TheeSoulFuel Podcast
Welcome to your essential pitstop, where your soul gets the fuel it needs for life’s journey. In Christ, faith is the vehicle steering us through every twist and turn. Join us as we dive into real conversations about real-life challenges, all viewed through the lens of scripture. Don’t leave empty—come and be filled with the wisdom, strength, and grace to keep going.
TheeSoulFuel Podcast
Only Date your RACE?
Our dating preferences might be keeping us from God's provision, especially when what we call preferences are actually prejudices, pain, or programming in disguise.
• There is only one race—the human race—and ethnicity is cultural while race is a social construct used to divide
• Many dating preferences are shaped by media, trauma, and family traditions rather than biblical standards
• God never instructed us to marry within an ethnic box but did command us to be equally yoked in faith
• Our preferences must be surrendered to God's will or we risk missing His provision
• "Love at first sight" is flawed because it's based solely on physical attraction without knowing someone's character
• When you find someone in Christ, that becomes your primary culture—not your ethnic background
• Marriage is a gift, not a guarantee or requirement for heaven
• Your single life can still glorify God, and Paul argues it can actually allow greater freedom to serve
• Be open to the unexpected ways God provides love, which may not match your programmed preferences
Support the SoulFuel podcast on Patreon at patreon.com/theesoulful as we continue growing and potentially adding interview episodes in the future.
If your type is keeping you tied up in cycles, maybe it's time to admit your type ain't God's type for you. Let's talk about how your program appetite might be the reason why you're still single. Welcome to the SoulFuel podcast. Another episode of the SoulFuel podcast, the pit stop for your soul to be fueled for your journey in life, as you do it with Christ. Listen in today's episode. I'm excited about it because we're tearing down Satan's kingdom. That's all we keep doing here. This is the fuel for you to take action and light the flame and blow up the toxic lies that culture and even church culture has sold you. That's right. That's right. What even the church has sold you? That love has to look a certain way. Some of us are out here saying I don't date outside my race, I don't date outside my race, not realizing that we're operating out of preference and not purpose, out of pride and not provision. First of all, let me set the record straight because some of you would agree with this, some of you would really agree with this, and my wife and I, we were sitting at dinner the other day with a group of people which really like really a group of single people, and there were a bunch of excuses on why they want to stay in with a, with a black man, with a black woman. I need me a sister, I need me a brother, and that's fine. That's fine, but the place where it comes from is what's problematic, because one of the things that I know, one of the words that gets tossed around a lot, is date what I said outside my race. I want to stay within my race. Well, I hope you would, because there's only one race and that is the human race. And yet we've allowed media, we've allowed trauma and tradition to program our hearts to reject what God may have already sent or is sending. Let me be super duper clear you are not God. I'm not God. You are not the Holy Spirit. I'm not the Holy Spirit, but I'll be the voice used by the Holy Spirit to speak to you right where you are, and before you probably end up turning off this episode because you might be a little frustrated or irritated at a married man speaking on this, just hold up and think about this. I just want to give you something to think about Before you end up lonely, frustrated or in a situationship God never ordained. It's time to check your appetite. It's time to check your preference. It's time to check your preference. It's time to check your pride. Let's talk about why who you want may not be who God will send or has sent, and how to get back in alignment with kingdom. Love Acts, chapter 17, verse 26,.
Speaker 1:The NASB 1995 says and he made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined their appointed times and the boundaries of their habitation and the boundaries of their habitation. God's design was never racial separation but diversity with humanity. I hear so many stupid conversations and so many stupid people, and I'm gonna just say it. There are stupid people that believe that you must stay with your own kind. But we have to understand that ethnicity is cultural and there are cultures that come with ethnicity. Race is a social construct, man-made and used to divide. Have you ever thought that the reasons why you have an appetite for this kind of woman, man, or the appetite for this kind of man, woman, it's because of your cultural biases? It's because of this demon of racism, which is a costume for the true and utter, uh, demon of hate? You cannot say I don't date outside my race when there is only the human race. That's first thing. You can't. You just can't say that I hope you would stay in your race, because to date outside of your race would mean that you're dating an animal.
Speaker 1:But there is a danger of programming and preference. There's a danger to programming and preference. Romans 12 and 2,. This is a very popular verse and I almost use I want to say I probably almost use these verses all the time, but they go hand in hand with a lot of other things as it pertains to staying away from the world, and you know what it is this is. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. Let me stop right there for a second. Take that back and do not be conformed to this world. So to be conformed to this world would to would be to actually be pre-programmed.
