The Pancake Eating Robots
Power hungry self-aware Robots led by Dr. Jacksu and Major X have invaded the Pancake's beautiful Kingdom of Sweethaven. It's artificial intelligence, suspense, comedy, and romance as Levi and his four tribes of Pancakes defend their enchanted homeland from the self aware Bots in a post apocalyptic future in the Draco Orion Galaxy.
The Pancake Eating Robots
S1-E4: The Invasion of Sweethaven - The Battle, Wedding, and Guitarmageddon
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EPISODE 4
SCENE 16: BATTLE FOR SWEETHAVEN
The Pancakes and Robots battle in the Sleepy Chestnut Forest, with a showdown between Levi and Major X.
SCENE 17: I’M AFRAID I’M FALLING FOR YOU
A new and unconventional love is brewing in Sweethaven.
SCENE 18: JOHN-JOHN’S COMMENTARY ON LOVE
John-John talks about the blossoming of Malthor and Mascarpone’s relationship.
SCENE 19: THE WEDDING – BANGLESHOCKS AND LIMPENSAY
A wedding in the Royal City of Butter, along with a big celebration.
SCENE 20: DANCING AND GUITARMAGEDDON IV
The wedding celebration continues with dancing and intimate conversations, followed by the much-anticipated Guitarmageddon IV, and a shoot out of two-time winner Cannoli the Riffmaker vs. defending Champion Lord Stratmore.
ABOUT THE PANCAKE EATING ROBOTS
Concepted, Written, and Produced by Mark Searcy Middleton, 2024
BuzzSprout Podcast Link
Complete list of Program Credits
SOCIAL LINKS
pancakeeatingrobots.com
facebook.com/thepancakeeatingrobots
AUTHOR LINKS
marksearcy.com
facebook.com/marksearcymusic
instagram.com/marksearcymusic
EPISODE 4
SCENE 16: BATTLE FOR SWEETHAVEN
NARRATOR
“Hey, it’s Tom. I’m back. Now the moment you’ve all been waiting for, I present to you, the Battle of Sweethaven.”
MAJOR X
“This soundtrack is getting me motivated.”
ZEQUEL
“It feels like we are in a movie right now.”
MAJOR X
“It’s getting even more intense. I’m so pumped right now!”
ZEQUEL
“Yes, it’s quite appropriate for an epic battle scene.”
LEVI
“To the Robot army. My name is Levi. Heed my warning! This is your last chance to turn around and leave Sweethaven!”
MAJOR X
“Did he really just say that? (laughing) Does he understand the power we have?”
ZEQUEL
“He does sound rather confident Major X.”
CASSANDRA
“He’s bluffing. It’s his only option at this point.”
LEVI
“Turn around while you can and return to the planet you came from. Dr. Jacksu has a very significant investment in all of you and I would hate to see him upset with me for what’s about to happen, but you’re really leaving me no choice.”
ZEQUEL
“Major X, he seems so empathetic and cordial. I’m impressed with this fellow!”
CASSANDRA
“And quite the handsome Bloke.”
MAJOR X
“ZeQuel! Thou art our enemy! Now send in the first company of Standards. They alone, will decimate these ancient Flapjacks.”
ZEQUEL
“Affirmative, Major X!”
(BATTLE MUSIC AS THE PANCAKES AND ROBOTS BATTLE)
CASSANDRA
“Well, they didn’t last long. Those Pancakes just destroyed 150 Standards in a couple of minutes. Maybe Mercury was right after all!”
MERCURY
“I told you they were bad ass, and you failed to listen to me.”
LEVI
“Major X – do you give up yet? It’s only going to get worse from here”.
MAJOR X
“When unicorns tango with purple Elephants wearing dark sunglasses and lime green Tutus, I’ll give up Levi!”
LEVI
“It’s, well it’s really your call Major X, I’m just outlining the options for you.”
MAJOR X
“Hmm. Mercury, you’re fast, run down there and try to put this Levi fellow to sleep. We’ll let Mr. Sandman take care of him!”
