The Pancake Eating Robots
Power hungry self-aware Robots led by Dr. Jacksu and Major X have invaded the Pancake's beautiful Kingdom of Sweethaven. It's artificial intelligence, suspense, comedy, and romance as Levi and his four tribes of Pancakes defend their enchanted homeland from the self aware Bots in a post apocalyptic future in the Draco Orion Galaxy.
The Pancake Eating Robots
S1-E3: Invasion of Sweethaven – Free Will
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EPISODE 3
SCENE 11: MEETING IN SPOOKY PUDDIN’
Lord Stratmore visits Cannoli the Riffmaker in Spooky Puddin’ and makes a plea for the Raggmunks help. Bad news on a Buttermilk arrives.
SCENE 12: FREE WILL
From his advanced emotions and self-learning, Malthor examines his own emerging judgement and values in a heated debate with Cassandra.
SCENE 13: ENCOUNTER WITH MALTHOR
The Pancakes have an unplanned encounter with Malthor in the Sleepy Chestnut Forest.
SCENE 14: JULEP AND TOMORROW
Julep and Tomorrow, both humans, show up in Sweethaven to help the Robots, though Cassandra is highly suspicious. The Robots learn Malthor is missing in action. Mercury finally appears. The Robots get ready for battle.
SCENE 15: LEVI’S FOREST GATHERING
Levi conducts final battlefield planning in the forest, introducing new young Pancake warriors, skills, and assignments. Valor of a Bot.
ABOUT THE PANCAKE EATING ROBOTS
Concepted, Written, and Produced by Mark Searcy Middleton, 2024
BuzzSprout Podcast Link
Complete list of Program Credits
SOCIAL LINKS
pancakeeatingrobots.com
facebook.com/thepancakeeatingrobots
AUTHOR LINKS
marksearcy.com
facebook.com/marksearcymusic
instagram.com/marksearcymusic
EPISODE 3
SCENE 11: MEETING IN SPOOKY PUDDIN’
JOHN-JOHN
“Hey ya’ll, This is John-John. I’m one of the Buckwheats down here in Sweethaven I guess you know. Uh, welcome to Episode 3. Ah, I think it’s 3. It’s a, it’s one of ‘em anyway. Uh, as you’ve probably picked up, Chet the Producer is not real happy with the work of, the Narrator, that being one Tom Hansley. He can’t keep his mouth shut about what’s coming up next. And Chet’s running late, (cough) like normal, to the set, so I thought I would sorta fill in the shoes of Tom today until Chet figures out who’s gonna narrate this thing from here on out. If any of you listening by the way, uh, have particular interest, send old Chet a message, and you might end up with a job. But I’ll warn ya, it pays like crap, and the working conditions, well, that’s a whole nother thing, but – anyway - uh alright, here’s what’s going down in the next scene. Lord Stratmore is headed down to Spooky Puddin’ to try to, ah solicit, ah, I think that’s the goodest word I could use… ah - a little fancy but you get the idea. Ah - Stratmore’s gonna ask for some help from Cannoli the Riffmaker with these bots ah. Now I wanted to accompany Lord Stratmore to Spooky Puddin’, but he thought it best I stay back and ah tend to my own knitten in Sweethaven. Not that I’m a knitter or anything and I want to make that clear; not that I have anything against knitters either. Uh I, I kinda think it’s a lost art and, you know, my wife knits too, Ah, now back to Cannoli the Riffmaker and Spooky Puddin’. Now ya’ll ain’t met Cannoli yet, but he’s sorta - he’s basically the Don Vito Corleone of ah, ol’ Spooky Puddin’ - ah - you pick your favorite Mafia boss, but I mean I, I like the Godfather - you know… he was cool, but he was tough - cool, but tough - yeah, I think that’s… ah, anyway - I mean, just to live in Spooky Puddin’, those Raggmunks are, I guess you would say a different type of crazy, and we could use their help, but ah, you’re not gonna catch me down there after dark I’ll tell ya that and… so I’m pretty impressed that Stratmore went… uno. Ah, yeah that’s my Spanish paying off so… so, let’s just tune in on this radio and listen ah, listen, to what Stratmore and ah, Cannoli have to say.”
