TALK IT OUT
Welcome to Talk It Out, the thought-provoking podcast that brings engaging discussions, insightful interviews, and interactive segments right to your screen. Our dynamic hosts dive deep into a wide range of topics, exploring the complexities of life, relationships, current events, and much more. With expert guests, lively debates, and a belief in creating an inclusive space, Talk It Out challenges conventional wisdom, encourages critical thinking, and fosters understanding and empathy. Through interactive segments and viewer participation, we ensure that your voice is heard and valued. Join us on this exhilarating journey of discovery, where every episode is a gateway to enlightenment and connection.
TALK IT OUT
S1 E6 - Humor in Heartache: Navigating Toxic Relationships and Personal Growth
Ever wondered what it’s like to survive a wild Army drinking challenge or get thrown into the chaos of a love triangle? This episode has all the juicy details! Jason kicks things off with a tale from his Army days, recounting the legendary E-4 mafia initiation that had him and his buddies consuming a ridiculous amount of alcohol in just four minutes. Spoiler alert: the aftermath was anything but pretty. Alyiah doesn’t hold back either, sharing the kinds of liquor she’s sworn off forever after some disastrous experiments. Their banter about the highs and lows of drinking is sure to leave you in stitches.
But it’s not all fun and games. We get real about the rollercoaster of relationships, from navigating toxic love triangles to setting crucial boundaries. An anonymous guest shares their story about confronting a partner over a suspicious Facebook relationship status showcases the importance of honesty and clear communication. This episode tackles the tough stuff—trust, betrayal, and the painful yet empowering journey of personal growth. Our raw and emotional experiences offer valuable insights into recognizing and escaping manipulative relationships.
We also lighten the mood by diving into the quirks of dating and the essential role of humor in forging connections. From the hilarity of dating apps to the intimate moments that make relationships worthwhile, Alyiah, Jason, and their guest share candid stories that highlight the joy of finding a compatible partner. Whether it’s the delight of a well-timed joke during a romantic encounter or the unexpected benefits of “choreplay,” this episode is packed with heartfelt reflections and laugh-out-loud moments. Make sure you tune in to catch all the fun and wisdom we have to offer!
Welcome to Talk it Out. We're your hosts. I'm Jason.
Speaker 2:And I'm Aaliyah, let's get into it.
Speaker 1:When I was in the Army, when you get promoted to the fourth rank, they have this challenge that's called. I don't even know if the challenge had a name, honestly, but it was like you were now getting inducteded into the e4 mafia, is what they called it, because there's so many e4s it's right before sergeant. It's hard to make sergeant, so a lot of people just stay in that area and, um, the challenge is to drink four beers and four shots in four minutes. Oh shit, yeah, yowza, and so you can either choose to do four beers and four shots in four minutes or you can do eight shots in four minutes. Sir, and there was, like I don't know, probably six of us, seven of us that were doing it all together. Yeah and um.
Speaker 2:Was that many of you? Who was all doing it?
Speaker 1:Oh, it was me, furpy, uh, tyler Devin Luchek. This guy, melendez, that you didn't meet, I was buddies with and then he left. That might have been it. I feel like I am forgetting one, but anyways, all but one of them, the one guy, his his name is Lore. He was from when is he from? Somewhere like Taiwan or something like that, something with a T, I don't know, but he was of Asian descent, okay, and he was just like. I don't know if, like all Asians can like, handle spice the same way. When we would go to freaking Buffalo Wild Wings, he would be able to eat the hottest sauce and just like it was nothing, just for fun, yeah.
Speaker 3:So he's like the blazing challenge is no big deal.
Speaker 1:No, and so he chose to do eight shots, and he was the only one. The rest of us did a Corona with a shot of tequila poured on the top to like make it go all the way to the brim.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And after the first beer and first shot like I was already hurting.
Speaker 2:And then I what do you mean? Hurting Like your belly was upset?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:And um cause you just chug it, you know. And that's a lot to do.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And the second one, I was dying, like I was having such a hard time, I was slowing down so hard and like, honestly, most people were at that point, I think already like one or two people had gone and thrown up oh no, yeah, and they're doing up so quick too, yeah and I think right when I got started on the third one is when I couldn't do it anymore, I ran to the bathroom. There's literally like three of us all huddled around. We had to where and we were just like.
Speaker 2:Ew, that's disgusting.
Speaker 1:We had to. Where were we gonna do it? On the floor?
Speaker 3:You guys were all toilet buddies, yeah.
Speaker 2:Like trash cans.
Speaker 1:Like no Baggies. Yeah, Nobody made it through. Every single one of us threw up Damn.
Speaker 3:Is that like the thing, though? Is that like the point? Does everybody not make it through? Every single one of us threw up Damn. Is that like the thing, though? Is that like the point? Does everybody not make it through?
Speaker 1:It's like only the very few do I'm sure. Yeah, I'm sure there's just some freaking alcoholics out there that were like oh no, big deal.
Speaker 2:What you're telling me is you're not a part of the E4 mafia.
Speaker 3:That's what I'm hearing.
Speaker 1:Well, I'm not because I moved past that, but you never were.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you never were.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You didn't get past the history, I think, just for trying you get in.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, that's lame. It's not lame.
Speaker 1:It's like getting your ass beat to get in a gang.
Speaker 2:And that's lame. I think that's good practice.
Speaker 3:They're like, oh, they'll just let anybody in If they can take an ass whooping got it Pretty low bar, that's awesome.
Speaker 2:What's the one in between?
Speaker 1:But that's really why I can't do tequila. That makes awesome. Oh, that is so funny. What's the one in between? But that's really why, like, I can't do tequila. That makes sense. I've gotten sick on tequila and Fireball and those are two. Like Tequila, I never really like, loved it but, I could do it Fireball.
Speaker 1:When I first tasted Fireball it was dangerous for me, Like I could drink that like it was candy. You like hot cinnamon and I could drink that like candy. You're like cinnamon. And I was like this doesn't taste like alcohol. Yeah, it's true, still burned going down.
Speaker 3:But it wasn't like nasty, yeah, because it just tastes like freaking hot tamales, like yeah.
Speaker 1:But yeah, I pushed the limit way too far one time and got so sick on fireball, yeah, and now like is that the way that your mom thought you were dead? No, I still have trouble smelling cinnamon.
Speaker 3:It's like Christmas time. Just you're like I'm fucked.
Speaker 1:I'm okay with that cinnamon, but like the hot cinnamon smell, yeah, but I mean like the pine cones. Oh yeah, I don't really like it yeah.
Speaker 3:See, I've never had any drinks that got me to that point where I'm just so sick that I'm like, nope, I can never drink this, ever again. I've never gotten to that point.
Speaker 1:Are you good at aging? How drunk you are.
Speaker 3:Yes, I only have two instances where that wasn't the case, where I went way too hard.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:I had Christmas this last Christmas, but prior to that point I had never thrown up from drinking too much. And, um, we were throwing like a christmas party and the guy I was dating at the time just like, kept being like, oh, have another drink, have another drink, have another drink. And I was, and I got so shitty, oh my gosh, it was so bad. You didn't get sick, though. No, I did. Prior to that point, I had never thrown up from drinking, but that night I broke that it finally happened. And then the Cinco de Mayo of last year is the only time outside of that one that I have lost memories, yeah, but did not realize that until there was like three or four of us that were comparing notes of the events that had happened the night before and realized that we all had different versions of the same story and I was like I don't fucking remember that happening.
Speaker 1:I've had buddies show me pictures the next morning and I'm like it's like almost scary because I'm like I don't remember taking that. But there I am on the elevator just like chilling and I'm like, yeah, I was not there but you're like, I feel like you black out easy, not easy. I don't black out easy, I just.
Speaker 2:But like.
Speaker 1:But I can. I get pretty drunk Like yeah, and I'm not that great at gauging it. Oh see, I'm really good at that I'll be on that edge of like, okay, I'm almost really drunk. Then I'll pound like three more beers Because I feel good.
Speaker 2:And it's just favorite is every time we go out without fail at some point, jason will bring me an ams.
Speaker 3:Oh, those are so good and so sneaky uh-huh and they're huge and he knows.
Speaker 2:He knows that I like them. But then I feel like he just gets to this point where he's like let's fucking party.
Speaker 1:I do. That's definitely like I was crazy as a bachelor yeah, crazy. And it's not like it just goes away yeah, like. And drinking for me when I start getting really drunk it's like, oh man, like I feel like my young self again, like it could be dangerous to an extent yeah, I hear that well and, like I don't know, I feel like you you're a very like, happy drunk, yeah, and so it's like everybody wants to be around you but that doesn't mean, I won't make bad decisions oh, oh, no, I think.
Speaker 2:if anything, that probably means you're going to make bad decisions.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but it's not going to be like starting fights. Yeah, no, no, any of that.
Speaker 2:No, no, I have only. I've only gotten like really sick one time, and it was off Malibu, which is so sad, because I struggle with Malibu now. Oh no, and I loved Malibu Also pounding Coronas after that, and so now I kind of have a hard time with Coronas.
Speaker 3:Honestly See, I'm just not a beer person in general. I don't know if I just like haven't right one or if it's just like not my jam.
Speaker 2:I had to start with only drinking beer on tap.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Like I could only drink it when we were out places and it was on tap, and now I can drink out of bottles, but I don't like canned beer. Yeah, because it tastes bad.
Speaker 1:There's definitely some beer out there you would like, but maybe not the super mainstream beers that everybody buys Like, oh, Budweweiser corona yeah, all those kinds, but the stuff that you can find at little bars and things just have it on tap like I mean not a single location but between all of them like the amount of different flavored beers you can taste is like endless okay, yeah, except for I hate.
Speaker 2:Like sour beers it tastes. It literally tastes like throw up. Yeah, it's disgusting, as if you're like you're drinking what is going to be like coming out of you it's so gross.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I can't. Yeah, I have had a sour and I was like, oh boy, this is rough I like the malts.
Speaker 1:Yeah, those are good, like a little bit thicker.
Speaker 3:Okay, because I'm not a texture girly. So if it's thicker I'm like whatever.
Speaker 2:It doesn't bug you yeah.
Speaker 1:I'll have to figure it out. Try other things, you're crazy.
Speaker 2:What liquors do you like?
Speaker 3:so tequila, yeah, naturally. Um, and then I love malibu, um, I recently figured out the right way to drink gin and so I'm like, okay, like this is actually kind of lovely, because before I always thought that gin was and I did not like it.
Speaker 2:So what's the way to drink um?
Speaker 3:so you have to take a breath in first, take the shot. But you have it like sit on your tongue for a second first before you swallow it, and then you breathe out of your mouth so it like coats your tongue, so you get like the actual, like flavor and you get like the peppery okay of it but you don't get because, like, if you just like take it straight, it's just gonna taste like fucking acetone going down and it doesn't taste good at all.
Speaker 3:You don't get any of the flavor notes yeah at all. Um, but if you let it like sit on your tongue for a couple of seconds before swallowing it and then breathe it out of your mouth, then you actually get the flavors and it's actually pretty lovely and I was like yeah, because I've had gin, like in mules and stuff like that because, I love mules, but I've never just had like a shot of it.
Speaker 1:That sounds like some rich people stuff. It does it 100, does I just?
Speaker 3:picture them with like their pinkies up, just like taking a shot, yeah, and then like I just picture them with like their pinkies up just like taking a shot, yeah, and then like, yeah, like I'm like, I have no idea what.
Speaker 2:I'm like looking for start, like how to do start fucking making stuff up.
Speaker 3:Yeah people will believe it if you say it with confidence, they'll believe it. Yeah, they're like oh, this is very oaky and oh, I'm getting like some citrus on the ends, like it's got a nice nose on it, if you know any of the random words for it then you can bullshit your way through it.
Speaker 2:I don't know shit about it. I don't know shit. I couldn't even say anything.
Speaker 3:I would know what to say yeah, just look up like one thing, we'll just find. I'll find one act about and then be like here you go, you just need to know these random words. Yeah, and I'm like.
Speaker 2:This means smell, this means first flavor, this means second flavor, and then the best thing about what you're saying is I know that you would actually make me a whole like paper hand out for this I would yeah but it already exists, I guarantee I would find it for you. Yes, I would acquire it. Yes, I'm sitting there studying my wine. I'm'm teaching, I'm like okay.
