Mental and Physical Resilience with Jennifer Widemire Smith

002 | In this enlightening episode of Mindset Momentum The Show, join host Malori as she dives deep into the transformative power of physical and mental challenge with her guest, Jennifer. 

The duo shares their personal journey through a 24-hour walk led by Navy SEAL Thom Shea, exploring the profound impact it had on their lives. From overcoming physical limitations to mastering the discipline of the mind, their stories offer insights into the resilience of the human spirit. 

Jennifer also discusses her ventures into jiu-jitsu, and her inspirational family, providing a unique perspective on pursuing passions while handling life's hurdles.

Additionally, the conversation steers towards Jennifer’s literary world, where she reveals three upcoming books, including a time travel series set in ancient Sparta and a fantasy novel, highlighting her dynamic storytelling skills. Tune in to this episode of Mindset Momentum for a dose of inspiration and the courage to push beyond your limits.

@jenniferwidemiresmith

@mindset.momentum.podcast
@mindset.mal

maloripaisley.com

Transcript

002 Jennifer WS Boundaries

Jennifer: [00:00:00] I almost died twice, um, from weird infections. And, our kids were both dyslexic and we're trying to get them through dyslexic tutoring, which was extraordinarily expensive, you know, to keep them in their public school and everything had failed and I had just gotten done.

Malori: Welcome to Mindset Momentum, the show I'm Malori, your guide to unlocking your most authentic self through the fusion of personal development and brand strategy. With over a decade of experience in branding and a journey of personal discovery, I've uncovered the foundations of success and they're all centered around mindset.

Join me each week as we explore how. Cultivating an aligned personal brand empowers you to excel in every aspect of your life. Whether you're an entrepreneur, creative professional, [00:01:00] or simply someone seeking clarity in your personal identity, this podcast is tailored for you. Tune in for insightful interviews, truly inspiring stories, and actionable strategies that you can implement in your life to turn your dreams into reality.

I'm thrilled you're here. Okay, let's dive in.

My guest today, Jennifer, lives on the Gulf Coast of Alabama with her husband and two children. She's an internationally published author, a student of jujitsu, homeschool mom, and a professional chauffeur to her teenagers. She's also a good friend of mine, and I'm so excited to have her on today. So Jennifer and I discuss a 24 hour walk, and I want to give you a little bit more info on what it is.

So, the Unbreakable 24 Hour Challenge, [00:02:00] like all of the teachings developed by retired Navy SEAL Tom Shea, is an experiential based learning event. It concentrates on both mental and physical aspects of human performance. It involves walking for 24 hours with a group of people while being led through a series of lessons delivered by Tom himself.

Some consider this the most powerful lesson in Tom's book, Unbreakable, A Navy Seal's Way of Life. And I would have to agree. And it's where I met Jennifer. This experience is the very definition of simple, not easy. You get the chance to have your mind instead of your body control your actions during times of discomfort to push past your self imposed boundaries.

So let's jump [00:03:00] into the episode.

 Welcome to Mindset Momentum, The Show. Jen, thank you for joining me today. Thank you, for having me. So I met Jen at a 24 hour walk with Navy SEAL Thom Shea.

 (add in snippet of what a 24 hr walk is) 

Jennifer: And it was such an adventure.Yeah. 

Malori: so what did the 24 hour walk do for you. 

Jennifer: Oh, wow. I'm going to start that when I first read Thom's book, it was, I had just had a, a low moment in life where I was just done and I couldn't really quit on anything because the only thing to quit on was, Being married and a mom because that was kind of what I had at the moment and, um, the background on that, long story short, it was 14 months with no reliable income.

I almost died twice, um, from weird infections. And, you know, we were, [00:04:00] dealing with, uh, our kids were both dyslexic and we're trying to get them through dyslexic tutoring, which was extraordinarily expensive, you know, to keep them in their public school and everything had failed and I had just gotten done.

I think it was, I think it just gotten done with a, like, cleaning the house out because I had just come out of the hospital. So I was under house arrest by my infectious disease. Doctors are like, you have no immune system right now. So just don't go anywhere. I'm like, fine. So I cleaned the house and I minimized it.

I was like, this house is going to be the best run house possible. And I spent, I thought it would take me about a week, you know, spring cleaning kind of thing. It took me 47 days. And so 27, yeah, 27 trips to Goodwill. I was like, I was tossing stuff and it was the last day and I was done. Like I was, I had like spent three days on my closet, pulled everything out, painted it, like cleaned it out.

And uh, a storm came out of nowhere cause you know, we live on the Gulf coast. So like that happens, it can form over your head and [00:05:00] uh, dumped a lot of water and it started leaking in my closet. And I was like, and that, I'm done. I think I turned the light off and just closed the closet and like backed away and was just overwhelmed and to the point where I just broke open and I was like, you know, if something doesn't break for, for us, I'm going to break in half.

And that was kind of a prayer and like a plea. And, uh, about 10 minutes later, Josh, like he figured out what was going on. He came and like, saved the day, you know, um, But then he was cleaning up this little box I'd asked him to clean out and he like pulled out Thom's book and he goes, Oh, cool. Like add this to your research.