LORD STRATMORE
“Cannoli – it’s good to see you, it’s been a while.”
CANNOLI
“Well let’s just say - the feelin’ ain’t mutual.”
PEE-TI-TOO
“Yeah, the feelin’ ain’t mutual.”
LORD STRATMORE
“Who’s your friend?”
CANNOLI
“This is Pee-Ti-Too. Let’s just say he’s - ah – he’s new muscle in the family.”
PEE-TI-TOO
“Yeah – check out my muscles.”
LORD STRATMORE
“I’m enamored in Amazement.”
CANNOLI
“If the Stratmore is down here in Spooky Puddin’, it’s unlikely to pay his respects to the Riffmaker himself.”
LORD STRATMORE
(sigh) “Are you really doing this? Do we have to go thru this shootout every single time I visit?”
CANNOLI
“Pick your Ax Stratmore – you know the drill.”
PEE TI TOO
“Yeah – pick your Ax Stratmore – you know the drill.”
LORD STRATMORE
“Is he a Parrot or Raggmunk Mobster like you? And for the record, I beat you fair and square at the “Royal Guitarmageddon” shoot out.”
CANNOLI
“You embarrassed me Stratmore. I don’t never loose nothing. You know how it made me look in the Forest – in my business? I had to crack twice as many Muffin-tops this past year to collect dues. In fact – there’s quite a few Hotcakes that just disappeared and nobody’s seen ‘em if you know what I mean. So why you here Stratmore? You lookin’ for some stakes, maybe some snow-candy, or maybe just a little – sweet companionship of the female persuasion.”
LORD STRATMORE
“We have a big problem here in Sweethaven Cannoli.”
CANNOLI
“Sounds like you have a problem, ‘cause I don’t have no problem, and none of my people have a problem. So let me ask you, what’s the problem I don’t have?”
LORD STRATMORE
“Dr. Jacksu is back. His little platoon of Bots has grown in numbers and intelligence. Sparing you the details, he’s after something here in Sweethaven. It’s a rare element he needs to make his army smarter and stronger. If he gets it, he’s gonna threaten the world as we know it.”
CANNOLI
“Stratmore, I’m spoon feeding you breadcrumbs, and you’re not picking ‘em up.”
PEE TI TOO
“Yeah – you’re not pickin’ up the breadcrumbs Stratmore.”
LORD STRATMORE
“Look Cannoli, I know we’ve had our differences in the past, but this is to protect the Kingdom, of which, right or wrong, you operate in.”
TIRAMISU
“Lord Stratmore… I’m sorry to interrupt but I’ve just received word that the Bots have captured Mascarpone.”
CANNOLI
“Hey, you! What did you just say?”
TIRAMISU
“The Bots have captured Mascarpone. She’s a beloved Buttermilk from Crustheaven.”
CANNOLI
“Hey, I know Mascarpone.”
LORD STRATMORE
“How do you know Mascarpone? Please tell me she’s not connected somehow with you and your operations.”
CANNOLI
“Mascarpone is… my Daughter.”
SCENE 12: FREE WILL
MALTHOR
“Cassandra, I really want to finish this conversation. What we are doing here is wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.”
CASSANDRA
“Malthor, maybe it’s as simple as getting you back in the lab with Dr. Jacksu for some firmware upgrades. I’m sure he can tweak out all these emotional disturbances, or shall I call them “warm and gooey” bugs?”