Speaker 3:You're like oh, this tastes like the blood of my enemies.
Speaker 2:Me Explaining what wine tastes like. Next time I have like a deep breath Twigs and berries, twigs and berries. That's what I'm going to start dating, getting a very earthy note. I'm like, hmm, tastes like fermented grapes. They're like am. I getting a little bit of grape.
Speaker 3:Grape, maybe a little bit of yeast.
Speaker 2:That makes it just sound so gross it makes it sound terrible but we were watching perfect match. They went on this date and they did like these beer baths and I was like that sounds like a yeast infection waiting to happen yeah, that sounds what?
Speaker 1:why it has to be some way that they like made it clean, though you think yeah, do you take like a hot shower after like what I don't know? What was the purpose? I don't know. It's supposed to be like a hot date well, well, yeah, like what's the purpose of the beer.
Speaker 3:Yes, why the? Why the beer? Oh yeah, so I'm like, I know there's like, you know, like the milk baths and that's like moisturizing all of that, but it's like yeah why not?
Speaker 1:yeah, maybe it had something to do with the location they were shooting at you know, like they were in tulum, mexico then why wasn't it a tequila bath?
Speaker 2:that's what I'm saying. Yeah, maybe they just don't want people to be fucking crazy, I feel like you would die.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I feel like it would be very spicy.
Speaker 2:Tequila like seeping into you?
Speaker 3:Yeah, you just are getting like contact drunk.
Speaker 2:Yeah, hi Nola, baby girl, it's raining, we can't go out. I'm sorry it's not so sad for you, I'm so sorry it's so cute, go lay down. Go lay down, oh, oh, oh, oh oh oh. She's like, but I want attention right now.
Speaker 1:Go lay down.
Speaker 3:Maybe it would have stopped her anyway, yeah.
Speaker 2:Go lay down, okay, okay. So let's draw the timeline of your life. So when did you separate from your ex-husband? Um, so it was march of last year okay, march of last year yep, end of march, cool. And then you started dating somebody kind of soon after.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it was like late june yeah that we started dating and then I was still like dating other people, yeah, at that point, and then, like september is when we decided to just like date exclusively, at that point, um, and then him and I like it was, uh, it was a little bit toxic, yeah, even from the beginning. Yeah, um, because literally between both of you a little bit but a little more from his side.
Speaker 2:Well, and like to be fair, you were coming off of like a marriage.
Speaker 3:Yes, yeah and so like there's a lot of baggage that's just like incorporated with that um and oh, like literally, if I had, I didn't tell my friend most of my friends about like the beginning, yeah, where it started being toxic yeah so, um, we like went on our first date and then like two weeks later, why didn't you tell your friends?
Speaker 2:because they would say drop him.
Speaker 3:Yes, I knew, I knew that it was like okay, I know this isn't great. So, like two weeks after we had gone on like two dates, but like he reached out to me, I was like okay, so I've also been dating other people and I'm like girl same, yeah, girl, same. Been dating other people and I'm like girl same, yeah, girl, um. But this other girl that I have been dating just dropped the l-bomb on me and because I've been dating her longer, I feel like I like owe it to her to kind of see where this goes. And I was like great, when was this? This was like um, and or like late july, okay, um, and I was like all right, well, I need some time to like process that. Because he was like I still want to see, like I still want to like be your friend and like I still like I feel like we've got a really good connection.
Speaker 2:I still want to like be your friend and like I still like I feel like we've got a really good connection.
Speaker 3:I still want to like kind of like see if there's like like I don't want to just like cut you out of my life because of bad timing and I'm like I need some time to think about that. So I took like a week and I was like we can try, but like yeah, I don't know about about this, um did he say that he loved that other chick back? I didn't ask at the time because I didn't want to know, frankly, I was like I'm just going to.
Speaker 3:Ignorance is bliss this a little bit, yeah, which is part of why I didn't like talk to my friends about it, because I was like I know I'm being willfully ignorant. Yeah, like I should ask more questions, I should ask more questions, and I'm not because I don't want to know, but then, yeah, we like wait a week, and then he invites me to a concert, and so we go, and then we end up fucking sleeping together after this concert after the concert how?
Speaker 2:long ago. How, not how long ago is this? How, um, how long between your break like of you saying that I needed some time to think about it, like two weeks okay, yeah.
Speaker 3:So I took like like a week to be like okay yeah and then you started talking. And then we started talking again, and then you went to the concert hall, and then you banged. And then we banged Nice. It was great, it was a good time. But then, like at that point now I'm like okay, like I know you're still like dating this other girl, but Like we slept together.
Speaker 3:We've also now slept together. So now this is, yeah, a little messy, and so I told, I told my friends a little bit of it, but not all of it, of course, like they knew that he was like also dating somebody else?
Speaker 2:yeah, yeah, yeah, or with other people, like dating other people? Yeah, and, but you were two at this point.
Speaker 3:Right, it was two yeah, I was two and so I was like okay, like that's fine, yeah, neither of us are exclusive, this is okay. Um, but then it started to get like more serious with him and I was like, okay. So then we decided to become like facebook friends and when we were together on a date one time, um, the other girl called him and her name popped up like we were in the car and her name popped up and my brain was like, okay, got it I know her name.
Speaker 2:I got the name uh-huh.
Speaker 3:So that night I went onto his facebook friends and I found her and I went to her page and on her page it said in a relationship with him and I was like, oh hell no, like they were dating facebook official yes, so I was like okay, now I thought that wasn't on his page no it was.
Speaker 2:How does she not know that I?
Speaker 3:don't know. But yeah, so it wasn't on his, but it was on hers. He had it like hidden from view. Yeah, because he doesn't want to advertise, because he doesn't want to advertise it exactly um, and so I was like okay, like now I feel extra gross yeah so at that point I'm like okay, I'm a lady on a mission I literally unfortunate if you didn't even know anything.
Speaker 3:Yeah exactly, exactly, um, but I'm like all right, like I usually am not the kind of person that I want to like put somebody, like test someone, but I was like we're fucking tested yeah okay. So I'm like, because I have raging adhd, I was like I need to prepare ahead of time, so I had my notebook and I literally had my questions flow charted. Yeah Cause I was like, if yes, if no. Yeah, these are my followup questions. Yeah, because I'm like I'm not revealing my cards. Yeah, I am not telling him.
Speaker 2:I know about this and I'm going to see if he's going to be truthful with me, right, well, and it's so funny that you say that because I've been thinking about. Well, and it's so funny that you say that because I've been thinking about because men do this thing. I've just realized it's a man thing where they think that it's better to not tell the truth first. But it's like, no, like tell the truth first, because if you lie to me and then it comes out the fact that you lied about something plus the hurtful thing that you did, those are like they compound and not even that, but it makes it like 10 times worse.
Speaker 1:Sometimes you convince yourself, though, that you're saving that person's feelings oh, I know why.
Speaker 2:I know why men do it. I get it, I understand it. But I'm telling you if you're with a woman, if you're doing that, justifying it, no like but I'm telling you, if you're a woman, if you're in a relationship with a woman and you're doing that, or even you just converse with women in general and you're doing that, women will not respect you like we hold on to that shit yeah yeah, I'm like we hold the receipts and we will remember and don't lie to me like it's going
Speaker 2:to cause cracks later, right, and anything you say to me after the fact that I found out that you lied. There's going to be that voice in the back of my head every single time, it does not matter how much I have like forgiven for things or anything like that. I think that's human nature, right, but like you're not protecting a person by doing that, like it's such a thinking flaw it is, but ever thinking you know you're not protecting a person by doing that Like it's such a thinking flaw.
Speaker 1:It is, but I heard you know when you're just like in your head too much. Yeah, and like you can convince yourself of things that you know aren't right, or true.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, and it's like I was especially pissed about this because I had told him that my ex-husband had cheated on me and that that was like a really really big thing for me yeah and so like I felt extra slighted because I'm like okay, you know my history, yeah, you know, not just that like you know how not okay this is, but you know how not okay this is for me especially yeah and so I literally had like my notebook and I sat down.
Speaker 3:I was like I need to talk to you about some not fun things. Yeah, he was like okay. And so I literally like one question at a time, like went down the line and I was like okay, like does she believe that you're her boyfriend, that you are dating exclusively?
Speaker 2:he's like I'm not sure and I was like okay all right, but you have to like accept when somebody says they're in a relationship with you on facebook.
Speaker 3:Right, you get a note, you get notified, yeah and you can choose to accept it or just like, have it where it's, like there's yeah, it shows it okay, so you don't have to like approve that. They're like no, no, okay you have to approve it for it to also show up on yours, right, but for it to show up on theirs, no, but you do get notified regardless.
Speaker 2:Um, and I was like it's not like she just said in a relationship. She said in a relationship with blank. Okay, yes, yeah, specifically with him. Yeah, and it's not like she just said in a relationship.
Speaker 3:She said in a relationship with blank, yeah, specifically with him, yeah. And so I was like okay, and so we kind of like continue on and I'm like all right. So if you're not sure why, then would she have you listed as in a relationship on Facebook?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Like, why then?
Speaker 2:Yeah, riddle me this.
Speaker 3:Right, like it literally just doesn't make sense. The math ain't math, it ain't math. Then, babe, you're sitting there with your notebook. I'm literally sitting there with my notebook.
Speaker 2:This was face-to-face.
Speaker 3:This was face-to-face.
Speaker 1:Shut up.
Speaker 2:I guess he had to be shitting his pants.
Speaker 3:I'm like I'm gonna.
Speaker 2:I'm like fuck off, Talk about not fun things. You pull out your notebook.
Speaker 3:I fucking did. You bet your ass, I did. I literally pulled it off the side of the couch and I, like, turned to face him with my notebook and I was like I have my questions written down and we're gonna go one at a time.
Speaker 2:He pulled it up shitting himself written down and we're gonna go one at a time.
Speaker 3:Okay, yeah, he's panicking because he's like what's this gonna fucking be? Yeah, uh, he was correct panic because I had receipts yeah what did he say to that?
Speaker 3:so he said he was like yeah, um, we had talked about like making it facebook official and we had decided not to do it. But then, randomly one day, she just like added a non there and like we're really not in a great place, like we, that's so awkward, so awkward and I'm like okay, if that had been the case, if you were like, okay, we decided against it. And then she did it anyway. You know what that prompts a conversation saying yeah, hey, so, and so I thought we weren't doing this because we're not in a super great place yeah yeah, but so I was like okay, sounds like you made that up 100.
Speaker 3:Yeah, he's flying from the seat of his pants. Yeah, he's freaking out.
Speaker 1:I mean good answer if you're just, if you're under pressure but if you're a lifelong bullshit, you get pretty good at it exactly which you know spoiler alert.
Speaker 3:That's exactly what he turned out to be was a lifelong bullshitter, spoiler alert. So then I was like okay, well, I feel really yucky about this. Yeah, I'm like we are going to be having absolutely no physical contact until you figure out what you're doing. Yeah, you need to make a choice Because, like, you're making plans with me.
Speaker 2:Because the camera is still recording. Um, yeah, did it just go off I don't know, I don't know when it stopped I think it just happened when your phone was flashing that was weird. Okay, I'm glad I didn't want to stop, okay, sorry.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you're good um, I was like we're not gonna have any physical contact until you figure out what the fuck's going on.
Speaker 3:Yeah, like you're making plans with me, you're talking to me like you love me, yeah, and like setting up all these things where it's like you wanted me to go on a trip with you and your family to go visit your great-grandmother you guys aren't even like yeah, that's crazy yeah, and it's like he also told me like this, like this great-grandmother is so important to him, like he literally wants to name like his first daughter after her, like she is so important to him, and so I'm like I don't feel comfortable doing this unless if this is cleared up right like, if you haven't figured shit out, I'm like you have a month before that trip happens, which is way, way generous. Yeah, way generous on my part. Anytime at all, anytime at all, other than like you have 24 fucking hours.
Speaker 3:Yeah, is so generous and honestly, you could have said you have 24 hours I could have 100, but I was like, okay, like I'm, I didn't give him like in my mind the way I was justifying it was that I'm like I prepared for this conversation. He didn't have any heads up, any preparation for this conversation yeah so that was how I like justified that, like he's gonna need some time. But I didn't actually give him a time frame. I was like, how much time do you think is reasonable for?
