Style Wisdom: Real Stories and Advice from Listeners Like You

In this episode of the Style POV, I’m doing something a little different. Instead of sitting down with a guest, I’m sharing a collection of voices from within the community—listeners and style seekers just like you—who’ve generously offered up their personal reflections and turning points on the journey of getting dressed.

These aren’t polished style formulas or one-size-fits-all answers. They’re honest, intimate stories about learning to see yourself more clearly, letting go of what no longer fits, and leaning into the outfits—and moments—that feel the most like you.

Between each voice, I offer gentle reflections to connect the dots, not to explain or solve, but to honor what’s shared and highlight the everyday wisdom in it. We talk about the messy middle of personal style, what it means to trust your gut, and how sometimes the most meaningful shifts come quietly.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in your style, unsure of where to go next, or just needed a reminder that no one has it all figured out—this episode is here to help you feel a little more rooted in your own process.

Full Show Notes: https://gabriellearruda.com/style-wisdom-real-stories-and-advice-from-listeners-like-you/

{show notes has Iris Van Herpen dress reference and referenced videos}

Dream Style Video

Chapters:

01:40 – Identify what truly inspires you
6:51 – Circle back to who you really are
9:07 – Be comfortable with being seen
10:52 – Being seen isn’t always easy
13:30 – Embrace the messy middle in your style journey
15:12 – Let go of perfectionism
17:28 – We are stars and we need to shine
19:58 – Style is how we process who we’ve become
22:29 – Staying true to yourself

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Disclaimer: The Style POV Podcast content is for general informational purposes only and should not be considered professional advice. The views expressed by hosts and guests are their own. Gabrielle Arruda is not liable for any errors or omissions, and listeners use the information at their own risk.

Transcript

Style Wisdom

Gabrielle: [00:00:00] Today's episode is something a little different, but also something that might feel more familiar than expected. Because when we think about personal style, we often look for answers and frameworks and theories, and all those style systems out there, and that can be incredibly helpful. But the truth is, the real style lessons tend to come from lived experience, from moments when something just clicks when you see it in the mirror, , and you reveal yourself a little bit more.

What you're going to hear today is a series of voices, listeners and community members, sharing their own turning points, quiet realizations and evolving style wisdom. I'll be chiming in between each one, not to explain or to analyze, but to expand, to teach where it helps, to help see all these nuggets of wisdom and to reflect on what these stories remind us: That our style journeys aren't about arriving at a fixed point, but about learning how to live more honestly in our own skin.

And sometimes the best way to do [00:01:00] that is to hear someone else tell their own story.

So let's start with Vivi.

Vivi: Sometimes it's the simplest piece of advice that makes the biggest difference, and it clicked for me when I was watching Millie Kovas video on Alison Bernstein's three word system where she analyzed the Pinterest images that inspired her most to figure out what truly drew her to them. This. Mindset I had already implemented with my eyeshadow collection.

I haven't purchased eyeshadows in a really long time, and that's because I started doing what Hannah Louis Poston does with Dupe the Vibes, which I don't know if she's done it recently, but she would identify what truly inspired her about palettes that she wanted to buy. Pick the shades that she would use and how she'd use them and create her version of that palette with the stuff she already owned.

That's essentially what we're doing in fashion, and when you figure out what actually inspires you about an outfit, you're able to bring that inspiration into [00:02:00] your closet instead of trying to replicate it exactly. There's things that we just can't replicate exactly. I cannot wear an IVH dress out in public, but there's this really gorgeous one.

From one of her more recent collections, that's an extremely sculptural, it looks like it's Tessellating, from her Earthrise collection and this deep royal Navy-ish blue that ombres out to a teal and a pastel kind of icy blue. I can't wear that dress. I can't own that dress. But what draws me to this outfit is the strong silhouette that mimics nature.

That's what I love about IVH and the monochromatic color palette that still has variation in value and chroma, but is the same shade. Or same color, right? So that's what [00:03:00] I did, is I pulled from this beautiful dress and realized, okay, I want to wear a monochromatic blue outfit that plays around with the texture and kind of looks nature inspired and a more artistic and grand way, as opposed to in an earthy way.