Speaker 1:To have a preference doesn't mean what you tried in the past and because you didn't like that, that every person, every person, is different. Every one man is not every, is not every man, lady, and not every woman. Is, is, is, is is not not one woman, is every woman, man, right, you, you, you can't. You would be a fool to go into different relationships and friendships like this right, thinking that everybody's the same. But that's why you can't allow your mind to be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. And the renewing of your mind comes by way of the Spirit and your willingness to acquiesce to the Spirit and to the will of God. And in order to renew, and when you are renewing your mind, you are proving what the will of God. And in order to renew, and when you are renewing your mind, you are proving what the will of God is. And six, five, six, four, 200 pounds of muscle tatted sleeve just might not be in his will for you, keisha. It may not be in his will for you, audrey. I'm just calling out names, come on.
Speaker 1:Jerome 525-5557, a woman, beautiful, beautiful, amazing features. She looks amazing. That may not be God's will. It's not to say that she won't be beautiful, because beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I've seen so many attractive women but are still so ugly. What do you mean? Because of their attitude, the way they carry themselves. And if you notice, the most attractive people in the room are the people that are the nicest.
Speaker 1:Why do you think you hear? Sometimes you say somebody grew on me. They grow on you, depending on their character and what you define to be nice or to have good character. Right, they grow on you because it's not so much about the look, but it's about how they treat you. It's about how you feel when you are around them and what is it about what you are feeling? That is healthy versus unhealthy, all right. So you really got to understand that, in order to prove what the will of God is, your mind must be transformed. You must be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Let the spirit continue to wash your mind. Let the continue to be brainwashed by the word of god that will steer you away from what's not good for you.
Speaker 1:Listen, uh, programming from america. Media trauma and family traditions have shaped many people's type, and you know this. You know this. I love when people are, are, are quote-unquote outliers. I love when people uh defy, defy culture. I love it why? Because it shows you it's. It's not always systemic and and and and from uh deeper rooted issues, as a lot of people would love to think.
Speaker 1:Why is a so-called black man with a so-called white woman. And the reason why I say so-called, because I don't believe in black and white labels. They don't exist. Black and white people don't exist. That's for another conversation. But the love is there. If they're for each other, they're going to be with each other. If it's, if it's really healthy, it's going to be. Listen, it does not matter as long as it is male and female, sayeth the Lord. Male and female, do they love each other? Are they there for each other? Are they? Are they sound? Are they together as one unit? Don't matter if, if it's a hispanic and a and a and a um and an american, of of with of african descent, or if it's a caucasian man with an asian woman, an asian man with a Asian woman, an Asian man with a Hispanic woman, it does not matter. It does not matter Because, again, this country, social media and media, just in general, television celebrities, family traditions have shaped many people's types.
Speaker 1:30s family traditions have shaped many people's types. And just a side note, in hollywood there are certain relationships that have been formed for the sake of publicity. And when you think about it, it's how hollywood, hollywood, I want to say hollyweird how they kind of shape the acceptance of certain actors in certain movies, in certain subjects, it it leaks off because it's like, oh yeah, I can watch that because she married to such and so and so, and that's just with some, that's. That's not to say that's work, that's with everybody. But a lot of the public relationships, some of them are are playing. Some of them are playing. Some of them are playing.
Speaker 1:But I need you to understand what you call preference might really be prejudice. What you call preference might really be pain. What you call preference might be pride disguised. Has it ever dawned on you that man, this man, you man I'm talking to you man, you guy, who only like women of your ethnicity because you have been programmed to love your own because of the oppressor, love your own because of the oppressor Right? Perhaps the Caucasian man wants to stay with his Caucasian woman or stay in his Caucasian ethnicity because he has been taught that or program that? This is, this woman over here is no good she's, she's a chicken head, she's. Everything in the book that is beneath me Is that, and we know for a fact that that's not what everybody thinks. We know that for a fact.
Speaker 1:But there are some people who have buried pain and buried prejudices and call it preference, pride in pride in the flesh, pride in the color of your skin, and you missing out and you keep on going through these broken, battered relationships because you really are rejecting what God potentially has for you. You may be conforming to culture rather than God's provision. I'm saying that God provided. Listen, god, listen, man. Can I talk to the man for a second, just for a quick second. Listen, man. The Lord gave women. Women are beautiful, women are amazing. I love my wife. I do. I love my wife.