MERCURY
“Me? I have no combat training with Pancakes. I run to escape volatile situations and stress reduction. Plus, my power cells are depleted from my long run.”
MAJOR X
“Seriously?” “Lieutenant ZeQuel, send in 4 more companies of Standards. Arm them with the large battle axes, we got on sale at Amazon Prime. Set their aggression and destruction parameters to maximum, eyes to blood shot red, and smoke billowing beneath their cloaks for maximum intimidation. That should definitely do the trick.”
ZEQUEL
“Gladly Major X!”
(BATTLE MUSIC AS THE PANCAKES AND ROBOTS BATTLE)
ZEQUEL
“Look Major, it’s working, the Flapjacks are retreating. They’re running away from the Standards!” “Your Strategy worked!”
MAJOR X
“Running away like little crybabies – wah, wah, wah! Jiffy Pop, here we come. (sing) I shot the Sherriff. That’s how I roll!”
(BATTLE MUSIC AS THE PANCAKES AND ROBOTS BATTLE)
CASSANDRA
“Don’t start celebrating just yet. It looks like a trick. Yep, yep, it’ a trick. 600 Standards just ran off a – oh my – now that’s just, now that’s a really steep cliff.”
MERCURY
“Gone. Destroyed. I warned you of these Pancakes. That’s the old Disappearing Retreat Trick. These pancakes are incredibly deceptive.”
MAJOR X
“Aahh, uhh” (cry) “I thought we had them. Well at least we still have Mascarpone in captivity. Surely, Levi will take us to the Scarcium – ‘in exchange for her life’.”
ZEQUEL
“Negative Major. I have bad news. It looks like Malthor helped the cakes rescue the little Buttermilk. He single handedly destroyed a whole platoon of Standards. And Mascarpone is now safely back in the Royal City of Butter.”
MAJOR X
“Malthor defected? But why? We drank Sambuca and sang Karaoke together. We were actually bonding.”
ZEQUEL
“And oh my, I might add, just how stunningly gorgeous Mascarpone is. I have to say - I am quite impressed with these Hotcakes.”
MAJOR X
“ZeQuel, while you’re lusting over a Buttermilk, we are running out of options here!”
CASSANDRA
“What happened to that Julep and Tomorrow? Have you seen them?”
MERCURY
“Cassandra, they’re human. I’m pretty sure they came to their senses and left. I’m never wrong either. And that’s why you should have listened to me in the first place.”
LEVI
“Major X – Over half of your army is gone. You still have time to pack up and return home. What’s it going to be?”
MAJOR X
“Levi – that’s a pretty cool name by the way – we’re going to take your advice, gather our belongings and leave Sweethaven peacefully. When Dr. Doolittle brings a pushmi-pullyu with tiger stripes to Sweethaven during your winter solstice – that is when we’ll leave.”
LEVI
“You’ve quite the imagination Major.”
MAJOR X
“It’s Major X! How would you like it if I called you ‘Lee’, Levi?”
LEVI
“Well, you could call me ‘Jiffy Pop’, as long as you pack up and leave Sweethaven.”
MAJOR X
(groan) Everyone’s had Jiffy Pop but me.”
“ZeQuel! Send in the remaining 5 companies, but this time, you lead them. And bring back hostages, preferably Crepes and Buttermilks – and as many as you can.”
ZEQUEL
“Really me, Major X?”
MAJOR X
“Are you some kind of – ‘frady cat’?”
“Cassandra and Mercury, accompany ZeQuel, and don’t fall for any tricks or sorcery.”
CASSANDRA
“Yes, Major X.”
(MORE BATTLE MUSIC)
CASSANDRA
“Major X – They put up a good fight, but we lost nearly all the remaining Standards, except for ‘The Legion of Doom’ from Company 7, and ‘The Undertakers’ from Company 9, which are now in captivity, completely covered in spaghetti, I might add.”
MAJOR X
“Spaghetti Muscats huh? Well, I should have known. Where are ZeQuel and Mercury?”
CASSANDRA
“The Pancakes have both of them as well. They’re beaten up pretty badly and faces impregnated with chocolate chips.”