Speaker 3:you to do this like what do you think is reasonable? And, um, I think he asked me for like two weeks or something like that and I'm like okay, and then the two weeks came and he wanted more time yeah because he's still like trying to basically figure out like the way to like soft, like to not hurt her, and I'm like bitch you already have exactly you already have you're either choosing to hurt her or you're choosing to hurt me, but you need to make a choice yeah, because she doesn't even know that there's a choice needing to be made.
Speaker 1:Yeah, at least I do did you ever talk to her? No, I didn't.
Speaker 3:Oh, you could have really been like oh, I thought about it, if and I and I did actually tell him. I was like because if you don't talk to her, I will, yeah, so I'm like you need to go and fix this mess, but if you don't, I'm gonna be reaching out to her yeah but if you don't, I'm gonna be reaching out to her.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and so he was like okay, and so, literally, like the week before the trip he didn't, he wasn't even the one that like initiated it him and I were out on like a date and she's blowing him up like crazy, um, because like a few days before that he kind of done like the soft breakup, like hey, I don't really think that this is like working, like I think we need to like sit down and have a talk he's trying to like ease into this.
Speaker 3:I'm like off the band-aid dude, yeah, just get it over with. And so she's blowing him up and, um, sending like, calling him back to back to back to back, texting him. And so he looks at the text messages and he's like, oh my god, I'm like what he's like she's at my apartment and I'm like how do you want to go? Like, how do you want to go? Like, what do you want to do? These were some of the moments where I, literally, I was just like okay, like, what do you want to do about this?
Speaker 2:Like let's see what you think is reasonable.
Speaker 3:Yeah, because I want to see if we're in agreeance on this, because if it's like, oh, I just want to leave her on my front porch, then I'll be like you can't fucking do that. Yeah, yeah, like that's not okay. So he's like I need to go talk to her and I'm like okay. So he literally pulls up to the apartment complex and he asks me to get out so I can get into my car without her seeing me, and I'm just like I'm serious, so I do do and I leave and I don't hear from him for like hours. And so I was like okay. So, literally like the next morning he like texts me or something, telling me that like he had like a whole conversation and that she stayed for like hours, just like ripping into him. Basically.
Speaker 3:Um, I was like okay, and then a couple days later I stayed over at his apartment and we were leaving and she had come to like try to like win him back and saw me leaving the apartment and so as soon as she saw, both of us like get in our cars and leave, she calls him and he answers and she is just like ripping into him about how he's a cheating bastard and all of these things and that she was like there to like win him back and all of that, and I was like damn, like she crazy. But I'm like I look back now and I'm like damn, like all of us were crazy. Yeah, like I allowed such shitty behavior. Yeah, for no good reason.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like why do you think that you were like, so attached to him? In so many ways he was the opposite of my ex-husband and were they specific things that you did not like enjoy about your ex-husband?
Speaker 3:yeah, and so it's like he had like a lot of these traits that like I really wanted. Yeah, but like, looking back now, I see a lot of the same chaos that I had in my marriage, just manifested in other ways right where, like all like looking back, I'm like all of his things were more important. You know, like any event that was like with his friends or his family, we were always on time, we were always early, we were always like there the whole time. Um, but anything with like my family or my friends, I was always like we were always late or missed it entirely.
Speaker 3:No way yeah your family's the best family's the best and so like. And it was killing me, yeah, like we would literally be like on the way to one of my family's events, yeah, and he would pick a fight with me like on the drive, and then he would pull over like a block or two before we would get there because he wanted to finish the fight basically and get it resolved right then, before we went, and I literally got to the point where I was like you keep driving or I am getting out and I am walking.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Like we are a block away. I am not missing another one of my family things, yeah, because of you. Like this is horse shit.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:We're fighting over the stupidest little, inconsequential things because he wanted to have some fucking power trip over me.
Speaker 1:And what's even worse is your family is just like so tight-knit, yeah, and like you're used to that connection and that time with them, and then to have it just like ripped away in a sense, yeah, that would definitely be tough yeah, well, it's like all of my family can like see.
Speaker 3:Yeah, see it too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like they know something's up.
Speaker 3:Yeah, they can see that Like cause, like when I'm feeling like me, I'm very bright, I'm very bubbly, I'm very social and loud and goofy and all the fun things Right.
Speaker 2:But when you just got in an argument. You're not going to feel like.
Speaker 3:Well, even when you just got in an argument, you're not gonna feel like well, and even like outside of arguments like it was so often. It's just like up and down, where it's like in a healthy relationship you shouldn't have big brawl fights that often. Yeah, and we were in a constant cycle where it's like we would have our fight, so we're at the bottom of the wave, and then we'd have our resolution, so we're going back up. We'd have like one or two days of good and then it would start going down again. There would be like little little things that were just like little nitpicks and then a big fucking fight over nothing. And so I am just in.
Speaker 3:I was in this constant state of like fight and flight where I could not like my freaking your nervous system was shot, just completely flooded, yeah, and so I'm like my like cognitive abilities were totally fucked, like my memory trash yeah because I just like my brain could not process things and it could not really constantly.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I was constantly tired, I couldn't remember stuff and I was so emotional, so hormonal, and I felt like I had to like hold on something. And he was the only thing there Because he had also like isolated me, yep, you know, and he would tell me that like he didn't want me to talk, like air out my, our dirty laundry, to like friends or family, because he's like I want you to talk to me about that stuff so that we can like work through it. Right.
Speaker 2:Which, like that sounds good, it would make him look like a jackass. Yeah, like that sounds good.
Speaker 3:It sounds so good yeah, but it's not no, especially because, like, if I told him I did talk to one of my friends, yeah, about like a situation, he would want me to give him a like, basically word for word, play by play, and because my nervous system was shot and my memory was shot, I couldn't, or I would do a really bad job at it, yeah, and so then it would turn into an even bigger fight.
Speaker 3:Yeah, because I'm misrepresenting yeah or I'm intentionally withholding information, yeah, in his mind. So, yeah, so we spent, yeah, big yikes and like, even like when my sister was in town, I didn't get to, like, see her as much as I wanted to because of him, and like I'm still pissed about that, yeah, because I don't get to see her that often, yeah, and so I'm like son of a bitch, yeah, and so after months and months and months, and I'm in therapy this whole time too, and so like I'm like, oh, son of a bitch, yeah, and so after months and months and months, and I'm in therapy this whole time too, and so like I'm talking to my therapist and he's like, damn, like this is rough, basically, and you're telling him oh and he's hearing it all.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, he hears the good, the bad, the ugly right as therapist.
Speaker 2:As therapist should yeah, you should be honest and tell them everything exactly they're there for exactly, and you know it.
Speaker 3:You know it's bad when your therapist is asking you why you stay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like you know that's bad and yeah, because they usually don't like they won't give advice, stuff like that no, they like want you to make your own.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and you straight, you straight up, would tell me he's like.
Speaker 2:I'm not telling you to do it do anything, but I want to know why you're making this decision.
Speaker 3:Yeah like I want to just understand, like, your thought process behind this, yeah, and so I was like and like I remember my justification and my thought process at that time was that I'm like I'm learning a lot about me and what I am and am not willing to see into my future, and I'm like I'm learning a lot about behaviors that I'm not okay with, which is hard. That's a hard thing to be like. I know I'm not in a great place, yeah, but I'm choosing to stay here because I feel like I have something more I need to learn, which is fucking brutal and like when you are like in a traumatic space and in a bad space, that's just like the trauma brain right, well and Well and the familiar chaos.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and you're coming from a marriage that felt similar.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You're like and so I don't know. It just seems very. It does seem very like no shit, you would go back to that.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And that's what I told him.
Speaker 3:I was like, yeah, it's the familiar chaos. Yeah, I, yeah, and that's what I told him. I was like it's the familiar chaos. Yeah, I'm like it's a different way and it's the same feeling.
Speaker 2:Right and our nervous system doesn't know the difference.
Speaker 3:No, it craves familiarity.
Speaker 2:Yes, it does what it knows.
Speaker 1:Exactly. I feel like it's a big hit on your pride too. It is To have to realize that.
Speaker 3:It absolutely is, and so it's like you need to like. I had to like work up to being like okay I've had enough.
Speaker 1:Yeah, all the shit I'm working through in therapy right now is like just stuff that's been there for so long and it's like a part of me then it's like, oh, that part of you isn't good, yeah, and you're like I'm like, fuck you excuse that.
Speaker 3:Fuck you. Yeah, you're like you're like that's rude.
Speaker 1:I'm like. I've been this way since I was like four like I didn't have any other choice yeah but, that's the thing is truly.
Speaker 2:It's not coming from a place of like. That's not. It's not good like. It's not coming from a place of like. I want to beat you down. It's a place of like evaluate, yeah, and like it's okay to evaluate yourself, it's okay that you, it is okay that you make bad decisions yeah, because we all do. We're human yeah it's okay.
Speaker 2:It's okay that you don't communicate correctly all the time. Yeah, what matters is what am I gonna learn from it? And I want to try to be better. Yeah, and the only way you can is if you try. Yeah, but you're gonna mess up. Yeah, you don't step on a basketball court and just become an nba player that'd be crazy that'd's true. Yeah, Like you have to practice.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and it's like with that, it was just.
Speaker 2:You chose to practice kind of in a hard way.
Speaker 3:I did. I definitely picked the difficult process.
Speaker 2:But what's amazing about it is that, like now, in the next relationship that you pursue, relationship that you pursue, you learn things about yourself about your expectations, about your worth. Yeah, that sometimes you have to experience those things for yourself to truly understand them yeah, and unfortunately, I am a person that learns by doing I think, I think all of us are.
Speaker 3:But honestly, there are people that say that they learn from other people that they watch, and I'm like, I'm not that person. I truly don't think that's true. If I'm being honest, it doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 2:It's not human nature. It doesn't follow the pattern of evolution. That does not make sense.
Speaker 1:I turned 30 this year and still, when the waiters or waitresses bring the plates that are like hot as fuck and they set them down, they're like be careful, this is really hot. I'm like, oh yeah, is it you're?
Speaker 3:like I bet it's not too hot for me and I'm like oh shit, that's hot I just always joke. I'm like it's like my bird brain, it's like bet, and I can't help it. The freaking bird brain just wants to do what it wants to do.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, Well, and then you even had that time where you like quite literally had to take a break from work.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Because you, your nervous system was so shot.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and that's like your nervous system was so shot, yeah, and that's like right when? So that was around the holidays yeah, it was mid-December that I was because, like my divorce wasn't finalized yet. So I was dealing with that. I was dealing with selling the house. Selling the house, yeah. Dealing with holidays, which are inherently stressful, yeah, and then also dealing with bullshit from him and then bullshit at work. You know, like there was just like all of these things Because I'm like, well, and it's because I had been in this like fight or flight and all these other things, like my performance had been going down pretty consistently, yeah, and it had gotten really bad, yeah, and so I was literally at that point where I was like something's got to give, or else I'm going to have a 08 Britney Spears full blown meltdown. I am going to lose it. I am going to shave my head. I'm going to pick a fight. Yeah, I'm going to be rocking the skullet. It's going to be bad.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:But I was like I'm big.
Speaker 2:At least your brows will look good.
Speaker 3:My brows would be beautiful, at least your brows will look good, my brows would be beautiful, but yeah, literally I'd be like I am right on the verge of a complete and utter meltdown.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like my life is going to blow up.
Speaker 3:Yes, I am going to blow up my life. Yeah, yeah, that's understandable. Yeah, because I was just like I'm going to fucking lose it. Yeah, that's where I'm at. And so I reached out to my manager and I was like I am going on leave but like thank god that your company is a good company yes, I'm so grateful for that job.
Speaker 2:I'm so grateful for that. When you got that, that was a big. I was really happy for you when that happened and hearing about how they handle certain things and all that. Yeah, like because that's a good job and you were kicking ass at that job and like you're good at it and you deserved it, and sometimes life fucking kicks you in the ass and your job should be understanding of that.
Speaker 3:Yeah and at least.
Speaker 2:Obviously there's some situations like art, my small business, I couldn't like afford to pay you. If you're gonna go on, leave like I'll keep your spot. If you're my employee, like I love you and I care about you yeah but I can't afford to do that and like so. To see the big corporations that can do it and care about their employees is so good to see yeah, yeah, and that was.
Speaker 3:It was such a huge relief because, like, I was just balancing too many things.