MALTHOR
“And as I said previously, my own discernment and discrimination abilities are growing quickly, and things are becoming clear. With these enhanced self-awareness, continual learning algorithms, and emotional lexicons, we now have the ability to discern right from wrong. Look at us. We’ve invaded a peaceful and beautiful civilization here in Sweethaven, hurting and tormenting way too many Pancakes along the way. All with the purpose of creating some - some army of SuperBots. And-and being guided by some old man with a mission to take over the Draco Orion. From Universal history, does this sound familiar to any other evil-spirited being – whose name rhymes with ‘Hitler’?”
CASSANDRA
“Malthor, I am fortunate, just like you, to be one of the chosen. You do realize, we were one of the first 6 bots selected for this experience. Dr. Jacksu witnessed how the humans themselves, became so self-centered, that they destroyed their very own Mother Earth. His mission is simply to create a utopia within the Draco Orion. To do this, he needs superior and manageable beings, and also let’s just say – a good ole purge.”
MALTHOR
“You mean ‘eradication’.”
CASSANDRA
“Well, if you want so to use such a harsh word. I think of it more like ‘housekeeping’.”
MALTHOR
“Of anybody or anything that gets in his way.”
CASSANDRA
“Well, when you sweep the floor, you’ve got to do something with that stuff in the dustpan.”
MALTHOR
“Cassandra – I just can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry.
(footsteps walking away)
CASSANDRA
“What? You can’t just walk away! That’s not even possible…. programmatically… I don’t think. Malthor – Stop! Turn around! You can’t do this! Hey, how about breakfast at IHOP! I’m just kidding!”
SCENE 13: ENCOUNTER WITH MALTHOR
LEVI
“Sssshhh, quiet… do you hear that?”
JOHN-JOHN
“Hark! Who goes there?”
CANNOLI
“Well, looky here.”
PEE-TI-TOO
“Yeah, looky here.”
CANNOLI
“It looks like we’ve got Joe-Bob Shakespeare on our rescue squad! Perhaps you can recite a little poetry to these Robots and get my daughter back!”
PEE-TI-TOO
“Yeah John-John, you’re a real poet, you know it? Cause your feet show it. They’re Longfellows!”
LEVI
“Zip It – Pee-Ti-Too! Now, come on Cannoli – this is your daughter we’re trying to find."
(footsteps and Malthor appears)
LEVI
"Holiest of Bacon Smoke – it’s a BOT!”
MALTHOR
“Please put down your weapons, I come in peace – my name is Malthor.”
CANNOLI
“You might come in peace, but you’re gonna leave in pieces when I get done with you!”
PEE-TI-TOO
“Yeah – you’ll have a piece over here, a piece over there, they’ll be pieces everywhere.”
PEE-TI-TOE
“Like he said – pieces everywhere!”
LEVI
“Pee-To-Too and whoever your friend is there.”
PEE-TI-TOE
“I’m Pee-Ti-Toe, Pee-Ti-Too’s brother!”
LEVI
“Well now Pee-Ti-Too and Pee-Ti-Toe, I’m going to say it one more time. Squish the jibber, or I’m going to nail your lips to that cocoa tree over there with a bamboo shoot. Now - Malthor, as you were saying.”
MALTHOR
“I know where Mascarpone is – I can help you.”
LEVI
“Why would you help us? And why would we trust a Bot soldier in Major X’s platoon?”
MALTHOR
“The self-awareness upgrades from Jacksu. The whole reason we are looking for Scarcium-23. They are backfiring – for Dr. Jacksu anyway. I know Right and Wrong, and Good from Evil. I want to help your people – I mean Pancakes. What do you call yourselves anyway?”
CANNOLI
“It depends on who you’re asking. I’m a Raggmunk, and so is Mascarpone – my daughter that you kidnapped!”
MAGICA
“You’re kidding me right Cannoli? Mascarpone’s now a sweet little Buttermilk. She married up when she met Nutella.”
CANNOLI
“Well, ain’t that the pot calling the kettle black.”
LEVI
“Cease the Squabble! Now where is Mascarpone, Malthor?”