Speaker 1:There is nobody else for me, but there are other women that he has made for every other man, and the reason why I say that is because I'm able to acknowledge a beautiful woman, another beautiful woman. I'm able to acknowledge that, and so in me acknowledging that, as well as my wife could acknowledge that there are other many other handsome men, and I know that she only has eyes for me, as I only have eyes for her. But we, if we can notice this and see this and see them in in all shapes and sizes, then we know for a fact that there is somebody who is single, that is made for that person, and they don't have to come from the same ethnicity. They don't even have to come from the same country, they don't even have to come from. Listen, it's a bag of Skittles and I don't really know nobody I don't know too many people who eat Skittles and only pick out the green ones and only pick out the orange ones.
Speaker 1:But except, you eat them together and there may be some people that eat one at a time, but regardless you're going to eat them all. Yes, there is an acquired taste, but whichever one that I like, guess what? I like it, because you ain't none of them colors in that bag. But you gotta be willing to. You have to be willing to choose provision over preference. All I'm saying, and again, it's not to change your mind and what you and what you like, it's just to open up your mind to what god has for you, because when you say I'm not doing that, I'm not doing that, you've already shut yourself off from what he would want to do in your life relationship. Wise, you've already shut him off.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, I wanted to give you what, if, what have you? Uh, american woman of african descent? What if he wanted you to have an asian man? What if he wanted you to be with the caucasian man. What if he wanted you with, with with a uh uh, uh uh, with the, with the, with the chinese man? What if he did? You gonna say no because of culture and the stigmatism that comes with chinese men and asian men of other culture, japanese man, whatever it is, are you gonna say no? If that's what the lord handpicked for you, he's gonna treat you right, he gonna love you right, he gonna do, he gonna do you right. But or you rather have tyrone, you rather have jaleel, you rather have cortez, you rather have quinerius, you rather you rather have john, john, I'm just trying to make up different names. I can't even make, but you know what I'm saying. And not even just that. But but like even others, like if somebody sticks to one specific other ethnicity, like an American of African descent male who says I only date Asian women, it's the same thing.
Speaker 1:You can't just, don't just limit yourself there, because you are possibly cutting off the provision that God has for you. Proverbs, chapter 19,. Verse 21 says many plans are in a person's heart, but the advice of the Lord, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will always stand. But the advice of the Lord will stand. You can have all the preferences you want, but if they are not surrendered to the Lord, you will miss his provision. I'm saying, all I'm saying is that you'll miss it.
Speaker 1:I'm not trying to again, I'm not trying to convince anybody to date outside what you have an appetite for, but I'm saying that, very well, what you might have an appetite for may very well not be for you. It just might not be very well not be for you, it just might not be. And that doesn't mean you adapt to their culture or they adapt to your culture, because when you find somebody that is in Christ, anyway that is your culture. So nobody's culture is going to win. And even though you get permission from a father and you pay your respects to the father by asking permission to marry and meeting the family and all of that, that just. And if you don't do what, you don't like what they do, and she and and the other vice versa, and she doesn't like what they do on his side, it doesn't matter, because those are not going to be your cultures. Anyway. Nobody said you had to stay there, right? Because again, if you I don't and I'm really, and I'm really speaking to believers you can apply this to your life If you're not a believer. If you're listening and you've made it this far, god bless you. Thank you for being here, but I'm really talking to believers, because that's where all of that stuff gets left out anyway.
Speaker 1:Right, god never told us to marry within an ethnic box. The Lord never says this in the Word. But he did instruct us to be equally yoked in faith, even in the Old Testament. When they were to get married, they were only supposed to stay not within their ethnicity but within their faith, because the others, other nations, were serving other gods, such as Samson, who wanted the woman from Timnah. That was a tribe that was in Babylon. He was not supposed to marry with her. And you see how much drama he got into, got her killed, got her dad killed, got, and then he goes back and he kills a lot of people and he sets the crops on fire. He does a lot of stuff. He raises hell because of his hell, his rebellion, that he did not keep the law. He he didn't keep what the word was for his life because his life was prophesied over and he literally went against the word because of someone. That was his preference but was not his provision. Provision is found in obedience.
Speaker 1:You have to ask yourself again who programmed me? Why do I like this? Why do I like and watch this? Your preference has to always supersede your preference is and this is what will cause you to check your preference because you have to think to yourself and ask yourself this question who programmed me to like this and what? Why am I setting this as a qualification? Because I know a lot of guys. I had conversation with men and they will say that that's just. I just got to be with a sister bro. I just got to be with a sister bro. I, I, I just got to be with a sister bro. I just want me a good sister. I want me a good. I always want me a good, thick sister. But first of all, time out, you just said thick. Why?