And I pulled out like a shirt I have that has a lot of ruffles on it and I paired it with a white and bright navy patterned pair of jeans that I own, and bright royal blue mules. And suddenly I had created my version of this outfit and I don't lament that I can't buy this dress anymore because I figured out why I love this dress so much.

In a way that is practical for me to use in my everyday life.

Okay.

Gabrielle: I love what they're doing here because it's so easy to get overwhelmed by just so much inspiration. Especially when it comes from like runway looks and Vogue and [00:04:00] Pinterest boards and that all costs like more than your rent. Um, but the move that they made. That's the shift. 

Instead of going, 'how do I get this exact dress? My style won't be complete unless it's this dress.' They asked, 'what do I like about it?' I mean, that's like the whole ball game, right? Like once you kind of identify what draws you in, maybe it's like the texture, maybe it's the color story, maybe it's what it communicates or what it makes you feel. Maybe it's a style value lever.

Then you're not copying anymore, you're curating. And better than that, eventually, you'll be creating, because you won't just be taking that inspiration, you'll be evolving it, you'll be customizing it. I think a lot of people feel frustrated because they see something gorgeous and they want the feeling that it gives them, but they think that they need that exact item to get there.

And what Vivi reminds us is that if you understand the mood, the message, the shape of it, you can pull from your own closet and get surprisingly close and sometimes even [00:05:00] have a better iteration of it. Um, because it fits your life. It fits your body and your budget. That's the magic moment. It's putting all those things together, creating your style toolbox, and then crafting art that expresses yourself.

So if you've ever found yourself spiraling in a saved folder of, ah, well, I'll never look like that. Take a breath. Zoom in. Ask yourself, what part of this do I actually want to wear? What is drawing me to it? And if you haven't checked it out, maybe the fantasy style video might be a good place to get started as well. 

Rachel: Something I've found helpful for mindset is this. If in adulthood you're finally pursuing a love of style, you might feel a little sheepish like, am I changing? Is this conspicuous? But if you think back, is it possible that you love style all along? There's a video of me at age three wearing this like 10 layer outfit that I had put together all [00:06:00] by myself, and I was super proud.

And sometime between then and recent years, I didn't let myself love that. I just squashed that down for various reasons. So, there's a good chance you're not changing at all. You're just finally letting that part of you surface and you're not hiding anymore.

Gabrielle: Okay. I love the, idea of a 3-year-old self with a 10 layer outfit. It's just iconic. There's often a version of us, usually really young who already knew what felt good, what felt playful, what felt right, what we were drawn to. And then we get older and it gets buried under being practical or being taken seriously or fitting in or just surviving all the noise.

So when style shows up later in life, it can feel like weirdly dramatic, like, am I changing? Is this embarrassing? Like, are people gonna judge me for this? But most of the time, you're not actually becoming someone new. You're circling back to someone you were always meant to be.

And I say that as someone who's seen it happen over and over, and. Again, and as with [00:07:00] clients, with myself, with friends, with family, it's part of why I made the personal style maps because so many people are trying to reinvent themselves and what might be a good exercise for them is actually to remember themselves, uh, to track what's always been true, even if it got quiet for a while.

 If this is you, if you're suddenly pulled toward color or drama or a vibe or movie inspiration that you haven't touched in years, just try not to fight it. There's probably a version of you who's been waiting very patiently for this. Like, let her out, let them out, let let her get dressed up. Um, okay.

Next up we have Antonia. 

Antonia: Hi, Gabrielle. I'd like to share my experience with a professional color and style analysis that I did last year. And the most unexpected realization about this was that I was afraid of being seen, whether it was the colors or the style. When the. analysis [00:08:00] first draped me in the red colors and showed me what fits would be best for me.

I was taken aback because I was really seen for the first time I popped, my face popped. And this was so strange at first. I mostly dressed in black and dark blue and oversized sweaters because they were comfortable. And I thought you couldn't go wrong with this. Right? Um, but I'm a true summer and I have an hourglass figure.