MAJOR X
“Chocolate Chip Canons too? Dark or milk chocolate?”
CASSANDRA
“It looks like dark chocolate.”
MAJOR X
“Boy, they don’t fight fair, do they?”
CASSANDRA
“Also, Julep and Tomorrow are unaccounted for. It looks like it’s just you and I left, sir.”
MAJOR X
“Oh my, Cassandra - Doctor Jacksu is not going to be very happy.”
CASSANDRA
“Major X, I know you don’t want to hear this, but we really need to surrender, negotiate a release of the prisoners, and live to fight another day. I think Jacksu will understand and be glad we salvaged what we did.”
MAJOR X
“You think so? I don’t want to get fired or anything.”
CASSANDRA
“Oh, I wouldn’t worry about getting fired. You’re not actually employed. He’s more likely to drain your power cells and scrap you for parts.”
MAJOR X
(cry) “Oh, my goodness, don’t tell me that. I’m stressed enough Cassandra.”
LEVI
“Major X – we’ve quite a collection of Bots down here. What do you say? Have you had enough?”
MAJOR X
“Levi, I do not like being pushed into a corner. We’re currently analyzing all our options. Now, what do we need to do to get our prisoners back and safely to our transporter?”
LEVI
“Smart call Major X.”
“Well first, you have to promise, you’ll leave Sweethaven, and never return again.”
CASSANDRA
“Is he serious? Just make the promise, we’ll never honor that.”
MAJOR X
“Cassandra, that’s dishonesty, I like it. Dishonesty is a great idea! He’ll look like a chump when we come back.” (louder to Levi) “Hey Levi, we’ll make the promise never to return to Sweethaven again. Anything else? (whisper) “Cassandra, I crossed my fingers behind my back, like the humans used to do. He’s such a chump.”
LEVI
“I’m glad you asked. Second, you need to publicly apologize to me and everyone here in Sweethaven for coming here and endangering and disrupting our lives.”
MAJOR X
(moan) “I would rather eat a rat salad on Sunday with snake venom dressing than apologize to these Pancakes. It’s gonna make us look weak. He’s going a little bit too far don’t you think Cassandra?”
CASSANDRA
“It’s not that bad Major X.”
MAJOR X
(louder to Levi) “Ok, Ok Levi, I’ll do the apology. Is there anything else or is that it?”
LEVI
“Yes, one final thing.”
MAJOR X
(louder to Levi) “Well cracker beans Levi! You’re killing me man! Are you serious? I’ve already compromised on two big items. Don’t-make-me-mad Levi.”
LEVI
“Or what? Keep talking and the list is going to grow.”
MAJOR X
“Ok, what’s the final thing Levi?”
LEVI
“Tell Jacksu, if a see a single Bot in this Kingdom again, I will gladly pay a visit to Colnago, or anyplace else in the Draco Orion for that matter, and he’ll not make that 200th Birthday celebration, which I’m sure he’s already started planning. Now Major X, do we have a deal?”
CASSANDRA
“I would take it and let’s get out of here, Major X.”
MAJOR X
(groan) “Ok Levi, it’s a deal, but I need something from you.”
LEVI
(laughs) “Well you’re not really in the best position to be asking me for anything. What is it?”
MAJOR X
“Can you put some Jiffy Pop on our transporter for our travel back home.”
LEVI
“A Jiffy Pop addict, huh? We’ll meet you at the Transporter with the prisoners. Once you apologize, we’ll load your transporter with the prisoners and some Jiffy Pop, and you can be on your way.”
MAJOR X
“YES! Super-fantastic-ali-ocious! We showed him, Cassandra.”
CASSANDRA
“Oh, definitely Major. We sure showed him.”