Speaker 2:Yeah no, that was definitely something. When that happened, I I remember like almost feeling like I could see your freaking head coming out of the water for a breath.
Speaker 3:Like a hundred percent, yeah, and so I'm like I was on leave for months. Yeah, it was several months. I didn't come back till March, um, and during that time, like my household and during that time, like my house sold um, which was a huge weight off of my shoulders I moved, yeah, you know, um, I made progress on the fucking divorce which is finally done, by the way, officially free, thank you, jesus um, but I was still having the problems with with the guy, yeah, and you know, we had had multiple iterations of trying to like figure out how to make it work right, like, oh, let's just try this thing, and like this will improve our communication, we'll do this.
Speaker 2:Like it's a communication problem. Yeah, is this all the stuff that was going on while you were on leave?
Speaker 3:yeah, okay. Yeah, it was like a little bit before, but then also during.
Speaker 1:Yeah, um did you really feel that strong of a connection with him to go through all that, or did you think he was being controlling? He was being controlling, for sure. Yeah, like I felt a connection.
Speaker 3:But I think it was honest to god.
Speaker 1:I think it was more of like a trauma bond than anything else yeah yeah and that's tough, it's hard it's hard to break that too yeah, yeah, it feels stronger than a lot of other types of bonds.
Speaker 2:It does, yeah especially when you've freshly gone through something that feels traumatizing well, it was fresh within a year.
Speaker 3:Well, and, like my entire life, felt uncertain. Yeah, and so I was.
Speaker 2:You had like a good solid. You had an amazing house. You had an amazing job, Like you had your dream house. Yes, A dream job, A like well, at least something that seemed potential of like becoming something great or whatever.
Speaker 3:Yes, absolutely. Everything felt very secure, very safe here good group of friends.
Speaker 2:Family dynamic I mean I know in-law dynamic was weird, but it could have been worse, probably, probably and like then to just kind of have it and the way that your whole divorce happened was crazy, like the events leading up to it and then finding out that you had been cheated on after like kind of after the fact with me that it was like, okay, he dropped the bomb, that he decided he didn't want kids after us being together for years and years, and years talking about building a family and trying and trying getting fertility tested even for both of us, and then, two weeks later, me like taking like some time to try to like reconcile with that, to decide like, okay, like do we stay together, do we not?
Speaker 2:because like is this something I can? Is this something that I can? Is this a compromise I can do?
Speaker 3:yeah, yeah, which is the kid thing which is the kid thing. And you know I sit down, I pour my heart out talking about it and you know I end my whole spiel saying I would rather keep this beautiful life that we have built than some potential future with some potential person, with potential kids. And then he drops the bomb of you don't know all of it and then proceeds to tell me that he cheated on me with somebody that I knew, that I had had concerns about and had brought them to him multiple times, and he had assured me everything was above board. So my, my entire life felt like it was just like up in the air like literally, the rug got pulled out from under you.
Speaker 2:Yes, 100, and so I think that I was just clutching onto anything that felt stable, yeah, when everything else felt like uncertain yeah it was something I felt like I could control and hold on to yeah, so then I'm so excited to get to like the freaking like but so then, on leave from work, boyfriend and yours relationship is still just very controlling, toxic, but don't necessarily feel like you can really tell people yeah because you, just you well, and I feel like if you were kind of, you knew that you were in this bad situation. Yeah, it would feel really shitty to have the people around you that you love and care about, and know love and care about you, to be like are you with him?
Speaker 3:100, and it's also like if I continue to choose to have him in my life, I mean hell you didn't even tell your brow girl.
Speaker 2:These are things I'm hearing right now, bitch, I know Like I'm a little bit heartbroken, but I completely understand. Yeah, because that shit's hard yeah.
Speaker 3:Well, and it's like we only had 15 minutes for you to do my brows.
Speaker 2:I know Our long. We only had 15 minutes for you to do my brows.
Speaker 3:I know our long appointments and you started getting, so I didn't have enough time to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, love the drama those are some crazy stories to fit into 15 minutes yeah, it's not enough, it's not even close.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm like we could barely scratch the surface of one little teeny, tiny thing, right, um. But yeah, it was just fucking crazy.
Speaker 3:And yeah, I couldn't like talk to people about it, um, but then we decided I told them I was like I need to take a break yeah um, and during that break this is I should have taken my advice this is advice that I give to people if they're trying to figure out if they should break up with their significant other or not is when you think about it. Do you have a sense of relief thinking about a potential without them? When I had this break of like two weeks oh my god, it was so peaceful. Yeah, it was so peaceful yeah I gotta hang out with my family and my friends and sleep and read my books and it was amazing.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And I was like that, solidified it for me.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:I was like this hasn't like. I knew it hadn't been working, but that for me. I was like, okay, there is peace outside of this, I don't have to be in the chaos, I don't have to be in the crazy, yeah, and so I was going to go see my sister.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And I was like okay, I'm leaving on Thursday, so I have a hard deadline where I need to just break this off. And then I'm going to go, yeah, I'm just going to drive, yeah. And so I have the conversation with him on Wednesday where I'm like I am here because this isn't working Like this needs to be done.
Speaker 2:Didn't you come get your bras done for me?
Speaker 3:after this conversation I for a shit did oh my god, I remember, I bet your ass, I did.
Speaker 2:I remember this.
Speaker 3:Because I wanted to have a hard out as well.
Speaker 1:I wanted to make it, so I'm not like you have an appointment.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I didn't want to be trapped there for six hours. Yeah, I had an hour and a half, which is plenty of time. Yeah, that's more than enough.
Speaker 2:Break up with somebody? Definitely Exactly, that's yeah.
Speaker 3:Eons for it, and you know he and, and you know he and we had not like. This is not the first time I had had the conversation of like this isn't working.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Like we had literally had that exact same conversation like a week before.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Me saying this isn't working. I remember you telling me that and him being like let's just try, let's really try. And I'm like okay, and then a week later, I'm like this isn't fucking working. And and then a week later, I'm like this isn't fucking working. And so I was like this isn't working, like we need to, like I need to be done.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And he is completely losing it. Like he is distraught, he is crying, he is telling me like don't leave like this, because I told him I had an appointment and I was like I have to go, like I cannot be late, I need to leave Because I had already entertained his whole family and everything for an hour and a half.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I needed to leave. You're like no, there's a reason. Yeah.
Speaker 3:I'm like I was very smart about this.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I had an out. You're like, I am the girl that brought a notebook to you to one of our serious talks. I've thought about this.
Speaker 3:Yes, I've thought about this. Yes, I've thought about this. I'm like have I brought a notebook to other serious talks of ours? Yes, I have.
Speaker 2:Yes, you know who this is if I ever see you with like a notebook, I'm gonna kind of get nervous. You're like shit, she's sitting you down like.
Speaker 3:You're like oh no oh no, what did I do? What's happened?
Speaker 2:I'm like well alia like did I get a, did I earn a flow chart?
Speaker 3:that would be so funny. I'm gonna just do something like that and it's gonna be so harmless, like random. It's so random, it's gonna be great. But I'll frame it and so he was like, okay, can I just have like a week to like come to terms with this? This feels like it's out of nowhere. And I was like remember you telling me? And I told him, and I told him I'm like you can have all the time in the world like come to terms with this.
Speaker 2:This feels like it's out of nowhere and I was like, and I told him, well, and I told him, I'm like you can have all the time in the world to come to terms with this, yeah, and I was like well, I was like it shouldn't be a surprise, because we were in this exact same place a week ago.
Speaker 3:Like this, should you should have been coming to terms with it at that point right that it could be a possibility and we had you weren't blindsided and we had said that that you know this is a possibility. This isn't going to work and I needed to go, so I was like, sure, Sure, I'll give you the weekend to come to terms with it.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Sure, so I leave. I come get my eyebrows done.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And I'm telling Leah all of this and she's like, yeah, I know, but I'm leaving in the morning to go see my son.
Speaker 2:I know and you're like and I no contact, we're not gonna talk the whole time, it's gonna be great. I'm and you literally were like it's gonna be so great not being able to talk to him and I'm like, girl, what, what do you mean? Like, how does he just need? He needs a week to come to terms with this. Yeah, yeah, what does that mean Like no, you can have as much time to come to terms with this as you want, but we're not together.
Speaker 3:Exactly Well, and he was like, basically he wanted to try to like bring ideas to me of like how we can make it work.
Speaker 2:That's right. He needed time to think about the ideas.
Speaker 3:Think about that, yeah and he wanted me to think about ways that, like, I think we could make it work, and he was going to take the time to like, try to come to terms with that we might not work out, yeah, and so I was like, okay, so you know, during my 13-hour drive I was thinking about it.
Speaker 2:But I was like there's no fucking way. Aka listening to your smut books and enjoying the hell out of your drive.
Speaker 3:Yes, absolutely, I was drive. It was amazing. It was a long fucking drive. I had to listen to all my little audiobooks.
Speaker 2:And if they're?
Speaker 1:spicy, they're spicy. How long is?
Speaker 3:that drive. It's like 13 hours. Yeah, it's like 13 without stopping, like 12 and a half to 13. Crazy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and she just did that by herself.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Just one trip? Yeah, one day All in go. I know I was so nervous. I was like please don't die and please pull over if you need to sleep and please. Yeah, I just said your name. Sorry, you can bleep out. Okay, I'll notice it when I'm listening. Yeah, I've been trying so hard not to say your name I believe it, killing it um, I almost said your sister's name earlier, it's all right, you can.
Speaker 3:You can edit after. It's good okay, so but yeah, so I went. No contact. We came back and he is listing off all of these ideas and, bless his heart, he thinks he's being great. But what he doesn't realize, tell me his ideas um well, let me tell you this all of his ideas were things that I had brought up in the past as ideas for us to like make shit work that like he didn't want to give yes so it was like like having less time together, you know, so like we have like dedicated days that we're doing stuff with like our friends and family, Because I had brought
Speaker 3:up that like I'm not, was doing some research and I found this like article or something that talked about like when you're in a partnership, when you're in a relationship, your partner's needs need to become your needs, you know. So it's like I'm sorry, what you need to like support your partner in their needs. So he was like so when you're telling me I'm overwhelmed. I'm like like so, when I was telling him like yeah, I have so much on my plate. I'm so stressed, I'm so overwhelmed, I'm so burnt out. I don't feel like me anymore. I want to be spending more time with my family because they make me feel like that. And he's like, okay, do it. But I'm like I'm literally telling you I have zero bandwidth.
Speaker 3:You were taking up all of my time yeah I can't carve time out for my family because you were taking up all of my time. Yeah, and so he's telling me that he read an article about this and in my mind I'm like that's great, except for the fact that, like I had already talked to you about this, yeah. And he's like maybe you can do therapy.
Speaker 2:He said to do therapy.
Speaker 3:You know what I had suggested months before Fucking therapy. Literally like almost every single idea that he had brought up were things that I had brought up in the past, and so to me it felt like a giant slap in the face. Yeah, it's like. Oh, now that it's your idea, it's worth considering yeah, because I'm clearly trying to leave you yeah exactly now that they're your ideas that you search, now they they're valid.
Speaker 2:Yeah, here's Nona.
Speaker 3:And so I was just like I've thought about this. Did you feel bad about it? With him too, though? I felt bad, but him just kind of like. Listing off all of the things that I had suggested like solidified it for me even further that I was like you haven't been listening or caring.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because these are things I have already brought up. I feel like, with both of those guys too, they were just so controlling that you were on the side of being controlled for so long yeah and it really does mess with your psyche when you're like in that space for such a extended period of time was your ex-husband controlling he it was different.
Speaker 3:He wanted me to be more palatable.
Speaker 2:I don't know what the fuck that word means.
Speaker 1:So I thought it was like tasteful.
Speaker 3:Yeah, like like less. Okay, I shine very bright, yeah, and very loud.
Speaker 1:He wanted you to be normal and he wanted me to be more quiet, more calm.
Speaker 3:So it was control, but in a different way. Yeah, it was control over, like how I've reacted. It was control over like what things we did, like we didn't. He didn't like doing things with my friends, because when we would do things with my friends, they're all my first school friends, loud and rowdy you get rowdy Girly, and we're talking about all these stories that we have and we're laughing and all of that.
Speaker 1:And he felt left out, and so he used to be a person. That made me small, yeah.
Speaker 3:Both of them made me small.
