEAKER_00 16:02

Right. And I think I struggle to think I have drive. So this is something I've been trying to figure out. Um there are very few areas of my life that I'm Uber driven, if you can say it that way. I feel like what do you think is the difference? Well, so when going back to being 21, um having a a a moment with the Holy Spirit and feeling like God's saying you're either in or you're out. One of the things, there's a couple things that came out of that, and one was my value on people. And so when I feel like I look at why we do what we do, like I don't think I'm driven enough to be a good CEO. I'm not driven enough to like I don't have the when I listen to Craig Gerschell, his leadership podcast, or I listen to some of those guys, I'm like, I don't have that. But I feel like the the big change for me was my value on okay, so if I'm going all in on Jesus, I'm gonna say yes to Jesus and I'm gonna love people. And I feel like so that becomes the parameter. So when I were, if I were to say my one aim in life, so for Paula was to share the gospel that God has given him.

unknown 17:13

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 17:13

I would go, it's to love people. And I realize that's super generic, but to be surrendered and love people. And I feel like everything we've done has been in response to that. Like when I look at, and so I I don't like saying driven because I feel like that always there's a certain category of people that are Uber driven. Like I was talking with somebody this morning about um, okay, so I'm not really good by myself. If I were to do training, if I were to do anything by myself, I don't have enough external motivation to be the guy who's in it, be in here by himself and just get it done. I do really well when I can like I do much better now that I you know I have you to work with and I have um uh Trevor and like meeting with Judy this morning, going, okay, how do we do like that's how I I thrive. So I don't have that external drive in terms of what normally how you'd use that word. I feel like my drive is just I want to let people and I want to be faithful to God. And so I feel like there's a part of that where I'm like, I wonder if everybody has their their own little unique framework that way. Because Paul's is a very generic to show the gospel.

SPEAKER_01 18:24

Right.

SPEAKER_00 18:28

It's good, right? To so that's his own unique, like this was my call. Well, that's not everybody's. It says part of the journey, and this is where I find someone is it's hard to it's hard to speak vulnerably when you're not necessarily sure what is on the other side yet. So I felt really convicted, but I didn't have full clarity at as to exactly like what does this mean? Like exactly where do we go with this? And I think part of my my struggle is that I'm more than willing to always share that with people, but sometimes I'm like, I should maybe fully figure that out, but I'm like, I I don't really know. Like I just it bothered me that I immediately felt like that's not me. I don't have that clarity. And then I began to go, okay, so when I think of heaven, I have a lot of thoughts of the things that ah man, I I want to go, but first I'm gonna do this and I'm gonna do this, and I'm gonna do this. I'd like to get this accomplished. And I'm like, but it at the same time, I would tell people like my aim is to get there and hear well done, good and faithful servant. But I don't live that. Like I'm not convinced, I see myself as a servant of God. Like I see myself as somebody who really values God, I love God, I want to follow Him. And so I feel like if I'm gonna break down the semantics, I I love hearing well done. I'm not convinced I would be able to put servant on there at this point in my life because I feel like so that well done, most of what we're trying to get out of that is okay, God's forgiven me for everything I didn't do. Forgive me for everything I did that I shouldn't have done. So the well done is you've covered everything, not the well done as in I was faithful as a servant. Do you know what I mean? Like, yeah, and again, I don't want to overdo this. I'm not gonna sit up here and go like I'm a terrible person. No, like this is to me, it's one of those almost felt like a next level thing of the Holy Spirit going, look, like this if you want to go to where God has you next, you're gonna need to start clarifying some of these things.

SPEAKER_01 20:36

I think I understand what you're where you're what you're trying to come to.

SPEAKER_02 20:46

Why do you think you have distance with the servant?

SPEAKER_00 20:52

I think the distance comes from um a we have such a good, comfortable life in the sense of all my bills are paid. I and for the most part, I'm I'm loved by a lot of people. Like I have I have a really great life. And so when I look at some of that, I go if if it were to cost, like what price are you willing to pay to say yes to the next thing God has for you? So for me, a lot a lot of what I look at now is like, okay, and we've talked about this, so finance is like, okay, are you willing to become poorer for where God is leading you? Am I willing to you know lose whatever that is? And I think that that's part of that revealer that comes out and goes, like I d I just some of my fears are definitely indicating that okay, there's some things that maybe we need to work on here a little bit.

unknown 21:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:53

I'd like to push back on you a little bit, but I also feel like sometimes in our attempt to push back, we Have a tendency to cover over what the Holy Spirit is trying to work in someone's life. So I clearly see moments where you said yes to things. Let me let me spell it out for you. That put you in a servant's place.