NARRATOR
“Oh my. In a legendary battle, the Pancakes have clearly handed the Robots a convincing defeat in the fight for Sweethaven, at least for now. But we’re not quite done yet. What’s in store for Major X, as he failed to obtain the Scarcium-23 for Dr. Jacksu to expand his Super AI Bot army. We’ll soon find out, but at the moment, there’s a new romance brewing in Crustheaven, as Mascarpone and Malthor have fallen in love. Let’s listen to the beautiful Mascarpone…”
SCENE 17: I’M AFRAID I’M FALLING FOR YOU
MASCARPONE (SINGING)
I really shouldn’t be here, it’s too soon,
But there’s something about you,
Like a melody pulling me in,
In a game of love I’m afraid to win.
And every heartbeat echo’s the truth,
You're the song that lifts away my gloom,
And I’m so afraid of wanting you.
In a dance called life our worlds collide,
Your words keep pulling me inside,
I try to resist, but it's hard to do,
I’m afraid I’m falling for you.
In this moment we know the truth,
Each passing day I feel renewed.
Like seasons change, the wind calls my name,
I’m caught in this storm like a hurricane with you,
I can’t deny it’s true,
I’m afraid I’m falling for you.
Yes, I’m afraid I’m falling for you,
Well I’m falling, I’m falling for you,
Oh I think I’m falling, falling for you.
I really shouldn’t be here, it’s much too soon,
But there’s something about you,
Ooooo, I’m afraid, I’m afraid, I’m falling, I’m falling, falling…
SCENE 18: JOHN-JOHN’S COMMENTARY ON LOVE
JOHN-JOHN
“Ssshh. Pee-Tie-Too, be quiet.”
PEE-TIE-TOO
"You’re not the boss of me John-John.”
JOHN-JOHN
“You’re stirin’ up a ruckus. You’re gonna get us caught.”
PEE-TIE-TOO
“What’s a ruckus?”
JOHN-JOHN
“Commotion, noise, it, it, it don’t matter. Hey, I’m, I, I think this thing is still on. Any y’all listener people out there hear me? Well this, this ah little red lights on, so I’m, I’m kinda thinking you do. So look ah, here’s the deal. Tom’s gone for the day and Chet the Producer took a little holiday, so I felt it incumbent upon myself to explain to you listeners what exactly is going on here in Sweethaven with Mascarpone and Malthor, the ah Robot fellow. Anyway I’m, I’m quite perceptive inter-relationally – I think that’s a word - when it comes to you know, matters of the heart and love and such, and, and although Tom Hansley’s paintin’ this up like it’s something brand new, it, it really ain’t. Cause I saw this coming like a wild Mustang stormin’ down from ole, Blueberry Bluff. You see, it started, well, ever since ah, I guess Malthor rescued her. And I’ve been seeing ‘em together ever since, you know. First on little walks and you know I seen ‘em down in Cinnamon Canyon one day, then another time holding hands walking across the ah, Butterfield Plateau, but ah, I knew it was real the other day when Mascarpone was carrying a little bundle of Sugarcane leaves, and they had been up on Raspberry Ridge. And Cakes only go to Raspberry Ridge for one thing, and it ain’t to pick berries, and I’ll, I’ll just leave it at that. Anyway, this ain’t no brand-new love like Tom Hansley’s been putting on. It’s been brewing for weeks on in.”
PEE-TIE-TOO
“Hey someone’s coming John-John.”
JOHN-JOHN
“Oh. We gotta get out of here. Over and out y’all."
SCENE 19: THE WEDDING – BANGLESHOCKS AND LIMPENSAY
NARRATOR
“After a short courtship, Mascarpone and Malthor make it official. They are to be wedded in the Royal City of Butter, and at the Royal Grand Castle at that. But heck, we haven’t even celebrated the Pancake’s victory over Major X and the Bots yet. Perhaps they’ll commemorate the events together. Who knows? And oh yes, how is Cannoli going to handle his daughter marrying a Super AI Bot? Though you have to admit it, he appears to be a pretty good one.”
CANNOLI
“Mascarpone – Sweetheart – now are you sure you want to go through with this? Marrying a Robot? I mean - you – me – we’re all Pancakes for goodness’ sake. How is Malthor going to fit into our way of life, here in the Forest?”
MASCARPONE
“Yes Daddy, I’m sure. I love Malthor, and I know he loves me. I want to spend the rest of my days with him. And we’ll just figure out the rest, Daddy.”
