TALK IT OUT
Welcome to Talk It Out, the thought-provoking podcast that brings engaging discussions, insightful interviews, and interactive segments right to your screen. Our dynamic hosts dive deep into a wide range of topics, exploring the complexities of life, relationships, current events, and much more. With expert guests, lively debates, and a belief in creating an inclusive space, Talk It Out challenges conventional wisdom, encourages critical thinking, and fosters understanding and empathy. Through interactive segments and viewer participation, we ensure that your voice is heard and valued. Join us on this exhilarating journey of discovery, where every episode is a gateway to enlightenment and connection.
TALK IT OUT
S1 E4 - Exploring Cosmic Mysteries, Gender Empathy, and The Complexities of Modern Relationships
Ever wondered if the moon landing in 1972 was a massive hoax? We kick off this episode of Talk it Out with a spirited debate on the authenticity of that historic event. Could the technology of the time have really pulled off such a feat, or was it all an elaborate ruse? From there, we venture into the enigmatic realm of black holes and their gravitational grip on time, pondering whether astronauts truly age slower in space. And just when you think it can't get any more cosmic, we muse about the potential for a new Big Bang, ushering in a whole new universe.
Shifting gears, we dive into the emotional rollercoaster of being a nanny to a young boy grappling with his parents' divorce. A memorable incident involving misbehavior brings a heartfelt discussion on empathy and gender experiences. What would it feel like to live as the opposite sex for a month? We explore these perspectives and touch on the ongoing influence of toxic masculinity, societal conditioning, and the controversial figures shaping young minds today. We also dissect the recent sexist remarks by NFL kicker Harrison Butker, critiquing his outdated views on women's roles.
Finally, we delve into the complexities of relationships, from the intricacies of polyamory to managing differing sex drives. Real-life examples and personal anecdotes emphasize the importance of communication and mutual understanding in non-traditional relationships. The discussion extends to the impact of insecurity and confidence, and the societal pressures on men to suppress their emotions. With a humorous twist, we wrap up by sharing our favorite munchies when high and how being in an altered state can turn eating into an extraordinary experience. Join us for an episode brimming with insightful dialogue, personal stories, and a touch of fun!
Welcome to Talk it Out. We're your hosts. I'm Jason.
Alyiah:And I'm Aaliyah, let's get into it. Moon landing real Question mark. Question mark Last person on the moon was in 1972 and no one has dared to try it. I feel like saying that nobody has dared to try. It is like reaching a little bit. Why. Because what do you mean? Nobody has dared to try it.
Jason:Like if people come out and said like I'm Meaning that no human has like been on a space shuttle trying to go there since, I would imagine, oh, it just seems like, really like no one has dared. But also like, also like. Why, though? Why has it been so long?
Alyiah:Do you think that the moon landing was real in 72?
Jason:I think it was real. I just don't. I don't know I'm not super well versed on this like I haven't looked into all the conspiracies and stuff like that, to know, like, okay, what are the arguing points? You know what I mean? Yeah, um, but I don't know. I just feel like it would be so hard for them during that, like that long ago, to fake a video.
Alyiah:Okay, so let me just interrupt right there, because here's where my brain is going. They for sure had the technology to do that.
Jason:But to the extreme of like today, like how you can actually fool someone with a video.
Alyiah:Yeah, if not even better, because the quality of everything was shit.
Jason:So you think it was fake?
Alyiah:No, I just wouldn't be surprised if it was.
Jason:I wouldn't be surprised if it was, but I think it was real.
Alyiah:Like, honestly, I feel like people have probably, they've probably been, like they have probably been, there's already UFOs up there, like America, like in all the big countries. They've got their own UFOs up there, I swear, and they just want to distract us. They're like Look, we went on the moon.
Jason:Wow, and they're out here like fucking because I could see that, like I could see why people wouldn't really like try it, because we've literally had space shuttles with people on them blow up in the sky and like die, and so it's like I don't know, is that something I really want to sign up for?
Alyiah:yeah, you know, what'd be crazy actually is if, like the people that have gone to space, like what if they truly did? Just like, somehow they as in like deep state. They have like made it so that these people get, like, freaking, put in some simulation thing where they like think that it's real and it's not that they're not actually in space yeah no, they are.
Jason:You don't know that they are you don't know that they? They are. You don't know that they're in space. You don't know that they have videos of like crisp videos of them like shooting stuff from space, with the Earth in the background.
Alyiah:They could be in a fake simulation.
Jason:That's recorded.
Alyiah:Yeah, it's like a movie inside of a movie. They inceptioned that bitch. You can run, but you can't hide bitch.
Jason:I don't think so.
Alyiah:I don't know, though, but I feel like it's just kind of pointless to travel to the moon at this point, honestly Because, like with yeah, I don't know if there's like any resources or anything there Like what do you actually gain from being there, other than to like say, like we did this.
Alyiah:Yeah, but what was I going to say? Say, I don't know what were you talking about? Space, the moon? Oh yeah, there's freaking, I don't know, just like with robot exploration and stuff like that, and like there's just no point to like send people to the moon Like we can see freaking different, like universes with the telescopes that we have now. Yeah, like, why would we go to the moon? It just seems like a waste of money and time and resources, honestly.
Jason:To build our egos.
Alyiah:I mean, that's kind of why governments do anything, I feel like. So it is kind of a surprise that they haven't done it.
Jason:Somebody will, I think I've been reading about countries recently that are trying to make a comeback to the moon.
Alyiah:Okay, but as far as do I think that it's real, do I think that it's real in the 70s that they did it? I guess, but I haven't really looked into it.
Jason:My brother doesn't think that they did yeah, I don't know, it's just one of those conspiracy theories for me that I'm like I don't feel like there's just one of those conspiracy theories for me that I'm like I don't feel like there's a reason for me to care about it. Can you guys stop? Hey, chill out.
Alyiah:Freaking baby, stop Henry.
Jason:It's okay, you're not gonna die If you were, there's not a damn thing you could do about it anyway you heard get fucking rough.
Jason:Okay, dolphins fucking what does that have to do with anything? You know what's crazy, though? That I wanted to say what I was reading last night just about like black holes and how their gravity is just like so freaking intense that it slows down time the closer you get to it. And then I was also reading about how, like if you're in space, that because you're further away from earth, you are aging just like super slightly slower than everybody who's on earth, because gravity affects time, like the strength of the gravitational pull so does that mean that people who have been to space are technically younger?
Jason:Yeah, but it didn't sound like it was by much Like. Maybe they're like a couple hours younger or something.
Alyiah:Yeah, okay, but.
Jason:Depends how long you spend up there.
Alyiah:Uh-huh, depends how long you spend up there. Okay, do you think that after all the black holes come and destroy everything, that that's just going to be the end of everything? Or do you think that, like bang, is gonna happen again, because eventually the energy will all like hit into each other again? I know, but will happen the exact same way every time I mean, I don't know, I don't think that that's even a factor in my question it is.
Alyiah:You just asked if the big bang would happen all over again I mean, yeah, but you said the exact same way and I had nothing to do.
Jason:I didn't say anything about the exact same way I didn't say anything about the exact same way either yes, you did.
Alyiah:You said is it gonna happen in the exact same way?
Jason:oh yeah, well, because I just don't no, I didn't remember what I said um, because I just didn't.
Alyiah:It's just a question, you know, it's an interesting oh like it's just a factor, like do I think that it would happen this exact same?
Jason:yeah, because you said, like, will the big bang happen again? And I'm like I don't know. Like, will everything go down the exact same way with how, like, all the molecules and atoms split and like, created all these different materials?
Alyiah:sorry, you're just really boring me, I don't know. I feel like it has got to because, if anything, we know that like patterns I mean it's literally the pattern like we came from the fact that all of these energies like just decided to start fucking off each other. So wouldn't it do that again?
Jason:I also was reading in that article that when black holes like quote unquote die, that they don't really just like die and like cease to exist.
Alyiah:Yeah, don't they just get really like they absorb themselves or something? Like they absorb themselves or something it said that they disperse everything that they took in from the universe over like a long period of time back into the universe.
Jason:So then it doesn't really get rid of the universe. Then this was just this article. But it was also weird because in that same article it's talking about freaking, dissipating everything that it took in back into the universe. But then it also says anything that falls into a black hole essentially ceases to exist.
Alyiah:How are those two things Like? How can those two exist at the same time?
Jason:I don't know, they might not, but they might. Black holes are crazy. Is that if you spent a minute in the center of one, if you could hypothetically do that? I could do it when, when you came back out that it would be 700 years had passed is that actually crazy to think about?
Jason:because literally the concept of time is dependent on like the species or like whatever, and so but time itself, regardless of the concept, slows down and basically stops in the middle of a black hole While, like, the rest of time is still going, like, literally, it would be 700 years later.
Alyiah:But does that mean, that time?
Jason:Like generations and generations and generations on Earth would have died in the one minute that you spent inside a black hole.
Alyiah:Yeah, I don't like that. Weird. Yeah, it's kind of sending me into a little bit of a panic. I just don't like thinking about that why, I don't know. I don't know, but apparently dolphins fucking don't really sleep. They only sleep with half of their brain, while the other half takes over. I don't really know what that means. They only sleep with half their brain and the other brain takes over. What's the other half of the brain doing, though?
Jason:Maybe it's just like an autopilot self-defense type state.
Alyiah:To like breathe.
Jason:They like come up and make sure that no, predators are trying to kill them oh my god, dolphins rape people don't just say that, like they all do, that I mean most dolphin encounters I've seen are pretty positive. Just hating on dolphins.
Alyiah:No, For real. It's like I've seen multiple videos. I will never swim with a dolphin because I will be damned if that shit happens to me.
Jason:They're animals, just rape people. They're animals, they just do what their instincts tell them to do. They don't have like these hidden agendas, like humans do that's so fucked up.
Alyiah:Okay. But then you get these people who, like, think that they are like fucking elfas and they're like. They like think that they just can relate to all animals, like that.
Jason:And like have an excuse for anything.
Alyiah:Yeah, the guys that get like lion tattoos. No.
Jason:I'm not saying everyone has a lion tattoo, that's like that.
Alyiah:Oh, the ones that say that they're alphas and get a lion tattoo.
Jason:Yeah, they get some kind of like an animal. That's like Like a fucking lion or a gorilla. They walk around saying like like a fucking lions or gorillas.
Alyiah:They walk around saying like I'm an alpha. Yeah. Even honestly.
Jason:They got nutsacks hanging from the back of their truck.
Alyiah:With a fucking customized plate that says what does it?
Jason:say Fucking, I want to suck trump's dick or something I think it said like maga or something like that, some shit some stupid shit I literally saw that nutsack and told leah like I bet this guy's fucking voted for trump. And then we go around the back of the truck maga 2020 well, and it was a fucking like.