SPEAKER_00 22:17

Spell it here for just quick. So we just went through a lengthy process with the elders. Said three things that God has called us to do. And then all of a sudden I hear Dominique say, Hey, you know, a deputy mayor makes this much and a counselor makes this much. And I start going, oh, okay, well, that would help us out financially. That's not where God called me. I could do that job. I think I could be good at it. But we had just told the elders, these are the three things that this is where I believe God is calling me to, right? Very clear on that. What, a month later? I'm debating getting into politics for four-year commitment. This is freaking wild. Right? And again, it's not a good versus evil. Again, this is where I think people find it tough. Like, it's not about whether, you know, do I sin or do I follow Jesus? But I'm like, I made that statement. I'm very clear. This is where I believe God is calling us. Okay, we'll do my hours lineup with that. Because right now I struggle to find time to come to the Mac meetings because I got FCA and I got these other things. And you go, okay, so what did you mean by that then? Why did God give that to you? So that's more my framework of where I'm coming in. Like we're in the mid of a uh where are we gonna focus all of our energy in the next five years? And then all of a sudden this opportunity comes up and you kind of go, okay, but why am I even considering it? Is it because my only aim is to follow what God has given me? Or is it because I'm not a hundred percent sure God's gonna fulfill my financial needs? And so I need to find new ways and new avenues. And that that's more where that internal struggle of going, okay, well, am I still fully following God here? Or am I trying to do his job and my job and I'm just gonna squeeze it in, even though I know I probably don't have enough emotional energy for it. So that's more like where that's the broader picture of that very specific struggle of okay, so and then the other thing I did was I I told the church, like, I want to get this training for this frequencies of communication, and it's really good, and I want to do that. Okay, so just to be clear, Albert, in September, you would like to run for deputy mayor, launch a new business course that deals with communication, do mentoring, do leadership development. You don't have that many hours. So why are you saying yes to those things? And so going, okay, well, part of my struggle with the servant piece is saying no to things that I would love doing. Saying no to opportunities because I think God is calling me elsewhere. And so that's where my brain was with a lot of it. Your drawing and coloring.

SPEAKER_02 24:59

Yeah, I'm curious to what extent you're making that application like in your life. And I mean, we're we're digging a little deeper than the problem. Let's do this thing. Well, I mean, like we talk about all sorts of things when we do this, like involvement with our kids in sports, involvement with, you know, there's we can just keep layering like when we talk about this. Like are you saying you're now going to filter all your yeses through the things that you are sure that God has called you to? And if they don't connect or stack, then they're no. Like I mean, this is where I'm a tendency to be black and white because that's I I go there because I'm a structure person. I'm a little bit lower to the terra firma than where you would be in the stratosphere. We've we've talked about this many times. Um this is open conversation, so don't think we're we're we're we're shooting at each other that we haven't talked about like a lot of. Um we have talked about this. Um so how do you like? I know how my brain works to filter stuff like this. Uh at least I think I have a good concept of it where I would have a tendency to be more no before I would be yes. And I know you have a tendency to be more yes than you are no, which is why there's a dynamic that usually works with us. So why now? What is it about what is happening that your brain is now going, okay, hold.

SPEAKER_00 26:36

I uh so probably um three years ago, maybe something that would have been the first time that I can remember really starting to feel anxious about some things. And so recognizing a shift back then already of going, like, I am now so it's easy when you're in your 20s and your 30s, if it was for me, to be like, I just want to say yes to Jesus. I don't care if I have a pension, I don't care if I have financial stability, I don't care if any of these things exist. So you give up Kami, you give up policing, you give up, you know, these jobs that you know in a couple years I would be retiring. Right. It's easy to do that that age. And then you get kind of this age and you go, I now have to live in that bed that I've made. And so I think there's a piece of my brain that's just recognizing some of that. And I think that's a normal maturing process. Like I don't think that's unique to me. I think midlife crisis is there's a reason people talk about it. I think there's a you kind of get halfway through and you go, Okay, okay, so now we're here. Um I think the conversations we've been having a lot have been um where do we really want to like we've talked about being like making our calendars our slave. Like we want to be like very crystal clear. This is where I'm giving my time, to be super clear on that. We've talked about okay, in the next couple years, where do we want to really use the gifting and steward what God is doing? And so for me, when I'm thinking of this, like I have to battle with the the the human fears, but not ignore them. Recognizing like we're in a place now where like I got five grandkids, I still got four kids living at home. I'm in a place where you start going, man, like I don't know how to afford some of this. I don't know how to how to how to navigate some of these things, right? And it'll be six grandkids in a couple of months. And so, like, there's a lot of those external pressures. And so my worry in my mind as I read this was have my internal things that are clear become clouded because external pressures.

unknown 28:54

Okay. Right.