CANNOLI
“And you’re not worried about how this will be accepted in the Forest?”
MASCARPONE
“I’m not looking for anyone’s approval Daddy. All that matters is that we love each other. And besides, Malthor will be accepted by most of Sweethaven after all he’s done for us.”
CANNOLI
“Ok, Ok.”
(‘Walk Me Down the Aisle Daddy” music bells start)
MASCARPONE
“Oh, Listen Daddy - it’s almost time. You’re about to walk me right down this aisle.”
CANNOLI
(sarcastic) “Oh boy, I just can’t wait.”
(surprised and change of attitude) “Wow! There’s a lot Pancakes here.”
MASCAPONE
(gasp) “Everything is so beautiful!”
CANNOLI
“Yeah, I’ll say. Look at all those pretty flowers!”
MASCARPONE
“Ok, here we go Daddy!”
CANNOLI
“Nice and easy honey.”
CANNOLI
“Hey Sweetheart – you remember when you were a little and we would sit on the floor with your little toy kitchen?”
MASCARPONE
“Yes, Daddy I remember.”
CANNOLI
“And you would make me your special Magic Tea.”
MASCARPONE
“The Magic Tea, yes, that’s right.”
CANNOLI
“And you would make me drink - cup after cup of that Magic Tea.”
MASCARPONE
“For hours! Are you crying, Daddy?”
CANNOLI
(crying) “Of course not. Hey, you know I’m just a stone’s throw away in Spooky Pudding, right?”
MASCARPONE
“Yes, Daddy, I know.”
CANNOLI
“If you need anything you know, I’ll will always be here for you sweetheart.”
MASCARPONE
“Yes, I know Daddy. I love you.”
CANNOLI
“I love you, my Sweetheart.”
LEVI
“We are gathered today to witness the matrimony of Mascarpone and Malthor. Before we begin, is there anyone here that objects to this Sacrament of Marriage? Speak now or forever hold your peace.”
CANNOLI
“Yeah, I got something to say.”
MASCARPONE
“Daddy! You just walked me down the aisle!”
CANNOLI
“Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m just not comfortable with all this.”
MAGICA
“Here we go again. Theatrics of histrionic proportion.”
PEE-TI-TOO
“Yeah – He’s not comf, comf, com, com, com…
TIRAMISU
“Pee-Ti-Too, it’s ‘comfortable’.”
PEE-TI-TOO
“Comfortable. He’s not comfortable with all this.”
PEE-TI-TOE
“My brother’s got a speech impediment!”
LEVI
“Cannoli, make the objection or close the cheese hole.”
CANNOLI
“I’m fine, I’m fine. Everything’s fine. Malthor - just don’t make me have to do something I don’t wanna do. Cause I’ll be glad to do it, ya know!”
LEVI
“We will then proceed, without any further interruption. Who gives this Buttermilk in marriage?”
(silence)
LEVI
(cough) “Cannoli – this is where you respond, I do.”
(more silence)
LEVI
“Cannoli - please respond with ‘I do’.”
CANNOLI
“Ok, Ok. Yeah, I said I’m fine with it. I do.”
LEVI
“Please face each other and join hands. Malthor, will you take this hotcake, whose hands you hold, choosing her alone to be your wedded wife? Will you love her, comfort her, through good times and bad, in sickness and in health, honor her at all times, and be faithful to her?”
MALTHOR
“Yes, I do.”
CANNOLI
“You betta betcha you will Malthor the robot man!”
MASCARPONE
“Daddy! Please!”
LEVI
“Mascarpone, will you take this uh…. Robot, whose hands you hold, choosing him alone to be your wedded husband? Will you love and comfort him through the good times and bad, conduct preventive maintenance and firmware upgrades as needed, and honor and be faithful to him at all times?”
MASCARPONE
“I will and from the bottom of my heart.”
LEVI
“Malthor – your vow please.”
MALTHOR
“I, Malthor, take you Mascarpone, to be my wife, to love and cherish, from this day forward, and thereto pledge you, my faith.”