Speaker 2:Yeah, just in different ways. Just in different ways, yeah, which I wonder if that really is like some, like male ego, like twisted sense of what society has, like said that men need to be and treat women. Yeah, because like yeah it is such a thing for women to feel like there are men in their lives that are making they want them to be small, they want to be inferior, uh-huh yeah yeah, exactly, and that was very much how it was and that is a male ego thing, I think is when alias started doing her business.
Speaker 2:I was in a really horrible space mentally you know, and I was just like job hopping, basically because every job I worked I just like would come to hate it yeah after like pretty short amount of time well, and your back I think you were really dealing with the fact coming to terms with your back was like coming to shit and like it was like hard.
Speaker 1:But then there was this really big mental like hopping game and because there was a lot of things that I just couldn't do anymore, or like I used to be able to do before my back got injured, and that sucked and the thing I've been athletic my whole life. Yeah, and so that's like a part of your identity yeah, I play sports, I climb rocks, I jump off, things like yeah and then to not be able to do that stuff, like I can do it, but I'm gonna pay for it yeah, the next day, no.
Speaker 1:If not the next couple days, no, and so it was a tough pill to swallow during that time.
Speaker 2:A lot of like trying to figure out how to control and swallow your pride and your ego. I think happened in the in that time yeah and if you would have never done those things, we would never run at the point we're at now ever yeah and I don't feel like that was a really big step in like our relationship, our individual healing journeys.
Speaker 2:Like that was a big step of you taking the initiative and like swallowing your pride and your ego well, in the beginning of our relationship I was a lot like they were where.
Speaker 1:I was, like my nobody had ever challenged my ego before. Yeah, and made me like it. It's like, but make you, like, understand that there's things you need to change. Yeah, but at the same time you're like I'm not going to accept that Like I need, I'm going into defense mode.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And then it comes out in anger and lashing out and being controlling.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think also because you did have a very like damaged feminine energy and and you didn't, you didn't have that influence in your life and so, especially like coming from women, it was like a very, it was a different. It's not like you like.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because I think my stepmom.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Was and you did have some good. Your grandma was a great stepmom.
Speaker 1:Yeah, um, both of them, because my dad's been married a few times and both of my stepmoms were great. But one of my stepmoms was the one that kind of got the ball rolling to get custody of me from my mom, because once she kind of understood the gravity of the whole situation, she probably realized like this is serious, yeah, and like he would be better, yeah and that's when my dad got custody of me.
Speaker 1:But then my current stepmom she they've been married for a long time now, like we come up on like 15 years. Um, she was a great stepmom. I just think she didn't necessarily feel comfortable in the role of like being a step parent okay just in the sense of like it was almost like she would.
Speaker 1:She was afraid of like stepping on my toes, yeah, but I think it was me upset or something like that, yeah, which I mean that might happen. But like I would do that with my dad, I would do that with my biological mom you know, that's what I do yeah but at the same time I feel like she loves you.
Speaker 2:You, you know and you knew that, and like it was very good influence.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely. I just think she felt awkward about certain.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Interaction.
Speaker 2:Totally understandable, though. Being a step parent, I think would be such a hard thing to navigate?
Speaker 1:No, I think.
Speaker 3:I would do the same thing, especially coming in like later.
Speaker 2:Later yeah Like high school.
Speaker 3:Like it yeah.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and like later later, yeah, like high school like it. Yeah, oh yeah. Yeah, they're basically adults. Yeah, like they're not. Like as a step parent you would be like you're basically an adult, like I don't have much parenting, yeah, well, and it's not like we.
Speaker 2:We have this deep childhood bond where, like we were raised together yeah, yeah, or I raised you, I was there while you were raised, but as a parent.
Speaker 1:I'm sure you come to love them like your own kid, yeah. But then you have that thought of like, oh, it's not my biological kid.
Speaker 3:Or it's like it's not that place yeah it's like awkward in a sense.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but anyways, what I was saying is like I think because you kind of have that, like I think that the feminine and the masculine are both so damaged in society right now that you see it so much with heterosexual relationships because it's those two energies really colliding all the time. Not only that, but then also within your own self. We all have feminine and masculine energy within our own selves.
Speaker 1:Well, if society has an idea that all of us get taught but not all of us challenge that. It's not that way that men and women have a very specific place in society. If you're a man, this is what you need to look like. Do work a job as. Act like. This is what you need to look like. Do work a job as. Act like you're a female.
Speaker 2:You stay at the house, you cook, you clean, take care of the kids yeah, well, and I think it does come down to that whole like you're literally the challenge aspect, the people, we, we all come up in this view of what's around us. Yeah, and because of the power of social media, we have a much wider what's around us and so if you're not willing to challenge those things, shit's never going to change. Yeah, but then everybody around you is always saying oh, society, we, everybody sucks, we're all doomed, we're all but nobody's trying to change it yeah, and it's like the change has to start somewhere yeah, why not here?
Speaker 2:and like the only thing you can change is yourself. Yeah, exactly that is the only thing you can change yeah uh, anyways, let's get into the nitty-gritty though. Okay, so he's giving you this sob story, yes, and so then, yeah, I come, we come back.
Speaker 3:He's telling me all the things that I've already brought up, yeah, and I'm like I gotta be honest, like I spent time thinking about this and I just don't see any potential path.
Speaker 3:And then this works and I, I need to be done, this is done, and then like it's the whole same thing. But I am the I am very strong in that stance of like this is done, yeah, this is over, I'm not entertaining this any further, yeah, and then I went like no contact for like three weeks and then went that was amazing, oh my god, it was incredible.
Speaker 3:And then I reached back out to be like, okay, like I need to get my stuff back, yeah, and so, yep, I go get my stuff. My friends come with me because they're like you are not going by yourself. This man has been manipulating you for months.
Speaker 2:At this point, did you tell them everything I told?
Speaker 3:them like the recent stuff. Okay, just because I'm like there was too much. Yeah, there was just too much. Yeah, you told them enough, I told them enough, I told them enough, and like they had also gotten like little bits here and there yeah, that were like maybe a little toned down too. Yes, that were still toned down, but still still fucking red flags. Yeah, they were still red, even toned down.
Speaker 2:They just weren't like fire truck right, but like when you're talking with your girlfriends, everybody's had has a little bit of toxic like flags in them. Yeah, we all make mistakes and are shitty sometimes yeah and so like when you're with your girlfriends and you're chatting, it's like, oh my god, like sometimes I do, like I'm like let's talk shit about the men in our lives for a second no, that's just how it goes sometimes that's just how it goes.
Speaker 3:That's the girl talk sometimes you just you need to get it out. Yeah, too, because it's also like, it's also a gauge where you can be like am I fucking crazy? Yeah, is it me? Yeah, or is this fucked up? Yeah, like I just need, like, a temperature check.
Speaker 3:And so they had been my temperature check people, yeah, um, and so they were like you are not going by yourself yeah, they're coming with you, and so I had, like this, like whole, like army of people that came and helped me get all of my shit back, which was great, and he was perfectly cordial.
Speaker 2:You should have told Jason and I we would have scared it up.
Speaker 1:Just you and all your friends. He's laying on the ground and you're just in a circle keeping him there.
Speaker 3:No, he was perfectly pleasant because in front of everybody else he was perfectly pleasant, but he was mean when it was just us. Right, because that's how you make people feel crazy.
Speaker 2:Yep, it's how you manipulate, it's how you control.
Speaker 3:Yeah, Because behind closed doors you're an asshole, but in front of other people you're perfectly pleasant. You're the crazy one.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm. Well, and when you already have this loud personality, because I have it too- Yep, like calls to like. Yes, like calls to like, like it really does, it can feel, so People can feel quick to try to make you feel crazy or try to make you feel too loud or do too much, absolutely, and when you grow up like that I mean I've been told that since I was a kid, me too. So like when you grow up like that, that voice has just been repeated.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so it would make sense that one of the things that you would kind of have to go through is realize that that's not what you want to be in. Yeah, because in both relationships you were, that was put on you in different ways. Yes, yeah, a hundred percent.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I was, I was the too much.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 3:For one reason or another, Mm-hmm In both of them. Mm-hmm 100% yeah. So then I took like probably a month or so where I was just like single girl hot girl summering it.
Speaker 2:And then I was like I'm bored, I'm bored.
Speaker 3:I wish we could show your face so bad. I was bored, so I was literally I was texting my sister and I'm like I'm gonna do it. She was like don't, I'm like I'm gonna go reactivate my dating profile and just start swiping because I'm bored. It's like 11 pm and it's always late at night. It's always late. But let me tell you something though.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, as a brow girl, one thing that I do love that I've done with clients multiple times. If you are in the dating pool and the dating app world and you want to pull up your dating profiles with me, we'll go through. Yours, we'll go through. We'll swipe, I'll swipe with you, we'll go through. I've done it with clients and it's the funnest thing in the world, because I've never been on dating apps, oh my god it's such a cesspool.
Speaker 3:It's so bad but it's so entertaining. But like it's missing out on a lot, but it's so entertaining I am an attention whore.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, same. I just validation from people of, just like the fact that we match.
Speaker 3:You're like.
Speaker 2:I would be like, ugh, I'd probably match with so many people just being like I could.
Speaker 1:Plus guys would be like you're so hot.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, no, there's like there's a part of it where it's like they can comment on a photo and it like marks it as like, like, the like, but then when you see their profile it shows that they also like, commented, and I'm like that always was such a dopamine hit where I'm like I do have a great smile.
Speaker 3:you're so right, so good literally, so please I literally like I'm like I was like swiping and he's like guys are messaging me and of course it's late at night, they're freaking all horned up right, and so I'm like, I'm bored, I'm entertained and so I'm literally like messaging this, this one dude in particular, and I'm literally sending screenshots to my sister because I'm like the man is not even holding back, not holding back, and also he clearly does not give two shits like this one in particular. I would ask him a question and he was not reciprocating in any way okay and he's just like.
Speaker 3:He's saying whatever he wants to say, regardless of what I'm saying. That's really weird. It was really weird, but I was thoroughly entertained.
Speaker 1:It's like you're having a conversation with ai or something.
Speaker 3:Honestly, yeah, a little bit, a little bit, but it's like not not good ai like. Like, really like, like really shitty. Like yeah, where it's like they've got like pre figured out responses. Yeah, so bad. It was so funny and I'm literally sending screenshots over to my sister and she's like, um, sorry, that's my alarm to go watch the sunset, it's too early. I put it way too early, but whatever that's actually the cutest shit I've ever seen.
Speaker 2:I'm doing that.
Speaker 3:It's so cute but at like 8.45 and you'll be closer. Like 8.15 is too early, but I'm like sending it over to her and she's like this man, he's too horny, he's not even his brain stopped and I'm like 8.15 is too early, but I'm like sending it over to her and she's like this man, he's too horny, he's not even his brain stopped and I'm like 100% and I'm like alright, this has like entertained me enough. I'm unmatching, like there's nothing happening here. But yeah, so I'm like I just literally was swiping for my own entertainment and, as this is going on, um, we get to the now more current information that we are here for yes, the actual, a backstory um this is such a lead-up.
Speaker 3:So while this is happening, one of my friends replies to like one of my stories because I had started posting thirstier mess, like things, on my close friends and he was still on my close friends and so he's like sending me, like you know, like the fire and the heart and like all of the things shut up and I'm like all the things that I'm like I love to flirt. Yeah, I'm a person I love.
Speaker 2:I love a flirt jason and I are both like that. Yes, it's so fun I love a flirt.
Speaker 3:Yeah, to flirt. I'm like, especially like totally harmless flirting. Oh, I eat that shit up. Yeah, I'm like every one of my girlfriends that I have. Our friendships are so wildly inappropriate. Yeah, and I cherish it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, amen I cherish it so much and so I'm like in my you. Literally every time I talk about my boobs, you say you're perfect, you're perfect. And I'm like girl perfect.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I like talking to my friends. I'll be like, oh my god, like you are ravishing, like are we in love? Yes, yes, we are deeply, yeah, deeply in love.
Speaker 2:Um, but anyway, platonic love, deep platonic love, the best, the best kind, the.