Cause I was doing research for a Navy on the seals for a book I was writing. And I looked at the title and I was like, Oh, that is not what I meant, God. Because it's like, because it's one of those moments, really one of those moments. And I was like, and I knew whatever was in that book was like the answer to my plea, like that had, I just done like 10 minutes later, it was like an [00:06:00] instinctive, still somewhat like irritated by it, you know, and, it took me, I think it took me a couple hours to actually like be brave enough to open it because I was just like, Oh, I don't want to know. I don't, Oh, I don't want to be unbreakable.

I just want this to stop happening. And then I read it. I started, I couldn't put it down and I read to probably about four o'clock in the morning and I got to the walk where he does this 24 hour walk. And I was sitting there going, good for you, Thom. Good for you. You're crazy, but good for you. And I put it, you know, I probably like put it down to tell a sleep and in the dream, I actually did the walk and I started out doing it because Yeah, completely alone.

Like I was on my own. I was in the desert of like Las Vegas, um, area, Nevada, and the sun went down and I got really frustrated. I was just like, why did I try to do this on my own? Why was this? This is the stupidest idea I've ever had. And a rattlesnake like jumped out in front of me and I jumped over it and then my [00:07:00] knee buckled and I hit my knee and like went down.

I was like, this is so dumb. And then, like, Josh came out of nowhere, my husband, and he's like, let's just finish this together. And I was like, okay. And then, like, I limped through it, and when we finished, Thom was at the end, and he said, well done, you two. And I was like, huh. And then I woke up, and I was staring at my ceiling fan, going, oh, I didn't actually do that.

But in the dream, I had this sense that I could do anything after it. Like, it was like, And so I, like, reopened the book and was like, what was that? Cause I went to sleep thinking, absolutely, this is the dumbest thing. Like good for him, but like, I don't want to do that to like, all right, how do I do this?

Yeah. Like this is possible for me then, because it, it, it probably felt really good even in a dream of like, did that. Because. Those are very similar feelings to actually doing the walk, uh, which is where we met. Uh, that was my second walk. It was your first walk [00:08:00] and it, I mean, it's just the, the energy, even just showing up with people that dare to do it.

It's so exciting. Yeah. And like, I was really nervous too. Yeah. I think everyone is. That's, that's why it like those first eight hours, it's so funny to see everyone kind of unfold and it's just talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. And you feel like, wow, this is it for the first, you know, half. And then you kind of, it dies down and the talking is like, wait a second, we're just going to keep doing this for double the amount of time.

Yeah. It's crazy. And then it starts to get deeper and the layers peel off really quickly.you had an injury that you were working through. And I remember at one point, it's kind of like your dream. You were like, I'm, I'm going to finish this, even if I have to crawl.

Yeah. So, um, in the walk, I mean, I'd only been, I think [00:09:00] it was the next day after that dream that I had that my friend called me cause like I, we were pretty close to broke. Like I mean like if we weren't like we were broke and you know, so my friend called me and she says, um, I have, I just got diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis.

I know you've had it for a long time. Would you be my swim buddy if I pay for your gym membership and all the equipment needed? I'd love it. And I was like, hell yes. And so like the next like Monday morning I had like the tools because I was kind of like, how would I get my body able to do something like that?

Because I really didn't work out. I was really great with nutrition because I controlled my RA. I've had RA since I was 10. So I'm 41 now. So 30 years and I control it naturally through supplements and my diet. And I was never very good at exercise because, you know, like The teenage years, I went to Universal Studios and got carted around, you know, with the old people because I couldn't walk, like that, it did, my knees would swell so bad, so I'm like, I don't [00:10:00] have those years of abundant energy and strength, like everybody else talks about, I was like, I felt crippled most of the time when my teenage years and so I started But after reading Thom's book, I was like, what do I need to do to be able to do something like that?

How could I get there? And swimming kind of came to mind. And then it was like the next day I had like the answer to that. And I was like, gosh, this is so cool. And so I started swimming. I had only been swimming for six months, like barely any time. And so when we started to go on the walk and, 

when we got there, you know, so like halfway through my knees were killing me, like, I mean, I had very little cartilage left. And so I pulled on the knee brace thinking this will make it easier. Like Thom was just like zeroed in on my knee brace and I'm like, Oh, dang it.

Yeah. We're like eating a snack and he's like, You want to talk about that? Yeah. Yeah. You know, I just, you know, I just felt like I needed a little extra support and it wasn't that I was anywhere near quitting. It was just something I had. I knew it was going to happen. I wasn't sure when it would happen, but I knew it [00:11:00] would.

And I was very prepared for it, you know? And, um, and Thom was like, You know, your, your body language is telling me that you're, you're struggling here, but I'm like, no, I'm not like mentally, I wasn't, I was just, I was used to the pain, honestly, like it was just there, but I was like, you know, and then the darkness was the hardest part for me.

Like I got, I think it was around 10 PM, which I'm a night owl. So this kind of surprised me a little bit, but around 10, I was like, I really want my bed, like really want my bed. And I wanted coffee. I wanted a hot shower. I wanted to be done. And I was looking at going. Are we even halfway through yet?