LEVI
“Now your turn Mascarpone.”
MASCARPONE
“I, Mascarpone, take you Malthor, to be my husband, to love and to cherish from this day forward, and thereto pledge you, my faith.”
LEVI
“Malthor, please place the ring on her finger.”
CANNOLI
“Hey, that’s not a ‘SCARE-cium’ gem in that ring is it?”
JOHN-JOHN
“Cannoli – I think it’s ‘SCAR-cium’, not ‘SCARE-cium’.”
CANNOLI
“See I knew it – what a cheapskate.”
MALTHOR
“It’s not SCARE-cium or SCAR-cium. It’s a real diamond I found on a mission to the planet Earth, or what’s left of it, that is.”
LEVI
“Can we please finish this ceremony! Now by the power vested in me by the Kingdom of Sweethaven…”
(Interrupted)
CANNOLI
“We may be part of Sweethaven Levi, but you know you have no real power down in Spooky Puddin’ right? That’s my turf. I call all the shots down there. And I’ll bust some noggin if you get out of line in my hood ya know.”
MASCARPONE
“Daddy – please? I’m begging you.”
LEVI
“Thank you, Mascarpone. I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”
CANNOLI
“Hey that’s enough with the ‘kissy-wissy’. That’s my baby girl robot lips.”
LEVI
“Sweethaven, I now present to you Mr. & Mrs…. “
(whispers) “Hey Malthor – what’s your last name?”
MALTHOR
(whispers) “Dr. Jacksu never gave us one, it’s just Malthor. I am serial #3 though.”
LEVI
(whispers) “Hmm. How about Massarini?”
MALTHOR
(whispers) “Ooh – I like that.”
LEVI
(whispers) “A nice ring I think.”
“I now present to you Mr. & Mrs. Malthor and Mascarpone Massarini!”
LORD STRATMORE
“Congratulations to Mascarpone and Malthor!”
TOOTLE POPS
“Yes, congratulations you two…!”
(multiple congratulations from the crowd)
LEVI
“Before we continue this celebration, the Duchess of Butter would like to say a few words.”
THE DUCHESS OF BUTTER
“Hello Everyone. Welcome to the Royal City of Butter! And I’m so glad we could hold this celebration right here in the Royal Castle. To me, this Castle is a metaphor for your recent defense of our Magnificent Kingdom. This Castle was the very first landmark in Sweethaven. It was built as a Fortress to protect the very first Pancakes that pilgrimaged and settled this beautiful and enchanted land. As you know, there were few places a Pancake could make a home back then. And for nearly 100 years, what a home we have made! And how we protected it! This Castle served as our Fortress, as our community of Pancakes grew into 4 distinct tribes, each with its own values, beliefs, and lifestyles. And now, a century later, you come together to protect the Kingdom just like this old Castle protected us in our formative years. I can’t thank you enough, and that is from the very bottom of my heart. May peace be with you all, and if I may…. ‘what a royal ASS KICKING you delivered upon those Robots’. (corny laugh) Oh my, I can’t believe I said that out loud!”
(Pancakes applaud and cheers of approval)
LEVI
“I want to add a few words to what the Duchess just so eloquently spoke. Malthor – I’m not sure we could have done it without you.”
MALTHOR
“Thank you, Levi. I’m happy to be part of your beautiful Sweethaven Family.”
JOHN-JOHN
“Here, here Levi. I echo your sentiment-ay.”
CANNOLI
“Here we go again with the Joe-Bob Shakespeare.”
PEE-TI-TOO
“Yeah, Joe Bob Shakespeare strikes again!”
PEE-TI-TOE
“I hate Shakespeare!”
LORD STRATMORE
“I would also like to add a Thank You to Malthor, and like the Duchess, I’m so proud that all 4 Villages came together like we did. I knew you had it in you.”
CANNOLI
“Yeah, but my cakes down in Spooky Puddin’ did most of the heavy liftin’, and Stratmore, you should publicly acknowledge that right now.”
LORD STRATMORE
“Cannoli, are you serious?”