Alyiah:I have a small pee pee truck, it was huge. And then there's fucking nut sacks hanging off. Not just nut sacks, but like the saggiest, like the saggiest oh my god, I thought that was this. No, you were fucking up my toe um the like fucking saggiest like bull balls Um the like fucking saggiest like Bull balls. I was just gonna say bull balls when we're fucking watching.
Jason:Imagine having those freaking massive things inside there Like it's gonna be saggy. That shit's heavy.
Alyiah:Okay, but also the difference between um male scrotums is crazy, what do you mean the difference? Like you know how they say that, like all vulvas are different or whatever. Yeah, fucking scrot those man.
Jason:That shit's crazy you got like different shapes and stuff no like fucking tight, saggy, loose, fucking like but they're not like that all the time skinny.
Alyiah:I don't mean skinny, I I mean like the skin, like stretchy. It just fucking depends.
Jason:I thought you were saying like, from person to person it's different.
Alyiah:I mean it kind of is I used to think like that male anatomy was like kind of all the same was like kind of all the same.
Jason:It can literally be like tight and loose on the same person within like 30 minutes, you know. No. Like sometimes it's just tight and other times it's just dangling.
Alyiah:I didn't know that yeah what's the why?
Jason:I don't know, I don't ask them like why are you doing that?
Alyiah:I don't ask them what the fuck? No, like you, like. Are you cold, are they?
Jason:I feel like it might be when you're cold. I should know this off the top of my head, but like it's just something that happens so often that it's like you don't even like really piece things together like that, like what's causing this? It's just like normal. But I want to say it is. It does have to do with cold, because it's trying to be like bring them up closer to your body.
Alyiah:Bring them up. Yeah, turn it up some.
Jason:To get warm?
Alyiah:Are they just like always warm, like if you're cold outside and if you put like? Can they be used as like?
Jason:hand warmers for sure. Yeah, like they're warm, yeah, drop them. I feel like generally interesting.
Alyiah:I just can't fathom having something hanging off of my body.
Jason:Can't fathom having something hanging off of my body like I would be swinging that thing all around for sure, but if you had it since you were born, it's just like just there yeah but also I think little boys do probably all go through that phase where they're like what is this?
Alyiah:Yeah, little boys just like always have their hands down their pants and you're like dude. Come on, Fucking little kid that I used to nanny One time. He said, look at what I can do with my BB. And I said, no, no, sir, Pull your pants back up, please.
Jason:That kid's crazy.
Alyiah:Yeah, he peed on me once he broke your iPad.
Jason:Yeah, he was a little devil job.
Alyiah:He didn't just break my iPad. It happened in slow-mo. He looked over at me and fucking just no. The day that he peed on me is the day that the neighbors probably thought that I was like a fucking psycho. I was so mad appropriately but I had my voice raised. Yeah. I was not happy. He peed on me.
Jason:I'm not On purpose, I'm not judging you. If I got peed on on purpose, I might just call his mom and be like See ya.
Alyiah:He used to freaking, just like stand on top of the couch and whip it out and start peeing, and then I would literally be like, okay, you have to clean it up now and you would yeah then you stopped doing it yeah, and then he decided to pee on me one day. But I felt bad for him. He was going through it. He was four years old. His parents got divorced.
Alyiah:He was acting out a lot, he was not handling it well, got kicked out of school yeah, it makes a big difference going through that as a kid well, that's literally why I like, that's why I felt so bad and I like stayed being his nanny, is because I was like my parents got divorced when I was four. I felt so bad for him and he, he could be really sweet too, like I remember I taught him how to like what a pinky promise was, and then, like one day we went out to like go outside, and like I had to, every time we went outside it was like okay, these are the rules. If you don't follow the rules, here's the consequence. Because he would just fucking, he would run and he was like I pinky promise and put out his pinky. It was so cute. It was cute, okay, what. What would you? What do you think you would do if you like literally could be a girl for, let's say, a month? What do you mean? What would I do?
Alyiah:I don't know, would you do anything Like? Is there anything that you would like, want to try, Want to do, Want to experience as a girl?
Jason:Not really Like. I'm fine with being a guy.
Alyiah:Well, I'm not asking you if you want to transition tomorrow.
Jason:I'm not saying that. I'm just saying like I'm fine with being a guy to the extent of like I just don't see what the reasoning would be to be a woman for a month. Why would I do that?
Alyiah:oh, I for sure want to know what it would be like to be a guy for a month. Yeah, just like, how like your brain works, how you get from point a to point b, because that shit does not make sense to me. Also definitely want feel, want to know what it feels like to have sex as a guy.
Jason:Weird. For sure, I have no desire to feel like what it feels like to have sex as a woman.
Alyiah:Really, yeah, you don't want to know what it feels like to like have your tits like bouncing. No Interesting you should your tits like bouncing no, interesting, you should, you definitely should. Um, interesting, yeah, no, I would love also, like I don't know, just to experience like fucking not being, like scared of walking around by yourself that's part of the reasoning is to why, like?
Jason:why would I want to be a woman? I have to worry about all that shit yeah, that's pretty fucking sad, huh, I have less rights, oh, my god seriously yeah, oh my god, how much it's no bueno no for sure that's such shit.
Alyiah:I saw this thing I posted on my story that said the reason that like I don't remember the exact words, but basically it was like what's a hill that you're willing to die on and this guy came up and said that he thinks that it's like this, like a thing that the reason that like women have been like it's been such a thing of like women don't go to the gym and lift and all this stuff, is because it's like meant to keep them like weaker and more meek and stuff like that wait, so he believes that that's the reasoning yeah I mean, I don't know I
Alyiah:don't disagree with to say this, but like why are so many guys assholes about shit like that?
Jason:what do you mean?
Alyiah:like. I mean, you used to be a dick about shit like that, about like feminist things and like. Used to be a dick about shit like that, about like feminist things and like like. Why do you think?
Jason:that's just how society grooms you from. Like a small child I mean, I can't say for everybody, but like definitely growing up in fucking wilcox and elfrida it was like that kind of stuff was just. It was very like toxic masculinity, like all the time.
Jason:I remember from like at the earliest, like fifth grade, I remember toxic masculinity being like pretty heavy in my daily conversations and at the time I didn't know it, but just looking back on it like I I realize it now what was, what was like said though just like how views as far as like you shouldn't be gay, like if you're gay, like it's something to make fun of you about, or like there's just ways like acted more feminine or something yeah, it's just like there's ways that you almost have to act as a man yeah or as a boy in order to fit in, which is tough because when you're like that young, you're so easily influenced. Yeah.
Jason:And it's not like you're. I just don't think a lot of kids that young have really like the brain capacity almost to be able and say like, oh, that's wrong. I know that that viewpoint's wrong, so like I'm not gonna believe in it.
Alyiah:Right, unless they have like somebody at home like telling them, yeah, like active parents, yeah, who are like getting those conversations out of them. Right.
Jason:Because if they're at school or something like, as a parent, unless the kid told you, you would never know.
Alyiah:Right, like actively talking, but I mean that's probably the same way with like any sort of like fucking what's that shit called like discriminating against anybody yeah like you literally have to teach your kids how to like approach things like this or society is going to mold them, or you're gonna mold them in shitty ways and be fucking racist and most likely.
Jason:I mean, I'm sure like a lot of kids can. I don't know about a lot, but I'm sure there's kids out there who would be able to not be influenced as much as others yeah, I wonder what like the like next generations of kids are gonna be like when they are being influenced by so much like.
Alyiah:I wonder if they're like bullshit meter is gonna be able to be like a little bit higher because they understand that like any and all views can be like out there. I don't know, though, because you see shit about like fucking andrew tate and stuff like little boys like listening to him oh really yeah what do you mean?
Jason:little boys like 13 year olds?
Alyiah:probably I don't know how old they are. Probably I don't know how old they are.
Jason:Yeah, I feel like I don't know a lot about that guy, but I feel like I don't know a lot from what I have seen about him, it is very much like that. He's like the epitome of what society will like turn you into, if you allow it, because of course there is a stage for everyone where it's like you almost have to hit that crossroads of like you have to decide like Is this right or is this?
Alyiah:wrong yeah.
Jason:Instead of it just being like.
Speaker 3:This is how it is. This is just how it is.
Jason:Yeah, and then yeah.
Alyiah:I don't know. I just remember seeing like shit about him and then, thank god, I haven't seen shit about him in so long. Actually I'm surprised I even remembered his name isn't he in jail or something? I don't know for like, but I saw this like this shit about how him and his brother or something like, got in trouble like with sex trafficking stuff in like a different country. I don't know, don't quote me on this, but Okay, also talk about fucking like sexist shit. Cheesekicker, what's his name?
Jason:Harrison Butker.
Alyiah:Harrison Butker. What kind of last name is Butker? First of all, I'm sorry, I've been meaning to just like put that one out there. But also, how are you going to stand up during a commencement speech to a bunch of people who just graduated and say, basically, like your life has not begun until you are a wife and a mother?
Alyiah:yeah, I really don't know like they literally just like okay, if you have those thoughts, first of all you're wrong. Second of all, like time and place, dude, none of that adds up I know it was a really strange like platform also like his mom is like has her phd or some shit, like she's like a career woman and he's out here saying shit like that.
Jason:If I was his mom, like I don't resort to violence or abuse there was an interview, though, where from a while back, with patrick mahomes on like a late night show where he said that he doesn't really talk to him so I wonder if that's just like an asshole and people kind of just keep their distance or he's the kicker.
Alyiah:So patrick mahomes doesn't give a shit about him, but I saw that he like sits next to him, like he sat next to him and like some shit film or something. He's like I don't know. I don't talk to him, but then, like you think about it, and like patrick mahomes has been pretty like I don't know, like his wife owns the soccer team, like the women's soccer team, and like she's an athlete, and so I wonder if he just like he's heard some shit that he says and is just like nah, man.
Jason:Who knows?
Alyiah:I did see a post, though, where somebody said, they were like here's all these women that could replace Butker.
Jason:Oh yeah, I saw that too.
Alyiah:I think I put out my story, the.
Jason:thing is like I understand that it's just like you're a kicker, bro. Why are you taking this stance Like your job is? I'm not saying it's easy, but compared to all the other positions on the field, yes, you're an athlete by every like technical definition, but you're not athletic.
Alyiah:Well, and you're like a lot and you're a lot easier to replace.
Jason:I don't even think athletic has to do anything to it. You can be an athlete without being very athletic, like a NASCAR driver, yeah, a golf player. Yeah. Are there some athletics in there? Sure, but you can't really compare it to like one of these high-speed contact sports or something where you're using, like, everything in your body to a very high level I just also don't think that that's really the right way to look at it either, because, like it has nothing to do with him taking the stance.
Alyiah:Those things have nothing to do with him taking that stance it's not that it has anything to do.