SPEAKER_00 28:55

So then I go, okay, so coming into this, then I go, I look at where we are as a church. I look at the incredible things God is doing, incredible things God's doing Friendly Central. Like, and we feel like the Mac is on the border, on the verge, like we're we're we're there. What part of my filtering through what God has called me to would lead me to believe now is the time to remove a day or two from my schedule and give it elsewhere. And so I don't I don't have a compelling thing there. Like I don't have a so when we were uh or when Josie called years ago and said, hey, we want to take three kids. It wasn't a question. Like the Holy Spirit was just clear on like, yeah, do it, done, do it. Like what it never was a question when um you talk about going from one to two. We would kind of went from one to three because John came in to move with us. He lived with us just shortly before Colby was born.

SPEAKER_01 29:50

I remember right.

SPEAKER_00 29:51

And so, like, but it was never a question. It was you just say yes to Jesus. Like, this is where we believe God is leading us because it it loves people and it's an opportunity that's in front of us. And so I go, that framework was always super simple. Now all of a sudden you go, okay, well, here's this other decision. It's not just because it's politics, but that is one of those things. And I go, okay, but what through what framework or lens am I trying to say? It's all through the financial. I don't think I have the best vision for Malahyde. I'm not committed, I I think I have a really good perspective. Again, I think I could be good at it, but in terms of my framework of how I make decisions, it doesn't fit. I don't feel like that's my best place to love people. I don't feel like that's my best place to value um the calling or the gifting that God has given me. And I also feel like if I'm going in, I gotta go all in. Right? Like you me and you are both like that. We don't we don't do things halfway. Like if you're gonna go in, like I wanna I want to be good at what I do. So that's where I look at so the framework is um is this something the spirit's compelled me to do? And not everything does. Like, I don't think I feel compelled to coach. I don't feel compelled to do some of these things. But there's some things that we're very clear. So we're very clear on our compelling, and that's where Mac, FCA, church plant, all that comes in. Then there's the other framework of okay, does is this a response in to me loving God or is this a response to me loving people? And you could make the argument. I'm loving my community because I want to go into public service. And you you could make that argument. So for me, a lot of this then comes down to okay, I don't feel compelled. Um, very few people in my circle would say it's why isn't just in terms of time and how much time you have. Um and so then you go, okay, well, then why? And that's where the passage then hits you. But I look at all like some of the decisions we made over this last year, even with baseball, with some of those things, like were they all actually thought through in terms of okay, so I've I've been very clear with my boys and we have lots of conversations. So if God has given you this platform, use it well. But it's hard to every day think about that.

SPEAKER_03 31:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:53

It's hard to, you know, we we got a game tonight, we're coaching. It's hard to go into this going, okay, my one aim is to honor God with the the hours I get to have with those kids. That's very different.

SPEAKER_01 32:05

Very different. Very difficult.

SPEAKER_00 32:07

I think when I look at it, that so the big decision for me was the council piece. Um, simply from an influence, but a lot of it when I looked at it was financial. Okay, so we can take the burden off the church, we can do some of that. But I'm looking at my own life going, okay, well, my kids are in like the the the most expensive stage of living at home. I got six grandkids, five, seven and a half, whatever. I got older kids, I I want to be able to bless them. I want to be able to and so then I have to wiggle around God's calling in my life to try to make the things work that I want for myself. And that's where it becomes very clear. It's like, okay, well, people can look at me and go, and this is where the pushback, I don't mind the pushback, but at the end of the day, and this is what everybody has to do in our church, like, you have to own your choices. Right. Only you know what you're actually feeling from the spirit. Only you like there are times where the spirit will speak through others, there are times where, you know, obviously scripture, like, but given all those healthy boundaries, at the end of the day, it's just you. If if if you feel God has called you in a direction and it lines up with scripture, and you're convinced it's the spirit leading you, you gotta go.

unknown 33:18

Right?

SPEAKER_00 33:19

I mean, the the you look at Paul, like the reason that goes to the city.

SPEAKER_02 33:21

Well, in some way, I would add that if the belt if the body is healthy, there should be some speaking of the body into that as well.

SPEAKER_00 33:29

Yeah, to to some degree. I mean, we're we're we're partisan here to Paul's gifting was confirmed by the church. Right. Nobody wanted him to go suffer.