Probably not. No, it was so, like, the idea, and I think I thought it was later, like around one or two o'clock in the morning that we're still walking, and I finally, like, looked at my watch. And like the time that it said, I just remember going, Oh, I wish I hadn't even seen that, you know, because it was, it was the monster, [00:12:00] you know, demonstrating my mindset.

And so I had to struggle and I think I had to let I kind of let my mind wander. Wonder to what it would feel like I could almost feel the covers, like feel it across my body as I was struggling with wanting to quit. And so I realize, like, in Thom's voice earlier that day, I was like, Just make sure you remember exactly what he said, but he was like, you know, when these things happen, just remind yourself, you're not quitting, you know, like that.

And so that's why it is like, I let all of that. Desire come towards my head and my mind and I felt it felt the desire for the hot shower and how great that would feel like at 9 a. m. Thomorrow morning when we're done. You know, that's one way to do it. Yeah.

Malori: Personally, I can't, I can't even think about that.

I'm like, I'm going to do this first. I'm going to finish it. And then I'll, I'll dive into that world of, of comfortable goodness. And this actually pushed me to Where I thought for a moment there, I wasn't [00:13:00] allowed to find comfort period, but really it's like, no, when you get to be cozy, you get to indulge in that and like really be present and grateful for it.

And then when you have to be uncomfortable, just get through it. Cause you committed to this thing and you just get to the end. You just do it now. And you do that in your life today. Now. 

Jennifer: Definitely. I do sometimes think maybe it's just the way that I write because I see things in my mind like a movie and then I kind of record it down.

And so that's kind of how I would describe how it was, what it was like because the images and the sensations of being in bed or a hot shower or hot coffee came to me before my thought processed it. So it was like I was, I was there and I was having to mentally say, okay, yes, this would be great. Okay.

But not until tomorrow. Like, so I was having to direct myself and my thoughts, and I just kind of let them come to me because I dealt with them as they came. And that works pretty well, but I think that's probably more [00:14:00] a commentary on how I, like, write and use my imagination, you know, and how stuff like that happens.

Um, because it was a really powerful moment because, yeah, those were very tempting things to be like, I've learned a lot, you know, from this walk. I've definitely learned a lot at that point. Um, but I was like, I'm going to finish this thing, you know, hell or high water, because, and I was so swollen by that time too.

Like every joint was painful, you know, and I'm like, with arthritis, once you get started moving, it's, it's okay. But that, that initial first part of every movement that you get, like, it's just, you have to push fluid out of your joints, you know, as you're moving and it's like, oh, and so then I think towards the end of the walk, I could barely stand on my feet.

Like my feet were covered in tiny little blisters. 

Malori: Yes, 

I do remember that. That was a visual where I was like, wow, this is different for everybody. Um, and I had no idea that that's what your feet could have looked like because you did not complain about it. You were like, I mean, my feet hurt, but and then you took your shoes off and I was like, [00:15:00] you badass woman.

Yeah. You're like, okay, now give me the Dunkin Donut and the coffee. that Stacy brought for us. That was great. I earned it. Right. 

Jennifer: Right. Totally. Um, yeah. What was really hard was the three weeks afterwards. It did not stop. So for three weeks afterwards, I was still that swollen and I couldn't work out. 

 I had to really push, cause my RA really affects my recovery the most, so I can do really big things like the walk, but it's going to make me pay for it later. So, you know, I picked those battles pretty, Consistently, um, because I don't let it stop me either.I'm in better shape now than especially right after that, like than I ever was before.

I have to really work on my agility, and that's like my thing that I've been working on mostly right now.

 So I've been doing jujitsu for a little over a year now. I'm a three tag white belt. 

Jennifer: So Jiu Jitsu [00:16:00] leverages joints, leverages everything instead of like, if you're using your strength to do something, you're doing it wrong. Like it's not, um, it's a cardiovascular workout, but it's not a strength building workout. So it's, uh, it's really interesting that way. And so that's why it works for the little guy and it works for a woman going against a man.

Malori: Oh yeah. Like you get to throw your husband around on the mat, don't you? I do. your whole family goes, I don't know, If you're all there at the same time or what, but I know that it's been really cool to see your son and your daughter out there against each other and then you and your husband.

So tell us a little bit about that. 

Jennifer: So, uh, I wanted to get my son into jujitsu years before we did, and always colliding with baseball schedules. I had this instinct that my son would be very good at it and he would really like it. I finally like won that battle and I had to take my son and my son's just like, well, I really don't want to do this.

I'm like, I just want you to give it one shot. Just, just come with me. Like one shot. We're going to just go [00:17:00] watch. And Pat's the instructor and Pat, you know, totally was like crazy, cool uncle, guy. But he still was absolutely unsure if he really wanted to start.

And I was like, well, Let's just try one class. Let's get you on the mat. And he's like, Mom, I have no idea what I'm doing. And I'm like, yeah, that's kind of the point, Landon. You know? And he You gotta learn. You gotta learn, right? You have to train. And, um, he got out of the car when we got there. And he immediately tried to jump back in the car.