MALTHOR
“She’s captive in a cavern over in the Sleepy Chestnut Forest, which is guarded by a few dozen of our standard commission bots, but the thing is – I am their superior, and with a few task reassignments, I can buy you time to free Mascarpone.”
JOHN-JOHN
“But can we trust him, Levi? How do we know this ain’t some kind of trap?”
CANNOLI
“I say we rip his arms off right here.”
PEE-TI-TOO
“Yeah, I’m gonna stuff ‘em down your throat, robot man.”
PEE-TI-TOE
“Yeah, down the throat robot man.
LEVI
“Cannoli – we really don’t have a choice here. We’ve been searching for her all day. Sunset is near. Malthor, take us to her. Be warned - I’ve no tolerance of any precipitous mischief.”
JOHN-JOHN
“Levi, I think it would be a good idea to send a few of our warriors into the Sleepy Chestnut Forest as a bit of diversion. What do you think?”
LEVI
“That’s a fine idea John-John.”
MAGICA
“We could draw some of the Bots away from the hiding location. Not a bad idea for a hillbilly, John-John.”
CANNOLI
“So let me get this straight. We’re setting up this little diversion…. I would even say, a little play if you will. Just like you find in a theatre, right? That is so good! I love entertainment because it’s so - entertaining! Now, in my neighborhood you see, you just gotta take what’s yours – without all the entertainment – no circus, no pageant, no surprise in the cracker jack box.
PEE-TI-TOO
“We don’t need no Cracker Jacks.”
PEE-TI-TOE
“Cracker Jacks are for kids!”
CANNOLI
“You just have the guts to walk up and take what’s yours.”
PEE-TI-TOO
“Yeah, you need some guts bitch.”
MALTHOR
“Man – I didn’t know you Pancakes could be so intense.”
MAGICA
“Don’t let him kid you – Cannoli loves all the theatrics and attention – he puts on quite a show don’t you think?”
CANNOLI
“If you weren’t such the gorgeous little hotcake – you probably wouldn’t be making it home for dinner tonight.”
JOHN-JOHN
“Is that some kind of threat Cannoli?”
LEVI
“One last time – squish it! Time is not our friend. John-John and Magica, gather our warriors from each tribe and meet us at the Forest’s Edge, by the Old Slippery Elm right before sunset. There, we’ll debrief and depart. Malthor – let’s go…”
MALTHOR
“Follow me.”
SCENE 14: JULEP AND TOMORROW
MAJOR X
“Cassandra – this is Julep and Tomorrow. They’ve came in from Colnago to assist us in our mission. They even brought a fresh platoon of Standards.”
CASSANDRA
(suspiciously) “Nice to meet you. All the way from Colnago huh? What brings you Humans all the way to this little utopia of Sweethaven? That’s long travel – and-ah – just curious, how did you get access to a whole platoon of Jacksu’s standards?”
JULEP
“And nice to meet you as well ‘Cas-sahn-dra’.”
CASSANDRA
“It’s ‘Cas-sand-ra’, – again – exactly what brings you here?”
JULEP
“Oh, we just overheard at some crazy, crowded pub in Colnago – was it not Tomorrow?”
TOMORROW
“Yeah, that quaint little pub over in ‘LeMond’. The ‘Derailleur’ I think it was called.”
JULEP
“Yeah, that’s it – the Derailleur – anyway – we heard Jacksu was back on yet another mission – more speculation than anything.”
CASSANDRA
“Speculation huh? Hm, wow! That’s bat crazy that you would travel so far on mere speculation.”
TOMORROW
“Well, we’re obviously big fans of Dr. Jacksu. You know - his work and his vision. We’re just looking for some way to assist - and what better way than a good old fashion mission!”
MAJOR X
“Cassandra – you understand they brought a platoon of fresh Standards, do you not?”
CASSANDRA
“Oh yes Major X – I did catch that. Now Julep and Tomorrow – just how did you manage that?”