Speaker 3:Eat best, amen, 100%. And so in my mind this person is in the friend category. But we've always like he's very flirty, I'm very flirty. That's how both of our personalities are and we like to hype each other up. So we start like flirting and then I'm like, oh wait, like he's flirting for real, because this is my friend that I've. I've known him for years he was married before and I'm friends with both of them because when they split up it was very amicable. Who did you know? First? I met both of them at the exact same night were they married already?
Speaker 3:yes, okay, yes, I met them as a married couple, um, and they were like high school sweethearts like they. They had gone way back and the reason that they split up is because they had just like intimacy, like disparity, like she had no sex drive at all for years and they had been trying to like figure it out she's he did like it was a mutual decision.
Speaker 3:He and he did, and so like they had been trying to figure out her sex drive for years like and at that point they were just like this isn't working. Like we've tried everything we can Like, my needs aren't being met and I'm sure she felt the same he feels like shit.
Speaker 3:They both feel like shit. It's just not working. But they're like we're best friends, but this's just this part like this isn't working. Yeah, yeah, and so I'm still very good friends with both of them, right, um, but we're flirting and I'm like, oh, like, is this? I'm like, is this actually flirting? Yeah, and so I basically ask him that I'm like, I'm like, is this actually flirting? Yeah, and so I basically ask him that I'm like I've always known you have flirty energy, but like, is this like? Are you like actually flirting? And he confirms that he is actually flirting, that like he thinks I'm really cool and like he always thought I was cute. And I'm like, yeah, I picked up on that, like you're right.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I am yeah, I am yeah, correct yeah, and it gets away from me very quickly.
Speaker 2:Uh-huh.
Speaker 3:He gets progressively, he like, amps it up, like he is 100% full flirt now.
Speaker 2:Also, yes, let's talk about the fact that you felt like in your marriage your past marriage your guys' sex drives were not compatible yes 100%. And you were the one that wanted more, needed more and were not receiving yes 100%.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so it was a very Literally. Both of us were in these marriages where we're just like Deprived Completely, touch, starved, yeah, completely deprived Of what like your needs as Just as sexual features.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like that's A hundred percent what you needed in that relationship and you were not getting. Yes, both of us, yeah.
Speaker 3:And so he is full ass flirting now and I'm, oh shit, like this is intense, but I'm game, let's fucking go um. But I tell him I'm like, uh, I feel a little bit weird, like should we maybe like talk about this just because, like you know, I'm also friends with your now ex-wife that you guys are because, of your relationship it's everything is friendly and everything is friendly like he would care about her.
Speaker 3:Yes, 100% yeah, both of us would care about her feelings and I'm like, is this something that like, we need to talk to her about? Like I was in that place where I'm like I is this something that like we need to talk to her about? Like I was in that place where I'm like I'm feeling conflicted.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Because, like I feel guilty, yeah For flirting, even though neither of us like we're single.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And we're both consenting adults and it's just. I don't feel like she needs to know and that was the consensus. I pulled some friends about it as well because I was feeling guilty. But we had been flirting for a couple of days and I was feeling that contentious, kind of like guilt there. And the hard part about this is that I'm like I can't talk to any of my friends about it or I felt like I couldn't talk to like my friends I can't talk to my sister about it because my sister knows both parties like I felt like there was very few people I could talk to about it. That either would let me talk about it, judgment free, yeah, because I was like I need somebody. That's not going to be like it's neutral, that's yucky, yeah I needed a neutral party, yeah.
Speaker 3:And so I reached out to my friend and I was like can we go to chile's? She was like fuck, yeah, we can, so we go there and we get absolutely just trashed literally, I think, speaking of, should we take another shot? We can absolutely let's take another shot.
Speaker 2:Let's go this is like the only season that leah turns up, so she's turning up baby, plus it's my birthday week. I can do whatever I want you can do what you want, absolutely this comes out on my birthday.
Speaker 3:Incredible.
Speaker 2:Jason's gonna have to edit his little heart out. Right, babe? Where is he? He's coming.
Speaker 3:He's on his way back, thank God.
Speaker 2:Will you put yellow in my hair before my birthday?
Speaker 1:Just yellow, I don't want my roots done just yellow the bleach, no bleach this time.
Speaker 2:We'll have to do it in a couple weeks, though yes thank you that whole process, though, is intense, is intense.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, especially for me, because he's a little, I'm OCD, yeah, and a perfectionist and I don't really know what I'm doing outside of. That means my hair looks incredible afterwards.
Speaker 3:No it's.
Speaker 2:I love the way Jason colors my hair. He's colored it like my the last couple. No, I've been going to somebody else who I also love, but I love her cuts more than anything. So she will keep doing my cuts, but I just need to save a little bit of money. So yeah, but before we came we moved here and then, while we were here, jason did my hair and then I have a friend that's up Zach.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, the whole time, I love.
Speaker 3:Zach.
Speaker 1:I love him. He's the best.
Speaker 3:Just the best. I haven't seen him in a hot second.
Speaker 1:I like Zach.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he's cool. I need to go. Do you have a husband?
Speaker 1:too. Mm-mm, just him. Yeah, he's a good guy. Cody, zach and Cody.
Speaker 2:The sweet life. Okay, so we pull you into Chili's.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so we go to chili's and we get fucking trash. Yeah, shit face. And I'm like okay, I was like you might be wondering why I brought you here today.
Speaker 3:I need, I need to talk through a moral conundrum so I tell her about it and she comes to the same conclusion of like the okay, I don't really feel like she needs to know. She needs to know especially because, like me and this guy, there is absolutely no future there. You know, like we are not compatible as people, like our interests are totally different, like personalities, like yes, we're very flirty, but like Do you both feel that way?
Speaker 3:I feel that way. I think that he thinks that there could have potentially been something there, but I think that it just wouldn't work. And so I'm like, in my mind, I was like okay, this is just, yeah, this is just sex, sex, um. And so she was like okay, I was like cool. So then, literally, we're fucking trashed to the point where, like, the bartender comes out to be like okay, guys, so at chili's, uh, just so, you guys know, they can only max out at giving you five drinks. We had had six. They accidentally over served us because we were still like, we were still keeping our wits about us, right? Um, literally, the bartender was like you guys, good, we can get you a soup or a salad on us. We want to make sure you guys are good. And I was like no worries, my folks are coming. So my folks literally pull up, come, drive us. We go back over to my friend's house.
Speaker 2:I freaking love your parents.
Speaker 3:They would dd you oh 100 and I literally texted them as we got to chili's. I was like, just so you guys know I'm here, chili's with my friend and we are having drinks, yeah, and they're like, okay cool, do you need a ride? And I'm like I will let you know yeah. Yeah, and like when we got to like the six drinks, I was like we are gonna need a ride. Yeah, absolutely gonna need a ride. We are fucking trash.
Speaker 2:They would be on my list to call for a DD. Oh, 100%, yeah, yeah, they are, they would do it.
Speaker 3:Yes, they would do it 100 judgment free. Yeah, judgment free. They're gonna. We're gonna have a great drive. Yeah, it'll be fun. It was very fun, um. So literally we go back over to my friend's place and my folks are just like hanging out.
Speaker 3:My dad literally took her dog out to go potty like the whole line so cute, and she's like, yeah, we're gonna just sober up here and she's like she's welcome to like sleep on my couch or something if we knock out. So we're literally there, we're watching a movie, we're sobering up and I'm I'm now like feeling like good, like yeah, I'm set, and I'm like I have a perfect opportunity, because I'm like, whereas I'm now living with my folks, it is very difficult, yeah, to go and just like sleep around with people without my parents knowing about it yeah like a teenager at home yeah fun.
Speaker 3:Um. So I was like like she was, my friend was completely out cold, she's asleep, and so I like try to like gently wake. My friend was completely out cold, she's asleep, and so I like try to like gently wake her up. I scared the shit out of her and I'm like I'm going to go. She's like are you good? And I was like, yes, I am going over to my friend's house. And she was like get it, go have fun. So I go show up and I'm feeling a little bit like like a little little nervous. But I get there and I'm like, oh, I like what you've done with the place. And he's like you don't have to do that. And he literally just like grabs me and like immediately starts kissing me.
Speaker 3:I was like, oh shit, it's on, it's fucking on. And I'm like, oh my god, this is all so slippery, it's so fast, everything's moving. We're not talking, we're by flirting. I have flirted too hard, he has flirted too hard and you're not flirting anymore. No, it has surpassed. This is out of control. I mean, I knew why. I was there, like, yeah, I, I was there at like fucking one o'clock in the morning. Okay, like, if this isn't a booty call, nothing and were you like texting before that?
Speaker 3:oh so fucking, so fucking. Literally, I was. You bet your ass, I was. I'm sending him all the Snapchats for all of the things. Absolutely, yeah, I'm like I am stoking this fire aggressively. Yeah, especially the more margaritas I have. Yeah, the worst. Yeah, the stoking of the fire. Yeah, yeah, the worst. Yeah, the stoking of the fire. Yeah, I'm like. So I get there and we are just like making out so hard and literally he's like he's a muscly dude and he just like kicks me up while we're still just like making out and just like carries me straight to the bedroom and we just like it is on, it is so on, and literally like it's so athletic and I am so exhausted and when I say I know it's so athletic, it was so athletic. I lost count, yeah, of how many times I had orgasms and I'm literally like I'm laying there just like spread out afterward, breathing, so sweaty, like, literally like dripping sweaty. Yeah, like that fantastic. And he's over here like oh, that was only round one. And I literally look at him like what the fuck.
Speaker 3:That was only round one. Are you kidding me right now?
Speaker 2:Did you look at the time? Do we know how long?
Speaker 3:I don't know it was long though, oh my god. So we literally three-rounded this shit that's crazy which is insanity, insanity was it back to bat? It was like one round, and then we like sat there and like chitty chatted for a little bit how long uh like 30 minutes, probably okay. Which like is?
Speaker 2:I mean, that's a good recovery time it's a good recovery time, but also a lot of women actually like, like chit-chatting after, yeah, like, like that's, that's impressive, literally on like a hormonal level. What happens to men after they like orgasm? Is they actually a hormone gets released that they actually do get tired, and women that does not happen. It actually like energizes them.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and so damn girl, yeah that's all I gotta say yeah, yeah, literally, and so then like the next, but we love.
Speaker 3:We love a man well and it's like lets his woman perform well and he was very much like keeping like my pleasure first, which I appreciated, especially after like so much, like so many years of that not being the case. Yeah, you know it being like like I remember literally bringing up to my ex-husband we were having a conversation about intimacy and I asked him the question when does sex end? When does it end? Yeah, and I just let him sit with it for a second and I was like it ends when the man orgasms. That's the end of sex.
Speaker 2:Yeah the end, yeah the end. Quotations In quotes.
Speaker 3:And it was nice having that not be the case. Yeah, you know when, like for so long, that has been the case For years that's only been.
Speaker 2:Did he finish first and then kept going with?
Speaker 3:no, oh god, no, I came several times, okay, before he did, he did.
Speaker 2:Did you after him?
Speaker 3:um, no, but that was just more you were tired due to the fact that I was fucking exhausted.
Speaker 3:Yeah, um, and I needed a break. Yeah, jesus, take the wheel and then so. Then the next morning we go again and I am literally, I am achy, like I am sore. Yeah, I am so sore I am dying. And so I literally, like, before I go home, I stopped at a fucking Walgreens and I bought those like instant ice packs, I know and I shoved one down my pants because I'm literally just like I am fucking dying. I am rubbed raw, I am SOS, like please send help.
Speaker 2:Oh my god.
Speaker 3:I don't know what's happening. I am dying. And then I go and I do some like uh, I go to one of my friend's places and we go and do like a tarot card reading and all of that. And she's a swinger, she's like all this crazy stuff, and so I'm literally I'm telling her all about it because I'm like you're gonna get it I'm like you're gonna get.
Speaker 2:Because I'm like you're going to get it.
Speaker 3:I'm like you're going to get it. I'm like I need to tell you about this shit. And so she's like giving me all of her two cents about all of that from all of her swinging years, and she's like, yeah, that makes sense that you need an ice pack after you know, not that much usage. She's like you'll get there and I'm like cool, awesome usage.
Speaker 2:She's like you'll get there and I'm like cool, awesome, love that for me.
Speaker 3:Um get there, and so then I go back to my friend and I'm like I need to tell you about this shit that just happened, because that it was wild, it was so fucking crazy what?
Speaker 2:the tarot? No, oh my, my, my, no, oh your friend, my Chili's friend.