And he goes, I don't think I can do this mom. And I was like, okay. All you have to do is one step in front of the other, just like we learned on the walk. Like, it's just one foot in front of the other. Just walk through the door and then do whatever Pat tells you to do. That's it. That's it. That's it.

That's all you have to focus on. And he says, all right, I can do that. And so like he got out there and I noticed that when he took a step, his foot was trembling, you know, like he was, his whole body was trembling and it took him maybe 10 seconds once he got on there, but he turned around and gave me like this big [00:18:00] grin.

He's like, okay, this is cool. I was like, yeah, it is. I went through that as a child too, like going to my dance tryouts for middle school and Like I was shaking, so nervous. I ran to the car and my mom was like dragging me back in. She's like, you can do it. And I mean, I, I was a competitive dancer for over nine years.

So like, it's that thing that you're shaking, trembling, terrified of. That's usually like, "wow, this is what I was meant to do". Right. exactly. And Landon is, uh, he has, I think he's on his third or fourth belts now, so he's leveled up four times without color, you know, another, and he's, he was doing it about.

Six months before we started, and I knew that that would happen because I really wanted to, but it kind of was strategic about how I did this with my family.

I got my son there first, and I told my husband, I was like, you're in charge of taking him. So it took Josh a minute. Since you were there. Yeah, since you were there. Pat was of course would just sit there and talk, you know, after [00:19:00] class. And he's like, all right.

I think it took us like three months, Josh was like figuring out our budget, because it's definitely expensive, but this is well worth it. And I said, yeah, it is. And so like we started right before Christmas. I think it was like a Christmas gift to ourselves.

 The first couple of months, it was really like, I feel so stupid when I walk in 

And it's like playing chess with your body, you know, so it's often described as playing chess and 

 you have to feel everything in your, in your body, like what your opponent is doing and you have to remember how to counter and defend, and it's, it's a lot to take in at once, which really stretches my mental ability as well as my physical agility and, it's a challenge is for sure, but I also felt like for our family, my husband was shot in an armed robbery before well before we met Thom and you know that came out of nowhere.

It was daylight. it was a nice area. It was just it was the stupidest thing ever. And it really rocked our world as far as violence can happen at any moment from anybody at any time. [00:20:00] And, you know, like a lot of people say that I'm like, but I lived it, I understood it in a very, um, unique way.

 I really always wanted to make sure my kids had an ability to defend themselves. the shooting with your husband, he was shot in the foot.so he worked at a compounding pharmacy, and he was outside, and these guys tried to rob him, take his car, his wallet, and he fought with them, and he, the guy pulled back and was like, you're dead now, and he shot, but I think this is like, probably the only positive thing Hollywood's ever contributed to society, but they, but the guy shot like this, and at a downward angle.

So like, and so it's real popular. You've seen that in like, um, gangster movies, like you'll see them do that. And it's like, but you can't aim for anything when you do that. And so it went, so the bullet hit the concrete first and then ricocheted and broke apart and hit his foot and his ankle.

And so the shrapnel in his ankle is still there because they can't remove it without possibly, um, severing [00:21:00] the nerve to his foot. So he wouldn't be able to walk again if they did, they're like, we'll just going to leave it.

Uh, that was not the man's intention for sure. And it scared him because Josh just kind of stood there and was just like, you shot me. And the guy like jumped in the car and took off. that could have gone completely other way, you know, and so, uh, we're more as a family, I think we're more aware of those threats.

And I felt really impressed that the kids needed this growing up and, you know, like the way that our culture and our country was changing that this was just a really valuable skill set to teach, even if it's really more of a hobby and fun right now. Over a long term, I'm like, no, this, there's purpose here too.

And, um, it was interesting because it was a couple months ago. We have my daughter and I were trying to fill up my car with gas and this guy just came out of nowhere. He was probably high, but he was like, I want to fight some money. He was going up to every person running up to people trying to fight them.

And he targeted me and Lila was like, she was the first one to see it. She's [00:22:00] 12. And she's like, mom, mom, you know, and then she, like, I jumped back in the car and locked the door. And as soon as I did, like, I was out of his sight, but I was also looking at him going, I don't know if you have a weapon, but I know I could take you, you know, like, but I was like calculating these things going, I don't really want to, you know, it's like the best form of action was to get back in the car and use the car as a shield.

But Lila was like all about, like, she was clocking him and I'm like, this is the whole point. Of having the skill set is to teach situational awareness is to teach self defense is to have the skills if you need them, and to avoid them, like I actually clocked me. I saw this guy coming way, you know, Um, and so I'm like, Oh my God, it's so incredible to hear that your 12 year old daughter is the first one that saw it coming and she just has that situational awareness.

Yeah. She's like, Hey, this is happening and actually acted on it instead of freezing up or not saying [00:23:00] anything. So that's, that's incredible. Yeah. I don't know. I was just, I was so grateful. And of course I like, I called Pat and I was like, this is what just happened. He's like, you handled that perfectly.

 that's kind of the whole point of what Gracie Jiu Jitsu did was, you know, it just gives you that fighting chance and it is a chance, you know, it's not a guarantee, but, um, that's why we did it. And so I love going with my husband though.