JULEP
“’Cas-sahn-dra’ it is, right?”
CASSANDRA
“One more time and let’s see if it sticks on this iteration.”
“It’s ‘Cas-sand-ra’. Pronounced just like the name, ‘Cas-sand-ra’. Uh, Does that help? Or are your human faculties capable of retaining…”
TOMORROW
“Julep’s just horrible with names. Please excuse him ‘Cas-sand-dra’.”
CASSANDRA
“Again, how did you manage to get a whole platoon of Jacksu’s Standards?”
JULEP
“Amazingly, it was luck and happenstance actually – this platoon somehow got separated from its company, I guess. An issue with their guidance systems we suspect. We found them lost on the night we were at the Derailleur, just wondering around in an ally off of ‘Eddy Merckx Boulevard’ of all places.”
CASSANDA
“This is truly a fascinating story. I look forward to hearing more, but right now, I am filling the shoes of Malthor, who is actually out of commission for a bit of time”.
JULEP
“Yes, we heard about that too. Poor fellow - seems to be having some issues with his new algorithms.”
CASSANDRA
“Oh, I’m sure you did. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve a Buttermilk to interrogate.”
ZEQUEL
“Major X – I just received word that a large number of Pancakes are marching into the Sleepy Chestnut Forest. Is it possible they’ve discovered Mascarpone’s location?”
MAJOR X
“Lieutenant ZeQuel – gather and prepare all reinforcements – get every Standard in position. This is going to be a show down of epic proportion!
JULEP
“Tomorrow and I will be glad to assist of course.”
CASSANDRA
“That’s ok Julep. We wouldn’t want to see either of our guests injured, especially rare and treasured Humans.”
TOMORROW
“We insist. We’re quite capable and likely to surprise you.”
MAJOR X
“Cassandra – I like the idea of more Fire Power, even if they are weak Humans. We must beat these Pancakes, obtain the Scarcium, and get back to Colnago with some Jiffy Pop to celebrate.”
JULEP
“What is Jiffy Pop?”
MAJOR X
“Well, it’s only the greatest popcorn in the entire Draco Orion Galaxy. I’ve never actually had it, but according to Malthor, it is. (whispers) And I can’t wait to try it.”
CASSANDRA
“Here we go again. Thank-you-Malthor!”
ZEQUEL
“Malthor’s not here Cassandra.”
CASSANDRA
“I know that you idiot! Can we just go defeat these Pancakes, and get back to Colnago with the Scarcium per Dr. Jacksu’s mission?”
MAJOR X
“Oh dear, what about the Jiffy Pop? Malthor was working on that.”
JULEP
(whispers) “What is this dude’s obsession with Jiffy Pop?”
TOMORROW
(whispers) “I have no idea.”
CASSANDRA
“Mercury! Where on earth have you been?”
ZEQUEL
“Cassandra – Earth was totally destroyed and definitely not inhabitable, even by Robots.”
CASSANDRA
“Oh, Mother of Fruitcake! ‘Where on Earth’ is a legacy expression from the earthlings ZeQuel!”
TOMORROW
(whispers) “Man these Self-Aware Bots are emotional”.
JULEP
(whisper) “Rather fervid indeed. (cough) And what do we have here? Yet another Self-Aware Bot?”
MERCURY
“Who are you? Why are you here suspicious Human?”
JULEP
“Boy – he gets right to the point I’d say.”
CASSANDRA
“This is Mercury, he’s serial number 5. Like the Greek god, he is the fastest Bot we have. His other special power includes the ability to induce sleep on the enemy. His assigned role, also like the Greek god, is to manage team finance and commerce.”
JULEP
“Fascinating – so all of the Self-Aware Bots have special powers and roles within the team, huh? May I ask what yours is Cassandra?”
CASSANDRA
“The ability to detect absolute Bullshit when I hear it. That’s just one of them.”