Jason:I'm not saying it would be okay if he was a different position to say those things, yeah, but it's just like all he does is swing his leg and he's making this point if he couldn't swing his leg. What would you be doing?
Alyiah:also. I just think it's like such shit to like call out women like that, like, if you're gonna have that stance, then you better fucking like also have the stance of just like kids need good parents in their lives and like also be saying like men, your life doesn't start until you're a dad, a husband and a dad, because, like what guys just get to go do whatever the hell they want and their life has started I don't know that could be where he where he was going with it, but I feel like I would take it more as just like a trying to like uphold, like an older society the man works, the woman's at home.
Alyiah:But why though I?
Jason:don't know why, but I feel like that's where he was going with it.
Alyiah:I just I think it's stupid. I just think it's so stupid and like, why are you having those thoughts now? Like, have women not been loud enough about, like the fact that we're fucking human too? Like, literally, I want to go find his wife and fucking like interview her. Literally, I want to go find his wife and fucking like, interview her, be like, so tell me, how does this make you feel? Because, regardless, if I just don't understand how you can hear that and not think it's derogatory, because, regardless, if you are a woman and you feel like your life started when you were a woman and you feel like your life started when you were a wife and a mother, if you felt that way, cool. But hearing that come out of somebody's mouth, especially a man's mouth, how does that like not just make you want to fucking pop him, like because you've just bought into that opinion so hard that, like literally, it's not a thought that crosses your mind when you hear it.
Alyiah:As to being like that's offensive, like I'm sure a lot of people, as soon as they heard it their first thought was hell yeah that's nuts to me yeah like that makes me literally be like, honestly, like if we have to go to a different world one day, like let's just split people up like this, like you guys go do your shit, we'll go do our shit. Like I don't want to be surrounded with people who think like that it's that is so derogatory to be like your life does not start and tell those things like I'm not a whole goddamn person. That's so disrespectful.
Jason:That is so disrespectful literally like fucking, I don't know, man, how are you going to come from a woman and speak about women like that, not to mention like it's not really like having kids is something that the earth is like in dire need of. Like we can skip a handful of generations and like, maybe get back on track with overpopulation. Like we can skip a handful of generations and like, maybe get back on track with overpopulation. But I'm just saying like people, because I've seen people take that stance with Harrison Bucker as far as like, oh, like, people need to be having kids.
Jason:Oh, yeah, yeah and like raising their kids appropriately, blah, blah blah, and it's like people don't really need to be having kids, though, like instinctually, the human race has to continue to reproduce to stay alive.
Alyiah:Well, that's what, like all living things, do.
Jason:But where we're at right now there's too many of us. Yeah. Like out in the wild, ecosystems are set up to where if there's too many of an animal, there's going to be a predator that comes in and kind of like, picks the numbers off.
Speaker 3:Yeah, there's nothing to be a predator that comes in and kind of like Levels. It Picks the numbers off.
Jason:Yeah, there's nothing to do that to us. Yeah. So we can just keep growing and growing as much as possible, and there's nothing that's going to pick us off, other than our own governments freaking, poisoning us, going to war and shit.
Alyiah:Yeah, I don't know, though. I just I truly don't understand, like how you can look at another person and think that way about them, regardless of their gender, that's. What's crazy to me is like people just don't look at people as people.
Jason:Because they're probably most likely taught to be that way but how do you never have that?
Alyiah:you know how you're saying, like you usually are going to come to the realization of like. Is this wrong and like right? I feel like like why do people come to the conclusion that the wrong things are right, or have they just not come to those crossroads yet?
Jason:I just don't think that everyone comes to those crossroads at like a specific set time. There might be people that go their whole lives without really like ever questioning it, and maybe people do it later, when they're like 40, 50. But like you can get lost deep in just like the way of thinking and then that's just how you think Like period. You don't challenge that way of thinking. Those are your beliefs. And you think like period. You don't challenge that way of thinking. Those are your beliefs and you're gonna stick to them no matter what yeah no, my freaking existential OCD brain just can't even wrap.
Alyiah:I can't even wrap myself around that. I'm like what do you mean? You don't examine your beliefs like every three months just to make sure you're on track? But also the fact that people do think that like stances like that are right it's hard to say that.
Jason:I mean, obviously I don't personally believe that that's the correct way of thinking. But I think it's also hard to say it's like wrong, because some people just like are so misled. It's not like like I understand that at the end of the day they continue to make their own decisions. Yeah. But if you were like force-fed a certain way of thinking throughout your whole life, especially if it was by like family members and people you loved and trusted? Yeah.
Jason:Then it's like it brings in this whole other, like that's what was difficult for me when I was trying to evaluate a lot of this is because it's like not only is someone saying like, my personal beliefs are wrong, yeah. Or need to be evaluated. Yeah. But also my parents and the people that were close to me, that I loved and trusted. It's like it feels like it's not only insulting me, but it's like insulting them as well, and then it gets like a little bit defensive yeah, that totally makes sense.
Alyiah:I don't know, I feel like I'm just like used to being the one that like challenges things like that in like a family setting no, you're pretty.
Jason:you're pretty lax with your family. You will do it occasionally, but like no with my own like in my own life. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Alyiah:Not like I'm not the one that's going to like bring it up to their face.
Jason:Yeah. But, you avoid a lot of drama.
Alyiah:Yeah, because it's just like not worth it. It's just not. Yeah. Like when drama comes into it, it's just not. Yeah, like when drama comes into it, it's not worth it. If somebody wants to sit down and have like a legit conversation about it, cool. But like if we're gonna start freaking, throwing like these big just arguing yeah, and like big emotions into it. It's just dumb yeah like which is, and it overwhelms me.
Jason:It overwhelms me a lot which is a difficult thing to do when it involves like your beliefs, yeah, but it's just so interesting, like our different family dynamics from my side and your side yeah because, like me, I'm like I know exactly where this is gonna go, but you know what, let's fucking do it. And then we're just gonna get into it because, like I'm, I'm the type that will say something at a family function out loud oh yeah to my family of like what the f yeah, well, and I think a big thing of it actually too.
Alyiah:I was a lot. I feel like I was a lot more like that when I was a kid, or at least I would challenge things, like in the way that I dressed or whatever. Um, I was always a little bit of like the the black sheep as far as behavior went, or like self-expression or whatever. But when we moved back here in 2020 and literally like the week that we got back, it was right before the 4th of July and my family had a big party and I mean, it was summer of 2020, so tensions were high within multiple different whatever you know, and yeah, there's a lot going on yeah, politics and all this, and I knew my family stance heavily and I came in and said something that just really ruffled some feathers.
Jason:I don't even remember.
Alyiah:I said that Brigham Young owned slaves.
Jason:Oh yeah.
Alyiah:Yeah, and I was like, ooh mistake, I just I won't say anything.
Jason:And then you didn't super ruffle feathers, though I don't feel like that carried on after. It was pretty like like a 10 minute thing. Maybe it was more than that, but that's how I viewed it. I thought it was like squashed pretty quick oh yeah, no, it was a thing.
Alyiah:My uncle texted me like a week later and asked if I, if I would send him it was a thing. It wasn't an article like. I sent him the legit ledger that said it from the church's website oh yeah but, I totally forgot about that whole situation yeah, no, that was a big.
Alyiah:I was like you know what. I've deconstructed a lot the time that I have not been living here and I'm not in a place to sit here and, like defend my beliefs to you, because I'm deconstructing it and that's where you're like I don't know.
Jason:I feel like with with my side of the family. I would, like I said I don't really have an issue calling them out and like being on their shit about stuff, but I definitely feel like I have to take like a huge step back with your side of the family just to like preserve. To me, it's like it's more important for me to kind of like bite my tongue and like preserve a relationship than to ruffle the feathers right well, and I think that a big part of it comes from.
Alyiah:I come from a very religious family and they have been taught to defend those beliefs very viciously and it's very important in my family and because I know that there's just like some things that I'm just like. If they want to come to those conclusions, whatever, and if they ever want to talk more about it, they can come to me yeah but like I, just I don't care to subscribe to that way of thinking anymore. Honestly.
Jason:I don't either. I mean, I try to treat it as like it truly just doesn't matter to me, like literally, I don't give two shits what you believe in, and I don't say that in a mean way. It's like I just don't care, it's your beliefs. You believe what you're going to. Yeah, it doesn't matter to me. Yeah, but like I also would like to for that to be reciprocated to me as far as, like Right, I can, if I say like something, like oh, like if there is a God, and then someone's like, oh, there is, yeah, and I'm like, okay, like I'm talking about my belief right now. Yeah.
Jason:So like please don't interject and say like your belief is wrong this is the right thing? Yeah, because, like that, it would be so annoying if every time we were around people that were religious and they were like, oh, thank god if I was like there is no god yeah, like imagine that would make them so offended.
Jason:There probably are people like that there is. I've seen them and they're like just as bad, if not worse. Yeah, but I don't know, I just I just I know it's asking too much, yeah, for my turn of thought to be like I don't treat people that way. So I don't want to be treated that way, because they're just not always going to be on the same wavelength of being delicate with the situation, which I don't feel like we should have.
Jason:To be delicate. It's unfortunate that we have to feel that way sometimes, that we need to walk on eggshells around different sets of beliefs like. Walk on eggshells around like different sets of beliefs, yeah, but at the end of the day, like I said, it's just sometimes it just is better than the drama that would ensue if you were to like pipe up about something right well, and like, you do have to think about the fact of like, okay, do I love this person and want a relationship with them regardless?
Alyiah:because at the end of the day, even if they don't feel that way, if you do, then you have the decision to make on, like, how you want to handle your relationship.
Jason:And if you say things that you know are going to piss them off, like that's on you yeah, and for me I think it's also part of the reason I don't get into things with different individuals is that it's almost like a. I don't want to find out that the way you think isn't strictly because of your religion and it's because you're just like another level of like lost yeah, like it would almost like ruin the way that you see them yeah, because it's just like.
Jason:If you think that like I'm gonna like go to hell because, like sometimes I drink or I have tattoos or whatever the case may be, yeah, if you think I'm gonna go to hell for something and that's your religion, like I get that to an extent, but also it like almost speaks to me on a personal level of like how could you just think that I'm gonna something bad like that's gonna happen to?
Alyiah:me not necessarily go to hell, but just like that, some kind of like, something bad is gonna befall me yeah, yeah you know it's funny when like new requests come in or like followers or anything like that and I can tell like exactly where you know somebody based off of like who's following them yeah like this person. I was like, okay, this is either army or mission. And I clicked on and I was like mission oh yeah he's cool okay, he's from scotland.
Alyiah:Oh yeah, I saw it in his bio. Um, but I was gonna say, ever since I, like accidentally, had my little out of body experience, a little mini astral projection, if you say, the way that I view life and the world and beliefs has like literally flipped a 180 what do you mean?