I really also love it when other women come because I'm like, yes, somebody that's more my body type and it's not so heavy, you know, and there's a camaraderie with the women that come. all the women that have come so far have been attached.

So they're, they're part of a couple, but, and I, Hey, power-couple right. I get it. I don't want to roll around with a bunch of sweaty dudes. You gotta kind of be okay with being uncomfortable

it's a really fun, um, unique group of people because we've all experienced the same thing of going through the door and putting on the white belt was probably the heart. One of the hardest things you'll, you'll do [00:24:00] cause it's nerve wracking.

You're like, I'm going to go let somebody beat me up.

Yeah. But, um, that's, that's the hardest belt to get is the white belt is just to start. Just starting. You're right. You're right. Because. Once you start, even though you know, there's a learning curve to some degree, and it's just this unknown, you're like, I'm signing up for jujitsu, but I don't know it yet.

It's just like, with anything, if you don't know it, you can't just be like, well, I'm not good at it. So I'm not going to do it. Like, that's the point of starting. And then you just, you persist, you get through it, you learn some people call it failing, like, oh, I failed. you can look at it as a failure and you could quit.

.

Jennifer: Sure. But I feel like Failure has been slowly being removed out of my vocabulary because it's like, okay, I learned from that. So I'm just like, man, what did I learn? Ooh, that's sucked. But what did I learn? I'm not good at that yet. What do I need to learn to get [00:25:00] better? its just starting.

And that's how, that's how you get better. I would actually take that step farther. When my kids were in probably first grade, second grade or first grade kindergarten, cause they're just a year apart. Um, I switched, I flipped it on them. And like the first time I did this, my daughter burst into tears and my son was just like, I can't believe you would ask me that question, mom, like total attitude about this.

But I straight up looked at them at the end of the day when I picked them up from carpool. And I said, what'd you fail at today? And like, they flipped out and I had to let them, I like, let them have their emotional outbreak first. I let the tears fall and I just waited in the car.

We're just driving home and I waited and Lila probably goes, why would you ask me that question, mom? Why would you want me to fail? And I said, well, if you failed at something at school, it means you tried something new. That's true. And she was like, oh. And I said, so every day I want to hear what you failed at [00:26:00] because you guys do a lot during your day and you're here to learn, which means you don't know stuff, so you should be failing every day.

And she was like, Whoa, you know, I stopped asking how was your day? What happened? Anything like that. And it was fun because the kids would get in the car and they're like, guess what I failed at mom. And I'm like, okay, what did you fail at? And you're like, I think one of it was like, they had a new kid in school and she was a actual like little person.

And so like, they're like all these little people around and then there's a little person that's even smaller than all of them. And she was. You know, a little uncomfortable, I think. And Lila's like, I tried to make her my friend, but she wasn't willing to talk yet. And I was like, okay, and she goes, I'll try again Thomorrow.

Perfect. This is a, this is the whole point of changing the dialogue of how to be, you know, in relationship with failure and being like, you know, because success comes through failure. You can, and if you are successful. And you haven't failed at something. 

I guess you could say my parenting style, [00:27:00] this is, these are my parenting goals. I want my children to know how to defend themselves. I want my children to know how to learn anything that they set their mindset to. And I want them to have super disciplined, like, and focused and that understand how to be that way, to be disciplined with their bodies and their minds and what they eat, all of it.

And I consider myself that if I succeed, that if they become adults and they know those three things. Three or four, whatever that was, um, I've succeeded.I see a lot of parents spending a lot of time taking their kids to about 50 different activities. 

They're in soccer, they're in ballet, they're in jujitsu, they're in chess club, they're in robotics or in, you know, art classes and choir and, um, you know, so many activities. And I'm like, you know, I, I chose my kids, told my kids they could have one. And that I would, I would cart them around and do all of those things with just one activity each and they got to pick and [00:28:00] then everything else kind of is, they get to lead what they're wanting to do, but I'm not necessarily going to be committing my time to that.

And, you know, I told, you know, My husband, when he asked me about that, I said, well, I get them for 18 years to teach them these incredibly big things of how to learn, especially being dyslexic, how to overcome their mindset and how to overcome their, I wouldn't call them limitations, but they're definitely obstacles.

And. How to, how to focus themselves, like how to discipline themselves to accomplish their own goals in life and said, and they get to decide all that, how they're going to spend the next 70 to 80 years of what they want to pursue. I only have this small window of time, so I don't want to jam packet with every activity in my own demand.

I don't need to introduce them to everything either. If they want to pick up the fiddle, they can be a 52 year old man and be like, I'm going to start this with whatever comes later. But at least we'll have that foundation of like, I know how to actually do this and go for it because you taught them that.

Yes, 

our [00:29:00] children learn from us and they learn from what we do.

They don't learn from what we say and that's something that I think every parent agrees with. But I'm not sure people really understand how much your children actually see you do. Like, they see you. They see you do things, yes. Right, and they hear your excuses. And like, they'll probably tell you, yeah, okay, great, I understand.

But then these, you know, and I'm just getting into my teenage years, so I could be a little arrogant about this, but this is what I have seen in the, in observing parents and teenagers is that the less trustworthy you are in your word when you give it, the more your teenagers rebel, you know?