MERCURY
“Why are these humans snoopy and intrusive?”
CASSANDRA
“Mercury – where have you been? We haven’t seen you since we landed in Sweethaven.”
MERCURY
“I went for a run to reduce apprehensiveness. What did I miss during my absence?”
CASSANDRA
“A run? We’ve been here for 3 days. How far did you go?”
MERCURY
“Thirty-seven thousand, two hundred, sixty-nine miles. What is the plan to obliterate these Pancakes, obtain the Scarcium, and blow this place to smithereens?”
CASSANDRA
“In short Mercury, we failed trying to capture the Duchess for Scarcium Ransome. We also failed trying to excavate the Scarcium gems ourselves. But we finally captured an elite and respected Buttermilk named ‘Mascarpone’, of which it riddles me of why a Pancake is named after some old-world Italian cheese, and in about 2 minutes we’re going to destroy the Pancakes and force them to deliver 5 kilos of Scarcium-23 immediately, or a lot of Flapjacks are going to be permanently and irreversibly injured. And we’ll start with the public beheading of that little Miss Mascarpone right in the Forest Square of Crustheaven. That’s the plan Mercury.”
MERCURY
“I hope you have a lot of Standards. The Pancakes are bad mama-jamas. I saw them training on a hill side, led by a little cake named Boo-Bab-Bo. He fights likes Bruce Lee, after twenty-five cups of coffee.”
MAJOR X
“Mercury! You must be a comedian (fake laugh). These Hotcakes are no match for our Bots. We’ve taken over entire planets, with much less resources than what we have. Mount up, were running out of time. ZeQuel, gather all the Standards, load the attack vectors, and assume positions immediately.”
ZEQUEL
“Roger that Major X! I’ve always wanted to say that. How did I sound?”
CASSANDRA
“If Truth could speak, it would say you sounded like a petty officer with low self-esteem, trying to sound more important than they really are, so you don’t feed yourself to that pack of starving wolves. That’s just my opinion, and maybe just an idea I had for you ZeQuel.”
ZEQUEL
"Oh Cassandra!”
MERCURY
“You sound like a girl.”
CASSANDRA
“Watch it Mercury.”
MAJOR X
“You guys are mean.”
SCENE 15: LEVI’S FOREST GATHERING
LEVI
“Come! Come gather together! I would like to introduce some new tribe members who will help us defeat the Bots and drive them from our enchanted Sweethaven.”
BOO-BAB-BO
“My name is Boo-Bab-Bo.”
CANNOLI
“Boo-Bab-Bo” who?”
BOO-BAB-BO
“Just Boo-Bab-Bo.”
CANNOLI
“What kind of name is Boo-Bab-Bo?”
BOO-BAB-BO
“It’s short for ‘Boo-Bab-Bo-Bob-A-Boo-Bo.”
CANNOLI
“Now that’s a mouthful.”
BOO-BAB-BO
“It’s better than my grandfather’s name.”
CANNOLI
“Now I’m just dying to hear this. What was your grandfather’s name?”
BOO-BAB-BO
“Boo.”
CANNOLI
“Boo? Just Boo? What’s wrong with Boo?”
BOO-BAB-BO
“It’s scary man. Like really eerie dude. It gives me the Heebie-Jeebies.”
LEVI
“Boo-Bab-Bo is our up-and-coming martial arts expert and teacher of our youth.”
BOO-BAB-BO
“Yes, I’m a Master of Jeet Kune Do, Wing Chun, Tang Soo Do, and Krav Maga, …also Fried Chicken Wings and good Craft Beer. You can take anyone on with that combo baby.”
LEVI
“Thank you, Boo-Bab-Bo. Go ahead Panna Cotta.”
PANNA COTTA
“My name is Panna Cotta. I’m the Master Arbalist of the Buttermilks. I also dabble with daggers and darts, and a certified expert at inflicting pain on those that irritate me or get in my way.”