Jason:like well, I guess I know to an extent, because sometimes you get on to me about when I like voice my opinion to you about religion. You're're like you can't just say that. What do you mean? Sometimes, when I voice my opinion on religion, you act. You will tell me that I'm like being too harsh.
Alyiah:Oh, I mean, I feel like I've been like that since before astral projection.
Jason:No, it was like it picked up big time for a minute there before astral projection. No, it was like it picked up big time for a minute there. You've kind of chilled back out again, but like at right after that for like probably a month and a half you were like heavy on, like me, not like shit talking religion basically yeah, but I don't know.
Alyiah:I just come to this conclusion that I realized that literally it's all mythology and so when people are taking it so fucking seriously, like I just almost feel like I want to laugh, which sounds so mean, but literally like there are so many things now since doing that, that I'm like literally like life is that deep but it isn't that deep, and like we should just enjoy living and like the life that we have because it's like part of the journey yeah, that's way easier said than done, though, I know, but I think we all kind of know I shouldn't say all but a lot of us know, like in the back of our heads, regardless of like all the stupid shit, that we keep doing that like we want to live better but it's not even about living better, like truly, it goes down to like just the decisions of like how to handle a relationship and be married and living with somebody and having a life together.
Alyiah:Like it truly is a decision. Turn the latch down low, you just do it.
Jason:That's the only option what do you mean? You just go for it go for?
Alyiah:what are you talking about?
Jason:you're not making any sense you were talking about, like how to navigate being in a relationship with someone and like how to communicate with them and all that. Like, literally, we just do it, we just try it and see if it works.
Alyiah:No, I legit like. I mean, like there are like things about what am I doing, about um, what the fuck am I doing?
Jason:um, what the fuck are we talking about?
Alyiah:I don't know what you're about to talk about. I don't know, but I'm telling you I kind of want to really try to like after project for reals, because I feel like I'm finally kind of ready for it. And I feel fucking crazy saying that it like happened, but it happened, like I know for a fact. I feel like I'm saying in an interview right now, telling you that like I got abducted by aliens.
Jason:You basically are.
Alyiah:That's like how it feels.
Jason:It was so crazy. It sounds crazy.
Alyiah:I'm not saying I don't believe you, but I am not saying that I believe you okay, but it literally has come down to the point of, like, re-evaluating the way that I view, like, my, my morals, my belief, like the, the foundation of like who, who I want to be as a person because of that experience, and that just happened. When was that? March February?
Jason:I don't remember now. I don't remember either feels like so much has happened since.
Alyiah:I know, but seriously, like since then I have been freaking, thrown into like spirals of like fucking, like ego death after ego death. Ego death. After fucking like realization, after like all that shit, pick him up or something. Oh, there's the boy, there's the boy, there's the boy. Bubba, you can't lick hi. Oh, look at that cute boy look at that cute boy. I just called him a booty, um no, but I, I thought, you were going to say Mr Poopy Butthole he's Mr Poopy Butthole.
Alyiah:You're so cute, let me take a picture of you. By the way, this is definitely our whole life, is me just saying let me take a picture. I know he's so cute, shut up.
Jason:Okay.
Alyiah:Okay, but yeah. So I accidentally astral projected and that was crazy. It was during breath work and literally that was fucking insane. That was insane. But since then I've just been reevaluating everything. Shut up, shut up, shut up, henry, you're so cute, are you fine? I see, um, but it's also been like making me think about, like also the fact of just like having kids one day, like do I really want to do that?
Jason:have kids? Yeah, oh, why wouldn't you?
Alyiah:I just cannot picture myself like actually being a parent Every single day.
Jason:Maybe you might feel that way now and change your mind.
Alyiah:Yeah, maybe, but that shit is like. That's terrifying to think about.
Jason:At some point your instinct's gonna kick in and tell you to have babies.
Alyiah:Do you think I mean like sometimes-.
Jason:Or animals. Why wouldn't it? Yeah. It's the instinct to reproduce.
Alyiah:We just have complex brains that we can decide if we do or don't want to yeah, I don't know like I just can't imagine like day in and day out, like raising a kid it's a lot it's a commitment. It's like literally a commitment for the rest of your life yeah it's not easy of your life. Yeah, he's going to see, that's so cute, but also it has also definitely made me appreciate our relationship more, but in a different way than I ever thought it would, I feel like, since that happened for me, why.
Alyiah:I don't know and I don't know if it's just because I've been evaluating my beliefs and what I want and what I like and all this and that, but it almost makes me feel like it's not that deep, but like it is. That's our relationship.
Alyiah:No, no, no, that's I like don't know how to say it because like it's deep, like we have a deep connection and a deep love for each other, but like the concepts of like relationships just seems so different and like the morals and like values that I thought were like the quote unquote right way to do things, that's what's like, not that deep Like there's just some things where people are like, oh, if you do this, this and this in a relationship, then like you're doing it wrong or that's not the way it's supposed to be or whatever.
Jason:What examples?
Alyiah:instead of saying like this, this and this, literally the only example I can think of and I just don't know if we want to actually talk about it in this episode. But like is literally the, the concept of like monogamy what do you mean? You think it's unnatural I don't know about unnatural natural but like people act like it's like the only way that it would ever like work or it's the only way it's supposed to work.
Jason:I don't know. Somebody made that shit up somewhere along the line and just kept passing it down exactly, though I don't know. Somebody made that shit up somewhere along the line and just kept passing it down. Exactly, though I don't think it's the only way by any stretch of the imagination, and maybe if society was different I wouldn't feel this way, but I do feel like majority of society is like one partner for life, Like one mate for life. Yeah.
Jason:But that could just be from just like being influenced so much that that is like. This is the way.
Alyiah:Right, right, like if nobody had decided that, then would we really be doing that. Yeah, yeah.
Jason:But there are some like, just like wild animals that have one mate for their whole life, right, so it's not like it would just be completely crazy to think that we're naturally that way. Yeah. But we could also naturally be the other way. I don't know yeah.
Alyiah:I'm sure there's research on it, but I haven't looked into it much yeah, I would definitely like to look into it more because I mean, I remember some of our earliest conversations about things like that, or like when we were very first together we weren't even like engaged yet driving down to Georgia to visit family or whatever from North Carolina and just talking about it and being like how can, how can, like one person give you everything that you need, and also like that sounds like a really big responsibility that I don't want as a partner.
Jason:But like what would you get from someone else?
Alyiah:I mean just connection in different ways.
Jason:There's no way that, like I, do absolutely everything that you want and need in life.
Alyiah:I feel you can't say want and need in the same sentence, because those are very different things, see, and I guess that's where okay, that's almost where I think that, like choosing a partner that, like like you and I, like our needs are compatible and like I need you, you need me, in like the like emotional connection sense and all of that right, but then, like when you throw in the wants, I feel like that's where it gets more appealing to me.
Jason:I think that's probably how it is for anybody yeah, but I don't know.
Alyiah:There are people who are like literally poly, that like do life together, like it's like the married couple. Yeah, polyamorous.
Jason:There's multiple meanings of poly. That sounds weird.
Alyiah:Oh yeah, true, should definitely preface that. But, like, I saw this couple on Instagram and they are married and have kids On Instagram and they Are married and have kids and then they both have Other partners.
Jason:Like separate partners.
Alyiah:Yeah, like the girl has a boyfriend. The guy has a yeah, whatever A girlfriend and Like they all, just kind of like do life girlfriend and Like they all just kind of like do life together. But they're not like all together. I don't think Like it's separate relationships between, it's not like a love triangle situation. Yeah, I don't think I could. I don't think I could ever be down for something like that, like a full-on, like ruffle.
Jason:I don't think I could do that I mean I'm not interested in dudes like at all, so it would have to be a woman yeah, and I would want it to be a dude.
Alyiah:Yeah, so that couldn't happen yeah but like I mean it could maybe be a girl, but I don't, I don't think I would say you, you should be okay with it being a woman.
Jason:Yeah, no, I think as far as, like, you're actually attracted to, you can be attracted to them. Yeah, like for me, like I just I can, like, I always tell you I can appreciate a good looking dude, yeah, but there's just not that like desire in me of being like, oh, that's a good looking dude.
Alyiah:And then being like, oh, like, I wonder what his abs look like, or like I would definitely let that big too, if that yeah the opportunity arise, but yeah yeah, yeah, no, if, if that was to ever happen, it would have to be a girl, and I feel like at that point it would just have to be like. So, like can you imagine us going on like a fucking date with somebody together to like be together with them, and me just pulling out like fucking, like questions up the ass of like tell me absolutely everything about you why, I would just have to. I would just, if you're bringing in somebody like that into like you didn't do that with me I mean, yeah, but I didn't have anything else anything else what?
Jason:like I didn't have another relationship that I was like adding into it's like you didn't do that with me, so why would you do it with someone?
Alyiah:because it would be adding into our lives like you would not want it to like destroy our lives yeah, well, and like not to throw anybody under the bus, and I think that she would be okay with me talking about this, but I have a client slash friend who she literally she came out as bi and wanted to experience being with women and her fiance was fine with it and they were like really open about communicating and all of this stuff and um, so sorry, it seems like I'm laughing at her right now, but I'm not laughing at Henry.
Alyiah:He's so cute anyways, um, but she I don't remember details, but anyways, basically it was a throuple situation one man, two women and they all ended up like being together and it kind of like happened organically, but also like they were having conversations and being super open about it and stuff like that, because they had kind of, I think, been a little bit involved in the like, in that world, more of like I don't want to say swinging, that's not not the right word the community, I guess, yeah, of like that type of stuff.
Jason:They experiment with it.
Alyiah:Yeah, like, or they knew about it and stuff like that, Like they were well-versed in it and so they had already kind of had these like conversations with each other and whatnot.
Alyiah:But then this bitch, these bitches did her dirty as fuck and broke up with her and so they could be together there's a couple of three yeah, and literally like the day before, if not a couple days before, they were telling her like her fiance, which like that was the like original couple, right literally said like I would never leave you for her, which, like that was the like original couple, right literally said like I would never leave you for her, stuff like that, and then like threw that on her and that shit, like I don't know.
Jason:That's what's crazy about stuff like that to me Is because, like I just feel like you would have to be in such like a. You would have to know like exactly who you are, yeah, and you would have to know exactly Like what your relationship Together is, right Before you could even like Try and go into something like that, because there are just so many variables that where I could see like it not working out well. Yeah.
Alyiah:Well and.
Jason:Like you would have to discuss Absolutely every single Possibility Before going into it.