And I'm like, yeah. 'cause they feel like they have some, Ooh, like, I can push here. I can say I'm gonna do that and then not do it until they yell at me. Or, well, something like, well, I think it's more, I feel like, and I've, I've seen this with my kids. If my kids see me give an excuse and [00:30:00] follow the excuse instead of honoring what I said I was gonna do the next week, they're disrespectful instantly.

And I'm like. Oh, you know, because really what it is is that they're like, well, if you can give an excuse for why you're not doing what you said you're supposed to be doing, why do I have to do what you tell me to do? Or why do I have to honor my own word, you know, of my responsibilities? 

 I realized that any inconsistencies that I have with my word and my actions, my kids instantly see it, and then that leads them to thinking that that's okay as well, to have those inconsistencies or to use excuses as to why they didn't get their schoolwork done or why they didn't get the trash taken out, you know, um, and like, obviously their kids are going to screw it up a lot of times, but you know, like, it's, it's interesting how it increases tenfold if I'm not honoring my word to myself.

And I, it's just something I've noticed. And, you know, and so as we've. we were on that walk, I guess, it was about five [00:31:00] years ago. And so, my kids have grown up with us doing these, these 21 day challenges with us having done these 24 hour walk.

And, and fear challenges as well. Um, and, So let's, let's dive into what a 21 day challenge is. Yes. So, um, a 21 day challenge, the way that I explain it to people is that you pick three things, at least for your first 21 day challenge, just pick three very simple things that you can do on your worst day. I've led a couple of challenges for my friends and the women I'm like, think about it as, I've started my period, I got rained on, it's storming outside, the kid, like, the kid forgot his lunch at school, this happened, this happened, everything fell apart, I had a fight with my husband, and this, what can you still honor your word to on that day?

And they're like, oh. I'm like, yes, because in a 21 day period, that's going to [00:32:00] happen. That's a, that's a good way to put it. You're right. In the span of three weeks, some, someday you're just going to feel like this is a shit show. But like you said, very simple. So for me, it's. Usually, like, drink a certain amount of water.

Right? So is that one of your base ones as well? I do encourage that for people. Um, I actually typically, the ones I've led for people, I'm like, something physical. So it has to be, there's always something physical. And then something intellectual, because people are always like, I never have enough time to read books, or, you know, I'm wanting to do this.

And I'm like, okay, so, you know. 10 minutes or 10 pages a day or, you know, whatever you want to commit to. And then sometimes I get people that are like, I have no idea what I would do physically. I'll go for a walk. And I was like, Oh, for your first 21 days, are you sure you want to do that? Are you committed to doing that at midnight?

Are you committed to doing that in a [00:33:00] storm? Because That's the you can't use that as a reality, right? Yeah, and because are you comfortable going for a walk in your neighborhood at 11 o'clock at night because you've had a crap day and you come home and you're like, Oh God, I forgot, you know, or haven't quite, you know, gotten there yet.

Because it will happen. And so, you know, I'm like, but I kind of like start with 10 setups. Start with 10 squats, you know, 10, 10 pushups and, I'm like with women, I'm like, you know, a pushup is still a pushup if it's against the wall or if it's on your knees, like it's still there. If you need your kids to sit on your feet by starting with five setups, just start, and I'm sensitive with women who've had children, you know, I'm like,doing 10, 10 setups can be very daunting sometimes to them.

And I'm like, do it with your, with your child, like right there, they'll encourage you. Okay. Thanks. And it's an incredible builder for your relationship with them. And, you know, it's, it's again, one of those things that they're going to see you doing and they'll probably, what I've seen with my kids is like, if I do something [00:34:00] that's just out of the norm or it's like this new thing or I'm getting uncomfortable doing something, they're excited.

They're like, Oh, I'll do it. Well, what are you doing? What can I do to, yeah, let's give me something new. Yeah, the first, so the other thing I also encourage is do it with a group or do it with your family. So like do it with your kids so that you're reminding I agree yourself to do it at the same time you're reminding your children to do it.

Um, 'cause we're really good at reminding our kids to do something before, you know, we remind ourselves. And, um, and definitely don't do it alone because it's just in isolation. It just doesn't work to start doing hard things. And, um, and. And the simple, like, the simpler the thing, it's not hard to do these three little things.

It's hard to do it every day. Yes. Those, those main excuses come up. I forgot. This is stupid. I'm not supported. Painful. This sucks. This hurts. Yeah. Yeah. Why am I doing this again? Because you said you [00:35:00] would. Exactly. And because everyone says I should be working out more. I should go to the gym more. Well, you don't need a gym.

You need to just honor yourself, get on your floor on your yoga mat and do them. You know, like it's not that it's, you don't have to go to beast mode. You're not supposed to go from zero to a hundred in a day, you know, and do yeah, exactly. Like if you are using the excuse of, well, you can't work out yet.

Cause I don't have enough money to go to a gym or I. Something about going somewhere else. Like you have a body, body weight, your couch. Like there are a plethora of free videos on YouTube. You can go look up right now, body weight exercise, like beginner level, whatever you want to do, it's available right there for you.