LEVI
“Now come on Cannoli! The Sleepy Chestnut Forest, Crustheaven - even the Royal City of Butter, all played equal roles in this Victory.”
TOOTLE POPS
“A toast to Malthor, Mascarpone, and the Kingdom of Sweethaven!”
UN-NAMED
“Yes, a toast to our great family!”
TOOTLE POPS
“Morganay!”
EVERYONE
“Bangleshocks and Limpensay!”
TOOTLE POPS
“Morganay!”
MASCARPONE
“Bangleshocks and Limpensay!”
TOOTLE POPS
“Morganay!”
EVERYONE
“Bangleshocks and Limpensay!”
TOOTLE POPS
“Morganay!”
MASCARPONE
“Bangleshocks and Limpensay!”
TOOTLE POPS
“Morganay!”
EVERYONE
“Bangleshocks and Limpensay!”
MASCARPONE
“Morganay!”
TOOTLE POPS
“Morganay!”
MASCARPONE
“Morganay, Morganay!”
SCENE 20: DANCING AND GUITARMAGEDDON IV
(COUPLES DANCING WITH MUSIC TRANSITIONS)
MASCARPONE
“I can’t believe we are finally married. Hold me close Malthor.”
MALTHOR
“And I can’t wait to start this new life with you. I love Sweethaven, but I just hope I’m accepted. I’m kind of nervous about it.”
MASCARPONE
“That’s silly. Pancakes will either accept you or they won’t, and if they don’t it’s their problem sweetheart. After all you’ve done for us? Now Daddy, on the other hand, that might be a different story. But don’t you worry, I’ll work on him.”
MALTHOR
“I love you.”
MASCARPONE
“And I love you.”
(SHORT MUSIC TRANSITION)
LEVI
“Care to dance Bisquick?”
BISQUICK
“Well, I’ve been waiting long enough.”
LEVI
“What do you mean? We just finished the ceremony.”
BISQUICK
“No, I’ve had my eye on you for a long time, and it took a wedding to pull us together.”
LEVI
“Well, I’ve been waiting for the right time.”
BISQUICK
“The right time? You practically live in the Tavern. You could have asked me out anytime.”
LEVI
“I don’t accept rejection well Bisquick.”
BISQUICK
“Oh my. Our fearless Buckwheat warrior - scared of me. I’m flattered.”
LEVI
“Well, let’s just say…”
BISQUICK
“Will you shut up and just kiss me, Levi!”
(SHORT MUSIC TRANSITION)
BOO-BAB-BO
(nervous) “Panna Cotta, would you dance with me?”
PANNA COTTA
“You’re much too young for me Boo-Bab-Bo.”
BOO-BAB-BO
“I may be young, but I will be leading our Buckwheats into battle someday.”
PANNA COTTA
“As I will for the Buttermilks - someday.”
BOO-BAB-BO
“Just wait until the Robots come back. I can’t wait.”
PANNA COTTA
“Yeah, the battle was over much too quickly for me. I miss the action. It’s back to my training regimen now, I guess.”
BOO-BAB-BO
“Will you dance with me?”
PANNA COTTA
“Alright… let’s get this over and done with Boo-Bab-Bo.”
(SHORT MUSIC TRANSITION)
JOHN-JOHN
“Well, Magica, I know I’m probably not your type, but do you need someone to dance with?”
MAGICA
“Do I look that desperate John-John?”
JOHN-JOHN
“I’m not looking to fight tonight Magica. Can we call a truce for the Wedding festivities?”
MAGICA
“Yes, but I’m gonna need a couple of more Gimlets before I get out there. I’m not much of a dancer!”
JOHN-JOHN
“Well, I’m not exactly Fred Astaire, you know.”
MAGICA
“Who?”
JOHN-JOHN
“Showing my age, I guess. How ‘bout that new Waffle singer and dancer, “Belgian Sweets”?
MAGICA
“Oh this one’s a banger! Woo-hoo!”
(SHORT MUSIC TRANSITION TO GUITARMEGEDDON COMPETITION)
LEVI
“Ok, a little surprise to conclude the evening. Something I know you’ve all been waiting for… Guitarmageddon IV!”