Alyiah:Yeah, because if you get like blindsided with something that you didn't really discuss or think about beforehand and then all of a sudden you realize like this really bothers me, yeah, then it's like bad news bears I mean not even that, because I think things are gonna come up and you should just, kind of, you should talk about them as they come up yeah, but there's potential for some of those things to be like huge things, like groundbreaking differences right, but I think that if you're gonna have any sort of like non-monogamous relationship whether that's just open marriage or relationship or like throuple polyamory, all that kind of stuff, like I think that that's a possibility that you almost have to talk about and think about, is the fact that there are going to be future conversations that could be groundbreaking. Like that almost has to be considered in the conversation.
Jason:Yeah, but I do feel like you have to just be like very confident in your relationship to begin with right, but like?
Alyiah:do you think every part of your relationship, or just that your needs are being met?
Jason:I just feel like when you start getting into the want portion or like the areas that the other person lacks in, you throw another person in there and they meet those expectations. I feel like it would be very easy, from like an ego standpoint, just to be like I really enjoy the things that this person gives me now because it's new and it's like flashy yeah and you're like, oh, like, I like. And then you convince yourself to be like.
Alyiah:I like what they have to offer, more than what they have been offering me right, but I think that's where it adds in the like open communication aspect of it yeah and like, I almost feel like, because I've heard of some people who have open marriages, or I went to.
Jason:I went to school with a woman that was polyamorous and like someone that I was really close to, like one of the girls I was a lot closer to.
Alyiah:Oh yeah, yeah, yeah in vet school, in the vet tech school yeah, I thought you were talking about like high school and I was like what?
Jason:no, no in vet school okay, yeah but seemed to work out well for her yeah, was she in like a like it?
Alyiah:was she in like a committed, like marriage or something?
Jason:I think at the time she was just in a relationship with one person, but she had several times in the past been in throuple-type situations and one time, I think she even said, was with a married couple and she was the one that was not married.
Alyiah:Oh, interesting, see, and also also I feel like I don't know. I just it definitely Bubba Bubba, you're okay. Why are you so on edge today? Is it storming? But um, no, if there is anything that like, anything that interests me and stuff like that, I think the only thing I would say would be like open relationships.
Jason:Anything else I don't know if I necessarily could do and for me, like when I think about having an open relationship, I don't think about like having somebody else feel, feel having somebody else fill my like emotional yeah, wants or like desires, like, yeah, I feel, like a lot of that you do for me already yeah and if you don't like, why can't we just like have a conversation and like kind of like fine-tune things a little bit more?
Jason:yeah where I think of an open relationship. It's like okay, like it, me personally would just come down to like sex. Yeah. And like experiencing different sexual partners, I guess. Yeah. Because, like people, are so different on that front. Oh yeah.
Jason:But then it's also like when I really get to thinking about it, I'm like do I really? Like like it's 30, it's 30 to like 45 minutes of like pleasure no see, and I'm sure it could be like a great experience and like it could be something new. Blah, blah, blah. Yeah, but like at the end of the day, like once it's done, you're just kind of like okay yeah it's not like okay, that was like so fucking bomb dig.
Jason:Like I'm so happy that I did that. Like usually, after you're done it's, you start like thinking about it and you're like okay, like okay definitely just horny no, literally.
Alyiah:That is where you and I are completely opposite in the way of our thoughts, which is funny because that's literally what comes down to the difference between you and me, and like wanting that sort of like, open relationship is because I am the like, completely opposite. Like our sex drives are literally opposite of each other, and like the way that we view sex what do you mean?
Jason:you can't just like throw these out there what I need to talk about this okay, well, remind me refresh my memory. You know I need that all the time.
Alyiah:I am a much more sexual sensual person than you, and it's not just like 30 to like, it's not just the 30 to 45 like, no, like. That shit is like you could be playing into it from the minute you wake up to the minute you go to sleep playing into what sex sensual, being sexual and sensual like it's not just 30 to 45 minutes.
Jason:You said that that's how it is for you yeah, I'm saying like the actual act yeah, but it's more than just actual acts in my brain yeah, I get, I can see your perspective, but that's definitely not where I come from I know I'm literally saying right now that that is. We are completely opposite in that front yeah, I just didn't know what you were saying at first.
Alyiah:It took me a second to like understand where you were actually coming from oh yeah, no, and that like doesn't mean that when we like, I think we have great sex when we have sex, but our drives are much different than each other yeah and that's what. That's what interests me in, like an open relationship situation and to me.
Jason:For me, that feels like I'm getting too much on the emotional side, though, like, and I just don't have the emotional drive. It's a thing no, and I do like it's because I'm not going to sit throughout the day and be like and have like these moments of like connecting with someone or like watching them live, where I'm just like, oh yeah, like I want to bang yeah, no, and I'm definitely for me it would be like pleasure.
Alyiah:This is strictly business no, literally like which is funny because literally you think about it like you fucking I. You walk into the room and then there's always be like let me see that dick. Yeah, you don't say shit like that to me. Sometimes you're into the room and sometimes I'll just be like let me see that dick. Yeah, you don't say shit like that to me.
Jason:Sometimes you're into the ta-tas and like I walk around naked all the time. There are times where, like, I definitely wouldn't mind having sex where you're just like I can't say that you're not feeling it, but I just like don't reach out to you about it yeah, and because I know that like your sex drive is so low that like I'm just like what if?
Alyiah:like it's not, though that's what you don't understand, is it's not? That does like the libido, especially when I was on birth control yeah, that shit is a killer, a baby killer, baby making killer. Like that shit was doing its job and that sucked, but like I literally lost my virginity, if you want to say lost, at 15. And I was doing other sexual acts at 14 and like I definitely am one that like if it was brought up I would be down probably obviously depends on that's how I feel situation probably obviously depends on.
Alyiah:That's how I feel situation, but I feel like we're both on the front of like we want to be. We want somebody else to like take the lead to initiate it yeah, and that's where.
Alyiah:Like that's where it is a different, it's a different type of drive, because I mean, like you're still a man yeah, you know what I mean like you still have those hormones that are gonna be down for that yeah but like the thing that's overlooked a lot is like the woman's hormone and like, if you're putting in like with most women, if you're making them feel desired, like they're probably going to be down more than you, or like the same as you. Yeah, like men who complain. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. This is about I am mic dropping right now. Okay, because men who complain about their women's sex drives.
Alyiah:The first thing I want to do is ask, their sex drive being too low yeah, we're like they never want to have sex with me and that's like they're like our relationship would be so much better if we had sex more, and it's like you're literally not making your woman feel desired or loved or supported. If you did those things, you would be getting laid a lot more.
Jason:Yeah, and she would actually want to. That's not to say that there are genuinely people out there, though, who just like have lower sex drives, oh yeah, they might not want to, yeah, and like obviously that's fine too, but I see what you mean. Yeah.
Alyiah:Yeah, like, yeah, like people who've maybe had sex drives like that in the past and they're like, you just never want to entertain me anymore and it's like well, I fucking wonder why, like you don't love me, you don't support me. I've asked you to help with things. You don't have to help with them, like, why would you ever like, especially being a woman, like our, our bodies, literally, if you're not into somebody like or whatever, like your body is not going to like, let you do its thing. Yeah.
Alyiah:I don't know. I have literally I have these albums on or not, my albums saved save folders on um instagram of like the female experience versus the male experience. Of like looking at things like that, because it really is so interesting to like see the difference in how our brains work, from like the level of like our animalistic like this and this you know what I mean.
Alyiah:Like I really want to like preface that we're not saying anything to do with your like gender identity or anything like that. When it comes to that, like it's not obviously there's different like gender expressions, or everybody has masculine and feminine energy, and then, like it just depends on how you present it, I guess, or what feels right to you. I just don't ever want to feel like we're being like freaking, like straight people relationships, only because that's just we both just think of it in such broad terms of like no, we don't feel that way, that's just our personal experience. So no, I just can?
Alyiah:that's what we have to kind of go off of yeah, but I for reals get so annoyed when I see shit like that. Honestly, with like and I don't know most of the women that I know if they felt desired, and also like if they didn't have issues of freaking medicine screwing up their freaking cycles and hormones and all that like they say that men are just all they think about is sex. I think there's a lot of women that are the same.
Jason:I think so too. I think a whole lot of guys don't realize that though yeah, like a ton of them don't realize that yeah but like I don't know in my experiences like with dating and freaking, getting approached at a bar when I had like zero interest in like getting with anyone or like meeting anyone, you know yeah to have like a female, like call me over and be like hey, will you come take a picture of us?
Jason:and like, just like, so obviously just like, try to get me over there what are you talking about when?
Alyiah:oh your beach trip? Yeah, with with Matt, yeah, yeah yeah, and Ellie's engagement. Yes, yes.
Jason:I know you're talking about, but like, yeah, females like are just as horny as males. Yeah. And we're all like doing the same thing. We just go about it completely differently.
Alyiah:Yeah, yeah, oh, my God, okay, I actually actually I told this idea.
Jason:I do think, sorry to cut you off, but I do think that women naturally tend to be just like more selective, just like how wild animals do, where, like, the male has to impress them.
Alyiah:Oh yeah, no, like it's not just like a like for guys, it could truly just be like a like you have legs, you know what I mean it doesn't have to be like a well, and that's why, like women like to be impressed, they want to, they want to feel like, they want to feel loved and support, they want to feel that emotional. But that's what I'm also trying to say with the freaking like open relationship stuff is where you're like. To me it's just. It would just purely be a sex thing which, like I am, I would totally be down for. Like you to be like that. If you wanted to be a hundred percent, you could tell me that right now and I'd be like, yeah, go for it I know you told me that before yeah, like I am so down for it.
Alyiah:But the thing that it comes down to for me and I think this lies heavily in like the fact that I am female is, like I do want that like a little bit of an emotional connection. But that's also where, like you and me, like I'm, like no, I'm, I am committed to you, like you are my number one. We have responsibilities and lives together, and so if I was to ever like be with somebody else, I would want them to feel the same way towards their family, like I would. I think I would almost want them to be kind of in like the same type of relationship as us yeah because I'm like.
Alyiah:No, I want you to be a partner. Like to your, like you have other priorities, but like I would still want that emotional connection. Does that make sense?
Jason:yeah, it makes sense I'm getting red.
Alyiah:That was vulnerable for me. That was really vulnerable for me. That was really vulnerable for me. I am the type of person literally I'm sweating. I'm the type of person I love to hear about, like everybody else's, like how their relationships work and stuff like that. But something like that for me, that was I'm getting right in the face. I can feel it. I can feel it, but I don't know. I definitely I do feel like I am much more inclined to want an open relationship than you would be yeah, and, like I said, I just don't really yeah you just don't really see the real point in an emotional connection so like why would I really?
Alyiah:okay, but like isn't it fun to just like it's fun to like flirt with people and like get a little bit of that like attention.
Jason:No, it is.
Alyiah:Where it's like purely like. It is kind of a like hey, I enjoy, like it's almost like I enjoy our friendship so much, and then, like we also bang.