Speaker 1:Where did you develop your definition of love and attraction? Is it love at first sight? That's a lie. I think love at first sight is the devil, honestly, because just because you see something don't mean that it's for you. I think that love at first sight is equivalent to eve in the garden having a conversation with satan and longing for something that she knows she's not supposed to touch. The reason why I say it's equivalent is because when you say love at first sight, oh, it's something that I'm, you be instantly. You don't even know him, you're infatuated with the look. Well, you don't know she could be hell bro. You don't know that man is. That man is is a walking mistake for you not saying he's a mistake, but for you he is a treacherous future baby daddy. But you like him because you said, oh, I loved him when I first saw. That's a lie. It's the death, that's the devil talking through you, talking to you, to say, oh, I like, I like, it's almost like a cartoon character.
Speaker 1:When you see something, something like the Mask. When you saw the girl, his eyes, like when he was the Mask with Jim Carrey, his eyes got big and his tongue came out his mouth and you know all the little different things he did. Even when cartoon characters, they see something like that and it's like why? Because I'm attracted to what I see. I don't even know what that comes with. You don't even know what it comes with, but you like it because you've seen it and that's how we know that. That is one of the three, what I call the big three, the big three ingredients to sin the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh and the boastful pride of life. And that's what? The lust of the eyes, I like what I see, I'm longing for what I see, it turns me on, I like it. The man says oh she thick, oh she bowled, oh man, she bad, got a hair. I don't even care if that's her hair or not, right, and then they build these stigmatisms and the and the preference around other ethnicities that are less likely to do what.
Speaker 1:The American of African descent woman. I'm going to find another way to say that, because I know that's crazy. I'm basically saying an African-American woman, but I'm trying to find another way to say it, because technically, you're not African, you're American. That's why I leave with American, and I know somebody's like oh, he's so twisted he, his mind is so messed up. I guess it is, but I'm married. I ain't the one single you are, don't? I'm trying to help you, though, because even with me, I had to understand like and my wife knows this, my wife is, she's a beautiful woman, but she was not my preference.
Speaker 1:I had a thing for light-skinned women, light-skinned young ladies. You know, I'm saying like that was a type. And then Guess what? My type kind of stem from my dad, because my dad married my mom who was light skinned, and then my dad got married a second time after his divorce and she was light skinned. So, and guess what, they were both short. My dad's like right at six feet tall, maybe 5'11", six feet, right there, I'm six feet. And my wife is like right at five something. I think she like right 5'1", 5'2", something like that, 5'3" maybe. I don't know, I don't even know her height, I just know she's like here me, but that was my type, like she had the height and it and it really didn't even the height, didn't even matter. I'm one of those guys.
Speaker 1:I was called an outlier, right we was having this conversation with others at the table. I was called an outlier because I really I had a preference, but I didn't have a preference right. I had like super pretty, super, just, super high-maintenance. That was my type. I had to understand that my type was toxic because every time I was with those particular young ladies they had a type. See, I was the nice guy but their real type was the bone thugs and harmony I'm saying they had. They had a type of thugs like that. They wanted the thug but then they needed, like I was the backup plan and for the most part, like the ones that I was actually like, we had a title, we was together. You know what I'm saying. I was the boyfriend at that school but I would always be getting played because they had some thug dude at another school who played sports At least they didn't disrespect me enough to do it at the same school that I knew of.
Speaker 1:They had a type and I had a type and I was getting hurt over and over again. I really did like have love for some of these girls, like I really, and I was loving hard. You know I'm saying never been intimate with any of them until after high school, right, but but I was developing something and you don't have to give your body a way to get hurt. Oh my, I hope y'all really listen. You don't have to. All you have to do is give your mind, your soul, your heart and have this idea that one day we will get married. Because that's how I was. I had that idea, that was my mindset, but it didn't happen. It didn't happen because I found out what was going on and I would get hurt.
Speaker 1:And I seen man my type, man my type, hurts me every single time, every single day. It never felt so and that was like, and that was no, no thing against darker skinned women. Because my wife is dark skin, right, american woman of African descent, dark skin. I love her, she's beautiful, that's that's. That's that's she's, she's mine, right, I'm hers. And it never meant that.