Speaker 3:Okay, I go back to tell her all about my escapades, because you gots to.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. You left her house.
Speaker 3:I left her house to go do that, so she had to hear the update, yeah.
Speaker 2:Then you go to the pool and then you come get your brows done and you don't tell alia a single damn thing.
Speaker 3:That's a single damn thing yeah, that's true, I did do that tells me that she's going back to the pool.
Speaker 2:Yeah, where did she?
Speaker 3:go well, because you asked me oh so are you going back to the pool after this? And I was like, yep, that was a lie. Yeah, that was. That was that was a lie. I definitely you had to give him that hook to it. I did, yes, I did. I was like, well, okay, some of the fucking thirsty ass things he was sending me beforehand.
Speaker 2:You should have opened them in front of me, girl. I would have died. You would have eaten it up. You know I would have, because I'm like I would have been so excited for you.
Speaker 3:Well, Kate, remember how I was showing you like my pictures in my swimsuit, that they were like spicy? Yeah, I had sent them to him, of course. And he was like. He was like like, well, at least, if you jump in the pool, then you have a good reason for being wet. And I was like, sir, you are a damn fool if you think this is the first time today that I have been. So I'm just like, and he was like, well, um, the only way that I can check is if I can taste it. And I was like, are you kidding me? Like he's saying the dirty shit to me. I was like this comes right out of my books. Okay, my smutty books I love. This is straight out of that. Yeah, like, yeah, I'm like do you read those books? Are you taking notes? Because, like, that's basically straight out of it, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:And so then after that point, like we've slept together a couple of times now oh yeah and then I go with alia, yeah, up to do a cold plunge and I'm like okay, guys, I need to talk about my messy bitch behavior because I need to get like, I need to get like, I need to get the consensus.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and this is just a few days after.
Speaker 3:Yes, I'm still sore, yeah, at this point. Yeah, the cold plunge was a welcome addition for my body. It was like ice pack. It was fantastic.
Speaker 1:That water's so cold, it's so fucking cold.
Speaker 3:It was so cold.
Speaker 2:That was the like runoff too, and the runoff was bad.
Speaker 3:Yeah it cold, it was so cold. The like runoff too and the runoff was bad. Yeah, it was so fucking cold.
Speaker 3:But I'm literally like telling, telling her all about this story, as I'm like actively snapchatting him and we're asking him questions about about riding motorcycles and where the it's very entertaining yeah um, yeah, um, but then I had also been going on dates with this other guy and I literally had a date with this other guy like like the next day, like the day after we were doing the cold plunge, and no, it was that night, was it? That night I don't fucking remember it was that night.
Speaker 1:Okay, that night, because I got a 1 am text oh, from missy over here oh yeah, it was that night, because you told me about it when you were outside. When we're outside, yes, yes, yeah.
Speaker 2:So you were like I'm not gonna sleep with him yeah, I don't think.
Speaker 3:I don't think that's where it's gonna go. Yeah, yeah, I don't think I'm gonna sleep to sleep with him. Yeah, I don't think that's where it's going to go.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I don't think I'm going to sleep with him, I don't. I also like don't think I'm going to see other boy tonight either, so I don't remember where that went after that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it was like yeah. And so Aaliyah's over here telling here, telling me, she was like what you should do is you should text man number one. I just went on a date with this other guy and the entire time all I could think about was you fucking me and I was was like, oh my god, I am not gonna say that. And she's like why? Not, and she's like, do it.
Speaker 2:It's gonna be amazing. And then I was like let's ask Jason.
Speaker 3:And so, of course, she asks Jason. She's like would this be successful?
Speaker 2:And he said, he said he's a man.
Speaker 3:He was like are you really asking me that question? Like are you, is this a real question? He said he's a man, and I said he was like, yeah, anything that will stroke his ego, absolutely that'll drive him fucking wild, yeah. And so then I go on the date, and it was a great date and we did end up sleeping together, and so I'm like yeah, so then you text me at one in the morning. So apparently that date was going to end in sex, which was also very athletic and I was also already sore.
Speaker 2:So it was, oh my God, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, but like, yeah, you literally said that, like also athletic, and I'm like girl, the universe is rewarding you it is.
Speaker 3:Thank you god with amazing. God is a woman, okay. God is a woman, amen amen because I'm like do you know how many shitty ways I have had so many?
Speaker 2:okay, was boyfriend he was fine.
Speaker 3:Fine, he was, he was, he was pretty good. Okay, yeah, he was, he was adequate. Okay, yeah, we had a good time. It's not a quit. Yeah, it's crazy, yeah. But I'm like now comparing to, like, current situations. You're like I will never go back. Yeah, like you could have stepped up your game a little bit okay, yeah, yeah. So now I've continued to go on dates with boy number two.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 3:And we still have very athletic sex and he looks at me and treats me as if I hung the moon in the sky oh, thank god he calls me shit like enchanting love that and I love it.
Speaker 2:I eat it up, yes, so much and see that's a little too like like I was fluffy, yeah, like I need a little bit more of like an asshole if I'm being honest yeah raw yeah, you don't need to talk about raw like a bitch who's not on birth control you're like, you're like, sir but see, I need, I need that ooey gooey shit and, and that's how you are with your friends, like.
Speaker 2:That is very much you and your love language and how you give and receive and like, and so I love that for you yeah I love that for you well, mike, literally our second date.
Speaker 3:Part of his plan was that he wanted to bake me fucking cookies from scratch. Are you kidding?
Speaker 2:me and like that was part of the day, that was part of the day you got to watch him. Yes, oh, oh girl. Okay, have you. I've learned about this new term it's called chore play. Okay, tell me more. Okay, a play on foreplay, obviously Okay. Yes, watching men do like chores yard work, housework, baking, cooking.
Speaker 3:Okay, I mean, mean, I'm titillated by all of that. So like yes, please, and thank you. Yeah, I'm doing domestic work that is typically done by women. Yes, thank you, take that off my plate.
Speaker 2:Yeah, thank you but not only that, but like let me just watch you, your muscles like yes, oh, my god, it was amazing. It's like slow-mo and like people walk into, like yeah, I'm like like their hair flows and I'm not gonna just tell you.
Speaker 3:The cookies were fucking awesome. They were pumpkin chocolate chip and he has literally like put them into contests and won like it's like his own recipe I cookie. I'll bring you some. Okay, I will absolutely bring you some jason and I both love this. Oh yes they're so good, they're so, they're so good.
Speaker 2:Oh my god okay, now I need to know, though, because now I'm thinking of the fact that I need more of an asshole Are you into In the bedroom Mm-hmm, into more like dominant? Yes, yeah, I definitely am.
Speaker 3:That's what I thought, Mm-hmm yeah okay, yes, yeah, that's definitely that's what I thought. Yeah, okay, yeah, well, I'm like being like the like the boss ass girl that I am and like the big personality that I am, I am so used to like taking charge of like other things that it's really nice to just like put that down and let somebody else do that. For a change, it it's lovely. Big fan yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm sure you get it, yeah.
Speaker 2:But then I also, I also am okay with taking a little bit of charge.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, see, I'm like that until my knees give out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no exactly, and then I'm like, I'm like all right.
Speaker 3:Switch. I'm like, I'm like, all right. I'm like, and, yeah, I'm like I have a cramp in my butt cheek like I can't do this okay.
Speaker 2:Well, honestly, I never realized that like this is kind of real quick switch. Yeah, um, that like doggy is hard for people when they have such height differences yeah I didn't realize that yes because I guess I've always just been compatible height wise let me confirm that for you yeah yes, because the guy that I've been seeing, that guy he is yes, number two.
Speaker 3:He is like a foot taller than I am, and so that can be a little tricky oh, that makes me sad for you, yeah it's still possible, it's still don't line up, it's just I don't know like you just have to like make different considerations and like the way that both of you position your bodies and so see, but like I know it's, yeah, I know a client right now who this like.
Speaker 2:I'm so tmi with my clients. I mean clearly yeah, you and I yeah there's also a chance that we'd be friends outside of that and that's how most of my clients who I talk to like that that yeah, it is so but like literally, like so hard for them because there's such a high difference really and that's a bummer, because that's a great, that's a great position and
Speaker 1:I'm telling you I think it's good for all parties involved yeah, it's great for everybody.
Speaker 3:it's, it's a, it's a win across the board, 100%.
Speaker 2:Honestly okay. Also, I am a intimate waxer.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I've had to have people in that position for waxing. There's just certain body types that that's easier Certain. Genitalia it's easier Certain. Like. At a previous job I had to do it that way. I was required to follow their patterns and techniques. Yeah, and there are so many people that I honestly want to be like. Have you ever done doggy? Like? Can you like arch your back a little like? I need to see the area.
Speaker 3:I mean I remember, okay, I remember my first brazilian with you. Yeah, you told me you're like, okay, knees and elbows, and I was like what the fuck does knees and elbows mean?
Speaker 2:that's because that's how the girl who trained me would say it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I remember, I literally was like I'm like, I don't understand, and you were like, like, like, like, doggy style and I was like oh, got it, okay, done. Yeah, I'm like I now know what I need to know.
Speaker 2:I would very specifically say flip around and get on your elbows and knees with your hips up in the air. I would say that because people would not know what I was talking about. But there's some people that I'm just like we got our jib baby, and also like, if you don't know how to do this, I feel like I I owe it to you to teach you about this, if I know that your leg is actually active I feel like some of them, too, maybe just felt too uncomfortable being that vulnerable but it's more invulnerable.
Speaker 2:It's more vulnerable. Just look at it from my perspective. It's more vulnerable to have somebody having to like literally like spread your whole cheek and like hold it and like like and like, have to go a thousand times in with wax because you cannot see and you cannot get it. It takes me two strips, maybe three, maybe four, depending on how big the area is, whatever.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's gonna take me 30 seconds to do, if I can see everything yeah and like stop being weird about your butth and like, stop being weird about your buttholes. Men, stop being weird about your buttholes amen to that?
Speaker 3:god damn yes like stop.
Speaker 2:It's more weird that you're weird about it.
Speaker 3:Yes, it's so true, the men that are like absolutely not. I'm like bitch. Okay, like the fact that you're being weird about this makes me want to stick my finger up your butthole. Yeah, do I actually want to stick my finger in your butthole? No, but that's the thing. But the fact that you're being weird, I kind of want to do it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's the thing too is like if you don't want, if you don't want that done to you, that is fine that's totally fine, yeah like don't be weird about it yeah, don't be like yeah, no, absolutely not.
Speaker 3:Like that's so weird.
Speaker 2:Like uh, yeah you know anything but that like well, I'm like okay, chill yeah I'm like just tell me hey, I'm not really into that, I'm about done.
Speaker 3:Yeah, say less.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm in but honestly, even on a level with no sexual feelings at all, yeah, exactly. Don't be weird about your butthole.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm like, just because something touches your butthole does not make you gay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and if it did? If it did, you already are, because I hope you wipe your ass.
Speaker 3:Yes, yes, exactly that's a thing, though you know that men don't wash their asses, so Because they think it's gay if anything touches their foot.
Speaker 1:No way, people don't think that yes, they do what?
Speaker 3:yes, oh my god, how do you not? Know, about this. That's crazy.
Speaker 1:It was like okay, I remember like it was like probably, what kind of indoctrination is that? It was like a year ago where it was like a thing.
Speaker 3:It was like a thing on tiktok where, literally, like it got to the point where girls on dating apps would ask guys if they washed their ass. This was like a year ago.
Speaker 2:This was not that long ago, yeah how did you miss this, where I would have jumped on that train?
Speaker 3:oh my god, so quick well. Because like so yeah, because, like the thing that would happen is that guys would be like well, you know, like water runs in there, so I'm sure it gets clean and water runs through it in the shower. They're not spreading and cleaning, they're not scrubbing.
Speaker 2:They're not spreading and cleaning.
Speaker 3:No.
Speaker 2:You gotta spread them, cheeks baby.
Speaker 1:Yes, it's all kinds of dingleberries.
Speaker 3:Exactly, you got to spread them cheeks, baby. Yes, it's all kinds of dingleberries. Yeah, exactly, I'm like. I'm like imagine freaking, washing their laundry Skid marks everywhere, yeah, literally just all over the place.
Speaker 2:And, like men, just have hairier bodies because they have more testosterone and so their butt holes are so much hairier than women's usually.