Jason:I just don't see it as like a. I just don't feel like I would be getting true joy out of it.
Alyiah:It would all be like, very like, temporary happiness no, I think that I would like it and I think that I would like it so much that I would like deepen our connection in those ways too, because I am an attention whore. I am, I love it. I love compliments from anybody. I like to feel like wanted and desired and loved and like I want people to look at me.
Alyiah:I have fucking bright yellow hair yeah like my tits are probably out in some way at all times, whether that's just tight shirt, no bra like I, just like people look at me and like just constantly, but also like I don't necessarily think I would want you to be like that either, like I like that you are the way that you are.
Jason:I would hope so yeah.
Alyiah:So I think that's why, like it could potentially work to be in that sort of like if we were in that sort of relationship. Because it's like no, I like the way that you like it's not that it would like make me be like you wish that Jason was more like this. It's like no, like this is my husband that gives me, like all these things that I love so much, my wants, my needs. Like things are getting hit.
Alyiah:We're good yeah but then like I have like a boyfriend or I, because I I don't think I would want to be with a woman, it would have to be like a man. You know, I just I men too much.
Jason:I feel like you're not really bi then, though.
Alyiah:No, I definitely. Well, I'm pansexual. I'm not bisexual.
Jason:But still though.
Alyiah:No, because I love me like a gay man, Just men in general, Like literally drag queens. Like while they're in drag, I'm like that is a man doing that right now. That is sexy as yeah. Like like gay men, straight men, bi men, I don't care what you are, it's like men. So you didn't go for yourself yeah, it's pretty low bar but a woman that's.
Alyiah:That is a statue, that is. But it's because, like, I feel that way about myself, I feel like you know what I mean. I'm like, yeah, of course I would be worshipped. I'm a woman. Do you know what I mean? Does that make sense? To an extent, I don't know. I'm really just, I'm full of myself. I think is what I'm coming down to. I know, no, but that's what I mean is like I think that I, if we ever were to be in an open marriage, I think that I would like want to have a like boyfriend, and I don't really say like boyfriend, I mean I guess it kind of is a boyfriend yeah that just sounds so like juvenile to me.
Jason:But you know, I would definitely need more therapy before anything like that could even be talked about seriously because, like my insecurities alone, if we were to do that right now would absolutely destroy our relationship you think?
Alyiah:oh, I hate that you feel that way, because I just you are my man.
Jason:I love you about you with another guy? Yeah, it would be. It would end up bad.
Alyiah:That is just so funny me on how opposite probably everyone involved it would end up bad.
Jason:That is just so funny to me on how opposite You're probably everyone involved.
Alyiah:You said I'm fucking crazy. You said pop, pop Not that bad. But that's just funny to me because I think about you and our relationship and I literally like you're my man, like I love you so much.
Jason:Like I said, I would need more therapy, because it doesn't matter how many times you say that it doesn't make it better.
Alyiah:That is so funny to me. Whoa'm getting a little like. My thing is like how would you?
Jason:it would be. It's just so difficult to imagine, like thinking about your partner with someone else and like it's like how do you not get caught up in those insecurities of like, what if they are satisfying them more than I am? What if, like their? I think, connection is stronger than ours is. And then like is this like gonna end up or just tearing us apart?
Alyiah:or just just show up in the way that you know is expected in our relationship, like you would like that that line of communication would always have to be like open know is expected in our relationship. That line of communication would always have to be open, always. I don't think you would need to know every single detail, but that's where it gets difficult for a lot of people.
Jason:I'm telling you right now I am definitely in the majority, at least when it comes to men. As far as we would not want to be like being, we would not want to be in an open relationship where, like another man is also with like our woman and I don't mean to say like our woman, like that, yeah like your partner, your girl, it's like this is our relationship and like yeah okay.
Alyiah:But also that kind of like makes me like, because I do like a possessive a little bit, not toxic, but like like a little bit, not like possessive but like protective. I guess I just say like a protective man.
Jason:Because for me and like I'm, I'm sure, if I was to research more on this topic, like I could potentially be influenced to think differently.
Alyiah:Yeah, Well, I know quite a bit about it, so shoot. What are you going to?
Jason:say but what's that?
Alyiah:What were you just talking about? Like you would like almost be, just like protective. Yeah. You said if you were going to do more research.
Jason:I forgot, lost my train of thought. For sure. Yeah, it's gone Sucks, because I know it was going to be a good point.
Alyiah:Fuck, there's the ghosties. I got the chills too, but that annoys me. I yeah, that annoys me too, because I really wanted to hear what you had to say, but I don't know hey baby girl. Oh, I was gonna say, I feel like when you say like you would not want to think of me, like this another person, oh, now you need to say hi, hi.
Jason:That's where I was going to go with it. I personally feel like it to me if you were to be. Like boyfriend If I was to share a connection with another man, that connection being my connection with you. Suddenly us two's connection seems a lot less special, because it's also being replicated with somebody else.
Alyiah:Well, I think that's where it differs is. It's not replicated, it's a different relationship, at least in my mind.
Jason:I mean, yeah, it's a different relationship because it's with a different person, but it's also like, if you can just like go out and have that relationship with anybody, then like how is what we have special?
Alyiah:Maybe that's the point, is that, like it's not special, what we have is worked for, and it's like love and it's desire, Like we choose each other every single day.
Jason:We should be held intimate on some level.
Alyiah:But I don't think that special and intimate are the same. I don't think that they're synonyms, but that's what I'm saying.
Jason:I don't think it's intimate. I don't think our connection would no longer be intimate because it's being shared.
Alyiah:Yeah, no, I highly disagree with you.
Jason:And that's why, like that's a big reason why I wouldn't get on board with that.
Alyiah:Why you wouldn't Like end of discussion, wouldn't?
Jason:As of now huh, interesting, hmm, okay like I said, I need a lot more therapy if that's ever gonna happen and that's if it would ever even happen. I don't know that, like working on my insecurities would necessarily change my mind.
Alyiah:Yeah, but it could, because I know a lot of what I do is fueled by them so would you be okay, would you be more okay, if it was just kind of like, if it was just a sex thing with like a little bit of like I think I'd be more okay with it, but I still feel like kind of in the same wheelhouse yeah, interesting but you have to think about, like where I'm coming from, like I'm telling you that, like I just don't really have that desire to like go hook up with other women.
Jason:I don't have that desire to be in a relationship with someone that's not you yeah so like why would I? Why would I be like under not understanding, but like that should show you where my thought process is with the whole thing. I know, but like it's, like you're thought way, then like why would I expect you to like?
Alyiah:I don't know, because I have a different view.
Jason:But it's just my beliefs though.
Alyiah:Exactly, but your beliefs would be like.
Jason:But you didn't talk to me about any of this before we entered a relationship together. So if I'm not okay with it or you're not okay with it, that's pretty much just like squashed, because this wasn't like something that was agreed upon before we entered this relationship.
Alyiah:But that's something that could like change.
Jason:It could. But I'm saying, if someone says no, then like it's done. Yeah. Unless you talked about it like before you got, got serious or whatever yeah, I get that, but also I understand why somebody it's like ground rules breaking the ground rules yeah, and I'm not saying that the ground rules weren't established.
Alyiah:I'm not saying that I would do this or I feel this way, just to preface, but I do think that that is a conversation where it's like okay, if you had, like, if you didn't have these conversations before, you were in this relationship and your feelings changed and it changed during the relationship and you had conversations about them and all this stuff, and if one of the partners said, no, I do think that it is in the other partners, like the other partner could, they would be valid in like leaving the relationship.
Jason:I mean, I think either one would be at that point, that's a pretty like heavy thing to like disagree on. Like that's where I'm like I think either one would be at that point. That's a pretty like heavy thing to like disagree on Like that's where I'm like I don't think that something could work out Like if someone wants that and the other person doesn't, like, at some point that person's going to cheat Like end of story.
Alyiah:I mean, I don't know if cheat or just be unhappy.
Jason:If you're, I mean it depends when it happens in your life, but if it's like 30 years of you like wanting that and not getting it, eventually it's going to happen. You're going to cave.
Alyiah:I mean I don't.
Jason:I don't really like that viewpoint either, because that doesn't mean that you don't decide that you're going to like that you love the person to say enough, but you're just going to be a little bit unhappy that you love the person to say enough, but you're just gonna be a little bit unhappy, like either either you're gonna cave or you're gonna want to end the relationship.
Alyiah:Those are the only two options that I see yeah, no, I disagree with you how you think you could just like be okay with like them saying no for the rest of your life I mean, unless it came down to a like I need this end of story and the person is like I don't end of story, you could. That's not fair. To say that you don't need it. Just because you don't need it doesn't mean the other person doesn't need it. That's unfair. To say no, they could need. But they could need it though they could need other connections.
Alyiah:They could need other connections with other like no I think some no, I think some people have the desire to connect with me when I said that at the beginning no, but I think that some people have the desire to be connected with multiple people like that exactly and the need for it, like that's how they want to like function in life exactly, and that's why, like, the relationship would just have to be over one way or another, but I do think there's a situation where it's like like if you told me straight up right now like this is my stipulation, I want this, I need another person, and like we're gonna break up if not, like I'm sorry.
Alyiah:I would have to break up, I would at least be down in Arizona, at least at this point in time, like it could maybe change.
Jason:But maybe, but I really can't bank on it.
Alyiah:Yeah, no, I see that. But I also think there's a standpoint where it's like, okay, realistically, if to really talk about like when it comes down to you and me right now, like real life, if that happened, it wouldn't be a stipulation of like this or like nothing, like our relationship is number one. And if you said no, then I would like that would be. That would be that because I love you enough, that that would be that you know what I mean. Like it doesn't mean that I know what you mean?
Jason:I just I question whether your love is going to get you all the way through the rest of our lives without, like, actually seeking out somebody else then I guess you better keep my love it has nothing to do with that it does have something to do with it, though it has something to do with it, but like very minuscule for what I'm talking about. It's just years, it's just time.
Jason:As time goes on, like it's bound to be that, like certain, unless you're like very active in preventing it, I feel like relationships do dull to a certain extent yeah there's areas where it's like okay, like this just isn't as exciting as it was before, or I just don't feel the same endorphins being released that I did early on in our relationship yeah, or even just at different points or whatever right and so I feel like that's when a lot of people are more inclined to seek out those needs and wants from another person.
Alyiah:Yeah, see and I think that's where that's where we look at it in completely different ways, where, like, I feel like I would want to be Experiencing things with another person when my endorphins are already high. Does that make sense, like I think it's your intention Of when you're turning to those things? Are you turning to them? Are you wanting to like People?
Jason:who cheat and stuff. You just want your endorphins to be high. Are you wanting to like it makes no, like people who are People who cheat and stuff? You just want your endorphins to be high all the time.