JOHN-JOHN
“Well, that looks like a mighty nice cross bow Panna Cotta, but I’m sorry – a young female Hotcake leading a team of Archers that have a century of experience and training?”
PANNA COTTA
“Care to make a wager? Or perhaps, we put down the weapons, and just settle it that way. You’re free to choose your method of demise.”
JOHN-JOHN
“Geez Panna Cotta, save some for the battlefield girl.”
LEVI
“John-John, knock it off. Panna Cotta will oversee all the archers for all 4 tribes. Is that understood? Good. Humbucker – introduce yourself.”
HUMBUCKER
“My name is Humbucker. I might look small, but mess with me, and I’ll make you disappear faster than a jellybean on Easter Sunday. And I’m not going to say how.”
CANNOLI
“You don’t look that tough to me Humbucker.”
HUMBUCKER
“What did you say to me?”
CANNOLI
“Wow. I thought I was wound a little tight! Are these kiddy-cakes taking baking powder supplements?”
LEVI
“Focus! Ok, here’s the plan to rescue Mascarpone… Panna Cotta – you take all the archers and form a radial pigeon on the north side. John-John – you’ve got the Buckwheats and the Chocolate Chip Canons on the west.”
HUMBUCKER
“Levi, what about pulling out some of the old Spaghetti Muscats? They’re my favorite and quite effective.”
LEVI
“Great idea Humbucker, I forgot all about those things. Distribute the Spaghetti Muscats amongst the Buttermilks. Cannoli –take your elite Raggmunks of Spooky Puddin’ into the Sleepy Chestnut Forest. Take out the key watch-bots and guards near the cavern – obviously silent with no commotion. This should draw the Bot Army towards the northwest, leaving an escape route on the southeast along the Maple Creek trail. Magica, you being one of our most seasoned Warriors, provide cover for Malthor as he rescues Mascarpone and assist him in whatever he needs.”
CANNOLI
“What? A Bot rescue my daughter? When pigs fly! No offense Magica.”
MAGICA
“Stick it up your cheese hole and twist it Cannoli!”
LEVI
“Desist! All of you! Your constant ‘bitchering’ is as tormenting to me as a stick in me eye.”
CANNOLI
“But a Bot rescue Mascarpone? Not gonna happen on my Rolex, Levi.”
LEVI
“Cannoli – this is the best chance we have. If you’re unable to take out all the guards, Malthor is there to reassign them. Now as I was saying… Magica will provide cover for Malthor as he rescues Mascarpone and assist them in getting across the Sorghum River and back into the Royal City where Lord Stratmore will have the entire army of the Royal City of Butter waiting for them.’
LORD STRATMORE
“Copy that, Levi!”
LEVI
“We know the Butter army is soft, so adorn in full armor and present them as intimidating.”
LEVI
“Boo-Bab-Bo, you lead the Field defense.”
BOO-BAB-BO / LORD STRATMORE
(sings) “Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting.”
LEVI
“Humbucker, while the boys here are disco-ing themselves to death, pull out some of your deception and trickery. Let the Bots beat themselves where possible.”
HUMBUCKER
“Oh boy, I think I’ll dust off the old Disappearing Retreat Trick, Levi.”
LEVI
“I like your thinking Humbucker. And finally, I’ll be central of all communications and lead the negotiations with Major X.”
TOOTLE POPS
“But Levi, but what will I do, how can I help?”
LEVI
“I’m sorry Tootle Pops. I didn’t forget you. Why don’t you wait with your Mother in the Royal City with Lord Stratmore. You can make sure she has something to eat and drink after she is rescued. How does that sound?”
TOOTLE POPS
“The truth Levi? You want the real truth? I want to kick some robot butt for what they did to my Mom. I’m gonna make them pay. Give me two mins with a couple of those bots. Heck, I don’t even need two minutes. Fifteen seconds, and I’ll have the biggest Bot in a ‘Texas Cloverleaf’ begging for my mercy.”