 The hardest part for me was embracing my curves. And embracing the vibrant colors that a true summer brings, but I wouldn't trade the world now for this color analysis and style analysis. I went into it saying that I really liked dressing up for special occasions, but I couldn't figure out how to do this in [00:09:00] everyday life and now I can feel like this every single day because I know what color suits me.

I know what fits me, and it has given me so much self-esteem and safety in my choices that I love the process every morning, and I am just so happy that I finally brought myself to booking this appointment and stop rummaging through websites and researching Kibbe and Kitchener. Yeah, so this was my experience and maybe it's of help for others? 

Gabrielle: I felt so much of what Antonia shared, because I've been there too. Like the moment where the right color hits you and you look at yourself, um, but it's like the volume has been turned on or the picture's clear and at first it's like, it's, it's not exciting. It's a little terrifying.

When I first started playing with the Bright Spring Palette, immediately, I was scared. I thought I liked neutrals. I thought I looked gray. It made me look serious, put together. [00:10:00] It felt trendy, but really the visual effect was that it just quieted my face. It dimmed me down. I was like a floating head. In fact, summers were the ones we exed out first. and I was scared of the brights.

I had this whole internal bias against the brights that they would be too loud or that it might look childish or it wouldn't be chic enough. But when I went through my training with Christine, it was like something finally clicked and I started putting out those outfits together. I. Or maybe more accurately, it was like something unlocked.

Like I saw how the bright colors, weren't some new version of me. They were like the older, more essential part of me that I'd stopped allowing that part that was like vibrant and bouncy and like maybe even slightly chaotic in a good way. The part of people used to notice when I walked into a room, like I just kind of pushed her away.

So when Antonia says that wearing her right colors felt like finally being seen. I really get it because being seen isn't always easy at first. It's very vulnerable, especially if you spent years in black sweaters trying to not draw attention to [00:11:00] yourself or trying to conform. I. But style is like that.

 It kind of meets you where you are and then nudges you forward, especially new colors. And if that first nudge feels uncomfortable, that's okay. It doesn't mean that it's wrong. It means something new is waking up and it might have been something that you've always been.

And that's why with color clients, I tell them, give it three months and then we'll do a check-in. I want you to feel this palette. I want you to live it, breathe it, explore different sides of it. Maybe, uh, the reds aren't right, but you're vibing with the purples and you realize that you've unlocked this new side of you.

So it's always about taking things, being vulnerable, exploring and experimenting.

Now let's get to our next response. 

Kirstin: Oh God. Where do I begin? If I could share an in-depth analysis of my style journey, Gabrielle would have an entire episode of just me. To keep it short, my style journey has been a battle of different aspects of myself: fantasy, practicality, comfort, body [00:12:00] limitations, familial standards, just to name a few.

It was only until 2023, I believe, that I started on the path that will truly marry all these aspects of myself. I discovered Gabrielle Arruda, ellie Jean Royden, Jen from Style Refinement, and Style Thoughts by Rita and through them, learned of David Kibbe, John Kitchner, Rachel's Truth is Beauty, Miriam Style, David Zyla, and Andrea Pflaumer.

I went down the rabbit hole when it came to trying to learn everything existing and everything developing when it came to style. Olga Brylińska's Ethereal's, Ali Art, Millie Velikova, Dear Peachy, Style by Sophia, Mylene Amelie, Kate Elise and Sire, just to name the most influential ones on my journey.

Thanks to all of the above. I now have a blurry North Star and I'm currently 60% happy with my wardrobe, which is a lot. I won't go into detail as I [00:13:00] still need an unbiased analysis from the amazing Andrea Pflaumer and a few other key stylistas and mistas. I'm just going to end this with a big thank you to all of whom I previously mentioned.

I. 