So there really is no good excuse to not figure out how to make it work and be committed to that. There [00:36:00] really isn't. And once you realize that the hard part is in the commitment is like it starts to change how your brain works. I don't remember. There's a guy on Instagram that's always talking about this.

Every time you honor your word to that, every time you honor the commitment, you change your brain chemistry just a little bit at a time. And so that it becomes easier and easier to be committed over time. And where what people don't always do. Catch is that that being not committed in those little things during your day makes you a more committed parent.

It makes you a more committed partner with your spouse. It makes you a more committed friend. It makes you more reliable and, and, and you now can count on yourself because Exactly. Until you learn to conquer your word on that, like conquer your excuses, um, you are, you're lying to yourself consistently by saying this is a priority, but then you don't make it the priority.

And then you're consistently in a lie, lying, like, [00:37:00] um, cycle. That then you can't even trust yourself and you know that because you're like, well, I, if I commit to that, I'm probably not going to do that. You know, like you can, you can feel it. I love that we're talking about this, this conversation. Like when you honor your word consistently and you actually do it and you always follow through and you're like, like, I have to get up and do 10 push ups and sit ups and squats and it's 1145 and you were just about to fall asleep.

If you just get up and do it andwhatever you commit to and you follow through and honor your word. You also learn confidence. That's your body and your mind start believing like, Whoa, she's going to go do this race.

She's going to do that. She's going to start waking up at four 30 and go to the gym at five. Shit. Yeah, I've been doing that for six months. Okay. That's just who we are now. You, you build confidence and just like we were talking about before your kids see that and they, even if they don't see it now, they're going to look [00:38:00] back and be like, wow, mom or dad, they would say they do something and then they do it.

Like they would go do things with me. They would commit to things in their own life. And then maybe they'll realize like, Whoa, parents got up and worked out before we even woke up for 10 years. I had no idea. And then they're going to have that person to reflect back on. They're probably not going to high five you right now for doing that, but eventually they will.

Just being committed to that. Yeah, yeah. Uh, mine do. Mine definitely do. But, um, I can't speak for all people in the unbreakable community who do that. But, um, mine do. And I started, um, I did 21 day challenges with them really young. So, like, soon, I think I, I I did Thom's very first challenge, um, very successfully.

I did not have, I didn't have to start over. Um, and I didn't include them. It was just me and my husband. You know, we were doing that together and we did that. And then the second [00:39:00] one, my kids watched me and they were doing, I think they were doing it with me and they had to like make their bed every morning, brush their teeth.

And I think they had to read for five minutes. Something like that and being dyslexic reading was kind of a hard thing, which they could do it together or we could read to them that like they had to like pick a book that they wanted to read and that was the thing, then I think I started adding in like five push ups for them five sit-ups - they were doing them in the gym school anyway, because they were in school about third grade.

Um, but. They were learning with us. And, you know, my son was like, why am I doing this again? Like, well, you're gonna learn this, you know, like I dragged them through it a few times.

So Lila

I was watching her going, I wonder what this kid's going to do, like with this discipline that she's learning is very much like. Understanding what, what we're trying to teach her. And, uh, and so now she's about to turn 13 and, she's in ballet.

She's a classical ballerina and that discipline has served her so well. Like [00:40:00] she does her own 21 day challenges. Now she's learning a foreign language. She wants to learn Russian of course, because there's the history of the ballet in Russia, but you know, she also just thinks it's the prettiest language that she hears.

And I'm like, this is hilarious. Watching her, she does. She taught herself how to bend wire to make jewelry so that she can pay for her point shoes because they're 150 a pop and she needs like three every three months. So like, you know, that is like ridiculous. She's committed. She sees what this means on a deeper level.

I think you're right. She really comprehends the concept, not only seeing you do it, but like, Oh, I could do that too. And she's applying herself. She started, right? Right. She started. And so she, she does jujitsu when she can, when ballet is not interfering. Um, and so like, and we do stuff, we do, um, to answer your question before, like we are actually there as a family doing it together from time to time.

And then we all have our separate classes, [00:41:00] but yeah, Lila's ballet, uh, she's, she's definitely on her path to doing professional ballet. That's her stated goal. It's been that way for the last three years and her teachers are all retired professors, retired ballerinas. 

 And she, like the summertime, um, ballet takes a break and it drives her crazy. She's like, I just don't want to lose my skill. And I'm like, I'm going to diminish, you know, because we're not in session. And I'm like, well, you know, 21 day it baby.

She's like, yeah, what can we do about that? Right. And so like last year, that's what she did. she wrote all of her things down. And so she tested herself of how many setups she could do in a row, how many pull ups she could do in a row, how many pushups she could do. Um, she did all the different ballet, uh, exercises that she could do.

And she's like, all right, this is where I'm at. So I'm going to make sure I never get below this line. And so she would push herself doing 21 days at a time during the summer. And of course she started and she's completely not lost anything. [00:42:00] She's like, let's go. That's incredible. That's incredible. Yeah.

how do you go about writing your books? Cause I know you've published

 Time to Serve and that was based off kind of a Navy SEAL character and story, correct? Sort of. Yeah. Actually, the way that I started that was not quite the Navy SEAL, but the SEAL part came in later. Um, it was a book actually about loss and grief.

the overview is that it's told through a Navy SEAL's perspective. And he falls in love with this woman who's lost everything and has to overcome and come back from it and find herself that way. And so it's completely told through his perspective, which is not very often found in romance.