Speaker 1:Oh, I didn't ever find any dark-skinned women attractive, because I did, but I just didn't go for them because I just, I just didn't, it just. But if they, if they were for me, actually I was, I I did talk to somebody that was darker than myself, a little darker than myself, darker skin complexion, mocha, right, and I call them mocha, but it didn't work out. It didn't work out because one one young lady, who's upperclassman, she had a thing for a thug guy and that was just like since middle school. So it was really no competing. And then I messed that up in some ways, right, but I'm just saying like there wasn't really a preference, because I've been with a Caucasian woman before trying to be in the relationship, right, so there was no, I'm just like, eh, but it wasn't based off anything culturalized, but there was pressure due to culture. But when you want what you want, it doesn't matter what anybody says. I don't want to get stuck on that too long, but you get what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:Like you have to ask yourself that question when did you develop your definition of love and attraction? Is it biblical or is it based on trauma and culture? Psalm 139, verse 23 and 24, says search me, god, and know my heart, put me to the test and know my anxious thoughts and see if there is any hurtful way in me and lead me in the everlasting way. Man, we're almost done. I'm almost done because this is marriage is not a requirement for heaven. I want you to know that too. For the people who say I just can't find, I can't find, I can't find, I can't find, I don't see, I don't see, I don't see. Even if I am looking outside of culture, if I'm looking outside of my preference, I don't. Let me free you up.
Speaker 1:Marriage is not a requirement for heaven. It is only a requirement to fulfill your earthly, it's only a requirement to fulfill your earthly, fleshly desire of being with the other sex intimately engaging in close combat under sheets. Close combat under sheets is crazy. That like no fornication, regardless of what these crazy weirdo preachers are saying. Fake, false teachers are saying right, no fornication is sin, right. And to avoid that is to keep yourself occupied, and to avoid that is to keep yourself occupied. Occupy yourself until he comes, until Jesus comes right. But marriage is a gift. Matthew 22, verse 30 says For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven. Again, marriage is a gift, not a guarantee.
Speaker 1:Stop putting marriage on a pedestal. Stop putting marriage on a pedestal of identity. Stop feeling less than because you're not married yet. I don't care how old you are, don't do that, you're enough, you got enough. Jesus is everything, all all right, especially if it's based on worldly standards. Because that ain't how you judge anything. That ain't how you. It's amazing how so many people, yeah, don't judge, don't judge. But yet you judge yourself in the wrong way. Your single life can still glorify god. In fact, paul argues that it is better for you to serve God while you're single, because you don't have to care for some of the things of the world so that you may please your husband, or you don't have to care for some of the things of the world so that you may please your wife, right? But if you do desire marriage, don't let worldly preferences become a stronghold that keeps you in cycles of singleness. All right, your heart might be blocking what God is trying to provide because your preference is louder than your obedience. Be open to the unexpected ways God provides love. No, it's not through the same sex, but it's through his holy image of Jesus and the church, his bride.
Speaker 1:All right, so that's it for this episode, y'all. I pray that you got some out of this. I pray that you receive this with love. No, I said a lot. No, there was a lot to unpack, but I really want you to get this. I really want you to be patient. I really want you to be be joyful, because happiness is wrapped in your joy, right? There are sad times. We all go through the roller coaster of emotion, emotions in our lives. But when it comes to spouses, when it comes to husbands and wives, listen, it'll come, listen, it'll come. But I, I, I feel the power of the holy ghost when I tell you his provision. It may not come the way, in the color that you wanted it in, it may not come in the ethnicity that you wanted it in and and it may not not even just that it may not come in the ethnicity that you wanted it in, and it may not not even just that it may not come in the time that you expected it to come in, all right, so keep that in mind again.
Speaker 1:This is another episode of the soul fuel podcast, the pit stop for your soul to be fueled for your journey in life, as you do it with Christ. Listen to join the SoulFuel family Just go to the Patreon the link is down in the description Patreoncom forward slash T-H-E-E SoulFuel, t-h-e-e-s-o-u-l-f-u-e-l. The SoulFuel to support the channel, support the podcast and what we're doing. We want to go bigger. We want to go bigger. We want to go greater. We want to even start having interview and conversation in conversational type interviews with different guests of God knows you know, people you may not know and people you may know, whatever God leads us to, because I'm definitely not chasing celebrities. I'm not chasing Christian celebrities. I'm not chasing Christian celebrities. I ain't chasing nobody for anything. It's going to happen if it happens. So stay tuned. I hope to see you next time, peace.