Gabrielle: Kirsten, I feel like you just described like 95% of style journeys and unlike only most people, just don't say it out loud. That mix of like research inspiration overload, like half solutions, identity crisis, Pinterest files, spirals, it's. It's a lot, but it's also kind of like the magic, the messy middle.

There's this myth that figuring out your style should be a clean, elegant process, and if you just pick a type, suddenly your closet aligns like a movie montage, and that's just not how it works. Most of us get there through experimentation, through mistakes, 

through thinking you're one thing and then trying something else and slowly layering in the nuance until it starts to kind of feel like real and like you. And obviously I haven't done a deep dive into every system out there, but I've been in this space long enough to recognize how seductive that search can be [00:14:00] like, if you just find the right type or the perfect label, everything will click.

 But what I've learned in what you're modeling here is that real clarity comes from experience, from living in your clothes, from noticing what makes you feel more honest, more expressive, more yourself. So when you say you're 60% happy with your wardrobe, that's not halfway. That's real progress and that's meaningful.

That's comfort and alignment. The rest will come with time or it'll evolve into something else entirely. Who knows? You just don't need to finish the puzzle. You need to wear the pieces that are already feeling right to you. And thank you so much for sharing. And now we have Bec. 

Bec: I think my best style advice is to stop worrying about finding the one, that one perfect outfit or that one perfect style uniform that will work for you every day. When I first started on my style journey, I thought things to myself like, what if I died and this became my ghost outfit forever? It became impossible.

You [00:15:00] start thinking about, what if this color isn't perfect? What if this line doesn't suit me? What if my belt doesn't perfectly match my shoes? Once you stop worrying about that, things become so much easier and you can start having a lot more fun with your outfits on a day-to-day basis. Your outfit from yesterday doesn't have to match your outfit from today.

You just need to match what you feel like wearing in that moment to what you feel like wearing in that moment. Each outfit doesn't have to match. Each outfit doesn't have to tick every box every time. The only thing that you need to worry about is making sure you're happy and that you're enjoying your style and your style journey.

Gabrielle: Okay. Knowing, um, your posts in the Facebook group and your lovely October Halloween challenge, I love the idea of what if this becomes my ghost outfit? That just like made me chuckle. Uh, and it's also weirdly relatable because yeah, perfectionism sneaks into style fast and not always in the ways you expect it to.

It shows up as like second guessing every color choice or obsessing over whether your shoes are too [00:16:00] casual for your belt or if you've added enough gamine to this outfit, or worrying that it's not cohesive enough and you don't have a style. But what I think you said is the truth. Each outfit doesn't need to be your final statement.

It doesn't have to prove anything, and it definitely doesn't have to carry the weight of your entire identity. It just needs to match you in that moment. And I'll add: some of the most stylish people I know who are actually inconsistent if you look at them from day to day. But what makes it work is that their outfits are emotionally consistent.

They're tuned into how they feel or what they wanna communicate, and that's a real through line. So if you've been like pressuring yourself to find the one perfect uniform or palette or signature item or signature style that you'll never deviate from, you can let that go. There's many ways to build consistent, timeless style that you love, and that's true to you, even if it's just true for that day.

And who says ghosts only get one outfit? I'd like to see the literature on that. Um, okay. And next, we have Heather. 

Heather: [00:17:00] Hi, I am Heather and I'm really excited to be a part of this project that Gabrielle's doing with the video clips. So, the first question she asked was, what is a bit of advice that really inspired us? I've had so many along this journey. It's really too many to even count. Um, but I recently, when I purchased David Kibbe's Power of Style book, he had said in there that we are stars and that we need to shine and tell our stories, and I really loved that.

I mean, I really, really loved, that quote. I actually wrote it down because I am a really intuitive person and I love to shine and I love to bring joy, and I feel like I do that through my style. Um, so like even today, I am wearing these orange earrings and this turquoise little plastic nostalgic bracelet, the flip flops.

And this is not uncommon for me. I try to always infuse something that is really unique that catches [00:18:00] people's eye and just makes them smile. So I just feel like that's important to be a star and to shine a light. And for me, I want to just bring joy to others. As far as the next question was like, when did we have an aha moment?