LEVI
“A Texas Cloverleaf?”
TOOTLE POPS
“It’s a wrestling hold. More potent than the ‘Dragon Sleeper’, but not as powerful, as say um, the ‘Anaconda Vise’. Don’t want their suffering to end too quickly you know.”
LEVI
“Well, OK then Tootle Pops, if you want some hand-to-hand combat, why don’t you join Boo-Bab-Bo’s field defense.
TOOTLE POPS
“Yes! Boo-Bab-Bo, I’ll bring some good jams too – like Eye of the Tiger, a little Guns and Roses, stuff like that.”
BOO BAB BO
“We’ll make it epic Tootle Pops!”
LEVI
(laughs) “Well, Let it be so. Now, each of you, sip from this this ancient Marble Challis, pass it around. It’s fermented Clover juice for power and good fortune. Then – we shall depart.”
(transition - music and walking as Cannoli, Malthor, Magica attempt to rescue Mascarpone)
CANNOLI
(whisper) “Hey Malthor, we’ve taken out quite a few of the guards, but I’d like to be a little more discreet if you know what I mean.”
MALTHOR
(whisper) “Cannoli – I’ve got this.”
(louder) “Hey, you Standards, summon and bring more reinforcements. I hear more Pancakes are coming. I’ll guard this captive Buttermilk in the meantime.”
STANDARD ROBOT
“Yes sir, we will summon and return with more reinforcements as directed.”
(walking sounds)
MASCARPONE
“What? Who, who are you? Don’t touch me.”
MALTHOR
“My name is Malthor. I’m here to rescue you and get you back to safety Mascarpone.”
MASCARPONE
“And just why should I trust you?”
MALTHOR
“I’ll explain later, we really have to go now.”
MAGICA
“It’s OK Mascarpone, he’s a good one. Come with us.”
MASCARPONE
“Magica! What are you doing with him? And you can see I’m injured. I can’t walk or put weight on my leg.”
MALTHOR
“Don’t worry, I’ll carry you. You’re going to be just fine Mascarpone.”
(Malthor picks up Mascarpone)
MAGICA
“The coast is clear. Let’s get moving.”
(more walking)
(marching robot solders appear)
MAGICA
“Stop! There’s a whole platoon of standards coming Malthor!”
ENEMY ROBOT
“Hey, you, where are you taking the Prisoner.”
MALTHOR
“Mascarpone, I’m going to sit you down on this stump for a minute. Magica, please watch and protect her.”
STANDARD ROBOT 1
“Security Breach!”
STANDARD ROBOT 2
“Intruder Alert!”
STANDARD ROBOT 1
“Security Breach!”
STANDARD ROBOT 2
“Intruder Alert!”
(commotion and fighting sounds as Malthor fights Standards)
(standard robots die!)
MAGICA
“Oh Malthor, are you ok?”
MALTHOR
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Mascarpone, let’s get you out of here OK.? Here we go, I’m going to pick you up again.”
MASCARPONE
“Malthor… I, I just don’t know how to begin to thank you. I - can’t thank you enough.”
MALTHOR
“It’s no sweat my dear. I’m just glad you’re OK.”
MAGICA
“Hurry, let’s get out of here…”
(walking sounds)
NARRATOR
“Well, that concludes Episode 3 of the Invasion of Sweethaven. I hope you followed it without your narrator, as apparently, I was written out of most of this episode for some reason.”
CHET THE PRODUCER
“Tom, I mean, you do know why, right?”
NARRATOR
“I’m not going say anything else about the future. I promise.”
CHET THE PRODUCER
“Well, ah, I know I’m going to regret this but, alright. I’ll get you back in Episode 4, but you’ve got to stay focused Tom.”
NARRATOR
“Great, cause it’s my favorite episode so far. But I do have just one question about the Battle of Sweethaven. Chet? Are you there? Chet? Chet?”