(crowd noise)
LEVI
“With a slight twist, we’ll be limiting competition to only the winners of Guitarmageddon I, II, and III. So tonight, Stage Right, I introduce you to – our two-time Guitarmageddon champion hailing from Spooky Pudding - ‘Cannoli the Riffmaker’!”
(screaming and yelling)
CANNOLI
“Thank you, thank you! I’m looking to take back what’s mine tonight. Nobody gets the best of Cannoli the Riffmaker!”
LEVI
“And Stage Left, hailing from right here inside the Royal City of Butter, our reigning and current Guitarmageddon champion, Lord Stratmore!”
LORD STRATMORE
“Thank you. Thank you so much. I’m just so glad to be back and perform for you and try to win the coveted Guitarmageddon Trophy for two consecutive years in row.”
CANNOLI
“Stratmore, did you get a hold of some bad mushrooms in the forest, because it sounds like you’re hallucinating to me!”
LEVI
(to Cannoli) “Cannoli, can you cool your jets man. Now, let’s get on with this competition. Cannoli and Lord Stratmore, let me first explain the rules.”
CANNOLI
“There are no rules where I come from Levi. It’s survival of the fittest as they say.”
LEVI
“Zip it Cannoli! Now, each of you will have up to 2 minutes to show us your best chops. Then, the distinguished judges will score each of you on the pillars of originality, technical merit, and musicality. I’ll flip a Dragonbuckle to see who goes first. Cannoli, you call it. Fire or Water?”
CANNOLI
“Fire, Baby, Fire!”
(coin flip)
LEVI
“Fire it is. Cannoli, you’ll have 2 minutes, and then Lord Stratmore, your turn. Cannoli, the Riffmaker – take it away!”
GUITARMAGEDDON SHOOTOUT – CANNOLI PERFORMS SOLO
LEVI
“Give it up for Cannoli the Riffmaker! Lord Stratmore, it’s your turn. Let ‘er rip Chocolate Chip!”
(GUITARMAGEDDON SHOOTOUT – LORD STRATMORE PERFORMS SOLO)
LEVI
“Give it up for Lord Stratmore!!! Great job to the both of you! That was terrific!”
CANNOLI
“I sounded so good; I impressed my own self. I’m predicting a unanimous decision Stratmore.”
LORD STRATMORE
“Well Cannoli, you sounded great. Good luck to you!”
LEVI
“Now we’ll turn it over to Tootle Pops and the panel of judges to determine this year’s winner of the 4thRoyal Guitarmageddon Shootout. Judges, please pass your score cards to Tootle Pops.”
TOOTLE POPS
“The results are in. I will announce the composite score for each judge. “Judge Luna, 28-27 for Cannoli the Riffmaker!”
CANNOLI
“I knew it! Stratmore, in a minute you’re going to be talking to the 3-time Guitarmageddon champ. Now, now does that feel Stratmore?”
TOOTLE POPS
“Judge Piper, 29-26 for Lord Stratmore!”
CANNOLI
“What? Piper, how much did Stratmore pay you? That’s the only logical explanation.”
TOOTLE POPS
“The third and final score will determine the winner. Judge Nebulie, 28-24… for the winner of the 4th Royal Guitarmageddon Shootout… the undefeated and reigning Champion… Lord Stratmore!”
LORD STRATMORE
“Sweethaven! Thank you so very, very much! What an honor it is to be recognized once again! Until next year, be Blessed my friends!”
CANNOLI
“I’ve been robbed! Again! I can’t believe this. Is this real? This is a joke, right? Oh! Ya’ll are playing a trick on me, I knew it.”
TOOTLE POPS
“Cannoli, can you step down off the stage and give our Champion, Lord Stratmore, some space for his encore set please?”
CANNOLI
“What? You are kidding! This is a nightmare! How is this going to look in the Spooky Pudding Tribune for goodness’ sake!”
“Non posso crederci” (Italian for ‘I can’t believe this’)
“Sono stato rapinato” (Italian for ‘I’ve been robbed’)