SPEAKER_02 33:38

No. Everywhere he goes, people are trying to keep him from going to suffer. Aaron Ross Powell or trying to kill him.

unknown 33:43

Right.

SPEAKER_02 33:45

Very extreme situation. There was no middle ground. There's no middle ground, which is interesting.

SPEAKER_00 33:51

I I just think there's what we have talked about over the last couple years, um, me and you a lot, is like um Israel goes into the promised land. So we have this entire story of the Exodus and you have this miraculous um thing. Then they spend 40 years wandering, first of all, because they don't they bail on God there. Yeah. Then they finally do get into the promised land and they take almost nothing of what they were actually supposed to take. Yeah. Like a minuscule amount of land, a minuscule amount of. I don't want that for my life. And I feel like at this stage, that's a big part of mine going, like, I'm really proud of what we've accomplished. I love it. I love working here. I love what we've done at Family Central with Elmer Minor Ball. I love it. I loved what I did in the fire hall. I'm only 42. I don't want that to be my whole thing. And so now going, Kate, in the next 20 years, where where do we really want to, what ground is God calling us to take? Right. And if he calls me to, in in part of what I I have found super fun is whenever I say things behind the stage, people give me lots of good feedback in terms of like uh two weeks ago I said something about um I'm not seeing the results in the gym that I want. And all of a sudden I had people helping me with you know hormones and all sorts of things. So then with this one, it's like there is a degree where I trust my people enough, I trust the church enough where I go. I'm gonna throw this out there. And I am waiting, like if somebody were to say, like, I've been praying and I really feel God saying you should say yes, like I I want to honor that. I I want that to be a part of that. I think that's part of how we get to make some of these decisions, right? Um, but at the end of the day, regardless of what anybody says, I know in my own heart there are hours of my day in the last year where my one and only aim has been very blurred. Right. Right? I wouldn't change anything about baseball. I wouldn't change anything about a lot of those things. It's my motives. So when you're when you're preparing your 11-year team, are you are you trying to prove to somebody that you're a good coach or are you just trying to honor God with what you have? Like there's all those things, and in and they're not small, they're big, they become very big. Uh and so then this was just one of those revealers where I'm like, man, I want to be able to, at some point, I'm gonna stop leading this church, whether God calls me home or I just get too old or whatever. I want to be able to be clear and say, like, look, I did everything, not everything perfect, not everything, you know, but everything to my ability to say yes to Jesus and to be faithful to his call. Your own salvation is on you. Your own is on you. Like, this is not on me. You're not gonna say, well, Albert never spoke the truth. No, he spoke the truth. He did his job, right? And so that becomes very personal because my kids are here, my grandkids are here. Yep. And I don't want them to look and say, Well, dad was divided.

unknown 36:32

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 36:33

Because they'll see it. Right. And so it's been really good. Like, I I'm not, I think it's it's it's a side of pastoring that I think a lot of people don't see is the the side where God is working on you, and you don't ever get to just rest. You're endlessly like, all right, well, if I'm gonna lead, then I gotta be able to know where I'm taking people. If I'm gonna teach, I gotta have the Holy Spirit teach me. And so sometimes those weeks are just they're heavier, and you go, Man, I thought I'd be better than I am already. I thought I'd be further than I am already. Like, are we still here? Like, come on.

SPEAKER_02 37:04

Yeah, it's amazing what bright light reveals. Mm-hmm. When you constantly have to be underneath it because you constantly need light to know where you're going. Right. You're endlessly facing deficiencies and areas of life that you've tried to keep.

SPEAKER_00 37:25

But having said all of that, man, once it's been fun. Um we uh go to church camp the Sunday. Uh we'll we'll kind of wrap up the series, then we jump into a new one in uh June called Embracing the Awkward. Embracing the Awkward. All right. Quite excited about that because if if I'm good at something, it's awkward.

SPEAKER_02 37:43

Awkwardness is like one of the it's almost like a gift. I think like when you can embrace the gift of awkward, yeah. Yeah. You're doing well.

SPEAKER_00 37:52

Anyways, it's awesome. Thanks for the the chat.

SPEAKER_02 37:55

Yeah, good conversation.

SPEAKER_00 37:56

Yeah, yeah. Today was you asking me questions, and so next week maybe we'll reverse that. We'll see how it goes.

SPEAKER_02 38:01

No, I feel like this is a good vibe.

SPEAKER_00 38:04

Hey guys, love you guys. Uh looking forward to seeing you guys on the weekend. So we'll talk soon.

SPEAKER_02 38:08

Yeah.