And I think for me it was when I was working on the workbook for Gabrielle and I think that I was trying to put myself in the box of classic and I really felt like a rumpa dump. And I'm 57 now. I think there is a big element of classic or a certain bit of classic within me. But she explained somewhere that I remembered 

 That if you're feeling that way, then it's time to explore some other things.

And that's when I decided to do that. And I did 

venture out and start purchasing some different things and try to do different things. And I got a lot of great feedback. 

Like I wore a beautiful green dress to a wedding that had a lot of whimsical flow at the bottom and it showed my curbs and I got a lot of compliments and also [00:19:00] a purple wrap velvet dress that I had, that I wore at Christmas time 

to the Nutcracker.

And I got a lot of compliments on that, on the. Um, Gabrielle Group, so. I was learning through this journey. And now I'm so different. Like I'm really creative and I just love to bake and make cheesecakes and paint and write and volunteer. So, um, I'm just enjoying life.

And my journey and my story is that I've had brain surgery and a lot of health issues and I had to just rearrange my whole life.

And I feel like style is a part of who I am and I wanna bring joy. I am five, six and a half, um, and I have vertical and curve, so I would just assume that I am soft, dramatic and I'm still learning. 

Gabrielle: Heather, I'm so glad you shared this because your story is a reminder that style just like isn't how we look. It's about how we process who we've become. And I think a lot of people hit that point, maybe after like a health crisis [00:20:00] or a major life shift, or even just like a long season of caretaking or burnout or life, like where your old style just doesn't quite fit you anymore.

Not because your body changed, but because you changed. And the old clothes, the old categories don't reflect what you've lived through and what you wanna bring into the room now in this new phase. I love the moment you described where you stopped trying to force yourself into like classic because it felt respectable, but then it also internally felt wrong and you started listening to yourself and you started to allow yourself to wear color, wear whimsy, wear curve.

That's what personal style is. It's not a performance, it's a mirror or a megaphone. And sometimes it's the only thing that shows up clearly when everything else is changing and it can be very internally strengthening. I know you mentioned the dresses that brought compliments and yes, compliments are like fun and we all want them.

Um, but what's more powerful to me is that those outfits reflected something true about you and that you love to bring joy. That you're creative, that you [00:21:00] survived a lot and you're still choosing beauty on your own terms. And that to me is like one of the most meaningful reasons to care about style. Not because it hides who we've been, but because it helps us carry those stories forward with softness and pride and just with the right amount of sparkle.

And I can see that in your style. So thank you so much for sharing. So if you're still here, listening to the end of this episode, first of all, thank you. These stories weren't just sweet or inspiring. They were honest and it took a lot of courage for people to share. So thank you everyone who submitted and, we'll maybe do this one again if it resonated, but honesty is what we need sometimes more than answers.

I think what's so powerful about hearing other people's style wisdom is realizing how much we're all figuring this out in real time. No one has it locked down. There's no final level, just more clarity, more alignment, more permission. What I hope you take from this episode isn't that you need to like, overhaul your wardrobe or pick a system or find a label.

I hope you just feel a little bit more rooted in [00:22:00] your own process. 

A little bit more willing to wear that outfit that feels like slightly too bold or to finally let go of that one that just doesn't feel like you anymore or release yourself from finding the answer. And maybe you take five minutes today to look at an old photo of yourself, an old daily outfit photo, the one where you look so much like you and ask yourself like, what part of that person is still here?

What part wants back in? Because at the end of the day. The journey isn't about getting more stylish necessarily,

it is about getting more true, especially if you're on a personal style journey. And that's why I hope to help you find strength through style, which I know I talk a lot about. And hey, if you liked this episode or it made you think about style or story and a little bit differently. I'd love it if you left a review or sent it to someone who's in the same messy middle.

I think it really does help to hear people share their wisdom, to share their wins, to share their hurdles, to know that we're not alone. Okay, everyone, until next time, and if you liked this type of episode, let me know in the comments on YouTube.