Alyiah:Essentially, I mean not really I understand that I'm going to be.
Jason:You're getting Down, sometimes Something near from someone and something completely different from someone else, and so like there's never like this boring state of like.
Alyiah:The same thing, yeah, I guess. But also I do also understand the fact of just like life ebbs and flows and like sometimes we're going to be down. And I think in times of being down, like you should turn if it was to be like some sort of open relationship type thing you should turn to the person that like you're with the most, that you're most committed to, that you love the most, because those are the moments that you should be able to like pull each other out of that and deepen your connection.
Jason:Yeah, but, like I said, I just feel like a relationship would have to be in such a secure place, like almost like as secure as it could possibly be for that to be something that like is 100% safe in a sense, do you not think that that's? Possible For me personally, or just's possible. Do you not think that that's?
Alyiah:possible For me personally, or just in general For you personally.
Jason:It's so hard to say right now because I don't feel like I'm near that place.
Alyiah:Really no, that's really interesting to me Because I could put a number on mine right now and it's a high number, a number on what If we're talking 100% secure?
Jason:I could put a number on mine right now and it's a high number.
Alyiah:A number on what, If we're talking 100% secure. I could put a number on mine right now and it's a high number.
Jason:Oh, in our relationship yeah.
Alyiah:Does that surprise you?
Jason:How high?
Alyiah:How high do you think 90. I was going to say 95.
Jason:Yeah, that's pretty high. Okay, and I shouldn't even say like secure in our relationship, but just like I guess it is. It does have to be with being secure in our relationship, but it has nothing to do with you. At the same time, it's truly just like how secure am I in our relationship?
Alyiah:like if it was PBR and I had a 50% score and you had a 50% score, like my score would be high but yours would be low yeah yeah, okay, I see what you're saying.
Alyiah:That makes sense. Well and that's a thing to note too is that like you are really trying on like building your confidence more, and like you're working on that. So it makes a lot of sense to me that you would feel that way. But I'm just here to tell you that I don't think that you should, because I think that you are amazing, because I think that you are amazing. I believe that you believe that. I hate you right now. I hate you. Take the compliment. Thanks.
Jason:You're welcome. I wasn't trying to not take your compliment, I'm. I believe that you believe that. But what if, like when it came down to it, if you were actually in a relationship with someone else, you start to feel different. That's where I'm like what? What if?
Alyiah:which I get that because I'm a what-if person.
Jason:You have to be able to understand where I'm coming from because, like yeah, for sure. I have a lot of like baggage that I've like had to deal with and continue to deal with, and like there's lots of people out there that you could like be in a relationship with that.
Alyiah:Don't have all that you think I would be attracted to people who don't have baggage?
Jason:I think it would be a lot easier no, that's one thing that you are forgetting.
Alyiah:Is I like I like like broken, I like that, like, like I like that? So I don't think you'd have to worry about we also got married when you were super young.
Jason:Huh, we got married when you were super young.
Alyiah:It's very possible for those feelings to change for you okay, well you'd be like for you to eventually be like holy shit, like I'm tired of this okay, but if if you weren't working on like the shit that you're working on, then like actively trying to change the things that you know need to be changed, but that I'm saying, I'm just trying to like lay out my insecurities for you.
Alyiah:I know, and I'm letting you know, that, like just because you have them doesn't mean you have to keep them, and so you need to listen to the things that I'm telling you, because I wouldn't just blow smoke up your ass.
Jason:But like somebody could be, it's like yes, I get that, like I'm working on it, I'm going up and up and up, but the chance to like cut off like five to ten years before I get where this guy is then like you're just like saving time essentially no, no sir like they're already like worked on you think I'm gonna.
Alyiah:I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna pick up somebody else's hard work. Are you fucking kidding me? You think that this shit of you going like this has been any easy for me?
Alyiah:that's my point exactly this is time, this is investment, this is love. I'm not throwing that shit away for somebody else who's already like has this other thing, like, that's where you're, that's where your shit is fucking backwards, because hell, fucking no, hell, no yeah, that's insecurity, so they're always backwards remember that I am a business woman? Hell, no, yeah, that's insecurity. So they are always backwards. Remember that I am a businesswoman. Why would I do that? I'm sorry, like no, no, that's not me. That is not me at all.
Alyiah:Because you could be saving yourself that much more time and energy of doing all that still, because it's not like I'm freaking- where I need, to be okay, but if you stop having that mindset, if you want to get there, that's when I could see that happening so just don't give up that is a situation.
Jason:I could see that happening yeah, it's just weird that you don't that you don't feel how I feel but that's where, like, you need to realize like that insecurities only change.
Alyiah:when we like start to change the narrative about what we're saying and like come from a place of truth, because that's for me to like talk that out with you, that should make you feel differently about our relationship and your confidence in yourself, because I feel that way because of the work that you're doing, I get what you mean when you say it should affect it. But like, why does Like? That's a problem that that doesn't affect it, I don't know why it doesn't?
Alyiah:Because it's so low that you can't even like just start digging a little bit Like you're going to stay in the hole if you don't get out of it yeah, no shit.
Jason:But I'm saying like the basic, the first seven years of my life that you talked about, yeah, like I wasn't having my confidence like bolstered up, I wasn't. Yeah, my confidence was going down the drain like every second, every second that passed, yeah. And so, like you're talking to me about like rewiring, like a very Like a very deeply wired thing. Yeah, something that was like part of my origin story.
Alyiah:Yeah, I see that. That makes complete sense.
Jason:Actually I just yeah, no, I get that and that and like like I've probably spent more of my life feeling not confident about things than confident I see by far yeah, I see, and I really get that honestly.
Alyiah:I mean I've told you before I'm like the most confident, like insecure person you ever meet, but that's what she be doing. I don't know, like I don't know why I'm like that. So, like I understand being, I understand feeling insecure yeah, I mean like outside of outside of the room, that I can see it from that point of like, from your appearance, like I can see it because that point of like from your parents, like I can see it because I experienced it.
Alyiah:Yeah, I get it, but like outside of our relationship or a relationship that I put more time into, like I can do really well like faking it with like somebody that I'm just seeing once or like I only see every so often, like I can definitely put on like a face of like I'm confident person, yeah, but like if you're around me long enough to like really see like the little breakdowns yeah then it's like you wouldn't really understand that I'm not that confident well and honestly, like that's actually really going to make me cry right now, because I feel like that's probably a story that a lot of men could relate to, because society has put that pressure on men as well Be confident in just the same way that it's done it to women, and it's really sad because I think that women do have as much shit as they have coming at them from that point of view is, you know, I mean I shouldn't say we, I don't know where I was going with that.
Alyiah:Basically, society has put a lot of just like insecurities in people and I feel like it's such a like a like pull your bootstraps up, man up with men Like they. They aren't allowed to feel their feelings even more than women, aren't allowed to feel their feelings even more than women as far as, like, their sensitive side and stuff like that, their soft side, and I think that that's really sad to see, like the inaction of you deconstructing that, because I am realizing, like how deep that is programmed into you and that is really sad yeah, it's literally like that was the rule book that I was given on how to be a human being and like a man yeah, more specifically, like growing, like literally in middle school, for sure it was like you do not, like you're not tender, you know like all that stuff is weak, like that's the stuff that's gonna get you beat up by another guy, by by an alpha, you know what I mean
Alyiah:god yeah. Don't say it by an elf.
Jason:Quote, unquote. But like, just like someone who's just not willing to tune into that side and who wants to be like the animalistic, male side of things. Yeah.
Alyiah:Well, and that's sad too, because I think that I do think that women play a really big role in teaching men how to connect with those sides of themselves, because traditionally, when a bunch of men are together, that's how it's going to be, you know, and if you don't have strong women figures and we don't respect women and we don't treat them like equals and partners, then you're gonna get the lack in society even more, because you should be taught that it's okay to have those feelings and like that should be a heavily taught thing. And it makes sense because you didn't have strong female presence like that teaching you those things.
Jason:So it would make sense that it's so dramatic for you but like even since you and I have been together and you've helped me a good thing that you married them um the mom friend but even after being with you and learning more about, like being in touch with my sensitive side and all that, there was definitely like a long period of time and even a little bit to a degree now, where it's like the conversations that you and I have or like the, the like feelings that we share like I wouldn't attempt to have those with, like my closest of male friends see, and I think that that's needed.
Jason:Honestly, I think that that's really needed so incredibly awkward because like, but you've as males, like we're not in that place and to be like I'm in that place and like I kind of want to, to have certain connections with, like my male friends or whatever. Yeah, bringing it up to them. It's like when you're young and asking your parents if you can spend the night at somebody's house. You just don't entirely know the reaction that you're going to get from them yeah like is it going to be like yeah, sure, like that sounds good. Or is it gonna be like what the hell are you talking about, bro?
Alyiah:see, but I think that if somebody says, what the hell are you talking about, bro?
Jason:like maybe you shouldn't be friends with them, no, you can't say that, because they're programmed just like you were. True, that's true, they're just not at the stage yet. That's what worries me is like are they just just not going to be there yet? Is it going to? Make our relationship different Is it going to make it awkward now.
Alyiah:See, but I think that you actually have gotten to be fair. You've gotten pretty good. There's like six men that come to mind in our lives right now that I would even say like seven, eight, maybe nine actually that we see often let's give it 10, because I just thought of another one that you do have vulnerable conversations, not to the extent that we have together, but I also think that's just going to. That should be different with your spouse. You know what I mean Like, but you've gotten a lot better at doing that and I think it's through therapy.
Alyiah:We have a male therapist and he's helped you see how to do that a lot and make you feel comfortable and feeling those things and sharing those things. And because he's also shared and expressed emotion, our therapist is like he really is amazing, shout out to you because you're amazing, but just sharing, like, the fact that he's human and he's messed up and he's gone through these things and this is how he's experienced it has really shown you and helped you branch out more. So give yourself credit where credit is due. I think that you are learning how to do it and I think that there's a handful of men that would say the same thing that I'm saying about you as well yeah it's definitely more now than like at any other point.
Jason:Yeah in my life yeah, and I can say that as like a fully grown adult, like having to look back on my memories as an ignorant kid, like back then, like no, there was. Like you wouldn't dare like venture outside the norm.
Alyiah:See, and that's, that's just so sad.
Jason:You would just get you would just paint a humongous target on your back if you ventured outside the norm in any way whatsoever. It's why people stay in the closet yeah they don't feel comfortable that they they don't think that they're going to be accepted if they show who they really are yeah and it is exactly like that growing up right well, and then it's sad because I think about the person that I love.
Alyiah:Is the person that you really are. When you put on a front like my, like for you decreases a lot because that is not you. Like you, you, at your core, should have been celebrated and taught to feel safe and valued and loved because you are, and like it's sad that that's such a big.