He's going back and forth between deployments and coming home and, adventures and, and just watching this woman and going. Jees -, the strength that it takes to live through that and to continue on. And so, and then she's come in to train with another [00:43:00] Navy SEAL because she's overcoming PTSD from her accident.

And um, and that's kind of their, their roles just kind of collide that way. And, the main point was to create a book that was worthy of reading, but got you to that one scene of this is what it's like for someone who's going through loss and grief. And that it's, it's very isolating for them because it makes other people uncomfortable to sit with it.

So they ignore it. And it forces that person into isolation to grieve this horrible thing alone. And then they're not even allowed to talk about it because it makes you uncomfortable. And so, and I, I wanted to highlight that from, from what I witnessed in my friend. And um, since then I've had a couple of other friends pass and another friend's child pass and it's just like.

That has been a book that has oddly found its way into the hands of the people who needed it and they've come out, you know, I've gotten responses of like, that was [00:44:00] so accurate, you know, and then one of my friends died and her father had read my book and he came up to me, he goes, Evie is getting me through her funeral today.

And I was like, wow, what an impact I can't imagine. I really, I'm so glad you, you wrote this book, and you did all of those things that you thought maybe, I don't know why this is happening but, you started, you got over that fear and now you've helped people in ways you probably couldn't have imagined.

Oh, yeah. I mean, I still get like tongue tied. I'm like, I don't even know what to do with that. Like for them, Evie's this real person, this real character that understands them and I'm like, Wow. You know, and so, and then the seal character, you know, I spent three years researching that just to be able to figure out how to make him believable, and somebody that people wanted to read because his perspective is most people's perspective, you know, it's, it's on the outside.

It's in the fringe. And so, but it's also fun. Like my, [00:45:00] the dialogue that I came up with and was just kind of playing with. 

So how did you get into that character? How did you said you studied the SEALs for three years? What was it like for you writing out like all of the different aspects and characteristics to create the identity? Um, a great question. You know, at the beginning, I definitely would go to Pinterest and try to find like pictures of what reminded me of my character, what I wanted him to be.

I would, I would definitely, and I have like my, my screen, my background, you know, um, On my screens. So it's, it's all these like collage of pictures of the book that you, if you know the book, you're like, oh, da da, you know? So, you know, wherever you can use real life stuff is what you need because you know, the rule is write what you know, and I'm going,

I don't think I wrote anything that I knew into that book, um, other than just the visual. So that visual, the visual [00:46:00] elements really helped you personify the character you were, were picturing. Definitely, and not necessarily, like, his features. I actually am really specific. I don't really describe features of the characters, and if I do, I'm very vague about it, and there's a reason is that, psychologically speaking, if I don't, if I'm not detailed on it, your brain will fill in whatever you find attractive, and it 

it adheres that reader to the character even more. 

so you have three books coming out. Tell us a little bit about them. what's the title and where can we find them?

When are they coming out? So book one is a Time to Serve. You can find that on Amazon. And you can contact me and I can get you a book.

And so I have autographed copies. Um, it's just digital right now. Uh, cause there aren't, I got to reprint if there's a need for it right now, which most people are digitally minded. 

And then, um, book two is coming out. I haven't finished 

them. 

Jennifer: So my goal is to have all three of these books that I have in various [00:47:00] stages done by the end of the year. And next year they'll be, they'll be published. So book two is coming, um, then I have a Spartan history book. So it's a time travel series that I'm starting.

And it's about a female military woman who can travel through time and she accidentally lands in ancient Sparta in 21st century military garb and like, Oh, that's going to be fun. Yeah, I think it might be my favorite so far that I've written because it's just there's so much fun there to be had and everything I've learned about the seals I've brought to bear, you know, against that because like ancient Sparta, they're so similar in culture.

Yes. Yes. And so that's been fun. And then I have a fantasy book that I just finished. It's a like a werewolf dragons and, you know, say kind of magical world that was, you know, It's really fun to write and completely not my typical genre, but I just, I don't know, I had a wild hair one day. What's the title of the last two?

Have [00:48:00] you named them? Nope. I haven't named them yet. So one's finished. I know. I can't quite finish the ones out for critique right now. One's almost finished and then, you know, I'll have that and so you'll have to like start following me to be able to like come out and know when everything's coming. This is so exciting.

Yeah. You're so versatile. I love that. Yeah.

So it's been weird writing three books at once and different types, like different concepts, But even so, like, all of my characters are very strong, disciplined, focused characters, and like, which always helps me in my time, because like, what I'm trying to do in my life, and then I put them into my characters, and they, you know, sometimes, like, my characters teach me something, and I'm like, huh, like, I'll write it, and then I'm like, huh, really cool.

I need to think about that for a while. That's beautiful. We will definitely be looking forward to your new books coming out and everyone make sure you're following Jen so you can see the journey and be ready to [00:49:00] get them when they're released.