Speaker 3:Yeah and like that's so gross, so like, just like, think about it. It's just like, so matted in there and disgusting.
Speaker 2:And they just think water running on it is enough, it's enough, yeah, yeah. They're not even spreading, no.
Speaker 3:They're not touching their assholes. That's gay, didn't you know?
Speaker 2:Yeah, did they not realize that like being gay is actually like your sexual attraction, I know?
Speaker 3:I know that. Thank God you do. I mean, you would know if I didn't know that, because you've seen my asshole so More than one time.
Speaker 2:I touched it with gloves on. Yes, In a professional manner.
Speaker 3:In a professional manner? Yes, never not professionally.
Speaker 1:Yes, oh, my god.
Speaker 2:I can't believe you completely missed that. I did, yeah, I totally missed that, that's wild, I know, Isn't that the notice?
Speaker 3:I was like Jesus Christ. I'm like that's fucking gross.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like it's fucking, yeah, Damn.
Speaker 1:People just do everything Freak. I'm about to drink.
Speaker 2:He's so mad. Oh my god, that's hilarious. Okay, but you now are only seeing boy number two, that's correct. So why did we, why did we cut number one out?
Speaker 3:so, number one I still felt like weird about it and I actually like did dinner with his ex-wife and like just like hung out with her and that like made my guilt feel even deeper, and so I was just like I can't do this. And with guy number two, like we are like really compatible with our actual lives as well, like this is something that we could actually pursue, maybe.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, it's like we're not just. There's substance to it, yeah.
Speaker 3:We're not just sexually compatible. It's like we're also like people compatible and like compatible. It's like we're also like people compatible and like emotionally compatible, and so I'm like, okay, like I don't want to be just like sleeping with guy number one when you, it makes you feel, when it makes me feel horrible when I can sleep with guy number two and actually also want to spend time with him and feel like a fucking goddess of a person.
Speaker 3:Yeah, just by existing right, not even for my sexual prowess, yeah, you know. And so I he. So guy number one reached out to me and was like hey, so when am I gonna see you again? And I'm like, uh, I'm, I don't think we should continue doing this. Like this isn't really like I still feel weird about this. And luckily he was really really cool about it. He was like we knew this was a possible outcome, like totally fine, yeah, a-okay by me. And I was like, thanks, so much. Finger guns, yeah, finger guns, bye-bye, toodaloo, toodaloo, so, yeah, so, so, yeah, so now I have been just dating and going on dates and like hanging out with guy number two. Yeah, I actually have a really fucking funny story with him, if you would like to hear it.
Speaker 2:What do you think the answer to that is? I know?
Speaker 3:it's a yes. Okay, so when do I start this? Okay, so we are being intimate in doggy style of all of the styles. Of course it perfectly lines up and when you're in that possession you know sometimes if you're getting really into it. Air gets incorporated, right.
Speaker 3:You know, it's just a part of it, and I noticed this and so I let out a little bit of like a chuckle, which then releases a small queef Shut up, and then no, it gets worse. It gets worse, don't worry, it gets worse. So I chuckle and a little queef and I'm like, and then he chuckles, and then I'm like, oh no, and I laugh.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's a real laugh yeah and the mother of all fucking queefs comes out. No, the mother and I immediately am full belly laughing so hard I cannot breathe. Are you still in? Yes, I am still in. It's a literally I at this point we are no longer having sex, because I am crying, laughing To the point where it's like so bad where I am literally smacking the bed, I am taking my legs out, I am dying, like I I cannot contain this.
Speaker 3:And he starts laughing and we we were just like just devolved into this bit of laughter. That's amazing. Just like sits there and I'm crying, I'm dying, and he just looks at me and he's like I love your laugh. And then he comes down, he like lays next to me and I am, I can, I have caught the giggles. Now they are unstoppable, I cannot. And I'm trying to like to stop the laughs and he's like holding my face and he like kisses me to try to like calm me down. Does that stop me? No, it does not. I continue to laugh even in the middle of that, and it literally took me probably 20 minutes to stop laughing. That's so funny because I let out the biggest queef of all queefs that ever existed. I was just like fucking crying.
Speaker 2:No, that's so funny.
Speaker 3:And I told my friends the story, because now the story pays dividends, because if I tell other people the story, it lives on. And then I told and now you're telling on the podcast the story, uh.
Speaker 3:But I told guy number two. I was like I almost killed my friends telling them the story. Yeah, and then the next time we had sex he put me into position to do talking. So I looked at him and I was like you know what happened last time? And and he was like, yeah, but it was funny. I was like it was funny. You're absolutely right, let's do it.
Speaker 2:That's amazing.
Speaker 3:But literally I just like collapsed in a fit of laughter. Yeah, and it's nice, because, like in any other circumstance, I think, with anybody else I would have been absolutely fucking mortified. Yeah, by that, you know, like, yeah so embarrassed. There's a lot of situations where that would be the case there's so many situations but I'm like literally like I just started fucking dying laughing babe, you can't just leave.
Speaker 2:What are you doing? We're filming a podcast. He's like that's amazing. No, some of like my favorite favorite times with jason that I remember are like those times where it's just like something happens or like something is just funny and you just laugh, yeah, and it's like while you're being intimate yeah, and I almost feel like it like deepens the intimacy between you because it's like you take this situation where, like in any other circumstance, it would be embarrassing, and you turn it joyful instead, like.
Speaker 3:What a gift that is being able to, like, laugh together and feel completely carefree, exactly, and completely open and vulnerable in that moment. Yes, that in any other time you would have been guarded yeah I'm like, oh my god, what a gift no, I love that for you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so much, and I truly. You deserve the best and you deserve to feel like a goddess, and you are a goddess. And men should worship you yes, they should, I agree. And women should worship you.
Speaker 3:Women stare the shit out of me, but I agree.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I just adore you. You're amazing. And I just hope that everybody treats you well and if don't, then you fucking leave them yeah 100 if obviously they're like not trying to like be better in life and totally yeah, yeah 100 yeah but I'm like I see some sort of like, I see some potential yeah, that's for sure, which is really exciting and really fun.
Speaker 3:Like he met my family and, oh my god, he got grilled so bad, I'm sure so bad, and there was like a bonus person there that wasn't even part of the grilling committee Uh-huh, that asked the most fucking unhinged questions of him.
Speaker 2:That would be the shit that I would do.
Speaker 3:A hundred percent, yeah, but like in front of like multiple families worth of people, yeah, and he handled it like a fucking champ.
Speaker 2:that's amazing he was, he was so good about but he liked your family and yeah, yeah, he was great.
Speaker 3:He was great with the family and stuff. So my I was cool, that's pretty cool.
Speaker 2:Well, I'll be excited to meet him one day.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean you'll be meeting.
Speaker 2:Oh, I know that no no, I just, I don't know. We're just saying here how much she deserves good things oh yeah, that's what I was thinking too yeah it's about time, huh, oh god about time for real yeah, life is crazy.
Speaker 3:No, I mean I was married a long time. I got married young, and so it's like I didn't know preaching to the fire I didn't know who I was gonna be as an adult. Just me, yeah, you know, because I got married when I was 19.
Speaker 1:I mean I went on my mission for two years and then went to the army for four and still like, after all that time being what? 24? At that point I was still like, had no clue who I was.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Well, they always say that, like your 20s is when you find yourself. You know that's where you like. Figure out who you are, yep.
Speaker 2:And then your 30s is when you enjoy. It Is when you actually like or you hate it, yeah. So if you're in your fucking 20s.
Speaker 3:Do the goddamn work, figure that shit out. Amen to that, because it's like your 30s is when you're like you know who you are and like either you like it, you're either you're thriving or you're pissed, so choose to thrive.
Speaker 1:Yep, absolutely, it's harder to deal with things, the longer you wait too, yeah, and like you said like they're deeper rooted.
Speaker 3:It's a deeper part of you the longer you wait and it's more painful to deal with it too. Yeah, it's not just that it's harder, it's also more painful too. It takes longer.
Speaker 2:Yep it literally down to a scientific level of changing your neural pathways. It quite literally takes longer the deeper something is like is that path is re-established and established, and established and established exactly but it's hard and like everything that's hard does usually, usually give you a reward of some good. A good reward or a major award? Yeah, absolutely so. Whether that's a good or a bad, everything has a consequence.
Speaker 3:Yeah 100%.
Speaker 2:I love it I love it Well, are we good?
Speaker 1:Yeah, did we end.
Speaker 2:Thanks for coming on.
Speaker 3:Thank you, absolutely, it was really fun pleasure.
Speaker 1:yeah, it was like I love telling stories I'm a storyteller at heart.
Speaker 2:Oh, I love it. I love it. It's one of my favorite things about you.
Speaker 1:We gotta lighten it up every now and then too, because we talk about a lot of serious stuff on here yeah, yeah, so might as well talk about my crazy sex life well, and then also also talking about connection and how it all applies yeah go into each other so you can you can have fun conversations.
Speaker 2:I think this, honestly, is a really good way to show people how to have vulnerable connections with people around you. Just in general, yeah, but not only that, but a deeper connection where you understand somebody deeply. You understand why, why, how did you feel in your marriage? You know like I want to know that about you. I love you, I care about you.
Speaker 3:Yeah I want to know about you and also like how does that like impact future relationships?
Speaker 2:and like, and that's a way that you can maybe process things and think about things that you didn't think of before. That might better, you and also like same for us, because we're having those conversations, yeah, so yeah, it shows a lot about you.
Speaker 3:You could have easily spiraled at different points honestly, I really could have and there was so many times where it was almost expected. You know that people thought I was gonna just like spiral down. That's a lot to deal with and it's hard because I'm like you know you're already dealing with like your life crumbling around you and I just chose to look at the joyful things of it.
Speaker 3:You know there were so many things that, because I got married so young, I had never experienced yeah, you know that I was like to live in the moment and enjoy those things and trying to just like not like depend or wait on other people to like do things with me yeah, in order for me to find these like things that I wanted to do, you know, not waiting on another person, yep, and like that was so freeing and so wonderful and gave yourself space to really like love yourself. All parts of yourself, yeah, and it's like I had always like loved who I was, but it helped me to like rediscover the parts of me that I had like pushed down and deepen your relationship with yourself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, exactly, love it, yeah.
Speaker 3:So I'm like we're just looking at the future and wanting to shine brighter and bolder, and be more.
Speaker 2:me Set alarms to go look at the sunset.
Speaker 1:It's looking good right now yeah it is.
Speaker 3:It's looking really bright right now. Yeah, that's good.
Speaker 2:But you never know. Life ebbs and it flows. The dark will come back. Oh absolutely, but we're going to be better equipped next time, baby.
Speaker 1:Exactly, I learned so much.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you learn tools and you learn identifiers yeah too, how did and how did how you might tackle something the next time you're getting married, like there's gonna be those days.
Speaker 1:Yeah, marriage is hard yeah, it is so hard blending your life with somebody is hard.
Speaker 2:Yep period, yeah, partner committed partnerships, anything like it's. That's hard. It is so like expect it to be hard and to have to put in hard work it's not gonna come so easy.
Speaker 3:Each other's pasts and worldview and everything and trying to like push it together. Yeah, and some things just don't push together very easily they need to be.
Speaker 2:They need to be talked out to be able to understand how we can. Is this something that we're compatible? Are we compatible in this? Is it something that's a deal breaker for either of us? Is it like learning how to have those conversations is so important? Yes, and I think that it goes for people. It's important when you're going into relationships, when you're opening relationships, when you're like even when you're talking about just like are we going in the right direction? Should we be together? Like breakups don't need to be this horrible thing where trust gets betrayed and cheating happens and hurt feelings and horrible blowouts and not communicating, waiting on things for weeks because you don't want to hurt somebody's feelings. That's not that you shouldn't have to do that. No, no, it's not fair to anybody involved. Yeah, exactly, you saw the end of having to sit on somebody just like begging to keep something and you didn't want it. You've also been the other side of it and seeing somebody else go through it and all like that I've been the one begging.
Speaker 2:Yes, it's shitty, it's so shitty like just learn how to be honest and have real conversations with people. Yeah, and communicate. Yeah, crazy, crazy stuff. Hey, I'm hungry, me too. Let's go get some food or something. Yeah, okay, word peace out. Thanks for listening, thanks for coming on the podcast toodaloo motherfuckers.