Jason:It shows that I don't want to say that I was like completely stripped of who I am by any means. Yeah, there was. I was very much still like an individual oh yeah but there are those, yeah, areas that you definitely had to be like tippy-toe around things, but as a woman like I and a partner and a spouse, I would.
Alyiah:I want to see you like that's not true, that's not real, that's not you, and like I want to see you as you.
Jason:I want you to show up as you even in like eighth grade I remember I got like really close to one of the girls in my class and we were like best friends, yeah, like literally best friends. Yeah. And it wasn't anything other than that. Yeah. But like I would get made fun of from the other guys for like just being friends with her and not like wanting something more.
Alyiah:Yeah, see, and that's also what I really appreciate about you is because I felt that way towards guys when I was young and like I wanted them to have like a deeper connection with me and like and be vulnerable with me, and because I think I was lacking that in my childhood from men and you were lacking it from women. So it makes sense that we would both like gravitate towards that sense, that we would both like gravitate towards that.
Alyiah:But I definitely think that it's funny that, like, we both are kind of that way we're like a deep friendship, like means a lot to us too, and like coming from the different, the opposite sex, because of like our childhoods, makes a lot of sense. Yeah, and that's is what I appreciate about, appreciate about you and i's marriage, it's the same.
Alyiah:Let me finish this okay. What I appreciate about our marriage is that we both understand that we can have friends. We can have friends of the opposite gender, because the connection means something to us. That's that does mean something to us. You know what I mean, like and it doesn't mean that it's like sexual or sneaky or whatever. There are some situations that, especially when you were working on building some trust back from me in our relationship, that there were situations where I wasn't okay with certain things and you had to, like, learn how to keep those boundaries. But I don't feel the same way anymore. Yeah, you know what I mean. Like. That's something that I do think is surprising. Like you have had to earn my trust back in something and I do trust you. You know, like, if there's something that you feel like needs to be said, you'll say it, and you know where my boundaries lie.
Alyiah:You know what I mean yeah but what were you gonna say about the? Do you remember what you're gonna say? And then I know we can just um we're almost done, baby yeah, we can almost be done.
Alyiah:I didn't answer the question of the questions. Do you remember what you were gonna say, or should I just? Should we? Okay, somebody said something you guys haven't told each other, but not for sneaky reasons, and I have been thinking about this the whole episode. I literally don't know because I overshare everything. I tell you everything. Nola's caught up in the wire. I tell you everything and so I cannot think of quite literally a single thing that I like haven't told you, like I would tell you if I like. I would tell you anything, and I do tell you a lot of random little shit that I think of that I say that I do that I talk to people about um, a lot of random little shit that I think of, that I say that I do, that I talk to people about.
Alyiah:Can you think of something that you haven't told me? But not for sneaky reasons or for sneaky reasons, but I want to know the secret, the sneaky reasons off camera, so that we can fight about it.
Jason:Just kidding, it's so hard to think of something. I'm sure if I sat here long enough and maybe like actually like wrote things out, I would be able to get something or a handful of things, yeah, but like I don't know. We've been together for a while now, like shared a lot of different stories about ourselves that it's so hard to like just think of one every once in a while, you'll tell a story that I'm like.
Alyiah:Oh, I don't think I've heard that about like the army or something, when I start telling him.
Jason:I'm like, oh crap, I don't think I've ever said this to leah yeah but it's not until right in the moment that I realize those things it's not like I just like I'm sitting randomly and I'm like oh, oh, you know what? I've never told you about this.
Alyiah:Yeah. Let me tell her, yeah, no, and I feel the same way. I think I've told you almost a play for play of like my whole life, including like traumatic experiences.
Jason:Yeah, I think we both lean a lot on the side of like storytelling.
Alyiah:And like oversharing a little bit at least with each other. No, I don't feel that way. Okay, I overshare with other people, though for sure I don't. I know you're so cautious, you're like you will. I will control every single thing that you know about me a little robot freak those are my freaking insecurities okay, but self-defense is just keeping me safe but also not to mention your fucking ocd and adhd yeah, the less you know about me, the less ammunition I can give you, the better that's crazy freak.
Alyiah:I love it. I like him crazy. What can I say? I do like a little bit crazy, but not toxic. I'm over toxic. That's not fun yeah and you, you.
Jason:We fixed a lot of that, so that's why that's my investment, right there middle of working on all that stuff like okay but not better about it, but not the toxic things that I feel like.
Alyiah:There are some things that if the behavior would have continued, I wouldn't have stayed and I got to that point where I told you that Then you said he's worth it.
Jason:No, and then you got your shit together that was also just really unfortunate timing for you, because it was literally like at the peak of me trying to figure out what the hell I'm doing with life but we had already gotten married. I know.
Alyiah:That's why I said it was really unfortunate timing for you yeah, no, but you have rebuilt that trust and it is like I would say, 99%, like it is there and I don't know if it will ever get to 100. Because you know we're both like it could happen, people.
Jason:I just don't think anyone can trust another person 100%.
Alyiah:Yeah, no, I think that's crazy.
Jason:You can say that to be sweet or whatever.
Alyiah:Yeah no, that's crazy Like hell, no.
Jason:It's just natural for us to like question something, yeah, something.
Alyiah:But also like. That's the part that like makes trust so special. Is like it is, it is a risk yeah, it could be broken at any time.
Jason:Yeah, with one action.
Alyiah:Yeah but hopefully the 99 percent like it. It tips the scale far enough that like okay, no, I trust you, I love you, I respect you yeah, yeah, but obviously there's plenty of instances where the trust is never broken. Yeah.
Jason:Like it's fine throughout the whole entire thing.
Alyiah:But I don't think in every aspect. There's got to be broken trust somewhere at some point with something, whether it's you said you were going to do something and you didn't.
Jason:Yeah, I guess so.
Alyiah:Okay, favorite alcoholic drink Shot of choice for both of us is probably jaeger. We're freaks, but it's fine.
Jason:Um, also, we love a pina colada strawberry daiquiri I just don't think anything can be like a good pina colada.
Alyiah:You like the strawberry pina coladas. Remember we were having those in jamaica.
Jason:Right, but those are just bomb yeah, no, they're so good.
Alyiah:I love a coconut and oh and like, put the lime in the coconut anything where you can just like you're like on a beach.
Jason:Either you don't taste the alcohol at all, or like the alcohol blends with the drink. Well, yeah, like the drink is just so good that the taste of the alcohol doesn't bug you at all. Or like the alcohol blends with the drink well, yeah, like the drink is just so good that the taste of the alcohol doesn't bug you at all. Yeah, because that's my worst thing with alcohol, like I'm man. When I was young it was, like you know, drinking Bud Lights and freaking, pounding you know, I was never like that and pounding whiskey.
Jason:Okay, actually I would.
Alyiah:I would drink, I would drink vodka?
Jason:yeah, but now it's like I just want to do the fruity stuff. I just want to enjoy what I'm drinking and not have it be an experience that's like ugh.
Alyiah:Yeah, like drink so much until you can't taste it anymore, and then you're fine.
Jason:Well, I'm just saying whiskey or vodka straight doesn't taste great, it's not enjoyable Like drinking a pina colada, yeah, so why? Why do that?
Alyiah:I do like jaeger every once in a while, though yeah, I like jaeger okay, um, did you know? Portugal hasn't changed their borders since what? 1297?
Jason:1297 bc 1297 BC.
Alyiah:BC Before Christ no.
Jason:Or AD. I mean Since 1297. That is pretty crazy.
Alyiah:Like that's an old ass, like civilization.
Jason:Not only that, but like no one ever tried to conquer them and succeeded In any area.
Alyiah:What the fuck we gotta look into that for sure.
Jason:They never tried to go conquer other places and expand their land, because that was, like, definitely during a time where like that type of shit was going on oh, my god, we didn't talk about our favorite munchies.
Alyiah:Let's talk, let's just hit them really quick and then we'll end. Okay, here's my list. Special fucking K that shit slaps when you're high. Starry soda from the fountain they have it at freaking Taco Bell that shit. When I'm high slaps Also. Those little cinnamon twist things from taco bell oh, the cinnabon delights.
Jason:No, the twist that you get yeah, oh, I love those when I'm high.
Alyiah:I know you like the delights, which is funny, because you're weird about frosting and that's why I don't like those that much I think the frosting tastes good on those it's.
Jason:It's too much it is kind of a lot sometimes, but it just like this with the cinnamon sugar.
Alyiah:Yeah.
Jason:So much cinnamon sugar on it. I'll eat them every once in a while, see, but mine when they're warm, though, yeah, once they get cooled off, I don't really like them that much. I like them warm or cool, if I like them.
Alyiah:Bomb. Yeah no, I love the cinnamon twist, the crunchy twist.
Jason:I love those um the new doritos sticks. What are those? The dinamitas, dinamitas, but it's like the. What one flavor is honey mustard?
Alyiah:one is the hot honey mustard, and then the other one is the like lemon, lemon it's like the airy French fry type chips. Yeah, like the cheesy fries. Yeah, that we fucking love.
Jason:Or the hot fries yeah. Cheetos fries yeah, those are good as fuck. I just like anything spicy, though I like spicy chips whenever when I got munchies.
Alyiah:Yeah, I, yeah, I do too.
Jason:I like, or red vines.
Alyiah:Oh yeah, no, I yeah, I do too, I like. Or red vines oh yeah, no, I don't like that. I I honestly I don't. I don't like reach for processed sugar as much connection to the camera is lost.
Jason:Oh yeah, the camera died. It's not on okay I think it just happened though.
Alyiah:okay, just leave it, it can't just end. Jesus. We're in the middle of talking also fruits and veggies. I love fruits and veggies when I'm high, I just process sugar. I've, I've detoxed a lot for my body and I just don't crave it as much. I eat it every once in a while but I'd rather just not have it. But I also love when we get food, Like we hit the time that we're hungry right With. Like when our munchies are hitting yeah, From being high Excuse me From being high and you fucking like you have your whole dinner dinner. Like food just slaps when you're high. Like get a good ass like homemade burger I like goldfish too, when I'm on oh yeah, those the extreme.
Alyiah:We haven't had that in so long. We used to do that when we had remember when we would be on acid no, I know we would eat them out of those fucking like gallon containers.
Jason:Okay, it was like milk.
Alyiah:No, literally extreme cheddar goldfish when you are tripping is the best thing ever ever motherfuckers in general.
Jason:It's different when you're tripping, though, like your mouth. Just it's insane.
Alyiah:Your center centuries are like what the I know one time I had a popsicle and that's oh, and they were the good ass popsicles that I still get from Costco.
Jason:You can just feel every single nerve ending. You can like taste with every single taste bud.
Alyiah:We need to trip separately we need to trip for sure, for sure, alrighty peace out peeps.
