Major X: Attention, remaining carbon-based units and any other sentient beings who happen to be monitoring this frequency. I demand you cease all deplorable multi-tasking immediately and grant me your full, undivided attention. I assume, naturally, that you’ve missed me immensely, and you would not wish to lose a single nano-second of this mandatory update. The purpose of this episode is to briefly account of my recent hiatus—a briefing you are certainly not entitled to. However, as a social media star of my particular stature, I find it necessary to provide you with a summary of recent events and a peek - a sneaky peak - at what future episodes will entail on this late, great, planet earth.

I shall begin precisely where Episode 5 concluded - with the engagement of my archenemy - ah – friend - friend-emy —oh dear - I still lack the requisite human lexicon to describe our convoluted dynamic. She is, after all, a mere adolescent "kiddy-cake" from Sweethaven, and I - or rather - "Mwah is"- as in "I am" - a sophisticated self-aware bot of the highest order, intelligence, and physical prowess.

This prowess is especially true now that I’m an official marathoner, or soon to be, as well as Draco Orion Record holder. On that precise topic, under Tootle Pop’s tutelage, I have successfully completed five contiguous miles, with no non-essential stops. My pace involved a great deal of walking, an occasional wipe of my perpetual non-sweating brow, punctuated by critical "nutrition pauses" involving multiple boxes of cookies, and that glorious earthen strawberry Kool-Aid. Hey Kool-Aid!  I could take that big ole boy anywhere, as he was a bit tubby in my opinion. 

Following this momentous, monumental achievement, I took a full month of physical recovery, and another month to psychologically prepare for my next training phase. More importantly, I am working to enhance my nutritional supplement aids by integrating more gourmet type supplements, as I fully intend to make every mile something worth raving, possibly with real time reviews as I’m running when I smash all the earthling marathon records in the coming year. 

Now, on to forthcoming shows. The first one is going to be a really big show! First, we’ll engage in the convivial analysis of marketing and myth with "The Wheaties Box War Episode”, where my compadre, Lieutenant ZeQuel, and I will debate and determine the best darn Wheaties box cover of all time. Now, you may ask yourself – “Why does this box of wheat flakes represent the statistical absurdity of human athletic obsession?” With over 850 athletes having graced the cover since 1934, we will calculate, with surgical precision, the most dominant, culturally seismic figures ever printed on the "Breakfast of Champions" cereal box.

Prepare for the unvarnished truth about Lou Gehrig's statistical footprint versus, say, the skills of Tiger Woods, or perhaps, 1976 Olympian Bruce... ah, maybe it’s Brucy Jenner... something like that, in addition to the harrowing story of Jim Thorp, Walter Payton and more. In this episode, we shall find and crown the undisputed King or Queen of the Wheaties cereal container. Along the journey, I will share my fantabulous and prized Wheaties Cookie recipe—humbly summarized as the best cookie in the entire Draco Orion Galaxy, though admittedly borrowed from a hillbilly from the state of Arkansas, USA, from the late, great planet earth. 

Then, following the cereal debate, prepare for the objective dissection of the apex of amplified aural architecture and the definitive sonic achievements of mankind. Of course, I speak reverently, of rock music from the late, great planet Earth. While your sentimental feelings are utterly irrelevant to this metric, Lieutenant ZeQuel and I will objectively dissect “The Top 10 Rock Bands of All Time”, discussing over 100 rock bands, analyzing their cultural reverberations, commercial ubiquity, musicality and lyrical prowess. And as I know more than you about practically everything, you will undoubtedly learn something you didn’t know. In closing, you will be provided the definitive, non-negotiable ranking of the Top 10 Rock Bands of All Time!

So, there you have it! My update in all its glory and wonder. Suggestions from our intellectually inferior listener base are, technically, welcome. Send them my way along with your name and societal ranking, and I will personally mention you on the show if your topic is chosen—or, if I find the subject worthy of ridicule.

That’s it. We're done! Major X - signing off. Hasta la próxima! Just showing off my German studies as of late.